Gasping for Air
by Wolfenmoon1313
Summary: Jasper is a young man with a dark past. No one should have to survive the horror he had to endure. All he's looking for is a friend but he find much more than that...
1. Chapter 1

**My first attempt at fanfic...**

**Disclaimer: I am not Stephanie Meyer **

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**Jasper is a young man who has a dark secret about his past. No one should have to endure the horror he survived. Now all he wants is a friend but he's about to find something even better than that. A family and love. A Japer/Edward story. Rated M for language/sex and torture. AH/OOC/ non-cannon pairings. **

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**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER ONE**

**JPOV (Tuesday morning)**

"_**Let me show you how I like to have a good time, precious." I feel his hot breath on my neck and hear the whispered words in my ear as the knife flashes and slices through my skin like butter…. **_

Gasping for air, I bolt upright and cover my face with my hands as the too familiar sobs wrack my body. I'm not sure how long I sit there sobbing in terror, but eventually I pull my knees up to my chest and hug them to me, as I rock myself and try to get my racing heart under control. I'm drenched in sweat and my pajamas are clinging to my body.

I hope I didn't scream. The last time I woke up screaming, my neighbors called the cops thinking I was either being murdered or was murdering someone else. The cops hadn't believed me when I had told them it had just been me screaming from my nightmare. I guess they must have thought I had a body stashed somewhere, I'd had to let them come in and check out my whole apartment before they would leave.

I really didn't blame them. They were just doing their jobs. Hell, nobody looks guiltier than someone shaking and stammering and not being able to look a cop in the eye. I'd had a hell of a panic attack after they left, though. I'd wound up hyperventilating and blacking out, only to wake up the next morning with a headache from hell, confused as to why I was lying on the floor.

Finally getting myself under control, my sobs subside to an occasional hitch as my breathing begins to even out. Looking at my bedside clock, I see its only 4:30 a.m., un-fucking believable. Getting up, I stumble my way into my bathroom, and with shaking hands, get my anti-anxiety pills out of the medicine cabinet. After shaking one out, I look at it and then decide—what the hell—and shake out another. I swallow them both down with a glass of water and close my eyes, taking deep breaths as I try to calm myself down.

Opening my eyes, I look in the mirror and wonder if the man I saw in there would ever be—could ever be—normal. I mean I looked normal as long as I kept on a long sleeved shirt to hide all my scars. And I guess my looks were decent enough. I had blond hair that was just a tad shaggy and slightly curly. My facial features could only be described as delicate, not feminine exactly, but not really the rugged manly man type, that's for sure, even with the shadow of scruff on my face. And right now, my deep blue eyes have dark circles under them from my interrupted sleep.

I work out almost every day, mostly swimming or taking long walks. I'd like to be able to jog but I feel lucky enough to just be able to walk without a limp now, and don't want to risk re-injuring my knee. I also take private kick boxing and self defense classes twice a week, always careful of my knee of course. So, I actually had well defined muscles, but my tall frame was still too thin, no matter how much I ate.

I was too pale as well, just one of the down sides of a having a skin condition that prevented me from tanning and made me avoid bright sunlight. I might as well be a damned vampire as pale as I stay. Overall, I look—fragile. Like I had suffered a long illness, and was just now getting back to good health. Which in a way was true, I'd only been out of the hospital for two years, after a five year stay. I was twenty years old and some days I felt ancient.

Letting out a ragged sigh, I decide to forget about trying to get back to sleep and turn on the hot water in the shower, to let it heat up as I strip out of my sweat soaked clothes. Stepping in front of the full length mirror on the door, I look at my scarred body with disgust. I'm not sure which I hate more, the jagged stitched up knife scars or the mottled purplish burn scar on my right side. You'd think after seven years I'd be used to looking at my scars, but as usual the sight of my own naked body turns my stomach.

My scars are mostly on my chest, back and arms, except for the long one running down the inside of my right thigh, from my groin to my knee and then around across the back of it. That one had been the deepest cut. First it almost killed me from bleeding to death, and then it almost left me a cripple from the damaged muscles and almost severed tendons. Thank God, for the skilled surgeon who saved me.

In my mind, I can still see the knife that made most of my scars. That knife stars in most of my nightmares. Well, that and the sounds of…

No, don't go there Jasper, don't dwell on the past. Look to the future. Ri-i-i-ight, I think, a future living alone like a fucking freak recluse. Sometimes, I think I should have died that night, too. Shaking my head in self-loathing, I get in the shower.

Eventually, the hot water unknots my muscles and I finally start to relax. After shampooing my hair and lathering my body with my body wash, I slowly start stroking myself hoping for a reaction. I try fantasizing about some chic I saw the other day with huge tits, just to see if that helps. As usual, I enjoy the sensations but nothing else happens, still no fucking hard-on. As if it wasn't bad enough to be covered physically with scars, not to mention mentally and emotionally scarred as well. I also had to be impotent at the age of 20. I'm such a fucking freak.

Of course, the Doc tells me that I'm not _really_ impotent. He says my mind is preventing my body from having any physical responses as a safety mechanism, and that my subconscious is protecting me from any reminders of _that_ night—or some psycho-babble, mumbo jumbo bull-shit like that. Supposedly, when my brain and emotions finally comes to terms with things, my body will co-operate and my libido will kick in. I just have to relax, quit worrying about it and give it time. But, damn it! I want to be able to move on. I want to start living like any other normal 20 year old male, along with everything that that entails.

After rinsing off, I get out of the shower and towel dry, before scratching at my chin and wondering if I should I shave. Fuck it, I decide, and go to my closet. I pull out a pair of loose fitting black jeans and my usual long sleeved black t-shirt and black sneakers. I rummage around in my dresser and pull out some loose boxers and a pair of socks, and then get dressed.

I decide to just forget my morning stretches today. I'm just too tired to care and my mind is still too troubled from the nightmare to make the effort. I guess I'll have to tell the Doc the damn nightmares were starting again. I'd actually managed to go six weeks without one and had really hoped the fucking things had gone away forever. Guess I was wrong for hoping. Fucking hell, I really hope it's a one night fluke! I really don't want to start having them every night again.

Sometimes, I wonder if I had someone living with me, someone here with me when I wake up, if the nightmares wouldn't be as scary, or if they would even stop. But then the thought of being that close to someone, to actually _trust_ somebody enough for them to live here with me? Now that is the scariest fucking thing I can think of. I actually feel nauseous just thinking about it. I have severe trust issues, but I am—lonely. I miss my parents.

After getting dressed, I go to my laptop and logon to the internet to check the weather. Hmm, excessive heat warnings out today, expecting a high near 83. Great, I'm going to look like the freak I am, having to wearing long sleeves with it that warm. I hate summer. At least it's supposed to stay cloudy today. Thankfully, it's not usually that warm here in Seattle and it looks like the weather is supposed to start cooling back down by the weekend.

Opening my email, I first delete all the junk mail that pops up, and then write a quick note to the Doc to make a new appointment. We've been lengthening the time between visits, but I know he'll want to know about the nightmare.

After that, I straighten up my bed covers and do some light housekeeping. Not that the place really needs it. I guess I might be a tad OCD. I'm kind of a neat freak.

Glancing at the clock, I see it's nearly 6:00 a.m., and decide it's late enough to head out. After checking my backpack to make sure all my art supplies are inside, I look over at my laptop. Bring it or leave it? Suddenly, I'm actually frozen with indecision. I stare at it transfixed, trying to make up my mind. Bring it or leave it? Bring it or leave it? For fuck's sake Jasper, you'd think it was a life and death decision! Bring it or leave it? Bring it or leave it? Bring it or leave it? Breaking out in a cold sweat, I stare at it and try to come to a decision. Bring it or leave it? Bring it or leave it? Bring it or leave it?

Finally, I tear my eyes away and break out of my trance, leaving it. As I grab my backpack and turn to the door, the clock catches my eyes. Fuck! I'd been standing there frozen, staring at the damn laptop for 20 minutes! What the hell is wrong with me this morning! Shaking my head, I grab my MP3 player and clip it to my belt before heading out.

"**~~****~~"**

_When the Doc had finally agreed that I was doing well enough to try living on my own, away from the hospital, and I first moved into my apartment, I spent the first month just walking around exploring and acquainting myself with Seattle. I guess a car would have been fun, but I never learned to drive—before. My Dad had planned on teaching me how, the summer I turned 13, but fate had other plans for me and my family._ _So, I walked everywhere, or rode the transit bus, or took a cab. _

_I had to eat out every meal, since I never learned to cook. But it took me 2 days before I had my first _real_ meal. I was so fucking terrified of having to talk to a waiter or waitress, that I couldn't bring myself to enter any of the restaurants. Finally, sick of the potato chips and sodas that the Doc had stocked my fridge with, hunger won out and I learned how to get through the whole eating out process. I'm quite proud of myself nowadays, I rarely even stammer when the wait-staff asks for my order._

_It had taken a lot longer before I was able to make eye contact with people, though. Like I said, I have severe trust issues and people in general scare me. I've really come a long way since those days, but I still have the occasional day where my guts twist in agony and I break out in a cold sweat. At least I haven't had a full blown panic attack in a couple of months. Now that's progress!_

_One of my favorite places to spend hanging out all day was the Starbucks coffee shop, 2 blocks down from my apartment. I would go in there every day and get my usual coffee and muffins. Then, I'd grab a booth, get out my drawing tablet, and start sketching. I'd sit there for 5 or 6 hours every day watching people. _

_My favorite booth was actually away from the windows, well away from the sunlight. But I had a great view of all the customers that sat by the windows with the backdrop of Seattle behind them. I'd sketch whatever happened to catch my eye each day. And as I sat there, I would almost feel _normal_, like I was a part of the community instead of this fucking broken thing that I'd become._

_I'd had the same routine for months, and I eventually got to know a couple of the ladies that worked there—Bella and Angela. When I first started going into the shop and they tried chatting with me, I'd barely say one syllable replies to their questions. I just knew they thought I was a stuck up jerk, or a freak, for not talking to them. But they were always so nice to me and they eventually lured me out of my shell._

_They are both very pretty, and I never could figure out why I never heard either one talk about dating guys. I was even afraid they were expecting me to ask them out. It had taken me months to figure out they were lesbians and only dated each other. I kind of felt like an idiot that it took me so long to figure _that_ out. But after I did, and I knew they weren't expecting anything from me, I was really able to relax more around them. They've both become the closest things to friends that I have._

_Bella is sweet and kind, but she's kind of an airhead sometimes. Angela is much quieter than Bella but her observant eyes never miss anything. While neither of them knows anything about my past, Angela always seems to know when I need space or quiet time alone. I think she suspects something happened to me but she never pries._

_The day I came into the shop 6 months ago, and they were both in tears, I really freaked out. Then, when they told me that Starbucks was closing down that particular store, due to the down-turn, I knew what I had to do. I went back to my apartment and called Charlotte. She's my legal guardian/lawyer and had also been my Dad's estate planner and business partner. I'd had to beg her, but I finally arranged to have her buy that building and the one right next to it for me._

_After drawing out a bunch of sketches, I got with Bella and Angela and told them not to worry about losing their jobs. I was hiring them to redecorate, enlarge, redesign and create our own independent coffee shop. I wanted it to have more booths and each one would have both wired and wireless internet access, there'd be a small stage for a live band on weekends, and a small deli for quick sandwiches, to go with the different blends of coffees and teas we would be offering. I also told them I wanted them to run it all for me, since I don't have any kind of business sense. It was their turn to freak out, but in a good way._

_I guess it's a good thing my Dad was always such a great financial planner, not to mention owning his own company that made money out the ass. Not that I have a clue what it was. Between that and the obscene amounts of life insurance he'd had on him and Mom, I was as rich as a small country. Hell, even after paying what the insurance didn't cover on my 5 years of hospital and surgery bills, I still have enough money that I'll never have to worry about working. Not that I ever would have been able to get a job. Who the fuck would hire someone who can barely speak to you without stammering? Or who can't look you in the eye without breaking out in a sweat? Or someone that just spent 5 years in a mental hospital, half of those in a catatonic state and the other half learning how to walk and talk again? Yeah, that's what I thought too._

_I'd had to do all my high school courses 'home schooled' during the last couple of years of my hospital stay. I'm taking a few on-line college courses now. It's just something to keep my mind active and to help pass the lonely hours of my existence. And while I have a shred of hope that someday I can do the real college thing and sit in classes with a room full of complete strangers and interact with them, I'm not holding my breath. _

"**~~****~~"**

I walk the two blocks to the coffee shop and grin as I look at the sign: Jazz 's Cup 'o Joe. Wow that is so cool! My own coffee shop! After going inside, I order my usual coffee and get a half dozen blueberry muffins and then head to my favorite booth, now reserved just for me. My only request from Angela and Bella was for my favorite booth to always be reserved for me, and for no one to ever know I was the owner of the store. I didn't want any of the other workers or customers to treat me as anything other than the strange guy who spends all day in the coffee shop. Other than that, they had free reign on how the shop was run.

I had decided that since they do all the work, that we'd each share one fourth of the profits, with the other quarter going into a special fund for special occasions or emergencies. Naturally, Charlotte handled and set up all the financial details. She thought I was nuts for sharing profits instead of just paying the girls a salary, but I really felt like I owed them even more than that. It was my way of thanking them for accepting me as I am and bringing me out of shell, my way of thanking them for being my friends.

After sitting down, I turn on my MP3 player and put my headset over my ears, and then I pull out my sketchpad and pencils. Taking a sip of my coffee, I relax into my seat, feeling as at home here as in my apartment. Scanning the shop and customers, I people watch while waiting for someone or something to catch my eye to draw.

"Hi, Jasper!" Looking up, I find Bella and Angela standing by my booth.

"Good morning, ladies. What's up this morning?" I ask, as I take off my headset.

"We just wanted to let you know some of the different local talents we're going to have coming in to play on weekends," Bella says.

"Come on, ladies. I already told ya. Whatever y'all want to do, as far the shop is concerned, is fine with me."

Bella smiles saying, "I know you said you wanted us to take care of everything, Jasper. But it just doesn't seem right, to not involve you with something."

Angela nods saying, "Yeah, and we also wanted to ask if you'd like to go and watch a movie with us Saturday night. You don't get out enough, Jasper."

"Y-y-you want m-m-me to go to the movies with y-y-you?" I blush bright red, when I stuttering. Fuck, I hate it when I stutter.

"Yes, we'd both love for you to accompany us to the movies," Angela says, while grinning from ear to ear.

"We won't take no for an answer!" Bella chimes in.

"I d-d-don't know. What are you going to go w-w-watch?" I ask, stalling for time as I try and figure out how to decline without hurting their feelings.

Bella laughs saying, "Oh, we thought about watching that new horror movie that just came out! It's about a family that takes a vacation out in the middle of nowhere, and is terrorized by a bunch of escaped mental patients or convicts or something. It's supposed to be full of blood, guts, and sex!"

I feel the blood literally drain from my face and my ears start roaring. I think I'm either going to pass out or throw up. I'm not sure which. From a distance, I can hear Angela call my name as everything starts to go gray around the edges of my vision.

"Jasper!" Angela yells, as she shakes my shoulder. "Are you ok?"

Swallowing nervously, I slowly nod my head and then lick my lips before saying, "I think I'll pass on the horror movie ladies. I haven't been feeling very well."

"It's ok, Jasper," Angela says gently. "Maybe we can go watch something another time when you're feeling better? If you don't like horror, there's a new Disney movie coming out in a couple of weeks. It's supposed to be really funny."

"Yeah, maybe, that does kind of sound better," I say, with a shaky voice.

Angela is giving me a funny look. "Jasper, are you sure you're alright? You look even paler than usual."

Looking down, I nod and softly say, "Yeah, Ang I'm ok."

Angela quietly asks, "You do know if you ever need to talk about anything, or if you ever need a friend, that Bella and I are here for you, don't you?"

Taking a deep breath, I slowly let it out before saying, "Thanks, Ang. I'll keep that in mind. I really do appreciate the offer. You two are the closest things to friends I have. I haven't had any friends since I was 13 and I'm kind of out of practice in how to have that kind of relationship. Hell, any kind of relationship for that matter."

Angela is still looking at me with a strange look on her face as she asks, "Jasper how old are you?"

"Um, I'm 20, Ang. Why?"

I can see the wheels turning in her ever observant mind as she mumbles. "Something familiar about that movie, so much like… seven years ago… thirteen year old boy…" And then it's her turn to go white as she chokes out, "Oh. My. God. Jasper, did you live in Forks seven years ago?"

My mouth goes dry and I feel like puking again. She knows. She knows. All I wanted was anonymity, and she knows. I can't talk.

Angela quietly asks, "Jasper, did you know that Bella and I both graduated from Forks, five years ago?"

Bella's looking, from Angela to me, with a confused look on her face. Apparently she doesn't know what Angela is talking about, yet.

It's all I can do, to whisper the words, "Please, Angela, um, there's some things I'd really rather not talk about, especially here. I'd like to keep them private, if you don't mind."

Angela's face turns red and she nods her understanding. "I'm sorry, Jasper. That was very rude of me. I wasn't thinking. Are you…are you ok?"

"I'm as good as I can be, Ang. Now if you ladies still want to go see that Disney movie just let me know when and where. I think a night out with friends would be just what the doctor ordered." I give them a weak smile, knowing I'll find some way out of it later. They both smile back and assure me they'll let me know about the movie later. About that time, several customers start coming in, and they head back to the counter to help.

Shuddering, I put my headset back on, and tune in some calming music. Grabbing my sketchpad and pencil, I start doodling, trying not to think of the horror movie Bella just described. There's no way that I want to watch horror after living it first-hand. Hopefully Angela will drop it, I'd really rather not talk about my past, if I can help it. Trying to block everything from my mind, I concentrate on drawing.

Looking at the booth across from me, I sketch the scenery outside the window. Then I sketch the way the early morning light is striking the table, highlighting its surface, showing a dried coffee ring, a couple of torn empty sugar packets with a few scattered grains of sugar. I'm just putting the finishing touches on it when one of the workers cleans off the table and wipes it down clean.

Sighing, I turn to a fresh page to draw something else. A group of people sit down at the booth that was just cleaned. I surreptitiously watch them over my sketchpad and hurriedly do a preliminary sketch of the three people sitting there. It's a man and two women. They look maybe a few years older than me and they seem pretty excited about something.

The man is one of those big, huge, football player types. He's big—like scary big. But I can hear his booming laughter, even over my headphones and music. He has a carefree smile on his face, and his eyes dance with mischief as he interacts with the two women at the table. Usually guys as big as him really intimidates me, but this guy's demeanor seems so easy going and gentle, that he makes me think of a giant teddy bear.

The blond woman, sitting beside the big guy, looks like a model. She's got to be one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen, hair is fixed perfectly, make-up perfect, body perfect. I wonder if someone that looks like her would ever be interested in a guy as messed up as me. When the big guy bends down and whispers in her ear, she rolls her eyes while flipping her hair over her shoulder. Then she smiles and looks up into the big guy's eyes with such a look of love on her face that you just know that they are not only together, but also very happy together. I actually feel a little jealous. I wish I could have a relationship like that.

The woman sitting across from them is quite short and petite, she reminds me of an elf or maybe Tinker Bell only with black hair. She's literally bouncing up and down in her seat, like some kind of hyperactive pixie. I snigger quietly; thinking the _last_ thing she needs is caffeine. She's actually a very pretty woman too, and I'm just wondering if she's with anybody, when she really starts hopping around, waving at someone behind me at the counter.

I'm really surprised when Bella and Angela run up to her, giving her and the other two, hugs. Looking down, I try not to watch. I don't want to impose on my friends by spying on them interacting with their other friends. But for some reason, my chest starts to feel tight and my eyes actually start to burn, like I'm on the verge of crying. I realize… I feel left out. How pathetic is that?

Quickly stuffing my sketchpad and pencils in my bag, I hurriedly get up and leave, before anybody can see the tears threatening to run down my face. As if that wasn't bad enough, on my way out the door, I slam into another guy and we both fall on our asses. Now the tears do spill over as my face turns beet red. I'm pissed at myself and I'm so fucking embarrassed I could just die. "I'm s-s-so s-s-s-orry!" I stutter out, which embarrasses me even more.

"Hey, man, don't worry about it. It's not your fault. I wasn't looking where I was going. Oh crap, I didn't hurt you, did I?" He actually sounds worried about me, as he gets up and puts a hand out to help me up.

"N-n-no, really, I'm ok. I apologize for running into you like that." I say as I look up. "I wasn't paying atten…" My voice trails off as I sit there and stare into two of the most incredibly green eyes I've ever seen. I can't take my eyes off him. I've never seen a man who looks so—beautiful. He has an concerned friendly face and kind eyes, and a head full of bronze-colored hair that looks like he's been running his hand though it. His worried frown slowly transforms into a confused, crooked smile, and the hand he's offering to help me up with begins to tremble. I think my heart actually skips a beat, and then my whole body feels like it's throbbing in time to my thundering heart.

I'm not sure how long I sit there staring at him like an idiot, before I finally come to my senses and grab his offered hand to stand up. But when I do, it almost feels like I've grabbed onto a live current. An electric shock shoots from my hand to the very core of my being and I jerk my hand back in surprise. The green eyed man actually looks a little shocked from the contact as well. His eyes widen in surprise and then he has a fleeting look of—lust?—that is quickly replaced by hurt when I jerk my hand away.

Fuck, I am such a loser. I wish the earth would open up and swallow me now. Stuttering again, I say. "S-s-sorry man, b-b-but I really gotta go." With that, I turn and run.

I was running from my complete pathetic-ness, as I ran from my almost friends that had other lives and friends away from me.

I was running from my loneliness, as I ran from the beautiful green-eyed man I had knocked down, whose mere touch had electrified me.

I was running, and sobbing, from the embarrassment and _horror,_ as I ran from the realization that my cock, for the first time in seven fucking years, had got hard from staring at the beautiful green-eyed man.

If only I could keep running and never stop.

I run the two blocks to my apartment building and up the three flights of stairs to my place. I stop just long enough to unlock the door, and then run inside. Slamming the door shut, I frantically fumble with the locks, bolting the door behind me—as if I could lock out the reality of what just happened. Gasping for air, I slowly slide down the door until I'm sitting on the floor. My fucking knee is throbbing, and because of the sobbing and the running, I can't catch my breath. I can feel it coming on—a full blown panic attack. Hyperventilating, I curl up in a ball, wrapping my arms around my knees. Everything slowly goes black.


	2. Chapter 2

**My first attempt at fanfic...**

**Disclaimer: I am not now…never have been…and never will be Stephenie Meyer…so sad.**

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**Also thanks for all the kind reviews! I was actually terrified to even try this… This chapter is from Edwards POV. I'm already working on the 3rd chapter as well, but I'm going to college, so time is short. Enjoy…**

**If I mention anything medical, psychological or legal…don't freak out if it's not accurate. I'm making it up as I go…sorry.**

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**Gasping For Air**

**Chapter Two**

**EPOV (Tuesday continued…)**

Checking my watch, I realize I'm running late. I was supposed to meet Alice, Rose, and Emmett, 10 minutes ago at some new coffee shop that our friends had been raving about. I guess I could have driven, but I'd decided to take the two mile walk from my apartment so I'd have time to think. I really didn't even want to go, but my family had all insisted.

Well, Alice had insisted and everybody else just went along with her. We'd all learned years ago, it was always easier to just agree with Alice when she sets her mind on something. Arguing with a brick wall would be more productive than arguing with Alice.

We had all just moved to Seattle last month, and Alice had found out yesterday that Bella and Angela were either the managers, or co-owners or something, at that coffee shop and she wanted to go see them. The three of them had been inseparable our senior year in Forks. I had actually dated Bella our senior year and had been great friends with Angela then, too.

Alice, Bella, Angela, and I, are all 23 years old now. We graduated together from Forks High, five years ago. Rose and Emmett had actually graduated the year before we did, and are a year older than us. Angela had been born and raised in Forks. Bella had moved there the summer after junior year. My siblings and I had all moved to Forks at the beginning of mine and Alice's junior year and Rose and Emmett's senior year.

My siblings—now that always takes a little explaining. Especially, when I tell people Rose and Emmett are my brother and sister, and the next thing you know the two of them are sucking face. No, we're not an incestuous family. We're actually all adopted. Well, Rose, Alice, and Emmett, are all adopted. I'm actually my father's son. My mother, or rather my birth mother, Elisabeth, was dad's first wife and she died in child birth. Dad met Esme three years later.

Esme, my mom, the mother who raised me that is, had also been married before. She had lost her own son, two days after giving birth. Her bastard of a first husband had beaten her badly and mom had so many broken ribs, broken bones, and internal injuries, that she went into early labor. The poor little guy she gave birth to just never had a chance. Mom very nearly died herself during the labor and there had been so much damage from her internal injuries that as a result, mom was told she'd never be able to conceive again.

My father, Dr. Carlisle Cullen, had been the doctor who frantically worked on her during her disastrous labor. Mom had died twice on the table before dad was able to repair the damage and stop the bleeding. Dad is the one who made sure her then soon to be ex-husband, was charged with assault, attempted murder, and the murder of an infant. The bastard got life in prison. Dad never left mom's side throughout the whole ordeal and they married as soon as her divorce was finalized. Dad always tells me it was love at first sight and that he knew the moment he laid eyes on mom, that she was going to be the most important person in his life.

Dad is a surgeon in Forks, and my mom does charity work at the shelters for abused women and children locally in Forks and in the surrounding counties. My parents also volunteer their time on the Quileute Reservation's small hospital and shelters as well.

Besides my adopted brother and sisters, I've also had dozens of fostered siblings while growing up. My Dad used to tease my mom, saying she brought in stray kids like some people brought in stray dogs. I think the only reason my parents didn't adopt all of my fostered siblings was because they still had living family somewhere that wanted them. After I got used to the idea of sharing my parents love with all my new siblings, it was great having other kids to play with. I loved how my mom's face would glow with happiness as she watched us.

I've always wanted to find the kind of love that my mom and dad share. I guess I had been pretty naive in high school, because I had thought I found that love in Bella, which is why I don't particularly want to go and meet up with everybody now. There's nothing quite as humiliating as finding out your former girlfriend is now a lesbian and prefers women to men. Even though, with the exception of our disastrous Prom date, she and I never did much more than kiss when we dated.

I had assumed Bella was raised as old fashioned as I was, and that she planned on waiting to do the 'big deed' on her wedding night. That had always been my intentions anyway and I'd been quick to jump on the abstinence bandwagon. I'd even gone so far as to get a purity ring to remind myself of that fact. So, I was shocked when Bella informed me that she wanted to step up our physical relationship.

Bella wanted to do some experimentation and celebrate Prom with a little oral sex. Frankly, I was perfectly fine with us just kissing, and caressing each other through our clothes. After all, my parents had taught me to respect women and never take advantage of them. I was extremely reluctant to do more and I tried to dissuade her, but Bella had been insistent. Actually she had been practically frantic as she begged me to change my mind, so I had finally reluctantly agreed.

We had wound up leaving our Prom early, so we could beat the mad rush to lover's lane. I had been nervous as hell, so it had been a relief to see that we were the first to arrive and would have some privacy. I guess it had either been because I was so nervous or because Bella didn't know what she was doing, because nothing she did when she attempted to go down on me felt—right. I never really even got a complete hard-on, let alone got off on it. And just to make things worse, I had kept remembering an incident that had happened to me the last day of my junior year.

Then again, I don't know how anyone is supposed to get a hard-on and get off, when their girl stops what she's doing every few seconds, gagging and retching like she's going to puke in your lap! The whole thing had really freaked me out and I'd finally told her to just forget it. I tried to talk her into us going back to the Prom, or even home, but she had insisted that it was my turn to go down on her.

Ugh. Trying to go down on Bella was a horrible experience. First, Bella had kept bitching about my whiskers rubbing her raw, which was nuts, I'd just shaved before we had left on our date. Then she'd bitch about my touch being too light, then she'd bitched it was too rough. And I guess I'd had a little too much to drink earlier, because I had gotten a little nauseous when I had finally got up the guts to try and tongue her. Of course, then she'd bitched about how I was tonguing her, as if I'd even had a clue about what I was doing! Needless to say, my ego had been bruised when she told me to stop, although my stomach had been relieved. Man, that shit had been slimy, nasty, and gross.

As if all that hadn't been bad enough. After we had got redressed, Bella had dropped the bomb on me. She wouldn't even look at me as she told me since we were graduating and going to go to different states to go to college that she thought we should just break up now, so we'd be free to date other people.

At first, I was hurt and I begged Bella to change her mind. I mean, I really had thought we were _it_ for each other. But the more she refused to even to talk to me about it, the angrier I got. I mean the stupid _twit_ could have mentioned breaking up with me before we'd tried to go down on each other! I could have saved that experience for my wedding night and the person I _married_! It left me feeling used and betrayed, unloved and worthless.

Needless to say, my first experience doing more than kissing or touching a woman had been a horrid experience for me. And even though I've dated a lot of women since then, I'm in no hurry to get physical with any of them. I always make sure they know I wear a purity ring, and what it stands for. Ugh, sometimes when I think about what Bella and I tried to do, I almost dread having a wedding night.

Checking my watch again, I see I'm—crap, 15 minutes late! Seeing the shop on the corner, I take off running toward the door. Still deep in thought over my whole Bella issue and what I'm going to say when we meet again, I don't realize I'm running up to the exit instead of the entrance, until I wind up plowing into some poor guy coming out the door. Bam! Down we both go, falling on our asses.

The guy I knocked down immediately starts trying to apologize to me, like he thinks it's his fault when I'm the one running in the wrong damn door. So I tell him, "Hey, man, don't worry about it. It's not your fault. I wasn't looking where I was going. I didn't hurt you, did I?" I jump up in a panic when I see tears running down his face.

Nervously running my hands through my hair, I wonder how bad I've hurt him. I mean look at him! He's so damn pale and fragile looking that I think if a strong wind blew through, it would probably break him in half. Actually, he looks like someone who just got out of the damn hospital, and here I am trying to kill him. Way to go Cullen, I think as I nervously reach my hand out to help him up.

And he's _still_ trying to apologize to me! God, he looks so embarrassed and his face has turned bright red, and he's stammering his words, and I'm thinking—damn, how adorable is that? Then I'm grinning and feeling like an idiot, because I've just realized that I think he's adorable because he's embarrassed!

What'd I do, hit my head on the pavement to be thinking like that?

Then our eyes meet and I'm staring into his deep blue eyes and they look so sad, lost, and lonely. I have this sudden urge to just pick him up and hug him to my chest so I can keep him safe.

Wow. I obviously must have a concussion—and amnesia—because surely I've hit my head and just don't remember it.

His voice trails off in the middle of his sentence as we both freeze. I feel like I'm falling into two pools of deep blue as we stare into each other's eyes. My idiot grin just keeps getting bigger as my mouth goes dry. My heart feels like it stutters to a complete stop before resuming into a thundering, pounding pulse that I feel throughout my whole body as the hand I'm holding out starts to tremble.

Hmmm, maybe I hit my head so hard that I have brain damage.

But that's not what it feels like. It feels like I'm having a moment. You know, one of _those_moments. The kind of moment where time seems to come to a standstill, the rest of the world seems to fade away in a fog, and the only thing still crystal clear is what is right in front of you. One of those moments when you just know something important is about to happen, and life as you know is going to change forever.

I don't know how long we're locked into that magical moment, but the blue-eyed man finally seems to break out of whatever spell had bewitched us. Still looking dazed, he shakes his head and grabs my hand to pull his self up. I notice three things when he does:

First, when he reaches his arm up to grip my hand, his long sleeve pulls back almost to his elbow. I can't help but notice that the back of his wrist and arm is covered with scars. They look like crisscrossed slashes running up his arm, disappearing under the sleeve of his shirt. My stomach twists with new concern as I wonder what injuries and pain he's had in his past to cause them.

Second, when the blue-eyed man takes my hand, his grip is incredibly strong and his muscles ripple as he pulls himself up. Damn, he's all lean and sinewy muscle. He's not nearly as weak and frail as I first thought.

And finally, when our hands make full contact, it feels like I've grabbed onto a live wire as an electric shock shoots through me. My whole body surges with heat and I want him. I want him like I've never wanted _anyone_ before in my life. I'm shocked by this sudden revelation. What the hell, Cullen? I gasp for air as every nerve in my body starts buzzing from the contact. I just thought my heart had been beating hard before, now it feels like it's going to jump out of my chest, its pounding that hard.

But then the blue-eyed man jerks his hand away like I'm a leper or something, and I try to hide how bad _that_ hurt my feelings. I feel positively humiliated as I realize he must have noticed my reaction and now thinks I'm some kind of sick pervert. I try to think of how to apologize but nothing comes out when I open my mouth. I guess, I'm still in shock, or denial, or some shit, and my brain isn't working.

The blue-eyed man stutters out another incoherent apology and then he turns and runs. He's actually running from me! Grabbing a fistful of my hair, I feel a tear slide down my cheek as I watch him disappear into the distance. I had obviously scared him off by acting so weird!

My hand still feels like its vibrating with electricity where the blue-eyed man had gripped it and my whole body aches with loss. I realize I'll probably never even see him again and I'm confused. What the hell just happened? Why does it feel like the most important person in my life is running away from me? I mean, hell, I don't even know his name.

_His_ name? _His—_as in a he?— name? Oh. Hell. No. _His_name?

No way, Edward, this is not happening! Repeatedly slapping my forehead with my palm, I think—stupid, stupid, stupid, get a grip man. None of that was real. I. Am. Not. No way.

But I wanted him. I've never wanted anyone like how I wanted him.

Come on Edward, it's just an erection. You're a man, and men tend to get erections at awkward and inconvenient moments. It's not like you've never had one around a guy before.

Wait. I have had erections around guys before, haven't I? Why have I never wondered what that meant, before running into the blue-eyed man?

It doesn't _mean_ anything. _He_ doesn't mean anything! Not a damn thing!

Oh really? Then why is my hand still tingling from his touch?

Just ignore it man, it's a fluke.

Then why do I feel like I just lost someone important?

Oh please! How important could he be? Seriously you just met him and don't even know who he is!

Then why did I suddenly feel so alive? My whole body is still humming! And there was that moment when time stopped. And you knew, _knew_ something was about to happen.

Silence. Then…but… Edward, come on man that would mean…

Oh my _fucking_ hell, seriously? I'm gay? Why didn't somebody tell me!

Barking out hysterical laughter, I slap my hand over my mouth. Isn't that exactly what Mike was trying to tell me the last day of junior high? Only I had been too much of a coward to deal with it. Damn, I haven't thought about that in—well—a while.

"~~***~~"

_Mike and I had really hit it off when my family first moved to Forks. We became best friends in no time and we did everything together. The last day of school in our junior year, Mike and I volunteered to stay after school to help Coach Clapp clean the gym, inventory supplies, and put stuff up for the summer break. The Coach got an emergency phone call, and wound up having to leave before we were done. But Mike told him to go ahead, that we would lock everything up when we were done, and Coach could swing by his parent's store later to pick up the keys. _

_After we finally finished up, we were both covered with sweat and grime, so we went to shower off and change before heading home. It was kind of nice to not have to compete with a couple of dozen other guys for the hot water, so I stood under the spray for a while, slowly soaping up my body, enjoying the heat of the hot water as my tired muscles unknotted and relaxed. _

_I'm not sure exactly what captured my attention. Had Mike made a noise or could I simply feel his eyes on me? All I know is I had tensed up when I knew Mike was watching me. I turned around to look at him and he was standing there staring at me with a strange look on his face as he slowly stroked his cock. _

_"What the hell, Mike," I asked as I laughed nervously._

_Mike just kept staring intently at me as he kept up his slow and steady strokes on his cock. Then he smiled and said, "Fuck, Eddie, I've been hoping for an opportunity like this since we met. I've been trying to wait for you to make the first move, but this is just too good to pass up, man. You're so fucking beautiful standing there with the water streaming over your naked body like that and I just can't wait any longer. I need to touch you, to taste you. I want to fuck you until you're screaming my name. I want to fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk for a week." _

_And then Mike took a step closer to me, and I took one backward in a panic. "Keep away from me, Mike! I don't know what the hell you're talking about!"_

_"Oh, come on, Eddie. Quit pretending. I've been picking up signals from you all year. I know you want me as bad as I want you." Mike slowly walked toward me with a smirk on his face. "Ready or not, here I come. Mmm, hell yeah, I'm going to cum so far up your ass, Eddie. And then you're going to cum in my mouth after I lick and suck on that huge cock your sporting there, lover boy."_

_I never took my eyes off Mike as I started backing up until I hit the wall. I kept backing down the length of the wall until I wound up in the corner. Oh hell…. My heart was pounding when I realized that I couldn't go anywhere else, except past Mike to get out of there. What the hell did he think he was doing! _

_"Don't you fucking touch me, Mike! I don't know what you think you're doing. Or what you think I'm wanting, but you're wrong," I yelled out frantically. Mike finally stopped, barely a foot away. _

_"If I'm so wrong Eddie," he had smugly asked, "if you don't want me like I want you, then why is your cock as hard as mine?"_

_I looked down at myself in shock. Sure enough, I was sporting a raging hard-on. I had been too freaked out to even notice. I shook my head in denial. "Mike, I'm not like that. Hell man, I'm still a virgin but I like girls, not guys, ok? Please, just stop what you're doing and let's get the hell out of here, ok?"_

_Mike looked at me with a thunderstruck look on his face saying, "Are you fucking with me Eddie? Are you really a fucking virgin?"_

_Slowly nodding my head yes, I hold my hand up to show him the ring I was wearing. "Yeah man, I'm so serious I even wear a purity ring."_

_Mike started laughing then. He laughed long and hard. I could feel my face burning with embarrassment as I snapped at him, "There's nothing wrong with wanting to wait for the right woman and marriage, Mike!"_

_"_Woman_!" He was literally howling now. "Oh fuck Eddie. You need to quit hiding behind that fucking ring and quit denying what you are."_

_"I told you I wasn't like that Mike," I yelled back at him._

_"Trust me on this, Eddie. Men who prefer women, don't get as hard as you are right now over watching a naked man stroke himself," Mike said mockingly as he slowly stroked himself again. He smirked as he stared at me through hooded eyes. "Let me show you how good a man's touch can be Eddie. Let me show you what you're denying yourself."_

_Mike closed the distance between us and pressed his naked body against mine. I couldn't stop my moans as his cock rubbed against mine. I'd never felt anything like it. But at the same time, I couldn't stop my whimpers as I begged, "Please stop, Mike. I don't want to do this."_

_Mike's eyes were closed as he let out a low needy moan and whispered, "Oh my god, you feel so good." Then his eyes opened and the mocking, smirking look was replaced with lust and need as he whispered, "I want you, Eddie. Let me show you how good it can be. You'll love it, I promise. Shh, its ok, Eddie, you don't have to be scared." _

_I was begging him the whole time, "Mike, please stop, I said I don't want to do this. Please man, please, let's just go home. I don't want to do this."_

_But Mike ignored me as he took my hand in his and pulled it to his cock. "That's right, Eddie, wrap your hand around it." His grip tightened as I tried to pull away and his voice turned harsher, "I said wrap your damn hand around it!" He hummed in pleasure when I finally obeyed him. "Mmmm, that's it, Eddie. Now, long slow strokes. Oh fuck, yeah, you feel so good."_

_Mike kept his hand firmly on mine, guiding it up and down his shaft. I tried to pull my hand away again but he held it even tighter. He made me stroke him harder and faster as he kept rubbing his naked body against mine. Every time he brushed against my cock, I would moan at how it felt, my whole body trembling and aching. But at the same time, I was scared to death. I started sobbing as _I_ begged him, "Please Mike, please would you fucking stop. Don't do this. This isn't me. You have to stop now. I don't want to do this." _

_"You're already doing it, Eddie. Just help me take care of this. Then I'm going to rock your world with my mouth. I'm going to wrap my lips around that enormous cock you got there and I'm going to suck you into oblivion and you're going to love it, Eddie. I know you will. You're going to be begging me for more every day. You're going to forget all about wanting to wait for the right fucking woman and waiting for marriage before you fuck. Damn it, Eddie, quit trying to pull away! That's better. Oh fuck yeah, just…oh, fuck… stroke a little faster …yeah, almost…oh yeah, squeeze tighter…yeah, faster… almost there… so good… oh fuck… Eddie, you're so … oh, fuck! YES!" _

_I watched with horrified fascination as Mike came. I'd never actually looked before even when I jerked one off in the shower at home. I watched his cock spasm, shooting stream after stream of cum across my stomach. Afterward, Mike rested his forehead on my shoulder, panting hard. He finally released my hand from around his cock and said, "That was perfect, Eddie, you did good. Just give me a sec, and I'll show you how great it can be."_

_Overwhelmed with fear, I tried to pull away. I didn't want him showing me anything else! But Mike's hands were like a vise around my wrists when he grabbed them again and stopped me from moving. He jerked my hands over my head and pinned them against the shower wall as he glared at me._

_Mike's glare softened and he kept my hands pinned to the wall with one hand as the other hand cupped my face for a moment before sliding down to my nipples. Nuzzling his face into my neck, Mike traced slow circles around my nipples, until I was moaning. I tried to writhe away from his touch while begging him to please just stop. _

_But Mike bit and sucked his way down my neck and shoulder, going lower until he was nipping at my nipples. He slowly bit and sucked down my chest and stomach until he was on his knees in front of my cock. I don't even know when he let go of my hands, but I still couldn't move. I still felt like my hands were pinned to the wall over my head as I watched him. My heart was beating frantically in my chest as I sobbed and gasped for air._

_Mike looked up and smiled at me as he whispered over and over, "Shh, it's ok Eddie. I know what you want. Don't be scared. It'll be great. You'll see. Shh, I know you want this. Don't be scared. Shh, it's ok, you're going to love this, I promise." And then he leaned in and took my cock in his mouth. He was doing things with his tongue and lips and I was groaning as my body shuddered. I had never felt anything like it before. _

_Finally able to move my hands, I reached down meaning to shove him away as I cried out, "Stop it, Mike!" But instead of shoving him away, my hands somehow wound up fisted into his hair and I found myself looking down at him, holding his head still as I thrust into his mouth hard and fast. And then all thoughts left me as I came hard into Mike's mouth, my eyes rolling up when I felt him swallowing it all down. Gasping for air, I slump back against the wall feeling dizzy, my legs trembling and weak as the room spun around and around. _

_When my brain synapses finally started firing again and I was capable of having coherent thoughts, I was overcome with guilt and shame. But the guilt and shame was quickly replaced with rage as I looked down and saw the joy on Mike's face as he gazed up at me. Before I even knew what I was doing, I pulled back and hit him as hard as I could in the face with my fist. _

_Sobbing, I screamed at him. "You fucking sick bastard! Why did you do that? I told you I didn't want that! I'm not like that! Don't you _ever_ fucking touch me again! I don't want to ever see or speak to you again. You hear me? Stay the hell away from me!"_

_I ran out of the showers and into the locker room where I threw my clothes on while sobbing in disgust and self-loathing. I was so damn confused over what had just happened, and the same questions ran circles through my mind over and over. _

_How can something feel good when you didn't want to do it? Why did Mike do that? He's supposed to be my best friend. He said he loved me. I told him to stop! Why wouldn't he stop? Why would he do that to me? How could he betray me like that? I hate him! I can't believe I hit him! I've never hit anyone before. Mom and dad always said that hitting people is wrong. Was I wrong to hit him? If I'd hit him sooner would he have stopped then? Why didn't I try hitting him sooner? He made me cum, does that mean I really liked it? No! I hated it. How can something feel good when you hate doing it? Why did he do that? He's supposed to be my best friend, I thought he loved me. I told him to stop! Why wouldn't he stop?_

_I heard Mike walk up behind me but I refused to turn and look at him, not even when he said, "Fuck Eddie, you're stuck so far back in that closet you're locking yourself in, that you may never find your way out. I hope someday you'll be able to come to terms with what you are and eventually be able to accept it." _

_I never talked to Mike again. I hated him! How could he betray me like that? Why would he do that to me?_

"~~***~~"

Shaking my head at the memories, I feel like a blindfold has been lifted from my eye. I realize now that Mike, as big a creep as he had been, was right. I am gay. I have a passing thought about giving him a call and apologizing for hitting him. But no, I was still pissed at him. Not because he tried to force me to come to terms with the truth about myself. No, I was still pissed because I had told the bastard to stop. Hell, I had begged him to stop and he had kept doing what he was doing, while trying to convince me I wanted it. I still feel dirty when I think about it.

Have I always known deep down that I was gay? Have I been too scared, too ashamed to face it? Hell, I'd never had a reason to face it before. How long had I been hiding the truth from myself? Hiding behind a stupid ass ring, pretending to be something I wasn't.

Well, no more, I'm done hiding. Sure I'm still a virgin but it doesn't change the fact... I really am gay. My stomach clinches with dread at the thought of all the consequences of accepting that fact. I've seen the way people look at gay men.

Frowning, I realize my stomach has always twisted with dread when I saw how people looked at gays with disgust. Had I unconsciously known those looks would be directed my way some day?

Sighing, I absentmindedly rub my still tingling hand, wondering who the blue-eyed man was, and if I'd ever see him again. I could still see the hurt, lost look in his eyes, the scars on his arms, his curly blond hair, his red embarrassed face, and his wide mouth that was just begging to be kissed.

My eyes go wide as I realize I _want_ to kiss him. Holy shit! He's a man and I want to kiss him! If that doesn't make me gay then...

Who am I kidding? I'm _aching_ to hold the blue-eyed man and kiss him senseless. I wonder if he's gay. I wonder why he ran. I wonder if I were to meet him again, if I would still feel as connected to him as I do now. My heart aches when I think I may never even find out who he was.

I'm still terribly confused as I turn to the door to go in. Pausing, I see my family in there with Bella and Angela. They're all hugging and kissing and laughing and I just don't feel up to dealing with any of them right now. I need time. I've got a lot of thinking to do. I need to come to grips with what I've finally accepted about myself.

Shaking my head, I take a step back to turn and leave, but as I do I trip and fall on my ass again. I look to see what I tripped over and there lies a backpack. My heart skips a beat, and then starts pounding again as I realize it must be _his_.

With trembling hands, I grab it up and clutch it to my chest, holding onto it like a lifeline. It occurs to me that I should take it inside and give it to Bella and Angela to hold, in case the blue-eyed man comes back looking for it.

But I want to give it to him personally. I want another chance to speak to him. I want to know if what I'm feeling is real or just a heat of the moment kind of thing. I decide to take it home with me and see if there's any kind of identification in it. If there's not, I can always bring it back tomorrow and ask Bella and Angela if they know who the pack belongs to.

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**Thanks again to all who reviewed. Any constructive criticism is appreciated. Like I said, this is my first attempt at fanfic but I hope y'all enjoy it.**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Hey everybody, thanks for all the positive reviews, it really means a lot that y'all like the story so far. This is a fairly long Chapter, sadly there's not much in the way of interaction with his future friends but Jasper is finally coming to terms with some pretty ugly crap that happened in his past.**_

_**Disclaimer...I am not now, nor ever will be Stephanie Meyer**_

_**Warning! There's some disturbing topics and graphic crap going on here ya'll.**_

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**Gasping For Air**

**Chapter Three**

**JPOV**** (Tuesday continued…)**

**Swoosh! Crack! I scream in terror when I hear the solid sound of the wooden bat as it connects with a skull, the metallic ping of the metal bat against a bone. I can hear my dad's screams as they slowly subside to an occasional low moan and then to a roaring silence. A silence unbroken except for the harsh breathing and forceful grunts from the men wielding the bats and the repeated sounds the bats make as they swoosh and whistle through the air, followed by the sickening solid cracks, the crunches, or the nauseating wet…squishy sounds. **

**All the while, **_**he's**_** whispering in my ear. "I'll protect you, precious. All you have to do is be a good boy and please me. You want to please me don't you? I won't let anyone hurt you. I **_**promise**_**." Sobbing in terror, I cling to him, believing him as I promise to be good, to do anything if he'll just protect me and keep me safe from the men with the bats. **

**Later, after the betrayal, after the horror, the pain and humiliation…"Now let me show you how I really like to have a good time, precious. You have such beautiful fucking screams." I feel his hot breath on my neck as the knife flashes and slices through my skin like butter…. **

Gasp for air, I bolt upright, clutching one of my trembling arms around my waist and throwing my other hand over my mouth, trying to hold in the screams that are erupting from my chest. I try to drag in a deep ragged breath but my throat is dry and raw. My knee is throbbing like a son of a bitch and my head is splitting as I look around in a panic, confused. What the fuck happened? Why am I on the fucking floor in front of my door?

Oh right, I remember now, panic attack. I'd hyperventilated and passed out, so much for my fucking progress. Sitting there on the floor, I cover my face with my hands and sob, feeling sorry for myself.

Finally, getting angry at myself, I shake my head and think—Get the fuck off the floor, Whitlock! That manipulative fucker is not going to rule my fucking life. He does not fucking own me.—After pulling myself together, I try to get up off the floor but my knee is hurting so bad that I can't maneuver myself around to stand up. Fuck!

Gritting my teeth, I scoot my ass across the room to the couch and then pull myself up onto it. From there, I finally get up and limp my way into the kitchen to get some ice in a bag to put on my knee. Going to the sink, I grab a glass and fill it with water so I can take a couple of aspirin. Draining the glass of water, the relief in my parched throat is instantaneous.

Still limping, I go back to the couch, stretch my leg out, and put the ice on my knee. Leaning back, I close my eyes and feel like crying again. What the fuck's wrong with me today? I think I need to call the Doc to see how fast he can see me, before I have a fucking psychological breakdown or some shit. I also need to call my physical therapist, Jacob, and see how soon he can look at my knee. Ah, fuck! I know he's going to be pissed at me.

With shaking hands, I grab my phone off the table and call the Doc first. "Dr. Sim's office, Maria speaking, how may I help you?"

"Hey, Maria, it's Jasper. Is the Doc in with a patient, right now? I got problems today, sweetie."

"Oh no, Jasper, I hate to hear that, hon. And to think, you've been doing so great, too. Which was it, nightmares or panic attack?"

"Umm, both actually, I was hoping I could maybe get in to talk to the Doc today or tomorrow?"

"Hang on, hon. Let me just poke my head in and see which he prefers." Maria puts me on hold for what seems like forever, but it's probably a minute or less before she comes back on the line. "You still there, Jasper? Dr. Sim says for you to, and this is his exact words, haul your ass up here this afternoon, as soon as his last session is over at 5:00. Oh, and that you had better not have, and I'm quoting again sweetie, fucked up all his progress he's made with you or he's going to kick your ass from here 'til next Sunday. Does that sound ok with you?"

Barking out a laugh, I say, "Yeah, thanks Maria. That sounds perfect. Will I see you, or will you be gone?"

"Oh, I'll be gone, hon. I'll be leaving by 2:00 for the next few months anyway. Who would have thought a couple of newborns could be such a handful? But, I'll leave some pictures on my desk if you want to see what the twins look like."

"Oh, I'd love to see them, Maria! Please, do leave out the pictures. Ok, well then, just tell the Doc that I'll be there. Maybe I'll see you next time. Oh and congratulations!"

"Thanks, hon. You take care, now. Bye."

Next, I call Jacob and just as I figured—he's _pissed_. Wincing, I yank the phone from my ear as he yells at me, "You did _WHAT_! Damn it all to fucking hell, Jasper! I told you not to be jogging or running on that knee! And what the hell do you think you're doing running up 3 flights of stairs? If you've fucked that knee up, so help me god…"

Running my hand through my hair, I tug on the ends in frustration. "I know! I know! I fucked up, Jacob! But I was in the middle of some of my stupid ass, seriously fucked in the head shit, and I wasn't thinking."

Jacob sounds concerned as he asks, "Shit, did you call the Doc, yet? He'll want to know if you're losing your marbles, man."

Rolling my eyes, I say, "Yeah, I called the Doc before I called you. He's having me come in after his last patient this evening. If it makes you feel any better, I think he's planning on kicking my ass, too. But right now, the damn knee is killing me. Should I do more than put ice on it? Do you want me to come in for you to look at it?""

Jacob huffs out a soft laugh. "Yeah, the Doc always has had a soft spot for you, kid." Then in a more serious voice, "No, just put ice on the knee for about an hour, and then start alternating with hot and cold for a while. Call me in the morning and tell me how it feels, and I'll figure out then if I need to look at it or not, ok?"

"Ok, thanks Jake. I'll call you in the morning. Bye."

After I get done with my calls, I look around for my backpack. I want to check out the sketches I did this morning and I'm thinking about doing a detailed sketch of 'Mr. Green Eyes' while he's still fresh in my mind. Just thinking about him makes me blush. He probably thinks I'm a freak.

Looking around, I don't see my backpack anywhere. Maybe I dropped it in the hallway? Struggling back up, I limp over and open the door to look out in the hall, but no luck. Well, fuck me, I guess I dropped it when I fell on my ass in front of the shop, and then left it when I took off running. Fan-fucking-tastic!

Closing the door, I lean my forehead against the cool wood, trying to figure out what I should do. Should I call Angela, or just walk back to the shop? Maybe 'Mr. Green Eyes' is still there. Maybe he's sitting at the shop right now, waiting for me to come back for it? My heart skips a beat as I think about meeting him again and my face heats up even more as I think about sitting down and talking to him. Could I bring myself to talk to him?

Sighing, I shake my head. It's much more likely that he simply took the pack inside and turned it in at the counter. Then frowning, I think—Wait. What if he didn't take the backpack into the shop to leave it? What if he decided to keep it for himself! Or crap, he might not have even seen the damn thing. Anyone could have found it and took it.

The thought of some faceless stranger pawing through my stuff almost triggers another panic attack. My hands start trembling and my heart racing, so I concentrate on taking slow even breaths and on trying to stay calm. What the fuck, Whitlock? Seriously man, you haven't acted this fucked up in months. Damn it, I thought I was actually past all this shit.

Finally calming my ass back down, I limp back to the couch and put the icepack back on my knee again. Leaning back, I close my eyes and rub them with the heels of my hands as I try to remember if there's anything in the pack that's irreplaceable. Let's see, there should be extra sketchpads and pencils in the cabinet by my drawing board. Fuck, I'll have to get a new backpack if no one returns mine. I guess it's a good thing I didn't take the laptop this morning. Was there anything else important in there? My heart and stomach clinches when I remember—Oh hell no! That fucking journal is still in the bottom of the pack!

_When I first got out of the hospital on my own, the Doc suggested I keep a journal. He wanted me to write as much as I could remember of my friendship with my best and only friend, Peter, from when I was kid before we moved from Texas. The Doc said some shit about it how it would eventually help me deal with any future friendships or relationships. Don't ask me, the Doc comes up with weird shit like that all the time. _

_So anyway, I did like the Doc said and wrote about my friend Peter. Peter's family had moved next door to mine when I was eight and he was nine, he was a year and a few months older than me. We had dubbed ourselves the two freaks against the world because of both of our 'afflictions', my blistering in the sun and his allergies that made him blister from any contact with grass or plants. We did everything together …play together, eat together, wrestle together, we spent every night together, either at his parent's house or mine. We were inseparable. _

_Our last summer together, I think Peter was thirteen by then and I was about to turn twelve. We'd sneak out at night and I'd piggyback Peter down to the lake we lived near and we'd go skinny dipping in the moonlight. God, we'd dunk each other and wrestle and tickle each other until we were trembling. Then we'd laugh and make fun of each other's dick size. Then we'd go back to whoever's house we happened to be staying at that night and sneak back in and curl up together in bed and sleep the sleep of the innocent. At the end of that summer, Peter started receiving some kind of new allergy shot every week and he got better and went out into the world and made new friends and I got left behind, alone again._

_The Doc also wanted me to keep a record of my dreams. He thought it might help if I wrote down all the details in my dreams and that it might help to purge all the bad shit out of my head and maybe my nightmares would eventually stop. _

_But my dreams were always about the same shit anyway. More often than not, I dreamed of the knife or the sounds of those fucking bats. I'd finally decided to just write down a detailed series of events of the night my parents were murdered and I was um, used and abused._

_James, the fucking bastard, had been a master at manipulating and mind-fucking a thirteen year old boy that's for damn sure. __**He**__ had explained over and over, how everything they did to me, and to my parents, was __**my**__ fault—and I had _believed_ him. I had _believed_ that I was bad and deserved all my fucking punishment. I still have days when I wake up thinking everything that happened was my fault.__It had taken the Doc years to convince me I was the victim and not the little whore __**he**__ told me I was. _

_Writing all that shit down didn't really help the nightmares, though. Actually, I think it just added more fuel to the fire, as I kept remembering new shit to dream about. After I finally finished writing everything down, I had let the Doc read it. The Doc had eventually given it back to me and shaking his head had said, "You're still blocking something important, son. You're going to have to deal with it sooner or later." That had made my stomach twist up with fear. What could be worse than everything I'd already remembered?_

After that, I had kept the journal hidden down in the bottom of my backpack, out of sight out of mind. I had kind of wanted to forget it was even in there. Oh God, what if someone reads it? Why in the hell haven't I taken that fucking thing out months ago and burned it. Maybe if I had burned it, I could have burned out all the bad memories, like I had burned out that fucking name that had been carved into my fucking right side. Yeah, that was the one scar I had inflicted on myself, but I'd rather see that ugly burn scar than that fucking name.

Deciding to call Angela, I pick up my phone and call the coffee shop hoping _somebody_ took the backpack inside and turned it in at the counter. On the third ring a smooth, sultry voice answers with, "Jazz 's Cup 'o Joe, Victoria speaking, would you like something _hot_… to drink today?"

"Umm, yeah, uh, I mean no, I mean c-c-can I speak to Angela, please?" Damn, I hate talking to people I don't know on the phone.

"Umm, Angela's a little busy right now. Is there anything I can do for you, sugar?"

Wondering where Angela could be, I try again. "Then could I speak to Bella, please?"

"Bella can't speak either, sug. She and Angela had some old friends surprise them by dropping in for a visit and they asked to not be disturbed for awhile. Why don't you just put yourself in my capable hands and tell me what the problem is? Maybe I can help."

Damn, I had completely forgotten about the old friends that Angela and Bella had been talking to when I left. Sighing, I ask, "Umm, has anyone found a backpack, either in the shop or out in front and turned it in for you guys to hold?"

"No, I'm sorry sugar. No one has turned anything in that I know of, but if you want to give me your name and number, I'll be happy to call you if they do."

"Um, thanks, uh, Victoria, if the backpack is found and turned in, could you just have Angela call Jasper? She should know the number.

"Sure thing, sugar, you have a great day, now."

I don't know what to do now. I guess I'll just have to wait and see if whoever finds my backpack will find my address inside and return it. I just hope they don't poke around too much in there and find the journal and read it. Why had I written down so many fucking details? It was embarrassing how easily the fucker had manipulated me. He'd even had me begging him to…

Shuddering at the memory, I stare off into space and think about Angela and Bella. What are the odds that they would be from the same town in which my life had been altered so horribly? I wonder who their old friends are. I don't recall seeing them around here before. And why had I reacted so negatively to Angela and Bella having friends in the first place? Am I so dependent on them that I'm jealous that they have old friends? I really need to get out and meet people and make friends of my own. Of course, just the thought of going out to meet people to try to make friends with, makes my stomach twist up with nerves.

Leaning back and closing my eyes again, I wonder if the beautiful green-eyed man would want to be my friend. I remember how concerned he had sounded for me as he held out his hand to help me. Sighing, I think of his green eyes, his kind smile, his worried voice, his tousled hair.

I also think about that shock that had run up my arm and through me when I grabbed his hand. I'd never felt anything like it before. I'd felt so alive. Which brings up the big question that I'd been pussy-footing around in my head ever since I got home, was I gay? If that seriously, painful hard-on I'd had earlier was any indication, then yeah, maybe. But what would that mean? How could I be gay after what happened?

Sitting back up, I frown as I think of the hurt look the green-eyed man had had on his face when I jerked my hand away, and the fleeting look of…lust?... right before. Did that mean _he_ might be gay and that he might like me?—_want_ me? If he did like me, would I ever want to, could I even bring myself to be with him—like_ that_? Thinking about it, I shudder again, although I'm not sure if I'm shuddering with dread and fear, or hope and desire, maybe both. How fucked up is that? I'd have a hell of a lot of questions for the Doc, later.

Looking over at the clock, I see its 1:00 in the afternoon, still four more hours before I see the Doc. My crazy assed run and panic attack has left me feeling sticky and sweaty and the nightmare just made me feel dirty inside and out, so I decide that I need to take a shower. Getting up, I go into my bathroom and turn on the hot water to heat up. After getting undressed, I avoid my reflection in the mirror and get in the shower. Standing under the almost scalding hot water, I let it relax my tensed up muscles.

Closing my eyes, I bow my head and just enjoy the feel of the water beating on the back of my neck and running over my naked body. Slowly soaping myself, I think of a pair of beautiful green eyes and the man they had been attached to. My hands move lower as I soap my body. Fuck, he had been beautiful. Feeling an unfamiliar ache and yearning in my groin, I open my eyes and look down in shock. Holy fuck! I've actually got another hard-on just from thinking about him!

Slowly, carefully, I reach down and touch it, almost afraid it will disappear. Gently running my fingertips up and down my shaft, I groan loudly. Oh fuck! I didn't realize it was going it feel that good. Breathing hard in anticipation and excitement, I take my shaft firmly in hand and slowly stroke the length of it, groaning even louder. Oh my fuck! That feels better than anything I've ever imagined.

Closing my eyes, I keep a pair of green eyes in my mind and my whole body begins trembling and shaking as I stroke a little faster. I can't stop myself from whimpering "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck" as I feel—something—building fast. Just a few strokes later, I'm crying out and grabbing onto the wall, trying to keep from falling as everything explodes in a bright, white light. Wave after wave of pure ecstasy almost overwhelms me as an orgasm rocks my body.

Leaning against the wall, weak kneed and shaking, I try to catch my breath and slow my racing heart. Smiling, I lean my head back and think—Oh my fucking hell, I had forgotten how good that feels!

My smile slowly slips from my face as I frown. What? My head spins in bewilderment as I slowly slide down the wall until I'm sitting on the floor of the shower. When? Hugging my knees to my chest, my breath hitches again and again as my body trembles. Oh, god! When? And then the tears come hot and heavy. I put my head down, sobbing uncontrollably, overwhelmed with a chaotic mix of confusing emotions: relief, pleasure, hope; guilt, shame, horror; elation, bliss; disgust, revulsion; desire, want, need; but above all—self-loathing. I sit there sobbing until the hot water runs out, and I'm shivering, my teeth chattering as the cold water flows over me.

Finally, getting myself under control, I slowly get up and turn off the water. Feeling emotionally drained, I limp out of the shower, grab a towel, and start drying myself off. Catching my reflection in the mirror, I watch as another tear spills over my red rimmed eyes and runs down my check.

When had I had an orgasm before? A distant memory tickles the edges of my consciousness, threatening to break through. No! Please, I don't want to remember! And then I'm running over to the toilet and falling to my knees, and I'm heaving as I puke again and again until there's nothing left but dry heaves and the shakes.

Trembling, I get up on shaky legs, brush my teeth, and drink a glass of water. Grabbing some fresh clothes out of the closet, I quickly get dressed, carefully keeping my mind blank. Limping into the living room, I sit on the couch and put my icepack back on my knee as I call a cab to take me to see the Doc. I think I'll just go and wait in his office until he has time to see me.

Later, I take the elevator down instead of the stairs as I go out to the waiting cab. After giving the driver the address, I get in and lay my head back with my eyes closed. We're about half way to the Doc's office when my stomach grumbles _loud_. Damn it Whitlock, first you're puking and now you're starving. You are one fucked up person. Sighing, I look up at the driver and ask, "Do you know where _Mamma's House_ is? Could you drop me off there, instead?"

The driver looks at me through the mirror saying, "Yeah, I know it, no problem." He keeps staring at me while he drives and finally quietly asks, "Your mom gone, too?"

I look at him in surprise, but I can feel his own sense of loss. So, I just as quietly reply, "Yeah, seven years now. You?"

He smiles sadly saying, "Yeah, four years for me. Cancer."

He looks at me again and I swallow as a tear runs down my face. Swallowing, I barely manage to say, "Murdered."

His eyes go wide with horror. "Oh fuck, man! I'm sorry."

Shaking my head, I look down and softly say, "No worries, you couldn't know."

"Still, that's just awful, man." Then a few minutes later he softly says, "Hey, we're here. Give Momma a hug from Garrett, ok?"

Looking up, I meet his eyes in the mirror and smile as I dig out the fare with a huge tip. "Thanks, I will. Here ya go, Garrett, keep the change."

_I had found 'Momma's House' about a month after the Doc and Charlotte helped me to get set up in my own place away from the hospital. I had been walking to an appointment with the Doc when I saw the sign—Momma's House—It had taken me weeks of walking by before I ever got up the nerve to investigate. Turns out it was a small family owned restaurant that served home cooking._

_It had taken a few more weeks of walking up to the door and looking in with longing, before I ever went in. Momma was an older, plump woman with a gentle face and gray hair that greeted everybody with warm hugs and kisses as if they were family. Momma had watched me with a look of sympathy and sadness each time I came to the door, looked in, and then turned away. Momma finally came and opened the door as I stood there one day and had opened her arms up and had said, "Come and give Momma a hug, son." _

_I had broken down crying as Momma held me. She had led me to a table in the back and called for Poppa to bring a bowl of homemade soup and a fresh loaf of bread. Momma had rocked me until I quit crying as she said, "It's ok, don't be embarrassed, sweetie. Everybody that finds their way to Momma's House usually does the same thing when they first come in." Momma said she hadn't realized when she named her restaurant, that all the lost motherless souls in Seattle would eventually find their way to her door. But she was glad they did. It helped ease the loss of her own children by welcoming everybody as family. _

When I walk in the door, Momma comes waddling up, giving me a big bear hug as she says, "Come in, come in! I haven't seen you in weeks, Jasper! Where have you been? Why are you limping? Poppa! Jasper has come in today! Bring him a big plate full of pork chops and all the fixin's." Then she laughs as she rubs my stomach saying, "This boy looks hungry!"

Laughing, I feel better already as Momma and Poppa both lavish me with the comfort of their love and hugs. I grin as Poppa brings me a serving platter so full of food it's trying to spill over the sides. "Oh, Momma…," I say, "the cab driver that dropped me off said to say that Garrett says, hi, and to send you his love."

"Oh, that Garrett is a good boy," Poppa says, as he heads back to the kitchen.

Momma gives me another hug. "Now I expect you to eat everything, son. You look like you've lost a couple of pounds and we can't have that." Then the door opens up and Momma jumps up to greet a lost looking girl who looks even younger than me. The girl breaks down crying when Momma hugs her and leads her to the back table calling for Poppa to bring some hot soup and a fresh loaf of bread.

My eyes tear up and I wipe at my face. I really love these people. After I eat every morsel on my plate, I hide some money under my plate. After Momma and Poppa had found out what happened to my parents, they refused to charge me anymore. But I don't want to take advantage of them and I love how they help other people, so I always leave extra money for them. I give Momma and Poppa a hug bye and walk to the Doc's office. Thankfully, my knee is already beginning to feel better.

Taking the elevator up to the Doc's office, I go in and look at the clock on the wall, 4:00. The Doc should be with his last patient right now, so I walk over to Maria's desk and pick up the small album of photos that she left out for me to look at. Flipping through the pages at the different poses of her, her husband, and the twins makes my heart ache. The twins look so innocent and I wonder if Maria will let me teach her newborns how to fight when they get older. You can never be too young to learn self-defense.

Maybe if I'd know how to defend myself, even a little bit…

The Doc opens the door and pokes his head out. When he sees me he grins. "Come on in, Jasper. I'm done a little early today."

After following the Doc into his office, I sit down, curling up in the oversized chair across from him. I shift around a little, getting more comfortable since I figure I'll be here for awhile. He asks if I want anything to drink or snack on while we talk and I decline. Then the Doc looks at me real serious saying, "Ok, Jasper, Maria tells me you had a nightmare last night and a panic attack today. Is that correct?"

Sighing, I nod and then say, "Yeah, Doc, it's been a pretty fucked up day for me. I kind of hyperventilated during my panic attack. I passed out and wound up having another nightmare this afternoon too. And then later on I…"

The Doc holds a hand up in a stopping motion, shaking his head he says, "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. We'll get to what happened today but first let's figure out what triggered your nightmare last night, shall we?" The Doc sits up straight, crosses his arms, and looks stern as he asks, "Alright, young man, what did you do? What did you do different last night that would trigger a nightmare?"

My face heats up and I slouch down in the chair as I say, "What makes you think I did something different last night?"

I swear the Doc is staring a hole through me as he says, "Jasper, stop avoiding the question and just tell me what you did."

Looking down, unable to meet the Doc's eyes, I say, "I, umm, I rented a video yesterday and watched it last night."

I look up when the Doc huffs, he gives me a withering look saying, "A video?"

Swallowing nervously, I say, "Umm, it was a, umm, porn video, Doc."

The Doc sighs, exasperatedly. "Jasper, how many times have I explained to you that trying to force the issue is not going to help? Eventually when your mind is ready, your body's physical reactions will resume normally." Shaking his head, the Doc says, "Ok, watching porn and trying to force yourself into having an erection is definitely the trigger for your nightmare." Still shaking his head, he picks up one of his journals and writes something down as he mumbles distractedly, "What am I going to do with you? By the way, exactly what kind of porn did you watch, Jasper?"

My face feels like its red enough to glow in the dark as I stutter out, "W-w-what you're talking about Doc? It was just—porn."

He doesn't even glance up from his writing as he quietly asks, "Was it boy on girl, girl on girl, boy on boy…what?"

Realizing what he's asking, my nose wrinkles in disgust as I say, "Oh! It was boy on girl, of course." Then, I frown as remember the upsetting ending and I say, "At least it was until the end. But I guess somebody had recorded over another movie because a different movie flashed for just a few seconds." I can't help but shudder as I look down, remembering it. Then glancing up the Doc, my face burns and I try to sound innocent as I ask, "Why would you think I'd want to watch one of the other kinds?"

The Doc looks at me sharply over the top of the journal and says, "Why, indeed." He sets the journal down again as he searches my face, looking for—I don't know what. Then he sits up saying, "Describe the few seconds of the other movie to me."

Damn, how does the Doc always know what I don't want to talk about? Swallowing again, my voice trembles as I say, "It was, umm, it was, umm, two men. O-o-one was in front of the other, and the guy in back was umm, he was reaching around and was, umm, he was stroking the other man, and th-th-that man was, umm, he was um, ejaculating."

The Doc sighs and very quietly says, "So one man was holding the other man's back up against his chest as he reached around and touched him, correct? And isn't this the same why you said James kept his hold on you all that night?"

My chest is heaving as I fight back tears and whisper, "Yes."

"Did watching this give you an erection or turn you on in the least, Jasper," He asks quietly.

"NO!" I yell. Then a tear tracks down my face as I whisper. "It made me feel so fucking ashamed and disgusted with myself. And for some reason—I kept thinking of when James held me and forced me to watch his friends beat my parents with the bats."

"Jasper…," the Doc is staring intently at me now. I swear his fucking eyes can see into my soul sometimes, "what was James doing while he made you watch that?"

Looking down, I swallow the bile rising in my throat. Reaching up, I quickly wipe the tears away, saying, "He was just holding me and telling me to watch and not close my eyes. We've been over this before, Doc."

The Doc sits back with a sigh and crosses one leg over his knee. "What did you do after the video was over?"

"Huh? Oh, I was kind of shook up so I took one of my anti-anxiety pills and went to bed." Damn, I hate it when the Doc starts switching subjects. I think he does it to confuse me.

The Doc picks his journal up again and asks, "How much of the dream do you remember?"

Taking a deep breath, I let it out and then say in a shaky, tear-filled voice, "Um, it's later in the night. After the three of them—you know—and James has that fucking knife, and he's giggling that fucking giggle in my ear, and he tells me how he wants to show me how he really likes to have a good time, and then he starts slicing me again and again, and it hurts so fucking bad, Doc. And then I woke up crying. At least I wasn't screaming that time…"

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I wish I could make the dreams go away and never come back. So what did you do when you woke up?"

Wiping at my face again, I say, "Well, I was really freaked, so took a couple of pills. Then, I decided to take a hot shower after I got myself under control, then…"

"Damn it, Jasper!" The Doc yells as he slaps the arm of his chair.

Jumping in surprise, I cower back in my chair. I've never heard the Doc mad at _**me**_ before.

The Doc takes a deep breath and lets it out before softly saying, "I apologize, son. I didn't mean to startle you Jasper." Then he shakes his head and sounds disappointed as he says, "But, there are doses on prescription bottles for a reason. You don't just randomly pop one every time you feel upset. Let me guess, you've been on an emotional rollercoaster all day. You've had the shakes and have had crying jags, intense moments of indecision and confusion. Oh and that probably explains the panic attack as well. Damn, I was really hoping we were on the verge of a breakthrough here, but it's just too much medication. Ok, don't take any pills tonight and just resume your normal prescribed dosage tomorrow night. I don't know what I'm going to do with you, Jasper!"

He's shaking his head, writing notes in his journal again, as if we're finishing up. But I still have so many questions!

Chewing nervously on my lip, I ask, "Doc?"

"Hmm, Jasper?" The Doc asks absentmindedly as he keeps writing.

My face heats up again as I look down and pick at a small hole in the arm of the chair I'm sitting in. Trying to sound nonchalant, I say, "Would it be wrong of me? If after all that happened—I wound up b-b-being gay?"

Doc freezes and stares at me for at least a full minute over the top of his journal while I squirm around in my chair embarrassed. The Doc slowly puts his journal and pen down and whispers so softly I barely hear, "Eureka, our breakthrough is finally beginning after all." Then in a normal voice he asks, "Why would you think you're gay, Jasper? And why would you think it would be wrong?"

Looking down, I feel embarrassed as I explain, "I kind of ran into somebody this morning, Doc. We literally plowed into each other in front of the coffee shop and we both fell on our ass."

The Doc looks amused as he asks, "And I'm assuming, since you're asking about being gay, that this somebody was a man?"

Looking up, I meet the Doc's eyes and grin as I say, "Yeah, and he was so fucking beautiful, Doc. When he helped me up, I took his hand and I swear, it was like grabbing onto a live wire. It made me feels so fucking alive!"

The Doc face lights up as he grins and says, "Was he attracted to you too? Did you get his name and number?"

My grin slips off and I sigh, "I think he might have been attracted to me. But I kind of freaked out and that's when I ran back to my apartment."

The Doc looks curious as he asks, "And you think, that because you thought a man was beautiful, that you're gay?"

Blushing again, I can't help but smile as I look down and say, "Doc, I got _hard_ looking at him. I got so hard it was fucking painful! Unfortunately, I kind of ran it off or lost it during my panic attack, not sure which."

The Doc's grin is back and he says, "You had an erection! That's fantastic! We're closer to our breakthrough than I thought!"

Laughing, I look at him and hold two fingers up saying, "I've had TWO fucking erections today, Doc!"

The Doc leans forward staring at me again as he quietly asks, "What was James doing when he made you watch, Jasper?"

My heart starts pounding in my chest as the memory starts to tickle my brain. Shaking my head, I yell. "No! I don't want to fucking remember!"

The Doc leans back and asks, "Why do you think it would be wrong if you were gay, Jasper?"

My head spins from the change in topics, but I sob out, "Wouldn't that mean…that… I liked it? That I _wanted_ them to do that to me?"

The Doc looks upset as he harshly says, "Don't be ridiculous, Jasper! Of course you didn't want to be repeatedly raped and tortured and of course you didn't enjoy it!"

Still sobbing, I ask, "Am I gay because of what they did?"

The Doc's face softens and he gently asks, "Jasper, son, don't you remember what you wrote about your friend, Peter?"

"Wh-wh-which part?" I ask, as I sniff back the tears.

The Doc searches my face again as he asks, "You boys were what 12? When you started sneaking out and skinny dipping in the moonlight?"

Nodding my head, I say, "Yeah close enough, I turned 12 later that summer and Peter had already turned 13."

He gives me a sad smile saying, "You remember you told me that you two would play in the water, wrestling and tickling each other until you were both trembling and then you boys would start laughing and teasing each other about dick sizes. Correct?"

Wiping at my eyes again, I nod saying, "Yeah, that's what I remember. Why?"

The Doc shakes his head saying, "Jasper, son, people don't tremble at being tickled. They laugh. I'm not sure if you two even realized what you were doing at the time. From what you've told me in the past, you both had led very sheltered lives. You once told me that your parents had never even discussed sex with you. But it's obvious you and Peter were touching and exploring each other's bodies until you were both aroused and trembling. From your descriptions, I don't think you two ever did anything more than stimulate each other's arousal. I don't believe either of you ever achieved climax or your memories of the time wouldn't have been quite so innocent."

The Doc leans forward and takes my hand. "Jasper. Son, you have to understand. It was only natural for you two to be curious at that age and start exploring your sexuality. And at the time, you were all each other had. If your friend had not responded so well to his shots and moved on without you, I'm guessing you two would have eventually progressed to more than just touching each other. So, no, Jasper, I don't think you are gay because of what happened to you that night. You were already gay. You just hadn't yet had the chance to discover it for yourself before that fucking monster, James, got his hands on you and fucked up your head and violated your body."

I sit stunned at the Doc's words, speechless. Tears run freely down my face as I try to process what he just told me.

The Doc gives my hand a squeeze then sits back again saying, "Now, tell me everything that happened today. I want to know everything you've done from when you woke up from your first nightmare until you arrived at my office this afternoon. I want to know everything, even how the different events made you feel."

Wiping my face, I clear my throat and tell the Doc everything that had happened, starting when I woke up from my first nightmare and ending with what I did in the shower and my physical and emotional reaction to it.

The Doc sighs and closes his eyes for a moment, and then he leans forward saying, "So, you finally got your wish and had an erection. And after, shall we say, stroking one off in the shower, you were overcome with shame and guilt when you _finally_ realized you'd had an orgasm before. Is that right?"

"Yes," I whisper with dread.

The Doc takes my hand again and gently asks, "What was James doing when he made you watch, Jasper?"

Meeting his eyes, I whisper, "I can't remember. I don't want to remember."

He squeezes my hand again and gently says, "Son, did you know that I've read all the crime scene reports? I've read all the forensic reports. I know who every drop of blood on the walls and floors belonged to in that house. I know who every trace of semen belonged to. I've interviewed the young deputy that you saved by sacrificing yourself to James and his fucking knife. He wasn't unconscious all night like everybody assumed. He was just too injured and out of it to move. He told me everything they did you, even the things you haven't remembered before today. Jasper, he sobbed his anguish at being unable to protect you. He told me he would have killed himself from all the guilt he felt from not saving _you_ but he didn't want the sacrifice you made to save him be in vain."

Pulling away, I cover my face with my hands sobbing in horror and shame at the thought of having a witness to that night. Oh God, he'd been in the same room the whole time!

I feel the Doc's arms as he gently hugs me and whispers into my ear, "Jasper, you were the victim that night. James manipulated you in monstrous ways. Son, I already know everything that happened. It's time for you to acknowledge it, so you can finally move past it. Remember, you are the victim. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Now tell me what James was doing to you when he forced you to watch your parents be beat to death by a couple of psychopaths with bats."

In between my sobs, I allow myself to remember…

_Swoosh! Crack! I scream in terror as I hear the solid sound of the wooden bat, as it connects with a skull, the metallic ping of the metal bat against a bone, I can hear my dad's screams. His screams slowly subside to an occasional moan and then to a roaring silence, unbroken except for the harsh breathing and forceful grunts from the men wielding the bats and the repeated sounds the bats make as they swoosh and whistle through the air, followed by the sickening solid cracks, the crunches, or the nauseating wet…squishy sounds. _

_And then James is whispering in my ear again, "I'll protect you, precious. All you have to do is be a good boy and please me. You want to please me don't you? I won't let anyone will hurt you. I promise." _

_Terrified, I had clung to him sobbing, believing him, promising to be good, to do anything if he would just protect me and keep me safe from the men with the bats. "Please, James, I'll do anything to please you! Please, protect me. I'll be a good boy. I won't be bad anymore, I promise. Please. You own me, I belong to you. Don't let them hurt me." I plead, as the sound of the bats turns my stomach with fear._

_James grins with malignant glee as he says, "Just remember you have to please me and be good or that will be you getting your head bashed in boy." He kisses and nuzzles against my neck and cheek saying, "That's my good sweet boy. Such a good boy deserves a reward." He rubs his jean clad body roughly over my naked butt and I can feel how hard he is and I whimper in fear. He slides his hand down and strokes my—down there. He'd been squeezing me so hard it hurt, all night, but this is different. It feels slow and gentle. It feels good, like when Peter and I played the tickle game. I feel myself getting hard in his hand and he giggles in my ear. _

_His hot breath is on my neck as he licks and bites and giggles and whispers, "Don't close your eyes, I want you to see what will happened if you disobey me, boy." _

_Whimpering, I try to be a good boy and not resist him. He promised he'd keep me safe. My heart is pounding and I'm shaking from head to toe as I watch the men with the bats. They hit my dad, again and again and James is stroking me in the same rhythm of the bats. Then he speeds his hand up, faster and faster. My breathing is coming in gasps, as I start to feel something building deep inside me. _

_But then James slows down and barely touches me. Moaning, I bite my lip, trying not to whimper or protest, I have to be a good boy. But I'm shaking from something other than fear now. I'm aching deep inside, needing—something. Not sure even what I'm begging for, I whisper, "Please, James."_

_James giggles in my ear again, and his free arm tightens around my waist. He holds me tight against his chest while his other hand starts stroking me, hard and fast. It builds much faster this time as I tremble and whimper. And then my body convulses and I see stars as I cry out. James kisses my cheek and licks my neck as he says. "Good boy, precious. See how I reward you when you're a good boy. You make me so happy when you're good."_

_James giggles and sucks on my neck before whispering, "Oh yeah, you liked that didn't you, my sweet little precious?" Nodding and panting, I lean back against James feeling lightheaded. But he giggles in my ear again saying, "Look at you, boy. You're such a selfish, little bastard getting excited and feeling good like that, while your dad is getting his head bashed in."_

_Stiffening in shock, I'm overwhelmed with guilt and horror as I realize—I liked that. I was _enjoying_**that**__ while my dad was being killed right in front of me. What kind of a horrible son, was I? _

_James' arm tightens painfully around my cracked ribs as he whispers. "You've been such a bad boy, precious. I'll protect you from the bats, but now I have to punish you. Why do you make me punish you? It's your fault I'm going to have to hurt you now. Say it."_

_I wail out in my shame and horror. "I'm sorry I'm so bad! It's my fault you have to hurt me. I'm sorry I'm a selfish bastard. I'm sorry you have to punish me, James." But really, I want him to hurt me. I deserve to be hurt for liking that in front of my parents. What was wrong with me! I must never like that again! I must never do that again. I was such a horrible son. I deserve everything he does to punish me. I'm so bad…._

Sobbing from the humiliation and revulsion of it all, I tell the Doc how James had caused me to have my very first orgasm as I watched my parents being murdered.

The Doc sits back to give me breathing room and then he gently rubs my back as he quietly says, "Jasper, just because James manipulated your body into having a physical reaction to his stimuli, doesn't mean you wanted that to happen. You are still a victim regardless of your physical reactions, son. You have to keep in mind that it's going to be ok for you to enjoy the touch of someone that _you_ want to touch you, now. You're going to have to learn to enjoy achieving an orgasm without the guilt. James was a true monster, Jasper. Some days I wish you hadn't killed the fucker, so I could kill him myself for everything he did to you."

My sobs slowly subside as I think about everything the Doc has told me. Finally, almost afraid of the answer, I ask, "Is that everything? Have I remembered it all now? Did the deputy tell you anything else that I haven't remembered?"

The Doc squeezes my shoulder once then sits back in chair and asks, "Do you remember stabbing James, Jasper?"

"What? Oh, uh…not exactly, but I know I did it. I just remember all hell breaking loose when the police stormed the house and the knife going into my leg when James got shot. And then I remember looking at James and the knife was sticking out of his throat and I was screaming as his blood kept shooting all over me. That was right before I took my trip to nowhere."

The Doc gives me another sad look as he says, "Then yes, Jasper, you've remembered everything. It will take you time to process everything we've talked about today, son, but I think the worst of the hurdles are finally over. The nightmares may never go away completely. But I think, now that you're not suppressing memories that you will finally start on that road normalcy that you're always longing for." Then the Doc smiles saying, "Now, one more extremely important thing we have to talk about Jasper."

"What," I ask with dread.

The Doc waggles his eyebrows at me grinning and saying, "Sex!"

Groaning, I cover my face, embarrassed.

"Jasper, I believe now that your mind and body are co-operating with each other again, that you're going to find your libido kicking into overdrive, making up for lost time, so to speak. You're going to discover all those erections you've been whining about not having, are going to be popping up at the most inconvenient times. I suggest you take yourself in hand boy. You've got some pipes to clean out." And the fucker laughs at me!

After the Doc stops laughing, he sighs and looks at me seriously as he softly says. "Son, you're going to want to meet people and go out with them. Most people are going to assume that at your age you know all about sex and are experienced. Now unless you want to be pressured into doing something you're not ready for, you're going to have to explain to any potential lover that they're going to need a fucking lot of patience and tender guidance while being with you. And that means you're going to have to learn to share your past with people. What happened to you is not shameful, son. It's tragic. Now, if you meet someone that you care enough for that you want to experience sex with them, and you're unsure how to tell them of your past. Then bring them to speak to me. I don't want you to experience anything traumatic while dating. I don't want you to lose any of your progress."

We chat a bit longer and I leave. My step actually feels lighter as I head out for home. I decide to walk the distance so I have time to think through all the things we talked about. My knee was feeling better, but I think I probably pushed it a little by walking home. By the time I get to my building, I have to take the elevator up because I'm limping again. Damn.

I get back to my apartment by 6:30 and put a fresh ice pack on my knee. Sitting on the couch, I close my eyes for a bit. Listening to the silence, a wave of loneliness washes over me, I'm so fucking sick of being alone all the time.

Of course, me being the growing boy I am, my stomach starts growling. Damn, after my long walk home, I'm starving. Getting up, I limp back into the kitchen. Thankfully, the swelling is already going down again and my knee is feeling a little better. Going through my cabinets, looking for something to eat, I find microwave popcorn and potato chips in the cabinet and sodas in the fridge.

Damn, I'd really rather be sinking my teeth into a nice, rare, juicy steak but I don't really feel up to the hike to my favorite restaurant. Hmm, I need to order some more snack foods from the grocery store and have them delivered. I guess I really should learn how to cook and buy some real groceries sometime.

Sighing real big, I decide to have an extra-large supreme pizza delivered, and some Buffalo wings, and some breadsticks, and for dessert some baked cinnamon sticks. What? I'm a growing boy and I need to eat. After first checking to make sure I got plenty of cash, I then call in my order and give them my address. Figuring I'm in for the rest of the day, I decide to go ahead and change out of my jeans into something more comfortable for lounging. So, I go into my bedroom and kick off my shoes, socks, jeans and boxers and long sleeved t-shirt.

Grimacing at my hideous reflection in the mirror, I pull on a pair of loose, black sweats, a black tank top, and an absolutely humongous long-sleeved, gray and black plaid, flannel shirt that's so thin and worn, it's full of holes. It had belonged to my Dad. He had been a big man, like lumberjack big. I always wear it when I've had a bad day. I find it comforting, somehow. I leave it unbuttoned and roll the sleeves up a couple of rolls, but not enough for my scars to show, too much. I stay barefooted and go back into the living room and turn on some calmng music to listen to while I wait for my food. I'm tired of listening to the lonely silence.

Kicking back, I zone out as Norah Jones' soft voice fills my apartment. I think I must have nodded off because when the doorbell rings, I jump a foot off the couch, startled out of my reverie with my heart pounding. Putting my hand over my heart, I think—Get a grip fucker. It's just your fucking pizza. Somebody downstairs must have let the deliveryman in.

Jumping up, I go to the door and open it. The deliveryman is there with a stack of food that smells so good that my mouth starts watering. I have to swallow before I start drooling. Thanking him, I pay for it adding a huge tip for getting it here so fast.

Taking the food over to the coffee table in front of the couch, I turn off my music. Then I go over to my movie collection to pick out something to watch. I finally decide on Dracula, from 1931, with Bela Lugosi. I love old black and white vampire movies. I hate the blood and gore in all the modern films. I've already had a life time of blood and gore.

After grabbing a soda out of the fridge, I'm just curling back up on the couch and opening my boxes of totally unhealthy, hot, yummy pizza and Buffalo wings, when the doorbell rings again. Crap, now what? Did I not give the deliveryman enough money? Pausing my movie, I run over and throw open the door.

Oh my fucking hell…

It's the green-eyed man.


	4. Chapter 4

**This has been my first attempt at fanfic and y'all have blown me away with all the kind reviews.**

**I was really nervous about posting that last chapter, it's pretty graphic in places.**

**I'm still dealing with some sensitive subjects here but things will be slowly getting better.**

**Disclaimer: I'm still not Stephanie.**

* * *

**Gasping for Air**

**Chapter 4**

**EPOV**** (Tuesday continued…)**

Still clutching the backpack, I turn to leave. I haven't even taken a half dozen steps when I hear the hyperactive pixie behind me. "I knew I saw that wild head of hair of yours at the door. Where do you think you're trying to sneak off to, mister? Everybody's waiting for you! Haul your ass back here and get inside right now!"

I growl under my breath, "Damn, that pixie's either got eyes in the back of her head or she's psychic." Then louder I say, "Come on Alice! I'm really in no mood to talk to Bella again. I mean, it can't be that hard to understand how embarrassing it is to find out your ex-girlfriend was so impressed with your sexual exploits she turned lesbian."

"What sexual exploits, little Eddie, aren't you still the last American virgin?" Alice says sarcastically while rolling her eyes. Then she mumbles something under her breath that sounds suspiciously like, "In denial much?"

"Don't call me, little Eddie, Alice! I am NOT the vampire kid from 'The Munsters'. And yes, Bella and I never did the deed, but still…" I whine, already knowing I'm not going to win.

"Bella and Angela have both already asked about you. And Bella told me she has something important to talk to you about." Then she practically yells, in that irritating as hell, I will not take 'NO' for an answer tone she gets. "So get your skinny, yet shapely ass inside the coffee shop right now Edward Cullen!"

I swear her voice is so loud, that everybody in ear shot turns to look at my ass! I flush red when I realize several of the gawkers are men. I hiss at her, when I pass her. "Leave my ass out of it! Damn, you sure know how to embarrass a guy in public, Alice!" I practically run towards the door as her tinkling laughter following me inside.

I run inside and I'm immediately almost knocked back on my ass as Bella and Angela plow into me laughing and hugging and kissing me. I'm suddenly filled with relief as I realize I don't feel in the least bit awkward at seeing Bella again. So I return their laughter and give each of them a hug and a big loud smacking kiss on the cheek as they start dragging me to the booth where Rose and Emmett are sitting and waiting.

We decide to move to a larger booth that will seat everybody and start visiting and catching up. I notice Angela giving me a strange look as she stares at the backpack I'm clutching, but she doesn't say anything about it. Bella eventually leans over and says, "Edward can I talk to you in private for a moment?"

Ok, now I feel awkward, but I agree and she drags me back to the manager's office and closes the door behind us. We stand there staring at each other for a moment and then Bella quietly says, "I owe you an apology."

Ok, now I'm awkward… and confused. "What do you need to apologize for Bella?"

Bella smiles a sad smile and says, "For using you like I did our senior year. I was beginning to realize then that I was attracted to women instead of men and I was in denial. I know now I only dated you because I knew you'd be safe and would never try anything with me. I pushed you into what we did prom night as a last ditch effort to 'fix' myself. I've worried for years that it's my fault you're still, um...wearing that ring and that you're so alone now. My fault you haven't met anyone yet. My fault you can't even admit…Oh! Sorry. Damn, I knew I should have asked Angela in here. Just forget I said that."

"Admit what? That I'm gay?" I ask, trying to look nonchalant about the whole thing even though I'm still kind of freaked out.

Bella's jaw drops to the floor and she starts stammering, "What? I thought they said… Oh my god, Edward! When did you finally figure it out?"

I flush red and say, "Oh about 30 minutes ago." I sigh as I think about the blue eyed man and that _moment_ when time had seemed to stop.

"What! Tell me what happened! No wait! We have to tell everybody! Come on." Then Bella grabs my arm and starts dragging me back out to our booth even though I'm protesting the whole way. We stop at the booth and Bella grins and says, "Edward has something to tell everybody!"

I look at Bella like she's crazy. I'd forgotten what a stupid twit she could be. I mean come on! I haven't even had time to process things in my own mind yet and she wants me to come out to my family already?

I close my eyes and think, 'What the hell I said I was done hiding. I can do this.' So I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then I look up and meet everybody's eyes and say, "Guys, this may come as a shock but I've come to the conclusion that… I'm gay."

And they just keep sitting there, staring at me like they're still waiting for my announcement. Finally, Emmett burst out laughing and says, "Damn, kid, does this mean you're finally going to get laid?"

Rose rolls her eyes and says, "Dramatic much? Now tell us something we haven't known since you were a teenager."

I just stare at them in shock. "You knew? Wait, how did…? Hell, I didn't even…"

Alice grins and says, "Edward dear, pay them no mind. Now, tell me all about him! Who is he? When did you meet? Is he handsome? Is he good in bed?"

I look at the pixie and say, "Whoa! Come on, none of you are shocked in the least? And for goodness sake, I haven't been to bed with anybody! And who said I met somebody?"

Rose gives me a small smile and says, "So then tell us what has caused this life changing event since I spoke to you last night, Edward. Did you or didn't you meet somebody?"

I sigh and say with a grin, "Yeah, okay, I guess you could say I met somebody. I literally got swept off my feet, sis. Or should I say, knocked on my ass? We ran into each other earlier, but I don't even know his name…yet." As I say 'yet' I clutch the backpack to me.

Angela gives me another strange look and asks, "Where did you get that backpack, Edward?"

"He dropped it when we ran into each other. He was coming out of the shop, as I was coming in the wrong door. We slammed into each other and we both fell on our asses. When I went to help him up and our eyes met, I swear I just got lost in them. And when our hands touched, it was electrifying, kind of like how dad always described when he first met and touched mom. I swear it shocked me all the way down into my soul." Then I sigh real big.

Emmett snorts loudly and says, "The boy has got it bad, Rosie. So where is he, Edward?"

I blush and say, "I think I scared him off, because he literally jerked his hand away and ran from me."

Angela says, "If he dropped that backpack, then his name is Jasper Whitlock. Jasper's very quiet and shy, Edward. I've never seen him even look at guys or girls, so I don't have a clue if he's straight or gay."

"Jasper…" I let his name roll off my tongue…it fits him. I sigh again.

Alice gives Angela a surprised look then turns back to me and says, "What did he look like, Edward? Is he handsome?"

Turning to Alice I say, "Oh Alice, he's just so….so…." and at the same time, Angela, Bella and I all say at the same time…"adorable!"

I start laughing as Angela and Bella start giggling. Alice, Rose and Emmitt are staring at all of us as if we've lost our minds.

Angela tells them, "He's here every day guys, so I know you will meet him eventually. Jasper is so sweet and kind hearted. But he's so bashful, he reminds me of a lost little boy looking for a friend. He has this vulnerability about him and yet an inner strength that shines through when you least expect it." Angela frowns thinking, then carefully says. "I think I said something to upset him this morning. Did he seem ok to you when he left Edward?"

I nod my head and say, "Yeah, but I think I might have hurt him when I knocked him down. He had tears running down his face."

Still in deep thought, Angela shakes her head and says. "No, I think if Jasper was upset and crying, it was from what I said earlier. He never leaves as early as he left today. He usually hangs out for 5 to 6 hours here at the shop, every day."

I can't imagine Angela ever saying anything upsetting to anybody, so I still think that I must have hurt Jasper when I knocked him down. But I'm curious about Jasper hanging out at a coffee shop all day so I ask, "Does Jasper not work then? I mean he's not like homeless or something is he?" How am I going to find him again if he doesn't have a place to live?

Bella bursts out laughing and says, "Hardly! As a matter of fact, he's the one…"

"Bella, we promised." Angela says quietly.

Bella blushes a bright red as she says, "Oops, sorry."

"Angela?" I ask. "You said he comes in here every day?" Angela nods her head and I say, "I know I should probably leave the pack here in case Jasper comes looking for it. But if you trust me with it, I'd like to take it home and see if he has his address or phone number inside. I'd like an opportunity to speak to him alone, if that's ok. Of course, if I can't find anything, I'll bring it back first thing in the morning."

Angela smiles and says, "Of course I trust you with it Edward. If you don't find anything inside it tonight, I'm sure you'll have the chance to meet Jasper again here at the shop tomorrow morning."

Smiling with relief, I say. "Thanks, Angela, you're the greatest."

We all sit and visit for a several more hours and even eat a light lunch there at the coffee shop. I finally manage to make my getaway around 3:30 to head for my apartment. Now I wish I had driven this morning. I was in such a hurry to get home and look for a phone number or address. I need to properly introduce myself to the man I ran into this morning! I think about hailing a cab but then decide to go ahead and walk, so I can take the time to think things through on the way home.

I don't remember ever being so attracted to anybody in my life. Running into Jasper this morning was like having a veil lifted from my eyes and the thought of seeing him again has my heart racing. Oh god, what will if I do if he isn't interested in me? The very thought makes my stomach knot up with worry. Could I settle for just being his friend if that's all he's interested in? The thought makes my heart ache but I decide that yes, I'll take whatever I can get.

But what if he does want more? My whole body pulses in tune with my heartbeat at the thought of kissing him, holding him. I'm practically aching to wrap my arms around him and hold him.

My pulse quickens even more as I think what if Jasper wants _MORE_ than kissing and cuddling Edward? Are you ready for that? My stomach knots up and I swallow nervously. What if Jasper expects me to already be experienced and to already know how to do things? Damn, I'll just have to explain to him that I'm inexperienced and we'll have to go slow but that I want him to teach me everything. Shaking my head, I think, 'Quit getting ahead of yourself Edward. First find him, then meet him and follow his lead. Watch him for signs to see if he's even interested in you.'

Finally getting to my apartment, I carefully set the backpack on my dining table. I re-examine the outside of the pack just to be positive there isn't any identification on it before I decide to unzip it. As I unzip the backpack, I start feeling guilty. I feel like I'm betraying Jasper's trust.

I step back and nervously run my hands through my hair. 'Come on Edward, you're only looking for an address.' I slowly finish unzipping the pack and look inside. I pull each item out and place it on the table while keeping a mental tab on where everything is in the pack. I finally empty the pack and set it down on the floor after making sure there aren't any numbers or addresses written on the inside of the pack.

I look at the items I've laid out on the table. There's a sketchpad, a zipper bag that appears to be full of charcoal and colored pencils, a half empty water bottle, a half dozen granola bars, a wadded up and wrinkled long sleeved t-shirt, and what looks like a journal.

I pick up the shirt and hold it to my nose and inhale a deep breath, breathing in Jasper's scent. Wow. Just…wow. I can't get enough of it. Finally, I set the shirt down with trembling hands. Picking up the zipper bag, I open it up and rifle through it, just to make sure there's nothing inside with writing on it. I zip it back up and set it aside then pick up the sketch pad next and carefully open it. I look on the inside cover and bingo! ...name and address. I go over to my desk and grab a pad and pen and write it all down.

After I finish writing, my eyes come to rest on the drawing on the first page and almost bug out. The detail is amazing! It's a sketch of a business woman sitting in a booth sipping coffee and looking very professional, but at the same time there is a look of loneliness and yearning as her eyes stare at a man a couple of booths away with his back to her. I've never seen such detail in sketches or drawings before. I turn the page and it's a drawing of an old man and woman sitting across from each other at a booth and holding each other's hand as they stare into each other's eyes with a look of serenity and love. I've never seen sketches that were able to express emotions the way these do.

As I keep turning the pages, I realize all the drawings are from inside the coffee shop looking toward the same booths by the windows. I go back to the beginning and start flipping through again and pay more attention to the scenery outside the windows. Jasper obviously spends a lot of time at the shop, I can literally see the seasons changing from spring to summer in the details outside.

I flip through the pad and come to the last drawing and I'm amazed to see it's my brother and sisters at the coffee shop. Jasper must have worked on this right before he left this morning. I grin at how well Jasper managed to capture each of their personalities. Emmett has his arm around Rose and his face is lit up with amusement, his head is thrown back with laughter and you can practically hear his booming laugh. Rose has her hand on Emmett's chest and is looking up at him with a look of both exasperation and love shining on her face. Alice looks like she's vibrating with excitement as she waves at somebody outside the drawing.

I'm truly amazed by Jasper's talent and wonder if he does this for a living and if so, if I could convince him to illustrate my next book? I may ask him at a later point but first I have to meet him again!

I close my eyes and think about that_moment_ this morning. Was it real? It felt real, at least to me. I had never felt so alive as when Jasper touched my hand! He had seemed just as shocked by our moment of contact as I had. I wonder what he thinks about our meeting, or if it was even as memorable to him as to me.

Looking at the journal, I reach for it and then stop and think as my hand keeps hovering over it. 'Do not go there Edward. You've found what you were looking for. You've already pushed it looking through his sketches. Do not pick up that journal and look in it.' I pull my hand away and pinch the bridge of my nose trying to make up my mind. I feel guilty enough after going through Jasper's sketches but my curiosity is burning through me. Maybe if I just look on the inside of the cover, perhaps there's a phone number there. Ok, just a quick peek at the inside cover and nothing more.

Using just one finger, I carefully lift the cover and look on the inside…nothing…but then my eyes fall on the first page and I read what is written there. "_**My name is Jasper Whitlock and this is an account of the night that forever changed my life.**_"

I smile and think with Rosie's sarcastic voice in my head, dramatic much? I let the cover to the journal fall closed and then carefully put everything back inside the pack in the same order I pulled it out, folding the shirt neatly before placing it inside and replacing the water bottle with a fresh unopened one. I look at the clock and I'm surprised its almost 5:30. I must have spent more time looking through Jasper's sketches than I thought. I decide I should take a shower and put on fresh clothes before I head to Jasper's place to take his pack to him. I want to make a good impression.

I head to the bathroom and I'm just about to turn on the water in the shower, when I pause and wonder what kind of event Jasper would be writing about that could have forever changed his life? The possibilities are endless. My curiosity is killing me. Maybe if I just read a page to get the general gist of what he's writing about. Would that be wrong? Of course, it's wrong Edward! Damn it. Do not go there!

I turn the hot water on and take off my shirt and I'm just about to undo my pants when I pause again. Then I turn to the shower and turn off the water and go back to the backpack and pull the journal out from the very bottom. I take it with me to my living room and sit down on my couch and open the cover again. Then, feeling guiltier than hell, I start reading.

"_**My name is Jasper Whitlock and this is an account of the night that forever changed my life." **_

I grin again and turn the page and keep reading.

"_**Yeah, ok that even sounds stupid to me. This is me rolling my eyes!"**_

I laugh out loud at his comment.

"_**The Doc said he wanted me to write about my relationship with my childhood friend Peter. He hoped in writing about what I can remember of that relationship, that it will help me out some day in my future friendships and relationships. Personally, I think you're full of shit, Doc, but I thought I'd go ahead and humor your ass." **_

I laugh at that last comment, then frown wondering what kind of doctor Jasper's seeing that has him writing in a journal. Is he seeing a psychiatrist? I wonder why?

"_**The Doc also suggested I start a journal of my dreams as part of the 'long term healing process' as he puts it. Oh, and to be as accurate and detailed as I can in my descriptions. But frankly, since I dream practically the same shit every night, I figured it might be more constructive to just write down everything I can remember about that night. Yeah, yeah, Doc, I know I'm not following your strict rules…so bite me. Anyways, I don't know if this shit will help but reckon it can't hurt. So here goes…"**_

I laugh out loud at his telling the doctor to 'bite me', but my eyes keep going back to the words 'dreams' and 'long term healing process'. So something must have happened to Jasper that he's still dealing with. Something he keeps dreaming about.

"_**I was born in Houston, Texas with a rare skin condition that pretty much prevented me from tanning, not that I'm an albino or anything. It's just that any time I go out in the direct sunlight my skin will blister up pretty damn fast. More of an allergy to bright sunlight than because of UV rays. Needless to say, Texas has a hell of a lot of direct sunlight. So, I spent most of the first 12 years of my life in the fucking house. I only had one real friend in all that time and that was Peter." **_

Well, I guess that explains why he looked so pale to me. Thinking back to my own childhood filled with an ever changing rotation of new siblings to play with, I feel bad for Jasper that he'd only had one friend growing up.

"_**Peter's family moved next door to ours when he was nine and I was almost eight. Peter had severe contact allergies. Any kind of contact with grass or practically any other kind of plant for that matter, and Peter would blister up almost as bad as I did in the sun. So we two freaks became the best of friends and we did everything together…play together, eat together, wrestle together, sleep together … we were inseparable."**_

I stop and lean my head back and close my eyes as I try to figure out why I suddenly feel jealous. Come on, Edward. Seriously man, Jasper had one friend growing up and you're jealous it wasn't you? Hell you didn't even live in the same state! Get over it! Shaking my head, I resume my reading.

"_**As we got older, we would sneak outside to play…a lot. Of course our bodies had always tattled on us by blistering up and then our parents would ground us, as if our whole lives weren't one big grounding already. Our last summer together, I think Peter was thirteen by then and I was fixing to turn twelve, we'd sneak out at night and I'd piggyback Peter down to the lake we lived near and we'd go skinny dipping in the moonlight.**_

"Skinny dipping!" I say shocked.

"_**We'd play in the water, wrestling around and tickling each other until we were panting and trembling. Then we'd laugh at each other and make fun of how small each other's dick was. Hey, it's a guy thing. It was great being young and enjoying life. We'd play for hours after that, splashing water and dunking each other until we were exhausted then we'd sneak back inside the house and talk half the night away, sharing our hopes and dreams for the future and then we'd curl up in bed together and sleep the sleep of the innocent." **_

Something sounds off in Jasper's descriptions to me, 'tickling each other until we were panting and trembling'? I close my eyes and try to imagine it, two boys playing in the moonlight, swimming naked and wresting, then fingers ghosting over each other's sides, chests, stomachs… lower… until they are both panting and trembling? I frown as jealousy gnaws at my insides from the description of this intimate act. Seriously, does he not even know what they were doing?

"_**After Peter turned thirteen, he started receiving some new kind of allergy shot every week and his condition actually started to improve. Peter was able to go out into the world and I was left behind. Peter would still come by occasionally, but it just wasn't the same and the visits became fewer and fewer. Peter was no longer a freak like me. He made new friends and moved on." **_

Good, I think. Peter was older than you. He had to know what he was doing with you. You were better off without him. Seriously, you can't really think you were a freak, Jasper. I've never met anybody who has managed to make such an impact on me as you did in the few minutes that we met this morning.

"_**My Mom had come in to my room one day to find me in tears. She had not realized the depth of my new loneliness without Peter in my life. She'd had a brainstorm and confronted my Dad about moving to the northern peninsula of Washington State. It was supposed to be one of the cloudiest, rainiest places in the U.S. Hell, there's even a fucking rainforest there! It would be a perfect place for me to live an almost normal life out of the bright sunlight." **_

I suddenly feel ashamed that I was happy Jasper's friend moved on without him. Jasper had such a lonely childhood and then lost the one person who understood his loneliness, his one and only friend up to that point. You're such a selfish bastard, Edward. Trying to defend myself in my mind I think; but at least it moved Jasper to where we could meet today.

"_**Mom informed my Dad he could still run his business, but out of Seattle. Hell, he had to take a business trip there 3 or 4 times a year anyway. Dad had balked at first but my Mom put her foot down. Now, Texas men can be mighty stubborn, but we ain't got nothin' on Texas women when it comes to being stubborn. And so a month after my 13**__**th**__** birthday found us finally moving!"**_

I smile, imagining a woman who looks a lot like Jasper stomping her foot and insisting that she would be having her way or else. I love her already. I can't wait to meet her.

"_**It was our first full day in Washington and we had just moved into our new house. We had spent our day with me giggling and my Dad grumbling as we had to move furniture hither and yonder because my Mom couldn't make up her mind where she wanted what. Finally, after Dad and I moved everything a half dozen times only for all of it wind up being exactly where it started from, my Dad had laughed and refused to move anything else. Dad had then chased me and Mom outside and we ran all around the new place with Dad tickling and kissing Mom and wrestling and tickling me. I reveled in the freedom of being outside without worry of the sun forcing me back in. It had been one of the best days of my life."**_

I wondered what town Jasper's family had moved to here in Washington? I grin, thrilled that Jasper finally found his normal life where he could run outside. His parents sound fantastic. I hope someday, if things go the way I'm hoping they will that Jasper will take me to meet them. I can hardly wait to see him again! I can't wait for my parents to meet him. I just know my Mom will love his adorable looks!

"_**Mom had cooked up something extra special for our first meal in our new place and we were just sitting down to eat when the door bell rang. My Dad had got up to answer the door and Mom had followed him into the living room to see who it could be. She had heard that a doctor and his family had just moved into the huge house, down the dirt road across the highway from us earlier in the week. Perhaps it was them here to welcome us to the area. I had stayed at the table grumbling that our food was going to get cold if our company stayed long, or worse I'd have less to eat if they stayed and my parents decided to share. Yeah, I was selfish spoiled little 13 year old bastard. I admit it."**_

I burst out laughing at his confession for being selfish at 13. God weren't we all, I think as I remember our own move to Washington from Chicago, when I was 15. My father's attempt to work less and spend more time with his family…more time with his son who had become convinced his father cared more for work than in spending time with him.

"_**As I sat there pouting, I had heard voices being raised then I heard something I had never heard before in my life. My mother screamed. Then there was the sound of something heavy falling and glass breaking. To say I was in shock and scared would be an understatement. I had quietly crept to the door and peaked into the living room to see my Dad lying on the floor with blood running down his face and my Mom kneeling by him crying. There were two men I had never seen before standing over them and laughing. My Dad had looked up and met my eyes and mouthed the words "run." **_

_**As I had turned to run, someone had grabbed me from behind and said, "Where do you think you're going, boy?"**_

The smile slips off my face and my blood runs cold as I swallow thickly and close the journal. I will not read anymore without Jasper's permission. Hell, Edward, you didn't have any business reading this much! My curiosity is still taking on a life of its own and is consuming me. But I have a feeling if I read any more now without his permission that I will permanently damage any chances the two of us of will ever have at having a relationship, if I haven't already. Guilt is eating away at my insides. Why couldn't I have just left the journal alone!

I return the journal to the bottom of the pack and go take my shower. After my shower, I try to figure out what to wear. Maybe I should call Alice and ask her? My cell phone rings and I run into the bedroom where I had left it and look to see who it is. Oh of course, psychic pixie strikes again. How does she do that? "Hello, Alice. What's up?"

"I was just calling to see if you found an address or phone number and if you were going to go meet your dream man, sweetie?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, I found his address and I was just trying to pick out something to wear. As if you didn't know…any suggestions?"

Alice just giggles and says, "You give me too much credit, Edward. I just now got home and thought I'd call to see if anything had happened yet. I actually thought you might already be there. What's taking you so long? It's 6:30. You left the shop hours ago."

I flush red with my guilt and say, "I kind of got side tracked, Alice. Listen, I never did find Jasper's phone number. Do you think it would be rude if I just popped up at his door?"

"Don't be ridiculous! There may be something important in the pack that he will need tomorrow! Of course you should return it tonight. Oh and before I get off here, be sure to wear some loose jeans and a button up shirt but nothing too fancy."

"Whoa, who are you and what did you do with Alice? Nothing…fancy!"

"Oh please," Alice says sarcastically, "I can do casual. Besides, I figure you're going to wear jeans no matter what I say. But you want your jeans loose, in case you need to maneuver. Just make sure they show your ass off nicely, dear. And at least with a button up shirt, you'll look a little dressier and it'll be much easier to get it off….if something comes up."

"Alice!" I yell mortified but she's already hung up on me. Running my hands through my hair, I wonder, what exactly does Alice think I'm going over there to do tonight? My hearts starts hammering as I start thinking up different scenarios that would end with my shirt coming off. Swallowing nervously, I wonder what kind of maneuvering would need loose jeans.

I go and pick out a pair of jeans and put them on. Then feeling embarrassed as hell, I go look at my ass in the mirror. Nope too baggy. I pick out and try on 3 more pairs until I think I'm going with the right look. Every time I check my ass out in the mirror, my face is a little redder than the last. Then I go look for a shirt and grab the first t-shirt I come across and put it on. I'm about to leave the apartment when I turn around. With my face feeling like it's burning with a high fever and my heart hammering at the thought of it coming off, I change into a button up shirt. Damn irritating as hell pixie! I grab my keys and Jasper's backpack then head out.

I go to the address I found in his backpack and as I'm going up to the door, I realize that I need to be buzzed in to get inside. Damn, I had kind of wanted to surprise Jasper with a face to face meeting. But just as I get to the front door, a pizza delivery man is coming out. I hold the door open for him as he exits and then I slip in. Can the depths of my guilt get any deeper today? I take the elevator up to the third floor and go to the correct apartment and ring the bell. I nervously run my hand through my hair as I hear muttering and running inside and then the door is thrown wide open.

I just have time to note Jasper's dressed in a pair of black sweats and a black tank top that hugs his torso with a huge worn out grey flannel shirt over it. He looks like a kid that is wearing his dad's too big shirt. It's the cutest sight I've ever laid my eyes on. Then he grabs the door and I think he's slamming it shut. Instead, he jumps back behind the door with just his head poking out, looking at me with wide eyed shock. His face has turned a bright red and he looks utterly mortified to see me at his door. My stomach drops with disappointment, I guess that answers my question as to whether Jasper's interested in me or not.

**JPOV**

I throw the door wide open and stand there in shock for at least 5 full seconds at the sight in front of me. Then I grab the door and throw it almost all the way shut and jump behind it hiding my body. I feel my face heat up red and I'm absolutely mortified that I have an erection tenting my sweat pants from the sight of the green eyed man. Oh fuck. Somebody tell me again, why I wanted to start having erections? This is so embarrassing. Did he see it?

The green eyed man looks disappointed. Is that from my closing the door or because he saw my erection before I could hide? I stare at him wide eyed and in shock at finding him here… and then our eyes meet. My heart starts pounding as we stand there and stare into each other's eyes. Finally, I drop my eyes feeling embarrassed and bashful all of sudden. I glance back up at him and smile shyly as I say, "Hi."

The green eyed man nervously runs a hand through his hair, and then grins a crooked smile that just melts my heart. "Hi, back. You dropped your backpack this morning and I thought you might need it so I brought it to you. I hope you don't mind, I looked inside for an address."

"Thank you, I was so worried I'd never see it again." I say feeling relieved but then I worriedly ask. "You didn't…you didn't look through…everything…did you?" I blush as I realize that was probably a rude question after the trouble he went through to bring it to me.

The green eyed man looks down, looking embarrassed and guilty as he says. "I'm sorry, but I actually did look at… um… your sketches. I thought they were great. I loved the one you did of my brother and two sisters. You really captured their personalities perfectly."

"You looked through my stuff?" I ask feeling hurt.

"I'm really sorry! I was just going to look for an address or phone number but when I saw the sketch pad my curiosity got the better of me. Please don't be mad at me." The green eyed man practically begs.

"You didn't look through anything else did you?" I ask worried.

"I'm sorry...I just….I looked at…umm…just the sketches. Please, you're not mad are you?" The green eyed man says looking even more nervous.

"I'm not mad. I guess. I mean I would have showed them to you anyway… if you had asked. I'm curious though which sketch is of your brother and sisters?"

"Oh, duh…sorry, of course you wouldn't know. How stupid of me, sorry. It was the last one you drew on the pad from the coffee shop this morning, big husky goofy guy, statuesque blond and a psycho pixie. Ring any bells?"

I laugh at the green eyed man's descriptions of his family. "You guys don't look much alike. Wait. Y'all are all brothers and sisters? But I thought the blond chic and the big guy were like, together."

The green eyed man laughs now and says, "Yeah, I get that a lot. Actually, they are all my adopted siblings. They're not actually related to each other. Long story..."

We've been standing here talking for several minutes when it dawns on me that he's still standing in the hallway. I flush red again, embarrassed. I should invite him in but my pants are still tented with my hard-on. I wonder, how the fuck do you get rid of an erection? I never thought to ask the Doc. "I s-s-sorry, I'm s-s-so rude! Would you like to come inside? I didn't mean to make you stand out here in the hall all this time."

The green eyed man looks down smiling and says, "Oh, well, I don't want to impose or anything. I just wanted a chance to drop off your backpack and… apologize for earlier when I knocked you down. I was afraid that… when I helped you up… earlier…you must have noticed how… um, strange…I acted. I was afraid that was why you ran off so fast." Now it was the green eyed man's turn to flush red. He looks almost as embarrassed and unsure as I feel. It makes me feel a little bolder.

"No. You didn't do anything wrong. I was just being ridiculous about something stupid that happened earlier in the shop. And I was so fucking confused by my own reactions to how you made me feel and… " I stop, embarrassed, my eyes wide as I bite my lip and look down. I peek back up at him my face getting redder by the second.

The green eyed man looks up at me and grins the biggest fucking grin I've ever seen and I can't take my eyes off his beautiful lips. I wonder what it would feel like to kiss them. I move my gaze back up to those mesmerizing green eyes and get lost in them. And we stand there just staring into each other's eyes for what seems like forever. I finally tear my eyes away from his and say, "Pizza."

The green eyed man looks thoroughly confused like I'd just spoken in a foreign language, and then he says, "Excuse me?"

"Pizza…Buffalo wings…bread sticks…cinnamon sticks… and… Dracula…wanna join me?'

He grins and says, "Which Dracula?"

I grin back and say, "Bela Lugosi, 1931."

"I'd love to join you."

"You'll have to actually come inside."

The green eyed man bursts out laughing, "Ok, ok you win. I'll come in. Umm, by the way, my name is Edward."

I smile shyly and say, "Jasper. Pleased to meet you, Edward. Now get in here, the pizza's getting cold."

Edward hands me my backpack and I hold it in front of myself, trying to keep my way too obvious erection hidden from him. I let him in and grab an extra plate and another soda for him and he joins me on the couch. I sit down and curl up on one end, replacing the backpack with a pillow on my lap. Edward curls up on the other end and we both pig out on pizza while we watch the movie.

Every now and then I sneak a peek at Edward and he looks back. Each time we both smile and look away blushing. I was so fucking nervous. I'd never actually had anybody inside my apartment before and I wasn't sure exactly how to act.

After, the movie is over I turn it off and eject the DVD. Jumping up, I quickly go over to put the DVD up in my collection, trying to keep my back to Edward. But he follows me over and starts looking through my movie titles. I don't know how I've managed to hide my damn erection from him for as long as I have, but he's going to see it any second! So, I turn on my heel and head towards my bathroom and call back over my shoulder, "I'll be back in a few, man. I think the pizza is working on me!"

I run to the bathroom and look down at myself. Why did I want one of these again? I was starting to ache from having had the damn thing for so long. Doc, you never said what to do in a situation like this! Then I hear the Doc's mocking tone as he says, "I suggest you take yourself in hand boy. You've got some pipes to clean out." Damn it all to fucking hell! I am not going to jack-off with Edward in the next room! Then I get a brainstorm and turn on the cold water in the sink and get a wash cloth and wet it. I drape the ice cold fucker over my dick and feel instantly relieved as my erection runs in terror from the cold. Oh thank god.

I finally feel safe enough to return to the living room to where Edward is. He's still browsing my movie titles. I admit it. I could put Blockbuster to shame with my collection.

"You've got quite a collection of classics. My mom would go nuts." Edward says.

"Yeah, I actually prefer the classics to most of the stuff they make nowadays." I take a deep breath and nervously let it out before asking, "Would you like to have that sketch I did of your brother and sisters?"

Edward looks excited as he says, "Really? That would be great, thank you. I'd love to give it to my parents. If you don't mind that is? I know they would love it. I'm sure they miss having us living at home."

I smile a sad smile as I think of Edward's parents, which makes me miss mine even more. I grab my backpack and open it up. Pulling the sketchpad out, I peek to make sure the journal is still lying in the bottom of the pack then sigh with relief when I see it. I put the pack down and open up the sketchpad to the last drawing. I stare at it frowning and say, "Let me touch this up just a little. It's still a little rough."

Edward says, "Ok, but I thought it already looked perfect. I can hardly see how it could get better."

I grin and say, "Trust me." I grab my charcoals and set to work. Biting my lip, I peek over the top of the pad at Edward before softly saying. "I could do a sketch of you as well, if you'd like me to."

Edward grins as he says, "Oh, I couldn't ask you to do that, Jasper. Although, I guess my parents would love it if you did."

I grin back. When Edward said my name it made my stomach do flip-flops and I felt an electric tingle all the way down to my toes. Wow! "I don't mind…Edward. I'd love to do a sketch for you. I had planned to do one to keep for myself anyway." I slap my hand over my mouth. Oh fuck. Did I just say that out loud?

Edward turns red and asks, "You were going to do a sketch of me for yourself? Why?"

I look down afraid to meet Edward's eyes. He probably thinks I'm a freak now. Sighing, I peek back up at him and softly say. "Because…because I think… I think you're beautiful and I wanted it to look at."

"You think I'm beautiful?" Edward asks quietly, blushing even redder. At least he's still smiling at me.

Swallowing, I take a chance and say. "Yes, I do. Edward, I know we just met today. But you've already made me want to know everything about you. I've been… alone…. a long time. I didn't know I was… that I could be… like this… and want… not after… but you're so… um, beautiful and I… I want so much to… be with you… to… share things with you." My heart is pounding as I try to tell Edward something about myself, but I don't know how to explain how broken I am. How do I tell him about my past without scaring him off?

Edward's blush gets a little redder and he softly says, "I think you're beautiful too, Jasper."

My heart soars as I finish up detailing the sketch. I turn it around for him to see and he says, "Wow, they look like they could step out of the picture. You're really good, Jasper. Do you do this professionally?"

I turn the picture back and stare at it. Frowning, I shake my head and say. "No, it's just a hobby I picked up while in the hospital. Sort of a rehab thing, I guess."

Edward frowns and says, "I thought you looked like you'd been ill when I ran into you earlier today. Did I hurt you when I knocked you down?"

"No, you didn't hurt me. I kind of did that myself when I took off running. Pretty fucking stupid thing for me to do, I just about screwed my knee up again. But my physical therapist said he thought I'd be ok. I may have to see him tomorrow, if not, I've got my usual appointment with him Friday." I keep looking at the drawing, frowning and trying to get up the nerve to ask. Finally I look up and ask, "So I guess, you know Bella and Angela too?"

"Um, yeah, I used to…um, that is, um…I actually dated Bella for a few months…a long time ago. But obviously that didn't work out. I guess you know she and Angela are a couple?"

I try to hide my disappointment. You're such a fucking idiot, Jasper. Of course, Edward prefers women. He probably just felt guilty for knocking your stupid ass down and has only been nice to you to be polite. That's when I spy the ring on his left hand. Fuck me, he's married. I blink back the tears that threaten to pool up in my eyes as I say, "Yeah, I kind of finally figured that out. It took me a while, though." I sigh, disgusted with myself. Forcing a fake smile, I say. "I'm pretty bad about missing the fucking obvious. Here ya go, I hope your parents like it, Edward. Sorry you had to wait for me to finish it. It was nice to meet you. Maybe we'll run into each other again sometime."

Edward looks confused as he takes the drawing and says, "Yeah, thanks I'm sure they'll love it. I guess you must have things to do." My heart just about breaks as Edward gets up and starts walking slowly toward the door. But then he turns around fast and asks worriedly, "Did I do something wrong?"

I shake my head no and start stammering, "N-n-n-no, you didn't do anything wrong. I was j-j-j-just kind of disappointed when I realized that you're not…th-th-that you actually prefer… I mean, if you and Bella were d-d-dating…then obviously you're n-n-not like that. I apologize for assuming. I mean it's obvious now… I just didn't notice the ring before and I had kind of thought you, um, m-m-ight... actually…uh, like me." I can feel my face burning from all my stupid stuttering.

But Edward, looking anxious, softly says. "But I do like you Jasper. I think one of the reasons me and Bella never worked out was that she and I had a lot more in common than I knew back then."

Edward said he likes me! My heart is soaring again as I try to make sense of the rest of what he just said. Then I grin and say, "Oh. Oh! You mean that you're gay, like her? You just didn't know it back then!"

"Um, actually, I think I just figured out the gay part today when I met you. I've never been so attracted to anyone as much as I am to you, Jasper. I've felt things today that have confused the hell out of me. I discovered I've been lying to myself my whole life about who and what I am. But I think I'm ready to face the truth and I'd like to explore that with you."

"But the ring… aren't you married?"

Edward smiles as he shakes his head and says, "No, it's not a wedding ring, Jasper. It's what they call a purity ring. I've been a real idiot hiding behind this ring."

"Purity ring? So what exactly does that mean?" I ask confused.

"It means…I promised myself to stay a virgin until I met the right… person… and fell in love and got married. I think it was my way of not having to make a conscious decision on my sexual preferences."

"You mean you're a fucking virgin!" I blurt out shocked. Damn it, I was hoping someday we might… but if neither one of us knows how the hell to have a sexual relationship…. I mean the only shit I know involves a hell of a lot of fucking pain and I know that can't be right. Then I burst out laughing at the absurdity of the situation. Oh fucking hell, neither one of us has a fucking clue what we're doing!

Edward looks pissed when I start laughing and I immediately feel bad when he angrily says, "There's nothing wrong with wanting to wait for the right person, Jasper. But I can guess by your laughter that you've been around a lot then?"

My laughter cuts off as I look down embarrassed. I had obviously hurt Edward's feelings. Damn it. This is not how I wanted to have _this_ conversation! "I'm sorry. I wasn't laughing at you. I promise."

Edward still looks pissed and…jealous?...as he says, "Just answer the damn question! Are you really as wide eyed and innocent as you've been acting or have you been around?"

My eyes fill with tears as I say, "I'm not sure how to answer that."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? It's an easy question, either you've had sex with somebody or you haven't!"

I can't meet Edward's eyes as I look down and say, "I… well…yeah, I guess… you could say… I have…but Edward, it wasn't…I mean…"

"How many?" Edward asks as he pinches the bridge of his nose looking upset.

"How many what?" I ask confused.

"How many men have you been with?"

The tears finally spill over as I say, "Th-th-there was three of them. But Edward…it wasn't like that...I didn't want…"

Edward tiredly sits down on the couch and says, "I'm sorry. I'm being ridiculous. I shouldn't be feeling jealous of things you've done with other men before we ever even met. Hell, we haven't even gone out on a first date yet and I'm already acting like the possessive ass that I am. It's just… I feel so connected to you, Jasper. I want to do things with you that I've never wanted to do before and I have to admit… it scares the hell out of me." Edward shakes his head and mumbles, "I guess I should be happy one of us knows what the hell they're doing."

"Edward, please, you have to listen to me! It isn't what you're thinking, I promise. I really don't have a fucking clue how to have a relationship." I'm trying to explain but I don't know the right words.

"What do you mean you don't know how to have a relationship? You just said you've had three boyfriends!" Edward sounds pissed again and I start to panic. Oh hell, I'm fucking this up!

"They weren't boyfriends, Edward! Please, you have to listen to me." I wail out as tears stream down my face.

"So, if they weren't boyfriends, what were they? One night stands? Are you telling me you've had three one night stands? Had sex three times with men you barely know?" Edward snarls out angrily standing back up.

I cover my face and start sobbing. He thinks I'm a whore! I try to explain one more time, between my sobs, "Edward, I promise… I haven't had… three… one night stands… I'm not a whore! It… all happened… the same night… they took turns…"

"What! I didn't say you were a whore! But if you fucked three men the same night, then maybe I should rethink that!" Edward looks mad enough to hit something and his chest is heaving as he fights back his own tears. He looks like I had gut punched him.

How did this conversation go so wrong? I had been so elated when Edward said he liked me. But now, every time I try to tell him what happened, he keeps jumping to the wrong conclusions. I stare at him trying to figure out how to fix this.

Suddenly, I'm fucking furious. Fine! If he won't fucking listen then he can fucking read all the fucking details and choke on them! I walk over and jerk my journal out and throw it at him as hard as I can, not even waiting to see if he catches it or not. Turning on my heel, I go to my bedroom and throw myself down on my bed with my back to him as I sob into my pillow. Fucking asshole! I don't care if he stays and reads the fucking thing or leaves and never comes back. Liar, I think. If Edward leaves it will break your heart.

**EPOV**

What the hell is wrong with you, Edward! You stupid, selfish, insecure bastard! What the hell are you doing?

Things had been going so well. We had both admitted to liking each other, being attracted to each other. Jasper had acted so shy and bashful and innocent all night that I had convinced myself that perhaps he was as inexperienced as I was. Perhaps Jasper had been waiting on the right person, just like me. I knew deep down that it didn't really matter if Jasper was a virgin or if he had been with a hundred guys before we met. But I wished for it, regardless. But then he…

He had laughed at me!

I had totally snapped when Jasper started laughing that I was still a virgin. It was too much like what Mike did, that day after school in the showers. Mike had laughed at me too, right before he made me touch him. Right before he… betrayed all my trust.

Feeling embarrassed and hurt, I had wanted to embarrass and hurt him back! How could he do that to me? I thought Jasper said he liked me! But I knew when he started crying, I had pushed things too far. I was totally ruining any chance I would ever have in being with him.

But then Jasper said he was with three men the same night, taking turns… fucking them! I felt like somebody had kicked me in the nuts, it hurt that bad. What kind of guy was he? Did I seriously want a relationship with someone who could… do that? And then he has the balls to look mad that I'm upset!

But then he walks over to his backpack and jerks his journal out and throws the damn thing at me. As I watch it flying through the air, I have another one of those moments where everything is crystal clear and I know I have seriously fucked things up… "_**My name is Jasper Whitlock and this is an account of the night that forever changed my life.**_"

…oh Edward, you idiot…_** "start a journal of my dreams as part of the 'long term healing process'" **_

How could I be so stupid?_** "And so a month after my 13**__**th**__** birthday found us finally moving!" **_

Oh god, he was just a little boy…_** "I had heard voices being raised then I heard something I had never heard before in my life. My mother screamed." **_

Tears are already streaming down my face and I don't even try to catch the journal… _**"Edward, I promise… I haven't had… three… one night stands… I'm not a whore! It… all happened… the same night… they took turns…"**_

The journal falls at my feet as Jasper runs into his room and throws himself onto his bed sobbing into his pillow. I look down at it and the words on the page leap out at me… _**"I don't remember how many times they…hurt me. I just know they took turns, and that they did it again and again. I had finally quit crying and begging and had zoned out waiting for them to either finish or kill me. I didn't care which anymore." **_

Oh god, how could I be such a bastard? _**"I was feeling disconnected from my body. I was naked and curled up, shivering and shaking, my teeth chattering as I stared off into space."**_

My heart breaks, Jasper had been trying to tell me he had been raped as a child. I fall to my knees and cover my face sobbing in shame.

* * *

**Sorry to end like that but things will start getting better for the boys in the coming chapters as they work through their issues together.**

**Thanks for reading, I hope you like it.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Nope, I'm not Stephanie, just using her great guys...**

**This is a little shorter than the other chapters, but I wanted to get the boys to a better place than where I left them. ****Enjoy...**

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 5**

**EPOV (Tuesday continued…)**

Sobbing into my hands I wonder, how could I be such a bastard? How had I let this happen? Why did I react so negatively to his laughing at me? Hell, Jasper's not even the one that betrayed my trust, it was Mike. And yet I had purposely tried to hurt him. What is wrong with me!

Scrubbing the tears from my face, I grab the journal and slowly get back to my feet and walk into his bedroom. Jasper's still lying with his back to me and sobbing into his pillow. Trying to decide what to do, I run my hand through my hair and walk around the bed to where he can see me place the journal down on his bedside table. Jasper doesn't look at me though. He keeps his face turned into his pillow.

Kneeling down beside him, I whisper. "I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but I am so sorry. I had no right to talk to you like that. I don't even know why I reacted like that. I'm a stupid, selfish, insecure bastard and I understand if you hate me. I'll go now and I won't ever bother you again."

Jasper turns his face up and looks at me with tears still running down his face. He anxiously says, "You didn't read the journal."

Too ashamed to meet Jasper's eyes, I close my eyes and turn my face away as I admit my earlier betrayal. "I read the first couple of pages at home. I'm sorry I didn't admit to it earlier. Apparently, I'm not only a bastard but I'm a coward as well."

"How far?" He asks.

"How far what?" I ask while looking down, still too ashamed to meet his eyes.

"How far did you get when you read it earlier?"

Still not meeting Jasper's eyes, I say. "To the point where your parents are on the floor in the living room and your dad tries to tell you to run."

"You have to read more, Edward. Please, I want you know that I'm not some whore running around and fucking three men at a time." Jasper covers his face, sobbing again as he says. "They made me…"

I ache to pick him up and comfort him, but I've lost any right to even touch him. I softly say. "Shh, I don't think that, Jasper. I understand somebody hurt you very badly when you were just a boy. I don't need all the details. Whatever is in that journal is none of my business."

I stand up to leave and Jasper swallows back his tears and softly asks, "Why?"

"Why what?" I ask.

Jasper's voice breaks as he asks through his tears. "Why did you get so mad? Why wouldn't you listen when I tried to explain?"

I stop at his bedroom door and turn back to him. My own voice breaks and fresh tears flow freely down my face while I say, "I'm so damn sorry, Jasper. When you laughed, it was too much like something that happened to me when I was younger and something inside just snapped. I wanted to hurt you. I really am an insecure and selfish bastard."

Jasper rolls over on his back and softly asks, "Will you tell me?"

Wiping my face, I swallow and ask. "Will I tell you what?"

Jasper whispers, "Will you tell me what happened when you were younger? I'm trying to understand why you were so mad, why you wanted to hurt me. Please stay and talk to me, Edward."

I'm feeling torn between wanting to stay and talk to him and feeling reluctant to share how humiliating and shaming my experience with Mike had been for me. Taking a shaky breath, I say. "It's kind of a long story."

Jasper pats the side of the bed and pleads. "Come sit and talk to me. Please don't go yet. Please?"

I'm stunned that after my inexcusable behavior Jasper still wants to talk to me. Wanting to leave but knowing I owe him some kind of explanation, I walk over and kick off my shoes. Then I crawl up on the bed and sit cross-legged facing him. After taking a deep breath and letting it out, I look down still too ashamed to meet his eyes. "I'll have to give you a little back story before I get to why I was so upset."

"_**~~ ***~~ "**_

I explain to Jasper how my birth mother had died while giving birth to me and how Esme, my mom that raised me, had lost her own son a few days after his birth. I explain the abuse she had barely survived and how it had rendered her unable to have any more children of her own. How my parents had eventually adopted my brother and two sisters.

"_We were still living in Chicago and I was 10 years old, when they sat me down to tell me they were going to adopt more children. I had been the center of my parent's world until then and when they said they were going to adopt, I really didn't understand that they just wanted a chance to help other children. I thought it was because I wasn't enough anymore, that they weren't happy with just me. _

_They adopted Rose first and the day they brought her home with them, my father took me into his study for a lecture on appropriate behavior on how to treat girls. And a stern warning on what would happen if he ever caught me doing anything improper. From the very beginning Rose took me under her wing. She seemed to intuitively know how inadequate I felt from my parents wanting to adopt. _

_Emmett was the next addition to our family. My parents took Rose and me with them to one of the orphanages. They were actually going to go and look at a baby girl that had just been born and whose single mom had given up for adoption. But as Rose and I wandered around she found Emmett. He was the same age as Rose, but Emmett was larger than the other kids their age and was always being passed over by potential parents. Rose had took one look at Emmett's sad eyes and had taken his hand and dragged him over to our parents and had demanded that they would be adopting Emmett, not some screaming snotty nosed baby girl. _

_Alice came to us the day after they brought Emmett home. She'd been abandoned at a hospital a few months earlier, with the whole side of her face bruised and no memory of who she was or where she came from. When my parents brought Alice home, my dad took me and Emmett __**both**__ into his study for a lecture on appropriate behavior." _

Still not meeting Jasper's eyes, I turn and lie down on my back and throw my arm over my face as I explain how my parents had started to volunteer at various shelters and had begun to foster abused children on a regular basis.

"_I eventually learned to enjoy having new kids to play with all the time, and to love my new brother and sisters. I'm not sure how it all started but after mom and dad started fostering kids; I somehow wound up being the one that all the new kids came to when they needed someone to talk to. They all came to me and told me their horror stories of being abused or molested at some point in their lives. I guess it affected me more than I thought because that's when I decided I would stay a virgin until I got married. I was terrified of being hurt the way they had been." _

I explain how, as the years went by, my parent had become so consumed with caring for others and giving time to others, that I had started feeling neglected. It had seemed like they had always had time for everybody but me. My parents had told me again and again how I should be more understanding of others less fortunate than myself.

"_All I knew was they never had time to attend my school functions. They never came to any of the sporting events I played in. There was always a less fortunate someone they had to deal with or an emergency at the hospital causing my dad to have to stay later and later. My sister, Rose, had found me crying one day after a baseball game. I was upset that neither of my parents had been able to attend. I had poured out my heartache to Rose._

_Rose had confronted our parents later that night. She told them of a child at school whose parents were neglecting him, always too busy with charities and events and work. My parents had assured her they would talk to this child's parents and explain to them how the welfare of their own children was more important than even doing charity work. Who was this poor neglected child? They had been totally floored when she told them it was me."_

And so, my father had arranged to find work in a small town hospital. It wound up being here in Washington and we all moved. Dad had promised to spend less time at work and more time with the family. Mom and dad would still do volunteer work but not on as large a scale as before. I was 15 when we moved from Chicago to Washington and turned 16 a few months later.

I explain how I had been thrilled that my parents were doing this for me. Then I explain how quickly my thrill had turned to bitterness when the very first weekend after we moved my dad was already breaking his word to work less.

"_**~~ ***~~ "**_

Jasper rolls over on his side facing me and I turn on my side facing him, finally meeting his eyes with my own. Jasper reaches over and gently wipes a tear from the corner of my eye with his thumb.

"_Dad wasn't even supposed to start work for another week. He was supposed to take me to town for baseball tryouts that first Saturday after we moved. Dad even promised to try and attend at least half my games. But Friday night my dad received an emergency phone call and left. He didn't even return to the house until Sunday night._

_My mom wouldn't let any of us kids even leave the house all weekend. She said my dad would explain everything when he got home. So I missed out on any opportunity to play in a league. I was so mad when dad finally got home Sunday night that I wouldn't even talk to him._

_Later that night when I was in bed, I had started to feel guilty for not talking to my dad. He had looked so tired and upset when he got home. So I got up and went to my parents' bedroom door and was about to knock when I heard my dad through the door. He was crying. I'd never heard my dad cry before._

_I could hear dad saying to my mom, '…that could have been our family! If they had turned left instead of right on the highway…that could have been Edward or Emmett they did that to …' I never did knock. I went back to bed upset that something could actually upset my dad enough to make him cry."_

Jasper gives me a strange look as I tell him about that first weekend and a tear runs down his cheek. I have an urge to kiss the tear away but settle for slowly reaching up with a trembling hand and gently wiping it away.

"_I got up the next morning, meaning to apologize to my dad but he had already left to go check on whoever he had helped over the weekend. To me it was just more proof that there would always be somebody more important than me for my dad._

_When dad got back that afternoon, he took a sullen me and the ever happy Emmett with him to town to go shopping at the sporting goods store. That's where I met Mike Newton. Mike came up and started talking to me as my dad and Emmett looked at tents and camping supplies and talked to Mike's dad. Mike and I became great friends that summer. _

_Mike wanted to know everything about me and I wound up telling him all my insecurities about how I felt that I was never enough for my parents. Mike held me for the first time while I cried on his shoulder. After that, he always wanted to go do the things that I wanted to do. He wanted to spend every minute of his free time with me. He told me I was his best friend and that he loved me. He was always so physical with his affections and always had an arm thrown over my shoulders or was touching my face, or kissing my cheeks. It felt great to be the center of attention, to feel like somebody thought I was important. _

_Then one day my dad calls me into his study for a talk. Dad starts talking all this weird stuff about how different people choose to take different paths and that he would understand if I chose to take a different path than he would have chosen for me. Dad told me I should always feel comfortable enough with him to tell him anything. I wasn't even sure what dad was talking about at the time and he seemed disappointed that I wasn't telling him...something. I guess I know now what he was talking about, though._

_Anyway school started up and I was a junior that year. Mike had somehow arranged for us to have all the same classes and we did everything together at school. Mike had to stay for tutoring right after school every day, but as soon as he got done with that he would come over to my house and we would spend every minute together until time for him to go home and go to bed. _

_Then one weekend, a few weeks before the school year was over, Mike asked if I could come for a sleepover while his parents were out of town. But when I asked my dad, he had flat out refused. Dad said something about how he was trying to be understanding but he was putting his foot down if I thought he was going to stand by and watch while I started sleeping around like that. I didn't even know what dad was talking about and I was furious. I threw a stupid tantrum like a 5 year old and my dad grounded me. _

_He grounded me from my car and from going anywhere but to school and back. And then dad told me I couldn't even talk to Mike anymore except at school. I was so mad that I accused him of being jealous that I had found somebody that wanted to spend the time with me that he obviously didn't want to make the effort to spend. It was like I had slapped him. I immediately felt ashamed of myself and apologized, but Dad sent me to my room too upset to talk to me anymore. Things stayed tense between me and my dad until after the last day of school."_

"_**~~ ***~~ "**_

I take a deep breath and then explain to Jasper what happened after school that last day. It was like the Mike I knew had disappeared and had been replaced with this rude obnoxious overbearing jerk. I explain how Mike had laughed his ass off and ridiculed me when I'd told him I was a virgin. How Mike had started rubbing on me, making me touch him, how he had betrayed my trust.

Jasper reaches up and wipes the tears running down my face and whispers, "I'm sorry I laughed, but I promise I wasn't laughing at you."

"_I ask myself sometimes, why I didn't hit Mike_ _sooner to make him stop. I think now that on some level, I must have wanted what he_ _was doing but I was in shock by how he went about it. I wonder if he had just waited, if things would have progressed to the point where he wanted to go. But when Mike_ _didn't stop when I asked him to, he destroyed all my trust. I never talked to him after that and avoided him like the plague. _

_That night I was lying on my bed crying, when my dad came into my room and sat on the side of my bed. Dad told me that Mike's mom had called wanting to know if dad knew that Mike and I had got into a fight after school. Mike's mom told dad that I'd given Mike a black eye. Dad reminded me of how he feels about violence and how fighting never solves anything. Then he asked me if I wanted to tell him what Mike and I had fought about. _

_I had broken down sobbing and dad held me to him and rocked me until I quieted and I then told him. 'I finally figured out that Mike is walking down a different path than the one I plan to take.' Dad had sucked in his breath in shock. Then he asked if Mike had done anything to hurt me. I told him 'no'. I was too embarrassed to tell him it hadn't hurt in the least just scared the hell out of me."_

After that, my dad and I somehow managed to grow close again and our relationship now is better than ever.

"_**~~ ***~~ "**_

"And that's why I was such stupid, selfish, insecure bastard." I whisper.

"Stop it." Jasper says and then asks. "You said earlier you didn't realize you were gay until today. How did you experience all of that with Mike and not know?"

"Because I'm an idiot, of course." I take a deep breath and blow it out before saying. "I guess I was just in denial Jasper, years of denial. But when we ran into each other this morning, I knew what I wanted and it was you. I didn't care that you were a man. I just knew I wanted to be with you. Of course, I know I've ruined any chances of that happening now." The tears start again and my voice breaks as I whisper. "I am really sorry for earlier. That was inexcusable."

Jasper gently wipes my face again and whispers, "Shh, don't cry, Edward. I've already forgiven you, you fucking idiot." I sob out a laugh and Jasper pulls me closer and kisses my forehead and says, "If you're willing to go slow, I think we can work through this. It seems we both have a few issues to deal with. Edward? Would you be willing to go and talk to the Doc with me?"

"The Doc? Is that like your psychiatrist?" I ask.

"Yeah, he's helped me ever since I woke up. Well ever since I burned that fucking name out of my side."

"Woke up? Burned yourself? Oh god, Jasper, what did they fucking do to you?" I sob out and start crying again.

**JPOV**

I throw an arm around Edward's shoulder as he cries, I'm pretty sure that there are going to be a whole hell of a lot more tears on both our parts tonight. I feel extremely guilty for Edward's pain. I'm almost positive I know what the emergency his dad had been called away for was. My fault…always my fault.

I'm glad I had talked Edward into staying and talking to me. I feel like I understand him a little better now. Hell, I even understand Edward's reaction to my earlier laughter. I'd had enough of my own fucking tantrums in the past, screaming obscenities and cursing the world for what happened to me. I understand what it's like to lash out and try to hurt the very people trying to help you, trying to care for you.

Apparently, Edward and I had both been expecting too much from the other and it had blown up in our faces. I knew we would still have a lot of things to work through, though. Including dredging up my past… Hell, I guess I should say our past. Seems our pasts have already affected each other.

"Shh, it's ok, Edward. It was a long time ago. They can never hurt me again. They're all dead, now. Shh, it's ok…" Gently brushing back his wild hair, I softly ask. "Edward, can I ask you a question?"

Edward meets my eyes as he wipes his face and nods as he says, "Of course you can, Jasper. What do you want to know?"

"Where did you move to when your family moved to Washington? And how long ago was it?" I ask and then tears start to flow down my cheeks when Edward confirms my suspicions.

"Um, Forks, it's a small town further northwest from here up on the peninsula and I guess it's been around seven years now. Why? Jasper why are you crying? What did I do now?"

"I'm sorry Edward, but you need…no, you fucking _have_ to read my journal. Please."

"What the hell are you talking about Jasper? Why do I have to read it?" Edward asks confused.

"We'll never work things out unless you do. Our paths have crossed before and it's my fault your dad left your first weekend here. My fault you fought with him. My fault you turned to Mike for comfort and Mike hurt you like that. Please read the fucking journal."

"I don't understand, Jasper. But I'll read it if you think it's that important. Is it…is it going to be pretty bad?" Edward asks with dread.

I just nod my head, unable to speak. Sitting up, I grab the journal off the nightstand and hand it to Edward. He stares at me a minute and then gets up and takes it into the living room and sits on the couch. I watch him as he steals himself and opens the cover and flips through the pages to where he must have left off earlier. When Edward starts reading, I roll over on the bed with my back to the door. I can't face him, knowing he's about to know my worst nightmares. I close my eyes feeling nauseous and take deep breaths trying to calm the panicked feeling in my chest.

I listen as the pages slowly turn. Edward stops and sobs like he's in agony for several minutes before picking it back up and continuing his reading, sniffing back his tears. And I think… must be when James is giving my first lesson in who fucking owns me by carving his name into my side.

Later, Edward jumps up and runs into my bathroom and throws up all the pizza and hot wings we had earlier. I don't look at him as he passes me, going back to his reading. I close my eyes wondering which horror Edward just read: the two psychos attacking my mom or James giving me my first lesson on how to please him.

Edward's continuously crying as he's reading now. I dully wonder how he can see the words to read them through the tears. I feel like I can follow along with what Edward's reading in my mind and I know the really bad shit is fixing to start.

Edward jumps back up and runs back to the toilet and heaves again and again while crying, "Oh god. Oh god. I can't Jasper. Please. I can't read anymore!"

And I fucking roar at him the go finish the fucking thing! Edward cries over the toilet and heaves a few more times before finally going back and picking it back up and sitting down and reading. I follow along in my mind again. We're getting close to the end now and Edward's going to realize where our lives started to entwine, way back then. I hear Edward's breath catch. That's right, Edward. I was the emergency your dad left for and was gone all weekend trying to save.

I roll over and watch Edward now. I can see the wheels turning in his head. Surely he remembers his father's words, 'If they had turned left on the highway instead of right…that could have been Edward or Emmett they did that to…" Edward sits up in shock and looks at me in horror and guilt.

I hold my hand out to him and he comes back in and lies down beside me. I wrap my arms around Edward and we both cry until we fall asleep.

"_**~~ ***~~ "**_

**Its twilight and I'm outside the house. The lights are on inside and I can see myself and my family through the windows sitting down to supper. We look so fucking happy. I hear the door bell ring and my chest tightens with dread. It's about to start and I have to go inside now. It's time to face my punishment. After all, none of it would have happened if my parents hadn't moved here for me. All my fault, I was such a selfish bastard. James had explained it to me again and again, I deserved to be punished for my parent's pain.**

**But I'm scared to go in. I know what they're going to do to me. I drop my head and reluctantly start walking towards the door when a hand grabs my arm. I cry out in fear and fall to my knees and look up and see him.**

**It's Edward and he's looking in the windows with tears running down his face as he watches what they are doing to me and my family. "I have to go in now. They're waiting for me." I whisper to him.**

**Edward looks down at me and shakes his head and says, "No you don't. Your whole family was in the wrong place at the wrong time. You've punished yourself enough. It wasn't your fault, Jasper."**

**And I cry out, "What kind of son would I be if I don't go in there with them? I can't let them suffer without me!"**

"**You're parents wouldn't want you to suffer like this! They would want you to go and live a happy life." **

**I want to believe Edward. He holds his hand out to me and says, "Take my hand Jasper, please stay with me. James doesn't own you, I need you!"**

**I stare at Edward's** **hand and slowly reach up and grasp it. Electricity flows between us making my whole body come alive. Edward pulls me up to him and crushes his lips to mine.**

" ***** "**

I open my eyes and take a deep breath. Edward's really here. He's lying with his back to me and I'm spooned around him holding him close. I lean up and do what I've been dying to do all night and place light kisses on his neck and cheek as I trace my hand up his arm to his face and brush my thumb across his lips wishing I was kissing them. Edward is so beautiful and he wants to be with me. I can hardly believe it.

Edward moans and opens his eyes and looks at me confused for a minute, then he smiles that beautiful fucking crooked grin and snuggles closer back into me. Both our eyes go wide with shock when Edward backs into my erection. Oh fuck, now what?


	6. Chapter 6

**Finally! Thanks for all the words of encouragement and great reviews. I hope ya'll keep on enjoying the story. Hopefully, the next chapter won't take quite as long to get here. **

**Warning: Some graphic stuff going on here again as Edward reads the end of Jasper's Journal. Skip the bold if you don't want to read it.**

**Disclaimer: nope, I'm not Ms. Meyer, but I love her work.**

* * *

**Gasping For Air**

**Chapter 6**

**EPOV**

I still can't believe Jasper's forgiving me for being such a bastard to him earlier. You would think after his past experiences he would be bitter, but I don't think I've ever met someone with such a kind soul and sweet personality. I had wanted to hold Jasper close and take care of him and instead Jasper's the one that has been comforting me. After what I did to him… he's unbelievable.

When Jasper had asked where my family had moved to when we came to Washington and how long ago and I had told him, it had really scared me when he started crying again. I thought I'd done something wrong again. Then when Jasper had started to insist that I had to finish reading the journal or things would never work out between us, I had been so confused. I really hadn't wanted to read it. I'd had my fill of hearing horror stories of abuse from my fostered siblings while growing up. But it had seemed so important to Jasper, I couldn't refuse him.

The things I read… God, how could anybody be so cruel and heartless, so manipulative with a child. James had been a monster. Hurting and terrorizing Jasper then regaining his trust just to tear that trust down to hurt and terrorize him again, repeating the process over and over. I'm surprised Jasper is able to trust anyone after all that. And what James did to Jasper, the things he had made Jasper do. It had made me so sick that I had thrown up everything.

I couldn't stop the tears as I read what James' friends had done to Jasper's parents. But when Jasper started describing the other two joining James… taking turns, laughing, making bets to see who could make Jasper scream the loudest…I had got sick again and begged Jasper to let me stop reading. But Jasper had practically screamed at me to finish reading the fucking thing.

Thankfully, I'm almost to the end of Jasper's journal now…

" **~~***~~ "**

**I don't remember how many times James and his friends…hurt me. I just know they took turns, and that they did it again and again. I had finally quit crying and begging and had zoned out waiting for them to either finish or kill me. I didn't care which anymore. I was feeling disconnected from my body. I guess James's friends got bored when I quit fighting and begging. They eventually wandered off to the kitchen in search of more food, leaving me and James alone in the living room.**

**I was naked and curled up, shivering and shaking, my teeth chattering as I stared off into space. In my mind, I was back in Texas with my parents and we were going to have a movie night and mom was popping corn and dad was laughing and teasing me and Peter. **

**In reality, James had curled around me and was stroking his hands up and down my side as the tremors and shudders shook my body. Eventually, James leaned in and whispered, "Still in there, precious? Snap out of it kid… Shit." **

**Then James starts whispering. "I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you."**

**That eventually confused me enough to snap me out of my stupor and I asked, "F-f-for w-w-what?"**

**"For being such a little whore, of course, I should have realized you'd want to experiment. I just can't believe you fucked my friends in front of me. "**

**I sobbed out, "No! I didn't let them, they made me! I'm not a whore. I didn't want to do that!" **

**"Yes you are, you're a fucking little whore. Did you like hurting me by fucking my friends in front me? You're a whore precious and you've been very bad. I'm going to have to punish you again."**

**Between my sobs, I managed to beg. "No! Please, James! Please don't punish me! You said you would keep me safe… if I pleased you…but you hurt me so bad. Then you let them hurt me again and again… after promising to keep me safe."**

**"Oh, so you were just using me then, is that it? You're just a little whore that uses people, aren't you? I thought you really wanted to please me. But you were just pretending, weren't you?"**

**"Yes… I mean no. I mean, I thought…but, you said…" Was I bad for wanting him to protect me? I was so confused and when James put his arms around me tighter and kissed my neck and said he forgave me for being a whore, I turned to him and threw my arms around him as I sobbed into his neck and kept repeating over and over, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't know I was a whore. I'm sorry I was bad. Please don't punish me! I won't be a whore anymore." **

**And James, the bastard, just giggles as I cry and shake. **

**Then unexpectedly, the police officer groans. I had thought he was dead but he's still alive. James gets up jerking me up with him, snaking his arms around my waist again and holding my back up against his chest. My cracked ribs grind together making me cry out in pain. The officer opens his eyes and looks around the room. He groans again when he sees my parent's bodies. Then his eyes stop on me and James. **

**He lays there and takes in my naked body and the blood running down my arms, my side, and my legs. He takes in my swollen bruised face, my bruised lips, my haunted eyes, the way James squeezes one arm tighter around me as his other hand reaches down and starts squeezing me **_**down there**_**. I whimper with pain but try not to resist him. I can't be bad again, his punishments hurt so bad.**

**The policeman glares at James and says, "You fucking monster. He's just a kid." and I start crying. I'm suddenly ashamed that the policeman knows what has happened. He knows I've been bad. He knows I'm a whore. **

**The other two come in out of the kitchen when they hear the policeman's voice. They walk over and pick up the bats and turn back to the policeman without a word. I instinctively flinch away from them and press myself back into James and his protection. But then James tells them, "Wait up guys. I want to have some fun!" They shrug and go and sit on the couch to watch and see what happens.**

**"Precious, you've been a very bad boy haven't you?" James asks me.**

**I answer in a whisper, "Yes, James. I've been very bad. I'm s-s-sorry."**

**James picks his knife up off the floor and I whimper with fear. "Please, James! I'll be good! I'll be so good! I promise. Please don't cut me anymore!"**

**"I won't cut you, precious. But you have to do what I tell you. Do you understand? Say it."**

**"I understand! You won't cut me if I do what you tell me!" I repeat desperately.**

**"I want you to go and unbuckle the nice officer's buckle and pull his pants down and suck him with that pretty little mouth. Go show him how well I taught you to please me. Can you do that for me? It'll make me so happy." James says as he stares at the policeman and giggles. The two guys on the couch just laugh.**

**"Bastard!" The policeman says.**

**I frantically reach down and I'm trying to unbuckle the officer's belt and he keeps slapping my hands away and telling me to stop. I'm terrified that at any second James is going to get tired of me not doing what he told me to do and punish me for being bad. I start pleading with the officer, "Please, you have to let me or he'll cut me. Please, I don't want to be punished anymore!"**

**The policeman grabs my arms and he's holding me to him and rocking me gently back and forth as I start sobbing. "Shh, son, it's ok. I'm sorry I couldn't save your family. I'm sorry I didn't save you from this horror. I'm sorry they hurt you. I'll be twice as sorry if they hurt you again but I can't let you do that." **

**James starts laughing and says, "Well isn't that touching. Precious, get your ass back over to me right now. Don't forget who owns your tight little ass."**

**I look up at James with fear and dread and slowly start to rise. James jerks me out of the policeman's hands and slaps me hard and says, "When I tell you to do something I mean now, boy!"**

**I barely even flinch. I'm so tired and dizzy. My whole body hurts, inside and out. I'm to the point where I just wish James would hurry up and kill me and get it over with. James stares at me intently and frowns. Then he smiles a malicious grin as he says, "It's too bad the nice policeman has to die because of you. Just think, he'd be able to live if you hadn't been so fucking selfish and made your parents move here. Whose fault is it that I have to kill him?"**

**"My fault…always my fault." I hang my head in shame. James is right. I was such a horrible person. If it wasn't for me the policeman would get to live. It is my fault. I look up at James and beg, "Please don't kill him."**

**James giggles again as he flashes his knife in front of my face and says, "But what about my fun, precious? If I don't get to have fun with the officer, who do I have fun with?"**

**I'm sick of everybody else being hurt and killed because of me. Staring at the knife, I whimper in fear as I say. "Me. Please, let him live and have your fun with me, James."**

**The officer starts cursing James and protesting but I ignore him and say, "Please, James. Promise you'll let him live and you can have any kind of fun with me you want." **

**James licks my ear and says, "Are you sure boy? 'Cause it's going to hurt. So. Fucking. Bad. Are you ready?"**

**My knees are trembling. I'm terrified but I sob out a "Yes!"**

**James laughs and pushes me to my knees as he punches me in my cracked ribs. I'm doubled over gasping for air but I close my eyes waiting for the real pain to begin. I feel his hot breath on my neck as he whispers in my ear, "Let me show you how I really like to have a good time, precious. You have such beautiful fucking screams." And the knife flashes and slices through my skin like butter. **

**I start screaming as James slowly runs deeper slashes across my chest and back with the knife. As soon he begins cutting me, James giggles that fucking giggle again. He looks over at his friends and says, "Kill the fucking cop now." They swing the bats hitting the officer again and again. James laughs in my ear as he says, "You really didn't believe me did you, kid? You're just too fucking easy. I wish I could keep you. You're so much fun precious." **

**I beg for James to stop when he rubs the knife against my…**_**back there**_**. James kisses my cheek and whispers, "I can't let you whore around with anybody else. If you live, never forget who owns you, precious." I scream in terror when I feel the sharp point of the knife beginning to press in… **

… **and then all hell breaks loose. Men are shouting, guns are firing, police are everywhere yelling. I see James' two friends both get shot in the head, brains and blood are flying and a bullet slams into James' chest. It causes his arm to jerk down and sideways, the knife slices deep down my leg and across the back of my knee as his body slams sideways from the impact. **

**The whole world feels like it's starting to fade away as I see the knife has fallen beside me. My body is going numb and my brain is in a fog, I look at James and the knife is now up to the hilt in his throat. His blood is gushing out and covering me as I scream and crawl away from him.**

**The last thing I remember seeing clearly was an older police officer running in and picking me up with a panicked look on his face. I can hear him screaming for an ambulance and for somebody to tell that fucking doctor to get his fucking ass over to him right this fucking minute. I remember while he carried me out, he was crying and hugging me to his chest as my face rubbed painfully on his badge. I remember the name on it read Chief Swan. Then the world goes black as I flee into my mind away from the horror of it all. **

**I didn't know anything else for 32 fucking months. The Doc calls it catatonic, all I know is I stayed somewhere where there was no pain for a long fucking time. I think the only reason I snapped out of it was one of the nurses was giving me a massage in an attempt to keep my muscles from atrophying and had turned on the TV in my room to watch the World Series. Apparently, with the sound of a bat hitting a ball, I had started screaming in terror. I think I about gave that poor nurse a heart attack. **

**When everything went black, I was barely a 13 year old kid that hadn't even hit his growth spurt yet. When I woke up, I really freaked out over all the changes in my body. I had shot up from a little under 5 ft. up to a very lean 6' 2" almost grown young man. I still felt like a kid on the inside and didn't recognize the face looking back at me in the mirror anymore. The changes in my body scared and confused me. I'd had to learn to re-use all my muscles again after so long with no use. I'd had to really work the leg and knee that I almost lost. I even had to learn how to talk again. Well, I guess I could talk, I just preferred not to for a long time.**

**The Doc tells me that Chief Swan had blamed himself for the worst of my injuries. He'd been the one who shot James making the knife plunge into my inner thigh and down. Apparently, Chief Swan had come looking for the missing deputy and had peeked into the window just as they finished …um, taking turns using me. But he'd had to wait for back-up since he didn't know how many men were in the house and if they were armed or not. **

**When Chief Swan had seen all the blood in the house and on me, he'd also called that new doctor that had just moved to Forks earlier in the week and that lived just a couple of miles from us. Chief Swan had asked that doctor to come in case they needed him, but to stay back out of firing range until the danger was over. The Doc tells me I would have lost my leg and probably my life if that doctor hadn't agreed to come into the danger zone like that. Doc says that doctor had ridden with me all the way to the hospital in the ambulance frantically trying to keep me from bleeding to death from all my wounds. **

**Doc says that doctor had just about every damn person that worked in the hospital sewing on my cuts while he concentrated on saving my leg, and on fixing all the internal injuries from when they… used me. Then realizing my ribs had fragmented, they'd had to open my chest causing more scars but they had to remove splinters from my lungs and a couple that had worked dangerously close to my heart.**

**Doc says that doctor had worked on me 35 hours straight, non-stop and had finally walked out of the operating room and fainted. I'd like to meet him someday to thank him but I'm still not comfortable with having people know what happened to me. And I reckon that doctor knows more than anybody what all they did to me. **

**Six months after waking up, I'd had enough of seeing James' name carved into my side. So I stole a couple of lighters from the orderlies and crawled my way to the bathroom with my bed sheets and soaked them in the sink getting them sopping wet. I bunched one up circling that fucking name and covered myself with the other wet sheet. I broke one of the lighters and doused my side with the fluid and lit it with the other. Then, I'd clenched my jaws and held in my screams as long as I could. I was bound and determined to erase those damn letters. That's when they moved me from the long term care and rehab side of the hospital to the mental health side. I guess they thought I was suicidal. That's when I met the Doc and started my sessions with him.**

**Well, that's my pathetic story as best I can remember it. It took me forever to write it and I threw up every day while rehashing all this fucking shit in my head. I don't know if it will stop my nightmares or not, but at least I can tell the Doc I finally finished it.**

" **~~***~~ "**

I'm sobbing from the horror Jasper had had to endure. And my blood freezes with self loathing and shame, when I realize that the doctor Jasper is writing about is my dad. Oh god, I feel like such an incredibly stupid selfish bastard. Here I'd just been bitching and moaning to Jasper about my dad not taking me to some stupid fucking baseball tryouts when it had been Jasper that my dad was saving that weekend! I hang my head and cover my face with my hands, as I think about that weekend.

My dad had tried to explain about the emergency he'd had to go see to, but I had been too much of an ass to listen. Of course, I had felt bad about it later. Hell, I always feel bad about acting like an ass …later. Too bad I can't feel bad when I'm acting like one so I can stop myself! But I had felt bad and went to apologize. Then I remember that's when I'd heard my dad crying and what he'd been saying to my mom... '…that could have been our family! If they had turned left instead of right on the highway…that could have been _Edward_ or Emmett they did that to…'

I'm overwhelmed with so many different emotions. _Horror_… at the realization that that could have been my family, brutalized, raped, tortured and murdered. _Guilt_… over my relief that my family had been spared, that I had been spared…because that meant his family had suffered horribly, he had suffered horribly. I turn and look at Jasper and he holds his hand out for me. I go and lay down beside him and we hold each other and we both cry until we fall asleep.

" **~~***~~ "**

I'm not sure how long we slept, but I awoke to the feel of feather light kisses on my neck and cheek and a gentle caress ghosting across my lips. I moan and open my eyes.

I'm confused for just a second, wondering where I am. And then I remember what an emotional rollercoaster this evening has been. How nervous I'd been to meet Jasper, how thrilled and yet terrified I'd been to find out Jasper actually liked me and thought I was beautiful. How I had seriously over-reacted to his laughter and how mad it had made me. How ashamed I had been over my actions when I'd realized what had happened to him. Then how horrifying it had been to learn the things that had happened to him had almost happened to me.

I look up at Jasper as he gently caresses my face and I smile at him. I thought he was in front of me, but I must have turned around in my sleep because he's now curled up close behind me spoon fashion. Jasper's leaning up on one arm looking down at me with a shy smile. It feels so blissful here in his arms so I snuggle back closer to him. We both freeze with our eyes wide, when I push back into a _huge_ erection. My heart starts hammering and my whole body flashes with heat. I swallow nervously not sure what to do as I feel strange vibrations running through my body.

Jasper snickers and leans down and whispers in my ear…

**JPOV**

I had tried to keep a little distance between my body and Edward's and I just about died with embarrassment when he pushed back into my erection making both our eyes go wide with shock. I can feel Edward's heart hammering through his shirt and his breathing is picking up. And then …something?... starts vibrating. It confuses me for a minute before I figure it out. I snicker as I lean in and whisper in a breathy voice, "Fuck, Edward, are you vibrating with excitement or is that a phone in your pocket?"

Edward shudders from my breath on his ear, then groans and pulls away from me. My body aches from the loss of his body against mine. He rolls over on his back so he can pull his phone out of his front pocket and looks at the caller I.D. He flips his phone open and practically growls, "What do you want Alice?"

" **- "**

Then Edward laughs and says, "Alice, I'm not answering my door because I'm not at home. Why are you even at my place at…" He looks at my bedside clock. "1:30 in the morning?"

" **- "**

"I don't know when I'll be home." Edward looks at me and sees my concerned expression. He can't leave yet! I don't want him to go. We still have so much to talk about and I don't…I don't want to be alone, tonight. I'm so fucking tired of being alone. Edward chews his lip and watches me as he says, "I'm not sure when I'll be home, Alice. Jasper and I still have a lot to talk about."

" **- "**

"Yes, I said talk!"

" **- "**

"No, you can't talk to him!"

" **- "**

"No, he's not going to take advantage of me! God! He's never even… Jasper and I have a lot more in common than I thought."

" **- "**

Edward reaches out with his free hand and touches my face as he softly says, "Yes, that's exactly what I'm hinting at, sis. Jasper's a very sweet and innocent guy."

" **- "**

Edward rolls his eyes and says, "Yes we're going to take things slow and not jump straight into bed with each other!" I snort out a laugh, since technically we were in bed right now just fully clothed of course, which brings my attention back to my problem. I roll over onto my stomach and groan as my erection grinds into the mattress. God this is so embarrassing, why I had been in such a hurry to get one of these fucking things!

Edward rakes his eyes over my body and gets a mischievous grin on his face as he says, "Listen, Alice, I really got to go. Something… huge… just came up." I hear a shriek over the phone as Edward hangs up and turns his ringer off.

I look up at Edward and smile shyly as I say, "Thank you."

Edward turns over on his side facing me and says, "For what?"

"For saying that about me, for saying I was sweet and… innocent." My voice breaks on innocent and a tear runs down my face.

Edward throws one of his arms across my back and hugs me as he says, "You are innocent, Jasper. You had some pretty horrific stuff happen to you, but you're still innocent. Don't let any insensitive, insecure, selfish, bastards like me ever tell you otherwise." Edward gently wipes the tear off my face then he leans his head down against my shoulder as he says, "God, nothing is happening how I thought it would tonight."

"What did you think was going to happen when you came over?" I ask curious.

Edward rolls back over on his back and runs a hand through his hair. "I don't know, I guess I thought we'd visit a while and either you would ask me out or I would ask you out. Then I figured we'd go out sometime to dinner and a movie and get to know each other a little better. I guess I hoped you'd want to start dating me…just me… and that we'd eventually… kiss…and I assumed you would already be experienced and you'd…teach me things." Edward throws his arm over his face and says, "I certainly never expected to tell you all my darkest secrets or learn yours after making an absolute ass out of myself. I'm such an idiot."

I lay my head down and look at him. "Yeah well, at least you're a beautiful and romantic idiot."

Edward blushes. "Thank you. And thank you for putting up with my shit tonight, and for forgiving me for showing my ass."

I blush even redder than Edward is as I say, "But it's such a nice ass, Edward."

Edward slaps me on my shoulder and starts laughing, "Asshole."

I laugh back. "Takes one to know one."

Edward's smile slips off his face and he gets a serious and yet oh so nervous look on his face as he whispers. "Did you, umm, want me to… would you like me to stay tonight?"

I whisper back. "Could you please? I'm just so … fucking tired of being alone all the time."

Edward swallows nervously and glances down my body and whispers, "You're not wanting me to…I mean, you don't expect us to…" Edward groans as he whispers. "Jasper, I don't have a clue what I'm doing and quite frankly I'm…"

Edward looks at me with a pleading look in his eyes. I watch him, my concern and confusion growing as tears start to build in his eyes and his body starts to tremble. "What's wrong Edward? Please, tell me!"

Edward rolls back over on his side, curling up and facing me, so I roll back over on my side and face him. Edward whispers barely loud enough for me to hear. "I couldn't help but notice your, umm, erection Jasper. If I stay, you're not expecting us to… do anything… tonight are you?"

I feel my face heat up. "No! I mean, you weren't wanting to were you? I don't think I'm ready for that yet, Edward."

Edward sighs what sounds like a sigh of relief as he closes his eyes. "I'm not ready for that either, Jasper. But I do want…I want you. I want to do…things…to you and I want to feel you doing them to me. I've never wanted anything or anybody as much as I want you. I don't even know how to do the things I'm aching for and I'm afraid I'll hurt you or you'll hurt me. I'm fucking terrified I'm going to mess things up. The things I'm feeling for you are scaring the hell out of me. I want us... I want us to have a relationship not… just sex…although I want that too… eventually."

"Edward, look at me." Edward opens his eyes and stares into mine. "I want those same things, Edward and I'm just as scared as you are, maybe more so. All I know is pain. I want to know what it's like to feel good... to feel pleasure… doing that. But I want more than just that, I want someone I can care about and who will care about me in return. I want there to be an 'us' too."

Edward smiles and touches his forehead to mine and says, "I want to be the one to make you feel good, Jasper. I want to learn to do everything with you."

Then Edward leans up and looms over me. He rolls me over on my back and stares deep into my eyes as he says, "Jasper, have you ever been kissed?"

I shake my head no, my eyes wide, my heart suddenly thundering in my chest.

Edward leans down closer to me and whispers, "Can I kiss you?"

I put my hand up on Edward's chest in a panic as I cry out. "Stop!"

Edward freezes and whispers, "I'm sorry. I thought, maybe… just a kiss…"

I smile sheepishly and say, "Fuck, Edward, I do want you to kiss me. I want it so bad I can hardly stand it. But I want our first kiss to be perfect. And I figure if my mouth tastes like shit from sleeping after eating pizza yours is going to be even worse after puking the fucking pizza."

Edward snorts out a laugh and rests his forehead on my shoulder and teasing me again says, "Asshole. Whose fault is that?"

And I know he's just teasing me but I start crying as a shudder runs through me from those words and I whisper, "My fault…always my fault."

Edward sits up with a horrified look on his face and throws his arms around me and says, "Oh god, Jasper! I didn't mean it like that. God, I'm such a fucking idiot! I'm sorry I said that. I'll never say those words to you again. Please don't cry. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking." Edward rocks me and runs his hands over my back as I cry.

Edward starts crying and says, "I'm so sorry. Jasper listen to me, none of what happened to your family was your fault. It could have just as easily been my family that happened to. Your family was in the wrong place at the wrong time, nothing more. None of it was your fault baby, none of it!"

My breath catches as I stop and look at Edward in wonder and ask, "What did you say?"

"I said none of it was your fault, Jasper." Edward whispers as he holds me close.

I push Edward away from me just enough to look at him and I smile a bashful smile. "You called me baby."

Edward's face turns red again as he whispers, "Did I? I'm… sorry?" Edward says it as if he's unsure whether to be sorry or not.

I smile and say, "Don't be sorry. I actually kind of…liked it."

Edward smiles with relief. "I did too."

I take a deep breath before saying, "Edward, I still have one more thing I have to talk to you about that wasn't in the journal. Hell, I didn't even remember it before today."

Edward sighs and asks, "Is it going to make me sick again?"

I look at Edward and frown as I say, "I'm not sure."

Edward smiles a small smile and nudges my shoulder with his. "I only ask because if it's not, then I was wondering if you had an extra toothbrush I could borrow and maybe some sleep pants or sweats I could change into. I might as well put on something more comfortable if I'm spending the night. And I don't want to have to worry about puke breath because I plan on kissing you senseless here in a little bit."

I feel my face heating up and my heart starts thundering in my chest again at Edward's words. I nervously get up and hold my hand out to him and silently lead Edward to my bathroom and show him the cabinet I keep all my extra supplies in. Then I head to my dresser to look for some pajamas for him.

I'm bent over rummaging through my drawer, trying to find a particular set of pajamas that I know are larger than the others, when I feel arms snaking around my waist from behind and a voice whispering in my ear. "I missed ya, having any luck?" I go into full panic mode as everything goes black.

The sound of panicked whimpers and sobs finally brings me to my senses. Oh fuck, is that me making those noises? I try to calm my breathing as I tremble and sob. Why am I huddled in the corner of my bedroom? What happened? I hear a loud groan. That wasn't me, who was it? Oh fuck! Edward!

Shakily, I crawl out of the corner and look around my bed and see Edward curled up in the middle of my bedroom floor. Edward's arms are wrapped around his middle and he's groaning as tears run down his face.

I crawl over to Edward crying. Trying to remember what happened…arms going around my waste…a voice whispering in my ear. It had been too much like… I had panicked! I vaguely remember my self-defense training kicking in. Oh god, I did this! I hurt Edward!

I pull Edward up into my arms. Sobbing as I keep repeating, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Edward groans again, "Jasper? Are you ok? I didn't mean to scare you. Please don't cry, baby, I'm ok. You didn't hurt me. I think you just bruised my ribs a little with your elbow. I'm sorry. I should have known better than to grab you from behind like that. I wasn't thinking. Don't cry Jasper, I'm ok. We'll eventually work through all this. God, I can't do anything right tonight!"

Crying, I pull away and sit up and look at him. I take Edward's hand in mine and say, "Edward, I had a lot of bad fucking shit happen to me that night. And I want you to know that there's always going to be something, something you say or something that fucking happens, that's going to remind me of that night. I'll attempt to keep from freaking out every time but I'm not promising this won't happen again. I know it was only one night, Edward. But it's like that one night of horror has fucking erased all my good memories and it's been so hard to make new good memories by myself. I've been alone and lonely for so fucking long. Will you help me make new memories? Help me replace all the bad memories with good ones?"

Edward gingerly sits up and puts his arm around me and pulls me close. "If you'll let me, I'd like to try. I want to be there for you Jasper. I want to replace every single bad memory with a good one. I want to build so many good memories with you that the bad memories are buried under them like an avalanche. Jasper you are so pr…" Edward stops and looks away in a panic and almost gags then swallows. He gives me a weak smile and says, "…you are so perfect to me."

I vaguely wonder what Edward almost said to make him react like that, but I'm not too sure I really want to know. I get up and help Edward to his feet. "Are you sure I didn't hurt you?" I ask when he winces.

"Just bruises, Jasper. I'll be ok. Did you find something I could change into?"

I grab the pair of pajamas I had been searching for and walk with Edward back to the bathroom. I start brushing my teeth as I watch Edward through the mirror. He unbuttons his shirt and I can't keep my eyes off his bare chest when Edward pulls his shirt off. He's so beautiful. My breath catches and my eyes go wide when I see the dark angry purple knots on Edward's side where I had slammed my elbow back into him several times. Edward meets my guilty gaze and repeats, "I'm ok, Jasper."

Edward unbuckles his belt and unbuttons his jeans then stops, his eyes wide, looking nervous again when he sees I'm still watching. I quickly finish brushing and squeak out a 'sorry' as I run back to the bedroom and quickly jump on the bed again with my back to him.

I listen to every sound Edward makes, his zipper slowly descending, his pants hitting the floor. I hear him relieving himself and washing his hands, brushing his teeth. Then I hear him pick up the pajamas and put the pants on and my heart starts thundering when I realize he'd been naked while freshening up in my bathroom. My whole body starts to tremble as I ask myself, what am I doing? Calm down, Jasper, Edward said he wants to wait too.

I hear Edward walking towards me and feel the bed shift as he gets up on it with me. Then he curls around me spoon fashion, pulling my body close to him as he holds my back tightly to his chest. My whole body goes rigid and I start sobbing as my body remembers the horrors of being held like this before. My instinct is to fight and struggle but I try to keep in mind not to hurt Edward again.

Edward tightens his hold around me and starts to whisper calmly in my ear. "Shh, it's ok, Jasper. It's Edward, baby. I've got you. You're ok. I've got you, baby. They'll never hurt you again. Shh, it's ok. You're going to be ok."

I cry myself out as Edward keeps whispering in my ear, slowly calming me down. The sobs subside to an occasional hitch and I start to un-tense my rigid muscles. I slowly go from a rigid tenseness to trembling and shaking, until I'm able to completely relax. Edward keeps his hold tight and continues to whisper calming words to me.

I'm finally able to relax and eventually I sigh a contented sigh as I realize how safe it feels here in Edward's arms. He kisses me gently on the back of my head and whispers. "Better now?"

"Mmmhmm." I answer.

"I'm just going to hold you like this for a while. Why don't you tell me what you left out of your journal now, babe." Edward says as he pulls me even closer to his body and starts to run his hand very gently up and down my arm.

And so I tell him. How my mind had been blocking my bodies physical reactions in an attempt to protect me. How my body had reacted this morning, with my first erection from grasping his hand. To having a second erection later in the shower and how I had actually fantasized about him while stroking myself, and my reaction afterward. I explained my visit with the Doc and the truth that I had finally remembered.

Edward's hands slowly ceases to caress my arm and he goes very still as I tell him everything. I'm afraid to look at him, fearing I'll see disgust in his eyes if I do. I can feel Edward's whole body begin to tremble as a sob escapes him and he begins to cry. I try to turn to him but he holds me firm in his grip. He finally quits shaking and resumes his hand running up and down my arm again as he whispers in my ear. "So many horrible memories. You're the strongest person I have ever met Jasper."

Eventually, Edward scoots back a little and turns me onto my back, then he leans over me as he stares at me with red rimmed eyes. I notice then that Edward didn't put the pajama shirt on, just the pants. My hand reaches up and I slowly caress Edward's arms, his chest and back, everywhere I can reach where there is bare skin. So… beautiful.

Edward closes his eyes and sighs as he says, "That feels incredibly good." Then he opens his eyes and cups my face in his hands. He leans down until we're almost touching and I can feel his breath on my skin as he whispers. "May I kiss you now, Jasper?"

All I can do is tremble as I whimper and whisper, "Please."

I expect to feel Edward's lips on mine but instead he kisses my forehead, my eyelids, my cheeks, my jaw line, my neck, working from one side of my face to the other covering every square inch with the caress of his lips. The sensation of his whiskers on my face is driving me mad. And then I feel what I've been aching for all night as Edward gently presses his lips to mine with feather light kisses. I feel tears sliding down my face, he's so fucking gentle and perfect.

Edward starts to gently suck and lick on my lips and I moan into his mouth. He stops and looks at me and whispers, "Just relax your lips baby. If I do anything you don't like just tell me to stop and I will. I promise."

I do what Edward says and try to relax my lips. As they part slightly, I feel his tongue start to explore my mouth. Not sure what to do, I tentatively explore Edward's mouth with my tongue and moan again when he sucks on it. Our tongues start a slow gentle dance, twirling and touching. Our breathing starts to pick up and I run my hands up his back and into his hair, grabbing a handful and pulling him even closer.

Edward moans this time and his hands move from my face. One moves around to the back of my neck as he deepens the kiss. The other hand starts to run down my arm and under the small of my back as he pulls my body up into his. At the same time, Edward throws one of his legs between mine and starts to press his body against mine and we grind against each other moaning.

Edward starts kissing me even harder, almost desperately, I run my hand down his back and grab hold of his ass and squeeze it as he keeps grinding against me. My heart is having a runaway and I start to feel panicky over what we're doing and I cry out, "Edward stop!" I'm shocked when he immediately stops and backs his body away and gently starts to stroke my face.

"Are you ok?" Edward asks worried. "Did I hurt you?"

"I'm ok." I whisper. "I just got scared."

Edward smiles and puts his forehead against mine and whispers back, "I did too."

I snicker and say, "Fuck Edward, how are we ever going to do anything if we just about have a panic attack from kissing and touching?"

Edward laughs with me while he keeps touching my face with his gentle caresses and says, "We have all the time in the world. There is no hurry to do anything. I've waited for you for 23 years Jasper and I'll keep waiting until we're both ready. No matter how long it takes."

"Kiss me again." I whisper.

Edward kisses my forehead, my eyelids, my jaw line, and then he nibbles on my earlobe making me shudder. He kisses down my neck as far as he can before my shirt gets in the way. He gently slips his hands under my long-sleeved flannel shirt and tries to slip it off my shoulders. My hands are trembling as I grab Edward's hands stopping him.

Edward kisses my neck near my ear and whispers. "What's wrong, Jasper? Is it your scars?"

I can't meet Edward's eyes as I look away and nod. "I'm hideous." I whisper.

Edward cups my face in his hands and turns me to face him as he shakes his head and softly says. "No. You're beautiful, Jasper. You're perfect. Every scar you carry is an affirmation of your strength and will to survive. You're the strongest, most incredible, fucking sexiest person I've ever met in my life. Let me look at you, baby. Please?"

Reluctantly, I let go of Edward's hands and he slips the shirt over my shoulders and helps me pull it off without getting up. He runs his hands down my arms, gently tracing the faint scars that crisscross my arms from my shoulders to my wrists. Edward leans down and then slowly begins to kiss and to run his tongue across each scar.

"What are you doing?" I ask breathlessly.

Edward leans up and caresses my cheek as he softly says, "From now on, instead of remembering that fucking monster when you see these scars, I want you to remember my lips, my tongue, my mouth on your body please baby. Good memories. Ok?"

My tears are flowing freely from this wonderful gesture on his part and I nod my head. Edward begins again, working up from the back of my left wrist to my shoulder and back down to my right wrist. The feel of his lips and mouth moving on me have me panting and whimpering. It feels so fucking good.

Edward slowly runs his hand under my tank top and starts to push it up as he stares into my eyes silently asking permission. I look away with tears in my eyes. Those are the deep cuts, the ugly scars. "Jasper please." Edward whispers in my ear.

I nod my head, giving my permission. Edward gently pulls it up and over my head. Now I'm wearing nothing but sweat pants. I feel horribly exposed and start crying again. Edward lies down beside me and pulls me into his arms and holds me until I calm down. Edward slowly rubs circles on my bare back with his hand as he keeps whispering, "You're so beautiful, so perfect, so strong."

When I finally calm back down, Edward leans back up over me and asks, "Ok, now? May I continue?"

I search his face, looking for any signs of disgust at what he sees. Finding nothing but his gentle compassionate gaze, I silently nod my head and Edward resumes kissing my scars. He runs his lips and tongue down the length of each scar; across my shoulder, my chest and down to the few on my stomach. By the time Edward's done with my front I'm moaning and panting his name, "Edward. Feels so… oh fuck, Edward. Your fucking mouth and tongue are driving me crazy. I don't know how much more I can stand."

By this point, Edward's breathing almost as hard as I am, moaning and whispering between each kiss and lick. "You're so fucking sexy Jasper. You're so delicious. I didn't know you would taste so good, baby."

"Kiss me." I moan. "I need to feel your lips on mine again."

Edward shakes his head and moans out. "Not yet. You still have scars on your back. I'm not done yet. Roll over, baby."

Groaning, I roll over and grind my erection into the mattress again as Edward's lips and tongue goes to work on my back. "Edward, please." I moan; not even sure what I'm wanting. Edward's hands and mouth have my blood boiling.

Edward keeps whispering and moaning and panting. "Fuck, Jasper, so beautiful, so delicious, so good." Then Edward gets up on his knees and grabs my sweat pants and tries to pull on them.

I grab them in a panic, frightened for the first time. "Edward, what…?"

Edward moans out breathless, "Scar…leg…knee…almost done baby."

I relax a little when I realize what Edward wants to do but I shake my head, embarrassed now as I whisper. "Edward, I don't think I can let you do that. I'm so fucking hard now, I'm afraid I'll explode with you that close."

Edward takes a deep breath and lets it out, calming his self down. Then he softly says, "Please, Jasper. Just stay on your stomach, baby. It's the last scar. I have to finish, I can't let that monster have any more hold over you. Only good memories, baby, please."

I look away as I raise my hips. Edward slowly, gently pulls my pants down and off, leaving me naked and trembling. I look back at Edward and watch. Edward's looking at me like man dying of thirst looking at a glass of water. Edward tenderly runs his hands over my back, my ass, up and down each leg. Swallowing nervously, Edward slowly leans down and runs his lips and tongue across the back of my knee towards the inside of my thigh, kissing the scar there as far as he can with my legs closed.

Edward stops and looks at me, waiting. I'm trembling like a leaf in a high wind as I slowly spread my legs. I groan loud when I feel Edward's lips and tongue snaking up the inside of my thigh. I groan even louder when Edward pulls back and closes my legs with a look of triumph on his face.

Edward lies back down beside me and continues to tenderly run his hands over my back, ass and legs. His eyes look up and down my body as he softly asks. "Are you ok?"

"No." I moan.

"What is it, Jasper? Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you, babe?" Edward asks worriedly.

"Fuck, Edward, you've got me so fucking turned on I'm about to explode! I'm so hard I hurt. How the fuck, do you get rid of fucking hard-on anyway?"

"Oh." Edward looks at me looking guilty. "I'm sorry. I think I got a little carried away."

"Ya think?" I ask sarcastically.

Edward snickers then stops and looks at me thoughtfully. "Jasper do you trust me?"

"Yes." I whisper, and I do. We've only met today and yet I feel as if I've known Edward my whole life.

"I think I can help you with your little problem…err, maybe I should say huge fucking problem you've got there. I think I can replace one of your most horrid memories with a good one, if you'll let me? I think I can at least do that much."

"You're not wanting to…?" I ask, scared.

"No! Not that, just let me make you feel good?" Edward's fucking begging me with his eyes and yet he looks as scared as I feel. I finally nod, still not sure what Edward's planning.

Edward snuggles up closer to me. He pulls on my shoulder, rolling me up on my side facing away from him and then he spoons in closer to me. I start trembling again as Edward's hand slowly traces up and down my arm a few times before he slowly runs his hand down my stomach toward my aching cock. I cry out when Edward wraps his hand around me. I'm surprised I didn't explode as soon as he touched me.

Edward's hand on my cock is the best thing I have ever felt. But he's stroking me so fucking slow I can hardly stand it. I try to buck into his hand but he's got me locked in place in his arms. I almost panic when I realize I can't move but Edward starts whispering to me again until I calm down. He's driving me mad. My whole body is quivering with need as I, oh so slowly, build up to my release. I'm whimpering and writhing in Edward's arms as he slowly increases his strokes on my cock. I'm so fucking close and my body is shuddering as I balance on the edge and then Edward softly whispers, "Cum for me Jasper."

And my body convulses as I explode and cry out, "Oh fuck! Edward!" I start sobbing in Edward's arms as he holds me tight and kisses my neck and shoulders. "Thank you." I whisper after I calm down. I feel like I'm floating in a cloud of euphoria. I don't think I have ever felt this good. After a while when I start feeling human again, I ask as I try to turn to Edward. "Should I..?"

"No, Jasper. I'm fine. Wait here, I'll be right back." Edward goes into my bathroom and comes back with a warm wet washcloth. I blush when Edward starts washing me off and the fucking mess I made when I came. Edward leans in and kisses me, whispering. "That was beautiful, don't be embarrassed, babe. Do you want your pants back or are you comfortable like that?"

"Pants, please." I say, too embarrassed to stay naked in front of him. Edward hands them to me and I slip them on. He comes back in and curls around me again and I smile and snuggle back in his arms, "You are so fucking beautiful. Do you know that?"

Edward looks at me with a little frown on his face as he says, "You know Jasper, you sure do cuss a lot. You'll have to watch that when I take you meet my parents or my mom will be dragging you by your ear to the bathroom to wash your mouth out with soap."

I snicker and say, "Sorry, I picked up a lot of bad words in the hospital and rehab. I'll try to tone it down a bit." Then I look at Edward and ask, "You really want me to meet your parents? When?"

"Is this weekend too soon? I need to have a certain conversation with my dad." Edward whispers.

"Will your dad be upset when you tell him?" I ask worriedly. I don't want to cause more friction between them than I already have.

Edward rolls over on his back and starts running his hands through his hair and sighs as he says, "Probably. Maybe. I don't know. It's a conversation I'm not looking forward to, but I want to get it over with as soon as possible."

"Are you sure you want me there?" I ask with dread.

"Absolutely." Edward says with a grin. "They're going to love you! Well, after they get over the shock of course. But then again, they may not be shocked at all. My brother and sisters certainly weren't. So, what do you say? Want to meet my parents Sunday?"

"Do they still live in Forks, in the same house?" I ask quietly.

Edward sucks in a breath and says, "I didn't think of that. Would it be really bad for you, to go back there, even with your old house torn down?"

"It's torn down?" I ask surprised.

"My dad bought the property and had it torn down a few months after we moved there. I never realized why until now. I had just always thought he wanted more privacy." Edward says softly.

"I think I would like to go with you Sunday, Edward. If you're sure you want me there." Then I yawn a huge fucking yawn and look at the clock. It was almost 3:30. This has been the longest fucking day I can remember and I'm exhausted.

Edward leans down and whispers. "Go to sleep now. I'll be here with you tomorrow. We can talk more then."

"Not yet," I whine. "I want you to kiss me again."

Edward turns me back toward him and softly kisses me before saying, "Now get under the covers and go to sleep, Jasper. We're both exhausted." So I crawl under the covers and Edward turns me away from him and spoons around me again and I'm asleep in minutes.

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**Hope you liked it. I enjoy reading the reviews everybody leaves. And if I haven't mentioned it before, constructive critism is always welcome. Thanks for reading...**


	7. Chapter 7

**First off, I want to thank everybody for all the kind reviews. Everybody has been so kind and supportive. I was really nervous about writing this story. I had never read any kind of fanfic before a few months ago. Jasper quickly became my favorite character. I accidentally ran across a Jasper/Edward story one day and fell In love. **

**I'm going to college and occasionally get overloaded with school work so some chapters may have a couple of weeks between posting. I want everybody to know I do read all the reviews and I apologize for not having time to reply to them. **

**I'd like to repeat any mention of legal, medical or psychological issues and treatment probably won't be accurate. I'm either dreaming it or making it up as I go, sorry. **

**Thanks for reading, and I hope y'all continue to enjoy the story.**

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**Gasping For Air**

**Chapter 7**

**EPOV**** (Wednesday)**

Opening my eyes, I look at the clock on Jasper's nightstand, 8:30. I'd only managed to sleep for five hours and that had been pretty restless. I hadn't been able to keep all the events of yesterday from replaying in my head, over and over again. I lean up and look down at Jasper sleeping peacefully in my arms. God, he's so damn adorable when he's asleep. Who am I kidding? Jasper's fucking adorable all the damn time. And he…he wants me. Even after I was so horrible to him, he wants a relationship with me.

My body aches with need from the thought of what all that entails. I've never felt this way before; wanting, needing, and aching to feel Jasper touch me. Go slow Edward, don't scare him anymore than you already have. _Him_…I still can't believe I'm here in bed with another man. But I've never felt like this before, never wanted something so bad and yet at the same time terrified of it happening. I lie back down and roll over on my back as I nervously run my hand through my hair over and over.

I know none of the women I've ever dated have made me feel this way, but I also honestly don't recall being attracted to any men before. Even my relationship with Mike had only felt like friendship...to me at least. Although I do suspect now that things would have eventually escalated.

And yet my siblings hadn't been in the least bit surprised by my announcement. Hell even Bella and Angela hadn't been surprised. Would my parents be? I send up a silent prayer, please god, don't let this ruin my relationship with my dad.

Come on Edward, he said would understand if you chose to take a different path than he would have chosen for you. That's just it…the one he would have_ chosen_for me to take. It's one thing to understand, it's another to accept it. What if dad's disappointed in me? What if he resents my change of heart after telling him I didn't plan on taking this path? We've worked so hard to get to where we are now.

I gingerly stretch and my breath catches from the pain in my right side. I carefully rub it and wonder, my god, how many different times can one person screw up in a night. What in the hell had I been thinking, to walk up and grab him from behind like that?

Ok, well obviously I hadn't been thinking at all. That's my problem. I've always been too quick to act before thinking, ruled by my emotions instead of my thought processes. I had just wanted to hold Jasper so bad. His reaction had scared the hell out of me, until I had heard his broken sobs and whimpers from where he had huddled into a corner of the room, and then I realized exactly what a stupid mistake I had made.

Thinking about the night, it almost seems as if I was trying to find ways to screw up. I mean for fuck's sake, I almost told Jasper he was fucking _precious_ to me. I'd barely caught myself in time and I know it would have been the last straw. Was I unconsciously trying to mess things up? Was I so frightened to have a relationship with someone that I had unknowingly tried to drive him away?

Or was it just because I had been so damn nervous knowing I was spending the night with a _man_? I knew neither of us was ready to do anything too serious yet, but still I was so scared. Scared I'd push Jasper further than he was willing to go; scared Jasper would push me further than I was willing to go.

Last night, I had known it was going to scare Jasper again when I lay down and spooned around him from behind. I had been nervous he might react defensively again and I had mentally prepared myself for that reaction. I was so proud of him. I could tell he was consciously trying not to do anything to hurt me, even while he was rigid and sobbing with terror. It had taken a long time to calm him but in the end it was so worth it, to hold him close in my arms, to know he trusted me enough to hold him even after all the times I had totally fucked up.

I blush thinking about how I had been both embarrassed and flattered when Jasper confessed to fantasizing about me while in the shower but that quickly turned into heartbreaking horror when he told me the different things he had remembered that day. I can't believe the horrible things that Jasper has survived and yet he's kept an aura of innocence about him. He's so gentle, kind and vulnerable and yet he's also the strongest person I have ever met.

I close my eyes and smile as I think of when I kissed him. I had wanted to kiss him so bad and yet at the same time I had been nervous at the thought of kissing a man. I've kissed plenty of women and I've been told I'm pretty damn good kisser. Although, I have never understood how my kisses could leave the women I kissed panting and wanting me to go further than I wanted to go. Frankly, while I enjoyed kissing, it had never had that kind of effect on me before. I didn't know if kissing a man, if kissing Jasper, would be different from when I kissed those women and so I was nervous as hell.

I think Jasper's vulnerability and knowing he'd never been kissed before had made me a little bolder. Still, I had been nervous and decided to work my way up to it, covering his face with feather soft kisses while working my way to his lips. When I finally got Jasper to relax and he started kissing me back, I swear my blood started boiling. I couldn't get close enough and then we were…I moan as I remember how we had been grinding and thrusting against each other. God, I'm getting hard again just thinking about it.

My heart had been pounding with fear as we kept grinding against each other and I realized how quickly I could feel an orgasm building. Things were happening way too fast and I was actually relieved when Jasper cried out to stop. I was afraid I might have hurt him in the frenzy of…damn, what do you even call what we were doing?

Jasper had wanted me to kiss him some more but I feared if it led to what we had just been doing again, that I wouldn't be able to stop myself a second time. So I had started covering him with kisses. When he said he was hideous because of his scars, I somehow understood that his shame wasn't from vanity. Jasper wasn't ashamed of how the scars _looked_.

Jasper could only see them as a reminder of James telling him he owned him. He could only see them as James' brand upon his skin. Jasper had managed to burn out the letters carved into his side but he'd have to immolate himself to get rid of all the scars. I knew I had to convince him that the scars weren't James' brand, but that they were a symbol of his own strength and will to survive. If anything they made Jasper even more beautiful in my eyes.

When I had finally managed to take both of Jasper's shirts off and had calmed him down again, I had covered his scars with my mouth, with my tongue, with kisses and licks and sucks, and fuck didn't he taste delicious. We were both panting and moaning by the time I finished with his front and while Jasper wanted more kisses on his lips. I knew I had to finish, I had to replace all his horrible memories of James with better memories, I had to kiss and lick all his scars.

I almost lost control. Jasper's scent and taste, his moaning and panting was driving me mad and when I remembered his knee, I'm sure I scared Jasper when I grabbed a hold of his sweat pants like a mad man. But his fear calmed me down and I even got nervous again when I realized where my mouth and tongue were heading. But we both got through it and I just hope and pray it helps him. Damn it, Jasper needs some good memories.

I carefully get up, trying not to wake him. I think I'll surprise Jasper with breakfast in bed. I go into his bathroom and splash some cold water on my face, trying to both wake myself up and to will my erection away. I look at myself in the mirror and blush as I remember how I had hopefully given Jasper another good memory when I had…

Then my eyes go wide and my heart starts thundering as I remember just how fucking huge Jasper had felt in my hand. Hell, it had still been large even when I cleaned his softening cock up afterward. I can't quite wrap my mind around the thought of something so large…being inside me. I start shaking as I think, not just in there, Edward, but pumping in and out, pumping, thrusting, pounding. I swallow as I break out in a cold sweat. Calm down Edward, Jasper's not even close to being ready to do that yet. Splashing more cold water on my face, I try to calm myself.

Turning, I pick my clothes up off the floor and get dressed. I wonder if Jasper will want me to stay again tonight? Tomorrow night? Every night for the rest of our lives? Damn it, Edward, slow down. You'll scare him off if you start spouting that shit after knowing him one day. Ok, ok, let's start off with breakfast in bed and then go on from there.

I stop and look at Jasper's innocent face as I'm passing through the bedroom and I'm overwhelmed at all the emotions flowing through me. How did I get to this point so fast? Wiping a shaking hand across my eyes, I wonder what I will do if Jasper changes his mind and decides I'm not worth all the shit he'll have to put up with. I have to quit messing up. I want this, I want him.

Sighing, I walk through Jasper's living room and into his kitchen. I'm a damn good cook and can make a meal out of just about anything. Ok, Edward, let's see what we got to work with here. I open the fridge and frown as I stand there in shock. There's nothing in it but different flavored sodas. I open his freezer and nothing but ice. I close it starting to feel concerned. I start opening a few cabinets and find nothing in the majority of them. One cabinet has a few plates, bowls and glasses. More empty cabinets, then one that was several bags of different flavored potato chips and a box full of microwave popcorn.

Nothing else, he has nothing. My eyes fill with tears. Is that why Jasper's so thin? Can he not afford to buy food? Damn it, I had eaten half the food he had last night. What if that had been supposed to last him a few days?

I decide to make a quick trip to the grocery store and buy some food for him. Hopefully, I can get back before Jasper wakes up. Will he mind if I borrow his keys long enough to make a quick trip? That way I won't have to ring him to let me in. Maybe I can still surprise Jasper with breakfast in bed if I hurry. I slip my shoes on and grab his keys off the table by the door and head out.

**JPOV**

I groan and roll over on my back and look at my clock. Why am I still in bed at 10:00 in the morning? I never sleep this late. Then memories of last night come flooding back. I sit up looking for Edward. Where was he? "Edward?" I call out, but my only reply is silence.

I stumble out of bed and walk into the bathroom looking for him, but no luck. I catch my reflection in the mirror and smile as I look at my scars, remembering Edward's lips and tongue tracing them. I blush at the thought of what Edward did for me last night, and my body aches to feel his touch again.

I turn and walk out of the bathroom and out through the bedroom into the living room and kitchen and call again. "Edward?" Empty. The place is as empty as it always is when I get up. Edward's gone.

Where? Why? Did I do something wrong?

And then I hear my front door knob jiggle and keys jangling and I fucking freeze. No one but me has keys to my apartment! Whimpering with fear, I start backing up looking for something, anything I can use to protect myself as the door slowly opens.

Slumping against the couch, I sigh with relief when Edward walks in with his arms full of sacks of groceries. "Damn, you're up already. I had hoped I'd be back before you woke up, Jasper. I was going to surprise you with some breakfast but you didn't have any food in your apartment. I borrowed your keys, I hope you don't mind. Jasper? Jasper, are you ok?"

"I thought… you were… I thought you left me." I manage to say shakily.

Edward slams the door shut and drops everything right there as he rushes over and takes me in his arms. "I will never leave you. I'm yours for as long as you'll have me, Jasper. For as long as you can put up with my shit. Damn it, I should have left a note or something. I'm sorry, I didn't think."

"Edward, please." I whine.

"What is it Jasper? What's wrong?" Edward asked worried.

"Would you please shut the fuck up and kiss me good morning!" I demand smiling.

Edward smiles and takes my face in both of his hands as he stares into my eyes and says, "Good morning, babe. I missed you, too."

And like last night Edward covers my face with feather soft kisses, before he gently but firmly presses his lips to mine. I moan as I drink in his scent and the feel of his lips on mine. I swear my toes are curling by the time Edward ends the kiss. Smiling, I say. "Good morning, beautiful. I needed that."

Edward laughs and says, "Yeah, me too."

"Need help with that?" I ask while kissing him again softly.

"With…what?" Edward looks embarrassed.

Wondering why he looks embarrassed, "With all the groceries you bought, silly."

"Oh! Right, groceries…I thought you meant…um, never mind." Edward says as he turns bright red.

"Edward? What is it?" Why is he so embarrassed?

Smiling, Edward gives me another quick peck on the lips and says. "Nothing, Jasper, I'm just being silly. Come on, let's put the groceries up."

I think I just missed something?

I rush over to help Edward when he sucks in his breath after bending over to pick up a sack. "Edward! Oh fuck, I did hurt you, didn't I? How bad is it? Sit down. I'll put these in the kitchen."

I guide Edward over to the couch and make him sit down and then run over and scoop up the sacks and carry them to the kitchen counter. Then I run back to Edward and start unbuttoning his shirt. "Let me see, Edward." I start crying when I see Edward's side is covered with large purple bruises. "Oh god, I'm so sorry, Edward!"

"I'm ok, Jasper. It's just some ugly bruises. Nothing is broken or cracked, I promise."

"How can you be sure?" I sob out, remembering how my ribs had splintered and would have killed me without surgery.

"Because I'm a doctor's son, Jasper…and anyway I know what a cracked rib feels like. Emmett and I fell out of a tree wresting one time and we both got… umm, cracked up. I promise this is nothing but bruises and sore muscles. I'm fine."

"I'm so sorry I hurt you, Edward. God, I'm just as bad as he was…"

"Stop it Jasper! You're nothing like that monster. I should never have grabbed you like that. I mean, I knew that's how _he_ grabbed you and held you that night. Jasper listen to me, I know with all my heart that you will never intentionally hurt me. So stop blaming yourself, we will work through this together. Now, are you hungry? I wasn't sure what you liked so I got stuff for omelets. Since you're up, want to help me cook?"

"I'm fucking starved! But you didn't have to buy me groceries, Edward." I'm embarrassed Edward went and spent his money on me. Should I offer to pay him back?

Edward gets up and pulls me with him toward the kitchen. "Jasper, you do realize you have no food in your apartment except for chips, popcorn and sodas, don't you?"

I blush and softly say, 'Yeah, I know that Edward. It's just…I don't know how to cook."

"You don't how…. But Jasper, there's so many kinds of precooked meals that you just heat and eat, nowadays. You don't have any real food here babe, and you're so thin. I'm not trying to embarrass you, I promise, but do you need money for food?"

I burst out laughing. And god, I know Edward hates being laughed at, but I can't fucking stop. I laugh until I have tears running down my face. I laugh so hard I lose my balance and fall on my ass on the floor. I can literally see the steam coming out of Edward's ears and I know I need to stop but I can't catch my breath.

Edward turns his back to me and angrily starts pulling the groceries out of the sacks and slamming them down on the counter. I lie back on the floor and try to catch my breath as giggles and guffaws keep erupting from my chest.

Edward starts looking through cabinets and slamming them shut. He finally turns to me and snarls, "Where's your fucking skillets?"

And I burst out laughing again and roll over on my side. God it hurts from laughing so fucking hard. I glance up at Edward and my laughter cuts off like someone flipped a switch when I see his chest heaving and tears in his eyes. I jump up and try to hug Edward and he angrily pulls away and stalks off toward the living room.

"Edward, I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me." I beg as I follow him.

Edward whirls around so fast that I almost run into him. "You want to explain just what was so fucking funny about me being concerned that you might be going fucking hungry!"

"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry." God now I feel like a heel. "I wasn't laughing that you were concerned for me. It's just that…well…I'm kind of a…"

"Kind of a what? A fucking asshole?" He snaps at me.

I put my hand on Edward's face and smile. "Well, yeah, I guess I can be that too. But I'm also a kind of as fucking millionaire, Edward. I don't have food here because I prefer to eat out every day."

"Oh." Edward's shoulders slump and he dejectedly walks back to the kitchen and starts putting the stuff he bought in the cabinets.

I watch Edward, feeling concerned. He's still upset. Why do I always have to fuck shit up? "Edward?"

"Where do you want to go?" Edward dully asks, still plainly hurt.

"I thought…you said… you wanted to cook breakfast for me?"

Edward gives me a withering look and says, "You just said you preferred to eat out. So where do you want to fucking go?"

"Edward, you don't understand darlin'. I prefer to eat out all the time because if I eat in…I'm all alone. I get so tired of being alone all the time. But I'm not alone with you here and I'd much rather stay in and eat with you than go eat with a bunch of strangers."

Edward turns around and leans on the counter and stares at me. Then he closes his eyes and leans his head back and bounces it off the cabinet a couple of times whispering, "Stupid, stupid, stupid." Edward opens his arms and says, "Come here, Jasper."

I rush into Edward's waiting arms and at the same time I'm saying, "I'm sorry, I laughed." Edward's saying, "I'm sorry, I got mad."

Edward wraps his arms around me and I know I'm where I belong. Edward sighs and says, "I keep forgetting how alone you've been Jasper. If you want me to cook you breakfast, I'll be more than happy to. And if you want to eat out that's fine too. I'm sorry I got upset, I just wanted to surprise you with something special, baby."

"I'm sorry I spoiled your surprise and that I hurt your feelings. Edward, just being here with me is special enough. You have no idea how much it means to me to not be alone." I give him a quick kiss. "Edward, we may have to go out for breakfast anyway. I don't even know if I have any pots and pans. I've never needed them before, so I've never looked for them."

I look to see if Edward's still mad but he's laughing as he asks, "You don't know if you bought pans and pans before?"

Rolling my eyes, I say. "No, I know _**I**_ haven't bought any Edward. But the Doc and Charlotte set the apartment up with furniture and stuff for me before I moved in. I don't know if they bought any for me or not."

Kissing my forehead, Edward says. "It's ok, Jasper. We'll eat out today and figure out the other stuff later. We have all the time in the world." Then Edward stares at me hard and with his lip trying to twitch into a smile, he says. "Kind of a fucking millionaire, huh? How the hell did you manage that?"

I shrug and say, "My dad owned some kind of company and he had truckloads of life insurance on him and mom. It all went to me after what happened. What about you Edward? I mean, I just realized it's the middle of the week and you're not working. What do you do for living?"

Edward runs a hand through his hair and laughs. "Believe it or not, I'm actually a writer, Jasper."

I bite my lip and jerk away as a knot of dread threads through my stomach. "What do you write about, Edward?"

"What's wrong Jasper?" Edward asks reaching for me.

I keep backing away from him as the tears start. Please god, not again, I had fucking trusted him! I practically scream the words at him. "What the fuck do write about Edward!" I can feel the panic attack building. Please, I can't stand another betrayal. My ears are roaring and I can't… fucking… breath.

As if from a great distance I see Edward stepping toward me with a panicked look on his face. I see his lips moving but I can't hear what he's saying for the roaring and then everything fades to nothing.

**EPOV**

"Jasper! Jasper! Oh my god, Jasper what's wrong?" I catch Jasper as his eyes roll up in his head and he passes out. What the _hell_ just happened? Grunting from the pain in my side, I pick Jasper up and carry him to the couch. Then I run into his bathroom and get a damp cloth and bring it back with me to wet his face.

"Jasper! Please wake up, baby. Please don't leave me." I beg as I start crying. Two and half years, he was catatonic for two and half fucking years! Can you just go back to being gone like that? What caused this? I've never been so fucking scared in my life. I look at Jasper's phone, should I call an ambulance? I see two numbers wrote down beside it. One says 'Doc' and the other says 'PT'. I grab the phone and dial the number that says 'Doc' hoping I'm doing the right thing.

It rings forever and I've just about decided to hang up and call an ambulance when it finally picks up and a man's voice answers. I don't even wait for him to say who he is as I start sobbing into the phone. "Please, I need help. Jasper has passed out and I don't know what's wrong with him."

"Who is this? What happened to Jasper? Where are you?" He demands.

"M-m-m-y name is Edward. I'm a friend of Jaspers and we were talking and he just passed out. We're at his apartment. I don't know what to do!"

"What friend? Wait. You're _inside_ his fucking apartment?" He asks incredulously. "I'll be there in 10 minutes. Don't you fucking touch him!" He roars in the phone as he hangs up.

I start pacing and crying while I watch the clock. Eight minutes later the buzzer startles me and I run to ring the man into the building. Less than a minute later he starts pounding on the door, demanding I open the fucking door right this fucking minute.

I run over and open it and the man rushes past me to Jasper's side. He glares at me and demands. "What the fuck did you do to him?"

I sob out, "Nothing! We were in the kitchen and I was just holding him and we were talking and then Jasper started freaking out and he passed out."

The man glares at me and incredulously whispers. "Holding him?" Then he looks down at Jasper and glares back up at me. "Where's his fucking clothes?"

"What? That's what Jasper was wearing when I got back from the store. It's the same thing he slept in last night. Can't you do something for him?" I cry out while wringing my hands.

Another incredulous look as the man stares at me suspiciously. "Are you trying to tell me Jasper has been walking around his apartment, in front of you… shirtless? I can't even convince the boy to wear short sleeves!" Then his eyes go wide and he asks, "How the hell do you know what Jasper slept in last night?"

I want to tell the man to just shut the fuck up and help Jasper but settle for saying, "I spent the night with him. Are you going to help Jasper or do I need to call a fucking ambulance?"

The man glares at me silently and then turns to Jasper. With a tender look and a small smile the man shakes his head. "You certainly didn't waste any time, did you son?" Then he kneels down beside Jasper and very gently puts his hand against Jasper's cheek then brushes his hair back away from his face. "Jasper, can you hear me? Wake up, son. Everything is ok, Jasper. Time to wake up, son." Then the man takes Jasper's wrist and feels for a pulse as he times it on his watch.

Never taking his eyes from Jasper, the man says. "Tell me what you were talking about before Jasper …freaked out…as you so eloquently put it."

So I tell the man every word that passed between us after I got back from the grocery store, trying not to leave anything out. When I finish telling the man everything, he jumps up shaking in a mad rage. If looks could kill, I'd be incinerated on the spot. Pointing toward the door he says between clenched teeth. "How dare you! Get the fuck out of here and leave Jasper alone. Hasn't he suffered enough without leeches like you trying to make a buck off of him?"

"What? No! What are you talking about? I haven't done anything to Jasper!"

The man shouts at me. "At least the last bastard that tried to get a story out of him only pretended to be Jasper's friend. He didn't try to fucking sneak into his fucking bed and fuck him first!"

I stagger back in horror. "Are you telling me somebody pretended to be Jasper's friend to get a fucking story to write about?"

Ignoring the man's protests, I push past him to Jasper's side. Picking up Jasper's hand, I start kissing Jasper's cheeks and neck as I whisper in his ear. "Jasper, baby, it's Edward. You have to believe me. I'm not after any kind of a fucking story. That's not me, baby. I would never betray you like that, I swear. Jasper please believe me, you can trust me. I need you Jasper. I know we just met yesterday but I don't think I can live without you now that I know you. Can you hear me Jasper? Please come back to me, I need you." I lay my head on Jasper's shoulder and start crying.

I feel a hand grip my shoulder and gently squeeze. I look up at the man and he shakes his head and smiles at me. He clears his throat and says, "It appears I owe you an apology young man. Forgive me for jumping to the wrong conclusion."

Shaking my head, I say. "You were just trying to protect Jasper. I can see you care about him." I wipe the tears off my face. "Is he going to be alright? Is he going to wake up? He's not going to stay like this is he?"

"No, I think he'll be ok. In times of great stress, Jasper's body tends to shut down, sort of a safety mechanism to protect his mind. I believe he just had a panic attack when you said you were a writer. Now sit and talk to me until he recuperates. I'll stay until he wakes up. Please, tell me, who are you exactly and how did you wind up spending the night with Jasper?"

Not wanting to leave Jasper, I lift his head and shoulders and sit on the couch and lie him down in my lap. The man watches me with disbelief and then shaking his head sits at the other end of the couch and puts Jasper's feet in his lap.

Taking a deep breath, I start. "My name is Edward Cullen."

"Cullen? Hmmm, and how exactly do you know Jasper?"

"We literally ran into each other yesterday morning."

"Ah, I see. You're Jasper's fucking beautiful man, then." Seeing my confusion, he just smiles and says. "Never mind. How did he find you?"

"Actually, I found him. I got his address out of his backpack yesterday."

"How did you get Jasper's backpack?"

"Jasper dropped it yesterday morning when we ran into each other. Meeting him, even those few minutes changed everything for me. We barely even met yesterday morning but I had to see him again. I had to know if how he made me feel was real."

"How did he make you feel, Edward?"

I run my hands through my hair trying to think of the right words. "He made me feel… when I helped him up and he took my hand, it was like grabbing onto a live wire and it made me feel so fucking alive."

The man chokes back a laugh and says, "Now where have I heard those words before? Remarkable, continue Edward."

Damn, I'm beginning to feel like I'm having a therapy session. But I take another deep breath and tell him about how we talked in the hallway forever, and then how Jasper had invited me in to eat pizza and watch a movie with him.

"I'm impressed, Edward. As far as I know Jasper has never invited anyone in here. So what happened after your dinner and a movie?"

I can't look at him. Instead, I keep my eyes on Jasper's face as I stroke his cheek and run my hand through his hair. "I fucked up." I whisper and start crying again as I tell the man everything.

I tell him about my atrocious behavior. How ashamed I'd been when I realized the truth and how Jasper had forgiven me. Then for the second time in two days, I tell a complete stranger my own life story. I tell the man about Jasper demanding I read his journal and my reactions to it. And I explain to the man how Jasper's and my life had actually affected each other way back then.

"Then that was your father that saved Jasper, you are Dr. Cullen's son?"

"Yes sir, and I owe him a big apology."

"Indeed you do, son. Indeed you do. I only met him the one time, when your father and mother offered to take Jasper into foster care after he woke up. Sometimes, I regret not allowing it. Jasper really needed some kind of family structure. But I feared the close proximity to where it all happened would have an adverse effect on his recovery."

"I never knew they did that. But I'm kind of glad you told them no." I say as I start placing kisses on Jasper's forehead and cheeks.

"Now why the fuck would you be happy that Jasper had to stay in the hospital?" The man asks angry.

"No! I didn't mean it like that. I'm just glad that…well, if he had become my foster brother, then I would only have ever loved him as a brother, instead of how I love him now." I stop, my eyes wide, as I realize what I just said. I look at the man and he just smiles and shakes his head. Then feeling guilty, I ask. "How long exactly did Jasper live in the hospital?"

"His legal guardian, Charlotte, and I finally decided it would be safer for Jasper to stay at the hospital until he turned 18. We both feared if he went into the foster care system it might cause more harm than good. Charlotte wasn't equipped to care for Jasper's special needs so I offered to take him under my wing, so to speak."

"You love him too, don't you? Like a son, I mean."

He smiles, "The boy does have a way of getting under your skin. When Jasper was still in the hospital and I realized how much I beginning to care for him, I told him that he needed to consider finding a new therapist because I had lost all my objectivity. Jasper…" Losing his smile he shakes his head and sadly says. "…he considered it just another betrayal and he shut down… completely. It took me months to get him back. I won't risk that again."

"Are you sure Jasper's not doing that again, now?"

"Jasper has come a long way since those days, Edward. He still has panic attacks when he gets overwhelmed emotionally. But those episodes are getting fewer and farther between. Now explain to me this miracle you have performed."

"Miracle?" I ask.

He laughs. "Trust me, getting Jasper to walk around with no shirt on is a miracle. Getting him to trust you enough to hold him is a major miracle!"

I blush and tell him how most of Jasper's and my conversations last night had wound up taking place while laying on top of the bed and how he had wanted me to stay with him overnight. "I kind of fucked up again." I tell him how I had stupidly grabbed Jasper from behind and his reaction.

"Let me see, Edward." He insists.

My shirt is still unbuttoned from when Jasper looked at my side earlier. So I just turn toward him a little and open it up to where he can see it from the other side of the couch.

He sucks in his breath. "Are you sure nothing is cracked or broken, Edward?"

"Pretty sure, sir, I've had a cracked rib before and it hurt a hell of a lot worse than this does. I think it's just some deep bruises and sore muscles."

Looking worried, he says. "Edward, I don't want you to think…I mean, I know there are plenty of abusive relationships in the world. But I seriously don't think that Jasper would…"

"It's ok. I know Jasper didn't mean to hurt to me and I know it won't happen again. Jasper's much too kind and gentle of a soul for me to believe he would ever turn abusive."

"Still you'll have to be careful coming up behind him like that Edward. I can't guarantee Jasper won't have that same reaction again."

"No, it's fine now. We worked through it. I… I held Jasper from behind all night. It scared him at first but I talked to Jasper until he calmed down and we slept like that all night. Jasper's fine now."

"Un-fucking-believable." He says as he stares hard at Jasper's face. "Did you two have sex?"

"No! I just… Jasper needed…we…" I glare at him and ask, "Do I have to tell you?" and he bursts out laughing. I seem to be fucking hilarious to everybody this morning!

"Please, if you don't mind. I'm still trying to understand everything, Edward."

Blushing, keeping my eyes on Jasper, I tell the man everything, from my holding Jasper and calming him down, to kissing him, kissing his scars, to the rest of it. I don't leave out anything.

When I finish the man just stares at me awhile and eventually shakes his head. "Hmpf, not exactly a treatment I could have performed but it seems to have worked, Edward. I think you're just what Jasper has needed. You seem to care a great deal about him to have just met him yesterday, young man."

"I know it's crazy, but I've fallen for Jasper hard and fast. All I can say is I am my father's son. Dad fell the same way for my mom, umm, step-mom I guess I should say to avoid confusion. My dad told me he knew the moment he touched her that they were destined to be together, which kind of confused dad at the time since she was actually married, in labor, and pretty much dying at the time."

"You don't have to explain to me, Edward. I'm an old romantic at heart and firmly believe in love at first sight. But I'm not going to lie to you. You're going to need an extraordinary amount of patience with Jasper. And, you have to know when you two get ready to…" He wiggles his eye brows up and down. "…have a romp in the sack. That _you_especially are going to have to be very careful with him. I would recommend lots of lube young man…lots of lube. Oh look at you, you're blushing even more than Jasper does when I discuss sex with him." And he bursts out laughing at me again! He stops laughing and glares at Jasper. "You can stop eavesdropping and get your ass up now, son."

I look closer at Jasper and his face is as red if not redder than mine. "Jasper? Are you awake, baby?"

"No, I'm still out. You two keep on talking about sex. Things are just now getting interesting." Jasper says smiling.

The man slaps Jasper's foot and then grinning wickedly grabs it and starts tickling it. Jasper starts wiggling and jerking trying to get his foot away from the man while shrieking and laughing his ass off. And the way he's bouncing around in my lap is causing me to get so hard it hurts. I groan and lay my head back. The man stops and looks at me with another wicked grin and bursts out laughing again.

"Damn it, Doc! Now I got to get up and piss!" Jasper looks up at me and smiles as he shyly says. "Sorry I freaked out Edward. I'll be right back." Before Jasper gets up he turns and places several open mouth kisses on my stomach, then gets up and runs toward the bathroom. I groan again and try to readjust myself to where my pants aren't so tight.

The man, Doc, laughs even harder before he finally manages to get out. "Jasper doesn't have a clue what he's doing to you, does he?"

"No, but I'll be ok. I can wait until he's ready, Doc. I won't try to rush Jasper into anything, I promise." I lay my head back and close my eyes trying to will my erection away.

"What makes you think Jasper's not ready now, Edward?" The Doc asks curiously.

I look at the Doc like he's nuts, "Because of what happened to him, of course. Isn't that obvious?"

Doc smiles and shakes his head, "Edward, son, you've just found out and this is all new to you. But Jasper has been dealing with this for years and he just wants to attempt to live a normal life. The boy has been whining about wanting to try to… enjoy… sex for more than a year now. Jasper's just been waiting for his mind and body to cooperate with each other."

I frown at the Doc and say, "You're not trying to tell me that we should just jump straight into the sack together are you? Last night Jasper was so… scared and vulnerable and all we were doing was kissing and umm, touching."

"No, no, don't get me wrong, Jasper's going to be scared and need lots of patience and understanding, Edward, lots of tender loving care. But knowing Jasper like I do, I know how impatient he can get and I suspect he'll be ready long before you."

"What exactly are you saying, Doc?"

"Are you sure you're waiting for Jasper to be ready? Or are you just nervous about having your own first sexual experience?"

Laying my head back again, I say. "I'm not sure, Doc. But, I admit the whole thing scares the hell out of me. I really don't know what I'm doing and I guess I'm a little afraid it's going to hurt."

"So you're afraid you'll hurt Jasper when you fuck him?" The Doc asks bluntly.

"God, Doc! I couldn't do that to Jasper, not after what they did to him. I would never risk his being hurt again. I thought Jasper would um… eventually… um, do that to me."

"Have you discussed this with Jasper? To ask if he prefers to, what's the terms used nowadays, top or bottom?"

"Umm, no…we haven't actually had any kind of… sex talk, Doc. We're still getting to know each other."

"I'd say you two got to know each other quite well last night!" The Doc laughs and then shakes his head. "Edward, have the talk with him. You might wind up being surprised by what Jasper wants. And don't be afraid to let him know you have needs too."

"I will talk to Jasper, Doc. But I can wait for as long as it takes for him to be ready."

"Hey are you two still talking about me?" Jasper runs in and jumps back on the couch with his head in my lap and his feet in the Doc's. I groan again when Jasper turns and snuggles his head on my lap and wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my stomach again. "I'm sorry about earlier, Edward. I should have known you'd never try to betray me."

I look down at him and ask, "How long were you awake, Jasper?"

Jasper grins and hugs me tighter. "About the time you said you couldn't live without me."

"Jasper! You had me scared half to death and you were lying there listening to our whole conversation? Why?"

"Sorry, darlin' but as soon as I realized you had called the Doc, I knew he'd be wanting a blow by blow description of last night and this morning. The bastard is ruthless when it comes to dragging out all your most embarrassing moments!" Then in a loud whisper and an evil grin Jasper says, "I think the Doc gets off on hearing about everybody else's sex life because he never gets any."

"Fuck you Jasper." The Doc snorts out while Jasper laughs.

"Did you know Jasper was awake?" I ask the Doc.

"I suspected it when Jasper turned red when I asked if you two had sex last night." The Doc says grinning.

"Hey! I'm being rude. I need to introduce you two." Jasper still has an evil grin and a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"Jasper…" The Doc says with an exasperated warning in his voice.

"Doc, I'd like you to meet my, um, boyfriend? Edward."

"We've met Jasper!" The Doc growls out.

"Edward, I'd like you to meet the Doc, also lovingly referred to as Uncle Scrooge from the residents at the hospital." Then Jasper starts laughing, looking quite pleased with himself.

The Doc just rolls his eyes. "Very funny, Jasper."

"I don't get it." I say, confused.

"Oh sorry, Edward, I should have said Dr. Alistair Sim." Then Jasper grins again. "Like the actor that played Scrooge on A Christmas Carol."

I grin too and say, "Nice to meet you, Uncle…"

"Not you too! You may call me Dr. Sim, or you can call me Alistair or you can just call me Doc like our boy here does, but please do NOT call me Uncle Scrooge!"

Laughing, I say. "Ok, Doc."

Then the Doc sighs and says, "Ok, you two, I have got to get back to work. Please don't give me a heart attack like that again Jasper. I'm getting too old for your antics."

"Ah, come on, Doc. You know you love me!"

"Of course I do, you little shit. Now see if you can stay out of trouble for a few days anyway. I'll see you next week, and you're more than welcome to join him Edward. Don't bother getting up, boys. I can see myself out." Doc gets up and leaves, locking the door before he closes it.

I look down at Jasper and glare at him, "Don't you ever fucking scare me like that again! God, Jasper, I thought I'd lost you to some kind of catatonic coma or something!" I'm suddenly overwhelmed by the events of the morning. I thought I'd lost him! I can't stop the tears as I say, "I don't think I could stand it if I lost you now Jasper."

Jasper sits up and hugs me. "God I'm so sorry, Edward. I'm sorry I freaked out. I should have known you would never betray me. It's just…I guess I still have trouble trusting people."

"I understand that Jasper and I'm not mad that you doubted me, babe. I just need you to hold me. Please, I just need to feel you close, to know you're ok."

**JPOV**

I feel really bad, that when Edward said he was a writer, that I had immediately assumed he was like that jerk at the hospital that tried to act like he was my friend to get 'the inside scoop' about what happened that night. I should have known Edward would never betray me, especially after last night when he was so gentle and caring toward me. I can hardly believe Edward said he loves me. He's so fucking wonderful.

I don't know why I didn't let the Doc and Edward know I was awake as soon as I woke up. I guess I was just curious about how they would get along and what they would say about me. Plus, I wasn't lying when I told Edward that the Doc is ruthless about finding out all my most embarrassing moments. I took the coward's way out and let Edward tell the Doc about everything that happened last night. I feel bad now that I had worried Edward for so long. I really hadn't realized I had scared him so bad.

Wrapping my arms around Edward, I hold him as he cries. I think about the conversation I had overheard the Doc and Edward having when I went to take a piss. I knew that Edward was just as nervous as I was about having sex, but I hadn't realized he assumed that I would be the one doing that to him. Admittedly, I want to try it both ways at least once, just to see how things feel. But I want Edward to do that to me first, hopefully that way I can figure out what NOT to do to keep from hurting him.

The thought of having sex scares me silly but at the same time my whole body aches wanting it. Kind of like having an itch in the middle of your back that no matter how you twist and turn you can't quite reach it to scratch it. I need to know how it feels. I need to know if I can like it. I need to know how Edward feels inside me. I want to know what it will feel like for me to be inside him. Will I ever be ready? Will he?

Thinking about the Doc's words about Edward having needs too and Edward saying he was going to wait for me to be ready. I realize now that I may have to make the first move to let Edward know that I want to be able to make him feel as good as he made me feel last night. I need to let Edward know his needs are just as important as my needs. I'm just not sure how to go about it.

I wonder if I can do for Edward what he did for me last night. No, he'll probably just insist he's fine again. Hmm, how about earlier when Edward first kissed me last night? It was like we had both been desperate for each other, grinding together, touching, and thrusting. I think the reason it had scared me was I had actually felt like I was going to… hmmm, maybe if I…

Slowly running circles on Edward's back with one hand, I move the other up to the back of his neck and pull Edward's face closer and whisper. "Kiss me, Edward. Please. I need to feel your lips on mine." I place slow lingering kisses on Edward's lips then trail down his jaw line to his neck, to his ear, back down his neck where I gently kiss, nibble, suck, and lick… fuck Edward tastes delicious.

I slowly slide my hand from Edward's back and under his shirt, caressing and touching. There's so many textures under my hand … smooth… muscular… soft… hard… his arms, his back, his chest. Hesitantly, nervously, I run my hand over Edward's nipples, barely grazing them. I smile when Edward moans. Mmm, must remember Edward likes that.

My heart is pounding in both anticipation and fear, as I trail my kisses lower down to Edward's chest where I nibble and lick and kiss his muscles, his nipples. "Oh fuck, Jasper!" Edward cries out as his hands thread into my hair. Fuck hearing Edward cry my name out like that made me instantly hard. I kiss my way back up to Edward's delicious panting mouth.

I had no idea making Edward pant and moan could make me feel so fucking powerful! I can't believe _I'm_ having this effect on _him_. I can't believe I'm doing this, making Edward feel like this! Feeling even bolder, I kiss Edward harder and lick his lips demanding entrance with my tongue. I move my hand from the back of Edward's neck and into his hair grabbing a fistful. Edward moans again and pulls back, whispering. "Jasper, we need to stop. You're driving me crazy baby."

"Please, Edward, I need this. I need to feel you. Please kiss me, touch me!" I demand.

I crash my lips to Edward's again making Edward moan into my mouth. He runs his hands over my body leaving a trail of fire everywhere he touches. I gasp and groan when Edward reaches down and palms me through my sweatpants.

I push Edward onto his back on the couch and crawl on top of him. Trying to remember how Edward did it last night, I start grinding and thrusting against him. God, he's so fucking hard! Edward cries out, "I need you, Jasper! I need you so fucking bad!"

We're both panting and moaning and whimpering as we both go completely incoherent with our need. "Jasper, I need… **Fuck, Edward!...**please just … **feels…so good**… I need to…** can't stop… **don't stop.." I keep grinding and thrusting against Edward. "Please don't be scared…** not scared… **I just …it feels…**I want… **so good…I need…**I need… **I want…** please**…"

Edward grabs me by my hips, lifting me. He crashes his hips up against me with his own thrusts as he shakes and trembles. Then Edward groans against my neck, "Are you ok? Do you want me to stop?"

"**Don't you dare, fucking stop." **I gasp out as I start matching his Edward's thrust, my whole body shuddering.

"Baby… **Edward… **so close … **harder… **come… **I'm going to…**with…** don't…stop.. **me** I'm…**." And we both cry out each other's name at the same time as we ride out our orgasms. I slowly stop my thrusts and wrap my arms around Edward and bury my face in his neck.

Holy fuck! I'm panting and shaking from the intensity of my orgasm. God, I can't believe they just keep getting better. I run my hands through Edward's hair quite pleased with myself that this time I had made Edward feel just as good as he made me feel last night. I could get used to this.

I lean up on my arms and look down at Edward, trembling and panting underneath me with tears running down the sides of his face. "Did I hurt you, Edward?"

Edward smiles as he shakes his head and says. "No, that was the most incredible thing I've ever had done to me, Jasper."

"Did I…did I do it right?" I ask embarrassed.

Edward laughs and pulls me down into his arms saying, "Hell if I know baby. But it sure felt pretty damn perfect to me. Now, who the hell are you and what did you do with the timid Jasper I held all night?"

I laugh and say, "He's still here, Edward. I just… I heard you and the Doc talking and I realized you needed…"

Edward huffs and says, "Jasper, baby, you didn't have to do anything for me. I could have waited. I wanted you to be ready."

Scowling at Edward, I say. "I was ready, Edward. I needed it as much as you did. Now hush, beautiful, you're killing my buzz."

Edward snorts out a laugh and kisses me, then says. "Sorry, no buzz killing, babe." I smile at him and nuzzle my face into his neck.

We lay there like that on the couch for the longest time just enjoying each other, kissing and cuddling and touching. Sighing, I finally sit up and then immediately wrinkle my nose…ugh. "Damn."

"What's wrong Jasper?" Edward asks concerned.

I pull at the front of my sweats and say, "Man that feels cold, wet and nasty."

Edward bursts out laughing. He laughs until he has tears running down his face and he's gasping for air. And of course I do what any manly man would do in this situation…I stick my tongue out at him and pout.

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**Thanks for reading!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the long delay and for this chapter being a tad shorter than some of the others. School made me lose my train of thought but after writing...rewriting...rewriting and rewriting, I think I finally got the boys back on track. Still got crazy things going on at school but hopefully the next chapter won't take as long.**

**Hope you guys continue to enjoy the story...**

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_We lay there like that on the couch, for the longest time, just enjoying each other, kissing and cuddling and touching. Sighing, I finally sit up and wrinkle my nose…ugh. "Damn."_

_"What's wrong Jasper?" He asks concerned._

_I pull at the front of my sweats and say, "Man that feels cold, wet and nasty."_

_He bursts out laughing. He laughs until he has tears running down his face and he's gasping for air. And of course I do what any manly man would do in this situation…I stick my tongue out at him and pout. _

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**Gasping For Air**

**Gasping For Air**

**Chapter 8**

**JPOV (Wednesday Continued…)**

Edward lies there and laughs at me for what seems like forever, while I sit there with my arms crossed and my lower lip pushed out in a pout. I glare at him and then tug on my wet sweatpants holding them away from my body, which sends Edward into fresh gales of laughter. I huff at him and turn my face away from his trying to hide the smile twitching on my own lips.

Damn, I could spend the rest of my life just listening to his laughter. I love hearing it and it makes my soul do a happy dance to listen to how carefree and wholehearted it is. I need to find more ways to make him laugh like this. It's like a balm to my troubled soul, calming me, wrapping me in its warmth.

I can't believe how much meeting Edward has changed me in just one day. Wasn't it just yesterday that the very thought of trusting someone enough to let them into my life had made me nauseous? Edward makes me want to leave the horror of my past behind and start living a real life, instead of this half-life I've been living, always alone, always afraid.

He makes me want hope and laughter and joy in my life, makes me want to have somebody to share that with. Heaven help me, I think I'm falling in love with him. Is it crazy to want to share your life with someone you've only known for one day? I want so badly for Edward to be the one. Would it scare him off if I told him that?

Edward sits up suddenly and says, "Damn it to hell, Jasper, that pouty lip is the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen." He attacks my lips, nibbling, licking, and sucking. I melt into him forgetting all about how uncomfortable my pants felt a moment ago. Edward's nibbles turn into a deep kiss with his insistent tongue ravishing my mouth, leaving me clinging to him panting and trembling.

Edward pulls back and strokes the side of my face as he stares deep into my eyes. "Thank you for loving on me like you just did and for making me feel so good. You are so damn amazing and sexy, babe. I don't know what I did to deserve meeting you, but I'm so thankful to have you in my life."

I blush and look down embarrassed. "Me too. I mean, I'm thankful for you too, Edward. I'm so glad we ran into each other yesterday morning. Meeting you has been the best thing that has ever happened to me." I peek back up at him and say, "Can I…Edward, can I ask you something?"

Edward smiles and kisses me softly before saying, "Of course, anything."

Chewing nervously on my lip, I finally ask. "Did you mean it? What you told the Doc?"

Edward chuckles and says, "Which part, Jasper? I told the Doc a lot of things. Hell, I think I told him everything!"

Bowing my head, I can't meet Edward's eyes as I barely manage to get out in a whisper. "When you said… you… loved me?"

Edward pulls me into a hug and says, "Jasper, baby, I know this is all happening pretty damn fast and you have plenty of reasons to not trust anybody. But please believe me when I say you are the most important thing in my world now. I know it's only been one damn day, but I do. I love you."

I close my eyes and sigh. I can't stop the nervous tremors from shaking my body. "I think… I'm falling in love with you too and I'm so scared something's going to happen to you and you're going to be taken away from me like my family was."

Edward caresses my face and softly whispers. "Shh, Jasper, I know you're scared, baby. And I wish I could tell you nothing will ever happen to me, but I can't. Things happen, Jasper. Sometimes they are cruel, horrible, terrible things like what happened to your family. But baby, sometimes they are wonderful, glorious things like meeting and falling in love with the sexiest most adorable man I've ever met. We can't ruin the good things by constantly worrying about the bad. We just have to live one day at a time and love with all we have while we can."

I wrap my arms around Edward's waist and put my head on his shoulder as he holds me. "Sorry Edward, just be patient with me. This is all so new and it's kind of overwhelming but I do need you and I want you to be with me." Then I smile shyly and look at him and ask, "Edward could you… I mean…would you…"

"What Jasper? I'll do anything for you, babe. Just ask."

Damn, why am I blushing? "I was wondering if you'd maybe want to… kiss me again… like you were."

Edward smiles and asks, "How was I kissing you? Like this?" He gives me a peck on the lips and I scowl at him and shake my head no. "How about like this?" He places soft kisses on my forehead, eyelids and cheeks. I shake my head no and give Edward puppy dog eyes, pleading with him to not tease me. "Maybe it was more like this?" This kiss is a little longer and it takes my breath away but Edward's got his damn lips clamped tight and he's keeping that delicious fucking tongue away from me. I sit back and huff at him, frustrated. I glare at Edward while he just sits there and fucking smirks at me. I stick my tongue out at him as I turn away and pout again.

"There's my sexy pouty lip. Come here, you." Edward attacks my lips again, and finally what I was craving, Edward's tongue is in my mouth, probing, exploring, doing a slow waltz as it twirls and dances with mine. Edward finally pulls back and we're both clinging to each other panting, trying to breathe, and then my stomach growls… loud… and we both laugh.

Edward gives me another make my toes curl while I moan and tremble kiss, then pulls back and in a husky voice says. "Look at me neglecting my duties and letting my sexy man go hungry. Why don't you go and take a quick shower and get dressed and we'll go get you fed, babe."

"Would you like to take one with me?" I ask shyly.

Edward growls at me and pretends to bite my neck, making me giggle and squeal like a fucking girl before he says. "God I've created a sex fiend! You're insatiable." Edward stops and looks at me thoughtfully for a minute, then sighs and says. "Soon babe, I promise. I'm still a little nervous over all of this too. But we'll get there. Go ahead and get cleaned up. And don't use up all the hot water. It appears I'm going to need a quick wash and some dry clothes myself." Edward looks down and wrinkles his nose as he plucks at his own pants, making me snicker.

"Told ya." I say smugly. "Want to see if you can get into my pants?"

Edward burst out laughing again. "God, Jasper, you're killing me here!"

I just scowl at Edward and say, "You know what I meant, asshole! Keep on laughing and you can just wear those wet jeans to go eat in."

"Ah baby, don't be like that. I can't help it if everything you say and do is so fucking cute and adorable that I have to laugh."

I grin and shake my head as I roll my eyes, "Whatever." Then I give Edward an evil grin and say, "Next time I'll just have to make sure our clothes stay dry and get us naked before I…um…love on ya like I did earlier."

Edward's laughter cuts off and he looks at me wide eyed as he swallows nervously. I can't help but laugh at the expression on his face. He glares at me while I laugh, then he grabs me and kisses me again. Edward's tongue slides across my lips and when I part them, he gently bites at my bottom lip making me groan.

He pulls me closer, deepening the kiss as his tongue plunges in and out of my mouth. One of my hands wind up fisted into his hair as the other runs under his shirt and I caress his arms and back. Edward's hands are roaming my bare chest and back, trailing fire everywhere he touches. I groan again when Edward's hand slides down and squeezes my ass and then runs down the outside of my thigh and back up my inside thigh where he runs the back of his hand across my growing erection.

Breathing hard, I lean back on the couch, trying to stretch out while pulling Edward with me, wanting him on top of me, needing to feel his body on mine. My stomach growls again and Edward pulls back with a groan and shakes his head. "Go get cleaned up babe. We need to get you fed before that monster that's growling in your stomach gnaws its way out and attacks me."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I growl at Edward frustrated and then my stomach growls loud again. I glare at my own damn stomach, fucking traitor, but it just fucking growls back at me. "Damn it!"

Edward just laughs at me and says, "Go!"

"Fine!" I get up and stomp off into the bedroom and dig out a clean change of underwear and socks for the both of us. Then I stomp into the damn closet and grab my usual black jeans and black long sleeved t-shirt. Then I throw everything on the bed and go into the bathroom and turn on the hot water in the shower as I sulk.

Then getting a brainstorm, I grin and saunter back out into the bedroom and turn around with my back to Edward in the living room. I oh so very slowly, tease my sweatpants down and let them fall to floor. I bend over and slip my legs out of them and while I'm bent over I turn and look at Edward. Edward's sitting there staring at me, wide eyed and licking his lips. I swear Edward's fucking panting. I just wink at Edward and slowly stand back up and toss my sweats in the hamper and sashay my way back to the bathroom and get in the shower. I start giggling even though I'm trembling again from nerves. I can't believe I just did that!

I hurriedly wash up, then wash and rinse my hair and get out. I can't seem to stop the smile that seems to be permanently etched onto my face. I'm so fucking giddy that I'm almost light headed. I can't remember the last time I've ever felt this happy and carefree. I wrap my towel around my waist and yell at Edward that I left him plenty of hot water when he's ready for his shower.

I decide I should probably shave. I haven't shaved in a couple of days and while I usually could care less if I looked scruffy or not, I want to look nice for Edward. I'm just turning on my electric razor when Edward's hand stops me. I look up at Edward's reflection in the mirror. His eyes meet mine as he leans in and whispers in my ear, "Leave it, babe. It makes you look so sexy and… fuckable." Then Edward sucks my earlobe into his mouth and nibbles and sucks on it making me melt back into him and moan. Edward winks and turns away and heads toward the shower. My eyes go wide with shock and I swallow nervously, as I watch Edward's bare ass walking away from me as he goes and gets in the shower.

I can't help but turn around and watch Edward as he showers. Damn it, why in the hell do I have frosted glass on my shower doors! I thought about surprising Edward and joining him. I wanted to, even though I was scared to. I even took a couple of steps in that direction, and then I thought better of it...too soon. Too soon for me and too soon for Edward, his so-called friend had assaulted him in the showers. I don't need to be doing anything to remind him of that trauma. We have the rest of our lives to get in the shower together.

Still, my curiosity is killing me. I'm dying to know what Edward looks like naked, especially a particular part of his anatomy! My breath catches when Edward turns the water off. I turn my back to give him a little privacy, but can't help watching him through the mirror. Edward cracks the door and peeks out at me then grabs a towel and brings it inside the shower with him where he dries himself. Edward wraps the towel around his waist and steps out, walking over to me.

I turn around facing him and nervously watch as Edward walks toward me. The way he walks reminds me of a lion stalking his prey and the look in his eye is pure hunger. But I have a feeling food isn't really on his mind as he closes the distance between us. He walks his body up into me and crashes his lips to mine as he leans me backwards and grinds against me. We're both groaning as Edward grabs my ass and kneads it as he keeps rubbing and grinding against me. My heart is thundering in my chest when he finally straightens up and lets me go and growls out. "Do you have any idea how sexy you look standing there in nothing but a towel? You're making me so fucking hot I can barely keep my hands off of you."

I barely manage to squeak out, "Me! You've got to be kidding, Edward. You're the only one here with a sexy, perfect body."

Edward turns me toward the mirror with his arms around my waist and says, "Look at yourself baby. Can you really not see the sexiest fucking man I've ever met?"

I study the two men in the mirror and I try to see what he sees. We're both tall, lean, and lanky but Edward's a couple of inches taller than me and I'm way too thin. I look at Edward and his perfection, his skin is smooth and flawless, his muscles perfectly toned. Then I stare at my too pale skin and shaggy hair, my scruffy whiskers and hideously ugly scars. I can feel my eyes tearing up as I begin to tremble. He calls that sexy? It's like some kind of a sick joke.

My breath catches as my gaze drops to Edward's side, to the ugly bruises marring his otherwise flawless perfection. I put those there. I'm no good for him. I can't help but notice his bruises are on the same side and almost the same shape as my burn scar. It's almost as if my scar leached from my skin to his. I'm like a poison. My mere touch has contaminated him.

My eyes go back up to study our faces, troubled blue eyes staring into radiantly happy emerald green eyes. I watch the man in the mirror as his wide smile slowly slips from his face as he stares at his mouth… his wide mouth…my wide mouth…my beautiful mouth… no… don't want to think… about that. My breathing gets labored as the men in the mirror fade away and all I can see is the horrible memory crashing through my brain…please no!

"_Now be a good boy and kneel down and take my dick in your beautiful mouth and suck me."_

_I step back in shock and say, "NO!" The knife is slashing up and down both my arms faster than I can see and I'm screaming in terror._

_He backhands me knocking me down to my knees. I try to scramble away but he catches my foot and jerks me back and slaps me again, my ears ring and my vision doubles. His hands are fisted into my hair and he's forcing himself into my mouth, cursing me, telling me what to do with my tongue, with my hands. I can't breathe and I'm trying not gag as he… he keeps… he's bruising my lips, bruising the back of my throat. It seems to go on forever as he pants and curses at me and then suddenly my mouth is full of something wet and I'm choking and he's telling me that I had better swallow every fucking drop if I know what's good for me._

I can't… I don't… closing my eyes I shake my head trying to clear my thoughts. Oh god, I let Edward kiss me. How could I let him kiss that mouth and tongue after the revolting things that it's done? How long before he really understands how repulsive I am? How could I really believe that I deserved someone as beautiful and perfect as him? How could Edward ever want me and my ugly scarred up body? He's going to leave me! I can't stop the whimpers from erupting from my chest.

Edward turns me and wraps his arms around me as I shake. "Jasper baby, what is it?"

I know I don't deserve Edward but what am I going to do when he leaves me? I crush into him, hiding my face in his neck. "Oh god, Edward, I need you, please don't leave me."

"Hey now, what's this? Why would you think I'd leave you?"

Taking a deep breath, I turn away wrapping my arms around my middle. I can't meet Edward's eyes as I say, "I'm so disgusting and I've done such sickening things and I'm… I'm fucking contaminating you every time I touch you and I just… I keeping thinking I'm going to wake up any minute and discover that none of this was real, or you're going to realize what a bum deal you're getting. I know you read my journal, but I don't think the reality of it has sunk in yet. You don't seem to realize that…. I'm… I'm damaged goods… he… they… they fucking used me then tossed me aside like a piece of trash and you deserve so much better than their used castoffs and..."

Edward runs his hand up my back to my neck and pulls me to him until our foreheads are touching. "Please baby, please believe me. I know they made you do terrible unspeakable things. I know that. I know they hurt you and left you broken and alone, with no one left to care for you. But baby, I love you and…"

"How can you …"

Edward holds me there, one hand behind my head while the other strokes my face. "Damn it, Jasper. I know you've been abused and hurt, baby. More than any one person should ever have to endure. I know the scars on your heart and soul run deeper than the ones on your body. But you are not trash, you are not disgusting and you are not contaminating me. Do you hear me?"

I pull back and nod as I wipe a shaky hand across my face. "I hear you…I just don't …"

Edward wraps his arms around me, "Please Jasper. Please believe me when I say I can't live without you now. Please let me be the one to love you. I need you."

All I can do is stand there and shake as Edward holds me and I sob out, "I need you too. I'm sorry… I… it's just, this is… it's all so fucking scary. I didn't think this could ever happen for someone like me. To love…to be loved, it's so much more than I ever dreamed to have… more than I deserve after the things I did…. I don't know what I'd do if you changed your mind and left."

"Oh Jasper, you only did what you had to do to survive, I know that. Baby, you are pure and innocent and loving and beautiful and strong and fucking sexy and you do deserve to be loved, baby. I love you, just the way you are. You're beautiful to me love, sexy and beautiful and nothing is going to make me change my mind." Edward kisses me softly and holds me tighter. I don't know how long we stand there with him holding my trembling body… long enough for my shakes to gradually subside.

Finally, I sigh and pull back. "Edward?"

He gently touches my face, "What baby?"

I hang my head. "I'm sorry."

Edward tilts my face back up, "For what, love?"

I blink back my tears as I say. "For spoiling everything! We were having so much fun and I had to go and get all emotional like an idiot."

Edward wipes his thumbs under my eyes. "Never apologize for getting upset, Jasper. God knows you have enough reasons for it."

I wipe my eyes angrily. "It's just… I'm sick to death of crying all the fucking time. I want us to be happy and laugh and have good times together like we were earlier. I was trying to remember the last time I've ever been as happy as I was earlier and I finally remembered. The last time I had a perfectly happy day, that night my whole family got ripped away from me and then almost three years of my fucking life just disappeared, seemingly overnight for me. I'm so fucking scared all the fucking time and I'm sick of it. I want… I need… laughter and happiness and love and good times and trust and… you."

"My poor, sweet adorable sexy man, you've been to hell and back, haven't you? Baby, I promise I'll give you a lifetime of laughter and happiness and love and good times. I can't guarantee there won't be tears too but I promise we'll outweigh the tears with good times and we'll do it together, babe. Ok?"

I nod my head and sigh, "Ok."

"Shall we get dressed and go and eat now?"

"Ok."

So I lead Edward to my closet and pull him inside with me. Edward stares at my clothes a second then looks at me concerned. I look down and away, waiting for him to criticize. Edward walks over and runs his hand across the row of black jeans, the row of long sleeved black t-shirts and the short row of black button up shirts hanging in my closet. Edward walks back and surprises me when he wraps his arms around me and holds me close, not talking.

Edward holds me like that for several minutes, and then he sighs and says. "Jasper, it's been seven years baby. How long are you going to mourn for your family?"

I look at him surprised. Edward's the first to understand. Maybe it is old fashioned to wear black to signify you're in mourning, but damn it I miss my parents. Not sure if Edward really expects an answer, I finally just shrug and look down again. Edward hugs me tight and kisses me and then softly laughs. I look at him, curious what he finds funny. Edward shakes his head and says, "I need to apologize right now babe."

"For what?" I ask quietly looking down again, not meeting his eyes.

Chuckling, Edward says. "For my sister, Alice and the torture she's going to be putting you through shopping."

I scowl at Edward and shake my head. "I don't go shopping. I don't like how the sales people try and talk to you, or touch you and I really don't like changing clothes where anybody can walk in. I just order shit in bulk off the internet."

"Trust me, babe. None of that will matter. Alice will have you wrapped around her finger and have you shopping before the weekend even gets here."

I shake my head no and pout. "Not going to happen, Edward. She can't make me."

Edward just laughs again and shakes his head. "Trust me babe. Not only will you have a new wardrobe in two days, but going shopping with Alice will even be your idea. She's devious that way."

Edward runs his hands over my clothes again and it sounds like he says, "Alice is going to kill me if she sees me dressed in these." Then Edward shakes his head again and pulls a pair of pants off a hanger and tries them on. Edward gives me a strange look and asks, "Why are your pants so big, baby? You've got to be at least a couple of sizes smaller in the waist than me and yet these fit me almost perfect."

I shrug and look away again before whispering, "I don't like to wear anything tight. I don't like to feel…squeezed… down there."

"Oh baby, come here." Edward wraps his arms around me and holds me close. Then my damn stomach growls again and Edward laughs, and says. "Let's go get you fed before that beast gets loose." Edward pulls one of the black button-up shirts off a hanger and puts it on.

I quickly get dressed and we head out of the apartment. Just as I lock and close the apartment door my phone starts ringing. But I go ahead and close the door and turn to Edward.

"Aren't you going to try and answer that?" Edward asks.

I just grin and shake my head. "Nobody ever calls me Edward. It's probably a wrong number."

"Okay, any special requests for breakfast, babe? Or maybe you'd prefer lunch as late as it is?"

"Hmmm, oh I know! I should take you to eat at Momma's House. This is Wednesday they should be serving pot roast and all the fixin's. Ever ate there?"

Edward smiles and says, "Can't say I have babe. I've never even heard of Momma's House."

"Oh, you'll just love Momma and Poppa Behr!" I say excited.

Edward bursts out laughing again. "Momma bear and poppa bear! I guess that makes you goldilocks?" Then he ruffles my hair.

"Oh bite me, Edward. That's B-E-H-R, and they are a couple of the nicest people you could ever meet. Damn, I should have called a cab. Or if you'd rather it's about a half hour walk."

"Umm, babe, I have my car parked nearby. We can go in it."

"Really? Cool!" We're walking toward the elevator when we hear ringing again.

"Babe, that's your phone again. Maybe you should answer it, just in case."

I whine out, "But I'm hungry!"

Edward just chuckles and says, "It could be important, Jasper. Or it could be the Doc calling to see if you're still alive."

I roll my eyes and growl out, "Fine!" I rush back to my door and unlock it and run in and answer the phone. "Hello!"

"Oh, thank god Jasper! Are you alright?"

"Angela?" Wow, Angela's never actually called me before. "Why wouldn't I be alright? Is something wrong?"

"You didn't come in to the shop today and the sun isn't out so we were worried about you."

I feel my eyes tearing up again. They were worried… about me. "I'm okay Angela. It's just been a different kind of day for me today. Thanks for calling and checking on me though."

"Umm, Jasper, wait! I need to ask you something and it's kind of personal sweetie. Can we, um, I come up and talk to you?"

"You're here? How did you know where I live? Is Bella with you?" For some reason, I'm starting to feel worried. Why would they come here?

"I got your address from Charlotte. I told her it was an emergency and I had to talk to you in person. I have some friends with me sweetie. They really need to talk to you."

I can really feel myself getting alarmed now. She brought strangers to my apartment! What the fuck? "What friends? Why did you bring them here?" Ok, that came out a tad harsher than I meant it to. I look back at Edward and he's watching me with a concerned look on his face.

"I'm sorry Jasper. It's just… their brother seems to be missing and the last time anyone spoke to him he was at your place." I look at Edward shocked. Did they mean him?

"Missing?" Is the only thing I can think to say. I mean come on, he's been right here.

"Yes, apparently he didn't come home last night and they've been trying to call him all morning and he doesn't answer his cell."

"Who?"

"Edward Cullen."

"Hang on, Angela." I cover up the phone and turn to Edward and say, "You're missing."

"Huh?" Edward looks as confused as I feel.

"Apparently, you're family has been trying to call you all morning and you're not answering your phone."

"Shit!" Edward pats his pockets asking, "Where's my damn phone?"

"Umm, you had it on the bed last night darlin'. I think you turned you're ringer off." Edward runs into the bedroom and starts rummaging around through the bed covers.

I'm bringing the phone back up to tell Angela that Edward is actually here with me, when I think I figure out where his phone is. I yell out at Edward, "Look under the bed! It might have slid off when we got under the covers last night!" I hear a sharp intake of breath over the phone. Oops, didn't mean for Angela to hear that. I'm just trying to figure out what to say because now I'm kind of embarrassed, when I hear a stranger's voice on the phone.

"What the fuck have you done to my brother? If you've hurt or molested him I'll have you're fucking balls!"

I drop the fucking phone and run whimpering into the bedroom to Edward. He turns just as I get to him and he catches me in my frantic dash. "Whoa, babe, what's wrong?"

"There's a scary person on the phone! They're going to hurt me!" Yeah, I know I sound like a pansy ass but that was some scary shit.

"Who was it baby?" Edward asks.

"I don't know! But they sounded really mean and they want my balls." I whimper out.

Edward chuckles and says, "How about you look for my phone and I'll go talk them? Would that make you feel better?"

I nod my head frantically. I don't want to talk to scary people on the phone!

Edward walks into the living room and picks up the phone and gruffly says, "Who is this?" Then he bursts out laughing and looks at me. "Rose, I'm fine. Really. I just turned off my ringer and I've misplaced my phone somewhere."

" **- **"

"That was Jasper."

" **- **"

"Because you scared the hell out of him."

" **- **"

"Oh for goodness sakes, no he did not take advantage of me last night."

" **- **"

"What do you mean, you're all downstairs!"

" **- **"

"Damn it, I'm a grown man. When are you guys going to treat me like an adult?"

" **- **"

"I am not whining! Fuck!"

" **- **"

"Sorry, you're right, no need for foul language."

" **- **"

"Fine, come on up. I'll ring you in."

"What are you doing?" I yell franticly, as Edward rings the downstairs door open.

"Calm down baby, it's just my family. You wanted to meet my family didn't you?" Edward asks looking worried and almost hurt.

I'm standing there wringing my fucking hands and shaking as I try to explain to Edward. "I do want to meet them, Edward. It's just… this is my…safe place. If something happens here, I won't have anywhere else to go to feel safe anymore."

"Jasper baby, nothing is going to happen. It's just my family, hun. They're going to love you." Edward tries to pull me into a hug but I'm too nervous and scared to stand still. So I start frantically searching for his phone so as not to think about the people coming to my apartment.

I quickly straighten the bed and scoop all the dirty clothes out of the floor and toss them into the hamper. Then I practically crawl under the bed looking for Edward's phone. I finally find it in the corner. I must have kicked it there during my panic attack last night. I pick it up and hand it to Edward. I can't help but notice he has 23 missed calls.

I yelp and jump a good two feet into the air when the door bell rings. I'm standing there looking around wild eyed with my heart hammering. Edward calmly walks up and pulls me into his arms and kisses me long, hard and deep, taking my breath away… but it instantly calms me down.

Then Edward smiles as he looks me in the eyes and says, "Ready?"


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks to everybody for all the wonderful reviews. You've all just blown me away with your kind words. You have no idea how thrilling it is to read them. I'm hoping that during Thanksgiving break at school, I can sit down write a personal thank you to all the reviewers. I'm glad you're all enjoying the story. **

**This is going to be another slightly shorter chapter. I guess it's really the second half of the last chapter I posted, but it had been so long since my last post, and I'd had several requests for more, that I wanted to hurry and get something out there. Things have been so dark and I'm trying to move things to a slightly lighter tone. Although, I'm pretty sure that there will still be a lot of dark and serious issues dealt with in the future as well. **

**So...disclaimer...yeah, I'm not Stephanie but I love her characters. **

* * *

_**I yelp and jump a good two feet into the air when the door bell rings. I'm standing there looking around wild eyed with my heart hammering. Edward calmly walks up and pulls me into his arms and kisses me, long hard and deep, taking my breath away…but it instantly calms me down. He smiles and looks me in the eyes and says, "Ready?"** _

* * *

**Gasping For Air **

**Chapter 9**

**JPOV (Wednesday continued…)**

I take a breath and nod a yes as I laugh out a shaky, "Not in the least."

Edward wraps his arm around my waist as he laughs and says, "I'll be right here with you babe." Then he guides me to the front door and stops and looks at me.

"What?" I ask nervously.

Edward chuckles and leans in and whispers in my ear. "Baby, it's your apartment. Don't you want to open your door and greet your company?"

"Do I have a choice?" I ask, regretting my words as soon as I look up and see the hurt expression on Edward's face. I can do this, if only to put a smile back on his beautiful face. I take a deep breath and ask, "Do you think they'll like me?"

Edward kisses my neck and says, "Not if you make them stand in the hall all day, babe."

I glare at Edward and say, "In case I haven't mentioned it before, you can be a real asshole sometimes."

Edward just laughs quietly as I lick my lips and paste on a grin. I open the door and hurriedly back up several steps on suddenly shaking legs as my wide eyes gaze up at the huge man standing in front of me. Edward's brother. Damn he's even bigger standing than he had been sitting yesterday. I can feel my eyes getting wider and wider as I stare at his huge hands and think he could probably break me in half even with my self-defense training. And then I notice Edward's sisters are standing behind him and behind them are Angela and Bella.

I try to find my voice to greet them, but I barely manage a hoarse, "Won't you please come in?" As I take several more steps back… to make room. Right, I'm only making more room, I'm really not trying to put as much distance between them and me as I can. But it doesn't take me long to realize I've backed up all the way to the back of the couch.

And suddenly everything is happening all at once as the five of them come in. They all start talking at the same time and it makes my head spin as I try to keep up. Angela and Bella come rushing over to me and start apologizing for intruding on my privacy and asking if I'm really ok. I'm only half way paying attention as I try to listen to what Edward's brother and sisters are saying to Edward as they surround him. Apparently, they're all used to talking at the same time and keeping up with conversations, but it all sounds like a huge confusing mess to me.

"**Bro, not cool"… "**_Is there any particular reason you weren't able to pick up a phone and call your family"… "_**Rose has been worried sick!"**... "My god, Edward, where did you get those hideous clothes!"..._ "and let them know that you had NOT been kidnapped and murdered by a deranged psycho killer_?"...** "Seriously bro, if Dad finds out you went missing"**…"Ugh, his are even worse. I see I have my work cut out for me"….** "for almost 24 hours he'll have all our hides."** … "Good grief, Emmett, I'm a grown man. I can take care of myself. I don't need a fucking babysitter"…. "_Don't talk to him like that, he was worried about you too, Edward." … "_Which way is the closet, there's no time to waste!" … "You guys do not need an account of my every waking moment!"_ …"For someone claiming to not need looking after you did a piss poor job of showing good judgment! What were you thinking spending the night and sleeping with someone you just met! Most 10 year olds have more sense than that Edward!_"

And then the big guy's booming laughter is echoing throughout my apartment and he picks Edward up around the waist and swings him around while saying, "_…_**Dude! Oh man! I didn't even think about that! You sly dog! Did you finally get laid?"**

Edward cries out in pain. "Fuck Emmett, watch out for my side!" and the room goes deathly quiet as all eyes turn and look at me. I can feel the blood literally draining from my body as it's replaced with ice water. I am so fucked. The blond, glaring daggers at me, turns to Edward and literally rips his shirt open revealing his bruised side. I feel light headed but I'm not sure if it's from lack of oxygen, as everyone in the room sucks in their breath at the same time when they see what I did to Edward, or from sheer terror as the blond growls and fucking launches herself towards me.

Have you ever had one of those moments? One of those moments when time seems to come to a full stop and everything and everyone moves in slow motion, and yet at the same time your mind is racing and thinking a million completely random stupid thoughts all at once? It's kind of funny the thoughts that go through your head when you know you're about to die. I was standing there wishing I had never gotten cable TV.

I'd watched a documentary this one time about bears. The only thing I really remember about that was you never wanted to get between a mad momma bear and her cub and you sure as hell never wanted to hurt her fucking cub, not if you valued your life.

So I'm standing there thinking about momma bears and their cubs and I realize I'm in the line of attack from a momma bear… Edward's sister. Because apparently, Edward's her fucking cub and I've hurt him. I decide I should stand there and take my punishment like a manly man because really all Edward had been trying to do was hug me and I'd had to go and overreact and hurt him.

So while I stand there and watch my punishment advancing toward me in the form of an enraged momma bear, I can see everything everybody is doing all at the same time. I watch Edward struggling to get out of his brother's grip as he yells "Rose stop!" Edward's brother has a firm grip on him though as he examines Edward's side, carefully poking and probing it with his fingers. Edward's other sister… I don't know where the fuck she disappeared to. But Bella and Angela are turning and looking at me in wide eyed shock as my stomach growls. Damn, I wish I'd at least had a last fucking meal.

Then I go back to watching Edward's sister, Rose, closing in for the kill and I'm suddenly reminded of this other show I had watched when a preview for a movie came on with this scary looking dude called 'Freddy'. I don't know if it was a glove Freddy was wearing or if it was supposed to be his actual fingers but he had these fucking knives on the ends of each of his fucking fingers. I had had nightmares for months, except instead of Freddy, it was James with all his fingers replaced with those fucking knives. Yeah, those had been some pretty fucked up dreams and I had the cable turned off pretty fucking quick after that and just stuck with my collection of DVDs of classic black and white movies.

Anyway, I can't help but notice the fucking knife length fingernails on the ends of each of Rose's fingers. She's like this half enraged momma bear and half 'Freddie with fucking knives for fingers guy' and the thought of being sliced to ribbons again makes me forget all about being brave and standing up and taking my punishment like a manly man.

I'm deciding pretty fucking quick that… nope… there's no fucking shame in making a strategic retreat when you're obviously out gunned…err…out knifed. But, I'm terrified at the thought of turning my back on the 'Freddy momma bear' coming to kill me.

I look back at Edward and I have this total out-of-body, surreal moment of déjà vu when our eyes lock and he mouths the word 'run'. Come on Jasper, fuck this manly man shit and get the fuck out of here!

In a blind panic, I turn and take off running. Of course the only problem with that is I had already been backed up to the couch. So when I turn and take off running, all I manage to do is take a head dive over the back of the couch and do a face plant in the cushions. I think I do manage a fairly graceful recovery though when I tuck-and-rolled… Ok I lied. I do a fucking somersault and land on my ass, and then scramble to my feet and run toward the bedroom.

My mind is still racing as I glance back and notice that, apparently, I have a couple of momma bears of my own. Because bless their hearts, Angela and Bella step between me and Edward's enraged sister. Of course I can tell right away that all that's going to do is slow her down a little, and maybe piss her off even more. So I take advantage of my momentary reprieve and rush into the bedroom.

My brain is screaming at me that I don't have a fucking door on my bedroom and I'm fucking trapping myself. What the hell kind of a fucking moron doesn't have a door on their bedroom! But I have one on the bathroom and one on the closet, although neither one has a fucking lock on it! I'm doing all these mental calculations, on which is the best route to go.

The bathroom door opens into the bedroom so if I go that way, I'll have to keep a hold of the knob to keep it pulled closed. And I'm pretty sure, an enraged 'Freddy with the fucking knives for fingers momma bear' is going to be a hell of a lot stronger than a terrified lightweight like me. Luckily, the closet door opens into the closet, so if I can get in there, I can hold the door closed with my weight. I might still survive to eat lunch today.

So, I run into the fucking closet and slam the door shut and throw my weight against it at least 2 whole seconds before something slams into the other side, screaming and cursing. My heart is racing as I try to keep Edward's enraged 'Freddy with the fucking knives for fingers momma bear' sister from opening the door. And then it sounds like everybody is right outside the door arguing and screaming all at the same time.

"What'd you do to piss off Rose?" The voice comes from behind me. I scream and try to climb the fucking door even as I'm trying to keep it closed. I figure out pretty damn fast that no matter how hard you try to dig your fingernails into the wood that you actually cannot climb a door with your bare hands. So I finally give up and turn around. Oh, it's the hyper pixie.

All I can do is stand there wide eyed as I pant and tremble. I'm not sure if I'm breathing hard from my acrobatics and mad dash or from the sudden fright of having someone behind me in the closet. But I concentrate real hard on keeping my breaths even. I sure as hell don't want to hyperventilate and pass out now. I'd probably wake up dead.

I eye Edward's tiny sister warily. I'm a good foot taller than she is so I know I have to outweigh her. If she attacks me too, I just might be able to survive. She looks me up and down and shakes her head, then cocks her head listening to the loud voices on the other side of the door. "I'm guessing you did something to Edward that she didn't approve of? Let me guess, the big lug did something that scared you or reminded you of that night and you reacted and hurt him."

My mouth drops open. "You know? How?"

She just smiles and taps her head and says, "I'm smart that way. I knew yesterday as soon as Angela told us your name was Jasper Whitlock."

"B-b-b-but Edward, d-d-d-didn't know…" Did he?

I guess she must have seen the confusion and doubt on my face, because she walks up and puts her hand on my arm making me flinch back away from her. She just smiles and shakes her head. "None of the others know, unless you told Edward?"

I nod my head yes. "How do you know?" I ask softly.

"I don't like… not… knowing things. So when Dad disappeared our first weekend here, I made it my mission to find out why. It wasn't easy though, let me tell you. Apparently, while Dad was operating on you, Bella's dad was calling an emergency town council meeting. He demanded that the town protect the privacy of the surviving minor, by eliminating your family's name from all records. It took me 3 years to find out who survived that night."

"Wait. Did you say Bella's dad? Who's Bella's dad?"

"Bella's dad is the chief of police in Forks."

"Are you telling me Bella's dad is…Chief Swan?" I ask totally floored.

"That's right. You didn't know?"

I just shake my head no then say, "Does Bella know?" Why has she never said anything?

"No, Bella didn't move to Forks until the end of that summer. I'm sure her dad never mentioned it to her. It's not something he talks about. Trust me, I tried. I'm really surprised Bella never mentioned her dad was the chief of police to you, though. I got the impression you guys knew each other when I talked to her and Angela, yesterday."

"We're kind of friends but I guess we haven't ever really talked about personal stuff. I didn't even know her last name was Swan." Thinking hard, I scowl and say. "I wonder if Charlotte knew who she was and why she never told me."

"Who's Charlotte?"

"She's kind of my lawyer/accountant/legal guardian. She used to be my Dad's business partner."

"Your dad's business partner is your legal guardian? Did you not have any family left?"

"She… sort of… is family… even though she really doesn't want to have much to do with me." I say as I hang my head. My feelings toward Charlotte are totally confusing. I'm thankful to her for watching out for me since my parents' deaths. And I know I should be thankful to her that I'm even alive. But at the same time I resent the hell out of the fact that she herself never wanted anything to do with me. Changing the subject, I ask. "So if our names were eliminated from all the records, how did you find out my name?"

The door almost opens and I shove it back closed and she asks, "Want help holding that shut?"

"Please." I squeak out.

She comes over and leans her back against the door and slides down until she's sitting with her feet braced in front of her. Then she pats the floor wanting me to join her. So I slide down beside her and brace my feet too.

She smiles and says, "So about Charlotte…."

I glare at her and shake my head. "You were going to tell me how you know my name when none of the others do."

She glares back, then huffs at me. "Fine. I was at Newton's Sporting Goods Store one weekend looking to get a new sleeping bag. This was almost three years after it all happened. There was this slime ball reporter there that had been wandering around town all week trying to get somebody to talk about what happened. That creep, Mike Newton, offered to tell him who you were and what hospital you were in for five hundred dollars. I just happened to overhear their conversation."

"Is this the same Mike that used to be friends with Edward? How the hell did he know who I was?" I ask pissed.

"Yep, the same manipulative, controlling bastard that had his claws sunk into Edward for a year. His Dad was one of the town council members that night. I guess Mike must have heard his dad talk about you at some point. You know about Mike?"

"Edward mentioned him." I say through gritted teeth.

We sit and listen to the arguing on the other side of the door for a minute then she says, "I'm Alice, by the way."

I blush, god I'm so rude. I smile at her and say, "Hi Alice. I'm Jasper."

"Yeah, we kind of already established that fact." I glare at Alice and stick my tongue out, fucking smart ass pixie. Then Alice says, "So are you ever going to tell me what you did to my brother to piss off Rose so bad?"

I look down thoroughly ashamed of myself. "Edward came up behind me and I kind of over reacted. I just wasn't expecting it. Edward said its only bruises. It won't happen again, I promise."

Alice sighs loudly and says, "Make sure that it doesn't or you'll have me to answer to."

I cut my eyes over at Alice and her tiny petite body. I still think I could win in a fight and I would have laughed, except the look in her eyes told me she was totally serious. I gulp and say what my Mama had always taught me to say in a situation like this. "Yes, ma'am."

"So, just what exactly have you two been doing all night and most of the day? Have you popped his stupid man cherry yet? Been going at it like rabbits?"

"What? No! We just…" My voice trails off, I'm not sure what to say. She really didn't just ask me that, did she?

Alice starts laughing and says, "God, let me guess. You're a damn virgin too!"

I look down frowning as I bite my lip. After last night's fiasco, I'm not sure what to say.

Alice stops laughing and looks at me like she's studying me. Then she softly says, "Oh I see. I didn't know that. I only heard rumors of torture, not… that. I'm sorry." Alice pats my leg and leans against me in an almost hug. I smile at her. I think we're actually going to be friends.

The screaming and cursing have stopped and all I can hear now is Edward's voice. I can't make out what he's saying but he sounds very serious as he talks with his family about something.

"So, it seems as if you and Edward have really hit it off. Knowing Edward he's jumped head first into the deep end and already told you he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you."

I don't say anything, as I suddenly find the hole in the knee of my jeans totally fascinating and pick at the loose threads there.

"That's what I thought. And, I'm guessing from the silence that you told Edward the same thing."

I can feel my face flaming. I'm not embarrassed that I already care for Edward. I'm embarrassed that she's reading me so easy. I bet Alice could give Doc a run for his money.

"That's too bad." Alice says, as she plucks at the same hole in the knee of my jeans that I'm playing with.

I look at her shocked. "What's too bad?"

"Did Edward tell you he's a writer?" I nod my head confused what that has to do with anything. "Well, he has to go on book signing tours, a lot. It's too bad you'll have to stay here all alone, while Edward's travelling all over the country with both guys and girls throwing themselves at him every day."

I can feel my eyes tearing up. Why didn't Edward tell me that? "Does he have to go?" I ask.

"Only if he wants to sell his books." Alice sighs and pulls a few of the loose threads at my knee. Then she looks over at me and says. "It's too bad you can't go with him."

I look up at Alice suddenly excited. "I could go if Edward wanted me to."

Alice looks me up and down and shakes her head again, sighing. "No, not looking like that. Edward has a public image to uphold. And knowing him like I do, I know he would never ask you to change how you look. Why, I bet he even came over here in jeans and a plain ol' button up shirt last night, just to make you feel more comfortable. But trust me on this, if you were to go through Edward's closet you'd find most of his clothes are much dressier and always stylish. Why, I'd hate to think what Edward would choose, if he had to choose between being seen with you looking like that and his public image." Alice sighs loud again and shakes her head.

"But… I don't know anything about styles and it's scary to go shopping by myself and…"

"What you need is someone who knows what is and isn't in style to help you do your shopping. Why, I bet if you found the right person you could eventually let them do all your shopping for you. Of course, you'd have to go the first dozen or so times to try things on. At least until whoever you get to shop for you, learns what you like and don't like and what sizes you wear in the different brands."

"But I don't know anybody that would do that for me. I don't really have that many friends." I hate to tell Alice my list of friends is closer to zero than anything.

Alice keeps plucking at the hole in the knee of my pants and says, "You poor baby. If….if you really wanted me to, I could… _maybe_… help you out."

"Oh Alice! Would you do that for me! When can we start? I…I really want to look nice for Edward." I say excited.

"Would tomorrow be ok for you? I'm sure you and Edward have already made plans for today."

"That would be great! Thank you for doing this! You're the best!" I'm practically bouncing in place. Alice is going to help me look good for Edward!

Alice starts playing with my hair and begins tut-tutting.

"Jasper? Who cuts your hair? I swear it looks like you do it yourself."

"I do." I whisper as my stomach sinks and I lose my smile and look away. I can't. Not that. Not even for Edward. I shudder at the thought of some stranger standing behind me with sharp scissors… metal flashing in the light.

"Would you trust me to cut it for you? You could keep your eyes closed the whole time. I'd make sure you were safe and that you could still look good."

I look at Alice surprised. I didn't even have to try and explain. I feel my eyes tearing up yet again. "You'd really do that for me?" I ask quietly.

Alice wraps an arm around my shoulders and says, "Of course I would. I love my brother and I have a feeling I'm going to love you too."

Someone knocks on the door and I hear Edward's voice. "Jasper, baby, you can open the door. I've explain everything to them and it's safe to come out now."

I start shaking as I anxiously ask Alice. "Do you think it's really safe?"

Alice stares at me for a minute with tears in her eyes and puts one of her hands on the side of my face. "You poor baby, I'm sure that Edward will always try to keep you safe."

Taking a shaky breath, I stand up and offer Alice a hand up. Then I slowly open the door and cautiously look out. Edward's other sister Rose and Angela and Bella are all sitting on my bed and they all look like they've been crying. I look over at Edward confused. Edward's standing beside his brother who is looking down and scuffing his foot on the floor. As I watch, his brother quickly reaches up and wipes at his eyes. What exactly did Edward tell them? I look back over at the girls and that's when I see the journal lying on the bed. I look back at Edward with tears in my eyes. He didn't, did he?

Edward walks over and pulls me out of the closet and into his arms as he whispers in my ear. "It was the fastest way baby, please don't be upset. They didn't read the whole thing, just a few select passages. They still don't know everything, just enough to understand your reaction last night. Is that ok?"

I sigh relieved as I nod my head and whisper, "Thank you for not telling them everything." I glance at his sister and whisper, "Are you sure it's safe out here? Your sister is really scary when she's mad and she was really, really mad before."

Edward kisses my forehead and whispers. "Don't be scared, baby. I'll keep you safe." I sigh and melt into Edward's arms. It's then that I realize I was wrong earlier. My apartment is just this place I… exist in. Edward and his arms are now my safe place. As long as I have Edward's arms around me I can face anything. "Come meet my family baby. Rose, Emmett, I'd like you to meet Jasper. Jasper baby, this is my sister Rose and my brother Emmett and I see you've met the pixie."

After everything that happened earlier, I'm not sure whether to offer a hand to shake or what. I play it safe and just stay tucked up against Edward's side and offer a shy smile at them. Edward's sister takes a deep breath and stands up and walks over to us. I cower in closer to Edward and he turns me to where he's standing between her and me. She stops and rolls her eyes at Edward and steps around him and pulls me into a hug.

Rose whispers in my ear. "I'm sorry for what happened to you and I apologize for my appalling behavior. But if you ever hurt my brother again you will die a slow painful death… got it?"

I just look at her wide eyed and nod my head, not sure what to say. Then she smiles this absolutely radiant smile and kisses my cheek and says, "Welcome to the family, sweetie." I can feel my own smile stretching across my face as my heart is suddenly soaring.

And then the big guy is there and he's throwing his arms around all three of us and yelling, "Group hug!" They all laugh and join in on the hug and I can feel tears running down my face, but it's ok because these are good tears and I actually feel happy. They like me. My stomach growls so loud that everybody in the room laughs and I scowl at all of them and ask, "Can we please go get some food now? I'm starving to death here."

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**Hope ya'll liked it.**


	10. Chapter 10

**This chapter is mainly just some family bonding time. The chapters will probably start getting longer again and more interesting stuff happening in the upcoming chapters.**

**Disclaimer: Yeah, I'm still not Ms. Meyers. All twilight characters belong to her but the plot is my own. **

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_**And then my stomach growls so loud that everybody in the room starts laughing. I scowl at all of them and ask, "Can we please go get some food now? I'm starving to death here."**_

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**Gasping For Air **

**Chapter 10**

**JPOV (Wednesday continued…)**

Edward and his family are _finally_ taking me out to eat. I had invited Angela and Bella to join us, but Angela had whispered in my ear that I needed some bonding time with Edward's family and that she and Bella would join us another time. After a confusing group discussion, I'm _really_ not used to talking to so many people at the same time. We all finally decide to go to a nearby steak house instead of Momma's House.

I'm riding to the restaurant with Edward in his car and he's kind of freaking out on me right now. I've noticed that when Edward is upset or nervous he tends to run his hands through his hair. And right now one of Edward's hands is going to town raking through his hair over and over, with his other hand gesturing wildly as he talks. I can't quite figure out how in the hell Edward's steering the car as we're flying down the street, and quite frankly his driving is scaring the hell out of me. For fuck's sake how fast do you need to drive to go a half dozen blocks!

Edward, his hair spiking up in all directions from his hand raking through it, looks near tears as he says, "Baby, I'm so sorry for all that happened back at the apartment! God, all I have done since meeting you is one fuck up after another."

"Edward…" I try to say, but he keeps talking.

"I'm such a fucking idiot for just assuming it was ok to have my family come up to your apartment. What was I thinking? Oh that's right, I wasn't thinking. I was doing what I do best, acting like a fucking idiot. God baby, I swear I hadn't planned on ever letting them know about my bruised ribs. I should have known_… known…_ that Emmett, being Emmett, would eventually wrestle or roughhouse with me. Emmett's always been such a big kid at heart."

"Edward…" I try again.

"And Rose! I can't believe her! What the hell did she think she was doing? Rose has always been overprotective of me but I swear she gets worse every year, always playing the mother hen. She always wants to know where I am and what I'm doing! It's like she's afraid something is going to happen to me if she's not there keeping tabs."

"Edward!" I try a little louder. Edward pulls into the restaurant parking lot and into a space and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"You're going to get sick and tired of me messing up all the time! What the hell is wrong with me? It's like I'm unconsciously trying to drive you away, but I swear I'm not. I want this. I want you. I want us."

"Edward! Would you shut the fuck up and let me get a word in! It's over now and thankfully everything worked out alright."

"God, I'm being an idiot again, aren't I?"

I roll my eyes, "Well…yeah."

"Sorry." Edward says with a disgusted sigh.

I roll my eyes again and shake my head as I say, "Now quick, before we go in tell me exactly what they read and what you told them about me."

"They didn't read it, baby, I read to them. Only the part in the journal where James and his two buddies first came to your house and how when you turned to run when your dad told you to, that James had grabbed you from behind. Then I told them how James had held you from behind like that and forced you to watch your parents being murdered and that he had later cut you up with a knife. I had to make them understand your defensive reaction from being grabbed from behind like that, baby. I also told them that that was where our dad had been that whole weekend when we first moved to Washington…saving you. Oh, and I also told them you were as innocent and as inexperienced as I was and that they needed to quit worrying about you trying to take advantage of me."

Taking a shaky breath, I rub my eyes with the heels of my hands. Ok, I can live with that. I had really been worried Edward had let them read the whole journal. Dropping my hands, I look at Edward and say. "Thank you for saying that last bit, Edward. I'm glad you didn't tell them everything that happened. I might tell your family some day in the future but I'm not ready to share that much with them yet. Oh and just so you know, Alice already knew almost everything. I didn't tell her."

Edward barks out a laugh, "Why am I not surprised?"

"Alice also told me that Bella's dad is Chief Swan?"

"Oh baby, I thought you knew that or I would have said something last night." Now Edward looks upset again.

I laugh and say, "Edward, we kind of had more important things going on last night and this morning."

Edward nods his head and says, "Right, you're right." Edward looks nervous as hell as he takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out before saying, "Ok, I can do this. Are you ready to go in and eat now?"

"Hell, yeah." I say with a grin.

We get out of his car and I walk around to where Edward is and go to put my arm around his waist. But Edward grabs my hands stopping me as he nervously looks around. Then he leans in close and gives me a soft kiss. Edward touches his forehead to mine and smiles a small sad smile. He sighs, crosses his arms, then turns around and walks away from me toward the restaurant.

What the fuck? I slowly start following Edward's retreating form feeling confused and hurt. Is Edward embarrassed to be seen with me? I follow him about halfway then stop and watch as he continues on. I can feel my eyes tearing up as I say, "Edward?"

Edward turns and looks at me. The first thing I notice is his face looks as devastated as I feel. I'm about to ask him what is going on when his face changes to a look of pure horror as I feel a pair of huge arms circling around my shoulders. My mind goes completely blank as my self defense training kicks in and I instinctively react and flip whoever it is over my shoulder, at the same time I hear Edward yelling. "Emmett, no!" My brain kicks into overdrive as I'm thinking 'Give me a fucking break! Rose is going to kill me!' I try to control Emmett's fall as he flies over my shoulders.

I can hear Rose screaming, "What are you doing? You idiot!"

Emmett hits the ground with a surprised look on his face and then the bastard starts laughing! Rose runs up and she's screaming. At Emmett? What the hell? "What the hell do you think you're doing, Emmett! You can be such a moron sometimes!" Rose pops Emmett in the back of the head with a light slap, then she rounds on me and I flinch back. Rose grabs me and gives me a quick hug then starts running her hands over my shoulders and arms. "Are you hurt? Did he hurt you? I swear Emmett's more boy than man sometimes and doesn't think about what he's doing."

I look up to see Alice walking up and she's laughing harder than Emmett as she says, "Welcome to our crazy family Jasper."

Emmett's laughing even harder as he gets up and says, "Dude! Why in the hell did you run from Rose when you got moves like that? Can you teach me that move? That was awesome!"

I'm shaking like a leaf and looking at all of them like they're crazy, when I feel another pair of arms slip around my waist. I stiffen up in shock until I recognize the feel of Edward's arms and body and then I slump against him in relief. I'm shocked to feel that Edward's trembling even harder than I am. I turn and look at Edward and I can see he's furious.

I remember the way he was acting before this happened and I'm just wondering if Edward's mad at me, when he says in a soft voice that is both hurt and menacing at the same time. "If you guys are all done _terrorizing_ my… my boyfriend… then we'll be going now and you can all just go to hell." Edward's voice breaks at the end and he starts pulling me toward the car.

Everybody is yelling, "Wait!" and apologizing over and over and over. I can't help but feel bad for all of them as Edward guides my shaking body back to his car. This whole situation has been awkward and fucked up from the get go. Why can't I just be fucking normal!

I've wanted to _feel_ fucking normal forever, but how the fuck am I ever going to feel normal if I don't start _acting_ normal. Edward had told me his sister was overprotective, so Rose's reaction to thinking her brother had been… _abused_… was normal. I mean who wouldn't be angry and protective in a situation like that?

Edward had told me his brother liked to roughhouse and wrestle, so that was obviously what Emmett had been doing when he grabbed me. Emmett was being normal and he was trying to treat me as one of the group. It's not their fault that everything in my world, all my actions and reactions are a reflection of what happened to me that night. I have to quit letting that night rule my life. I have quit letting James _own_ me. I will not let that bastard win.

Stopping in my tracks, I meet Edward's eyes and shake my head. "No. This is your family and they love you, Edward. It's not their fault that I'm… so fucked up. Let's go in and eat with them." Edward stands there and stares at me undecided as his hand rakes through his hair over and over. I finally grab Edward's hand and say, "You're going to go bald if you don't stop that."

He finally smiles at me and kisses me softly, then says. "Are you sure baby? I wanted you to get to know my family but this has been one of the most fucked up first meetings I've ever heard of. I understand if you'd rather not do this right now."

I smile and kiss Edward back before saying, "It's been a hell of a night and day hasn't it? Edward, I am falling so in love with you and I want to know your family. I belong with you, in your arms now. And I want your family to at least like me and hopefully someday, maybe even love me too. Please, let's go in?"

Edward takes my face in his hands and kisses me, softly at first and then more passionately as his tongue is suddenly at my lips. I groan as I part my lips and our tongues are twirling and tasting and our lips are sucking. Edward's hand slowly runs down my back and he pulls me in closer. I wrap my arms around his waist and hold onto him.

Then Emmett is clearing his voice and saying, "Maybe you two should go get a room." Edward stops and jerks away from me so fast it makes my head spin. Edward's got his arms crossed again and he's looking down at the ground with a bright red face as his brother and sisters laugh.

Two guys are walking past us at this point and I hear them yell, "Fucking fags!" Shocked, I look up at them as they walk by sneering at us with a look of disgust on their face. I look over at Edward's family and they all look pissed. Rose looks like she's fixing to go into her momma bear mode. But it's the look on Edward's face that just about breaks my heart. Edward has that same devastated look on his face as earlier and I understand. He had expected this to happen.

I step up to Edward and wrap my arms around his waist again and say, "Is that why you wouldn't walk with me? Why you wouldn't hold me? It doesn't matter what they think, Edward. It doesn't matter what anybody thinks as long as we have each other."

Edward looks at me and touches my face with one of his hands and says, "Oh baby, I just wanted to spare you that. I've seen how people look at gay couples and I didn't want people to look at you with disgust like that. You honestly seem to believe that you're hideous and undeserving of love. You won't believe me when I try to tell you how beautiful you are and I was afraid those kind of looks would make things worse. You've had so much pain in your life. I didn't want to be the cause of more."

Shaking my head, I say. "Edward as long as I have you, I don't care what anybody else thinks. But I need you by my side, beautiful. I feel lost when I'm not in your arms or at least by your side. I'm like an addict and you arms are my drug, Edward. I can't get enough of being in your arms. You... you're making me start to believe in myself and that just maybe I can live a normal life someday."

Emmett wraps his arms around the both of us and says, "Guys, I'm really sorry for earlier. Jasper, we're all just so excited for Edward to have finally met somebody to love. I guess, I just got hyped up and forgot I wasn't supposed to be grabbing you from behind."

Emmett looks over his shoulder to where Rose and Alice have those two guys cornered and are having a very heated discussion. Then he looks back at me and says, "Dude, that move you did was awesome, really. Why in the hell did you run from Rose?"

I look down as I scratch my head thinking. Then I look up and say, "A couple of reasons really. For one, I saw her coming, it's a lot different than to suddenly have somebody behind me. And I knew she was Edward's sister so I knew fighting or hurting her was out of the question. In a way, I really kind of thought I deserved to be punished for hurting Edward. I mean, fuck, all he had been doing was trying to hug me. I've just been alone for such a long time, that I wasn't expecting it."

Emmett seems to be thinking my words over very carefully, and then he says. "You said a couple of things? What else?"

I smile at Emmett and say, "Dude, your sister?…uh…girlfriend?...uh, man, that's fucked up…anyway Rose is fucking scary! She was charging like a fucking pissed off momma bear and I was the idiot that hurt her fucking cub. And have you not looked at those fucking claws on the ends of her fingers! She's like that fucking Freddy dude that has knives for fingers, I thought she was going to shred me to ribbons!"

Edward laughs and asks, "What is it with you and momma bears, goldilocks?"

I glare at Edward and say, "Fuck you, Edward."

Edward looks me up and down and says, "Soon, babe, real fucking soon."

Emmett's booming laughter echoes across the parking lot as he says, "Too much info guys!"

Emmett's laughter brings the girls back and we finally head into the restaurant. This time though, Edward stays at my side with his arm around my waist.

"~~***~~"

I'm shocked when they ask for a private dining area, hell I didn't even know the restaurant had something like that and I had eaten here several times in the last couple of years. Not that I would have ever wanted one, hell the only reason I always ate out was so as not to be alone all the damn time. I really appreciated the privacy though when Edward's family all started and talking and laughing so loud.

I wind up ordering the largest steak the restaurant serves along with a couple of baked potatoes and a few other side dishes and I even order two desserts. Edward and I sit on one side of the table and Rose and Emmett sit on the other side with Alice at the head of the table close to me. I'm still having trouble keeping up with multiple conversations and I think I just about got whiplash from having to look back and forth at whoever happened to be talking to me.

Emmett immediately starts laughing and teasing about my earlier acrobatic antics in my living room. "Dude, that face plant into the couch was great! But that recovery when you somersaulted and landed on your ass? Man I give that at least a 9.5"

Everybody laughs and Rose says, "Oh please, maybe an 8.5."

Edward, shaking his head says. "No it was a perfect 10." Then he leans over and kisses me. Alice fumes because she missed it.

I've never actually been teased like that before and at first I wasn't sure how to act. But as I watched Edward's family teasing and making fun of and laughing at _each other_, I realized they were treating me like family and I was actually touched. We wound up laughing all through lunch.

Emmett's booming laughter echoes throughout the room as he says, "Bro, it reminded me of that time when we still lived in Chicago and you were going to steal some apples out of old lady Carmichael's apple tree! You ripped your pants in half when you jumped the fence. That was a perfect 10!"

Edward bursts out laughing and his face turns red as he says, "Em, she sent her fucking dogs after me! What was I supposed to do?"

"Language, Edward." Rose warns.

Emmett laughs even harder as he says, "They were Chihuahuas, Edward!"

Edward turns redder and glances at me looking embarrassed as he says, "Yeah well there was a bunch of them and they were all set on eating my balls!" They all laugh at Edward. Hell even I laugh, I'd like to have seen Edward running from a pack of mad Chihuahuas.

Alice laughs until she cries as she describes my trying to climb the closet door. Then they all tease Alice for finally 'coming out of the closet'. Emmett teases me for eating so damn much and says he's never met anybody who could out eat him before. The girls think it's hilarious when I tell them how I had been comparing Rose to a cross between a momma bear and that Freddy with the fucking knives for fingers dude.

I don't think I have ever laughed so much in my entire life, and I can't remember ever _enjoying_ being teased or being embarrassed so much. I was actually having fun.

Edward doesn't even bat an eye, although I think I see his lips trying to twitch into a smile, when Alice tells him she's going to pick me up in the morning to go clothes shopping. I narrow my eyes at both of them; I think I've been set up. Then I decide… fuck it. I was determined to have fun regardless. Alice wants to know if she's picking me up at my place or Edward's place. We talk about it a little bit and decide I'm going to stay at Edwards tonight, since he has to get up early and go meet with his editor in the morning. Alice plans to pick me up as Edward is leaving so I won't be alone in a strange place.

I'm literally bouncing with excitement. I haven't spent the night anywhere besides my apartment since I got out of the hospital. I'm also ecstatic that everybody just assumes we will be together tonight and that they don't think anything bad about it. I had actually been worried that they wouldn't want me around Edward after seeing his side, but they seem to have accepted me with open arms.

Edward explains to them that he's taking me to meet their parents Sunday. They all try to assure Edward and me that it will go well. But I can tell Edward's still nervous about it. I notice Edward's sister, Rose, studying how nervous Edward is and looking like she's deep in thought. Rose really is very protective of her brother. She pulls me aside at one point and gives me another hug and apologizes to me again. Rose tells me that she hasn't seen her brother this happy in years and she's glad Edward found me.

They all tease me and Edward both about sex…or maybe I should say our lack of sex. And then Emmett, of all people, starts trying to give me and Edward advice on how to have sex the first time. Edward is telling him to just shut up, but Emmett is insisting. "Listen Edward, I know you don't have any experience, man. So yesterday, after you told us you had met a man, I went and talked to my gay friend, Ben, and got some pointers for you."

Edward groans and hides his face in his hands saying, "Please tell me you're kidding and that you did not go and talk about me like that."

Emmett just laughs and says, "I didn't exactly tell Ben the advice was for you Edward but seriously man, just how many 23 year old gay virgins do you think Ben knows that I know?"

"Somebody just shoot me now. I do not want to hear it Emmett!"

"Listen Edward, Ben is a good guy and I know he wouldn't give bad advice. You don't know shit about sex and I don't want you thinking all you have to do is shove your dick up some guy's ass, uh, sorry Jasper. Oh hell, you don't know shit either. Ok, I don't want either one of you ripping the other a new ass so just sit down, shut the hell up, and listen."

Alice stands up and says, "Um, Rose, how about you and I go powder our noses and give the boys some privacy." And with that Alice and Rose leave us alone with Emmett and Emmett's secondhand words of wisdom. I think my face has been permanently frozen a bright red. But while Edward bitches and moans, I'm listening carefully to what Emmett is saying. I know only too well how painful things can be and if there is way to have that kind of sex without the pain, I definitely want to know about it.

Emmett is talking things about whether or not we need condoms, and about using tons of lube, and about fingers and stretching and preparing. I hang my head and bite my lip as I wonder if some of my internal injuries could have been prevented if James, the fucking bastard, would have given half a fuck and tried to 'prep' me, or if it had been his intentions to cause as much damage as possible.

Edward slides his arms around my waist and pulls me closer and asks if I'm ok. I just nod as I blink back a few tears. I refuse to cry over what happened to me anymore. Edward finally tells Emmett, "Enough, we'll figure out the rest. Thank you for caring, big brother."

Emmett is looking at me kind of strange, as I sit there and blink back those fucking tears that keep threatening to fall. Emmett stands up suddenly and his chair goes flying back, his hands are clenched into fists as he turns to Edward and says, "You didn't say they… that they… what happened to the bastards? I'll fucking kill them."

About that time the girls walk in and Rose says, "Language, Em." And then Rose stops and looks at the look of rage on Emmett's face, the look of concern on Edward's as he draws me into a hug and I don't have a clue what kind of look I have on my face, something between anger, embarrassment, horror, shame, rage, devastation.

Rose comes over and kneels in front of me and gently takes my face in her hands and says, "I'm sorry, baby boy. I was afraid that had happened." Rose pulls me and Edward both into a hug and then everybody is hugging me and I feel…I feel loved.

"~~***~~"

Edward is taking me by my apartment so I can get a change of clothes, my shower stuff and toiletries, my backpack with my laptop and sketchpad, and my medication. I unlock the door to let us in and step inside. We no sooner get inside and get the door closed when Edward is there, surrounding me in his arms and planting light kisses all over my face.

Edward backs me up against the door and presses the full length of his body against mine as he kisses me a long, slow, gentle kiss and holds me close. Breaking the kiss he softly whispers, "Are you ok, baby? I know you didn't want everybody to know."

I smile at him and say, "Yeah, I'm alright. I'm actually kind of relieved that it's out there and I don't have to worry about them finding out anymore. Besides, now that I think about it, it probably would have come out as soon as you introduced me to your parents. Your dad knows more than anyone exactly what all happened to me."

Placing gentle kisses across my face, he says. "Baby, I've been thinking. What would you think about going to Forks, Saturday instead of Sunday. I'd kind of like to get there a day ahead of everybody else and get any and all awkward moments and introductions out of the way without an audience. I can show you around town and show you my old stomping grounds."

I smile and kiss him again before saying. "I think I'd like that, Edward."

Edward smiles and says, "Great! If you want, why don't you go ahead and get enough stuff to last from now through the weekend. We can always come back by if you need anything else."

My smile is so big right now, I'm surprised the top of my head doesn't fall off as I go and grab my stuff. I put as much of it in my backpack as I can fit, deciding that I only need to take one change of clothes with me. I figure Alice and I will be getting some nicer stuff tomorrow. I want to look good when I meet Edward's parents.

Edward and I are heading out the door to head to his place when I remember what I had meant to ask him earlier, "Edward, can I ask you something?"

"Sure babe, you can ask me anything."

I feel my face heating up and I bite my lip as I look down at the floor. Taking a deep breath, I finally look up at him and say. "I was just wondering if you had any, or knew where to buy…condoms and lube?"

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**Hope ya'll are still enjoying the story**.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks again for the wonderful reviews. You guys and gals are the best!**

**Hope everybody continues to like the story.**

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_I feel my face heating up and I bite my lip as I look down at the floor. Taking a deep breath I finally look up at him and say, "I was just wondering if you had any, or knew where to buy…condoms and lube?"_

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**Gasping For Air**

**Chapter 11**

**JPOV (Wednesday continued…)**

Edward bursts out laughing at me. Asshole.

I scowl at him and whine, "Stop laughing at me! How in the hell am I supposed to know where you get that shit. I've never even thought about needing it before."

Edward smiles as he sets my things down on the floor and pulls me into a hug. "I'm sorry babe, you just caught me by surprise. To answer your question, no, I don't have anything like that. I've never needed any of it so I've never bought any of it. I mean come on… condoms? Hello! Virgin here, remember? As for lube…well, I'm usually in the shower when I… ah… you know. So, I've never needed that either. As to where you get it… umm… drug store, I assume? I've honestly never looked for it. But I'll talk to Emmett and find out for sure."

I start laughing and Edward gives me a puzzled look. My laughter slowly fades away and I shake my head and sigh, "I was just thinking we're a hell of a match, Edward. Neither one of has a fucking clue what we're doing. We're getting advice on how to have gay sex from your straight older brother. I freak out and defend myself, or pass out in a panic attack any time anybody walks up behind me or touches me or fucking looks at me cross-eyed. I've been… I've been… why is it so hard to say? I've been tortured and repeatedly raped by not just one, but three psychotic assholes. You're a virgin that's been assaulted, practically raped by your best, most trusted friend. We both figure out we're gay at the same fucking time. We fall head over heels for each other after just one day. How in the hell are we going to make this work when neither of us has even had a real relationship before?"

Edward cups my face in his hands and softly says, "Shh, Jasper, you're getting yourself worked up again, baby. We'll make this work because we did fall head over heels in love with each other. I was kind of freaked out by it yesterday, but now it doesn't matter to me that you're a man. We can figure out how to be together as a gay couple and make this work, as long as we do it together. I promise we'll go slow, babe, one step at a time. We're not going to rush into anything. I know my family loves to tease us about sex. But babe, I don't want you to think we have to jump right in and start having it. There is no hurry on the condoms and lube because there is no hurry on sex. Right now, I'm more interested in having this relationship and making it work. I can't believe how hard and how fast I've fallen for you. I love you, Jasper." Edward starts placing feather soft kisses on my face and I melt against him. Damn, I love it when Edward does that.

Kissing Edward back, I say. "Thanks, beautiful. I guess I just needed to hear that. But I still think we should go ahead and buy the stuff. When it happens, I don't want to have to stop in the middle of what we're doing and go shopping. And I don't want it to be something we're going to plan out and be nervous and worrying over. I want it to be spontaneous and something we both want at the same time. I want it to be beautiful." I grin at him and say, "It'll probably be awkward and painful but I want it to be beautiful."

Edward chuckles as he strokes my face and says, "Ok babe, we'll buy the supplies and have them ready for when we are. Is that what you want?" I nod my head and he says, "Ok, I'll make that call to Emmett, just to be sure I'm right about where to buy the stuff. We'll go shopping on the way to my place and after that we can go and put your things away and try to figure out what we want to do for the rest of the day."

Edward makes his call to his brother and I can't help but snicker at how red Edward's face is as he's talking on the phone. Hmpf, seems you can buy that shit lots of places: drug stores, discount department stores, novelty stores… what the hell is a novelty store? ...never mind… anyway, you can buy it pretty much any damn where, I just never looked before… go figure.

Edward decides to stop at a drug store near his apartment building. After he parks the car we sit out in the parking lot and have a debate on if Edward's going to go in alone to get the stuff or if we both are going in. Damn, we sound like a couple of teenage girls the way were giggling and arguing over who's going in. Edward finally talks me into going in with him but I'm so damn nervous, and I hate to admit it… still giggly… that I'm kind of hiding behind Edward, hanging onto his shirt as we walk around. I'm glad we decided to do this shit ahead of time because I have a feeling all this embarrassment would kill the mood for sex pretty damn quick.

We finally find the right rack and I'm kind of just standing there hiding my face in Edward's back and waiting on him to grab something, pay for it, and get us the hell out of here. I mean come on, this is fucking awkward. Obviously, you only buy this shit for one thing and I feel like we're announcing to world, 'Hey, look at us. We're gonna fuck!' But Edward keeps standing there and keeps standing there and keeps standing there. I finally peek around Edward's shoulder and whisper, "What's taking so fucking long?"

I look up at Edward and his face looks totally lost. He whispers back, "I don't know what to get."

I look at where Edward's looking and my eyes go wide. Well damn. There are rows upon rows of these little boxes and they have words like: lubricated, durable, elastic, latex, polyurethane, lambskin, studded, ribbed, thin, ultra thin, small, medium, large, extra large, magnums. And then there are all these bottles and tubes with words like… condom compatible, greaseless, odorless, water-based, flavored… flavored? What the fuck?

I start yanking on Edward's shirt and whisper, "Just grab something and let's the hell out of here!"

Edward shakes his head and whispers back, "No, if we're going to do this we're going to do it right." And he starts picking up boxes and reading them!

Edward grabs another box and says, "What size do you think? Oh wait, here's a chart. Hmm, just guessing from how huge you felt in my hand last night, at least a large, which sounds like it should be fine for me too. I don't know maybe we should get the extra large for you, just in case. Oh hell, we'll try both. Umm, are you allergic to latex or anything?"

Damn, maybe I should be paying attention too. "Shit. Yeah I am. Thanks for thinking to ask." I start reading the boxes too, and we finally pick out a couple of _everything,_ that's not latex, to try someday. Edward starts reading the bottles and tubes of lube and I think to say, "Make sure it's hypo-allergenic or for sensitive skin." I've got enough skin problems without having some kind of reaction to this stuff… down there! Who would have thought having sex would be so fucking complicated.

Edward finally picks out several brands of lube in varying sizes and he's grabbing like two of everything! I'm looking at Edward like he's nuts and I ask, "Why are you getting so much?"

Edward answers. "Half for my place and half for yours, babe." Oh… duh. Why didn't I think of that? We've got so much stuff that I have to help Edward carry it. We go up to the register and start piling everything in this huge fucking pile. There's this little old lady working the register, I mean she looks at least 90, and I'm about ready to curl up and die from the look she's giving us as she looks from us to the huge pile we have on the counter.

She starts laughing and says, "Looks like you two boys are planning on having a _lot_ of fun." She looks us up and down and shakes her head as she grins and starts ringing the shit up. I wonder if my face is as red as Edward's? She picks up the boxes that says studded and ribbed and tells Edward, "Go put these back and get more smooth ones, son. You'll tear each other up with these."

Edward's eyes are so huge I'm not sure how they don't fall out of his head and his face has transformed from a light red and is fast approaching a glow in the dark neon red. But he squeaks out a "Yes, ma'am." and does what she says.

I just want the floor to open up and swallow me when she says, "Large and extra large! Oh my word, you boys try and be careful and just remember there's no such thing as too much lubrication."

We pay her and I practically run out the door to Edward's car. As we're leaving she hollers out, "You two young fellas have fun lovin' each other, now." I've never felt so mortified in my life! I'm standing there bouncing from one foot to the other as I wait for Edward to catch up and unlock the door. Edward finally gets there and opens my door for me and I jump in. He goes around and gets in and we just sit there for a minute. Then Edward looks at me and we both break out in hysterical laughter.

We get to Edward's place pretty quick after that and we're at his door and still laughing as Edward unlocks it. I'm really excited about getting to see Edward's place and stay the night. But after our drug store adventure, I've got the damn nervous shakes again. I hate it when I do that, but I've learned to ignore them because if I try to force myself to quit shaking they just get worse. Edward opens the door and I step in and look around.

"Wow!" The place is huge! Well, compared to my place anyway. I'm so excited that I just drop my stuff at the door and take off exploring. I start bouncing on Edward's couch and two chairs. Wow, comfy and I bet this couch would be long enough for both of us to lay down on it! Mmmm, maybe we can do what we did this morning again. I scratch my head as I wonder if Edward knows how to put on a condom. Hell, I've never even seen one, we may have to practice.

I go and look in Edward's fireplace trying to figure out if those are real logs or if it's one of those gas fireplaces. Then I check out his shelves full of movies, shuddering when I see a collection of horror and action films. Oh wait, he's got a few classics and wow, looks like all the animated movies! Fun stuff!

I run over and open Edward's balcony door and look out. I lean way over the rails and look down, but my head starts spinning. Strange, heights don't usually bother me. Maybe it's because I've already got the shakes? I look up and see the clouds have broken up and the sun is out. Fuck! Pay attention Jasper! Are you trying to get blistered! I run back inside and shut the door and the drapes. Damn, looks like I'm in for the day.

Wow, look at that beautiful piano. Mom always wanted me to learn to play one. I run my hands across it admiring it. I wonder if Edward plays. Of course he does… idiot. Why else would he have this big ass piano if he didn't play? I wonder if he'll play something for me?

I look through an archway and see his kitchen. Oh look, his kitchen is huge too! Didn't Edward say he cooks? I wonder if he'll cook for me tonight! I'm looking through his cabinets and holy fuck; I've never seen so much food! Is that all for him?

What's behind these doors, aha, laundry room, and through here? Dining area… I wonder why he needs such a big table? Oh another archway, look it loops back around into the living room. I look across the room. I bet that doorway leads to his bedroom.

I go over and look and it's actually a small hallway with three doors. The middle door has a small bathroom behind it. The door on the left leads into a bedroom. Fuck me, look how big Edward's bed is! I run over and jump into the middle of it. It's so damn soft! I roll back and forth a few times giggling. I could get lost in this bed! I can't wait to curl up with Edward in this!

I jump up and run and open the other door in the room. Bathroom…huge fucking bathroom! It's got one of those tubs that bubble around… what are they called? Hot tub? Jacuzzi? Some shit like that. Woo hoo! Look at that shower! It even has a place to sit down! How cool is that? The doors are clear, that means if I peek in here while Edward's showering I can see…. I start giggling again. Wow, another door… Edward's closet…look at all the clothes he has! Alice was right, Edward does have nice stuff to dress in and look at all those pairs of shoes! Damn, I have to remember to tell Alice I need shoes too.

I go back out into the bathroom and through the bedroom to see what is behind the last door in the hall. Only to find Edward standing there with his arms crossed looking like he's trying not to laugh. I stop and realize I've been running around like an idiot and going through Edward's stuff and I didn't even ask if it was ok. I look down feeling embarrassed and upset with myself. You're a grown man Jasper. When are you going to start acting like one!

I look up at Edward and anxiously say, "I'm sorry."

Edward looks confused and says, "For what?"

I look down again, too self-conscious to meet Edward's eyes, "For just going through your stuff and your place. I didn't even ask. I wouldn't like it if someone did that at my place. That was just plain impolite and rude. I'm acting like an immature idiot. I'm sorry. I was just so excited about being here and…"

Edward put his finger on my lip, shushing me. "Baby, on the rare occasion you forget to be scared and you give me a glance of that adorable, sweet, curious, brave, innocent man that lives inside you; I could almost weep with happiness. I was enjoying every minute of watching you. I was just slowing you down now because this last room is my office. I'm just finishing up a book and I've kind of got stuff scattered right now, but it's kind of an organized scatter. I was just going to ask that you not move any papers around. I also wanted to show you my books that I write, Jasper. And I want to reassure you again that I have no intentions of writing about you, so don't freak out. Ok?"

I look up at him nervously and say, "Ok, Edward, I trust you, beautiful."

Edward opens the door and steps in and I follow him inside. The walls are lined with shelves and books and there's this beautiful mahogany table with stacks of papers covering it and a desktop computer and one of those lamps with the green shades. I smile, it looks like a scene from a movie. There's a comfortable looking leather roll-around chair pulled up to the desk and across the room, under the window, is a futon that looks like it's been slept in a lot. I wonder why Edward would want to sleep on that when he's got that wonderfully huge bed in his bedroom.

Edward goes over and leans on the desk and crosses his arms, silently watching me as I start checking out the titles in his shelves. There are a lot of leather bound books. Some look old, some look new. I recognize some of the authors like Shakespeare and Dickens, but there are plenty that I don't know. But then again, I never was into reading classic literature. I slowly walk around the room, scanning titles and authors, wondering where the books are that Edward wrote.

Finally, I come to the shelves behind Edward's desk and see a set of eight paperbacks that seem out of place with everything else. I recognize them immediately. I've even read two of them. The Doc recommended them to me soon after I first woke up in the hospital when he became my doctor.

It's a series of books aimed at teenagers. The main character is a vampire, Anthony, that's forever trapped in a teenage body. He had been turned into a vampire when his best friend surprised him and attacked him one day. Apparently he had been clueless that his friend was even a vampire. He made an oath to never drink human blood and he travels from place to place trying to pass himself off as a normal human, eternally alone and lonely. Eventually, he starts helping abused kids in dealing with the abuse by offering advice and help. Usually he helps them find a new family to care for them.

I remember the two books the Doc recommended for me to read, in one the main character had helped a boy who had been raped by a family member and in the other it was a girl who had been disfigured from an attack by her own drug crazed mother. I had really connected with their characters. I run my hands across the spines of the books as I look at the name of the author, E.A. Masen.

I hear Edward walk up behind me. He wraps his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder as he says, "My mom's maiden name was Masen. My editors thought it would be best for me to write under a pseudonym and keep my sex ambiguous. Something about parents not accepting that a man as young as me could or should write about such sensitive subjects aimed toward teenagers. I started writing not long after I left Forks and went into college. After the disastrous Prom night I had with Bella and then her breaking up with me right after, I got really depressed and confused and angry. I started having bad dreams every night, about what Mike did except it was all mixed up with those stories of abuse from my fostered siblings. I think the days were worse though, it was almost like their voices were trapped in my head repeating over and over the things that had happened to them. I swear sometimes I could hear screams of pain as they begged for help. I couldn't turn it off and I really thought I was going nuts. I got really withdrawn and isolated myself from everybody. I quit talking to my family. I almost flunked out the first half of my first semester at college. I barely ate and slept, I was like a zombie just going through the motions. Of course, having two sisters and a big brother, threatening to kick my ass or worse call mom and dad and tell on me if I didn't straighten my shit out helped a little."

Edward sighs real big and says, "The writing helped even more. I decided I had to find some way to get all that shit out of my head and once I started writing, I couldn't get it written or typed fast enough. It just came pouring out of me. I had a couple of dozen stories written out in just a few months. Alice, the little sneak, found them one day and tried to convince me to try and get published. She finally talked me into it when she said that she thought the stories might actually be able help kids that still live in those situations. The editors at the publishing house came up with the idea to tie all the stories together with a vampire character. Vampires seem to be the big thing right now. Anyway, I created this series and now I just have to work the vampire character into the plots. Babe, I want you to know that I contacted every single one of them, my fostered siblings, and got their permission before I tried to get anything published. I just… I don't want you to think, after seeing these, that our meeting was anything but chance or that I wanted to write about you, baby."

I turn around in Edward's arms and kiss him before saying, "I said I trusted you about this beautiful and I meant it. But thank you for showing me these and explaining. I'm sorry you had such a rough time dealing with things. Edward, did you never tell or talk to anyone about what Mike did to you?"

Edward shakes his head, "No, I was too embarrassed and ashamed. You were the first person I've ever told. I did mention it to the Doc this morning, though."

I cup Edward's face in my hands and say, "Edward, what Mike did to you was wrong and it wasn't your fault. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I wish the Doc would have talked to you more this morning. I guess he was too worried about me. You will come with me next week and talk to him too, won't you?"

Edward nods and says. "Yeah, I'll come with you, babe. It actually felt good to finally tell somebody." He chuckles and cups my face in his hand and says, "You should listen to your own advice baby."

I look at him confused, "Huh?"

Edward smiles as he shakes his head and says, "What happened to you wasn't your fault, either. You have nothing to be ashamed of Jasper. You need to quit blaming yourself and quit feeling like you're disgusting and hideous."

I sigh and say, "I'm trying, Edward. I'm trying." Then I smile and say, "Would you believe, I've actually read two of your books a few of years ago? It was about a year after I woke up. They really help me a lot at the time. I'm glad you decided to get them published."

Edward has such a look of relief on his face as he says, "Really? I actually donate half the profits to different shelters. But still, I've always felt guiltier than hell about making a living from the pain of others. But if the stories really do help other people, if they helped you baby, then maybe it really was ok to write them and have them published."

I give Edward a soft kiss then say, "They helped me open up and talk to the Doc about what happened, Edward. If you hadn't written these books, if I hadn't had that feeling that what happened to me had happened to others and that they had been able to survive it, I don't know if I would have ever been able to come out of my shell and go out into the world. These books are good things Edward. Don't feel guilty for writing them."

Edward smiles as he blinks back tears and says, "Thank you, baby, you don't know how much it means to me to hear that."

We start walking out of Edward's office and back toward his living room. Edward's got his arm around my waist and I catch myself feeling amazed at how at ease I feel with this close personal contact. If you had asked me yesterday if I'd ever let another person, male or female… but especially male hold me like this, I'd have called you crazy. I never imagined that I'd _ever_ be able to be this comfortable with anyone. Edward has changed me so much already.

We're almost to Edward's couch when a light bulb goes off in my brain and I burst out laughing. I laugh until I have tears running down my face. I go over to the couch and sit down before I fall down on my ass laughing, like I did this morning. Edward stands there and looks at me like I've lost my mind. I just wave at him to give me a minute while I try and get control of myself. But the harder I try to quit laughing, the harder I laugh.

Edward finally asks, "What's so funny, baby?"

I manage to gasp out, "You write under a pseudonym." And I crack up laughing harder again.

Edward looks confused but says, "That's right baby."

I wipe at my face and take a much needed breath. "Nobody knows you're the author?"

"Just my editor and my family and now you know, babe. Why?" Edward's starting to smile and I have a feeling he knows what I'm about to say.

I crack up again, I just can't help it. "So, you don't actually go on book signing tours? You don't have to worry about the whole public image thing?"

Edward starts laughing too and says, "Let me guess… Alice? I wondered what kind of a line she came up with. Do you want me to call her and cancel for you, babe?"

I shake my head as I keep wiping the tears off my face and trying to catch my breath. I finally get myself under control enough to say, "No, I think I really do want to go with her, Edward. I want to look good for you darlin'."

Edward says, "Jasper, baby, I'm perfectly happy with you the way you are. You don't have to change the way you look and dress for me."

"No, I want to do this, Edward. Besides, I think it'll be fun spending some time with the pixie while you're gone to see your editor."

Edward laughs and says, "Ok, but just remember when you come dragging in exhausted tomorrow night that I tried to warn you."

I look at Edward confused, "Tomorrow night? We're leaving in the morning at 9:00. How long does it take to pick out clothes?"

Edward just laughs harder and says, "You'll find out."

I huff at Edward and scowl thinking, maybe I should cancel? No damn it, I'm going to meet Edward's parents in two days. I want to make a good first impression. I really want them to like me!

At least I won't have to explain, or listen to Edward have to explain the whole rape issue. Edward's dad already knows only too well what I went through and I assume his mom knows some of it, if not all of it. My stomach knots up, Edward's dad knows… everything.

I glance up at Edward feeling guilty. I should have said something last night. It's just there had been so much going on already and it was all so overwhelming for me! I bite my lip and wonder if it'll change how Edward feels about me. Will he finally think I'm as disgusting as I feel sometimes?

Edward's laughter has faded away and he's starting to look alarmed, I guess he's getting good at reading my mind and knowing when I'm upset. Edward touches my arm and says, "Jasper, what is it? I can see you're getting worked up again, baby."

I have to tell him. My chest starts tightening up and I can feel the tears threatening to fall. "Edward, I have to tell you… something. I should have told you last night. B-b-but there was s-s-so much already going on and I… I was afraid… of what you'd think… and I… I really wanted you to like me. B-b-but your dad knows… I'm not telling you now, just b-b-because your dad knows…b-b-because you have a right t-t-to know. I mean, I-I-I was going to say something anyway before we ever really did anything… it's just s-s-so fucking humiliating and disgusting. I… they didn't..." My heart is pounding and I can't fucking breathe.

Edward sits down beside me and pulls me into his arms, "Breathe, Jasper. Calm down, baby. Come on, take a breath. Whatever it is, it won't change anything. Calm down and breathe, baby. Jasper take a breath! You're scaring me!"

I finally manage to suck in a breath and Edward holds me and rocks me as I concentrate on my breathing and trying to calm down. Edward's rubbing circles on my back and whispering in my ear. "That's it. Just breathe baby. It'll be fine. Whatever it is, it won't change how I feel about you. I promise. Deep, calm breaths, baby. That's it." Edward holds me like that, whispering his calming words until I'm finally able to breathe normal again but my shakes have gotten worse and I can't stop the tremors as they wrack my body. "Jasper, why don't you try and tell me now? Maybe if you get it out, it'll help you calm down baby."

I'm so fucking ashamed. I hide my face in his chest and barely manage to whisper, "They were… diseased."

**EPOV**

Who would have thought three little words could bring your whole world crashing down around you? Suddenly, I'm the one who can't breathe and I think my heart quits beating for several seconds. My mind keeps chanting, 'don't throw up, don't throw up, he'll think it's because you find him disgusting'. I tighten my arms around Jasper and think… 'oh dear god, I just found him. Please don't be taking him away from me already. Calm down Edward, Jasper looks so vulnerable and scared right now and he needs you to be strong for him'. I swallow back my fears and force the words out as gently as I can. "What exactly are you saying, baby."

Jasper keeps his face turned into my chest. It breaks my heart to see him looking so ashamed and humiliated. "When they… they never used any… I mean, obviously they didn't care that they had… they gave it to me too. I'm sorry I should have told you last night, before I ever even let you touch me. Please don't be mad at me Edward."

My heart drops into my stomach as I close my eyes and whisper, "I'm not mad baby."

Jasper asks in such a scared small voice, "Do you think I'm disgusting?"

"Never. I could never think you're disgusting baby." I just want to curl up and cry for a week. Instead, I pull Jasper even tighter and keep rubbing circles across his back. My mind is racing as I try to think what to do.

It's not fair! My poor Jasper has had nothing but hell and heartache in his short life. I wish I could have met him sooner. Maybe I could have helped him come out of his shell sooner. At least he's had the Doc caring for him. My breath catches. The Doc! Surely he would have said something to me if it was… that. Maybe, I'm doing what I do best and jumping to the wrong conclusion again. Oh, please…"Jasper, baby, do you know what they had?" I ask, and then I hold my breath waiting for his answer.

Jasper nods his head but doesn't say anything for a minute and I'm about to ask him again what it was when he finally whispers, "I guess your dad had all of three of them tested for everything during autopsy. I think he was mainly checking for AIDS or HIV, I mean my cuts were covered in James' blood. I guess it's a miracle none of them had that. They had Gonorrhea … there were these disgusting sores on their…" Jasper shudders with horror and continues."…things…and they put them…they put those disgusting things… inside me… and in my… in my... I wanted to throw up." Jasper swallows and shakes his head hard. Then he says, "I was treated for it while I was still out in the twilight zone. But, I can't help but feel like I've been contaminated. Edward, I have them check for _everything_ every year when I have a physical. The results always come back negative, but I still feel so dirty when I think about it. I'm sorry I didn't say anything last night."

I breathe a quiet sigh of relief but I don't let Jasper go, if anything I hold him even tighter as I whisper. "My poor baby, there's nothing to be sorry for. I wish I could make all those horrid memories go away forever. Jasper, you're not disgusting, baby. You're the strongest most amazing person I've ever met. Not many people would have survived what you had happen to you."

Jasper finally looks up at me and he looks so unsure as he asks, "You really don't think I'm disgusting? Will you still want to… kiss me… want to be with me?"

"God, yes." And I take his face in my hands and kiss him softly. I pull back and look into Jasper's eyes and say, "I love you, Jasper."

My sweet Jasper finally smiles at me, again. I smile and pull away from him and move to the end of the couch. Jasper's face falls and he looks so sad and unsure. "Jasper come here, baby." He comes down to where I am and I turn him around to where he is sitting sideways on the couch and leaning back into my arms. I smile again and ask, "Comfy?" Jasper nods yes and I say, "Good, because we're going to be here for a while and I'm going to show you just how much I want to kiss you. How much I want to be with you."

I hold Jasper close in my arms as our lips meet in a gentle kiss. He moans as I start to slowly pepper his face with feather soft kisses. I love how he loves that. I start whispering to him between each kiss. "I love you, baby." "I need you, Jasper." "You're so beautiful, baby." "I love your taste." "So wonderful." "So strong." "So sexy." The feel of Jasper's whiskers makes my lips tingle. I rub my face across his, enjoying the rough sensation then I bury my face in his neck and take a deep breath, breathing in his clean, natural scent.

Jasper moans again when I run my fingers through his hair over and over, taking my time, massaging his scalp, relaxing his tensed and trembling muscles. I run my hand through his hair one more time and rest it on the back of his neck. I pull his face to mine again and kiss him, soft and slow, savoring the taste of Jasper's lips. We sit there like that and just kiss for the longest time.

Both of Jasper's arms come around my neck as he pulls me closer and starts to kiss me harder. It doesn't take long for both of our breathing to pick up as I deepen the kiss and lick and suck on Jasper's lips. Jasper's tongue meets mine as we taste and explore each other's mouths. I pull back and give us both a chance to catch our breath and I have to wonder if the look in my eyes matches the look of lust in his. My body feels like its on fire as it throbs and aches for more. I start kissing Jasper's face again, his forehead, his eyelids, his jaw line. I nibble on Jasper's ear lobe making him shudder and moan.

I feel Jasper's hands running over my back, my neck, my chest. I don't realize he's unbuttoned my shirt until I feel Jasper's hands on my bare skin. Jasper trails kisses down my jaw line and neck. I moan this time as Jasper licks and gently bites first one nipple then the other. I get an instant hard-on and pull Jasper back up and kiss him almost desperately.

Running my hand under Jasper's shirt, I pull it up and over his head then drop it on the floor. I run my hand over Jasper's body, caressing his arms, his chest. I tease and lightly pinch his nipples before I slowly trace my hand back and forth across Jasper's stomach dipping a little lower with each pass until my fingertips are starting to skim under the waistband of his jeans as he moans and pants into my mouth.

I stop my hand. What the hell am I doing? Jasper was just reliving some of his worst memories and I'm sitting here pawing him! Idiot. I slowly run my hands back up to Jasper's face and keep them there, caressing his face as I slow our kissing back down to gentle pecks and licks. I need to take things slow and not scare him. He's been through so much.

Jasper pulls back and huffs at me, "Why did you stop? Things were just getting hot."

I look at Jasper confused as I say, "Jasper, not ten minutes ago you were upset and reliving your attack. I don't think now is the time for that."

Jasper shakes his head at me and then, taking my head in his hands and bringing our foreheads together, he stares into my eyes and says. "It's the perfect time for it, Edward. Being with you like this, feeling your hands on my body." Jasper takes my hand and spreads it out and holds it to his chest. "Your lips on my lips, tasting your tongue." Jasper kisses me deep for several seconds. "And breathing in your musky scent that's just all man." Jasper buries his face in my neck and breathes deep. "It's the perfect therapy for me, Edward. Your arms, your love, your kisses, your caresses, you… Edward… you make me focus on the now, and how much I love you, how much I need you, how much I want you. When I'm with you like this, I'm able to quit dwelling on the horror of my past and stop being afraid. You make it all go away, Edward. You've brought me back to life."

I smile at Jasper and say, "Jasper, I love you so damn much. I love hearing that being with me like this helps you. But baby, I think we need to slow back down. This has been one fucked up and emotional day for you. Meeting my eclectic crazy family didn't help, that's for sure. You're emotions have been going back and forth, from one extreme to the other all day. You've either been laughing hysterically or working yourself up into a panic attack. Jasper, you're not bipolar are you?"

Jasper laughs and shakes his head, "No, I'm not bipolar Edward. Really, I'm not _always_ this fucking whacked out. I'm not saying I don't still have days where all I want to do is hide in my room and curl up and cry, or curse the world for what happened to me and my parents. And I may always be prone to panic attacks and passing out. And I admit I'm easily startled and I can get nervous about something just about every fucking day. But most of the time, I can _almost_ act like a normal person. Part of my problem today and yesterday is just nerves. It's not every day you meet someone, figure out you're gay, unblock a horrid memory, have a huge misunderstanding, make up, share each other's worst memories, fall in love, fool around for the first time, meet a crazy overprotective family, buy condoms, tell the person you love the sorry excuse for humans that raped you… gave you a disease, even it was cured before I ever had symptoms. The other part of the problem is, I didn't take my medication last night and my system is really freaking out on me, right now. I mean look how bad my hands are still shaking. Don't look at me like that, I kind of had a bad night, the night before I met you and I overmedicated myself. Doc told me to skip my doses last night and start back normal tonight."

I frown at Jasper and say, "Damn it, Jasper, you should be more careful with your medication. Your doctors prescribe doses for a reason."

Jasper rolls his eyes and says, "I know! It won't happen again. Damn, between you and the Doc chewing on it, it's a wonder I have an ass left."

I laugh and hug Jasper tight. "Only because we both worry about you and we both love you Jasper. Now, what would you like to do for the rest of the day? Would you like to go somewhere or did you want to stay in."

Jasper huffs and says, "The fucking sun came out Edward. Unless it clouds back up, I'm in for the day. How about we just stay here on the couch?"

Smiling, I tighten my arms around Jasper and say. "That's fine with me, babe. Would you like to watch a movie or something?"

Jasper shakes his head no and grins, "The only thing I plan on watching are your clothes hitting the floor as I undress you. Then, I'm going to see how what we did this morning, feels with the two of us naked."

My body flushes with heat at the thought of our two naked bodies rubbing on each other, but I try to keep my earlier resolve to slow things down. "Jasper, I love you and want to do so many things with you, but baby we really need to slow down."

Jasper crosses his arms and glares at me, and then starts giving me those puppy dog eyes as he says, "Please, Edward." And then he sticks out that damn pouty lip that just begs to be sucked on. Jasper doesn't play fair, damn it! I attack it, licking, sucking, and nibbling on his lip, sucking his tongue into my mouth. Damn, he tastes good.

Jasper's hands are everywhere caressing, touching, squeezing; my arms, my back, my face, my neck, my chest and nipples. And he's begging me, "Please, Edward, I need this. I want to do this. I'm ready, I promise. Please let me do this." I gasp and moan when Jasper reaches down and start squeezing and rubbing me through my jeans.

I groan and against my better judgment, nod and say. "Ok, baby."

Jasper grins as he pushes my shirt off my shoulders and throws it onto the floor beside his shirt. Then he kisses and sucks down my jaw line, down my neck, down my stomach. Jasper scoots lower on the couch and rolls over on his stomach, his head and arms in my lap. Jasper peeks up at me through his lashes and hesitantly reaches out and starts to unbuckle my belt. I frown when I feel Jasper's hands shaking harder as his fingers try to work the belt out of the loops of my jeans.

Jasper pulls the belt off and drops it beside our shirts then he looks back up at me, looking unsure as he bites his lip. I watch Jasper as he tries to unbutton my jeans, his hands are shaking worse and his body is starting to tremble again. Grabbing Jasper's hands, I shake my head and say. "Baby, you're not ready for that yet."

Jasper scowls at me and begs, "Please, Edward."

I just ignore Jasper and nudge him to turn him back over before I pull him back up into my lap. Wrapping my arms around him, I nuzzle my face into his neck and hold him close as I whisper. "Soon baby, I promise. Just not right now. Not after being so upset earlier."

Jasper looks miserable as he says, "I just wanted to do something to make you feel good, Edward."

He shudders as I run my tongue up his neck to his ear. Sucking his lobe into my mouth, I bite it gently and then whisper. "Let me show you what makes me feel good, Jasper." I start kissing him deep and hard as my tongue plunges into his mouth. I can't get enough of his lips, his tongue, his taste, his scent. I pull back from kissing Jasper and look him in the eyes as I say in a lust filled, hoarse voice, "I'm going to touch you, baby. Do you want to feel my hands on your body?"

Jasper moans into my mouth, "Yes, Edward, yes. Please, don't stop this time."

I run my hand over Jasper's body touching him everywhere his skin is bare. I trail my fingers across his stomach again, back and forth in a slow rhythmic motion dipping lower and lower with each pass.

This time when I get to Jasper's waist line I unbuckle his belt and pull it through the loops. Pulling the belt out, I drop it with the other belt and shirts. I run my hand down and palm Jasper's erection through his jeans. Jasper gasps and bucks into my hand but then he groans when I stop and pull my hand away. His jeans are so loose on him that I don't even bother unbuttoning them. I just slip my hand under Jasper's waistband and resume palming him through his boxers. I kiss him again and nibble on his ear before asking, "Are you ok with this? Do you want me to stop?"

Jasper's eyes are closed and his head is thrown back as he says, "God, Edward that feels so good. Please don't stop." I pull my hand back up and Jasper opens his eyes and growls at me. "Edward please!"

I chuckle and kiss him again. Jasper watches me, looking confused, as I gather a little moisture in my mouth and then lick my hand wetting my palm. I slip my hand under the band of his boxers this time and reach down and take his shaft in my hand. Jasper's head falls back and he groans loudly. I start off stroking him slow, running my hand across the head of his cock on each upstroke to use the liquid gathering there to add more lubrication between my hand and his cock. I watch Jasper's face as I begin to stroke him a little faster. His look of pure ecstasy makes me smile. God, he's so sexy and beautiful. Jasper's panting and moaning and writhing on my lap. His body is grinding against my erection causing such wonderful friction.

I kiss, bite and suck on Jasper's neck, marking him… staking my claim. That's right, I freely admit to being a selfish bastard. Jasper's mine and I want the world to know it. I start to whisper in Jasper's ear as I stroke him. "You're so fucking sexy, Jasper. I love to see you like this, writhing in my arms, moaning as I stroke you. I can't believe how big your cock is in my hand. Soon baby, real damn soon, we'll get naked together and rub and touch each other like you want to do. I can hardly wait, baby. Someday soon I'm not just going to touch you. I'm going to taste you and lick you and suck on this huge fucking cock I'm holding in my hands. Do you want to feel that? Do you want to feel my lips and mouth around your cock, baby?"

Jasper cries out, "Yes, god yes Edward. I want to feel that." Jasper starts thrusting his hips trying to speed up my strokes but I grab his hip with my free hand and hold him still. I start alternating between fast hard strokes and then slower teasing ones. Jasper whimpers and begs, "Please, Edward, please go faster. It feels so fucking good. I'm so fucking close. Please make me cum, beautiful." I slow my hand down even more keeping Jasper hard but not letting him cum yet. I don't want this to end too soon.

Jasper's face is flushed and his breathing is ragged and harsh as he whimpers and moans, tossing his head back and forth. Damn, it's the most beautiful thing I've ever looked at. Jasper turns his face to mine and kisses me and whispers, "I love you, Edward." as he stares at me with lust filled eyes. I'm not sure what Jasper's doing when he starts leaning up and turning more toward me, but I find out pretty damn quick when Jasper starts palming and squeezing my erection through my jeans.

We take our time stroking and squeezing each other, whispering words of love and need and desire as we pant, kiss, and moan. When I feel that delicious ache burning and building inside of me faster than I expected, I increase the pace of my strokes on Jasper's shaft. Jasper cries out as his body arches and convulses. I keep stroking him, prolonging his orgasm as he shudders in my arms. It's the most beautiful, erotic sight I've ever seen and it makes my own orgasm hit me hard. I cry out, "Jasper!" as my own body shudders and I'm rocked with wave after wave of ecstasy as an intense orgasm rockets through ne. Jasper collapses in my lap as I collapse into the couch, both of us breathing hard.

Jasper looks at me and smiles then nuzzles his face in my neck. I smile when I hear Jasper's breathing even out as he relaxes in my arms. Pulling my hand out of his boxers, I wipe my hand off on the outside of them and then pull my hand out of his jeans. I bring my hand up and breathe in the musky scent lingering there. Feeling curious, I lick off what little moisture is still on my fingers. It's a little salty and tastes as musky at it smells but I grin and think, 'I'll be able to do that with no problem, when he's ready of course.' Then I wrap my arms around Jasper and snuggle down lower on the couch as I watch him sleep.

I lovingly stroke his face as I watch him. He looks so young and innocent when he's asleep. All the fear and worry are gone from his face and he looks so peaceful. If I didn't already know Jasper's age, I'd be hard pressed to guess it. Some moments he seems so young, as if his age froze when he was that scared little boy who had been terrorized and brutalized so badly. Other times when Jasper's eyes are haunted and lost, he seems almost ancient.

I haven't seen many moments while Jasper's awake, where he completely lets his guard down. I smile as I think of Jasper exploring the apartment earlier. His face had been lit up with excitement and curiosity, not a trace of anxiety or worry on it. I hadn't been lying when I had said I could weep from how happy it made me to see him like that. I need to find more ways to bring out that sweet man inside of him.

It's going to kill me to be away from him tomorrow when I go in to see my editor and Jasper goes shopping with Alice. I'll have to call Alice later and ask her take it easy on him. Let her know some of the different things that freak-out Jasper, so she can avoid his having any panic attacks. Tell her what to do and say when he does have one. I'm going to be worried sick about him all day. Maybe if I beg Alice she won't keep Jasper out too late.

Jasper only sleeps in my arms for half an hour, before he starts rousing. He opens his eyes and smiles at me as he wraps his arms around my neck. He sighs and says, "It just keeps getting better every time, Edward."

I smile and kiss him and ask, "Feeling better now?"

Jasper snuggles closer and says, "Mmmhmmm."

I laugh and say, "Would you like something to snack on Jasper? You're stomach has been growling for the past ten minutes."

Jasper blushes and says, "Yes, please. After that mind blowing orgasm, I'm starved again."

I laugh and hug him to me as I say, "It was pretty damn amazing, wasn't it?"

Jasper pulls back and kisses me, saying. "Amazing doesn't even come close." Then he sighs and asks, "So what all do you have to snack on?"

I laugh and swat at his ass and say, "Get up and we'll go find out."

Jasper yelps and jumps up, and after we both change into some dry boxers under our jeans, we go and scavenge for snacks. We spend the rest of the afternoon munching on cookies and chips. We either watch animated movies or just talk and get to know more about each other.

We already know each other's worst moments and nightmares. It's time to share our likes and dislikes and better memories. I share stories of some the crazy stuff me and Emmet used to get in trouble for, and some of the stunts Rose and Alice have pulled. Jasper tells me a few stories about his mom and dad and even a few with his friend Peter. I squash down the feeling of jealousy crawling around inside me as he talks about his former friend. I admit I'm a selfish bastard but I will be a better person for Jasper if it kills me.

We stay there on the couch constantly touching and kissing as we talk. We can't keep our hands and lips off each other. Jasper asks me to play for him so I pull him with me over to the piano and play for him for awhile. It's a little hard to play with him sitting right beside me, his arms wrapped around my waist and his head on my shoulder. But I wouldn't ask him to move for anything. Hell, I'd have him sit on my lap if I could still play with him there.

After I play for Jasper for awhile, I ask him if he still wants to draw me. Jasper gets excited as he brings out his sketchpad and starts sketching. He does several drawings of me in no time, and even does a few from lunch at the restaurant with the whole family in it. I'm amazed at the detail he can sketch from just his memory and I tell him so.

But Jasper just shrugs and looks away with a look of pain on his face. Concerned, I pull Jasper's face back towards me and he has that lost, haunted look in his eyes again. My stomach clenches in horror as I wonder if all his memories are this detailed. I wrap my arms around him and just hold him close for a long time. I could spend the rest of my life holding him like this.

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**Hope everyone is still enjoying the story.**


	12. Chapter 12

**I will try and post some replies and thank you's for all the lovely people who have been reviewing. I do read every review and love all the comments and words of encouragement. **

**The boys are still mostly getting used to each other in this chapter but more things will start happening in the next few chapters including: the shopping trip with Alice, meeting Edward's parents, and a sadly a good story has to have a little drama so...yeah.**

**Disclaimer: I'm not the lovely Ms Meyer but I love her stories. All twilight characters belong to her but the plot is my own.**

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_I'm amazed at the detail he can sketch from just his memory and I tell him so. But he just shrugs and looks away with a look of pain on his face. Concerned, I pull his face back to me and he has that lost, haunted look in his eyes again. My stomach clenches in horror, as I wonder if all his memories are this detailed. I wrap my arms around him and just hold him close for a long time. I could spend the rest of my life holding him like this._

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**Gasping For Air**

**Chapter 12**

**EPOV (Wednesday continued…)**

We stay like that for the longest time, my arms wrapped tight around Jasper. Not sure if I really want to know or not, I finally decide to ask. "Jasper, baby, are all your memories of what happened _that_ night, as clear and detailed as those drawings you just did from memory?"

Jasper sits back and looks at me with those sad eyes, then shrugs and says in a low, quiet voice. "Most of the time I have to focus and concentrate on a memory. I usually try to not think about that night, but sometimes I can't stop the memories and keep them out of my head. It's like they take over and that's all I see for a few seconds." Jasper sighs and says, "Sometimes, I wish I had amnesia and didn't remember any of it. Unfortunately, aside from that last memory I unblocked yesterday. I've had _almost_ perfect recall of everything else from that night. Well, ever since I broke through my first mental block."

I close my eyes and say, "That's horrible, baby. I don't know how you've managed to survive all this time with all those horrid memories in your head." It makes my heart hurt to think of the years Jasper's had to deal with this alone.

Jasper gives me a sad smile, "You know how you said you started writing to get all those stories of abuse out of your head? Well, I kind of did the same thing but with sketches. You should see the first half dozen sketch pads I filled. After I met the Doc and showed them to him, he says they gave _him_ nightmares."

I shudder at the thought. "I'm not sure if I'd ever be able to look at them Jasper, just reading about that night was nauseating enough. I can't imagine having to live with those images permanently imprinted into my mind."

Jasper shakes his head and says, "I'd never ask you to look at them Edward. They're pretty fucking graphic and gruesome. Hell, I can't even look at them now without puking."

I wipe a shaky hand across my face and swallow as I think how sickening the mental images that I'd conjured up while reading Jasper's journal had been last night. I can't imagine what looking at Jasper's detailed drawings would have done to me. "Did sketching the images help? Is that what you meant last night when you said that about learning to sketch as a rehab thing?"

Jasper sighs and says, "Yeah, I guess it did. I wasn't talking to anyone at the time and I guess I just needed an outlet."

I frown and say, "I remember in your journal you mentioned something about not talking or learning how to talk again?"

Jasper nods and says, "Yeah, I guess I _could_ have talked, I just chose not to. When I first woke up, I just wasn't dealing with things very well. I'd go into fucking hysterics every time anybody so much as touched me and I flat out refused to talk to anyone. It was as if… as long as I didn't talk or think about any of it, none of it would be real. Pretty fucking immature, huh?"

"No, Jasper! You were just a scared lonely, boy who had lost his entire family. You were having to deal with more horror than any one person should ever have to. Why would you say something like that baby?"

Jasper takes a deep shuddering breath and rubs his eyes with his hands. "While I was still in the rehab side of the hospital, I had a different psychiatrist than the Doc. She kept telling me I was no longer a 13 year old child. That I was practically an adult now and I was going to have to learn how to start acting like one."

I'm so mad, I'm shaking. Through clenched teeth, I growl out. "How could she say that to you after what you had been through?"

Jasper drops his hands and gives me another small sad smile and shakes his head as he says, "Because it was true, Edward. She was just trying to help me get prepared to go out into the world. I wanted to scream at her. Tell her that to me it had only been a few days that had passed, not years. But one look in the mirror told me she was right. I had jumped from being a 13 year old kid to being almost 16, overnight. I would be a legal adult and out on my own in a little over two years. I needed to figure how to _act_ like an adult pretty fucking quick." Jasper looks away and closes his eyes. "Edward, I may be a 20 year old adult man on the outside now, but most of the time on the inside, I still feel like that scared kid pretending to be a grownup."

I cup Jasper's face in my hands and pull it back to look at me. "Jasper, baby, if I asked you to do something for me would you do it?"

Jasper smiles his first real smile since we started this conversation. "I'd do anything for you Edward. All you have to do is ask." And then he blushes and looks down with that bashful, shy look he has that has wrapped itself around my heart and made me fall head over heels in love.

I tilt Jasper's head back up with a finger under his chin and look into his eyes. "Baby, I want you to quit pretending and just be yourself. If you want to act like that innocent kid that lives inside you then do it. You've had to shoulder too much responsibility and make your own way on your own, much too soon and you've been so alone for so long. I know I'm not perfect. Last night proved what a bastard I can be. But will you let me take care of you? Let me be there for you? Would it freak you out if I asked you to move in with me after only knowing me for one day?"

Jasper's smile lights up his face and his eyes are dancing with excitement as a tear tracks down his face. "Really! Y-y-you want me here all the time! I don't have to be alone anymore?" Jasper throws his arms around me laughing and crying at the same time. My heart just about breaks when I hear him barely whisper, "I don't have to be alone."

Jasper sits back and looks at me and his smile is so radiant it just about lights up the entire room. He laughs and blushes again as he wipes at his face. "There I go bawling like a fucking baby again." Then he bites his lip and his smile fades away as he searches my face. "Are you sure Edward? Are you really sure you want this? 'Cause I don't think I could take it if I got used to being with you all the time and then you changed your mind. It would kill me to have to go back to being alone again."

I cup Jasper's face in my hands and draw him in for a slow gentle kiss and whisper, "I've never been more sure of anything in my life, Jasper. But, baby, I think you should keep your apartment for a while, in any case."

Jasper looks at me confused and a little hurt as he asks, "But why? If you're really sure you want me here, why would I need to keep it? Edward, this isn't just some fucking experiment to you, is it? Either you want me or you don't."

I sigh and kiss him again and try to explain. "Jasper, listen to me. I want you, baby. I want you here with me. I want you here with me forever. But I also know that as bad as I want to be a better person for you, eventually I'm going to fuck up. I'm the first to admit that I can be selfish and insecure and even insensitive when I'm acting like an ass. I just want you to have your safe place to go to if you ever get tired of my shit or if you just need time away from me."

Jasper glares at me and opens his mouth to argue, then closes it again looking deep in thought. Finally he leans back, crosses his arms and sighs out a dejected, "Fine. I'll keep it for now."

I caress his cheek, "Jasper, I'm not planning on you ever needing it. Hell, I'm praying that you'll never ever feel the need to be away from me and want go back to it. I just… I want you to know you have that safety net there if you need it, baby. That's all."

Jasper smiles and strokes my face as he says, "You are a wonderful man, Edward Cullen and I feel luckier than hell to have met you."

I smile and kiss him again. "No, Jasper, I'm the lucky one. I've been waiting and searching for you all my life. I'm so thankful to have finally found you. Baby, I promise I will try to be the man you deserve."

Jasper shakes his head. "Edward, I don't think you give yourself enough credit. I know things got rocky for a bit there at first last night, but you've been nothing but wonderful to me ever since. You've handled my stupid panic attacks and freak outs with nothing but love and understanding, even after I hurt you and after I mistrusted you for no other reason than your choice of profession. I still don't understand what you see in me to love."

"Panic attacks and freak outs be damned, I love you just as you are, Jasper. I love you when you're shy, bashful and timid. I love you when you're curious, brave and adventurous. I love you when you're scared and trembling and in need of being held and comforted. I love you when you're kissing me with passion and abandon, when you're in my arms moaning and writhing, when you're teasing me and touching me. I love everything about you Jasper and I want you here with me forever."

Jasper crashes his lips to mine and wraps his arms around my neck as he kisses me passionately. I can feel his love radiating through the kiss and it fills me with desire and tenderness and elation. Jasper loves me. He wants me… and I want him. I've never wanted anyone as much as I want him.

My body aches with the need to feel his warmth surrounding me as I make love to him, as I move in and out of him, slow and gentle; aches with the need to feel him inside of me, filling me, loving me. I remember my vow so many years ago, to wait for the right person. To save that ultimate gift of my love, of my body, for the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. I know Jasper is that person. I've been looking and waiting for him my whole life. I've been waiting for his arms, for his touch, for his lips. I clench my fist and feel my ring biting into my hand.

I pull back out of Jasper's embrace and attempt to pull my ring off but I've filled out a lot since I was the boy that slipped it on and I can't get it to budge. Jasper giggles and says, "Here let me help. I saw my mom do this to my dad a lot when he needed to take his rings off for anything." My breath catches, as Jasper looks at me with an impish grin and slowly takes my finger into his mouth. I feel myself getting hard again as he starts sliding my finger in and out of his mouth, working his tongue up and down and around my finger. Damn, I had no idea there was a direct link from my finger to my cock.

I groan when Jasper sucks my finger in hard, taking it deeper into his mouth. Then his teeth and tongue start to gently work the ring up the pad of my finger. The damn ring is so tight it almost hurts as he keeps working it. But all I can feel is my cock throbbing in my pants as Jasper's tongue keeps sliding around and around and up and down my fucking finger. I'm breathing so hard, it's more like panting by the time he finally slips the ring off.

Jasper grins and then sticks his tongue out with the ring stuck on the end of it. I suck his tongue into my mouth as I kiss him deep. I suck the ring off Jasper's tongue and poke my own tongue through it. Then I pull back and smile at Jasper as I pick up his left hand. Jasper's eyes are wide and his breaths start coming faster now as I start to slowly suck his finger into my mouth. I work it in and out of my mouth, teasing him with my tongue around and around his finger, licking and sucking it, teasing him like he teased me. I pull back and flip the ring in my mouth and start working it down his finger with my tongue and teeth. It pleases me to no end that the ring is a perfect fit on Jasper's finger.

I slowly slide Jasper's finger out of my mouth and kiss him again. Then holding my hand on the back of his neck, I pull him to where our foreheads are touching and I say. "Jasper, if you'll accept it, I want you to wear this ring as my promise that when you're ready, and only when you're ready, that I'm yours baby. I've waited my entire life for the right person to give my love and my body to. Baby you are that person, only you Jasper."

Jasper's still breathing hard as he smiles and says, "I'd be proud to wear your ring Edward. I wish I had one to give you too, because I have a promise of my own to make. It may take a while, but I promise that when we are finally together in that way, that it'll only be you and me in our bed. I won't bring those psychos with me and let them ruin our moment. I've fallen in love with you, Edward. I'm yours too, do you hear me? I'm yours, darlin'."

Stroking each other's face, we kiss a long slow languid kisses as we taste each other's lips, tongues, mouths. Jasper pulls back and looks at me mischievously as he runs his finger down my chest, down my stomach and traces it across my erection. Then he looks down at his own erection bulging in his jeans and he covers his mouth and starts giggling, his eyes going wider and wider. I can't help but smile and ask, "What's so funny now, babe?"

Jasper keeps giggling as he gasps out, "Oh my gosh, Edward. My mom used to do that to my dad!"

I just give him a quizzical look, not sure what his point is. "Yeah?"

Jasper keeps giggling and says, "But Edward. That shit was totally _hot_!"

I nuzzle against him and say, "Mmmm, it sure as hell was."

Jasper's giggles have subsided but he's still staring at me wide eyed. He finally whispers, "Edward, my _MOM_ used to do that to my _DAD_."

I just smile and shake my head. "Yes, Jasper, your mom did that to your dad and it was totally hot. What's upsetting you babe?"

Jasper just rolls his eyes like I'm a moron for not getting his point. Then his face gets bright red as he finally says, "Edward! They were my _parents_. If they did something as hot as that…" He gulps and looks at me with wide eyed wonder, "Do you think my parents were…. having _sex_?"

I tried not to laugh. I really did.

"~~***~~"

We spent the next half hour with me apologizing and Jasper either pouting or glaring at me. I wouldn't have minded the pouting, but every time Jasper stuck out that sexy pouty lip and I tried to kiss him he would start glaring at me again. I really shouldn't have laughed at him.

So I change my strategy and get up and play for Jasper on my piano again. He eventually gets up and comes over and sits down on the end of the piano bench. But he won't let me pull him any closer. I watch Jasper out of the corner of my eye as I play. He still looks pissed but he keeps looking at the space between us with a sad dejected look. I finally raise my arm up and say, "Please, baby, I need you by my side. I'm sorry, I laughed at you."

Jasper looks torn for a moment, but then he finally…finally… scoots close to me and wraps his arms around my waist and lays his head on my chest. I hold him close, kissing his head and murmuring apologies and words of love in his ear. Jasper sighs and snuggles up even closer as I hold him.

I hold Jasper close with one hand as the other rubs soothing circles on his back. Jasper yawns and rubs his eyes with his fists. He looks so damn adorable and innocent. I whisper in his ear. "Baby would you like to lay down for a bit? You've had a pretty emotional day of it, love."

Jasper looks up at me with a sheepish look and tired eyes. "Would you mind if I did? I'm just not used to so much going on in one day and I'm fucking exhausted."

I smile and kiss Jasper's forehead. "Of course I don't mind, Jasper. I think while you take a nap I'll get everything gathered up to take to my editor in the morning. When you get up, we'll cook us some dinner together, ok?"

Jasper rubs his eyes and whines, "I don't know how to cook, Edward. I thought you wanted to cook something for me."

I can't help but chuckle at him. In moments like this, I can see the boy he used to be. I kiss Jasper's forehead one more time and say, "I'm going to teach you how to cook, Jasper. But if you want me to cook tonight, I will. Come on. Let's get you laid down on the bed before you fall down."

I walk Jasper into the bedroom. We get to the bed and he stops and just stands there swaying on his feet, looking exhausted. Shaking my head, I grin and start to unbutton Jasper's jeans. Jasper grabs my hands and jerks away in a wide eyed panic. "What are you doing?"

My stomach lurches at the fear in his eyes. Oh god, I scared him. Holding my hand out toward him, too afraid it'll scare him more if I touch him. I try to calm Jasper as I softly say. "I'm sorry, Jasper. I thought you might be more comfortable sleeping in your boxers, baby. Did you want to sleep in your jeans?"

Jasper looks confused for a second and then he looks down, his face red. "I'm sorry, Edward. I thought… I thought… I don't know what I thought."

I gently lift Jasper's face and say, "No, baby, you have nothing to be sorry for. I shouldn't have just assumed it was ok for me to do that. I should have told you what I was doing. I'm sorry, Jasper." I carefully pull him into my arms and kiss his forehead. "Would you be more comfortable sleeping in your boxers, baby? Or do you want me to dig you out some sweatpants?"

"I…I…I think I'll be ok in my boxers, Edward." Jasper blushes even redder as I help him out of his jeans. I pull back the covers and he lies down and I tuck him in. Jasper looks around the room then looks at me with a timid, unsure look on his face. "Will you stay for a little bit, Edward? Everything is so much bigger here and I'm…"

I lie down on top of the covers and curl around him as I say, "Don't be scared, Jasper. I'm right here. I'll keep you safe, baby. I promise." Jasper smiles sleepily at me and I gently run my fingers through his hair, relaxing him even more. His breathing evens out as I watch over him and gently massage his scalp.

Jasper jerks and his eyes open halfway and he looks around unsure, again. His eyes meet mine and he smiles and says, "Promise?"

I lean down and whisper, "I promise. Now go to sleep, Jasper."

I watch Jasper's eyes slowly open halfway and close a few more times as his breathing becomes more even and deep. I stay for a few more minutes, in case he's not out completely. Sure enough Jasper's eyes barely open and his lips twitch like he wants to smile at me. Then a shadow of a frown crosses his face and he mumbles. "Maybe they can't even find me here." And he slips into a deep sleep as he begins to softly snore.

I stay and watch over him awhile longer before getting up and going into my office. I turn on some music to listen to while I work, closing the door so as not to disturb Jasper. I gather up all the materials that I'm taking with me in the morning, making sure everything is in order. After I have everything gathered, I bundle it up and put everything in my shoulder bag so all I have to do is grab it in the morning.

I straighten everything on the desk and then set it up for the next story that I'm going to be reworking. I've established an easy routine and it doesn't take very long before I'm done. I sit back and lean my head back against the back of my chair and close my eyes as I think about where to take the vampire character in the next story. I smile as I think maybe he should finally come to terms with the fact that he's a vampire and meet his soul mate in a blond haired blue eyed adorable man. I shake my head smiling. Probably not something my editors would go for.

I sigh and sit up with my elbows on the desk and rub my temples. I hope I'm not setting myself up for a heart break. How can I love Jasper so damn much already? I know he is the one for me and I'm selfish enough that I want him here with me _now_. But at the same time, I know I'm the only person to have held him and kissed him and touched him with love and tenderness.

I hope I'll always be enough for him but I know the odds are that eventually Jasper's going to be curious. What will I do if he wants to find out if there is someone better for him out there? As much as I love him, I may have to let him go someday and just pray he comes back to me. I want him to be happy and if that is what it takes I won't stand in his way. That's why I really suggested he keep his apartment for now, so he'd have a familiar place to go if that happens. I want to cry when I think about his ever wanting to leave me.

I frown and turn off my music. Was that Jasper calling me? I get up and open my office door and listen but hear nothing but silence. I leave the door open and head back to my chair when I hear it again, a low moan that sends chills down my spine and Jasper crying out. "Edward, please make them stop."

I run into the bedroom and see Jasper thrashing on the bed, drenched in sweat and murmuring over and over. "Hurts… it hurts… Edward, where are you? Please make them stop… no more… hurts… hurts."

I crawl up on the bed and gather Jasper in my arms and start whispering. "Wake up, Jasper. I've got you. You're safe now. I've got you baby. They can't hurt you anymore, love. They can't hurt you. It's Edward, baby, I've got you."

Jasper moans again, "Edward, don't let them hurt me anymore. It hurts so bad."

I kiss Jasper's forehead and start running my hands through his hair. "I won't let them hurt you anymore, Jasper. I've got you now. They can never touch you again, baby."

Jasper starts crying as I rock him. "I didn't want to go in, Edward. I didn't want to. I tried to stay outside. I called and called for you to come save me. But James came out and grabbed me and pulled me inside. He's never came out after me before and I was so scared. He hurt me… he always hurts me."

I keep rocking Jasper and kissing his face and whispering, "I'm here now, babe. I'm sorry it took me so long to get here but I've got you now and I won't ever let him touch you again. I love you Jasper. I've got you."

Jasper stills in my arms as his breathing evens back out. Did he ever even wake up? Was he talking to me in his sleep? I lay Jasper back down and wrap myself around him and keep watch over him. Eventually Jasper starts moaning and thrashing again and moans out, "Edward."

I run my fingers through his hair and whisper, "I'm right here, love. I've got you."

Jasper stills again for a minute, then whimpers and says. "He owns me and I have to go back inside now."

I hold Jasper close and whisper, "James doesn't own you, baby, and he can never hurt you again. You don't ever have to go back in that house again. The house is gone. Do you hear me? The house is gone and he's gone too."

In a scared small voice Jasper asks, "But what about my parents? If the house is gone where are they? Is he going to keep hurting them?"

I can feel my own tears falling as I whisper, "Jasper, you're parents are in heaven, they're safe in heaven, baby. James and his goons are in hell and can never touch you or your parents ever again. Please wake up Jasper."

Jasper opens his eyes and looks at me with an unfocused look, "Heaven? They're really safe, now? He can't hurt them? I won't have to be punished for his hurting them anymore?"

"That's right Jasper, they're safe now. You're safe now, baby. I've got you."

I hold Jasper as he sobs out, "I want my momma and dad. I miss them so damn much." I'm not sure if Jasper's awake or still dreaming, but I pick him back up and hold him in my arms and rock him as he sobs. I hold him close and keep whispering that I've got him, that I love him, that he's safe now.

Jasper eventually calms down and settles back into a deep sleep. I wonder if he'll remember any of this later when he wakes up. I gently stroke his face and start humming a lullaby as I keep watch over him.

**JPOV**

_They had been taking turns at me again and were hurting me so fucking bad. They had… again and again...laughing …taking bets… mustn't scream… so much pain… please stop punishing me… hurts… please James don't cut me, I'll be good… _

_Edward had walked into that hellhole and pulled the demons and tormentors off of me. _He _had held me and rocked me and said_ _James doesn't own me anymore. Are they really gone? Edward said they were gone, banished to hell. _

I open my eyes to find Edward holding me in his arms. I watch him as he sleeps, he's so fucking beautiful. I reach up and touch his face. He saved me. My eyes feel swollen and my head aches. I remember my earlier sobs when I realized my parents were gone forever. I mean, I knew they were gone but to hear it like that made it so real. At least they wouldn't be hurt because of me anymore. I wouldn't have to be punished anymore.

I raise my hand to wipe my face and see the ring on it. I smile as I think of Edward's promise that he was mine and my promise that I was his. My smile gets even bigger as I realize how silly I had been to be shocked that my parents had had sex. Duh, Jasper, just… duh. But still, the asshole didn't have to laugh at me quite so long and hard. I look at Edward again. Yes, he's a fucking asshole, but damn I love him.

I feel my grin stretching from ear to ear. Edward wants me to move in with him! But then my grin slowly slips off. Why does he really want me to keep the apartment? I could tell Edward was telling the truth when he gave me his reasons why. But there had been something else there too. Some sad _thing_ lurking in the back of his eyes, what was he _not_ saying?

I hear Edward's cell phone start ringing in his jeans and I gently shake him awake. Edward sleepily opens his eyes and smiles at me. "Hey baby, are you ok?" he asks.

I smile back and give him a light kiss. "I am now, Edward. I am now. You're phone is ringing darlin'."

Edward groans and pulls his phone out of his pocket. I have another one of those déjà vu moments when he looks at the caller I.D. and growls into the phone, "What do you want Alice?"

" **- "**

"What do you mean you're at the door?" And the doorbell starts ringing again and again.

" **- "**

"Just give me a minute will you! Damn." Edward hangs up and drops his head back onto the bed as the doorbell starts ringing again.

Edward glares at me and says, "Alice is here."

I start snickering at him and jump out of bed. Pulling on my jeans, I head into the living room to let her in while Edward lays there and grumbles. I've just got the door unlocked and have started to open the door when Edward runs into the room in a panic and says, "Jasper, baby, do you want your shirt!"

Everything moves in slow motion as I turn from him back toward Alice just as she walks in. I watch her amused eyes as they tick from a shirtless Edward to a shirtless me, and then my heart sinks as I see them lock onto my chest and go wide in horror as she says, "Oh my god, Jasper!"

I knew it…I knew I was hideous.

**EPOV**

I had planned to watch over Jasper until he woke up. I can't believe I fell asleep, some guardian I am. And what the hell was Alice even doing here? I thought she was going to call, not come over. I swear that girl can make your head spin the way she keeps changing her mind.

It had taken my brain a couple of minutes to catch up with my body, but when I realized that Jasper was opening the door without even thinking of putting his shirt on, I had almost went into a panic. I've finally got him to be comfortable with me like that and I feared if Alice freaked out when she saw his scars it would undo everything. Jasper's self-conscious enough as it is.

I run into the living room and ask Jasper if he wants his shirt, but it's too late. Alice is already walking in. I can see her eyes taking in our state of undress and the amusement there and before I can even signal to her, my fears come true as her eyes lock onto Jasper's scars and widen in horror as she cries out, "Oh my god, Jasper!"

I'm shaking my head at her frantically, but it's too late for her to take her words back. But Alice, bless her little pixie heart, manages to save the moment by beginning her non-stop prattle after barely a fraction of a pause.

"I can't believe you're that thin! I mean, knew you were thin, but I had no idea you were _that_ thin. I'm going to have to rethink your whole wardrobe now! I'm going to have my work cut out for me trying to get you looking snappy for Edward here. I'm sure he's already told you that he doesn't do book tours but really if Edward would just take my advice and write under his real name like I suggested, then it wouldn't have been a fib. I promise. But seriously, Jasper you still need to consider getting new clothes. A well dressed man shows the world you're confident and sure of yourself. And I know you still want to look good for Edward. Not that you don't look good _now_ of course. But you're going to look so good when I'm done with you that Edward's going to be eaten up with jealousy from all the guys and girls checking you out. I figured since you're going to meet our parents this weekend that there is no time to waste in whipping you into your new look so I've come over to measure you for your suits and new clothes so you won't have to worry about some stranger being close to you with a tape measure and I thought as long as I was here I would go ahead and cut your hair this evening so when you're trying on clothes tomorrow you'll have the right look going. Goodness, we're going to have to get some meat on your bones, boy. Although I bet you would look hot in some skin-tight skinny jeans and tight tank. Why you'd have Edward trying to molest you every time you bent over…" Alice keeps up her running commentary as she leads an unsure and obviously overwhelmed Jasper into the living room. She stands him in the middle of the room with his arms outstretched as she starts measuring him with her tape and writing down her figures.

I'm so thankful to Alice for putting Jasper back at ease and I mouth a thank you to her and she barely smiles as she keeps talking. "For goodness sakes, Edward, is that the bruises that had Rosalie in such an uproar earlier? Puh..lease, you've had worse than that wrestling with Emmett. Jasper, sweetie, no offence but you hit like a girl. You should let me be your personal trainer. I have a black belt in karate, jujitsu and taekwondo. That move you did with Emmett was good but sloppy. You could have hurt yourself… and what have you two been up to in here? Don't think I didn't see your shirts and belts laying over there by the couch or the bags full of condoms and lube by the door. Really Edward, you might want to think about putting that stuff up. What if I had been mom and dad popping in for a surprise visit? That might have been a little embarrassing for you to explain…"

Alice has a bad moment when she walks behind Jasper to measure his shoulders. Her eyes are filled with pain and tears as she covers her mouth and reaches out toward his back. But Alice recovers quickly and keeps her lighthearted nonstop chatter going as she hurriedly blinks back her tears and composes her face.

Jasper watches her as she comes back in front of him. He looks amused, as he tries to get a word in every now and then. But then he goes even paler than normal when Alice asks if he's ready for his haircut now. But Alice never even pauses for an answer as she goes and gets a towel out of my bathroom.

"Oh my goodness, were you boys actually in bed? I hope I didn't interrupt anything too serious. Well, I guess it couldn't have been too serious if the condoms and lube are still in here. Edward, come over here and sit down and hold onto Jasper so he'll be at the right height for me to cut his hair."

Alice grabs my hand and sits me in it the middle of the floor and then maneuver's Jasper around to sit in my lap and tells him to close his eyes and tells me to keep him distracted. I'm only too happy to comply as I start to kiss Jasper's neck and back as I run my hands up and down his thighs and across his stomach.

"For goodness sake, Edward, why don't you just stick your hands down his pants? I said distract him not molest him. Oh quit glaring at me like that. I have a feeling that that's exactly what you two were doing earlier. Trust me on this. It's a hell of a lot more fun to take the clothes off first."

Alice whips a pair of scissors out and is snipping at Jasper's hair before he even has time to get scared. She really doesn't even cut any of his length off, she just styles what he has and before you know it Alice is finishing up, packing up and cleaning up.

"Jasper, I'll be back at 9:00 a.m. sharp. You better be up and ready to go. I have the whole day planned out and we'll be lucky to get everything done before the stores close tomorrow night! Edward, we'll call you in the afternoon after you get done with your editor. And seriously, you should rethink my idea of writing under your own name! Ok, you two can resume seducing each other now. I'm off!" And then she's gone.

Jasper is still sitting in my lap and looking at me in wide eyed shock. I kiss his neck and say, "That was hurricane Alice. Welcome to my world, Jasper."

Jasper starts laughing and asks, "Is she always so….perky?"

I grin and say, "Yep."

Jasper rolls his eyes and says, "I'm going to regret shopping tomorrow, aren't I?"

I grin even wider and say, "Yep."

Jasper scowls at me and says, "Have I told you lately that you're an asshole?"

I just laugh and whisper, "Yep." As I kiss Jasper again on the back of his neck. Then I start laughing and spitting the hair out of my mouth. "Jasper, baby, go take a shower. You've got hair all over you and I want to kiss and suck on that delicious neck you got there."

Jasper grins and grinds his ass on my lap and asks, "Ready to get wet and naked with me yet?"

I groan and drop my head on his back. "God, Jasper, I can't keep up with you. One minute you're trying to get me naked, and then you're scared when I tried to help take off your pants for bed and now you're trying to get me naked again. I'm beginning to feel like I'm spinning on a carousel."

Jasper's grin slips off and he looks anxious as he says, "I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't… I just… please don't be mad."

I tighten my arms around Jasper's waist and rest my head on his back, "Jasper, I'm not mad. I didn't mean it like that baby. I know we're still getting used to each other and getting to know each other. It's just… as much as I love you, I feel like I should be able to read you better." I sigh and say, "I'm sorry I scared you before you lay down earlier. Did I cause your nightmare?"

Jasper turns his head to me, his eyes wide with horror. "No! God no, Edward, you actually ended it, darlin'. You've been great with me. I'm sorry my emotions have been all over the place today. I don't know why that scared me when you were trying to help me with my pants. I think I just got overwhelmed by everything. So much has happened today and everything is so different here. It just takes a little getting used to." Jasper turns sideways in my lap and wraps his arms around my neck and kisses me softly. "Thank you for putting up with me and my fucked up ways. I love you, Edward."

I smile and kiss him back, "I love you, too. Now go get cleaned up and I'll start cooking. Do you like chicken or steak fajitas?"

Jasper's eyes light up and he says, "Hell, yeah! I'm from Texas, ain't I? I love that shit!"

Jasper gets up and goes to get cleaned up and I go start preparing our dinner. Before I start cooking, I set out a large bowl and fill it with tortilla chips and set out some salsa and cheese dip and a soda. I figure my sexy Jasper will be ready to snack when he gets out of the shower. I can't figure out why he's so thin. He eats like a horse!

I put some music on and get a beer to drink while I'm cooking. I set out my cutting board and knife, and then I get out an assortment of red, yellow, and green bell peppers and an onion and some tomatoes. After washing everything, I start slicing it all in long thin slices.

I'm busy working away slicing the vegetables, when I hear Jasper come up behind me. "Hey! Are these for me?" He asks as he digs into the chips and dip.

I look over my shoulder and laugh at my sweet sexy Jasper. He looks sexier than hell standing in my kitchen wearing nothing but a pair of sleep pants as he stuffs his face. "I thought you might want a snack while I was cooking, babe. There are more chips in that top cabinet and more dip in the fridge if you want more."

Jasper grins and scoops out a chip full of dip and brings it over and asks, "Want a bite?"

I look over my shoulder with a grin and open my mouth, expecting him to shove the entire thing in my mouth. Instead, Jasper scoops a little dip off the chip with his finger and holds it out toward me. Grinning, I suck Jasper's finger into my mouth and lick everything off. He closes his eyes and groans.

Jasper pulls his finger out of my mouth and scoops up a little more and holds it out grinning. I go after it again with my mouth but he jerks his hand back and then reaches out and smears it across my lips, laughing. I glare at Jasper and he wraps his hand behind my head and pulls my face toward him and he licks it off my lips before I capture his tongue with my mouth and kiss him.

When Jasper finally pulls back he grins and says, "I like cooking with you Edward. It's fun. Anything else I can help you with?"

I laugh and say, "Why don't you grab the meat out of the fridge and we'll start cooking everything."

Instead, Jasper grins and wraps his arms around my waist. He strokes me though my jeans as he huskily whispers, "Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of helping you with this piece of meat." I drop my head back against Jasper's shoulder and groan. He laughs and pulls on my side to turn me around. I turn toward him thinking dinner's going to be late because right now I'm hungry for my man's lips.

Jasper stiffens up when he sees me still holding the knife but I quickly put it down and push it away. Jasper relaxes again and wraps his arms around my waist. I can feel his heart thundering in his chest, "Are you ok, baby?" Jasper looks up at me and bites his lip as he nods. He glances toward the knife again and shudders then he pulls me over to where the chips and dip are.

Jasper takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out. Then he looks me up and down and whispers, "I'm really hungry, Edward, and you look fucking delicious. How about you darlin'? Are you hungry?" Jasper grins and dips his finger in the cheese dip and holds it out toward me again. I grin and try to capture his finger with my mouth but he laughs and jerks his hand back then reaches out. I stop in shock when he runs it down my chest and stomach.

Jasper pushes me against the counter as he leans in and starts licking down my chest, down my stomach. I can't stop groaning at the feel of his tongue running down my body. Jasper scoops out some more dip on his finger and circles my nipples and belly button this time. I think my heart has moved to my cock, because my whole body feels like its pulsing and throbbing in one giant heartbeat as Jasper licks and sucks and bites my body. My knees start shaking when Jasper kneels down in front of me and starts licking around my navel as he strokes me through my jeans again.

I close my eyes and lean my head back, groaning. I feel like I'm drowning in lust and desire. My body feels like it's on fire. Jasper's hands are stroking me. His lips and mouth are licking and sucking my skin on my stomach. I'm so immersed in the sensations that it takes me a moment to figure out Jasper's unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans and has started to pull them down. Groaning again, I grab Jasper's hands and pull him up into my arms and hold him as I try to catch my breath and slow my hammering heart.

Jasper whispers in my ear, "What's wrong? Why did you stop me? I want to taste you, Edward. I'm not even nervous. Please, let me do this."

Damn it! I want to do everything with Jasper. I want this. So why is my stomach suddenly twisting in knots? I look into his eyes and drown in the love and lust radiating out of them. Troubled, I look down and say, "I'm sorry Jasper. I'm not sure why, but it's my turn to be nervous baby."

Jasper strokes my face and looks at me with hooded eyes as he says, "You need a good memory of this, to replace the one of Mike forcing himself on you, Edward. I need a memory of me doing this because I want to do it, not because someone is making me. Please, Edward, I need a good memory of this and so do you, darlin'. I want to do this but only if you're ok with it too."

I know Jasper's right. We both need new good memories. I lean in to kiss Jasper but jerk upright instead. "Shit! Hot! It's fucking burning!" I run into the bathroom stripping my pants off as I go and jump in the shower and start scrubbing my lips, chest and stomach. And Jasper? My adorable, innocent, love is rolling on my bathroom floor laughing hysterically. Fucker…just wait until I get out of here and get my hands on you.

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**Hope everybody is still enjoying the story and will have a little patience waiting on the next chapter.**

_Small update for the ones that didn't get that last bit (different cultures, different customs) ...the dip is spicy hot...it's a Texmex thing...usually contains jalapeno peppers which leave a nice burn in your mouth when you eat them. They can also irritate and burn your skin from contact, although it might actually take a minute before you start to feel the burn, it usually gets worse before it gets better. And you sure as hell don't want it to get it in your eyes. It's possible to rub your eyes hours after handling peppers and make them burn like hell. So yeah..._


	13. Chapter 13

**The next chapter will be shopping with Alice. It's been forever since my last chapter so I hope y'all enjoy this one, which is mainly some bonding time between the boys.**

**I had meant to attempt to respond to all the wonderful reviewers but wound up only getting a handful done before I got snowed under with this crazy thing called real life. Just know that yes I do read and love each and every one posted and that I appreciate all the wonderful comments left by everybody.**

**Disclaimer: All Twiligh characters belong to Stephanie Meyer...but the plot is my own.**

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_I know he's right. We both need new good memories. I lean in to kiss him then jerk upright. "Shit! Hot! It's fucking burning!" And I run into the bathroom stripping my pants off as I go and jump in the shower and start scrubbing my lips, chest and stomach. And Jasper? My adorable, innocent, love is rolling on my bathroom floor laughing hysterically. Fucker…just wait until I get out of here and get my hands on you._

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**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 13**

**JPOV (Wednesday continued…)**

The dip had tasted hot and spicy when I bit into it, just the way I remembered liking it. And the tingly burn it left on my lips and tongue had put me in mind of how Edward's lips sets my body to burning with desire when he kisses me. So I had got the idea… Yeah, I guess I really didn't think that through very well. I haven't had Tex-Mex since my Mom cooked it …that night. So I had totally forgotten how spicy peppers can make your skin burn on contact.

It had taken me a minute to figure out what the hell was going on, when Edward took off running and cursing while stripping out of his jeans. The shocked look on his face had been so fucking comical. I don't remember ever laughing so hard in my life. I honestly can't remember the last time I've laughed as much as I have today. Before I met Edward, I think I'd just about forgotten what it was like to laugh… to really laugh.

I hope Edward doesn't think I had planned on things happening like that. I guess it's a good thing he stopped me when he did. Although I bet his nipples are on fire. Good thing I didn't get any of that shit on his… Edward turns his head and glares over his shoulder at me when I burst out into fresh gales of laughter. I roll on the bathroom floor holding my stomach as giggles and laughter leave my sides aching, and tears running freely down my face.

I squawk in surprise to suddenly find a towel wrapped Edward straddling me. He glares down at me and grabs a wrist in each hand and pins my arms one on each side of my head as he menacingly growls out, "Do you find me amusing? Are you enjoying laughing at me, Jasper?" My eyes go wide and I swallow nervously as Edward leans down with a mischievous glint in his eyes as he growls out, "Since you enjoy laughing so much. Let's see just how many ways I can find to make you laugh."

I shriek out, "Edward stop!" as he starts tickling my sides and knees while growling and biting on my neck. Edward's got me shrieking like a fucking girl and laughing so hard I can't breathe. I'm jumping and jerking, trying to get out from under him. I manage to buck Edward off and the surprised look on his face makes me laugh harder as I try to take off running with my bare feet slipping on his tile floor.

I make it to the bedroom before Edward catches me and pins me face down on the floor. He keeps tickling me mercilessly. I'm kicking and screaming and begging him to stop in between my laughter. I manage to roll over on my back and catch Edward's hands. He keeps trying to pull free to start tickling me again, so I start begging as I laugh out, "Edward, please stop. You know I didn't do that on purpose. It's been fucking forever since I ate spicy food. I forgot it can make your skin burn. Please stop tickling me!"

Edward leans down and I think he's going to kiss me but he grins and says, "I'm not nearly done with you yet." Then he starts biting and growling at my neck again, making me laugh and shriek. He manages to break his hands free and starts tickling me again. I buck him off again and try to take off but he grabs my pants leg and starts tickling my foot making me laugh even harder. I manage to jerk my foot out of Edward's grip and try to crawl away when he catches me again.

I get a brainstorm when Edward grabs my pants leg this time and I shimmy out of them. I take off running as I look back over my shoulder and laugh at the shocked look on Edward's face. He looks like a fish out of water as his mouth keeps opening and closing as he watches my naked ass running away from him. It doesn't take Edward long to come to his senses and take off after me though.

Embarrassed as hell to be running around naked, I grab a pillow off the couch and hold it in front of me just as Edward catches up with me in the living room. I try to keep the couch between us as Edward twirls my pants in front of me, looking highly amused. I hold my hand like a stop sign and try to sound serious, "Enough Edward. Just give me pants back and quit ticking now."

Edward laughs and shakes his head no and then shocks the hell out of me by vaulting over the couch, grabbing me around the waist. Then he pulls me back down onto the floor, tickling me again. I do the only thing I can think to do and start tickling back. Imagine my surprise when Edward jerks away laughing. I do the only logical thing and go on the attack. Apparently, Edward's even more ticklish than I am and it doesn't take me long to have him laughing and struggling to get away from me. I decide to even up the playing field a little more and grab the towel from around Edward's waist and throw it across the room.

Edward stops in shock and jumps up, keeping his back to me. I double up laughing. I fucking love the expressions Edward gets on his face. I reach up and wipe the tears running down my face and wince as my eyes and face start burning. I keep trying to wipe off whatever the fuck is burning my eyes and face but it just keeps burning worse. I rub my eyes harder with shaking hands. Fuck! I got that shit in my eyes! "Edward!"

**EPOV**

I was wishing I had went with the mild dip instead of the hot, because even after scrubbing myself thoroughly my skin is still burning where Jasper had trailed it over my body. My nipples are burning and fuck me it's making my cock throb even harder. I close my eyes and think about what had almost happened in the kitchen. My body feels like its on fire as I imagine Jasper's mouth and tongue trailing down lower and lower. Why the hell had I stopped him?

I look over my shoulder and glare at Jasper when he breaks out into fresh gales of laughter. Wait until I get out of here and get my hands on you, I'll make you laugh; I think as I remember how ticklish he had been with the Doc. I plan on finding out just how many places Jasper is ticklish. After sending Jasper a death glare, I turn back to the water and grin as I plan my revenge.

I wait until Jasper's not paying attention. Then, leaving the water running, I sneak out of the shower and wrap a towel around my waist before I jump on him, straddling his waist. I'm afraid I might have scared him a little but he recovers quickly when I start tickling him. I love hearing Jasper's laughter and I can't believe he shrieks like a girl when I tickle him, it's funnier than hell to hear. He shocks the hell out of me when he manages to buck me off of him. I keep forgetting he's stronger than he looks.

I catch back up with Jasper in the bedroom though and continue my revenge by tickling the shit out my adorable little love. I'm enjoying the hell out of my playful Jasper as we wrestle around the room. But he manages to shock me again when he takes off, leaving me holding his pants. It takes me a moment to recover from the flash of heat that sears through me as I watch his bare ass run into the living room.

I grab Jasper's pants and follow after my sexy, naked man. Jasper is laughing, holding a pillow in front of him, and trying to keep the couch between us as he demands his pants back. Instead, I take a short cut and vault over the couch and catch him again, ready to resume my tickling assault. Instead Jasper surprises me and starts tickling me, making me squirm away from him laughing. And then the little shit grabs my towel and throws it!

I'm so shocked to suddenly find myself naked, that I jump up and turn my back to him in an attempt to hide my erection. I swear, Jasper keeps my senses in such a turmoil that I don't know whether to run and grab my towel again or just throw him down and attack him. I look down at myself and wonder if seeing my erection will scare him or turn him on. Jasper's been back and forth with his emotions all day and I'm having trouble reading him.

Hearing Jasper whimpering behind me, I look over my shoulder at him. Jasper's frantically wiping and rubbing his face and eyes as he cries out "Edward!" in a panicked, frightened voice full of pain.

I forget all about modesty and hard-ons and turn to him. I grab Jasper and pull him up in my arms. "What's wrong Jasper? What is it baby?"

Jasper jumps and jerks in my arms as he keeps frantically wiping and rubbing at his face. He whimpers out. "It's in my eyes, Edward! It fucking burns!"

I grab Jasper's hands and pull them down to look at his face. Damn it all to hell! Jasper's face is scrunched up in pain, his eyes are closed and running a constant stream of tears. He must have had some of that shit under his nails because he's got red welts rising in streaks on his face where he had been rubbing it. I can't believe how sensitive his skin is to welt up that easily!

Jasper keeps trying to rub his face, so I restrain his hands. I just want to keep him from rubbing any more dip into his eyes than he already has, but Jasper gets panicked and starts thrashing and bucking in my arms. "What are you doing? Let me go! I'm sorry, Edward! Please don't be mad at me! Please, let me go! I'll be good, please don't…"

"Shh, Jasper, I'm not mad. I'm not going to hurt you, baby. I would never hurt you. Please baby, quit fighting me and calm down. If you keep rubbing your face, you're going to make it worse." Jasper finally calms down enough to quit fighting me. "Just keep your eyes closed. We're going to go get in the shower so we can wash your face and rinse your eyes out." He's trembling and whimpering as I guide him back to the bathroom and to the shower. "One step up and over the threshold, baby."

I guide Jasper into the shower and turn him around to face me under the spray. Remembering Jasper's sensitive skin, I look for his hypo-allergenic soap that he brought with him from his apartment and grab it. "Keep your eyes closed, Jasper." I push his hair back and gently wash and rinse his red streaked face a couple of times, making sure there's nothing in his lashes or eyebrows. Then I grab a nail brush and do a quick scrub and rinse under his nails to prevent anymore of that hot shit from getting in his eyes. "Ok, baby, we need to rinse your eyes out now. I want you to turn around and tilt your head up into the water and open your eyes for a few seconds."

Jasper whines, "I can't open them. They still burn, Edward. Besides, I don't like water in my eyes."

"Jasper they're going to keep burning until we get them rinsed out. Now turn your ass around and do it." Jasper scowls and shakes his head, so I turn him around but he keeps his eyes scrunched up and bends his head down. "Jasper, stop pouting. Look up and open your eyes under the water!" Jasper gets a stubborn look on his face and shakes his head no again.

Frustrated, I wrap one arm around Jasper's chest to hold him steady and with the other hand on his forehead, I tilt his head back. Jasper whimpers out, "No, I don't want to…"

I growl out, "Jasper, open your damn eyes! Do it, damn it." Jasper sobs out and bucks once trying to break my hold on him, before he finally opens his eyes under the spray and starts rapidly blinking them. "That's it love. Just keep blinking. It'll make the burn go away." I hold Jasper there under the spray and kiss his neck trying to calm him as he trembles. "Shh, baby you're going to be ok, now."

I slowly let Jasper go and take a step back. He jerks away and turns around facing me. He looks so pitiful as he stands there under the spray looking at me with a hurt look on his face. It just breaks my heart to look at his red eyes and the red welts raised on his cheeks. I want to cry when I see his bottom lip start to tremble. Cupping Jasper's face with my hand, I say."I'm sorry, Jasper. We had to get your eyes rinsed out. Please, don't be mad at me."

Jasper shakes his head and barely whispers. "I'm not mad, I thought you were." He sniffs and carefully touches his face as he asks, "Do I have blisters on my face? It still burns like a bitch."

I reach up and gently stroke the red streaks on Jasper's cheeks with my finger and say, "No baby, you've got some welts but no blisters. I think the burning should go away in a bit. How about your eyes? Are they a little better now?"

Jasper just nods with a sad look. He reaches out and touches the red irritated skin on my chest and whispers in a strangled voice. "I didn't know it was burning you that much. I'm sorry I laughed at you. I'm sorry I hurt you again." Jasper closes his eyes and turns his back to me with his arms wrapped around himself and sobs out. "Why am I'm such a fuck up? I can't do anything right. I can't even seduce my boyfriend without fucking everything up and hurting him! Just take me home before I put you in the fucking hospital, or before I fuck up your life, like I fucked up my parent's lives or you wind up dead like they are!"

I wrap my arms around Jasper and hold him against my chest. "No, Jasper, no… You're not a fuck up. You haven't fucked up anybodies lives, least of all your parents. They loved you and I do too. I know you're hurting, but your skin is much more sensitive than mine. I promise you didn't hurt me, baby. I'm not taking you anywhere. You belong here with me."

Jasper shakes his head no and says, "I can't do this anymore Edward. I thought I could, but I can't. I just wanted to try and be an ordinary person and live a normal life but obviously it's not going to work. I'm sorry. I want you to take me home now."

I close my eyes from the pain ripping through my chest. Resting my forehead on Jasper's back, I whisper. "Please, baby, don't do this. I love you and I need you here with me in my arms." I kiss Jasper again on the back of the neck and whisper. "Jasper, listen to me. There's no way you will ever be an ordinary person."

Jasper stiffens up in my arms as his chest starts heaving. I tighten my arms around him and say, "Damn it, Jasper, listen to me. You will never be ordinary because you are the most _extraordinary_ person I have ever met. You are so strong and brave baby. Your willingness to take the chance and love with all of your heart after all the betrayals and pain you've lived through. That makes you the most wonderful, amazingly courageous person I've ever met in my life."

Jasper half turns and gives me a timid, hopeful smile and says, "Really?"

I kiss the back of Jasper's neck and say, "Really. Please stay with me, baby. I love you."

Jasper sighs and leans his head back against my shoulder. "I want to stay here with you, Edward. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it when I said you should take me home. Your arms are my home now."

Breathing a sigh of relief, I run kisses up and down the side of Jasper's neck and then suck on the tender skin under his ear. I'm suddenly hyperaware that were both standing naked under the running water. It's taking everything in me to not just attack him.

Jasper melts against me and I shift my hips back. I don't want to scare him by poking him in the ass with my hard-on, which seems to have taken up a permanent residence in my cock. Jasper looks back at me with a confused, hurt look when I shift away. "You're really not mad at me about the dip?"

I shake my head and smile. "How could I be mad at you? Hell, I never once thought about the damn dip being spicy hot and I'm the one that bought the shit." I slowly turn Jasper around to face me as I wipe my face with a shaky hand. I cup Jasper's face in my hands as I pull him to me and tenderly kiss his lips, his eyelids, his forehead and cheeks. Jasper groans as I run a trail of kisses across his jaw line to his ear.

Sucking Jasper's ear lobe into my mouth, I gently bite it before I sigh and say. "All these years, I thought I had such wonderful self-control. I didn't realize until I met you that my so called control was that I simply had never met anyone I wanted. You've sent my self-control flying out the window and I've been walking around in a state of constant arousal ever since we ran into each other. Jasper, baby, you don't need dip to seduce me. All you have to do is show up. Your very presence intoxicates me and sets my body burning with desire. I hope you're happy. You've finally managed to get me naked in the shower, baby. And I plan on taking full advantage of the situation and doing very naughty things to you."

Jasper barks out a laugh and looks down with a blush, before he looks back up at me with a shy smile. How does he manage to look so damn innocent and bashful while he's looking at me with that lust filled, wanting look in his beautiful blue eyes?

Keeping Jasper's face cupped in my hands, I trail my kisses down to the junction of his neck and shoulder where I had left a mark earlier. Jasper groans as I start biting and sucking on it again. He tastes wonderful with water running over him, so fresh and clean. I kiss back up to Jasper's lips and capture his tongue with my own, twisting and twirling in a desperate need to taste and explore, to drink in and drown in the unique flavor of Jasper's mouth.

I pull back so we can both catch our breath and I stare into Jasper's eyes. Gently brushing his cheeks with my thumbs, I step closer and whisper. "Are you ok with this?" And then I slowly press Jasper against the wall with my body. We both groan as our bodies make full contact and our cocks rub against each other.

"Yes," Jasper moans breathlessly. "Fuck, yes." I keep my eyes locked with his, watching for any signs of fear or uncertainty as I start to gently slide against him, grazing our cocks together with each roll and thrust of my hips. Jasper's eyes roll back and he drops his head back against the shower wall. He grabs my hips, his fingers digging into my flesh as he matches my movements. I keep a slow, gentle rhythm sliding and rubbing against him. My body feels like it's going to spontaneously combust from the heat building inside me. I'm panting and my heart is hammering. Jasper's naked body against mine feels so good, so fucking right.

I can't stop my groan of disappointment when Jasper brings one of his hands up to my chest and gently starts to push me away. Stopping and stepping back away from his naked body is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but Jasper's smile and the look of trust in his eyes makes it worth it.

He touches my face and whispers, "I just wanted a chance to really look at you, Edward." I take another step back and let my gaze travel down his naked body as his gaze slowly travels down mine. I swallow nervously, after a soft "Oh fuck" escapes from my lips, as I gaze at his huge cock. I guess Jasper must have been thinking along the same lines because he breathlessly says, "Fuck me. _That's_ going to hurt."

**JPOV**

Edward pulls me back to him and wraps his arms around me as he whispers, "I'll never hurt you baby. I promise we're going to take this slow."

I shake my head and run my hands up into Edward's hair and grab a fistful in each hand. Pulling Edward's face to mine, I growl out in a husky voice. "Fuck that, you're supposed to be taking advantage of me and doing very naughty things."

Edward crashes his lips to mine and kisses me hard before he presses his body up against mine again. He rubs our cocks together, and we both groan with each sensual roll and thrust of his hips. Edward's tongue probes and explores my mouth with an almost frantic intensity.

I match Edward's movement with my hips as I move one hand to the back of his neck, the other still fisted into his hair. I kiss him back just as urgently and hungrily as he's kissing me. We're both panting and gasping for air when Edward pulls back and smiles at me. He trails his kisses across my jaw to my ear, where he runs his tongue around the shell of my ear, making me moan and shudder. Edward laughs softly and whispers in my ear. "Are you sure you're ok with this, baby?"

Edward searches my face waiting. I touch his face, running my thumb across his beautiful lips as I whisper. "Please don't stop Edward."

Edward smiles and kisses down my neck. I lean my head back to give him better access as he sucks and bites across my collarbone. The feel of Edward's stubble rubbing roughly across my tender skin is driving me mad with desire. I moan and arch my back, rubbing against Edward harder as he marks me again with his lips and teeth. I love that Edward is claiming me as his and that we wants the world to know it.

I think my blood has been replaced by molten lava and I'm being consumed by the heat of it. Edward has awakened so many emotions inside me. He makes my heart swell with love and my cock ache with need. I'm overwhelmed by the intensity of the desire and love I feel for him. Edward's brought me back to life with his caresses, his kisses, his kindness and understanding. I had no idea I would ever be able to feel like this with anyone. My body has come alive in ways I never would have thought possible.

Edward stops his gentle, rolling thrusts and stops my hips as well. My breaths are coming in short, fast pants and my heart is beating at a wild, frantic pace when I feel one of Edward's hands come around and wrap around my shaft. I run one of my hands down, wrapping it around the hand holding me, and both our hands slowly slide up and down my cock. I keep my other hand fisted in his bronze hair, fingers twisting and scratching as his lips, tongue, and teeth work across my collarbone to the other side of my neck. I groan out a breathless "Fuuuuck, Edward" as he increases the pace, working our hands up and down faster and faster. Edward is quickly bringing me to the brink, my insides are twisting and coiling as the tension builds.

His other hand moves down my back and squeezes my ass, making me moan. Before I even realize what Edward's doing, he runs his hand down the crease of my ass and gently strokes and caresses my entrance. My head falls back against the shower wall again and my knees almost buckle as my orgasm rips through my body. I cry out, "Fuck! Edward! Fuck!" My back arches and my body convulses and my orgasm seems to last forever as his hands continue stroking my cock and caressing my entrance.

Edward's hands slow down and he runs them up my body and he pulls me into his embrace. I wrap my arms around Edward and cling to him, shaking and shuddering, my knees trembling from the intensity of the orgasm. My heart is racing and my chest is heaving as I try to catch my breath. I nuzzle my face into Edward's neck and whisper. "Edward, you have no idea what you do to me. It gets better every time, darlin'."

Edward laughs softly again and whispers back. "I'm thrilled that I can make you feel so good baby. I love you."

Edward holds me like that until I finally get myself under control and I'm able to stand on my own two feet again. I pull his face to mine and kiss him, savoring the taste of his lips and tongue. Never breaking away from his lips, I push away from the wall, making Edward take a step back. I turn our bodies and push Edward up against the wall that I was just leaning against.

I trail kisses across Edward's jaw line to his ear where I whisper. "I'm going to make you feel so good, Edward." Edward tastes so different with water running down his body.

I lick, kiss, suck and bite my way down his neck. Edward moans out a "Fuuuuck, Jasper" when I stop and tease each nipple with my tongue and teeth. I slowly nibble my way down his body. Edward pants and moans as my lips trail further down, stopping long enough to circle his naval with my tongue. He gently takes my head in his hands, stopping me. I look up at him and he cups my cheek and he tenderly says, "Jasper, you don't have to do this."

Edward's body trembles as I lower my shaking body down in front of him. I look up at him and whisper, "I want to, Edward." Keeping my eyes locked on his, I bend forward and lick the head of Edward's cock, getting my first taste of him. I watch Edward, as he watches me with his heavy-lidded, lust-filled green eyes, and flushed cheeks.

Edward's hands gently, lovingly move through my hair as I run my tongue around the head of his cock and then down to its base. When I flatten my tongue and lick his shaft fully from base to head, both of his hands fists into my hair and he throws his head back, groaning loud. I wrap my lips around the head of his cock and swirl my tongue around the tip.

When I take him fully into my mouth, Edward hisses out a strangled breathless. "Oh god, Jasper, yes please." I wrap my hand around the base of Edward's cock and set a rhythm stroking him as my lips and tongue move, sucking up and down his shaft. I try to see how far I can take him in and Edward begins moaning and whispering my name over and over.

I can't believe how much I'm enjoying doing this to him. I can't believe how good Edward tastes. His fingers begin to tenderly massage my scalp, guiding my head as he gently thrusts into my mouth. I'm thankful he's being careful and not slamming into the back of my throat like… No, do not go there.

I look up at Edward again when he moans, his head is thrown back, his eyes are closed and his face is twisted in ecstasy. I grip him tighter and begin pumping him faster with my hand as I continue to slide my lips up and down his shaft. I curl my tongue around and around, paying extra attention to that fold of skin right under the head.

Not breaking my rhythm, I take my free hand and run it up the inside of Edward's leg and cup his balls, tenderly stroking and rolling them in my hand. I glanced up at Edward again before I cautiously run my fingers back and lightly stroke his entrance like he did me earlier.

Edward whimpers and his legs start shaking as his hands fists into my hair again. He cries out, "Jasper, baby, I'm ….fuck, cumming!" I swallow around him when he pulses into my mouth, moaning at the unexpected taste. Edward tastes so much better than… No, don't fucking think about that. He whimpers and moans as his body shudders and shakes. His chest heaves with ragged breaths as I continue stroking his entrance, trying to coax out and prolong his orgasm.

Edward slumps against the wall and leans down, pulling me up into his arms. He buries his face in my neck as he repeats over and over, "I love you. I love you. I love you." He moves his hands to my face and holds me as he kisses me hard. He moans as he runs his tongue deep into my mouth. Edward pulls back and gently brushes my cheeks with his thumbs as he asks, "Are you ok, baby?"

I kiss Edward softly, and then gently pull his hands down so I can lie my head on his chest. Then I softly say, "I was just about to ask you that, Edward."

Edward holds my head against his chest and kisses the top of my head as he whispers. "I've never been better, love." Edward holds me like that as I listen to his racing heart slowly return to a more normal beat.

Eventually Edward sighs and says, "Come on baby. Let's find some ointment to put on your cheeks and then go finish cooking up our dinner."

**EPOV**

I sit Jasper down on my… no not mine… on _our_ bed and then doctor the red welts on his cheeks with some prescription burn ointment that he has. I guess even living in cloudy Washington, Jasper must still occasionally get caught out in the sun if he needs to keep it handy. I can't keep my hands or my lips off of Jasper, as I keep him close in my arms. I stroke his face, his hair, and his arms as I pepper his face with soft kisses.

I'm just amazed by this wonderful, sexy man and by what he has done to me. I trace the line of bite marks across his collarbone, feeling guiltier than hell for marking him so many times. But when Jasper looks at them in the mirror, he just grins and grabs a handful of my hair and pulls me in for a kiss. I stare into his eyes and get lost in the love radiating out of them.

After I finish doctoring Jasper's cheeks, I pull him with me into the kitchen to finish cooking. I can't stand the thought of letting Jasper go, so I keep my arms tightly wrapped around him as I move about the kitchen. Jasper digs out another soda for him and a beer for me and opens them up. I can't help but laugh when Jasper sniffs the beer and wrinkling his nose, hands it to me with a look of disgust on his face.

I have to let Jasper go when I get ready to start cooking. I don't want to accidentally burn him as I cook up the meat, peppers and onions and heat up some tortilla shells. Jasper starts eating the chips and dips again and _very_ carefully feeds me a few bites as well. We manage to finish cooking and decide to eat on the couch instead of at the dining table. I pop in a Disney DVD and make a mental note to get Jasper's movies and bring them over for him to watch.

Jasper raves over my cooking, telling me how wonderful it is. I just shake my head and tell him to forget it. I'm still going to teach him to cook no matter how much he sucks up. Jasper just glares and sticks his tongue out at me and pouts. I laugh and pull Jasper into my arms. Laying his back across my lap, I feed him bites of our food between kisses.

After we finish eating, I load up the dishwasher and wipe everything down. I don't have to worry about putting up leftovers since my bottomless pit of a boyfriend finished off everything, including the rest of the bagged chips and all the dip I had in the fridge. I can see now I need to stock up on plenty of snacks. I better go grocery shopping tomorrow afternoon while Jasper and Alice are clothes shopping.

After finishing in the kitchen, I go back and lie down on the couch. Jasper crawls up and drapes himself over me with his head on my chest. We lay like that occasionally kissing and caressing each other, as we watch movies. When Jasper starts yawning, I suggest we go to bed early. I have to admit, not used to being in a state of constant arousal or in having multiple sexual experiences in one day, I was totally wiped out myself. I did hate to see the day coming to an end, though. I was really going to miss having Jasper in my arms tomorrow.

We go into the bathroom and brush our teeth before going into the bedroom and crawling into the bed. I curl up around Jasper kissing the back of his neck as I pull him closer and hold him tight. I stroke the side of his face as he slowly relaxes. Jasper's face smoothes out as all his worries dissolve in his sleep. I watch my adorable, innocent love slip into a deep sleep. Jasper must have been exhausted because he begins snoring in no time. I fight to keep my eyes open but soon find my own eyes drifting shut.

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**Hope everybody continues to enjoy the story!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Well, this took a little longer than I planned, but I've had company for days!**

**Thanks for all the wonderful reviews and to all the people adding me to their favorites. It's wonderfully flattering to know people are enjoying this story so much. I hope everybody continues to like it.**

**Just wanted to say Merry Christmas to all the wonderful readers out there!**

**Disclaimer: These are all Ms. Meyer's characters but the plot is my all my warped imagination so...yeah.**

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_We go in to the bathroom and brush our teeth before going into the bedroom and crawling into bed. I curl up around Jasper kissing the back of his neck as I pull him closer and hold him tight. I stroke the side of face as he slowly relaxes. His face smoothes out as all his worries dissolve in his sleep. I watch my adorable innocent love slip into a deep sleep. He must have been exhausted because he begins snoring in no time. I fight to keep my eyes open but soon find my own eyes drifting shut._

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**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER14**

**JPOV (Thursday)**

_I had awakened at my normal 6:00 a.m. this morning, feeling great. I'd slept the whole night through with no nightmares. When I had taken my medication before bed last night, I had feared I'd wake up feeling like an emotionless zombie this morning. I had actually feared the numbness I sometimes feel with my medication would make the love I was feeling toward Edward disappear. I had been thrilled when I rolled over and looked at Edward and felt my heart swelling with love. I had been even more thrilled when I felt myself getting hard when I had thought about last night in the shower. _

_I probably should have gone ahead and got up and done my stretches and exercises but I just couldn't tear myself away from lying there and watching Edward sleep. So, I had lain there and drank in the sight of him, knowing I wouldn't be seeing him for most of the day. Edward had been so damn beautiful with his tousled hair and slightly scruffy face. I had ached to feel the sweet torture of those whiskers running across my neck and face again as he kissed me. Damn, I can't get enough of Edward and his loving arms, his passionate kisses, and his sensual hands on my body. _

_I had draped myself across Edward's chest with my chin on my crossed arms and watched him sleep until the alarm went off at 7:00. Then I had laughed and turned off the alarm for my sleeping beauty after Edward realized I had him pinned to the bed. I had been ready for another round of loving from my wonderful beautiful man and had run my hand down his body before wrapping it around his…_

"Earth, calling Jasper, come in Jasper! Are you paying attention to _anything_ I've been saying? Don't you want to know our schedule for the day?" I look over at the irritatingly perky pixie driving the car and send her a death glare. I haven't even had any coffee yet and it's way too fucking early for perky. Alice just rolls her eyes and says, "Jazz, don't you glare at me in that tone of voice!"

Alice had had the nerve to show up an hour early this morning, _a whole fucking hour!_ Thankfully, Edward and I had already finished up loving on each other in bed. It had been like yesterday on my couch, only better. I had made sure our clothes were off this time. The feel of Edward's naked body had been pure ecstasy, all that smooth skin, those hard muscles, his soft lips and prickly whiskers, yum. We had both been wild, grinding and thrusting and rubbing against each other.

We'd also finished up loving on each other again in the shower. Damn, Edward had tasted just as good this morning as he did last night and I had loved what he had done to me with his hands. Edward drives me wild with his fucking hands. One of them caressing and stroking me, faster and faster, as the other was pressing and stroking against my entrance in a steady rhythm. I can't believe how fucking incredible that feels. I never would have thought I'd actually want someone touching me _back there_.

My knees had buckled when I came and I would have fallen if Edward hadn't caught me. Damn that had been intense and what the fuck is up with those sounds I was making! That shit would be embarrassing if Edward hadn't said he loved hearing it so much. I think _my_ new favorite sound in the world is the way Edward moans my name when he cums. Just thinking about it sends shivers down my back.

After we had finished showering and had gotten dressed, Edward had been sexy as hell in his business suit. I had been in the process of chasing Edward around the apartment and taking it right back off of him. Damn he's slippery and fast, but every time I cornered him, I would slowly strip off another piece of clothing. Of course Edward had protested the whole time but the way he was laughing, I knew he was enjoying it too.

But then the irritating perky pixie sitting next to me had showed up a whole fucking hour early and interrupted my plans to fool around with my boyfriend again. Needless to say, with _her_ there, _that_ didn't happen. Breakfast didn't happen either…neither did coffee… I might be a tad grumpy without my breakfast and coffee. I shoot Alice another death glare and growl. "Coffee, now. Shop, later."

Alice huffs at me and says, "We'll pop into the Starbucks in the mall, later. I have the day planned out and going by _your_ coffee shop isn't in the schedule, _Jazz_."

I cross my arms and pout. How the hell did Alice find out Jazz's Cup 'o Joe was my coffee shop anyway? I try giving her puppy dog eyes and whining, "Alice, please! I want coffee now!"

Alice rolls her eyes again and says, "That pout might wrap Edward around your little finger, but it does nothing for me. So do not even go there!"

I stick my tongue out and scowl at her. Damn, mean irritating pixie! Alice just laughs at me and then looks at me with a devious and calculating look on her face before she smiles innocently. Uh oh, I think that means she's up to something.

"Jasper, dear…." Yep, she's definitely up to something. "…if you really want to go by your coffee shop for a while, we can. But it's going to cut into my schedule, so I'll have to just pick out all your suits myself and order them later. That'll probably free up a whole hour of extra shopping time."

I scratch my head as I look at Alice and try to figure out what the catch is. As far as I know, Alice is picking out all my clothes anyway. Goodness knows I don't know shit about fashion and style, so I grin and agree. I think I got the upper hand this time!

Alice looks at me suspiciously when I grin and agree so quickly, but she keeps her word and drives us to the coffee shop. We go in and I get an extra large coffee and half dozen muffins before we go and sit at my booth.

I'm wolfing down my muffins, afraid Alice is going to try and hurry me out of here, when Bella and Angela come running over. They shock the hell out of me when they hug both our necks. It reminds me of how I had felt left out the other day when they had been hugging Edward's family.

I also realize that just a few short days ago I would have freaked out if they had even attempted to hug me. I swallow down the sudden lump in my throat as I think about how meeting Edward has already changed me and made me more… well, maybe not confident... but at least less afraid of everything and everybody, than I was.

Angela says, "Jasper, I hope you're not upset with us for coming over to your apartment like that yesterday. We were just worried when you never showed up, and then Rose came in frantic over Edward and I guess we just all overreacted and went into a panic."

I grin as I remember how crazy yesterday had been while meeting all of Edward's family. I shake my head and say, "No, I'm not mad ladies. I'm actually flattered you two were worried about me like that."

They both looked relieved when I said I wasn't upset with them. I think about saying something to Bella about her dad, but I'm not sure how to bring it up so I just stay quiet. I realize just how little I know about these two ladies' personal lives and I want to try and figure out how to be a real friend with them, not just an acquaintance or boss or whatever the hell I am to them. Maybe Edward and I can go out with them sometime and we can all talk over dinner or something and I can get to know them better.

Then I remember that Edward had actually dated Bella and Prom night the two of them had… I cross my arms and frown at Bella as jealousy suddenly twists in my stomach. He'd told me everything the two of them had done on Prom night. When Edward told me about it, I had found their disastrous last date and attempts to go down on each other slightly amusing. But now I can feel my eyes tearing up at the thought that he'd fucking tasted _her_ but he sure as hell hasn't done that with me yet.

I guess the ever observant Angela, must have noticed my sudden shift in moods because she takes Bella by the arm and says, "Bella I think we need to get back to work and give these two a little privacy." And they head back to the counter.

I watch my friends walk away with mixed feelings. I know I shouldn't be feeling jealous, Edward loves me not Bella. But at the same time, it really bothers me that she has experienced something with him that I haven't, even if neither one of them liked it. Scowling, I choke down the last bite of my muffin and mumble, "Alice, are we going to fucking sit here all day or are we going shopping?"

Alice is staring at me with a knowing look in her eyes, but she nods and softly says, "Let's go shop." We go out and get into her car and head out to the mall. We're both quiet for a few minutes before Alice breaks the silence. "Edward loves you, you know."

I swallow back the lump in my throat and whisper, "I know."

Alice looks over at me and then sighs and says, "Give him time sweetie. I think… Well, actually we all think that… something… happened. That that creep, Mike Newton, did something to him. But Edward refuses to talk about it with any of us." I bite my lip and look down, keeping quiet. It's not my story to tell. Alice gives me a sharp look as she grips the steering wheel tight and growls out, "How bad was it? What did Mike do to Edward?"

I glace at her and look down again, refusing to say anything. If Edward wants Alice to know, he'll tell her. Alice watches me for a minute with her eyes narrowed and then she sighs again and says, "Ok… for now." And then Alice totally changes the subject. "Jasper, dear…" I brace myself. She's up to something again. "I just wanted to let you know that if we go over whatever you have budgeted for this little shopping trip, that I am more than happy to help you out in paying for your clothes. And you do not have to worry about paying me back. It's the least I can do for the man who is making my brother so happy."

I had laughed at Edward yesterday for offering me money when he thought I needed groceries, but now I'm so touched that I have to choke back tears. I can't believe what kind of wonderful and caring people Edward and his family are. I look at Alice and give her a goofy grin. I'm about to tell her she won't have to worry about giving me money, when I realize I really should call Charlotte and leave a message that I'm going shopping for clothes.

Yeah, I may be rich as a small country but Charlotte is my fiduciary until I turn 21. And while Charlotte is always harping on me to start living like I have money and spend it on myself sometimes. I also know she freaks out if there are any unusual charges on my debit and credit cards. And shopping at the mall _in person_ would definitely be classified as unusual charges for me. I hate the thought of calling her, though. Charlotte confuses the hell out of me. Some days I fucking hate her. Other days I just wish she could have loved me and been there for me when I needed her.

Sighing in disgust at the thought of calling Charlotte, I look over at Alice and ask, "Can I borrow your phone?" Alice is looking at me like I've grown an extra head and I realize I never acknowledged her earlier offer of helping me out financially while shopping. I just grin and hold my hand out and she hands me her cell phone.

I look at it and try to figure out how to use the damn thing. I've never actually used a cell phone before. Until now, I've only ever had 4 places I call on any sort of regular basis, 5 if you count the pizza place, and it's a very rare occasion for someone to call me. But now, knowing I might actually have a life away from my apartment, I'm thinking I might need to consider getting one. I look over at Alice meaning to ask her if we can run by a cell phone store later and she just shakes her head and says, "If you had been paying attention earlier, you'd have heard me mention we were going to go by the store this afternoon and get you signed up."

I just grin and go back to studying the phone again. Why the hell does a phone need all these damn buttons and letters? Totally lost, I glance at Alice again. She rolls her eyes and holds her hand out, asking me what number I want to call. Relieved, I hand it back to her and rattle off the number, which she quickly dials and then hands the phone back to me.

As usual, Charlotte never answers her own fucking phone and I wind up talking to her personal secretary, Gianna. "Hey, Gee, it's Jasper. Can you give Charlotte a message for me?"

"Hello, Jasper. It's been ages! Hang on, I'll ring you right through."

"No wait!" Damn it. I think Charlotte has left standing orders for me to be put through to her every time I call. I hate it. She's always in a meeting, no matter what time of day I call.

"Jasper, is everything all right?" I feel my jaws reflexively clench in anger at the sound of Charlotte's voice. An irrational reaction, I know, but I just can't help it.

I try to keep my voice light as I tell her, "Hey Charlotte. I was just going to have Gianna give you a message. I didn't mean to disturb you."

"Don't be ridiculous, Jasper. I love hearing from you. Now what's up? I have a meeting to get back to."

I roll my eyes, what a fucking surprise. "I just wanted to let you know I'm going to the mall to go clothes shopping. I'm getting a whole new wardrobe and shoes and a cell phone and maybe some other stuff. I just wanted you to expect the charges."

"Hold on. Did you say _you_ were going to the mall? Is Dr. Sim taking you or perhaps Maria? Surely you're not going to attempt something that stressful alone!" The sound of concern in Charlotte's voice makes me want to scream. I'm not stupid. I know Charlotte doesn't really give a flying fuck about me.

I close my eyes and try to get a grip on my resentment. "No, actually, I have a friend that is taking me. Her name is Alice."

"You're going shopping with a girlfriend! How wonderful! Is she nice? What sort of person is this girl? What do you know about her? Does she know anything about your past? You're much too trusting with people Jasper and I don't want to see anyone taking advantage of you. Are you sure she's not just after your money?"

I grit my teeth as I listen to Charlotte's voice changing from what I am positive is _fake_ excitement to suspicion. Of course, Charlotte would think someone would only want to be my friend if they knew I had money. Obviously, she thinks I'm too fucking pathetic for anyone to want to be my fucking friend. I close my eyes and take a couple of deep calming breaths before saying, "She's a very nice girl, Charlotte. Alice comes from a great family. I'm not sure but you might have even met her dad. And she's not my girlfriend. Alice is my boyfriend's sister."

"Did you say, boyfriend?" Charlotte asks breathlessly.

"Yep, boyfriend." I say smugly. It may be childish but I'm thrilled that I found something to shock Charlotte out of her perfect composure. Then just to add another dig, I add. "He's taking me to meet his family this weekend…. in Forks."

I hear Charlotte suck her breath in and I feel bad about mentioning Forks. I know Charlotte can't stand the sight of me, but she did love my mom and dad…well, she got along with my mom but I know she fucking loved my dad. Hell, he was probably the only person she's ever cared about in her life. I hear a quiver in Charlotte's voice as she says, "Sweetie, are you going to try visiting your parents while you're there?"

Charlotte's words feel like a slap in the face and a punch in the gut, they cut me to the fucking bone. I feel my eyes burning with unshed tears and I try to form words but nothing comes out. I don't need Charlotte to fucking remind me that I've never visited my parent's graves.

Sounding harried, Charlotte sighs and says. "I'm sorry I have to head back to my meeting now, Jasper. They're calling for me. Please, call me later with your new cell number. I hope you have fun this weekend with your… um, boyfriend? And really sweetie, you should go visit your parents. I think it would be good for you. When you get back to Seattle perhaps we could meet for lunch or dinner sometime next week? Call Gianna and have her schedule it. Bye for now, sweetie." Charlotte hangs up, leaving me shaking and staring at the phone, with a death grip on it as I blink back tears.

I look up when Alice touches my face looking worried. Looking around, I see we're at the mall and that we're parked already. Alice gently pries my hands from around the phone and puts it in her purse before turning back and watching me as I try and calm my ass down. Then Alice carefully says, "So…you were going to tell me about Charlotte."

I angrily wipe my eyes and sullenly say, "I already told you about her."

Alice rubs my back and says, "You just told me that you two were… sort of… related. You didn't tell me why just talking to her has almost put you into a rage."

Glaring at Alice, I ask. "Why does it matter to you?"

Alice shakes her head and says, "I told you before. I don't like NOT knowing things. If there is a mystery, I have to solve it."

"But why Alice?" I'm really curious what drives Alice to know everything about everything.

Alice looks down and sighs, "Did Edward tell you I have no memories of the first 10 years of my life? Nothing. It's as if I was dropped on this planet from outer space. I've researched and searched and can't find out or remember anything from back then. Do you have any idea what it's like to know there are _years_ missing from your memory?"

I look down and swallow as the tears finally run down my face. I look up at Alice and say, "Actually, I do. Alice, I lost almost 3 years of my life because of what happened to me, five if you count the two I spent in the fucking hospital after I woke up. Those years are just gone and I'll never get to relive them. I lost so much that night… my parents, my innocence, my childhood, friends, high school, dating, dances, proms… all gone."

Alice looks at me with tear filled eyes and says, "I'm sorry, Jasper. I know that was hard for you. But even though you lost them at least you _know_ you had parents that loved you. I have no idea if _anyone_ ever loved me, if there is someone out there in the world _right now_ wondering what happened to me. I guess it makes me crazy, the not knowing. That's why I get so obsessed on knowing as much about everything that I can."

I nod, understanding where she's coming from. Then I take a deep breath and let it out and look at her. "Charlotte was my dad's best friend growing up. She always loved my dad like a brother and he loved her like a sister. They formed their business together and turned it into a successful… whatever the hell it is. When my dad met and married my mom they planned on having a big family. But they found out pretty damn quick that my mom had defective ovaries. Everything else worked fine, she just didn't have the egg making factory. Charlotte fucking despises kids but she loved my dad, so she offered to donate her eggs for my mom to carry so mom and dad could have a child… me."

Alice looks deep in thought for a second then looks at me surprised and says. "So, what you're saying is even though your mother gave birth to you. Technically, Charlotte is your biological mom?"

I yell angrily. "NO! She's no kind of fucking mom to me! We may share some fucking DNA but that's it!"

Alice crosses her arms and softly says, "Jasper, that's a little harsh. Have you talked to her? I know she can never replace your mother but you have this opportunity for another family. Why don't you try and make something out of it?"

I can't stop my voice from cracking as I sob out. "Don't you think I tried? After I first woke up in the hospital and I was so fucking scared and alone... I tried. _Knowing_ I was betraying my mom, I still reached out to Charlotte, because I needed somebody… anybody. Charlotte told me she never signed up to be a parent and she turned her fucking back on me and walked away. She could have been a fucking mom to me, I needed a mom. Charlotte acts like we should be friends now or that we have some kind of a fucking connection. But I don't need… I'm fine without…"

Alice reaches up and wipes the tears off my face and says, "I'm sorry that Charlotte didn't have it in her to be there for you Jasper. That had to be very painful for you when you were so alone but if she wants to be there for you now maybe you should think about it. It doesn't hurt anything to give her a chance."

I scowl and shake my head. I had put myself out there for Charlotte once. I won't make the same mistake twice. No matter how bad I wish Charlotte would have been there for me. No matter how fucking badly I still need her now.

Alice wraps her tiny arms around me and holds me and rubs my back until I calm the fuck back down. It's nice but I'd rather feel Edward's strong arms holding me close. I can't wait for it to be late enough to call him. Alice tries to cheer me up. "At least you have Edward and our crazy mixed up family now. You'll never be alone again with all of us around, Jazz. We'll probably drive you nuts with our antics. Please don't cry. Edward will be quite upset with me and won't let me take you shopping again, if he knows I made you cry."

I can't help but laugh at her. I think I've figured out Alice is obsessed with shopping. Finally, I look at Alice with a smile and ask, "So how much time did you schedule for emotional breakdowns and crying jags?"

Alice grins, a huge grin, and gently wipes the leftover tears off my face and says, "15 minutes. You've used ten of them. You better save a few minutes for later." Alice hands me a box of tissues out of the back seat.

I blow my nose and say, "Ok, let's go shop."

We're walking up to the doors to the mall and I'm scanning the clouds in the sky as I listen to the pixie's non-stop prattle. I'm not really paying much attention to what Alice is saying, but I get a kick out of how excited she sounds as she's telling me all these fucking details about this style and that style. Like I have a fucking clue what the hell she's talking about. Grinning, I hold the door open for her before following her inside.

I've followed Alice inside for several feet before I stop and look around, my eyes wide and my heart racing in a panic. This place is fucking huge! Too many people! They're every-fucking-where! My eyes start darting frantically from one face and place to the next, my chest starts heaving, I can't fucking breathe with this many people! I don't even realize I'm backing up until I crash into the glass doors behind me. I can't do this! I have to get out of here!

Whimpering, I turn to run. But Alice captures me with an arm around my waist. "No you don't. Get your panicky ass back here. Just breathe, Jasper. Slow deep breaths. Don't look at the people, focus on the floor. Nobody's here but you, me, and this floor. Relax. Breathe. That's it, calm deep breaths."

I close my eyes and concentrate on breathing normal as Alice leads me over to a bench to sit down. I'm sitting there with Alice standing in front of me with my arm wrapped around her waist in a death grip as she holds my head against her stomach. I hope she can still breathe. I try to ignore the fact that the place is full of people but the noise they all make is like a constant hum. Too many people…too many people…too many people. I realize that Alice is yelling at me. As if from a great distance I hear. "Jasper! Open your eyes and look at me."

Snapping my eyes open, I sit up and concentrate on looking at Alice's face. I can see her lips moving but I can't hear what she's saying for the sound of my heart thundering in my ears. At least it's blocked out the sounds all the people. Everything is going gray around the edges when Alice waves her hands in front of my face and points at her watch and yells something else. I blink a few times and try to focus on Alice and on hearing what she's yelling. Alice points at her watch again and yells, "You are three minutes over your allotted time for panic attacks now get your shit together and let's go shop!"

I burst out in hysterical giggles as I sit there and cling to her and shake. Every time I look at Alice, she taps her watch and arches an eyebrow at me, which makes me giggle and shake even harder. Alice crosses her arms and huffs at me with narrowed eyes.

I barely have time to register the devious and calculating smirk on Alice's face, before she grabs my head and turns it up to her. Then Alice crashes her lips to mine and shoves her fucking tongue down my throat! All thoughts of giggles and shakes and too many people and panic attacks and hysterics are long gone, as I stand up spluttering and yelling, "What. The. Fuck. Alice!"

Alice just giggles at me. And with a fucking devious smirk she says, "It snapped you out of your panic attack didn't it? None of the shit Edward told me to do was working. So I thought that would hurt both of us a hell of a lot less than slapping the shit out of you would. Feel better now?"

I wipe the back of my hand across my mouth. Blech, that was just nasty! But I guess it did shock me out of my panic attack. Curling my nose with disgust, I glare at Alice and grumble. "Yeah, I'm better now. But do me a favor and next time just slap the shit out of me. That was just gross!" Giggling, Alice grabs my hand and starts dragging me toward one of the stores.

Alice doesn't even let me look at any of the clothes in the store. She just drags me non-stop straight back to the dressing rooms and practically throws me inside one of them and tells me to strip down to my skivvies. I have to ask Alice what the fuck skivvies are. Then I have to ask her, why the fuck didn't she just say boxers if that's what she meant?

I have to wonder if everybody in Edward's family is such know-it-all assholes.

Now, I'm sitting here on this practically non-existent little bench, waiting on Alice to bring me something to try on. I've got the fucking shakes again, but I'll be damned before I tell Alice. Her and her disgusting cures for panic attacks, yuck, gross, blech!

Alice rattles the door knob trying to come inside and I jump up with a yelp. "Don't you come in here! I'm not dressed!"

"Oh for goodness sakes, Jasper, I'm just trying to hand you some clothes to try on. Open the door!"

Grumbling under my breath, I try to keep my body hidden behind the door and only crack it open enough to grab the clothes Alice is carrying. The only problem with that is she has a huge fucking pile of clothes in her arms waiting for me to grab them. I'm frozen with indecision on whether to step out from behind the door so I can grab the pile with both hands, or should I let Alice carry the pile in and keep myself hidden behind the door.

I see Alice's eyes dart to my chest in horror and I just know she's going to say something about my scars this time. But I wind up having to hold back a grin when Alice says, "Holy shit, did Edward give you all those hickeys? Go, Edward."

Of course then I have to glare at Alice and stick my tongue out when she says, "I hope you realize, when I get you out of all those ugly t-shirts you wear all the time and into a nice button up, that the whole world will be seeing those bite marks. Well, are you going to take these and try them on or do you want me to come in there with you and dress your scrawny ass?"

I quickly reach out and grab the clothes and turn around to pile them on the little bench when I hear her say, "Hmm, not such a scrawny ass after all, not bad at all actually."

Mortified, I squeak out. "Alice, get the fuck out of here!" I jump back behind the door, as Alice turns away laughing at me. Fucking hell!

Alice calls through the door. "As soon as you get something on, come out and let me see how it looks and I'll let you know which shirts go with which jeans."

I look down at the pile of clothes and frown. "Alice! I told you I only wear black! And I can't wear any of these shirts, they're all short sleeved!"

"Jasper dear…" I roll my eyes. Does she really think calling me dear will change my mind? "You said you wanted to look nice for Edward. Trust me on this. You're going to look great in these clothes."

I roll my eyes again and grab the only pair of black jeans Alice brought me to try on, while asking. "Which one of these shirts is supposed to go with the black jeans?" I get frustrated as I try to pull the jeans on, and whine out. "Alice! I told you I don't like to wear anything tight. These jeans are too small! I think they're kid's jeans! They don't come up far enough on my waist and the legs are too fucking tight. What the hell are you trying to dress me in?"

I can hear Alice snort at me through the door. "Put the white t-shirt on with the black jeans! And the jeans are supposed to fit that way, so get over it!"

Still whining, I ask. "Why the hell can't I wear my black t-shirt with the black jeans? Why do I have to wear the white one? I thought you said t-shirts were ugly! If I can wear one, why can't I wear the other?"

"Jasper shut the hell up with your damn whining! Put the clothes on that I handed you and get your ass out of there!"

Cursing and grumbling, I jerk the white t-shirt off the hanger and pull it on before opening the door and walking out. Alice comes inside muttering and grumbling under her breath. She starts matching stuff up, as I lean against the door with my arms crossed sulking. Alice finally finishes up what she's doing and turns to me with one of those innocent smiles that tells me she's about to try to pull the wool over my eyes.

But I try to beat Alice to the punch and ask, "I thought you said t-shirts are ugly? Explain to me why it's ok to wear this white t-shirt, which by the way, is way too fucking tight and too short to. But not ok to wear my nice, loose, long sleeved t-shirt that covers everything the way it's supposed to? I mean hell, a t-shirt is a t-shirt!"

Alice rolls her eyes and says, "No, I did not say _all_ t-shirts are ugly. I said _your_ t-shirts are ugly. _This_ t-shirt shows off the fact that you actually do have muscles. And of course that tiny peek of skin and happy trail showing between your shirt and jeans makes you look totally hot."

I put my hand up before Alice can say another word. "It doesn't matter. Alice, I cannot wear these short sleeved shirts. I wear long sleeves for a reason. If I got caught walking outside in a short sleeved shirt and the sun came out, I'd be blistered before I could get to shelter."

Alice huffs and narrows her eyes at me like she thinks I'm making it up. Rolling my eyes, I hold my arm out and say, "Look at the scars on my arms, Alice." She runs her fingers over the damn knife scars on my arm and I shake my head. "Look past the fucking knife scars and look at my skin, Alice."

I watch as Alice scrutinizes my arms and the surprised look when she's finally able to quit seeing the knife scars and really look at my arm. Alice traces the faint scars left over from playing in the sun as a child. She frowns at me and I tell her, "I have a skin condition. I blister in direct sunlight. I have to wear protective clothing when I'm outside."

Alice smiles and I immediately go on alert. "Well, there's nothing to keep you from wearing short sleeves when you're going to be inside. You'll just have to carry a long sleeved cover-up with you for when you're going to go outside."

Frowning, I look at her and try to protest. "Alice, my scars…"

Alice crosses her arms and arches that damn eyebrow at me. "They're barely noticeable on your arms, Jazz. You're going to look great in these clothes. I guarantee that Edward won't be able to keep his hands off of you when he sees you in them."

Huffing at her in frustration, I cross my arms again and narrow my eyes at her. Alice narrows hers right back at me. We look like a couple of gunslingers about to shoot it out. Finally, thinking about her words of Edward not being able to keep his hands off of me. I concede defeat and say, "Fine, but I only wear black."

Alice arches that fucking eyebrow at me again as she looks me up and down. She smiles that innocent smile again and I go back on red alert. But Alice just says, "Fine. If black is what you want, black is what you'll get." I can't help grinning at my victory.

Alice picks up one of the shirts and studies it. She shakes her head sadly and I barely hear her sigh and mumble, "And to think, this is Edward's favorite color. It would have made Edward so happy to see you in his favorite color." Alice picks up the pile of clothes and turns to leave.

I reach out and grab Alice's arm and say. "Wait, what was that about Edward's favorite color?"

Alice sighs again and says, "Nothing, nothing, I'll just go put these back and try to find something at least halfway decent in black."

Biting on my lower lip, I frown and say. "Alice, wait. Would it really make Edward happy to see me in his favorite color?"

Alice shakes her head and says, "It doesn't matter what makes Edward happy. We both agreed you were getting _nothing_ but black."

Glaring at her, I say. "Alice, if Edward likes this color, don't you think we could maybe get just a couple of shirts in it? I really want Edward to like what I wear."

Alice arches that damn eyebrow at me and says, "Jasper, _I said_ it doesn't matter what Edward likes. We both agreed you're getting black clothes and that is what you're getting."

I cross my arms and pout, as I whine. "Alice, they're my clothes and I want to get a couple of shirts in the colors that Edward likes."

Alice crosses her arms and narrows her eyes at me before saying, "_I said_ you're getting black and _nothing_ but black. Now that's the end of it!"

I cross my arms and narrow my eyes right back at her and say, "I don't want _any_ fucking black clothes Alice, and you can't make me get them! I _only_ want the colors that _Edward_ likes, so there."

Alice throws her arms up in the air growls out, "Fine!" and stomps out of the dressing room. I grin from ear to ear as I watch Alice go. Huh, what do you know, I got my way.

We've been shopping for hours and hours! We've already bought so much stuff that we've had to take 3 different trips to the car to lighten our load. I'm sick of shopping! I start whining at Alice, "I'm hungry. Let's go get something to eat."

Alice rolls her eyes at me and says, "Good lord, Jasper. You've already had a dozen cookies, three large pretzels, a corn dog and nachos and half of a pizza. How could you possibly be hungry?"

"Alice, those were just snacks. I want some real food. Let's go to the food court again or better yet a restaurant and sit down and eat a real meal." I know I sound like a sulky kid but I want to sit down and rest a while or better yet go and take a fucking nap. I'm fucking exhausted.

Alice watches me for a minute, probably trying to figure out some way to make me go do something she wants to go do. Then she gets a shocked look on her face and hurriedly says, "Don't panic, everything's fine!" A couple of seconds later, I feel someone grab me around the waist and swing me around in a circle.

I almost go into a panic but the thought of Alice shoving her fucking tongue down my throat again makes me grit my teeth and ride out whatever the fuck is going on. I hear booming laughter and I relax and breathe out a sigh of relief, it's Emmett. And then I hear him say 'Ouch!" the same time I hear the sound of someone popping him on the back of the head. I grin, Rose is here too!

Secretly feeling triumphant, I turn to them as I whine. "Hey, Emmett, you as hungry as I am? I can't talk Alice into feeding me."

Alice shoots daggers at me with her eyes, as Rose scolds her for not taking care of me. Emmett laughs with me as I stand behind Rose and I stick my tongue out at Alice and grin. Rose and Emmett insist on joining us and they take us to a restaurant to eat. I love my new momma bear.

It finally gets late enough to call Edward. Yea! But that mean horrible pixie that I used to think was going to be my friend, only lets me talk to him for a minute. I think she's just getting revenge for my win at lunch. How childish can you get? I stick my tongue out and pout when she takes her phone away from me.

I get real excited when Alice takes me to the cell phone store. I have to admit all the phones with all those different features confuse the hell out of me, but I figure I should go ahead and get the best one they offer with all the bells and whistles.

It takes us about an hour to finish up in the phone store and I'm tickled pink that I now have my own cell phone. I'm thinking about calling Edward and having him come and rescue me and take me home. But then I realize I don't know his phone number. I turn to ask Alice and she's giving me one of those looks, like she knows exactly what I was planning to do. I sigh in defeat. I think Edward was right when he said Alice was psychic.

I study the phone a while and finally give up and ask Alice how to work the damn thing. I call Charlotte's number and quickly tell Gianna that I just want to leave my new number for Charlotte. Then after thinking about it a few seconds, I decide to go ahead and tell her to schedule a date for dinner with Charlotte. I want her to meet Edward. I'm not sure why it means so much to me that Charlotte likes him.

Next, I call the coffee shop and give my new number to Angela and Bella and ask them if they would like to go out on a double date with Edward and me sometime in the future.

Then I dial my physical therapist, Jacob. Suddenly, I remember I was supposed to call him back yesterday morning about my fucking knee. There had been so much going on yesterday, and the swelling had gone down. I hadn't even thought about it. It rings forever and then goes to voice mail so I just leave a message with my new number, and I apologize for not calling yesterday and tell him I'll see him at our usual scheduled time tomorrow.

Last, I start to call the Doc and I stop dialing halfway through the number. I'm suddenly torn on which number to dial. I have both the Doc's office number and his personal cell phone number. Lately, I've been thinking more and more about using that cell phone number instead of his office number.

The Doc had given me both of his numbers when I first got out of the hospital and the choice of which one I wanted to use. If I wanted to keep him as my therapist, then I was to strictly use the office number. But if I ever decided I'd rather have him around as a father figure then I could call his personal number. But it had to be one way or the other. I couldn't have it both ways.

I know the Doc cares for me a lot and that he's wished I'd go with the personal number for a long time now. But I really hated talking to other people about what happened to me and I had needed the Doc to be my doctor. But lately, I've been thinking that just maybe I'd rather have the Doc in my life as that father figure that I miss having so bad.

Alice is watching me curiously as I stand here and stare at my phone. I smile at her and ask, "How would you like to swing by my therapist's office at 5:00? I have something I need to ask him in person." Surprisingly, Alice doesn't try to argue with me about it and agrees.

So I dial the Doc's office number and it rings forever. I look at my watch and see it's almost 3:00 now. So Maria is probably already gone and the Doc is probably in with a patient. When voice mail picks up, I leave a quick message telling the Doc that everything is fine but I'd like to pop in at 5:00 to talk to him for just a minute.

I was starting to feel insecure about being away from Edward so long and I almost break down crying when I ask Alice, "You don't think Edward will get used to me not being there and change his mind about wanting me around do you?"

Alice wraps an arm around my waist and says, "Of course he's not going to change his mind about you Jasper. I know my brother and I can tell he already loves you more than anything." Alice starts to let me talk to Edward for longer than a minute at a time after that. Edward calls several times during the afternoon as we continue our shopping spree.

I feel like we've been to all the different stores on the mall at least twice, but the place is so big and confusing, it's hard to be sure. Alice even took me into a sporting goods store and we got some hiking boots and outdoor wear for me to take this weekend to Forks, in case Edward wants to take me hiking or camping. I think Alice might have tricked me into telling her Edward and I planned on heading down there Saturday instead of Sunday. I don't remember actually saying that's what we were going to do, but somehow she just seems to know about it. She's sneaky that one.

I take the elevator up to the Doc's office at 4:45 and sit down in the reception area to wait for him to finish up with his last client. Alice had said she'd wait in the car to give me a little privacy. The Doc finally comes out of the back at 5:10 with a big grin on his face. "Jasper, my boy, what can I do for you?"

Smiling back, I say. "I actually came by to give you my new cell phone number, Doc."

The Doc studies my face for a moment and says, "Well, well, well, your own cell phone now. You are making remarkable progress, Jasper."

I frown and look down saying, "I'm not actually here to talk about progress, Doc. I'm here to ask… Is the offer to start using your personal cell phone number still open? And if I did use it how would we go about changing my therapy? Would I have to go to someone else immediately?"

I grin at the look of surprise on the Doc's face, but then I have to swallow back the lump in my throat when it changes to hope. How long has the Doc wished I could be more of a son to him, instead of a patient? "Jasper are you sure, son?"

Nodding, I softly say, "I've been thinking about it for a while, Doc. I'd like to talk to you more about it next week during my appointment, so we can sort out all the details. I just wanted to let you know I was seriously thinking about it. But I did want to ask… if Edward decides he wants to keep coming to talk to you as your patient and if he wants to drag me along with him, would that be ok?"

The Doc starts laughing and shaking his head. "Jasper, son, you're always trying to find loopholes around the rules." The Doc runs his hands through his hair as he thinks, and then he says. "As long as you understand the sessions are for Edward and only if he invites you. I don't think that would break any rules."

The elevator door dings open and Alice comes marching in. "Jasper, how much longer are you going to be? We're losing valuable shopping time! Oh! Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt! Well… hello there… I'm… uh, I'm…"

I can't help but snicker at Alice. Little miss non-stop talker seems to be at a loss for words as she stares at the Doc. I glance over at the Doc and he standing there staring back at Alice with a look of amazement on his face. I almost laugh out loud at the both of them. Seriously, what the fuck?

I roll my eyes and introduce them. "Alice, I'd like you to meet the Doc. Umm, I mean, Dr. Alistair Sim. Doc, this is Alice." I snicker at the both of them. It's like they didn't even hear me. They're just standing there staring into each other's eyes. Actually, it kind of reminds me of when I ran into Edward the other day in front of…. oh no fucking way!

I scratch my head and then grin, "Doc! I'd like you to meet my date, Alice."

The Doc breaths out, "Hi, Alice." And then I feel like a shit because the Doc's face literally drains of all color as he finally looks at me and says. "Date…oh shit. I'm sorry, son. Umm I mean, Jasper. I mean…"

I grin at the Doc and say, "Um yeah, Doc. Alice volunteered her time to take me clothes shopping today. She's Edward's sister. You remember Edward… my boyfriend?"

"BOYFRIEND! Right… sister… wow." I snort out a laugh. For fuck's sake all we need are little hearts floating around the room.

I try to get through to Alice one more time. "Hey Alice, this is my psychiatrist, Dr. Sim. He's really fucking old."

They both turn their heads in perfect unison and look at me and say, "Fuck you, Jasper." Gah! I throw my hands up and go sit down on the couch and watch them… watch each other. I think about how easily they both manage to read me when I'm not talking and I realize, watching the way their eyes take each other in and the way their facial expressions keep changing, that they are having a silent conversation.

I lie back on the couch and close my eyes and say, "Ya'll wake me up when you get done making goo-goo eyes at each other." I think I actually do go to sleep for a while because when I open my eyes it's after 7:00 and they're still standing there staring at each other. Except now they're standing face to face and holding each other's hands. I roll my eyes. You gotta be fucking kidding me!

Sitting up and rubbing my eyes, I ask. "Alice how old are you?"

Alice shoots me a glare and says, "23."

I yawn and ask, "Doc, how old are you?"

Now the Doc fucking glares at me and says, "35."

Huh, I thought he was a lot older than that. I yawn again and scratch my head and ask, "Alice does 12 years age difference bother you?"

Alice looks at the Doc and grins as she says, "Nope."

I rub my eyes one more time and ask, "Are we done shopping yet?"

Alice jumps in a panic and shouts, "Shopping!" Good grief she does have it bad if she forgot we were shopping.

I'm fucking sick of shopping. I want to go home to Edward, damn it. I can't keep the whine out of my voice as I say, "Can we just go and get something to eat and then go home? I'm tired and I'm hungry and I'd really like to go home and make out with my boyfriend, now."

Alice gives me one of those devious looks and then looks back at the Doc with a slight smile. I watch them have another of those silent conversations as their eyes run up and down each other. Then Alice turns back to me and says, "Jasper, if you're really that tired. How about we order a couple of pizzas and pick them up? You can go home and eat them with Edward. I think you're too tired to handle any more shopping today."

I figure they probably just want to have some time alone, but I'm too tired to give them a hard time so I readily agree. Alice and I head out after she and the Doc plan out where they're going to meet back up. Finally! I'm going home to my man's arms!

**EPOV**

Pacing the floor by the door to my apartment, I glance at the clock for the umpteenth time and the damn minute hand still hasn't moved. Where the hell are they? Alice called half an hour ago and said they had finished up early and were heading home. Something _terrible_ must have happened. Alice never finishes shopping early! I cross my arms and huff at the damn clock. I'd had the longest, loneliest day of my life and I wanted to see my man, damn it.

I was tempted to call Alice again, but she had threatened my life the last time I had called to check on them. She'd had the nerve to tell me I'd already called 19 times and if I made it 20 she wouldn't bring Jasper home tonight. I swear that girl over-exaggerates! I can't have called more than 9 or 10 times… 15 tops… ok, maybe 17. But it's been something like twelve hours since I held and kissed Jasper and I swear my body feels like I'm going through withdrawals!

Walking out the door this morning had been one of the hardest things I've ever done. But Alice had assured and reassured me that she would keep a good eye on Jasper. Jasper had just rolled his eyes at both of us and reminded us that he had been taking care of his self just fine for years.

I couldn't help it. Now that I had found him, I was terrified something would happen to take him away from me. I almost wish I was some sort of immortal creature so I could grant him immortality too and we could be together forever. I run my hands through my hair and grin as I pace the floor and think about waking up to Jasper this morning...

_I had awakened to the most annoying sound in the universe, my alarm clock blaring relentless and irritating. I had swung my arm out to turn it off and had found myself pinned to the bed, unable to reach it. Opening my eyes I had found Jasper lying across my chest with his chin on his crossed arms staring down at me and grinning. I had sleepily smiled back at him before giving him a quick peck on the lips and mumbling, "Morning, babe."_

_Jasper had snickered at me and reached out and turned off the alarm for me before he said, "Good morning, sleeping beauty, I wondered when you were going to get up. I forgot to ask last night what time you usually set your alarm for. Do you always sleep this late?"_

_I had glared at Jasper and grumpily said, "What do you mean late? It's seven in the damn morning, Jasper. How long have you been awake?"_

_Jasper had just grinned wider and said, "Hell, I've been awake an hour, I just didn't want to disturb you. I almost always wake up at six, Edward. I never sleep as late as I did yesterday." _

_I had groaned at the thought of Jasper waking me up at six every morning. I had groaned even louder when Jasper had reached down and… _

The ringing of my phone wrenches me back to the present. I look at my caller ID and I'm suddenly overcome with anxiety when I see Alice's name on the screen. Something's happened, I just know it. I flip it open with dread and say, "Hello?"

Alice's annoyingly perky voice is there saying, "Come and open the damn door, Edward! Our hands are full!"

I turn around and hurry and unlock the door and open it to find Alice and Jasper standing there with their hands full of sacks. My eyes lock with Jasper's as he steps into the apartment and drops his armload of sacks. Jasper almost knocks the breath out of me when he rushes into my arms, crashing into me. Then his lips are on mine and our kisses are frantic and deep and sensual, as our hands hold each other's face. Damn, I had missed him.

Jasper finally breaks our kiss with a growl that goes straight to my cock and then he hisses in my ear, "Your sister is evil! She kissed me and shoved her fucking tongue down my throat!"

I turn to Alice shaking as I'm almost overwhelmed with jealousy and rage. My sister is trying to steal my boyfriend! Alice comes into the apartment and heads straight to the kitchen and gets an ice pack out of the freezer and sits down on my couch and drops the ice pack over her eyes as she says, "Don't glare at me Edward! Jasper was having a hysterical panic attack and none of that shit you told me to do would work. It was either that or slap the shit out of him and I didn't want to break a nail."

Sighing with relief, I turn back to Jasper and stroke his face as I say, "Did you get scared, Jasper? I wish I could have been there for you. I missed you so bad." We stand there, still holding onto each other's faces with our foreheads touching, as we drink in the feeling of being close to each other again.

Remembering that I'd been Jasper's first kiss, I start feeling insecure. I swallow nervously as I ask, "Jasper? Did you like being kissed by a girl?" What will I do if Jasper decides he likes the softness of a woman's lips?

Jasper pulls back and looks at me like I'm crazy and says, "Nasty! This is what a kiss is supposed to be." Jasper attacks my mouth with his lips and tongue, and damn I'm feeling better by the second.

Alice interrupts us when she says, "Jasper, if you think I'm hauling the rest of your shit up that elevator, you're sadly mistaken. Let me know when you're done sucking face and I'll give you the keys to the car."

Jasper looks over at Alice with an evil grin and says to me, "I think Alice and the Doc are in love and will be fucking before we are."

Alice picks up the ice pack and glares at Jasper. I don't have a clue what he's talking about, but it sounds like they've had an interesting day. I shake my head at their childish antics and ask, "Want me to help you carry everything up, baby."

Jasper melts against me and sighs, "Damn, I missed hearing you call me that today." Then Jasper kisses me long and deep before grinning over at Alice again as he says, "No, I can haul everything up. I think you need to stay here and guard our condoms and lube from the pixie. If she wants to fuck the Doc she can go buy her own supplies." Jasper yelps and jumps when Alice throws her keys at him hitting him on his back. Laughing, Jasper bends down and grabs them and takes off out the door.

I look over at Alice wondering if she plans on explaining what that was all about. Alice has her eyes covered up with the ice pack again, but what I can see of her face is bright red. I run my hands through my hair. I don't think I really want to know. Jasper shows back up a few minutes later with his hands full of more sacks which he drops inside the door. He grins at me and says, "I got a cell phone today! I was going to call you but I don't know your number yet and the mean pixie wouldn't give it to me!" Then he turns and heads back out for more stuff.

I turn to Alice who is laughing quietly. She peeks out from under the icepack at the door to make sure Jasper is gone then she looks at me with a grin and says, "It was the first number I programmed into it. You'll have to show him how to find his saved numbers later." Then she covers her face back up and lays her head back. I shake my head. These two are like little kids the way they taunt each other!

The next time Jasper hauls in a load he grins at me and says, "Emmett and Rose took us out to eat lunch today! It was great….Rose chewed out Alice for not feeding me!" Then laughing, Jasper turns and heads out for another load. I feel almost left out that everybody has got to spend time with my man today but me. I look at Alice again and she lifts the ice pack and glares at me as she says, "That man is a bottomless pit! He had to eat something every damn hour!" I snort out a laugh. She's not telling me anything I haven't already figured out.

Finally, Jasper shows up with 3 big pizza boxes and looks at me with a smile as he says, "I brought us home some food." Then Jasper runs his eyes up and down my body and says with a grin, "I'm real fucking hungry, Edward."

Jasper goes and puts the pizza on the kitchen counter and comes back and wraps his arms around me and starts kissing me again as he starts walking me backwards one step at a time. I love my insatiable Jasper. By the time I'd left the apartment this morning my legs had been weak from Jasper's loving on me all morning.

Jasper stops kissing me long enough to look at Alice and growl out, "I had a great time today Alice! Good night." Jasper starts kissing me again and walking me back toward the couch.

Laughing, Alice gets up and walks over to us and takes her keys out of Jasper's hand and pats us both on the back as she says, "Good night boys, have fun loving on each other."

I manage to break away from the kiss long enough to breathlessly say, "Night, sis, and thanks for today."

Alice smiles and says, "My pleasure, Edward. Hey Jasper, thanks for introducing me to Alistair." And then she's closing the door behind her and me and my sexy as hell man are alone at last.

Jasper is nuzzling his face in my neck and breathing deep. He looks at me with a grin and says, "You still have your suit on."

I grin back and say, "You were having so much fun trying to get it off of me this morning. I thought I should let you finish the job."

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**Hope y'all liked the adventures in shopping. I hope to have at least two more chapters up before the end of the year but... with the holidays on top of us...we'll see. As always, I hope everybody continues enjoying the story.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. You people rock my world. I hope everybody had a great holiday. I've actually got the next chapter halfway written and if I can manage to go a few days without the constant company I've been having, it should be up by mid-week anyway. **

**Ok, this chapter was not something I had planned on writing but I dreamed it, so… I guess it goes here. Go figure… **

**Usual disclaimer: All twilight characters belong to Stephanie Meyer but the plot is my own.**

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**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 15**

**Alistair's Story**

You ever meet one of those creepy kids that are so smart they graduate _college_ by the time most kids are trying to figure out what to wear to Prom? They have a Doctorate before they're even drinking age? That would be me. And if you think being super smart makes for an easy life then you're sadly mistaken.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a job in your chosen field when everybody expects you to have gray hair and a goatee and you're barely able to grow peach fuzz on your face? You not only have to work your way up from the bottom, you also have to work your ass off to even reach that bottom rung. But I loved the field of psychology and I was never afraid of hard work.

I started out working at the Seattle Cancer Care Center, at the ripe old age of 21, working with kids with terminal cancer. There's nothing harder than helping a child come to terms with the fact that the odds are they won't even live long enough to go to high school. It was gut wrenching work, but with my age at the time, kids were the only people who would take me serious as a psychiatrist. I worked there for five years before I started getting burned out. There is nothing worse than watching your patients die one after the other.

I went from working there to working at the Long Term Care and Rehabilitation Center, a place that specialized in long term care of coma patients, and patients recovering from massive physical trauma, and strangely enough mental patients. I finally had some experience under my belt and other doctors were actually beginning to take me serious. In the years that I worked there, I mostly dealt with patients who had attempted suicide. I never did figure out how the administrators at the hospital thought my working with the dying who wanted to live, made me an excellent choice for working with the living who wanted to die.

I had been working there for right at two years when they first brought the boy into the Long Term Care side of the hospital. It was just a few days after his parents had been murdered and he had been so horribly tortured and abused by his attackers. The boy was the talk of the hospital because of his condition, catatonic stupor. The main discussions were if he would ever come back to the real world or if he would stay in that condition permanently. My colleagues and I had several debates on how his mental state should be treated if he ever did wake up.

I had been curious about the boy and went to visit him a couple of days after they brought him in. I checked the boy's chart first, before going in to see him. The long list of the boy's injuries had sickened me. Fractured skull and ribs, apparently his attackers had slammed the boy against a wall a few times. The boy's chest had been cracked open to remove bone fragments from his lungs and heart. The boy had knife wounds on his chest, back and arms and down the inside of his right thigh running across the back of his knee. His tendons had almost been severed and it was debatable as to whether he'd ever have use of it again. The boy had internal injuries requiring dozens of stitches inside his rectum, and his throat was swollen with multiple contusions and tears. And as if all that weren't bad enough, he was being treated for gonorrhea. I was surprised the boy's body had survived his horrific injuries. Although, it was still up in the air as to whether his mind would survive it.

I thought I knew what to expect when I went into his room, but I have to say my first sight of the boy had almost broken my heart. The huge ugly purple bruises covering the side of his face and his swollen, bruised lips had made his pale skin seem even paler, almost translucent. The boy's delicate features made him look as fragile as spun glass. The skin on his chest was a patchwork of hundreds of angry red stitches and his arms were crisscrossed with cuts, although only a few of those were deep enough to require stitches.

I pulled back the sheet and shook my head at the bruises covering the boy's sides and stomach. His legs and knees were a bruised bloody mess as well. But what really turned my stomach was the jagged letters carved into the boy's side. What kind of monsters had those men been? I noted he had been catheterized and had a temporary colostomy bag to allow his internal injuries a chance to heal without risk of infection.

Checking his chart again, I couldn't help but notice the boy was totally alone. He hadn't had one visitor yet. He had a notation on his chart that next of kin had not even been found yet. I felt bad for the boy and wished there was something I could do for him.

A few days later, I found myself back in the boy's room checking on him again. I'm not sure why I was drawn to him. He looked so small, lost and helpless as he lay there staring into space, totally unresponsive to any external stimuli.

The boy still hadn't had any visitors and still had a notation of no known family. His medical bills were escalating and with no one to pay, the hospital was considering having the boy moved to a charity center if no family was found soon.

I felt a need to help the boy so I tried calling the Washington State police first to see if they had found next of kin yet. But they had turned the search over to the Texas State Police and hadn't heard anything back yet. Frustrated, I got the boy's chart back out and studied it looking for clues. I noted the name of the town and the doctor that first treated the boy and went to my office and called information. It took a lot of talking and convincing to get anybody in Forks to even speak with me. The whole town seemed consolidated in the effort to protect the identity of the boy from over eager reporters looking for a new angle on the story of the escaped convicts who had went on a killing spree.

But from Forks, I finally got the past address in Texas for the boy's parents. It took a week of digging and long distance phone calls before I finally found what I was looking for. I talked to the previous neighbors of the boy and found out that the boy's father had a business partner that had visited the family on occasion. After getting the name of the partner, it was only a matter of hours of digging before I found a contact number to call.

I didn't actually talk to the partner but I did talk to her personal secretary. It seems the boy's father had taken six weeks of vacation to facilitate the family's move from Texas to Washington. And due to the transition in progress, communication had broken down in the company and no one even knew he and his wife had been murdered. She assured me she would get in contact with the partner, who was in Europe on a business trip and get back with the hospital on next of kin for the boy. I was relieved the boy would no longer be alone.

Two more weeks passed before the business partner showed up at the hospital. I got a call from the hospital administrator to meet him and the business partner in the boy's room. She wanted to meet me and thank me for my detective work. As soon as I walked into the room I knew she was somehow very closely related to the boy. The boy was the spitting image of the woman standing in front of me.

The woman, Charlotte, as she insisted on being called, was one of those business types whose whole life was dedicated to the running of their company. She took three different conference calls while meeting with the administrator and me. When not on the phone, she kept insisting 'THE BOY' have the best of care. What was the prognosis for 'THE BOY'? When would 'THE BOY' wake up? She should be called if there were any changes with 'THE BOY'. She would see that all of 'THE BOY's' bills would be paid. For some reason it irritated the hell out of me that she kept calling the boy, 'THE BOY'. After she finally left, in the middle of another conference call, I went and looked up the boy's name. I was determined that someone in the world would think of him by his given name… Jasper.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, months turned into years. Jasper hit his growing spurt and shot up like a weed but his condition never changed. I got into the habit of stopping by Jasper's room after work, I would sit down and talk to him for an hour every evening before heading home. I don't know that he ever actually heard me but if he could hear anything wherever he was at, I didn't want him to think that he was totally alone in the world.

I was pretty much Jasper's only visitor in all that time. Charlotte came by on Jasper's birthdays and on the anniversary of his parent's deaths. She would sit down by his bed and spend the entire day in tears with her phone turned off. I felt bad for her on those days but could not understand how she could ignore him the rest of the year.

I had watched Jasper grow from a child to an almost adult. He was a tall one, but considering he was mostly fed with a feeding tube, he was incredibly thin. The nurses and physical therapists came to his room every day. The nurses gave Jasper massages and the physical therapist used a TENS unit in an attempt to keep his muscles from atrophying.

I found myself having an unusual amount of free time the day it happened. I was doing what I usually do when I'm not busy. I was heading over to spend a few minutes talking to Jasper. I was walking down the halls of the hospital when I heard screaming. It sounded absolutely terrified and I just knew…it was Jasper. I took off running to his room to find him in hysterics as the nurse tried to calm him. The first thing I did was unplug the fucking TV, seems that the nurse had been watching a damn baseball game and the sounds of the bat had broken through to where Jasper has lived for the past 32 months.

Jasper's eyes were like a wild caged animal's as he lay there screaming and trying to struggle away from the nurse holding him down. A mighty feat for Jasper, considering he could barely move his arms and legs. I pulled the nurse away from him and began talking to him in a calm voice, trying to reassure him that he was safe. His screams finally quieted to soft whimpers and I sent the nurse after Jasper's physician. I was really pissed that the first thing the doctor did was give Jasper a sedative. He'd just woke up was it really necessary to knock him back out?

I wasn't sure what the future held for this young man and I knew the likelihood of me being Jasper's psychiatrist was slim to none, but I hoped I'd be able to at least watch over him from a distance. I watched in frustration as the doctor the hospital assigned to Jasper worked with him. She stayed mainly focused on preparing Jasper for his future, when I thought they should be helping him come to terms with his past. Some days I felt like a stalker as I kept an observation on Jasper's treatment but I couldn't help it, I worried about him.

Every time Jasper went to sleep he would wake up a couple of hours later screaming and sobbing. Jasper began forcing himself to stay awake for days at a time before he would finally pass out from exhaustion, only to wake up screaming again. Jasper's assigned psychiatrist kept upping the dosage on his medications. I wasn't sure how he was even able to function with the amount of medication being pumped into him but it barely even had an effect on him.

The only person Jasper seemed at ease with was Jacob, a physical therapist assistant working his way through college to get his masters as a PT. I watched them interact trying to figure out what was different about Jacob that Jasper was at ease with him. Jacob teased Jasper relentlessly, he never treated Jasper like an invalid or a victim and the way the two of them carried on was like a couple of kids. I was highly amused the day I caught Jacob teaching Jasper curse words. And then I was amazed when I heard Jasper cussing out the nurses later. I was thrilled, at least Jasper was talking… sort of.

Jacob is the one who brought Jasper the sketch pads and charcoals to use. Jacob thought it would help Jasper's hand eye coordination if he started drawing. Everybody in the hospital was surprised by Jasper's natural talent.

It aggravated me to no end, when Jasper's psychiatrist insisted that since Jasper wouldn't talk about it, she wanted Jasper to start drawing what happened to him that night. First, she told Jasper to do a drawing of the three men who had attacked him. Jasper had done a sketch of himself surrounded by three monsters with warped features, one of them hold a knife dripping with blood. She sat there with Jasper and stressed over and over that it had been _people_ who had murdered Jasper's family and not monsters. She'd made Jasper look at pictures of the men and told him their names. I had wanted to cry as I saw the distrust creep into Jasper's eyes. I could practically read his mind; if these three _people_ had been capable of these atrocities then _all_ people were capable of it. Jasper became terrified of and looked at everybody with distrust and fear. I was so furious I could scream.

Charlotte made her yearly birthday visit to Jasper's room. I watched as Jasper handed her a drawing with a hopeful look on his face. Charlotte stood there and studied it for several minutes with tears running down her face before she looked up at Jasper and said, "I can't, I'm sorry. You need so much more than what I can offer. I don't know how to be what you need. You deserve somebody better than what you would get with me. I'm gone for months at a time, I'm never home. Your dad promised me I would never have to do this…he promised. I'm sorry, Jasper. I was never meant to be a parent. I don't have it in me." Charlotte turned and left Jasper sobbing into his pillow. I later went and looked at the drawing Jasper had handed to her. Charlotte had dropped it on the floor when she left. It was a picture of Charlotte holding Jasper with the word MOM wrote over her head. I went home and wept for the boy that day.

I began noticing a patient hanging around Jasper all the time constantly whispering in his ear. I was surprised to see Jasper slowly grow close to him and look at him with a look of trust in his eyes. I was thrilled Jasper was making a new friend and decided to find out who the other patient was. I was alarmed when none of the nurses or doctors recognized the new patient, nobody knew who he was. I called the police and they came and investigated. Seems the man wasn't a patient at all, he was a reporter who had somehow found out Jasper's identity and was trying to get a story out of him.

Jasper was devastated. I watched as the scared innocent boy turn into a sullen angry young man. Jasper was in a rage all the time, screaming and cursing at everyone if they came near him or touched him. Other than those screams he kept everything bottled up and wouldn't communicate with anybody. Some days I felt like screaming too as I watched Jasper close everybody out.

I was with another patient the day Jasper purposely set himself on fire. I was horrified that he had done that to himself. But when I heard they were moving him to mental health side of the hospital and that they were transferring his care to me, I was secretly relieved.

I was on my way to Jasper's new room, carrying a few items I wanted to give to him. I could hear his angry screams and curses all the way down the hall. I ran down to his room and found several nurses trying to transfer Jasper from a wheel chair to his new bed while he hit, kicked, screamed and cursed at them. I wanted to form a bond with Jasper and get him to trust me. So going on instinct, I started screaming and cursing out the nurses and ordering them out of the room. Jasper stopped fighting and watched me with a look of amazement on his face.

After I chased off the nurses, knowing I'd have to apologize to them later, I turned back to Jasper and started talking to him. I talked to him the same way I had talked to him while he had been out of it. I never asked Jasper questions or told him he had to do anything. I just talked and Jasper slowly relaxed, although he watched me with suspicious eyes.

After staying and talking with him for an hour, I finally asked him if I could look at his sketches. I was relieved when Jasper nodded, but I hated to see his guard come back up as he tensed and looked away. I started to thumb through the sickening images he'd had to draw and I felt my own anger filling me up. I slammed my open palm down on the pages and started cursing at them, using a few words that I hadn't heard Jasper use yet. If cursing was what it took to get him to communicate then that was what I would use. Once again, Jasper watched me with amazement as I vented. I turned to him and asked if he'd like to try it.

Jasper was hesitant at first, half-heartedly slapping at a page with a quiet curse word, as if he was afraid of the images. I laughed and asked if that was the best he could do. He shot me a glare that should have incinerated me on the spot and turned back and started slapping and hitting at the pages with a vengeance. He went into a rage, pounding at the pictures, ripping them out and shredding them working himself into a furious frenzy, screaming out a string of profanities, before he finally collapsed in a heap sobbing.

I picked Jasper up and held him. I rocked him and reassured him he was safe now as he clung to me crying. When Jasper finally got himself under control he pulled away and looked embarrassed as gave me a tentative smile.

I gathered up Jasper's drawing tablets and put them up on a high shelf, before handing him the new sketch pad I brought with me and telling him that I thought from now on he should draw only things he wanted to draw. And then I asked him if he liked to read and handed him a couple of books to read that I hoped would help him come to terms with his past.

Before I left Jasper for the day, I explained that I was going to be his new doctor and told him my name. I was amazed and confused when Jasper started quietly snickering. Soon his quiet snickers turn into outright full throated laughter as he rocked back and forth, holding his stomach. I just grinned and shook my head at him and left. Outside his door, stood all the nurses I had chased out earlier looking stern until they heard Jasper's laughter. Their stern look changed to hope and relief as they listened to Jasper's laughter follow us down the hall.

I made a call to Jasper's physical therapist and requested that Jacob be the one sent to work with Jasper from now on. We had our own small workout room on the mental health side of the hospital. The main difference between it and the regular one was a two way mirror was installed so a patient was never without observation.

The first day Jacob came to work with Jasper, I was worried I had made a mistake. Jacob had wheeled Jasper into the workout room and started cussing him out for burning himself and telling him that now that he knew Jasper was stronger than he had been letting on, he would be working his ass long and hard every day. Jacob shouted and cursed at Jasper for a full 10 minutes and I was about to intervene when Jasper started cursing back at Jacob looking pissed. They screamed curses at each other another 5 minutes when Jacob yelled, "Ya fucking pansy assed pussy, if you don't like my riding your ass then just get your lazy crippled ass up out of that fucking chair and come over here and stop me!"

Jasper's face was almost purple with rage when he launched himself out of his chair and had taken 4 steps toward Jacob before looking down in amazement. Of course as soon as Jasper stopped his knees buckled and he started falling to the floor. Jacob jumped forward and slid his body under Jaspers cushioning his fall to the floor.

Jasper was gasping for air, looking exhausted from those four steps. But he was looking at Jacob with amazement as he said, "I did it Jacob! Did you see that! I fucking walked!" Jasper threw his arms around Jacob's neck laughing. Jacob had finally pulled them both up off the floor and helped Jasper walk back toward his chair telling him he'd be walking on his own before the month was out if he had to come and kick his ass every fucking day. Then I heard Jacob whisper in a loud enough voice for me to hear for Jasper to watch out or everybody would know he could still talk.

Jasper had grinned, a devious grin, and pulled Jacob's ear down and whispered something. Jacob had laughed and said, "No, I won't do that for you. But I will keep you supplied in sketch pads and pencils and I'll even bring you a roll of tape. But if you want that done, you'll have to get up off your lazy ass and do it yourself." Jasper had sulked and they had eventually finished their work out.

Jasper still refused to talk to anyone, except for an occasional sentence whispered to Jacob. I had a daily session with Jasper and would mostly just talk to him about innocuous subjects, waiting for him to be ready to talk to me. I noticed Jasper drew a lot, but when I asked if I could see what he was drawing, Jasper would shake his head no and look embarrassed. I was relieved when I noticed he was reading the two books I had given him.

It was about a month later that the head floor nurse, Maria, called and asked if I could come to work early. But she asked that I meet with her outside the entrance to our side of the hospital. She wanted to show me something. I met her outside the door asking what was up, when she held a finger to her lip in a shushing motion. She looked excited and proud and amused as she had me look through the windows in the door. My breath caught and I had to swallow down the sudden lump in my throat as I watched the sight before me.

Jasper, pushing a wheel chair full of sketch pads and tape was walking on his own… with slow, unsure steps. Every few feet Jasper would stop and tear out a page and tape a picture to the wall while laughing quietly.

Jasper fell once and I would have rushed to his side except for Maria's restraining hand. She shook her head and said, "Just watch." Jasper slapped the floor in frustration and pulled himself to his feet and resumed his task, one slow step at a time. I looked over at Maria and she smiled and said, "He's been working on this all night. He finished one side three hours ago and I'm pretty sure he'll finish this side before everybody gets up for the day. He's fell five times tonight. I offered to help him but he refused. I did make him stop and eat a few times."

I asked her, "What are the drawings he's hanging?"

Maria looked highly amused as she shook her head and said, "Nope, I want him to see your real reaction. Jasper has worked hard for it. Don't you dare go in there early, Dr. Sim."

I stood there and watched as Jasper kept his slow steady steps, then stop and hang a picture, slow steady steps, stop and hang a picture. These must be the drawing Jasper's been working on all month. I must admit I was terribly curious, but from Maria's actions, I had to assume the drawings must have something to do with me. So, I waited and watched.

Normal wake up hour was 10 minutes away and Jasper still had about 15 feet to go. He was looking exhausted and was going slower and slower but Jasper had a determined look on his face as he watched the clock and hung his pictures. He finally finished right at wake up time and slowly rolled the wheel chair to the door to his room. Jasper turned it around and collapsed into it breathing hard, but with a look of triumph on his face.

It was 5 minutes past wake up time before Maria started her rounds waking up the patients on the ward. They sleepily started shuffling out of their rooms heading either to the showers or the cafeteria. But all of them stopped in amazement at the pictures hanging up, and started checking out each and every one as the hallway began to fill with laughter and excited chatter. They all filed past Jasper, on their way to other places. They all spoke a word or two to him but Jasper just cowered back in his chair keeping his eyes down, with and bashful and embarrassed smile on his face.

I waited until the hallway was almost empty before making my entrance. As soon as I walked in, Jasper's eyes locked onto me, not quite looking me in the eye. I made a show of looking up and down the hall in amazement before walking to the first picture. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. I went from drawing to drawing, trying to keep a stern face as I went.

It seems our Jasper is a fan of classic movies and recognized the actor my parents had named me after. Jasper had made drawing after drawing of scenes from 'A Christmas Carol' of the character Ebenezer Scrooge. Except instead of using the face of the actor Alistair Sim, he had put my face on each drawing with the words 'Uncle Scrooge' wrote over the top of each.

I kept my face stern as I walked up to Jasper and stood in front of him with my arms crossed. Jasper finally looked up and met my gaze, with merriment dancing in his eyes and a big grin on his face. Jasper's grin slowly slipped off and the look in his eyes changed to uncertainty until he noticed my lips trying to twitch into a smile. I couldn't hold it in any longer as I let the laughter flow. I ruffled Jasper's hair and said, "Very funny, you little shit."

We both started laughing until we had tears running down our faces and we were gasping for air.

Jasper started talking to me at our next session. The first thing he asked me was when James was going to come and punish him again. I asked him why he thought James would come for him and Jasper explained to me that he belonged to James. James owned him. Jasper was convinced the horrifying events of that night were his fault and that he had deserved what happened to him, that he still deserved to be punished for his parent's deaths. The monster with the name of James had done a remarkable job of mind-fucking this boy and convincing him he was a whore that deserved being tortured and gang raped... his punishment for being… bad.

It took me months to convince Jasper he was a victim and not at fault for that night, months of working at undoing the psychological torture done on this innocent boy. We slowly formed a bond and I knew I was getting more attached to him than I should. I was losing my professional detachment and I feared I would let it influence Jasper's treatment.

I had a visit from Dr. Carlisle Cullen, the man who had literally saved Jasper's life and leg, and his wife Esme. They were wonderful, caring people and they wanted to speak to me about the possibility of fostering Jasper. They explained how they had four mostly grown children; three of them adopted, and had fostered dozens of special needs children when they lived in Chicago. I told them I wasn't sure if going back to the town where Jasper had lost his family would be a good idea, but that I would discuss it with Jasper's guardian, Charlotte.

I called Charlotte in to talk to her about her relationship with Jasper. I found out Charlotte had been the egg donor for his mother to carry and that his parents, having no siblings or family of their own, had named her as his legal guardian in case of their deaths. Charlotte explained to me that she came from a motherless home and had had a cold and uncaring father. If it hadn't been for Jasper's father she would never have know any sort of friendship or affection in her life. Charlotte didn't know how to show the physical affection that Jasper needed because she had never experienced anything more than the brotherly love Jasper's father had shown her.

Charlotte wished she could do more for Jasper but after the death of his father, her workload had more than doubled in trying to run the company. The company had been a labor of love she had shared with Jasper's father and she would not see it go to ruin. Charlotte lived on 4 hours sleep a night and was gone on business trips more than she was home. She explained she was grooming several underlings to help take up the slack but it would be months before she would have the free time it would take to help Jasper. Jasper needed so much more than she had to give right now.

I asked Charlotte if she would be interested in letting Jasper go into foster care. I strongly felt he needed a family structure to help him break through his fear of contact with other people. She wasn't too keen on that idea, saying she had read too many stories of fostered kids being abused, and she didn't want to risk Jasper experiencing any more trauma than he had already lived through. She asked me if it would be possible for Jasper to stay in my care at the hospital until he turned 18. She said she could tell I cared for the boy a lot and thought he would be better off in my hands than with complete strangers.

After Charlotte left, I started feeling guilty. Was I keeping the boy's best interest to heart or was I being selfish in keeping Jasper here with me? I sat Jasper down the next day to try and explain to him his choices in staying at the hospital under my care, or going into foster care with the Cullen's, or even complete strangers if he wished. I tried to make Jasper understand that I feared I had grown too attached to him and that he might even want to consider asking for a different psychiatrist.

Jasper just sat there and stared into space. I thought he was just thinking over everything I had just explained to him, until I realized he wasn't blinking. I jumped up and shook Jasper and he slumped over unresponsive with that same empty stare he'd had for 32 months. I was scared to death we had lost Jasper for good. It took two months of talking to Jasper to get him back. I didn't mention changing doctors again.

"~~***~~"

Jasper's 18th birthday was fast approaching and he had made remarkable progress. I even had him finally speaking to Charlotte now. I wasn't sure if the two of them would ever be able to build a parent/child relationship, but I hoped they could at least be friends and share some kind of connection with each other.

Charlotte was talking about setting Jasper up in a penthouse apartment with maids and cooks and 24 hour nursing care and Jasper, the stubborn little shit, put his foot down and told her no. He wanted to try to live in an apartment on his own with the freedom to come and go as he pleased. Jasper just wanted to try and live like a normal person. Charlotte wasn't happy with the idea but finally agreed to let Jasper try. She asked me to help her find the perfect place for him. Jasper insisted on something small, saying he was afraid he would get scared in a large apartment after living in his small hospital room for the last seven years.

While we were apartment hunting, Charlotte asked if I was going to continue to be Jasper's psychiatrist. I told her there was a rule at the hospital that once released, Jasper had to go find his own personal psychiatrist. I told her the only way I would be able to continue seeing Jasper would be if I went into private practice away from the hospital. Charlotte offered to fund my starting a private practice, but I told her that would be a conflict of interest and I would have to do it on my own.

So I did.

Jasper and I both left the Long Term Care and Rehabilitation Center on the same day. Maria talked me into hiring her as a combination nurse/receptionist/secretary. Seems she majored in both nursing and business.

I wound up taking Jasper to his new place myself. Charlotte had an emergency in Spain to attend to. I showed Jasper around his new apartment and then drove him around showing him the locations of nearby restaurants and a coffee shop not far from his place. Jasper was a coffee fanatic.

I showed Jasper how to log onto the computer Charlotte got for him and a few places he might want to check out online like clothing stores, grocery stores that delivered, and a few other things like email and the weather channel. I taught Jasper how to use the ATM, debit, and credit cards Charlotte had set him up with. And then I gave Jasper my two new phone numbers, explaining that one was for my office and as long as he needed me to be his doctor that would be the number to use.

Then I explained if he was ever able to get to the point that he would rather have me around as a father figure instead of as his doctor that he should use my personal cell phone number. I explained it had to be one way or the other but I wanted Jasper to know that I did care for him a lot and I would be proud if he ever did decide to use the personal phone number. And then I never mentioned it again, wanting it to be his free decision, not me pressuring him into it.

I continued treating Jasper on a daily basis for months, as we started lowering the dosage on his meds a little at a time. He was still haunted by nightmares and still had severe trust issues with people in general. I asked him to start a journal of his nightmares. Of course the little shit didn't do what I told him to do. Instead of writing out his nightmares he just wrote out a very detailed story of that night. While I was reading Jasper's journal, I was also reading the police and forensics reports, comparing notes. It was then that I realized with a sickening horror that Jasper was blocking a memory. I arranged a talk with the deputy that Jasper had tried to sacrifice himself to save and he confirmed my worst fear… no wonder Jasper's mind was preventing his body from having an erection.

I'd also asked Jasper to write down everything he could remember about his friend Peter, from when he was a child. Jasper had told me about him on many occasions. I had a feeling that Jasper's relationship with that boy would be a major factor in Jasper's sexuality when his body and mind started cooperating with each other again. I didn't want to come right out and say… Jasper you're gay… which I was almost positive he was. I wanted Jasper to have the chance to discover it for himself. Although, after discovering what his mental block was hiding, I wasn't positive if Jasper would ever break through that barrier to have a relationship.

As time passed, the length between visits lengthened, from daily to weekly, to biweekly. The dosage on his meds slowly dropped to just one pill a day. Jasper made remarkable progress and I was proud of him but…. I missed our daily talks.

The day Jasper's breakthrough happened I was elated for the boy. Jasper had come such a long way and I hoped and prayed that after he was able to deal with his last blocked memory of that night; that he would finally be able to head down that road to normalcy he was always longing for.

Of course the very next day a complete stranger had called me in a panic about Jasper. I totally lost it. I left a patient in the middle of a session and I think I broke every speed law in the state of Washington getting to Jasper's apartment. Of course I had immediately assumed that this strange man had done something to Jasper to make him pass out. When he told me he was a writer, I was convinced he had just confirmed my suspicions. Imagine my surprise at the heartfelt pleading of this young man as he pleaded with Jasper to trust him and wake up.

I was amazed to find out he was Dr. Cullen's son, Edward, and that he had met Jasper purely by accident. It was plain to see Edward was completely smitten with Jasper. I knew the Cullen's had lived in Forks but I hadn't realized the exact location of their house. I could see this young man, Edward, was dealing with his own demons over what happened to Jasper. I was surprised when Edward told me his life story and I knew Edward would probably need help in dealing with his own past sexual assault. I should have spoken to Edward more but I let my worry over Jasper distract me.

I couldn't believe the trust Edward had already established with Jasper, holding him all night from behind…unbelievable. Getting Jasper to be comfortable walking around in front of him shirtless… remarkable… kissing and hugging and touching him like he had... miraculous. I just prayed Edward really cared for Jasper as much as he seemed to because it would destroy Jasper if this was just a random fling.

"~~***~~"

Jasper came by my office tonight and asked if the offer was still open to use my personal cell number instead of my office number. He seemed sincere and recognized the changes he would have to make as far as therapy was concerned. I was ecstatic but tried to keep it reigned in. I didn't want Jasper to feel pressured, in case he changed his mind before our next session. And then the most remarkable thing happened…

…an angel stepped into my office looking for Jasper. She took my breath away with her beauty. I've always believed in love at first sight but never expected to experience it firsthand. I could hear Jasper talking but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the wondrous sight in front of me. But then Jasper had said something about her being his date and I felt like such a shit. I would never hurt Jasper by denying him his happiness with this beautiful angel even if it meant my own heartbreak. But then Jasper had clarified and reminded me of his boyfriend, Edward. She was Edward's sister…wow.

Of course the little shit had then told her I was really fucking old. I thought it funny we both said, "Fuck you, Jasper." at the same time. I had a feeling she wasn't one to usually use such harsh curse words. Jasper was kind enough to give us some privacy by lying down and taking a nap as the angel and I got to know each other.

Alice is taking Jasper back to Edward now and will be meeting me again soon. I'm not sure what the future will hold for any of us but I have a strong suspicion that Alice _is_ my future now and I'm more excited than I have been in years….


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry this took much longer than planned. I've had company every day and they just won't go away...lol. The good news is the next chapter is about half way done and should be up over the weekend. **

**I love all the wonderful reviews everybody has been leaving and a big thanks to everybody who has added this story to favorites or alerts. I love that you guys are enjoying the story and hope y'all continue to do so.**

**Oh and I had a laugh at y'all for complaining about Alice breaking the boys train of thought when they were remembering their morning loving. That girl is just devious... but we got some nice loving going on now. **

**Disclaimer: All twilight characters belong to Stephanie Meyers but the plot is my own.**

* * *

_Jasper is nuzzling his face in my neck and breathing deep. He looks at me with a grin and says, "You still have your suit on."_

_I grin back and say, "You were having so much fun trying to get it off of me this morning. I thought I should let you finish the job."_

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 16**

**JPOV (Thursday continued…)**

Edward was hot and sexy as hell in his suit, but it had to go right fucking now.

With a soft moan, I pull Edward's face to mine for another one of those deep kisses that makes me cling to him trembling as my toes curl. I had missed Edward so much today and was thrilled to be back in his arms. I'd been craving the feel of his naked body sliding against mine, his strong arms holding me tight, his skilled hands stroking me and making me ache for so much more, craving the taste of his skin as I licked and kissed and sucked.

I have Edward's face cupped in my hands and he has his hands on my hips, as our lips and tongues hungrily devoured each other. I resume slowly walking Edward backwards toward the couch. But he shakes his head with a growl and then breaks the kiss just long enough to breathlessly say, "Bedroom." before sucking my tongue back into his mouth.

Groaning in frustration, I stop walking and shake my head. Breaking the kiss, I just as breathlessly say. "Couch is closer."

Edward grins and runs his hands from my hips to my ass. He squeezes my ass and grinds against me as he sucks on my neck by my ear, before whispering. "But baby, there's so much more room to maneuver on the bed."

Growling, I capture Edward's lips with mine and switch directions. Backing him toward the bedroom, my cock gets harder with each step. I run my hands down Edward's neck to his chest, then run them under his suit jacket and slip it off his shoulders. I let it lay where it falls as I keep exploring Edward's mouth with my tongue. I loosen his tie from around his collar and slowly pull it from around his neck and drop it on the floor. Edward runs his hands under the hem of my shirt and pulls it up. I have to pull back from my kiss just long enough for him to pull it off, before our lips latch back onto each other. I unbutton Edward's shirt and pull his shirt tails out of his suit pants and then slip it off of his shoulders to the floor.

We both started toeing off our shoes at the same time and then Edward holds onto my face, keeping me balanced as I somehow manage to get my socks off as we're kissing and walking. And then I do the same for Edward, holding him steady and watching for tripping hazards as I keep him slowly backing up.

Our breathing has picked up along with our frantic kisses and soft moans. I take a second to palm Edward's rock hard cock through his pants, before I unbuckle his belt, pull it out of the loops and drop it. Then Edward does the same to me. We get to the hall and I press Edward up against the bedroom door. Grabbing Edward's ass, I grind against him as he fumbles behind him searching for the door knob. Edward finally finds the door knob and turns it while pushing the door open with his ass.

I unbutton and unzip Edward's dress pants then push them and his boxers down as far as I can before Edward takes over and shimmies out of them. I'm glad I didn't let Alice talk me into changing into my new clothes yet. Edward doesn't even have to bother with having to unfasten my oversized jeans. He just tugs them and my boxers down over my hips and then keeps me steady as I kick them off beside the bed. I'm really going to miss my loose jeans.

I wrap my arms around Edward, kissing him long and hard, before breaking the kiss and pushing him backwards on top of the bed. Edward slides up the bed to the pillows and I crawl up after him on my hands and knees. Straddling his body, I run my tongue up Edward's stomach and chest on my way up to his lips. I can't get enough of his delicious lips. He pulls my face to his and kisses me again and again, our tongues tasting and twirling. I finally break away from his lips, and then kiss and suck my way to his ear where I whisper. "I've been craving the taste of you on my tongue all day." Edward fucking whimpers, I love that I can make him make those sounds.

Lying down beside Edward, I lean up on one arm and run my eyes up and down Edward's beautiful body. I slowly trace my free hand across his chest and shoulders, caressing his smooth skin. Edward's breath is picking up, his lips slightly parted, and his eyes are closed with his head thrown back. I gently tease his nipples into hard nubs, pinching and tracing circles with my fingertips. When I lean down, kissing, licking and nibbling on his nipples, Edward moans my name over and over. Damn, I love the sound of Edward moaning my name.

Edward arches his back and moans again, when I run my hand down his stomach and wrap it around his shaft, slowly stroking him. I love how hard he is, knowing that_ I_ do that to him. I kiss and lick my way down Edward's chest and stomach. I stop and ghost my fingers across the bruises on Edward's side, frowning and wishing so badly that I'd never hurt my beautiful man. Edward cups my face with his hand and runs his thumb across my lips, whispering. "It's ok, love."

Sighing, I lean in and gently kiss the bruises before sliding my body down the bed. Edward moans and looks at me with lust filled eyes when I blow my warm breath across his cock. I smile up at Edward and whisper, "I love you." Taking his long, hard cock into my mouth, Edward moans out, "Oh, Jasper… feels so good, love." I slide my lips up and down his length, curling my tongue and licking around his shaft and head, while stroking him with my hand. I take Edward deeper into my mouth and then I flatten my tongue, running it up the underside of his shaft while sucking hard, making him groan even louder.

I glance up at Edward and his chest is heaving as he watches me with those beautiful green eyes. His hands are in my hair, alternating between gently massaging my scalp and fisting into an almost painful grip in my hair, depending on what I happen to me doing with my tongue at the time. Holding onto his shaft, I continue stroking him as I release him from my mouth and swirl my tongue around and around his head.

Edward is quickly reduced to incoherent whimpers and moans as I start dipping my tongue into his slit before running my tongue down underneath to that sensitive spot under the head, over and over. I love the fucking sounds he's making. Sucking him back into my mouth, I increase the suction on Edward's shaft, sliding my lips up and down his length. Then I try to see just how much of him I can take in as I relax the muscles in my throat.

Watching Edward, I take him as down deep my throat as I can, again and again. Edward's hands tighten up in my hair as he throws his head back and moans my name over and over. I fucking love it. I release Edward from my mouth again and lick down his shaft to his balls. I push his legs a little further apart and start to lick and gently suck around and under his balls. Edward squirms and groans, "Jasper, please baby, please."

I grin and lick back up Edward's shaft and take him into my mouth again, working him with my mouth, tongue, and hand, faster and faster. Edward starts whimpering, "Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, baby I'm so close." Taking my other hand, I stroke lightly against Edward's entrance as he writhes and moans. I can feel his balls start to tighten up as his back arches. Then Edward is convulsing and crying out, "Jasper. Jasper! Jasper!" His body trembles and shakes as I swallow around him, sucking and stroking him as he rides out his orgasm.

Edward finally collapses back down on the bed and I release his cock from my lips. I give it one more lick with the flat of my tongue from base to tip, before crawling up his body. Hovering over him, I grin down at him. "I really missed you today, Edward. I'm glad to be home."

Edward lies there breathing hard, looking up at me with those sexy as fuck heavy lidded green eyes and a satisfied smirk on his face. He reaches up and caresses my face. "I missed you, too. Welcome home, love." Edward pulls me down on top of him and we kiss slow, languid, sensual kisses as he runs his hands over my body.

I yelp in surprise when Edward locks his arms and legs around mine and rolls us over, stopping with him hovering over me on his hands and knees, straddling my body. Edward runs his eyes up and down my body with a predatory gleam in his eyes. He leans down and runs his tongue around the shell of my ear before gently biting my earlobe. Then he whispers, "Baby you look sexy as hell lying naked on our bed. You look hot, sexy and delicious. Can I see if you taste just as delicious as you look? Would you like that?"

All I can do is whimper at the thought. This is unknown territory for me. Other than the night we first met and he kissed all my scars, I've never had anyone's mouth on my body. As much as I wanted to feel it, I'm suddenly extremely anxious. While my insides may be ablaze with the burning desire to feel my beautiful man's mouth on my body, I'm also trembling from nerves.

Edward leans up and looks into my uncertain eyes with concern, before leaning his weight on one arm and stroking my face with his hand. "This is new for me too, baby. I'm just as nervous as you are. But will you let me try and make you feel as good as you just made me feel? If you get uncomfortable or scared, just tell me to stop and I will. Ok?"

Edward searches my face as he waits for my answer. I bite my lip and blush before looking up at Edward with a shy smile and nodding my head that it's ok. Edward smiles and the look of concern quickly changes to lust and desire as he crashes his lips to mine and kisses me hard. Edward's tongue probes and explores my mouth hungrily. He kisses across my jaw line and down my neck, before sucking and biting across my collarbone. Edward runs his tongue down the long scar that runs down the center of my chest then flattens his tongue and licks back up the scar.

He kisses, licks, and sucks the scars across my chest, pausing at my nipples and giving them a little extra attention with his lips, tongue, and teeth. I groan and shudder at the feeling of his mouth and tongue working on my body. My heart is pounding in my chest as I think about what Edward's fixing to do. He kisses back down my chest, down my stomach, and then teases my navel with his tongue, his hot breath ghosting across my cock.

Going around my aching cock, Edward goes lower, kissing and biting down my thighs, making me squirm and cry out. "Please, Edward!" He kisses, bites, and sucks his way down one thigh then back up, before doing the same to the other. I just about come unglued when he licks around my balls. Holy fuck! Is that me making those high pitched whines and whimpers? And then Edward's running the flat of his tongue up my shaft and my body is goes wild as I thrash and buck, crying out. "Fuck, Edward! Oh god, please, please don't stop!"

Edward takes my cock in one hand and starts stroking me as he licks around the head. I couldn't be still or quiet if my life depended on it. I've got my hands fisted into the bed covers, clawing and pulling at them. I'm afraid I'd pull Edward's hair out if I put them on his head right now. Edward tries to hold down my writhing body with his free hand as he strokes me with the other. And then Edward's mouth is surrounding me and it's so fucking hot and wet and his tongue is moving and I've never felt anything like it in my life. Fuck, I thought his hands felt good on my body!

I'm whimpering and moaning and thrashing as Edward's mouth moves up and down my shaft. Edward's tongue swirls around and around as he keeps stroking me with his hand. Edward takes me deeper and I try to remember to slow my thrashing and not slam my cock against the back of his throat.

I can't stop my body from trembling and writhing as Edward starts both his hand and mouth moving faster and faster up and down my shaft. And then Edward's free hand is no longer holding me down, its _back there_ and he's _pushing_ and stroking against my entrance and I don't even have time to warn Edward as the world explodes in a blinding white light. My body is pulsing in time to my thundering heart as I cry out "Edward…oh god, Edward!" I feel like my orgasm lasts forever as Edward sucks me hard, choking for a second before managing to swallow around me.

My chest is heaving and I'm gasping for air as I try to catch my breath. My body is still shaking and shuddering as I groan and reach down to pull Edward up into my arms, kissing him hard and deep. Damn, tastes different… is that me? How fucking hot is that! I moan as I run my tongue deeper into his mouth. Tasting the proof that, yes, Edward actually did just do that to me. It was the best fucking thing I've ever felt in my life and my beautiful man did it. I finally break the kiss and look at him and whisper as a tear runs down my face. "I love you, Edward Cullen."

Edward wraps his arms around me and holds me so tight I can barely breathe as he says, "I love you too, Jasper Whitlock. Are you ok?"

I start sniffing as another tear follows the first and I get out a strangled. "Yeah, I'm ok."

Edward looks panicked as he leans up and looks at me. "Jasper, what's wrong? Did I hurt you? Did I…did I do it wrong, baby?"

I pull Edward back down into my arms and squeeze him even harder. "No, darlin', you were perfect. That was the most fucking incredible, wonderful thing I've ever felt in my life. I'm sorry I'm getting all emotional. It's just, nobody has ever made me feel as good as you did just now. Thank you for loving me."

I can feel Edward smile as he chuckles against my neck. He kisses my shoulder before saying, "I love you so much, Jasper. I loved making you feel good. I want to spend the rest of my life making you feel like that, baby." Edward wraps me in his loving arms and holds me close as my body trembles and shakes and my heart slowly returns to a normal beat. I nuzzle into Edward's neck and breathe in his scent, wishing I could stay just like this in his arms forever.

Eventually, the inevitable happens and my damn stomach starts growling. Edward snorts out a laugh before saying, "My sexy man needs food! Come on you, let's go feed the beast." Edward helps me up and we both slip on a pair of sleep pants before heading into the other rooms.

Edward heads to the kitchen to get plates and heat up our now cold pizza. I start picking up the trail of clothes, leading from the front door to the bed. Grinning as I pick up each article of clothing. Closing my eyes, I sigh as I think about what Edward had just done to me with his lips and tongue. I had no idea anything could feel that good.

"Hey babe, how many pieces of pizza do you want?"

I blink a couple of times trying bring myself back to the present. I grin at Edward and say, "Just heat up one of the pizzas and we'll split it, darlin'. After that wonderful dessert I swallowed down earlier, I'm not quite as hungry as I was. Besides, I think I need to save room for more dessert later."

Edward whimpers and licks his lips. I swear Edward's starting to pant as he stands and stares at me with lust filled eyes. I grin and shake my head. "Pizza."

Edward looks thoroughly confused. "Huh?"

I laugh. "You were going to heat up the pizza?"

Edward jumps, looking guilty. "Pizza… right. Sorry babe, I lost my train of thought."

I walk over to Edward and pull him into a soft kiss before saying, "I missed you too, darlin'. Go ahead and heat us up some food. We're going to need it for energy later, 'cause I ain't nearly done lovin' on my beautiful man tonight." I love to make Edward fucking whimper like that. I grin and go back into the living room and resume picking up clothes.

I'm back in the bedroom, stuffing all the dirty clothes into the hamper, when I feel Edward's strong loving arms wrapping around my waist. I turn in his arms and Edward captures my lips with a kiss. I moan when he holds my face in his hands and runs his tongue deep into my mouth. Edward backs me up against the wall and presses the full length of his body against mine, rolling his hips against mine, gently thrusting against me. I cling to Edward whimpering as my body flashes with heat and need.

Then, I groan with frustration when Edward breaks the kiss and stops his hips. Breathing hard he wraps one hand around the back of my neck and pulls my head to his, resting his forehead against mine. He gently strokes my face with the other hand and looks into my eyes with a small smile. His eyes are full of hunger, need, and love…so much love. He gives me a tender kiss, saying. "Pizza's ready, love."

I think about telling Edward… fuck the pizza. But then my stomach rumbles again. So, I let him take my hand and lead me to the couch, where we chow down on pizza while I tell him all about my shopping trip with Alice.

Edward thinks it's a great idea for the two of us to go out on a double date with Angela and Bella. I tell him that I've never actually been out on a date before, which leaves him looking guilty for not already asking me out. I just roll my eyes and tell him I think his asking me to _live with him_ is a hell of a lot better than his asking me out on a date. Edward grins from ear to ear and his eyes shine with happiness.

Edward looks nervous about meeting Charlotte, after I explain my confusing and complex relationship with her. He also agrees with Alice that I should at least try and give Charlotte another chance. "Babe, I know it hurt that she couldn't be what you needed back then, but some people just don't have what it takes to raise a kid even if he is a teenager, especially one with special needs. But, I do think Charlotte cares about you. She recognized that you needed more than what she could offer at the time and made sure you stayed in a stable and safe environment with the Doc."

I'm not too sure if I agree with Edward's assessment and I try to quash the feeling of hope I can feel building inside my chest. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust Charlotte enough to ask her again about being a mom to me. But I guess it wouldn't hurt to test the waters to see if Charlotte and I can at least be friends. My greatest fear is that after I turn 21 and Charlotte no longer has any legal obligations towards me, that she will just up and turn her back on me completely.

I tell Edward about my panic attack at the mall, how I had been overwhelmed by how big the place was and by how many people were there. I still shudder at the thought of being surrounded by so many strangers. Any one of them could have been hiding a knife! Any one of them could have been planning how to hurt… how to punish. Edward pulls me up into his lap and holds me when I start trembling. He wraps his arms around me and rubs my back as he whispers in my ear that I'm okay until I calm back down.

I hate admitting to Edward that I still have moments when I'm terrified of practically everybody. I've gotten so good at being comfortable with all the people that I see coming into the coffee shop every day, that I can almost convince myself that I'm over that constant fear. And then something like today happens, reminding me of how pathetic and broken that fucking monster made me. I'm so frustrated with myself that I want to cry. I just want to be fucking normal and stop being such a fucking coward all the time! Edward keeps telling me how brave I am,3 just because I get up and go out every day and meet people and talk to them. I hate to tell him that's not bravery that's just loneliness outweighing the fear.

Edward distracts me by asking about the rest of my shopping trip, so I start describing the shops and clothes and how Alice had argued over every damn thing I wanted to do. I snort out a laugh as I realize she had kept me so riled up arguing with her, that it had kept me distracted enough to not be in a constant state of panic. Damn, she's sneaky.

I tell Edward about Emmett and how he had grabbed me from behind and swung me around and how I had managed to not have a panic attack, or do anything stupid like what I did at the restaurant, yesterday. I laugh and tell Edward about Rose scolding Emmett for it and then her scolding Alice for not taking me to a sit down restaurant to eat when I was so tired and hungry.

I tell Edward about the trip to the phone store and he wants to see my new phone. I scratch my head and try to figure out where the damns thing is. Edward suggests it might still be in my pants in the hamper and then laughs and says his is probably in the same place. Laughing, I jump up to go and dig them out of the hamper and bring them both back and hand them to Edward as I crawl back up in his lap. I hate to admit…I don't have a clue which one is which.

I shyly ask Edward if I can have his phone number and he tells me Alice already put it in the phone for me. I growl in frustration at the mean, conniving, devious, manipulating little pixie! I could have been home hours earlier! Edward just laughs at me and starts to show me how my new phone works.

Edward laughs and says, "You've already got a missed call, babe. I guess Alice had to be the first one to give you a call." But then Edward looks confused- and hurt- when he quietly tells me, "Oh, wait…it's from someone named Jacob. Looks like he left you a voice mail. I guess you know him, since his number is already in your phone." Edward frowns and shows me where the saved contacts are and how to get to them, scrolling through the few names and numbers that I'd had Alice put in for me. Edward looks away, rapidly blinking his eyes and clenching and unclenching his jaws.

Confused, I touch his face. "What's wrong, Edward?"

Edward swallows and harshly says, "Not a fucking thing. Are you going to listen to your voice mail or not?"

Why does he sound mad? Feeling even more confused and a little bit hurt, I say. "I don't know how to do that yet."

Edward holds a shaking hand out and I drop the phone onto his palm. He shows me how to call my voicemail. Then putting my phone on speakerphone, he lets me listen to the menus as he sets up my voicemail and plays the first message…

"_Hey Jasper, about fucking time you called me, kid! Do you think I don't have better things to do with my time than sit around the damn phone waiting for you to call me? I'm fucking crushed. I thought you loved me more than that. You sure as fuck better show up tomorrow and you better be expecting me to work your ass long and hard. I want to try and see if I can't figure out what is causing that knee to keep swelling up. I've scheduled you in for an extra half hour so plan on being here longer than normal. I'll catch you then, kid."_

I watch Edward's face as we're listening to the message. It transforms from hurt, jealousy and anger to understanding, relief and he then he turns his face away looking guilty. I can feel the tears building when it hits me… Edward doesn't trust me.

I blink back those fucking tears getting angry. Yeah, Edward warned me he was an insecure bastard and I really shouldn't be too surprised, but it still hurts. I had really put myself out there for him, working on my own trust issues. But he needs to trust me too or this is never going to work. Sighing, I scrub my face with my hands and try to think of what to say.

"Edward, look at me darlin'." Edward looks at me, meeting my eyes with a guilty look. "I'd like to say something but I want to finish before you talk, ok?"

Edward swallows and quietly says, "Okay, baby."

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly before saying, "I know we both have past issues that we're dealing with, my rape and your assault. I had always hoped that someday I would be able to meet somebody that I'd be able to at least _tolerate_ their touching me enough to have some kind of relationship with them. But you've given me so much more than that Edward. You've been absolutely amazing in the ways you've been loving on me, so gentle and tender and caring and thoughtful."

My voice breaks and I quickly wipe away a tear and swallow before continuing. "Edward, you've literally dragged me out of hell and brought me back to life. I never expected to ever be able to _feel_. You've made me feel so much love, made me feel loved and cared for. You've made me feel pleasure doing things that before had been horrifying, degrading and painful, only now those things are loving and exciting and sensual and…and… just fucking incredible and wonderful. Darlin', you've …I've …we've…"

Edward gently wipes the tears off my face and whispers, "Take your time, baby."

I sigh and scrub my face with my hands again, feeling frustrated that I can't get the right words out. "Edward, it was bad enough to have a complete stranger build up my trust and promise me his protection, just to have him betray that trust by raping and torturing and humiliating me and then offering me to his friends for more of the same. As bad as that was, I can't even begin to imagine how bad your trust was torn apart by being betrayed and hurt by your best fucking friend. I know you have trust issues and insecurities, darlin' but…. I'm trying to say that…it was really fucking hard for me, Edward, really fucking hard to wrap my head around the idea of trusting you but… I do trust you now and I need you to trust me, too."

"Jasper, I…" I shush Edward with my fingers over his mouth.

"I'm almost done, beautiful. I just want to say one more thing and I want you to remember it. I love you, Edward. You. You're the only person on this planet that has kissed me and touched me and tasted me with love and tenderness and kindness and passion, only you, Edward. Only you."

Edward wraps his arms around me and holds me close as he shakily says, "I'm sorry, Jasper. I'm so sorry, baby. I love you so much and I do trust you, I do. It's just… It's because I am the only one who has done those things that I'm afraid, baby. I fucking terrified that someday you're going to wonder if there is something or someone better for you out there."

"Edward, please trust me when I say you're the only one I want."

Edward cups my face in his hands and gently kisses me. "Okay, baby. I trust you. I believe you. Can you forgive me for being such an insecure bastard?"

I grin and give him another kiss before saying, "I've already forgiven you, you fucking idiot."

Edward barks out a laugh and wraps me in his arms again, telling me how much he loves me and needs me. I snuggle into Edward's embrace and rest my head on his shoulder as he holds me close.

Eventually, Edward sighs and asks about the rest of my shopping trip. So I tell him about going to talk to the Doc and my decision about maybe changing my relationship with him. I tell him about the Doc and Alice, how they had been making goo-goo eyes at each other. Edward has a laugh over that, finally understanding my teasing Alice about the condoms and lube.

We sit there on the couch awhile just snuggling and kissing. I love being back in Edward's arms. He finally decides to get up and clean the few dishes we dirtied and put up everything. Edward has the nerve to act surprised that we have left-overs to put up for later. Asshole… good thing I love him so fucking much.

After that, we gather up all the sacks that I had piled by the door earlier and carry everything into the bedroom. Edward helps me un-sack all the stuff Alice and I picked out today and take the sales tags off of everything. Then Edward sorts through his clothes in the closet to make room for my stuff. I try to protest but Edward assures me he doesn't wear half the stuff in there. He says something about Alice always trying to dress him in stuff he doesn't like. I grin at Edward, glad that I didn't let Alice run me over like she obviously runs over him.

When Edward finishes going through his stuff and making room for mine he helps me hang all my new stuff up in matched sets, so I won't have to worry about what goes with what. He raves over the clothes I bought, saying how nice they look and that he can't wait to see me in them. Then Edward runs his hand over one of the shirts and smiles at me as he says, "This is my favorite color, love. I bet you'll look wonderful in it."

I can't help my triumphant smile as I tell Edward, "Alice tried to make me get everything in black but I told her I only wanted to get the colors that you like, beautiful."

Edward smiles and cups my face. "You did good, baby."

After that, Edward sacks up all the clothes he's getting rid of saying we'd take it by 'Goodwill' tomorrow. I ask him if we should go by my apartment tomorrow and sack up all my old clothes so we can take those too. I know Edward said he didn't care what I wear, but he looks so happy that I want to get rid of my black clothes. I'm glad I put my foot down with Alice about not getting any more black clothes.

After we get done sorting and rearranging stuff, Edward laughs and pushes me into the closet, telling me he wants me to change in there and model everything for him. Embarrassed, I try to talk him out of it but he begs, so of course I have to agree. I'd do anything for my beautiful, loving man.

I poke my head out of the closet door and tell Edward I need a pair of boxers. He tells me to just go commando since I was just trying stuff on. Rolling my eyes, I ask what the fuck commando means. Fucker has to sit and laugh at me for five minutes before he tells me what it means. Why the fuck didn't he just say try the shit on without any underwear? Fucking know-it-all asshole is as bad as his sister. Fuming, I slam the closet door shut behind me as I turn around to pick out something to model.

I look around confused when I hear more sacks rustling and drawers being opened and closed. I'm almost positive everything we bought today is here in the closet already. Shrugging, I scratch my head and try to figure out what to try on first. I finally decide to go with the first thing I had tried on this morning, the tight black jeans that ride low on my hips with the white t-shirt that fits snug over my body and is little too short showing a peak of skin between it and the jeans. Alice kept telling me it would drive Edward crazy and that he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off of me. I like the idea of Edward not being able to keep his hands off of me. I _really_ like the idea of his not being able to keep his _mouth_ off of me.

I pull the jeans up my legs and frown when I feel the rough denim rubbing against my naked cock and ass. I don't like that. I don't like that one fucking bit. Feels too much like… Gritting my teeth, I grab my head with my hands trying to block the memory. Don't think about it… don't think about it… don't think about it… don't think about it…

_James roughly rubs his jean clad body over my naked ass and slides his hand down and starts squeezing me hard. I try to be a good boy and not resist him but he's squeezing harder and harder and his jeans are starting to rub my skin raw as he keeps roughly rubbing against my ass. It hurts so bad that I finally start struggling against him whimpering from the pain. I start sobbing as I watch his hand reach down to his boot and slowly pull out the knife. His hot fetid breath is on my neck as he giggles and whispers, "I told you not to fight me, precious. Why do you keep making me punish you?"_

I feel two strong arms wrapping around me and I start struggling as I sob in terror. And then I hear Edward whispering in my ear. "Shh, baby, it's Edward. I've got you. You're safe, Jasper. You're safe, love. I've got you." I open my eyes and look around. What happened? How did I wind up curled into a tight ball and crying in the corner of the closet? I swallow back my sobs and ask Edward. "What happened?"

Edward pulls me tighter into his arms. "I don't know, baby. You were trying on clothes in the closet and the next thing I know I hear you crying. Do you not remember what happened?"

I try to sit up and the denim bites into my ass and it all comes crashing back again. I start sobbing out. "Get them off! Get them off! I can't wear them without my boxers! It feels like… it feels like… I don't like how it feels… get them the fuck off of me!"

Edward frantically tugs the jeans down and helps me out of them as he cries out, "Oh god, this is my fault! I'm sorry, baby. I didn't know. Why the fuck didn't I just give you the boxers when you asked for them? How can I be such an idiot?"

Edward gets the jeans off of me and slips my sleep pants back onto me. He sits down on the floor and pulls me into his lap and holds me, rocking me, rubbing my back, telling me he loves me and that I'm safe, and that he's sorry. I wrap my arms around Edward and bury my face in his neck as I tremble and try to calm myself back down.

Finally getting myself under control, I pull back and look Edward. His face crumples and he says, "Jasper, I'm so sorr…."

I shush him with my fingers over his mouth, shaking my head. "I didn't know either, Edward. It's not your fault. It's just one those things I'll either have to avoid or get used to. Don't be upset with yourself, please. It never even occurred to me that it would bother me or I would have insisted on the boxers. Please, don't blame yourself, beautiful."

Edward still looks guiltier than hell but he agrees to let it go. We both decide to forgo the fashion show and get ready for bed. My panic attack has left me feeling emotionally drained. Edward reminds me to take my medication and we brush our teeth and get into bed.

Edward tries to curl up around my back and spoon around me, but I turn around and pull his face in for slow sensual kiss. Deepening the kiss, I run my tongue into Edward's mouth, tasting his minty toothpaste when his tongue meets mine. I sigh. This is my idea of heaven. I wrap my arms around Edward's neck and pull his body around onto mine. I can feel how hard he is through our thin sleep pants as he begins a slow gentle rolling thrust against me. Meeting his thrusts halfway, I reach down and squeeze his ass.

Then, I groan in frustration when Edward stiffens up and rolls off of me. He rolls me back onto my side and spoons around me, holding me tight. I start to say something but Edward cuts me off. "No, baby, I love you and I want you, but I don't think it's a good idea to do that after the panic attack you just had."

I sigh in disappointment, knowing I probably won't get him to change his mind. But I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to be able to sleep with this fire burning deep inside of me. I close my eyes and concentrate on his hand as it traces up and down my arm and before I know it…

_**I look around confused, it's late afternoon and I'm standing in the middle of a clearing in a forest. The place looks so familiar but at the same time… something is missing. Isn't there supposed to be a house? I hear laughter behind me and turn to look. My Dad is chasing my Mom and a little boy around the clearing, tickling the boy and kissing Mom. I smile at how happy they look as they run and laugh together. I watch them play as the afternoon darkens to twilight and my Dad stops and takes my Mom's hand. He looks down at the boy and ruffles his hair and they both give him a hug before turning to walk away.**_

_**I watch as the boy starts to follow them and my Dad stops and turns him around and points to where I'm standing. Dad's eyes meet mine and he smiles as he pushes the boy toward me before turning and disappearing into the darkness. I want to cry when it finally hits me… they're really gone. I look at the scared little boy in front of me and wrap him in my arms as he cries at the loss of his parents… my parents. I look around the mysterious dark forest unsure what to do or where to go. I'm all alone, just me and the scared little boy. **_

"_**Jasper." I turn and look behind me to see Edward standing there with his hand reaching out toward me. Edward smiles and says, "Let me take care of you now, baby. I want to spend the rest of my life making you feel good." I look down wondering who will take care of the boy if I go with Edward. But the boy is gone and I have my arms wrapped around myself. I look up and reach out and take Edward's hand.**_

_**Edward pulls me to him and kisses me, long and hard. Making my body pulse and ache with need as the fire deep inside of me roars back into life. I groan as Edward runs his hands down my body and starts stroking my cock. Damn that feels good. When did we take off our clothes? I run my hands down and wrap it around Edward's cock, both our hands slowly slide up and down each other in matching tempos. Edward's hands feel so good caressing my naked flesh as the water runs down our bodies. Is it raining? Oh wait, when did we get into the shower? **_

_**I lean my head back as Edward sucks and bites across my neck and collarbone. His stubble, like sandpaper on my tender skin is the sweetest kind of torture. I moan and arch my back, rubbing against Edward's naked body. I gasp when his other hand moves down my back and his fingers start to firmly stroke and circle my entrance. **_

_**I groan and close my eyes as I'm overwhelmed by all the sensations. One of Edward's hands caressing, pumping, and stroking me, faster and faster as the other begins to press against me in a steady rhythm, I need to feel Edward inside me. I ache to feel Edward's body on mine, in mine. Soon I think, real soon but for now I want to taste Edward. I want him to taste me, that had been the best thing I'd ever felt in my life**__._

_**I take Edward in my mouth and I feel Edward's lips wrap around my own cock. I look around in shock. When did we get in bed? Then I groan. Damn, I didn't even know we could do this at the same time. I wrap my hand around Edward's cock as I suck him deep down my throat, pumping and sucking. Edward starts thrusting his cock into my mouth wild and frantic as I do the same to him… thrusting… pumping… stroking… sucking… Edward's fingers are pushing against my entrance, just a little more pressure and he'll be inside me. Heat building fast and I hear Edward whisper, "Cum with me baby." My back arches and I feel a searing heat consuming me as I cry out... **_

…I wake up with a groan as my body shakes and shudders from the aftershocks of the orgasm that had crashed through me. I look over to see Edward curled up with his back to me, snoring softly. My heart is pounding and my chest is heaving as I try and catch my breath. What the fuck just happened?

I wipe my face with a shaky hand, then lift the covers. Reaching down, I touch my sleep pants, confirming that, yep, they were wet. I'd actually had an orgasm in my sleep. Is that normal? I can feel my face heating up in embarrassment. What kind of a freak am I? My eyes start to burn and my throat closes up as I try to choke back my tears. Is there something wrong with me?

I'm upset and I want to wake up Edward and have him hold me, but I'm so humiliated over what happened that I don't wake him. I don't want Edward to know how big of a freak I am! So I curl up in a tight ball with my back to him and try to calm my shakes and sniff back the tears that keep leaking out no matter how hard I try to stop them.

Edward must have sensed my distress in his sleep because he rolls over and spoons around me as he whispers, "Are you ok, baby?"

Why the hell did he have to wake up! I just want to pretend none of this happened! I sniff and swallow back my tears, before I finally manage to choke out. "I don't want to talk about it."

Edward leans up on an elbow and rolls me over onto my back. He runs his hands through my hair and softly asks, "Did you have a nightmare, baby?"

I shake my head and sob out, "No, I had a good dream." I roll away with my back to Edward. I'm so fucking embarrassed.

Edward silently strokes his hand up and down my arm, probably trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me now. Finally he sighs and rolls me back toward him again. Then sounding totally confused, he asks. "Baby, why are you crying if you had a good dream?"

I hide my face in my hands. "Because it was a really good fucking dream, Edward. I thought it was real and I… I…. I don't want to fucking talk about it. Just go back to sleep."

Edward pulls my hand down and looks at me for a minute and then the asshole starts to laugh at me. "Baby, did you have a wet dream?"

I'm fucking humiliated as I admit. "I don't know what that means."

Edward laughs a little louder, saying. "Baby, it means you had a dream so good that you actually woke up having an orgasm. Is that what's wrong?"

I swallow and sob out, "Quit fucking laughing at me! I thought there was something wrong with me!"

Edward wraps me tight in his arms and whispers. "Shh, baby, I'm sorry. I forget how new all of this is for you. I'm sorry, I laughed. There's nothing wrong with you. These things happen, mostly to teenagers with raging hormones, but occasionally to adults as well. Don't be embarrassed."

Turning to Edward, I bury my head in his neck as he holds me close and rubs my back. We lay like that for a while before Edward laughs again and asks, "Did you dream about me?"

I jerk back and lean over him, growling out. "No, I dreamed about some asshole that likes to make fun of me and laugh at me just 'cause I don't know shit." Then I roll over with my back to him and curl up again. Fucking asshole!

I resist when Edward tries to turn me back toward him. But he says, "Baby, don't be like that. I wasn't laughing at you. I was laughing at me because it was eating me up wondering if your dream was about me. Have I mentioned I'm an insecure bastard?"

I burst out laughing and roll back around and nuzzle my way back into his neck and arms. I love my insecure asshole. Smiling, I whisper. "You might have mentioned it a time or two."

Edward tightens his arms around me and whispers, "I'm sorry I laughed, baby. Do you want to tell me about it?"

I slowly run my hands across Edward's back as I huskily whisper, "I dreamed about you and me, beautiful. We were kissing and touching and tasting each other at the same time."

Edward nuzzles his face in my neck and whispers, "Mmmm, sounds wonderful. Tell me more..."

I wrap my hand around the back of his neck and pull his face to mine for a deep kiss before whispering, "I'd rather show you."

And I do…

…and it's so much better than any fucking dream ever could be.

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**Thanks for reading! Hoped you liked it.**


	17. Chapter 17

**First off let me say, thanks for all the lovely reviews. I love reading them!**

**Just a reminder, anything and everything medical or psychological is mostly my imagination so don't expect a whole lot of accuracy.**

**Disclaimer: Ms. Meyers characters, my story...**

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**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 17**

**JPOV (Friday)**

I wake up at my usual 6:00 am but don't get out of bed. Yeah, yeah, I know I should get my ass up and do my stretches. But instead, I opt to lay there and watch Edward as he sleeps. He looks so peaceful and serene. I trace my fingers over the stubble on Edward's chin and he moans softly in his sleep. The sound goes straight to my cock. Damn, I can't get enough of him. Edward's awakened something inside of me and I ache for his touch all the fucking time.

I blush as I remember how I had actually been having an orgasm when I woke up last night. That had been so fucking embarrassing and of course Edward just had to laugh at me. He can be such an asshole sometimes! I'm glad he finds my ignorance so fucking amusing. Why the hell did the Doc not tell me about that shit… about… what did Edward call it... wet dreams? Or is that just more shit that everybody knows and expects you to know to… like… like… fucking skivvies and commando? How much shit did I miss out learning while I was out in the twilight zone? It gets so fucking frustrating sometimes, like hearing a joke that everybody gets but you only to find out you are the fucking joke.

Sighing, I run my fingers through Edward's hair. It's a tousled mess from our loving on each other in the middle of the night. I had told him of my dream about how we had been tasting each other at the same time. He had called it some fucking number, like I was supposed to know what it was already and then we had tried it out.

It had actually been a little bit awkward at first, all the angles were off. Instead of being under my tongue, all of Edward's sensitive spots that I like to lick and drive him crazy with had been under the roof of my mouth. But damn, I'd been able to take him fucking deep down my throat. Of course it had been harder than hell to pay attention to what I was doing with my mouth, when Edward's mouth had been working me into a fucking frenzy.

I love how Edward is always so gentle with me. Sometimes, he treats me like I'm as fragile as glass. But last night had been fucking hot! We had both actually gotten a little wild with our bucking and thrusting into each other's mouths. I didn't even get scared the few times Edward hit the back of my throat. As a matter of fact it was kind of exciting. And instead of looking up into Edward's eyes like I like to do, I'd had this amazing view of his balls and ass and thighs as his muscles worked his thrusting hips. It had been fucking amazing and such a turn on that it had been over way too fucking soon. I can't wait to try that again.

I think about waking Edward so I can love on him, but decide against it. He's been so thoughtful and great at taking care of me and I know he hasn't had a hell of a lot of sleep the past few days. Sighing, I decide I can survive without loving on Edward until he gets his sleep out. I hope he never gets tired of me wanting to love on him all the time.

Naturally, my stomach starts growling. I decide to get up and see if I can't scrounge up something to snack on until Edward gets up. I slip on my sleep pants that had somehow wound up being tossed halfway across the room last night, and then immediately take them back off. Yuck, they're stiff with dried crusties from my dream last night. Who knew sex was going to be so messy! I'm going to need to go and get more sleep pants at the rate I'm going. I toss them into the hamper and slip on some clean ones and head to the kitchen.

I open the door to the fridge and scan its contents, finally settling on pouring a glass of orange juice and grabbing an apple off the kitchen counter. I scarf down the apple and drink the OJ in a few swallows. I'm still hungry though and think again about waking Edward, but I kind of feel guilty about wanting him to get up and cook me breakfast. It feels like he does everything for me and I never do anything. Maybe today I could try and fix breakfast for him!

I go back and look in the fridge again, then close the door frowning. I close my eyes and concentrate on remembering if my mom ever taught me how to cook _anything_. Come on, Jasper, think past that fucking night. Surely she taught you how to cook something. Hmm, I kind of remember helping mom peel potatoes to fry up in a skillet and I think I might know how to make macaroni and cheese. Oh wait, cheese! I know how to make grilled cheese sandwiches! I remember! Mom used to let me fix them for me and Peter all the time. Sure it's been 7 or 8 years but surely I can still do that much. I can do this, I know I can! I'll make some fried potatoes and grilled cheeses! Edward's going to be so surprised when I bring him breakfast in bed!

With growing excitement, I start looking through Edward's cabinets and fridge, looking for potatoes, bread, cheese, butter and skillets. I pile everything on the counter with a grin then wash off the potatoes and turn to get a knife to peel them with. My grin slips off as my hand hovers over the knives. I swallow and look toward the bedroom to make sure Edward is still safely in bed before taking a breath and picking up a small knife.

I pick up a potato and turn it over and over in my trembling hands. Trying to remember how exactly I held a knife and potato to peel it. I finally figure it out and manage to get all six potatoes peeled in less than an hour. Sighing with relief, I grab a paper towel and wipe the sweat dripping off my face with shaking hands. Then I massage the hand that had been holding the knife. I'd had such a death grip on it and the muscles in my hand were cramping. I dig a bowl out of the cabinet and rinse off the potatoes again and toss them in it. Ok, now let's dice the fuckers.

Hmm, I think my mom always did this part. She was always afraid I'd cut myself. Breathing hard and concentrating on not slicing my hand in half, I start slicing the first potato. 45 minutes later, I grin triumphantly when I finish dicing my second potato. I grab another paper towel and wipe the sweat stinging my eyes and then wipe my sweat slicked hands. It only takes me 30 minutes to finish dicing the next two potatoes. I'm getting faster! I finally finish the other two and drop the knife into the sink with a shudder and a grin. I did it! I turn on the cold water and splash some onto my face. Whew, I'm going to need a shower. I'm fucking drenched in sweat. I grab a couple of more towels to dry off with.

I run some cool water over the diced potatoes and drain them. Then I put a skillet on the stove and try to figure out which knob goes to which burner. After figuring that out, I put a little cooking oil in the skillet and let it heat up before adding the potatoes. I add some salt and pepper, a spoonful of butter and then cover it with a lid to cook for a while. So far so good!

I pull out 4 slices of bread and put a couple of slices of cheese between each set. I put another skillet on the stove and turn the burner on to heat it up and then butter one side of each sandwich before placing them on the hot skillet. I keep turning the potatoes as I brown one side of my grilled cheeses. I butter the other side and flip them over and brown that side. I grab a couple of plates and put the sandwiches and potatoes on them. I did it! I fucking did it! I look at the clock, it's almost 9:00 a.m. It took me almost 3 fucking hours, but I did it.

I grab a couple of forks and the plates and turn around to take them into the bedroom to my beautiful man. Edward's standing there behind me with such a strange mixture of emotions on his face as he says, "You fixed breakfast for me?" Edward walks over and takes the plates out of my hands and sets them down on the counter before taking my face in his hands and kissing me. "That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you, love."

I sigh in disappointment and blink back my tears. I'd taken too fucking long. I'd really wanted to surprise Edward with breakfast in bed.

Edward looks concerned as he asks, "What's wrong baby?" I just shrug and look down, not wanting him to see my disappointment. Edward looks even more worried when he pulls my face back up to look in his eyes. "Jasper?"

I meet Edward's gaze and attempt to smile at him as I say, "It's nothing, beautiful. I had just wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed." Edward looks surprised and happy and then so guilty. Then he grins and turns and grabs the plates and hands them to me and takes off running into the bedroom and jumps on the bed.

Rolling my eyes, I shake my head with a grin and follow him to the bedroom where we have our breakfast in bed.

**EPOV**

I wake up to find myself alone in bed and I have to laugh at myself for feeling so disappointed that I wasn't waking up to find my insatiable Jasper ravishing my body. I love how Jasper wants to love on me all the time. He's awakened a passion in me that I didn't even know was there and I can't get enough of him. But, I've quickly become accustomed to Jasper being the instigator and pacesetter of all our sexual encounters. I want to make sure everything we do is what he wants, not just him wanting to do things to make me happy.

I loved how Jasper had attacked me and had showed me just how bad he had missed me and was glad to be home from shopping last night. Although, after my love had driven me crazy with his mouth and tongue, I think I might have startled him when I flipped us both on the bed. I had hated to see how unsure and nervous Jasper looked when I asked him if I could see if he tasted as delicious as he looked. Sometimes, Jasper seems so confident when he's loving on me that I can almost forget he's actually more nervous and unsure than I am. My sweet man has known so much pain and loneliness. I'm determined to make sure the rest of his life is full of happiness and pleasure.

I had wound up being a hell of a lot more nervous than I thought I would be when I went down on him. Of course, Jasper's unrestrained moans and movements had given me more confidence as I licked and sucked and nibbled my way down his sexy body. Jasper's natural taste and scent just drives me wild. I guess I was driving him wild too since I had to hold him down before I could even take his head and shaft into my mouth. I couldn't take him a fraction of the way down my throat that he does me, but he certainly wasn't complaining, so I guess I did good. Jasper makes it look easy to swallow with a cock in your mouth, but I found out pretty fucking quick that it's not nearly as easy as it looks. I had actually choked, before I figured out what the hell I was doing.

I ache for Jasper's touch, and hunger to attack him with my hands and mouth all the damn time. But I worry that I'll scare him if I take the initiative as many times as I'd like to. Although, he had seemed okay with it last night when I had went in to tell him the pizza was ready. Seeing my sexy man doing something so simple as being bent over and stuffing dirty clothes into a hamper, had sent my self-control into a tailspin and I'd had him pressed up against a wall attacking him before I even realized what I was doing. It had taken every ounce of will power I had to step back and lead him to the couch to eat. I could barely keep my hands off of him the whole time we were eating and he was telling me about his day of shopping with Alice.

I shake my head when I think of how I had reacted to seeing the name Jacob on Jasper's cell phone last night. My stomach had plummeted with fear that I was losing him already. Yes, I had been jealous too. I'm man enough to admit that. But mostly it had just been sheer terror that I already wasn't enough for him. I had felt guiltier than hell when I realized the guy who had left him voicemail was his physical therapist.

Jasper had told me the first day we met that he had an appointment with his therapist on Friday. When we had sat down and talked all afternoon here in my apartment the next day, Jasper had even made a comment about seeing his physical therapist _every_ Friday, although I don't remember Jasper ever telling me Jacob's name.

Regardless, I had no fucking business scrolling through Jasper's saved numbers or listening to his voice mail. I should have simply demonstrated how to do it and left it alone. But no, I had to go and show Jasper how much of an insecure ass I am and now he thinks I don't trust him. I don't know how to make Jasper understand that it's not so much about my not trusting him. It has more to do with my own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy.

I rub my eyes, feeling a slight headache. I don't know, maybe Jasper is right about me. Maybe I do have trust issues…

Maybe what Mike did to me messed my head up worse than I thought it did. I still can't understand how someone could tell me I was their best friend and that they loved me like Mike did, and then turn around and betray that trust like it was nothing. Had our whole friendship been an act for Mike? Some elaborate ruse to get me alone and use me or had Mike really believed I wanted him to do that? Surely if he had really cared about me like he had said he did, he would have stopped when I asked him to. Asked? Hell, I'd fucking begged the bastard to stop.

I probably should have started seeing a therapist years ago when I first started having those nightmares about Mike. I'm actually looking forward to going to see the Doc next week with Jasper. I'm not sure if psychiatrists have the same rule of not treating close family members as medical doctors or not. But, I understand his wanting to keep his personal feelings separate from his professional relationship with Jasper. If Jasper decides to change his relationship with the Doc and to start seeing a different therapist, I'm thinking about seeing the Doc on my own.

I know I only just met the Doc for a little bit the other day, but I really like him and feel like I can tell him anything and not be judged. I'd like a chance to tell the Doc about my nightmares, but I'm not too sure about Jasper being there with me when I do. Jasper has enough horrific memories to dwell on without hearing about my imagined ones. I just hope if the Doc starts dating Alice that that won't mean he won't want to see me as my therapist.

Speaking of dealing with horrific memories, my sweet innocent Jasper had had a panic attack in the closet and it was all my fault! What the hell was up with me not giving him his fucking boxers when he asked for them? Would it have killed me to get my ass up and get them for him? What is my problem? I should have realized Jasper wouldn't like the feel of denim rubbing on his bare skin. I'd read the fucking journal. I knew what he'd been through. Jasper said I shouldn't blame myself, and that he didn't even know he would have that kind of reaction but I should have known! Why hadn't I known?

I can't believe I laughed at Jasper for not knowing the term commando. Jasper's just so damn cute and adorable in not knowing terms that I take for granted. It just tickles me when I stumble on something new like that. I just love how innocent he is. But he's going to start thinking that I'm laughing at _him_, and get sick and tired of it…of me. Will I ever stop messing up with him? If I don't want him to go looking for someone to treat him better, then I sure as hell need to start acting a little more sensitive and caring for his needs and insecurities.

As if all that weren't bad enough, I had laughed at him last night when he woke up from his dream. I can't believe I laughed at my love after he had been crying! What kind of an insensitive ass am I? Of course Jasper had been scared after waking up from his dream the way he did. He was barely 13 when he had gone catatonic and he'd already told me his mind had kept his body from having erections all these years. Of course he didn't know what the fuck a wet dream was.

And then to top it all off, I had to lay there and worry about if his dream had been about me or not. Who the fuck else would Jasper be dreaming about? He had said it was good dream so obviously it wasn't about… that night. I'd had to laugh at my own stupid insecure ass. Unfortunately, Jasper had misunderstood and thought I was laughing at him again. I'd been quick to let him know the truth though, that I'd been laughing at my own stupid self. Thank goodness he believed me and even laughed at me too. And then he told me about wanting to show me what we did in his dream….

And damn that had been hotter than hell. I can't believe Jasper wanted to 69. It had been totally different than how I had went down on him earlier. The feeling of having his mouth wrapped around my cock as I took him into my own had been totally mind blowing! But the view of Jasper's ass as he worked his hips had set my insides burning with need. How the hell can you ache so bad to feel something you've never even felt before? I'm aching to feel his fingers, as well as a certain other body part thrusting in and out of me. I want it so bad I can hardly stand it.

I'd thought about stopping and telling Jasper that when he had been in the closet getting ready to model his new clothes, I had moved all our condoms and lube to the bedside drawers. But by that time, we were both getting frantic as we thrust into each other's mouths and then we were shooting down each other's throats moments later. Fuck me. I can't wait to try that again.

Where is my sweet Jasper anyway? I quietly get up and go look for him. I need some morning loving from my sexy man! I look in the bathroom first and then make my way through the living room to the kitchen. What I find in there simply floors me with astonishment. My sweet, sweet sexy man has his back to me, breathing hard as he moves around the kitchen. He has sweat running in rivulets down his body and his hair is matted and wet with sweat.

I shake my head at the astonishing mess he's made of the kitchen. There's potato peelings piled up on the counter, curling up and turning gray and black. There's wadded up paper towels laying around, a loaf of bread left open with crumbs strung around, an open package of cheese, and what looks like butter smeared across the counter top. The sink has water puddled on the floor in front of it and splashed over the counters. The stove top has oil and salt and pepper and bread crumbs and what looks like a few pieces of potatoes decorating it. And my sweet sexy Jasper is pouring what looks like half cooked fried potatoes swimming in oil onto a couple of plates along with a couple of half burnt grilled cheese sandwiches.

My eyes keep returning to the pile of potato peelings and my eyes start tearing up when I realize my love has faced one of his biggest fears to cook for me. He did all this… for me… because he loves me. Maybe, just maybe, if Jasper loves me this much my love will be enough for him. My eyes keep roaming over all the mess. It's the most beautiful sight I've ever seen.

Jasper looks like he's about to burst with excitement as he grabs the plates and turns around, and then he stops in shock when he sees me. I want to tell him so many things. Like how I know how hard it had been for him to do this for me. I want to tell him, I understand just how much he loves me and that I will always try to be what he needs because I love him more than anything.

I want to tell Jasper so many things but the only thing that comes out when I open my mouth is, "You cooked breakfast for me?" I walk over and take the plates out of Jasper's hands and set them down on the counter before taking his face in my hands and kissing him. "That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you, love."

And Jasper just deflates, looking so disappointed. What did I do wrong? He actually looks like he wants to cry!

Concerned, I ask. "What's wrong baby?" Jasper just shrugs and looks down, not meeting my eyes. Worried, I pull Jasper's face back up to look in his eyes. "Jasper?"

Jasper finally meets my gaze and attempts to smile at me as he says, "It's nothing, beautiful. I had just wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed."

Oh! Of course! Jasper wanted to surprise me! Damn, how sweet is that? Why the hell did I have to go and spoil his surprise? How can I fix this? I have to fix this!

I grin and turn and grab the plates I had set down. I carefully set them back in Jasper's hands, then turn and run into the bedroom and jump on the bed and wait for my love to bring me the most delicious wonderful breakfast I will ever eat in my life.

After we eat, I pull Jasper with me into the bathroom and turn the shower on to heat up. Pulling Jasper into my arms, I push his sweat dampened hair back and tenderly kiss his soft lips. His body is still damp from his case of nerves he'd had while cooking. I kiss down his sweat slicked stomach as I kneel down and tug his sleep pants off of him. Then I stand back up and take off my own before pulling Jasper with me under the water.

Jasper keeps his eyes down with an embarrassed smile on his face as I keep whispering to him how much I love him, how much I need him, how proud I am of him, how wonderful his breakfast was, how sexy he is, but mostly just how much I love him. I soak him down with the warm water and get his shampoo and wash his hair for him. I rinse that out and then get his soap and gently wash his body, taking care to wash every inch of him all the way down to his toes.

Taking my soap slicked hands, I start stroking Jasper as he clings to my neck, trembling and moaning. I had planned on this being all about my sweet love. But when Jasper runs his hand down and starts stroking me in the same rhythm that I'm stroking him, my resolve comes totally undone. So we cling to each other with an arm around each other's neck. Our other hands soon leave us both gasping as our bodies shake and the sounds of moans and whimpers fill the room.

I hope Jasper never gets tired of my wanting to love on him all the time.

**JPOV**

Edward had loved the breakfast I fixed for him! I thought the potatoes could have been cooked a little more and the bread on the sandwiches was a little too done but Edward had said it was the most delicious meal he'd ever eaten in his life. I had been both embarrassed and thrilled with the way Edward was carrying on about it. I was so proud that I had done something for him for a change.

And then Edward had pulled me with him to the shower. His hands had been so gentle and loving and tender as he washed all the sweat off of me before stroking me with his soapy hand. I was already shaky from my case of nerves in the kitchen and at first all I could do was cling to him and tremble. But I love it when we do stuff at the same time, so I had still clung to Edward with one arm around his neck and slid my other hand down and started stroking him.

Edward had latched his lips onto the juncture where my neck and shoulder meet and had sucked and bit on it, making me moan and whimper. It had felt wonderful to have his naked wet slick body against mine as our hands pumped and stroked each other faster and faster. We had held each other up as our bodies shook and shuddered from our orgasms. I don't know how I'm going to last through my PT session today. My whole body is already a trembling, shaking pile of goo.

"~~***~~"

I'm back in the closet again. I'm going to attempt to model a few of my outfits before I have to get around and go to my PT session with Jacob in a couple of hours. I have my boxers on this time but I'm glaring at the jeans I had tried on last night that are still lying on the floor. I hate the idea of that fucking monster having control of any part of my life.

Nervously licking my lips, I slip my boxers off and pick up the jeans. I can do this. Taking a deep breath, I pull the jeans on and scowl as I pull them up. I still don't like the feel of the denim on my bare ass but at least now that I know what to expect, I'm not freaking out over it although my stomach is doing queasy flip-flops.

For the first time, I really pay attention to the jeans I'm trying on. These are not the same pair I tried on at the store. They ride even lower on my hips than the others. Hell, any lower and the crack of my ass would be showing and I think they have more holes than material.

I button them up and do a few deep knee bends to loosen them up and the material conforms to and hugs my body. Ugh, I could never go… what did Edward call it?...commando, all the time. I don't like how it feels, not one fucking bit. Feels like… stop it, Jasper! Swallowing back my nausea, I pull on the snug fitting white tee and I'm relieved that it's the same one I had tried on at the store. At least Alice didn't switch out _everything_ when I wasn't looking.

I nervously run my hands over my clothes trying to smooth out any wrinkles and then I comb my fingers through my hair. I hope Edward likes what he sees. Biting my lip, I wonder if I should wear shoes. Alice had told me what shoes to wear with each outfit except this one. She had just given me one of those know-it-all smirks and changed the subject when I asked. I've suddenly got butterflies in my stomach.

I slowly open the closet door and poke my head out to see where Edward is. He's still in his sleep pants sitting on the foot of the bed and smiling with a too innocent smirk on his face that makes me wonder what the fuck he's been up to. I watch Edward's eyes as I nervously step out from behind the door.

Edward runs his eyes up and down my body and softly whispers, "Fuck me." He slowly gets up and walks over to me. He walks around me in a complete circle, trailing his hand over my chest and shoulders and back. Edward's looking me over like he's never seen me before. He comes back around in front of me and trails his hand and eyes down my chest, down my stomach to the hem of my shirt. Edward softly traces his fingers over my patch of exposed skin and his eyes darken with lust. His other hand wraps around the back of my neck and he pulls me into a kiss as he skims his fingers under the hem of my shirt and caresses my stomach. Edward kisses his way to my ear and whispers, "You are so fucking sexy in this, Jasper. I can't wait to get you out of it." And he starts pulling me towards the bed.

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**Thanks for reading y'all! Hope you continue to enjoy the story!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Wow, thanks for all the great reviews, everybody! Here's the second half of that last chapter. I meant to post it over the weekend but we've been having internet problems. The next chapter is about halfway finished so hopefully it won't take too long to finish.**

**As always, hope you guys and gals are still enjoying the story.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight characters belong to Ms. Meyers but the plot in mine.**

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_His other hand wraps around the back of my neck and he pulls me into a kiss as he skims his fingers under the hem of my shirt and caresses my stomach. He kisses his way to my ear and whispers, "You are so fucking sexy in this, Jasper. I can't wait to get you out of it." and he starts pulling me towards the bed._

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**GASPING FOR AIR **

**CHAPTER 18**

**EPOV (Friday continued…)**

I carefully listen in at the closet door as Jasper changes clothes, partly because I'm worried about Jasper having another panic attack while being in there alone, but mainly because I was thinking about cracking open the door and watching him. I have to admit the thought of watching my sexy Jasper putting clothes on, is as much of a turn on as the thought of stripping him naked when he's dressed. I wonder when I turned into such a pervert.

I hear Jasper walking closer to the door so I hurry back and sit on the edge of the bed, hoping I don't look as guilty as I feel for trying to spy on him. He looks nervous as hell as he slowly steps out of the closet. I run my eyes up and down his body and softly whisper, "Fuck me." Slowly getting up off the bed, I walk over to Jasper and trail my hand over his chest and shoulders and back as I walk in a circle around him.

I can't believe how hot and sexy my Jasper is in his new clothes. I love the way his jeans hang low on his hips and how they accent the curve of his ass, the strategically placed holes in the worn denim, the way his shirt hugs his torso showing his smooth muscles, and that fuck hot peek of skin between his shirt and jeans. Looking at my sexy man sets my blood boiling with desire.

Making my way back around in front of Jasper, I trail my hand and eyes down his chest, down his stomach to the hem of his shirt. I trace my fingers across the patch of exposed skin down there and moan with need. Slipping my fingers under the hem of his shirt, I caress his stomach as I wrap my other hand around the back of his neck. I pull his face to me so I can kiss him, running my tongue into his luscious mouth. Then, I kiss my way to his ear and whisper, "You are so fucking sexy in this, Jasper. I can't wait to get you out of it." Jasper looks so deliciously sexy. I just want to eat him up.

I pull my sexy as hell man to the foot of the bed and I can't keep my hands off of him as I devour Jasper's mouth with hungry kisses. My tongue licks, flicks, thrusts and twirls against Jasper's eager tongue as he moans and clings to me, his trembling fingers digging into my hips.

I start trailing kisses across Jasper's jaw line and down his throat. He leans his head back as I lick and suck and bite my way across his collarbone and down to his shoulders where my lips are stopped by his shirt. He whimpers as I run my hand higher up under his shirt, teasing and pinching his nipples as I keep sucking and biting all up and down his neck.

I move my other hand under Jasper's shirt running it over the scarred skin on his back. I stop kissing and biting his neck and straighten up to slip the shirt up his body and Jasper raises his arms allowing me to pull it off of him. He reaches for me trying to wrap his arms around my neck, but I grab his hands with a smirk on my face.

I place Jasper's hands on my head and lower myself to my knees in front of him and start kissing and sucking hard, right over the waist band of his jeans… marking him. Jasper's eyes roll up and his head drops back as he fists his hands into my hair, moaning. I unbutton his top button and move my lips to the new exposed skin, sucking and biting. I repeat the process with each button, leaving a new trail of marks from below Jasper's naval to just over his cock. My Jasper is whimpering and his legs are trembling harder as I ghost my fingertips across his huge cock that is trapped in his tight new jeans.

I look up and lock my eyes with Jasper's, as I tug his jeans down over his hips. I look down at his pants in surprise when it finally dawns on me that Jasper's not wearing his boxers. I look back up at him in shock before I understand his need to break all hold that monster still has on his life. I smile up at him trying to convey how proud I am of him and how much I love him. I turn him around and tell him to sit down on the edge of the bed. Then I help him pull off his jeans, tugging his tight pants legs down and off.

Jasper slides his body up into the middle of the bed as I push my sleep pants down and kick them off. I follow after my sexy man, meaning to taste every square inch of his skin.

**JPOV**

We had some fantastic morning loving after Edward got me out of my new clothes. I've decided that that number…which one did Edward say it was? 69, yeah…I've decided that 69 is now my most favorite number in the world. But damn, it sure does make my insides ache for more. I'd almost told Edward that I wanted to know what it would feel like to have his fingers teasing me on the inside instead of just on the outside, but I chickened out at the last second. I'm thinking soon though.

We spent so much time fooling around in bed that I didn't have time to model any more outfits for Edward. But he did ask me if I would mind very much wearing a different outfit than the first one I had modeled for him. Edward had grinned and told me we'd never make it out of the apartment today if I put it back on. So, I'd chosen a different outfit to wear… with boxers this time. But we still almost wound up right back in the bed again after Edward saw me in it. I hope I get that kind of reaction with all my new outfits!

I was beyond frustrated when Edward stopped kissing me and palming me through my clothes. But he said if we didn't leave right then we never would. So we forced ourselves apart and we were heading out the door when I stopped in shock and asked Edward where our bags of condoms and lube had disappeared to. Edward had turned bright red and told me he had put them up in the bedroom last night, when I was in the closet before I had that stupid panic attack. Damn, if I'd known that earlier, I might have actually worked up the nerve to have Edward's fingers inside me!

Just thinking about our stuff being in the bedroom makes me want to say, "Fuck physical therapy." and drag Edward's ass back to bed. Edward is blushing even redder and laughing as he physically pulls me out the apartment while I drag my feet trying to pull us back inside, whispering to him all the naughty things we could be doing to each other with our fingers and the lube.

Edward finally pulls me out of the apartment and manages to close the door behind me before he groans out, "Fuck it." He pins my body up against the door with his, frantically kissing me as his hands roam over my body. He slips one hand under my shirt and teases my nipples as he squeezes his other hand down the back of my pants and gropes my ass, pulling my hips in closer as he grinds against me. We're both panting and moaning and I'm trying to turn the door knob and drag us back inside but the damn door is locked.

We both stop in shock when we hear somebody cough behind Edward. Edward stiffens up and whispers, "Oh, shit!" He quickly tugs my clothes back in place before tugging on and smoothing down his own. Edward turns around with a deer-in-the-headlights look and a nervous smile on his face.

I peek around Edward's shoulder to see an old white haired couple standing in the hallway watching us. Edward turns a lovely shade of crimson before clearing his throat and saying, "Mr. and Mrs. Jones, good morning! How… how are you today? Umm, I'd like to introduce my… umm … my boyfriend, Jasper Whitlock. Jasper this is Mr. and Mrs. Jones, my next door neighbors."

Now it's my turn to blush as I stammer out, "P-p-pleased to m-m-meet you." Before edging further behind Edward and hiding my face in his back. I really hope they don't want me to shake hands.

I can feel the laser beam eyes of Mr. Jones as they settle on me before moving on to Edward. Then Mr. Jones chuckles and says, "Good morning, Edward. Good morning, Jasper. It's nice to meet you. We didn't mean to interrupt, feel free to continue. Come along dear."

They slowly make their way down the hall and Mrs. Jones leans in and whispers quite loudly. "Next time be more quiet dear, that was the hottest thing I've seen in years. I remember when you used to pin me up against the wall like that."

Mr. Jones looks down and kisses the top of Mrs. Jones' head and says, "Wait until we get inside dear and I'll show you hot, you little vixen." They unlock the next door down the hallway and go inside. Edward turns around and looks at me with wide eyes and we both break into nervous giggles as he grabs my hand and we rush to the elevator.

"~~***~~"

After stopping and getting some packing boxes, we go to my apartment. Edward helps me pack up all my sleep pants, sweat pants, tank tops, boxers, socks and my dad's old flannel shirt to take over to his apartment. We also box up most of my DVDs, leaving a few dozen so I'd have something to watch if I ever needed 'alone time' as Edward calls it.

Ugh, as if I'd ever want to go back to being alone. Then we decide to box up those groceries that Edward had bought the other day, I tell him there's no sense in leaving them here to spoil. I also pack up a few of my extra drawing tablets and pencils. Then we pack up all my old jeans, tees and black button up shirts to take to 'Goodwill'.

Edward asks if I'd like to have my drawing table and some of my other stuff moved to his apartment. I'd kind of like to have it with me but I really don't think he has room for it there. Even though his apartment is bigger than mine, there's not a whole lot of extra room for much of my stuff. I'm not even sure where he plans on storing the rest of my clothes that I'm bringing home.

After we get done packing my stuff up, we haul the boxes down to Edward's car and head out. He drops me off for my PT session with Jacob, saying he'll be back pretty quick so he can meet Jacob. Then, after kissing me most thoroughly, he leaves to take all my stuff to his place. Edward says he's going to grab the stuff he was getting rid of and then drop everything off at 'Goodwill' on the way back.

**EPOV**

I drop Jasper off for his PT session, telling him I'll be back soon. Then I leave and go back to my… no not mine… our apartment and haul all of his stuff upstairs. I decide to go through my dresser and try to make room for Jasper's clothes. I think we should go and look for an armoire, or something similar, so Jasper can have plenty of room for his clothes. I think the bedroom is big enough for another piece of furniture and Jasper would probably appreciate having his own space. I don't want him to feel like an extended guest. I want him to be comfortable here and feel like the apartment is as much his as mine.

After I get done putting Jasper's clothes up, I go into the kitchen and survey the beautiful mess that Jasper had made this morning. I can't keep the grin off my face as I clean it up. I can't believe my sweet sexy man did this for me. I was so touched that he had faced his fears just to do something for me.

At the same time I was worried sick about how many things that could have went wrong while Jasper had been in here by himself. What if he'd cut himself! I would never have forgiven myself if I had awakened to find Jasper passed out in the kitchen, or found him curled up crying in the corner scared and alone.

After I finish cleaning up, I look around the apartment trying to figure out some way to maybe rearrange things to make room for Jasper's drawing table. I really think he needs more of his personal stuff here but I'm not sure where we could put it. I guess I could get rid of something to make room for it. I look at the piano and then shake my head frowning. No, not that. It might take up a lot of space but I'd had the entire apartment soundproofed just so I could have it moved in here. Besides, Jasper really seems to enjoy my playing it for him.

I'd bring his drawing table into my office, but it's the smallest room in the apartment. Hmm, I could get rid of the futon in there. I'm pretty sure that from now on, my nights will be spent in the bed with Jasper. It might be nice to have Jasper in there with me while I'm working. I can just picture the two of us working in there, me writing while Jasper draws in his sketch pad as soft music floats around us. Then again, I wonder how much work I'd actually get done with him in there distracting me with his seductive, intoxicating presence.

Hmm, I could put the dining room furniture in storage and Jasper could use the dining room as his own personal space in the apartment. He seems to prefer cuddling up on the couch and eating at the coffee table anyway. That way he would have a whole room to call his own and do whatever he wanted to with it. I'll have to talk to Jasper about it and see what he thinks.

I store Jasper's DVDs in my movie shelves but there's barely enough room for all of them. I'll have to buy another shelf if we bring the rest of his movies over later. And there's that whole where are we going to find room for it issue again. I wonder what Jasper would think about us moving into a larger apartment or maybe even a house.

I wonder if he prefers living in the city or if he'd ever consider moving to the country. I kind of miss the peace and quiet that I enjoyed at my parent's house in Forks. I can just picture the two of us in a cabin in the middle of the woods. A quiet place that I can write without constant interruptions and Jasper can draw or watch his movies. We could take long hikes in the forest, we could go camping and have cook outs with the family and enjoy relaxing evenings curled up and listening to sounds of the forest …and maybe I just need to slow my ass down and make sure Jasper can put up with me before we think that far ahead. Get a grip Edward.

I go back and gather up the sacks of clothes that I'm getting rid of and open the door to the apartment. I look down where the bags of condoms and lube had been sitting for the past couple of days and I can feel myself blush again. Talking about insatiable, I can't believe Jasper had been ready to drag me back to bed for more loving. Not that I would have minded! We'd already loved on each other in the shower and the bed this morning. Mmmm, the things that man can do with his lips and tongue.

I lean my head on the door as I think about what he had been saying when we left earlier. Jasper's talk of lube and slicked up fingers teasing in and out of each other had almost been my undoing. Just thinking about it as we were leaving had made me attack him in the hallway.

I'd just about died when the neighbors caught us kissing. Kissing right, I'd had my hands under Jasper's clothes groping him like a horny teenager. But they hadn't even blinked an eye when I introduced him as my boyfriend. It was almost as if they had already known I was gay. I'm beginning to wonder if the whole world figured it out before I did.

I can't get the thought of my Jasper whispering the naughty things he wanted us to do to each other with our slicked up fingers out of my head. I can't believe how bad I want to feel his fingers moving in and out me. I'm dying to know what it all feels like. But at the same time, I worry about being too rough and hurting him or his hurting me. I kind of wish I'd paid more attention the other day when Emmett had been trying to give us his friend Ben's advice.

Biting my lip, I close the door and lean on it. It won't hurt to take a few extra minutes before I head back to my man. I pull my phone out and hit my speed dial. I can feel myself blushing even harder and I'm glad I'm here alone. Finally the other end picks up and I say, "Hey Emmett, I was wondering if you could give me Ben's number. I'd kind of like to talk to him if it's okay."

**JPOV**

After Edward had finally got back to the gym, he found me drenched in sweat and gasping for air. I think Jacob is trying to kill me not get my knee to swell up again. I growl in frustration when Jacob tells me to get my lazy ass up on the stair stepper. He's such a fucking asshole! I've been working my ass off for the past hour and I'm fucking tired! I'm already winded and my knee is beginning to stiffen up. I can tell I've really slacked off on my exercises and stretches this week. Unfortunately, Jacob can tell it too and he's been chewing on my ass for the past half hour about it.

That other fucking asshole who is supposed to be my boyfriend has been standing over by the wall and laughing at my out of breath ass for the last ten minutes. We'll just see who's laughing when I fall over dead from lack of oxygen.

Jacob had been a tad surprised when I told him that I had a boyfriend I wanted him to meet. He hadn't been in the least bit surprised that I was gay. He was just surprised that I had let my guard down enough to meet somebody and let them in. I guess I've known Jacob just about ever since I woke up and he knows all about my trust issues. When I first met him, Jacob was a physical therapist assistant working his way through college to become an actual physical therapist.

He was the first person I had been comfortable to be around. The day I met him he had actually begged me to help him out with a practical joke he was playing on a co-worker. I had been so surprised that I forgot to be scared of him.

Jacob had always pushed me in my physical therapy sessions telling me that I might fool everyone else but he knew I could do better, he was even worse after I burned myself. I was always so mad at everybody and everything all the time and he'd make me even madder, then he'd tell me to use that pent up frustration to work my leg. I actually have Jacob to thank for being able to walk now.

Jacob had finally got his PT license the year I left the hospital. But since the hospital had helped pay for his schooling, he had one more year of working part-time there to fulfill his contract. Jacob worked there three days a week on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays. He came to his brother-in-law Seth's gym on Thursdays and Fridays to work with a few of his old patients from the hospital.

On Saturdays and Sundays he and his wife, Leah, an RN, went to the Reservation to volunteer at the hospital for a few hours while their kids visited with their grandparents. They planned on moving back to the Res and working at the hospital full-time, after the terms of his contract with the hospital here were finally met. I know I'm really going to miss Jacob when he moves but I can understand his wanting to be closer to family.

I guess if I'd had a big brother, I would want him to be like Jacob. Jacob's always laughing and smiling and so easy going. It's always been easy to relax around him. He loves to play practical jokes and he relishes in giving me hell and teasing me about shit. It didn't take me too long to be comfortable enough with him to start giving him hell right back. Although it did freak me out the very first time he teased me about sex, but now we're always trying to one up each other. The asshole has done nothing but tease me mercilessly ever since he saw the hickeys on my neck.

Of course Edward and Jacob would have to hit it off and start conspiring against me right off the bat. I can't believe Jacob told Edward what exercises and stretches I'm supposed to be doing every morning. I have a feeling from the serious look in Edward's eye that my mornings of slacking off are over. I wonder if Edward learned that whole cross the arms and arch an eyebrow glare from Alice or if she learned it from him.

Jacob was really surprised and excited to find out that Edward's dad was the surgeon that had operated on my knee. He asked Edward if he could give his dad Jacob's number and have him give Jacob a call. He wanted to talk to Edward's dad about my knee. He was concerned that I still had problems with the occasional swelling after all this time. Edward told Jacob we were going to go visit this weekend and he'd ask his dad to look at it while we were there.

I was surprised to find out that the Reservation was so close to Forks. I was even more surprised that Jacob had never met Edward's dad when I found out they both do volunteer work at the Res hospital. Jacob said he moved to Seattle to go to college a couple of years before the Cullen's moved to Forks, and Edward says his dad must volunteer at the Res hospital on different days of the week than Jacob.

I finally get on the fucking stair stepper and immediately start whining at Jacob about the amount of tension he has it set for. My legs are already weak, shaking, and trembling but I don't know if it's from working out for the past hour or from loving on Edward so much this morning. Jacob tells me to get stepping before he plants his foot in my ass but tells me to stop at the first sign of pain in my knee. I grin and stop and Jacob gives me one of those 'looks'. I swear he can give a 'look' that can cut through you worse than the Doc… or Alice. Gritting my teeth, I start stepping again while chanting, over and over in my head… asshole…. asshole…. asshole.

Ugh, I hate using the fucking stair stepper. Whoever invented this torture machine should be shot. I've got sweat dripping off of me by the gallons as I concentrate on being careful how I use my knee. I can't help but notice Edward come up and start quietly talking to Jacob. I give Jacob the pitiful pleading puppy dog look while I whine at him again and ask how much longer I have to stay on this fucking torture machine. He has the nerve to laugh at my whiny ass and say it's only been two minutes! I think he's lying, it feels more like two hours… asshole…. asshole…. asshole.

I don't know whether to be elated or upset when I feel the first twinge of pain in my knee. Of course I'm upset that my knee still bothers me but I'm elated I get to stop and get off this fucking machine. I stop and Jacob is there in an instant helping me off and leading me over to sit on a bench while he rolls up the leg of my sweatpants. He gently starts poking and prodding all around my knee and up and down my leg while shaking his head and mumbling under his breath.

Jacob turns to Edward and says, "Tell your dad the swelling is in front and under the kneecap. It's not behind the knee where the surgery was. Jasper, I would schedule you for x-rays but I want to see what Edward's dad has to say about it first. I have a feeling you have something under the kneecap that keeps irritating the joint and causing it to swell."

I roll my eyes, fuck I could have told them that and skipped all this fucking exercise! I lie back on the bench with my hands behind my head and try to catch my breath. I hear Jacob clearing his throat and look over at him. Jacob grins and nods his head toward my stomach. I look down to where he's looking and see the row of bite marks disappearing under my sweats. I pull my shirt down with a grin and ask, "Want Edward to give Leah a few pointers, asshole?"

Jacob starts laughing and shaking his head saying, "I'll have you know my wife does just fine, kid. Now shut the fuck up or I'm going to have to go and bleach my brains to get rid of all these visuals trying to creep in."

I just laugh at Jacob's silly ass. Edward walks up to the end of the bench and leans over and brushes my sweat soaked hair off my face. He looks into my eyes and asks, "You okay baby?"

I melt when I see the love in them shining down on me. I give Edward a grin as I say, "Don't worry beautiful, I still got enough energy to give you some more loving."

Edward's face turns red and Jacob starts yelling, "Jasper, please! I do not want to know about your love life! Damn, I'm definitely going to need lots of bleach."

I grin at the both of them and say, "Ah, don't be jealous Jacob. You know I still love ya!"

Jacob bursts out laughing and says, "Edward can't you do something with this little cocksucker."

I snort out a laugh and say, "Trust me Jacob the cock I'm sucking ain't little."

Both their faces turn red and they both yell at me, "Jasper, shut the fuck up!"

I just burst out laughing at the both of them. Score one for me! I run my eyes over Edward and wink at him as I whisper, "I'll take care of your ass, later, beautiful." Making his face flush even redder as his eyes fill with lust and desire. Then I turn and flip off Jacob and ask if I can go shower now. Another week of torture down and out of the way!

"~~***~~"

After I get showered, Edward takes me out to eat at a small family owned Italian restaurant he likes, promising he'll let me take him to Momma's House sometime next week when we get back from Forks. I didn't care where we ate as long as it was soon. I'd worked up a hell of an appetite from my work out and I was famished.

Edward has his arm around my waist as our hostess takes us to our table. Good thing too, since my legs are still trembling from all my exertions today. I notice a few people staring at us like we're either freaks or the most disgusting creatures on the planet. I glance up at Edward to see him looking down at the floor with a hurt look on his face. Sighing, I tighten my grip on Edward's waist and he looks at me and his eyes soften up and fucking glows with love. Edward gently caresses my face and whispers, "I love you, baby."

I smile back and say, "I love you too, beautiful and that's the only thing that matters."

Edward grins from ear to ear and kisses my forehead before tightening his grip around me and holding his head high as we make our way to our booth. We slide in sitting side by side, our bodies flush up against each other.

We sit and enjoy a nice lunch together and talk about going to Forks for the weekend. Edward asks, "Baby, will you be okay with our not touching and holding each other when we first get there? Just long enough for me to talk to my parents and then introduce you properly as my boyfriend."

I tease Edward and tell him, "I managed to go almost all day yesterday out of your arms and I think I can survive for the time it will take for you to talk to your parents." Then I ask him, "Edward would you mind very much taking me to see my parents while we're there?" I sniff back my tears and my voice cracks as I say, "I've never had the nerve to go back to Forks since the night it all happened. The Doc and Charlotte have both offered to take me but I just couldn't do it. I've never been to see their graves, I'm a horrible son!"

Edward's arm slips around my waist and he pulls me even closer to him as he says, "That's not true, baby. The fact that you haven't been ready to face your parent's graves yet does not make you a horrible son. You've tortured yourself for years taking the blame for things that are not your fault. Your parents loved you and you loved them and that's all that matters. But if you think you're ready to go and visit them then I will be there right by your side, supporting you every step of the way, baby."

I wipe my eyes and say, "Thank you, Edward. Thank you for everything you've done for me. I really do love you."

Edward softly kisses my forehead and says, "I love you too, Jasper. Now, do you want to go back to the apartment or would you like to go out and do something this afternoon?"

I shrug and say, "I wouldn't know what to go do. Is there anything you want to do?"

Edward frowns and says, "I guess we could go back to the apartment and pack our bags for the weekend. That way we can just load up in the morning and go. Actually now that I think about it, I think we should swing back by the Mall and get you a couple of pieces of luggage, baby."

My stomach twists up at the thought of going into the Mall again but I manage to smile and say, "Sure sounds like fun, beautiful."

On the drive over to the Mall, Edward tells me about his idea of putting the dining room furniture in storage saying I could use the whole room as my own personal space. I chew on my lip and tell him I don't know if I like the idea or not. I think his apartment is lovely the way it is and I hate the idea of cluttering it up with my stuff. Then again, I wouldn't mind having my drawing table and supplies cabinet around. I think about suggesting we look for a larger place to live in together, but I hate the idea of asking Edward to give up his beautiful apartment just for me.

I also ask Edward if he plans on us doing any camping while we're in Forks this weekend and that Alice had thought we might. And then we get into a whole new discussion of whether Alice knew we were going to his parents on Saturday instead of Sunday. Edward tries to call her but she never answers her phone. Then Edward decides we should probably get some new sleeping bags and a new tent while we're shopping at the Mall. He said he doesn't want to have to go by the sporting goods store in Forks.

We get to the Mall and I look around in shock at all the cars. It looks packed, must be because it's Friday. I immediately start shaking. We get out of the car and Edward once again wraps his arm around my waist. He looks at me with concern when he feels me trembling, "Are you going to be okay, baby?"

I nod and manage to get out, "J-j-just stay close."

Edward tightens his grip and says, "I'm right here, love."

I have a bad moment when we first walk inside the doors as I'm overwhelm by all the sights and sounds of the crowds of people. Edward guides me to a quiet spot and talks to me in a calm quiet voice until I get myself under control. Sometimes, I really hate living in the city where there are so many scary people.

After I finally get calmed back down, Edward keeps me pulled in close to his side as we go the sporting goods store and get a few new camping supplies and then we go and find me a couple of suitcases for the weekend.

Rose calls Edward while we're shopping and asks him if he's heard from Alice today. Rose has been trying to call her for awhile but Alice isn't answering her phone. Edward tells Rose he had tried to call her earlier but that she never answered for him either. He promises to call Rose back if he hears anything from her. I half expect everybody to go rushing to Alice's apartment like they had mine the other day but Edward doesn't look too concerned and doesn't even mention it again.

After we get done at the Mall, we go back to the apartment and I ask Edward to help me figure out which outfits to take with me for the weekend. Keeping up with which clothes are supposed to be worn when you're doing different stuff just confuses the hell out of me. I never had to think about it when I always wore the same thing. I think I miss my black clothes.

Edward gets all freaked out and tells me I can wear anything I want, when I want, and that I shouldn't just wear stuff that I think he wants me to wear just to please him, and that he's not one of those guys that tells their boyfriends what they can wear and when. I guess I must have looked as confused as I felt because Edward starts laughing and apologizing for acting like an idiot again. I still don't know what he's going on about and ask him if he's going to help me out or not.

Edward finally helps me pick out something to wear on our trip down, so I'll look nice when I meet his parents. He also helps me pick out 3 or 4 more outfits to take as well as sleep pants, underwear and socks. I look at all the clothes we've got laid out and ask, "I thought we were only going to be there overnight. What do we need so many clothes for?"

Edward blushes and says, "Baby with my crazy family, you never know what you're going to wind up doing. I'm just trying to prepare for all contingencies. Besides I thought since neither one of us has to hurry back to a job, that we might stay an extra night or two. If you want to that is. Of course, we don't have to stay longer if you don't want to. I don't want you to think we have to just because I wanted to. I just thought if you did want to that we could..."

I shush him with my fingers and look at him like he's nuts and ask, "Edward why the fuck are you acting so weird?"

Edward sighs and asks, "Baby, does it feel like I'm telling you what to do all the time?"

Confused, I ask, "What the hell are you talking about, Edward?"

Edward starts that nervous habit of running his hand through his hair over and over as he says, "It's just…I asked you to wear a different outfit earlier. I picked out what restaurant to eat at without even asking you where you wanted to go. Now here I am in here picking out your clothes and changing our weekend plans without even thinking of discussing it with you first. I'm beginning to feel like I'm one of those controlling bossy boyfriends and I don't like it. I don't want to be _that_ guy."

I smile and shake my head as I say, "Trust me, Edward, you are not _that_ guy. You asked me if I would mind changing earlier, you didn't tell me to. And you know what? If I had put it back on you wouldn't have said a fucking thing about it. I asked you to help me pick out clothes. You didn't just come barging in here and tell me what to wear. As for what restaurant we eat at? I really could care less, food is food. But if it makes you feel better, we can take turns picking where we go when we eat out. And quite frankly, if your parents are okay with it, I'd love nothing more than to stay longer in the peace and quiet away from the fucking city. Darlin', this whole being together as a couple is new to both of us and we're both going to have to get used to it."

Edward sighs again and says, "Okay, you're right, baby. I just want us to do things together because we both want to do it not just you doing things that I want to do."

I shake my head again and say, "Edward, don't forget I pretty much quit living seven years ago. All I've done since then is fucking exist. I don't know what things people go out and do. So of course you're going to have more fucking ideas about what we can go out and do together. I can decide as we go if I enjoy those things and if I want to do them again or not. I think you're worrying about something that isn't even real. You have been so caring and sensitive to what I need, darlin'. I couldn't ask for a better fucking boyfriend."

Edward looks frustrated as he says, "Thank you baby, but I've got another thing I need to bring up and just bringing it up makes me feel like that controlling boyfriend that I don't want to be."

I'd laugh if Edward didn't look so serious and nervous. I settle for rolling my eyes and asking, "What?"

Edward looks deep in thought as he tries to find the words he wants to tell me and I realize that he's totally serious. I swallow nervously wondering what Edward has to say to me that could worry him so fucking bad.

Finally, with his hand grabbing a fistful of his hair, Edward starts talking. "My mom, I told you her first husband was incredibly abusive. But it wasn't just physical abuse, baby. He verbally abused her too, cussing her out all the time. She can't stand to hear curse words now, particularly the word 'fuck'. She hates it and does not allow it in the house at all. Trust me, when mom accepts you into the family like I know she's going to, it won't phase her a bit to haul you upstairs by the ear and wash your mouth out with soap. Personally, I don't care how you talk when it's just you and me, baby. But, I need you to really try and not cuss at my parent's house, especially this first weekend that you're meeting them. I really want my parents to love you as much as I do, baby."

I blush and look down. Fuck, I'd already told Edward I'd try and tone it down and yet here I am still saying fuck every other word. "I'm sorry, Edward. I really will try to watch what I fucking say."

Edward gives me a look and I roll my eyes and say, "Fuck. I said fuck again, didn't I?"

Edward shoots a glare at me and I slap my hand over my mouth. I lift my hand just long enough to say, "Sorry." Before covering my mouth back up.

Edward rolls his eyes at me and takes both my hands in his. "Baby, I don't think you even realize what you're saying half the time and I understand that. But I really need you to try hard, especially with the word 'fuck' in any shape or form, okay?" I nod my head but keep my mouth shut.

Edward sighs and looks at me worriedly while chewing on his lip. "Think of it like this, baby. Your saying fuck in front of my mom would be as bad as me calling you…" Edward looks away with a pained expression on his face and swallows a few times. "…as bad as me calling you…." Edward strokes my face with an almost scared look on his and he whispers so low I can barely hear him. "Baby, it would be as bad as me calling you… precious."

"~~***~~"

From a great distance I can hear heartbroken sobs and anguished pleas, "Jasper, I'm so sorry. Please wake up, baby. Please, come back to me. I'm so sorry, love. Please…" and it fades to back to black.


	19. Chapter 19

**First of all, I just want to say thanks for all the wonderful reviews and to everybody that has added this to their favorites. It is very flattering that everybody seems to like this so much.**

**Second, **** this chapter turned out really long and I almost split it up into two chapters but I really want the boys to get to Forks in the next chapter so...enjoy the super long chapter...lol. Seems like both boys wanted their POV told on a few details on this one. ;P**

**Usual disclaimer: Ms Meyer's characters my plot...**

* * *

_From a great distance I can hear heartbroken sobs and anguished pleas, "Jasper, I'm so sorry. Please wake up, baby. Please, come back to me. I'm so sorry, love. Please…" and it fades to back to black._

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 19**

**JPOV (Friday continued…)**

I become aware of a lullaby humming in my ear and a gentle rocking motion. I can feel strong arms holding me close and tender hands rubbing my back. I sigh in contentment, it feels so safe here. I feel warm lips placing butterfly soft kisses on my face and hear whispered words, "Jasper, I'm so sorry, please wake up. It's Edward, baby. You're safe. I've got you, love. Please wake up."

I slowly blink my eyes and see Edward's concerned face and red rimmed eyes hovering over me. Why has Edward been crying? What's going on? I look around confused as I mumble out, "Is it time to get up? Did I oversleep?"

Edward gently strokes my face as a single tear tracks down his. "Are you okay, baby? It's been almost an hour since you passed out. God, Jasper, I was so scared."

Sighing in frustration, I say. "I passed out? What happened? What did I do now?" God, I hate passing out, I always wake up feeling so fucking confused and disoriented and my fucking head hurts.

Edward's face crumples with pain as he whispers, "It was my fault. Please forgive me, baby. I said something I shouldn't have. I knew you'd be upset but I never expected… _that_ reaction. I'm so sorry, love. I promise I'll never say it again."

"What? You said something? I don't… I don't remember what… wait we were talking about… um, I can't remember but then I … I woke up and you were humming. Don't cry, beautiful. I'm okay. I'm sorry I passed out, but I'm okay now. Everything is fine. Please don't cry, Edward." I say as I gently wipe the tears now streaming down his face. What could he have…? "Oh wait, I think you said… you said..." My eyes fly open in shock. Oh hell no! Edward had fucking called me… I shout at him. "You fuck! How could you, you fucking asshole! Get the fuck off me!" I shove Edward away and jump up off the bed out of his arms as pure rage flows through my veins.

Edward rises to his knees on the bed reaching his hand out toward me whispering. "Jasper, please…"

Flinching away from Edward's touch, I shout. "No! Don't you ever fucking touch me again, you ass!" I turn and storm out of the bedroom slamming the door as hard as I can. I'm so fucking furious that I turn back and open it and slam it again for good measure. I can't believe him! How could he fucking call me that! I'm so mad I want to scream, so I open the door again and scream, "YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE!" And then I slam it again even harder. I feel like kicking the damn thing but I'm barefooted, so I settle for stomping my foot and growling.

I can hear Edward calling me as he climbs off the bed and rushes to the door, so I turn and run to the door of the apartment and fumble with the locks, trying to get out. Edward's opening the bedroom door at the same time I'm opening the apartment door. I turn and shout at him, "Just stay the fuck away from me! I don't ever want to fucking talk to you again!"

I barely have time to register the devastated look on Edward's face before I grab the door with both hands and slam it as hard as I can behind me. Still boiling with rage, I scream at the top of my lungs, "Fuck!"

**EPOV**

I am such an idiot, a grade 'A' number one idiot. Jasper's parting words are still ringing in my ears along with the sound of that slamming door. It had sounded so final and I knew… I've lost him. I can barely hear Jasper scream fuck, one more time through the thick door and soundproofed walls. I think about going after him and begging him for one more chance but I know it's useless. He'll never be able to forgive me for this… not this.

How could I have been so stupid as to say that damn word to Jasper! I had just wanted to get my point across in a way that he would know how serious the situation was. It had been a tossup between… that word and… whore. I guess I made the mistake of thinking whore was the uglier word. I knew Jasper wouldn't like hearing either one and I had expected a bad reaction. But I had only expected tears or possibly a panic attack that I hoped to talk him down from. I had even been prepared for Jasper to get mad at me… but I hadn't been even slightly prepared for what happened.

There had been no warning, I no sooner had the word out of my mouth and it was like someone flipped a switch. One second Jasper had been standing there talking to me, the next he'd been like a puppet with its strings cut. He just collapsed into a heap. I'd barely caught him before his head hit the floor.

I had gone into hysterics, begging and pleading with him to come back to me and he had almost awakened. He had started blinking and trying to focus his eyes, but then his eyes had rolled back up and he fainted again. I had picked Jasper up off the floor and put him on the bed, then crawled up and cradled his body in my arms as I kept repeating my love for him, that he was safe, and how damn sorry I was.

I knew Jasper was going to be distraught and upset when he woke up… but he had… he had flinched away from my touch. With the utterance of one word, I'd lost his trust… and his love. He has to feel like I've betrayed him and now he probably hates me. I've lost Jasper. I've lost my everything. Jasper's going to leave me now and really who could blame him? Sobbing, I fall to my knees, too weak and devastated to stand upright any longer.

**JPOV**

I'm standing there with my chest heaving as I fight back my tears. I think about slamming the apartment's door a few more times, just so Edward knows how enraged I still am. But I hear the door down the hall open. I look up and blush when I see Mr. Jones poke his head out and look down the hall at me in surprise. He turns back inside and says, "Lover's spat." and closes the door. I look down feeling embarrassed for making such a spectacle out of myself. My embarrassment makes my rage flip off like a switch, now I just feel stupid and childish for the way I was acting. I scuff my bare foot on the floor and pout. Now what the fuck am I supposed to do?

I don't want to go back inside yet, my rage may be gone but I still feel mad and hurt that Edward would call me… that. And, I'm really not familiar with the area Edward lives in. I haven't paid that much attention to directions when he's been driving me around. I'm afraid if I go for a walk, I'll get lost. Not that I particularly want to go walking barefooted anyway. Maybe I should call a cab and just go back to my apartment? I sniff and quickly wipe the tears off my face. I don't want to go back there either. I'd just be alone. I don't want to be alone… I want my Edward.

I pat my pockets anyway and realize I left my phone, wallet, and keys on Edward's dresser in the bedroom after we got home. I lean my back against the wall with my arms crossed and scowl at the floor. I don't know what to do. Frustrated, I make a fist and swing my arm around beside me hitting the door hard with the meaty part of my fist. Ouch! That fucking hurt! Rubbing my hand, I stick my tongue out at the door and mumble, "Stupid fucking door."

I slide down the wall and my ass hits the floor with a plop. I wrap my arms around my knees and rest my forehead on them. How could he fucking call me that? He has to know I hate that fucking word. It's the worst word in the world! Why did Edward do it? How could he do that to me? I thought he loved me.

Ugh, my fucking head hurts. I can't think straight. I wonder if Edward has any aspirin. No! What am I thinking? I'm not talking to that fucking asshole ever again. The thought of never talking to Edward again makes me feel like crying. Why did he have to go and… wait… hadn't Edward been trying to tell me something before he called me… that word? It doesn't fucking matter what he had been trying to tell me! He had called me that word even though he knew how hurt I would be. What kind of a fucking asshole would do something so cruel?

And why the fuck hasn't Edward come out to get me yet? Doesn't he know I need him? What the fuck am I saying! I don't need anybody. I've took care of myself just fine all by myself for the last two years. All by myself… I don't want to be by myself anymore! I want Edward! I thought he fucking loved me! Where the fuck is he? I just want him to hold me until I feel better. No! He's the fucking reason I'm upset in the first place! I don't care if I ever see Edward again! I stare at the door, willing it to open and for Edward to come out and get me. Why isn't he coming?

Why did Edward do it? Why is he being so mean… wait… hadn't he been talking about his mom? I rub my temples, trying to think past my headache. Yeah, he'd been talking about his mom being abused. That's right Edward was telling me how she hates cursing, how my saying fuck would be like… oh… fuck… Edward hadn't actually called me prec… ugh… that word. He had just been trying to explain to me that my saying fuck in front of his mom would hurt her and it would be as bad as _if_ Edward called me… that fucking word.

My eyes pop open and I sit up in shock. Oh fuck! I think I have seriously just fucked up. Edward had been watching over me while I was passed out and what do I do? I wake up and scream at him and call him a fucking asshole! Fucking hell, Edward had been scared and crying and I'd had a fucking temper tantrum like some spoiled little brat. Fuck! Edward's going to be so mad at me! I close my eyes and bounce my head off the wall, I am such an idiot. Ouch! I rub the back of my head as I turn and glare. Stupid fucking wall…

I need to go inside and apologize, right fucking now. I get up and go to our apartment door and pause feeling embarrassed for the way I've been acting. My parents taught me better manners than that. When the fuck am I going to grow up and started acting like a manly man? Taking a deep breath, I turn the knob.

Or should I say, I try to turn the knob. It's locked. Damn, did I not turn the lock on the knob far enough when I left or did Edward lock me out? My stomach is suddenly tied up in knots. What if Edward doesn't want me anymore? I knock on the door and wait but nothing happens. Oh wait, Edward has a doorbell. I remember Alice ringing it the other day. I look down and press the little lit up button and hold it in.

I can't hear anything for several seconds and then I hear the knob jiggling. Edward throws the door open, looking panicked. When he sees that it's me Edward looks down not meeting my eyes. His face looks cold and as hard as granite as he steps back to let me in. He doesn't talk or try to touch me. I squash down my growing panic and blink back my tears. Oh god, how mad is he?

I walk in and stop in the middle of the living room trying to figure how to fix this. I turn to look at him, trying to find the right words to apologize. But Edward's still looking down at the floor with a stony look on his face. He swallows and says in a gravelly hoarse voice, "Did you come back for your things? Do you want me to help you pack?"

I sway on my feet as the room starts spinning. Edward's kicking me out! He doesn't want me anymore. I've ruined it. I turn my back to him. I can't let him see me cry. I try to choke out the words but my throat has closed up. I try to swallow down the lump in the middle of my throat. I think it's half of my broken heart. I finally find my voice and it comes out in a harsh gasp, "I can do it. You've done enough." He's done everything for me! Edward drops onto the couch with his head in his hands and I head into the bedroom with my head hanging.

I walk to the bed where my new suitcases are still lying open with my new clothes inside. New clothes that went with my new life but I've lost that new life now. I've lost him! I'm being sent back to that half life that I've existed in since I got out of the hospital. I sit down on the bed. The bed where Edward has been making my body come alive in ways I never even knew were possible. I curl up on my side and try to stay quiet as I break down. I've lost my Edward.

Eventually, I hear Edward get up off the couch so I jump up and quickly wipe the tears off of my face. Slipping my shoes on, I grab my keys, wallet and new phone and put all of it in my pockets. I think about getting more of my stuff out of the closet but decide the 4 outfits in the suitcases will last me long enough to go and get more stuff later. God knows I can afford to buy more.

Edward comes into the bedroom and looks at me closing the suitcases and then looks back down at the floor and swallows again. He walks to the closet and looks inside then turns and softly asks, "What about the rest of your clothes, ba…? Umm, I'd be more than happy to bring them to you myself."

I just want to curl back up and cry but I manage to sob out, "You can burn all of it for all I fucking care!" Edward looks up at me in shock and I turn my back to him and wipe those traitorous tears off of my face. He walks up behind me and he's standing so close that I can feel his body heat. I want to just lean back into him but I stay rigid, trying to keep myself under control.

I can feel Edward's breath on the back of my neck. Why is he torturing me like this if he's kicking me out? Closing my eyes, I shudder as Edward whispers in my ear. "Jasper, I am so…so…" Edward sighs and straightens up and turns away and says, "I'm ready when you are."

He walks over and grabs both my suitcases and jerks them up off the bed and walks out of the room with them. Bowing my head, I follow after him into the living room. Edward stops and sets my luggage down, still not looking at me he softly says, "At least get your laptop and sketchpads, lo… umm, Jasper."

I grab my backpack, my laptop is still inside it, and start stuffing in my art supplies. After I get done, I chance a peek up at Edward but he's still not looking at me. He's just standing there waiting between my suitcases, unmoving as he stares at the floor. I pick up my backpack and Edward picks up the suitcases and walks to the apartment door and sets them back down to unlock the door again and opens it. Edward steps aside, waiting for me to pass, but I just stand there looking down.

My chest is heaving from my labored breathing. I can feel the tears building again hot and heavy behind my eyelids and the lump in my throat has gotten so big I can barely swallow. I've lost everything! Might as well toss out what little bit of pride I have too. I look up at Edward and beg, "Edward, please don't kick me out. I'm sorry I screamed at you and called you an asshole."

Edward looks horrified and starts saying, "Oh god no, no, no, no, no…" over and over again.

I start sobbing and drop to my knees as I keep begging, "Please, Edward, I love you. I need you in my life. Please let me stay! I'm so sorry!"

Edward rushes over, dropping to his knees. He wraps his arms around me still chanting, "…no, no, no, no…oh god, I'm such an idiot! I thought _you_ wanted to leave _me!_ You said you wanted me to stay away from you, to not touch you, to not talk to you anymore. I'm so sorry for everything, Jasper. Please forgive me, I love you so much, baby!"

I'm so relieved the room starts spinning, again. Edward pulls me close and rocks me as I sob into his shoulder while keeping a death grip on his shirt. I'm a trembling mess as I realize how close I had been to losing him. Edward rubs my back and strokes my face and places a constant stream of soft kisses all over my tear streaked face as tears run down his face and we both keep apologizing, over and over.

We stay there on the floor holding onto each other until our tears dry up. Edward pulls back and turns my face up to his and kisses me before saying, "Can you forgive me, Jasper? Forgive me for saying what I shouldn't have. Forgive me for making you pass out. Forgive me for doubting your love and thinking you wanted to leave me, please baby? Forgive me?"

I smile and kiss him back. I run my hand over his cheek and through his hair before saying, "I've already forgiven you, you fucking idiot." Edward smiles as we hold each other, one hand on the back of each other's neck and the other gently stroking each other's face, our foreheads touching. I sigh and say, "I'm so sorry Edward. I remembered everything wrong when I woke up. Can you forgive me for having such a temper tantrum, and cussing you out, and screaming at you, and storming out of here like an idiot?"

Edward smiles again and softly whispers my words back to me, "I've already forgiven you, you fucking idiot. My sweet sexy man, I love you so much."

Edward meets my lips with another kiss that starts off soft and slow as his lips move over mine. I respond with a quiet moan kissing him back. Edward's tongue tastes my lips and I open up allowing him access to mouth as my tongue meets his, tasting and probing. Both his hands move to my face cupping my cheeks as he deepens the kiss. I moan again and with one hand still on the back of his neck, the other snakes down his back and pulls his body up flush against my own.

I groan when Edward pulls back from the kiss. He looks into my eyes and says, "I love you. So. Damn. Much. Please don't scare me by leaving like that again, Jasper."

I caress Edward's face and say, "I'm sorry, Edward. I haven't felt anger like that since way back when I was in the hospital. I'm not used to having to deal with it. I love you so much, beautiful. I'm sorry I passed out and I'm sorry I remembered everything wrong when I first woke up."

Edward strokes my cheeks with his thumbs as he shakes his head and says, "Baby, you can't be held responsible for what is and isn't going to make you pass out. I'll have to be more careful about what I say to you, love. As for what you remember when you wake up from passing out. Please if possible, talk to me about it before you get so mad next time?"

I nod my head and smile and he smiles back as looks me in the eyes and says, "I've never seen you so angry, love. Remind me to stay on your good side from now on." I blush and Edward starts peppering my lips with chaste kisses. He snickers and says, "You're sexy as hell when you're mad, baby."

I push him away and laugh. Edward's such an ass, but god I love him. He pulls me in and wraps his arms around me and whispers. "I love you my sweet, sexy, innocent Jasper. Are you alright now? Did you get hurt when you passed out? It was so fast and I was barely able to keep you from hitting your head, love."

I nuzzle my face into Edward's neck and soak up the wondrous feeling of being wrapped in his arms again. With a contented sigh, I say. "Yeah, I'm alright, beautiful. I'm just really fucking exhausted from everything that has happened today and I have a killer headache. I usually get one when I black out like that."

Edward kisses my forehead again and asks, "Baby would like to lie down and take a nap? We're going to have a whole weekend of new and probably stressful stuff for you to get used to. You might want to rest up while you can."

I nod my head but then I ask, as I beg with my eyes. "Will you lie down with me? I don't want to be away from you right now."

Edward's face lights up with a smile and he says, "I'd love to, baby. I really don't want to be away from you right now, either."

Edward gets up and helps to pull me to my feet. Then he scoots my bags away from the front door and closes and locks it. He wraps his arm around my waist and guides me toward the bedroom as I yawn. I look at Edward and sigh as I say, "This relationship stuff sure is exhausting."

Edward kisses my forehead and says, "It sure is baby. It sure is." He gives me a couple of aspirin for my headache and we lie down and take a nap.

"~~***~~"

I feel much better when I wake up. Much, much better, so much better that I'm hard as a rock and aching to feel Edward's hands on my naked body. Of course, I have to get naked first. Luckily, we had changed into sleep pants before we lay down so all I have to do is push them down my waist and pull my feet out of them before pulling them out from under the covers and tossing them to the floor.

I look at my beautiful Edward. I can't believe how close I had been to losing him, all because we both thought the other didn't want to continue the relationship. Never again, I'll never give him another reason to doubt my love again. I snuggle my back up against him and he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me in closer. Edward's soft snores blow across my neck and I shiver from the goose bumps it causes.

I gently shift my hips and rub my bare ass up and down Edward's sleep pants covered cock. His hand tightens on my waist as he softly moans in his sleep. Grasping Edward's hand, I rub it across my stomach and lower down my waist. His fingers start tickling in the hair surrounding my cock and we both moan when he wraps his hand around my shaft. I reach down and curl my hand around Edward's and slowly start to move my hips back and forth, as I pump myself in his hand on a front stroke and grind my ass against his cock on a back stroke.

I groan when Edward's lips latch onto the back of my neck and he starts biting and sucking back there. Edward starts meeting my slow thrusts with his own and grinds his cock against my ass harder. Edward pants into my ear, "Fuck Jasper, do you feel how hard you make me? I can't get enough of your loving baby."

I moan out, "Edward take your fucking pants off. I need to see what this feels like with both of us naked."

With a groan, Edward stops his hips and pulls his pants off. Edward looks at me a second while chewing on his lip, and then he leans over and reaches in his bedside drawer. I stiffen up in shock when Edward grabs a bottle of lube and pulls it out. I nervously bite my lip and wonder what Edward's planning to do. Edward looks at me with an embarrassed smile as he pours a little bit out in his hand. Edward looks at it like he's not quite sure what to do with it before he hesitantly reaches down and grabs a hold of his own cock and starts stroking with his lubed up hand. Edward groans as his eyes roll up in his head.

I watch as Edward strokes his self and his breathing starts to pick up. Fuck me. That's the hottest fucking thing I've ever seen. I reach down and wrap my hand over Edward's and the feel of his hand in mine as we stroke his cock is almost enough to make me cum. Edward whispers my name, "Jasper. Oh my sweet Jasper. I love you so much, baby." I look into Edward's eyes and he smiles at me then whispers, "Turn back around like you were, love."

So I roll back onto my side but I stiffen up again when Edward gets a little more lube and starts to rub it up and down my crack, tickling and teasing my entrance before he pulls my hips in close to his. I nervously ask, "Edward, what…"

Edward kisses the back of my neck and whispers. "Not that baby. I promise. I just want to see how this feels. Relax and I'll do everything. Tell me if I scare you or if you want me to stop." Edward grabs a hold of my hips and starts moving his slicked up cock up and down the slicked up crack of my ass. I moan at the sensations and move my upper body forward so that the length of his cock slides up and down against my entrance better. Oh fuck that feels so fucking good. Edward takes his slick hand and starts stroking my cock as he moves his hips faster.

I pant and moan as he pumps me fast and hard with the strong hand he has tightly wrapped around my aching shaft. Oh god, the feel of his huge cock, sliding up and down between the cheeks of my ass, sliding against my entrance, it's about to make me...

Edward starts moaning, "Jasper, this feels so incredible, love. Just knowing how close I am to being inside you is enough to make me… Oh fuck, baby, I'm cumming!" The feel of Edward's hot cum shooting across my back makes my own orgasm rocket through me and we're both clutching onto each other as our bodies ride out the waves and our moans fill the air.

I lay there feeling euphoric and floaty as I try and catch my breath. Every single thing that Edward and I have done together has been incredible. Surely when we move on to the rest of it, it will be just as great. Edward places gentle kisses across my shoulders and asks, "Are you okay, love? I didn't scare you, did I?"

I smile and say, "That was incredible Edward. I didn't know just doing that would feel so good." Then I snicker and say, "Ugh, I'm a sticky mess. I'm covered from front to back with lube and cum."

The asshole wipes his cum covered hand on my arm and snickers out, "Better you than me."

I turn my head and look at Edward incredulously and say, "Oh no, you didn't!" and I push back against him and slide my sticky back all over his stomach and chest. Edward starts laughing and rakes his hand through the sticky stuff on my stomach and I duck when he tries to smear it on my face. We laugh as we wrestle around, wiping and swiping our sticky leftovers on each other.

Edward finally captures my hands and pins them to the bed over my head as he straddles my body. The amused expression on Edward's face slowly slips off and his eyes soften up as he whispers, "I love you so much, baby." Edward's lips attack mine, his tongue plunging into my mouth, his kisses are frantic and desperate with need and I kiss him back just desperately. I try to wrap my hands around Edward to pull him down onto me, but he keeps them pinned down to the bed. I try to free my arms but he trails kisses across my jaw line to my ear where he whispers, "Don't be afraid, love." before his kisses start trailing down my neck.

Frustrated, I moan and arch my back trying to get our bodies together. But Edward lifts up away from me as he chuckles and says, "What is it baby? Do you want something? After what we just did and you want more already? My sexy Jasper, you're so insatiable, love."

I whine out, "Please, Edward. I want to feel your body on mine. I need you, beautiful. I need you all the time. Please, touch me Edward. I want to feel your hands on me. Oh god, I want to feel your fingers inside me. Please Edward, please don't tease me."

Edward groans and attacks my lips again, as he lowers his body onto mine and thrusts his hips rubbing our cocks together as I moan with need. I whimper and writhe under him as he continues his rolling thrusts against me. He moves one of his legs in between mine and it changes how our cocks rub together. I moan at the new sensation and then Edward moves his other leg between mine and he knees my legs further apart.

I stiffen up at the unfamiliar feeling of having my legs spread wide apart with Edward's body between them. I feel so open and exposed. Whimpering, I shake and struggle against Edward. He peppers my face with soft kisses as he says, "Relax love. I promise I won't hurt you. You're okay baby. You know I won't do anything you don't want to do. Shh, you're okay, love."

I slow my struggles but I can't stop my shakes as Edward asks, "Baby are you okay?"

I swallow nervously and nod my head as I try to relax. I take a deep breath and let it out slow and say, "It might help if you let my hands go, beautiful."

Edward looks at me worriedly and says, "I will, love. I just need you to trust me and relax baby." I nod my head again and relax my body. Of course, I trust Edward. Even after our fucked up afternoon, I still trust him. I love him more than anything. He smiles and kisses me tenderly then releases my hands and strokes my face as he whispers. "I love you so much, Jasper. You are so sexy and beautiful. Are you okay now?"

I nod my head and Edward leans up on his knees and runs his fingertips up and down my thighs. He grins and says, "We are a nasty, sticky mess, aren't we?"

I laugh and say, "Yeah, I guess we did get carried away."

Edward's eyes darken with lust and he whispers, "I'm going to make us both even more sticky and nasty baby. I going to do those naughty things you were talking about earlier. Do you want to feel my fingers as they slide in and out of you? Do you?" I blush bright red but nod my head as I bite my lip and look up at him through my lashes. Edward groans and says, "You are so fucking sexy when you look at me like that, love."

He continues tracing his fingers up and down my thighs as I sigh and totally relax under his gentle touch. After I completely relax, Edward gently runs his hands under my knees and pulls my legs up and places my feet flat on the bed, causing me to stiffen up again. Edward starts his gentle rhythm of running his hands up and down my inner thigh, then running his fingertips up and over my balls and cock and then back down my thighs, repeating his movements over and over, until I relax again in this new position.

Staying on his knees Edward shifts closer to me and spreads his knees further apart, spreading my legs further apart in the process. I swallow nervously but I stay relaxed until Edward traces his fingers up to my knees and pushes on them spreading my legs even further apart. I tense up again and Edward starts his gentle caresses again. This time after grazing his fingers over my cock and back down, he continues down and strokes against my entrance.

There is no way I can relax now. Nope, I'm back to moaning and writhing as Edward's fingers move over me, making me ache. I close my eyes and concentrate on the feeling of Edward's hands on my body. His touch gets softer and softer barely ghosting over my skin causing me to ache for more. The tension in my insides slowly builds as I whimper and tremble until I finally cry out. "Please, Edward! I can't take it anymore! I need more."

I whimper with disappointment when Edward stops his hands and shifts his body, but then I gasp when I hear him flip open the bottle of lube. I open my eyes and look at Edward in both anticipation and fear as my heart starts pounding. Edward looks at the bottle then looks at me for a second, like he's trying to figure out just what the hell he's doing.

Biting his lip, Edward pours a bunch into his open hand then closes the lid and lays it down beside him. He swallows and looks at me and with a nervous smile says, "Just relax, baby. Um, if you want me to stop just tell me." Then he licks his lips and swallows again before splitting up the amount of lube in his hand with the other. Locking his eyes with mine, Edward reaches down and wraps his hand around my shaft and starts stroking me in long slow strokes.

I moan as my eyes roll up. Who would have thought using lube to do that would feel so much different than what we've been doing so far. It's so fucking slick as Edward keeps a firm grip on my shaft. He settles down between my legs, sitting on his heels as he keeps watch on what is hand is doing and keeping an eye on my face to make sure that I'm alright. He keeps making long slow strokes while he does this twisty thing at the head of my cock that is about to send me into orbit.

I moan and writhe under Edward's hands as he works my cock. Then I gasp and buck my hips when Edward starts stroking the slick fingers of his other hand around my entrance. I bite my lip and I lock my eyes with Edward's again. He keeps his eyes on mine as he starts a steady rhythm of pressing against my entrance, using a little more pressure each time he presses against me. Edward's rhythm matches his strokes and I slowly fall apart as I whimper and ache.

I gasp when Edward applies more pressure and I feel his finger slowly entering me. I tense up at the vaguely familiar and yet, oh so different feeling. I expect a gut wrenching tearing pain but other than feeling a little stretched it doesn't hurt at all. But Edward stops everything when I tense up and asks, "Are you okay, love? Do you want me to stop?"

I manage to gasp out, "No! Please don't stop, Edward. I need you to do this."

"Ok, baby, but you need to relax or I'll wind up hurting you."

I nod my head and concentrate on relaxing. Edward resumes slowly stroking my cock and the feeling of his hand moving lovingly on my shaft soon relaxes me again. I moan when Edward's other hand slowly starts pressing his finger into me again, moving just the tip in and out in a slow steady rhythm. I close my eyes again and concentrate on the feeling. I could fucking weep from happiness right now. My love, my Edward, is inside of me and it doesn't hurt and I'm not freaking out.

Moaning, I whisper. "More." Edward starts pushing his finger deeper into me, slowly sliding all the way in and out. I whimper from how incredible it feels. I had been so scared of this happening, expecting it to hurt. I had hoped the pain would be tolerable and I could find some way to please Edward. But this… this is far beyond anything I had ever hoped for. It was fucking incredible. I whimper out, "More. Please, Edward."

When Edward adds another finger and starts to push into me, my eyes pop open and I gasp out, "Slower, beautiful." I grab the sheets in my fists as I start whimpering and moaning. Still feels good but it's stretching me even more. I close my eyes again and try to concentrate more on the hand stroking my cock but I can feel every knuckle as he slides his fingers in and out of me. It feels fucking incredible as he lovingly touches places inside of me that had been brutalized years ago. And then Edward does… something… like nothing I have ever felt before, as he bends or pushes or… something… inside me and I cry out, "Oh fuck, yes!"

I look at Edward in surprise and he grins and asks, "Was that the spot?"

I ask him, "What the fuck was that?"

Edward's grin gets even bigger as he says, "After all your dirty talk on the way out this morning, I decided to call Emmett's friend Ben and I got a few pointers. Was that the spot that feels good?"

I nod my head and say, "I've never felt anything like it before. It felt really good, beautiful."

Looking excited Edward says, "Okay baby, hang on because I'm going to rock your world…. but tell me if scare you or if you want me to stop."

With a look of serious concentration on his face, Edward starts stroking my cock again as he starts sliding his fingers in and out of me, slowly speeding up both hands. And then he does that thing with his fingers again and starts hitting that spot almost every time his fingers slide inside me. It only takes a few seconds before I'm moaning and bucking against his hand, trying to drive his fingers in deeper as I shout, "Fuck! Faster. Fuck! Harder. Oh fuck, Edward whatever you do don't fucking stop! Fuck! Please, Edward, I need… I need more."

I cry out when he adds another finger. Fuck that one hurt but he keeps hitting that spot so it feels good too as I keep thrusting against his hand, harder and faster. I can't help but wonder how much more Edward will be stretching me and if there will be more even pain when it's his huge fucking cocking sliding into me instead of his fingers. And the thought of his cock inside me, sends me tumbling over the edge and I'm crying out again as I'm overwhelmed by the intense orgasm rocking my body. Edward slowly stops his hands and I collapse onto the bed. Holy fuck that was fucking amazing! I whimper when he slides his fingers out of me. I miss them already.

Edward leans over me and looks into my eyes with his eyes shining. He smiles and strokes my face and asks, "Are you okay, love? Did you like that? Did I do it alright? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

I look at Edward and pull him down on top of me as I kiss him long and hard before saying, "That was fucking amazing, Edward. You are so fucking wonderful in everything you do to me."

Edward grins and kisses me again, his tongue making slow sweeps into my mouth and dancing with mine. He pulls back and looks at me for a few seconds before he bites his lip and blushes. I caress his face and ask, "What is it, beautiful?"

Edward looks down and turns even redder as he looks up at me through his lashes, and fuck me if bashful Edward isn't the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen. He looks back up and says, "I'd love it if you could do that to me too, baby. I've been dying to know what it will feel like."

I grin and say, "I'd love to try, beautiful. You may have to talk me through it though. Let's roll over and switch places." Edward leans up on his knees and we both wrinkle our noses at the new sticky mess that squished between us when I pulled him on top of me to kiss. Ugh, we're definitely going to need a shower.

But first…I have a beautiful man to love on…

**EPOV**

I was so glad I had made that call to Ben today, even though I had been embarrassed as hell at the time. Before this week, I'd never admitted to myself that I was gay, so I was kind of clueless about what exactly it was that two men did together… well, other than the obvious of course.

I mean knew all about stroking myself so stroking Jasper had just been a natural extension of that. And I knew all about oral sex, since Bella and I had tried it in high school. Although I have to admit sucking Jasper's delicious, rock hard cock had been a hell of a lot better experience than trying to tongue Bella's icky drippy hole. Bleh, nasty shit.

And naturally, I knew _what_ was eventually going to go _where_; after all I did have basic anatomy in both high school and college. But Ben had explained more thoroughly about how to do it in such a way as to hopefully make it if not pain free at least less painful for each other as we're starting out. He'd even tried to explain how fucking awesome it was going to feel when we stroked each other's prostrate, or even better, hit it with our cocks when we get around to fucking. He finally had just said you'll have to experience it to understand.

Ben had emphasized again and again the importance of using tons of lube, especially after I had made it known that we were both inexperienced. He'd even suggested playing around with the lube just to get used to it after I had let it slip that neither of us had ever use it before, which is why Jasper and I are such an incredibly icky sticky mess right now.

So I had grabbed our first bottle of lube to try it out. I still can't believe how incredible it had felt for my slick cock to slide between Jasper's slick ass cheeks like that. Jasper must have enjoyed how it felt too, because he had surprised me by switching his position to where the length of my cock had slid across his entrance more. He and I had already discovered just how sensitive and good it felt to tease and stroke each other on the outside of our entrances. And I had high hopes that it was going to feel just as good on the inside when we got up the nerve to go there.

Afterward, it had been such a relief to laugh and wrestle around with each other in bed, especially after our earlier emotionally fucked up afternoon. I had managed to capture Jasper's hands and pin them to the bed over his head as I straddled his body.

We had just been laughing and teasing each other, but after I captured my sexy man I had been overwhelmed by all the love I felt for him as I thought of how close I had been to losing him today. I had whispered, "I love you so much, baby." And attack his lips with mine, as my tongue frantically plunged into his mouth and I kissed him with a desperate need. His lips had been just as desperate as he kissed me back.

He had struggled against me, trying to free his hands, after he realized I had them firmly pinned down to the bed. But I had been quick to trail a line of kisses across his jaw line to his ear where I could whisper, "Don't be afraid, love." trying to reassure Jasper that I would never harm him. Then I had proceeded to tease him with my lips and tongue and teeth as I kissed down his neck.

I was already getting hard again and we had just got done loving on each other. I guess Jasper was just as turned on too, since he started trying to get our bodies together by arching his back up toward me. Feeling playful again, I had lifted myself away and said, "What is it baby? Do you want something? After what we just did and you want more already? My sexy Jasper you're so insatiable, love."

Jasper had whined out, "Please, Edward. I want to feel your body on mine. I need you, beautiful. I need you all the time. Please, touch me Edward. I want to feel your hands on me. Oh god, I want to feel your fingers inside me. Please Edward, please don't tease me."

And that had been my undoing. I had groaned and attacked Jasper's lips again as he moaned and whimpered under me. Jasper had been writhing and whimpering as I rolled and thrust my hips, rubbing our cocks together. But he had tensed up and looked nervous and scared when I had switched positions to where I was between his legs. I realized then, that it was the first time we had been like this, his legs spread with my body between them. So I had quieted my aching need and proceeded to calm my sweet love.

I had taken my time, trying to keep Jasper relaxed as I slowly and carefully repositioned his body. I finally had Jasper lying with his feet flat on the bed and his legs spread wide in front of me. He had looked up at me with both lust and trust as he writhed and whimpered at my touch. Jasper was a beautiful sight to see as I kneeled between his open legs and gently teased his cock and entrance.

I had kept up my slow steady strokes on Jasper's cock and started to apply more pressure as I gently pressed into Jasper's entrance. When I had finally applied enough pressure that I had spread his tight muscle down there, the tip of my finger had slipped inside him. I had been both amazed and dismayed, although I think I had hidden my dismay well. Jasper had gasped and tensed up though, so I had stopped moving immediately.

Ben had stressed the importance of making sure I kept Jasper relaxed or I could cause him a lot of pain. I had asked Jasper if he was alright and if he wanted me to stop. Jasper had practically begged me to keep going. I had agreed but told him he needed to relax or I could hurt him. I had distracted Jasper by slowly stroking his cock until he relaxed again and then I had resumed my slow careful movements.

I wanted this to be good for Jasper. He deserves to feel good after all the pain he's had in his life. I had not fully comprehended the extent of that pain until my fingertip had slid over the scars inside him where he had been stitched up. Eventually, Jasper had whispered, "More." and I had slid my finger all the way in and out of his body. I had been dismayed over how deep his scars ran and yet I had marveled over the tightness of that ring of muscle and the intense heat coming from inside his body. I knew had to do this right and make him feel good.

Once again Jasper had whimpered out, "More. Please, Edward." Biting my lip and concentrating hard, I had kept my slow steady rhythm of stroking his cock as I slid my finger in and out, but that time as I slid out, I had add another finger to slide in with the other. Jasper had hissed out, "Slower, beautiful." and grabbed the sheets in his fists. I had chastised myself for going too fast and hurting him and slowed down my movements.

I had taken my time as I eased my two fingers all the way inside before sliding them almost all the way out and then back in again, all the while keeping slow steady strokes on Jasper's cock. I had kept doing this until Jasper relaxed. He had closed his eyes and looked like he was concentrating on the feeling of my fingers gliding in and out of him.

Trying to remember what I learned in basic anatomy, I curled my fingers as I slid them in and out of my sexy man and pushed against his prostate. Jasper had jumped and cried out, "Oh fuck, yes!" and then he looked at me in surprise.

I had grinned and asked, "Was that the spot?"

Jasper had just blinked and looked shocked as he asked, "What the fuck was that?"

My grin had gotten even bigger as I said, "After all your dirty talk on the way out this morning, I decided to call Emmett's friend Ben and I got a few pointers. Was that the spot that feels good?"

Jasper had nodded and said, "I've never felt anything like it before. It felt really good, beautiful."

I had been excited that I had found it on the first try and had said, "Okay baby, hang on because I'm going to rock your world…. but tell me if scare you and you want me to stop."

I had concentrated on trying to give Jasper as much pleasure as possible without hurting him and had slowly sped up both hands. One hand stroking his cock as the other fingers of the other slid in and out. I had curled my fingers trying to hit that same spot every time I slid my fingers inside him. It hadn't taken long for Jasper to start moaning and bucking his hips. He had driven my fingers into him even deeper as he thrust against my hand and shouted, "Fuck! Faster. Fuck! Harder. Oh fuck, Edward whatever you do don't fucking stop! Fuck! Please, Edward, I need… I need more."

I had added another finger and I thought I was hurting him because he had cried out, but Jasper had kept bucking and thrusting against my hand even harder and faster. I had watched the beautiful sight of my love as he rode out his orgasm. Jasper's body had started shaking and trembling and then he had tensed as his back had arched up off the bed. He had cried out with a rapturous look in his face as his cock started shooting streams of cum across his stomach.

I had been amazed when his ring of muscles had clamped tight around my fingers and I had wondered how that would feel clamped around my cock. I hoped to feel it someday if he's ever ready to do that. I had slowed my fingers sliding in and out of him until he had finally collapsed back onto the bed. Then I carefully and slowly slid my fingers out of him.

I had then leaned over Jasper and had looked into his eyes and smiled. I had stroked his face and asked, "Are you okay, love? Did you like that? Did I do it alright? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Jasper had pulled me down on top of him and kissed me long and hard before saying, "That was fucking amazing, Edward. You are so fucking wonderful in everything you do to me."

I couldn't help but feel proud that I had managed to make Jasper feel so much pleasure the very first time I had tried to do that, and I had kissed him with long slow languorous kisses as my tongue slow danced with his.

But now… now, I'm dying to know how it feels. I want Jasper to do _that_ to me but I'm not sure how to ask. I pull back from our kiss and look at him, wishing he'd just _ask_ me if I want him to do it to me. I bite my lip and blush.

Jasper caresses my face and asks, "What is it, beautiful?"

I look down feeling embarrassed. Do I just say please stick your fingers in my ass? I feel myself turning even redder and I peek at Jasper through my lashes and finally settle for saying, "I'd love it if you could do that to me too, baby. I've been dying to know what it will feel like."

Thankfully, Jasper grins and says. "I'd love to try, beautiful. You may have to talk me through it though. Let's roll over and switch places." Getting off of Jasper, I lean up on my knees and then wrinkle my nose at the new sticky mess that we had just squished between us. Ugh, we're definitely going to need a shower. For now though, I lean over the bed and grab my sleep pants and try to wipe most of the mess off of our bodies.

I lay down on the bed feeling both nervous as hell and terribly excited as I think about what my love is going to do to me. I don't know if I should start out flat on the bed or if I should just go ahead and get in the same position that I'd maneuvered Jasper into. I'm moving from one position to the other and trying to figure it out when I look up at Jasper. He's watching me and looking thoroughly amused as he kneels on the bed waiting for me to get settled.

I feel myself start blushing again and I hide my face in my hands feeling like an idiot. Jasper snickers at me and I feel even more stupid. Jasper pulls my hands down and says, "Fuck Edward. I've never seen you act bashful before. It's fucking sexy as hell, beautiful."

I blush even more when I hear myself giggle like a fucking girl. God, I'm so nervous, I'm giddy. I push on Jasper's shoulder and finally manage a real laugh as I say, "Shut the fuck up, Jasper. I'm just nervous."

Jasper lies down beside me and cups my face in his palm and he whispers, "Don't be nervous. I'll be just as careful as you were, beautiful." And then he leans over and kisses me and all my nervous energy disappears as I relax against him.

Jasper deepens the kiss and his tongue probes and explores my mouth hungrily. I groan and lean my head back as Jasper kisses and sucks across my jaw line and down my neck and across my collarbone. He sucks and bites me harder, marking me as his.

Jasper leans up and glances down my body with a curious look on his face. He looks back into my eyes and winks before bending over and licking across my stomach. Jasper leans back up and licks and smacks his lips and I have to snicker out a laugh when I realize he's trying to see how things taste after all the earlier mess. He grins at me and leans back down and starts licking and sucking across my chest, before biting and kissing his way down my stomach.

He kisses and bites his way down to my cock and licks it from base to head. I gasp and squirm as Jasper bites and sucks his way down my thighs. He rises back up and locks his eyes on mine as he grabs my legs and spreads them further apart before shifting his body between them. I bend my knees and plant the flat of my feet on the bed and spread my legs wide for him.

Jasper runs his eyes over my body and he whispers, "Look at you. Spread wide open for me, so fucking beautiful."

Jasper leans back in and I gasp when he takes a hold of my cock and sucks it into his mouth. His tongue curls around my shaft as his lips move up and down my length. I grab a fistful of his hair as he keeps bobbing his head up and down my cock.

I moan when Jasper stops and leans back up on his knees. He grins and grabs the bottle of lube and opens it. He looks at me and asks, "How much?"

I grin and say, "A lot… please."

Jasper pours a bunch into his hand and closes the lid and drops it onto the bed. He leans back down and takes me into his mouth again as he pumps me with one hand. Jasper's lubed up hand starts to stroke and tease around my entrance and I can feel the anticipation building as I wait for Jasper to start pushing into me.

Jasper stops everything and looks up at me and blushes as he asks, "Um, Edward?"

Trying to catch my breath I manage to gasp out, "What love?"

"Um, does it matter which finger I start with?"

Jasper frowns at me when I burst out laughing. I quickly stifle my laughter and say, "Whichever one is more comfortable for you, baby."

Jasper huffs at me, then he leans back down and takes me into his mouth again. Damn, he's driving me crazy with his mouth and tongue and the anticipation of what he's about to do! I close my eyes and concentrate on the feeling of his lips and tongue working up and down my shaft. I groan when his other hand slowly starts a rhythm of pressing against my entrance.

I groan again when he stops and shifts up and sits on his knees. He smiles at me looking a little nervous as he grabs the lube bottle again and gets a little more lube out. Then Jasper strokes my cock with one slick hand while pressing harder against my entrance with the other. I whimper as I feel myself start to stretch and his finger starts to slide into me. Jasper stops and whispers, "Relax, Edward. Just relax." I nod my head and take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

After I finally get more or less relaxed, I nod at Jasper again and he watches my face as he slowly moves his whole finger in and out of me, while his other hand resumes stroking my cock. I can't stop my whimpers and moans, it's a little painful but it kind of feels good too. Bracing myself, I gasp out. "More." Jasper slows his hand down and very slowly starts to push in the second finger with the first. I cry out, "Ah fuck!" and grab the sheets in my fists. How the fuck can anyone think this feels good?

Jasper stops his hand and starts whispering to me, "Relax Edward, you're too tense, that's why it hurts. Just relax darlin'. You're so fucking sexy, do you know that? So fucking beautiful and sexy and I love you more than anything, just relax. Concentrate on how I'm stroking your beautiful cock, darlin'. You're my beautiful sexy as fuck man. That's good, you're doing great, just relax."

I finally untense my muscles and relax as Jasper keeps a slow steady pace up and down my cock. I nod at him again and he resumes sliding his two fingers in and out my ass. Soon, I'm whimpering and moaning again only now it's not from pain. I'm aching and needing something more. I moan out, "Please, faster, love." Jasper speeds both his hands up and then he curls his fingers inside me and I jump and shout, "Fuck! Oh fuck, baby. Do that again, right there."

Jasper grins and starts stroking my cock and sliding in and out of me faster as he keeps hitting that fucking spot that is making me see stars each time he hits it with his fingers. I forget all about the pain I was feeling and start thrusting my hips trying to get his fingers inside me deeper as I cry out, "Oh fuck! Yes, Jasper, yes! Don't stop, love. Please don't stop! Please baby, harder, right there!" And then I'm hit with an intense orgasm that seems to last forever as Jasper keeps stroking and hitting that spot.

I finally collapse back onto the bed, my chest heaving as I gasp for air. Fucking hell, that had been intense. My entire body is trembling and tingling in such a wonderful way. I groan when Jasper slowly slides his fingers out of me. He leans over his side of the bed and grabs his sleep pants and wipes off my stomach and his hand before lying down beside me.

Jasper leans up on one arm and grins down at me and says, "I fucking love you. I didn't hurt you too bad, did I?"

I smile and shake my head as I say, "No you didn't hurt me love. It was a little painful at first but it felt great after that. Thank you for loving on me, baby."

Jasper grins and leans over and kisses me tenderly. He leans back up on his arm and blushes as he looks down at me and asks, "Edward?"

I cup his face in my hand and stroke his cheek with my thumb as I answer, "Yes, love? What is it?"

"Would you mind terribly?"

"Would I mind what, love?"

"Would you maybe want to do that to me again?"

"Fuck yes. Come here you insatiable sexy man."

**JPOV **

Later, after our fingers had touched and explored each other inside and out again, we jumped in the shower to get all of our loving stickiness off each other. We we're a yucky mess by then but my whole body felt tingly and satisfied in a way I've never felt before. It was fucking incredible. And while my ass was all kinds of sore, I have to admit I loved how the achy soreness made me want more from Edward.

After we washed off the aftermath of our loving, we we're both so weak and shaky that instead of cooking or going out for supper I talked Edward into heating up our leftover pizza. Then we had curled up on the couch and talked about the upcoming weekend.

Edward tells me a little more about his parent's house in Forks and more about his mom and dad. Then he drops the bomb and says, "Baby, I'm not sure if they'll let us sleep together while we're there." Seeing the distress on my face Edward quickly adds, "If they won't, there are a few decent hotels in town that we can stay in."

Frowning, I say, "I hate the thought of you not staying with your parents after driving all that way to visit, Edward."

Edward wraps his arms around me and tells me. "I love my parents, Jasper. But you are my life now and I don't want to sleep away from you. I need you like I need the air that I breathe. I can't live without you, love." I smile and snuggle closer into Edward's arms but decide if his parents won't let us sleep together that I'll just deal with it. I won't come between him and his family.

Edward describes some of his favorite places he wants to take me to see while we're there and asks what all I would like to do while we're there. He wants to know if I want to go see my parent's graves right away or if I want to wait until right before we head back to Seattle. He asks if I've ever been camping before and if I want to go. When Edward asks if I like to hike, I remind him that I didn't exactly have many outdoor opportunities growing up in Texas, since I had to avoid the bright sunlight that is a constant down there. I have to laugh at how hard Edward's trying to include me in planning our weekend. I finally tell him to just show me everything he wants to this time and next time I'll have more of an idea of what I want to do.

So after making a few tentative plans for the weekend we sit for a while longer, cuddled up and kissing and touching each other. Edward holds me tight and whispers sounding almost heartbroken. "I almost lost you because of my own stupidity. What would I have done without you?" I apologize again for my earlier blow up and Edward apologizes again for the mistake he made in saying that word that I can't stand. We both reassure each other of our love and need for each other as we place loving kisses on each other's faces and lips.

Then I promise Edward that I'll try my hardest to watch my language around his mom and to stay on my best manners. I ask him, "Does your mom have any other trigger words besides fuck?"

Edward looks at me confused and asks, "What's a trigger word, baby?"

So I try to explain. "Words that can cause a bad reaction, like the one you said earlier to me. I actually have a few more words I hate as well."

Edward looks startled and says, "Um, baby, maybe you should tell them to me so I can avoid saying them."

I nod my head and say, "Some aren't as bad as others and sometimes I even slip and say them, like when I said my eyes were burning like a bitch the other day. I have a feeling your mom and I might actually have a lot of the same words we hate hearing. I can just about bet her first husband said and called her a lot of the same things that those fucking monsters that attacked my mom said to her. And then there's the words that I was called that I hate as well. You know how the Doc and Jacob cuss a lot around me. But they never say the words I hate that will hurt me. Words like… bitch, son of a bitch, cunt, whore, and I also hate the word m-m-moth, ugh… m-f… I mean, I witnessed what they did to my mom so… yeah, I hate that word too. And of course top of the list is the word you said earlier."

Edward looks deep in thought and says, "I think you're right about those being the same words my mom hates. They should be easy to remember. I don't want to make you pass out like you did earlier, ever again, love."

I frown and say, "I'm really not sure why I even passed out, Edward. Women seem to love to use that fucking word and I've been called that by a nurse at the hospital before and all I did then was burst into hysterics. And then an old lady at the coffee shop just had to tell me how… that word… I was and all I did then was tremble and cry."

Edward wraps his arms around me and says, "Maybe it was just the shock of hearing it from someone who loves you and that you've put your trust into. Someone who should have fucking known better, love."

I frown at Edward and say, "Maybe… probably… But beautiful, I want you to quit beating yourself up over it. It happened and we worked our way through it. I just want to let it go now and be happy together, okay?"

"Alright, love, whatever you want."

We talk for a while longer and Edward tells me he's really getting more nervous about telling his parents about being gay. We discuss how Edward's going to go about telling them about him before he tells them about me. So with a general idea of what to expect, we decide to hit the bed early and set the alarm for really early, so we can miss a lot of traffic when we head out in the morning.

We're both exhausted from loving on each other so much today and from our earlier emotional turmoil. Plus I'm tired from my hour long work out. So we get ready for bed and Edward reminds me to take my medication.

We strip the bed and put fresh sheets down and then we both crawl in and Edward spoons around me. He's snoring seconds after we lay down but I'm still a little keyed up at the thought of returning to Forks for the first time in seven years. I really hope things go smooth this weekend with Edward's family. I snuggle back closer against him and with a contented sigh, I give up and slip into a dreamless sleep…

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**Okay, this obviously got super long and it's getting late so I may miss a few flubs again. Feel free to point them out and I'll correct them later. Next chapter should finally take place in Forks when the boys go for a visit! Thanks for reading. Thanks for reviewing. And i hope everybody is still happy with the story! **


	20. Chapter 20

_**First off, sorry this took forever and a day. The real world has been kind of hectic the last few weeks, not to mention I also had a migraine for almost a week and I can't even think straight let alone write when I got that going on. Plus, the trip to Forks (this chapter) and meeting the parents (next chapter) have been harder than hell to write! I've got about 4 different scenarios on meeting the parents started and hate all of them. Hopefully that chapter won't take as long as this one, but I want it to be right before I post it. So have patience please.**_

_**Plus I also have to admit to getting on HULU and watching all the UK version of Queer as Folk. Excellent show. Highly recommend it! I strongly suggest lots of cold showers though, whew!**_

_**Thanks to everybody for all the fantabulous reviews and to everybody who has added this to favorites. It really means a lot, and I wish I had time to sit down and reply to every single one of them. **_

_**Hope you guys still like this and aren't disappointed after waiting for 2 and a half weeks for this!**_

_**Usual disclaimer: Ms. Meyer's characters...my imagination**_

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_We're both exhausted, from loving on each other so much today, and from our earlier emotional turmoil, plus I'm tired from my hour long work out. So we get ready for bed and he reminds me to take my medication. We strip the bed and put fresh sheets down and then we both crawl in and he spoons around me. He's snoring seconds after we lay down but I'm still a little keyed up at the thought of returning to Forks for the first time in seven years. I really hope things go smooth this weekend with Edward's family. I snuggle back closer against Edward and with a contented sigh I give up and slip into a dreamless sleep…_

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**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 20**

**EPOV (Saturday)**

I wake up with the alarm blaring in my ear at 5:00 a.m. and it takes me a moment to remember why the hell I had set it for such an ungodly early hour. Then reality comes crashing in and my stomach seizes up and makes me feel queasy. Wiping a shaky hand across my eyes, I worry over what I'm going to tell my parents later today.

Will they be upset and disappointed or will they be more like my siblings and think it's about time I finally figured myself out? Really, I'm more worried about what my dad is going to think than I am my mom. Her capacity for unconditional love knows no bounds. My mom is one of the most open minded and understanding people I have ever known, but my dad? I just don't know.

Nervously running my hand through my hair, I keep remembering all of dad's talk of different people's lives taking different paths and how he would understand if my path was different. So maybe he already knows or suspects and has been waiting all these years, for me to come to terms with my own sexuality. Yeah, maybe.

But then, on the other hand, I also remember the night I had asked my dad if I could spend the weekend at Mike's while his parents were out of town. Dad's flat out refusal and his saying he was trying to understand but he wasn't going to stand by and watch me sleep around. I hadn't known then what dad was going on about, hadn't understood the undercurrent of anger and disappointment in his voice and in his eyes. Damn, how many times over the years have I seen that disappointed look in dad's eyes as he looks at me?

Was the reason we were never able to be close before because dad had suspected I was gay all along? We've never been as close as we've become since I told him that I'm not gay, or rather that I didn't plan to take this particular path that I'm on now. What will happen when I tell him things have changed? Will this drive a wedge between us?

I love my parents and treasure the closeness we've developed these past 5 or 6 years. I hope they can accept what I have finally accepted about myself. But even more than that I want them to accept Jasper, accept him as my love, my lover, and my life. I really hope things go well today.

With a sigh, I roll over to snuggle up against Jasper and immediately wince. Damn my ass is tender this morning. I had finally worked up the nerve to have three of Jasper's fingers inside me the second time Jasper had… um… well damn… saying, 'fucked my ass with his fingers' certainly does not sound very loving and romantic but I don't know what else you would call it. Although it had felt pretty damn loving and sensual and romantic as Jasper whispered words of love, desire and need in my ear while his fingers had slid in and out of me. Jasper had been so gentle and caring as he teased and worked my body into a frenzy of passion and ecstasy.

I'm not sure which had been more intense, the pain or the pleasure as that third finger slid into me. I just know my ass is aching in the most wonderful kind of way this morning and so are my insides where Jasper had massaged my prostate. And even though it's kind of sore right now, I want more. I want Jasper to do that to me again and again.

Ignoring the wonderful throbbing ache deep inside of me, I lean up over Jasper and pepper his face with soft, gentle kisses. Jasper moans and opens his eyes and blinks at me sleepily. I smile at him before placing another kiss on his lips and saying, "Good morning, love. Are you ready for our big day?"

Jasper groans and rolls away from me saying, "Too damn early. Wake me in an hour."

I laugh and roll Jasper back to me. I can't believe I'm more awake than he is for a change. I kiss Jasper again and say, "Time to get up sleepy head. The sooner we get around and get gone, the sooner we can get there and get the hard stuff over with."

Jasper opens one eye and glares at me before saying, "You go ahead. I'll see you when you get back."

Laughing again I say, "Nope, not going to happen, baby. Either we both go or we both stay."

Jasper huffs at me and peeks at the clock and mumbles, "Just let me sleep 30 more minutes or better yet an hour and I'll be ready and rarin' to go. Promise."

I whisper into Jasper's ear, "Okay, baby, you go ahead and sleep some more. I'm going to go take off all of my clothes and then I'm going to take a hot shower. I'll be in the bathroom standing naked under the running water. I'll wake you when I get out."

"Mmmhmm, 'kay." Jasper mumbles and rolls away.

Grinning at my sleepy headed love, I get up and slip out of my sleep pants and toss them in the hamper before heading into the bathroom. I'm going to have a shitload of laundry to do when we get back. I turn on the water and let it heat up before stepping under the spray. I stand with my eyes closed and enjoy the feeling of the hot water running over me. I grin again when I hear the shower door open. I didn't think my insatiable Jasper would be able to resist getting naked with me in the shower for very long.

I turn to pull Jasper under the spray with me but stop when I see him. He looks as scared, nervous, and insecure as I feel. I pull Jasper close and wrap my arms around him. He buries his face in my neck and I stroke the back of his head and hold him to me as I whisper reassuring words to him. Eventually, Jasper pulls his head up and looks at me. He cups my face in his hands and whispers, "I love you." as he pulls my face down to his for a long slow kiss.

Our long slow kiss deepens to a more passionate and needy kiss as our hands start exploring and touching each other. I lightly trace my hands over Jasper's body. I'm not sure how many opportunities we'll have to love on each other if we stay at my parent's house and I want to memorize every curve and valley of his body.

With tender caresses, we touch and stroke each other. Our loving is slow and gentle as we hold each other close. Like the night we met, I slowly kiss and lick and suck down Jasper's neck and across his chest, shoulders and arms, as I taste and worship every scar on the front of my love's body. I keep whispering how much I need and love and want him as his soft moans fill the air.

Jasper's body starts trembling and he's making the most amazing sounding whines and whimpers as my hand slowly picks up speed as I stroke him. Moments later he cries out, "Edward!" as he clings to me with his body shuddering.

Then I moan as Jasper's lips and tongue attack mine, he kisses and sucks on my lips and tongue and then down my jaw line and neck as his hand starts to stroke me. I can't stop my own whimpers as Jasper's hand speeds up and I feel that burning fire that my love has kindle inside me explode through my body as I moan and cry out, "Jasper, baby…I'm going to…oh, Jasper!" Afterward, Jasper wraps his arms around my waist and holds my trembling body close to him.

When I finally catch my breath, I encircle Jasper in my arms and kiss him again and hold him to me. I keep whispering to him how much I love and need him, until both our heartbeats slow down and our breathing evens out. Then with a quiet sigh and another soft kiss, I step back and caress his cheek and say, "I love you Jasper." I turn and grab his body wash and gently wash and rinse his body and hair before doing the same to myself, all the while placing soft gentle kisses on Jasper's lips and body.

Afterward, we towel each other off as our hands keep exploring, and our lips and tongues keep tasting and kissing. We finally manage to get dressed and my stomach starts doing flip-flops as I look in the mirror and realize we both need to make a few minor clothing changes. It had never even occurred to me that my parents would be seeing all our hickeys and bite marks! With shaking hands and a queasy stomach, I try on different shirts until I finally find one that will cover most of my bite marks.

Jasper curiously watches me as I change and then looks at his self in the mirror for a minute, tilting his head back and forth as he looks at his neck. Jasper turns to me and quietly asks if I'll help him find something to wear to hide his marks as well. I point out several different shirts that should cover everything up and Jasper picks one to wear. Then, I remind Jasper to grab his medication and put it in his backpack. While he's doing that, I pack up all of his shower supplies to take with us. I take my bags to the front door and set them down beside Jasper's bags that are still sitting there from yesterday.

Seeing all our bags by the door reminds me of our misunderstanding yesterday. I'm such a nervous wreck already about coming out to my parents, that it's the last straw for my nerves. I start shaking and cover my face with my hands as I break down crying. My sweet Jasper wraps me in his arms and comforts me and tries to reassure me as much as he can that things will go well.

After several minutes of Jasper trying to reassure me, I finally get myself in hand. I take a deep breath and let it out slow before grabbing three of the bags and picking them up. Jasper picks up the other bag and his backpack and we let ourselves out and lock the door behind us. We haul all of our bags down to the car and pile everything but Jasper's backpack into the trunk.

Jasper puts his backpack into the back seat and closes the door and rests his forehead on the roof of the car. Worried, I look over at him and call out, "Jasper?" He looks up at me and he looks absolutely terrified. I go around the car and pull Jasper into my arms for another hug and kiss and he starts crying as he asks me, "If your parents don't like me, will you still want to be with me?" I hold Jasper close and promise I will love him no matter what happens with my parents this weekend.

I finally get Jasper calmed back down and I drive us to the coffee shop where we first met. We go in and get a couple of extra large coffees, a couple of bottled waters, and a dozen muffins to nibble on during our trip and then we head out for Forks.

**JPOV**

Sighing with a combination of boredom, frustration and nervous energy, I anxiously ask Edward. "How much longer before we get there?"

Edward just shakes his head and says, "Jasper, baby, I told you it can take anywhere from 3 ½ to 4 ½ hours to get there. It just depends on how heavy the traffic we run into gets and on how many more breaks we take."

I groan and shift in my seat, my ass is uncomfortable as hell from our loving last night. And now, despite all the breaks we've took for me to stretch my legs, it's starting to go numb from sitting so long. We've only been driving for a little over 2 hours and I was already sick of it. The novelty of driving at highway speeds and looking at all the new breathtakingly beautiful scenery flashing by had finally worn off.

It's been 7 years since my last road trip, and I'd forgotten how much I hate travelling long distances in a car. With a shudder, I realize I'd been so worried about meeting Edward's parents that I hadn't given it much thought that I'm heading to the same destination as that last fateful trip. I just hope this trip ends with better results than that one did.

Edward just laughs at me when I groan. I'm glad he's relaxed a little bit and can laugh at my impatient ass. When we had been getting dressed and putting our bags in the car at the crack of dawn this morning, we had both been tensed up and anxious about our impending trip. I knew Edward was worried about coming out to his parents. He'd even broken down crying at one point while worrying over it and I'd held him and tried to comfort him.

My stomach had been twisted in knots all morning as I kept worrying about slipping up and saying fuck in front of Edward's mom. I had promised Edward I would do my best to not cuss all weekend and so far I'm doing okay. I'm also about to worry myself sick about what his parents are going to think of me. I really hope they like me at least a little bit. I'm terrified if they hate me that Edward won't want to be with me anymore. I'd almost had a panic attack after consoling Edward and he'd had to hold me and calm me down while reassuring me over and over that he would still love me no matter what happened this weekend. To say we were both an insecure mess this morning would be an understatement.

Edward glances at me and says, "Why don't you lay your seat back and take a little nap? It'll help the time go by faster. We'll be in Port Angeles in about half an hour and we can stop and stretch our legs and eat a little bit. I'll wake you when we get there, love."

Groaning again, I flip the lever to lay my seat back and Edward puts on some soft music to help me relax. Sighing, I close my eyes and try to get comfortable. The soft music and the sounds of the highway soon relax me and make me feel sleepy but I never quite go completely asleep.

I shift my ass around trying to find a way to sit that isn't uncomfortable. I'm beginning to think we should have waited until we got back from our trip to do what we did last night. Although, I have to admit the constant throbbing ache down there keeps me reminded of just how fucking awesome it had felt to have Edward love on me with his fingers.

When Edward had awakened me this morning, way too early by the way, I had been dreaming about it and had even thought about doing it again. But then I had moved and realized how tender and sore my ass was, even my legs and stomach muscles are sore from being spread so wide and from thrusting so hard against Edward's hand. Every time I move, I find a new ache to remind me of our loving last night. It makes me want to feel Edward's fingers loving me on the inside like that, again and again.

I can't believe how hot and tight _his_ ass had felt when I had loved on him, sliding my fingers in and out of him. I really hadn't known what to expect the first time I slipped my fingers inside him. It had been incredible to feel that tight ring of muscles cinching up around my fingers when Edward tensed up. And then after that super tightness, Edward had felt smooth and hot as fire on the inside.

I have to admit to being terribly curious. If it's that damn tight on my fingers, what the hell is it going to feel like wrapped around my cock? I just about get hard every time I think about it. Fuck, I know the Doc said my body would be trying to make up for lost time but is it normal to want to love on Edward all the fucking time? I want and ache for him constantly. I can't seem to get enough of his loving.

Edward had been perfect in the way he loved on me when we were in the shower this morning. I had been so nervous and insecure as I thought about our upcoming trip but he had been so gentle as he kissed and touched and loved on me with his hands. Edward had kissed all my scars on my chest and arms again and it had been pure torture to have his stubble rubbing over my sensitive skin.

I shift in my seat again and finally roll up on one hip, facing Edward. I open my eyes and watch him. Edward looks tensed up again with a white knuckled grip on the steering wheel. I reach up and stroke his arm and he relaxes and glances over at me with a loving smile as he says, "I'm okay, baby. I'm just a little nervous. Are you doing alright? Do you want me to stop and let you stretch your legs again?"

I shake my head and say, "No, let's wait until we get to Port Angeles. I just want to get there." I listen to the music and watch Edward for a while. With a sigh I ask him, "Do you ever wonder how different our lives would have been if that night hadn't happened? Do you think we would have been together sooner? Or would we even be together like this today?"

Edward glances at me again and then looks deep in thought for a while. Finally he frowns and says, "I don't know baby. I mean, yeah, I know we would have met. After all, your family did move right across the highway from where our driveway starts. But you were barely 13 and I was turning 16, so I'm not sure how often our paths would have crossed back then. With that kind of age difference, I doubt we would have been hanging out with the same people. And even if I had figured out way back then that yes, I actually was gay. I was graduating and leaving for college by the time you would have been old enough for me to even notice. So maybe, we wouldn't have been together back then, but I think we were fated to be together now. I truly believe that if night hadn't happened, we would have eventually got together in some other way."

I reach over and barely touch Edward's cheek as I say, "I hate the affect that night had on you. If I hadn't been hurt so bad, your dad wouldn't have left that weekend and you two wouldn't have fought. You wouldn't have turned to Mike and he wouldn't have hurt you like he did."

Edward sighs and says, "Jasper, if it hadn't been that emergency to call my dad out, it would have been a different one. And I probably would have been just as upset and Mike would have still been waiting in the wings looking for some vulnerable sap like me to take advantage of." We're both quiet for a while and then Edward glances at me again and asks, "Do you think your parents would have approved of us? Would they have been okay with your being gay? Would they have liked me?"

I chew on my lip and think about it before saying, "I really have no idea, Edward. Hell, I didn't even know what sex was back then. My parents had never talked about it with me, so I don't know what they thought about gay people. I'd like to think they would have loved me regardless and would have been happy with whoever I wound up with."

Edward looks shocked for a minute and glances over at me as he says, "You were 13 and your parents had never discussed sex with you?"

I turn my head away and look out the front windshield. A single tear tracks down my face as I bitterly say, "No, my first real introduction to sex was being forced to watch my mom get brutally raped by two psychopaths at the same time while James groped my… my private parts so hard it made me cry. And then of course, after carving his fucking name into my side so I'd never forget who fucking owned me, he had to take me to my room to give me _personal _training on how to please him."

Edward reaches over and squeezes my hand as he says, "Jasper, please don't. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say something that would make you think of that night and make you sad. Please, don't go there, love."

I quickly wipe my face and turn back to him and try to smile. "I'm alright Edward. It's not your fault. I brought up that night first. I guess I'm just starting to get nervous about going back to where it all happened."

We're both quiet again, both of us lost in our thoughts. After a while Edward glances at me again before asking, "It happened your first day in Forks, right?" I nod my head and he asks, "Did you meet anybody from town at all that day?"

I shake my head and softly say, "No, we flew from Houston to Seattle and then they decided to rent a car that evening and we made it as far as Port Angeles before they decided to spend the night. That was the night before it all happened. And then we all went straight to the new house early that morning to meet the movers. Mama and dad had planned on taking me into town the next day to explore the shops and meet people. The only people I actually saw were the deputy that night and I don't even know his name. Plus I saw Chief Swan for just a few seconds right before I blacked out and left the world."

Edward squeezes my hand again before bringing it up to his lips and kissing it and asking, "How about if I show you around town while we're here and introduce you to people?"

I look down and swallow before looking back up at Edward and saying, "But… won't people know who I am when you tell them my name? They'll all be staring at me and talking about me. Everybody's going to know what happened to me. Oh god, they're all going to know that I'm a…"

Edward cuts me off with a quick squeeze on my hand while he says, "Don't you dare say what I think you're going to say!"

And just like that my anger spikes and I growl back. "I was going to say a rape victim, you fu… ugh."

Edward's eyes fill with tears as he says, "God, I'm sorry Jasper."

Just as suddenly as it was there my anger leaves and I'm left feeling drained. I raise my seat back up and look out the window as I quietly say, "I don't blame you for thinking I was going to say whore. I know I've said it before."

Edward kisses my palm and says, "I shouldn't have interrupted and I shouldn't have assumed what you were going to say. That was horrible of me. But baby, I don't think that many people are going to know who you are."

"I don't care! I don't like anybody knowing what happened to me. You don't know what it's like to have people know _everything_ about you. The way they look at you and talk about you behind your back."

"Jasper, please, you've survived of some of the worst brutality I've ever heard of, love. You're so strong and brave. You shouldn't worry about what other people think."

I turn away from Edward and rest my head on the glass feeling nauseous. He just doesn't understand what it's like. At the hospital, _everybody_ knew who I was when I woke up. I could always feel their eyes following me as I was wheeled around. I was that poor pitiful thing that had been raped and tortured and whose parents had been brutally murdered.

I could see the pity in their eyes and practically feel their curiosity washing over me in waves as their whispered words followed me down the hallways every day. "Did you hear?… how sad… name carved into him… so pitiful… how degrading… he'll never get over it… so many stitches… raped… have you heard his screams?… poor kid… you should see his scars… so demeaning… tortured… can you imagine… they took turns… disgusting… poor thing." Every day I heard their whispers, whispers, whispers and felt their eyes following and watching me. I hated it.

I wipe away the tears threatening to fall from my eyes and Edward kisses my hand again and says, "Love, please don't be mad at me. If you don't want to go meet people, you don't have to. We can stay at my parent's house the whole time or we can go camping away from everybody if you want. I'm sorry I jumped to the wrong conclusion and snapped at you. I'm just nervous over what we're doing today. I don't mean to take it out on you."

I look over at Edward and try to smile as I say, "I'm not mad at you, Edward. I think we're both stressing over everything and taking it out on each other. Hopefully, it won't get so bad that we hate each other by the time we get there."

Edward holds my hand against his cheek and says, "I could never hate you, Jasper. I love you more than anything."

I look over at Edward and finally give him a real smile as I say, "I love you, too. I need you so much, Edward. I don't even know how I've survived all this time without you." I wish I could just crawl up in Edward's lap and let him hold me for a while. But I'm afraid I won't get to do that very often while we're down here at his parents. I already miss being in his arms.

We finally get to Port Angeles and Edward asks if I'd like breakfast, so we stop at a small café and go inside. I stay huddled up against his side as we sit down at an empty booth and wait for our waitress to come take our order.

We get quite a few stares from the other customers and I guess I've had too much stress this morning because I can't handle their stares today. I bury my face in Edward's shoulder as I start trembling. Edward throws his arm around me and pulls me even closer as he whispers in my ear that he loves me and he won't let anyone bother me. Our waitress finally comes over and we both order coffee and a big breakfast.

After we eat, Edward wraps his arm around my waist and we go for a walk to stretch our legs for a little while. We don't go far though before we head back to the car. We're both ready to get to Forks and just get this over with before we implode under all the stress weighing down on us.

We get back into the car and Edward tells me we should be there in a little over an hour and I try to hide my nervous shakes. Suddenly, I'm fucking terrified to be going back to Forks. I don't say anything to Edward, though. He has enough to deal with, without worrying about my panicky ass.

I lay my seat back again and turn back up on my hip, facing Edward and watching him drive for awhile. Chewing on my lip, I ask. "Edward?"

"What baby?"

"Would you teach me how to drive?"

Edward grins and shakes his head before saying, "Not a good idea, baby. I tried to teach Alice how to drive and we got so mad at each other that we stopped talking for a month. I think you should ask Emmett to teach you. He never gets flustered and has the patience of Job."

I scratch my head and think about asking who the fuck Job is, but I don't particularly feel like getting laughed at this morning. But hearing about Alice makes me ask, "Yesterday, when Rose called you and was looking for Alice, why didn't you guys go looking for her like they came looking for you?"

Edward laughs a bitter laugh and says, "Because Alice is an adult, and apparently, I'm still an immature child that needs looking after 24 hours a day." Seeing my shocked confused look Edward smiles and says, "Sorry, baby. Anyway, I wasn't worried about Alice. In fact, I assumed she was with the Doc but I didn't tell Rose that. Alice can tell Rose about the Doc. That's her business not mine. Besides Rose really wasn't worried about Alice either, she just wanted to tell her something."

Still confused, I ask. "But why do they worry over you like that? You're the same age as Alice, aren't you?"

Edward sighs and says. "Rose took on the roll of over protective mother hen with me right from the start." Then he grins and says, "Or should I say momma bear, goldilocks?"

I grin and push on his arm. "Asshole."

Edward laughs and says, "Takes one to know one." Then with a sigh Edward says, "Remember my saying I was having nightmares, when I first went to college…about Mike? Only they were all mixed up and he was doing… things… to me, that didn't happen?"

I nod my head and say, "Yeah?"

Edward starts nervously running his free hand through his hair as he says, "Well, Rose had came by my dorm one day back then, and I had fallen asleep and was having a nightmare. I woke up screaming and begging for Mike to stop and Rose totally freaked. She doesn't know exactly what happened because I've never talked about it. But she assumes the worst and blames herself. When we first moved to Forks, she and Emmett sort of discovered each other as more than just an adopted brother and sister. They were totally preoccupied with each other and now she blames herself for not watching out for me. She hardly lets me out of her sight for more than a day at a time now. Hell, I'm surprised she hasn't called yet this morning to check up on us."

I stroke Edward's cheek as I say, "She loves you, Edward, loves you and worries about you. You should cherish having family that loves you like that."

Edward captures my hand and kisses my palm. "I do, love. I do. I just wish she'd give me a little bit of credit and realize I'm not that same child she comforted and watched over when she first came to us."

We're both quiet for a while and then Edward glances over at me, looking concerned as he says, "Um, baby, I'm not too sure your learning to drive would be a very good idea."

I scowl at him and ask, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Ah fuck, I said fuck. Damn it all to fucking hell! Ugh, did it again. What the fuck are you laughing at?"

Edward quickly tries to hide his laugh behind his hand before saying, "Sorry, baby. I know you're trying. But what I was trying to say is…I don't think it would be safe for you to drive. What if something incredibly stressful happened and you passed out while driving down the highway? You could get killed or just as bad, kill somebody else."

Frowning, I look down before saying, "Right, we wouldn't want to endanger the rest of the world by letting the fucked up freak behind the wheel of a car."

Edward's eyes fill with tears and he grabs my hand and says, "No, Jasper, no, you know I didn't mean that in a bad way."

My anger spikes again and I jerk my hand out of his and turn to face the front of the car with my arms crossed, as I say. "It's not like I pass out every fu… ugh, every day. Fu…ugh, asshole!"

Edward grabs the steering wheel in a white knuckled grip as he rapidly blinks his eyes. He sounds like he's about to cry as he says, "Baby, I've known you less than a week and you've already passed out twice, three if you count the one you told me about the day we met, and that's not even counting all the panic attacks."

With a huff, I raise my seat back up and glare out the window as I say, "Oh, so are we keeping count now? Damn it, Edward, there's just so much new stuff going on right now! I've been dealing with so many new things happening and with more new emotions this week than I've had in years. I'm not used to so many different things happening in the same day. I'm not used to _feeling_, unless you count being constantly afraid and lonely. But since I met you, my emotions have run the gamut from one extreme to the other and it just gets so fu…ugh. OH, FUCK IT! It all just gets so fucking overwhelming at times!"

Edward whispers, "Jasper, I'm sorry. Of course you can learn to drive if that's what you want to do. I was just worried about something happening to you. I love you so much. Please, don't be mad at me. Please, let's not fight."

I slump back in my seat feeling drained again. I turn my head to look at Edward and say, "I'm sorry, Edward. I'm not mad, not really. And I don't want to fight either. I'm sorry my emotions get all hay wired and I get mad or sad or upset so fast. I'm still trying to get used to having so many different emotions and it's scary how fast they can change."

Edward wipes at his eyes and relaxes his white knuckled grip on the steering wheel. I feel bad about upsetting him. He's already tensed up about coming out to his parents and here I am making it worse. I don't even know why it made me so mad for him to question my learning to drive. He was absolutely right when he said it could be dangerous for me to be behind the wheel of a car. Because the fact is that I do panic easily, and I never know what is going to trigger a faint or blackout. Still, I'd like to at least know _how_ to drive even if I don't actually do any regular driving. You never know what kind of emergencies might eventually come up.

It starts raining hard and we're both quiet as Edward pays attention to driving on the wet curvy highway. Laying my seat back, I turn to face Edward again and I reach out and gently stroke his arm. Edward slowly relaxes under my touch and I say, "I'm sorry about earlier, Edward."

Edward shakes his head and says, "No, I'm sorry baby. It was wrong of me to… to throw your black outs and panic attacks in your face like that. It doesn't matter how stressed I am, that was just wrong."

I shake my head and say, "No, you were right, Edward… about everything. I guess I'm stressed out too. I'm just so fu…ugh nervous to be coming back here. I keep thinking how we're going to be right across the highway from where my parents died."

Edward glances at me looking troubled as he says, "I should have never asked you to come with me. I should have known how stressful this would be for you. I'm so sorry, Jasper. I was selfish in wanting you to come."

With a sigh, I shake my head and say. "I could have said no, Edward. I wanted to come with you. We're both stressed out. I'm just ready to get there and get the hard part over with. How much further do we have to go before we get there?"

Edward chews on his lip and says, "We should be in Forks in about 15 minutes. What would you think about us getting a room there? I could drop you off to let you rest a bit while I go and talk to my parents and then they could come back with me to meet you. That way you wouldn't have to be there where it all happened."

I take a deep breath to steady my nerves and say, "No. I want to stay with you, Edward. Please don't leave me alone. Let's just go and do this. Let me stay with you and I promise I'll be okay."

Edward still looks worried and says, "We could get a room and I could just call my parents to come into town to talk to us. That way, I wouldn't be leaving you alone and you still wouldn't have to see the place where it happened."

With a frustrated sigh I say, "No Edward, we've already planned out how we're going to do this. Let's just stay with our original plan, please."

Glancing over at me again, Edward searches my face. "Are you sure, Jasper? I want you to meet my parents. But baby, I'm more worried about you. You are my main concern."

I smile at Edward and say, "I want to do this with you. You need to do this and I want to be there for you as you do it. You've done so much for me, Edward. Please, let me do this for you."

Edward smiles back and says, "Alright, love, if you're sure." He nervously runs his hand through his hair and says, "Umm, baby, why don't you close your eyes and relax. Maybe take a nap until we get there?"

I stare at Edward like he's nuts. Didn't he just say we'd be there in about 15 minutes? I'm way too keyed up to sleep now. And then I realize Edward wants me to sleep, or at least close my eyes until we get there to spare me from seeing my old house place. I swallow nervously and close my eyes and try to relax.

I actually start to feel drowsy as I listen to the rain pounding on the roof of the car. It's getting louder, almost deafening, as it beats down in sheets. And then the deafening roar of the rain on the roof stops and the quiet it leaves behind seems even louder. I open my eyes and blink at the sudden brightness. As suddenly as it had started the rain had stopped and now the sun had come out.

I squawk in shock and tuck my arms and head into my shirt. Damn Alice and her fucking short sleeved shirts! How could I be so fucking stupid as to have left all my long sleeved cover-ups in the bags in the trunk! I thought the fucking weathermen said it was going to be cloudy and rainy all day!

I poke my eyes out of my shirt and glare at Edward when I realize the fucker is laughing at me. I growl at him, "What the fuck do you think is so fucking funny!"

Edward looks highly amused as he asks, "Jasper, what the hell are you doing?"

I feel hurt that Edward doesn't understand. With a tremor in my voice I say, "The sun came out, Edward. All my long sleeved cover ups are in the trunk. I'm just trying to keep from burning."

Edward stares at me in shock for a second and slaps his forehead as he yells, "Stupid!" Edward pulls the car over and pops the trunk. He gets out and rummages in the trunk for a minute and comes back with two long sleeved shirts. He holds one up so I unbuckle my seatbelt and lean up and Edward helps me put it on. Then he hands me the other one to use as a cover up if I need it. Edward wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a hug as he says, "I'm sorry I was laughing, Jasper. I'm so keyed up I can't think straight."

I snuggle deeper into Edward's arms. It's about fucking time he wrapped them around me. I wrap my hand behind his head and pull his face to mine for a loving sensual kiss. I lick across his lips and Edward parts them, allowing my tongue to meet his and they start a slow waltz, tasting and exploring. Oh fuck, he tastes so fucking good. I grab a fistful of hair and hold Edward still when he tries to pull away. I ain't nearly done kissing my man yet.

We both moan and our breathing picks up as our lips and tongues hungrily devoured each other. I try to pull Edward closer to me, mentally cursing the damn bucket seats and console between us. Growling with frustration, I turn in my seat and lean up on my knees and start crawling across the console trying to get to him. Why the fuck does he have such a small fucking car anyway!

Edward grabs my arms and breaks our kiss and pants out in a breathless voice. "What are you doing, Jasper?"

I start unbuttoning Edward's shirt while I say, "What the fuck does it look like I'm doing. I'm trying to love on my man."

Edward grabs my hands and says, "Jasper, we can't do this! Not here out in the open like this."

I lean in and lick and suck on his nipple and say, "Then you better hurry the fuck up and get us out of the open because I need you. I need you right fucking now, Edward."

I shake his hands off of mine and Edward moans out an "Oh fuck" as I pop open another button and suck hard on his skin, leaving a new mark. Edward captures my hands one more time and says, "Buckle up."

I shake my hands loose again and reach down and start rubbing his obvious erection through his jeans. Edward reaches over and starts to rub on mine while he growls out, "Buckle the fuck up, Jasper. I know a place we can go but I'm not driving with you unbuckled."

With a frustrated growl, I sit back down in my seat and buckle up. Edward starts the car and takes off with his tires squealing on the pavement. I turn toward him and pull the extra shirt up over my head to protect my face from the sun before reaching over and stroking Edward through his jeans again. Edward groans out, "Baby, please, I have to concentrate on driving."

I stop and go back to unbuttoning his shirt as I ask. "Where are we going? How far?"

Edward reaches over and starts squeezing me through my jeans as he says, "There's an old logging trail, only a couple of minutes from here. It's where all the high school kids go parking on weekends."

Moaning, I reach down and rub and stroke Edward again as I ask, "Ever been there before?"

Edward groans and breathlessly says, "Once. Prom night."

I grin as I think Edward's going to enjoy what I'm going to do to him a hell of a lot more than what Bella tried to do to him that night. I like the idea of replacing Edward's _nasty_ memory of being there with _her_, with a memory of being with me there in the same spot. Hell, fucking yeah! I can't wait to wrap my lips around Edward's cock and love on him with my mouth!

I unbuckle Edward's belt and unbutton his jeans, my mouth already watering at the thought of tasting him. Edward pulls off the highway onto a rough dirt road that is more trail than road. As soon as we're off the highway, I unbuckle my seatbelt and crawl back up in my seat. Getting up on my knees, I lean across the console and start kissing and sucking down his neck and stomach. I open Edward's jeans wide and try to reach in and wrap my hand around his cock but his fucking jeans are too tight with him sitting down.

Frustrated, I grab the waist of Edward's jeans and start to tug them down as I tell him to lift his ass. I finally get them maneuvered down enough to free Edward's cock out of his jeans and boxers. I lean down and take his shaft into my mouth and then I just about choke when Edward drives through a deep pothole. The whole car bounces us around wildly, slamming his cock against the back of my throat. I sit up coughing and we both start laughing.

The road finally opens up to a clearing beside a small stream and Edward stops. He backs the car into a small opening in the trees. He backs up the car as far as he can, until we're surrounded by trees. The clearing is only about 10 or 15 feet in front of us but we're well hidden from plain sight.

Edward shuts the car off, tilts his steering wheel up, and scoots his seat all the way back before laying it down. He reaches his hands toward me and huskily says, "Come here, love."

Grinning, I crawl over the console into Edward's lap. There's not much head room so I have to lean over Edward as I straddle his lap and kiss him hard. His hands run up my body, under my shirt, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. I reach down and stroke him as he frantically unbuckles my belt and unbuttons and unzips my jeans.

Edward tugs down my jeans but he can't get them down very far with my legs spread wide as I straddle him. But he manages to finally get my cock out of my pants and we stroke each other and the windows fog up as our breathing gets hard and heavy.

I growl when Edward raises my shirt enough to lick and suck on my nipples. I hold his head to me and stroke him faster. Rising back up, Edward pulls me to him and kisses me with deep frantic kisses. He kisses across my jaw to my ear and runs his tongue around the rim of my ear before sucking on my lobe. He stops my hand and whispers in my ear, "Not like this, baby, too messy. Let me suck on your delicious cock."

Edward lifts my hips and shimmies his body down lower in the seat to where I'm practically sitting on his chest. I loudly groan "Fuuuuck!" when he takes me into his mouth and his tongue curls and works around my shaft. He doesn't have much room to maneuver and looks like he's straining his neck in the position he's in. So I wrap my hand behind his head to help support it and gently start thrusting into his mouth.

Edward's hands knead my ass cheeks as he pushes and pulls my hips, guiding my thrusts in and out of his mouth, faster and faster. I can't stop my whimpers and my thrusting becomes erratic as Edward's fingers slowly work their way between my cheeks and he slowly pushes one if his fingers into me. With no lube it hurts like fuck but it also feels so good that I cry out as I'm overwhelmed by my orgasm as it rockets through my shuddering body.

I keep shuddering as Edward licks around and around my cock. He finally releases my cock and tugs my boxer and jeans back up. He lifts my hips again and shimmies back up into his seat. Then he pulls my face to his for a slow deep kiss. I smile down at him feeling content and satisfied.

Leaning down, I slowly kiss across Edward's jaw and down his neck. For once, I'm glad I'm skinny as I kiss down Edward's chest and stomach and shimmy my body down between his legs and under the steering wheel. I then proceed to make sure this is one of the best memories of his life as I tease and suck his delicious cock. I take my time and make it last a long time, working Edward right up to the edge and then backing off, again and again.

Edward's slowly reduced to incoherent whimpers and moans as I work on eliminating any lingering memories of his being here with _Bella_ in this spot. I figure when Edward starts to fucking beg for me to let him cum that I've finally done a good enough job. I start sucking and working my tongue and lips up and down his shaft in earnest and I know I've done a great job when Edward practically starts screaming, "Fuck! Jasper, baby, fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Oooooh fuuuuuck!" Edward's body shudders and shakes underneath me as I work his cock with my tongue.

I lick around him, cleaning him up like he did me. Then I tug Edward's jeans and boxers up and try to crawl back up his body. Edward has to reach down and help pull me up into his arms. I lay my head on his chest as he holds me to him. Edward reaches over and starts the car and turns the A/C on high. We're both red faced and sweaty. I really hope I don't stink when I meet his parents.

Edward pulls my face back to his and we kiss, slow soft loving kisses as his hand caresses my cheek and runs through my hair. Edward finally says, "Thank you, love. I think that was just what I needed to get through coming out to my parents. I've been worrying about all the wrong things this morning. And now no matter what happens when we get there, I have the taste of you on my tongue to remind me that your love is the only thing I need to be worried about. I love you so much, baby, and that is the only thing that is important." Edward kisses me again, gently placing soft kisses over my face. Then with a sigh he says, "Let's go get this over with love."

I hate leaving Edward's arms but finally tear myself away and crawl back over the console to my seat. We both rearrange our clothes and try to get shirts tucked in and pants zipped, buttoned and belts buckled. Edward looks over at me and says, "Ready?"

I take a deep breath and slowly let it out before nodding and saying, "Yeah, darlin'. Let's go do this."

Edward put the car in gear and then looks over at me and grins when I turn back up on my hip facing him with the extra shirt covering my head. Edward's grin gets wider as he shakes his head and says, "First you're Goldilocks and now you're Red Riding Hood."

I laugh and say, "Fuck you, Edward."

Edward keeps staring at me as his hands nervously grips and un-grips the steering wheel and he whispers, "Soon baby, real fucking soon." My mouth suddenly goes dry and I can't quite swallow down the sudden lump in my throat. I'm not nearly ready for him to do that to me yet. Seeing my sudden panic Edward leans over and cups my face and says. "I meant that I can't wait to feel _you_ inside _me_, love. I think I'm ready for that whenever you are."

I want to argue with Edward that I wanted _him_ to do that to _me_ first but I know as much as I want it, that it may be a very long time before I'm going to be ready. And for some reason the thought of _me_ being inside _him_ sets my heart to pounding and makes my stomach tickle and tingle with want and desire. I'm at a loss for words and Edward leans over and gives me a soft kiss and says, "Only when you're ready love." I swallow down the lump in my throat and nod my head.

Edward puts the car in gear and slowly pulls out of our little hiding spot. I readjust the shirt over my head so I can get some of the A/C while keeping most of the sun off my face. Watching my Edward, I become concerned as his face changes from blissed out satisfaction to shock and his eyes go as round as saucers.

Edward looks over at me with that deer-in-the-headlight look and barks out, "Oh, shit!" sounding both mortified and highly amused.


	21. Chapter 21

**As always, thanks for all the lovely reviews and for all who has added this to their favorites. I wish I had time to sit down and reply to each and every review but I've been staying so busy lately that I have barely had time to write on the story. Just know that I do love reading them and I read each and every one of them. **

**I've heard a few rumors of stories being taken down, although I haven't seen it yet. Regardless, if this story does disappear from fanfic, I will continue posting the story here for as long as it's an option for me. We'll just have to wait and see how things go.**

**This chapter is a tad short but I wanted to get something posted before too much more time went by. Hope everybdy is still enjoying the story...**

**Disclaimer: Ms Meyers wonderful characters, plot is all my imagination...**

* * *

_He puts the car in gear and slowly starts pulling out of our little hiding spot. I readjust the shirt over my head so I can get some of the A/C while keeping most of the sun off my face. Watching my Edward, I become concerned as his face changes from blissed out satisfaction to shock and his eyes go as round as saucers. He looks over at me with that deer-in-the-headlight look and barks out, "Oh, shit!" sounding both mortified and highly amused._

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 21**

**EPOV (Saturday continued…)**

I don't know whether to laugh or cry as I look at Jasper and say, "Oh shit!"I cannot believe this happening. I nervously look back and forth from Jasper to the police car parked in the middle of the clearing. It was bad enough to get caught making out by the neighbors in the hallway at the apartment building. But this? I'm 23 years old and I'm getting caught 'parking' for the first time in my life? This is ridiculous.

My first instinct is to floor it out of here but common sense quickly dispels that idiot plan. I pull up closer to the police car and to the man leaning against it. He has his feet crossed in a casual manner as he leans back against the car. One arm is propped on the roof of the car and the other is rubbing the back of his neck as he meets my eyes with an amused and exasperated expression.

I look back at Jasper, who is peeking out from under his cover-up shirt at me with a concerned look. I glance back outside and up at the sky. It's starting to cloud back up fairly fast. I need to get out and get this talk over with quick if I want to keep Jasper from freaking out. Turning back to him, I say. "Baby, I'm going to get out of the car for just a minute. Will you be alright until I come back?"

Jasper looks a little panicked as he says, "What's going on? Where are you going?"

I caress Jasper's cheek as I say, "Um, baby, there's a police car here in the clearing and I need to get out and talk to the officer. I'll be right outside the car."

Jasper's eyes go wide and he asks, "Are we in trouble?"

I smile and shake my head no as I say, "I don't think so, baby. He just wants to talk to me. Please, just stay in the car and stay covered up out of the sunlight. I'll take care of this and be right back."

Jasper swallows nervously and nods as he says, "Ok, beautiful. You won't go far?"

"I'll be right outside the car, love. Ok?"

"Ok."

I leave the car running so I can leave the A/C on for Jasper. Taking a deep breath, I open the car door and step out. This is so damn embarrassing and I can feel my face heating up as I meet the officer's eyes. They tick back and forth between me and Jasper and I sneak a quick look through the windshield and feel slightly relieved as I realize he _probably_ can't tell the person covered up inside the car is a man. I'm not ashamed of being with Jasper but this is definitely _not_ how I planned on coming out.

I clear my throat and say, "Hey, Char…" and I stop when he quirks an eyebrow at me. Right, too informal, Charlie's on official business. Clearing my throat again, I start over. "Good morning, Chief Swan. How are you today?"

Charlie looks me up and down with that same amused and exasperated expression and says, "I'm fine, Edward and how are you feeling this fine morning?"

My face gets even hotter as I catch myself wanting to blurt out, 'I _feel_ like I've just had my cocked sucked so long and hard that my toes are still curling. How about yourself?' But I bite my tongue and settle for saying, "Fine. Just fine, Chief. Um, looks like it's going to cloud back up and rain again."

Charlie bursts out laughing as he says, "Edward, what the hell are you doing out here? You, of all people, were the last person I ever expected to see driving out of those trees."

I look down blushing and scratch my head as I try to figure out what to say. I don't exactly have any experience in this kind of situation to fall back on. Thankfully, Charlie spares me anymore embarrassment and says, "The mayor's son and his date got their car stuck in here for half a day, a couple of weeks back. The mayor asked that I start patrolling the area a few times a day over the weekends to make sure his kid doesn't get stuck again."

Charlie starts laughing again and says, "Hell, everybody in town knows what goes on back here but nobody wants me to really catch anybody. No one wants to believe it might be _their_ kids parking back here. Anyway, after that downpour earlier, I was worried whoever had hidden away back there in the trees might have trouble getting out. But I was expecting kids, not a grown man and his…. date?"

I grin and blush again as I glance back at the car and say, "You could say that. I met someone this week, Charlie. We were on our way to my parent's house and stopped for… um..."

Charlie laughs again and says, "I can just guess what you stopped for, Edward. I don't need the details. I got quite the eyeful and more details than I wanted to hear from Emmett when I caught him and Rosalie in here a couple of hours ago."

My head snaps up and my eyes pop open wide as I yell out an enraged, "What!" I'm suddenly seething with anger. She wouldn't! She has no right! It's not her place to tell our parents about me being gay. Then I groan when I hear the car door open behind me.

Charlie looks confused by my sudden anger. Then his eyes go wide and he gives me a knowing grin when Jasper says, "Edward? Is everything alright?"

Damn it, damn it, damn it all to hell! I look up at the now cloud covered sky and curse it. I had wanted to spare Jasper this! But I turn toward Jasper with an outwardly calm and loving smile as he walks up to me and I say, "Everything is fine, love." I wrap my arm around Jasper's waist and pull him up beside me to keep him from hiding behind my back like he tends to do.

Jasper bashfully smiles at Charlie and then looks down as he tries to maneuver behind me, but I keep my arm tight around his waist and hold him close to my side. Jasper blushes and sneaks glances back and forth between Charlie and me. Swallowing nervously, my stomach doing serious flip-flops, I look back at Charlie. I expect to see surprise or shock on Charlie's face that I'm standing here with my arm around a man but Charlie's just looking at Jasper curiously, as if he almost recognizes him but can't quite place his face.

Clearing the lump in my throat, I softly say. "Charlie, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Jasper." Hmm, still no surprise, I guess I really was the last person in the world to know I was gay. Then, remembering how sudden Jasper's last blackout had been, I tighten my grip around his waist before saying. "Um, Jasper, this is Charlie… Charlie Swan… he's the Chief of Police here in Forks, baby."

Jasper's whole body goes rigid as he sucks in a breath and then I can feel the tremors running through him as he looks at Charlie in wide eyed unblinking shock.

Charlie sticks his hand out to shake as he searches Jasper's face and asks, "Pleased to meet you, Jasper. Do I know you son? You look very familiar." Seeing Jasper's wide eyed shock Charlie asks, "Are you alright, son?"

Worried, I look at Jasper as his tremors intensify into full blown shakes. He still hasn't blinked but at least his breathing is staying even, although his lips are starting to tremble as he whispers, "Y-y-y-you s-s-saved m-m-m-me."

Charlie looks confused and asks, "Excuse me?"

Jasper shocks me when he tears himself out of my arms with a sob and launches himself at Charlie. With a stunned look on his face Charlie catches Jasper as he throws his arms around Charlie's neck while sobbing over and over, "You saved me. You saved me. Thank you. You saved me."

Charlie looks like he's in shock as he says, "Oh my god… your Jasper… Jasper Whitlock." Charlie slowly wraps his arms around Jasper and awkwardly pats him on the back with one hand as the other wraps around the back of Jasper's neck and gently strokes him there as he tries to calm him down.

I turn my back to give them a moment and wipe my eyes as I listen to Jasper's broken sobs and Charlie's soft whispers that he's going to be okay and that he's so sorry he hadn't got to him sooner that night and thank god he's able to walk on his injured leg and back to telling him he was safe and everything was going to be okay.

Hearing Jasper's breathing start to hitch, I quickly turn back to see Jasper's legs buckling and his eyes rolling up in his head. Charlie tries to hold Jasper up and yells out a panicked, "Edward!" With a curse, I rush over and carefully take Jasper out of Charlie's hands as I pick him up in my arms. Charlie quickly moves around and opens my car door and I gently place my sweet Jasper in his seat. I kneel down beside him and adjust the vent so the A/C will hit him on the face. Then I stroke Jasper's hair back out of his face as I say, "Jasper, wake up baby. Your safe, love, please wake up."

Thankfully, Jasper wakes up almost immediately. Slowly blinking his eyes, he focuses on my face and then glances back up at Charlie before he sighs and says. "I fainted, didn't I? Sorry about that. I just wasn't expecting to be doing this so soon. Don't worry. I'm okay now, Edward. Really, I'm just tired."

I brush Jasper's hair back again and place a soft kiss on his lips and say, "Just stay here and rest, baby. I'm going to talk to Charlie for a few more minutes and then I think we're going to go into town and go ahead and rent that room. Jasper, I just don't think you're going to be up to going to my parent's house today."

Jasper's eyes tears up and he says, "Edward, I promise I'm alright. I just wasn't expecting this. I wasn't prepared to do this yet and it got a little overwhelming. I'm fine now and I want us to go to your parent's house, please. Please beautiful, take me home with you. Please."

It both breaks my heart and scares me when Jasper faints or blacks out and I really believe the right thing to do is to go into town and rent a room. But it kills me when Jasper gets upset like this and I can't deny him what he wants. So I reluctantly agree to take him home with me to my parent's house before getting him more comfortable in his seat and buckling him up.

I close the door and then take another deep breath to steady my nerves before I stand up and turn to face Charlie. Charlie asks, "Why did he faint? Is there something wrong with him? Is he going to be alright? I can escort you, if you need to take him to the hospital."

I look back at Jasper as I softly say, "No, he's alright, Charlie. Jasper doesn't need to go to the hospital. Since he woke up from his catatonia, he's prone to panic attacks and fainting spells when things get too stressful or emotionally overwhelming for him."

Charlie watches as Jasper leans his seat further back and throws an arm over his face. Charlie asks, "Edward, how in the hell did you two wind up together? Do your mom and dad know you two are a couple, yet? Have you been together very long? Or am I wrong in assuming you two are a couple?"

I shake my head and say, "No, you're not wrong, Charlie. We're together. I met Jasper in front of the coffee shop earlier this week when I went to visit Bella and Angela. We literally knocked each other off our feet and we've been together ever since. I'm surprised Bella didn't call you and tell you all about it."

Charlie sighs as he quietly says, "Bella hasn't talked to me in almost 9 months, Edward."

I look at Charlie in shock and ask, "What! What happened?" Then I feel embarrassed as I realize what a rude question that was and say, "Sorry Chief. I didn't mean to be nosy."

Shaking his head Charlie says, "It's okay, Edward. I, uh, didn't realize that Angela's parents didn't know about Angela being gay and I made a comment to them about what a great couple her and Bella make. Let's just say the shit hit the fan and things got real ugly before they got better. Anyway, Bella is blaming me for everything and won't even take my calls. I guess I'm going to have to go to Seattle to try to get things smoothed out with her."

I frown and say, "Damn, Charlie, I hate to hear that. I can try talking to Bella when we go back home if you want. She might listen to me. I'm surprised that Angela would act like that. I mean, I'm surprised at Bella too, but Angela is just so easy going."

Charlie shakes his head and says, "Oh, Angela calls me about once a week to catch me up on things. She's been trying to talk sense into Bella too, but I guess my daughter inherited her mother's temper and my stubbornness." Then Charlie grins and says, "Well at least your folks are going to be thrilled that _you've_ met somebody."

I swallow nervously and say, "Charlie, they don't even know that I'm gay. I haven't told them, yet. Hell, I didn't even figure it out and accept it myself before this week. That's actually what we were headed to do when we, um, got side tracked."

Charlie looks troubled and says, "I see. Hmm, for some reason I always assumed they knew you were gay. But then, after messing up so bad with Angela's parents, I really need to quit assuming things like that."

I scratch my head and ask, "Charlie, you weren't in the least bit surprised to see me with a man? You knew I was gay?"

Charlie shrugs and says, "No, I wasn't surprised, Edward. I always thought you were gay, the same way I always knew Bella was going to be gay when she finally got around to figuring herself out. I'm not sure why I thought it, though. You just always seemed different than all the other boys your age, quieter, more sensitive. You never seemed interested in girls the same way other boys were. Hell even when you and Bella dated, I always assumed it was because you both knew you'd be safe with each other."

I nod my head and wonder if I had unconsciously been drawn to Bella back then because at some level I had known Bella was gay. I certainly don't tell the chief about our attempts prom night. I'm fairly certain that is something Charlie would rather not know about.

Charlie smiles and says, "Well, I'm happy that you've met somebody. I hope things go well at your parent's house today."

I smile back at him and say, "I hope they do too. But I've come to the realization that even if they don't, the most important thing for me to worry about is the love I feel for that man sitting there in my car."

Charlie claps me on the back and says, "I'm proud of you, Edward. Proud that you've finally accepted things and are being true to yourself. I hope you and Jasper work out. You seem really good for each other."

I say, "Thanks, Charlie." as we both get ready to leave.

I open my car door to get inside and Charlie says, "Oh, by the way Edward, next time do me a favor and get a room. I'd hate to have to give you a ticket for indecent exposure. Or worse have some kid see you two in here and tell their parents. Things like that can get out of hand and blown way out of proportion and the next thing you know, you have a record for being a sex offender."

I can feel my face turn white as I swallow and say, "Yes sir, chief." I had almost forgotten how we all came to be here in this spot. My stomach twists with nerves, it hadn't even occurred to me to worry about being seen by underage kids in here. I'm suddenly very glad it was Charlie that caught us and not one of his deputies.

Charlie opens his car door and turns to me one more time with a grin and a laugh as he calls back. "Um, Edward, you might want to think about re-buttoning your shirt before you go home to see your parents. Your shirt is buttoned wrong, son." Then Charlie gets in his car and starts his engine.

I look down and groan when I see that my shirt buttons aren't lined up right. I quickly set them right and get in the car. I look over at Jasper and he's out like a light. At least I had the foresight to buckle him up earlier. I put the car in gear and Jasper lowers the arm he had thrown across his eyes and blinks at me sleepily as he yawns. I tell him, "Sleep, love. I'll wake you when we get there." Jasper immediately closes his eyes and is right back out again.

I slowly drive us out of here as Charlie follows us as far as the highway. My toes are still curling from Jasper loving on me, and I'm feeling a lot better about the meeting I'm about to have with my parents. But I'm still a little edgy and I nervously grip the wheel and take another deep breath and let it out slow before I turn my car onto the highway and head toward my parent's house.

**JPOV **

I'm mentally exhausted after getting over the shock of seeing Chief Swan again after all these years. I had hoped to have the opportunity to meet Chief Swan and talk to him but I hadn't expected it to be happening so soon. I hadn't had time to mentally prepare myself and of course I had to overreact and cry like a fucking baby and then pass out like the freak I am. I sometimes wonder if I will ever grow up and act like a manly man.

I lay my seat back further so I can rest and I throw an arm over my face and close my eyes. I can still hear Edward talking to Chief Swan through the closed door and window, but I can't make out what they're saying.

I must have dozed off because the next thing I know, Edward is putting the car in gear. I lower my arm and yawn as I try to focus my eyes on him. Edward smiles down at me and says, "Sleep, love. I'll wake you when we get there." So I close my eyes and I'm out again. Edward slowly pulls out of the clearing and onto the road we came in on. I barely notice when the car transitions from dirt road to pavement before drifting back off.

I awaken with a jolt when the car bumps off the highway back onto another dirt road. My eyes open in a panic, my breath catches in my throat. My heart starts hammering in my chest as I think 'We're here!' I try to sit up, but Edward puts a restraining hand on my chest and says. "Shh, not just yet, baby."

I calm down a little as we continue driving. I guess we're not there after all. Edward takes his hand off my chest and I sit up. I'm shaking like a leaf from the false alarm and I suddenly feel nauseated and tell Edward. "Pull over. I think I'm going to throw up."

Edward immediately pulls the car over to the side of the road and I jump out and walk over the edge of the forest lining the road. I inhale one lung full of fresh air after another, as I lean against one of the trees and bend over with my hands on my knees and wait to see if I'm going to puke or if the fresh air is going to calm my stomach.

Edward is at my side in an instant and he rubs my back as he worriedly asks, "Are you alright Jasper? Can I do anything for you?"

I shake my head and say, "Just give me a minute, Edward. I'm starting to feel a little bit better. Do we still have any bottled water? I think I need something to sip on."

"Yeah, hang on and I'll go get it, baby."

I stand back up straight and lean back with my head against the tree as I concentrate on my breathing and on calming my racing heart. I'm actually feeling better when Edward brings me the bottled water and opens it for me. I take a few slow sips, waiting between each one to see if it's going to stay down or not. My stomach settles down and I'm relieved that I'm doing as well as I am. I step away from the tree and immediately lean back against it. Okay, so maybe I'm still a little light headed and nervous, but I at least I am feeling a little better.

Edward cups my face as he asks, "Are you alright, baby?"

I nod my head and say, "Yeah, just a little dizzy, beautiful. Other than that, I'm doing alright."

Edward strokes my face and says, "Take your time, love. There's no hurry."

As I lean against the tree and look down the road we just drove down, I ask. "Where does this road go? How soon before we get to your parent's house, Edward?"

Edward anxiously looks into my eyes and says, "Baby, this is the _driveway_ to my parent's house. We'll be there in just a minute."

I feel queasy again as I stare back down the driveway we just drove in on. My old home place is at the end of this road! My parents died at the end of this road! I'm here, back where it all happened. I don't know whether to cry or scream as I concentrate on _not_ passing out but it's getting hard to breathe.

I can barely hear Edward's voice as he says my name. I feel as if my whole body is going numb, while at the same time I break out into a cold sweat. I can barely hear anything over the sound of my own thundering heart beat and I can barely see for the black spots floating in front of my eyes.

My eyes focus on Edward as he gently pulls my face to his. I close my eyes and relax against him as he slowly peppers my face with light kisses as he whispers his loving and calming words between each kiss. …on my forehead, "I've got you love. Your safe." …on my eyelids, "Shh, it's alright Jasper. I love you so much, baby." …on my cheeks, "Your such a strong and brave man to come here with me, love. Thank you for loving me." …on my jaw line, "You are my world, Jasper. I'll keep you safe love." …on my neck, "Your ok, baby. I'm right here." As he works from one side of my face to the other covering it with the gentle caress of his lips.

And then Edward's placing slow lingering kisses on my lips. I concentrate on the searing heat of Edward's lips as they move on mine and I'm able to focus on calming down. I wrap my arms around him, fisting my hands into his hair. I cling to him and kiss him harder. As my breathing picks up, I can start to feel my body again. With a moan I run my tongue into Edward's mouth and I can hear his answering moans as the numbness ebbs and I can feel my body responding to Edward's kiss, his touch, his warmth.

Breaking the kiss, Edward smiles and cups my face in his hands, gently brushing my hair back he whispers. "Alice was right. Kissing is a great distracter for your panic attacks. Are you alright now baby?"

Trembling, I cling to Edward and bury my face in his neck as I shake my head and say, "No, I'm still terribly upset. I really think you need to distract me some more." Edward smiles as I pull his face back to mine and kiss him a long time, soft and slow, savoring the taste of his lips. It doesn't take long for both our breathing to pick up as I deepen the kiss and lick and suck on his lips. His tongue meets mine as we taste and explore each other's mouths.

Edward finally pulls back and to give us both a chance to catch our breath. He smiles and kisses me again before saying, "Distracted enough yet, love?"

I grin and say, "I don't know Edward. It's been a pretty stressful day. You might need to distract me for just a little longer."

Edward smiles and laughs softly as he says. "Oh yeah, still stressed out? I think I can cure that." He wraps his arms around me and kisses me again, hard and passionate. He gently pushes my body back against the tree and presses the full length of his body against mine.

I cling to Edward as he rolls his hips against mine, gently thrusting against me. I swear my eyes roll back as my head falls back against the tree. I grab his hips and match his movements. Edward's tongue probes and explores my mouth hungrily. I kiss him back just as hungrily as he's kissing me and we're both panting and gasping for air when he pulls back and smiles at me.

I groan in frustration when he stops his hips and breaks our kiss. Edward leans his forehead on mine as he tries to catch his breath. He grinds his hips against me one more time as he says, "Feel what you do to me, Jasper. I can't get enough of your loving. Less than half an hour ago, you gave me one of the most incredible orgasms I've ever felt in my life and yet here you've got me hard as a rock and wanting you again. You're so incredibly sexy, baby."

Panting hard, I grin and say. "You're pretty fucking hot yourself, Edward. I don't know how I'm going to go without loving on you for however long we're going to be at your parent's house."

Edward kisses me again and says, "We'll figure something out, baby, even if we have to go rent a room. I also know a couple of quiet places close by where we can be alone as well. Just let me know when you need a _distraction_, love. Do you feel up to meeting my parents now?"

I take a deep breath and let it out before nodding and saying, "I'd be honored to meet your parents, Edward Cullen."

Edward wraps his arm around my waist and walks with me back to the car and opens my door for me. I turn to Edward before getting inside and whisper, "Distract me one more time, beautiful." He smiles and cups my face in his hands and kisses me again. Then with a sigh Edward leans his forehead against mine and strokes my cheek as he asks, "Ready, love?"

I smile and say, "I'm ready for anything, as long as I have you by my side, Edward. Let's do this."

We get into the car and Edward starts it back up and we head down the driveway. Sure enough, a minute later a huge three story white house with a porch wrapped around it on all sides comes into view. Edward parks the car beside a huge garage and he scowls at one of the cars inside and mumbles something that sounds like, "This is going too far, I'm going to kill her."

Curious, I ask. "What is it, Edward?"

Edward nods his head toward one of the cars and says, "Rose and Emmett said they weren't going to be here until tomorrow and yet there's their car. I swear if Rose came here a day early just to out me to our parents I'm going to kill her. I know she's overprotective but that is just too much."

I'm actually thrilled that Rose and Emmett are here. At least I know I'll have more people on my side than just Edward if things go bad with his parents. But I hate to see Edward upset and I can only hope that Rose didn't come here to do that for him. But I keep remembering the way Rose had seemed deep in thought at the restaurant the other day, when Edward was telling them he was coming here this weekend to tell their parents he was gay. I swallow nervously and say, "I guess we'll be finding out in a few minutes one way or the other, beautiful."

Edward looks over at me and grins as he says, "It's not too late to go back to town and get a room, baby. This is our last chance to make a run for it."

I roll my eyes at Edward and shake my head as I say, "I didn't ride in a fucking car for the last 5 hours on an aching and tender ass just to back out at the last second. Come on, beautiful. Let's go tell your parents you're gay and we're in love."

Edward grins even wider and says, "Sounds like a plan, love."

We both get out of the car and I ask, "Do you think your parents have already had breakfast?"

Edward laughs and says, "Don't tell me. You're hungry. Don't worry love. If I know my mom, she'll make it her mission to fatten you up as soon as she sees how thin you are."

I cross my arms to remind myself to not hug up on Edward until after he has a chance to tell his parents about us. But Edward surprises me by coming up to me and wrapping his arm around my waist as we walk up the sidewalk toward the house.

I stop and look at Edward confused as I say, "I thought you said no hugging until you had a chance to tell your parents."

Edward turns me toward him and cups my face in his hands and says, "I love you, Jasper. And I don't care if the whole world knows it. If for some reason my parents can't accept us, you are still the man I'm going home with and loving on from now on. You are the most important person in the world for me. I care more about you feeling safe and secure while we're here than I do about my parents being in shock that I'm gay. Now, come here and distract me before we go inside."

Edward's lips meet mine and his arms wrap around me as he kisses me, right out there in front of his parents' house. He kisses me until I'm left breathless and trembling in his arms. Edward pulls back from the kiss and caresses my cheek with a smile. He wraps his arm around my waist and whispers, "Come on, love. Let's do this."

We go up the steps onto the porch and Edward pauses by the front door and looks at me one more time and the love I see shining out of his eyes makes my heart swell. He gently strokes my face in a soft caress and smiles one more time before he takes a deep breath and opens the door.

I look around in amazement as we walk inside. The place is fucking huge! I'd love to go exploring and check the place out, but I keep in mind that Edward needs me by his side right now. Maybe I can go exploring later after we get this part over with. Well, maybe after I eat a little something first.

I look around and at first I don't think there's anybody else here, but then I can make out voices coming from behind a closed door. Edward walks up to the door and cocks his head, listening. Edward looks at me and explains, "It's my dad's study. Sounds like both my parents and Rose and Emmett are inside talking about something."

The voices inside are raised and I can clearly hear Rose shouting, "You're the one who taught us there was nothing more important than love! Now you're saying love is wrong? Or just that only certain kinds of love are right?"

I can't make out what is said after that but Edward is looking pissed off as he reaches for the door knob. Edward turns the knob and as he pushes the door open, I can clearly hear Rose shout, "For god's sake dad, there's nothing unnatural about it!"

I stay at the threshold as Edward slams the door open with a crash. He walks up to Rose and shouts, "What the hell are you doing? You had no right to come here before me and tell mom and dad that I was gay!"

The whole room goes silent and Rose hisses at him, "Edward, you ass. Everything isn't always about you. We were telling mom and dad that Emmett asked me to marry him and I said yes!"


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey y'all. Once again, thanks for all the lovely reviews and for all the lovely people who have added this to their favorites.**

**I hope you guys are still enjoying my tale as Jasper finally meets Edward's parents.**

**I found a few surprises while actually doing a little research for this chapter. Imagine my surprise that something I was making up for the plot turned out to be true. Now I'm going to have to find a realistic fix or fake a fix later on...lol.**

**I want to thank everybody that has read this and that takes the time to let me know they like it. Your words of encouragement are greatly appreciated!**

**Usual disclaimer: Ms Meyer's characters, my imagination...**

* * *

_I stay at the threshold as Edward slams the door open with a crash and as he walks up to Rose and shouts, "What the hell are you doing? You had no right to come here before me and tell mom and dad I was gay!" _

_The whole room goes silent and Rose hisses at him, "Edward, you ass. Everything isn't always about you. I was telling mom and dad that Emmett asked me to marry him and I said yes!"_

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 22**

**JPOV (Saturday continued…)**

Edward breathlessly says, "Oh." Then glances back at me with wide eyes, as all the color drains from his face. He swallows and repeats, "Oh… crap." I hear a snort and look to see Emmett sitting on a couch against the wall. Edward's head swivels back and forth between me and two people leaning against a desk at the end of the room in front of the floor-to-ceiling bay windows. I assume they are Edward's mom and dad. His mom is biting her lips and his dad has his hand in front of his mouth and they both look like they're trying very hard to not laugh.

Edward is as white as…well, as white as me when he turns back to Rose and stammers out. "Oh god, I am so sorry Rose. I… uh, ...I… um, …I… oh crap! Um, yeah… congratulations sis, and uh Emmett. Um, mom? Dad? I, uh…I'm…we're…"

Remembering that I had come here to give Edward moral support while he came out to his parents, I slowly enter the room with my heart pounding and my knees shaking. I walk up beside Edward, close enough to feel his body heat but not quite touching him. Rose gives me a smile and Edward turns and looks at me.

He smiles and sighs as he visibly relaxes, then wraps an arm around my waist and turns us both toward his parents and says in a breathless rush, "Mom, dad… I… uh, I don't know if you two will be surprised or not but I'm gay and this is my boyfriend."

Edward's mom bursts out laughing and says, "Thank god! I'd hate to think you two were making out in the front yard like you were, if you were both straight."

My eyes go wide and dart to the windows. You can clearly see all the way to where Edward's car is parked. They'd all obviously watched Edward and me kissing and holding onto each other out there. I swallow down the huge fucking lump in my throat and look at Edward who is doing a serious imitation of a fish out of water as his mouth keeps opening and closing.

Emmett jumps up and slaps Edward on the back, almost knocking him over. "See Rose, I told you Edward could do it."

Rose looks at Edward as she shakes her head. "Really, Edward? You really thought I was going to out you?"

Edward looks embarrassed as he quietly says, "I'm sorry, Rose. It's just you get crazy with your over protectiveness sometimes and you told me you weren't going to be here until tomorrow. I just assumed you came early to try and deflect things for me."

Emmett starts laughing and kisses Rose as he says, "Oh, get off your high horse, hun." Then he looks over at Edward and grins as he says, "She wanted to, but I convinced her to give you a chance to do it yourself. But she probably would have anyway if you'd been about half an hour later in getting here."

Edward grins as he looks at Rose and says, "Ha! I knew it."

Rose grins and says, "Oh bite me, Edward."

My legs start trembling again when Edward's dad crosses his arms and says, "What do you mean you're gay? Edward, did you not stand here in this room 6 years ago and tell me you weren't gay?"

Edward's face turns even whiter and he swallows before saying, "Actually, no dad. We were upstairs in my bedroom and I was lying down on my bed when I told you that."

Edward's dad's lips twitch like he's trying to smile as he says, "Don't get smart with me young man."

Edward looks down, "Sorry dad, but when we were standing in here, you were talking about different people taking different paths. I know now what you wanted me to tell you but I didn't even have a clue what you were talking about back then. As a matter of fact, I didn't figure out and accept the fact that I was gay until a few days ago. I hope… I hope you're not too disappointed in me."

Edward's dad looks surprised as he shakes his head as he says, "Disappointed? No, son, I could never be disappointed in any of my children. If anything I'm proud of you for finally being true to yourself. I've worried for years that I had done something or said something to you to make you think you had to pretend to be something you're not." Then Edward's dad grins as he says, "Edward did you really, honestly not know you were gay before this week?"

Edward gives a small smile and a shrug, "No sir, I seem to be the last person in the state of Washington to have figured it out."

Edward's mom says, "Edward, you're being rude, introduce your young man."

Edward's eyes go wide and he looks at me and says, "Oh, I am so sorry, love." Edward smiles and he caresses the side of my face and the arm he has wrapped around my waist tightens. Then he turns back to his parents and says, "Dad, first off, I'd like to apologize for my childish behavior from when we first moved here to Washington. Second, I'd like to thank you for doing the right thing and leaving that first weekend. Thank you for saving the life of the boy, who grew up to be the man that I love and plan on spending the rest of my life with. Mom, dad, I'd like you to meet Jasper Whitlock. Jasper, I'd like you to meet my parents, Carlisle and Esme Cullen."

Edward's mom is looking at me in shock as she grabs his dad's arm. "Oh my god, Carlisle, I knew he looked familiar. Edward has brought Jasper home to us at last." I watch as recognition dawns on Edward's dad's face and his eyes fill with tears.

Feeling incredibly shy all of a sudden, I look down and try to shift back behind Edward but his arm stays firm around my waist keeping me at his side. Taking a deep breath to steady my nerves, I peek back up at Edward's parents and smile shyly at them as I say. "Hello, Dr. Cullen, Mrs. Cullen. I… sir, I just wanted to say thank you for everything you did to save my life that night and for saving my leg so that I'm able to walk."

Edward's dad slowly walks over to us and reaches up toward my shirt collar but stops when I flinch back. Edward leans in and kisses my neck and whispers, "It's alright, Jasper. My parents would never hurt you."

His hand still hovering where he stopped it, Edward's dad looks at me as if asking permission. I swallow nervously then I nod my head and look down again as I shift closer to Edward. His dad lifts my shirt collar back to where he can see under it to my scars. Edward's dad looks sad as he shakes his head. "I'm sorry. We were all working so hard to stop the bleeding that we didn't have time to worry about how bad you would scar." Then he drops my collar and wraps a hand behind my neck and pulls me into a hug and whispers. "Welcome home, son." Then Edward's dad pulls Edward into the hug too.

Edward's mom comes over and wraps all of us into a hug as tears run down her face. Then Emmett and Rose rush over and both join in on the hug. I'm starting to feel panicky and closed in from so many people being huddled up around me so tight. Not sure what to do, I look over at Edward but he has tears running down his face too as he hugs his dad back.

I anxiously look over at Rose who is biting her lip and looks close to tears as well. Seeing my panic, Rose smiles and winks at me before stepping back and saying. "Hello! We were having a family discussion here and I have the floor. Edward is just going to have to wait his turn!"

Everybody steps back, wiping at their faces as they all try to compose their selves. Rose steps up to Edward and whispers in his ear. "Take baby boy over to sit down before he falls down, Edward."

Edward nods and whispers, "Thanks, sis." Then in a louder voice Edward says, "I'm so sorry sis. I shouldn't have barged in and interrupted you. Sorry mom. Sorry dad. Um, really we don't mind waiting our turn." Then Edward helps me over to the couch. My legs are shaking so hard I can barely walk. Edward sits me down next to Emmett and then sits on my other side. He turns toward me and wraps his arm around my waist as he rests his head against the back of my neck and whispers, "Well, it wasn't how we planned it, but I guess it works."

Emmett grins at me and whispers, "Hey, dude are you going to be alright?" I give Emmett a wide eyed nod as my teeth start chattering.

Edward pulls me closer to him and whispers, "Shh, everything is alright love, the hardest part is over now." Edward looks over at Emmett and asks, "So why exactly are we having a family discussion? What was all that I heard Rose saying about different kinds of love being unnatural?"

Emmett rolls his eyes, "Dad is pitching his 'You can't be together because you two are brother and sister' spiel again."

Edward's dad takes a deep breath and lets it out as he wipes his face again and says, "Emmett it's not a spiel. I've been trying to explain..."

Edward looks at his dad, "Come on, dad. They aren't blood relatives and they love each other. What's the problem?"

His dad says, "The problem is they were adopted to be my children and ..."

Edward interrupts saying, "Dad, they've been in love since they met and have been lovers since they were 17. I would think you'd be happy they want to tie the knot and make things official. And Rose was right, you've always taught us there is nothing more important in this life than being with the person you love and spending your life with them."

Edward hugs me tight around the waist and kisses me on the back of the neck. I lean further back into the safety of Edward's arms as he wraps them both around me. Now that all the attention is off of me, I'm able to relax a little, but I can feel my face heating up as Edward's parents watch us.

Emmett groans and drops his head in his hands, "Thanks a lot, Eddie! I told dad we were 20 the first time we did it."

Edward says, "How many times do I have to ask you to NOT call me Eddie!"

Edward's dad yells, "Seventeen! Emmett you two were still living here at home and having sex?"

Emmett looks at his dad saying, "Don't worry dad, we never did it here in the house. Hell, I think Chief Swan has seen my ass naked more times than you and mom have."

Rose looks panicked as she looks back and forth from her parents to Edward and Emmett and yells, "Would you two shut up!"

Edward's mom starts laughing and says, "Emmett McCarty Cullen! Do not tell me you two were out parking where anybody in the world could look in and see you!"

Emmett actually looks embarrassed then looks over at Edward with an evil smirk. "Hell mom, I'm not the only one around here to ever go parking. I know for a fact that Edward went parking at least once when we were teenagers."

Edward turns bright red and then gives a smirk back at Emmett, "Thanks a lot asshole. Oh, and I heard all about you two getting caught again by the chief _an hour ago_. Charlie says he got quite the eyeful."

Edward's dad sounds shocked as he says, "Oh god, Edward. Tell me you weren't parking with that punk Mike Newton!"

Edward yells, "What! Hell, no! How many times do I have to say that Mike and I were just friends? I was out there with Bella."

Emmett nudges me with his shoulder and grins as he whispers, "And just where did the two of you run into the chief? Did he catch you guys parking, too?" I grin and nod as my face heats up again. Edward shoots us a wide eyed startled look and then glances at his dad to see if he heard.

Edward's dad asks, "Why the hell were you parking with Bella, if you're gay? I thought… hang on isn't Bella gay too? Wait, if you're here with Jasper, when did you go parking with Bella?"

Edward rolls his eyes and says, "Prom night, dad! Don't you remember we were dating our senior year?"

His dad looks confused and says, "I thought she broke up with you Prom night."

Edwards sighs and says, "She did, dad."

Looking even more confused, his dad asks. "Why would you take her parking after she broke up with you?"

With a frustrated groan, Edward says. "Oh hell dad, she broke up with me _after_ we went parking not before."

His dad looks deep in thought as he nods his head and says, "Oh right, I guess that makes sense. Well, I can only assume two in denial gay kids trying to make out with the opposite sex on Prom night couldn't have worked out very well." And then he grins and starts laughing.

I look down and try to hide my own grin. I think Edward's dad is fucking with him.

Rose crosses her arms as she looks at Edward and says, "Fine, if we're not going to follow the rules and finish my discussion, then I'll just join in yours. If you and Mike were just friends, then explain why you were having nightmares about him for months after we left for college."

Edward gives Rose an incredulous look as he says, "Thanks a lot Rose!"

Rose bites her lip, looking worried as she says. "Please, Edward, it's time to tell them everything."

Edward's mom looks concerned as she says, "Edward? You were having nightmares? What did that Newton boy do to you? Why didn't you tell us?"

His dad goes from laughing to furious in an instant and says, "I knew it! I knew that manipulative, control freak, punk did something to you! Why did you tell me he didn't do anything to you?"

I look behind me at Edward as I suddenly understand why Edward always worries that he's telling me what to do and what to wear. It sounds like he went through that kind of control with that fucker Mike.

Edward looks down and says, "I said Mike didn't… hurt me, dad. I didn't exactly say he didn't do anything to me."

Edward's mom walks over and kneels down in front of Edward and says, "What did he do to you, son?"

Edward glances at his mom and dad and then at Rose and Emmett. The whole room has gone silent as they wait for Edward to talk. Edward hugs me tighter and buries his face in the back of my neck. I squeeze his hands to show my support.

Looking away and blinking his eyes, Edward swallows a couple of times before saying. "I'm sorry, I'm not quite ready to talk about it, but I promise I will tell you soon, mom. I'm actually going to start going to therapy next week."

Edward's dad says, "Edward, you know your mom and I will love you, no matter what."

Edward looks up at his dad and says, "Please, dad, I'm just not ready to talk about it yet. I will soon though, I promise."

Looking disappointed his dad says, "Alright son, but please Edward just remember I've always told all of you kids that you can tell us anything and we'll understand."

Edward shakes his head and says, "Yeah, I can see how understanding you're being with Rose and Emmett. Look dad, I understand why you tried to dissuade them from being together when they were kids. But they're grown adults now and they know what they want. And what they want is each other. Can't you just be happy for them?"

His dad sighs and shakes his head as he says, "You came in during the middle of the conversation, Edward. I was trying to explain to Rose and Emmett that there are too many people out there who will never understand two adopted people that were raised as brother and sister wanting to get married, even if they aren't blood relatives. They are going to say that kind of love is wrong. There are even people out there that are going to call it unnatural."

Emmett growls out, "We don't care what other people think, dad! We love each other and we want to get married."

Edward asks, "So are you telling them they can't get married because you're afraid of what other people are going to say about it?"

Rose says, "Dad, I never expected you to be one to worry about what other people think."

Their dad groans and pinches the bridge of his nose as he says, "You're all not listening to me. I personally, well your mother and I are _both_ thrilled that you want to get married. We've been expecting this for years."

Rose looks like she's going to cry as she says, "Then what is the problem? Why are you telling us we can't get married?"

Their dad looks over at their mom, looking at a loss. Edward's mom stands up and walks back to Edward's dad and wraps an arm around his waist before saying. "You're dad and I knew this day would eventually come and we've been doing a little discreet research. I'm sorry kids but l_egally_, we are your parents and you two are our children and it is illegal for adopted siblings to get married, even if they have no blood relatives in common. It's illegal in the state of Washington, as well every other state we've looked into so far."

I flinch back against Edward when Emmett jumps up with his fists clenched and yells, "That's not fair! We're not related! What? Are we being punished for being orphans and being adopted by the same people?"

Edward tightens his arms around me and says, "Emmett, please. You're scaring Jasper."

Edward's dad says, "Emmett no one is punishing you two. What we're going to have to do is…"

Rose says, "Edward is baby boy alright? Emmett calm down. We'll figure this out."

Emmett looks down at me and says, "I'm so sorry, Jasper. I didn't mean to scare you, dude."

I shake my head and say, "I'm alright Emmett. You just startled me."

About that time I hear Alice's perky voice saying, "Okay, what did we miss?" Edward and I stand up too as the Doc and Alice walk into the room. Well, Doc walks into the room and Alice just kind of bounces around.

Emmett looks at them and says, "What took you so long? Did you two get caught parking by Charlie too?"

Alice rolls her eyes and says, "I wondered why Charlie gave us such a strange look and started laughing when we pulled over to talk to him on the side of the highway. Let me guess, you and Rose got caught for the 20th time, making out at the local teen parking spot with bare asses in the air."

Doc laughs and sounding scandalized says, "Alice!"

Rose grins as she flips her hair over her shoulder and says, "Oh Alice, really. Keep up sis. That had to be at least the 25th time!"

Emmett booming laughter echoes through the room as he says, "Yep, maybe even the 30th time, but I bet you can't guess who else got caught with their pants down today!" Then he slaps Edward on the back.

Edward's mom and dad start laughing and his mom says, "Edward Anthony Cullen! Did the chief of police catch you two boys with your pants down?"

Edward turns bright red and says, "No! Of course not." I give Edward a sideways glance and try to hide my smile as my face heats up. Edward turns even redder as he grins and says, "We didn't run into Charlie until _after_ we were, um… done… and we were… um, pulling out of… uh, pulling out of the trees where we were parking."

Edward's dad barks out a laugh and says, "Oh god, I thought you were going to say you were pulling out of something else."

Edward sounds absolutely mortified as he yells, "Dad!"

Rose grabs Edward's hand and is practically jumping up and down as she excitedly squeals, "You're not wearing your purity ring! Are you guys having sex! How was it? Did you like it? Did it hurt? Who's pitching and who's catching? Edward you have to tell me everything! Oh, I'm so happy for you!"

I look at Rose confused as I wonder what the fuck playing ball has to do with any of the other things she just asked.

Emmett slaps Edward on the back again as he says, "Way to go, Eddie. I guess you were able to get a hold of Ben, so he could explain how to have butt sex without ripping each other a new one then?"

The Doc laughs and looks at me and says, "Jasper? Really?" I frantically shake my head no at him.

Edward's mom starts laughing and says, "Rose, Emmett, leave the boys alone. You're embarrassing them. Edward dear, you two are practicing safe sex, aren't you?"

Edward sounds even more mortified as he yells, "Mom!" I start snickering and bury my face in Edward's back and wrap my arms around his waist now that I've finally managed to shift around behind him.

Alice laughs and says, "You should see the sacks full of condoms and lube these two bought, mom. I think they plan on going at it like jack rabbits!"

The Doc bursts out laughing and looks at me again. I turn bright red as I bury my face back into Edward's back again as Edward yells, "Alice, shut the hell up! Not that it's any of you guys business but we have not had sex yet! Well, at least not…. _that_ kind of sex, anyway."

Emmett laughs and asks, "How many kinds of sex is there, Edward? Oh wait I get it! You're only up to hand jobs and blow jobs right? So have you two tried to…."

Edward's dad starts laughing and says, "Enough! I do not need descriptive details about what kind of sex my children are having!"

Edward's mom pats Edward on the arm and grins as she says, "Well at least you boys were smart enough to plan ahead and have supplies for when you're ready, dear."

Alice rolls her eyes as she shakes her head, then she says. "So what have we missed?"

Emmett starts ticking his fingers off one by one as he says, "Edward told mom and dad he was gay as if they didn't already know it. Especially after sucking face and making out with Jasper in front of the house where everybody could see. Mom and dad realized who Jasper was and everybody got a little emotional. Rose told mom and dad that that creep Mike did something to Edward to give him nightmares, but Edward still won't say what it was. Oh and I asked Rose to marry me. She said yes. But mom and dad said it's illegal."

Peeking back out from behind Edward, I grin at the Doc as I say. "Hey Doc, it's great to see you two together."

The Doc grins back and wraps an arm around Alice's waist and winks at me.

Edward's dad notices the Doc for the first time and looks confused as he says, "Dr. Sim? You're not… you're not here to get Jasper are you?" Edward's dad steps between where the Doc is standing and where Edward and I are standing, as if blocking the Doc's path. Edward's mom joins him and then so does Rose and Emmett.

The Doc looks embarrassed as he says, "No, sir, Dr. Cullen. I'm actually here with your daughter, Alice. I've actually come to ask your permission…"

Alice starts bouncing up and down and practically shrieks, "He asked me to marry him!"

Alice, Rose and their mom rush to each other shrieking and laughing and jumping up and down as their mom says, "Oh, my baby girls are both getting married!"

Rose says, "Oh we have to plan a double wedding! It will be great!"

Alice shrieks, "Oh it's going to be beautiful!"

And the three of them huddle up in the corner of the room and start whispering and giggling and making plans.

The Doc clears his throat and says, "Well, I _was_ going to ask your permission to marry your daughter, Dr. Cullen."

Edward's dad looks at the women as they burst into a fresh round of giggles. He shakes his head as he says in a bewildered voice. "As if I would have _any_ say in the matter. Um, welcome to the family Dr…"

The Doc interrupts and says, "Call me Alistair, Dr. Cullen."

Edward's dad smiles and says, "Call me Carlisle. You too, Jasper."

The Doc asks, "What was your son saying about it being illegal to get married?"

Carlisle sighs and says, "It's illegal for adoptive siblings to marry in most states in the U.S. regardless of whether they have any actual blood relationship. We're still searching to see if it's legal in any of them. Esme and I thought that perhaps the two of them could settle for having some kind of unofficial ceremony here and then going to another country on their honeymoon and getting a legal marriage there, if we can even find one where it is legal. Although, I'm not too sure if their marriage would still be legal when they came back."

All the women come back over as Carlisle is speaking. Alice taps her chin and says, "Couldn't one them just change their name back to their original birth name?"

Rose smiles and says, "That's brilliant. I'll just change my last name back to Hale and use my original birth certificate. Then when I marry Emmett, I'll be a Cullen again!"

Carlisle shakes his head and says, "No that wouldn't work Rose. If somebody actually looked up your birth records, your adoption would come up and your marriage would be void and one or both of you could possibly be fined or even charged with fraud."

Edward's mom says, "Now children, I assume nobody plans on getting married immediately so we have plenty of time to figure things out. Oh, this is turning out to be such a great weekend! All my children have finally met somebody! Now, Alice your father and I have already met Dr. Sim and I know Jasper knows him so why don't you introduce him to the others."

Alice starts introducing the Doc to Rose and Emmett and I look at the Doc trying to figure out why he looks different. I finally grin and say, "You shaved off your goatee! And what happened to your gray hair? You don't look old anymore."

The Doc actually looks embarrassed as he says, "Alice talked me into shaving and as far as the hair goes…."

Alice bursts out laughing and says, "The silly thing has been frosting his hair gray to make his self look older for his patients!"

Carlisle asks, "Just how old are you Doct…. um, Alistair?"

Alice steps in front of the Doc and crosses her arms and arches that damn eyebrow and says, "It doesn't matter how old Alistair is. We're getting married. Well as long as Charlie comes back with good news that is."

Carlisle crosses his arms and says in a warning voice, "Alice!"

Alice puffs up and in the same voice says, "Carlisle!"

Carlisle laughs and pulls Alice into a hug as he asks, "Are you sure about this, little one?"

Alice's eyes are dancing as she squeals and says, "Oh dad, it was just like how you always describe meeting mom! There was so much electricity in the air you could practically see the sparks. It was so exciting that I even forgot I was supposed to be shopping with Jasper."

Carlisle laughs and says, "Oh well, if you forgot you were shopping, then I guess it's the real deal."

Edward's mom asks, "Alice dear, what were you and Alistair talking to Charlie about? What good news is he supposed to be bringing to you?"

Alice looks at the Doc and smiles as she says, "We asked Charlie if he could do us a favor and compare our DNA. Alistair says he's positive there are no missing relatives in his family but I thought it better to be safe now than sorry later."

Carlisle looks confused and asks, "Why would you ask Charlie to do that? You need a doctor for that. I could have had those tests run for you."

Alice smiles and says, "Because Charlie has access to A.F.I.S and C.O.D.I.S. Don't you remember you guys had my DNA put into the missing children's database, in case somebody ever came looking for me? Well Alistair is in another database from when one of his patients went psycho. He had to give DNA samples in the elimination process. We asked Charlie if he could call up some buddies in the state lab and get them to do a quick comparison for us! Charlie said he should know something by this afternoon."

Carlisle shakes his head and asks, "Who raised all these smart kids, Esme?"

Edward's mom laughs and says, "Two people that are so very proud of their children. Now girls, you two go make up the spare guestrooms for Alistair and Jasper. Edward, you and Emmett go and bring everybody's bags inside and Jasper you come with me. I've been listening to your stomach growl for the last half hour and I'm sure you need to eat. Really Edward, why didn't you stop and feed this poor boy on the way in."

Alice crosses her arms and puffs up again and says, "Alistair will be sharing my room with me."

The Doc turns bright red and says, "Now angel, it's alright. Don't make a fuss."

Edward looks nervous as he says, "I really wanted Jasper to stay with me, mom. Oh and I did feed him in Port Angeles. He eats like a horse!"

I shake my head and say, "Edward, I'll be alright by myself."

Rose huffs and says, "Well if they're all staying with each other then Emmett and I will be sharing a room too!"

Emmett says, "Hell yeah! We don't want to be the only ones missing out on having sex around here!"

They all start arguing with each other as Edward's mom takes me by the arm and says in a loud voice. "Fine, talk your father into it and you can all sleep together! Goodness knows you're all old enough to know what you want and I can only assume you sleep together at your own places." Then she starts leading me away as she says, "Come along dear, I know just what we need to do to get a little meat on your bones."

As we leave the room and head to the kitchen I hear all them talking at the same time saying, "Dad!"

Edward's mom leads me into the kitchen and the first thing she does is open the freezer and pull out an ice cream bar and hand it to me saying, "Here eat this first dear, while I whip you up a sandwich. This should tide you over until lunch anyway."

My eyes light up when I see the ice cream. "Thanks, Mrs. Cullen!"

She turns back and scolds me. "Now we'll have none of that Mrs. Cullen nonsense. You will call me Esme, dear. Got that?"

I grin and say, "Yes, Esme dear."

Esme dear smiles again and starts making me a sandwich as I inhale the ice cream bar. She looks at me and shakes her head as she says, "I think you're doing a remarkable job in interacting with everybody Jasper… and in holding your tongue."

I look at Esme dear feeling confused, "How did…? I wondered why you said you recognize me earlier. But I'm sure I would have remembered if I'd met you before."

Esme dear smiles and says, "I'm not sure if you know it or not, but Carlisle and I petitioned Dr. Sim to let us be your foster parents not long after you woke up in the hospital. Naturally the two doctors wound up getting into a lengthy discussion on your medical treatment, so I ventured out and observed you during a physical therapy session. At first I was shocked at the language coming out of both you and your therapist's mouths, before I understood it was your way of communicating back then. We've fostered many children in our day and if I've learned anything, it's that any communication is better than none. I see you've come a long way since those days."

I look down and blush as I say, "Yes, ma'am." Then I look up and ask, "Can I ask you something?"

Esme dear smiles and says, "Of course, dear."

I bite my lip as I try to figure out how I want to ask. "Why did Carlisle cry like that when he saw me?"

Esme dear sighs and says, "Carlisle has had a very hard time dealing with all the guilt he's felt concerning you, Jasper."

Confused, I ask. "Guilt?"

Esme dear nods and says, "Carlisle's felt guilty for years. After operating on you and seeing firsthand the horror you endured, Carlisle's first reaction was relief that those men had turned in the other direction that night and his children had been spared. Then Carlisle was overcome with guilt that he could feel relief that that horror had happened to another family. Carlisle of course loves all of our children, but Edward is his son and Carlisle knows in his heart that if you hadn't been the one to suffer that night, that it would have been Edward that it happened to. And Carlisle knows as well as I do that Edward would not have survived what you went through."

I swallow and look down as I think about what happened to me, all because three psychopaths turned in one direction instead of the other. I shake my head and say, "Carlisle has nothing to feel guilty for. It was just a bad twist of fate that the same week we moved here those monsters escaped from prison halfway across the U. S. and went on a killing spree. I heard they did the same thing to 3 other families as they crossed the country to here. Out of all their victims, I'm the only one who survived. And I think the only reason I survived is because of Carlisle. If he hadn't worked so hard to save me, I would have died."

Esme dear gives me a hug and says, "I'm so happy Edward found you. I've worried for years about that boy being alone all the time. I never understood why a teenage boy would make a decision to put on a purity ring and stay celibate until marriage."

I bite into my sandwich and chew it up wishing I could tell Esme dear why, but I would never betray Edward's trust in me like that. I just hope after Edward starts going to therapy with me, or alone for that matter, that he'll be able to eventually open up more to his family.

I finish eating my sandwich and insist on washing my own plate. I follow Esme dear back to the study but stop outside the door when I hear all the arguing going on inside. Esme dear turns to me and asks, "Are you alright dear?"

I sigh and say, "Yes ma'am, but would you think I was rude if I don't go back in there? It's getting a little crowded for me. Would you mind terribly if I stayed out here and maybe looked around your place a little bit?"

Esme dear smiles and reaches up and cups my face in her palm as she says, "You make yourself at home here, Jasper. Feel free to explore and I'll try and get Edward back out here for you, as quick as I can straighten out my unruly kids."

Sighing with relief I say, "Thank you, ma'am." Then I smile and say, "Edward is really lucky to have your for a mom, Esme dear."

Esme dear pats my arm and turns me around and says, "Go on now, before you embarrass me." Then she goes into the study and closes the door.

Feeling a little timid about being by myself, I slowly wander around and check out the living room. One whole wall is windows with a view of the forest in the distance on the other side of a large stream or small river. On this side of the water are some beautiful gardens and a lovely gazebo.

The living room is enormous and has a huge big screen TV, there's a large collection of movies and console games, two chairs, a love seat and a long couch. I wander through it checking out the pictures on the wall of the Cullen's at different ages. I'm actually looking at a picture of Edward when he was a teenager, when I feel his hands come around my waist as his arms wrap around me.

I lean back into him and turn my face back toward him as he leans his head down and kisses me. Edward's soft chaste kiss deepens into a hungry kiss as my arm comes up and wraps around the back of his neck. I moan softly as his hands run across my stomach and chest. I push my ass back against him as both our breathing picks up. Edward finally breaks the kiss, panting hard as he says, "I missed ya, baby."

I smile and lean my head sideways as Edward starts kissing down the side of my neck. Moaning softly, I say. "I missed you too, beautiful. So, what's the verdict? Sleeping together or separate rooms?"

Edward's hands run down to my hips as he pulls me closer and grinds against me harder before saying, "We can stay together. We just have to behave ourselves."

I breathlessly say, "Right. Behave our selves. Oh god, that feels good." Edward's hand slides down my body and barely grazes my quickly growing cock. Then with a groan I say, "Edward stop or I'm going to get kicked out before we even make it to your room."

Edward laughs against my neck but he stills his hands and brings them back up to my waist. He nuzzles his face against the side of my neck and whispers, "Let's go get our bags and bring them inside. You look exhausted, baby."

Confused, I shake my head and say. "I feel fine, Edward."

Edward sucks on my ear lobe making me moan, and then he says. "Oh no, trust me you're exhausted, Jasper. I think you need to lie down and take a nap, love. And since this is your first time in a strange place I, of course, need to lay down with you."

I grin and say, "Right. I'm fucking exhausted Edward."

Edward whispers, "Shh, language, love."

I whisper back, "Sorry. I must have forgotten in my terror at the thought of lying down by myself. Would it inconvenience you too much to stay with me while I take a nap?"

Edward sucks my earlobe back into his mouth again before he whispers, "I need to taste you on my tongue again, love. How quiet can you be?"

I moan and say, "I think I can stay just as quiet as you, as long as I keep my mouth and tongue occupied too. What was that number again?"

Edward moans this time and asks, "69?" Edward's hands slides across my stomach again.

"Mmmhmmm." I hum out as Edward sucks on my neck.

With a groan Edward steps away from me and tries to catch his breath. Then he says, "Let's go get the bags, love."

******

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**Thanks for reading! Hope y'all liked it!**


	23. Chapter 23

**As always thanks for all the lovely reviews and to all you lovely people who have added this to their favorites. You have no idea how much I love reading them. I get a little thrill every time I check my inbox and find a new one. Seriously, I just love all you people reading this and I hope everybody enjoys reading this journey as much as I'm enjoying writing it. **

**Oh and a special thank you goes out to Darloudasha for helping me look for some info on adoption…still working on that mess but I think I have an idea on how to solve it. **

**Usual disclaimer: Ms. Meyers beautiful boys but my imagination…**

* * *

_He moans this time and asks, "69?" as his hands starts sliding across my stomach again._

"_Mmmhmmm." I hum out as he starts sucking on my neck._

_With a groan he steps back away from me and tries to catch his breath, then he says, "Let's go get the bags, love."_

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 23**

**JPOV (Saturday continued…)**

Edward and I head outside to the car to get our bags. We're almost to the car when Edward stops me with a hand on my arm. I stop and look back at him, wondering why he stopped. He reaches up and caresses my cheek before he wraps his hand behind my neck and pulls my face to his with our foreheads touching. His other hand slides around to the small of my back and pulls my body flush up against his. Edward's lips softly brush against mine and he whispers, "Thank you, love. Thank you for being here and doing this with me. I wouldn't have been able to do it without you. I feel like a ton of bricks have lifted off of me now that they know."

I smile and kiss Edward back before saying, "You've done so much for me. I'm glad to finally be able to do something for you, Edward. Although, I'm not too sure what all I actually did."

"Baby, just being there by my side with your eyes shining with love, gave me the strength I needed to do this. Just knowing that you're able to go out every single day facing your fears, gave me the courage to stand there and face my parents. I love you so damn much, Jasper. I've been looking and waiting for you for so long, baby. I'm so thankful that I finally found you." Edward's lips meet mine in another soft kiss and then he grins. I squawk in surprise when he reaches down and wraps both arms around my waist and picks me up and starts spinning us around and around. He throws his head back laughing and yelling, "We did it!"

I wrap my arms around Edward's neck and hold on tight while laughing and yelling, "Edward, stop! Put me down! Edward, everyone in there can see us!"

He keeps laughing and yells, "Good! Let them see how much I love you. Let them see how happy we are together."

Edward smiles a mischievous smile and he walks me over to the car. He lifts me up a little higher and sits me down on the side of the hood and spreads my legs and steps between them. He wraps his arms around me and whispers, "Let them see how bad I need you, how bad I want you."

He takes my face in both his hands and crushes his lips to mine, his tongue insistent as it explores my mouth. Edward runs one hand down to my lower back and he slides me closer to him as he leans into me harder causing our hips to grind together. At first, I'm worried that everybody in the study might be watching us, but it doesn't take long for me to lose all ability to think, or care, as Edward's delicious tongue meets mine. His one hand holds my body close to him as the other cups my face with his thumb gently caressing my cheek.

My hands wind up tangled in Edward's hair while I kiss him back just as hard and deep as he's kissing me. My body feels like it's on fire and is throbbing in tune to my racing heartbeat. I moan when he runs the hand on my face down to join the other on my ass. He pulls me even closer while grinding against me. I start leaning back and trying to pull Edward on top of me.

With a groan Edward shakes his head and pulls back as he breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against mine. We both try to slow our ragged breathing. Edward's hands rest on my legs and begin to slide up and down my thighs. Damn it, I just want to get him naked and rub my body all over him! Thinking about Edward's earlier comments about going to his room and tasting each other, I peek up toward the house and freeze. I whisper to Edward, "Fuck Edward, your dad is standing on the porch watching us."

Edward stiffens up in shock and says, "Oh, shit." Then he sighs and relaxes against me as he nuzzles his face into my neck. He kisses and sucks on my neck and I tilt my head to the side to give him better access. With a final kiss and lick Edward buries his face into my neck and whispers, "What's he doing?"

I peek up again and whisper back. "He's just standing there, watching us and running his hand through his hair like you do when you're nervous."

Edward laughs softly into my neck and whispers. "I think my dad has just had a holy shit moment."

I start to ask what a holy shit moment is but when I peek back up toward the porch. I stiffen up and whisper out. "Oh, shit."

Edward kisses my neck and whispers, "Now what?"

I whisper back, "Now the Doc is on the porch too and he's talking to your dad. Oh crap! They're both coming over here."

Edward laughs softly into my neck again and whispers. "Relax baby. We're not doing anything wrong. Don't worry, I figure we're both about to receive a little fatherly advice from our dads."

My whole face lights up in a smile when Edward says that about them being our dads. It's funny though, I've told the Doc every single detail of my life in the years since I woke up in the hospital, but now for some reason I find myself nervous about talking to him. I wonder with our relationship changing, will our talks change?

Carlisle calls out. "Um, Edward?"

Edward sighs and pulls back and stares into my eyes. He kisses me tenderly one more time and turns around to face his dad. He takes my hands and wraps my arms around him as he leans back against me. Then he resumes running his hands up and down my legs as he asks, "Yeah, dad?"

Carlisle's eyes follow Edward's hands as they move up and down my legs. He clears his throat and looks at Edward and asks, "Can I talk to you for a minute? In private?"

The Doc speaks up and says, "Can I talk to you too, Jasper? Just for a few minutes?"

Edward smiles and says, "Of course, dad. Hang on just a sec." Edward turns back around to me and lifts me off the car and steadies me on my feet. He wraps his hand behind my neck and pulls me into another soft kiss and says, "I love you, Jasper. I'll be back in a few minutes, baby."

I give him a goofy grin and say, "I love you, too." Then I watch as Edward walks away with his dad. Edward's walking with his hands in his pockets and his head bowed. He looks deep in thought as he follows his dad around the corner of the house. Right before he rounds the corner he looks back at me and smiles. I sigh, missing him already. Then I turn to the Doc and grin as I ask. "What's up, Doc?"

The Doc rolls his eyes and shakes his head at me as he smiles and says, "Very funny, you little shit. Come on and walk with me, Jasper."

We start walking in the opposite direction that Edward and his dad left in, meaning we wind up walking down the Cullen's long driveway. We're both quiet for a few minutes as we walk. I'm not sure if the Doc's waiting for me to talk or if he's trying to decide what to say to me. Finally the Doc sighs and shakes his head as he laughingly says, "Damn, here I've been wishing for a more personal than professional relationship between us and now that its here, I don't even have a clue how to act."

I grin and say, "It is kind of awkward isn't it? Maybe we could just act like we've always acted for now and just build on that?"

The Doc gives me a surprised look and says, "Alright, son. We can try that." We walk for another minute and the Doc looks over at me and says, "You've changed a lot in the few days since you've met, Edward. You seem a little more self-confident, a little less afraid in general, and totally at ease with having Edward hold you and kiss you."

I look down and smile as my face heats up. I glance back toward the Doc and say, "Doc, he's made my body come alive in the most amazing ways. I love being in Edward's arms. I love having them wrapped around me and holding me close. I feel so safe when he holds me. I love it when Edward kisses me. When his lips are on my lips, when his tongue is in my mouth, on my body, wrapped around my…"

"I get it, Jasper!" I look over at the Doc in surprise. He actually looks embarrassed…wow. I swallow nervously, not sure what to say now. I've always been able to say anything to the Doc and he's never batted an eye. The Doc clears his throat and says, "Sorry, son. I didn't mean to interrupt." He laughs and says, "I'm not used to having detailed talks about sex away from the office and I'm kind of out of my element here. Try and bear with me son, go ahead."

I look down and softly say, "I-I-I was j-j-just going to s-s-say…" I sigh in frustration when I start stuttering. I scrub my face with my hands and then try again. "I was going to say… that I didn't think it would ever be possible for me to _want_ to feel the things that Edward does to me, or rather, that we do to each other. But god Doc, I ache for Edward all the damn time! Is it normal to want somebody so much, every minute of the day?"

The Doc barks out a laugh and then he sighs and says, "I wouldn't have thought so a few days ago. But now, after meeting Alice, I know exactly what you're saying, Jasper. I never would have thought it possible to want somebody every waking moment of the day."

I wrinkle my nose and say, "Ewww, Doc. I do not want to know about your and Alice's sex life."

The Doc laughs again and actually blushes. Damn, I have never seen the Doc blush. Finally he clears his throat again and rubs the back of his neck as looks at me and says, "You boys sure seem to be moving fast, Jasper. You're both already talking love? Getting caught having sex in public? Buying sacks full of condoms and lube? Jasper, I know your first relationship can be exciting but I think you two should maybe slow down a little. I don't want to see you get hurt if things don't work out."

I bite my tongue and try to swallow down my sudden anger. I want to tell the Doc to mind his own fucking business but at the same time I know he's just trying to watch out for me like he always has. But the more I think about it the madder I get and I snap out, "We're moving fast? We're moving fast! Hello, Mr. 'I just met somebody two days ago and I've already asked them to marry me!' You're a fine one to talk!"

The Doc actually looks down and blushes again and says, "Jasper…"

But I'm on a rant now and don't stop. "Yes, we've already told each other we love each other! And yes, while it is my first real relationship with anybody ever and Edward's first relationship with a man, I know in my heart that I love Edward and I plan on spending the rest of my life with him and he feels the same way about me. And yet we both _know_ we still have a lot of things to work out as we get to know each other and try to figure out how to mesh our two separate lives together. We may be inexperienced but we're not stupid."

"Jasper, I never said…"

But I keep right on talking over the Doc, "Yes, we bought condoms and lube, because when the time comes, we both want it to be spontaneous and wonderful. But at the same time we want everything to be there so we'll be ready. And no, we didn't get caught having sex in public! We were in the middle of the damn woods and we were already done and redressed when we met Chief Swan!"

The Doc looks at me and says, "I meant to ask how that went. Did Chief Swan recognize you at all?"

My anger leaves as I blush and shake my head and say, "Oh Doc, I had hoped to meet him sometime this weekend so I could thank him for saving me that night, but I wasn't expecting it to happen so soon. I wound up bawling like a fucking baby and then I fainted like the fucking freak I am."

The Doc cups my face in his hands and shakes his head as he says, "Jasper, you are not a freak. Never say that, son. It's just your body's way of protecting your brain from more trauma and stress. Now listen to me, Jasper. I was only trying to caution you to slow down because I don't want to see you get your heart broken. But I can see now that you're actually keeping your head on pretty straight and I'm sorry I doubted you."

And then the Doc draws me in to a hug and wraps his arms around me. Yes the Doc has hugged me a time or two over the years, but it was usually when I was upset and crying and he was trying to comfort or calm me down. But being here out of the office, out of the hospital, walking and talking and trying to bond as more than doctor and patient, this hug is just fucking awkward! But strangely, it's also oddly comforting and I rest my head on his shoulder as he pats my back.

After staying like that a few moments we both step away, the Doc looks both embarrassed and happy as well. I feel a little embarrassed but at the same time I feel better about our talk. I look around and say to the Doc, "I think we should turn back now. I'm not quite ready to face the end of the driveway yet, Doc."

The Doc looks confused a second and then his face pales and he says, "Your parent's house was at the end of this driveway and straight across the highway?" I nod and swallow as I look down the road. The Doc says, "I'm sorry, Jasper. We should have walked a different direction."

I shake my head and say, "I'm okay right now. I had a really bad moment when we first turned onto the driveway. You know how tired I get when I faint or blackout? Well, I was napping after meeting the Chief and it woke me up when we turned off the highway. I almost got sick and we had to pull over for a few minutes. When Edward told me this was his parent's driveway, I almost had a panic attack but Edward was able to…um, distract me."

The Doc looks interested and asks, "Distract you? Did that work? How did Edward distract you?"

I look down and blush as I say, "Edward kissed me at first and then he…um, kind of pinned me against the tree and started to move his body against mine and..."

The Doc clears his throat again and I look up to see his face bright red as he gives me an exasperated look. The Doc says, "Let me get this straight. You two had just been parking. You got caught by the chief of police and then when you got here to the driveway you started making out again… to distract you from a panic attack? And then you make out in front of the Cullen's house in plain sight before going in to tell them Edward is gay and then you go back outside to make out some more? I'd say you two boy's libidos have definitely kicked into overdrive." The Doc barks out another laugh and shakes his head as he says, "It might slow down after you two actually start having sex, but I'm not promising anything."

I feel my own face burning bright. Hell when the Doc puts it like that it sounds like all we do is make out! I scratch my head and think, 'Huh, maybe it is all we do.' Then I grin and think, 'I'm ready for more loving from my beautiful man anytime!'

We turn and start walking back in the direction of the Cullen's house as the Doc says, "I think Edward's dad is having a discussion with him on appropriate times and places where it's okay for sexual behavior. You do know that it's a little inappropriate to be making out in front of your boyfriend's parents less than an hour after telling them he's gay, don't you? Even if they always suspected Edward was gay, it's something else entirely to see it with your own eyes."

I look down and feel bad. I hope we didn't shock them too bad. I hate the thought of causing any kind of pain to Esme dear. Which reminds me… "Hey Doc?"

"Yes, Jasper?"

"Did Alice tell you about watching your language around her mom?"

The Doc actually looks embarrassed again as he says, "Um, no, I'm afraid we haven't exactly discussed her parents much in the past couple of days. We've been busy doing….other things."

I bite my lip and try to hide my grin. I wonder how much making out the Doc and Alice has been doing. And then I wrinkle my nose again, yuck, I do not want to know. Now what the fuck was I saying? Oh right, I was telling Doc not to say fuck. "Um, do you remember Edward telling you how his dad met his mom? How she almost died from the abuse her first husband inflicted on her? Well he cussed her a lot too and Esme dear doesn't like to hear cussing, especially fuck. So we're not supposed to say it around her at all."

The Doc pales and says, "Good to know. Thanks, Jasper. "

We're both quiet for a minute as we walk and then I ask, "Doc? How come you never told me what a wet dream was?" I roll my eyes and cross my arms and pout when the Doc bursts out laughing.

The Doc finally calms down his laughing and asks, "Jasper did you have a wet dream, son?"

I'm mad again as I say, "Yeah, Edward thought it was pretty fucking hilarious too. But it scared the fucking shit of me Doc! I thought there was something wrong with me! Why didn't you tell me about them?"

The Doc stops laughing and looks serious as he says, "I'm sorry, son. I just never thought about it. There wasn't much point when you were younger and weren't even getting erections and now that you're older I guess I just assumed you knew. I'm so sorry."

I sigh and run my hands through my hair as I say, "I find something new that everybody knows, but I've never even heard of just about every day. It gets frustrating as hell, sometimes."

The Doc sighs and says, "Son, I still learn new sayings at my age that I don't know and I just have to ask what it means. It's just part of the process, we learn things by living."

I kick a rock in the road and say, "I guess."

The Doc takes a deep breath and lets it out then he clears his throat again and says, "So, how far have you and Edward got in the sex department?"

I feel my face heating up again as I keep my head down. Now I'm embarrassed. I softly say, "We kiss a lot. We love on each other with our hands. You know?"

The Doc smile and asks, "You stroke each other? A hand job? Jerk each other off?"

I frown at his terms but nod my head and say, "We also love on each other with our lips and tongue."

The Doc looks at me a second, then grins and asks, "Blow jobs?"

I frown and say, "Um, not sure if that's what… I mean, we're licking and sucking cocks not… blowing."

The Doc barks out a laugh and coughs as he says, "Trust me, son. It's called a blow job."

I shrug but don't argue the point. Then I grin and ask, "Do you know what the number 69 means?"

The Doc's face turns even redder as he says, "I might have experienced that wonderful number a time or two, myself."

I frown in confusion and say, "But you're not gay."

Now the Doc looks confused as he says, "Um, no, I am definitely not gay, son."

I scratch my head and say, "I thought 69 was two guys sucking each other's cock at the same time."

The Doc starts coughing and I have my suspicions that he's laughing at me, but it's hard to tell with his hand in front of his mouth. The Doc clears his throat as says, "Um, it can be two guys, or a guy and a girl or even two girls for that matter, son. Didn't that porn you watched earlier in the week have a guy licking on a girl's…um, ahem…um, clitoris?"

I wrinkle my nose and say, "Yeah and it really looked gross, Doc. Oh fuck, Doc! Are you saying you did that to a girl! Yuck! Does Alice know you've done that to somebody? You better not tell her she may never want to kiss you again!"

The Doc bursts out laughing again and has to stop walking as the tears run down his face. He finally gasps out, "Alice knows firsthand that I've done that young man and trust me she was eager to kiss me when I was done."

"Oh gross!" I slap my hands over my ears and yell, "Shut up, Doc! I do not want to ever hear anything like that ever again! That's disgusting! God, I'll never be able to look at Alice again!"

The Doc has to sit down on the ground he's laughing so hard. I just huff at him and cross my arms pouting as the Doc laughs himself silly. He finally gets under control and I reach a hand out to help him up. Then I help him brush the dirt off his pants. We resume walking back toward the Cullen's house. I can see it in the distance. The Doc grins and wipes the tears out of his eyes one more time as he shakes his head and asks, "So I guess hand jobs and blow jobs are all you two boys are doing right now?"

I blush and ask, "Um Doc, do you know what a prostate is?"

The Doc looks a little shocked and looks at me as he says, "I do. And just how do you know about it? I'm pretty sure I remember you pitching a fit and refusing to study that part of anatomy when we were home schooling you in the hospital."

I look down and peek back up at the Doc with a small smile and say, "Last night, Edward and I, we were inside each other for the first time."

The Doc looks serious and confused as he stops me with a hand on my arm. He asks, "Inside each other? You mean you had sex?"

I shake my head no as I keep my eyes down and feel my face getting very hot as I say, "Fingers. Edward loved on me with his fingers inside me, Doc." I smile and chance a peek at him as I say, "It was great, Doc. To have Edward inside me even that little bit and I didn't freak out or panic and it didn't even hurt…well, maybe just a little when he put that third finger inside me. But Doc, I've never felt anything that felt so good as when Edward curled his fingers and stroked my prostate. I was seeing stars, it was so good."

Just like earlier the Doc cups my face as he says, "That is fantastic, son. I'm so happy for you."

I sigh and look down as I confess, "I'm still too fucking scared to have his…um, cock…inside me. I want to know how it feels, if I can like it, but I'm so scared it will hurt."

The Doc looks worried as he asks, "Edward isn't trying to rush you into is he?"

I shake my head and look back up at him as I smile and say, "No, Edward said he doesn't care how long it takes for me to be ready to do that. But he did say that he was ready for me to do that to him when I felt ready to try it."

The Doc looks surprised as he says, "I'm kind of shocked at that. Edward seemed really unsure about having sex before."

I look down at the ring on my hand and bring it up to show the Doc and say, "Edward told me he'd been waiting for the right person all these years to give himself too and that I was that person. He gave me this as a promise that he was mine, when I was ready."

The Doc smiles and says, "Wow, that's really romantic."

I grin and sigh as I say, "Yeah it really was."

I look up and see Edward and his dad walking back from around the back of the house and walking toward his car. I look over at the Doc and ask, "Do you remember those two books you gave me to read when you took over as my doctor?"

The Doc nods his head and says, "Yes, I really thought those stories would connect with you at the time. The author has written several more books all dealing with helping children and teens deal with physical, psychological and sexual abuse. Have you read any more of them?"

I bite my lip and shake my head no as I say, "No, but I met the author."

The Doc looks surprised and says, "Really? I'd love to meet him sometime."

I sigh and say, "Do you remember the beginning of the first book where he's describing how his best friend surprised him one day and told him he was a vampire and then betrayed his friendship and… assaulted him… bit him and turned him into a vampire too? How familiar would that story sound to you if instead of vampirism he was talking about homosexuality?"

The Doc looks confused for a second then looks up at Edward and asks, "Are you saying Edward wrote those books?" I nod my head and the Doc chews on his lip for a minute and says, "I wonder if even realizes the parallel. I think I need to reread those books and see what's on Edward's mind. Thanks, Jasper. Do you two still plan on coming in together next week?" I nod my head again and we start walking toward Edward and his dad.

I remember one more question I wanted to ask, "Hey Doc? What do you call it when …"

**EPOV**

I stuff my hands down in my pockets and follow my dad. I look back at Jasper once before I round the corner to give him a reassuring smile. I worry about being away from Jasper although I know he couldn't be in any better hands than the Doc's. It's just that this is unfamiliar territory for Jasper and I worry he might have a panic attack if things get too overwhelming for him.

I know Jasper's managed on his own for years, but I also know that in those years he's tended to stay in a quiet structured routine. I feel guilty sometimes, knowing that meeting me has thrown his routine out the window. How much extra stress has Jasper had to deal with this week just because I came into his life? Still, I'm so thankful that we did meet. I've never felt more alive, more loved, than since I've met him. I've never been surer of what I want. I want Jasper with me, always.

I look up at my dad. He looks deep in thought as he leads me around to the side garden where the gazebo is. Dad hadn't even batted an eye at my announcement of being gay. Had he been that sure of his suspicions that I was gay? Dad had said that he had worried for years that he had said something to make me pretend to be something I wasn't. I guess that explains the disappointed look he sometimes had in his eyes when he's looked at me.

I know I should explain to dad that it wasn't him that made me turn away from the truth about myself. I should explain to him how Mike had tried to force the truth down my throat by forcing himself on me. How that act had driven me into hiding. How it had scared me so bad that I even hid the truth from myself. And I will tell dad…someday. I wish I could be as brave as Jasper. Jasper faces his fears every damn day, and yet here I am too big of a coward to even admit to my dad that I had been assaulted by my best friend all those years ago.

We get to the gazebo and dad goes in and sits down in one of the chairs inside and motions for me to sit in the one next to him. We're both quiet for a few minutes. I'm sure dad's trying to figure out how to say what's on his mind. We both look up when we hear giggling. Emmett is chasing Rose around the garden and tickling her. I smile as I think of the night Jasper and I chased each other around tickling each other…and what it eventually led to.

Emmett catches Rose and they start kissing, quite passionately. I watch them and sigh as I think of kissing Jasper like that. Emmett grasps Rose's hand and laughing, leads her across the foot bridge that crosses our small river. They stop every few feet, kissing and holding each other close. I look over at dad and he's watching them with a small smile on his face as he shakes his head. I hear a shriek and look to see that Emmett has picked Rose up and slung her over his shoulder. You can hear his booming laughter even after they disappear into the trees.

Dad shakes his head again and mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like, "Sex maniacs. All my kids are sex maniacs." Then dad looks back over at me and sighs. "Edward, son, that's kind of what I'd like to talk to you about." He says as he nods his head in the direction that Rose and Emmett disappeared in.

I sigh and roll my eyes. Surely to god my dad is not about to give me a sex talk. I may be a virgin but I am 23 years old. I already knew pretty much all of the basics and after talking to Ben I now even know how to do it without causing too much pain. I know my dad is a doctor, but I have a feeling I already know more about how to have gay sex than he does.

"Edward, I can't believe you two boys went parking! Do you have any idea how bad things could have went if you'd been caught by somebody besides Charlie?"

I look at my dad, surprised. Okay, that wasn't what I thought he was going to talk about. I can feel my face heating up as I say, "I know dad. Charlie warned me about what could have happened." Then I grin and say, "He suggested that next time we go get a room."

Dad's eyes go wide and he actually blushes. I look at him in amazement. I've never seen my dad blush, or even get embarrassed that many times for that matter. Dad clears his throat and breathlessly says, "I see." He starts running his hand through his hair, a nervous habit that I picked up from him. "Um, Edward, I know all of this is new and exciting for you. But son, there are times and places where it's just not appropriate to be…um, making out with your…um, with your… um…"

I cross my arms and arch my eyebrow as I say, "My boyfriend. You can say it dad. Jasper is my boyfriend… at least for now."

Dad nods and says, "Boyfriend, right." And then he looks at me confused as he asks, "For now?"

I shrug and say, "I don't know what the future holds dad, but I hope that Jasper won't always be my boyfriend."

Dad gives me an incredulous look and says, "Edward just because you've finally figured out that your gay doesn't mean it okay to just start sleeping around with different men. I'd like to think that some of the values your mother and I have tried to instill in you are still there."

My turn to give him an incredulous look as I say, "What the hell are you talking about dad? Who said anything about sleeping around with different men?" My voice rising right along with my anger I say, "Oh and just so you know…dad…just because I'm gay doesn't mean I don't believe in the same values as you and mom! I didn't become a degenerate just because I came to the realization that I love a man instead of a woman."

Dad's voice rises right along with mine as he says, "You just told me you didn't plan on keeping Jasper around as a boyfriend! What else was I supposed to think but that you intended to…to play the field?"

Furious, I practically yell at him. "That's not what I said! I said I hope Jasper won't always be my boyfriend! I hope to god that someday he'll agree to marry me or whatever the hell it is two men do together!"

Dad looks surprised as he slumps back in his chair and softly says, "Oh." Then his face lights up in a grin and he says, "Oh Edward, that's great! That's wonderful news! Have you asked him, yet?"

I slump back in my chair as I blush and look down as I softly say, "It seemed kind of soon dad. We only met four days ago. And…" I swallow and wipe at my face as a tear streaks down.

Dad looks concerned as he pulls me into a hug and asks, "I'm sorry son. I'm sorry I misunderstood and said what I did to make you mad. I…I…my only excuse is that I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that my son really is gay. Now, what were you going to say? …and what Edward? What is it? What's wrong?"

I shrug and my voice cracks as I say, "I'm the only one Jasper's ever been with, in any kind of relationship since what happened to him. What if he eventually wants to see if there is somebody better for him out there? I know I have to have faith and trust Jasper when he says that I'm the only one he'll ever want. But I'm still… I'm afraid of losing him, dad. I'm even more afraid of hurting him or driving him away."

Dad sighs and wipes at my eyes as he says, "Son, if the way Jasper's face lights up every time he looks at you is any indication, then I'd have to say the boy is madly in love with you. And I'd say your lit up face is a clear sign that you love him just as much. I think you're worrying needlessly. You two are good for each other, and you know me, I'm a firm believer in love at first sight. So don't worry about it only being four days since you've met the love of your life. Life is short and we should live it with the ones we love."

I sniff and wipe at my eyes too as I say, "I did ask him to move in with me and let me take care of him. Jasper's been trying his best to be independent dad, but he's been so alone and lonely."

Dad hugs me again and says, "Well he doesn't have to be alone or lonely ever again with you around to watch over him. You always were a nurturer, Edward. I remember when we used to foster kids. They all seemed to gravitate to you. You seemed to thrive in taking care of them."

I sigh and say, "Yeah, although I have to admit, there for a while I was wishing I'd never talked to any of them."

Dad looks confused and asks, "Why would you say that? What happened?" My eyes widen in shock and I kick myself for my slip of the tongue. I can feel my face heating up as dad locks 'the stare' on me and asks, "Is there something I should know, son?"

I close my eyes and wish I would learn to filter the shit that comes out of my mouth before I say it. Then I sigh again and meet his eyes and say, "They told me, dad. Every single one of them told me what happened to them in their pasts. Why they were in the foster care system. What kinds of abuse they suffered, all of it… in detail."

Dad goes white as he says, "My god, Edward. You were only a child yourself when we fostered those children. No child should have to know the horrors some of those kids went through. Why didn't you say something?"

I shrug and say, "Because they trusted me. I would never betray their trust like that."

Dad runs his hands through his hair and mutters to himself, "No wonder you've always been so sensitive and insecure, so…." He shakes his head as if clearing his thoughts and asks, "How have you dealt with all that knowledge and horror all these years?"

I roll my eyes and say, "I write about it, dad."

He looks confused and says, "But I thought you said you wrote about vampires?"

I grit my teeth as I cross my arms and look away. I swallow a couple of times to calm my anger down. Finally taking a deep breath I let it out before saying, "If you had ever bothered to read my fucking books you would have already known all this shit anyway."

Dad's eyes flash as he says, "Watch your language!" Then he frowns and says, "You know I seldom read anything other than medical journals, son. When you said you wrote about vampires, I just assumed it was more of that damn vampire romance trash that is so popular right now."

I nod my head and say, "Right, trash. Thanks for the vote of confidence dad."

He scrubs his face in his hands and says, "Edward, I didn't mean to sound like I thought you wrote trash! I've always been quite proud of you for being published at such a young age. You know how busy your mom and I stay between work and volunteering. We just don't have a lot of time for reading fiction."

I shake my head and ask, "So you're saying mom hasn't read them yet either?"

Dad sighs and shakes his head as he says, "If she had, I'm sure she would have told me. I'm sorry, Edward." He looks deep in thought as he shakes his head again and barks out a laugh and says, "I've been told over and over what a great foster dad I was, what a wonderful adoptive dad I was, and yet with my own son, my own flesh and blood that I love more than anything, all I have ever done is fuck up…sorry, pardon my language, son."

I touch his arm and say, "Dad, you didn't fuck it up." Then I grin and say, "Well, not all the time."

He rolls his eyes and says, "You're so much like your mother, Edward. She had the same smart ass since of humor that you do."

I burst out laughing and say, "Gee, thanks dad." Then I frown and bite my lip as I ask, "Dad? Would mother have accepted me being gay? Would she have been disappointed in me?"

Dad pulls me into another hug. Then he leans back and blinks the tears out of his eyes as he says, "The day your mother found out she was pregnant with you, she was ecstatic. She always wanted a baby and you made her dream come true. I wish she could have lived to see you now. She would have been so proud of you, son, just like I am." Dad wipes at his face a couple of times then says, "Come on, and let's head back. I don't want to keep your young man waiting too long son."

While we're walking back, I turn and ask. "Um, dad? Which part of all that was the talk you wanted to have?"

Dad laughs and says, "Pretty much none of it. I was just going to ask that you boys tone it down a bit and give your mom a little time to get used to your being gay, son. I'm not talking about open affection and kissing and holding each other. But do you think you could maybe save most of your passionate making out and um, dry humping for your bedroom?"

I'm sure I have blushed a pure crimson as I say, "But you said to behave ourselves in the bedroom, dad!" But I'm thinking, 'Dry humping? Is that what that's called? Makes sense…'

Dad laughs even harder as he says, "For goodness sakes Edward, I said the same thing to all of you kids. Do you honestly think it's going to stop Emmett and Rose from their sexual romps? Or Alice? Although, she may have a little harder time seducing Alistair here in the house. I said that for your mom's sake. She would have a cow if I said you kids had permission to have all the sex you want as long as you keep it in your bedroom."

I cough into my hand as I look at my dad incredulously. I think my dad has been replaced with a clone. No way would _my_ dad give me permission for premarital sex under the roof of his house! Dad laughs even harder as he claps me on the back and says, "Relax son. I'm just messing with your head. I've talk to Alistair and I know both you boys are still virgins and as long as you remain that way while under the roof of my house you have my permission for all the fore play you two can handle. But I can't promise you won't have your siblings wondering in and out of your room giving you hell, so you might want to keep that in mind if you plan on getting naked. And try not to let your mom know what you're doing."

I barely manage to squeak out, "Yes, sir."

We get back to the car just as Jasper and the Doc are walking up. Jasper has a frown on his face as he says, "Dry humping! Well that's not a very romantic word! Hell, it feels a lot better than that sounds!"

My dad and the Doc both burst out laughing. My dad ruffles my hair before throwing an arm around the Doc's shoulder and they both walk back toward the house laughing so hard they have to hold each other up as they stumble around.

I look at Jasper and vaguely wonder if I'm as red as he is, but then decide I don't care as I wrap him in my arms and kiss him. I try to keep my dad's words in mind so I manage to not throw Jasper down and practice a little… dry humping… right here and now. With a sigh, I break the kiss and say. "Let's get our bags and go to my room, baby. I want to take off all of your clothes and kiss and lick and suck you all over."

Jasper looks down and smiles. Damn he looks so fucking adorable when he gives me that bashful look. Peeking back up at me, Jasper says. "Edward, will you put your fingers inside me again?"

I whimper at the thought, then I sigh and say. "I would baby, but I didn't think to bring any of our supplies with us. I'm pretty sure it would hurt like hell to do that without lube."

Jasper turns even redder as he grins and whispers, "I put some of everything in my backpack when I packed my medication this morning."

My grin matches Jasper's as I yank open the car door and grab the backpack.

"~~***~~"

I wake up when I feel someone running their hands through my hair. Opening my eyes, I find my mom sitting on the side of the bed looking down at me with a smile. Jasper is lying with his head on my shoulder and his arm across my chest with his legs entwined around mine. I have my arms wrapped around him holding him close to me. I swallow nervously and look around the room and suddenly I'm very thankful that I had listened to Jasper, earlier.

"~~***~~"

After we had finally retrieved all of our bags out of the car, we stopped back by my dad's study where mom and dad were getting to know Alistair. We told everybody that Jasper was 'exhausted' from the long trip and from all the stress of 'meeting the parents' and that he was going to take a nap. I have a feeling from my dad's smirk that neither of my parents believed me when I told them that Jasper has nightmares when staying in new places and that I needed to stay with him as he napped. That is until the Doc spoke up and asked Jasper if his nightmares had let up any since his last office visit.

Jasper had turned red from everybody's attention being on him and had kept his eyes down as he softly said, "I had one the first day I stayed over at Edward's apartment but I haven't had one since we started sleeping together." At which point my mom had _insisted_ I stay close to Jasper while he napped and dad had said I looked even more tired than Jasper and should think about napping as well. Mom had said she'd send somebody up to wake us when lunch was ready.

We had silently carried the bags all the way up to the third floor where my room is. We no sooner got inside the door and shut it when we dropped everything and rushed into each other's arms kissing and stripping clothes off of each other. I think I might have accidently ripped off a couple of Jasper's buttons on his shirt in my haste to get it off of him. Our mouths and hands were everywhere as we touched and caressed and kissed and licked each other while tearing off clothes.

We didn't even make it to the bed. We had each other naked and then Jasper's lips were wrapped around my cock and his tongue was sending jolts of electricity and pleasure through me as it worked up and down my shaft. I had gently pushed Jasper back onto the floor and started kissing and sucking down his body until I was able to take him into my mouth and as deep down my throat as his cock would go. And then Jasper was twisting and turning his body around and then taking me down his throat at the same time.

I gasped when Jasper stopped and grabbed his backpack. He pulled out a tube of lube and poured a little in his hand and then handed it to me. I poured some out into my hand as well and tossed the tube aside. And then Jasper resumed working me into a frenzy with his mouth and tongue as his fingers oh so slowly started pushing in and out of my already tender ass. With a groan, I quickly followed suit and slowly, carefully worked my fingers in and out of Jasper as well. I don't know how we both managed to stay mostly quiet. The loudest thing in the room was our heavy breathing with the occasional gasp or soft moan when one or the other of us hit a particularly sensitive spot.

I don't know if it was because it was 'forbidden' or if we were both just desperate for each other, but I have to say it was some of the most exciting and frantic loving we've had yet. Mouths, tongues and fingers had been flying as we worked each other into a frenzy of lust and passion. It had been over way too soon as we both shuddered and moaned as our orgasms rocked our bodies and we swallowed around each other.

Afterward, I had been in such a state of euphoria that I wanted us to just crawl up onto the bed naked and pass out. But Jasper had insisted that we pick up all our clothes and fold them neatly and put them on the dresser and then for both of us to put on a pair of sleep pants and a tee shirt before we lay down on top of the bed, out from under the covers.

"~~***~~"

I hadn't understood Jasper's insistence at the time but now with my mom sitting here, I am so glad I listened and did what he said. I look up at my mom and smile and she quietly says, "Lunch will be ready in a few minutes, son. Did you two boys have a nice nap?"

I smile and say, "Yes ma'am, I feel a lot better now."

Mom softly says, "I'm glad to hear that. You looked incredibly stressed and tired earlier."

Mom looks at Jasper in my arms and asks, "Are you happy, Edward?"

I look at Jasper and gently caress his cheek as I say, "I've never been happier, mom."

Mom runs her hands through my hair and say, "Then I'm happy for you, son. Now wake up that adorable young man, and you two come on down and eat. You don't have to bother changing if you don't want to." Then mom grins and holds her closed hand out in front of me. I look at it confused then open my hand and hold it out palm up. Mom drops three buttons into my palm and says, "Bring this down later with his shirt and I'll sew them back on, but try not to do it when your dad is around."

I feel my face heating up as I say, "I'm sorry Mom. We kind of…"

Mom caresses my face and says, "Don't worry about it, Edward. Goodness knows I've been dealing with horny kids since we moved here and Rose and Emmett rediscovered each other. Just try to be a little more discreet about it. I'm not too sure how well your dad is handling the sudden realization that his son is gay. You boys fool around all you want in private but let's not push him too far, too fast. Alright?"

I swallow down my smile and say, "Yes ma'am." Mom gets up and starts walking toward the door. She turns back and smiles at me then her smile gets even bigger as she walks back and picks something off the floor and sets it on the dresser before turning and leaving. I look over at what mom set on the dresser and groan in embarrassment to see the tube of lube.

With a sigh, I gently stroke Jasper's cheek and try to wake him without startling him. Jasper blinks his eyes and hums into my neck as he nuzzles closer to me. I smile at him and say, "Time to wake up, love. Mom has lunch ready for everybody."

Jasper opens one eye and looks interested as he says, "Lunch?" Then he frowns and snuggles back into my neck and says, "Don't want to move. You feel too good." Jasper stays like that for a few seconds then opens both eyes and asks, "Do you know what were having for lunch?"

I chuckle and say, "Whatever it is, we better hurry before Emmett gets a hold of it."

Jasper jumps up in a panic and frantically pulls on my arm as he says, "Come on, Edward! We can't keep Esme dear waiting!"

* * *

**Hope all you lovely people have enjoyed this so far. I have spring break next week and I might even take a break for the week. If I do, it will be two weeks before the next chapter. As if I could actually stay away from the boys that long….**


	24. Chapter 24

**Hey all, sorry this has taken so long but I did have a great spring break! As always thanks for all the lovely reviews and I hope everybody is still enjoying the story. This chapter is mainly family bonding time, not a whole lot of drama going on. **

**The everything but marriage law, which is mentioned in this chapter, is totally true too by the way, and came into effect Dec 3 2009 in Washington State. **

**Usual disclaimer: Twilight characters belong to the lovely Ms. Meyers but the plot is my own.**

* * *

_He opens one eye and looks interested as he says, "Lunch?" Then he frowns and snuggles back into my neck and says, "Don't want to move. You feel too good." He stays like that for a few seconds and opens both eyes and asks, "Do you know what were having for lunch?"_

_I chuckle and say, "Whatever it is, we better hurry before Emmett gets a hold of it."_

_He jumps up in a panic and pulls on my arm as he says, "Come on, Edward! We can't keep Esme dear waiting!"_

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 24**

**EPOV (Saturday continued…)**

I laugh as Jasper keeps pulling on my arm, trying to get me up off the bed. Grabbing Jasper's hand, I pull him back down onto the bed and over on top of me between my legs. I wrap my arms around his back and lock my legs around his. Smiling, I give Jasper a kiss as I say, "I was just kidding about Emmett, baby. There'll be plenty of food for everybody."

Jasper looks down and huffs at me with a scowl on his face. Then he rolls his eyes and gives me a sheepish grin as he buries his face in my neck. I smile and hold him tight. Since the first time he took the initiative and loved on me on his couch, I've loved the feel of Jasper's body on top of mine. I run my hands down his back to the curve of his ass and squeeze as I roll my hips up against him. Jasper moans into my neck and grinds against me. Then he laughs in my ear and asks, "Is your ass as sore as mine?"

I snort out a laugh too and say, "Yeah. I wonder how long it'll take our asses to get used to being stretched or, um, massaged on the inside."

Jasper smiles and shrugs as he keeps rolling his hip and thrusting against me as he says, "I kind of like how it keeps me reminded that you've been inside me, even if it was just your fingers."

I moan and squeeze his ass again as he keeps grinding against me. I breathlessly say, "Me too, baby. Damn you feel so fucking good on top of me." Jasper was so right, calling this dry humping does not do justice to how good it feels. I whisper in his ear, "I know you said you didn't want to plan anything out, baby, and that you want everything to be spontaneous. But when we do it, I'd love it if we'd do it like this, face to face, with you on top of me. Would that be alright with you, love?"

Jasper's body freezes and he jerks his head up and looks at me in shock, then he looks down our bodies with a confused look on his face as he says. "I thought…" My heart sinks and I mentally kick myself as I watch Jasper's eyes glaze over with that haunted look he gets.

Dreading his answer, I reach up and cup Jasper's face in my palm as I whisper. "You thought what, baby?"

Jasper closes his eyes and turns away with a look of pain on his face. I reluctantly let him go as he pulls away from me. He rolls off of me and then sits up, leaning against the headboard of the bed. Drawing his knees up to his chest, Jasper wraps his arms around them and rests his head on his knees. I sit up beside him and attempt to rub his back but he pulls away shaking his head. I blink back my tears at his rejection but I don't say anything, trying to give him the time and space to say what's on his mind.

Eventually Jasper sighs and looks up at me and says, "I thought…" He searches my face and asks, "You're not going to laugh at me are you?" I shake my head no and kick myself again for every time I've ever laughed at my love.

Jasper swallows then wipes at his eyes and says, "I thought the one being…the person being…um… um… f-f-f-fucked…had to be… Don't they have to be on their hands and knees? I remember… every time they… every time they… when they… made me… hurt me… I had to be on… on mine… my hands and knees. By the end… before it was over… my knees were so bruised and bloody." Jasper looks up at me with a perplexed expression on his face and says, "And… and even in that video I watched… the girl was on hers… her hands and knees and I just thought… I thought that was the only way it was done."

Jasper's eyes meet mine and he says, "I mean I know we do things when we're making out, where I'm on top of you or you're on top of me but I guess I just thought when it came time to do it that there was just that one way. Do you think I'm stupid for thinking that?"

I shake my head and firmly say, "No baby, no, I do not think you're stupid. I can understand why you thought that. As a matter of fact, I should have realized you would think that was the way it was done and said something to you sooner." Jasper drops his face back onto his knees and I slowly, carefully wrap my arm around his back and pull him closer. He sighs and leans against me. I whisper in his ear, "Baby, can I hold you now?"

Jasper looks up searching my face again. I'm not sure what he's looking for or even what he finds but he nods his head and whispers, "Yes, please." Then he crawls up and sits sideways in my lap and lets me wrap him up in my arms as he nuzzles his head into my neck. With a quiet sigh Jasper says, "I'm sorry Edward. I'm sorry about pulling away from you. I promised you I wouldn't bring those monsters into bed with us and I've done really good so far, but you just kind of took me by surprise and I- I just couldn't stop the memories. I had to… I couldn't let you hold me while those monsters were there between us. I had to get them out of my head first. I'm so sorry."

I sigh and shake my head, "No baby, it was my fault. I didn't mean to say something to make you think of them. Please, forgive me baby."

Jasper meets my eyes and shakes his head as he says, "No, it wasn't your fault, Edward. They're always there trying to get my attention. I've gotten pretty good at ignoring them, especially since I met you. You give me so many better things to think about. You've already given me so many new happy memories and I love you so much for that."

I give him a soft kiss as I tighten my arms around him and my voice cracks as I say, "Jasper, I love you so damn much, baby. I wish I could make all the bad things go away forever."

He smiles and runs his fingers through my hair as he gazes into my teary eyes and says, "I know you do beautiful, I know you do. The bad things may never go away completely but you've brought me to such a better place than I was before I met you. You've given me so much Edward; love and kindness and companionship and happiness and laughter and hope." Jasper's eyes light up and he winks at me as he says, "…and let's not forget the things you've made my body feel have been pretty damn hot too."

I smile at Jasper's attempt to lighten the mood and give him another kiss.

Jasper smiles again but then sighs as he says, "Anyway, maybe it is a good idea to talk things out now. Just so we have a general idea of _what_ we're going to do when we do it. That way we'll hopefully prevent any more freak outs from me when we do… do it."

I cup Jasper's face in my hand again and ask, "Are you sure your okay to talk about this now, love?" I'm not totally convinced Jasper is ready to talk about sex after the episode he just had.

He sighs and looks down but nods his head and says, "Yeah, I'm okay now, Edward. Just… could you please just hold me for a minute?" He buries his face in my neck again and we sit like that for several minutes. Eventually, he pulls away enough to look into my face. Jasper looks both curious and confused as he asks, "How exactly do two guys do it face to face. I mean…" He scratches the side of his head and gets a slight blush on his face as he says, "…um, the uh… the uh…where you put it in…" Jasper huffs in frustration, then rolls his eyes and says; "…it's in the back, Edward."

I bite my tongue to keep from laughing. I don't want to hurt his feelings by laughing at him ever again if I can help it. I stroke his face and say, "You know there's no hurry, love. I only told you I was ready for you to… to… to make love to me, so you would know that I wanted _you_ to do that to _me_ when you were ready. But only when you feel like you're ready, Jasper, we're doing this at your pace."

He smiles and looks down again as his blush turns even redder. He peeks up at me through his lashes and I sigh and hug him to me tighter. Jasper's so damn sexy and adorable when he does that. He bites his lip and looks down again then he peeks up at me one more time as he says, "I might be ready to try that sooner than you think." Then he swallows and looks worried as he says. "I'm just afraid I'll hurt you, Edward. I'm kind of… big… and you're so tight with just my fingers inside you." Jasper looks up and meets my eyes and says very serious, "You do know it's going to be painful, no matter how careful we are, don't you?"

I swallow nervously and say, "I suspect it will hurt a little the first few times, Jasper. I mean look how sore we are just from our fingers." I pull his face to mine for a soft chaste kiss as I whisper, "But I also have a feeling it's going to feel fan-fucking-tastic to feel the love of my life moving inside of me. I can hardly wait to feel you filling me up."

Jasper smiles and nuzzles his face into my neck again with a sigh. I shiver as Jasper's hot breath ghosts across my skin. I stroke the back of his neck and turn my head to kiss his forehead then I sigh and say, "I guess we should head downstairs before they send a search party after us."

Jasper leans up and frowns at me and says, "First tell me, or better yet show me, how exactly two guys do it face to face."

I smile and shake my head at him. There's just no detouring Jasper when he sets his mind on something. I kiss him one more time and say, "I think there's a couple of different ways we can do it face to face but I think this would be best for the first time." I scoot down and lie back down on the bed and hold my arms out to him.

Jasper crawls down and lies on top of me with a grin. He looks down as he grinds against me and says, "See, it doesn't line up right. I told you, it's in the back, Edward."

I groan as Jasper keeps thrusting against me. I swear he makes me so hot that I feel like I'm about to explode or maybe implode. With trembling hands, I stop his hips and gasp out, "Lean up on your knees, baby."

Jasper huffs at me again but gets up on his knees. I nervously lick my lips and move my legs up to his hips and lock my ankles around his waist. Jasper gets a look of serious concentration as his hands runs down my inner thighs and over my cock and ass. I groan as he runs his thumb down the crack of my ass and circles my entrance through my sleep pants. He looks me in the eyes and grins as he says, "I think you're right. I think this will work."

I groan again and my eyes roll up when Jasper grips my hips and grinds his rock hard cock against my tender ass. Fucking hell, if it feels that good with both of us wearing sleep pants, I can't wait to see how it's going to feel with them off! I want him so bad, I can hardly stand it.

I open my eyes when Jasper stops grinding against me. He's looking down at our bodies with curiosity then he licks his lips and hooks his arms under my knees and leans over me. This new position almost doubles me over and spreads my legs and ass wide. We're both panting and moaning as Jasper leans down and kisses me while rolling his hips and grinding his cock against my ass again and again.

We both freeze when we hear a snicker to the side of us and a voice saying, "Well I guess that settles who's pitching and who's catching." We both turn our heads to see Rose with her head poked through the bedroom door. Rose meets my wide eyed stare with a wink and says, "Dad says for you two to come on down and join the rest of the family."

My mouth opens and closes and I try to say something but absolutely nothing comes out so I just nod my head at her. Rose eyes us for a second then cocks her head and says, "Edward, try putting your legs up on Jasper's shoulders, that'll free up his hands for… other stuff." Rose grins again and says, "Oh and it works a hell of a lot better if you're both naked."

Jaspers snickers and says, "Naked! Wow, why didn't we think of that, Edward." Then he breaks into nervous giggles.

I roll my eyes and start giggling, too. This is so damn embarrassing, neither one of has moved and I've practically got my knees around my ears with Jasper's cock nestled between my ass cheeks while my sister is standing here giving us advice on positions.

Rose rolls her eyes at the two of us giggling like a couple of high school girls. Then she grins and says, "I'll tell dad you're on your way down, boys. I'd suggest changing into your jeans though. Those sleep pants don't do a thing to hide those boners you two are sporting." Then she disappears back the way she came.

Jasper and I both keep giggling nervously. I keep expecting him to let go of my legs so we can change to go downstairs, but he keeps holding me in the same position. His giggles subside and he looks down at me with a grin and asks, "Are we planning on playing catch later? Rose keeps talking about catching and pitching."

I snort out a laugh then grin at him and say, "I'm pretty sure Rose means who's on top and who's on bottom, baby. I think the pitcher would be the one on top and the catcher would be the one on bottom."

Jasper snickers and rolls his eyes and says, "Oh. I wondered why Rose was asking about playing ball earlier when asking you if we were having sex yet."

He grinds against me again as he locks his eyes with mine and says, "Let's see if she was right." Jasper leans back up onto his knees and moves my legs up and rests them on his shoulders. He leans over me again and starts to slowly thrust against me. He holds on to my hips with one hand as the other hand runs over my chest and down my stomach to my erection. He lightly traces his fingers over it through my sleep pants. I whimper and start meeting Jasper's thrusts halfway. I can't believe how amazing he feels and I suddenly wish we were somewhere else so can I'd beg him to take me right now. As it is, I know we'll be interrupted again any minute.

I groan in disappointment when Jasper stops his thrusts and gently lowers my shaking legs to the bed. He leans over me with a hand on each side of my head. He smiles and leans down and kisses me as he whispers. "Soon, beautiful. I think I'll be ready real fucking soon."

We both sit up and scoot over to the edge of the bed and try to calm our panting breath and to relax enough to get rid of our erections so we can change. Jasper leans into me and nuzzles his face into my neck again and I wrap my arms around him. He sighs in frustration and asks, "Damn it Edward. How the fuck do you get rid of a hard-on?"

I can't help but chuckle since I'm just about as frustrated as he is right now, but I ask. "Baby do you want me to…?"

Jasper shakes his head no and says, "I'm afraid somebody else will walk in on us, but I don't want to walk down there with my cock sticking straight out either. How do you get rid of a hard-on without having sex or without throwing a cold washcloth on it either for that matter?"

I can't help but wonder when Jasper's done that, since we've been together practically since we met. But I don't ask, figuring if it was any of my business he'd tell me. I take a deep breath and let it out slow as I say, "I usually think of something that really grosses me out or turns me off. Like the time I walked in on Rose and Emmett and they were…" I start laughing as I say, "…they were pretty much in the same position we just were but _they_ were both naked. Ugh, trust me seeing your brother or sister naked is a major turn off. But if that doesn't do the trick, I think about the time I took Bella parking and tried to go down on her, that nasty shit turns me off every time." I look down at myself and grin, "See going, going, gone…." Then a give a shudder and say, "Blech, nasty stuff!"

Jasper snickers at me and then he stiffens up and whines, "Oh gross! I don't know why it didn't occur to me before when you told me about trying to do that, that you were actually licking her… um… thing. Gag that is so gross, Edward!"

I laugh and give Jasper another kiss as I say, "Looks like you just figured out how to get rid of your own hard-on baby." Jasper looks down at his self and blushes such a pretty shade of red. He gets up and goes into the restroom to relieve his self and wash his hands and face and I have to work on getting rid of yet another hard-on as I watch Jasper bent over the sink as he washes up. I think about asking dad if it's normal to be this damn horny all the damn time, after all he is a doctor. But just the thought of asking him is embarrassing as hell; I couldn't imagine actually doing it.

We both change into a pair of jeans but keep on the tee shirts we were sleeping in. We're heading out the door when Jasper stops me with a hand on my arm and says, "Hey beautiful, I meant to ask you. What's a 'holy shit' moment? You said your dad had a 'holy shit' moment earlier."

I start laughing and Jasper scowls and huffs at me. I shake my head as I say, "I'm not laughing at you, baby. I'm kind of laughing at myself. Do you know that bears live in the woods?"

Jasper rolls his eyes at me and whines again, "Oh, fuck you, Edward. I am not Goldilocks."

I laugh and say, "No, no, no, that's not what I'm talking about, I promise baby." I stroke Jasper's cheek and whisper, "I promise. Okay?"

Jasper gives me a pout but he nods his head and I tell him. "When we first moved here, I had all kinds of people telling me to watch out because bears live in the woods around here. I just laughed them off telling them 'well no shit'. I might have come from a big city but even I knew that bears lived in the woods. Hell everybody knows that bears live in the woods. But one day I'm out hiking on a trail and I come out into the open and I'm face to face with this huge fucking bear. Let me tell you right now, babe. I may have suspected that bears lived around here and I might have even _thought_ that I _knew _bears live around here. But it wasn't until the day came that I was face to face with one of the fuckers that I _**KNEW**_ with absolute certainty that there were bears right here in these woods. I was like… Holy shit! There are fucking bears in the fucking woods!"

Jasper grins as he thinks about my words and says, "So you're saying your dad might have suspected you were gay and might have even thought he knew you were gay, but it wasn't until you were right there in his face kissing me and uh…" Jasper sighs and rolls his eyes. "….dry humping me, that he really KNEW you were gay. That was his 'holy shit you're really gay' moment. Right?"

I smile and give Jasper a peck on the lips and say, "Exactly."

We start walking down the stairs and we're almost to the first floor when Jasper stops me. He bites his lips and looks puzzled for a second then looks at me and asks, "So what happened with the bear?"

I shrug my shoulder and whisper, "Fuck if I know. I screamed like a girl and took off running to the house."

Jasper starts giggling and we go on down into the living room.

We find Alice and the Doc sitting on the couch. Or rather the Doc is sitting on the couch and Alice is straddling his lap and they are kissing quite passionately. Jasper snorts and looks down with his face bright red.

When they hear Jasper snort they both gasp and Alice jumps off of the Docs lap and they both look up at us looking guilty as hell. Alice lets out a sigh of relief when she see us and clasps a hand over her heart as she says. "You about gave me a heart attack, Edward! I thought dad had caught us again."

I start laughing and say, "Well you're not exactly hiding, Alice."

Alice grins and looks over at the Doc and then she sighs as she says, "We thought we had a few minutes alone."

The Doc looks both embarrassed and incredibly happy as he wraps his arms around Alice's waist and pulls her closer to him. He looks up at us and says, "You two certainly look rested. Did you have a nice nap? Any nightmares, Jasper?"

I look over at Jasper. He's keeping his head down and occasionally peeking up at Alice and wrinkling his nose. But he shakes his head no and says, "No sir, no nightmares."

I grin and say, "Yeah, the _nap_ did wonders for us. Where is everybody anyway?"

Alice pipes up, "Oh they're all outside waiting on you guys. You should go on out… like right now."

I frown and say, "Outside? I thought mom said lunch was ready."

Alice says, "Mom decided to set up a couple of picnic tables outside, around the side in the gardens and for us to all eat out there. Emmett and dad are almost done grilling the steaks if you two want to _go on_ _outside now_." Alice pulls the Docs face down to her as she says, "We'll be there in a few minutes… if anybody asks."

Jasper slaps a hand over his eyes and says, "Gross! Edward, get me out of here, please!"

I laugh and guide Jasper back the way we came. We make it all the way out onto the porch before Jasper drops his hand from his face. He looks at me and says in a disgusted voice, "Do you _know_ what those two have been doing?"

I shake my head and say, "No, and I don't want to know!"

Jasper huffs and looks back over his shoulder and then he shakes his head before asking, "How do you keep a straight face when you talk to people and you know where their mouths and tongues have been?"

I burst out laughing again. I just can't help it. Jasper's just so fucking adorable. "Baby, I usually don't think about where other people's mouths and tongues have been." I wrap my arms around his waist and kiss the side of his neck as I say. "Just like they don't think about where my mouth and tongue have been on you."

Jasper sighs and smiles as he leans against me. Looking into my eyes, he huskily whispers, "I could think about your mouth and tongue on me all day long."

I pull him closer to me and whisper, "Wouldn't you rather feel my lips and tongue instead of just think about them?"

Jasper moans and his hands wrap around the back of my neck and he pulls my face to his for a deep kiss. I moan when he pushes me against the wall of the porch and rolls his hips against me. Holy fuck, Jasper drives me mad with need every time he touches me.

We both freeze and jump apart when mom says, "Come up for air boys, or at least for food. You can't live on sex alone."

Mom is coming up the porch steps and laughing at us. She pats my red face and gives me a peck on the cheek as she grasps Jasper's elbow and says, "Alright you, time to come with me to the kitchen."

Jasper's face is bright red from embarrassment as he stammers out, "I'm s-s-s-sorry Esme dear. We were just… You're not mad at me are you?"

Mom laughs and says, "Of course not, dear. Goodness knows I've caught Emmett and Rose in more compromising positions than that. I swear you two boys are just adorable with your red faces. Now, Jasper dear, come on with me to the kitchen. I have an ice cream with your name on it waiting for you."

Jasper's eyes light up and he grins from ear to ear as he says, "Really? Thanks!"

I look at mom confused and ask, "Ice cream? You're feeding him ice cream before we eat lunch?"

Jasper frowns at me and says, "Edward if your mom want to give me an ice cream you should just be quiet and let her do what she wants."

Mom smiles and pats my cheek and says, "You need to start feeding this young man an ice cream before every meal, Edward. Jasper obviously has a high metabolism and he needs the extra calories he'll get from the ice cream. Not to mention the cold will slow Jasper's metabolism, if only for a few minutes. It's the only way we're going to get some meat on this boy's bones."

Jasper grins again and says, "Wow, you mean I can have one every time I eat?"

Mom laughs and says, "That's the plan, dear."

I shrug and say, "Okay, mom, if you say so. Um, can I have one?"

Mom shakes her head and says, "Maybe later, Edward, after we go buy a few more groceries. I think we should save what we have in the freezer for Jasper." He grins and sticks his tongue out at me as mom takes his arm and leads him off toward the kitchen.

As they enter the house, I hear mom yell. "Alice let the poor man come up for air!"

I roll my eyes and laugh as I head around the side of the house to where dad, Emmett and Rose are. Dad's eyes light up when he sees me and he asks Emmett to take over watching the steaks on the grill. Dad comes running over to me with a huge grin on his face. He looks around and whispers, "Where's Jasper?"

Wondering what the hell my dad is up to I say, "Mom took him to the kitchen for an ice cream."

Dad grins and rubs his hands together as he says, "Perfect! Come with me."

I shake my head and follow dad back into the house and into his study. Dad looks excited and nervous as he starts running his hand through his hair. He grins and says, "I did a little research after our talk earlier and I found an answer to what you were wondering."

Confused, I ask. "What was I wondering?"

Dad rolls his eyes, and then grins as he says. "You know, earlier when you were wondering exactly what it is two men do together, when you were talking about marrying Jasper."

Surprised, I ask. "Oh wow, what did you find out?"

Dad sighs and says, "Well, first off it's still not legal for gays to marry in the state of Washington."

I frown and cross my arms and blink back my tears. I'm really not surprised but to hear it outright really, really hurts.

But now dad sounds excited as he says, "Now son, I know you hate to hear that but there is an alternative. They passed that new everything-but-marriage bill last year and it went into effect in December. I found out the state has a registered domestic partnership program. You two boys can register as domestic partners and with that new bill you'll have all the same rights, benefits, and protections given to all other married couples." Dad pulls up a website on his computer for me to check out. I sit down and start to read as dad puts his hand on my shoulder and says, "When you two get ready we can even have a private ceremony here for you boys, if you want son."

I nod my head and swallow as I read the details. I guess it's better than the nothing that most other states offer. Dad pulls me up out of the chair and wraps his arms around me and whispers, "It'll be alright, son. With this new bill, you'll not only have the man that you love, but you'll legally have all the same rights as any other married couple. You know as well as I do that marriage is so much more than just a marriage license."

I hug dad back and say, "Thanks dad. I really do appreciate you looking into it for me."

Dad hugs me tighter and says, "You're my son, Edward and I love you. I just wish I could have done more. I wish I had been a better dad when you needed me to be." He sighs and shakes his head as he says, "Your mom and I got practically obsessed with helping other people and somehow lost sight of the most important people in our lives…you kids."

"Dad, please don't, that's the past. It's over and done with. I know I don't say it very often but I love you and mom very much and I cherish the relationship we've all finally built."

Dad kisses my forehead and says, "I do too, son. Now come on let's get back out there before Emmett burns all the steaks."

I laugh knowing dad's kidding. Out of all of us, Emmett is the master at the grill. Emmett can cook anything on a grill and make it taste great. As we get to the front door dad yells out, "Alice am I going to have to make you two get married today so you can have sex?" Then he grins and walks out as we hear scrambling coming from the living room.

I quietly laugh all the way back around to the side of the house. Mom and Jasper must have come out the kitchen door because they're already here and I never saw them pass the study. Dad goes and joins mom at one of the tables. Clasping mom's hand in his, dad brings it up and kisses it as he smiles at her. Jasper is standing with his back to me. He looks nervous as he keeps looking around the tables and the yard. I assume he's looking for me.

I walk up behind him and say "Hey baby." to let Jasper know it's me, before I wrap my arms around his waist. Jasper stiffens up for a second before he relaxes back into me. He turns his head and smiles as he says, "There you are. I really missed you."

I give him a soft kiss and ask, "Did you miss me before or after you ate your ice cream?"

Jasper grins and blushes as he looks down and says, "Both."

Emmett bellows out, "Alright you two, no sucking faces at the table! Come on over dude, I've got a Jasper special ready for you. I prepared it just like they delivered it at the restaurant, and I've got a well done one for Edward. Edward's too big of a wuss to eat it rare like us manly men, Jasper!"

Jasper laughs as his eyes light up and he looks ridiculously happy as he whispers to me, "Did you hear that? Emmett called me a manly man!"

I smile as I whisper into Jasper's ear, "Oh baby, I could have told you that you were all man. I've seen that monster you keep hidden in your pants; seen it, held it, even tasted it."

Jasper turns bright red and whispers, "Shut up! Your parents are right over there watching us."

I laugh and pull Jasper over to the picnic table with me. He straddles the wooden bench and plops down and then bounces right back to his feet with his eyes wide and his face red. I laugh at Jasper wondering what the hell he's up to now as I straddle the bench and plop down too and then bounce up with a yelp of pain as I rub my sore ass. Damn, I never knew a wooden bench was so damn hard! I roll my eyes as I listen to everybody around us start laughing.

Emmett yells out, "Hey Rose, I thought you said they were only having a dry run earlier? It looks to me like they had to have been doing the nasty if their asses are sore!"

Rose yells, "Emmett, hush!"

I yell, "Rose! You told?"

Dad yells, "Edward! You didn't!"

Mom is laughing so hysterically that she almost falls out of her chair.

I look at them wide eyed and red faced as I shake my head and say, "Dad, we didn't. I promise."

Alice and the Doc come around the corner of the house asking, "What'd we miss?"

Emmett bellows out, "We're trying to figure out why these two have sore asses."

Alice snorts and says, "Try using some of that lube you bought boys."

But what really catches my attention is the worried look on the Doc's face as he looks at Jasper. I look back at Jasper and he still standing there red faced, looking down with his chest heaving, he looks close to tears.

I pull him to me and wrap my arms around him and whisper into his ear, "Shh, everything is alright baby. They're not really laughing us, they're just teasing us because they love us and they're all so happy to see us together, that's all."

I look up to see everybody looking at us anxiously and then I glare over at Emmett when he bellows out even louder, "Hell, Jazzman you should have seen me the first time I talked Rosalie into sticking her fingers up my ass. We'd never even thought about using lube back then and let me tell you my damn ass hurt so bad I couldn't sit down for three days!"

Rose shrieks, "Would you shut the hell up!"

Dad groans and drops his head into his hands. Mom's face has turned purple from laughing so hard and she has tears streaming down her face.

Jasper starts shaking in my arms and I look at him in a panic, thinking he's crying. But Jasper bursts out laughing so hard he sits back down and then bounces right back up again making me burst out laughing too.

I look over to see the Doc standing by himself and looking at us as if he's sizing all of us up for straightjackets. Then Alice comes bee bopping around the corner of the house holding a couple of throw pillows and grinning from ear to ear. She hands them to me and I set them down on the bench and Jasper and I ease down onto them before throwing our other leg over the bench and under the table, sending everybody into fresh gales of laughter. I've never felt so embarrassed in my life but there's no way in hell I'm sitting on that hard wooden bench without the damn pillow.

Emmett is grinning from ear to ear as he brings Jasper's plate over saying, "Here ya go dude, just like they delivered it to you at the restaurant." Jasper looks down at it and sighs in relief. He looks up at Emmett and quietly says, "Thanks, Emmett…for everything." I look at Jasper's plate and I'm surprised to see that Emmett's cut Jasper's steak up for him.

I look up at Emmett and he smiles and ruffles my hair. Damn, I hate it when he does that shit. But Emmett grins at me and says, "I'm guessing you were too busy falling in love to notice how Jasper ordered his steak in the restaurant the other day. But when the waiter asked Jasper how he wanted it cooked and he said to just tell the cook it was for Jasper. I paid special attention to see how he liked it and was a little surprised to see it cut up already but the more I thought about it the more it made sense after what you told us about what happened to him. You need to pay more attention to these things little brother."

I smile up at Emmett and say, "I'll try, big brother. Thanks for paying attention when I wasn't."

The Doc clears his throat and says, "I'm sorry, Jasper. I've been so preoccupied I didn't even think to tell them about cutting up your steak for you. Thank you for taking care of him for me Emmett."

Emmett laughs and says, "No problem, Al. Somebody around here has to act like the grown up and take care of things!" Everybody snorts out a laugh except for Jasper and the Doc. Emmett looks indignant and yells, "What?" Then he starts laughing too as he brings me my well done steak and says, "One burnt steak for the wussy boy or should I say the bottom boy?"

Dad starts coughing and choking and mom doubles over shrieking out laughter and slapping dad on the back. I elbow Emmett in the ribs whispering, "Would you please shut the hell up!" At the same time Rose comes around and slaps Emmett on the back of the head and hisses out. "I'm never telling you anything ever again, you big oaf!"

Emmett whines saying, "Ah, come on Rosie posy. I'm just messing with Edward. He knows I don't mean anything bad about it."

I look over at Jasper to see if he's doing okay with my crazy family's crazy bantering. Jasper's got his face down again and it's still as red as ever but he's smiling and he has a mouth full of steak chewing on it, so I guess he must be alright.

Dad finally quits coughing and looks real serious at me as he asks, "Son is there anything you'd like to tell me?"

I frantically shake my head at him, my eyes wide and my face red as I say, "No sir, I don't have one thing I want to tell you right now."

They all burst out laughing again at my panicked face.

Mom finally gets herself under control and sits up and says, "Enough! Everybody quit teasing Edward and Jasper and let's eat these delicious steaks. Jasper dear, we also have homemade potato salad, homemade Coleslaw, some fresh garden salad, and Texas toast. And there are several more steaks on the back of the grill, although they probably won't be as rare as the one you're eating now. Oh and since I knew this was going to be a special weekend, I made a huge chocolate cake and two pecan pies."

Jasper looks up at mom and smiles bashfully and says, "Thank you, ma'am.

But I frown and look at mom and ask, "What do you mean you knew this was going to be a special weekend?" I look around at all the food and back at mom. "And how did you know to have all these steaks for today instead of tomorrow?" I knew they had been too calm when I told them my announcement that I was gay. I glare over at Rose but she's looking at all the food looking confused as well. I cut my eyes over to Alice who is sitting with a way too innocent looking face. I yell, "Alice!"

Alice jumps and says, "Now don't be mad, Eddie."

I slap the palm of my hand on the table and yell. "For the last time, do not call me Eddie! My name is Edward!"

I hear dad say, "Edward calm down, son. Alice your brother has asked you countless times to call him by the name his mother gave him. I think you should all start to respect Edward's wishes and start calling him by it."

Alice, Emmett and Rose all three say, "Yes, sir."

I feel Jasper's arm come around my waist and he sounds worried as he whispers, "Are you alright, beautiful?"

I lean against Jasper and nod my head. "I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to make such a fuss. I didn't scare you, did I?"

Jasper kisses the side of my neck and says, "No, I'm fine darlin'. I was just worried about you."

Alice says, "Edward? I'm sorry, hon. Please don't be mad at me. You know I've never been good at keeping secrets, especially from mom. And I was just so happy for you that I wanted to just shout it out to the world that you had finally found somebody. But honestly, I promise, mom and dad already knew you were gay and they were just so happy to hear you had found somebody too."

Alistair looks surprised and says, "Found somebody too? Did you already tell your mom about us on the phone? I thought you wanted to surprise your parents face to face?"

Rose crosses her arms and asks, "Or did you tell her about me and Emmett?"

Alice bites her lip and her face turns red as she looks around the table and says, "Um…."

Emmett laughs and says, "Looks like pixie dust just got busted."

Mom rolls her eyes and says, "Enough, all of you. You all know Alice couldn't keep a secret even if her life depended on it. Besides, Alice didn't tell me anything that your father and I haven't both known for years. And Alistair dear, I knew as soon as I heard Alice's voice that she had met the love of her life. I just didn't know who it was yet. Now let's all eat and enjoy these delicious steaks that your dad and Emmett cooked."

Everybody starts eating and chatting about more normal things and I finally relax now that I'm not the center of everybody's jokes. They're still trying to figure out what to do about Rose and Emmett's problem. Dad tells us he's going to hire a lawyer to help look into it.

Mom asks what everybody's plans are for the rest of the weekend, since we were all here a day earlier than planned. Rose and Emmett say they think they're going to head back in the morning so they'll be rested up. Emmett has a job interview for a teaching position at one of the high schools near Seattle early Monday morning. Mom and dad get real excited to hear that news.

Alice and the Doc say they should head back in the morning too since the Doc has scheduled appointments pretty early Monday as well. I hear Jasper snort and mumble something about them just wanting to get into bed early. I nudge Jasper with my shoulder and he blushes and looks down.

I tell them that other than going to visit Jasper's parents later today, we don't have any set plans. Then I ask mom and dad if they would mind if Jasper and I stayed a couple of extra days here at the house since neither one of us has to get back to a job. Mom and dad think that's a wonderful idea but tell us we may have the house to our selves part of the time since they have things already scheduled. I assure them that we'll be fine here by ourselves.

The Doc asks Jasper if he wants him to go with him to visit his parents' graves. Everybody speaks up and offers to go for moral support if Jasper needs it. But Jasper shakes his head and quietly says, "I think I just want Edward with me if that's okay." Everybody quickly reassures Jasper that of course that's okay and the Doc tells the both of us. "Of course, Jasper, whatever you're more comfortable with but if things get bad please call me." I promise the Doc if anything bad happens that he'll be the first one I call. Then Alice starts bouncing up and down in her seat and tells Jasper that she brought us both a suit to wear when we go.

Then mom and dad floor us when they tell us that dad is going to semi-retire from the hospital. Dad says, "I'm not sure if you kids know it or not but after old Dr. Gerandy retired three years ago, the hospital never hired a replacement for him and I've had to double up taking all of his patients as well as my own. I've been working double shifts 5 days a week and still trying to volunteer at the Res hospital because they've been short handed too. I finally put my foot down and gave notice at the hospital and they've hired two new doctors. After they both get settled in, I'm only going to be doing major surgeries at the Fork's hospital and I'm still going to volunteer at least one day a week at the Res. I've neglected my wife and my family for far too long. I think it's past time that I did a little travelling with my wife or just sat back and enjoyed life." Dad looks at me and gives me a sad smile as he says, "Who knows, I may even have time to finally sit down and read a real book for a change."

Mom sighs and gives dad's hand a squeeze and says, "What your father is not telling you is he passed out at work last week. He's suffering from exhaustion and was told if he doesn't slow down he's going to wind up having a heart attack. The stubborn thing has been about to work himself into an early grave."

My heart clenches up and I can't catch my breath from the thought that anything could ever be wrong with my dad. My heart starts pounding and I can't get any air into my lungs as tremors start shaking my body and my vision starts to go gray around the edges. I'm barely aware of Jasper standing up and straddling the bench facing me. Jasper cups my face in his hands and looks worriedly into my eyes and from what seems a great distance, I hear Jasper calling for my mom and dad with a panicked voice.

I feel Jasper's arms wrap around my waist and my dad's hands wrap around the back of my neck as he starts talking into my ear, "Son, you're having a panic attack. You need to calm down. I love you and I'm going to stay right here for you kids for a very long time. Edward, I'm fine son and I'm going to stay just fine. Everything is alright son, just breathe. Come on and take a breath for me."

I wonder to myself if this is how horrible Jasper feels every time he has a panic attack as I finally manage to suck in a breath and get my lungs working again. I wrap my arms around dad's neck and cling to him afraid to let him go, terrified at the thought of losing him. Dad holds me for a minute then pulls my arms from around his neck and holds my hands in his as he asks, "Are you alright, son?"

I nod my head and say, "Yes, sir. Sorry, I wasn't expecting that and it really scared me." I look around feeling a little embarrassed until I see Emmett holding Rose and the Doc holding Alice and that they all look teary eyed too.

Dad reaches one hand up to the back of my neck and asks, "Do you need to lie down son?"

I shake my head no even though I do feel drained. I understand Jasper's need for a nap after his panic attacks now. Dad stands up and turns me on the bench so my back is to Jasper. Jasper wraps his arms around me as I lean back against him with a sigh. Dad cups my face in his hand and says, "Try to relax, and if you can, try to eat a little more, son. It'll help you feel better."

Jasper hugs me to him tighter and kisses the side of my neck. He grabs my fork and stabs a piece of steak and brings it to my lips and demands, "Eat, beautiful." I smile and shake my head but I dutifully take a bite. Our role reversal feels almost strange to me. I'm used to being the one to comfort Jasper after a panic attack, not the other way around. Although I have to admit to enjoying the pampering as Jasper keeps feeding both himself and me, between his kisses on the side of my neck. I have to reassure Jasper that I really am okay, after I notice he's holding me so tight that his arms are shaking.

Dad calmly explains to us that he really will be okay as long as he stops pushing himself and severely restricts his work hours. He and mom tell us they even thought about selling the place and getting something smaller and easier to take care of but that they had changed their mind since they love it here so much.

Eventually the conversation moves onto lighter things as we sit and chat about different things. Mom and dad just have to start telling Jasper stories about me growing up and tell the Doc stories of Alice from when she came to live with us.

It's during one of their stories about Alice that Charlie drives up. Charlie comes around and joins us at the tables and mom insists that Charlie sit down and eat a steak too. I can't help but notice she doesn't have to try too hard to convince him.

Alice is practically quivering in her seat as she waits for Charlie to give them the news that he found out. Charlie finally grins at Alice and tells her, "Good news, Alley cat. You two are officially unrelated in any shape or form."

Alice shrieks out an ear piercing "Yay!" and practically knocks the Doc backwards out of his seat, kissing him. Charlie just laughs and shakes his head at them as he joins in with our conversation. Charlie laughs and asks me, "Edward do I even want to know why you two boys have to sit on pillows when everybody else is sitting on benches?" which sends everybody into fresh gales of laughter and the teasing to start up again. Jasper just sighs and whispers into my ear, "I really like your family, Edward." And then Jasper buries his face into the back of my neck.

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**A/N: Just wanted to say I learned the ice cream therapy when I worked at a facility with mentally handicapped adults and it really does work with people who have trouble keeping any kind of weight on.**

**As always thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Hey all, I'm still alive in Arkansas... **

**Sorry this chapter took so long but between the foggy head from alergy medication, spring cleaning in the house and the yard... oh and the computer crashing and getting a new one and somebody interrupting every time I sit down to type...let's just say it wasn't conducive to writing a story. I haven't even had time to read any of my favorite stories out there. Hopefully, I made up for it a little by making this one pretty long. I have to say this chapter was kind of hard to write. I'm right there with Jasper when he says keeping up with everybody's conversations is exhausting as hell. It's harder than hell to try and keep a natural flow going with 9 people talking and I'm not sure how well I did it with all the allergy medication fogging up my thought processes right now. Ok, I'll shut up now...lol.**

**Once again, thanks for all the lovely reviews. I love reading them. I hope you guys are still enjoying this story.**

**Usual disclaimer all Twilght characters belong to Ms Meyers but the rest is my imagination...**

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_Alice shrieks out an ear piercing "Yay!" and practically knocks the Doc backwards out of his seat, kissing him. Charlie just laughs and shakes his head at them as he joins in with our conversation. He laughs and asks me, "Edward do I even want to know why you two boys have to sit on pillows when everybody else is sitting on benches?" which sends everybody into fresh gales of laughter and the teasing to start up again. Jasper just sighs and whispers into my ear, "I really like your family, Edward." And then he buries his face into the back of my neck. _

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**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 25**

**JPOV (Saturday continued…)**

I was really happy that Chief Swan had brought good news for the Doc and Alice. I don't think the Doc was really worried that he and Alice would wind up being related. He had said he was almost positive no one in his family had ever had a child go missing 13 years ago or ever for that matter. But I'm glad that Alice now has that peace of mind and doesn't have to worry about it. It must be really hard to go through life and not know who you really are. Or should I say who you were? Anyway, I'm happy for the both of them. Although, I'm still having trouble looking at Alice and the Doc without thinking that they've… ugh, that's so fucking gross.

I'd really been worried that Edward and I wouldn't get to love on each other at all while we were here visiting. It was such a relief when we got to love on each other with our mouths and fingers and then take a nap before lunch. I haven't been nearly as stressed out since we woke up. Although, I have to admit that keeping up with all the conversations and the teasing Edward's family has been doing, is making me feel pretty fucking tired again. I can't understand how they all manage to do it all the time, it drains my energy. I just hope I can get used to it someday.

I lean my forehead on the back of Edward's neck and sigh as I listen to his family's teasing start up again. I'm still trying to get used to having people I barely know tease and laugh at me or rather at us. I had been fucking crushed earlier when they had first started it up and I had almost lost it. Edward's reassuring words had helped a little, but then Emmett had purposely turned the laughter back onto himself and I was actually able to laugh too. After that, I was able to relax and enjoy listening to everybody's bantering, even though some of their teasing can be embarrassing as hell.

For some reason, I've been feeling incredibly bashful in front of Edward's parents so I wasn't doing much talking. Carlisle seems really nice and has been very kind to me, and Esme dear is just the best. She reminds me just a little bit of my mom and I've been super careful to watch my language when I'm around her. It would fucking kill me to hurt her, I just can't understand how her first husband could have mistreated such a sweet and gentle person.

I tighten my arms around Edward's waist and hold him. Edward had really scared the fuck out of me earlier when at Esme dear's words he had stiffened in shock. I had got up and straddled the bench again so I could check him out. When I cupped his face in my hands and turned him to me, I could see the fear and panic in his eyes and I could tell that he had literally quit breathing. I had been at a loss as to what to do for him so I had quickly called for his parents as I held onto him.

I had only been mildly surprised at Carlisle's words when he told Edward he was having a panic attack and needed to try to calm down. I'd had enough of them to recognize the symptoms. I was just surprised that it was my beautiful man who was having one. But what had really surprised me the most, was that after Carlisle got Edward calmed down, Carlisle had turned Edward and propped his legs up on the bench and then Carlisle had leaned Edward back into my arms for me to take care of him. I was shocked and yet thrilled that Carlisle trusted me to take care of his son and I was determined to not fuck it up.

Carlisle had told Edward that he needed to rest and to try to eat a little more, that it would help make him feel better. So I'm trying to make sure Edward eats every bite on his plate as I hold him tight in my arms and feed us both. I have to wonder if my panic attacks scare Edward as bad as his had scared me. I've come to the realization that I've been unfair to Edward, letting him take care of me all the time. It's time that I start acting like a man. Edward needs me to be as strong for him as he's been for me.

Edward tries to sit up, telling me I can use both my hands to eat with, but I tighten my free arm around him and keep him still. I'm enjoying having him in my arms and sitting between my legs, besides this way I can hide my face in his back when things get too embarrassing.

After the teasing dies down, Rose brings Chief Swan a plate of food and everybody is quiet for a few minutes as we all eat. I notice Chief Swan's eyes are watching me and Edward and occasionally glancing over at Carlisle as well. Chief Swan has a contemplative look on his face as he clears his throat and says, "Carlisle, I heard you've been off work all week this week."

Carlisle looks up and his eyes dart over to Edward to see if he's still okay before he says, "Yeah, Charlie, doctor's orders. I've been over doing it a little and I fainted at work Tuesday. I was ordered to get some rest for the remainder of the week and the weekend. I'm actually going to be semi-retiring from the hospital soon and only doing major surgeries as needed." Edward takes a deep shuddering breath and lets it out slow. I tighten my arm around his waist and rub up and down his arm with the other trying to soothe him.

Chief Swan's eyes dart over to Edward, with a concerned look and he watches us for a few seconds before turning back to Carlisle and saying. "So, I'm guessing you guys haven't heard of the incident that happened down at La Push, Wednesday?"

Esme dear speaks up and says, "No Charlie, Carlisle and I have been pretty much hidden away here all week and haven't left the house or talked to anyone other than the kids on the phone." Esme dear grins over at Carlisle and says, "It's been rather nice, actually."

Carlisle stares into Esme dear's eyes with a smirk on his face as he brings her hand up to his lips and kisses it as he says, "Yes it has, love." And then he winks at Esme dear making her giggle.

Emmett's booming voice echoes through the woods as he yells, "Gross! Get a room! Damn, I've been scarred for life. I'm going to have to go see Alice's fiancé for counseling now." I tighten my arms around Edward before I realize his shaking is actually him laughing. Edward's looking down and I can't see his face from back here but his ears are red so I know he must be as embarrassed by his parent's display as Emmett had been. I grin and shake my head as I kiss the side of his neck.

After everybody quits laughing, or in the case of Emmett… gagging, Carlisle asks Chief Swan. "So what incident happened, Charlie? Nothing too serious, I hope."

Chief Swan quickly glances over at me and Edward one more time before he looks at Carlisle and says, "We had a local boy jump from the cliffs down there, apparently it was a suicide attempt."

Esme dear gasps and says, "Oh dear, the poor thing. Was he badly injured?"

Chief Swan shakes his head and says, "No, none of his injuries were from that, except for a slight concussion from hitting his head on the rocks when a wave pushed him against them. Luckily for him, Sam Uley, one of the Res police officers saw him jump. Sam risked his own life jumping in and pulling him out before he could drown."

Carlisle looks confused for a second then asks, "Why are you telling us this, Charlie? You've never been one for gossip."

Chief Swan glances toward me and Edward one more time before he says, "I thought Edward would want to know since the jumper used to be a friend of his."

Edward sounds surprised as he looks over at Chief Swan and asks, "Why didn't you say something when we talked earlier? Who was it, Charlie? Somebody I went to school with?"

Chief Swan nods his head toward me and says, "You already had your hands full with Jasper fainting and worrying about coming out to your parents and I didn't want to add to your problems. But yeah, you went to school with the jumper, Edward. It was Michael Newton." Edward stiffens up in my arms and his family all gasp in surprise. I tighten my grip around Edward when he begins to tremble. Chief Swan stares at Edward as he says, "Sam called me after he got Michael to talk to him about why he jumped. I went down to the Res hospital and had a long talk with Michael and he told me some… disturbing… things that happened back when he was still in high school. Michael pretty much blew the lid off a hidden scandal that's been going on around here for the last ten years or so. And after getting his statement, I've been able to find two other…victims… that could corroborate Michael's story and who were also willing to give statements."

Chief Swan sighs and nervously glances once at Carlisle and Esme dear before turning back to Edward and saying, "Michael also told me of something… horrible… that he did to a former friend of his. It was a misguided and failed attempt to scare his friend away for the day. Somebody was coming to hurt his friend and he was too scared to warn him. Michael says things got out of hand when his friend wouldn't defend himself and he wound up doing more than he planned. He says in a way what he did was worse than what was going to happen because in trying to protect his friend from being physically harmed, he betrayed his friend's trust and it cost him his friendship. Edward… Michael's going to need a lot of counseling and maybe even that friend's forgiveness if he's ever going to be able to move on."

Edward keeps his head down, I can feel his heart pounding and his chest is heaving as he shakes his head violently. Edward's voice cracks as he whispers, "I can't… please. I don't want to talk about this right now."

Chief Swan sighs again and sounds disappointed as he says, "Alright, Edward. We don't have to talk about it right now. Maybe you can come into town and talk to me in private sometime this weekend?"

Carlisle speaks up and says, "Edward, please… please, talk to us, son."

Edward sighs and glances up at his dad as he softly says, "Dad, I'm just not ready to talk about this yet." Edward glances over at Chief Swan and then over at the Doc and says, "I… I need… I just need a little time."

Carlisle softly says, "Alright, son. Just know we are all here for you when you are ready."

Everybody stays quiet as Edward nods his head and looks back down for a minute. With another soft sigh Edward looks up at Chief Swan and asks, "Is Mike alright? How are his parents handling it?"

Chief Swan sounds angry as he says, "Michael's parents are one of the reasons he jumped. Michael finally got the nerve to come out to them Tuesday night and his dad beat the living shit out of him before tossing him out of the house and telling him to forget about inheriting the family business and to never come back. His dad is in jail right now for domestic violence but I don't know how long I'm going to be able to keep him there. I'm having trouble convincing Michael to press charges and his mother refuses to testify against his father."

Esme dear sounds close to tears as she says, "That poor boy." Esme dear looks over at Edward and says, "I don't know what Mike did to our Edward but I still know he doesn't deserve that kind of treatment from his parents."

Carlisle shakes his head and says, "No. I may have never liked the boy. I always thought Mike was as big of a jerk as his dad, but he certainly doesn't deserve for his family to treat him like that."

The Doc asks Chief Swan, "Is this Mike boy seeing a therapist?"

Chief Swan nods and says, "It was one of the requirements before the hospital would release Michael."

Edward runs his hand through his hair a few times before asking, "Was Mike still living at home with his parents?"

Chief Swan nods and says, "Michael actually had a small apartment over their garage. He's been running the store for his dad since he graduated. Now his mother won't even let him come back for his clothes and refuses to let Michael set foot inside the store. I'm trying to arrange a time with her so I can go get his stuff for him."

Edward frowns and asks, "So where is Mike staying now? How is he living?"

Chief Swan actually smiles as he says, "Believe it or not, Sam Uley moved him into his house with him. I'm not sure, but I _think_ they may actually be together now."

Edward sighs and leans his head back against my shoulder as he says, "I may never… forgive Mike. But I'm glad he didn't kill himself and that he has somebody now, too." I nuzzle my face into Edward's neck and place light kisses up and down it as I hold him tight in my arms. I'm not sure how I feel about all of this. I've never met Mike but I've hated him with a passion ever since Edward told me what Mike had done to him. Still, I wouldn't wish what Mike's been through on anybody. Plus, I'm terribly curious about what had been going on back then with him and why Edward didn't know about it since he was Mike's best friend. Was Edward the one he had been trying to protect?

After a quiet lull with everybody talking quietly to each other, the conversations pick up again as they all start to talk about other things.

Eventually, Emmett asks Chief Swan, "Hey Charlie, guess what?"

Chief Swan looks up and down and all around with a blank look on his face for a few seconds before his eyes rest on Emmett. Chief Swan jumps like he's surprised or something before he says, "Oh sorry Emmett, is that you? I didn't recognize you with all your clothes on."

I snicker into Edward's back as everybody starts laughing. I'm relieved when Edward joins in on the laughter and all the tension in the air seems to dissolve. Rose groans and hides her face in her hands. Emmett actually gets a red face but he grins and says, "Oh, should I have dropped my pants and flashed my bare ass at you first, Charlie?" Emmett stands up and bends over as he shakes his ass at Chief Swan. Thankfully, he doesn't drop his pants first. Carlisle groans and drops his head into his hand this time while shaking his head and everybody laughs even harder.

Chief Swan hold his hands up like he's shielding himself and says, "That's okay Emmett, I've already seen it once today, and that was one time too many."

Esme dear laughs and says, "Charlie, how have you managed to put up with this wild bunch all these years?"

Chief Swan grins at her and says, "They've been better than most around here, Esme."

Carlisle looks up out of his hands and says, "Damn, Charlie if this bunch is better than most, I'd hate to see what you have to deal with everyday."

Charlie looks serious and stares first at me and then Edward before saying, "Well, thankfully things usually stay quiet around here, Carlisle. Of course, once in a blue moon a real emergency comes up and I actually have to earn my keep."

Carlisle looks over at us and sighs as he says, "Yes, unfortunately that's true." I bury my face in Edward's back. I wish they would go back to being funny. I don't want to talk about that night and I know Edward doesn't want to talk about Mike. Edward rubs his hand up and down my outer thigh trying to reassure me.

I look back up when Emmett starts talking again, "Come on, Charlie, you have to guess what happened today!"

Chief Swan smiles and says, "Well let's see, I caught you and Rosalie parking for the 33rd time, and your brother for the very first time. Other than that, I don't have a clue."

Emmett grins from ear to ear and proudly says, "I asked my Rosie to marry me and she said yes!"

Chief Swan smiles and says, "Well it's about damn time you two made it official." Then he looks serious again and asks, "Have you figured out exactly how you're legally going to get married yet?"

Emmett deflates as he sighs and says, "Oh you know about that. Well we're actually still trying to figure out how to get around that little problem."

Chief Swan nods and says, "I read something years ago, about a couple that were adopted siblings like you and Rosalie wanting to get married."

Emmett perks up and says, "Yeah? What did they do for a solution?"

Chief Swan scratches the side of his neck and says, "If I remember correctly, either the boy or the girl found somebody to help them out by doing an adult adoption. The second adoption nullified the first one, so their first adopted parents were no longer their parents and they weren't brother and sister anymore." Edward stiffens up in my arms and his breath catches. I tighten my arms around Edward and he pats my hand letting me know he's okay. Everybody else gets real quiet as Emmett and Rose stare at Carlisle and Esme dear with tears in their eyes.

Carlisle finally breaks the silence when he clears his throat and softly says, "It's a wonderful idea kids. I know neither one of you wants to give up having us as parents, just like I don't relish the thought of giving up one of my kids. But at least you two can be legally married and start your life together."

Emmett sighs and looks over at Rose and quietly says, "I'll do it, Rosie. Mom and dad were your parents first."

Rose snaps her head around to look at Emmett and quickly says, "No! I'll do it, that way when we get married, I can be a Cullen again."

Esme dear sighs and says, "Now all we have to do is find somebody willing to do an adult adoption."

The Doc clears his throat and says, "Well if you can't get anybody else. I suppose I could offer…"

Alice looks at him like he's crazy as she says, "Alistair, dear, I love Rose but my older sister is not calling me mom. Sorry sis…"

Rose smiles and shakes her head as she says, "Don't worry about it, sis. That would be way too weird for me too. At least now that we have a plan of action, we can figure out the 'who' later."

Chief Swan clears his throat and says, "If you don't find somebody you'd rather have as a parent. I'd be willing to do that for you, kids. Of course, I'd have to okay it with Bella first…if she ever talks to me again that is. I wouldn't want to hurt my own daughter's feelings. And I'd have to see if I can afford it. I'm not sure how much the adult adoption process costs."

I softly say, "I…" My face heats up as everybody turns and looks at me. Swallowing nervously, I clear my throat and say. "I'd be happy to pay for that if it's okay." The Doc smiles at me and nods his head so I guess it was a good idea to offer. Chief Swan and Carlisle both try to protest. But I say, "Please. Rose has been so sweet to me…"

Emmett snorts and says, "When? After she chased you into the closet while trying to kill you? Hell dude, I've been sweeter to you than Rosie has."

Rose snorts this time as she says, "At least I didn't grab Jasper from behind after being told to never do that and then get my ass flipped over his shoulder."

Esme dear gives Rose and Emmett both a look that clearly says 'we'll be talking more later' and then she says, "Would you two _try_ to be polite and let the boy speak!"

But the Doc says, "Jasper? You actually had someone grab you from behind and you managed to flip them without passing out? That's incredible! You've never been able to do that before!"

I sigh and shrug my shoulder as I look at the Doc and say, "I…he…" I scrub my face with my hands feeling frustrated and embarrassed that I can't even talk right. With frustrated huff, I say. "I was looking at Edward and he had this look of horror come over his face and I was just trying to protect him from whoever had grabbed me. I didn't know it was Emmett yet."

The Doc smiles at me and shakes his as he says, "Look at you. All these years, you're out like a light if someone so much as touches you from behind. And now you not only don't pass out but you're protecting the man you love, remarkable, simply remarkable."

I look down blushing as everybody smiles at me. I look back up though when Chief Swan says, "Jasper, I really appreciate the offer but I…"

I frown and interrupt Chief Swan saying, "Please. Rose and Emmett have both been sweet to me." Then I smile and say, "After our strange start, and I'd love to do this as a wedding gift if that's okay. Plus, Chief Swan, I'd like to do it for you and Carlisle, too. I know it's not much but you both are responsible for saving my life and I just wanted some way to thank you. I mean…it's not like I can't afford it."

Esme dear looks at me confused and says, "I thought Edward said you didn't have a job, dear."

Edward speaks up and says, "Mom, his parents had enough life insurance that Jasper won't ever have to worry about working."

Esme dear gives me a sad smile and says, "Of course. I'm sorry, dear. I hope I didn't upset you."

I smile back and say, "No, it's okay. I'm alright."

Esme dear looks at Chief Swan and Carlisle and says, "I think if it means that much to Jasper, that you should let him do it."

They both argue for another minute and then reluctantly agree after I plead with them both one more time. Chief Swans says, "Fine, you can do it but only on one condition."

I wonder what the hook is so I ask, "What?"

Chief Swan smiles and says, "Quit calling me Chief Swan and call me Charlie."

I give Charlie a bashful smile and softly say, "Okay, Charlie."

Rose jumps up and runs over and throws her arms around my neck and says, "Thank you so much, baby boy!" I smile at Rose then duck my head, feeling embarrassed. Then Rose goes over and wraps her arms around Charlie's neck and kisses his cheek as she says, "You've always been the best, Charlie!"

Charlie looks embarrassed as he pats Rose's back and says, "Now, now, Rosalie. I've always been fond of all you kids, especially after you all took to Bella when she first moved here. It's the least I can do."

Carlisle and Esme dear both get up and walk over to Charlie. Carlisle shakes Charlie's hand and thanks him for doing so much for the family and Esme dear hugs Charlie's neck too. And then Carlisle and Esme dear come over and both give me a hug too before going back and sitting down. Charlie is looking more and more embarrassed from all the attention but then he starts laughing when Emmett jumps up and runs over and throws himself onto Charlie's lap. Emmett throws his arms around Charlie saying, "I love ya, man!" Then Emmett starts smooching kisses at Charlie.

Carlisle and Esme dear both shake their heads at Emmett's antics and then everybody laughs when Charlie pushes Emmett off his lap saying, "Get the hell off me Emmett." Emmett lands on his ass on the ground and Charlie grins and shakes his head at him, saying. "Crazy ass kid."

Emmett sits up and grins back at Charlie, saying. "Seriously, Charlie, thank you for everything you've done for Rosie and me. I know you've let us slide on a lot of things all these years."

Charlie sticks his hand out and helps Emmett up as he shakes his hand. "I know love when I see it boy, and you two have been head over heels for as long as I've known you. I saw no reason to add to the complication of you two being adopted by the same parents."

Emmett grins and winks as he says, "So, I guess this makes you my future father-in-law!"

Charlie groans and smacks his forehead with his palm as he says, "God, what was I thinking?" Everybody starts laughing again. Then Charlie looks real stern as he straightens up and folds his arms and says, "Now, tell me young man, before I give you permission to marry my future daughter, just how do you plan on supporting her?"

I grin as Edward and his family laugh harder. Emmett actually blushes as he says, "Um, well sir, I actually have a job interview for a position as a health teacher and coach Monday morning at one of the high schools in Seattle."

I wonder what Charlie is up to when he smiles and almost looks relieved. Then he clears his throat and looks stern again and says, "An interview is not a job. I'm not too sure if my future daughter needs to be marrying an out of work rascal such as yourself."

Carlisle snorts and Esme dear starts giggling at the look on Emmett's face, then Charlie softly says, "Perhaps you should consider filling the recently opened position here at Forks, unless small town life is too dull for one such as yourself?"

Everybody stops laughing and looks confused. Emmett asks, "What do you mean? What recently opened position? What happened to Coach Clapp?"

Charlie's eyes flicker over toward Edward so fast that I'm not even sure if I really saw it, then he says, "Coach Clapp will in all likelihood be spending the remainder of his life in the Washington State prison system."

Everybody gasps in shock and starts asking what's going on but when I look over at the Doc. The Doc looks like he understands and has a look of concern on his face as he looks at me and Edward. He turns to Charlie and softly says, "Charlie, now might not be the time…"

Charlie glances over at Edward then nods at the Doc and says, "You're right, sorry." Then Charlie clears his throat and says, "Let's just say there is a job opening here in Forks and if you're interested in the position. I'd more than happy to recommend you to the school board, Emmett. As a matter of fact, I'll call all of them later and see if I can't get something settled before you and Rosalie leave this weekend.

Emmett looks over at Rose and asks, "What do you think, Rosie posie? Would you like to move back and be close to mom and dad? Err…dads?"

Rose throws her arms around Emmett and says, "Wouldn't that be perfect? I'd love it!" Then Rose runs over and hugs Charlie as she giggles and says, "Thanks…dad." Charlie turns red as Alice starts going "Ahhhh, isn't that sweet."

There's a couple of minutes of everybody laughing and talking at the same time, but I give up on trying to keep up on who's saying what, as I lean in and kiss the back of Edward's neck and hug him tighter.

When things settle back down Emmett turns to Charlie and asks, "Can I get you some more steak…dad?"

Charlie smiles fondly at Emmett and says, "I'd love another steak…son."

Emmett smiles back at Charlie, and then wraps an arm around Rose as he says, "Come on, Rosie posy. Let's go fix dad a plate." Then Emmett looks over at me and asks if I want more steak, too. I was kind of embarrassed about still being hungry but it had been a stressful morning and I tend to burn calories like crazy when I'm nervous. So Emmett cuts up another steak and brings it to me after Rose heaps the plate up with more potato salad, coleslaw and Texas toast. I try to get Edward to eat a second plate full too, but Edward shakes his head and says he wants to save room for desert.

Charlie takes a bite out of his steak and turns to Esme dear and says, "Esme, Carlisle this is some of the best steak I've had in ages, my compliments to the chef."

Emmett stands up saying, "Hey! That would be me! I grilled _all_ of the steaks." Carlisle coughs and arches an eyebrow and Emmett grins and says, "Well, dad might have helped a little bit. Now you all have to admit that I am THE master chef when it comes to the grill and nobody can cook better than me." Then Emmett pretends to bow over and over like we're all applauding him or something and says. "Thank you, thank you… please, please, no autographs."

Rose snorts and rolls her eyes and says, "Puh-lease. I swear you're more of a drama queen than Edward."

Edward sits up and drops his feet off the bench as he says, "Hey!" Then he turns his head and gives me a smile and a wink as he says, "I don't know Emmett. You should have tasted the breakfast Jasper surprised me with yesterday. It was the best breakfast in bed I've ever had."

The Doc sound incredulous as he says, "Jasper? You_…_ _cooked_?" The Doc laughs and shakes his head as he says, "I swear you surprise me with something new every day, young man."

I look down as my face heats up then shrug my shoulder and quietly say, "Edward has done so much for me, Doc. I just wanted to do something for him for a change." I glance up to see everybody staring and smiling at me and quickly duck my head back down.

Curious the Doc asks, "So what did you cook Jasper? I didn't think you knew how to cook anything."

Fuck, I hate being the center of attention. I've had too much attention on me already and I try to hide my face in Edward's back. Edward half turns and raises my face with his hand. He looks into my eyes and I just melt as I forget everything but the love shining out of Edward's eyes. He smiles and says, "Jasper cooked up some fried potatoes and grilled cheese sandwiches, Doc. I was so proud of him." I smile from ear to ear at Edward's words and lean forward and give him a light kiss, then I duck my head back down and blush even more when I realize everybody is still watching us.

But I look over and frown when Emmett laughs and says, "Damn, Edward, I guess you haven't had breakfast in bed very often if that was the best you ever had." Rose touches Emmett's arm and shakes her head and Emmett stops laughing and looks at me and mouths 'sorry dude'.

The Doc has turned white and is looking at me with a shocked expression as he says, "Potatoes? As in, you peeled potatoes? Jasper, you actually handled a knife? That's… that's… unbelievable." Then the Doc frowns at Edward and says, "Wait. Surprised you?" The Doc looks at me again and says, "Jasper, please tell me you didn't handle a knife with no one around. My god, son, what if you'd passed out and landed on it! You could have seriously hurt yourself!"

I swallow again but I meet his worried gaze as I try to explain the obvious, "But I didn't hurt myself. I was real careful Doc. Besides, you know I had to try it while I was alone. I couldn't risk hurting Edward with the knife." Surely he understands how dangerous it would have been for Edward to be in the same room with me while I was holding a knife.

The Doc frowns and asks, "What do you mean, Jasper? What makes you think you would have hurt Edward with the knife?"

I look down again overwhelmed with guilt. Is the Doc really going to make me say it? I take a deep breath and let it out slow before saying, "Doc, you know I st-st-stabbed…J-J-James." I look back up as everybody but the Doc, Charlie and Edward all gasp in shock at my words. Charlie looks confused, the Doc looks like he suddenly understands what I'm going to say and Edward gives me a sad smile as I look around and meet all of their gazes and say, "I still don't remember doing it and I was just afraid that I might… st… hurt … Edward, and not know I did it until after it was too late."

The Doc shakes his head and softly says, "Oh Jasper, son, what happened with James was a reaction from all the psychological and physical torture he put you through. That is not going to happen again. You are not the sort of person to go around hurting people, least of all Edward."

Charlie says, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up a minute, Dr. Sim. You two think… Damn, you never got the… ah crap! Alistair, I'm assuming you've only read the original police reports?"

The Doc looks confused but nods his head and says, "That's right, the hospital asked for one not long after Jasper came to us. We wanted to know exactly what happened to Jasper so we'd know how to treat him psychologically if, er…when he came out of his catatonia."

Charlie looks around at everybody watching, then looks at me and stares for a few seconds before turning back to the Doc and saying, "Perhaps we should speak in private? Jasper might not want everybody listening in."

I'm worried about finding out what other horrible things I might have done that night but I quickly speak up. "No! Edward's family deserves to know what Edward's getting into with me."

The Doc and Charlie both ask at the same time, "Are you sure, Jasper?"

I look at Edward who looks worried as he gazes into my eyes. Remembering that Edward's still recovering from a panic attack and that he needs me to be strong for him, I caress his cheek once then square my shoulders and take a deep breath as I prepare for the worst. I turn back to Charlie and say, "Yes, I'm sure. Doc you have my permission to talk about… things. I want to know what Chief Swan, um, I mean Charlie, has to say."

There's something about the look on Charlie's face as he looks back at me. It's almost as if he's proud. He smiles at me then turns back to the Doc. Then he glances once at Carlisle and says, "I'm sure that Carlisle knows this part. Deputy… um, the young officer that was also injured that night was in a coma for months as the result of his head injuries."

Carlisle nods and says, "That's right, although I was actually focused on Jasper's multiple knife wounds and trying to repair the damage done to his leg at the time. Old Dr. Gerandy had to work on the officer, but from what I remember he had multiple skull fractures from being beaten with those bats and nobody thought he was going to make it." When Carlisle says bats, Esme, Rose and Alice all three gasp and cover their mouths with a look of horror in their eyes. Emmett keeps his head down and occasionally reaches up and wipes at his face as his dad keeps talking and describing some of the worse injuries the officer had received that night. Then Carlisle explains that even after the officer woke up from his coma, he was suffering from post-traumatic amnesia.

I look up when Charlie starts to talk again. "That's right, we had wanted to get his statement and I think we waited about a year before we gave up and the file was officially closed. He… the young officer… finally came into the station a couple of years after that and gave me his statement, it took him that long before he finally got most of his memories back. I added it on as an addendum to the official file but I'm guessing you never received that part?"

The Doc nervously glances at me and shakes his head and says, "No, but I did talk to that young officer, Charlie. I was trying to pinpoint exactly when… a certain event happened so I'd be able to help Jasper when he finally remembered it. And if that's what you're talking about…"

Charlie glances at me too, but he interrupts the Doc and asks, "Did you discuss with the officer what happened when we finally stormed the house? Or did you just discuss… um, the forensics for the events prior to that?"

I close my eyes tight and duck my head down suddenly horrified and ashamed. Oh god, Charlie knows that James had… had made me have an orgasm. I was nauseous and was beginning to wish that I hadn't eaten that second plateful of food. I feel Edward turning around on the bench and wrapping his arms around me. Edward whispers into my ear, "Shh, it's alright baby. Are you sure you don't want to go talk in private?"

I raise my eyes to Edward's and shake my head no. I look at Edward's family and they are all tensed up as if they are holding their breath. I look back over at Charlie and the Doc and they're both worriedly watching me. I swallow and try to blink back my tears as I say, "Go ahead, finish it." I have to be quit being such a coward all the time. I need to find some way to be strong and brave for Edward. I lock my eyes with Edward's as I listen to Charlie and the Doc as they discuss me. Edward is my strength.

The Doc clears his throat and says, "We only discussed… the earlier events, Charlie. I thought your descriptions of what happened… after, were clear enough."

Charlie nods his head and says, "I thought so." Then Charlie sighs and shakes his head and says, "I don't know why it didn't occur to me to call you and talk to you after getting that statement." Charlie gets up and walks around and kneels in front of me, taking my hands in his. I close my eyes and turn away, too ashamed to meet his gaze.

Charlie's hand lifts my chin and tilts my face back toward him enough to look into my eyes. Charlie shakes his head at me and says, "Never be ashamed for surviving that horror, son. It takes a special strength to endure what you did."

Charlie brushes my hair back from my face once before saying, "Now listen to me very carefully, son. I am so sorry it took us as long as it did to get inside to you. But after we finally got our shit together and stormed the house, everything started happening real fast and we had to make split second decisions. I saw what that… that monster was about to do to you and I thought it was worth the risk to shoot him, which is why you almost lost your leg from that knife plunging into it. Your body blocked everybody's view of what happened next but we all assumed the same thing when we saw you pick up the knife and then moments later it was sticking out of James' throat, but we were all wrong. According to… to the young officer… and he was the only one close enough and in the right position to see and hear what really happened. He said that James ordered you to pick up the knife and when you did James grabbed your hand with the knife in it and stabbed himself in the throat with it. James used you to kill himself, you did not kill James. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I search Charlie's face, not sure if I believe him or not. Is it possible? I feel as if a great weight, that I didn't even know was there, is lifting from my shoulders and I sob out, "You mean… I'm not a murderer?"

I hear the Doc softly say, "Oh Jasper…" And I hear sniffling coming from the rest of Edward's family.

Chief Swan's face looks full of pain as he says, "Even if you had stabbed James, you were never a murderer, son."

"But… but by then James was… unarmed and wounded. I thought… if I had stabbed James like that… wouldn't that be murder?"

Charlie cups my face in his hand and says, "That didn't happen, Jasper. James killed himself. And even if it had happened like we all thought, you would have been a traumatized child that had been terrorized and tortured, striking out in terror and fear, not a murderer."

The Doc gets up and comes around and sits behind me on the bench. He squeezes my shoulder and softly says, "That's why we've never been able to unblock that last memory, Jasper. All these years, I've been trying to get you to remember something that didn't happen. I'm sorry, son."

I feel light headed and almost dizzy with relief as I look up into Edward's eyes. I smile and say, "I'm not a murderer." Then I burst into sobs and Edward wraps his arms around me. The Doc rubs my back, Chief Swan squeezes my hand, and Edward rocks me as I sob into his shoulder. I don't even know why I was crying. I was filled with so many contrasting emotions and they were overwhelming me.

"~~***~~"

I don't know how long I cried in Edward's strong arms, but eventually I get myself back under control and look around feeling embarrassed by my outburst. The Doc and Charlie have both moved back to where they had been sitting, and everybody is having quiet conversations as they occasionally look over at Edward and me and give a sympathetic smile.

With a shuddering breath, I finally pull myself out of Edward's embrace and wipe at my face as I look around. I try to smile at everybody as I say, "Sorry. I didn't mean to act like a baby and ruin lunch."

Esme dear says, "Now don't be ridiculous, dear. You just needed a moment to process things. We've all been there. Nothing is ruined and as soon as you feel up to it, we'll even be having dessert."

I sit up straighter and wipe at my face again as I give Esme dear another smile and say, "Thank you, ma'am. I do feel a whole lot better now."

Edward nudges my shoulder with his and asks, "Really? Or do you just want chocolate cake?" and Esme dear starts laughing.

I smile and push at Edward's shoulder as I say, "Asshole."

Edward laughs softly and whispers, "Takes one to know one." as he kisses me. Then Edward sighs and runs his fingers through my hair as he asks, "Did you really worry that you would hurt me with that knife, baby? Is that the reason you haven't been too keen on the idea of me teaching you to cook?"

I shrug and say, "I thought I was a… I couldn't take the chance that I might hurt you, Edward. You're everything to me and it would kill me if anything happened to you. Besides that, knives really fu… um they really scare me. The Doc had to work with me for ages just to be able to sit down in a restaurant and eat while other people were eating with them. Sometimes I still have problems, if the light reflects off a blade just right, I'm out."

Edward smiles and shakes his head as he caresses my face again and says, "Baby if you don't want to cook or use a knife, I understand your fear and won't make you do anything you don't want to do. But baby, you also need to have more faith in yourself. I know in my heart that you would never hurt me."

I frown and look down and gently touch Edward's side where I know his bruises are. I look up and meet his eyes, feeling my own filling with tears again. My voice cracks as I say, "Wouldn't I? Haven't I already?" I glance over at Edward's parents who are watching us with concerned written all over their faces. I glance over at Rose. She's worriedly chewing on her lip but she meets my eyes and gives a slight shake of her head at me. I meet Edward's eyes again and sigh as I say, "Dr. Cullen…"

Edward grabs my hand and shakes his head and says, "Jasper, this isn't necessary. I promise I'm fine."

I close my eyes so I don't have to see Edward's eyes pleading for me to stay silent. His parents deserve to know what I did to him. My heart breaks at the thought that they won't like me anymore. I swallow again and say, "Dr. Cullen, could you please examine Edward's side and make sure I didn't crack his ribs when I hit him." I keep my eyes closed and bow my head, my heart is pounding and my chest is heaving as I try to swallow my fear as I wait for… my punishment.

I hear Edward's parents get up and walk over to where we're sitting. I flinch back when I feel soft cool hands pushing my hair back. I open my eyes with dread, to see Esme dear kneeling in front of me and Carlisle kneeling in front of Edward lifting his shirt and looking at his side. I was expecting to see anger and hate in their eyes but all I see is compassion and …love?

Esme dear smiles as she cups my face and says, "I told everybody earlier, Alice couldn't keep a secret if her life depended on it. Alice already explained to us what happened, dear. We were worried at first but after seeing Edward and seeing that he wasn't in any kind of pain, we decided to wait and give you boys a chance to tell us yourself what happened."

My heart is still pounding and my mouth has gone dry, so I lick my lips and try to swallow again before I say. "He…all Edward did was try to hug me and I… I wasn't expecting it and I… I slammed my elbow into his ribs. I'm so sorry that I hurt your son."

Edward sighs and says, "Mom, dad, it wasn't Jasper's fault. He was already upset and stressed out from me being such a bastard to him earlier that night. Jasper just wasn't expecting me to come up behind him and grab him. I mean I should have known better than to grab him how that monster, James had grabbed him. Jasper went into a panic and was just trying to protect himself." A tear runs down Edward's face and he says, "God it was horrible, I scared him so bad, mom. You should have heard his terrified sobs from where he had tried to hide in the corner of the room."

Carlisle looks up at Edward and wipes the tear from Edward's face as he says, "Alice was right, this is just bruises." He looks over at me and says, "Edward will be just fine, Jasper. We can see how upset you are and we both understand that you didn't mean to hurt Edward."

I bite my lip and ask, "But aren't you mad at me for hurting him?"

Carlisle gets up and sits down where the Doc had sat behind me earlier and pulls Esme dear down on his lap. I turn on the bench with my legs back under the table, so I can see them easier. Carlisle says, "I'm not mad exactly but I am worried. Do I have your word it won't happen again?"

I nod my head and say, "I promise. I'll never hurt Edward again."

Edward sounds frustrated as he says, "Dad, you can't make Jasper promise to not do something that he had no control over or intentions to do, to begin with."

Esme dear caresses Carlisle's face and smiles as she looks into his eyes and says, "Carlisle…" as she shakes her head at him. Then Esme dear looks at Edward and me and asks, "Edward, dear, do you remember anything from when your father and I married? Or were you too young to remember?"

Edward frowns in concentration then shakes his head as he says, "The only thing I think I remember is just a feeling of amazement that somebody could love me as much as you did."

Carlisle sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. He looks like he's in pain. Esme dear gives Carlisle a sympathetic smile and nods her head as she says, "The three of us were a real mess starting out. Your father… was in a real bad place, when we first got together. When Carlisle lost your mother, he turned to work like some people turn to alcohol. The term workaholic is a very accurate description."

Carlisle sighs again and rubs his temples with his eyes closed not meeting anybody's gaze. Esme dear leans up and kisses Carlisle's forehead before turning back to us and saying, "You've always looked just like your mother and it tore your father up every time he looked at you. You were being raised by nannies and baby sitters and for the first three years of your life, your interaction with your father was practically non-existent. I think those early years are the reason you two have always had such a problem in forming a close relationship."

Edward frowns as he looks at his dad and asks, "Did you blame me for mother's death?"

Carlisle's head snaps up and he says, "No! God no, son, I just… I wasn't dealing with things very well, Edward. I was hurting so bad and I couldn't seem to find a way to move on. But I've always loved you, son. I just couldn't…" Carlisle shakes his head and says, "Thank god, I met Esme. She changed everything for us."

Esme dear smiles and says, "Well that took a while, dear. As I said we were all a mess when I first married your father, Edward. I had just come out of a horribly abusive relationship that almost left me dead and I had just lost my own dear little son because of it. Let's just say I was just as… jumpy… as Jasper here, and your father knows firsthand what happens when you startle a jumpy person. We tend to strike out in fear, trying to defend ourselves before we even process what is really going on. I think I did crack your father's ribs once and I know I broke his nose twice, before we all finally settled down and found our rhythm as family."

Emmett whistles and says, "Go mom." Then Emmett turns to Rose and says, "Mr. and Mrs. There's Never A Good Enough Excuse For Violence, have been holding out on us Rosie posy."

Rose rolls her eyes and sarcastically says, "You're such a compassionate, caring and sensitive man, dear."

Emmett smiles tenderly at Rose and sighs as he says, "Thanks sweetie. I love you, too."

Rose smiles back and shakes her head at him as she whispers, "Ass."

Alice snorts at them then turns to her parents and asks, "So how long did it take for things to settle down for you guys?"

Carlisle laughs and says, "I think I had my last broken nose on our first year anniversary. But after that it's been pretty much smooth sailing." He looks over at the Doc and grins as he says, "We finally got smart and started seeing a therapist after that."

The Doc nods his head with a smile and says, "Smart move, Carlisle. Too bad you didn't try that after your first wife died."

Carlisle nods and says, "I wasn't exactly thinking straight back then, Alistair." Carlisle laughs and shakes his head as he says, "After that, I was determined to make up my, um, neglect to Edward. Esme and I wound up spoiling him rotten." Carlisle laughs even harder as he says, "God we turned him into such a selfish little bastard. Edward was a monster."

Esme dear laughs too and says, "But he was such a loveable little monster, dear."

Edward rolls his eyes and says, "Gee thanks, mom." causing everybody to laugh.

After everybody quits laughing, Esme dear turns to me and very seriously says. "What we're trying to tell you, dear, is that we do understand what happened and why it happened. And while we hope it won't happen again, we will try to be understanding if it does. But we also want you to know that we will in no way put up with Edward being in an abusive relationship and if it turns into that you will have us to answer to. Are we clear?"

I sigh as I say, "Yes, ma'am, I do understand and I promise that I will try for that to never happen again. I really am sorry for what I did to Edward. It just kills me that I hurt him."

I look over at Carlisle to find him staring at me. Carlisle cups my face in his palm and says, "My son loves you, Jasper. I expect you to watch out for him as much as he's watching out for you."

I nod my head and say, "Yes, sir."

Charlie clears his throat and says, "Esme, Carlisle, I think I need to take off and let you guys get back to your family time."

Esme dear tries to protest and get Charlie to stay, informing him he is part of the family now. But Charlie insists that he has to get back to work anyway. Esme dear insists on packing Charlie up another plate piled high with food and a large chunk of chocolate cake to take with him. After Charlie leaves, Esme dear tells Rose and Alice to help her bring out the cake, the two pies and plates. I have to say it was all delicious. I know because I tried a piece out of each one… and then I had a second piece of chocolate cake.

"~~***~~"

Alice has herded me and Edward to her room and is pulling two suit bags out of her closet as she says, "I got these in yesterday and I think they'll be perfect for your visit to see your parents, Jasper. Now, I know you said you didn't want any more black clothes, but I thought you'd still want a nice dark dress suit for this occasion."

Alice unzips the bags and pulls out the suits for us to see. I don't know shit about styles or what material is what, but I love the soft feel of the fabric as I run my hand over the suits. I smile at Alice and say, "Thanks, Alice. I didn't even think about what I would wear to their graves. These look… beautiful."

Alice grins from ear to ear and throws her arms around my waist as she squeals, "It's the least I can do for the man who introduced me to the love of my life!"

Edward winces and cups his hands over his ears and says, "Damn, Alice, burst my eardrums why don't you." Then Edward laughs at Alice when she sticks her tongue out at him.

Edward and I take our suits up to his room to get changed into them. I've got everything on but the tie and I don't know how to tie one, so I wait for Edward to finish tying his so he can tie mine for me. While I'm waiting I can't take my eyes of off Edward, he is so fucking sexy in a suit.

I love how the lightweight material and the cut of the suit show the curve of his ass and how it accents his broad shoulders. My heartbeat and breathing speed up as I watch Edward standing in front of the mirror and tying his tie. I can't help but fantasize about slowly stripping him back out of his suit and practicing some more positions like we were earlier. I pull on my shirt collar; it's starting to get pretty fucking hot in here.

Edward finishes and turns to me with a sexy smirk and asks, "You want me to tie that for you, babe?"

I grin and nod my head at him. Edward takes the tie and runs it through his hands a few times as he watches me with that sexy as fuck smirk on his face. He reaches up and hooks the tie behind my neck and pulls me closer to him and kisses me. I moan as his hands move to the sides of my face and he kisses me deeper. Edward breaks the kiss and rests his forehead on mine and he whispers, "You're the sexiest man on the planet and I love you."

I can't help but blush as I look down. I peek back up at Edward and give him a smile. He moans and says, "I love when you look at me with that innocent bashful smile." Edward runs his hands over my shoulders and down my arms and says, "Ok, let me get your tie tied before I get so turned on that I have to rip your clothes off on you."

Edward turns me to where I'm facing the mirror and then slowly runs his hands across my shoulders again. He steps closer to me until his body is flush against my back. His hands run up and down my arms a few times before sliding across my stomach and up my chest to my neck and the tie. Edward nuzzles his face against the side of my neck and his hot breath ghosts across my skin before he lightly kisses my neck. I watch him in the mirror as his hands start to tie my tie and his lips kiss up and down my neck while he gently presses his body against mine.

I press my ass back into him and Edward closes his eyes and moans before taking a shaky breath and trying to tie my tie again. I turn my head back toward Edward and snake my arm up behind me and wrap my hand around his neck and pull his lips to mine. Both our breathing picks up as his tongue sweeps into my mouth. I moan at the flavor of chocolate and pecans and pure essence of Edward. He deepens the kiss and his tongue is hot and insistent as it plunges in and out of my mouth. I groan as his hands drop the tie and start to slowly slide over my body and down to my hips. Edward grabs my hips and pulls me closer in to him and grinds his growing erection into my ass.

With a groan Edward steps back, panting deep ragged breaths as he says, "Damn it. I can't even get near you without my body being overwhelmed with desire. I can't keep my fucking hands off of you babe, but we need to stop. Now let's try this again and see if I can actually get your tie tied this time."

This time Edward turns me around to face him and he keeps his body away from mine as he concentrates on tying the fucking tie. All I can do is stare at Edward's beautiful face as I get lost in his green eyes. I could drown in Edward's fucking eyes. I remember they had been the first thing I had noticed about him the day we knocked each other down and he helped me up, well that and the electric current that had jolted through me at his touch. Edward's touch still electrifies me and drives me wild with need. I stare at his beautiful green eyes and those fucking lips, wanting to touch them and taste them again. I want to feel them on my body, I love it when Edward wraps those lips around my cock and looks up at me with those sexy as fuck eyes.

Of course, I love doing the same to him. His cock tastes unbelievable and I could go down on him again…right now. I vaguely wonder how Edward's cock would taste, with some of that chocolate icing from that fuck-awesome cake that Esme dear had cooked covering it. I look down and notice Edward's cock is still hard enough to tent his pants. I reach out and slowly run my finger across the waistband of his pants. Edward's breath catches and his fingers fumble the tie as his eyes dart down.

Edward swallows and shakes his head as if trying to clear it then he concentrates on trying to tie the damn tie again. I hook a finger under the band of Edward's pants and tug just a little as I watch his face. Edward's eyes dart to mine for a second before going back to the tie. I pull my finger out of the band of Edward's pants and start playing with his belt buckle. His breath catches as his eyes dart to mine again. He shakes his head at me and before going back to that fucking tie.

I very slowly start to unbuckle Edward's belt, easing it open. Edward moans and closed his eyes tight as he swallows again. I unbutton his pants and slowly unzip them as I watch his face. Edward's hands are shaking as they clutch the tie in a death grip. His eyes are still closed and he has such a look desire on his face. His eyes open and he softly says, "Baby, what are you doing? You know Alice is expecting us down to model these suits in the next few minutes."

I sigh in disappointment and say, "Alright, beautiful, I'll stop. I guess I have a hard time keeping my hands off of you too."

Right then, Alice bursts through the door and asks, "What's taking you two so long? I need to see if I need to make any quick adjustments before you guys leave!"

Edward quickly turns his back to his sister and zips his pants and fastens them and the belt buckle. I can't help but grin as Edward takes a deep breath and shakes his shoulders, trying to loosen up before turning back around.

"Good grief, Edward. Are you still putting on your pants? Jasper, your tie isn't even tied yet! And how'd it get so damn wrinkled? What the hell have you boys been up to in here?"

I glare at Alice and growl out, "I was just about to give my man a little loving but he stopped me because he knew you'd be barging in here without even bothering to knock on his fucking door. You ever heard of privacy or common courtesy, Alice?"

Alice rolls her eyes and says, "Oh please, just how much loving do you think any of us are going to get here at mom and dad's house? And if you think I'm bad about barging in just wait until Emmett gets it in his head to start checking up on you guys every few minutes. I swear Emmett's worse than a two year old sometimes. It's just one of things you have to get used to in a large family, Jasper."

I huff at her, wondering if that's true. Alice ties my tie for me and then has us model the suits, walking back and forth, raising our arms, checking the length of the pants and the suit's arms and who knows what the fuck else she's looking for as she fusses around us until Edward finally yells, "Enough, Alice! Damn, sis, I don't know why you don't just start your own line of clothes the way you fuss over making things just so-so."

Then he turns to me and rakes his eyes up and down my body once before licking his lips and softly saying, "Are you sure you're ready for this, love?"

I take a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Yeah, I think so. I'm starting to get nervous now that you're not distracting me. Do you know where we're going?"

Edward looks surprised and says, "Um, I assumed we were going to the city cemetery. Isn't that where they're buried?"

I shrug and say, "How should I know? I've never been here."

Edward runs his hand through his hair and looks confused as he asks, "How the hell do you find out where someone is buried?"

Alice rolls her eyes and exasperatedly says, "Try going downstairs and asking dad, moron. He and Charlie are the ones who had them buried since it took so long to find Jasper's next of kin."

I look at Alice surprised and ask, "What? What do you mean?"

Alice shakes her head and sighs as she says, "Didn't Alistair ever tell you? There was some kind of major snafu or miscommunication between the Washington State police and the Texas State police when they were looking for your next of kin and it took several weeks."

I roll my eyes and say, "Yes of course the Doc told me that. I meant what are you talking about Carlisle and Charlie having my parent's buried?"

"Oh, well apparently dad and Charlie both pitched in and paid for your parent's burial. I'm almost positive that your mo… um, Charlotte repaid them the first time she came to visit their graves." I smile and think to myself that I now have even more reason to love both Carlisle and Charlie. Alice says, "Anyway, you guys should go ask dad where the grave is. He should know."

Edward softly says, "Thanks, sis, we will. Ready, baby?"

* * *

**Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long as this one. I hope you guys and gals are all still enjoying this. Oh and ...Happy Easter!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Once again this chapter has taken forever. School has been keeping me hooked up and I've barely had time to write. I have no plans to give up on the story although some chapters may take longer than others... have patience.**

**As always, thanks for reading and thanks for all the lovely reviews. I always love reading them and wish I had time to sit down and reply to all of them, just know that I love reading them.**

**Usual disclaimer: All twilight characters are the property of Ms Meyers but the plot is my own...**

* * *

"_Oh, well apparently dad and Charlie both pitched in and paid for your parent's burial. I'm almost positive that your mo… um, Charlotte repaid them the first time she came to visit their graves." I smile and think to myself that I now have even more reason to love both Carlisle and Charlie. Alice says, "Anyway, you guys should go ask dad where the graves are. He should know."_

_Edward softly says, "Thanks, sis, we will. Ready baby?"_

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 26**

**JPOV ****(Saturday continued…)**

I don't know if it was because I had been focused on supporting Edward after his panic attack and the news Charlie had brought about Mike, or because just having him in my arms or me being in his arms most of the day had kept me distracted. But I had actually managed to not be too anxious about the impending visit to see my parents.

But now that it's time to go, I'm suddenly nervous as hell about going to the cemetery. My heart feels like it's about to jump out of my chest, it's beating so hard. Trying not to show just how nervous I really am, I take a deep breath and let it out and then give Edward a smile before I just as softly say, "Yeah let's do this. I'm ready when you are beautiful."

I'm not sure if I fooled Edward or not, since he gives me a concerned look and gently strokes my face once before nodding his head and quietly saying, "Alright, love, if you're sure." He follows me out of his room with his hand on my lower back.

I worry when I feel Edward's hand trembling on my back. He's obviously still upset over the news about his dad's health, and having to deal with the news about Mike, and about Charlie wanting him to come talk to him about what happened back then. Edward had already been stressed out about coming here and coming out to his parents and now he has to deal with all this other stuff, too. I remind myself that I don't need to be adding to Edward's problems this afternoon. I need to try and stay strong at the cemetery.

Alice follows us down the stairs as far as the second story, where she wishes us well and gives us both a hug before going into her room. On the way down to the main floor of the house we meet the Doc on the stairs and he stops and looks at us in surprise. He gives a low whistle and says, "You boys certainly clean up nice. Jasper you really look different in a suit, son."

Not used to compliments, I blush and give him an embarrassed smile as I say, "Thanks, Doc. Alice got them for us to wear to the cemetery."

The Doc smiles back as he says, "Yeah, Alice showed them to me before we left her apartment this morning. I couldn't figure out why she insisted on bringing such nice suits just for you two to wear to your parent's graves. When I asked, Alice said she thought since you never actually got to go to your parent's funeral that you might want to make this first visit memorable by dressing up. I guess it makes sense in an Alice sort of way."

Edward smiles fondly and says, "Yeah, that's our Alice, every occasion has the perfect outfit. I see you've got her figured out pretty quick, Doc."

The Doc grins from ear to ear with his eyes shining as he says, "I'm getting there Edward. I've already figured out she's sneaky, manipulative, and a natural ferret when it comes to finding out things she wants to know, and that I'm going to have to stay on my toes around her. Oh and she's also a fashion Nazi and a shopaholic, she's already planning out a whole new wardrobe for me. But I've also figured out she's loving, and giving, and has a heart of gold and has boundless energy. She's totally tilted my world off its axis and I already love her more than anything."

Edward softly says, "She is all that, Doc. I'm glad you two found each other and I'm really happy for you both." Then Edward looks away as he says, "Mom was only halfway right about her, though. While Alice does tell mom practically everything about everything, she's good about keeping secrets from the rest of us when she wants to. And she'll even keep a secret from mom if you ask her to. Rose, Emmett and Alice all three figured out that something had happened with Mike back when we were all in college and I was having those nightmares. I asked them all to not tell mom and dad. They all promised and they all kept their word until this weekend, even Alice."

The Doc sighs and he looks more serious as he says, "Edward, if you decide you need to talk about the things Chief Swan was trying to discuss with you, we can take a walk or something away from the rest of your family's ears… including Alice's."

Edward nods his head and says, "Thanks Doc, I was thinking about asking you if we could do that." Then he turns his head and looks at me and squeezes my hand as he says, "I'd like Jasper there too, if you don't mind. I think I'm going to need his moral support if I'm going to get through whatever the hell is going on."

The Doc glances over at me too and smiles as he says, "Of course, Edward, whatever makes you more comfortable. I have to admit though, a few days ago I would have said that he'd never be able to handle it, but I think Jasper has shown himself to be remarkably brave and resourceful these last few days. Every time I turn around the boy is surprising me with something even more incredible than the last. You've been good for him."

Edward shakes his head and says, "We've been good for each other Doc. Jasper's the one who gave me the courage and desire to finally come to terms with my own sexuality, the one to give me the strength to come out to my parents and with his support, I hope I can finally face my past and what Mike did to me. I'm going to try to tell my parents about it before Dad goes back to work Monday. I know how this town is when it comes to gossiping about everything and I'd rather my parents hear the truth from me than some made up half true rumor."

Doc reaches up and squeezes Edward's shoulder as he says, "That's very thoughtful and brave of you, Edward. I'm thinking from the things you told me about yourself a few days ago, that you've grown just as much as Jasper has this week and I'm quite proud of the both of you."

"Thanks Doc." Then Edward clears his throat and says, "I, uh, I had also kind of hoped that you might even consider coming with me… us, later when I go talk to Charlie. I think I want to know everything before I talk to mom and dad about it."

The Doc nods his head and says, "Of course, Edward, whatever you need." Then the Doc looks at me again and asks, "What about you, Jasper? Are you sure you're okay to go visit your parents? I'd be more than happy to go with you guys if you need me to, son."

I shake my head and say, "I think I'll be alright, Doc. As long as I have Edward with me I should be fine." And then I frown as I say, "I hope… I hope it doesn't hurt your feelings that I'd rather have Edward with me."

The Doc smiles and shakes his head as he says, "No, of course not, Jasper. All I feel is proud that you're finally coming into your own, son. You're slowly outgrowing your need for me to be your doctor. I just hope you don't outgrow your need for a… what am I now?... a parental figure, I guess?"

I step down to the same step the Doc is on and give him a hug as I say, "You've been there for me since before I ever even woke up, Doc. I will always need you in my life and I love that it's coming in more of a personal way." I smile as I lay my head on his shoulder. I like this hug. It's not nearly as awkward as the one earlier when we took a walk.

The Doc hugs me back and whispers, "Me too, son. Now you two go on and go see your parents." He gives my shoulder a last squeeze and then heads on up the stairs and Edward and I head on down.

**APOV**

I stop on the top step and turn and watch Edward and Jasper head on down. I'm worried about both boys. I hate that they're both going to have to deal with their pasts this weekend. It's a shame that events have caught up with Edward before he's had time to make peace with his. Talking about trial by fire, I'm pretty sure if their relationship can survive this weekend then they should be able to handle just about anything together.

I'm a little upset with both Jasper and myself. We'd talked about James' death countless times and he'd never once in all these years since he woke up, told me he thought he was a murderer for stabbing James. Damn it, how the fuck did I miss that? Jasper's been living with a needless guilt for years. I don't know why I'm surprised though. How many times has Jasper told me he blamed himself for all the events of that night? It had taken me years to make him see he was the victim and not the cause.

Still, I have to admit I'm damn proud of Jasper right now. The boy is quickly maturing into a man. Meeting Edward has been the best thing to ever happen to him. I can't get over the fact that he picked up a fucking knife and peeled potatoes… for Edward.

Hell, I'd thought it miraculous that Edward had got Jasper to trust him enough in one night to let him hold him from behind. But then to find out Jasper had flipped Emmett over his shoulder after being grabbed from behind, and all because he had seen the look on Edward's face and was trying to protect him…simply amazing.

Yes, the boy has been taking self defense classes for years but he's always fainted every time somebody tried to grab him from behind in class. Good grief, didn't we have a hard time finding an instructor understanding enough to keep working with him in spite of all his panic attacks and fainting spells. The woman we found is an absolute saint. She usually only works with female rape victims but made an exception for Jasper after I explained his past to her. I'll have to remember to call her and tell her about it Monday.

I had been especially proud of Jasper for stepping up and taking responsibility for hurting Edward, even though I knew he hadn't meant to do it. Although, I had hated to see the fear and dread on Jasper's face as he waited for Edward's parents reactions. I had seen that same look countless times when Jasper was still in the hospital and he thought he had done something that he would be punished for.

I was relieved Edward's parents were so understanding, even if that understanding came with a word of warning. But then I'd probably be just as protective if it had been my child who had been injured by his boyfriend. Hearing Esme's description of the family's rocky beginnings had given me a little more insight into Edward.

I had volunteered to stay behind and help Rose and Emmett clean up after my angel had insisted on the boys coming up and getting the suits she brought for them. I had convinced Esme to take Carlisle on inside and make him rest as well. Carlisle may be a medical doctor and insist he's fine but even I could see how tired he looked. The man has pushed himself too far for too long.

I admit I did have ulterior motives in my actions. Emmett had made a comment that caught my attention earlier and I had been determined to get clarification without seeming too obvious. I think after the things Esme had said and after my little chat with Rose and Emmett, that I finally got the last piece of the puzzle I need to completely understand Edward.

Edward's parents are wonderful and caring people, and Edward reflects their kindness, generosity and natural nurturing instincts. However, even though Edward might not be the oldest child, he was their first and had been the one to experience all their past mistakes. And sadly Edward reflects those as well. Nobody's fault really, Edward's parents are only human and as prone to making mistakes as anybody else.

I'm relieved that Edward asked me to come with them when he goes to talk to Charlie about Mike. If I interpreted what Charlie was hinting at earlier and their old coach had been doing things to Mike and had planned to them to Edward as well, then things were a lot more complicated than Edward thought back then. Edward's going to need all the support he can get to deal with things and move on with his life.

I look up when I hear a noise to see my angel standing in her bedroom doorway. She crooks a finger, beckoning me to her as she backs into her room. I follow after her in a trance as my little seductress smiles and starts to unbutton her top. I can't take my eyes off her nimble fingers, her petite body, her luscious lips. I think of Jasper's earlier words wanting to know if was normal to want someone every minute of the day. I don't know how normal it is but I do want her… again… and again… and again. Hoping I can remember to stay quiet, I smile and close the door behind me.

**JPOV**

We look for Edward's parents in the living room first but don't find anybody, so we go back to his dad's study. The door is closed and Edward pauses with his hand on the knob. With his eyes down, Edward softly asks, "Jasper?"

I look over at him and start to feel worried again as I see the sadness in his face. "What's wrong, Edward?"

Edward glances over at me and says, "I didn't even think to ask if you _wanted_ to go with me when I talk to the Doc or Charlie. I'm sorry. I just assumed you would want…"

I squeeze Edward's hand and say, "Don't be ridiculous Edward, you're always doing things for me and supporting me when I'm upset. Of course I'm going to go with you to support you when you need it."

Edward smiles and softly says, "Thanks, baby. I really do appreciate it."

Edward softly knocks on the door and then opens it when we hear his father's voice saying, "It's not locked, come on in."

We walk in to find Carlisle and Esme dear sitting on the couch, facing each other and holding hands. Carlisle smiles up at us and says, "Is there something we can help you boys with?"

Edward smiles back and says, "Um, yeah, we were on our way out to visit Jasper's parent's graves when we realized neither one of us even knows where they're buried. Alice said you might know?"

Carlisle smiles and says, "Of course, son." He gets up and goes over to his desk. Carlisle grabs a pad of paper and starts to write on it as he leans back sitting on the edge of the desk.

Esme dear gets up and comes over to us saying, "Oh, look at you two in those suits!"

Carlisle looks up at Edward with a grin on his face and asks, "Alice?"

Edward smiles and nods at him. Esme dear scowls at the both of them and says, "Knowing you two, you probably think jeans would have been fine." Esme dear smoothes down my lapels and brushes my hair back from my face as she says, "Jasper dear, pay them no mind. This is an important occasion for you and I think Alice was right in dressing you up. I just wish it was for a happier reason. Who knows, hopefully someday you two will be dressed up in suits down here for a _much_ happier event."

Edward frowns and says in an exasperated warning voice, "Mom." Then he scowls over at his dad and sarcastically says, "Thanks, dad." Carlisle has a sheepish look on his face as he keeps writing but then he glances up at me and grins. I get the feeling they're all talking about something that I'm just not getting.

Esme dear waves a hand in the air and says, "Sorry, sorry. I'm not saying anything else." Then she gives us both a hug and says, "You both look so handsome! I think I should take a few pictures of you two together." Edward groans and rolls his eyes. Esme dear scowls at Edward and then turns to me and says, "Jasper wouldn't _you_ like some pictures of the two of you dressed up?"

I'm thrilled when Esme dear asks if I'd like her to take a picture of us together. Sure I can probably draw a picture of us dressed up but to have an actual photo would be awesome! I nod my head and excitedly say, "Oh yes, please."

I can't stop grinning as Esme dear gets a small camera out of Carlisle's desk and poses me and Edward in a few different places as she snaps off several pictures. Edward seems to get into the picture taking when she poses us with his arms around my waist or looking into each other's eyes. When Esme dear finishes she smiles and says, "I'll download these and print them while you two are gone."

I give Esme dear another hug and say, "Thank you so much, Esme dear. You've been so kind to me."

She stands on her tiptoes and pulls my head down enough to kiss my forehead and says, "You are such a sweet boy and you've made our Edward so happy." I grin and blush feeling ridiculously happy. I had been terrified they would hate me after my telling them what I did to Edward. It was such a relief to have their acceptance and support. Esme dear gives us both one last hug before she goes back over and sits down on the couch.

Carlisle finishes writing and tears off the top sheet and hands it to Edward. "Just go to the city cemetery and follow this map. It may not be exact but they should be very near where I marked it, right here." Carlisle says as he points to a place on the map he drew.

Edward nods and silently stands there with his head down as he studies the map. Carlisle walks over and sits down beside Esme dear and wraps an arm around her shoulder. "Anything else, son?"

Edward looks up and mumbles. "No sir, I guess that's it for now." He starts to turn toward me then stops when he looks at me. Edward turns back to his dad and says, "Oh, uh dad, I was wondering if you would… not necessarily right now, but sometime while we're here in the next few days, could you examine Jasper's leg? The one that got stabbed?"

Carlisle looks at me surprised and asks, "Does it still bother you, Jasper?"

I nod my head and say, "Sometimes when I overexert it, or run, or climb too many stairs. It will swell up and hurt like crazy."

Carlisle frowns and says, "It really shouldn't be doing that after all these years. Does it swell in the back where the surgery was?"

"No sir, it's in front and under the kneecap. Jacob, my physical therapist says…"

Carlisle interrupts and says, "You're still seeing a physical therapist?"

I nod again as I say. "Yes sir. Some of my muscles had atrophied pretty badly from not moving for so long and they still tend to stiffen up if I don't keep exercising. Jacob keeps rotating which ones I do every week. He's actually told me plenty of times that I could quit seeing him if I wanted to, but I like how he keeps me motivated. But yeah, he thinks I might have something up under my kneecap."

"Oh right, I can understand that." Carlisle rubs his temple and looks deep in thought as he says, "Okay, let me think, I seem to remember your knees and legs being a bruised and bloody mess that night. It actually looked like your legs might have been kicked out from under you. Probably more than once?" He looks over at me and I nod my head before looking down. I fucking hate talking about that night. Carlisle sighs and runs a hand through his hair and says, "It's possible that you might have landed wrong and have a bone chip up under there that we missed or possibly even a little arthritis has built up and broken loose and that's what's irritating things. Are you in any pain right now?"

I look back up at him and say, "No sir, I'm fine at the moment."

Carlisle nods as he says, "That's good… um, well, since I've been pretty much forbidden to show my face at the hospital before Monday and since it's not bothering you right now. We can go up and do some x-rays and I can do a thorough examination of your leg then, if that's alright with you?"

I nod and softly say, "Yes, sir, that's fine with me."

Edward speaks up and says, "Oh, I also have a phone number for you, if you want to call his physical therapist and talk to him, dad."

Carlisle glances up at Edward and says, "That might be a great idea, son. That way he can tell me exactly what he's been dealing with and what I'm looking for." So Edward turns back to his dad's desk and leans over and writes the number down on the same pad his dad had drawn the map on. I blush and look down when I realize his parents are watching me check out his ass.

Edward straightens back up, then turns and walks over to hand the number to his dad. Edward leans down and gives them both a hug before coming back over and wrapping an arm around my waist. He pauses as he chews on his lip while looking down. I start to worry again as Edward's hand on my waist starts to tremble again.

Edward looks up at his parents and quietly says, "I'm going to go talk to Charlie later this afternoon to find out…um, everything. But I was hoping we could sit down and talk this evening. I'd like to tell you guys some things."

Both Edward's parents get up and come over and give him a hug as they say, "Of course Edward, we love you and we're here for you when you're ready, son."

Edward wipes at his eyes and says, "Thanks dad, mom. I really love you guys too. We'll see you when we get back." They both give us another hug before we head out.

We go outside and Edward stops on the front porch and takes several deep breaths of fresh air. Worried, I wrap my arms around his waist and give him a kiss before asking, "Are you alright, beautiful?"

Edward nods and says, "With you by my side, I will be." He runs his fingers through my hair and whispers, "I really do love you. You know that, don't you?"

I nod my head and say, "Yeah, I know that now. I really love you too." I lean in to kiss Edward again and our lips are just touching when…

"Alright you two break it up!" I turn my head to see Emmett walking up the porch stairs. He comes up and wraps his arms around the both of us while grinning from ear to ear. Edward rolls his eyes when Emmett gives us each a big smooch on the cheek before asking, "Hey Eddie, er, I mean Edward, where's mom and dad? I just got a call from Charlie and he's already got me an interview set up with the school board in half an hour! On a weekend! Can you believe it? He is the man!"

Edward smiles at him and says, "That's great, big brother. We just saw them in dad's study."

Emmett squeezes his arms around us tighter and asks, "I guess you guys are on the way to the cemetery?"

I nod and look down and Edward sighs and says, "Yeah we were just leaving for there now."

Emmett sighs too and says, "Alright, I guess I'll see you two when you get back then. Wish me luck on the job."

Edward and I both say good luck at the same time. Emmett grins and gives us another squeeze then turns and heads inside. We head over to the car and are about to get in when Rose comes out of the garage calling out for us to wait. She comes over to us and hands Edward a couple of umbrellas and me a box of tissues as she says, "It's supposed to start raining again and you might need these and Jasper might need the tissues at the cemetery." Rose looks worried as she asks, "Edward, are you sure you and baby boy will be alright? You know I would go with you if either of you need me to."

Edward hugs her neck and says, "Thanks, sis. We appreciate the offer but we're good. Thanks for the umbrellas, I never even thought about having to get out of the car in the rain."

I hug her neck too and tell her. "Thanks Rose, I think I'll be more comfortable with just Edward this time. But I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate how you've accepted me and take care of me like you do Edward. I love you being my mama bear too."

Rose smiles and hugs me back and says, "Well somebody has to take care of you two boys and since I love you both, it might as well be me." My eyes fill with tears when Rose says she loves me like she does Edward and I hug her tighter. She finally pulls back from the hug and fusses over us for a minute, smoothing jackets down and combing our hair back with her fingers before she sighs and says, "Alright boys go on, but call me if you need me. I'll see you both when you get back."

Edward starts up the car and we head down the driveway. I lean over and lay my head on his shoulder basking in the quiet. I love Edward's family but I miss our quiet times together. We ride in silence for a minute before Edward slows the car to a stop and looks over at me and asks, "Jasper did you maybe want to lay your seat down and close your eyes until we get up on the highway and past your old home place?"

My breath catches as it suddenly occurs to me that I had been so preoccupied since we got up from our nap today that I hadn't even thought about _where_ we are. I feel guiltier than hell for forgetting, even though it has been nice to NOT think about it constantly. I chew on my lip and wonder if I might actually be ready to face where it all happened. I'm going to have to eventually… trying to remember that I have to be strong for Edward, I take a shaky breath and let it out before saying, "No, I can do this. I'll be fine, Edward."

Edward looks concerned as he takes my hand in his and asks, "Are you sure, Jasper?"

I smile back trying to reassure him and say, "Yeah, I'm actually doing alright, Edward." He gives me another worried look and kisses my hand. Edward keeps his hold on my hand as he rests it between us and I try to keep my hands from trembling and to calm my pounding heart as he slowly starts driving down the driveway again. Occasionally casting worried glances my way, Edward chews on his lip for a minute looking deep in thought. Then he turns to me and asks, "Did you want to stop and buy some flowers to put on your parent's graves?"

I frown as I realize that I hadn't once even thought of taking flowers for my parents. My eyes start to fill with tears. It's taken me seven fucking years to visit my parent's graves and I don't even think to get fucking flowers for them. I'm such a horrible son. I whisper out, "Yes, please."

I turn my face away and pretend to watch the trees we're passing. I can't let Edward see me upset. I have to be strong for him. He's got enough shit to worry about without having to deal with my thoughtless and inconsiderate ass. I try to wipe at my eyes without Edward seeing but he immediately stops the car again and turns to me saying, "Jasper? Baby? Are you sure you're alright?"

I blink back my tears and try to paste a smile on as I turn to him and say, "I'm fine, beautiful. You didn't have to stop."

Edward takes my face in both his hands and tears track down his face and his voice breaks as he softly says, "I know what you're doing and I want you to stop it. Right. Fucking. Now. Do you hear me? You don't have to pretend that you're not upset. I'm sorry. I know I worried you when I had that panic attack earlier. But that doesn't mean you have to deny your own feelings. I know we have a lot more shit going on this weekend than either one of us ever planned on happening. But this is your first time here and you have to give yourself time to grieve and let me support you while you do it."

My own tears start to fall as I say, "I just didn't want to add to your problems, Edward. I wanted to be strong for you."

Edward wipes the tears off my face and says, "Listen to me, Jasper, there are times to be strong and there are times to let go. I know you're worried about me and I love you for it, baby. I love the support you've given me and I appreciate all the support you're going to keep giving me. But baby, that doesn't mean I can't still support you, too."

"But you're always supporting me, Edward. You always have to take care of me and my stupid panicky ass. You've done everything for me and I haven't done a thing for you yet."

Edward shakes his head and says, "That's not true, Jasper. You've done as much, if not more for me, as I've done for you."

Confused, I look at Edward and ask, "When? Name one thing I've done for you."

"The very first night we met. After I proved what an inconsiderate and selfish bastard I am. Anybody else would have kicked my ass to the curb but you comforted me when I was upset over my own stupid actions. You comforted me when I was upset over the things you had lived through. You comforted me when I realized those things had very nearly happened to me. Then the very next day, you comforted me when I was upset over your passing out. Jasper, you've forgiven me again and again for acting like an ass. You calmed my fears when I was scared to get too intimate and replaced my bad memory with good ones. You've kindled a fire in my body and loved on me again and again. You've opened my eyes and my heart and showed me what real love is. When we were in that restaurant yesterday and I was upset with the way everyone was looking at us, you calmed me and made me realize the only thing that mattered was our love. You've faced your greatest fears just for me and used a knife and cooked breakfast. You've shown me your strength and courage and made me want to be a better man."

I frown and say, "That's not… I mean… I did all that? Really?"

Edward smiles and says, "Really and that's not even the half of it. Jasper, I know this is all new for you, but sometimes I'm going to need your support and sometimes you're going to need mine, and every once in a while we're going to have to prop each other up at the same time. That's how this relationship stuff works, baby. Okay?"

I nod my head and wipe at my eyes as I sigh and say, "Okay."

Edward leans over and kisses me and asks, "Now are you sure you're up for this? Tell me the truth."

I smile and nod my head and say, "Yeah. I admit I'm fucking nervous as hell and I'll probably wind up bawling like a fucking baby but I do want to go."

Edward runs his fingers through my hair and asks, "And you really do want to stop and get flowers?"

"Yeah, I do. I just felt bad that I didn't even think about it myself."

Edward pulls me closer and wraps his arms around me as he says, "Baby, nobody expects you to think of everything. We're both being bombarded with so much shit right now it's a wonder we can think at all." He kisses me one more time before letting me go and asking. "Are you ready?"

I smile and say, "Yeah. I'm as ready as I'm going to be."

"Do you want to lay your seat back and close your eyes until we get past your old place?"

"Yeah, sorry, I do. I thought I was ready but I'm really not. Thanks for taking care of me Edward."

Edward gives me one more quick kiss before I lay my seat down and close my eyes. He squeezes my hand and says, "Thank you for taking care of me too, Jasper."

"~~***~~"

We get to town about 10 minutes later and stop at a small flower shop and get out. This is the first time that I've ever really got to see the town of Forks. I look up and down the streets of the small town with longing. I was supposed to finish growing up and have an almost normal life here in this cloudy town. I was supposed to know these people by name. I was supposed to have happy memories of living here with my parents. I don't think I have ever missed what _should have been_ as much as I do in this moment. I have to swallow down the lump in my throat and blink back my tears.

Edward comes around and guides me into the flower shop with his hand at my back again. We look around for a little bit and I finally decide on a couple of huge bouquets of daisies. I remember dad had brought some of them home to mom when he got in from a business trip one time. Edward tries to pay for them but I stop him and insist on paying myself. For some reason it feels important to me that the flowers be from just me this time.

Edward gathers up the flowers and guides me back outside. He asks if I want to take a short walk and look around town for a few minutes before we head out. I nod my head and we take the flowers out and put them in the car. Edward wraps an arm around my waist as we walk down the sidewalk. We don't say much as we walk. I think Edward can feel my melancholy mood. He points out a few places and quietly tells me something about them or about a past event that happened in them.

I notice people staring at us as we walk down the sidewalk with an arm around each other's waist. A few shake their heads and look disgusted but most of the people just smile or wave. A few people recognize Edward and call out to him by name or stop and say a few words to him.

Edward introduces me as his boyfriend, Jasper. I smile bashfully at the ones that greet me and force myself to shake if they stick their hand out. I can't help but notice that not one of them seems surprised that Edward has a boyfriend. Most of the people seem to be kind and all in all I think things are going better than I thought they would. A few people ask Edward if he had heard about Mike yet, or about the coach being arrested. Edward tells them he did but doesn't want to talk about it. We slowly make our way back to the car and get inside.

It only takes us a few minutes to get to the cemetery after that. Edward pulls into the dirt parking area and turns off the car and we sit in silence a few minutes. Edward looks worried as he watches me try to calm my racing heart and slow down my breathing as I try to work up the nerve to get out of the fucking car. Edward turns to me and cups my face in his hand and turns me toward him as he says, "Jasper, we don't have to do this today if you're not up to it. We don't even have to do it this trip, maybe just being back here in this town is enough this time."

My insides are quivering and I'm beginning to shake as nervous tremors wrack my body but I shake my head and say, "No, I really do want to do this. I need to see where they are." My voice breaks and the tears start as I say. "I need to tell them miss them and that I love them and I wish I could… hold them one last time and tell them how sorry I am that I couldn't save them."

Edward wraps his arms around me and holds me tight as I break down crying. My teeth start to chatter as I say, "I tried Edward. He said I could save them if I… all I had to do was please him. I did everything he told me to even though it hurt so fucking bad, and he still told them to kill my parents… and then he let them… and they… made it hurt on purpose… they laughed and … they all took turns, again and again and again."

Edward squeezes me tight saying, "Shh, I know baby, I know. Shh, I know. I know they hurt you. I know you're hurting now and I wish I could take it all away. I promise we'll get through this together. I love you so much and I promise we'll get through this." Edward holds me as I cling to him and sob against his shoulder.

Good thing Rose gave us the box of tissues, because it feels like I cry forever as Edward holds me close and rocks me in his arms. After I finally manage to get my sobs down to an occasional hitch, we get out of the car. It's misting rain again so Edward hands me one of the umbrellas and I open it. Instead of both of us using one, he ducks under the one I have. Edward huddles up close to me and supports me with an arm around my waist and I cling to him while we walk through the cemetery.

We follow the map that Carlisle had drawn to a secluded spot near the tree line. Then we search all the stones until we find the ones marking my parent's graves. I look at the double heart shaped stone and wonder if Carlisle and Charlie had it put in or if Charlotte did. I place the flowers near the headstones and make a mental note to have some stone vases installed like some of the other graves have. Edward wraps me up in his arms again and I lay my head on his shoulder as I read the names and dates through my fresh tears. I miss them so damn much.

Edward walks me around to look at the back side of the stone and I have to swallow back a sob as I read what is written there: 'Beloved Parents of Our Son Jasper. Beloved friends- We miss you.' Charlotte must have had this done. My heart pounds as I read …Our Son. Does this mean she does think of me as her son, too? Is it possible? Edward hugs me tighter against him and kisses my forehead as he asks if I'm doing okay. I nod my head numbly, at a loss for words. Our son… she said _our_ son?

I lay my head on Edward's shoulder again and close my eyes as he holds my trembling body tight. My trembling slowly eases and my tears dry up as we stand there under the umbrella, just listening to the wind blowing through the trees and the sound of rain dripping from their boughs. I have a silent conversation with my mom and dad and tell them of my love for them and how my life has been since that night.

I tell them about the Doc and everything that he's done for me and that he feels like a dad to me, but I promise my dad he'll never completely replace him. I tell them about how confused Charlotte makes me and I tell my mom that even though I miss her so much, I still wish Charlotte would be a mom to me. I tell them about Edward and how wonderful he has been to me, how much I love him already and how wonderful his family is. I tell them I'm gay and I hope they're not disappointed in me.

I wonder to myself if they would have accepted me like Edward's family accepted him or would I have went through what Mike did and have my dad hit me. No, I can't see that that would have happened. My parents had been too caring to do anything like that… I think, I hope. I wonder if Charlotte knows how they would have reacted. I'll have to ask her. I glance down at the stones with hope, she said our son…

I look around and sigh as I give Edward a light kiss and say, "It's really peaceful here. Mom would have loved it."

Edward reaches up and wipes a tear off my face and kisses me back as he asks, "How are you, love? Are you still doing alright?"

I nod and smile as I say, "Yeah, better than I thought I would be. I was just kind of… telling them everything about everyone."

Edward looks down at the stones and asks, "Do you think they would have like me?"

I give him a kiss and say, "I think they would have loved you, if only because I do." I sigh and look around again and say, "Let's go back to the car and sit down, beautiful. I'm really tired."

We slowly make our way back the way we had come. Edward opens my door for me and holds the umbrella over me as I get inside, then he goes around and gets in, tossing the umbrella in the backseat. I lean my head back and close my eyes as we sit in silence.

I open my eyes when Edward turns to me and takes my hands in his and asks, "Are you sure you're up to going with me to talk to Charlie? I'll understand if you're not, Jasper. I know it's been hard for you to come back here with me and face where you lost your family."

I give him a halfhearted smile and say, "You're not getting rid of me that easy." Then I sigh and rub my eyes with the heels of my hands as I say, "I'm actually better than I thought I would be Edward. I'm tired and I feel drained but I'm going with you and that's that. Are we going right away or…?"

Edward smiles and shakes his head at me and says, "You are one strong and remarkable man, Jasper Whitlock. How about after we're done here, we go home and change and pick up the Doc and then I'll give Charlie a call to see if he's ready for us."

I lean over and give Edward a kiss and say, "That sounds like a plan to me." I sit back in my seat then lean my head back and close my eyes again as he starts up the car. I keep them closed and lay my seat back as we drive down the highway. With a tired sigh I ask, "Do you know if there was any cake left?"

"~~***~~"

Four hours later finds us riding home in the back of Carlisle's car. I hold Edward and try to comfort him as he cries into my shoulder. I look up into the front seat where the Doc is driving and watching us through the rearview mirror with a worried look. Carlisle is sitting in the passenger seat with his head laid back, looking as upset as Edward and as exhausted as I feel. I sigh and close my eyes as I rest my forehead on the top of Edward's head. What a fucking nightmare...

"~~***~~"


	27. Chapter 27

**Yep, it's really me. I'm finally getting this posted. Sorry for the horribly long delay but between finals and the boys not talking to me and life deciding to rear her ugly 'lets throw some drama into the mix' head, I had a hell of a time writing this chapter. The good news is... this is the length of two of my normal chapters, so it's really looooong! Hopefully things will settle down for the boys after this and they can just learn how to have a life together... for a while anyway.**

**Thanks to all of you who inquired if I was ok. Thanks to all of you for your patience. Thanks for all your wonderful reviews, I can't believe I'm quickly aproaching a 1000. Sometimes when I have trouble writing, I just sit down and reread them to get my head on straight. You are all the best!**

**Warning: We got some graphic and upsetting stuff going on here again...sorry.**

**So yeah, usual disclaimer: I am not Ms. Meyer and all Twilight characters belong to her...lucky wench.**

**I'll shut up now so you can read...**

* * *

Four hours later finds us riding home in the back of Carlisle's car. I hold Edward and try to comfort him as he cries into my shoulder. I look up into the front seat where the Doc is driving and watching us through the rearview mirror with a worried look. Carlisle is sitting in the passenger seat with his head laid back, looking as upset as Edward and as exhausted as I feel. I sigh and close my eyes as I rest my forehead on the top of Edward's head, what a fucking nightmare...

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 27 **

**JPOV (Saturday continued…)**

"_**~~***~~"**_

_**Four hours earlier…**_

_Keeping my eyes closed, I lay my seat back as we drive down the highway. With a tired sigh I ask, "Do you know if there was any cake left?"_

"_**~~***~~"**_

Visiting my parent's graves has left me feeling emotionally drained and exhausted and I'd like nothing more than to get naked with Edward, then snuggle up and sleep the rest of the day away. But we still have a long evening ahead of us and as much as I dread the trip Edward wants to take to talk to Charlie, nothing is going to stop me from going and being there for him.

I can hear the smile in Edward's voice as he says, "I would just about bet mom put up a couple of pieces of cake just for you, babe."

I smile but keep my eyes closed and my head leaned back. I'm not sure how close we are to the turn off to Edward's parents' house and I'm not quite ready face my old home place yet. I really need to get up the nerve and go to the property and check it out. Maybe the dread of seeing that place is like the dread I had had for years of seeing my parent's graves. Actually seeing them hadn't been nearly as bad as the thought of seeing them had been. Of course it had been bad enough and it has left my heart aching from missing them so much.

Edward squeezes my hand and says, "Almost to the turn off babe, keep your eyes closed a little longer."

I nod my head and softly say, "Okay, beautiful." A minute later, I flinch when we pull off the highway and onto the long driveway to Edward's parent's house. My stomach does flip-flops just thinking about being so near to where my parents died. Maybe seeing the place where it all happened would actually help, but I cringe away from the thought of going there. I know I should probably go ahead and get it over with, sooner rather than later, but I just can't do it today...maybe tomorrow... or next trip. Hell, maybe next year.

Edward looks over at me when I open my eyes and sit my seat up. Giving me a sympathetic smile, he takes my hand and squeezes it. I squeeze back and ask, "Can you pull over for a minute?"

Edward immediately looks panicked and slams on the brakes. Turning off the car, he quickly turns to me saying, "Are you sick? Let me grab the umbrella and I'll come around and keep you covered so you can get out."

Shaking my head, I put my hand on Edward's arm, trying to calm him down. "No, I'm fine, Edward. Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted a quiet minute with just the two of us before we go and face your family again. I kind of miss the quiet times we had at your apartment. Everything is so hectic here."

Edward breathes a sigh of relief and runs his hand through his hair as he says, "I'm sorry things have been so crazy down here. It's not usually like this. I guess the exciting news everybody had for mom and dad has got us all hyped up this weekend. And I guess the reason we're getting the brunt of all the teasing is because I've never brought anybody home with me before." Edward grins and says, "Plus, I think they're all taking the opportunity to rub in the fact that I finally figured out what apparently the rest of the world already knew about me."

I try to smile but its half hearted at best. Edward looks concerned as he takes my hand and asks, "How are you feeling Jasper? I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must have been for you to see your parent's graves."

Looking down, I sigh and shrug. "I'm alright Edward, really. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be and I'm actually glad I went. It was nice to have a chance to sort of talk to my parents again even if it was one sided and all in my head. But at the same time it also really made me miss them so damn much more than I already was." I can feel my chest tightening again and my eyes burning. My voice breaks as I sob out, "Seeing their graves made it all so fucking final. Fuck Edward, I'd give anything to hold them and talk to them one more time."

Edward wraps a hand behind my neck and pulls me closer. He rests his forehead against mine, whispering. "I'm so sorry, baby. Please don't cry. It kills me to see you cry. I wish so much that I could change your past to a happy one." We sit like that for awhile, Edward holding me close and rubbing my back. I manage to relax in his arms and we listen to the rain on the roof of the car as I get myself under control and calmed back down again.

Eventually, Edward sighs and shakes his head as he whispers, "I am such a fool, Jasper."

Wiping at my eyes, I pull back and look at him with a frown. "Why do you say that?"

Still shaking his head, Edward runs his hand through his hair and turns his face away. "You would give anything to talk to your family again and my family has been right here for me all this time. I've just been too big of a coward to even talk to them about the things that matter. "Damn, that's fucked up."

I reach out and turn Edward's face back toward me. "Tell me why you've been afraid to tell them what happened, Edward. Were you afraid they wouldn't understand or that they wouldn't support you?"

Edward looks surprised and says, "No, not that exactly, it's just… I don't know, maybe afraid is the wrong word. I think… I think I've been more ashamed than anything. I mean…" Edward covers his face with his hands and rubs it roughly before looking back at me with a tortured look on his face. "I swear I didn't want it to happen, Jasper and I fucking begged Mike to stop but I… I never once tried to stop him. I think now that I probably could have made him stop if I had tried. So why the fuck didn't I try? I hated what he was doing to me, but at the same time it felt so… God, it's so humiliating to say that before then, I'd never felt anything that felt so… incredible. Hell Jasper, I not only had an orgasm. I wound up grabbing Mike's fucking head and actually thrusting into his fucking mouth. How the hell do I tell my parents that? How do I tell them that and still make them understand that I didn't want it to happen?"

Trying to remember what the Doc told me the other day. I frown and say. "You're still a victim regardless of your physical reactions, Edward. Just because Mike manipulated your body doesn't mean you wanted it to happen. Your mom and dad are going to understand that."

Edward turns his face away and says, "I guess." He looks up, blinking back tears. "God, even after all this time. I feel so…so…"

Nodding my head and cupping Edward's face. I turn him back toward me one more time. "You feel confused, guilty and ashamed because your body enjoyed something that your mind knows was totally wrong. I know, Edward. I know because I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that James made me have an orgasm, too."

Edward groans and grabs a fistful of his hair. "Oh, god! I'm so sorry babe. I am such an ass for moaning about what Mike did. It's _nothing_ compared to what you've lived through."

Scowling at Edward, I grab his hand out of his hair. "No, stop it. Mike may not have, um, physically injured you. But he betrayed your friendship, your love, your trust. What Mike did was just as emotionally traumatizing to you as what James did to me was. So stop trivializing your feelings."

Edward shakes his head as he says, "I'll try, Jasper, but the things done to you were so much worse than what..." I huff at Edward and shush him with a finger on his mouth. Edward sighs and nods his head and says, "Okay Iove, sorry." Edward turns his face away again and softly asks. "I know you've just remembered this week that James did that to you, but… how are you dealing with it?"

I lean my head back against the seat and close my eyes before saying just as softly, "Actually, I've tried not to think about it too much." Sighing, I rub my eyes with the heels of my hands. "I guess talking to the Doc helped a lot and meeting you and talking to you about it helped too."

Dropping my hands and opening my eyes, I turn back to Edward. "The Doc is always talking stuff about building support structures. He says I need to learn to trust again so I can have people to lean on and let them support me. It's hard though, Edward. People scare me."

Looking away, I sigh and say. "I guess for now, both you and the Doc are my support. I think Angela and Bella could be and I'm pretty sure they want to be, but I've been afraid to take that last step and open up to them. Sometimes, I wish I could depend on Charlotte more, but she's always so fucking busy and I always get so fucking angry every time I talk to her."

Closing my eyes again, I bow my head. "I know that isn't very many people and that's totally my fault. I was just so fucking sick of being taken care of and being watched all the time. I wanted to try to be independent and do everything on my own." Opening my eyes, I look into Edward's. "But I totally fucked it up. All I really managed to do was close myself off from everybody and make myself so fucking lonely and miserable."

Cupping my face in his hand Edward asks, "Didn't the Doc realize how alone you'd become? How lonely you were?"

Shaking my head, I say. "No. I never let on when I talked to him. I was afraid he'd say something to Charlotte and that she'd either make me come live with her or set me up in a fucking penthouse with 24 hour care and supervision."

Stroking my cheek with his thumb Edward frowns and asks, "Would either of those options have really been worse than being alone all the time?"

I look away and shrug before saying, "I didn't like the thought of living with Charlotte because, well, because when I'm not with her I can kind of forget that she didn't want me. As much as I hated the thought of her wanting me to live with her, I was just as afraid that she wouldn't want me to live with her and I couldn't handle the thought that she might reject me again. And I couldn't stand the thought of being kept in a penthouse like some fucking animal kept in a zoo. I'd had my fill of 24 hour care and supervision in the fucking hospital. I hated it."

I look down and chew on my lip before swallowing nervously and looking up and meeting Edward's eyes. Trying to hide the hope building inside I tentatively say, "Edward, I... I'd really love it… if your family could be part of my support now. If… if you don't mind that is."

Edward brushes my hair back from my face with his fingers while smiling and saying, "Of course, I don't mind, love. My family is your family now."

Sighing with relief, I smile as I say. "Really? Thanks, beautiful. I really like your family a lot. I wish you would let them support you more too. They love you and worry about you. You need them as much as, if not more than you need me."

Edward shakes his head as he caresses my face. "You're right about one thing. I do need my family's support. But love, I will never need anybody more than I need you. Jasper, you have quickly become the sun that my entire world revolves around."

Smiling, I lean in toward him and ask, "Edward do you think you could maybe just hold me for a few more minutes before we go on to your parent's house?"

Edward softly says, "Come here, you." He shifts closer and wraps his arms around me. I nuzzle my face into his neck and sigh in contentment. Just being in his arms reenergizes my strength and makes me feel better. I wish we could stay like this forever.

But eventually I sigh and pull away, knowing it's my turn to give Edward the support he's going to need as he deals with his past this weekend. Looking into his eyes and finding a far off look, I cup his face in my hand and softly ask, "Edward? Are you alright, darlin'?"

Edward nods and looks down. "Yeah, I'm okay, baby. I've been thinking about what you said. I think when we get to the house, I'm going…" He swallows nervously and I can feel a tremor pass through him. "I'm going to go ahead and tell mom and dad what Mike did to me. And I'm going to ask dad to go with us too, when I go talk to Charlie."

Leaning back in, I kiss Edward's forehead. "I think that's a wonderful idea, beautiful. Do you need me there when you talk to your parents, or do you want to talk to them in private?"

Edward looks away, frowning in concentration. "In a way, I want you there for moral support, but at the same time I think I should tell them in private. Hell, I should have told my parents years ago." He looks back and meets my eyes and asks, "Would it hurt your feelings if I talked to them alone?"

Shaking my head, I say. "Of course not, Edward." Then I run my fingers through his hair and softly say, "You go ahead and talk to them in private and I'll wait in the other room in case you need me."

Smiling, Edward strokes my cheek. "Thank you, love. I don't know how I lucked into finding you. I love you so damn much, Jasper."

I whisper back, "I love you, too."

Edward leans in closer and our lips meet again and again with slow tender kisses. With a soft hum he pulls back and stares into my eyes. Edward smiles and runs a thumb across my lips and whispers. "My sweet, sexy man." With a sigh, Edward pulls away. "I guess we should get going. Are you ready, love?"

Sighing too, I nod my head. "Yeah, I'm ready when you are."

Edward starts the engine and slowly drives down the muddy driveway to his parent's house. He parks the car but just sits there clenching and unclenching his hands on the steering wheel as he looks blankly into the distance. Worried, I reach out and touch his shoulder.

Edward turns his head toward me, then unbuckles his seatbelt and reaches over and unbuckles mine before pulling me to him and crashing his lips to mine, kissing me hard and frantic. We're both panting by the time he breaks the kiss. Edward rests his forehead on mine and stares into my eyes as he smiles. "Thanks, I really needed that."

I grin and kiss him one more time before saying, "Anytime, beautiful."

Still smiling, Edward takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly before nodding his head and saying, "Okay. I can do this." Then he turns away and opens his car door and gets out.

Looking out and seeing that the rain has stopped for the moment. I go ahead and get out too and wait for Edward. He comes around the car with a frown on his face as he says, "Baby, I was going to open the door for you."

I roll my eyes and say, "I'm not an invalid, Edward. I'm perfectly capable of opening a car door."

Edward looks down as he says, "I know that, Jasper." He looks back up into my eyes and smiles. "I just… I like taking care of you, baby. Please, won't you let me treat you special?"

My lips are trying to twitch into a smile as I roll my eyes again. "Fine. I'll wait next time." Edward blushes but he grins from ear to ear as he wraps an arm around my waist and we walk toward the house.

Edward and I go inside to find everybody sitting in the living room and talking about Emmett's job interview. Apparently, the school board had told Emmett before he even left the meeting, that the job was his if he wants it. Everybody goes quiet when we walk into the room. Then they all turn to me and start talking at the same time, asking how the trip to the cemetery went and if I'm alright. I'm touched by their concern but terribly self-conscious to suddenly be thrust into the center of attention.

Feeling overwhelmed, I try to answer a couple of their questions but my answers come out in embarrassing stutters. Mortified, I give up and quietly slip behind Edward, hiding my red face in the back of his neck. Thankfully, Edward comes to my rescue and tells everybody that we're going to go upstairs and get changed. He tells them we'll be back down in a bit to talk to them about how the trip to the cemetery went and that he wants to talk to them about some other things as well.

"~~***~~"

After getting to Edward's room, we can't keep our eyes off each other as we undress, and after a few really hot minutes we somehow manage to mostly keep our hands to ourselves. Probably because we both know if we take very long, somebody will barge in to check up on us.

Edward pulls his suit jacket off and tosses it to the bed. He then turns to me with a smirk on his face and a predatory gleam in his eyes. I love it when Edward looks at me like that. Something about it makes my insides tingle and ache. His eyes rake up and down my body before he steps closer and runs his hands across my chest and under my jacket, then up and over my shoulders. Edward keeps his eyes locked with mine as he slips my jacket off my shoulders and tosses it onto the bed with his.

Edward's hands cup my face as he leans in and our lips meet. At first the kiss is as soft as a feather as he barely brushes his lips against mine. But then…I don't know who moaned first, but it sets us off and our lips and tongues are devouring each other with frantic need as our trembling fingers untie ties and pull them from around our necks. We're both frenzied as we fumble around, unbuckling and yanking off belts, pulling shirt tails out of pants and unbuttoning each other's shirts, while we touch and caress each other with shaking hands and panting breaths.

I've managed to get Edward's pants unbuttoned and unzipped and I'm just slipping my fingers under the waist band of his boxers when he stops my hands with a groan and steps back shaking his head, breathing hard and smiling. When Edward shakes his head no at me, I growl in frustration and stomp my foot. Edward looks sexy as fuck with his shirt hanging open and his pants undone. I step closer, begging with my eyes as I reach for him, but he grins and holds a hand out in a stopping motion. Huffing at him, I cross my arms and pout, sticking my bottom lip out. Smiling, Edward whispers, "You don't play fair."

Still shaking his head, Edward's eyes stay on my lips as he pulls me to him and gently sucks on my bottom lip. Moaning, I reach down and palm him through his boxers. I want him, all of him, right fucking now. But at the same time, I know Edward's right. This is not the time or place. With another growl of frustration, I drop my hands and force myself to take a step back. Fucking hell, I wish we were alone! Edward groans but keeps the distance between us too, as we both try to calm down our breathing and our aching bodies.

Edward shakes his head hard and takes a deep breath and lets it out slow, and then he whispers. "Damn, baby, I can hardly keep my hands off of you." He licks his lips and his eyes continuously scan my body, while his hand slowly rubs back and forth across his bare stomach. He sighs and says, "I'm going to call Charlie to see if he still wants to talk to me." I can't take my eyes off his hand that's rubbing his stomach as I slowly finish undressing and listen in on Edward's side of the conversation.

Edward softly says, "Hey, Charlie, it's Edward. I was thinking about coming into town this afternoon. Do you still want to talk to me about the things Mike talked to you about?"

"_**~~~"**_

"Yeah, I can wait a couple of hours if you're busy right now."

"_**~~~"**_

"Oh she's going to let you pick up his things? That's good, I guess."

"_**~~~"**_

"Um, Charlie? Is it okay with you if Jasper comes with me and I… uh, also thought about maybe bringing the Doc and my dad too?"

"_**~~~"**_

"Yeah, I know I'll be safe at the station, Charlie. I guess I'm just nervous and need the moral support."

"_**~~~"**_

"Thanks."

"_**~~~"**_

"Wait, what? Mike and Sam might be there?"

"_**~~~"**_

"I see. Um, I don't know, Charlie. I can't promise anything."

"_**~~~"**_

"Can I decide if I want to talk to him after you and I talk?"

"_**~~~"**_

"Okay. I'll see you in a couple of hours then. Bye, Charlie."

Edward closes his cell phone and sits down on the side of the bed, looking down. I go over and sit down beside Edward and wrap an arm around his waist and ask, "Everything alright, beautiful?"

Edward nods, then sighs and looks into my eyes and says. "Charlie is on his way over to Mike's parents' place to pick up all of Mike's things. I guess Charlie finally talked Mike's mom into it." He runs a hand through his hair and says, "Charlie asked if I'd be willing to talk to Mike later, but I don't know Jasper. I can't imagine one thing that Charlie could tell me that would make me want to forgive Mike."

I have to admit, it makes my blood boil that Mike wants Edward to forgive him but I keep my mouth shut. This is Edward's past and he'll have to find a way to deal with it that will hopefully bring him some sort of peace. I will fully support Edward in any way I can, even if that means accepting his forgiving the fucking bastard.

I hug Edward tighter and tell him. "You need to think about what will bring you peace and not worry about what everybody else wants or expects. You have to live with yourself, not them. Just make sure whatever you decide to do is the right thing for you, Edward."

Edward smiles and whispers, "Thanks baby, I just wish I knew what that was."

After that, we manage to finish changing back into jeans and t-shirts. I ask Edward. "Are you going to talk to your parents right away?"

Edward shakes his head while chewing on his lip, then says. "I'm going to wait a little bit before I talk to them, baby. We should let Emmett have their attention right now and let them enjoy his good news. We have a couple of hours before we leave so there's plenty of time."

I give Edward a quick kiss and say, "Okay, beautiful, that sounds good. Um, are you still going to talk to the Doc, too? And if you are, are you going to talk to him before or after your parents?"

Edward runs a hand through his hair and looks confused as he thinks. Finally he shrugs and whispers, "I don't know. I think I'm just going to play it by ear and we'll see what happens." Then Edward wraps his arms around me and smiles before whispering, "Distract me one more time, before we go down love."

Smiling, I wrap my arms around Edward too, and then slowly kiss his delicious soft lips. Sometimes, Edward's kisses set my blood to boiling and my body to aching with need, and I love those kinds of kisses. I really do. But, I love these kinds of kisses too. They're so full of love and tenderness, and they make me feel so cared for. I moan and lean against Edward, just enjoying the feel of his lips moving on mine and his arms around me.

Edward hums in contentment as he pulls away and looks into my eyes, and then he grins and shakes his head. Edward caresses my cheek and says, "Sometimes it still catches me by surprise, and I'm amazed all over again. I'm actually here with another man, kissing him, holding him, madly in love with him, aching to feel him inside of me as he makes love to me. Damn, I can't wait to feel you filling me up. I love you so much, Jasper."

I blush and look down with a smile as I say, "I love you, Edward and I… I ache to love on you like that, too. But I don't think I will ever figure why you want to be with me, what you could possibly see in me."

Edward kisses my forehead and whispers, "Baby, I see the strongest, bravest, sweetest, most caring person in the world in you. You've dazzled me with your charm, with your innocence, with your wonderfulness, with your love. " Then he grins and says, "And of course, the fact that you've got a super hot ass and the biggest fucking cock I've ever seen, dazzles the fuck out of me, too."

I laugh and push on Edward's arm. "Would you shut the fuck up. God, you are such an ass."

Edward grins even wider and then pretends to pout as he says. "I thought you liked my ass."

Looking down and feeling playful all of a sudden, I wipe the smile off my face and take a deep breath. Then trying to keep a serious expression, I look back up and say in as serious a voice as I can. "It's not bad as far as asses go but it's not perfect. I think it's missing something."

Edward drops his arms from around me and frowns as he takes a step back. Crossing his arms, he sounds uncertain as he asks, "What? What is my ass missing?"

Smiling, I cup Edward's face in my hands and try to pull his mouth to mine. Edward resists at first then finally relents and lets me kiss him. I run my tongue deep into his mouth and kiss him hungrily before moving my mouth to his ear. My face heats up at what I'm saying as I whisper, "I think, what your ass needs to be perfect is my cock buried deep inside of it." Then feeling embarrassed as hell, I snicker and cover my face up with my hands.

Edward's shoulders shake as he quietly laughs. I peek between my fingers and look into his eyes. His face has turned as red as mine feels and he's biting his lip and smiling as he says, "I always wanted a perfect ass. Do you think you could help me with that?"

I nod and smile, then drop my hand down and grasp his ass and give it a squeeze as I quietly say. "I think I can see this ass being perfect, as soon as we get back to Seattle and have some privacy again."

Edward's breathing picks up, and his face lights up with a radiant smile, as he says. "Really? Are you sure? I promise I'm not trying to rush you into anything, babe. I just wanted you to know I was ready anytime you were."

I look down and say, "I know that, Edward. But I think I am ready, I want to know what it's like to be inside of you." Peeking back up into his eyes, I smile and say, "I'd do it even sooner if I thought no one would barge into the room in the middle of it and ruin our moment."

Edward swallows and looks both excited and nervous as he cups my face in his hands again. His eyes search my face as he says, "What would you think if we went camping tomorrow night? I know a quiet secluded place on dad's property that nobody else ever goes to. We would have all the privacy we could possibly want. It's always kind of been my special place. It was my favorite spot to go to when I needed a quiet place to be alone and think. Jasper, I'd love it if we could make it our special place and have our first time there."

Cupping Edward's face in my hands too, I pull him to me and whisper. "I think I'd like that beautiful. If you're absolutely sure you're ready, too."

Edward kisses me and whispers. "I'm sure, love. I'm ready for you to make love to me."

Blushing again, I smile and say. "Beautiful, I can't wait to love on you like that tomorrow night."

Edward's grin gets even bigger and he wraps his arms around me tight and holds me close. As we stand there and hold each other, I can feel Edward's heart pounding in his chest. I have to wonder if it's from being scared or from being excited. Then again, he might just be nervous about the impending talk with his parents. With a sigh I say, "But we still have to get through today first. Are you ready to go down and talk to your parents?"

Edward's grin slips off his face and he sighs too. "As ready as I'm going to be, love." After that, Edward and I head downstairs to join the rest of the family in the living room.

Emmett is sitting in one of the chairs with Rose lying across his lap and her legs thrown over the arm of the chair. The Doc and Alice are snuggled up on one end of the couch and Carlisle and Esme dear are on the other end. So Edward and I sit in the loveseat.

Looking around and realizing everybody is eating cookies and drinking coffee, my eyes light up when I see a plateful of the cookies and a pot of coffee with two empty mugs sitting on a tray on the coffee table. I look over at Esme dear and she winks as she smiles and says, "Those are for you and Edward. I thought you especially would need a little energy after your stressful afternoon."

I grin and say, "Thank you, ma'am."

I pour us both a mug of the coffee and hand Edward his mug while asking if he wants anything in it. Edward shakes his head and says, "Black is fine this time, love." Licking my lips as I eye the plate of cookies, I pick it up and offer Edward some of them first. Edward grabs a couple and I set the plate down and grab a handful of them too before grabbing my mug and joining Edward, on the loveseat.

I think maybe the Doc must have said something to everybody because, thankfully, they're not all bombarding me with questions again. Just the Doc asks, "How did the trip to see your parents go? Are you alright, son?"

I nod my head and say, "Yes, sir. I'm okay." Then Edward and I tell everybody about the trip to town to get the flowers and our walk around as we visited with a few people and then about going to the cemetery. I tear up again, but manage to not break down completely.

I describe the headstone to the Doc and ask him if he had known what was inscribed on it. The Doc's face looks worried as he cautions me to go slow and not get my hopes up too much. He tells me that of course Charlotte cares about me and acknowledges that I'm her biological son, but that she's a business woman to the core and just doesn't have much experience in dealing with her emotions. Sighing in disappointment, I tell the Doc that I understand and that I'll try not to get my hopes up too much. I don't tell him I've already let that seed of hope take root. I can't help it, she said _our_ son.

Fortunately, after the Doc and I talk, everybody goes back to talking about Emmett getting the job. I quietly snicker when they tell us, as soon as Alice had heard Emmett had the job, she had declared he was going to need a whole new wardrobe of 'teacher outfits'. Apparently, Rose and Esme dear had agreed because the women were already planning on carting Emmett off to Port Angeles to go shopping this evening. Listening to all the different shops they plan on visiting I shudder and think, better him than me.

Chowing down on my cookies, I look over at Edward when he quietly asks, "Dad were you going to go shopping with them?"

Carlisle shakes his head and says, "No, son. I thought I'd hang out here with the rest of you guys."

Edward runs a hand through his hair and softly says, "I just called Charlie and asked him if I could come talk to him. I already asked Jasper and Doc to come. But I was hoping you would come with me too, dad."

Carlisle glances at me and then the Doc before looking at Esme dear. She smiles and squeezes his hand while nodding her head at him. Carlisle smiles and says, "Of course, I'll come with you Edward. I love you, son."

Edward smiles and softly says, "I love you too, dad. Thanks." Edward relaxes beside me as he nibbles his cookies and sips his coffee and we listen to the conversation going on around us.

Carlisle and Esme dear tell Emmett and Rose that if they're serious about moving back to Forks, that they can build a house somewhere on the property if they want to. They even tell Alice and Edward they are welcome to, as well. They explain that when they originally bought the property here in Washington, they had made sure to buy enough acreage that all the kids could have a plot when they got older, if they ever decided they wanted to live near home.

Rose and Emmett talk with their parents about houses and designs and how many bedrooms they'll need. I listen as Alice and the Doc quietly talk about maybe building a small cabin, so they'll have privacy on the weekends that they come down or while here on vacation. My face heats up as I glance hopefully at Edward, wondering if he'd like for us to have our own place too. But Edward's back to staring into space with a worried frown on his face. Sighing, I try to hide my disappointment as I look away. It occurs to me that while Edward keeps saying he wants to be with me forever, he's never actually said how or even where he wants us to be together.

Carlisle and Esme dear ask Emmett and Rose if they would like to move back in with them, at least until they can get their house built and get married. Emmett and Rose both get quiet as they eye each other. Emmett clears his throat and actually looks embarrassed as he says, "Mom, dad, we really appreciate the offer and we might take you up on it, as long as you realize that Rose and I have been living as a couple since we left for college. We don't want to have to sneak around anymore. If we live here it will be together, in the same room, in the same bed."

Everybody gets so quiet that I can hear a clock ticking somewhere. Carlisle clears his throat and says, "I think your mother and I understand that Emmett. I assume you two can be at least a little discreet, though."

Rose snorts and says, "Emmett's isn't exactly quiet when we have sex dad but we'll do our best."

Emmett yells, "Hey! I'm not the one yelling 'yes, yes, yes' at the top of my lungs…"

Esme dear laughs and says, "Enough you two, you're going to give your father a heart attack talking about sex like that."

When his mom says heart attack, Edward slams his empty coffee mug down on the end table and the room goes quiet again. Edward's face turns red and he says, "I am so sorry, I really didn't mean to do that."

Edward leans closer to me and whispers into my ear. "I'm scared, please tell me this will go right."

I squeeze his hand and whisper back. "They'll understand, Edward. You need to give them the opportunity to support you. I'll be right out here if you need me."

Edward nods then looks around the room to see everybody still watching him. He clears his throat and softly says, "Mom, dad, I hate to be rude and interrupt everybody but can I talk to you guys now?" Edward glances over at me and I give his hand another squeeze. He looks around the room again then sighs as he says, "In private?"

Carlisle and Esme dear both say, "Of course, Edward." They stand up and head toward the study.

Rose stands up and places a hand on Edward's arm as he's walking by. Edward stops and looks at her and she gives him a hug and says, "You will tell me later, bubs?"

Edward runs a hand through his hair as he stares at Rose. Then he sighs while shaking his head as he says, "Mom, dad, let's just stay out here. I guess I should tell the others too and I don't want to have to keep repeating myself."

I'm surprised but happy, when Edward returns to me and sits down. I wrap my arms around him as he leans back against me. Edward's parents both sit back down on the couch and everybody turns toward him waiting.

Edward turns his head to me and gives me a quick kiss then takes a deep breath and lets it out before looking around at his family. His trembling hands grab a hold of the arms that I have wrapped around him and he holds on tight. Looking at the floor, he swallows and says. "Something happened the last day of school, junior year. Coach asked for volunteers to stay late and help clean up and do inventory. Mike and I both volunteered."

Edward glances guiltily at his dad and says, "I was actually still grounded and was supposed to be going straight home as soon as school was out that day. But I… I was mad at dad and resented the fact that he wouldn't let me spend time with Mike. So when coach asked for volunteers to stay late, I jumped on it. I was grounded from my car and Alice was supposed to be taking me home right after school, but I knew she had a shopping trip planned with her friends. So I told her I had found a ride home and that she could just go on and get a little extra shopping time in. I knew Rose and Emmett would be busy with each other. Dad would be working late, as usual. And mom had told me earlier that day that she was going to Port Angeles to one of the shelters there. I figured I could hang out with Mike for 3 or 4 hours and not get caught."

Edward quickly wipes his face and I can feel my own eyes tearing up. He takes another deep shuddering breath and lets it out before saying, "Coach got an emergency phone call and had to leave early. Mike told him we'd finish and lock up and that he'd leave the keys at his parent's store for the coach to pick up. We finished cleaning everything up and we were both covered in dirt and sweat, so when Mike suggested we take a quick shower. I didn't think anything of it. We were in the showers washing up when Mike… when he…"

I watch Edward's family's faces as he slowly tells them what happened that day. I tighten my arms around Edward and whisper reassuring words in his ear, when his voice breaks and he starts to cry. The Doc quietly encourages Edward when he falters while telling his family what Mike made him do and then did to him.

Edward tells them everything. He even admits his own physical reactions to what was done to him. He explains that it wasn't until after it was over and he was so overwhelmed with guilt, shame and rage that he had finally lashed out and hit Mike. He tells them how ashamed he's been for not even attempting to stop Mike or defend himself. Edward tells them it's because of the shame and guilt he's felt that he's never said anything to them about it before.

Emmett looks pissed and I can see Rose switching into momma bear mode, as her eyes flash and her fucking claws begin to flex. Alice is quietly crying against the Doc's chest and he's patting her back as he, like me, watches Edward and his family.

Carlisle and Esme dear get up, come over and kneel down in front of Edward. Carlisle pulls Edward into a hug and Edward starts to shake before breaking down and sobbing into his dad's shoulder. Esme dear rubs Edward's back and whispers those soothing words that only moms know into Edward's ear while she holds tight onto _my_ hand. Trying to give them a little privacy, even though they are right in front of me, I close my eyes and lay my head back. I try not to listen to their whispered words as Edward and his parents talk to each other.

Even though I'm trying to not listen, my heart aches at the heartbroken sound of Edward's sobs and the comforting sounds of his parents' voices. That's what I miss the most about my parents- their hugs, their comforting words when I'm upset, and those shared tender moments. Opening my eyes and watching the Doc as he comforts Alice, I wonder if I will ever have that with him. Even though the Doc says he loves me like a son, I have to wonder if I've waited too late. I mean hell now that he has Alice, does he really need me?

Eventually, Edward cries himself out and Carlisle gently pulls Edward's arms from around his neck and eases him back into my arms. I wrap my arms tight around Edward as he turns and buries his face in my chest. I blink back my tears when Carlisle and Esme dear stand up and both lean down and kiss me on top of the head before going back and sitting on the couch.

Everybody starts to quietly talk but I don't pay too much attention to what's being said as I concentrate on Edward. I bow my head and whisper into his ear-how much I love him, how much I need him, how proud I am of him that he told his family. I whisper into his ear for a long time, calming him down like he always calms me.

Edward slowly relaxes in my arms and eventually raises his head from my chest. He wraps a hand behind my neck and pulls my face closer. His lips meet mine in a long, slow, tender kiss. I'm a little self-conscious and embarrassed about kissing Edward right in front of his family but I don't pull away. He needs me. After he finally breaks the kiss, Edward rests his forehead against mine then closes his eyes and sighs in relief. He whispers, "I can't believe I actually did it. Thank you, love. Thank you for being here and giving me the support I needed to do this. I love you so much."

Blushing, knowing his family can hear us. I whisper back. "I love you too, beautiful. I will always be here for you."

Edward smiles and kisses me once more before turning back toward his family. I haven't been paying a whole lot of attention to their conversations. But I'm pretty sure the topics have ranged from Rose going to do bodily harm to Mike, to Esme dear reminding them that Mike has already had harm done to him by his own father, from Alice's guilt for not taking Edward home that day, to Carlisle's reiteration that he never liked or trusted Mike.

Then, I'm almost positive Carlisle is gently chiding Edward for not telling them what happened sooner, as he reminds all the kids that they can come and talk to him and Esme about anything. Carlisle tells them that they should never be too afraid or ashamed to tell them anything. That their love is unconditional and that they will understand. Edward sighs and looks down but he nods his head and softly says, "Yes, sir." when the others do.

Esme dear asks, "Edward dear, when are you supposed to go and talk to Charlie?"

Edward looks at his watch and softly says, "In about an hour, mom." Then he looks over at Emmett and Rose and says, "Emmett, I'm sorry I waited until now to say anything to mom and dad. I didn't mean to take away from your good news today, big brother."

Emmett rolls his eyes and says, "Little brother, you're always worrying about the wrong things. At least now I don't have to go shopping this evening."

Alice practically shrieks, "What? Think again, buster! Just because they're going to go talk to Charlie doesn't mean the rest of us have to sit around the house worrying. Shopping will keep us busy and they can tell us what happened when they get home."

Emmett whines out, "Ah, man…." I snicker and bury my face into Edward's back. You can practically feel the tension melt out of the room as everybody else laughs.

Esme dear smiles and stands up. "Alice is right, there's no need in the rest of us sitting around and worrying. Alright girls, Emmett, I think we should go ahead and get started. The sooner we get going, the sooner we can get back." Then she turns to Carlisle. "We'll give you men time to get around and maybe have a little guy talk if you need to."

Carlisle stands up and wraps his arms around her as he whispers. "Thank you, love. You be careful and please come back to me safe and sound." Then Carlisle kisses her a long, slow kiss.

Esme dear smiles and says, "Of course, we'll be careful. We'll see you guys in a few hours. I love you, dear, take care of _all_ of our boys."

Carlisle smiles and says, "I will and I love you, too."

Esme dear walks over to me and Edward, and we both stand up. Edward hugs his mom and says, "I love you, mom. Thank you for everything."

Esme dear cups Edward's face in her hand as she says. "Your father and I love you and we'll both always be here for you. Now tell me the truth. Are you alright, Edward? We can do this shopping trip another time if you need me to stay or if you want me to go with you."

Edward shakes his head and softly says, "No mom, I promise I'm alright. As selfish as I am, I wish I could take all of you with me for moral support. But Emmett deserves a chance to be happy about his first real teaching job. Please, you need to go and dote on him this evening."

Esme dear smiles and shakes her head as she says, "Edward, I admit we turned you into a spoiled little brat back in the day. But son, the man you have grown into is far from selfish. When we all get home this evening, we're going to sit down and have a long talk about what you learned while talking to Charlie. We're also going to discuss a few other things we've needed to talk about for ages. You hold too many secrets inside, son." Esme dear grins as she looks over at me and says, "Now Edward, be sure and take care of this adorable young man, I put up some cake for him in the pantry, remember to feed him before you leave."

Edward grins and says, "Yes, mom. Let me guess, he gets the rest of the ice cream, too."

Esme dear pats Edward's cheek and says, "Well of course he does, but you might talk him into giving you a couple of licks." And then she giggles and ruffles Edward's hair when his eyes get big and his face turns red. She turns her head toward Alice, who's in a lip-lock with the Doc as they say goodbye and says, "Alice, remind me to get ice cream at the market before we come home." Esme dear smiles, shakes her head and rolls her eyes as Alice just kind of waves a hand and hums.

Then, Esme dear turns toward me and pulls me into a hug. I'm so shocked that it takes me a few seconds before I gently hug her back. She cups my face in her palm and softly says, "Take care of Edward, dear."

I nod my head and say, "Yes, ma'am. I'll protect him."

Esme dear gives me a confused look and then smiles and say, "Alright, dear." She turns to Rose and Emmett and rolls her eyes as she says, "And just why are you two kissing when you're both going with us?"

Emmett breaks the kiss with a grin and a huff and says, "Well hell, mom, everybody else was sucking face. I figured me and Rose should get in on the action too."

Rose laughs and says, "Gee, mom, if we're really going to live here, you're going to have to get used to us slipping each other a little tongue every now and then."

I snicker when Carlisle groans and pinches the bridge of his nose. But then Emmett wraps his arms around Rose and says, "Mmmm, I'll slip you some tongue, baby, and I know just where you want it."

Slapping my hands over my ears, I yell. "Eww, gross! Shut up!" Emmett starts laughing so hard he has tears running down his face and he just about knocks me down when he slaps me on the back. Scowling, I cross my arms and pout, but then Edward wraps me up in his arms. I turn to him and hide my face in his neck feeling embarrassed.

Esme dear starts to scold Emmett for embarrassing me so I look back up and grin as I stick my tongue out at him. Then Esme dear claps her hands together while telling Rose, Alice and Emmett they have three minutes to get their things rounded up and get in the car before she starts _counting_. I step away from Edward and watch in open mouthed amazement when they all three look panicked and race up the stairs. What the fuck?

Esme dear, smiles and nods, looking pleased then picks up her purse. She gives Carlisle one more kiss and goes outside and gets in one of the cars out in the garage. A minute later, Rose, Alice and Emmett race each other back down the stairs and out the door loudly arguing over who is going to sit in the front seat.

Edward walks up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist and kisses me on the back of the neck before whispering in my ear. "Let's go and get you that cake, love."

Edward gathers up everybody's empty coffee mugs and puts them on the tray with the coffee pot. He carries the whole thing into the kitchen while Carlisle and the Doc follow us in there. Carlisle and the Doc wash up the dishes, while Edward plates a huge fucking piece of cake for each of us to eat and dishes me out the rest of the ice cream. We stand there in the kitchen eating the cake and talking about our imminent trip to the police station. They decide we're all going to go to town in Carlisle's car.

I start teasing Edward with the ice cream, offering him a bite and then jerking it away before he can get any of it. We're both grinning and giggling as Edward keeps stealing bites of ice cream off of my plate. After Edward and I finally finish up the ice cream and only have cake left we dig into that, taking huge bites. And even though Edward has his own plateful of cake he keeps trying to steal bites out of mine. The Doc and Carlisle are both watching us and grinning at our antics.

We're almost done with the cake when the Doc sighs and looks serious as he asks, "Edward, did you understand what Charlie was trying to tell you earlier today?"

Edward's grin slips off his face and he sighs. Then he frowns and shakes his head. "Not really, Doc. I was kind of freaking out about Mike attempting suicide and I didn't catch everything Charlie was saying."

The Doc nods his head and softly says, "Did you hear Charlie when he said that Mike said he was originally trying to scare you away that day because somebody was coming to hurt you?"

Edward frowns and shakes his head again as he says, "I heard that part but I don't have a clue what Mike was talking about, Doc. I don't know why Mike would say somebody was coming to hurt me. I mean the only people that even knew I stayed after school that day was Mike and the coach and I was with Mike." I stiffen up when I see the Doc just staring at Edward. I know that look. The Doc is waiting for Edward to make a mental connection to something Edward just said. Edward gasps and his head snaps up. He looks confused as he stares at the Doc and says, "No, you're wrong."

The Doc softly says, "We won't know for certain until we talk to Charlie, but I'm afraid the coach was the person coming back to hurt you that day, Edward." Carlisle freezes in shock with a forkful of cake halfway to his mouth.

Edward frowns and asks, "But why would the coach want to hurt me? I don't understand."

The Doc looks worried as he softly says, "Edward, I'm almost positive your old coach was abusing Mike, and if I understood Charlie correctly at least two other boys as well. Do you remember Charlie saying your coach was going to prison?"

Carlisle is still frozen but now has a frown on his confused face. But Edward's hands start shaking so hard that his fork is rattling on the plate. The Doc gently takes Edward's plate out of his hands and sets it on the counter. Setting my own plate down too, I watch Edward as he shakes his head. "No, you're wrong Doc. Coach couldn't have been… hurting Mike. He's Mike's godfather, his dad's best friend. Hell, he was at the Newton's house every weekend and Mike always stayed over at coach's house when Mike's parents went out of town on vacation. Coach even tutored Mike for free to help the Newton's out. Don't you remember dad? Mike had to stay after school for an hour or two every day for private tutoring."

Carlisle's plate crashes to the counter and he covers his face with his hands and softly says, "Oh dear god… no."

Edward looks to be on the verge of tears as he says, "No, it's not true."

The Doc squeezes Edward's shoulder and says, "I'm afraid it is, Edward."

Carlisle runs a hand through his hair, looking upset as he says, "How did I not see… it's so damn obvious now."

Edward is breathing hard, his chest heaving as he says. "No, you have to be wrong. I would have seen something. Wouldn't I? I mean… How could I not know something like… that?"

Carlisle sighs and says, "Son, none of us saw…"

Edward shouts, "No!" Then his voice breaks as he says, "You hated Mike. But I… he was my best friend and I loved him, dad. I would have… I should have known." Edward wraps his arms around me and buries his face in my neck. Tightening my arms around Edward, I kiss the side of his face with a gentle kiss as I try to reassure him. Holding him close, my stomach twists up as I wonder if Edward still cares for Mike. Is he going to forgive Mike and want to be with him instead of me?

Carlisle rakes a hand through his hair again and says, "Edward. I admit I didn't like Mike. But I didn't _hate_ him, son. If I had even suspected anything like that was going on, you know I would have reported it." Carlisle shakes his head and almost whispers, "I can't believe I didn't see the signs." Carlisle pinches the bridge of his nose, saying. "Damn it, the boy was always antagonizing me and I'd get so damn pissed off every time he came over."

I look over at the Doc when he says, "A lot of victims of abuse act like that around people who could actually help them, Carlisle. Most abusers have terrorized their victims into submission, threatening to harm not just them if they tell but their families as well. So the victims alienate the very people that could help them. I think it's partly out of fear that they'll be tempted to tell what has happened to them. And partly as a bid for attention, secretly hoping somebody will see their pain and help them without them having to say anything."

Looking down with a frown, I remember how James had controlled me by either threatening to harm my parents or by promising to save them. He'd controlled my mom by picking me up and slamming me into a wall until she quit fighting them and did everything they told her to do. My dad they just ganged up on and beat unconscious and then tied him up.

The Doc watches Edward with a worried look on his face then softly says, "Edward, you couldn't have known."

Edward jerks out of my arms and meets the Doc's eyes as he harshly growls out, "I should have!" Then Edward's face crumples and tears run down his face as he softly says, "Why didn't I know? Why didn't Mike tell me? He was my best friend and I didn't know he was going through that." Chewing my lip, I rub Edward's back, trying to calm him. Edward sighs and looks down as he asks, "Was Mike punishing me? Is that why he did what he did to me? Because I didn't know and I didn't help him?"

The Doc shakes his head and softly says, "I don't think so Edward. Don't you remember Mike said somebody was coming to hurt you and he was too scared to warn you? First he tried to drive you away before he ever laid a hand on you. Remember, you said he was laughing at you and insulting you, acting totally different than he usually did. You said the boy who was usually so kind and caring toward you had turned into an obnoxious creep."

Carlisle sounds incredulous as he asks, "Kind and caring? Are we still talking about Mike?" That's one thing I've been confused about too. Nobody else in Edward's family seems like they even liked Mike. They all called him controlling and manipulative. Edward seems to be the only one who thought Mike was kind and caring.

The Doc looks confused as he looks between Edward and Carlisle as he asks, "What do you mean, Carlisle? Edward said Mike was usually kind and caring toward him."

Edward sighs and says, "Doc, Mike acted different when it was just me and him together. When we were around my family, well mainly dad, Mike would boss me around. He'd order me to do something and then smirk at dad when I got up and did it. I thought Mike was just doing it to piss off dad, since he knew I was mad at dad all the time back then."

The Doc looks deep in thought then asks, "How did he act when it was just the two of you, Edward?"

Edward sighs as he runs a hand through his hair and says, "When it was just me and Mike, he was a kind and considerate guy, Doc." Seeing the skeptical look on Carlisle's face, Edward says. "No really, dad, I promise. Mike was sweet and thoughtful. He was always asking if I needed anything or if he could get me anything. He was always making sure all the things we did were only the things that I wanted us to be doing. He was really affectionate too. It didn't matter what we were doing, Mike would always keep an arm thrown across my shoulders or have both of his arms wrapped around me, hugging me or kissing my cheeks."

The Doc nods and says, "I see. You say Mike came over every evening? I assume after school and after his private tutoring session with the coach. How did he act then, Edward?"

Edward frowns and looks deep in thought for a moment then he glances guiltily at his dad before saying, "Usually, when Mike came over. The first thing he did was to throw his arms around me and hug me so tight that his arms would be trembling. Hell, sometimes Mike's whole body would be trembling and I'd get worried. But right before I would ask Mike if he was alright, he'd give me a kiss on the cheek and say 'Get your ass in there and get me a coke and something to snack on Edward and then let's go to your room. There are too many prying eyes down here and I'm ready for you and me to have some private time.' Then Mike would grin at dad with a smart ass smirk, like he was daring dad to say something. I'd jump up and do what Mike said just to piss off dad too. You could practically see dad's blood boiling. Then we'd go up to my room to hang out."

The Doc smiles a sad smile and says, "The boy was definitely keeping himself alienated from your father."

Edward shakes his head as he says, "I guess I can admit to myself now that while I sometimes hated the way Mike acted around my family, I could hardly wait for him to come over every evening. I looked forward to those hugs, as Mike told me again and again that I was his best friend and that he loved me and needed me. Looking back now, I can't understand how I didn't know I was gay. I mean even though none of it was sexual, I lived for those moments where we could be alone together. I craved that close personal contact we shared."

Frowning, I look down feeling terribly insecure as I fear that Edward is going to want Mike over me. Hearing Edward admitting to himself that he actually did have feelings for Mike back then makes me a little jealous, even though I know it was a long time ago.

Edward rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands and says, "I don't understand anything anymore. If that is what was really going on, why didn't Mike ever say anything to me? We could have gone to dad. It doesn't matter that dad didn't like Mike. Dad still would have put a stop to it. And if the coach was the one Mike said was coming to hurt me, then why did coach leave to begin with? Why didn't Mike just tell me to leave instead of forcing me to… For that matter, why the hell did Mike volunteer us to stay and help clean up in the first place?"

The Doc sighs and looks at the clock as he says, "Those are all very good questions, Edward. Perhaps we'll get a few answers when you talk to Charlie."

Edward glances at the clock too and says, "I hope so. I guess we really should get going."

Carlisle drives with the Doc sitting up front with him, while Edward and I both sit in the back seat. Edward confuses me as were driving down the driveway when he pulls me into his arms. My face heats up as I wonder if Edward wants to kiss me back here, with his dad and the Doc sitting right in front of us. But he holds me close to his chest and whispers, "Baby, close your eyes for a few minutes." I stiffen in shock and feel like a complete shit as I realize I had forgotten where we were again. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I close my eyes and turn my head into Edward's chest until I feel the now familiar bump as we drive onto the highway. After waiting a full minute, I open my eyes and sit up to find the Doc watching me with a worried frown. Scowling, I look down and cross my arms. Surely he doesn't already expect me to be ready to just saunter over there like nothing ever happened there.

I look over at Edward to find him staring out the window with a far off look on his face. Sighing, I look back down and wonder if Edward's thinking about Mike. Feeling terribly insecure and needing to touch Edward in some way, I reach over and take his hand in mine.

Edward glances at our hands then up at my uncertain face. He scoots closer to me before wrapping his arms around me and whispering in my ear. "I know what you're thinking and I want you to stop it, Jasper. I'm just confused about what was really going on back then with Mike. I love you and only you. Okay?" I nod my head and lean against him, relieved to be in his arms.

We get to town a couple of minutes later and pull into the small parking lot behind the police station. Charlie and a couple of guys in police uniforms are checking the straps on a small trailer loaded down with boxes and beat up furniture. Swallowing nervously, I wonder if these officers were there _that_ night and if they know who I am. Feeling self-conscious and unsure, I stay close to Edward's side. Edward keeps his arm tight around my waist, holding me close to him.

Carlisle and the Doc go up and shake hands with Charlie and the other officers and they all talk for a few minutes as Edward and I hang back close to the car. After the other officers go inside, Charlie waves us over and asks Edward if he's ready to talk. When Edward nods, Charlie leads us inside.

Charlie leads us into a small room with a long folding table surrounded by a dozen metal chairs. Inwardly, I'm groaning at the thought of sitting on these hard chairs, but I keep my mouth shut. I've been embarrassed enough today over having a tender ass. Charlie sits down at the head of the table, with Edward and me on one side, and Carlisle and the Doc on the other. I scoot my chair close enough to Edward that our legs are touching and then take his hand in mine. I'm not sure what else I can do for Edward except let him know I'm here. Charlie asks if we need anything to drink or snack on and we all shake our heads. Edward says, "I just want to know what's going on, Charlie."

Charlie nods and scrubs at his face with his hands before dropping them to the table. "Okay, Edward." Charlie takes a deep breath and lets it out before saying, "Michael told me he sexually assaulted you in high school, Edward. He told me the guilt has been eating him alive, and after talking with him I have to say that I believe him. I wish you would have told… Never mind, no amount of wishing is going to change anything."

Edward's grip on my hand tightens and his other hand nervously rakes through his hair as he says, "You said Mike said somebody was coming to hurt me, Charlie. Was it the coach? Was the coach hurting Mike?"

Charlie nods again and says, "I'm afraid so, Edward."

Charlie sighs and shakes his head as he says, "Okay, let me start at the beginning. I can't give you all the details until after the trial but here's a quick summary of events. When Michael was a freshman in high school, he was just figuring out he was gay. Michael was confused and scared and unfortunately turned to his godfather, the coach, for counseling and support. The coach used his authority, coercion, force, and threats to keep Michael silent. Then the bastard molested Michael on a daily basis from the time he was a freshman until about a year after he graduated high school. I guess Michael was too old for the coach's tastes by then, because he moved on to a couple of freshmen that started that year."

Carlisle sinks his face into his hands and says, "My god, how did I not see the hell that boy was living? I've dealt with abused children on a daily basis for years. I should have seen the signs."

Charlie shakes his head and says, "None of us saw it, Carlisle. Michael was terrified of the coach and was good at hiding the truth from all of us."

Edward looks near tears as he says, "Charlie, please…"

Charlie scrubs his face with his hands again and says, "Alright Edward, I'm sorry. I hate that Michael turned around and victimized you, but I can't help but pity him for the hell he lived through on my watch."

Edward reaches out with his free hand and squeezes Charlie's as he softly says, "I understand that Charlie and I feel bad for Mike too. But at the same time, I don't understand how he could turn around and do the same thing to somebody else. Especially somebody he called his best friend and that he supposedly loved."

Taking another deep breath, Charlie says. "I honestly don't think Michael would have done what he did to you if not for the coach, Edward."

Edward wipes at his eyes and asks, "What do you mean, Charlie? Exactly what was going on back then?"

Charlie shakes his head as he says. "The day that Michael assaulted you was actually the coach's second attempt to get a hold of you, Edward. Apparently the coach was jealous of the time Michael spent with you and had been trying to figure out some way to get his hands on you too. Michael said you were lucky that your parents were strict on who they allowed you to spend the night with and in that you couldn't have friends over to visit when they weren't home."

Edward runs a hand through his hair and says, "And to think I would get mad about that…."

Charlie sighs and says, "The coach arranged for Michael's parents to go out of town for a weekend. Then he coerced Michael into trying to get you to come spend the whole weekend with Michael at his parents' house. Coach planned on drugging you and having his way with you all weekend. Michael said if there were any bruises or injuries on you that he was to take the blame for everything."

Carlisle softly says, "My god…"

The tears flow down Edward's face as he tells Charlie, "Dad and I had a fight because he wouldn't let me stay over unsupervised. Dad wound up grounding me for the next couple of weeks and I could only talk to Mike at school."

Charlie nods and says, "Good thing for you that your dad was so strict, Edward. Unfortunately, Michael had to suffer the wrath of the coach all that weekend when his plans fell through. After that the coach came up with a backup plan to get his hands on you by asking for volunteers to stay over the last day of school. The coach had already told Michael what he would do to him if he didn't convince you to stay too."

Edward runs a hand through his hair and asks, "I don't understand why the coach even left that day if he was going to..."

Charlie sighs and says, "Michael's instructions were for you to see the coach leave. Then he was supposed to drug you. After you passed out the coach was going to come back and have his fun. Michael said the coach had some kind of homemade drug, something similar to GHB or Roofies. You would black out and have no memories of what happened that way if the coach got carried away and hurt you, Michael was going to have to take the blame for everything. With the drugs, the only thing you would remember was coach leaving and you being there alone with Michael."

Carlisle looks pissed as he says, "He was going to drug my son with some kind of homemade concoction? He could have killed Edward if he had OD'd."

Edward frowns and asks, "How was Mike supposed to drug me?"

Charlie sighs and looks back and forth between Carlisle and Edward. "Michael said the coach drugged him a lot. He wasn't sure if the coach was trying to get the dosages right or if he just preferred a compliant victim. Michael said he would often wake up feeling confused, nauseous and dizzy, and with no memories of why he was hurting all over and feeling sick and scared. He said it wasn't until months later when the nightmares started that he finally realized the coach had been raping him when he was unconscious."

Then looking at Edward, Charlie says. "Michael was supposed to give you some spiked sports drink before you got in the showers. Michael told me he just couldn't go through with it, though. He was too scared to just come out and just tell you what was going on, Edward. But he thought he could get you mad enough to leave on your own."

All the blood drains from Edward's face and he whispers, "What did you say?"

Carlisle frowns and looks between Edward and the Doc. Then he turns to Charlie and asks, "Mike was having nightmares too?"

The Doc softly says, "The nightmares may just be a coincidence. Edward, Mike said he didn't give you the drugs."

I wrap my arm around a shaking Edward when he covers his face and starts crying. Carlisle has his hand fisted into his own hair as he growls out, "Charlie, just what exactly did Mike tell you he did to my son?"

Charlie looks confused as he looks around and says, "Michael told me he first tried to run off Edward by pissing him off. He said he made sexual advances toward Edward and then laughed when Edward told him he wasn't gay. Michael said… I don't understand… Edward, don't you remember what happened?"

Looking concerned that Edward is still crying Carlisle reaches across the table saying, "Son?"

Edward looks up from his hands with tears running down his face and says, "You don't understand! I found Mike's sports drink and drank almost half of it before I got into the showers! I thought I knew everything that happened. But now… I'm not sure anymore that I really know anything. Charlie, when I left for college I started having all these crazy nightmares about Mike attacking me. But they were so different from what I remembered happening."

Charlie rubs his temples looking upset. Finally he sighs and asks, "Edward, son, can I bring Michael in here? I think we should hear from him exactly what happened. You'll be perfectly safe. I won't let him touch you."

Carlisle jumps up yelling, "You keep that little bastard away from my son." Edward flinches back and turns toward me shaking and crying. I wrap Edward in my arms and try to calm him, whispering in his ear as I listen to Charlie and the Doc trying to reason with Carlisle, reminding him that Mike is a victim too.

I have to admit, I'm confused as hell. I want to hate Mike and blame him for everything but at the same time I feel pity for him. I'm horrified at the thought that he suffered for years at the hands of a monster. How did he stand it? I spent one night with three monsters and I'm a fucked up mess.

I finally get Edward calmed down and he sits up wiping at his face as he quietly says, "It's my decision, dad. Is Mike still here, Charlie?"

Charlie nods and says, "He's in one of the other rooms trying to tell his parents what the coach did to him. I finally talked Michael's mother into coming up and hearing Michael out and I've got a couple of officers in there in case his dad tries anything again."

The Doc frowns and asks, "Did Mike not tell his family what the coach did to him?"

Charlie shakes his head and says, "Michael was going to, but only got as far as telling his parents that he had figured out he was gay when he started high school. That's when his father just exploded into a rage and began hitting and kicking him."

Carlisle rubs his forehead and whispers, "What a fucking mess. I apologize for my outburst Charlie. Edward of course it's your decision, son. If you want to know exactly what happened to you, I guess Mike would be the one to ask."

Charlie nods and says, "That's true, Edward. Michael didn't exactly go into details when we talked about you. If you want me to, I'll go down the hall and see if Michael will talk to you now. No need to apologize Carlisle, I'd be just as upset if I had discovered somebody had assaulted Bella."

Edward swallows while looking down then sighs and says, "I don't exactly want to Charlie, but I think I need to. Can I use the restroom before you bring him, though? I need to splash some cold water on my face."

Charlie smiles and says, "Of course, Edward. There's one at the other end of the hall, near where we came in."

Edward stands up and then turns to me. Holding out his hand he asks. "Come with me? Please?"

Jumping up, I grab Edward's hand and follow him out the door and down the hall to the bathroom. We both go inside and Edward locks the door behind us. He turns to me and whispers, "Please hold me, baby. I'm so fucking scared and confused."

Wrapping him in my arms, I pull him to me and he buries his face in my neck. I realize Edward's crying again when I hear him sniffling. I whisper in his ear, "Are you alright, beautiful?"

Edward nods against my neck and then straightens up and takes a deep breath and lets it out. He wipes his face and says, "Yeah, sorry love. I just wasn't expecting all this shit. I really wish we'd stayed in Seattle this weekend."

Shaking my head, I say. "You'd have to face it sooner or later, darlin'. Maybe it's a good thing that we're getting our pasts out of the way early, so we can concentrate on our future."

Edward sighs and says, "Yeah, you're right." He runs his hand through his hair and shakes his head as he says, "Fuck, I just can't believe this shit is happening, Jasper. I thought I knew exactly what happened, but now…"

I wrap my arms around Edward's waist and pull him closer. "Edward, I know how disturbing and disorienting it can be to find out your memories may not be accurate. When I first woke up, I had blocked out a lot of things. Each new thing I remembered was more horrifying than the last and just when I thought I had everything remembered, something else would come back to me. Edward, if Mike… if he did more to you than you remember. I want you to know, it's not going to change how I feel about you. I love you so much, beautiful. Please, it's not going to change how you feel about me, is it?"

Edward takes a deep breath and lets it out as he relaxes in my arms and says, "No, of course, it's not. I love you, Jasper. Mike and the things he did are all in the past although I hope he doesn't tell me anything too awful. You and my love for you are the only things that matters now."

Reaching up, I wipe the tears from under his eyes with my thumbs and whisper. "Ok, then. In that case, you and I are going to be fine. I'll be by your side every step of the way, Edward. Now wash your face and let's go face Mike together."

Edward goes to the sink and splashes cold water on his face and takes several deep breaths. After getting himself mentally prepared, he stands back up and I hand him some paper towels. After drying his face, Edward turns to me saying, "Okay, I'm ready." He gives me a brief kiss and says, "Please stay close, love. I really need you right now."

Edward unlocks the door and we're heading back down the hall when Edward stops and gasps. Looking up, I see a couple of guys coming down the hallway. One guy is an officer and is even taller than Edward with dark hair, tanned skin, and brown eyes. He reminds me of Jacob so I assume he must be one of the local Quileute deputies. He has his arm wrapped around the waist of the guy beside him, supporting his weight and helping him walk down the hall.

The guy beside him is sobbing as he limps down the hall. He's about my height and has blond hair too but he's stockier than me. The blond guy is stooped over and holding his arm to his waist like he's in pain as he leans against the taller guy. The blond guy looks up when Edward gasps and his tear filled blue eyes widen when he sees Edward. I wince at his swollen bruised face. I realize… this must be Mike.

Mike takes a step toward Edward with a hopeful look on his face. Edward takes a panicked step back, while I step between them facing Mike with a warning glare. Mike's eyes shift from Edward to me and back again before he drops his eyes and looks down. The tall guy stares at me for a moment with a strange look on his face then glances at Edward before guiding Mike into the same room we're headed.

Charlie and a belligerent woman come out of a room at the end of the hall. Charlie looks back into the room they just came out of and loudly says, "You keep him in a separate cell than the coach." Then Charlie turns and heads our way.

The woman is shrieking at Charlie as she follows him. "Lies! It's all lies! How can you stand there and let that disgusting little queer, sully that good man's name? Surely you don't believe the perverted little liar!" Then she looks up and sees Edward and starts toward us as she screams, "YOU! This is all your fault. I always knew you were a dirty little faggot and you contaminated my boy. You and your snooty family probably forced my sweet boy to do unnatural things and turned him into a liar as well!"

My heart is about to beat clean through my chest it's pounding so hard, and my vision is getting gray around the edges, but I stand my ground as I remember my promise to Esme dear to protect Edward. I don't know who this woman is but I'm not letting her anywhere near _my_ Edward. The same time that Charlie catches up to her and grabs her arm, Carlisle, the Doc and the tall guy all come rushing out the door and stand between where Edward and I are and the crazy screaming woman. Everybody is arguing and yelling at the same time and I just can't handle it. Whimpering, I start backing up feeling overwhelmed by all the chaos.

I stiffen in shock and almost scream when I run into somebody and their hands come around my waist. And then I slump in relief when I recognize the feel of Edward's arms. He whispers in my ear, "Shh, baby, you're alright. It's only me, love. That's Mike's mom. Don't be scared. She can't hurt us. That was Mike that just went into the room and I think that tall guy is Sam, one of the Quileute deputies. Do you know him baby? He was looking at you like he might know you."

I shake my head and look back at Edward as I softly say, "No, I don't recognize him." Seeing the tears on Edward's face again, I worriedly turn to him and ask. "Are you alright beautiful?"

Edward's crying as he whispers back. "Yeah, I just want this to be over with. I want to go home."

I squeeze the arms Edward has wrapped around my waist and say, "Me too, beautiful, me too.

Looking back at the chaos going on in the hall, I see Mike hunched over and holding his ribs as he hangs onto the doorway. He has tears streaming down his face as he sobs out, "Mom, please stop! Edward never did anything to me."

She turns on Mike, slapping and hitting at him and screaming, "Don't you call me mom! You sicken me! You disgust me! You're nothing to me!" I blink in wide eyed surprise when _Carlisle_ steps between Mike and Mike's mother protecting Mike from her blows. Charlie and Sam grab Mike's mom and start dragging her down the hallway, past me and Edward, and outside.

Carlisle and the Doc catch Mike as he collapses sobbing, and then they help him back inside the room. Edward and I slowly follow them inside and sit back down in our chairs. Carlisle and the Doc sit a sobbing Mike down on their side of the table but on the opposite end. The Doc starts talking to Mike in a calming voice while Carlisle examines Mike for injuries. Edward lays his head down on the table with his face buried in his arms and I rub his back trying to soothe him as he cries. What a fucked up evening.

We stay like that for several minutes before Charlie and Sam come back into the room. Sam goes to Mike, and the Doc and Carlisle both step away. Sam kneels down beside Mike, touching his face as he whispers in his ear. Mike turns toward him and Sam wraps Mike up in his arms.

Carlisle leans down and whispers into Edward's ear for several minutes before finally sitting back down in his seat. Edward sits up and leans against me, wiping at his face but keeping his eyes down.

After everybody settles down and the tears all finally stop. Charlie shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry you guys had to see that. I can't understand how that woman can possible believe the word of a child molester over her own son. It's just beyond me."

Charlie looks over to Mike and says, "Michael, your dad believed you. But he said for you to stay away. Damn it, I'll never understand how anybody can just stop loving their children simply because of their orientation." Charlie sits down and rubs the back of his neck while shaking his head and says, "Michael, I know you've had to deal with a lot already today. Are you still up for this? Are you ready to give Edward his answers now?"

Mike sits up a little straighter and glances guiltily around the room before his eyes rest on Edward. He clears his throat and looks down as he whispers, "Yes sir, I'm ready."

Charlie takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly before saying, "Alright then. Michael, Edward needs you to tell him everything that happened that last day of your junior high. Just take your time, son, but tell him everything."

Mike wipes his face with a trembling hand and his voice quivers as he says, "Okay. Um, Coach had come up with this plan to get Edward alone after school. Coach told me if I didn't talk Edward into volunteering to stay late and help out after school that he would do even worse things to me than what he did the weekend that Edward got grounded. I couldn't stand the thought of anything happening to Edward, but… I was scared and still hurting from being punished that weekend so I agreed to do what coach told me to."

Mike swallows and keeps his eyes down. "After coach left with his emergency, I was supposed to drug Edward, but… I just couldn't do it. I thought if I could just get Edward mad enough to hit me and leave on his own, that the coach might believe that I couldn't keep Edward there if he saw a bruise. So I came on to Edward while we were naked in the showers."

Mike glances up at Edward and then me before he looks back down and says, "I ridiculed Edward and laughed at him when he told me he was a virgin and that he wasn't gay. I said a whole lot of nasty things that I don't really remember. I know I told him I knew he was gay and that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. But the truth is I didn't know Edward was gay, not until… he… um, he got hard and that's when I thought…I hoped…"

Mike looks at Edward again and says, "I swear to god, Edward. I didn't know you had drunk some of that damn drink and that you were drugged, not until you passed out. You were the first person I ever really wanted and when you didn't try to stop me, I convinced myself that maybe you really did want me too. I didn't realize that you were drugged and couldn't have stopped me if you wanted to."

Edward finally looks up and over at Mike as he whispers, "I begged you to fucking stop, Mike."

Mike looks down and says, "I know. And I knew I should stop. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I…I wanted you. God Edward, I was 16. I'd never been with anybody but the coach. He'd never even _allowed_ me have friends before. I'd never really wanted anybody like I wanted you and I didn't know how to make you want me back. I thought if I could do it well enough that you would like it and want to be with me. So I forced you to touch me, to stroke me and after I um… came, I took you in my mouth. Yeah, you were begging me to stop but you weren't fighting me. And then your hands were on my head and you were moving with me and I was so fucking happy because I thought it had worked, that you liked it. But then as soon as you came, you collapsed… passed out. I realized then the reason you weren't fighting me was because you were drugged. I think that's when I finally came to my senses and knew what a big fucking mistake I had just made."

Edward frowns and softly asks, "I passed out? I didn't hit you and leave?"

Mike shakes his head no and says, "Not then, you were out like a light."

Edward swallows and asks, "Mike, what did you do to me while I was passed out?"

Mike's eyes grow large and he shakes his head violently as he say, "I swear, Edward, I didn't touch you again, not like… that. I was in a panic though, because I knew coach would be back soon. It was then that I remembered you had told me I would have to give you ride home. I'd forgotten you didn't have your car at the school when I was trying to scare you away."

Edward frowns and looks confused as he asks, "Wait, how did I get home? I just realized… I don't know how I got home that day."

Mike looks down and says, "I dressed you and took you home… after the coach..."

Carlisle growls out, "Did that bastard rape my son?"

Edward flinches and leans against me. Mike shakes his head but keeps his eyes down as he softly says, "No, sir… not Edward. I pretended that Edward and I forgot to do the laundry and I hid Edward in the hamper and covered him up with a bunch of towels and stuff."

Edward frowns and says, "I had nightmares about you doing… things to me."

Mike swallows and looks up at Edward and says, "I didn't realize the hamper had a rip in it. I think you woke up in the middle of it and you could see everything."

Edward runs a hand through his hair and asks, "In the middle of what, Mike?"

Sighing, I rub Edward's back and softly say, "His punishment, Edward." Then I look over at Mike and ask, "Right?"

Mike shoots a glare at me then nods and says, "Yeah. Coach was pissed when I told him that Edward was gone. I told him that Edward's sister had showed up and took him home. Coach knocked me down and started kicking me. He was careful not to leave any bruises that I couldn't hide with my clothes though. When Coach got tired of kicking me, he started… the other stuff. I guess Edward must have awakened sometime while he was… doing that. Coach kept telling me over and over, 'If you had kept pretty little Eddie here I could be doing this to him instead of you. I wanted Eddie's ass not yours.' Coach was pretty fucking vicious while he was doing it and it lasted a really long time, and then when he couldn't get it up anymore he used his fist… inside me. God, that really fucking hurt and I was screaming for help. But I guess it's a good thing that Edward was still too out of it to do anything or Coach would have started in on him too."

I close my eyes feeling nauseous. I had been brutalized by James and his buddies as they raped me. I'd even had… things… shoved in and out of me but at least I had been spared _that_. I close my hand into a fist and look down at it and shudder.

Edward starts crying and says, "I dreamed that you did that to me but it was like I was watching it happen and not feeling it." He wipes his face and looks at Mike. "He was saying things like- 'Dirty little faggot, you know you like it.' Right?"

Mike nods and looks down again before saying, "Yeah… dirty little faggot, the same thing my parents called me." Mike wipes the tears off of his bruised face and says, "Anyway, I guess Coach finally got bored because he finally left. After giving me another kick in the stomach and telling me to get my lazy faggot ass up and do the fucking laundry before I leave."

I look over at the Doc when he says, "Son, can you tell us what happened after that? You said you got Edward dressed? Was he awake or still out of it?" Frowning, I cross my arms and look down scowling, I don't like the Doc calling Mike, son. Not one fucking bit.

Mike glances over at the Doc and then looks back down before saying, "After I finally got myself up off the floor, I went over to the hamper and uncovered Edward. He was sort of awake but really out of it and delirious. I guess Edward thought I was coming to do to him what Coach had been doing to me because he knocked the shit out of me and gave me a black eye."

Edward looks up and says, "I did hit you?"

Mike nods and says, "Yeah, it was quite a wallop too. But you were also sobbing and mumbling 'please don't hurt me. I can't be gay. I don't want to do that. I don't want to be gay if I have to do that.' I managed to pull you out of the hamper but I was so weak that we both fell. We were both crying and I just held you for a long time as I begged you to please forget you saw any of it and to never tell my secret. You promised me that you would forget and not tell but you were hysterical. You kept saying you didn't want to be gay if you had to do any of that and I had to calm you down so I told you that you weren't gay."

Carlisle sighs and shakes his head as he says, "I had thought the reason Edward wouldn't admit to being gay was because of something I had said."

Mike glances at Carlisle guiltily and then looks back over at Edward as he says, "After I finally got you calmed down, I half carried you to the lockers and helped you dress. Then I drove you home and helped you up all those fucking stairs to your bedroom and laid you down on your bed. I begged you to please forget and never tell what I did to you. You promised to not tell but you wouldn't promise to forget, no matter how much I begged. Then I told you that you must never talk to me again or hang out with me. You tried to argue with me saying I was your only friend. So I told you if you ever tried to hang out with me ever again that I would hurt you and do those things to you that the coach did to me. You started crying again and saying you couldn't do those things because you weren't gay. I was sick that I was putting you through all of that and I knew you might never be able to face your sexuality so I told you I hoped you would someday be able to come out of that closet you were shutting yourself in and then I left."

Edward shakes his head and runs his hand through his hair as he says, "I remembered some of the things you said but in my memories we were still at school in the locker room."

Mike nods and says, "Those drugs they mess with your head… with your memories. I have a lot of really _horrible_ memories and I'm not even sure if they happened or not. Anyway, I was terrified you would tell somebody what happened but you kept your promise to me. I really missed you, Edward. You were the only good, sane thing in my life and I lost you because of my own cowardice and stupidity. I know asking you to forgive me is a lot to ask but do you think we can ever be friends again?"

Sam who has had his arm around Mike's waist all this time pulls away and looks confused as he stares at Mike.

Edward shakes his head and says, "Mike, I understand a lot of things better now and I can sort of forgive you for some of it. But you said yourself that you knew what you were doing to me was wrong and yet you did it anyway. I'll never be able to forget that you knowingly broke my trust. I can't be friends with somebody I don't trust. I'm sorry."

Mike looks down and nods his head as he whispers, "I understand." Then he glances over at Sam and his eyes go wide and his voice breaks as he says, "Oh Sammie, I only meant as friends, nothing else. I really care for you a lot. I think I could even fall in love with you. I wouldn't have survived this last week without you, hon. I've lost everybody and everything. I can't lose you too. Please don't be mad at me. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I've never had a real relationship and I really suck at this."

Sam smiles and leans in and gives Mike a hug and softly says, "It's alright, Michael. We'll work it out, sweetie."

Looking down, I try to hide my smile. For such a big guy Sam's voice is soft and almost musical. I watch the two of them hold each other and decide I guess I can sort of forgive Mike a little bit. He was wrong in how he went about trying to force Edward to want him. He was wrong in betraying Edward's trust and friendship. But in a way, he also saved Edward from the coach by hiding him and taking that brutal punishment. Of course, I still don't like him and I don't want him anywhere near my Edward.

I look up when the Doc says, "Son?" And then look down scowling again when I realize he's talking to Mike. The Doc says, "Charlie told me that one of the conditions for being released from the hospital was that you had to go to counseling. Have you found a doctor yet?"

Mike glares over at the Doc and then he shrugs and says, "One of the local shrinks volunteered to give me a couple free sessions. I don't know what I'll do after that. I don't have a job or insurance. Hell, if it weren't for Sammie, I'd be out on the streets. Who are you anyway? I don't understand why I had to tell half the fucking population what I did to Edward."

Charlie, in a warning voice says, "Michael!" Mike looks down scowling as he crosses his arms.

Edward says, "I'm sorry Mike. I was scared and needed the moral support. You know dad, the guy beside him is Alice's fiancé, Dr. Alistair Sim, and this is my boyfriend, Jasper."

The Doc sighs and says, "Son, I'm a psychiatrist. Alice and I will probably be coming down here, if not every weekend then at least every other weekend to visit her parents. Since I've already heard a lot of your story, what would you think of seeing me for an hour or two every time I'm in town? I'd be happy to listen and help you in any way I can and I won't charge you anything for it."

Edward frowns and says, "But I thought you were going to be my doctor?"

The Doc smiles at Edward and says, "In spite of my inability to keep my feelings toward Jasper professional, I'm usually quite capable of being impartial and non-judgmental with all my patients, Edward. I assure you that I can listen to both you and Mike and help you both without compromising the facts that either one of you tell me."

Mike looks at the Doc with disgust and says, "You have feelings for your fiancé's brother's boyfriend? What are you another sick fuck like the coach? What do you want from me for your 'free counseling'? The same sick things the coach wanted for his 'free tutoring'?"

I watch in astonishment when the Doc actually smiles at Mike. If it had been me, I'd have got up and decked the asshole. Well, if I didn't pass out before I reached him that is. How dare he insult my Doc! But the Doc smiles and softly says, "No, Mike. I'm not interested in sexual favors. I have no ulterior motives. I'm simply offering you my services out of kindness. I know you've been through hell but believe it or not, there are kind people still out there willing to help you. As for my feelings for Jasper, I love the boy like a son. He lost his parents a long time ago and while I will never replace his father, I think he loves me like a dad."

I look over and smile at the Doc as my insecurities and doubts fly out the window. It warms my heart to hear the words coming from his mouth. Of course I love him like a dad.

Mike sighs and meets the Doc's eyes as he says, "I apologize, sir. I didn't mean to compare you to the coach. Sammie and Charlie and just about everybody else has been so kind to me since I jumped. I didn't know there were still so many nice people and that they could care about me and what happens to me." Mike carefully wipes his face as the tears start to flow and he says, "I'd been told for the longest that I was less than nothing and I guess I had started to believe it. I just wish my parents could…"

Charlie softly says, "We'll work on them Michael. They may come around."

Carlisle runs a hand through his hair and says, "Mike, I wish you would have come to me, son. I would have put a stop to the abuse."

Mike looks down crying as he says, "I know you would have and I wanted to tell you so bad but coach he…" Mike looks over at Charlie while wiping his face again. "Can I say or does that need to wait for the trial?"

Charlie looks down, frowning. Then he looks back up and says, "I think it'll be okay, Michael."

Mike nods and looks around at everybody before saying, "Not long after coach started making me touch him and take him in my mouth. He started making me drink these horrid tasting drinks and I would black out. I'd wake up hours later and my body would be hurting inside and out and I'd be almost hysterical from fear. I guess it sounds stupid but I didn't know why my insides were hurting. Why it hurt to even sit down. It wasn't until the nightmares started that I realized he was actually raping me. He was always careful to use tons of lube and stretch me out before he did it, though. He didn't want to injure me to where I'd have to go to the doctor."

Closing my eyes, I bow my head and wish James and his fucking buddies had had the decency to do the same for me. Hell, if they would have just used a little fucking lube I probably wouldn't have been torn up so bad. I think Edward was right. It had been their intentions to cause as much damage as possible; physical, mental and emotional.

I look back over at Mike as he keeps talking. "After I finally realized what coach had been doing, I decided I'd had enough of his abuse and I told him I was going to tell my parents. Coach laughed at me when I told him I was going to tell them. That night when I came out of my room for supper, coach was there to eat with us. I was terrified but determined to go through with it, but he… coach he must have spiked my parents drinks. They passed out and he held a knife to my mom and dad's throat and he told me he could kill either one of them anytime he wanted and they would be helpless to stop him. I begged him to leave them alone and I promised to never tell. Then he laughed and he raped me right there in front of them. It was the first time he raped me while I was awake and god it really hurt but I never told anybody. Not until Sammie talked me into telling him why I jumped."

Mike cries as he says, "I was so angry that I had suffered to protect my parents all those years and they fucking beat me and kicked me to the curb just because I was gay. God, I hate my life. Sammie, I wish you would have just let me drown." Mike covers his face and his shoulders shake as the sobs rack his body. Sam turns and wraps Mike up in his huge arms and holds Mike close.

The door crashes open and we all jump in shock and I think Mike and I both might have screamed. We all look up to see one of the deputies is standing there with his eyes bugging out. Charlie jumps up and yells, "What happened? What is it?"

The deputy stares at Charlie wide eyed then whispers, "Holding cells." Charlie takes off at a run and the deputy looks around at the rest of us sitting there in shock. His eyes rest on Carlisle and he whispers, "Dr. Cullen you should go to."

Carlisle stands up and grasps the deputy's arm and firmly says, "Show me the way, son. Now!" The deputy seems to shake his self and then nods and leads Carlisle away.

The rest of us are still frozen in shock, except for Sam who slowly pulls Mike's arms from around his neck. Sam stands up and points at Mike as he tells the rest of us. "Watch him. Don't leave him alone for even a minute. I'll be right back." Then he too sprints out of the door.

We all sit in an uncomfortable silence for several minutes as we hear running and shouting from somewhere else in the building. Feeling scared, I lean closer to Edward and he wraps me in his arms and whispers soothing words in my ear. The Doc gets up and goes over to Mike. He sits down beside him and starts to talk quietly with him. All I can hear is a low murmur. I can't make out what either one of them are saying.

Several minutes later, we all sit up straight when we hear sirens pulling up out front. Edward gasps as he looks over at me and whispers, "Ambulance." Edward stands up and looks panicked as he asks, "Do you think dad's okay?"

The Doc looks over at Edward and calmly says, "I'm sure he's fine, Edward."

Edward takes a few steps toward the door. "But he's supposed to be resting. Oh god, why did I ask him to come! What if he had a heart attack?"

Chewing worriedly on my lip, I look over at the Doc. He meets my eyes and then nods his head over toward Edward. So I get up and go to Edward and wrap an arm around his waist and tell him, "I'm sure your dad is alright, darlin'. Why don't you come back and sit with me? I need you to be with me right now."

Edward looks over at me with tears running down his face as he says. "Okay, love. I'm here, don't be scared." I pull Edward back over and sit him down beside me. Then I wrap him in my arms and rock him as he cries.

We sit in there for at least another 10 or 15 minutes before Sam comes back into the room. He kneels beside the Doc and whispers in his ear for several minutes. They both stand up and the Doc looks worried as he glances from where Edward and I are and back to Mike. He goes to the door just as Carlisle and Charlie come into the room. Charlie goes over to Sam and they whisper to each other. Carlisle and the Doc both come over to me and Edward. Edward throws his hands around his dad's neck while sobbing out, "I thought you had a heart attack. I was so scared."

Carlisle hugs Edward to him tight and tells him. "I'm fine son and I love you so very much. Now come on, we have to go. There's nothing more we can do here."

The Doc looks over at Charlie and asks, "Do you need me to…?"

Charlie shakes his head and softly says, "Thanks, Alistair but Sam and I got this." Then he looks over at Edward and asks, "Son, are you going to be alright?"

Edward nods and says, "Yes, sir. Thank you."

I'm the last one out of the door and I look back to see Sam and Charlie kneeling down in front of Mike. They both take one of Mike's hands as Charlie says, "Michael, I've got some terrible news son…"

The Doc pulls me on out the door and closes it behind us. We're almost to the exit when I hear Mike's heartbroken scream, "NO! Please no!"

Edward stiffens in shock with his eyes wide and his face goes white as he whispers, "Coach is hurting Mike again. Please somebody make it stop." Then Edward's eyes roll up in his head as he faints. Carlisle catches his son and picks him up and carries him to the car. He sits Edward down in the back seat and hands the Doc a handkerchief as he says, "There's an ice machine in the room next to the one we were just in. Could you go in and get me a handful and wrap it up in this?"

The Doc jogs back to the station and when he opens the door I can still hear Mike screaming and sobbing. Carlisle stands up and looks back and forth between Edward and the police station as he curses. Finally he turns to me and says, "When Al gets back, rub the cold on Edward's forehead and wrists. I'll be right back." Then he turns and runs around the building toward the front and disappears.

The Doc comes trotting back outside and looks confused to see Carlisle gone. So I tell him what happened. He nods and says, "He probably went around to the ambulance and is ordering a sedative for Mike. The boy is in hysterics. He may have to be admitted overnight."

I grab the cloth covered ice and run it across Edward's forehead and wrists. Then not sure if I really want to know, I ask. "What happened, Doc?"

The Doc shakes his head and says, "Somehow, Mike's dad got his hands through the bars and got a hold of the coach. He snapped the coach's neck and then found something sharp enough to cut his own wrists. He's lost a lot of blood Jasper. Carlisle wasn't sure if he would make it. I guess it was the final straw for Mike. The boy sounds like he's had a complete emotional breakdown. I'm going to talk to Charlie and Sam later and see if there's any way we can get Mike transferred to Seattle somewhere so I can treat him. I hope I'm wrong, but I believe he's going to need 24 hour observation for a long time, son."

Shaking my head, I sigh and say. "Get him the best care, Doc. I'll pay for it. Charlotte will bitch but I don't care. Mike saved Edward from the coach and I owe Mike something for protecting him."

The Doc squeezes my arm and says, "That's very generous of you, son."

Edward moans and shakes his head as he says, "Mike's screaming. The coach is hurting Mike! Please, I don't want to be gay if hurts like that."

The Doc sighs and shakes his head as he says, "I think Mike's screams have jogged Edward's real memories of what happened that day. Jasper, Edward's going to need a lot of counseling even after you switch to a different doctor. I wish that bastard of a coach had lived long enough for me to find out what kind of concoction he was drugging these boys with. There's no telling what kind of long term side effects that Mike will suffer. I'm hoping with just the one dose that Edward will be alright."

Bringing Edward's hand to my lips, I kiss his palm and say. "I'll be with him every step of the way, Doc."

The Doc squeezes my shoulder again and says, "You really do love him, don't you."

Nodding, I say. "Yes, sir, I really do."

The Doc smiles and softly says, "I think you two boys will work things out just fine, son. I'm happy for you."

Edward moans again and thrashes around as he says, "Jasper! Jasper, where are you? Please don't leave me, I love you so much baby."

I lean down and whisper, "I'm right here beautiful. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. I love you darlin'." Then I softly kiss him on the lips. Edward groans and wraps his arms around me and kisses me back. I'm breathless when he finally breaks the kiss. Edward smiles and slowly opens his eyes, and then he looks confused as he looks around. He sits up in a panic and asks, "What happened? Where's dad? Did he have a heart attack?"

The Doc rests his hand on Edward's shoulder and calmly says, "Your father is fine, son. He's gone to get Mike a sedative. Mike received some very disturbing news and he isn't dealing with things very well right now."

Edward slumps back in his seat and snorts as he says, "Of course, always someone more important than his own fucking son."

Scowling at him, I say. "Edward, that wasn't very nice. Your dad picked you up and carried you all the way out here. He didn't want to go, but Mike was screaming and in hysterics."

Edward covers his face looking ashamed as he says, "I'm sorry. I can't believe I said that. I didn't mean it. I know dad needs to help other people." Then he drops his hands and his eyes open wide as he whispers, "Wait. Mike was screaming… I remember Mike screaming. I couldn't move. I could hear him screaming and begging for help and I couldn't move."

The Doc softly asks, "Are you beginning to remember, Edward?"

Edward starts to cry as he says, "I remember everything. I saw what that bastard did to Mike. I was fucking terrified that Mike was going to tell him where I was but he never did. Mike protected me from him." Edward turns to me and I wrap him in my arms as he cries.

A few minutes later Carlisle comes trotting out the back door and up to us as he breathlessly says, "Is my son alright?"

The Doc smiles and says, "He will be Carlisle. Why don't you let me drive? You look exhausted."

After sliding Edward over enough for me to get in, I hold him close as he cries into my neck. The Doc drives and occasionally glances back at us worriedly. Carlisle sighs and then leans his head back and closes his eyes, looking as exhausted as I feel. Remembering that we're getting close to their driveway, I close my eyes and rest my forehead on the top of Edward's head. I'm glad we're almost home. This entire evening has been a fucking nightmare…

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**So, I hope it was worth the wait and that everybody liked it, in spite of the topics...**

**Hopefully, the next chapter won't take nearly as long!**


	28. Chapter 28

**A huge thank you to everybody who read and reviewed that last loooong chapter, I'm glad everybody is still sticking with me after the long time between chapters and the dark subject matter. You guys and gals are the best!**

**Reminder: Anything I mention that is medically related is pretty much bullshit…sorry… but I'm not a Doc and I only research enough to make it sound plausible. **

_**Usual Disclaimer: All Twilight characters belong to the lovely Ms. Meyer but the plot is my own.**_

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After sliding Edward over enough for me to get in, I hold him close as he cries into my neck. The Doc drives and occasionally glances back at us worriedly. Carlisle sighs and then leans his head back and closes his eyes, looking as exhausted as I feel. Remembering that we're getting close to their driveway, I close my eyes and rest my forehead on the top of Edward's head. I'm glad we're almost home. This entire evening has been a fucking nightmare…

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**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 28 **

**APOV (Saturday evening late)**

We finally get back to the house and Carlisle and I help the boys inside. Jasper looks absolutely wiped out from exhaustion and Edward doesn't look much better with his eyes red and swollen from crying. They've both had an incredibly stressful day and its beginning to wear on them. After getting the boys settled on the couch, Carlisle goes to make a call to Esme to see how soon they can return home. I decide to go and start a pot of coffee and search out something for Jasper to snack on.

After the coffee finishes brewing, I pour it up in the same pot we had all used earlier and grab four mugs, figuring Carlisle needs a caffeine boost as bad as I do right about now. After scrounging around in the pantry, I find the rest of the cookies we had all nibbled on earlier and pour them out on a plate. After spying a bag of chips, I pour those out into a bowl. I manage to get it all to fit on the tray and carry it all back into the living room with me.

Entering the living room, I smile and shake my head at the sight I see on the couch. The boys are half sitting and half lying, slumped against the arm of the couch. They must have switched positions at one point because Edward is holding Jasper now, instead of the other way around. Jasper's upper body is turned toward Edward and Edward is holding Jasper's head against his chest while resting his own head on top of Jasper's. Edward's arms are wrapped tightly around Jasper and they're both snoring quite loudly.

Hearing a chuckle behind me, I turn to see Carlisle looking at them as he walks into the room. He smiles at me and says, "Set that down there on the coffee table, Al, and help me with them."

After setting the tray down, Carlisle and I pull off the boys' shoes and then carefully swing their legs up onto the couch, trying not to wake them. They both raise their heads blinking sleepily and then they squirm around until Jasper is draped across Edward with his head on Edward's chest. Edward's arms wrap tight around Jasper again and their legs tangle up together before they settle back down. Seconds later, they're both snoring again.

Carlisle watches them for a moment with a loving smile on his face before leaning down and kissing both boys on top of the head. I have the urge to do the same thing but don't do it. I'm having a little trouble adjusting to the change in status over Jasper's and my relationship. I do love him like a son, but I'm really not comfortable expressing my feelings with him yet. Until now, I'd always tried to keep our relationship as strictly professional as I could manage even though for a long time now, I've wished for more.

Carlisle turns to me and squeezes my arm as he says, "I'll be right back." He leaves the living room and I hear him trotting up the stairs.

After watching the boys for several minutes, I decide what the hell man, just do it. So I go over and give them both a kiss on top the head, too. While I'm bent over them, I smooth Jasper's hair back from his face and softly whisper the words I've wanted to say for years, "I love you, son."

The corners of Jasper's lips lift slightly and he mumbles, "Love you too, dad." Then he snuggles against Edward and starts to snore again. My heart soars at his words and my eyes fill with tears… and then I just about jump out of my skin when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

Carlisle softly whispers, "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Hell, I didn't even hear him come back down the stairs.

Carlisle has a light blanket in his hands and I help him spread it out and cover up the boys with it, the temperature has actually dropped a little bit this evening. I'm not sure if it's just cooler on this side of the mountains or if summer is finally breaking.

Carlisle drops into one of the chairs with a tired sigh and leans his head back. He looks almost as exhausted as the boys. I pour two mugs of black coffee and offer him one. Carlisle looks up and gives me a tired smile as he says, "Thanks, I really need it."

I ask him, "Did you talk to Esme? Are they going to head back?"

Carlisle nods and says, "Yeah, I got a hold of her. They had actually already started back. They're going to stop long enough to pick up some take-out for everybody and should be here in about 30 more minutes."

"That's good. Did you tell her?"

Carlisle shakes his head and says, "No, I didn't want to tell her on the phone. I just told her that we were home and that there had been an incident at the police station. I told her we were all alright but that Edward needed her, that I needed her."

Sighing and rubbing my temples, I ask. "Do you think Michael's father will make it?"

Carlisle rakes a hand through his hair and looks deep in thought for a few minutes before saying, "Possibly, but it depends on if he wants to live, Alistair."

I nod my head knowing well, how true that is. Without a will to live you're more likely to slip away. And of course if he does live, he'll have to be watched. I had worked with a lot of suicidal patients at the hospital. If someone wants to be dead bad enough, they will eventually find a way if not watched carefully.

Carlisle shakes his head and softly says, "I'm not sure which would be worse for Mike, his father living or his father dying."

Curious I look over and ask, "What exactly do you mean, Carlisle?"

Carlisle meets my eyes and softly says, "Mike was so unstable when we left, that I convinced Charlie and Sam to have him admitted overnight in the hospital. The boy is already walking a fine line and I'm afraid if Mike's father dies it will send Mike completely over the edge. But then again if his father lives, I'm not sure if Mike is going to be strong enough to see his father charged with murdering the bastard that abused him for years. He's already attempted suicide once and… ah, crap, that reminds me… excuse me a minute."

I listen as Carlisle calls the hospital and asks to speak to the doctor on duty tonight. After talking for a few minutes and asking for an update on Michael's father, he asks that both Michael and his father be put on 24 hour suicide watch and that neither patient be left alone for any reason whatsoever. Then Carlisle surprises me by asking who's going to be doing the autopsy on Coach Clapp and asks to be transferred to the morgue. He quietly talks for a few minutes and then requests that the coach be tested for all STDs especially AIDS/HIV during autopsy. He talks a few more minutes and then hangs up. After hanging up, Carlisle softly says. "Sorry about that."

I shake my head and say, "No, problem, that was a good call to have both of them watched and having the coach tested. I hope Michael won't have to add anything like that to everything he's already dealing with." I look over at the boys, making sure they're both still sleeping soundly. Then I turn back to Carlisle to ask him something else but pause when I see the apprehension and uncertainty on his face as he stares at the boys.

Realizing what his worries are I softly say, "Jasper was treated while he was catatonic Carlisle. He still insists on being tested for everything every year and he's always came back with a clean bill of health. Edward is perfectly safe with him."

Carlisle's face actually turns red and he softly says, "Of course. I'm sorry. I should have known that, I just…"

I shake my head and say, "You have nothing to apologize for. You're just worried about your son and want to protect him. Which makes me wonder about Michael's father, do you think with the extenuating circumstances that there is any possibility that Michael's father won't be prosecuted? I mean he did just learn his best, most trusted friend had been abusing his son."

Carlisle sighs and rubs his tired face before shaking his head and saying, "I don't know, Al. I'm really not up on all the legal issues, but I fear the fact that Mike's dad was in jail for beating Mike won't help his case very much."

Scanning his tired face, I say. "Carlisle, you look exhausted. How much longer will you be working before you cut back?"

Carlisle runs his hand through his hair as he says, "I'm going to give the new doctors two more weeks to get acquainted with our routines. After that, I'm going to take at least two months of much needed vacation."

"You'll only be doing surgeries after that?"

Carlisle smiles and says, "I'll only be doing _major_ surgeries, which thankfully around here won't be very often. And of course, I'll still volunteer down at the Res at least once a week, maybe twice since I'll actually have some free time." We're both quiet for a few minutes and Carlisle shakes his head and sounds amazed as he says, "I can't believe he snapped his neck like that."

It takes me a moment to catch up and realize Carlisle is talking about Michael's father again… and the coach. Wondering why he's so amazed, I say. "I imagine the news that his best friend had been molesting and raping his son for years must have filled him with rage. Extreme rage has been known to give a person extra, almost inhuman, strength."

Carlisle nods and says, "Yes, that's true, it's just…the coach was big and bulky, almost like a weight lifter and I'm a bit amazed that Mike's dad managed to overpower him. Mike's dad is about Jasper's size as far as height and weight go, which probably explains how he got his arms through the bars, they're fairly narrow."

Reaching over and grabbing a cookie, I bite into and ask, "Did you know either man very well?"

Carlisle huffs out a small laugh as he says, "I'd met Mike's dad a few times at their sporting goods store. The first time we went up for camping supplies right after we moved here, he acted…I don't know… like a know-it-all, I guess. Hell, none of us had really ever even been out of Chicago and I was trying to ask him questions about camping. He was just gloating that he knew something that the big city doctor didn't know. He was kind of a jackass about it."

I smile and ask, "You didn't like him because he embarrassed you?"

Carlisle nods and says, "It all sounds ridiculous now, but yeah. I didn't like him because he embarrassed me."

"And the coach? Did you know him very well?"

Carlisle's hands start shaking as he says, "I met Coach Clapp a few times. Edward and Emmett both had him in gym. Emmett had him for one year and Edward had him for two. I think…" Carlisle scrubs his face with his hands and looks at me and says, "I think if that fucking bastard had touched either of my sons that I would have done the same thing that Mike's dad did. God, Al, I feel so damn guilty that I didn't see what was happening. Mike was in my house practically every day."

"You couldn't have known, Carlisle. Michael was purposely antagonizing you just so he could keep himself alienated from you. I am curious though, did he act the same way around Esme?"

Carlisle shakes his head and says, "No, not really. He was extremely quiet and reserved around her, and always respectful to her. Damn it, Esme's going to be devastated over all this when she finds out." Carlisle reaches up and grabs a handful of chips and chews on them for a minute. Then he frowns and says, "I can't believe that bastard used homemade drugs on Mike and his family… on my son. What was he thinking? When I think of all the things that could have went wrong…"

After grabbing another cookie and biting into it, I say. "I'm not trying to make excuses for Michael, but if those drugs were similar to GHB or Rohypnol and if the coach had been giving them to him for years, then you should know that Michael _may_ not have been responsible for his own actions the day he assaulted Edward."

Carlisle frowns and asks, "What do you mean by that?"

I finish chewing my cookie and take a drink of my coffee before saying, "Carlisle your specialty is surgery and healing the body. My specialty is working with the mind and all the drugs that affect it. Trust me, drugs like GHB and Rohypnol affect the brain. Long term use of similar drugs have been known to leave long lasting side effects including disinhibition, loss of impulse control, and even violent behavior.

If we can assume the coach had already been drugging Michael for close to three years by the end of junior year. Then Michael could have been having a delayed reaction, sort of a drug flashback, and he could have simply lost all impulse control. It's possible that Michael saw what he wanted and couldn't stop himself from taking it, any more than Edward could stop himself.

Michael said he knew what he was doing was wrong and that he knew he should stop but that he wanted Edward. Edward said he had thought he was going to push Michael away, not grab his head and start thrusting into his mouth. But once started, he couldn't stop either. Neither boy had control over their impulses. I think the fact that both boys have been living with overwhelming guilt proves that neither one of them wanted the things that happened that day to happen."

Carlisle pinches the bridge of his nose while shaking his head. With a sigh, he looks up and says. "You know, I think you may be right. But Al, I have this almost overwhelming _need_ to lay blame on somebody and hold them responsible for what was done to my son. And yet at the same time, I fully understand that Mike was also a victim and not totally at fault."

I grab a couple of cookies and offer one to Carlisle as I say, "The only person to blame is the coach. Neither boy would have even been there in that situation if not for that bastard. I just hope Michael doesn't suffer any lingering side effects from being drugged so many times..." My voice trails off as I follow that line of thought with everything I had heard this evening. Surprised, I look at Carlisle and say. "Oh…"

Carlisle looks up and asks, "What?"

Staring at Carlisle, I say. "Loss of impulse control and violent behavior…do you think…?"

Carlisle bites into his cookie and again asks, "What?"

Looking over at the boys, I frown and say. "If the coach had drugged Michael's parents on a regular basis it might explain Michael's dad exploding into an uncontrollable rage and beating him. Hell, it might even explain his mother's crazy actions tonight. The coach might have even manipulated Michael's parents to react the way they did if Michael ever told them he was gay or being abused."

Carlisle looks slightly confused as he asks, "Why would the coach drug Mike's parents on a regular basis?"

Looking back at Carlisle, I say. "Charlie said coach molested Michael every day. Yet Edward said the coach was over at Michael's parents' every weekend. Don't you think it's possible the coach drugged Michael's parents every weekend so he could have his way with Michael? I mean if the coach was callous enough to rape Michael in front of his parents once while they were drugged, he could have done it multiple times knowing they wouldn't remember."

Carlisle shakes his head and says, "That's… sickening, but I guess we can have Charlie ask Mike. Now tell me, how do you think the coach could manipulate their reactions?"

I look over at the boys and frown before answering, "I think whatever the coach used in the concoctions that he used on his victims made them susceptible to the power of suggestion. Remember Michael getting Edward to promise to forget Michael's secret that the coach had been raping and abusing him? Edward had no memories whatsoever of seeing what happened to Michael. Even in Edward's subconscious when he was having nightmares about it, it was Michael doing those things to Edward, not the coach hurting Michael. I even think that when Edward was hysterical after witnessing the attack on Michael, and Michael flat out told Edward he wasn't gay, that that's the reason Edward has never been able to even _consider_ the fact that he might be gay. The thought simply never occurred to him. It took meeting Jasper… wanting Jasper… to finally break down that wall."

Carlisle frowns as he shakes his head and says, "I wonder if there's any way we can prove that? If it's true it could help Mike's dad in a trial. Hmmm, I don't know, as fast as those kinds of drugs are metabolized into your system there'd be no way to do a blood test to check for them. Maybe a hair test would show evidence of the drugs the coach used on them. Although it's been years so that might not work either."

I nod and say, "I wish we could find a sample and have it analyzed. I'd love to know exactly what the coach used so we'd know what kind of, if any, long term side effects to expect."

For the next 15 minutes we get into a detailed discussion on different medications and chemicals that the coach could have used or made to create the kinds of reactions we were suspecting.

Then, after hearing the car coming down the driveway, we both go out to the front porch to greet the family. We help them carry their sacks of clothes and food around the house and bring it all in through the kitchen so as not to wake the boys yet.

After getting everything inside, Carlisle and I guide them all to the dining room to sit down and tell them of the evening's unexpected events. Carlisle was right. Esme was devastated over the news. Everyone was in tears by the time we were done telling them everything.

**JPOV (Sunday morning early)**

Rolling over onto my stomach, I'm vaguely aware of Edward getting out of the bed and assume he's going to the restroom as I listen to him move around the room. Waiting for Edward to come back to bed and cuddle up, I drift in and out of sleep with the covers tucked up over my head as I think about last night.

_Carlisle and the Doc had helped Edward and me inside the house and we had fallen asleep on the couch within minutes of getting home from the police station. After the rest of the family had got in from their shopping trip and Carlisle and the Doc had told them of the evening's events, they had all came in and awakened Edward and me. There had been a long, lengthy family discussion and a lot of tears on everybody's part. I had sat beside Edward and comforted him through it all and his parents had sat on the other side of Edward to support him as well. _

_I had felt bad for Esme dear. She was so upset with herself for not seeing what had been happening to Mike back then. She had been inconsolable, crying hysterically, and it wasn't until Carlisle promised to take her up to the hospital today to see Mike that she had finally calmed down. _

_Carlisle and the Doc had voiced their suspicions to us about delayed reactions and powers of suggestion. I wasn't sure if I understood any of it, except that maybe the coach had been an even bigger bastard than I thought. And that _maybe_ the reason Mike had not stopped when Edward begged him to was because he _couldn't_, not because he didn't want to. _

_Later, Carlisle and the Doc had called Charlie and discussed and argued their suspicions with him for a long time. I'm not sure if they ever decided anything, I just know Carlisle and the Doc plan on talking to Charlie and Mike sometime today at the hospital about how often the coach had drugged Mike and Mike's parents._

_After the long talks and after most of the tears had dried up, Esme dear and the girls insisted we all try to eat something. They had brought in all kinds of take-out food for us to choose from. I had coaxed Edward into eating a little bit, but I think he only ate for my sake not because he was actually hungry. Edward had really worried me, he had been either in tears or very subdued, quiet, and withdrawn all evening. Actually everyone had been quiet as we ate, even Emmett._

_After we had all eaten we had went back to the living room and sat around. In an attempt to calm Edward's tears, his family had changed the subject and talked quietly about other things, including the shopping trip the others had gone on. Alice had surprised me when she told me she had bought me some more shirts, long sleeved this time. Emmett had snorted and said, "Only because mom got onto you for not getting Jasper some warmer shirts to wear down here."_

_Later, Alice and Rose had piled a couple of blankets and pillows on the floor and wanted me and Edward to get down there with them. Edward had bitched and moaned wanting to know why we had to sit down on the hard floor when we could be up on the soft cushions. But then he had shut up as the girls began to give us both a manicure. The girls had scolded me and Edward both about our nails and told us we were going to have to start taking better care of them, especially now that we were fooling around. I'm not absolutely sure why but Edward had gotten really embarrassed over it and his face had turned bright red, so did Carlisle's and the Doc's. Emmett had laughed until he cried and Esme dear had watched all of us with a small smile on her face. I never did figure out why the fuck our hands have to look nice to fool around._

_Edward and I had spent the rest of the evening lying on the floor on the pallet the girls had made. Edward had kept me wrapped tight in his arms, spooned around me and occasionally kissing me softly on the back of the neck, even while he had been quietly talking with everybody else. _

_I had been surprised when Edward had told his family that we were going to go camping tonight. I really didn't think _he _would want to have anything to do with sex after remembering the horrible things he had witnessed back in his junior year. But his eyes had met mine and something about the look he had given me had made my insides ache with need. I had turned around and given Edward a questioning look, wondering if he was sure. _He _had nodded and pulled me into his arms right there in front of everybody and kissed me before quietly whispering in my ear, "I need you, baby. Please."_

_After cutting and filing our nails, Rose had cuddled up with Emmett in one of the chairs, with Rose sitting across Emmett's lap again. Their conversation with the rest of us had slowly faded away as their kisses and touches had become more intense and passionate. I had blinked in surprise that they were doing that with their parents sitting right across from them. _

_Carlisle had shaken his head at them with a smile on his face, and Esme dear had finally had a real smile on her face as well when she told them they looked _exhausted_ and should go to bed. NOW. Emmett had jumped up and Rose had squealed as he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder and trotted up the stairs with her kicking and giggling. Everybody had had a quiet laugh after that and I had heard Carlisle whispering to Esme dear, "We have _got_ to get them a house built as fast as we can."_

_Alice and the Doc had been cuddled up on the loveseat and I guess Rose and Emmett's actions had made Alice bolder. She had started kissing the Doc in front of her parents too, although not quite as passionately as Rose and Emmett had been kissing. The Doc's face had turned all kinds of red and his eyes had kept darting frantically back and forth, from me to Alice's parents, as she kissed him. I had snickered at the panicked look on his face and Esme dear had suggested to Alice that perhaps her fiancé would feel a little more comfortable with some privacy. The Doc's face had turned even redder but they had stood up and excused themselves and went to bed as well. Although I had been fairly certain they weren't going to go to sleep._

_After everybody but Edward and I, and Carlisle and Esme dear had left, Edward and his parents had a fairly intense discussion about Edward's books. I had just listened and had been a little lost as they talked about things with Edward that I didn't know anything about. If I had understood correctly, I'm fairly sure Carlisle had never read Edward's books but Esme dear had read them countless times. _

_Edward had seemed ecstatic that his mother had read the books but upset that she never told him she had read them. But Esme dear had been upset as she told Edward that she had been waiting for him to be ready to come to her to talk. _She _had wanted to know why she had to figure out his fostered siblings had told Edward about the horror stories they had lived by reading his books. She wanted to know why Edward had never come to her and his father and told them what was going on. _

_Edward had made some comment about his dad not reading them and Esme dear has scolded Edward saying something about how Edward knew about his grandfather's crazy beliefs and how he had treated Carlisle. I didn't have a clue what they were talking about. I'll have to remember to ask Edward later. _

_Carlisle had seemed upset that Esme dear had read the books but never told him, which led to her confession that she hadn't wanted Carlisle to feel guilty or obligated to read them just because she had. That she had been worried sick about Carlisle for the longest time because he had already stretched his time so thin and was exhausted all the time. _

_By the time their conversation was over they had all three been in tears again and hugging each other. Edward and his parents had promised each other to try and work on communicating with each other better. _

_After that we had all went up and got ready for bed. I had been so tired that I forgot to take my medication. Thankfully, Edward had asked me about it after we lay down and then he had got up and brought me a pill and a glass of water. After getting back into bed, Edward had wrapped his arms around me tight, spooning around me again. As exhausted as we both were we had passed out in no time. I had been worried that being back here where everything happened, that I'd have nightmares, but I didn't. As a matter of fact, I slept great with Edward curled around me all night._

The early morning light streaming in through the floor to ceiling windows in Edward's bedroom finally wakes me up completely. Peeking out from under the covers, I look at the clock on Edward's nightstand, 8:00 a.m. Fuck. I must have went back to sleep.

Groaning in frustration, I push my hips and grind my erection into the mattress. I've noticed that ever since I had that first hard-on, that I've woke up every morning with an erection. I wonder if that's normal or if it's just because I know I have Edward here with me. I need to remember to ask the Doc about it. Speaking of the Doc, I had the greatest dream last night while napping on the couch. I dreamed the Doc had told me he loved me and called me son and I had called him dad and told him that I love him too. I hope that dream comes true someday.

Rolling over on the bed to hug Edward and hopefully love on him, my eyes open wide when I realize I'm in bed alone. I sit up in a panic searching for him and call out, "Edward?"

"I'm over here, love." I look over toward the windows and notice for the first time that on one end of the glass wall there's actually a sliding glass door opening out onto a balcony. Edward is sitting out there on the floor, covered up with a blanket.

I get up and walk over to the door and look up at the sky to see if it's cloudy or not. The clouds look a little thin and I'm not sure if it's safe for me to go out or not. Edward sees me anxiously scanning the clouds and says, "It's okay, baby. The clouds are moving in, not out. They've been getting steadily thicker for a while now."

Edward opens the blanket and pats the floor, wanting me to join him. I run over and sit down beside him with my knees pulled up in front of me. Edward throws the blanket up over both of us and I cover everything up but my eyes just to be safe.

It's downright chilly out here and we're both just wearing a thin pair of sleep pants so I cuddle closer against him under the blanket, appreciating his body heat. Edward wraps me up in his arms as he whispers, "You're freezing. I'm sorry. Did you get cold without me?"

Shaking my head and worrying over Edward's red rimmed eyes, I say. "No, I didn't get cold until I came out here. What are you doing out here, beautiful? How long have you been awake? Why didn't you wake me? I would have held you so you wouldn't be alone while you were crying."

Edward sighs and shakes his head and says, "I just needed to think for a while, baby. I've only been awake for about a half hour, maybe a little longer. You looked so peaceful that I didn't want to disturb you." Edward gives me a lopsided grin that just takes my breath away and he leans his face toward mine and whispers, "Where's my good morning kiss, love?"

I tilt my face up to Edward's and his soft lush lips meet mine in a searing kiss. Edward moans and his hands come up to either side of my head, holding me there as his tongue seeks out mine. I kiss him back eagerly, forgetting all about feeling cold as my body flashes with heat. By the time Edward breaks the kiss I'm left panting, as I cling to him with my toes curling and my cock aching.

Edward smiles and breathlessly says, "Now that's a good morning kiss. Feel a little warmer now?"

I smile back and nod. After getting my breath back I say, "Yeah, I'm much better now. How about you beautiful? Are you feeling any better this morning?"

Edward's smile falters a little and his eyes looks sad but he says, "Yeah baby, I'm alright now. Thank you for being my strength last night. I wouldn't have made it through everything without you. I love you so much, Jasper."

I huddle up closer and say, "I love you, too, Edward. I hate that you were out here by yourself crying. Will you tell me what you were out thinking about?"

Edward rubs his red eyes with the heels of his hands and says, "I was thinking about last night and the things Mike told me, the horrible things I remembered, and the things dad and the Doc were talking about. Jasper, I have something I need to talk to you about." He looks off into the forest and whispers, "I'm just not sure how to say it."

I scan the clouds again, they are getting thicker. I re-cover my face as Edward gathers his thoughts. Finally, Edward lifts the blanket over his shoulder and turns to me covering us both up completely. He takes my hands in his free hand and stares into my eyes as he says, "I was thinking that I was glad that the things that Mike did to me didn't change. I mean I wish they never happened at all, but at least it wasn't worse than what I remembered. Baby, I think I've finally managed to accept the things Mike did and made peace with them…and I think… I may even try to make peace with Mike."

Wondering what he means, I wait as Edward looks down for a moment and wipes at his eyes. He swallows and chews his lip looking worried. Finally Edward looks up and searches my face as he says, "I've denied it to myself for years Jasper, and I still hate to admit it. But I realize now that what Mike and I had back then was more than just friendship. I mean look at how I craved his attention and how I always wanted him to hold me like he did. I loved being in his arms and I suppose in a way I loved him. We were never lovers but I do think if circumstances had been different we would have been eventually." My stomach twists up and my hands start to shake. What's he saying? Does he want Mike back?

Seeing the insecurity and fear on my face, Edward squeezes my hands and his eyes are pleading with me as he says, "Baby, Mike's alone and hurting and he needs to know that people still care about him… that I still care about him." My body stiffens in shock and my heart plummets. He's going to leave me!

Edward gets a panicked look and says, "Damn it, I'm fucking this up! I just meant as a friend, Jasper. You have to know that even if I didn't have you now, I could never go back to that kind of relationship with Mike, not after what he did. It's just, if what dad and the Doc said last night is true then I think I should at least attempt to make the effort to be a friend to Mike again. But only if it's okay with you, I love you and only you Jasper. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you or hurt your feelings."

Edward watches me anxiously as I pull my shaking hands out of his. Wrapping my arms around my legs, I rest my forehead on my knees and concentrate on breathing. I'm so fucking confused that I don't know what to say or do. My first instinct is to keep Edward as far away from Mike as possible. But I have to admit to myself, that it's out of jealousy more than anything. What if, in spite of what he just said, Edward decides he wants to be with Mike and not me? Damn it, I wanted to hate Mike not pity him or make friends.

But then, I think of how horrible it must have been for Mike to suffer for years, the degradation and abuse he'd had at the hands of a trusted family friend. It had been horrifying enough to have my innocence and my parents ripped away from me by three strangers in that one night of brutality, bloodshed, and terror.

I think about how alone Ihad felt with no one there at the hospital but the Doc to really care about me after I woke up. I think about the friendship I had built with Jacob during physical therapy and how to this day I treasure that friendship. I think about Mike and the hell he's lived with for years and wonder how he managed to survive that horror after he lost his only friend… Edward. I think about how alone Mike must have been without any friends at all until this week.

I think about how I had turned to the one person I remembered from _before_ the horror of that night and how fucking devastated I had been when she rejected me. I think about Mike's plea for friendship with the one friend he had from _his past_ and I realize now that Mike must have been just as devastated last night when Edward rejected him. Just thinking about the pain Mike must be in right now, sends tracks of tears down my face. I look up at Edward but I can't talk as I begin to tremble and cry.

Edward must have misunderstood my tears though because his eyes go wide with horror and he drops the blanket and cups my face in his hands and says, "Baby, please, I didn't mean to hurt you. I don't have to…"

I shake my head and shush Edward with my fingers on his mouth. Swallowing back my tears, my voice breaks as I whisper. "No, you're right. You're friend is hurting, Edward. I may get a little jealous but I'll be alright. Just don't…" I can't stop the sob as it erupts from my throat as I plead, "…please… please don't stop loving me."

Edward shakes his head and crushes his lips to mine and then hugs me to him tight and says, "Never. I will never stop loving you, Jasper. Shh, don't cry baby. I promise, you are my everything. I love you so much. I'm sorry I scared you." Edward pulls the blanket back up and tents it around us again. He curls around me and holds me close to him and gently rocks us as I try to calm my racing heart and my insecurities. Even after I calm myself down, Edward keeps rocking us as he begins to place soft kisses on my cheeks and forehead while whispering that he loves me.

Edward's lips feel wonderful as he kisses across my face but I want to feel them on my lips. With a quiet sigh, I relax in Edward's arms and turn my face so I can meet his lips with my own. We sit there for a long time just giving each other soft, slow, languorous kisses that are full of love and tenderness. Edward sighs and rests his forehead on mine and whispers, "Better?"

Feeling embarrassed over my outburst, I smile and nod as I softly say. "Yeah, sorry I got so upset."

Edward shakes his head as he whispers, "Don't be sorry, love." Then he wraps his arms around me and holds me close. Eventually, Edward pulls back and runs a thumb across my lips and says, "I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sure Mike will be fine with Charlie and Sam, I don't have to…"

I shake my head and firmly say, "No, Edward, you do have to. Mike is lost, alone and hurting and he needs you to be his friend. I don't know, maybe I can try to be Mike's friend too. I mean my own experiences make me understand what he's been through. Hell, I think he's even more broken inside than I am. He hasn't had the support that I've had all these years."

Edward shakes his head and says, "No baby, I wanted to try and help Mike but not if it's going to make you feel insecure."

Feeling frustrated with both him and me, I rub my eyes and huff as I say. "Yes, you are going to be Mike's friend and that's all there is to it. I'm _sorry_ I was such an insecure ass. I told you the other day that I trust you and my acting selfish and jealous isn't very good proof of that. Fuck, I don't even know why you want anything to do with me anyway. I'm fucking pathetic and I'm a horrible boyfriend. After the things you remembered last night, I'm supposed to be the one comforting you not the other way around. You'd probably be better off with Mike. Maybe I should just…"

Edward interrupts my tirade by crashing his lips to mine, kissing me hard. Edward drops the blanket as he grabs on to my head with both hands fisted into my hair. I roll my eyes up to the sky to make sure it's cloudy and that I'll be alright out here. Seeing the clouds have moved in now, I relax and kiss him back.

When Edward breaks the kiss, I'm shocked at the hurt and anger in his eyes. Edward grits his teeth and says, "Damn you, Jasper. You _are_ the perfect boyfriend and I love _you_, not Mike. Got that?"

Swallowing nervously, I whisper. "I just thought that maybe you…"

Edward crashes his lips to mine again, silencing me. Edward's kissing me so hard my lips hurt and I try to pull away. But his fists tighten their grip in my hair holding me in place and his tongue forces its way deep into my mouth. Whimpering, my heart racing, I begin to struggle in his arms. Edward holds me firmly in place as he continues to kiss me senseless. My struggles slowly cease as I moan and lean into him, kissing him back. Edward finally breaks the kiss, his breath coming out in short harsh pants as he growls. "Who do I fucking love, Jasper?"

I whimper out, "Edward, I'm sorry. I just thought…"

Edward growls out. "Wrong answer." Then his lips are on mine again, his tongue thrusting in and out as it twists and curls around my own. I cling to Edward and shake as his tongue ravishes my mouth. Fuck me, this is some hot shit. Now if I can just get him on top of me we can love on each other.

Wrapping my arms around Edward, I try push him back so I climb on top of him but he holds me still so I try to lean back and pull him down on top of me, then I growl in frustration when he won't let me move that direction either. I can't stop my moans as Edward's lips and tongue start trailing across my jaw line and down my neck as he sucks and bites my tender flesh. Edward kisses his way to my ear and softly whispers, "Who do I fucking love, baby?"

I moan out, "Edward, please. I need…"

Edward whispers, "Please baby, say it. Who do I fucking love?"

Running my hands behind Edward's neck I whisper, "Me. You fucking love me." Edward smiles and relaxes so I pull him toward me and growl, "Now shut the fuck up and get your ass over here and kiss me again."

This time Edward follows as I lay back, pulling his body down on top of mine. Edward kisses me hungrily as he presses his body to mine and finally, fucking finally, thrust his hips against mine and rubs our fucking cocks together. I wonder if I can get us naked out here. Hmm, better not the sun may come back out.

Edward is driving me crazy with his kisses and with his body loving on mine but I'm quickly figuring out that the wooden deck under my bare back hurts like fuck. I guess Edward senses my discomfort because he breaks the kiss and rolls his weight off of me. Edward's hot breath hits my face in gusts as he pants and asks, "Who do I love, baby?"

I smile and point at myself, too shaky and breathless to even talk. He grins from ear to ear and asks, "And who do you love?" I grin and point at him. Edward swallows and asks, "Are you alright?" Breathing hard, I just nod. "Did I scare you?" I shake my head and Edward rests his forehead against mine as he whispers, "Thank god. Please tell me I didn't just ruin things. Please tell me you still love me, that you still want me. Please tell me you still want to go camping tonight."

Still breathing hard, I take Edward's face in my hands and give him a soft kiss before saying, "Edward are you kidding? That was fucking hot. You didn't ruin things. But I don't know if we should go through with our plans tonight. Not if you're still upset about all the things you remembered last night."

Edward sits up and gives me a sad smile as he softly says, "I'm still upset baby but…" Edward pulls me up to him and rests his forehead against mine. He closes his eyes and says. "I'm not going to lie, the images of what the coach did to Mike are going to bother me for a very long time and I hope the Doc can help me make peace with them someday." He opens his eyes and stares into mine as he says, "But Jasper, none of that changes how I feel about you. I love you. Do you hear me? I love _you_. I still want you to make love to me. I need to feel you inside of me. None of that has changed except that I think I need you now more than ever. Please go camping with me and make love to me tonight, baby."

I get up on my knees and turn and straddle Edward's lap, facing him. After cupping Edward's face in my hands, I lean down and kiss his delicious lips again hungrily. Trying to show Edward through the kiss how desperately I still want him and how I love him more than anything. Breaking the kiss, I rest my forehead on Edward's again and whisper. "I love you, Edward. And I do want to love on you like that. If you're really sure you're ready then okay, let's go camping tonight so we can make love."

Edward actually blushes a little as he smiles at me. I lean down and brush my lips lightly against Edward's several times as I give him feather light kisses. He hums and wraps his arms around my waist and pulls my body up against him. Edward rests his head on my chest and I barely hear him whisper, "Thank you, love."

He holds me like that, with his ear to my chest for several minutes. Looking down, I run my hands through his hair and ask. "You will try to be a friend with Mike, right?"

Edward nods and says, "If you're sure it won't hurt you, love."

I lean down and kiss him and whisper, "I'm sure, beautiful."

The sun peeks through the clouds and I scramble for the blanket and pull it up over my head. Trying to lighten the mood, I grin and spread my arms out with the blanket spread out like a cape. I look into Edward's eyes and wiggle my eyebrows at him as I whisper in a fake accent, "I am Count Dra-cu-la and I vant to suck your…cock."

Edward laughs and says, "I thought vampires only wanted to suck blood?"

Leaning down, I run my tongue up his neck to his ear where I whisper. "Mwaa haa haa haa, I'm a gay wampire, I only vant to suck… cock. Shall I use my hypnotic powers to paralyze you so I can have my fiendish way as I lick and suck your scrumptiously long hard… cock?"

Edward rolls his eyes and grins as he whispers, "I have a better idea. Everybody is starting to stir downstairs and I'm sure somebody will be barging in here soon. So how about we jump in the shower together? The bathroom actually has a lock on it and nobody can interrupt us as we have our fiendish ways with each other."

Grinning from ear to ear, I wink and say, "Race ya." After a mad scrambling dash we get to the bathroom at the same time and Edward locks the door behind us.

After turning on the shower, Edward stares into my eyes with that look that makes my insides ache with need. He runs his tongue down my body as he lowers himself down in front of me and slowly tugs my sleep pants down. They pool around my ankles and I kick them off as I pull Edward back up to me. Grinning, I kneel down in front of Edward and wrap my mouth around his cock through his pants and blow hot air on it before tugging his sleep pants down too. Edward grins as he pulls me back up and kicks his pants off. He takes my hand as he backs into the shower, pulling me in after him.

I close my eyes as Edward guides me under the spray and soaks me down under the steaming hot water. Grabbing my shampoo, Edward pours some out in his hand then steps closer to me. I groan as his strong fingers begin to massage it into my hair and scalp. He washes and rinses my hair twice and then thoroughly scrubs my body. When he finishes, I gently but firmly push him under the spray and do the same for him.

After we're both clean, Edward's eyes lock with mine and he cups my face in his hands. His lips hungrily devour mine as his body presses against me. Groaning, I tilt my head back as Edward kisses and nibbles across my jaw line to my neck. His hot breath makes me shudder as he whispers in my ear. "I love you so much, Jasper. I've waited all these years for you to come into my life, and I am so ready for you to make love to me. I can hardly wait to feel you inside of me tonight."

Moaning with need, I grab a fistful of Edward's hair in each hand and pull his lips to mine and kiss him hard. Edward groans and his hands slide down to my ass. He pulls me against him as he grinds his cock against mine. My blood is boiling from the heat and both of us are breathing in harsh pants again, as I meet each of his thrusts with my own.

I whimper when Edward lets go of my ass and steps back. He grins and winks at me and grabs my shampoo again and pours a tiny bit out on his hand. He slips his hand between us and wraps it around my cock and slowly starts to stroke me. His strokes are so slow they're driving me mad. When my moans and whimpers start to get louder, Edward whispers in my ear. "Shhhhh, baby, we have to be quiet."

Biting my lip to stay quiet, I grab my soap and slick up my hand before wrapping it around Edward's cock too. He moans and leans his forehead against mine. We stare into each other's eyes as we slowly stroke each other. My breathing picks up and my heart is pounding in my chest. My whole body feels electrified by Edward's hand on my cock.

As I stare into his eyes I softly say, "I love you, Edward. I'm ready to love on you, to make love to you. I can't wait to be inside of you." He moans softly and his free hand slides up to the back of my neck. Edward pulls my face to his, where I hungrily meet his lips and tongue with mine.

Our hands keep moving at a maddeningly slow and steady pace. I can feel my insides quivering and aching as my orgasm slowly builds. I whisper out, "Edward please, I need..." Then I whimper in frustration when he stills his hand on my cock and stops my hand from stroking him. Edward gently turns my body around to where I'm standing sideways to him. He gets a bit more shampoo and then his lips and teeth begin to suck and bite on my shoulder. One of his hands slides down and gently strokes against my entrance as the other resumes stroking my cock. Closing my eyes, I lean against him for support as I'm overwhelmed by the sensations of his soapy slick hands sliding effortlessly across my sensitive skin.

My breathing becomes more erratic and my quiet whimpers and whispers of 'Edward, oh Edward, Edward…' are getting louder. Reaching a hand up, I pull Edward's head to me as I turn my head back toward him, kissing him hard and whimpering into his mouth. I break the kiss and throw my head back, groaning as both his hands suddenly pick up speed. Edward's hot breath ghosts across my skin and he whispers in my ear, "Cum for me, love." I cry out as my knees shake and my body shudders. I'm wracked with wave after wave of pure ecstasy as my orgasm washes over me.

When I come back down to earth, Edward's hands are wrapped around me and he's holding my back tight against his chest. Still breathing hard, I turn in Edward's arms and wrap my trembling arms around his waist and bury my face in his neck. Edward hugs me to him tighter as he whispers, "You're so fucking beautiful when you cum, baby. I'll never get tired of watching it."

Smiling into his neck, I reach up and get my hand slick with soap again before slipping my hand between us and taking him in hand again. Edward moans breathlessly as I begin to stroke him. I look up and stare into his eyes as my hand picks up speed. Edward whispers, "Feels so good, love." I lean in and kiss him as I pump my hand faster. I step back and let the water wash all the soap away as I kiss and bite my way down Edward's neck. After pausing to suck on his Adam's apple, I move down to his nipples. Edward's quiet moans get louder as I lick and suck and kiss first one and then the other. I love the fucking sounds he makes. Edward moans out, "So close baby."

Grinning, I take a step back and kneel down and quickly take him in my mouth. Edward groans out a quiet, yet high pitched, "Oh, fuuuuck!" His hands fist into my hair as he begins thrusting into my mouth. My beautiful man tastes delicious on my tongue as his hard cock slides across my lips. Slipping my hand between his legs, I press against his entrance in time with his thrusts. Edward's legs begin to tremble and his thrusts start to become erratic so I start bobbing my head fast as my mouth and tongue do their work on his length. Edward's body shudders and his knees buckle as he practically shouts. "Jasper! Oh, Jasper! Yes!" I support his shuddering, trembling body as I swallow around him again and again.

Edward is still panting hard when he pulls me up into his arms and kisses me hard. His tongue sweeps deep into my mouth and he moans as he tastes himself. Edward breaks the kiss and panting into my ear says, "I love you Jasper. You amaze me every time we're together. But baby you didn't have to do that. I was fine with just your hands on me."

Pulling back, I cup Edward's face and look into his eyes. Smiling, I shake my head and say, "Edward, I don't do that because I think I have to. I do it because I love making you feel good. I do it because I love replacing your bad memory of Mike with good ones of me. I do it because I love how you taste, how you sound and how you move. I love the taste and feel of your cock as it slides across my lips and tongue. You have no idea how wonderful it is to be able to do that because I want to do it. Edward, I _enjoy_ doing that to you."

Smiling, Edward kisses me and playfully says, "Well, since you put it like that. Feel free to enjoy doing that to me anytime you want."

I laugh and push his shoulder. "You're such an ass."

He winks and whispers, "And just think, tonight I'll have a perfect ass because your cock is going to be buried deep inside it." He grins a wicked grin, and then growls and bites at my neck sending me into hysterical laughter as I jerk away from him.

Edward chases me out of the shower biting, growling and tickling me, making me jump squeal and laugh like a fucking girl as I try to get away. He chases me out of the bathroom and into his bedroom where he tackles me and pins me face down on the floor with his body. He captures my arms and pins them over my head with one hand and tickles me mercilessly with the other while still biting and growling at the back of my neck. I'm shrieking out laughter and yelling at him to stop as I kick my feet and try to buck him off of me.

We both jump in shock when the bedroom door slams open and Emmett yells, "Who the hell are you guys killing in here?" Emmett's eyes go wide when he sees a dripping, wet, naked Edward laying on top of a dripping, wet, naked me. Time seems to stop as we all freeze and stare at each other in wide eyed shock. I'm suddenly really happy that I'm face down and Edward is covering up most of my back. I don't think Emmett has seen my bad scars yet and I don't think I could handle seeing pity or disgust this morning.

Emmett's mouth opens and closes again and again and he blinks rapidly several times before he finally gasps out, "Therapy. God, I'm going to need years of therapy to get this image out of my head." He turns in a daze and starts to walk away but pauses and looks back at us a moment and shakes his head and says, "Edward, I gotta admit, little brother. You guys look hot together." Then he shakes his head again and mumbles, "Looooots of fucking therapy." As he walks away he yells down the stairs, "Rosie posy? Can we fool around awhile? I need therapy!"

Edward snorts and I giggle and then we both break out laughing so hard we have tears running down our faces.

After that, Edward and I manage to get dressed and go downstairs to have breakfast with everybody. Carlisle and the Doc both seem relieved that Edward is in a better mood this morning.

Then, Rose of all people starts embarrassing us by following us around and saying in a high pitched voice, "Jasper! Oh, Jasper! Yes! Yes! Jasper!" And Emmett follows her around moaning about being scarred for life and needing _more_ therapy. Esme dear finally chases them both away and tells them to leave me and Edward alone.

Edward and the Doc go for a walk after breakfast to talk about last night and Alice keeps me busy by making me try on the shirts she bought me last night. Alice got me a couple of Henley's, a couple of thermals and a couple of flannel shirts. I was shocked that she actually got me something so casual to wear.

It's still cool outside and Alice tells me the high today is only going to be in the low 60s. So I change out of the short sleeved button up shirt I was wearing, and pulled on one of the thermals. Alice tells me I'll look better if I wear a flannel over it so I add that too, just to make her happy. Then she just has to embarrass me and say, "That's better, at least now I can't see all your damn hickeys." I stick my tongue out at her and pout for a minute then I grin and tell her that I'll pay her back for the shirts after stopping by an ATM later. She just about bites my head off and tells me I will do no such thing. We're still arguing about it when Edward and the Doc return.

Esme dear asks us all to go up to the hospital with her and Carlisle to see Mike. So after everybody is finished dressing and getting ready, we all pile into different vehicles out in the garage and head out.


	29. Chapter 29

**It's not my fault… the boys quit talking to me for weeks! …lol. **

**Thanks for your reviews, your favorites, your patience. Sadly it will be several weeks for the next chapter too. I'm actually going to Washington…Seattle, Forks, Port Angeles, Port Townsend. I'm all kinds of excited! **

**Disclaimer: All twilight characters belong to the lovely Ms. Meyers but the plot is my own. **

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_Esme dear asks us all to go up to the hospital with her and Carlisle to see Mike. So after everybody is finished dressing and getting ready, we all pile into different vehicles out in the garage and head out. _

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**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 29 (Sunday morning)**

**JPOV**

I don't remember anything from when I was in the Forks hospital all those years ago so I don't know what to expect as we go inside. Hanging back behind Edward as we all enter the doors, I look around and I'm surprised it's so quiet even though there hadn't been a whole hell of a lot of cars in the parking lot. I guess Sundays must be a slow day at the hospital. Or maybe, I was just used to the hospital that I'd had to live in until I turned 18.

The familiar smell of antiseptics and the general atmosphere that seems to inhabit all hospitals leaves me feeling nervous and jittery. My body is tensing up and my stomach feels queasy and even though my head knows I'm just here to visit and that they aren't going to leave me here, I realize I'm afraid of being forgotten and left behind. I feel like an idiot, but I can't stop my body from trembling as the sounds and aromas of the hospital assault my senses. Maybe it's because the last time I entered a hospital, I didn't get to leave for 5 fucking years.

Quietly stepping closer to Edward, I cling to the back of his shirt with trembling hands. Edward turns around with a concerned look and wraps an arm around my waist as he pulls me up beside him. He holds me there close to his side and kisses my temple before softly whispering, "I've got you, love. You're safe." The Doc must have heard Edward because he turns and gives me a worried look. I try to give the Doc a smile to let him know I'm alright but the way my teeth are starting to chatter, I'm not sure if I convince him or not.

We all follow Carlisle as he goes up to a desk and talks to an elderly lady there, asking if Mr. Newton is still in ICU and which room his son Mike is in, then he leads us all down the hall. Ushering us into a small waiting room, Carlisle asks that we wait there while he goes to check on Mr. Newton's progress first, before he checks to see if Mike is any shape for visitors this morning. Esme dear insists on going with Carlisle expressing her desire to talk to Mike alone for a little while.

Rose sits down with a huff, looking deep in thought and slightly irritated. Emmett goes over to the vending machines and starts feeding change into them. Alice dances over to a chair, I really don't think the girl knows how to walk normal, and sits down and starts leafing through a magazine. The Doc sits down beside Alice, crossing his legs with his arm thrown across the back of her chair as he watches me. Edward takes my hand in his as we sit down across from Alice and the Doc. The Doc gives me another worried look and quietly asks, "Are you alright, son?"

Still trembling, I nod and say. "Y-y-yes sir, I'm alright. I think I'm j-j-just nervous. This is the first time I've been inside a hospital since I got released."

The Doc nods and says, "I thought that might be what was wrong. If it gets too bad for you in here, you and I can leave."

Shaking my head I say, "N-n-n-o, I'll be okay in a few minutes, Doc. I want to be here with Edward when he talks to Mike. I want to t-t-try and make friends with him too."

Rose glares disbelievingly over at Edward and me and practically hisses, "What! Edward, I thought you were just here for moral support. Tell me you are not seriously thinking about being Mike's _friend_ again, not after what he did to you!"

Edward actually flinches from her glare and says, "Sis, please, I thought you would understand. After the things Mike has been through he needs friends."

Rose crosses her arms and shakes her head as she says, "I know Mike needs moral support right now Edward, which is the only reason why I'm here. But you shouldn't feel obligated or be forced to associate with someone who molested you just because he suffered worse abuse than what he dished out."

I can feel Edward's frustration rolling off him as he stares back at his sister. Shaking my head at them, I sit up straighter and place a calming hand on Edward's arm and give it a squeeze, before turning to Rose and saying. "Rose, Edward doesn't f-f-feel obligated to associate with Mike and no one is f-f-forcing him. You know Edward has loved Mike as a friend since he m-m-met him. He's forgiven Mike for what happened back then and I think if Edward can forgive Mike then the rest of us should respect his wishes and t-t-try to do the same. Edward just wants to show Mike that he isn't alone, that he still has friends that want to help him."

Emmett walks over and hands me a soda before going over to sit beside Rose. He opens his own soda and takes a drink before throwing an arm across Rose's shoulders and saying, "Come on, Rosie posy, don't be like that. If Jasper is okay with Edward still being friends with Mike then we should make the effort too."

Rose rolls her eyes and huffs out, "Whatever."

Edward softly says, "Sis, please. You guys didn't know the same Mike I knew. You only knew the false front he put up in public. I promise the _real_ Mike is a sweet and gentle guy." Edward wraps his arm tighter around my waist as he repeats my earlier words, "And that Mike is lost, alone and hurting and he needs to know he has friends he can count on. Rose, please, I _need_ to do this and I really wish you guys would as well."

Rose's face softens and she says, "Alright, bubs. I'll _try_ to be Mike's friend too." Then she narrows her eyes and says, "But if he messes up and hurts you even once, or starts acting like that bossy prick he used to be then that's it for me."

Edward relaxes against me and says, "Thanks Rose, that's all I ask."

Alice frowns at me over the top of her magazine and asks, "Jazz? Are you really okay with Edward being Mike's friend? Even after he…?"

Shooting a glare at Alice, I try to signal to her to shut the fuck up but she drops the magazine and arches that damn eyebrow at me as she crosses her arms. Rolling my eyes at her, I say. "I'm f-f-fine with Edward being Mike's friend. I'll talk to Mike sometime in the f-f-future to find out why he did what he did."

Alice gives me a 'look' and says, "Fine. But he had better have had a damn good reason." Everybody else looks confused over our exchange, but Alice artfully deflects all of their questions and changes the subject as they all talk quietly with each other.

Opening my soda, I take a long drink and then offer Edward a drink from it as well. Trying to relax my shakes, I lean against Edward and lay my head on his shoulder taking comfort in his presence. I'm still feeling a little conflicted about making friends with Mike even though I know it's the right thing to do. I just hope someday that Mike will feel comfortable enough with me to tell me why he sold out the information of what hospital I was in all those years ago. I have my suspicions of why he did what he did and if that is the reason then I can of course forgive him.

I look up in surprise when Emmett gets up and comes over and quietly asks if he can talk to me in private for a moment. I hate to leave Edward but I nod and after giving Edward a quick kiss, I get up and follow Emmett out into the hallway. Emmett turns to me and asks in a quiet voice, "Do you know where you and Edward are going camping tonight?"

My shakes finally cease as my face, hell my whole body, immediately heats up while I think about our upcoming camping trip. Shaking my head, I say. "I'm not sure exactly. Edward said it was on your father's property somewhere, but that nobody else ever goes there. He said it was where he liked to go when he needed to be alone to think."

Emmett gives me an amused look then says, "Okay, I know where that is. Dad had me follow Edward a few times when he used to wander off into the woods, just to make sure he wasn't getting lost. Listen, me and my Rosie posy are only going to hang out here at the hospital for a little while. After we leave, we're going to get around and get things ready so we can head back to Seattle. I think I should still do that other job interview in the morning even though I'm pretty sure I'm taking the Forks position. But before we leave, Rosie and I are going to go set up your tent and campsite for you guys."

Scratching my head, I frown and ask. "Why?"

Emmett grins and rolls his eyes. "Edward can do a lot of things well, but setting up a tent isn't one of them. He was born and raised in Chicago and when we first moved here, he didn't exactly take to the woods. You should have seen him when mom and dad took us camping the first few times. He whined like a two year old the whole time. I have to admit he eventually got to where he loved camping and being in the woods, but he still can't set up a tent for shit. Well, I guess he can, but it takes him half a damn day if he doesn't have somebody helping him that at least knows a little bit about what they're doing. And I'm kind of guessing that you haven't camped before?"

I shake my head no and Emmett nods and says, "That's what I thought. Alright, Rosie and I will have everything ready for you guys. All you need to worry about bringing is food and…" Emmett looks down and leans in closer as his eyes cut over to me and he very softly says, "…any other supplies you two plan on using. Did either one of you think to bring lube or condoms?"

My eyes go wide and my face really heats up as I ask, "How did you know…?"

Emmett's grin gets bigger as he says, "Like I said, Edward actually loves being in the woods now and I kind of figured if he wanted to take you to his favorite spot then you guys must have something special planned. So did you bring any supplies or should I stop by the store on the way home and get you guys something?"

My face gets even hotter but I nod and say, "Yeah, I grabbed a box of everything before we left his apartment yesterday. It's all in my backpack up in Edward's room."

Emmett nods and softly says, "Alright, good. You two just go slow and try not to hurt each other."

Swallowing nervously, I nod and whisper, "Okay."

Emmett grins and softly says, "Good man. Oh, and don't worry about taking the tent down either. Rose and I will be back, either tomorrow night or Tuesday afternoon, and I think we may just go camping ourselves. So, uh, try not to make too big of a mess inside the tent. You know what, I'll just leave you guys some towels for all your cum cooties."

Barking out a laugh, my face heats up a little more as I look down and grin, feeling self-conscious. Emmett slaps me on the back and his smile gets even bigger as he says, "I think it's about damn time Edward got laid and I fully expect you to fuck my little bottom boy brother's virgin brains out. The next time I see him, he better be walking bowlegged from a sore ass and with a big grin on his face. Think you can handle that?"

Snickering as I picture Edward walking around bowlegged, I slap my hands over my red face, embarrassed as hell. Emmett laughs and shakes his head as he softly says, "I'm just fucking with you, dude. Seriously, you guys have fun but try to be careful." Then he surprises the hell out of me by giving me a hug and then ruffling my hair like I'm a little kid or something.

I follow a chuckling Emmett back into the waiting room and Edward gives me a quizzical look when I sit back down beside him. He's probably wondering why I still have a big grin on my bright red face. I'm just opening my mouth to tell Edward that Emmett is going to set up our tent for us, when I jump a foot out of my chair and practically scream as the phone in my pocket starts vibrating. Fucking hell! Talk about giving me a heart attack! I just about forgot I had the fucking thing.

Everybody is laughing at me as I try to wrestle the phone out my tight jeans with shaking hands. I'm all kinds of excited. This is my first phone call! Well… second, if you count the one I missed from Jacob. I finally wrestle it free and look at the caller ID but I'm so surprised at the name on the display that I freeze and stare at it in shock.

The Doc looks alarmed as he asks, "Who is it Jasper?"

Swallowing nervously, I say. "Charlotte."

The Doc looks surprised but calmly says, "Don't you think you should answer it?"

Oh duh, good idea. I nod and I'm about to answer it when Carlisle comes into the room saying it's okay to visit Mike and motioning for everybody to follow him. Now I'm torn between whether to go with them or stay and talk to Charlotte. I'm afraid I'll get lost, or forgotten and left behind, if I don't stick with everybody. But on the other hand I don't want to be talking on the phone when we go into Mike's room. My dilemma is solved when Edward tells his dad that he and I will catch up in a few minutes.

Right before the Doc leaves the waiting room; he turns and gives me a worried look before Alice gently pulls him out of the room while telling him that I'll be fine. I relax beside Edward, leaning against him for support as I answer my phone with shaking hands.

"Hello? Charlotte?"

"Hey Jasper, its Gianna, can you hold on just a sec and let me put you through to Charlotte? It won't take but a second hon. I just have to get her back out of a meeting."

I roll my eyes and shake my head as I bitterly say, "Sure. No problem, Gee." Gritting my teeth in frustration, I can already feel my anger building. What the fuck? Call me up and put me on hold until fucking Charlotte can get away from a fucking meeting. I can't believe I'm such an idiot. That fucking headstone's probably been there for years, if Charlotte was going to change she already would have. Chest heaving as I blink back tears, that seed of hope that I'd been nursing to life shrivels up and dies.

Edward gently runs his hand up and down my thigh and I instantly calm and relax at his touch. I meet Edward's concerned look and give him a sad smile. Sighing, I lay my head on his shoulder and wait to see what the fuck Charlotte wants.

A few seconds later Charlotte comes on the line, "Jasper sweetheart, I am so sorry about that. I thought I was done for the day. I was just calling to see how things were going. Have you met your boyfriend's family yet? You never told me his name or where exactly you were staying sweetie and I was a little worried about you. Did you decide to go and see your parents after all? I saw charges for flowers on your card and I really hoped you had."

Blinking in surprise, I sit up and stammer out. "Oh! Um… uh… yeah, I mean… yes ma'am. Edward's family is great and he took me to see mom and dad yesterday."

"That's wonderful, Jasper! Oh I wish I could have gone down there with you, but things have been absolutely crazy here the past few weeks. Is Edward your boyfriend's name then? Sweetie, have you told him about your past?"

"Um, yeah, Charlotte, he knows. And yeah, his name is Edward… Edward Cullen. His dad was the doctor that operated on my leg."

"Oh, I remember Dr. Cullen. He seemed to be a very compassionate man. I feel much better now knowing you're with his family. Are they all treating you well then?"

"Yes ma'am, they've all been very kind. They even had a cookout for us yesterday. Oh and um, Charlotte? Dr. Cullen is going to do x-rays of my knee tomorrow so I'll probably have charges on my card for that too. I didn't want you to worry if you saw charges from a hospital."

"What? Has your knee been bothering you, Jasper? Why haven't you said anything to me?"

"Oh, um, I don't know. You're just… always so busy and I didn't want to bother you."

"I see. Alright, I understand. Could you ask Dr. Cullen to call me after he looks at your x-rays?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Will you be back for our dinner date Wed. night? And is the other person you're bringing your boyfriend Edward?"

"Um, yeah. I mean, yes ma'am. We should be back in Seattle Wed. afternoon so we should be able to meet you Wed. night."

"Okay, well I can't wait to meet your boyfriend, Jasper. I guess I'll see you two then and I'm hoping I'm going to have some fantastic news to tell you myself. Bye for now sweetie."

Staring at my phone in bewilderment, I shake my head and wonder if something is up or if Charlotte was really as friendly and interested in me as she had just acted. Chewing on my lip, I frown as I wonder if all this time that I'd been convinced Charlotte's interest and concern was faked, if she really had been making an effort to try and connect with me.

Slowly closing my phone, I wonder what if Charlotte already has changed and _I'm_ the one that has been keeping us from growing close by being angry all the time? Leaning my head back on Edward's shoulder, I think that maybe it is past time for me to let go of my resentment and take a chance with Charlotte again. I think that seed of hope just sprouted new roots and maybe even grew a branch or two.

Edward brushes my hair back from my face and softly asks, "Is everything alright baby?"

Nodding, I sit back up and stuff the phone back into my pocket. "Yeah, she just wanted to see if I was alright and how you guys were treating me and if we would be back to meet up for dinner Wed. night."

Edward swallows and looks nervous as he says, "I just about forgot we were going to meet her for dinner. Do you think she'll like me?"

Grinning, I say. "She better fucking love you as much as I do. If she doesn't, then it's her loss."

Edward frowns and says, "I love you too Jasper, but I really want your family to like me as well."

Nodding, I say. "Yeah, I know darlin'. I really want her to like you too." Then I sigh and ask, "Are you ready to go talk to Mike?"

Edward sighs too and says, "As ready as I'm going to be." We finish off the soda and throw the can in the recycle bin and then head out. Edward wraps his arm around my waist as we walk down the hallway toward Mike's room.

Remembering what I had been about to tell Edward earlier, I lean in and whisper. "Emmett and Rose are going to set up our tent and campsite for us."

Edward stops walking as he frowns and asks, "Why?"

Shrugging, I say. "Emmett said you weren't very good at setting up tents if you didn't have help, so he was going to help you out."

I have to bite my lip to keep from grinning when Edward crosses his arms and actually _whines_, "I can too set up a tent! Damn it! Just because the first half dozen or so times I tried to set one up by myself and it collapsed on me doesn't mean I can't set one up now. Jasper, I really wanted to be the one to make everything special for us."

Squeezing Edward's waist with my arm, I try to reassure him as I say. "It will be special Edward and just think, if everything is set up and ready for us when we get there, it will give us more time… inside the tent."

Edward's frown slowly turns to a grin. His eyes scan up and down my body and he says, "You're right, I didn't think of that. Well then, I guess that'll be okay." Then he crosses his arms and frowns again as he says, "As long as you know that I could have set it up for us." Grinning, I shake my head at Edward as we get to Mike's room. Edward gives me a sheepish smile and a quick kiss.

Then, looking like he's mentally bracing his self, Edward closes his eyes and takes several deep breaths and lets them out. I'm beginning to get concerned but he opens his eyes and meets mine and then swallows before turning to open the door to Mike's room.

We quietly slip inside to find Esme dear sitting on the bed beside Mike. She has her arms wrapped around him, whispering into his ear as he clings to her and cries against her shoulder. Alice and Rose are standing at the side of the bed as they rub Mike's back and arm, while Emmett sits at the foot of the bed patting Mike's foot. Rose looks over at us when we come in and I see tears running down her face. The Doc, Carlisle and Sam are standing in one corner of the room quietly talking to each other. Sam looks up at us before swallowing and looking back down. He looks worried, exhausted and close to tears himself. I wonder if he's been here all night watching and worrying over Mike.

The Doc walks over to me and quietly asks, "Was everything alright with Charlotte?"

Nodding, I say. "Yes sir, she just wanted to see if I was okay. She was actually, um, nice to me."

The Doc looks confused and asks, "Isn't she always nice to you?" My face heats up and I look down after nodding. The Doc sounds exasperated as he says, "Jasper have you been being _not_ nice to Charlotte? Tell me you're not still holding on to your resentment." My face gets even redder and I duck my head down lower.

The Doc shakes his head and mumbles, "Maybe it's a good thing you are changing doctors. I seem to keep missing the obvious with you lately." Then in a louder, yet still soft voice says, "Son, I thought you understood. Charlotte may never have it in her to act like a mother to you. But she does care about you and wants to be on good terms with you. Can't you at least try to be a friend with her?"

Nodding, I huff out a breath and say, "Yeah. I do want to do that, Doc. I was just afraid to take a chance and try, so I always got mad every time I talked to her. I guess I really have been acting like an ass toward her but I think now that I know what I've been doing, that I can at least try to build a better relationship with Charlotte."

The Doc smiles and squeezes my shoulder as he whispers, "That's what I like to hear. You're quickly growing into strong and wonderful young man, son. I'm damn proud of you."

I smile at his compliment and then look over when Edward softly asks, "How's Mike's dad, Doc? Did he…?"

The Doc shakes his head and softly says, "No, he didn't die but he's still unconscious. Carlisle and the other doctors are actually pleased with Mr. Newton's progress and think there won't be any permanent damage. They were even talking about moving him out of ICU and into a room."

Edward nods, and then the Doc and I follow him over to Mike's bedside. We're soon joined by Carlisle and Sam. Sam looks worried sick as he says, "Michael, please calm down hon. Don't you want to talk to your old friend Edward?"

Mike turns his face into Esme dear's shoulder and cries harder as he shakes his head and says, "Edward hates me and he doesn't want anything to do with me, just like my mom. Please, I want my dad. Why won't you let me see him?"

Esme dear tightens her hold on Mike and softly says, "Michael, I promise I'll talk to your mother. Now please calm down dear. Edward doesn't hate you, he's right here by your side waiting to talk to you."

Mike's chest hitches as he chokes back his tears. He turns and looks at Edward in disbelief and confusion as he says, "Why are you here? You said…"

Edward steps up to the side of the bed as Alice and Rose step back and give him room. He takes Mike's hand in his and softly says, "I know what I said and I was wrong, Mike. I completely forgive you and I do want to be your friend again. It won't exactly be the same way we used to be friends but I do want you back in my life, Mike. I miss that sweet guy that used to be my best friend."

I know we're doing the right thing and no longer feel conflicted about being here, when I see the fragile look of hope on Mike's face as he sobs out. "Oh god, Edward, I missed you too." I don't even feel jealous when Mike throws his arms around Edward's waist and sobs against him. Edward gives me an anxious look and I smile and nod at him to let him know that I'm okay with this.

Edward relaxes and wraps his arms around Mike and tries to calm him as Mike keeps sobbing over and over, "I'm so sorry, Edward. I'm sorry for everything, I'm so sorry." Esme dear kisses the back of Mike's head and whispers something to him before she slides off the bed and walks over to Carlisle. She wraps her arm around Carlisle's waist and they walk over toward the door, while motioning for everybody to follow.

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to stay or follow the others out but I give Edward's shoulder a squeeze and mouth the words 'I'll be right back'.

Edward's eyes go wide and he gets a panicked look on his face as he frantically shakes his head and mouths 'stay with me'. Realizing that Edward doesn't want to be left alone with Mike, I sidle up closer to him and rub his back. Edward relaxes again at my touch and he goes back to trying to calm Mike.

**APOV**

Draping my arm across Alice's shoulder we follow her parents out into the hall. I catch the quick look of panic on Edward's face when Jasper turns to follow us and then the relief when Jasper stays with him rubbing his back. I realize then, that while Edward is making an effort to reconnect with his friend that he is, in fact, still frightened of him. I sincerely hope his fear is unfounded but only time will tell.

Surprisingly, Sam follows the rest of us out into the hall. Esme turns to him and asks, "You're Sammie, right? Do you know if Michael's mother is over in ICU with his father?"

Sam nods his head and softly says, "Yes ma'am. She's been there with him all night. I tried to talk to her once but she said… well it doesn't need to be repeated."

Esme sighs and nods as she says, "I'm going to go and attempt to talk to her. I just hope she'll listen to me. That poor boy in there needs his family… and you need some rest, young man. Perhaps you should try to find a place to lie down for a couple of hours? We can keep a watch on Michael for you for awhile." Even though Sam looks tired enough to keel over from exhaustion he frowns and shakes his head no. Esme sighs in disappointment and I think I hear a soft yet exasperated 'stubborn men' from her.

Then Esme turns to Carlisle and says, "Dear, I really think it would be a great idea to take Michael to see his father later. Michael's convinced his father is dead and that no one is telling him about it to protect him."

Carlisle nods and says, "I'll see what I can do love, but technically I'm not on duty and Mike isn't my patient."

Esme smiles and says, "I'm sure you'll figure something out, dear."

Rose asks, "Mom is there anything you need me or Emmett to do before we leave?"

Esme shakes her head and says, "No dear, you two go on and we'll see you in a couple of days. Just drive safe."

Alice asks, "Can I ride back to the house with you guys? I'm going to get Alistair's and my stuff packed up and ready so we can head back as soon as he gets done here."

Giving Alice a hug, I say. "I'll be there as soon as I get a chance to talk to Charlie, angel. Charlie said he would be here no later than noon so it shouldn't be much longer."

Esme says, "Alice if you need Alistair's car so you can load it up, he can ride back with your father and me or even with Edward and Jasper."

That sounds like a perfect plan, so I smile and say. "That's a great idea. Emmett, after Alice is done packing will you haul the suitcases down and put them in the car?"

Emmett grins and says "Sure thing, Al. I got it covered." Then Emmett turns to Sam and sticks his hand out to shake as he says, "It was nice to meet you, Sam. I wish it was under better circumstances though. You look like you really care for Mike and I'm glad he's got you to lean on right now."

Sam gives a sad smile and shakes Emmett's hand as he says, "Michael is a very sweet guy. I hate that he's going through this and I'll be here to help him for as long as he'll let me." Then Sam looks back toward the door and excuses himself to return to Michael.

After giving her children hugs goodbye, Esme excuses herself to go talk to Michael's mother. Carlisle looks troubled as he stares at Michaels's door and asks, "Can I talk to you for a moment in private before Charlie gets here, Al?"

Surprised I say, "Of course, Carlisle."

We walk back down to the waiting room we had been in earlier and we both have a seat. Carlisle sighs and rubs his temples for a moment before saying, "I was thinking about our talk last night and I'm worried, Al."

Wondering what's bothering him, I ask. "What are you worried about, Carlisle?"

Carlisle meets my eyes and says, "If the coach didn't quit drugging or molesting Mike until the year after he graduated, that would be almost 4 years ago. If it's been that long since he drugged Mike then I have to assume it's been that long since he drugged Mike's parents. Do you honestly think it would still explain Mike's father's rage and his attacking Mike? Would he still have that lack of impulse control after all this time? Or if the attack had been the result of a suggestion planted by the coach would it still have had that much control over him after all these years?"

Sighing, I nod and say. "I'm not positive about it causing the loss of impulse control, but I am sure about the power of suggestion since that still had control over Edward all this time. Remember it was only this week that Edward managed to break through Michael's telling him that he wasn't gay. Only this week that Edward was able to break his promise to not tell what Michael did to him. And I think Michael's screams last night were what finally broke through to Edward's real memories of hearing and seeing Michael screaming in pain that day."

Carlisle swallows and asks, "But if those drugs _are_ still able to affect Mr. Newton's impulse control after all these years, doesn't that mean they could still be affecting Mike's? Is my son safe with him, Al?"

Shaking my head, I softly say. "I honestly don't know, Carlisle, not without knowing the exact chemicals the coach used. I do think the best thing we can do for Michael is to convince him to voluntarily enter a hospital for evaluation and treatment. If Michael won't agree to that, then at the very least he needs to commit to some long term counseling. In the mean time, it might be a good idea for Edward to not be alone with Michael for any extended periods of time."

Carlisle nods and says, "That's what I was thinking as well. Now… how are we going to convince Charlie of any this?"

**JPOV **

Leaning against Edward, I rub his back as he tries to calm Mike. Mike's sobs finally slow to quiet sniffles as Edward rubs his back and holds him close. It feels a little strange to be comforting Edward while he's comforting Mike. I don't know why it didn't occurred to me that Edward might still be afraid of Mike. I'm amazed that he's still willing to reach out to his friend in spite of that fear. Hmpf, and he calls me brave…

Of course, I prove just how _not_ brave I am when I feel the body heat of somebody stepping up behind me and the weight of two unfamiliar hands rest on my shoulders as a male voice says, "I really appreciate you guys doing this for Michael."

My heart jumps into my throat and it's all I can do to not slam my elbows back in self-defense. Instead, I stiffen in shock with my heart pounding and my eyes squeezed tightly shut, unable to breathe. Then the voice says, "Hey sorry man, I didn't mean to startle you." And I realize it was just Sam coming back into the room and I slump in relief, the breath I was holding explodes out of my lungs and I desperately suck in a much needed breath.

Edward, watching me worriedly, softly whispers. "Jasper? Are you alright, love?"

Concentrating on breathing, I nod at Edward and try to give him a smile but I've got the damn shakes again. Sam steps up beside me and looks down into my face saying, "I'm really sorry, man. Seriously, are you alright?"

Nodding again, I swallow and say. "Yeah, s-s-sorry, I'm a little j-j-jumpy."

Mike slowly releases Edward's waist and sits up in the bed looking self-conscious as he carefully wipes the tears off his bruised face. Looking up at Sam with an apprehensive look Mike asks, "Sammie? Is it going to hurt your feelings if I'm friends with Edward again?"

Sam shakes his head as he says, "No, of course it won't hurt my feelings, Michael. If Edward is willing to be your friend again, I think it's a wonderful idea. God knows you need all the support you can get."

Mike looks down for a moment. Then he takes a deep breath before looking up and meeting my eyes and asking, "You're Jasper, right? Is it alright with you if Edward is my friend? I don't want to cause problems with you guys."

Shaking my head, I say. "It w-w-won't cause problems, Edward and I already t-t-talked about it and agreed that this was a good idea. And yes, I'm Jasper."

Mike sighs in relief as he nods and relaxes. Then he glances guiltily at Sam before turning to Edward and asking, "Edward? Do you know if my dad is alive?"

Edward nods and says, "He's alive, Mike. But the Doc said he was still unconscious."

Mike sighs in relief again and then glances at Sam and whispers, "Sorry Sammie."

Sam sits on the side of the bed and smiles at Mike as he rests his hand on the back of Mike's neck and says, "It's okay, Michael. I can't honestly say that I wouldn't have lied to protect you if he had died. Dr. Cullen is going to try to find a way to take you down to see your dad later. Okay?"

Mike nods and softly says, "Okay. Thanks Sammie." Sam slides up onto the bed beside Mike and wraps an arm around him. Mike leans his head against Sam's chest and closes his eyes with a quiet sigh.

Edward and I both sit down at the foot of the bed facing them. Edward sits behind me and wraps his hands around my waist with his chin on my shoulder. Sighing, all the tension in my body melts as I lean against Edward and he holds me close. We all get quiet for a minute then Edward quietly asks, "Mike, how have you been? I mean… damn that was a stupid question, I'm sorry."

Mike opens his eyes and shakes his head with a sad smile on his face as he says, "It's alright, Edward. I know what you mean." Taking a shaky breath he sits up and says, "Until this week, I've been mostly okay. I guess the coach must have been jealous of the time I spent with you because things got a little better after I… after you and I quit hanging out together."

Edward frowns and softly asks, "Better how, Mike?"

Mike turns his head away and closes his eyes as he says, "The coach, he quit… um… hurting me. I mean, he was still _with_ me… but he… he, uh, didn't hurt me anymore. He started, um…"

Sam softly says, "Michael, you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to, hon."

Mike shakes his head and wipes at his eyes then he takes a deep breath and lets it out. Mike turns and meets Edward's eyes and swallows before saying, "The coach wasn't mad anymore so he… started… um, making it feel… good… and I… started liking it."

Edward closes his eyes and very softly says, "I am so sorry, Mike. I wish I had known, or had remembered, so I could have helped you. I would have helped even after…"

Mike whispers, "I know you would have, Edward. You have no idea how bad I wanted to tell you, wanted you to remember." Shaking his head, Mike asks. "Edward, will you guys do me a favor and call me Michael. I don't like… Mike… anymore; he always called me Mike while he was..." Michael closes his eyes and shudders.

Edward nods and whispers, "Of course, Michael. I can understand that." I nod as well but don't say anything as memories of James whispering 'precious' in my ear echoes through my mind. I guess I didn't do a very good job of suppressing my own shudder because Edward's arm tightens around my waist and he gently kisses the back of my neck.

Michael looks away and softly says, "I thought I'd finally be free of him after I graduated. I mean I had always planned to go to college. But the coach, he convinced my parents that they'd be wasting their money if they sent me, that I was too slow and that the only reason I made good grades in high school was because of his _tutoring_. He told them that I learned better with hands on experience and would be better off staying and working at their store, learning from them how to run things. The coach even helped them set up my apartment over the garage. He had his own key made so he could come in and have his fun every night. Of course, he was always careful to not get caught."

Michael carefully wipes his face again and looks away before saying, "Anyway, like I said, the coach quit trying to hurt me all the time and started doing things to make it feel good… and I got to where I liked it. I even convinced myself that I wanted to be with him, and that in his own sick way he loved me. But then one day…"

Michael shrugs his shoulder and his voice turns bitter, "… he stopped coming to see me. At first, I was confused because he still came and stayed every weekend with my parents, he never stopped doing that. I thought he was just playing some kind of mind games with me. So after a couple of weeks of his ignoring me, I went to _him_ after I was sure my parents were asleep. The coach laughed at me and wanted to know what made me think that he'd want a worthless, piece of shit, dirty little faggot like me, when he had some fresh young ass at school… and then he locked me out of my parents' house."

Michael shakes his head and laughs a bitter laugh. He turns his head and looks at Edward as he says, "Would you believe I was devastated that the fucker didn't want me anymore? How sick does that make me?"

Sam shakes his head and softly says, "Michael, don't. The bastard had manipulated you into thinking like that. You were young and confused."

Michael sighs and then closes his eyes and nods. Opening his eyes, Michael turns back to Edward and says, "When my parents were around, the coach still treated me the same way he always had in front of them. He was my loving godfather with nothing but praises for his best friend's son. But when it was just me and him alone, he'd whisper to me how worthless and disgusting I was and that I should do everybody a favor and just kill myself. I wanted to leave so bad but I was trapped. I had no money, no education beyond high school, no vehicle, and no friends. He still wouldn't allow me to have friends or even date, not that there was anybody in this town that I could date."

Looking away, Michael says. "I did try to run away once. I found a way to get a little cash and then I got as far away as Seattle. I did some things there that I'm not particularly proud of to try and make enough money to get the hell out of Washington completely, but somehow the coach found me. He took my money and took me home and told me if I ever ran again he'd kill me and my parents. He didn't want me but he didn't want me leaving either."

Michael shrugs and says, "Anyway, it feels like I've been alone forever. But then I decided to tell my parents and everything went to hell."

Everybody is quiet for a minute and then Edward asks, "What finally made you decide to tell your parents Michael?"

Michael looks down and softly says, "I thought the coach was just keeping tabs on what I was doing when he spent his weekends at my parents but last weekend I thought I heard…" Michael scowls as he looks away and shakes his head saying, "Never mind."

Sam looks curious as he stares at Michael and softly asks, "What did you think you heard, Michael? What happened?"

Michael shakes his head again and whispers, "Nothing. I didn't hear anything and nothing happened."

Sam caresses Michael's cheek and says, "Michael it may be important…"

Michael turns his face away and closes his eyes as he says, "Last Sunday my parents left their kitchen window open so I snuck into their house that night." Tears track down Michael's face as he says, "It had been four years since anybody had even touched me and I was so fucking lonely. I was going to go in and beg the coach to take me back."

Sam sounds sad as he softly says, "Oh Michael…" and he pulls Michael into his arms and holds him.

Michael shakes his head and his voice breaks as he cries and says, "When I went to his room it was empty. So I… I went to my parents' door and I heard… I could hear the coach in there… laughing… and it sounded like… it was the same sounds he makes when he's… I was so… sick and… jealous… that I left."

Pulling out of Sam's arms, Michael pulls his knees up and wraps his arms around his legs as he says. "I didn't even know which one of my parent's he was with. Hell, it could have been both of them for all I know. But I was so hurt and angry that I decided to finally tell them what the coach had been doing to me. But when I said I was gay, my dad… he just _exploded_. He'd never acted like that before. Hell he'd never even raised his voice to me before. I was so shocked that I didn't even try to protect myself."

Michael shrugs as he looks down and says, "I gave up and decided the coach was right, everybody would be better off if I was dead. Hell, I don't even remember how I got to La Push. I just found myself standing at the top of these cliffs and watching the water. Honestly, I really didn't want to die but I just couldn't live like that anymore so I decided, fuck it, and I jumped. The next thing I know I'm staring into these deep dark brown eyes and clinging onto Sammie for dear life, begging him to please save me and he did. Sammie saved me from drowning, saved me from the coach, from my parents, from myself. He's been the best thing to happen to me since I lost you, Edward."

Sam shakes his head and softly asks, "Hon, why didn't you tell me what you heard, sooner? Did you tell Charlie?"

Michael shakes his head as he starts crying and says, "I didn't want anybody to know." Sam wraps his arms around Michael and rocks him as he cries.

Fuck, I thought my life had been hell. Swallowing, I lean my head against Edward's and close my eyes as he tightens his hold around my waist. I think about telling Michael about the Doc thinking he might need to go into a hospital for a while but I decide I should let the Doc have that conversation with him. Personally, while I think Michael is going to need a lot of counseling. I think he just needs friends and a normal routine life more. I feel really bad for him and I'm glad that Edward decided to try and reconnect with his friend.

Opening my eyes, I watch as Sam slowly calms Michael and we all get quiet again for several minutes. It's strange though, it's not an uncomfortable quiet. I almost feel as if I'm with old friends. Eventually, Edward sighs and asks. "Sam? Can I ask you something?"

Sam nods and says, "Sure, go ahead."

Edward tightens his grip around my waist and softly says, "Last night, you looked like you recognized Jasper. Were you there that night?"

My breath catches as I stiffen in shock at Edward's question and then quickly look down with dread, not meeting anybody's eyes. But I look back up in surprise when Sam asks, "What night?"

Edward clears his throat and says, "Oh… crap… never mind. Um, did you recognize Jasper from somewhere?"

Sam stares at me for a long moment, making me feel uncomfortable, and then he shakes his head and says. "No, not him, but I've met a woman before who looks enough like him to be his mother."

Surprised, I ask. "You met Charlotte?"

Sam nods and says, "Yes, I believe that's her name."

Now I'm really curious as I ask, "Where did you meet Charlotte at?"

Sam looks down at the floor for a moment before swallowing and quietly saying, "The first time I met her was about three years ago, I guess. I was at the cemetery visiting my wife's grave and noticed Charlotte there. I could tell she was incredibly upset and I didn't want to intrude on her grief, but when I got ready to leave I noticed the only other car there that day had a flat. I assumed it was hers so I waited until she came back to the car and then changed her flat for her. I've ran into her there at the cemetery several times over the years and she always stops and says a few words to me."

I had no idea that Charlotte had visited my parents' graves so many times. I thought she avoided Forks like the plague. But now I'm confused as I look from Sam to Michael and ask, "You were married? Like to a girl? But I thought you were gay. Aren't you and Michael together?"

Michael sits up and sighs as he looks away. Sam looks at Michael and caresses his cheek as he says, "Yeah, I was married to a sweet girl named Bree for a few years, but she died of cancer about 4 years ago. I guess if I had to classify myself as anything, I'd have to say I was bi. I've always been as attracted to guys as to girls, although it's been at least 10 years since I've been interested in having any kind of relationship with a man. Michael and I…" Sam shakes his head and wraps his arms around Michael. Sam pulls him against his chest again as he says, "I really care a lot about Michael. He makes me feel things I haven't felt since my wife died. But I... well originally, I wanted to show him that people can care for him without expecting anything more from him than friendship."

Michael sighs in frustration as he looks up into Sam's eyes and says, "But what if I want more? It's been so long since anyone has even touched me. Sam you know that I'm crazy about you."

Sam nods and says, "I know, Michael and damn it, I'm crazy about you but…"

Michael turns his head away and bitterly says, "Right, I need to know that I'm more than a piece of ass. I get it."

Sam sighs and says, "Please Michael, after everything you've been through..."

Michael looks down and plucks at the sheets. He sniffs and wipes at his eyes as he says, "It's okay, Sam. I understand… perfectly."

Frowning at the two of them, I know exactly what Michael is thinking. Apparently so does Edward because he says, "Michael, Sam does not think you are disgusting or that you're damaged goods or the coach's used castoffs."

Sam glares at Edward incredulously then his eyes go wide as he turns to Michael. He cups Michael's face in his hands and shaking his head softly says, "Oh god Michael, tell me you don't think that's why I… Damn it Michael, I really care about you and I want you so much that it's all I can do to keep my hands off you. But hon, you deserve so much more than that."

Michael's face lights up in a smile and he says, "Really? You're not just saying that? You want me?"

Sam nods and whispers, "Really. I'm not just saying that. I do want you. But Michael I want us to take our time and really get to know each other before… if… we do anything. I am not going to use you. You are such a sweet guy and you deserve somebody special."

Michael lays his head down on Sam's shoulder and says, "If you really mean that then we can go slow Sammie, as slow as you want. Just please let me know you do want me every now and then. I mean damn, do you have any idea how badly I've wished you would just kiss me? I've never really ever been kissed."

Sam cups Michael's cheek again as he lowers his face toward him. But Sam stops before their lips meet and he gently rubs their noses together as he smiles and says, "Your first kiss is not going to be in a hospital, Michael."

Michael smiles and whispers, "I can wait, Sammie."

Sam wraps Michael up in his arms and holds him close as he smiles over at us. Then he frowns and asks, "Um, Edward? How did you know what Michael was thinking?"

Edward sighs and tightens his grip around my waist. Clearing my throat, I softly say. "Because those are the same words I said to Edward. I thought I was disgusting and I couldn't believe he could want me."

Sam and Michael both look confused as they stare at me and ask, "Why would you think that?"

Swallowing nervously, I feel like it's only right that I share something with Michael, since he's shared his horrible past with me. So, I pull the collar down on my thermal shirt a few inches and look down, not wanting to see the pity or disgust that I am sure is on their faces. Sam softly says, "Damn, that had to hurt."

Nodding, I say. "Yeah and that's just one of them. There's quite a few more."

Michael leans forward and gently traces the scar with his finger as he softly asks, "What _happened_ to you?"

Licking my lips, I swallow again and look up meeting Michael's eyes as I say. "My name is Jasper Whitlock, Michael. I lived here for a day about seven years ago."

Michael's eyes go wide as he drops his hand away from me. He looks down and swallows, and then he glances guiltily at Edward and then at Sam. Sam studies me for a moment and then comprehension flashes on his face as he says, "Oh, I remember hearing about that after we moved here. My wife and I were actually living in Tacoma back when that happened. You're the boy that lived."

Nodding my head to let Sam know I heard him, I watch Michael. He looks like he's close to tears as he starts plucking at the sheet again. I know Michael wants to say something, but I can tell he's worried about what both Edward and Sam will think. Patting his leg to get his attention, I shake my head at him and say, "Michael, I already know so you don't have to say anything right now. But someday, I'd like it if you'd tell me why."

Michael stares at me with tears in his eyes as he asks, "You already know? And you still want to be around me? You're still going to let Edward be friends with me?"

Nodding again, I say. "Sometimes people do desperate things in an attempt to get away from a hellish situation?"

Michael closes his eyes as he nods and whispers, "Stupid and desperate things. Jasper, I'm sorry."

Squeezing his leg, I say. "I already forgave you Michael."

Michael smiles as he looks from me to Edward and says, "You know Jasper, at first I thought you were incredibly lucky to wind up being with Edward. But you know it's beginning to occur to me that maybe Edward's the lucky one. You're really a great guy." Looking down, I smile and blush at his compliment.

Sam frowns and asks, "I don't suppose either one of you are going to tell us what the hell you're talking about?"

Turning my head, I see the same curiosity in Edward's face that is in Sam's but I just shake my head and say, "Nope." Edward narrows his eyes at me and I just smile at him. We sit there and visit for little while longer, avoiding the big issue that lies between Michael and Edward. I figure they'll need to sit down and seriously talk about that day someday, so they can make peace with it, but not today.

Carlisle and the Doc come back into the room a little before 11:00 with a wheelchair, saying they're going to take Michael to see his dad. Michael argues with them saying he can walk, but everybody protests and insists that he sit his ass down in the wheelchair. Sam threatens to pick Michael up and carry him like a baby if he doesn't quit acting like one. Michael gets a playful look in his eyes while shaking his head no, and then he squawks and giggles uncontrollably when Sam effortlessly scoops him up off the bed and sets him down in the chair. The Doc and Carlisle both smile with relief that Michael seems to be in a better mood.

I can't figure out just what the fuck the Doc and Carlisle are doing as we get ready to leave though. Carlisle slowly opens the door and carefully looks both ways, and then he slips out the door and slides along the wall as he looks down the hall. Then he motions to the Doc who quickly pushes Michael out the door.

The Doc and Carlisle both have grins on their faces as they roll Michael down the hall in a rush. Edward and Sam look as confused as I feel, as we follow them. We get close to the end and Carlisle motions us to slow down as he looks around the corner. Then grinning again he motions us to hurry and we all practically run down to where Esme dear is holding open a door for us to enter.

Edward says something to his dad about how he thought Michael's dad was still in ICU but Carlisle tells Edward that the hospital moved him to a room about 20 minutes ago. I guess Michael must still be woozy from whatever shot they gave him to calm him down, because Sam has to help Michael out of his chair and hold him steady as he walks over to his dad. Then Michael crawls up onto the bed with his dad and lays his head on his dad's chest. Michael wraps an arm around him and starts to cry again. Sam joins us as we all get quiet and stand back to give Michael some time with his dad.

Sam turns and quietly asks Esme dear where Michael's mother is and she tells Sam that she had a long talk with Michael's mom then took her home to rest. Sam frowns and Esme dear tells him that she's going to go back and talk to her some more, later this afternoon at the Newton's house.

The Doc asks me if I'm doing alright being in the hospital this long and I nod and tell him I'm doing a lot better now. But thankfully, Edward keeps me wrapped up in his arms close to him. I guess I'm not the only nervous person because we all jump when the door opens, but it's just Charlie.

Carlisle, the Doc, Charlie and Sam all huddle up together in the corner and start whispering to each other while glancing at Michael and his dad. I'm trying to edge closer to listen to what they're talking about, but Esme dear comes over to Edward and me and wraps her arms around our waists asking about our upcoming camping trip.

After hearing Carlisle's breath catch, I look over and see everybody staring at the bed. I turn and see that Michael's dad has wrapped his bandaged arms around Michael and is softly saying. "Shh, don't cry. He can't hurt us anymore, we'll be alright now." Then he looks over and calls to Charlie. Charlie walks closer and Michael's dad says, "I told you to keep Mike away."

Michael rises up and his dad gently touches Mike's bruised face and his voice slowly trails off as he mumbles, "My fault… bastard… my friend… nightmares… didn't know… real… hurts… saw him… hurt you… stay away… not safe… love you, son." His hand slowly falls and he slips back into unconsciousness again.

Michael lays his head back down on his dad's shoulder and whispers, "I love you too, dad."

Glancing back over at the others, I see concern on all their faces then Carlisle shakes his head and checks his watch. He does a quick check of Mr. Newton's vitals then says that we need to get Michael back to his room before the nurses start to take lunches around. The thought of lunch sets my stomach to growling… loud. So Sam helps Michael back into his chair and we repeat our strange frantic journey back to Michael's room, only this time Esme dear and Charlie come with us.

After we get back to Michael's room, Edward says his goodbyes to Michael and Sam. Edward even gives Michael a hug but I hang back and just kind of wave. I'm not nearly comfortable enough with either of them to do that yet. We make our way back out into the hall where Charlie, the Doc, Carlisle and Esme dear are talking quietly. Charlie seems glad that Edward and I were visiting with Michael and Sam. He shakes our hands and gives us both a hug as he tells us how proud he is of us. I don't mind Charlie giving me a hug at all. He saved me.

Edward tells everybody that he's going to take me to lunch and then we're going to get around and head out to go camping. They all give us another hug then the Doc walks with us out to the car and asks, "How are you doing, Edward? I know this had to be hard for you."

Edward sighs and says, "I'm alright, Doc. I think it may take a while for me to get completely comfortable with Michael again. But I honestly think I need to do this for both him and me."

The Doc nods and says, "You're a very kind hearted and generous person, Edward. I would like to caution you to play it safe though, and not be alone with Michael. Not until we know if there are any lingering after effects from his being drugged."

Edward sighs again and nods. "Okay, Doc. We'll take it slow."

Then the Doc smiles as he says. "Camping, huh? Any particular reason you boys want to get alone in the woods? I mean from the sounds of things this morning, you two certainly aren't shy about fooling around in your parent's house, Edward."

Edward turns as red as I feel, then clears his throat and softly says, "Well, there's a few things I wouldn't be comfortable doing at my parent's Doc."

The Doc frowns for a moment and then his eyes go wide as he says, "Oh. Oh! I see. Um, who's…? Never mind, none of my business. You boys will be careful though, right?"

I'm too embarrassed to meet the Doc's eyes but I nod and smile as I look down. I peek up at Edward and see that he's doing the same thing. The Doc laughs at both of us then he gives Edward a hug and softly says, "Take care of my boy, Edward."

Edward hugs him back and says, "I will, Doc."

Then the Doc turns to me and wraps me up in a tight hug and says, "If you get scared or nervous or need anything, please call me Jasper." Then the Doc swallows and takes a deep breath before he very softly says, "I love you very much, son."

My breath catches and I take a step back as I look at him in amazement. The Doc's face turns red and he looks unsure as I stand there and stare at him. Finally breaking myself out of my trance, I practically launch myself into his arms as I sob out, "I love you too, dad!" We're both crying and laughing at the same time as we hold on to each other. I've wanted this for so very long and it's finally happened! Seeing Edward standing back and watching us, I grab him and pull him into the hug too.

After we all compose ourselves again, the Doc…err… dad? Doc? Damn what do I call him now?…anyway, he gives us both one last hug before going back inside the hospital to join the others. After watching…um, the Doc… go inside, I turn to Edward with a big grin on my face and say, "He loves me."

Edward wraps his arms around me and whispers, "Of course he does. I love you, too." And then he gives me a soft kiss that just melts my insides as I lean against him. Of course my damn stomach has to pick that moment to start growling again. Edward smiles as he rests his forehead against mine and asks, "You want to go back to the house to feed the beast or try out one of our local greasy spoons?"

"Um, let's go back to the house. If the others haven't left yet, I want a chance to say goodbye."

Edward smiles and say, "Alright love, the house it is then."

Edward takes me back to the house and I have to say that it's starting to piss me off that I have to close my eyes every time we get close to entering or leaving his parent's driveway. I hate letting that fucking bastard, James, have control over any aspect of my life. And yet, I'm not quite ready to take that next step and go to my parents' old property to check it out. I will soon though, real fucking soon. I will not let that bastard win. He doesn't own me.

Going into the house, we find Alice in the kitchen making sandwiches and packing them into an ice chest. She tells us that Emmett and Rose are still at the campsite setting things up for us, so she decided to prepare the food we would be taking. I'm eyeing the sandwiches and thinking 3 or 4 of those sound real good right now but that mean, hateful Alice slaps my hand when I try to grab one.

Shaking her head, Alice tells us that yesterday's leftovers are already heated up and on the dining table waiting for us. Grinning, I kiss her cheek and then sneak a piece of cheese before heading into the dining room. I love my little pixie friend. She's the best!

Edward and I chow down on leftovers from our cookout yesterday. I have to say it's all just as good today as it was yesterday, if not better. We're more than halfway done eating our plateful of food when Edward mutters, "Damn it, I forgot to feed you some ice cream first." Then in a louder voice he calls for Alice. "Hey, Alice, did you guys buy any ice cream last night? With everything going on, we kind of forgot about it this morning."

Alice pokes her head around the door and says, "We didn't get any last night but we stopped and bought some on the way home from the hospital this morning. I forgot to tell you before you guys ate. I guess Jasper can eat it after his meal this time. Oh, I even got some cones if you want to fix him one after you're done eating." Cool! I love ice cream on a cone!

After Edward and I finish eating, I wash up our plates while Edward sets to work on fixing me an ice cream cone. Edward asks if I want vanilla or chocolate ice cream since apparently they bought both flavors, so I beg for some of each. Yum! Edward fixes me a huge ice cream cone with a couple of big scoops of each flavor. He eyes the ice cream like he'd like some of it too, but he sighs and puts it up after fixing mine.

I'm kind of disappointed that Edward's not eating any too. Frowning, I follow Edward into the living room and when he sits down on the loveseat, I straddle his lap and stick the cone under his nose and ask, "Don't cha wanna lick?"

Edward eyes my ice cream and licks his lips but he shakes his head and says, "Baby, the ice cream is for you. I'm fine without it."

Narrowing my eyes at Edward, I grin and tap his lips with the ice cream and then lean down and lick it off his lips. Then I wink and run the flat of my tongue up my side of the cone and do a really exaggerated "Mmmmm" as my eyes roll up in my head and I wiggle my ass on his lap.

Edward rolls his eyes and shakes his head at me as he licks his lips. Then he smiles and snakes his tongue out and slowly runs a long lick up my cone. Which I have to say, really makes me moan. Grinning, I slide the ice cream across his lips again and then I lean down and lick it off. Mmmm, vanilla and chocolate and Edward, oh my!

Edward smirks as he stares into my eyes and then runs his tongue around the top of my ice cream before taking a long lick with the flat of his tongue at the same time that he squeezes my ass in both his hands. Then after he runs his tongue up the cone again, I capture his tongue with my lips. I suck the ice cream off his tongue before returning the favor by letting him taste some from my tongue.

We're both licking and sucking on each other's lips and tongues as we lick around and around and up and down the ice cream. Edward squeezes my ass again and I start to slide back and forth across his lap thrusting against him. We're both starting to pant and moan but then we both freeze when we hear a gasp and a soft, "Fuck me, that's hot."

Looking over my shoulder, I see a wide eyed Emmett standing in the entrance to the living room. He blinks a few times and stammers out, "I was just coming to say your tent is ready when you guys are, but it looks like you guys are more than ready. Damn Edward, that was… damn."

Edward smiles and says, "Thanks for the tent, Emmett."

I can't help but giggle when Emmett turns red but then feeling something cold running across my fingers, I look down to see…fuck, my ice cream is melting! So I switch hands and stick the whole ice cream in my mouth and slowly pull it out as I lick off all the melted part, and while I'm doing that Edward sucks the melted ice cream from my fingers tips.

Emmett swallows and whispers, "Holy fuck." Then he turns on his heels calling out, "Rose? Can we go up to the room for a bit before we leave?" As Emmett walks out I can hear him muttering, "…too fucking hot." as he shakes his head.

Grinning at Edward, I say. "Your brother is funny."

Edward rolls his eyes and says, "Tell me something I don't know." Then he grins again and says, "Do that again."

Tilting my head, I ask. "What?"

Edward smiles and grabs my hips as he thrusts up against me and whispers, "Deep throat that fucking ice cream. Damn, baby, I never knew I could be jealous of ice cream."

Grinning, I wink at him and say, "You mean you wish my lips and tongue were doing this to you?" And I stick the whole ice cream in my mouth and slowly pull it out, repeating my earlier move.

Rose huffs out, "For god's sake, no wonder Emmett wants a blow job. Edward, you two need to finish up and come on outside. I want to give Jasper a lesson on driving a four wheeler before we leave."

Edward rolls his eyes and sighs as he gently removes me from his lap and says, "We planned on hiking up to the campsite, sis."

I sit down beside Edward and work on finishing my ice cream as Rose says, "Have you seen how much food and drinks Alice has packed for you guys? Trust me you do not want to lug that ice chest a couple of miles. Take the four-wheeler."

Edward nods and says, "You're right, I didn't think about that."

Rose grins and says, "Looks to me that you're only thinking about one thing there little brother, but we got everything ready for you guys. And as soon as I'm sure Jasper will be able to drive the wheeler if there's an emergency, then you guys can head out."

Edward looks at me and grins as he says, "Looks like you're going to learn to drive something this weekend after all, babe."

* * *

**I really wanted to get to the campsite by the end of this chapter but I ran out of time before my trip. Next chapter though… the boys said it's past time for some lovin'. **

**Thanks for sticking with me and I hope you're enjoying my tale.**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N after the chapter…**

**Usual disclaimer: Twilight characters belong to Ms Meyers but the plot is my own.**

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 30**

**JPOV (Sunday continued…)**

Edward smiles and wraps his arms around my waist as he straddles the monster and slowly eases down onto it. My stomach is fluttering and my heart is pounding as Edward whispers. "You can do this baby. Just start off slow."

Swallowing nervously, I nod and slowly start moving. I can't believe Edward trusts me enough to do this with me, because frankly, I'm terrified of accidentally hurting him. I try to keep my concentration on what I'm doing, but Edward's scorching hot hands are distracting me as they slide from around my waist to my hips.

Edward tightens his grip on my hips as he leans in and softly says, "You're doing fine baby. Do you want to try to go a little faster now?"

Shaking my head no, I whisper. "No, this is fast enough. I'm afraid I'll mess up and hurt you."

Edward's smiles as he softly says, "You're not going to hurt me, Jasper. You're doing great." Then he distracts me even worse by kissing down the side of my neck. Fearful of losing control, I cease our movement and lean my head sideways to give him easier access. I can't stop my quiet moans as Edward kisses, bites, and sucks his way down my neck. Damn, I love his lips on me.

Rose growls out, "For god's sakes, Edward! Quit distracting Jasper or he'll never learn to drive the damn thing!"

Edward huffs against my neck then looks over at his sister and says, "Give it a rest Rose, he's doing fine. Jasper drove this stupid four-wheeler fine with you, fine with Emmett and fine all by himself. He's just nervous of driving it with me on here because he's afraid he'll wreck and hurt me. I really think we're done here, sis. I mean Jasper and I would like to get to the campsite sometime this century."

_I've been out here learning how to drive the monster, as I liked to call the scary looking four-wheeler, up and down the driveway for the past hour. First, Rose and Emmett had given me very detailed instructions on how to operate it, and then they had taken turns driving with me behind them while I watched how they operated it. Then they had taken turns sitting behind me, giving me more instructions while I drove. _

_Thankfully, Edward had made sure Rose and Emmett had understood that under no circumstances were they to drive all the way to the end of the driveway while I was on the four-wheeler with them. So one of them would drive me to just this side of the last curve near the end of the driveway, and then switch with me and make me drive back to the house. _

_It had been really scary at first, and there seemed to be too many things to keep up with all at the same time. I'd even almost ran into the trees a few different times while concentrating on my hands and feet as I tried to work the clutch and switch the gears. I finally got the hang of everything after going out and coming back in 9 or 10 times. I was actually pretty good at driving while one of them was behind me, correcting me when I made a mistake. _

_Unfortunately, after that I had to show that I could drive the four-wheeler while I was alone. Even though I managed to not kill myself when I rode it alone, I did run into the side of bush when I was watching my hands and not where I was going. Not that I told any of them that. _

_Fuck, Edward was right about Rose being an overprotective mother hen because as soon as I got back from my solo trip, she had insisted I try to drive it with Edward behind me. But then she had refused to let Edward even get on behind me until she got done fussing and giving us both safety lectures on the operation four-wheelers! _

_Now, with Edward finally sitting behind me, all I can feel is the heat of his body against my back, ass and thighs; the weight of his hands burning into me as they rest on my waist or hips. It's totally distracting and I don't want to risk hitting another bush or tree with him on here with me. It would kill me to hurt Edward. And let's not even get into what Rose would do to me if I didn't return _Edward _to her in pristine condition!_

_Then again, all the advice I kept getting earlier on how to have sex for the first time from first Rose and then Emmett, when we were out on the driveway away from the others, had been embarrassing as hell and kind of distracting as well. How the hell am I supposed to learn anything or even think about anything else, when they're both telling me if I want our first time to last more than 30 seconds that I need to get both Edward and myself off before we try to 'do the nasty' as Emmett calls it, or 'pop our seriously overripe cherries' as Rose called it. Whatever. Don't ask me. _

Rose rolls her eyes at Edward but then she huffs and grudgingly says, "Fine. At least I know Jasper can operate it if anything happens now."

Edward's arms tighten around my waist and I barely him hear mutter, "Fucking _finally_." Then a little louder he says, "Rose, Emmett, I really want to thank you guys for setting up our campsite for us and for teaching Jasper how to drive the four-wheeler. You guys have been great." Then he quietly mutters, "Irritating as hell, but great."

Rose gives Edward a worried stare and softly asks, "I don't suppose you'd consider calling me _after_ and letting me know how everything went? Let me know you're alright?"

Edward drops his head against my back and mutters, "You've got to be fucking kidding me." Then he looks up at Rose and softly says, "Sis, I love you. You know that. But the only reason I would be calling anybody tonight is if something was _seriously_ wrong. I will not be calling to say how great things are going so do not expect a call. Alright?"

Rose huffs and gives Edward a glare, then her face softens again and she smiles as she says, "Okay, bubs. No call means things are going great." I flinch back against Edward when Rose points at me while giving me the momma bear glare and growling out, "You will not hurt my brother!" I nod frantically; agreeing that I will in no shape of form hurt him. Then I sigh in relief when her glare and pointing finger turns on Edward and she says, "You will not hurt baby boy!" I can feel Edward gulp and nod his head just as frantically. She gives us both one last glare, then nods and says. "Alright then."

Then Rose breaks out into a huge grin, jumping up and downs and clapping her hands and fucking _squealing_, "Oh god, I'm so excited for you guys! This is so wonderful! You're going to have so much fun tonight!" which just makes me grin and blush as I roll my eyes and lean back against Edward. I love my crazy, fickle, over-protective mother hen, sweet momma bear Rose.

Emmett calls out, "Hey, Jasper! Don't forget what I told you, dude!" Then he starts walking with his legs spread out wide like he's bow legged or something as he rubs his ass while pointing to a huge grin on his face and waggling his eyebrows. I do this stupid sounding snicker-snort as I duck my head and laugh. Fuck, Emmett can be embarrassing as hell sometimes. When I hear, "Ow! Hey! Oh come on, Rosie posy I was just funin' with him!" I figure Rose must have popped Emmett on the back of the head.

Edward's body is shaking as he laughs behind me. He leans closer and whispers in my ear. "Let me guess. That's supposed to me tomorrow?" Grinning, I glance back at him and nod my head. Edward keeps laughing but his face turns bright red as he rolls his eyes and shakes head.

When he finally quits laughing, Edward swings his leg over and steps off the monster leaving me alone on the scary machine. Then he tells me, "Baby, just drive it up to the kitchen door so we can tie down the ice chest." Nodding my head, I carefully maneuver the monster machine around and cautiously drive toward the house.

Emmett, Rose and Edward beat me to the house. I guess they were walking faster than I was driving. How pathetic is that? But at least I didn't run over anything or wipeout against the side of the house. After finally catching up with everybody, I turn the monster off before stepping off of it with trembling legs. Wiping my sweaty palms on my shirt, I think I just rethought my idea of learning how to drive a car. Fuck, just driving the four-wheeler had been some scary shit.

We all go into the house and find that Alice is just finishing packing up the ice chest for Edward and me. I try to sneak a peek inside to see what all she fixed for us but Alice slaps my hand and growls at me to keep out until we get to the tent. I huff at her and pout, but she just arches that damn eyebrow at me and crosses her arm. She's such a meany!

Edward takes one look at my pouty lip and grins. Then he wraps his arms around me and sucks on my lip before he starts kissing me right there in front of everyone. Mmmm, at least Edward knows how to appreciate a good pout! His tongue is delicious as it gently explores my mouth. One of Edward's hands cups my face and his thumb caresses my cheek as he kisses me. I moan when his other arm tightens around me and he bends me backwards against the kitchen counter while pressing his body against mine. Then Edward moans as I run my hands down his back and pull him even closer while kneading and squeezing his ass. The hand Edward has wrapped around me slides down and he squeezes my ass too as he presses his body against mine harder, rolling his hips, grinding against me.

I hear Rose mutter, "Here we go."

Then Emmett breathlessly mutters, "Oh… oh damn… that's just… damn… Rosie posy?"

And then I hear Rose shriek and giggle.

Edward groans and breaks the kiss and we both come up for air. Edward rests his forehead on mine as we pant and stare into each other's lust filled eyes. I'm a little embarrassed about kissing and making out right in front of everybody like that but when I look over at the others, all I find is Alice smirking at us. Then I hear what sounds like Emmett running up the stairs, but the giggling and squealing I hear is surely Rose. Ah, Emmett must have thrown Rose over his shoulder again.

Alice rolls her eyes and says, "You two should get going before you both spontaneously combust, or before Emmett does."

Edward smiles at Alice and his face turns red as he says, "Sorry, sis. I was trying to pay back Emmett for embarrassing us outside but I think I got a little carried away."

Alice smiles and waves a hand as she says, "Don't worry about it Edward. You two have fun seducing each other tonight, but do be careful boys."

Edward's face turns even redder but he nods and says, "We will sis. And thanks for preparing all the food for Jasper, me… and the beast."

Alice quirks that fucking eyebrow and asks, "The beast?"

Edward winks as he leans toward Alice with his mouth halfway covered and he does this really loud whisper. "Jasper's _stomach_!"

Alice nods and says, "Oh, right… we met."

I scowl at Edward and say, "Fuck you, asshole."

Edward winks at me and says, "That's the plan baby." Alice rolls her eyes and I can't help but snicker again. Edward gives me a quick kiss and says, "I'm going to go tie down the ice chest and then I'll be ready. Are you ready to head out?"

I smile and nod, then stop and say. "Oh wait. I need to run up and grab my backpack then I'll be ready."

Edward nods then softly says, "The lube is still on the dresser and don't forget to grab your medication too, baby." Damn, I'd not even thought about taking my medication, I'm glad Edward reminded me. I nod and head toward the stairs as Alice offers to help Edward haul the ice chest outside to the wheeler. Damn, what all did she put in there? It looks heavy.

Running up the stairs, I almost stumble when I feel a slight twinge in my knee. Fuck! Watch your fucking knee Jasper! Grumbling under my breath, I slow my ass down and pay attention as I climb the stairs. Why the fuck is Edward's room on the top story anyway? I sure as fuck don't want my knee going out right now. I'm going to love on my beautiful man tonight and nothing is going to fuck that up if I can help it.

I make it to Edward's room without anymore knee twinges. Going into the bathroom, I get my medication first and then go grab the bottle of lube off the dresser. After making sure that the boxes of condoms are still inside my backpack, I add both the lube and medication then frown. Damn, we never did practice putting the condoms on. I hope like hell that Edward knows how they work.

Staring at my laptop still inside my backpack, I wonder, should I bring it or leave it? I decide I should just leave it here since I seriously doubt that there is any internet out in the middle of the woods. After pulling the laptop out of the pack, I set it on the dresser and then frown again at the thought of leaving it behind. What is my problem? Shaking my head, I grab the backpack then turn to leave but pause at the door. Looking back at the laptop, I feel like I'm forgetting something. Shrugging and shaking my head, I turn and head out taking the stairs real slow on my way down, planting each foot carefully while watching how I shift my weight on my knee.

I pause on the second floor when I hear a strange noise. Cocking my head, I follow the sound a little ways down the hall trying to find the source. I'm really confused when I figure out the noise is one of the doors as it rhythmically thumps and shakes in its frame. What the fuck?

Stepping closer to the door, I study it and try to figure out what's causing it to shake. Is it some kind of weird earthquake? But then wouldn't all the doors be shaking if was an earthquake? Or the whole house for that matter? Curious, I reach out and touch the door but then my eyes go wide and I take a step back when the rhythmic thumping and shaking speeds up. What the fucking hell?

My jaw drops and my face heats up when I hear Rose moan. Oh holy fucking shit! I think Rose and Emmett are having sex right there on the other side of the door! Against the door! Eww, gross! Mortified, I silently hurry back to the stairs but now I can hear both Emmett and Rose as they start moaning 'yes, yes, yes' as the door thumps and shakes faster and faster.

Shuddering, I hurry down the stairs as fast as I safely can. But they're getting fucking louder and I can still hear them down here on the first floor! I throw all caution to the wind and run as their loud 'Yes! Yes! Yes!' follows me down the hall through the kitchen and out the door. When I burst through the door, outside to where Edward and Alice are, they both give me a strange look. Then Alice snorts and says. "Let me guess. Rose and Emmett are at it again."

I'm sure my face must be red 'cause its burning hot as I wrinkle my nose and nod. Edward and Alice both laugh at me so I do what any manly man would do. I huff at the both of them and then stick my tongue out. Edward is still laughing as he wraps his arms around me and says, "Welcome to my world baby. I've had to put up with that shit, every time mom and dad weren't around, ever since they were 17."

I wrinkle my nose again and say, "But they were doing it against the door!"

Edward really surprises me when he buries his face in my neck and whispers, "Mmmm, sounds like something we'll have to try someday love."

My eyes go wide and dart over to Alice as I wonder if she heard what Edward just said. She smirks at me then winks and says, "You two should get going. I think I'm going to go and give Rose and Emmett a little hell. It's time for me to give Emmett a little payback myself." Alice gives us both a hug then turns to head into the house. She pauses at the door and levels her eyes at Edward and says, "Don't forget what I said, Edward." Then she goes inside and closes the door behind her.

Looking over at Edward to see if he's going to explain that, I find him looking down with his face bright red. Now what? I think about asking, but decide he'll tell me if he wants me to know. Edward peeks up at me with a small smile on his face then he walks over and wraps his arms around me before asking, "Are you ready, baby? Did you want to drive?"

Wrapping my arms around Edward's waist, I say. "Yeah, I'm ready darlin' but you should drive. I don't even know where we're going."

Edward's smile gets bigger as he rolls his eyes. "Right, guess I wasn't thinking. Okay I'll drive but I want you to pay attention to the route I take. Rose is right in that you never know when you'll need to know those things."

The route Edward drives is twisty and long and I'm not positive that I could find my way back if I had to. Edward takes his time and drives slow as he points out different landmarks for me to remember and it takes almost half an hour to drive to the campsite. Edward says that we could have walked a straight line through the woods in about 20 minutes, but since we were on the big wheeler, we had to take a route going around most of the trees.

When I tell Edward that I'm not sure if I can find my way back, he points out the faint tire tracks that he's following from the multiple trips Emmett and Rose had taken back and forth while setting up our camp. Now that Edward's pointed the tracks out, I can clearly see the trail cutting through the woods. Reassured that I can probably find my way out if I have to, I pay less attention to our route and more attention the man in my arms.

I can feel Edward's heart pounding in his chest as I lean against him and I can feel an occasional tremor run through his body under my hands as they rest on his hips. I can't believe my beautiful man is even more nervous than I am. Trying to reassure Edward, I gently wrap my arms around his waist and hug him to me as I kiss across his back. Edward turns his head toward me for a moment and smiles before turning back and paying attention to his driving.

We get to the campsite a few minutes later and Edward turns off the motor. In the silence after the roar of the machine, I swear I can _hear_ Edward's heart pounding and each of his anxious breaths as he breathes in and out. I can even hear his throat click as he swallows nervously before softly saying, "We're here love. Why don't you help me carry the ice chest into the tent and then I'll show you around a little bit."

I look around our campsite as I help Edward lug the huge ice chest full of food and drinks to the tent. The tent is set up on the edge of a small clearing and it looks a hell of a lot bigger out here than it did at the mall the other day. The tent has a ground cloth under and also has a tarp stretched over it with an overhang in front and a couple of camp chairs sitting under it. I guess that's to keep everything dry if it rains.

Edward pauses in front of the tent and we set the ice chest down. He rubs the back of his neck as he frowns at the tent and shakes his head while muttering. Wondering what's up, I ask. "What's wrong, Edward?"

Edward nods toward the tent and says, "This isn't the tent we bought Friday. We bought a 3 man tent and this is a family size that will hold like 8 to 10 people."

Oh, I guess that's why it looks a hell of a lot bigger out here than at the mall then…duh.

Edward laughs and blushes as he says, "I guess Emmett and Rose thought we would need more room to… um…. maneuver." My cock twitches and my face heats up as I think about what all we're going to need maneuvering room for. I'll have to remember to thank Emmett and Rose later.

Edward shakes his head again and then sighs before leaning down and unzipping the door to the tent. We pick up the ice chest and carry it inside and set it down against one of the side walls along with my backpack. Looking around the inside of the tent, I see there is a window on each wall except for the wall with the door. There are a couple of chairs in here too with a small table in between them with an unlit lantern sitting on it. But what keeps drawing my eye is the bed that Emmett and Rose set up for us.

I'm pretty sure there are at least a dozen sleeping bags layered and piled up on top of several foam pads. There are also at least four or five pillows at the head of the bed with half a dozen towels rolled up beside them. When Edward had mentioned camping, I had assumed we'd be sleeping on the hard ground, but this actually looks comfortable and soft. I glance over at Edward just in time to see him glance at the bed with wide eyes and then look down as his face turns red and he swallows nervously.

Edward nervously glances at me and gives me a small smile before glancing back at the bed and then looking down again with his face even redder. I bite my lip and grin as I watch him, my beautiful man is definitely nervous. Edward doesn't act unsure or bashful very often, but when he does it always makes me feel bolder. Quietly taking a deep breath, I let it out before stepping closer to Edward and wrapping my arms around his waist. He gives me a shy smile as he looks into my eyes and whispers, "Hi."

Tightening my arms around his waist, I give him a soft kiss before whispering. "Hi back." Raising one of my hands, I brush my fingers through Edward's hair and softly say. "Don't be nervous beautiful. I would never do anything you don't want to do, just like I know you won't do anything I don't want to do. If you change your mind, trust me, I'll understand. Okay?"

Edward nods and takes a deep breath of his own and lets it out. He smiles and gives me a soft kiss and whispers, "I love you Jasper, and I am ready to do this. I'm just a little nervous right now."

I give him another smile and say, "Well, how about we just relax for a bit? Didn't you want to show me around? You said this was your favorite place to come when you needed to think, right?"

Edward visibly relaxes as he nods and says, "Yeah, I started coming here after what happened with Mike… um, Michael. Come on let me show you my favorite spot in the world, baby."

Grinning, Edward takes my hand and leads me back outside the tent. His smile is infectious as pulls me into the middle of the clearing. I look around at the almost circular meadow as Edward says, "We can come back out here after dark and lay here and see about a million stars… well, if it's cleared up by then. You'll love it baby! Oh! And I'll have to bring you back here in the spring too! While it's still pretty right now, this whole field is full of wildflowers then and it's _gorgeous_ to look at. Damn, I can just picture you lying here surrounded by wildflowers. Oh yeah, we'll definitely have to come back in the spring. I love to come here just to hang out, but this over here is my really favorite part!"

Edward excitedly pulls me into the trees on the opposite end of the meadow away from where the tent is. He keeps looking back at me with a big grin on his face as he leads me by my hand under the dark foliage. I can hear the gurgling, babbling of water before I see it. Edward leads me to a small stream but keeps going.

We follow the stream until it opens up into a small, crystal clear pool that is surrounded by ferns and large rocks and with what looks like a solid rock bottom. Edward leads me over to a large rock that juts out over one side of the pool. He sits down and pats the rock, wanting me to sit by him. After sitting down beside Edward, he curls around behind me and whispers. "Now, close your eyes and just listen, baby."

Closing my eyes, I listen to the babbling stream, the water lapping against the rocks in the pool, the wind blowing through the boughs in the trees, the birds chirping and singing, insects buzzing, and Edward's soft breath as he breathes close behind me. The sounds are soothing to the soul and I understand why he finds this place so special.

Behind my closed eyelids, I can practically see my sweet tenderhearted Edward here as a troubled teenager trying to deal with the things that happened between him and Mike, trying to deal with the knowledge of the horrible things his fostered siblings had confided in him, trying to deal with the fragile relationship building between him and his father. I wonder how many tears Edward has cried while sitting here on these rocks.

Sighing, I lean my head back against Edward and he wraps his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder. I don't know how long we sit like that; leaning against each other with our eyes closed while we listen to the peace and quiet. It's almost as if we're in one of those magical moments where time has stopped.

It's so beautiful and serene here but eventually my thoughts turn to what we have planned. My nerves and doubts kick in as my mind is flooded with memories of the pain I had suffered that night when they…. Swallowing nervously, I softly ask. "Edward?"

Edward whispers, "Yes, love?"

Keeping my eyes closed and my head leaned back against him, I whisper. "I'm scared."

Edward's arms tighten around my waist and he softly says, "I know you are, baby. But I promise as long as you get me ready first and then go really slow that I'll be alright."

Sighing, I ask. "Do you know exactly what I'm supposed to do to get you ready?"

Edward softly kisses against the side of my neck. One of his hands on my waist starts to gently slide back and forth across my stomach as he answers. "It's the same thing as when you put your fingers inside of me, baby. That'll stretch me out and get me all relaxed and ready to go. I may be even more relaxed if you make me cum first this time, but you won't always have to do that. Later on you can just stretch me out and get me all turned on and wanting you and then you can make me cum when we make love."

Edward's lips return to kissing the back of my neck so I bow my head to give him better access. Humming at the feel of his lips on my neck, I softly say. "Mmmm, feels good darlin'. Um, Rose told me I should try to get you to cum before we have sex tonight, too. But she said it was because sometimes when it's a guy's first time he doesn't last very long and you might not even have time to cum while we were doing it. Then Emmett said that I might want to let _you_ make _me_ cum before we have sex just so I can last longer."

Edward softly laughs against the back of my neck as he says, "Yeah, Alice told me the same thing earlier. I wasn't sure if I believed her or not."

Ah, that must have been what she had been talking about when we left. Chewing on my lip, I open my eyes and twirl the ring he gave me around and around my finger. Then taking a deep breath, I nod and say. "Okay, well I guess if they were all giving us the same advice then it must be true."

Edward takes my hand and pulls it up to his lips. He kisses the ring on my finger before he laces his fingers with mine and returns it to my waist. Then he resumes his kisses on the back of my neck. Keeping my head bowed, I close my eyes again and just enjoy the feel of his lips moving across the sensitive skin of my neck. After awhile I sigh and softly ask, "Edward?"

I can feel him smile against the back of my neck as he whispers, "Yes, love?"

"Do I just put it in and start moving or is there something else I need to do? Did you ask Ben when you talked to him?"

Edward sighs and then softly says, "Baby, it's kind of like how we went real slow with our fingers the first time so we could get used to it. You're going to go real slow and real careful until you're all the way inside of me and then you might have to hold still for a minute until I get used to being stretched like that."

Sighing, I nod and say. "I can go as slow and be as still as you need me to darlin'. But after we get it all the way in and I stay still until you're used to it. What do we do then?"

I can feel Edward grin against my neck again before he softly says, "Then we make love, baby."

Blushing, I smile and softly say. "Oh, right…duh." Edward starts kissing the back of my neck one more time and I relax against him with my head bowed feeling a little less nervous.

Edward's lips feel heavenly on the back of my neck as he kisses and sucks, and as his whiskers tickle across my sensitive skin. One of his hands gently slide up and down my arm while the other slips under my shirts and slides across my stomach. His hand on my arm comes up and cups my cheek and turns my face back toward him. His lips meet mine in slow languorous kisses and I just melt against him with a soft hum. When Edward tries to pull back, I curl my hand up and hold him still as I turn around toward him and deepen our kiss. My tongue slides between Edward's parted lips and starts a slow dance curling and twisting around his.

Edward moans and his hands move up and fist into my hair as our kisses turn hungry and hard. Leaning back, I pull Edward down beside me as our legs tangle together. Running my hand down to his ass, I pull his body flush against mine and both our hips start a gentle rolling thrust against each other. Edward whimpers as I knead his ass while thrusting against him harder.

I groan with need when Edward rolls us over with him on top of me. He snags my knee and hitches my leg up to his waist as he grinds against me hard making my cry out. "Yes! Fuck yes, beautiful, just like that." Edward's kisses become insistent and his tongue is demanding as it flicks and curls, brushes and thrusts against my own. His hips thrust and roll against me harder and harder leaving me whimpering, moaning, and shaking as I ache for more than just our cocks rubbing and pounding against each other.

I can't help but groan in disappointment when Edward stills his hips. Damn it, I thought we were going to make each other cum and I was so fucking close! Edward's lips leave mine as he kisses his way to my ear and whispers. "Shh, I just want taste you baby." Edward looks down my body as he lets go of my leg. He reaches down and unbuckles my jeans before unbuttoning and unzipping them. Rising up onto his knees Edward tugs on my jeans. I lift my hips up and Edward tugs my jeans and boxers down around my knees, freeing my cock.

Chest heaving as I pant in anticipation, I look down and watch Edward as he takes my cock in his hand. Then I cry out "Fuck!" as his tongue licks up my shaft while he slowly strokes me. I can't stop my moaning and writhing as Edward wraps his lips around my cock and he sucks me into his glorious, hot, wet mouth. His head bobs up and down as he takes me in as far as he can again and again. His tongue curls around and around my shaft as he keeps stroking what doesn't fit into his mouth with his hand.

Moaning, my fingers thread into Edward's hair and I cautiously start thrusting in his mouth, trying to remember to not slam my cock into the back of his throat. Closing my eyes, I moan out. "Your mouth and tongue feel so good on my cock, Edward. You're going to make me cum real fucking soon." Edward moans and the vibrations send shudders through me and speeds my hips as I thrust into his mouth.

My orgasm is building fast, building and coiling and making me ache for a release. Edward slips his fingers between my slightly parted legs and teases my sensitive entrance and that's it. Shouting, "Fuck, Edward, I'm cumming!" My back arches as I explode in his mouth and I can feel Edward swallowing around me as my orgasm rockets through me. I feel like my orgasm lasts forever as Edward keeps pushing and teasing my sensitive hole with his fingers and his tongue flicks and curls around my shaft.

Finally exhausted, my body collapses as I continuously shake and shudder in his arms. With one last lick, Edward lays his head on my stomach and whispers, "I love you so much, Jasper."

My chest is heaving and I'm gasping for air as I pull Edward up into my arms and kiss him hard, tasting myself on his tongue. Panting hard, I break the kiss and whisper. "I love you too, Edward."

Edward smiles as he combs his fingers through my hair over and over until my racing heart and frantic breathing slows down to a more normal pace. Staring into each other's eyes, I see his are filled with love and lust and desire. Edward leans down and whispers. "Let's go back to the tent now, baby. I think I'm finally ready for our loving."

Searching Edward's face for any doubt or fear and finding none, I give him a smile and a kiss before whispering. "Alright beautiful, if you're sure." Edward jumps up and then offers me a hand to help me up. Rolling my eyes, I grin but take his offered hand and let him help me up. Probably a good thing I did since my legs are now weak and trembling. Pulling my pants back up, I zip and button them and buckle my belt before we slowly walk back toward the tent. Edward keeps his arms wrapped around my waist supporting me and stopping every few feet for another feathery soft, sensuous kiss.

After getting back to the tent and going inside, Edward zips up the door behind us. Then I watch my beautiful man as he goes over and unzips one of the flaps on two different windows to let some of the cool breeze blow through. I can't help but notice that now that we're back inside the tent Edward is tensing up again and casting nervous glances at our bed. Trying to figure out how to get Edward relaxed again, I walk up behind him just as he's finished unzipping the second window and wrap my hands around his waist as I whisper. "Hey beautiful."

I frown when Edward flinches at my touch and I have an urge to curse Mike, but I remind myself that _Michael_ had been a scared, victimized boy when he did what he did and that he had paid a high price for actually saving Edward. So I wipe the frown from my face before Edward can see it. He turns in my arms with a blush on his face as he softly says. "Hey yourself, love."

Trying to figure out what I can do to get Edward to relax and give myself time to get my strength back, I smile and stare into his eyes for moment. Getting a brainstorm, I softly ask. "Edward, can I draw you?"

Edward looks surprised but smiles as he says, "Of course you can, love."

My face heats up and I look down biting my lip. Then peeking back up at Edward, I ask. "Can I draw you naked?"

Edward's face turns bright red and his eyes go wide, but he grins and asks. "You won't let anybody else see it, will you?"

Shaking my head, I say. "Nope, it will be for my eyes only."

Edward's face gets redder but his grin gets bigger and he gets a mischievous gleam in his eye as he says, "Okay, love…but you have to be naked too while you draw me."

I'm not even sure why, but I blush at the thought of being naked while I draw. I don't think I've ever drawn while I was naked before. But I grin and say, "Okay darlin'."

Reaching up to unbutton Edward's shirt, he catches my hands and shakes his head, saying. "Huh uh, I want you to get naked first."

Rolling my eyes and blushing even harder, I ask. "Why do I have to be the one to get naked first?" But what I'm really wondering is why am I even embarrassed? It's not like we haven't seen each other naked before. I mean fuck, he just loved on my cock with his mouth.

Edward's grin gets even bigger as he says. "I'm not getting naked until you are… so go ahead… strip."

Huffing at him, I whine out. "Edwaaaaaard." Why is he making this so difficult? The whole point is for us to both be naked. I just think he should be naked first, so I reach up and try to unbutton his shirt again. But he grins from ear to ear as he arches his damn eyebrow and crosses his arm, just like that mean sister of his! Ugh!

I growl at Edward and stomp my foot just so _he_ knows _I_ think he's being a childish asshole about all of this. Then with a huff, I reach up and unbutton a couple buttons but pause when I see Edward's eyes darken as they watch my fingers. I slowly unbutton another button and watch as Edward licks his lips. Then his breathing picks up as I unbutton another, then another.

After getting all the buttons undone, I slowly pull off my flannel shirt and toss it against one wall of the tent where it slides down with a slight hiss to the floor. I can practically feel the weight of Edward's eyes as they rake over my body.

Grinning, I slip my fingers under the hem of my thermal shirt and slowly pull it up with one hand, and then with my other hand I slide my fingers back and forth across my stomach before dipping down and ghosting my fingers just under my waistband. Edward eyes stay glued to my hands as he growls at me. "Are you going to tease me all fucking day or pull your fucking shirt off?"

Laughing, I pull the thermal shirt up and off before tossing it and hitting him in the face with it. Edward narrows his eyes and glares at me as he pulls it from his face. Shaking his head, he tosses it over with my other shirt. While he's tossing my shirt, I reach up and start to unbutton his shirt. Edward tries to block me again but I growl at him and slap his hands away. Edward laughs but lets me unbutton his top shirt and pull it off this time. After tossing Edward's top shirt over with my shirts, I slowly run my fingers under the hem of his t-shirt. Then I very slowly ghost my fingers across his stomach then up to his chest where I circle and tease his nipples.

Edward's eyes close and his head falls back as he whispers, "Mmmm Jasper, fuuuuuck." I love how Edward likes to have his nipples played with. Grinning, I pull Edward's t-shirt up and off and toss it over with the others. Then I reach up with one hand and pull Edward's face to mine for a passionate kiss, while the other hand goes back to pinching and teasing his nipples. Edward moans into my mouth and his fingers thread their way into my hair as I tease his nipples with my fingers while continuously rocking my hips and barely brushing against his rock hard cock with my quickly growing one.

I slowly kiss my way from Edward's lips, across his jaw line and down his neck to his chest, so I can replace my teasing fingers with my teasing tongue, lips, and teeth. Edward's moans get louder and his fingers clench and unclench pulling my hair as I suck and gently bite his nipples, while my teasing fingers move lower to palm his cock through his jeans.

Kissing and licking down Edward's chest to his stomach, I lower myself to my knees and sit back on my heels. Looking up, I lock eyes with Edward as I slowly bend down and unlace his shoes and pull them and his socks off, one at a time. Tossing them over my shoulder, they land somewhere behind me with a thump. Trailing my hands up Edward's legs, I get another moan from him when I stop to give his cock another squeeze through his jeans before moving on up to his belt.

Teasing Edward's buckle open, I very slowly pull his belt out of the loops of his pants then toss the belt over my shoulder too. After easing his button open and his zipper down, I slowly tug Edward's pants and boxers down over his hips, and his cock springs free bouncing right in front of me. Blowing on Edward's cock as I look up at him, I then slowly run my tongue over my lips and he whimpers as his eyes hungrily follow my tongue.

Smiling, I pick up first one leg and then the other as I help Edward out of his jeans and boxers and then toss them where they land… who gives a fuck where they land. Running my nose along the underside of Edward's shaft, I inhale his musky, manly scent and it provokes another groan from him.

And then I do what any manly man would do in this situation.

Grinning from ear to ear, I jump up exclaiming. "Ha! I got you naked first anyway!"

Edward bursts out laughing and pushes on my shoulder, saying. "Asshole!" Still laughing, Edward's face is bright red as he grabs me by the waistband of my jeans and practically jerks me up against him. Grinning and shaking his head, he unbuckles my belt and pulls it through the loops before throwing it over his shoulder.

Edward's hands move to the button of my jeans but I stop them and take a step back. He looks panicked until he sees that I'm smiling at him and then he just looks confused when I take another step back. Locking my eyes with his, I unbutton my jeans and then very slowly pull the zipper down one tooth at a time. After toeing off my shoes and pulling off my socks, I ever so slowly tease my jeans and boxers down my hips. Edward's hungry eyes run over my now naked body as I step out of my clothes. Taking Edward by the hand, I lead him over to our bed where I wrap my arms around him and give him a soft kiss before whispering. "Lay down baby. I'll be right back."

As Edward lies down, I go over and grab the backpack and carry it with me to the bed. But before I sit down, I ask Edward if he'd like something to drink. I figure he has to be thirsty after loving on my cock with his mouth. When he nods, I set the backpack down and go back to the ice chest and open it up. The fucking thing is full, so I kneel down to look for drinks.

I pull out a plastic bag and find our toothbrushes and toothpaste inside it. I can't help but blush as I realize that neither Edward nor I had even thought about grabbing them. I'll have to remember to thank Alice later. I set that down outside the ice chest and then pull out another bag. Looking inside, I find what looks like two pair of sweatpants. Crap we didn't think to grab any comfy clothes to lay around in either! Thanks Alice.

Shaking my head at our one track mind, I set those aside and grab the next bag. Inside this bag, I find two family size bags of potato chips and a couple of plastic plates and a couple of forks; I set that outside the ice chest as well.

That leaves a large tub filled to the top with sandwiches, a dozen sodas, and 6 large bottles of water and a couple of smaller plastic bowls. Pulling the bowls out, I peak inside both and my eyes light up when I find a large piece of pecan pie in each one. Yum!

Edward clears his throat and softly asks, "Baby were you coming back or did you want to eat first?"

Deciding that food can wait indefinitely, I grin over at Edward and say. "Sorry, beautiful, I had to excavate to get to the water." I grab a bottle of water and go back to my waiting man. Sitting cross-legged beside Edward, I open the water and take a long drink and then offer it to him. While Edward sits up and drinks the rest of the bottle, I grab the pack and open it and start pulling stuff out. I pull out my sketchpad and pencils and lie them down beside me. Then I pull out our bottle of lube and the two boxes of different sized condoms and set them near the head of the bed by the towels. Leaving my medication in it for now, I chuck the backpack back towards the ice chest.

When I turn back to Edward, I find him lying back down and chewing nervously on his lip as he stares at the condoms and lube. I stretch out beside him, with my head propped up on one arm. Looking down into Edward's eyes, I lean over and give him a soft kiss before asking. "Are you sure about this, Edward?"

Edward blushes but he nods his head and says, "I do want this, Jasper. I'm sorry that I'm so nervous."

Cupping Edward's face with my palm, I whisper. "You don't have to be sorry for being nervous, Edward. We don't have to rush into this. Just relax for awhile while I draw you. You're so fucking beautiful lying here naked."

Edward blushes again and says, "Thanks, baby. Is there any particular way you want me to lie while you draw me?"

Grinning, I sit up and reposition Edward with his arms over his head and then I move one of his legs up with his knee bent and his foot on the bed. Cocking my head, I look at his position and then I grab his other leg and spread it a little farther apart from the other one with the knee bent but his leg still lying on the bed. Mmm, fuck yeah, just like that. Now I can see his entire gorgeous body, including just a peek of his ass.

I wink at Edward before leaning over and licking the flat of my tongue up his cock again and again until it gets good and hard and Edward is moaning and writhing underneath me. Grinning, I sit back up and pick up my sketchpad and set to work. Edward is fucking hot lying there panting with his legs open, his cock hard, and his arms stretched over his head with a lustful, wanting look in his eyes.

I can't get enough of looking at his beautiful body as I start to sketch. First I do a quick sketch of us sitting on the rock beside the pool with Edward's arms around me, my head leaning back against him, both our eyes closed as we enjoy the serenity of his favorite spot.

Running my eyes over Edward's naked body, I then do another quick sketch in the same spot only this time I'm laying on my back with my pants around my knees and my fingers laced through Edward's hair as he loves on my cock with his mouth.

Looking back up at Edward, I meet his eyes and wink as I lick my lips. Edward's eyes follow my tongue and he fucking whimpers so I bend over and suck his cock into my mouth. Bobbing my head up and down his length, I take him down deep again and again while Edward whimpers and thrusts his hips. He groans when I stop and sit back up. Grabbing the sketchpad again, I finally do a sketch of Edward lying naked in front of me. Naked, wanting me, legs open, chest heaving… and all mine… so fucking beautiful.

After sketching that out and figuring I can finish detailing all of them later, I reposition Edward's body. This time I grab several pillows and prop Edward's ass up on them. Then I put one of his hands behind his head and move the other onto his chest. After putting both of his feet flat on the bed with his knees bent, I push his legs open, spreading them wide so I can easily see his tight hole. Leaning down, I stroke Edward's cock with my hand while whispering in his ear. "You look so beautiful lying here waiting for me, darlin'. I can't wait to be inside you."

Edward cups my cheek and pulls me in for a kiss before whispering. "I've waited for you so long, love. I'm ready for you to be inside me."

Kissing him tenderly, I whisper. "Soon darlin'." Sitting back up I grab the pad again. When I start sketching him, Edward watches me through hooded eyes as he lazily circles his nipple his fingers. Fuck, I want him.

Finishing that sketch, I do one more with him in the same position but this time I'm loving on his cock with my mouth and his ass with my fingers. I think about posing Edward one more time but his cock is _right there,_ tempting me to do what I just drew and my mouth is watering at the thought of tasting him. So I toss the pad and pencils aside and run my hands over Edward's body, caressing his arms, his chest, his stomach, his legs and then back up to his cock.

Edward moans and looks at me with lust filled eyes as I blow my warm breath across his cock. His fingers weave their way into my hair and he moans even louder when I run the flat of my tongue up his shaft before running the tip of my tongue around the head of his cock and dipping into his slit, lapping up the beads of fluid there.

Edward's hands fist tightly into my hair as I slowly stroke him while continuing to run my tongue around and around the head of his cock, dipping into the slit on each circuit. Fuck, he's delicious. Running my tongue down his shaft to his balls, I lick and gently suck around and under them. Edward squirms and groans, "Jasper, please baby, please."

Stopping my tongue and lips, I look up and ask. "Please what, darlin? What do you want me to do?"

Edward looks at me with his eyes pleading as he whispers, "Please, Jasper. I want your fingers inside me. I need you."

Keeping my eyes locked on his, I crawl up and grab the lube before repositioning myself on my knees between his legs. Flipping open the cap, I pour a generous amount onto my fingers before closing the top and laying it down beside him, keeping it close in case I need more. Slipping my fingers between Edward's wide spread legs, I circle around and around, teasing his tight sensitive hole before carefully pushing a finger all the way inside. Edward throws his head back and his hips buck as he whimpers and moans.

Gently thrusting my finger in and out of Edward, I slowly run the flat of my tongue up the underside of his shaft. I love how he whimpers when I do that, so I do it again and then again. Then once more, except this time I slowly add another finger.

I start flicking my tongue against that spot right under the head of his cock where I know it drives him crazy, while I slowly speed my fingers sliding in and out of him. Edward's fingers are almost painfully pulling my hair as he moans and shakes, crying out "Jasper! Jasper! Yes, baby, yes!"

Slowing my fingers again, I carefully add a third finger and very gently push them into Edward causing him to groan and shudder. Running my tongue around the head of his cock a few more times, I get it good and wet before wrapping my lips around his cock and taking him in as far as I can. Watching my beautiful man in the throes of passion, I take him as down deep my throat as I can, again and again. Hollowing my cheeks, I suck hard up his cock at the same time that I press against his magic spot. Edward bucks, thrusting hard into my mouth while crying out. He's almost incoherent with his moans and curses although I'm pretty sure I'm hearing a lot of 'fuck's, 'baby's, 'Jasper's, 'good's, 'love's and 'god's in the there somewhere.

I set a rhythm of working Edward's cock with my lips and tongue as I slowly speed up my fingers as they thrust in an out of him constantly hitting that spot that makes you see stars. Edward is thrusting forward into my mouth while grinding his ass against my fingers when he pulls back. Fuck, this is hot! Edward's whimpers and moans get louder and his legs begin to tremble worse as his thrusts start to become erratic.

Stilling him with my free hand, I work his cock with my lips and tongue while my fingers pump in and out of him, faster and faster. Edward shouts, "Jasper! Jasper! Jasper! Fuck, baby! Fuck, s-s-so g-g-good. Baby, I'm going to… oh god… cum, fuck!" Edward's whole body arches off the bed as he convulses and shudders and groans. I swallow around him as I keep working my tongue and lips on his shaft while teasing his prostate, trying to prolong his orgasm as long as I can.

Edward finally collapses back onto the bed panting hard. I give his cock one last lick and carefully slide my fingers from his tight hole. Reaching up, I grab one of the towels and wipe the lube off my fingers. Leaving the towel close, I then lay my head on Edward's stomach and wrap my arms around his trembling and shaking body.

Edward finally catches his breath and whispers, "Fucking hell! Feel free to draw me naked anytime you want." Then he pulls me up with trembling arms and wraps them around me and holds me close, burying his face in my neck. Edward holds me there like that for several minutes, his body trembling in my arms. Finally he whispers. "Jasper, baby, please love me."

Pulling away, I look down at him and softly say. "I do love you, Edward."

Edward shakes his head and cups my face, saying. "I mean, _make_ love to me baby."

Swallowing nervously, I ask. "Edward, are you _really_ sure?"

Smiling, Edward pulls my face to his and kisses me softly before whispering. "I've never been _more_ sure of anything in my life, love."

Glancing up at the condoms, I look back at Edward and ask. "Do you know how to put a condom on? I've never even seen one before."

Edward's face turns red as he smiles and says, "I'm a doctor's son, Jasper. I may have never bought any or used them before, but you can bet your ass that my dad demonstrated _how_ to use them when all of us kids were old enough that he thought we should know what to do with them."

My eyes go wide and my nose wrinkles as I say. "He demonstrated? Like on himself? That is so g_ross_!"

Edward starts laughing and shaking his head as he says, "No baby, he put it on a banana, not on himself."

Now my face heats up as I say, "Oh." Looking back up at the boxes, I ask. "Which ones should we use?"

Edward glances down my body then up at the boxes. Sighing, he says. "I'm pretty sure you're going to need the extra-large." Edward reaches up and grabs the box of extra-large and opens it up. Pulling one of the foil packets out of the box he tears it open and pulls the condom out and hands it to me.

Curious, I hold it up and turn it this way and that way as I look at it. It's round and practically flat, but with a nipple looking thingy in the center. What the fuck? Is that where a cock is supposed to go? It's way too fucking tiny and this is supposed to be an extra large! Seriously, I was expecting something that looked like a sock that you slip on. How the fuck is this supposed to fit on a cock?

Edward laughs and takes it away from me when he sees my confused expression. He pinches the nipple looking thingy at the end of the condom against the head of my cock as he explains that that's where the fluid goes when I cum. Then he unrolls the condom down my shaft. Oh. So _that's_ how that works. Edward runs his fingers over my condom covered cock and I wrinkle my nose. I don't like how the condom keeps me from feeling things, but I'm going to do this right and everybody says we should use one to practice safe sex.

Edward lies back and wiggles his ass on the pile of pillows getting more comfortable. Then he reaches up and cups my face in his palm as he asks, "Are you ready for this love?"

My insides are starting to quiver as I swallow nervously and ask. "Edward? How exactly do you want me to do this?"

Edward gives me a bashful smile and says, "Like we were practicing on the bed yesterday, love. Face to face, with you on top."

Nodding, I take a deep breath and let it out before softly saying. "Okay… but don't you think I should get you ready some more?" I keep remembering the gut wrenching, ripping pain I felt that night… and I'm really fucking scared that I'm going to hurt Edward.

Edward smiles and softly says, "Baby, I promise I'm ready."

Nodding, I run my fingers through Edward's hair and look into his eyes, still seeing no doubt, no fear. All I see is his love and desire and trust as he stares into my eyes. Now that the moment is here, my stomach is fluttering and my heart is pounding. Oh please, don't let me hurt him.

Wanting to make sure that Edward really is ready for me, I reach over to get the bottle of lube again. After pouring some out onto my fingers, I generously coat his crack and hole and then pour a little more onto my fingers just to be safe. While constantly whispering to Edward how beautiful he looks with his legs spread open and waiting for me, how much I love him, how much I need him; I slowly push one of my fingers back into him. Edward gasps and moans under me, as I work his tight hole with my fingers again. Slowly working my way back up to having three fingers pumping in and out of him, this time I scissor my fingers trying to stretch him a little more. I watch as Edward writhes and bucks against my fingers when I start massaging his magic spot again.

Edward finally cries out, "Jasper please! I'm ready baby. Please love me now." I carefully pull my fingers from him and Edward whimpers as my fingers slide out of him. He whispers, "I need you Jasper, please hurry baby."

Nodding, I grab the lube and pour some more on my condom covered cock to get it good and slick. Then, nervous as hell, I scoot closer to him on my knees. I move his legs up to my shoulders with his feet flat against my chest and his knees bent and spread wide. Meeting his eyes, I say. "If I hurt you, you push me away. Do you understand?"

Edward looks like he's about to argue but he sighs and nods. Taking a moment to calm my racing heart, I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths and let them out slow. Opening my eyes, I look into his and ask one more time. "Are you sure Edward?"

Edward nods and whispers. "I'm positive, love. Please baby, please love me now."

Taking my cock in hand, I carefully rub the head against Edward's tight sensitive hole to make sure everything is good and lubed up. Looking up and locking eyes with Edward, we both swallow nervously and I pause until he nods that he's ready. Not sure how much pressure I need to use, I slowly start pushing my cock against his entrance. We're both panting in harsh gasps as his tight ring of muscles slowly but surely yield against the pressure and start to spread around the head of my cock as I try to ease it into him.

The further Edward's entrance stretches the wider his eyes get, the wider Edward's eyes get the louder his whimpers get. His hands are fisted into the sleeping bag underneath him and his legs are trembling hard but not quite pushing me away. My own eyes are getting wider and my body is shaking as I'm almost overwhelmed by his intense heat and by how fucking tight his ass feels as it slowly allows entrance to the head of my cock. When the head of my cock finally breaches Edward's tight ring of muscles, he cries out "Fuck!" as he throws his head back with his eyes squeezed tight and a look of pain on his face.

Edward's entire body seizes up and his ass clenches around my cock like a vise which makes _me_ cry out, "Fuck!" Whimpering, I close my eyes and shake my head hard, as memories of James reaching down and squeezing me, hurting me _down there_, try to overpower me. No! Get the fuck out of my head and out of my bed, fucker!

Clearing that shit out of my thoughts, I open my eyes and breathe a sigh of relief when I find that I somehow managed to stay still. Breathing hard, I concentrate on not moving as I try to calm Edward. Combing my fingers through Edward's hair, I start whispering. "Shhh, you need to relax darlin', that's why it's hurting. I love you so much Edward. I'm so sorry it hurts. Please try to relax beautiful."

Edward slowly relaxes around me and I breathe a quiet sigh of relief. He surprises me when he looks up and whispers, "Are you alright Jasper? I didn't mean to clench up like that baby. I forgot that you don't like being squeezed down there."

Shaking my head, I softly say. "No, it's okay Edward. I…I had a bad moment but I'm alright now. I'm so sorry that I hurt you beautiful."

Edward looks uncertain as he says, "No, I'm okay now, baby. Your cock is just a hell of a lot thicker than your fingers. Is it…am I too tight for you? Did you want to stop?"

Looking at him like he's crazy, I ask. "Are you fucking kidding? This is the best fucking thing I've ever felt in my life. I just wasn't expecting it to get _that_ fucking tight."

Edward laughs softly and his ass clenches around my cock again, making me groan out. "Oh fuck! Please, don't laugh Edward."

Edward looks concerned and asks, "Does it hurt?"

Shaking my head, I whine out. "No it almost made me cum and we haven't even done anything yet." Edward smiles and bites his lips but manages to not laugh again. Thank fuck. Trying to calm myself, I take several deep breaths and let them out before asking. "Are you alright now? Does it hurt very badly?"

Edward sighs and says, "I'm alright, love. It feels kind of like it's burning, aching, and cramping all at the same time and I feel really stretched out. But I promise I'm alright." He takes another deep breath and lets it out, trying to relax a little more. Then he meets my eyes and softly says, "Just push in real slow baby."

Nodding my head I try to ease in slow. Edward closes his eyes, whimpering, and my body shudders as my cock slides in a little further into his tight heat. Watching Edward's face, I slowly push in a little more and then freeze when Edward whimpers out, "Fuck! Slower baby, please go slower."

Fuck, I'm hurting him. I'm hurting my beautiful man! My breath is coming out in short harsh pants again and I've got sweat popping out everywhere as I still my hips again. Fuck, I never knew how exhausting and hard it could be to not move. When Edward nods his head, I ease forward a little more and then pause again. Edward groans, "How the _fuck_, do you have such a thick cock when the rest of you is so fucking skinny?"

Edward is panting as hard as I am and his legs are shaking like jackhammers as I ease forward a little more, pausing when Edward whimpers again. My heart is pounding from the extreme effort it takes to stay still. My body is aching to move, to grind, to hump, and thrust. Fuck, keep it together Jasper, not hurting Edward is much more important than how fucking great this feels.

Edward nods his head again and I slowly, slowly, slowly ease the rest of the way inside his velvety smooth tunnel. Closing my eyes, I concentrate on not moving even while I'm reeling from the feeling of being surrounded by his tight heat. This is un-fucking-believable.

Edward slides his feet from my shoulders, and moves them down around my waist. He hooks his feet together behind my back and pulls me closer as he whispers, "Baby, please kiss me." Leaning down, I meet Edward's lips with my own and give him soft, slow, languorous kisses as our tongues taste and explore, curl and twist. He slowly relaxes under me as we kiss and try to calm our hyper-sensitive bodies a little.

Hearing him sniffle, I pull back and look at him. Edward has tears running down his face as his hands come up and cup my face before whispering, "I can't believe you're actually inside of me, love. It's like I've had a part of me missing all these years and now I'm finally whole. You're part of my body right now baby."

Closing my eyes, I rest my forehead on his and just _feel_. I've never felt as close to him as I do right now. I've never felt anything so fucking… intimate… in my life. I feel like I'm surrounded by his not just his body, his tight heat. No, I'm surrounded by his love, his soul. I lean down to kiss my beautiful man, tasting his lips, his tongue, savoring his unique flavor.

Edward's arms snake around my neck as he holds me close and whispers, "I'm ready, Jasper. I love you so much, please make love to me baby. Just start off slow."

Nodding my head, I whisper. "I will. I love you so much, Edward." I watch Edward's face as I slowly, slowly pull almost all the way out before easing back in. I never dreamed anything could feel this good! I slowly move out and back inside his tight heat again and again and again, but when Edward whimpers, I still my hips.

Edward meets my eyes and has a slight blush on his beautiful face as he smiles and says, "Don't stop, baby. It's actually starting to feel good." Smiling in relief, I start moving in and out of him again and the tent is filled with our soft moans. I keep rolling my hips, gently sliding in and out of him as I set a slow careful pace. Edward's hands are constantly moving, skimming up and down my arms, across my back and shoulders, down to my hips and ass. His tender touch keeps caressing my sweat slicked body as I carefully rock our bodies in a slow rhythm.

Edward's hands slide down to my hips and he tightens his grip as he softly says, "You feel so good inside me baby. Do you want to try to go a little faster now?"

Shaking my head no, I whisper. "Edward, I don't want to hurt you."

Edward smiles as he slides his hands up to my face where he cups my cheeks. His thumbs tenderly wipes under my eyes, removing tears that I didn't even know I had shed, as he softly says. "You're not going to hurt me, Jasper. I promise this feels good love. Please baby, go just a little faster."

Swallowing nervously, I nod and restart my slow movements, gradually increasing the pace of my hips as I gently move in and out of him. When Edward shifts under me, I immediately stop again and ask. "Are you alright? Did I hurt you?"

Edward shakes his head and looks embarrassed as he softly says, "No, it's just my legs are getting a little tired. I'm not used to holding them up."

Rising up, I softly say. "Here, let me do this darlin'. You just relax." I hook my elbows under Edward's knees, spreading them wider in the process, and roll back over him and start moving inside him again.

Edward head falls back and he groans loudly. "Oh fuuuuck!"

I freeze again with my eyes wide, saying. "Oh god, did I hurt you? I'm so sorry!"

Edward is trembling and looking at me with a shocked look on his face as he whispers, "Do that again, baby. Only this time just a little harder." I tentatively pull back and carefully thrust in. Edward shudders and moans and I stop again, not sure if I'm hurting him or what. Edward meets my eyes and says, "Baby, please stop stopping. Please just keep doing that… um… maybe a little bit harder." Confused, I start moving inside him again slowly speeding up my pace.

Edward is constantly shuddering now as he moans, "Please Jasper, go faster. Right there baby. Faster Jasper! Right there! Please go faster!"

I finally figure out that I'm not hurting Edward. I'm hitting his prostate and he wants more. Remembering how good it had felt to have his fingers hitting my prostate hard and fast, I speed up my hips as I thrust into him while trying to fight off that coiling, aching, need for release that is starting to build deep inside of me. I want to stroke Edward's cock but I can't quite figure out how to hold his legs up, keep my balance, hold off my impending orgasm and reach his cock too. Fuck, this is complicated!

Edward's breathing is ragged and harsh as he whimpers and moans, tossing his head back and forth. Damn, he's so fucking beautiful. He's panting and moaning and writhing underneath me as I continuously thrust into him. Edward whimpers and begs, "Please, Jasper! Please go faster, love. It feels so fucking good and I'm so fucking close, you're going to make me cum, baby! Please just a little harder right there!"

I've got sweat pouring off of me as I speed my hips and thrust into Edward harder and faster. Gritting my teeth, I concentrate on not cumming but I think I'm fighting a losing battle. My body is quivering as I whisper in Edward's ear. "You're so fucking beautiful and sexy, Edward. I love to see you like this, naked and writhing underneath me, moaning as I fu…as I love you. I can't believe how tight your ass is and how much hotter your body is on the inside. You're so hot, tight, sexy and beautiful. Do you like my cock moving in and out of you? Do you like feeling me thrust into you? Do you want it harder?"

Edward cries out, "Yes Jasper! Yes! I love your cock thrusting into me. Please do it harder! Please, harder right there, harder!" Edward starts thrusting his hips up, meeting mine as I give up and quit fighting the urge to thrust and grind into him hard and fast. The sounds of our moans and of flesh slapping against flesh is loud now.

Oh god, I'm going to cum and there's nothing I can do to stop it. But right before I do, Edward's face flushes with a look of pure ecstasy and his ass clenches around me like a vise again as he cries out, "Jasper! Jasper! Jasper! Oh god, Jasper!" The feel of him clenching around me again and the beautiful, erotic look on his face makes my own orgasm hit me hard. I cry out, "Edward!" as my own body shudders and I'm rocked with wave after wave of ecstasy from the most intense orgasm I've had yet.

Edward's arms are wrapped tight around my neck and I think they're the only thing keeping me pinned to the earth as my body shudders and quakes. My thrusts slow and then finally come to a stop as we both tremble and whimper into each other's neck. I think we were both feeling a little overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment.

Rising up, I carefully let Edward's legs go and he wraps them back around my waist again. I look down at his tear streaked face and say, "I love you so much Edward. Are you alright? Did I hurt you?"

Edward reaches up and wipes the tears streaming from my own face as he whispers, "I'm more than alright, Jasper. Thank you for loving me. It was a perfect first time. Are you alright?"

Swallowing, I nod and try to get my emotions under control. But once again, I'm fighting a losing battle and a sob erupts from deep in my chest. Edward pulls me back down to him and he wraps his arms around me and holds me close as I sob into his neck. I'm not sure how long we stay like that but I slowly become aware of Edward stroking my hair and back while whispering, "Shh, baby, shh. I know. I feel the same way. I love you so much, Jasper."

Sniffing back my tears, I whisper. "I'm sorry I'm crying. I just can't believe how fucking wonderful and perfect and personal and intimate and fucking loving that was. Thank you for loving me Edward. Thank you for coming into the hell that was my life and… and fucking saving me. " Burying my face back into Edward's neck, he holds me close for a long time.

Eventually, I notice Edward's legs trembling like jackhammers again and figure he needs to move from this position. So I rise back onto my knees and help Edward lower his feet to the floor. I try to ease my now soft cock out of his ass but stop with my eyes wide when the condom tries to slip off. Looking back up at Edward in a panic, I find him laughing at me. He smiles and shakes his head as he says, "Try holding onto it as you pull out baby."

Oh duh…good idea. Grabbing onto the end of the condom, I keep a hold of it as I pull out. When Edward whimpers I look up and ask, "Did that hurt?"

He shakes his head and pouts at me as he says, "No I just miss you already. I feel so empty without you inside me, baby."

Smiling, I lean down and give him another kiss. Then I rise back up onto my knees and help Edward pull the extra pillows out from under his ass so he can lie flat. I grab the towel and gently rub his sticky cum off both his stomach and mine. Then Edward blushes when I take the towel and wipe off the excess lube from his ass.

After getting Edward settled, I look down at my cock and wrinkle my nose. Gross, what do I do with that? Reaching down, feeling embarrassed as hell, I tug at the condom and slide it off my cock. I hold it up and look at it closely. I look over and see Edward watching me with a mortified look on his bright red face as he says, "What are you looking for?"

Wondering why he's embarrassed, I say. "I wanted to make sure I really didn't hurt you. I was making sure there wasn't any blood on it."

Edward looks even more embarrassed but also relieved as he snickers and says, "God, I thought you were looking for…um, never mind."

I wonder what the fuck he thought I was look for? Shrugging, I show it to him and say, "Would you believe I thought these things came this way and you just slipped them on like a sock?"

Edward snickers again and says, "Actually, I thought the same thing when I was younger before dad had his embarrassing as hell home demonstration. God, I wish you could have been there for that Jasper. I don't know whose face was redder; mine, Emmett's or dads. Hell, I thought dad was going to have a…um, heart attack… when Alice came in during the middle of his demonstration. She just rolled her eyes at all of us, grabbed a banana, and on her way out the door told dad if he needed any help showing us how to roll one on, that she could do it with her mouth. Dad just about stroked out right there. She was just kidding…I think. I mean hell, I think me and Alice we're only about 13 or 14 at the time. I know we we're still living in Chicago."

Edward stares into space for a few minutes then he sighs and says, "That was a good memory. Dad spent the whole weekend with us that weekend just hanging out with us. I don't…I don't have many memories of him doing that."

Laying the icky condom on top of the towel, I lie down beside Edward and wrap my arms around him. Edward sighs again as he buries his face into my neck. I hold my beautiful man close, amazed at what he's done for me, to me.

Eventually Edward giggles into my neck and whispers. "My ass really hurts. How soon do you think we can do that again?"

* * *

_**A/N**_

**First my apologies for this taking so long, it took me a while to get it right in my head and even longer to get it right in print. I hope I did these boys justice on their first time. **

**Even though this chapter took forever and a day, I really didn't get to reply to any of the reviews from the last chapter. I did read and love all of them though. I always appreciate all the lovely reviews and the people who add this to favorites. **

**As always, I hope you guys are still enjoying this story. I love all of you guys and gals!**


	31. Chapter 31

_**Disclaimer: All Twilight characters belong to lovely Ms Meyers but the plot is my own**_

_******As usual thanks to everybody for all the lovely reviews and alerts. I had worried that I hadn't done justice to the boy's first time but everybody seemed to like it.**_

_**Sorry for the lengthy wait especially after saying I was going to try and post shorter chapters faster, but hopefully you're still here and reading. I swear writing this chapter was like pulling teeth. For the first two weeks, everytime I sit down to write, the boys would hide their faces and giggle. Silly things. Then they had to argue about who's POV it was going to be, then Edward insisted on everybody knowing his thoughts of their first time together. But I finally got them to co-operate with me and talk to me. I think, while their still talking I'm going to go and start on the next chapter before they clam up again.**_

_**I'll shut up now and let Edward talk...**_

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 31**

**EPOV (Sunday continued)**

I have to hide my smile as I watch Jasper. He's just so damn adorable as he wrinkles his nose and lays the condom down on the towel with a slight shudder and a look of disgust on his face that clearly says, 'blech'. My sweet sexy man lies back down beside me, facing me, and I turn to him. Jasper wraps his loving arms around me as I bury my face into his neck and sigh in contentment. My body is tingling, trembling and aching in such wonderful ways and I'm so happy right now that I'm almost giddy. I could laugh. I could cry. I could do both at the same time. I can't believe we did it. We made love! We actually made love!

But god, I had been so _nervous_! On the trip to the campsite all I could think about was all those awful deep buried memories that had bombarded me at the police station. Last night, I had almost felt like I was drowning, like I was being sucked down into a whirlpool as those sickening, disgusting memories overwhelmed me. I don't know what I would have done without Jasper there. I think his touch… his strength… were the only things that had kept me sane.

Between those horrid memories that I had finally remembered and the descriptions of pain that Jasper had written in his journal, I had found myself growing more and more nervous about going through with our plans to make love. But Jasper had calmed me and relaxed me and distracted me. He had just about driven me crazy, as he teased me with his fingers and hands and lips and tongue. And then my sweet, sexy man had made beautiful passionate love to me.

It was everything I had ever hoped for and more. Right now I feel like I'm in heaven, floating on a cloud of euphoria. I've waited for this day, this moment all of my life. Waited to give myself to the one person I would love for the rest of my life, waited to be wrapped up in his arms after we made love for the first time.

And what a perfect first time it had been. Although god it had hurt like a son of a bitch starting off. When Jasper had eased his thick cock into me, the pain had been more intense than I was expecting and my whole body had seized up in protest from the intrusion. But my sweet man's panicked whimpers had quickly cut through my haze of pain like a knife. I had opened my eyes in time to see Jasper with his eyes closed as he shook his head and fought off…only god knows which horrible memory that was overwhelming him. It was then that I remembered that moment in Jasper's closet when I had tried on his pants to find that they were an almost perfect fit for me instead of for his thinner frame. I remembered Jasper's sad, quiet confession that he didn't like being squeezed '_down there' _as he put it.

I had fought my own battle trying to get past the pain so I could comfort him, but instead, my amazingly strong Jasper had recovered first and wound up calming and reassuring me until I was finally able to relax. But even after I had managed to relax a little, it was still hurting as each new inch Jasper pushed into me sent fresh jolts of pain shooting through me.

After my sweet sexy man had finally eased all the way in, I had pulled him down to me. We had taken our time kissing as I gave my body time to adjust to having his long thick cock buried deep inside of me. Jasper's slow sensual kisses had calmed me enough that I was finally able to completely relax under him and most of the pain subsided. I couldn't believe how close and connected I felt to him. I realized that what my body had been craving and aching for, ever since I had met Jasper, was this intimate act, this feeling of being complete.

When I had finally relaxed enough and told him I was ready, Jasper had been gentle and tender as he made love to me. Even with the pain, it was the most incredible thing I've ever experienced. The feeling of Jasper moving deep inside of me, touching me in places that had never been touched before, had been beyond amazing. I couldn't stop my moans and whimpers as he gently rocked our bodies with his slow rhythmic thrusts. His kisses, his caresses, and his careful, loving movements had felt so good that the pleasure had quickly surpassed any lingering pain.

I had thought about stroking myself but I couldn't stop touching him. I had tenderly caressed Jasper's body, marveling at the feel of his trembling muscles, rippling beneath the surface of his scarred flesh as he slowly rolled his hips thrusting into me again and again. Besides my cock, trapped between our sweat slicked bodies, was already getting some of the most marvelous friction as our sweaty bodies rocked and slid against each other. Jasper was loving and careful, driving me crazy with his slow easy movements and gentle thrusts, barely speeding up even when I asked him to.

We had made love like that for the _longest_ time but when I had told Jasper that my legs were starting to get tired, he had been quick to reposition me so he could support my legs. It had spread my legs further apart and had bent me almost double as he rolled up over me and unexpectedly thrust into me again. I cried out and think I saw stars when Jasper hit my prostate. It had felt even better than his fingers and I wanted…needed… more. I encouraged him to go faster, to hit that spot harder. Jasper did speed up a little; he did thrust into me a little harder. But I could tell he was still holding back, still trying to be careful with me.

When Jasper had started talking… not exactly talking dirty… but certainly talking sexy to me, it was so unexpected that I had totally lost it. I could feel my orgasm building fast as I begged him to go even harder and faster. Jasper had a death grip around my knees and the look on his face was full of love, wonder, and bliss as he finally started thrusting into me the way I was begging him to while I rose up to meet his urgent thrusts with my own.

My heart had swelled with love as I watched him balanced over me. He had stared intently into my eyes while slamming into my body with quick, powerful thrusts, hitting against my prostate again and again. The tent had been filled with our loud moans of pleasure and the sounds of his flesh slapping hard against my thighs and ass. I loved knowing I was the one giving this new experience to him and that he was the one giving it to me, edging me closer and closer to the brink with each thrust.

And then I was crying out Jasper's name over and over as I soared over the edge and flew across the fucking cosmos. I heard Jasper crying out my name and felt him pulsating deep inside of me as we both rode the wild and wonderful waves of ecstasy together. I think Jasper was the only thing keeping me grounded as we clung to each other, trembling and whimpering from the intensity of it. Feeling just as emotionally overcome by our act of love as Jasper, I had shed tears of my own as I held him close and tenderly caressed his back while he sobbed into my neck.

Jasper gave me a perfect first time and I love him so damn much. But now my body is trembling from our love making and I'm aching in muscles and in places that have never ached before. And yet at the same time, I feel empty in places that had never felt that way before. Now that I know what to expect, I can't wait to feel my love filling me up again.

I experimentally clench my muscles to see how sore I am. My ass is aching and uncomfortable but not quite as sore as I thought I would be. I usually have a low threshold when it comes to pain and I admit I can be a big baby about it sometimes. But damn, I want him again soon, no matter how sore my ass is. I wonder… when did I turn into such masochist? I can't help but giggle as I say, "My ass really hurts. How soon do you think we can do that again?"

Jasper leans up on one arm and looks down at me. He runs his fingers through my hair as he worriedly asks. "How bad did I hurt you Edward?"

Confused, I say. "Jasper, baby you didn't..." Exasperated, I sigh and shake my head. I should have known better than to admit to hurting in front of him. I don't think he even heard past the hurting part. Looking up at him, I smile and cup his face as I say. "Baby, I promise, you didn't _injure_ me. I mean, yeah it hurt at first but after I got used to being stretched, you felt great inside me. I'm just sore because I'm not used to it yet." I grin and say, "If I'm going to get used to having sex, we should really think about doing it again."

But Jasper just chews on his lip, as he worriedly searches my face and asks. "You're really okay?"

I would roll my eyes at him except for the fact that I know he is genuinely worried about me. So I nod and smile to reassure him, as I say. "Really, I'm okay Jasper."

Jasper sighs in relief and then lies back down and pulls me close again while I nuzzle my way back into his neck. He gently strokes my sweaty hair as we lay here, bodies facing each other, my head tucked under his chin, our legs tangled together, my arms wrapped tightly around his waist keeping our bodies flush against each other.

When I feel Jasper trembling and hear him sniff back tears again. I pull back enough to give him a tender kiss and ask. "Are _you_ alright, Jasper?"

He sniffs and nods as he says, "Yeah, I'm alright, Edward. It's just, it's kind of hard to wrap my mind around the fact that just last week I was alone and miserable and yet too much of a fucking coward to even let anybody into my life, and now I'm in bed with the man I love after making love to him. Sometimes it all gets a little overwhelming in my head."

I nod and softly say, "I understand baby. Sometimes it still catches me by surprise how much my life has changed since we ran into each other." I run my fingers through his hair and then after wrapping my hand behind his neck, I pull his forehead to mine and softly whisper. "I wish I could have run into you years ago so you wouldn't have been alone for so long."

Jasper cups my cheek as he shakes his head and says, "Honestly, Edward, I don't think I would have been able to let you in even if I had met you earlier. I think I had to get to that point in my life where I was so lonely and miserable that I was willing to open that door and take a chance."

I smile and cup his face in my hands too. I give him a tender loving kiss before whispering, "I'm glad you took that chance and let me in, love. I know it's only been six days since we knocked each other on our ass outside that coffee shop. But I've never felt happier, or more complete than since I've met you."

Jasper smiles and says, "Me too, beautiful. Me too." He runs his fingers through my hair again and smiles when I nuzzle my face against his palm. Then I'm practically purring as he gently massages my scalp with his fingertips. I close my eyes and sigh in contentment again. I really love this sweet man.

When I open my eyes, Jasper looks deep in thought as he chews on his lips. He looks curious and embarrassed as he asks, "Edward?"

I give him a lazy and contented smile as I ask. "Yes, love?"

He searches my face for a moment and then blushes as he softly asks, "Did I do it alright? How bad did it hurt? When did it start feeling good? I'm sorry I didn't even stroke your cock. Was there anything else I should have done? Or that you wished I would have done? And I'm sorry for the way I was talking to mmfpf." I cut him off with my fingers over his lips.

I smile and shake my head at him, trying to think of the best way to answer all of his questions. I sigh and quietly ask. "Remember the first time we loved on each other with our fingers inside each other?"

Jasper talks into my fingers, then rolls his eyes and nods his head when I don't move my hand away. Tracing my fingers over his lips, I ask. "Remember how nervous I was, about wanting to try three of your fingers inside me the second time we did it? When I asked you about it, you told me how it both hurt and felt good all at the same time so I finally got up the nerve to try it. You were right because damn, it hurt. But it felt so fucking good too. You remember that?"

Jasper nods again and I huff out a laugh and say, "Well this hurt about a hundred times more than that." Seeing the dismay on his face, I quickly add. "But baby, it also felt a _million_ times better. After I got used to be stretched out so much and finally got relaxed, I loved the feeling of being filled by you. I wish I could have talked you into thrusting into me even harder than you were. But hell, even as careful as you were moving you had me so worked up with your sexy talking that I was about ready to cum just from listening to you."

Jasper stares at me as if he's not sure if he believes me, but when I mention his sexy talk he blushes bright red and looks down. He pulls my fingers from his lips and softly says, "I was really afraid the way I had talked to you would… hurt your feelings. I don't even know where that came from. Edward, did you really… _like_… everything I did?"

Shaking my head, I smile and say. "No baby, I _loved_ everything you did and that sexy talk really turned me on. You are the greatest boyfriend and lover that anybody could have!"

He blushes again and gives me an embarrassed, hopeful smile as he asks. "Really?"

I pull his face to mine and give him a loving kiss and then rest my forehead on his again before softly saying. "Really, baby. I've never felt anything more incredible than feeling you thrusting into me, especially when you moved my legs up and started hitting my prostate. Do you realize you made me cum without either one of us touching my cock? I didn't even know that was possible. You are so unbelievably hot."

Jasper's grin gets bigger and he turns even redder but he looks down and says, "Edward, don't tease me. I'm not hot."

I grin and give him another tender kiss before whispering into his ear, "Jasper baby, you are the hottest of the hots and I can't wait to feel that monster you call a cock pounding into my ass as you talk dirty to me again."

Jasper barks out a laugh as he slaps his hands over his face and says. "Oh my god, would you shut the fuck up!" Still laughing, he pulls me into his arms and I nuzzle my face back into his neck under his chin again. Giggling, he buries his face in my sweaty hair, and breathes in deep. It occurs to me that were both drenched in sweat and I worry for a moment that I might stink. But I guess I must not smell too bad, because after Jasper breathes me in, he hums and whispers. "Mmmm, I love your manly, musky just had sex smell." I breathe him in as well. He's right we do smell like sex.

Jasper holds me close for several minutes as we caress and kiss and touch and feel. Damn, I love this. I love him. After awhile he leans up on his arm again and then looks down at me with a grin as he asks. "Edward, have you ever gone swimming in that pool?"

I shake my head and say, "No baby, I've always been alone all the times I've been here before. I'm not exactly the best of swimmers and it just didn't seem safe to be swimming by myself."

His eyes light up and he asks, "How about we go swimming together? I don't know about you but I wouldn't mind rinsing off some of this itchy sweat and icky stickies."

I frown and say, "As much as I'd love to rinse off baby, it's like 60 degrees outside and I know the water will be even colder than that. We'd freeze our balls off."

Jasper snickers and says, "Ah come on Edward, a little cold water ain't gonna hurt ya." He nuzzles into my neck and giggles as he says, "I promise I'll warm your balls back up. Come on…please. Please, please, please."

Damn it, I hate cold water and I really don't want to swim in it, so I say. "Baby, we don't even have swim suits."

Jasper just rolls his eyes and says, "We can go skinny dipping Edward. Come on…_please_."

I know I'm fighting a losing battle as I whine out, "Noooo, Jasper."

Jasper gives me those big puppy dog eyes and pushes out his bottom lip in a pout. I eye that damn pouty lip, fighting the urge to pull him down and suck on it. And then he really plays dirty when he pushes his damn lip out even more and it quivers. I, of course, immediately cave in. "Alright, alright, we can go skinny dipping!"

Jasper fucking squeals "Yay!" like he thinks getting to go swimming in arctic cold, freeze your fucking balls off, water is a fucking reward or something.

I huff at him and say, "But only if I get to suck on that sexy as fuck pouty lip."

Jasper grins and crashes his lips down onto mine. I wrap my arms around him and pull him down beside me and then proceed to kiss him senseless. We're both breathless when we finally break apart and come up for air. We lay there panting, just holding each other close and I whisper in his ear. "I love you, baby."

Jasper whispers, "I love you too, beautiful." Then he pulls my face back to his and kisses me again and again. We lay like that for the longest time, wrapped up in each other's arms as we take our time kissing and caressing each other. I could stay snuggled up in Jasper's arms like this forever but of course the inevitable happens… his stomach starts growling.

I snort out a laugh and then lean up on one arm and grin down at him as I ask, "Time to feed the beast?" Jasper sighs and rolls his eyes as he nods. I've decided there is direct link between Jasper's stomach and either the amount of stress he's feeling or the amount of energy he is using. Suddenly my mind is racing and doing mental calculations on how many times Jasper and I can make love before we run out of the sandwiches that Alice packed. I can't help but giggle at my line of thinking as I sit up. But my giggles quickly turns into a hiss of pain as I look down at Jasper with wide eyes and softly say, "Ow."

Jasper quickly sits up beside me and wraps an arm around my waist as he worriedly asks. "Are you alright, Edward?"

I keep picturing the way Emmett was walking bowlegged when he was pretending to be me tomorrow. Thinking he might not be too far off the mark, I burst out laughing. Jasper is looking at me as if I've lost my mind, so I say. "Did I mention my ass was sore?" He still looks as if he doesn't know whether to laugh or be worried. Feeling playful and seriously trying to hint that I want him again, I snuggle into his chest as he wraps his arms around me, and then I say. "I think if I'm going to get used to having sex, that we should do it again… like really, really soon." And then I start giggling again. God, I am so fucking giddy.

Jasper barks out a laugh and tightens his arms around me as he says. "You can't possibly be serious."

I keep giggling as I first nod my head and then shake it while saying, "No, baby, I'm totally serious, my ass really is sore."

I can practically hear Jasper roll his eyes. He pulls back enough to look me in the eyes and then says. "Edward, you know I meant the other part. Don't you think we should wait a day or two before we try this again?"

My giggles instantly stop. Damn it, I knew I shouldn't have let him know my ass was sore. Worried that I won't be able to talk him into it, my words practically run together as I try to convince Jasper by saying. "Baby, we were planning on staying at my parent's at least until Wednesday morning and I'm not sure if I'd be comfortable enough to even try to do this at mom and dad's house. Plus I kind of promised dad we wouldn't have sex while we were staying in their house. But I really don't think I want to wait for us to go back to Seattle either, that's like _three more days_! You don't want to have to wait _three days_ do you? Please, baby, we've got the rest of the afternoon and night, can't we try again later? When we used our fingers the first time, we did it twice before we got too sore to do it again and that was probably just because we both needed a manicure. I promise if this hurts too much, I'll tell you and we can do something else." Taking a much need breath, I stop and look at him expectantly.

Jasper looks confused as he glances from me to his nails and then back at me before shaking his head and shrugging. Then he gives me a sheepish grin and hugs me tighter as he says. "I know I should tell you that we need to wait a day or two to give your body time to get used to things. But fuck, Edward, I've never felt anything as incredible as being inside of you. Would you think I was selfish if I told you that I want you again as soon as you're ready to try?"

I pull his face to mine and kiss him before whispering, "No, I wouldn't think you're selfish if you told me that. I'd love it. I want you to want me. Please baby, tell me you want me."

Jasper cups my face in his hands and stares into my eyes as he gently runs his thumb across my lips. Then he kisses me before whispering. "I want you so fucking bad, Edward. I can't wait to be inside you again." I'm sure my face lights up as I bite my lip and grin. Jasper smiles too and wraps his arms around me. He holds me tight as he whispers. "I love you so much, beautiful."

I whisper back. "I love you too, baby."

Jasper gets up and offers me a helping hand. I take it and cautiously stand up on trembling legs. I can't help but laugh again as I say, "Oh my god, my legs are weak and I'm aching in muscles and in places that I didn't even know I had!"

Jasper laughs and pulls me over to the table and chairs that are inside the tent wanting me to sit down. Even though Jasper managed to wipe off most of the lube, my ass still feels kind of…icky slick. I certainly don't want to hear Emmett ragging on me about getting lube on the chairs so I decide to drag the top sleeping bag over toward the table while Jasper pulls the ice chest closer. He then brings a plastic bag over and pulls out a couple of plates and a huge bag of chips while I pile up our pillows against the side of the ice chest.

Jasper pulls out 3 sandwiches for himself and puts them on a plate and then asks me how many I want. I settle for one. I could eat more, but I figure the more I save for Jasper, the more times we can make love. Damn, he's turned me into a sex fiend.

Jasper grabs our plates and I grab one of the bags of chips and a couple of sodas. Then we stretch out, still naked, as we lean back on the pillows with our picnic between us and eat our food. We keep the subjects light as we eat, avoiding the painful subjects of what I remembered at the police station last night and of the things going on with Michael. We may talk about them later, but I think we both silently acknowledge that we want the rest of this day and night to be only about us and our love.

We talk about and tease each other about our lovemaking, all the while giggling like a couple of teenage girls. We talk about my crazy, mixed up family and some of Emmett's antics this weekend. We talk about going swimming. Yep, he's not going to forget about that, damn it.

Jasper shows me the sketches he did of me and even though the sketches resemble me, I can't believe how different I look in his eyes compared to how I look in my own. Does he really see me as the beautiful, self-confident, hot, and sexy man that he drew? Because when I look in the mirror, yeah, I see a nice looking guy; but he's spoiled and selfish, full of self-doubt, and prone to saying and doing the wrong things at the wrong time. I hope someday I can be the man that Jasper sees me as, because he deserves _that_ man.

After we finish eating, Jasper moves everything to the side and scoots up closer to me and snuggles into my chest. I curl around him, wrapping my arms around him and holding him close. Eventually, he pulls back enough to look at me with a serious expression as he softly asks. "Edward? How exactly are we going to make this work?"

I tighten my arms around him and ask, "What do mean baby?"

Jasper sighs and says, "I assume you're going to want to start back to writing soon. And I'll still want to hang out at the coffee shop sometimes. I'll also have to get back on schedule with my exercises, and I still want to do my kick boxing and self-defense classes. I was just wondering, how exactly are we going to mesh our lives together? I mean, I know we're not going to have like a set schedule to do everything like I did when I lived in the hospital but I'd kind of like to know what to expect in general."

My sweet, sexy man never ceases to amaze me. I worry that in my stupid fantasyland head that I had always assumed we'd be right there side-by-side together all the time. But Jasper is my boyfriend, not my lapdog, and of course he's going to want to do some of the same things he's always done. And of course I'm going to need to go back to writing. I think it's one of the things that make me…me.

I also realize that Jasper is used to and desires some kind of routine and structure in his life. So we sit there, constantly caressing, occasionally kissing as we have a long talk about our relationship and about how we're going to make our life together work.

We talk about the things we used to do during the day before we met each other and what things we still want or need to do, either together as a couple, or separately as individuals. We plan out tentative schedules for when we're going to do our normal daily routines. We talk, we tease, we laugh, we plan, we argue, we pout, we apologize, we comfort, and we compromise. But through it all we embrace, constantly reassuring the other of our love and need for each other.

I finally talk Jasper into accepting my idea for putting all my dining room furniture in storage for now, so we can at least bring over his drawing table and storage cabinet and maybe a few more of his other things as well. We also talk about maybe moving into a larger apartment after my lease is up, or maybe even buying, or building a house together sometime in the future.

Our biggest disagreement is over my asking Jasper to get a treadmill to put in the dining room. I ask him to quit walking everywhere and to take a taxi if I'm not available to drive him. Jasper is loathe to give up any of his independence, but just the thought of him walking everywhere and being such an easy target to muggers almost sends me into a panic attack while we're talking about it. There's arguing and hurt feelings on both our parts until I manage to explain to him that he would still be free to go or come as he pleased; it was just his mode of getting around that I was asking him to change. Jasper finally understands my fears and reluctantly agrees. We cling to each other, apologizing over and over for upsetting each other.

Jasper talks me into changing my writing times from 3 or 4 hours every day of the week, to writing 6 to 8 hours, or longer if need be on Monday through Thursday. I'm not crazy about making my writing feel more like a job instead of the emotional outlet it's always been for me, but I realize it will free up other time that we want to spend together. Jasper compromises as well, cutting his hanging out at the coffee shop, and the days he does his kickboxing and self-defense classes, to the days that I'll be writing.

Fridays, after his physical therapy sessions, will be our day to go out and explore. Jasper wants me to take him to all the places he's always wanted to go and see but was too frightened to go on his own; like the museums, the zoos, whale watching tours, the aquarium, and botanical gardens. I also want to take him to the Space Needle, Pike's Place market, maybe take the underground tour, and hopefully go to some of the festivals that are always going on in Seattle. I'm hoping he can handle the crowds if I'm there with him. We also plan on visiting the parks when the weather looks like it's going to be cloudy but not raining too hard. Jasper has missed out on so much life and I really look forward to sharing all of it with him.

It's Jasper's idea that Saturdays and Sundays mostly be spent in Forks and I quickly agree. We decide we'll stay with mom and dad for now but Jasper suggests building a cabin for our weekend getaways, right here in our special place at the edge of the clearing. I'm so touched that he suggested it that I tear up again.

My sweet, sexy Jasper amazes me more each day that I know him. It's almost unbelievable that this loving, caring, sensual, amazingly strong, fiercely protective, and yet shy, bashful, sweet, gentle and thoughtful man is the same anxious, insecure, with almost no self-esteem, panicky man that I had met earlier in the week. He is so incredible not to mention hot, sexy and a super fantastic lover. How did I get so damn lucky as to find this wonderful man?

I think about asking him to marry me right then and there. But I want to wait and buy an engagement ring first so I can ask him the old fashioned way, down on one knee. I mean, I know he's not a girl, but still, even though we don't have a traditional relationship, I'd like to keep as many traditions as I can. If that makes me an old fashioned romantic sap, then so be it.

Jasper grins and jumps up after we finally finish hashing everything out. He holds his hand out for me and I grab it, groaning as he helps me stand up. My newly discovered muscles are already beginning to stiffen up. Jasper grins and asks, "Ready to go swimming?"

I can't keep the whine out of my voice as I say, "Aw, man. I was hoping you forgot."

Jasper's grin gets bigger as he says, "Not a chance."

I shake my head, roll my eyes and sigh…really loud… just so he knows that I think he's being unreasonable. Of course he just snickers at me and grabs my hand and leads me to the door of the tent and unzips it.

I pull him back and say, "Baby, don't you want to put on some clothes before we go out there?"

Jasper looks confused as he says, "I thought you said nobody else ever comes here?"

I frown and say, "They don't baby but that doesn't mean I make it a practice to run around outside naked."

Jasper looks out the door and then up at the clouds studying them, then he turns to me and says, "How about another compromise? I really don't want to put my clothes back on while I'm all sweaty and sticky. How about if we wrap a towel around us? Then we can use them to dry off with after."

I nod and say, "Okay that sounds good. How about we bring this sleeping bag too? We can wrap up and warm up inside it after we get out and dry off."

Jasper grins and says, "Well I planned on warming you back up another way, but let's bring the sleeping bag so we can have something soft to lay on."

My face heats up as I grin and softly say, "Okay, love. Um, did you want us to bring the lube and a condom?"

Jasper steps in front of me and cups my face in his hand as he softly asks, "Are you sure you're really okay to do it again?" I nod and he wraps his arms around me and pulls my face to his for another long, slow kiss. Then he giggles and whisper into my ear, "We may need more than one condom, bring the whole box."

My whole body flushes with heat and I giggle too. We both wrap a towel around our selves and decide to put our shoes on too. Then Jasper grabs the sleeping bag and a couple more sodas and I grab the lube and whole handful of condoms…hey, you never know.

I feel positively sinful walking around outside with nothing on but a towel around my waist. I can't keep my eyes off of Jasper as he walks in front of me. I have to admit that I'm so turned on that I don't even feel the chill in the air. Just thinking about making love to him again is making me hard.

We get to the pool and Jasper sets the drinks down and then spreads the sleeping bag out on the rock. We both kick off our shoes and Jasper grins as he takes the lube and condoms from me and lies them down on the sleeping bag as well.

I'm practically panting in anticipation as Jasper gives me a devilish grin and takes his towel off and tosses it onto the sleeping bag too. He walks up to me and runs his hands over my chest and shoulders before moving them down to my hips. He slowly pulls the towel from around my waist and tosses it over with the other as he says, "I think I should keep you naked all the time, Edward." His eyes run up and down my body and he shakes his head and says, "No, on second thought, I don't want anybody but me seeing that perfect, beautiful body."

He steps closer and keeps running his hands over my body as he keeps talking. "I want to be the only one to see the way your muscles move under your smooth alabaster skin as you breathe, the only one to see the way your nipples tighten into hard nubs when I touch them like this. I want to be the only one to see the beautiful curve of your ass, and the only one to see how your breathing picks up when I barely run my hands across your body like this. Mmmm, and I really want to be the only one who makes that long beautiful cock get hard, especially when I touch it and stroke it like this."

I can't stop my whimpers as Jasper touches and strokes and teases my body. He whispers into my ear again. "Are you ready, beautiful?"

I groan out, "Oh god yes, I'm ready Jasper. Please."

He gives me another devilish grin before saying, "Well alrighty then." His arms tighten around my waist and he lunges off the rock into the pool, dragging me in with him. Surprised, I barely have time to suck in a breath and hold it before I'm enveloped by the icy cold water.


	32. Chapter 32

**Hey y'all, another late chapter but at least here it is at last. I'd been taking some new medication to try to prevent migraines and let me tell you I haven't been able to think or hold a thought in my head for the last few months. I finally decided, screw that. I'd rather have migraines than lose my imigination. It was a struggle but I finally got my head cleared and this chapter out and yes I wrote it with a week long migraine so I hope it didn't affect it too badly. **

**As always thanks for all the lovely reviews, I think I actually managed to answer most of them for a change. **

**I actually took the time to make and post my revisions which were mostly just grammer corrections. Nothing was really added or taken away from the story so don't feel compelled to go reread, oh and I also added what day of the week each chapter is. This chapter is the last of the camping trip and the boys go back to their lives in the next chapter. I think I have one or maybe two more chapters of this constant timeline, then we're going to jump about 2 or 3 months ahead. **

**Usual Disclaimer: All Twilight characters of course belong to Ms. Meyers, but this plot is my own.**

**More A/N at the end...**

* * *

He gives me another devilish grin before saying, "Well alrighty then." His arms tighten around my waist and he lunges off the rock into the pool, dragging me in with him. Surprised, I barely have time to suck in a breath and hold it before I'm enveloped by the icy cold water.

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR**

****

CHAPTER 32

**EPOV (Sunday continued)**

I barely have enough advanced notice to take in a short breath before we hit the water sideways. The shock of the cold water as it envelops me makes me want to gasp and it's all I can do to keep holding my breath. Jasper loses his grip around my waist as we go under and I quickly become disoriented. I wasn't kidding when I told Jasper I wasn't that good of a swimmer and I panic, flailing my arms and kicking my legs trying to figure out which way is up so I can swim to the surface.

My flailing arms strike something solid and I realize it must be the bottom so I quickly turn and kick off from it, propelling myself to the surface. I burst up out of the water with a loud gasp, sucking in a much need breath, before settling back to find myself standing in neck deep water. My chest is heaving as I fight back tears, I'm fucking pissed off and my feelings are hurt that Jasper had dragged me into the water like that.

Jasper shoots out of the water beside me hollering and yelling. "Cold! Fuck! Cold!" He turns toward me with his arms wrapped around himself shivering, and his eyes wide with surprise as he says, "Fuck Edward this water's freezing!"

I burst out laughing at him and my anger dissolves, leaving me feeling slightly nauseous that I had even been mad at my sweet silly man. I splash water in his face and say, "I tried to tell you that, asshole!"

Jasper narrows his eyes at me when I splash water at him and he splashes it back at me. The next thing you know we're both splashing and yelling as we dunk each other, our laughter echoing through the woods. It doesn't take too long for the cold to become too much for us though and when I realize that Jasper's lips are practically blue, I hurriedly pull him out of the water. We both quickly dry off as we shiver in the cool air. Then I pull Jasper down beside me and wrap the sleeping bag around us both, holding his body close against mine, trying to use our body heat to warm each other back up.

Jasper shivers uncontrollably with his face nuzzled into my neck as I hold him close. Eventually he looks up and meets my eyes as he sadly says, "I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to make you mad and hurt your feelings."

I frown at him and shake my head as I say, "Jasper, I'm not mad, baby."

Jasper frowns back at me and says, "Edward, I saw the anger and hurt in your eyes. It was just for a moment but I did see it."

I sigh and say, "I sorry, I didn't mean for you see that."

Jasper chews on his lip as he frowns at me. Then he cups my face and softly says, "Edward, listen to me for a minute. You have been the best thing to ever happen to me. I've really enjoyed being taken care of and being treated special by you. I love how sweet and caring and gentle and patient and loving you've been with me. But darlin' I've also enjoyed taking care of you the past couple of days. I never thought I would have the strength or, um, courage to step up and take care of somebody else. It's really been nice to feel _needed_ and to know that you need my support as much as I need yours."

Jasper huffs and shakes his head then says, "I think what I'm trying to say is that you don't have to keep treating me like I'm made of glass, Edward. I'm not going to break just because you get mad at me. We're both a little bit spoiled and used to having our own way and I don't think it would be realistic to think that neither one of us is never going to get mad at the other. I know that I can act extremely childish sometimes and that you know it's because I still feel like a kid on the inside … but Edward, I am a man and I need to start acting like one. So please, if I make you mad…_be_ mad at me and let me make it up to you."

I frown as I realize that Jasper is right. I have been treating him like he was as fragile as spun glass. I also realize that I have thoroughly enjoyed his stepping up and taking care of me the past couple of days as well. I pull his face to mine and give him a tender kiss before saying, "Alright love, you're right. I wasn't expecting you to pull me into the water like you did. I actually thought you were trying to seduce me. It really hurt my feelings and made me angry."

Jasper gives me sad smile and nods his head as he says, "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings Edward and I apologize. I should never have dragged you into the water like that. I was trying to play around and have some fun but I'm kind of out of practice when it comes to teasing and playing with other people. I'm sorry that I keep doing things that wind up hurting you. I really didn't mean to fuck things up."

I cup his face in my hand and say, "No, love, you didn't hurt me. Yeah, I'm cold, but hell I think you're colder than I am. Anyway I'll be fine as soon as I get warmed back up. And you did not fuck things up. You just didn't realize the water was going to be as cold as it was. I wouldn't have stayed in the water playing as long as I did if I wasn't actually having fun too. It was great seeing you acting that carefree and playful."

Jasper smiles as he looks into my eyes and whispers, "It was kind of fun wasn't it. Too bad the water was fucking freezing." He sighs and looks down and I feel bad that he looks so sad. But then he looks up and winks at me as he grins and says, "So is this the part where we're supposed to kiss and make up?"

I roll my eyes and grin at him while whispering, "Come here, you." Then I pull his face to mine and our lips meet in soft languorous kisses. Jasper's chilled hands slide over my body leaving a trail of fire blazing in their wake. We lie there kissing and touching with our sleeping bag cocooned around us and my body quickly warms up as his touch kindles a fire deep inside of me.

Eventually, Jasper leans up on his elbow and looks down at me as he softly says, "Beautiful, do you want to go back to the tent and get under a few more of the sleeping bags? I really didn't think the water was going to be as cold as it was and now it's starting to feel cooler out here too." A shiver runs through him, and I realize that he is still cold, so I quickly agree that we should head back. We slip our shoes on and after we gather everything up, I wrap the sleeping bag tight around us and we hurry back toward the tent.

Jasper's teeth are starting to chatter by the time we get to the tent. After going inside, we zip up the door and the windows to block the breeze and then we pile up under half the sleeping bags. I turn Jasper's back toward me and spoon around him, trying to get him warm again. He shivers and shakes in my arms and I kiss the back of his neck as I whisper, "Are you alright love?"

He nods as another shiver runs through him. "I'm alright, beautiful. I'll be fine as soon as I warm back up again."

I tighten my arms around his cool body and ask, "Would you rather lie on top of me for awhile? You may get more of my body heat if we lay stomach to stomach."

Jasper turns his head and waggles his eyebrows at me as he says, "I see how ya are, any excuse to get my naked body on top of yours."

I laugh as he turns toward me. Then I drag him over on top of me as I say, "Not my fault I'm in love with a sweet sexy man that has a monster cock and who likes to talk dirty."

Jasper snickers and says, "Would you shut the fuck up about my cock."

Giggling, I say. "How about you shut me up by stuffing that monster cock in my mouth?"

Jasper rolls his eyes and laughs as he says, "How about I get warmed up first. We can figure out _what _I'm going to stuff and _where_ I'm going to stuff it inside you later."

I pull his face down to mine and whisper, "Mmm, I like how that sounds. Now give me a kiss and cuddle up for a bit love." Jasper kisses me until I'm breathless and the fire inside me roars back to life. He hums in contentment then lies his head down on my chest so I wrap my arms around him and hold him close as he soaks up my body heat. We both relax as his body stops shivering and slowly warms up. I had thought Jasper was actually going to make it through the day without a nap but I soon find myself being lulled to sleep by the sound of his deep even breaths and soft snores.

"~~***~~"

I open my eyes feeling disoriented. Damn, how long did I sleep? It's almost dark. What the hell is that noise? I snicker when I realize its Jasper's stomach growling. Jasper jerks his head up when I laugh and looks around, looking as disoriented as I feel. He looks down at me and mumbles, "Fuck, I fell asleep." He smiles and gives me a light kiss and says, "Mmm, you're so toasty warm, feels too good to move."

I pretend to pout while saying, "I thought you said something about stuffing me with something earlier." Jasper's stomach growls again so I laugh and say, "Oh right, when you were talking about stuffing something, you meant stuffing your face, right?"

Jasper narrows his eyes at me and says, "Fuck you."

I grin and say, "Finally! That's what I've been hinting at all afternoon!" Jasper laughs and shakes his head at me. I pull his face to mine and give him a soft kiss before asking, "Want to eat a few more sandwiches baby?"

Jasper yawns real big then gives me a sheepish grin while nodding his head. We get up and I wrap him back up in a sleeping bag and then grab another one and wrap myself up in it. We go over to the camp table and chairs and Jasper asks, "How are we supposed to light the lantern? I don't think there's any matches or lighters in here."

I grin and pick it up and flip a switch while saying, "It's a battery operated lantern Jasper. So… how hungry are you? How many sandwiches do you want?" We sit at the table this time as we eat and tease each other. Jasper scarfs down three sandwiches and I eat two this time. We finish off the first bag of chips and start in on the second. Jasper is making the sexiest sounds as he softly moans after each bite. I have to admit it's really turning me on. I swear it's all I can do to not whimper as I watch him lick the salt from the chips off of his fingers. I think Jasper's teasing me on purpose though, because I catch him peeking at me from the corner of his eye.

Then he gets a smirk on his face as he licks his tongue up each finger real slow. He slides each finger in and out of his mouth as he hollows his cheeks and sucks hard on them, then he pulls the last finger out of his mouth with a pop and looks over at me with a grin as he says "I've decided I really like camping with you, Edward. I'm curious though just what exactly is it you usually do when you go camping?"

I'm so flustered and turned on from watching him that it takes me a second to understand the question. I finally manage to stammer out, "Oh, um, usually, um, when I go camping I'm with Emmett, but we're usually in the park, not on dad's land. We usually hike in and go exploring new areas every time we go. It's fun to discover virgin territory."

Jasper grins again and he gets a mischievous look in his eyes as he says, "Oh, I see. You do the same thing I did when I made love to you earlier."

Confused, I wrinkle my nose and say. "Ewww, hell no, baby. Camping with Emmett is nothing like what we did."

Jasper's grin gets wider as he shakes his head and softly says, "I meant the exploring part, beautiful. Wasn't I exploring virgin territory and discovering new and amazing areas inside your body?" He runs his eyes up and down my body as he slides out of his chair. My insides start tingling at the look of hunger on his face as he slowly crawls toward me, saying. "I liked exploring you, Edward. I can think of a place that I think I need to do a little more exploring in right now."

My breathing picks up, my heart starts pounding, and oh fuck, I'm getting hard again as I watch him crawl toward me. When Jasper gets to me he pushes the sleeping bag open and runs his hands up my legs, my stomach, my chest, to my face. His tongue follows the path his hands took until it reaches my mouth where he kisses me hungrily. He pulls back and smiles before saying. "I love you so fucking much, Edward."

I wrap my sleeping bag around him and then run my hands up his back. I thread my fingers through his hair and whisper, "I love you too, Jasper." I pull him back to my lips and kiss him hard. Jasper melts against me and we kiss a long time before he pulls back and gives me another mischievous grin as he whispers, "I believed I promised to warm your balls back up if you took me swimming."

He runs his hands back down my body to my waist and then runs them behind my back. He locks his eyes with mine and pulls my hips forward in the chair until my ass is practically hanging off the edge and then he pushes my body until I'm lying down on the seat portion of the chair. We both shiver when the sleeping bag falls open and the cool air hits our naked bodies again.

I'm holding onto the chair arms with a white knuckled grip and panting as I watch Jasper spread my legs further apart. He grins up and me then leans down and runs his tongue up my inner thighs. I whimper and moan as his lips and tongue tease my balls and shaft as he licks and sucks and nibbles. And then I groan in frustration when my phone rings. I think about ignoring it but it's the ringtone for dad and I worry that something has happened. Anyway as soon as my phone started ringing, Jasper stopped what he was doing and started digging through our clothes looking for it. He pulls my phone out of my pocket and hands it to me.

Jasper watches me looking concerned as I quickly open it and say, "Hey dad is everything alright?"

"Yeah son, your mom just wanted me to call and make sure you boys had enough food."

"Oh, yeah we actually just ate, dad. Tell mom that Alice packed enough sandwiches to feed an army for a week so it should get Jasper through the niiiight!" My voice squeaks when Jasper scowls at me and then runs his tongue up my shaft.

"That's good son, so are you boys having a good time?"

Jasper sucks my balls into his mouth and I breathlessly say, "Oh god balls, so good. Um, I mean yeah, we're having a ball dad."

Threading my fingers through Jasper's hair I don't know whether to push him a way or keep him where he's at as his tongue swirls around and around.

I can hear dad laugh as he says, "That's great son. Listen the other reason I called was I just talked to Jasper's physical therapist Jacob and I wanted to make sure you and Jasper were going to come into the hospital for me to examine his knee in the morning. Do you guys think you can be at the hospital around 10?"

Jasper releases my balls and sucks my cock deep down his throat again and again. "Oh god, oh yeah, oh, um, yeah dad, god yes, we can be, oh god, there then."

Dad laughs harder and says, "Alright, I'll see you boys then. Oh, and Edward…? You boys have fun fooling around."

Jasper hollows out his cheeks and sucks me hard and I groan out, "Dear god, yes! Oh, I mean, um…"

Dad is laughing so hard he can barely speak as he says, "See you in the morning son." and he hangs up on me. I drop the phone and thread the fingers of my free hand into Jasper' hair but then I groan in frustration again when he stops what he's doing.

Jasper leans over me and kisses me hungrily before pulling back and narrowing his eyes at me and whispering. "Don't fucking move."

I nod and watch as Jasper quickly crawls over to our bed and grabs the lube, another condom and a couple of pillows. He's got me so worked up that my insides are tingling and aching to feel him inside me. Jasper quickly crawls back and tosses the pillows onto the floor to cushion his knees as he leans over me again. He kisses me deep as he gently runs his hands over my body. He sets my body on fire as he kisses his way back down to my chest, where he teases and works my nipples into hard sensitive nubs.

Jasper drives me crazy as licks, bites and sucks first one nipple, then the other while he tenderly runs one of his hands down and strokes against my entrance. I moan and first try to grind my ass against his hand before I thrust up against him. I need him so bad. But Jasper pulls away and sits back on his heels as he grins at me. He shakes his finger back and forth and says, "Nah, ah, ah…I said don't move." I groan and bounce my head off the back of the chair as he laughs at me.

Jasper gently runs his hands up and down my thighs as his laughter trails off and he looks uncertain as he softly asks, "Are you okay with this beautiful?"

I meet his eyes and smile as I say, "God yes, I'm loving your teasing, Jasper. Please don't stop."

His confident mischievous smile returns and he picks up the bottle of lube and pours some out on his fingers before saying, "You want teasing? I can tease. Now whatever you do, don't move Edward."

I smile and nod, waiting to see what he's going to do next. I love seeing Jasper being this at ease and playful with me. He pushes my legs even further apart before moving his lubed hand to my ass. I expect him to start kissing me or teasing me with his lips and tongue again, but he stays back sitting on his heels, as his slick fingers start circling my entrance.

I'm panting as the anticipation builds, aching to feel him push into me. But Jasper just keeps circling around and around my entrance, teasing me, driving me crazy. It's all I can do not thrust against his hand and keep still. Finally, I can't stand it anymore and I start begging him. "Please Jasper, put your fingers inside me. I need to feel you, love. Please baby…"

Jasper finally pushes one of his fingers inside and slowly starts to slide it in and out of me as I whimper and cry out. "Oh god, yes! Yes Jasper!" Jasper's finger is moving so slow in and out of me that its driving me even crazier than his earlier teasing was. I'm vaguely aware of Jasper whispering, "Look at you writhing at my touch, so beautiful… Shall I do this the rest of the night? Shall I just sit here and love on your ass with this one finger beautiful? Or do you want more?"

"Oh god, more Jasper! Please love, more. I need more!"

Jasper carefully adds another finger and then pumps the both of them in and out of me faster and faster. My moans get louder and louder as he curls his fingers and starts hitting that spot deep inside of me that drives me wild. Jasper leans over me and looks down at me with a smile as he whispers. "You look so beautiful spread out wide in front of me Edward. Do you like my fingers pumping in and out of your tight ass?"

I think I might have gotten a little incoherent as my words all string together. "Fuck good yes fingers love Jasper baby ass fuck don't stop!"

I can hear Jasper laughing but I'm too worked up to care. He leans in closer and whispers into my ear. "Do you have any idea how velvety smooth this tight tunnel feels around my fingers, around my cock? How hot it feels? You have such a beautiful ass Edward. It's so hot and tight. Do you remember what this beautiful ass needs to be perfect?"

"You're cock please ass love bury need perfect!"

I groan louder when Jasper stops his hands. But then he slips a third finger into me and moves so fucking slow as he slides his fingers in and out, teasing me again as he says. "Do you want me to make your ass perfect Edward? Do you want me to bury my cock deep inside of you? Do you?"

"Yes Jasper, yes! Please baby, I need you. Please love me Jasper, please." I whimper when he pulls his fingers out of me but then I start panting in anticipation again as I watch him grab the condom package and tear it open. I smile at the look of concentration on his face as he studies the condom and carefully rolls it down his thick cock. My stomach twists up with nerves as Jasper picks up the lube and coats his cock and my ass with it.

He looks up and meets my eyes and asks, "Are you sure. Edward?"

I nod and Jasper soothingly runs his hands up and down my thighs before running his hands under my knees and lifting my legs, one at a time to his shoulders. I try not to flinch when I feel the head of his cock as he rubs it against my slightly sore extremely sensitive entrance spreading the lube around.

Jasper stills his movements and whispers, "Edward?"

I lock my gaze with his as I say, "I'm ready love."

Jasper swallows nervously before nodding and saying, "Alright beautiful. Tell me if I hurt you or if you want me to stop." He's panting as he carefully pushes into me and I wince and bite my lip, whimpering from the pain and burn of being stretched again. Jasper stills his hips and he begins to stroke my cock as he whispers, "Fuck Edward you feel so good. I can't believe how tight your ass is around my cock. Just stay relaxed darlin', concentrate on my hand as I stroke your beautiful long cock."

I nod my head and close my eyes, taking deep slow breaths and blowing each one out as I concentrate on staying relaxed. Jasper ever so slowly sinks into my body and then he stills his body again as he rests his forehead on my chest and softly chants, "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck."

I cup his face in my hand and asks, "Jasper, what is it?"

"Fuck, Edward you feel so good that I almost came. Just give me a minute."

I smile and then pull his face to mine and whisper, "Kiss me love." His lips meet mine in slow sensual kisses and I hold his trembling body close to me as we give our bodies time to calm down. Even though my ass burns and aches, I love the feeling of being stretched and filled by him. I can't believe I waited 23 fucking years to do this, but then again, I'm so glad that Jasper is the only one to ever make love to me. It just makes it that much more special.

Jasper, ever so slowly begins moving inside me as he pulls almost all the way out before just as slowly pushing back in. He sets an easy pace, rhythmically rolling his hips as his hand keeps pace on my cock. The folding camp chair I'm in begins to sway back and forth in time with Jasper's thrusts. I have a sneaky suspicion that Jasper purposely chose making love in the chair because he knew we'd have to go slow in it. I think it was his way of making sure that we don't get carried away and hurt me. There would be no hard and fast thrusting for fear of the chair collapsing.

As we make slow and easy love, Jasper cups my face with the hand not stroking my cock and stares into my eyes as he whispers words of love and need. I whimper and moan, reveling in the feeling of his cock moving in and out of me again and again. Jasper carefully picks up the pace of his hips and the hand on my cock and my moans become louder as my orgasm slowly builds. I'm so close and I feel like I'm balanced on the edge of a precipice, all I need is one small nudge to send me tumbling to the other side. Jasper whispers, "Cum for me, you're so beautiful when you cum Edward."

And I do and its so fucking intense that all I can do is hang on for dear life as I moan his name over and over again. I'm only vaguely aware of Jasper crying out, "Edward!" as he drops his head to my chest while moaning and shuddering.

We're both breathing hard as we cling to each other, but when Jasper raises his head and looks at me I start laughing. Jasper looks confused as he asks, "What's so fucking funny?"

I reach up and cup his face and say, "Baby you just got cum off my chest and it's all in your hair."

Jasper snickers as he carefully pulls out of my ass and asks, "No shit?"

I grin and say, "No shit baby."

He looks down at my chest and snickers again before looking back up at me and saying, "I understand how I got in my hair but how did you get it in yours?"

Now I'm confused as I ask, "I got it in my hair? Where?"

He grins from ear to ear and quickly swipes his hand through the cum on my chest and smears it on my head saying, "Right there!"

I growl out, "Oh no you didn't!" and then we spend several minutes giggling and smearing my cum on each other. Jasper's got the upper hand though since I'm still trapped in the chair with my legs over his shoulders. All I can do is kick my feet and squirm as I laugh and beg him to stop when he starts tickling me mercilessly. He finally takes pity on me and stops tickling, then he carefully lowers my legs and whispers, "Don't move beautiful."

Jasper crawls back over and grabs one of the towels that we had used earlier. I love how he wrinkles his nose as he tugs the condom off. He tosses it over with the other used one before wiping himself off then he uses the dampest part of the towel to gently clean the cum from my body and the lube from my ass. He then scrubs at both my hair and his with the other damp towel before helping me up out of the chair.

I had planned for Jasper and I to take a pallet out into the meadow to do a little star gazing tonight but were both exhausted from our love making. We add the sleeping bags that we'd had wrapped around us back to our bed before crawling under half of them and snuggling up together. I'm on the verge of drifting off when I hear Jasper whisper, "Damn, almost forgot."

Then he crawls out of our bed and over to his backpack, before pulling out his medication and taking a pill. Then he crawls back and snuggles up with me again. He gives me a sleepy satisfied smile and softly says, "Edward?"

I smile and just as softly say, "Yes, love?"

He cups my face and gives me a tender kiss before staring into my eyes and hesitantly saying, "Thank you for today. I… I didn't think… I never thought that I'd ever be able to… love… to make love… to anybody… ever and enjoy it. I had so many doubts and fears but you made everything perfect. I'm sorry that I'm not ready to try it the other way yet."

I cup his face in my hands and shake my head as I say, "Jasper, in all honesty, I don't think I care if we ever try it the other way. You have no idea how wonderful it feels when you love me. You have made my life complete by loving me, by making love to me. If this is the only way we love each other for the rest of our lives then I will still die a happy man."

Jasper's eyes fill with tears and he whispers, "I love you so damn much, Edward. Thank you for loving me like you do."

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**I hope you guys liked it and that my writing didn't suffer too much from my migraine.**

**Just wanted to say a couple of things...**

**I read the strangest review on somebody else's story the other day. This person, and I can't even remember if it was a guy or girl, was complaining about how irritating it was that some authors on fanfiction use the excuse of their real life making their chapters come slower at times. I mean, really? Imagine that, these wonderful authors, and there are some really wonderful authors out there, are not neglecting their real lives and producing chapters fast enough for this person. All i could do was shake my head in amazement.**

**I sincerely hope this was just a young person that wasn't thinking clearly.**

**And speaking of young people, I put a couple of links in my profile in hopes of helping young people deal with stressful problems. I know a lot of readers here are actually from overseas so you may not have read a lot of the news stories from the US. But there were several cases of gay teenagers commiting suicide this summer. They weren't able to cope with the constant bullying going on in thier lives. One link is to the 'It Gets Better' project on you tube. Its a series of videos trying to make young people understand that just because it feels like things are horrible now doesn't mean it will always be that way. The other link is to teenspasce211, a site geared to all teens offering advice and couseling. **

**Okay, I think that was all I was wanting to mention except of course...HAPPY THANKSGIVING! **


	33. Chapter 33

**_Hey y'all, still alive here. I tried to get this out earlier but have had family visiting forever over the holidays. Kind of hard to write slash when there's two young teens looking over your shoulder every five minutes...lol. _**

**_Hope everybody had a fantastic Christmas. _**

**_Once again thanks for all the lovely reviews and for adding this to favorites. _**

**This chapter is a tad shorter than usual. Not much else to say except, I hope you guys are still with me and enjoying the story. Oh, and things may get a tad heavy again for awhile.**

**_Disclaimer: All twilgiht characters belong to Stephanie Meyer but the plot is my own..._**

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_I cup his face in my hands and shake my head as I say, "Jasper, in all honesty, I don't think I care if we ever try it the other way. You have no idea how wonderful it feels when you love me. You have made my life complete by loving me, by making love to me. If this is the only way we love each other for the rest of our lives then I will still die a happy man."_

_Jasper's eyes fill with tears and he whispers, "I love you so damn much, Edward. Thank you for loving me like you do."_

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**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 33**

**JPOV (Monday morning)**

Hearing the sounds of birds chirping, I slowly blink my eyes open and smile when the first thing I see is Edward still asleep in the early morning light. Drinking in the sight of my beautiful man, I think about grabbing my sketchpad and drawing him. But I'm afraid if I move I'll disturb him, so I memorize this moment in hopes to sketch it out later.

Edward is fucking sexy and beautiful, lying on his stomach with his arms curved over his head, pillow bunched up with his face turned toward me. I guess he got warm in his sleep, because the sleeping bags are down around his waist showing the smooth expanse of his back. His hair is in complete disarray, sticking up in every direction in stiff clumps, probably from the cum that I had tried to rub out of it last night. His lips are in a kissable pout, and there's a shadow of scruff on his face. His skin almost glows as the dim light slowly brightens inside the tent.

Damn, I want him.

Loving Edward yesterday had been the most incredible, most wonderful and intimate experience I've ever had in my life. I'm still in awe that we actually made love. Twice! I couldn't believe it when Edward told me he wanted me to love him a second time. I thought for sure he would be too sore to attempt it again for a few days, but he had been pretty insistent about it.

When I did finally love Edward the second time, he had actually acted like it hurt less, not more, when I entered him that time. I could hardly believe it. I mean fuck, the second time James had been inside me it had been even more excruciatingly painful than the first time.

I'm still having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that I can actually _be_ inside Edward without it hurting him. I mean, yeah, Edward said he's sore, but thankfully, he didn't experience the pain and agony that I remember and dread feeling again. I wipe a shaky hand across my face, wondering if I will ever be able to have Edward inside me. Sometimes I wonder what I fear more: the fear that the act itself will cause the memories of that night to completely overwhelm me, or the fear that it will hurt as bad as what I remember. I honestly don't think I would be able to survive that kind of pain again.

Of course, I know Edward would be as slow and careful with me as I tried to be with him yesterday, but still, my guts twist with fear just thinking about trying it. And yet at the same time, I _want_ to feel Edward inside me. Hell, I _ache_ to feel him inside me. Maybe someday I'll get to the point where the ache to feel Edward inside of me will outweigh the fear. I know there is no pressure or hurry. Edward said he didn't mind waiting. Hell, he said it didn't really matter to him if we never try it and I love him so damn much for telling me that but I still plan on us switching places…someday. I need to know if I can like it and I want Edward to be able to experience how wonderful it feels to be inside that smooth, tight, heat.

Opening my eyes, I trace my fingertips down Edward's jaw line and smile when he hums and nuzzles against my hand. He's always so responsive. I love the way he moans and whimpers and writhes and… fuck, just everything he does when I'm loving on him; the way he stares into my eyes and touches me and the way his hips thrust up meeting me halfway when I'm inside of him; the way he moans my name and the look on his face when he cums. I love it all. I love him.

Running my eyes down Edward's naked back, I wonder how sore he is this morning and if he's going to want me to love him again. I love the feeling of being inside him and want him so bad that I can hardly stand it, but not if it's going to hurt him. Sighing, I tell myself we really should wait until we get back to Seattle. We need to give his body time to get used to things.

Of course, there are still plenty of other things that Edward and I can do together…

I tenderly run my hand down Edward's back to the firm muscles of his ass. Leaning down, I kiss across his back as I give his ass a gentle squeeze. I love how the curve of his ass feels cupped in my hand. Edward hums and moans as he pushes his ass back into my hand before thrusting his hips forward and grinding into our bed of sleeping bags. I grin when I realize my beautiful boyfriend already has a hard-on.

I keep gently kissing and sucking and licking across Edward's back and shoulders as I caress the firm muscles of Edward's ass in my hand. Then, leaning up on one arm, I gently run my hand up his back and then trace his lips with my fingers. Edward moans again as he whispers, "Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, so good."

Edward rolls onto his back with his hands over his head and then stills and his breaths even out again. I vaguely wonder if Edward has ever had a wet dream and then I wonder if I can make him have one. I reach over and gently trace my fingertips over his lips again and Edward moans softly. I run my fingertips down to his chest and slowly circle his nipples. Edward moans out, "Fuuuuck Jasper, lips, tongue, so good."

Realizing that Edward is dreaming of my lips and tongue on his body, I decide that him waking up with me loving on his cock with my mouth is an even better idea than his having a wet dream. So I kiss down Edward's body as I duck under the covers and scoot down lower in our bed. Edward moans even louder when I gently trace my fingers over his cock. Then taking him in my hand, I stroke his shaft as I swirl my tongue around and around the head of his cock before wrapping my lips around it and sucking him deep into my mouth.

Edward's fingers thread their way into my hair and I wince when they tangle up in the stiff clumps of dried cum in my own hair. Then he holds my head still as he bucks his hips and thrusts into my mouth, again and again. He groans out, "Jasper, Jasper, Jasper." I snort out a laugh when Edward starts begging. He says some of the funniest shit when he's turned on. "Jasper, please ass fingers, need inside, love me, cock mouth, ass fingers please!"

I think he's telling me he wants me to love on him with my fingers inside him as I suck his cock, so I reach the hand not stroking his cock out from under the covers and pat around, trying to find our lube. Edward's hands leave my head and he fumbles around before placing the tube in my hand. I pull it under the covers with me and flip the lid open with my thumb, squeezing a little out onto my fingers before shutting it. I toss it aside and circle my fingers around his entrance. Damn, I'm getting good at this, I never even missed a beat as I stroked his cock with my other hand and mouth.

Edward groans as he kicks the covers down, uncovering me, before spreading his legs wide with his knees bent and feet flat on the bed. I keep teasing my fingers in a slow circle around Edward's tight entrance as I stroke his cock with my other hand and move my lips and tongue down to suck on his balls. Edward cries out, "Balls yes! Gah, yeah, ooo, mmmm, unf, Jasper ass fingers now!" I grin and push in one of my fingers, but then I stop and mentally curse myself for hurting him when he hisses with pain. I start to pull my finger out but Edward fucking whines at me, "Don't stoooop! Need finger love!" as he grinds his ass down on my finger hard.

I'm worried about hurting him but I go ahead and slowly slide my finger in and out of his tight entrance, once again marveling over how velvety smooth, hot and tight Edward feels on the inside. I push in deep and lightly graze my finger over his magic spot and Edward moans out, "Fuuuuuck, Jasper. Yeah baby, need more fingers right there."

I move my lips and tongue back to his cock so I can watch his face to see if I'm hurting him. Then I carefully add a second finger and push inside. Edward hisses again, the look on his face a mixture of pain and ecstasy. Moving slowly, I gently slide in and out of his tight heat, lightly brushing against that spot every time my fingers are deep inside him. Edward is moaning, writhing and grinding against my fingers but I don't speed up my slow teasing, my lips moving just as slowly up and down the length of his cock, as the fingers sliding in and out of his tight ass.

Finally, Edward growls in frustration. "Jasper you're driving me crazy!" Then he reaches down and tugs on my arm so I carefully pull my fingers out of him. Edward pulls me up into his arms and kisses me hard as his tongue meets mine and he flips us to where he's on top of me. I moan breathlessly as he captures my hands and pins them over my head before sliding his naked cock against mine.

Edward bites and sucks on my neck at the juncture of my neck and shoulder as he keeps rolling his hips. We're both so worked up that our cocks are slick with pre-cum as they slide and grind against each other. Edward keeps me pinned there as he rolls his hips again and again. Our cocks slide, thrust and grind together faster and harder until all I can do is breathlessly moan and whimper. I can feel that now familiar tingling that seems to run through my whole body as it races from my extremities to my cock.

I cry out, "Edward, I'm going to…" and then he fucking stops moving, leaving me hanging _right there_. My body is so tensed up that I'm trembling and shaking and I groan as that wonderful feeling ebbs and I'm left feeling frustrated and aching for release. Opening my eyes, I pout at Edward and whine, "Why the fuck did you stoooop!"

Edward gives me a smoldering look as he says, "I'm not nearly done teasing you yet."

**EPOV**

I love how Jasper wakes me up this morning. Mmmm, I love what that man can do with his tongue. I had dreamed about Jasper making love to me all night. I even woke up several times right on the edge of cumming, just barely managing to hold off my impending orgasm. I can just imagine how embarrassing it would have been if I hadn't controlled myself, especially after laughing at Jasper when he had had his wet dream the other night. I swear Jasper keeps my body in a permanent state of constant arousal. I ache for him all the time.

I had been tempted to surprise Jasper and wake him up with my hands or mouth, but worried if I pawed him in his sleep that it would trigger a nightmare. Besides he had looked so peaceful and angelic that I just couldn't disturb him. So each time, I forced myself to relax and go back to sleep. I think I wound up dreaming about every position I've ever read about or seen in the movies. I hope we try them all someday.

Threading my fingers into Jasper's hair, I hold his head still as I thrust my cock up into his mouth again and again. Damn, I might need to start working out with Jasper at the gym, every muscle in my body is stiff and sore this morning. Fuck me, his mouth feels so good. There's nothing in this world more amazing than the feel of Jasper's beautiful lips wrapped around my cock except maybe for the feel of his monster cock filling my ass. If there was some way I could have his cock in my ass at the same time that my cock was in his mouth I think I would die from sheer pleasure overload. I suppose a contortionist could do that, but since Jasper isn't a contortionist, I settle for begging him to use his fingers.

I hand him the lube and spread my legs wide, panting in anticipation. But then when he slips his first finger inside me, I hiss at how tender my ass is. Damn it, I think I might be a little too sore for Jasper to actually make love to me this morning.

Remembering that my parents had said that Jasper and I might have the house to ourselves for a bit while we're down here for the next couple of days, I decide that we can wait and try it again then. While I feel a little uncomfortable at the thought of making love in mom and dad's house after promising not to, I sure as hell don't want to wait the three days it will take for us to get back to Seattle.

I want to feel Jasper inside me, so bad I can hardly stand it. I hope my body gets used to things soon, so that Jasper and I can make love as often as we want. I have quickly come to love the burning, stretching, aching, slightly painful feeling of Jasper filling me, moving in me. Simply because I know it will soon be followed by indescribable pleasure.

After my hiss of pain, Jasper freezes and I have to resort to begging to get him to move again. And even then he's touching and teasing me so slow and gentle that it's about to drive me wild with need. I _need_ more. I beg Jasper to add a second finger and he finally does but then he moves even slower and gentler than before.

Finally, feeling frustrated as hell from being turned on all night and from Jasper's slow teasing, I pull him up into my arms and flip us over. I was serious last night when I told Jasper it didn't matter if he was always the one making love to me. I know after the things that were done to him that he may never have the trust or desire to feel me inside him and I'm totally okay with that. But I do love that he trusts me enough to pin him down and let me tease him with my mouth, with my hands, with my cock. It means the world to me that he trusts me enough to do that to him. And I take full advantage of it this morning… I pin my sexy assed boyfriend to the bed and proceed to get him as worked up and frustrated as I feel.

I keep my sweet sexy Jasper pinned to the bed and work him right to the edge, again and again and again, before backing off and letting our bodies calm down each time. I tease Jasper until he's quivering, writhing, trembling, panting, whimpering and practically begging me, "Edward please! Please! Would you let me fucking cum already? I need to cum so bad darlin'! Please make me cum!"

Finally, I can't stand it anymore myself and I let Jasper's hands go. I sit up and pull Jasper over into my lap, facing me. I have him wrap his legs around behind me and then cross my legs so I can support him and hold our sweat slicked bodies close. I take both our cocks in my hand and stroke them both at the same time. Oh fuck, that feels even better than I had dreamed it would. Jasper's hand joins mine as our lips and tongues meet. We kiss and suck and pant and moan as we swallow each other's moans and whispered words of love. Our hands stroke each other faster and faster until we're both shuddering through our orgasms. Oh fuck, I needed that. I love him so damn much.

**JPOV**

I sigh and tremble with nerves as we pull into the hospital parking lot. I _hate_ it when I have to be examined by doctors. Hopefully, since its Edward's dad, it won't be as bad this time. Still, I'm worried about what Carlisle is going to tell me about my knee. At least the Doc is actually going to be here with me, after all this morning.

_Edward and I had done a new kind of loving this morning and was it ever hot! I think Edward had said it was called locust, no wait, lotus… something like that. Anyway after our wonderful early morning loving, Edward and I had held each other close for the longest time, kissing and touching and whispering how much we loved and needed each other. _

_We had finally decided to wipe off our sticky bodies with the towels and get up. I had tossed Edward a pair of the sweatpants that Alice had packed for us and we had slipped them on along with our shirts. Then we had eaten the last of the sandwiches and our slice of pecan pie each before brushing our teeth and rounding up everything we were taking back to the house with us._

_When we had pulled up to the house on the four-wheeler, we had both been shocked when Alice had come out to greet us. Of course she had to stand there and laugh at us forever about how our hair was sticking up in every direction in stiff cum-dried clumps. When she finally got over that she had to laugh again when we got off the four-wheeler and she saw how Edward was walking. _

_When we asked her what she was still doing there, she told us that Charlie had asked the Doc if he could stay and be there when the county District Attorney came to the hospital to interview Michael's dad tomorrow, or I guess I should say this afternoon now. The D. A. had to make some kind of decision on what they were going to do with Michael's dad, and Charlie wanted the Doc and Carlisle to tell the D. A. about the drugs that the coach had given to everybody and what kind of effects they had. So the Doc had called Maria and had her reschedule all his Monday appointments._

_After that Alice had held her nose saying we smelled like yaks. Ha! Smartass probably didn't think I knew what that was but for once I did and even told her so. Alice had just rolled her eyes at me though and then had practically ordered me to go take a shower. Then she had insisted that Edward needed to go up and soak in the whirlpool tub in Rose's bathroom, since he was kind of, um, hobbling around. _

_I had thought it funny when Alice followed Edward inside, telling him to call Rose and put her on speakerphone so they could both hear all the details of the night Edward and I had spent together. Edward had given me a 'save me' look, but I had thought, better him than me and headed on up to take a shower. _

_My phone rang about the time I got to Edward's room though. I guess Alice had already told Rose that Edward was hobbling around because it was Emmett on the phone and he was laughing and congratulating me on …and I quote… 'doing a thorough job of pounding my bottom boy brother's virgin ass into the mattress.' Fuck Emmett can be embarrassing as hell sometimes. I was a little afraid of what Rose was going to say about it. But the way Rose was giggling and squealing 'oh my god, Edward I can't believe you did it twice!' in the background, I guess she wasn't too mad at me. _

_Emmett had also wanted details on positions and duration and all kinds of shit. I could hear Rose in the background asking Edward the same questions and I could even hear Alice upstairs loudly laughing. Gosh Edward has a nosy family. Then Emmett had wanted to know if we had tried…well let's just say I think Emmett was pulling my leg, surely people don't really do _that_. After I finally got off the phone with Emmett, I jumped in the shower. It had felt weird to be showering without Edward. I think that was the first time I'd showered without him since the hot dip fiasco. _

_Later, as Edward and I were getting around to go to the hospital, Alice had told us that she would meet up with us there a little later. Then she told us that Esme dear had already left to go and talk to Michael's mom some more. Alice had also told us that Michael had got to go home with Sam last night but that he should be there for the interview with the D. A. as well sometime today. Alice had cooked some breakfast for us, but Edward said he wasn't hungry since we had those sandwiches and pie earlier. Not wanting any of it to go to waste, I ate it all. That Alice sure is a good cook._

Going inside the hospital, I wrap a supportive arm around Edward's waist as we head toward his dad's office. Edward seems to be walking a little better after soaking so long in the tub but he's still walking a little stiff.

Carlisle was running a little behind on his rounds but had left orders with one of the nurses to send me to x-ray to have pictures taken of my knee. Thankfully, the nurse lets Edward come with me when she sees how nervous I am. But Edward has to wait outside the door as the x-ray tech take tons of x-rays of my knee in just about every position you can think of. When I finally get done, I'm relieved to find Edward still waiting on me.

The nurse tells Edward that Carlisle is waiting for me in one of the examining rooms and to go ahead and go there next. So I wrap my arm around his waist again as we make our way to the examining room. There are a quite few more people here today than there was yesterday and few of them give us ugly looks. I ignore them but tighten my arm around my beautiful man when he looks down with a hurt look on his face. Edward looks up when I tighten my arm around him and I whisper, "I love you, Edward."

He gives me a sad smile and whispers back, "I love you too, Jasper."

Still whispering, I reach up with my other hand and stroke his cheek. "Don't be sad beautiful. It doesn't matter what they think."

Edward nods but looks around with a sad look as he whispers back, "It was different in Seattle because I really didn't know any of those people, but I know these people by name, Jasper. Do they really see me so different just because I fell in love with a man instead of a woman? I just don't understand it." He sighs but then he stands up straighter as he gives me a real smile and softly says, "But you're right, all that matters is our love for each other and as long as I have your love and have you standing by my side I can stand proud and face anything. Thank you Jasper, thank you for reminding me of that."

I shake my head at him as I pull him closer and softly say, "No Edward. Thank you. Thank you for loving me and for standing by my side and showing me how to live a real life." Edward grins and looks around before giving me a wink and a quick peck on the lips.

We head on down to the examining room the nurse told us to go to, and go on inside. Carlisle and the Doc are sitting inside waiting on us. The Doc is standing, leaning against the wall, and Carlisle is sitting on a roll around stool. They both look up and grin at us when we walk in and the Doc asks, "I was wondering if you'd mind if I sit in Jasper."

I grin at him and shake my head as I say, "No, I don't mind, Doc. It's kind of nice to see you here."

Carlisle smiles and says, "That's fine then. Edward why don't you sit over against the wall, and Jasper, I want you to hop up here on the table."

Nodding, I walk Edward over to the chair and help him ease down into it. Edward blushes as he grins up at me and rolls his eyes, even though he kind of sighs in relief too. I grin back and walk over and hop my ass up onto the table.

When I turn to the others, I find the Doc hiding a smile behind his hand as he watches Carlisle. Carlisle is looking back and forth from Edward to me and back again, his expression changing from confusion to understanding as he quietly mutters, "Bottom boy." The Doc barks out a laugh and Carlisle grins, Edward turns as red as I feel and slouches down low in his chair with a mortified look on his face, which send the Doc and Carlisle into gales of laughter.

Eventually Carlisle sighs and shakes his head as he pinches the bridge of his nose. Then he looks up and gives Edward a stern look as he says, "Alright young man, you get the same speech and rules as your brother and sisters. What you do in the privacy of your room is your business but let's not shock your mom too much. From now on, I want you to wash your own sheets and towels and don't be flushing your condoms down the toilet!" Carlisle grins and looks over at the Doc before turning back to Edward and saying, "And for goodness sakes try and be more discreet than your brother and sisters and keep the noise down!" I can't help but snicker as the doc's face turns red as he looks down wide-eyed and blushing.

Carlisle turns to me when I snicker and gives me a stern look as he says, "I assume you were careful and used protection?"

My face flames up feeling super red hot but I nod and say, "Yes sir. We used lots of lube and we used condoms both times. I was real careful and even checked to make sure there wasn't any blood on them…um, you know… after."

Carlisle's stern look softens and he smiles as he softly says, "Thank you for taking good care of my son, Jasper. I should have known you of all people would be super careful." Carlisle sighs and says, "Alright then, let's get this show on the road. Jasper I need you to lose the pants and lay down on the table. Do you want us to leave while you change?"

I blush even redder but say, "No sir, I'm fine." Then I grin and say, "I reckon all of you have seen my ass naked at least once, so boxers should be a breeze."

"~~***~~"

Carlisle pokes and prods at my knee for what seems like forever and then he looks at all the x-rays when the tech guy brings them in, then he goes back to poking and prodding my knee again as I flip from front to back to front again. After that Carlisle calls Jacob on the phone and talks to him as he starts poking and prodding at my knee again. I admit when they start talking all that doctor crap about muscles and tendons and patellas, I tune them out.

Looking at Edward, I fantasize about dragging him up here on this table and loving on him right now. I guess Edward must be reading my mind because he gives me another smoldering look. I can practically feel his eyes as they run up and down my body. I have to look away though when I realize that I'm about to embarrass myself by getting hard in front of Edward's dad. My eyes meet the Doc's and he gives me an amused grin and shakes his head. I have a feeling the only reason he isn't asking me all the same questions that Emmett asked earlier is because of Carlisle in the room.

After Carlisle finally gets off the phone he looks at the x-rays one more time before sitting down with a tired sigh in front of me. I sit up straighter and meet his eyes as I wait for him to tell me what I need to do to get my knee better. Carlisle sighs again and says, "Jasper, I was hoping you just had a little inflammation or fluid buildup and that we could take care of your knee with some cortisone shots. Unfortunately, it looks like you do have a bone chip in there and that it has been aggravating your joint for awhile now. We need to go in and remove that chip and do a little arthroscopic debridement."

I frown and ask, "When you say go in, you mean…?"

Carlisle nods and says, "Surgically. It would be a very simple outpatient procedure, Jasper. As a matter of fact, we could do it first thing in the morning and you'd still be fine to go home with Edward when you guys planned to go. I talked to Jacob and he said to tell you that you'd have to cease your self-defense classes and kick boxing classes for awhile but that you would be doing swimming and some light gym workouts until he and I decided you were ready to resume your normal activities."

Swallowing, I look down and fight back the tears as I chant 'don't cry, don't cry you're not a fucking baby'. But no matter how hard I try not to, the tears spill over and run down my face as I look up and my voice breaks as I ask, "How bad will I scar?"


	34. Chapter 34

_**A/N Hey y'all I was researching something unrelated to this story the other day and found a few medical facts that I thought Carlisle would want to discuss with the boys since he is both a concerned father and a doctor. However, since I am not in the medical field all of this info may not be as accurate as it should be. **_**_I'm also not in the legal field so any legal talk will probably not be totally accurate either_.**

**Once again, thanks to everybody for all the wonderful reviews. I think I actually managed to write a short note to everybody as a reply. I'm getting better.**

**I meant to have this chapter out last weekend but had some unexpected problems pop up. As usual, I hope you guys are still enjoying my story.**

**Disclaimer: All twilight characters are the property of the lovely Ms. Meyers but the plot is my own.**

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**GASPING FOR AIR**

**CHAPTER 34**

**EPOV ****(Monday morning continued)**

I love my family, I really do. But sometimes, I swear I feel as if I'm the adopted one, since I seem to be the only person in my family with any sense of modesty, well except for mom that is. It had been embarrassing as hell to get grilled by my sisters about my first time sexual experience. Especially when Alice had plopped down on the floor beside me while I soaked in the tub with Rose on the speakerphone and both of them giggling, asking questions, and demanding-details Edward give us details, bubs! At least Alice had had the decency to throw a towel at me and tell me to cover my lap first.

I do admit that I had been wishing that I had someone that I could talk to, someone I could sort of share and compare first time experiences with. Unfortunately, my choices were limited. I think the only gay guy I really know is Mike and I don't know that I will ever be comfortable enough to discuss sex with him, not after what he did. Besides that, his previous experiences were as bad as Jaspers.

I don't really know Ben well enough to talk to him either. It had been humiliating enough just to get advice from him the other day. And it's not like I could have discussed things with Emmett. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know how incredible it feels to have your lover moving inside of you, or other things like would it always be painful when we made love or would my body eventually get used to being stretched like that.

At least my sisters know what it's like to be on the, um, receiving end of things…. I just wish they hadn't teased me quite so much. In spite of all the teasing, it had been kind of fascinating to hear some of their stories, and to compare the few similarities between their experiences and mine. I didn't feel quite as self-conscious about sharing details with my sisters after they shared their stories with me.

Of course they had both laughed their butts off at how stiff and sore my muscles were this morning. Hell, I had no idea I was that out of shape, so I actually listened when my sisters suggested different exercises I could do to tone up. When Rose said she always thought the different exercises girls had to do during gym in school was to get them ready to have sex, Alice had laughed so loud and hard that I'd be surprised if Jasper didn't hear her all the way upstairs.

Thinking about all the exercises the girls had to do, I kind of wondered if Rose was right. Most of the exercises I remembered consisted of them lying on their backs with their legs in the air doing things like 'bicycles' and 'scissors', and let's not forget all those 'hip thrusts' they had to do. Anyway after Alice got over her laughing fit, they both told me if I want to stay…um, ahem…tight, that I need to do Kegel exercises. Hell, I'd never even heard of Kegels before. Who thinks that shit up? But I had been a tad worried about getting, um, stretched out of shape. So I guess I did learn a few things from my sisters and at least soaking in the tub helped loosen up my stiff muscles, a little.

I could hear Emmett in the background on the speakerphone, grilling and teasing Jasper too. I wondered how many details Jasper was actually sharing with Emmett. I wish I had thought to warn Jasper and tell him it was okay for him to tell my family it was none of their business if he didn't want to talk about things. Then again, maybe Jasper had wanted somebody to talk too.

I just hoped he wasn't being overwhelmed with the whole 'big brother' experience. Emmett does tend to get carried away at times. Hell they all do. I love that my siblings have accepted Jasper into the family wholeheartedly. But I also worried how Jasper was handling the transition from being alone all the time to being thrust into a large overprotective family that seems to know no boundaries when it comes to teasing or privacy.

"~~**~~"

Later on when Jasper and I got to the hospital, I had been relieved when I got to go with Jasper back to x-ray, even if I did have to wait outside the door forever. I stood there so long my muscles starting stiffening up again so I was relieved when Jasper came out and wrapped a supportive arm around my waist.

Then as we walked down the hall to the examining room that dad was waiting for us in, I had been crushed by the looks some of the people were giving us. I mean I know these people and they know me by name. How can they look at me as if I was the most disgusting creature to ever crawl out from under a rock? I don't think I would have been able to face them alone, but Jasper's strong grip around my waist and supportive words had reminded me that our love was the only thing that mattered.

When Jasper and I finally caught up with dad and the Doc in the examining room, Jasper had walked me over and helped me as I eased my stiff, aching body down into the chair before he walked over and practically vaulted up onto the examining table. Dad had given me a funny, confused look and then muttered, "Bottom boy." I had just wanted to die from mortification when I realized that_…he knows_. I don't know why, but my dad knowing I'd had sex had embarrassed me more than any amount of teasing I'd had from my sisters. I couldn't help but slump down in the chair, wishing the floor would open up and swallow me whole as my dad and the Doc laughed at me.

I had been kind of relieved though, when dad told me the 'new rules' about sex in their house. I admit after I'd had time to think about our talk Saturday, I had been just a tad bit hurt and worried when I realized that I had to abide by a different set of rules than my brother and sisters when it came to sex at my parent's house. I guess it had just been dad's last ditch effort to keep me 'innocent' for a while longer when he had told me only foreplay was allowed. I had worried that dad simply didn't want gay sex under his roof. It was a relief to finally know that that hadn't been the reason.

I did think it funny when dad turned around during the 'new rules' speech and embarrassed the Doc. But then I got downright pissed off, when my dad gave Jasper a stern look and asked if he was careful and used protection. I had to bite my tongue to keep from telling dad that it was none of his damn business what Jasper and I do together. But what really floored me was Jasper telling my dad, "Yes sir. We used lots of lube and we used condoms both times. I was real careful and even checked to make sure there wasn't any blood on them…um, you know… after."

I had looked at Jasper in disbelief, not knowing whether to be hurt or mad that he practically told my dad everything we did. But then a movement caught my eye and I looked to see the Doc with his head down and his eyes closed and an exasperated grin on his face as he shook his head. That's when it hit me and I shook my head and smiled too. I'm such an idiot. Of course Jasper's going to tell a doctor everything…no matter who that doctor is. He lived in a damn hospital for five years. Sharing every single detail of his life with them is second nature to him. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure my dad had just been teasing Jasper and didn't expect such an honest-and detailed-answer from him.

"~~**~~"

I sit back and watch my dad as he examines Jasper's leg and knee. I've not had many opportunities to watch my dad at work and I have to admit, I admire the way he keeps Jasper at ease. Jasper had told me earlier how much he hates being examined by doctors. He can hardly stand for people to touch him like that. But other than turning beet red when he first shed his jeans, Jasper seems to be doing well.

Dad has Jasper lie flat on the table, flipping from front to back to front again as he pokes and prods at Jasper's kneecap and behind his knee. Then he has Jasper sit back up on the end of the examining table and has him extending and flexing his leg as he pokes and prods some more. When the x-ray tech brings in the x-rays, dad stares at all of them a long time, mumbling to himself as he goes from looking at the films to massaging around Jasper's knee and back to the films again.

Then as dad talks on the phone with Jacob, discussing Jasper's knee and treatments and what further rehab Jasper will need, Jasper stares at me like he wants to just eat me up. I start fantasizing about Jasper loving me right there on that table he's lying on. Mmm, I could lie there on my back with my ass on the edge, like I was on the edge of that chair last night, then Jasper could pull out those stirrup looking thingys and put my heels in them. I can just imagine being at Jasper's mercy as he stands there between my legs and teases me with his lips and tongue and fingers and…

Shaking my head, I clear those images out of my head before my cock gets rock-hard in front of my dad and the Doc. I have to hide my grin when I see Jasper looking away and shaking his head too. I clench my ass muscles- Kegels ha!- to see how tender my ass is. Hmm, not nearly as sore as this morning, I think I might just be up for it by this evening. If we get home early enough, maybe Jasper and I can put dad's new rules to work before he and mom get home.

Dad finally gets off the phone and sits down in front of Jasper with a tired sigh. I worry about how tired my dad looks and I'll be happy when he's done working so many hours all the time. I don't know if I could stand it if anything happened to either of my parents. I look at Jasper and it hits me all over again just how much he has lost in his life. I swear, in spite of Jasper's fears and panic attacks he is the strongest person I have ever met.

I smile at the expectant, hopeful look on Jasper's face as he waits for dad's verdict on his knee. But then I frown as Jasper's happy and hopeful face slowly turns solemn and sad as my dad says, "Jasper, I was hoping you just had a little inflammation or fluid buildup and that we could take care of your knee with some cortisone shots. Unfortunately, it looks like you do have a bone chip in there and that it has been aggravating your joint for awhile now. We need to go in and remove that chip and do a little arthroscopic debridement."

Jasper frowns, his face full of dread as he asks. "When you say go in, you mean…?"

Dad nods and says, "Surgically. It would be a very simple outpatient procedure, Jasper. As a matter of fact, we could do it first thing in the morning and you'd still be fine to go home with Edward when you guys planned to go. I talked to Jacob and he said to tell you that you'd have to cease your self-defense classes and kick boxing classes for awhile but that you would be doing swimming and some light gym workouts until he and I decided you were ready to resume your normal activities."

Jasper looks down and swallows as he blinks rapidly. When he looks up at my dad the tears spill over and run down his face and his voice breaks as he asks, "How bad will I scar?"

Forgetting all about how stiff and sore I am, I leap up and I'm at Jasper's side and pulling him into a hug before the last word is out of his mouth.

**JPOV**

The words are no sooner out of my mouth than Edward is there pulling me into his arms, kissing my temple as he whispers. "Shh, Jasper, please don't cry baby. Everything will be okay. You know the scars don't bother me, love." Barely a second later the Doc is there on the other side of me, patting my back as he murmurs comforting words as well.

Carlisle looks upset as he says, "Jasper, I wish we would have had the time to be careful and try to decrease the amount of your scarring when we worked on you before. But this will only be three small incisions around your knee and they should heal in no time and the scarring should be minimal, if at all."

Finally getting myself under control, I wipe my face feeling a little embarrassed for crying in front of everybody. Meeting Carlisle's eyes, I say. "I'm sorry I cried like a fu…um, like a baby." Straightening my legs, I look down at them and I can't stop another tear from tracking down as I sniff and say. "It's just the front of my legs are the only thing on me not scarred up."

Dropping my legs back down, I sigh and lean against Edward, wiping at my face again. Then I take the Doc's hand in mine and my voice trembles as I ask Carlisle. "How long will it take me to be able to walk again? Will I have to start all over, like how I was when I first woke up in the hospital?"

Carlisle squeezes my knee, and in spite of the fact that I'm teary-eyed and upset, I jump and giggle like a girl because it fucking tickles. Carlisle smiles when I giggle but he shakes his head and says. "You'll get a pain shot in the knee during the surgery and we'll have you up and walking as soon as you're fully awake after the surgery, Jasper. After we get you to the house you'll spend the next 24 hours with ice packs and your knee elevated to keep down the swelling. After your shot wears off you'll probably be in pain for a couple of days at least and I'll give you some pain pills for that but you'll have to start exercising the leg and knee after those first 24 hours are over, including walking on it even if it still hurts, son."

Carlisle frowns and says, "You know on second thought, would you boys consider staying down here for the remainder of the week? Jasper, you probably wouldn't be very comfortable on that drive back to Seattle Wednesday and it might actually aggravate the swelling. Plus, I'd really like to be able to keep an eye on your knee myself for the next few days. We can call Jacob and see exactly what stretches and exercises he wants you to be doing until you see him again."

Dreading being in pain again but wanting my knee to get better, I sigh and meet Edward's eyes. "Will you be okay away from your writing that long? Or if you want, you can use my laptop to write on until we get home."

Edward smiles and his arms tighten around me as he gives me a soft kiss. "It's not going to put me in a bind to wait until next week, baby. But I might take you up on borrowing your laptop if I get a brainstorm that I need to work through."

I smile at him and then look over at the Doc. "What about our session, Thursday?"

The Doc squeezes my hand and says, "Alice and I will be down next weekend. You, Edward, and I can sit down then and have a long talk together about everything. I'll call and cancel your kickboxing and self-defense classes for the next month anyway. You should know by then how long you'll be doing physical therapy and when you'll likely be getting back to your regular schedule."

I take a deep breath and let it out before meeting Carlisle's eyes. "Well, then I guess I'll do it, Dr. Cullen. And I guess we'll stay the rest of the week with y'all, if you and Esme dear really don't mind us staying there that long."

Carlisle shakes his head and smiles. "Of course we don't mind, son. I think Esme and I both miss having our children living with us." Then he frowns and looks down when his thumb brushes over the scar on the inside of my knee. Carlisle steps back and runs his thumbnail across the scar looking troubled as he says, "Jasper, would it be alright if I examine the scars on your chest and back? If you'd be more comfortable, I can have the others leave the room."

Taking a deep breath to steady my nerves, I shake my head and softly say. "No, they can stay. They've both seen my scars plenty of times." I absolutely hate showing my scars to people and I'm not thrilled about showing them to Carlisle, even if he is the one to do most of my stitches. Keeping my eyes down, I pull the baby blue Henley shirt, that Alice had dressed me in today, over my head.

I feel extremely self-conscious with my scars showing and I'm embarrassed as hell about being practically naked in front of everybody. I reach my now shaking hand out and take the Doc's hand again and then turn my head away. Edward cradles my head against his chest as I lean my forehead against him.

His dad begins to examine my back and chest and I almost smile when I hear him mumbling quietly to himself again. I'm surprised that Carlisle doesn't ask Edward and the Doc to step back, but I'm thankful that he steps around them as he examines me, letting them stay close.

I can't help but flinch when Carlisle traces a few of my larger scars and runs his thumb across them. Edward leans down, quietly whispering his calming words into my ear when I start to tremble. When Carlisle's fingers lightly brush over the burn scar on my side, I'm almost positive I hear him mumble. "Yeah, I wouldn't have wanted to leave that name carved into me either."

Then Carlisle slowly runs his hand down the faint scars on my arm as he sits back down on the stool with a frown, looking troubled and deep in thought. He looks from me to Edward before sighing and saying, "Alright Jasper, you can get redressed now. Edward? Can I talk to you out in the hall for a few minutes?"

Edward tightens his grip around me for a moment but then he sighs and looks down at me, cupping my face. "Will you be alright for a few minutes, love?"

I really don't want him to leave me, but I nod. "Yeah, go ahead."

Edward looks at the Doc and asks, "You'll stay with him?"

The Doc smiles as he nods once while saying, "Of course, Edward."

I watch Edward follow Carlisle out as I grab my clothes and start putting them on. I feel better as soon as I have my shirt back on. Sighing, I look up at the Doc. "Any idea what that was all about?"

The Doc looks thoughtful as he stares at the door but he shakes his head and says, "Not a clue." Then he looks at me and grins as he waggles his eyebrows. "Now quick before Carlisle comes back, how was it? Details, Jasper, I want details."

Pulling my jeans up, I can't help but blush and grin from ear to ear as I eagerly start telling the Doc about how amazing last night had been.

**EPOV**

I follow dad out and a little ways down the hall. When he stops, I cross my arms and ask, "What was that about, dad? What could you not discuss in front of Jasper?"

Dad sighs and shakes his head. "Edward, I can see how sensitive Jasper is about his scarring and I don't want to upset him any further if my worries are groundless. I'm going to ask you something very personal, but I want you to know that I'm not asking this to be a nosy father. I'm asking this as Jasper's doctor right now. Do you boys ever plan on switching whose going to be on bottom?"

I stiffen up in shock as I glare at him. Keeping my voice low so as not to make a scene, I hiss at him. "That is _none_ of your damn business dad."

Dad reaches out and squeezes my arm as he softly says, "Edward, please son. I have a medical reason for asking."

I frown at him and ask, "What kind of medical reason could you possibly have to ask that?"

Dad sighs as he runs his hand through his hair. "Because scar tissue isn't as supple as normal skin, and Jasper has a lot of scar tissue buildup on his back and chest, Edward. If his internal scarring has built up as bad, it might be unwise for him to even attempt to, um, bottom."

Feeling more concerned for Jasper's wellbeing than I am for the embarrassment of talking about sex with my dad. I softly say, "I can feel his scars when my fingers are inside him. Is that bad?"

Dad actually turns red and rubs his temple with his fingertips as if he has a headache. His eyes are closed and he sounds almost— confused—as he says, "If you're the one on bottom why are you putting your fingers inside Jasper's… um… inside his… um…"

Huffing at him and getting a little pissed off, I say just a tad too loud. "…his _ass_, dad! I put my fingers inside my boyfriend's ass and he puts his fingers inside mine. We massage each other's prostate with our fingers. Usually with as many as three at a time because you know what? It feels un-fucking-believable. It's called _foreplay. _Perhaps you've heard of that?"

Dad opens his eyes and snaps at me, "Keep your voice down, Edward!" Then he takes a calming breath and smiles as he says, "I know what you two do together, son. And yes, I agree having your prostate massaged is unbelievable. I'm just not used to discussing sex with you."

My eyes go wide in horror as I say, "Oh. My. God! Are you telling me _mom_ has stuck her fingers in your… um… in your… um…"

Dad smirks and asks, "Ass?"

Groaning, my face heats up as I close my eyes and rub my temples, trying to get that image out of my head.

Dad laughs softly and says, "See what I mean? But no, your mom has never been into ass play. Wait. Did you say three fingers? You've had three fingers inside Jasper?"

I nod, still in shock that my dad knows having your prostate massaged feels great. Then I wonder, if not mom then who? Holy shit, if he's done that, what else has he done?

Dad visibly relaxes and smiles. "If Jasper was, um, elastic enough for that then I'm almost positive that he should be alright if you two ever do decide to try switching. Still, if you two ever do decide to try it, you'll have to be very careful, son, and make sure he's well prepped first. I'm glad I asked you, I would have hated to upset him for nothing."

I nod again, relieved that he didn't needlessly upset Jasper. But then I frown and ask. "How do you know about…?" Then my eyes go wide again as I incredulously choke out, "Was it _mother_?"

Dad crosses his arms and quietly says, "We are _not_ having this conversation, Edward. It's none of your business."

Huffing in frustration, I say. "Yeah, but if you've done… stuff… Do you know other things like… Will having actual sex always hurt? Will my body eventually get used to it? I mean I got used to Jasper's fingers pretty quick. Hell, I love that awesome, achy, stretchy feeling I get when Jasper has three of his fingers inside of me now. But his, um, co…um, di… um, his _penis_ is a hell of a lot thicker than his three fingers and it stretches so much that it kind of hurts."

Dad's face turns red as he groans and starts rubbing his temple again saying, "Edward, can we _not_ talk details, please?"

Rolling my eyes, I say. "Dad you're a doctor."

Dad gives me an exasperated look and says, "I am first and foremost your father, Edward and I really do not need to know how big Jasper's _dick_ is. Especially when I know it has been pounding into my son's ass!" We both kind of just stare at each other for a few seconds with our lips twitching and then we both burst out laughing.

Dad throws his arms around me and pulls me into a hug before asking, while still laughing. "Son, are you really alright? No unusual pain or bleeding?"

I grin and say, "Yeah, I'm alright. Jasper wasn't kidding when he said he looked for blood afterwards. My ass was tender this morning and Alice made me soak in a tub for awhile. My ass is feeling a lot better, but the muscles in the rest of my body are all stove-up now. I had no idea I'd be using so many different muscles while making love."

Dad snickers-actually snickers!—and asks, "Do I even want to know what position you guys were in?"

My face heats up again and I say, "You're right dad, we really do _not_ need to discuss details!"

Dad wipes under his eyes and shakes his head. "As far as I know…" He gives me an amused look and says, "…from _talking_ to other people, your body will adjust but it may always be a little uncomfortable when your lover first enters you. However, I was assured the pleasure makes what little pain you feel totally worth it."

I grin from ear to ear and say, "Oh yeah, dad, it was totally worth it…both times."

Dad shakes his head and grins. "So you guys really did it twice?" I grin and nod then blush even harder as dad asks, "And as skinny as Jasper is, his dick is a lot thicker than three fingers? So how exactly …"

**JPOV**

The Doc gives me a funny look. "You did it in a camp chair the second time?"

I grin and nod. "Yeah, it put him at the perfect height, although I did have to throw a couple pillows down to cushion my knees."

The Doc looks confused as he asks, "How exactly…was he leaning over the seat of the chair with you behind him?"

Shaking my head, I say. "No, that's too much like…um, I'm not quite ready to try it like that yet. I had Edward's ass pulled down to the edge of the chair with his legs over my shoulders. I moved a lot slower that time, but it was still really intense when we came."

The Doc nods and says, "Ah, I see. And the only bad moment you had was when you entered Edward the first time?"

Nodding, I say. "Yes sir."

The Doc gives me a hug. "I'm really happy for you, Jasper, both of you. I had worried that after the things Edward remembered that he wouldn't be ready for sex for quite a while."

Nodding again, I say. "Yeah, I was worried about that too. But Edward said he needed to do it now more than ever. I think he might have been like me in needing to know that it could be a good thing. Still, I kept asking him if he was sure. If he had changed his mind at any point, I would have stopped."

The Doc cups my face and says, "I know you would have son. I know you'll always take good care of him."

Sighing and feeling frustrated with myself, I say. "I just wish I wasn't so afraid to try switching places. Edward told me last night it doesn't matter if we never switch but I want to know if I can like having Edward inside me too."

The Doc sighs too and says, "That's one of the things your new therapist will be helping you with, Jasper."

Chewing nervously on my lip, I ask. "Doc?"

"Yes, son?"

"Will you still talk with me like this after I change doctors?"

The Doc smiles and pulls me into another hug. "Of course, I will, son. You should always feel free to discuss anything with me…um, barring asking questions about Edward's therapy."

I nod in understanding and then ask, "Will the new doctor make me change my prescriptions? I don't want to go back to feeling so…yucky all the time, like when I was in the hospital."

The Doc frowns and says, "I wouldn't think so. Jasper, if at any time you don't like what your new doctor suggests, you have the option to refuse their suggestion or even change doctors at any time you want. This isn't like when you were in the hospital and having to do everything you were told to do."

Surprised, I ask. "Really? You mean if I wanted to, I could even stop seeing a therapist?"

The Doc looks worried as he cautiously says, "That is your prerogative son, but I would strongly advise against it."

Crossing my arms, I frown and ask. "Why?"

"For one thing, you need to stay on your prescription. And for another, you're starting a whole new way of life with Edward, Jasper. And that way of life is going to be directly influenced by what happened to you when you were young. You're way of… intimacy… is like a reflection of the way you were hurt all those years ago. It's the same act, but while one is done with love and tenderness and passion the other was brutally done with viciousness and malignant glee. I worry that the similarities may occasionally cause confusion or problems."

Nodding, I frown and say, "I kept-saying things-to Edward last night. It's like I don't even know where most of it came from and I didn't mean any of it in a bad way. But it was so similar to some of the things that… that… Ja… _he_ said, that afterward when I thought about it, I was worried that it would have hurt Edward's feelings. But Edward called it sexy talk and said it was exciting and that he likes it."

The Doc nods and says, "That's why you need to stay in therapy for now son, to help you when the similarities get to be too overwhelming or confusing for you."

Sighing, I say. "Okay. You're right, Doc."

I look up when Edward and Carlisle come back into the room. I smile when I see that Carlisle's arm is tossed over Edward's shoulders and that both their faces are bright red as they smile at each other. Edward gives his dad a hug and then comes over and wraps an arm around my shoulders.

Carlisle sighs as he sits back down on the stool and says, "Alright, I have a couple of more things I want to discuss with both you boys…"

About that time my phone rings and I jump a foot off the table startled. The Doc shakes his head and says, "Son, you should have turned that off before coming in here. That's very rude to Carlisle."

Embarrassed, I say. "Sorry, I keep forgetting I have the fu…um, I keep forgetting I have it." Pulling it out of my pocket, I stop in shock at the name flashing. Looking up at the Doc, I say. "It's Charlotte again."

The Doc looks surprised but he calmly says, "Why don't you let me answer and talk to her while you finish up in here with Carlisle. Do you want me to tell her about the surgery?"

Nodding, I hand him the phone. "If you don't mind. She might want to talk to Carlisle later too. Oh and can you tell her I won't be in Seattle Wednesday evening for our dinner date?"

The Doc takes my phone and heads out of the door as he answers it saying, "Hello? Charlotte? Oh, hi Gianna. It's Dr. Sim…no, no, everything is fine he's just…" The Doc closes the door behind him and I don't hear what he says after that.

Carlisle sighs and takes the hand the Doc had been holding and gives it a squeeze before saying, "Okay, I have a couple of personal things I want to discuss with you boys."

Edward sits down behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder as he says, "Dad, I thought you said you didn't…"

Carlisle shakes his head and says, "This is something different Edward. Okay first thing I want to mention- Jasper, while I want you to be up and walking on your knee, I do not want you to be…um…_on_ your knees. As in, no crawling around or kneeling, not until your physical therapist says its okay, so you two boys will have to figure out how you're going to be intimate without Jasper being on his knees."

My face flames up as hot as fire and bright red, while Edward groans and hides his face in my back. Chewing nervously on my lip, I take a deep breath and ask. "How exactly would we be able to do that?"

Carlisle's face turns red and his eyes go a bit wide as he starts stuttering, "Oh, um, well...um…"

Edward tightens his arms around my waist and says, "That's okay dad. I know what to do."

Carlisle looks totally relieved as I turn to Edward and ask, "How exactly?"

Edward glances at his dad looking amused before grinning at me and saying, "I'll show you later, baby."

My face gets even hotter but I say, "Okay, beautiful." Then remembering what I forgot to ask the Doc earlier and figuring Carlisle should know, I turn back to him and ask. "Dr Cullen, can I ask you something?"

Carlisle takes a deep breath and lets it out before saying, "Of course, son. Feel free to ask me anything. Was there something you needed to know about your knee or the operation?"

Shaking my head no, I start chewing on my lip again. My face feels like somebody turned up the heat even more as I ask, "Is there really a thing called rimmed?"

Carlisle's eyes go wide as he asks, "Oh! Um, well...it… uh, there...that is…some people…um…what exactly do you know about rimming?"

I shrug and say, "I was talking to Emmett on the phone earlier and he asked me if I'd rimmed Edward yet. I'd never even heard of it before and when I asked Emmett what it was, he described it to me. At the time, I kind of thought he might be pulling my leg. But then I got to thinking how great it feels when Edward sucks on my balls…"

Carlisle groans and closes his eyes and starts rubbing his temples at the same time that Edward groans and hides his face in my back again. I roll my eyes as I look back and forth between the two of them. When I glance back at Edward, it occurs to me that I could have asked him if he knew if it was real or not. But I've come this far, so I turn back to Carlisle and finish saying, "So anyway, I thought if a tongue and lips feel good on balls that just maybe they'd, you know-feel good—_there _too. I meant to ask the Doc but I forgot when I talked to him so I thought you would know."

Carlisle keeps his eyes closed while rubbing his temples. "Right. Okay then, yes Jasper, rimming is real. But as a doctor, I'd highly recommend some sort of dental dam or if not that then at least wait and do it during or right after a shower…just to be safe. Any other questions?"

"No sir, that was it. Thank you."

Edward finally quits hiding his face in my back and rests his chin on my shoulder as he asks, "Um…what exactly is rimming anyway?"

I turn my head and grin at him, thrilled that I actually know something that he doesn't. I wink at him and say, "I'll show you later beautiful."

Edward smiles and blushes as he say, "Okay love."

Carlisle sighs and scrubs his face with his hands before shaking his head and saying, "Okay, I have one more thing to discuss with you boys. I was afraid this would be embarrassing for you boys, but after that, I'm really not so worried now. I want to suggest this since I am both a concerned father and a doctor. There's something I'd like for both of you boys to discuss with your primary care physicians when you have your next yearly checkup. You both need to tell them that you are gay and that you are having anal intercourse and that as a safety precaution you want to start having an annual anal Pap smear."

I look over my shoulder at Edward when he says, "I thought Pap smears were just something girls did."

Carlisle runs his hand through his hair and starts talking like a doctor as he says, "Women have a vaginal Pap smear for early detection of infection with human papillomavirus. HPV is the leading cause of cervical cancer in women. This same virus can cause genital warts, penile cancer, and anal cancer in men who have anal sex with other men. Of course, I'd also be suggesting the anal Pap smear to any women that I knew of that were having anal sex. The procedure is painless and only takes a few minutes. I'd also like to give both you boys an HPV vaccine before you head for home at the end of the week. It's a series of three shots, one now, one in two months and the last one in six months. You can either have me give you guys the other two shots later or you can inform your primary care physicians and have them give them to you. Alright?"

Edward tightens his arms around my waist before quietly saying, "Alright dad."

Taking a deep breath, I let it out and say. "I kind of freak out when I have physicals and the doctors always have to sedate me. But I'm almost positive that they already do that Pap smear thingy with me because of what happened to me, seems like I remember them mentioning something like that before."

Carlisle squeezes my hand again and softly says, "I'm glad to hear that Jasper. But be sure and ask just to be safe, alright?"

I nod and say. "Okay, I'll talk to my regular doctor on my next checkup.

Carlisle frowns and asks, "Do you know if you've already had the vaccine?"

Shaking my head, I say, "No, I don't think so, not unless they did it while I was out in the twilight zone. You can ask the Doc later, he knows all my medical records."

Carlisle smiles and says, "Okay, then as long as we both have your permission, I'll discuss it with him. Alright, now that we've got all the embarrassing crap out of the way… Edward, I don't want Jasper climbing stairs for awhile and I think we should set up a mattress downstairs for you boys. I assume you'll want to sleep with him and I think there might be just enough room in the music room for a queen size mattress."

Edward nods and says, "Good idea, dad. I didn't think he'd be able to climb stairs for awhile and I was worried about Jasper being stuck in my bedroom all week."

I look at both of them confused as I ask, "What music room?" Sheesh, I've been at the Cullen's house for almost three days now and I still haven't gone exploring!

Edward smiles and says, "There's a pocket door on the back wall of the living room next to the fireplace. The music room is behind it."

"What's a pocket door?"

Edward's grin gets bigger as he says, "It's like a sliding door that looks like the rest of the wall, but it actually slides inside the other part of the wall."

Sounds cool, also sounds like our privacy is out the window for the rest of the week…damn.

Edward's arms tighten around my waist as he softly says, "Most of us kids played some kind of musical instrument growing up. I have another piano in there. I can play for you while you're getting better, if you want baby. "

I smile back and say, "I'd like that, beautiful."

We all look up when the door opens and the Doc comes back in. Grinning, he hands me my phone and says, "Would you believe Charlotte is on the way down? She's actually almost here already. She was worried about you and hired a private plane. They should be landing at the Fork's airport in another 15 minutes. I asked Alice if she would go and pick her up. I told Charlotte about the surgery and she wants to talk to Carlisle when she gets here."

Carlisle nods but looks at me and asks, "Jasper, do I have your permission to discuss your medical condition with Charlotte?"

All I can do is sit there and blink in shock. Charlotte was worried about me? She dropped everything to come down and check on me?

Carlisle waves a hand in front of my face saying, "Jasper?"

Shaking myself out of my trance, I say. "Yes, sir, that's fine."

The Doc grins and says, "She mentioned renting a motel room and staying for your surgery tomorrow."

Okay, I'm back in a shocked trance. Can things get any more surreal? I look over at Carlisle when he says, "She's more than welcome to stay at our place."

The Doc nods and says, "I think Alice is already planning on inviting her. I just thought I'd give you a heads up."

Carlisle grins and says, "Of course, I wasn't thinking."

I know he has to get back to his patients, but I can't help but hope as I look at the Doc and ask, "Will you be staying for the surgery Doc?"

The Doc sighs and says, "I wish I could son but I really should head back."

I have a selfish moment where I want to pout and beg him to stay, and in that moment I understand Edward's frustrations when his dad has to put his patients first. But I sigh and say, "Okay, Doc. Can I call you tomorrow evening and talk to you after your last patient?"

The Doc grins and says, "I'm counting on it. I'd also like to call Carlisle during the day tomorrow to ask how you're doing as well. But he'll need your permission to tell me anything, son."

Looking over at Carlisle I say, "Of course, you can tell the Doc anything about me, Carlisle. And Doc, Carlisle had some questions for you as well and you have my permission to talk to him."

They both smile and say, "Alright son."

The Doc looks at Edward and says, "Edward, I saw Michael and Sam while I was out there. Michael asked if you were around. Do you feel up to talking to him again today?"

When I turn my head back toward him, I see Edward looking unsure. Then he takes a deep breath and sits up straighter as he says, "Yes, of course."

I pull away enough to turn my body and take his hand in mine. "Edward, are you sure? If you're not up to it today you can always talk to him another day."

Edward shakes his head and gives me a sad smile as he softly says, "No, it's okay, Jasper. I want to do this. It's just a little harder to do than I thought it would be. My head knows that Michael wasn't totally responsible for the things that happened that day. It's just going to take a while for the rest of me to catch up. I've…hated and feared _Mike_ for almost seven years and I guess I have to retrain my physical responses where Michael's concerned."

I cup Edward's face and pull him toward me for a kiss before whispering, "You are the most generous and caring person I have ever met. I know I wasn't crazy about this at first but I have to tell you, I am damn proud of you for doing this for your friend."

Edward blushes as he smiles a real smile. Then he pulls me into his arms and proceeds to kiss me senseless. We both pull apart blushing and snickering when the Doc and Carlisle start clearing their throats…like really, really loudly.

"**~~***~~"**

The Doc and Carlisle excuse themselves to go and plan out what they're going to tell the D.A. while Edward and I go in search of Sam and Michael.

After finding them, we all go into the same waiting room we were in yesterday and sit down to visit for awhile. Michael and Sam are sitting on one of the small couches while Edward and I sit in a couple of chairs across from them. Edward has his chair scooted up beside mine with our fingers interlaced as he holds my hand. Sam is half reclining on the couch with his arms around Michael's waist as Michael leans back against him.

I'm only halfway paying attention to the conversation as I anxiously watch the clock, wondering how long it will be before Charlotte gets here. I still can't believe she's coming.

Michael is a nervous wreck as he anxiously watches the clock as well. He's about to worry himself sick over what is going to happen with his dad. He wants a chance to talk to the D.A. as well. Michael wants to tell him what happened after he got released from the hospital yesterday, when he went back to his dad's room to talk to him again.

Michael has tears running down his face as he says, "You should have seen it, Edward. One minute I'm sitting on the side of my dad's bed and he's talking to me and holding my hand and smiling, and then all of a sudden dad looks at Sammie and yells at him to get me away from him. Sammie grabs me up and dad just starts slamming his fist into the bed where I had been sitting and screaming 'dirty little faggot'. Then dad just breaks down crying and tells me to stay away and that I'm not safe with him. It's got to be the drugs right? I mean my dad has never have hit me before, Edward…never. They have to take that into account, don't they?"

Edward sighs and softly says, "I don't know, Michael. I would think so but I'm not a lawyer."

Sammie tightens his arms around Michael's waist and softly says, "I think you should let me talk to the D.A. first, Michael. I did witness the whole thing and he may prefer an unbiased statement."

Michael frowns but then relaxes back into Sam's arms as he softly says, "Alright, Sammie, if you think that would help."

Sam looks at us and asks, "Will you stay with Michael while I give my statement?"

Michael huffs in frustration and says, "Sammie, I promise I'm not suicidal. I'm not going to do anything stupid."

Sam nuzzles against the side of Michael's neck and softly says, "I know that Michael. I just don't want you to be alone right now. You need all the moral support you can get. Please, just humor me, okay?"

Michael half grins at him as he rolls his eyes and says, "Fine, if it will make you happy."

We change the subject for awhile to help ease Michael's anxiety. Edward tells them that he took me camping last night and I'm kind of relieved that he doesn't share the fact that we made love for the first time. Sam suggests that maybe all of us should go hiking into the park somewhere and go camping together.

Edward tells them we'll have to plan that for sometime in the future since I'm going to have surgery on my knee tomorrow and it will probably be months before I'll be able to do any real hiking. Sam suggests a spot on the Res near First Beach that we can drive to if we'd like to plan a camping trip for a few weeks from now.

I worry that Edward will be uncomfortable staying the night anywhere near Michael but he grins and says, "Sure, that sounds like fun Sam. Well, as long as Jasper and I have the privacy of being in our own tent. I'm sure you guys would want a little privacy as well."

Michael blushes as he bashfully looks back at Sammie with a hopeful look on his face, but then he huffs in frustration and looks dejected when Sam shakes his head and whispers in his ear. Sam whispers something else and Michael giggles and relaxes again with a radiant smile on his face and an excited look in his eyes.

Sam asks us a few questions on what kind of surgery I'm going to have and then tells me that he knows a great physical therapist if I need one. When he tells me the guy's name I just about fall out of my chair laughing. It's Jacob.

So we get into a discussion about Jacob and Leah. Sam tells us that the Blacks have an open invitation cook-out at the Res just about every Saturday evening. He says it's mostly for the people of the tribe, but that occasionally someone will invite friends and that we should surprise Jacob and show up one of these weekends.

We all jump up when Charlie and another man come into the room. Michael looks terrified and like he's about to upchuck. Charlie pulls Michael over to the corner of the room and quietly talks to him for a few minutes until Michael calms down. Then he sits Michael back down on the couch and asks Sam if he's ready to give his statement. Sam nods and follows Charlie and the other guy out, glancing back at Michael with a worried look on his face.

Michael is sitting on the couch with his arms wrapped around his waist and rocking back and forth as tears stream down his face. I look at Edward and he looks torn as he stares at Michael. Swallowing down my reluctance to be close to strangers, I take Edward's hand and pull him with me over to Michael and we both sit down on each side of him and wrap him up in our arms.

* * *

**Thanks for reading.**


	35. Chapter 35

_**Wow, it has been forever since my last post and I do apologize. I've been playing Guinea pig and trying out different meds to try and prevent migraines. Unfortunately, none worked for me, they only made it impossible to think straight. Sheesh, I'd rather deal with the migraines than to just sit and stare with a blank mind all the time so I've given up on that strategy. It has taken my total concentration just to write this chapter as I try to get my brain working again and I hope its up to par. I'll try to get the next chapter out a heck of a lot sooner than two months...**_

_**I didn't get any reviews answered on that last chapter and I do apologize for that as well because I love getting them and reading them. Just know you guys have my heartfelt thanks for your patience.**_

_**Disclaimer: All twilight characters belong to Ms. Meyer but this plot is my own.**_

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR **

**CHAPTER 35**

**APOV **(_…the phone call… __earlier_)

Taking the phone from Jasper, I turn and head out the door as I answer it. "Hello? Charlotte?"

A confused voice, different than the one I was expecting says, "Jasper?"

Recognizing Charlotte's secretary, I say, "Oh, hi Gianna. It's Dr. Sim…,"

Sounding concerned, Gianna says, "Oh dear, has something happened to Jasper?"

"No, no, everything is fine. He's just…," walking out into the hall, I pull the door closed behind me, "…finishing up with his examination right now. Is everything alright with Charlotte?"

"Yes, of course, Dr. Sim. Give me just a minute and I'll put you through to her." I can't help but roll my eyes in irritation when Gianna puts me on hold. Hoping for a little privacy, I walk down to the waiting room we used yesterday and then pace back and forth as I wait for Charlotte to pick up.

A few minutes later, Charlotte comes on the line. "Hello? Dr. Sim? Is everything alright with the boy? I thought he had a doctor's appointment today in Forks. Why is he with you?"

"Jasper's fine, Charlotte, we're both still in Forks at the moment. Jasper's actually in the examining room with Dr. Cullen right now."

Sounding relieved, Charlotte says, "Oh good, for a moment there, I was afraid I was making the trip for nothing."

"What trip?" Then I smile when I realize she's probably headed down here to check up on Jasper.

But Charlotte says, "Well, I had some important business to discuss with the boy. I thought I could wait until our dinner date Wednesday evening, but things have suddenly come to a head here, and I need his input before I make a final decision."

Shaking my head at her evasiveness, I say, "Charlotte you could have called Jasper if it was just a business decision."

Charlotte huffs in frustration saying, "Alright, I've been worried about the boy being back in Forks where his parents were murdered. So I decided to rent a private plane and come down there to check up on him." Then she sighs and softly says, "When Jasper told me that he was going to have Dr. Cullen examine his knee, I thought perhaps I could use that for my excuse to come down and check up on him without upsetting him too badly."

Sighing in frustration, I say, "Charlotte, you don't have to have an excuse to visit Jasper."

"Oh please, Dr. Sim. I know how much the boy resents me now and that he hates it when I interfere in his life. I've tried to give him the space and independence that he demanded."

I shake my head even though she can't see me. Some days, I wish I could force Jasper and Charlotte to sit down and _really_ talk to each other. "Charlotte, how many times do I have to tell you, that he doesn't hate you?"

Sounding resigned, Charlotte says, "The boy can't even talk to me on the phone for five minutes without getting angry, Dr. Sim. He has never understood my inability to be what he needed. But the boy needed so much more emotional support than he ever would have gotten with me. I was such a wreck after I lost—after _we_ lost his parents. Maybe someday the boy will understand that he was much better off staying in the hospital with you, and he'll forgive me for not being able to take care of him."

"I don't know if he will ever understand it, Charlotte. Hell, I'm not even sure if I do, but Jasper told me only yesterday that he wants to work on building a better relationship with you."

"Really? He actually told you that? He wants us to be friends?"

Sighing in frustration, I say, "Jasper read the headstone, Charlotte. I think he's still holding onto the hope that you'll finally step up and be his mother."

Sounding upset, Charlotte softly says, "I can't. I just can't. Jasper had the sweetest person on this earth for a mother and I would never presume to take her place. I loved her—both of his parents, so much, and I wish…"

She sighs and changes whatever she was going to say, "Anyway, I wouldn't have been so worried about Jasper if I had known you had accompanied him to Forks. I thought the boy said he was going with his boyfriend, Edward, to meet his family. I guess I should have known he would ask you to go with him as well."

My first instinct is to try and persuade her that she is capable of stepping up and being a mother to Jasper. But that really should be a face to face conversation, not done on the phone, so I go with the change in conversation. "Jasper didn't ask me to come with him. I'm actually here for personal reasons, Charlotte. Believe it or not, I'm dating Edward's sister, Alice Cullen. Alice brought me home to meet the parents this weekend as well."

"But it's Monday. Shouldn't you be back at work? Why are you still in Forks, if not for the boy?"

Worried about how much I should say, I carefully choose my words. "There was an incident at the police station Saturday evening and I was asked to stay today and give a statement. Alice and I will be heading back to Seattle later this afternoon."

Sounding upset, Charlotte says, "You're speaking of the murder and attempted suicide that happened at the police station Saturday night, aren't you? I heard a blurb about it on the news last night. Dear god, tell me Jasper wasn't involved with that mess, too! Hasn't my—hasn't the boy been through enough?"

"Jasper is a lot stronger than either one of us have been giving him credit for, Charlotte."

Charlotte huffs out a laugh saying, "I don't know about strong but Jasper's definitely as stubborn as his father ever was." Then she sighs again and softly asks, "So the boy's doing alright then, being back there where it all happened?"

"He's holding up remarkably well, Charlotte, both emotionally and mentally. He's absolutely amazed me this weekend. I think meeting Edward has been the best thing to ever happen to him."

"So you trust this Edward boy? Even though he's an author and writes about the same kinds of experiences that Jasper lived through? I was a little worried that he might be using Jasper for a story—like that reporter tried to do."

I'm not in the least bit surprised that Charlotte knows Edward is a writer. She's been very suspicious of anyone who has gotten close to Jasper, since the reporter incident in the hospital. Knowing her, she probably had Edward investigated as soon as she got his full name out of Jasper. For someone who claims to not have any maternal instincts, the woman is fiercely protective of the boy.

But I want her to know that Jasper already knows, so I say, "Jasper was quite shocked when Edward told him he was a writer." I don't mention the fact that the news had shocked him so bad that he had a blackout. "But the boys have talked it out and I'm fairly certain that Edward promised Jasper that he would never write about him. Jasper trusts Edward about this, Charlotte. I think we need to as well."

Charlotte actually sounds relieved as she says, "Well, if you say so. I've always trusted your judgment in people's character, and in what's best for the boy. If this Edward is half as caring as his father is, then I suppose Jasper is in good hands. Speaking of—any idea of how the examination is going? Or can you discuss that with me?"

"Jasper gave me permission to talk to you Charlotte. It looks like he will need to have surgery on his knee."

Charlotte sighs and quietly asks, "How long has the boy been in pain and not said anything?"

"I don't think Jasper's been in constant pain, Charlotte. I think it's only been bothering him when he overexerts it."

"When is the surgery? Is Dr. Cullen going to perform it?"

"Yes, Dr. Cullen will be doing the surgery, first thing in the morning."

"Well, I trust that man explicitly where Jasper is concerned, but I'd still like to speak to him when I get there. Do you think Jasper would be upset if I stayed for his surgery tomorrow? I'd like to be there, but not if it's going to upset him."

"I think Jasper would be thrilled if you stayed for the surgery, Charlotte."

"In that case, do you know if there are any car rentals or any vacancies at the hotels there in town this time of year? We should be landing in that tiny excuse for an airport, in less than half an hour if the weather holds up."

"How about if I have Alice pick you up at the airport and bring you by the hospital? I have a feeling Jasper and Edward will be here for a while longer."

"Alice is Edward's sister and the girl you're dating, right? And isn't she the one who took Jasper shopping Thursday? I'd love to meet her. I can't believe she got the boy to go to a Mall and if I'm reading the receipts right, actually convinced him to buy some decent clothes for a change."

I can't help but grin as I proudly say, "That's my Alice and um, actually Charlotte, we're engaged. Although it will probably be at least a year before we marry. Alice wants to have a double wedding with her sister but before they can do that… You know what, it's kind of a long, complicated story and I bet Alice can explain it a heck of a lot better than I ever could. I'll call her and ask her pick you up, alright?"

"Alright, thank you Dr. Sim, and thank you for always being there for the boy. I've always known how much you care for him, and I know he loves you as well. I'll see you in a bit."

She hangs up, and I stare at the phone in surprise. Is my love for the boy that transparent? Shaking my head, I call Alice to ask her if she can go pick up Charlotte.

As I head back to the examining room, my thoughts are on Jasper and the conversation we had while Edward and Carlisle were out in the hallway talking. I have to shake my head in amazement. I can't get over all the changes I've seen in my boy in just one week.

Perhaps it's because Jasper has never had to worry about taking care of another person before. All I know is that ever since he met Edward, and especially since he's supported Edward through all the unexpected events of this weekend, Jasper's self-confidence has grown by leaps and bounds.

Sometimes, I find it hard to believe the Jasper I talked to today, is the same anxious, shy, withdrawn, and occasionally hysterical boy that I helped set up in an apartment two years ago. Of course, that boy is still very much present—and probably always will be—lurking just beneath the surface.

But the Jasper I talked to this morning, managed to absolutely astound me as he eagerly discussed in detail his night with Edward. I've never seen Jasper demonstrate such confidence, enthusiasm, and elation over anything, or anyone, as when he talked about being in love with and making love to Edward.

I had been thrilled to hear that things had gone smoothly last night and that Jasper had managed to actually have sex without panicking or blacking out. I was even more pleased that he had managed to _not_ hurt Edward in the process. I admit I had been a tad worried about both boys and had jumped at the excuse to stay over another night when Charlie had asked.

Admittedly, I had been more than a little shocked when Jasper told me he had made love to Edward in a camp chair the second time they made love. I honestly hadn't expected exploration and experimentation from either boy for a while yet. Trust Jasper to be impatient and ready to rush headfirst straight into things.

Although, Jasper's description of the way Edward had pinned him down and teased him this morning, before they—as Jasper called it—loved on each other in a new position, makes me think that _both_ boys are already way ahead of where I thought they would be.

I'm absolutely amazed at the amount of trust that Jasper has in Edward, in that Edward is actually able to pin him down and restrain him, without Jasper having a panic attack. I have to wonder exactly how much experimentation the two of them have been up to this week, for him to have built up that amount of trust already.

I had been relieved and pleased to hear about the long, serious talk that he and Edward had had about their relationship. Originally, I'd been worried that as inexperienced as both boys were with relationships, that they were rushing into things too fast. But it sounds as if they are both going into this with their eyes wide open. It may be the first real gay relationship for either boy but I think that they just might make it work out after all.

Of course, I'd had to shake my head in exasperation, when Jasper had told me about their swimming expedition. I think my boy will always be a playful child at heart. When Jasper described his teasing of Edward—the way he had touched and stroked and got him worked up, before grabbing him around the waist and jumping into the water—I had to wonder if Jasper even realized the similarity to the way he and Peter used to tease each other as kids when they snuck out and went skinny dipping.

I decided to not point out that fact but I did wind up scolding Jasper. Telling him that he could have hurt Edward, by dragging him in like that, when he didn't know how deep the water was, not to mention the fact that Edward had already told him that he wasn't the best of swimmers. Jasper had looked thoroughly contrite, and I almost felt bad for scolding him, but he does need to learn to think before acting. I worry about my boy, he doesn't have the maturity that comes from life experiences as most other people his age.

Getting back to the examining room, I go in to tell Jasper that Charlotte is coming.

(_…__back to present…_)

Carlisle and I excuse ourselves from the boys to go plan out just what we're going to discuss with the D.A. later this afternoon. We're both quiet and deep in thought as we walk down the hall toward Carlisle's office. I hadn't liked the trepidation and uncertainty on Edward's face earlier when I asked him if he was up to visiting with Michael. Even though Michael is also going to be my patient and I know he's going to need a lot of emotional support, I'm actually worried about Edward's decision to try and befriend him again.

Edward and I had taken a walk after breakfast yesterday morning and we had discussed what he had remembered the night before. Edward had told me that while his newly uncovered memories of that day were really upsetting him, he thought that he had finally made peace with what had happened between him and Michael, and that he planned to try to reconnect with his friend.

I did have a few reservations with his decision, I mean even with all the unusual circumstances—Michael did assault Edward. But Edward had seemed so confident and his reasoning had seemed so well thought out, that I hadn't tried to dissuade him. However, after observing Edward's apprehensive and reserved interaction with Michael yesterday afternoon, and the insecurity on his face this morning, I really think this should be one of our main topics of conversation when Edward and I have our first session next weekend.

My thoughts switch to Jasper and to the surgery he's having tomorrow. When my boy had asked if I was staying for his surgery tomorrow, I had wanted to tell him yes, so badly. I really regret needing to get back to Seattle and to my patients, I'd really rather stay and be here for Jasper. I, of course, trust Edward to be there for him and to get him through it, but I worry for my boy regardless. I hate that he's going to be in pain again. He's already lived through more pain than any person ever should. The memory of Jasper's pain filled face and tear filled eyes when he first began working his atrophied muscles during his rehab still haunts me to this day.

I'm also worried about how he's going to react to the sight of his freshly stitched incisions. I need to sit him down and talk to him before I leave, about what he should expect when he wakes up tomorrow. Jasper had been spared the sight and pain of his stitched up knife wounds as they healed while he was catatonic. I worry that he might not actually realize that he won't be waking up to healed scars.

After we get to Carlisle's office, we both grab a cup of coffee and have a seat. Glancing over at him, I wonder why Carlisle looks embarrassed. His ears are bright red and he's rubbing the back of his neck, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye as his lips keep twitching into an almost smile. He looks like he wants to say something, and I wonder if it has anything to do with Jasper's answer from when Carlisle had tried to tease him earlier about being careful with Edward last night.

Finally Carlisle barks out a laugh, saying, "I'm going to kill my son."

Surprised, I look over and ask, "Why? What did Edward do?"

Carlisle grins as he shakes his head. "No, no, not Edward, Emmett. He asked Jasper— and Jasper wanted to know if...," he groans and rubs his temples. "God, how do you do it?"

Confused and curious, I ask, "Do what?

"Have detailed discussions about sex with your son, or rather someone you love like a son. Doesn't it ever get awkward for you?"

Nodding in understanding, I grin and say, "I admit it was a little awkward at first. Jasper shocked the hell out of me the first time he asked me about sex. I don't even know where he got the idea at the time. If it was the result of watching people displaying public affection while he was exploring the city, or if he had watched some movie on cable. But the boy stammered through our whole first session after he moved into his apartment, trying to ask how people make love without hurting each other."

Carlisle gives me a confused look as he asks, "Jasper didn't know how people have sex?"

Shaking my head, I softly say, "His parents had never discussed sex with him. The only thing Jasper knew about it was what he had witnessed and experienced, the night he and his mother both were brutally beaten and tortured, raped and sodomized." I have a moment of guilt as I discuss Jasper, but my boy had confided in me this weekend, that if I ever needed to talk to Carlisle about anything about him that I had his permission.

Carlisle shakes his head saying, "I imagine it had to be hard to discuss sexual intercourse with him after his living through that kind of hell."

Nodding, I say, "In a way it was. I guess it helped that the boy had a never-ending supply of new questions for me every day. He'd sit there stammering and stuttering, blushing and hiding his face in his hands, sometimes peeking out between his fingers, wanting to know exactly how, where, when and why certain things were done when you make love. Unfortunately, at the time, the more Jasper talked about sex and the more questions he asked, the more intense his nightmares became. He finally made the mental connection between the two and his questions gradually stopped. But I'm guessing he had a question for you about sex earlier, when I was out of the room and on the phone?"

Carlisle looks up and grins. "I'll say. But only because Emmett had to go and…," he shakes his head again. "It just threw me for a loop. I mean, at the house Jasper won't even look me in the eyes and yet today he's talking about my son sucking on his balls and…,"

Looking up in alarm, I blurt out, "What the _hell_ was Emmett doing sucking on Jasper's balls?"

"What? No! No, no, not Emmett! Edward sucked on Jasper's balls!" Carlisle bursts out laughing and shaking his head. "God, there's some words I never thought I'd hear myself say about my son." Then he smirks at me saying, "Although, turnabout is fair play, since I'm fairly positive that's what Jasper was doing to Edward when I talked to him on the phone last night."

Snorting out my own laugh, I say, "Okay, I am totally confused now. How does Emmett have anything to do with the boys sucking on each other's balls? Maybe you should start at the beginning?"

Carlisle laughs and nods, saying, "Right, sorry. It seems as soon as the boys got home this morning, the others decided to divide and conquer, to get as many details as possible out of them."

Frowning, I ask, "How could they divide and conquer? I thought Alice was alone when they got home."

Carlisle grins again, saying, "Did you forget we're talking about Alice here? She and Rose got Edward on the speakerphone while he soaked in the tub. Emmett got on the phone with Jasper before he got into the shower. Anyway, apparently Emmett asked Jasper if he'd _rimmed_ Edward yet."

Barking out a laugh, I incredulously ask, "Oh god, you're kidding me, right?"

Carlisle winces as he rubs the back of his neck. "I wish I was. Anyway, Jasper had never heard of it before and thought Emmett was just pulling his leg when he described it to him, but then Jasper decided that if it feels good when _Edward_ sucks on his balls that it also might feel good to—well, you get the idea. He meant to ask you when he talked to you earlier but forgot, so he decided that I should know if it was real or not."

Groaning, I pinch the bridge of my nose and shake my head. I need to have another _long_ talk with that boy on subjects that are appropriate to discuss with his boyfriend's father. I'm sure it had been a complete shock to Carlisle when the quiet, shy boy he had been interacting with all weekend had asked him something so explicit.

Looking up apologetically at Carlisle, I say, "Sorry about that."

Carlisle grins, saying, "It's not your fault, Al."

Shaking my head, I sigh and say, "Actually, it is my fault. When we finally got him talking at the hospital, Jasper would only talk to a certain few people because he didn't trust anybody. I _drummed_ it into his stubborn head that the doctors there at the hospital could be trusted and that he should always feel free to discuss anything with any of them. With the length of time he had to live in the hospital, it eventually became almost second nature for the boy to talk about anything with the doctors there. Well, as long as they weren't trying to touch him that is. I'm sure being surrounded by the sights and sounds of the hospital this weekend, having you standing in front of him in a doctor's coat today, plus the fact that your bedside manner had him totally at ease—no small feat by the way, he usually has to be sedated for an examination. All that combined, changed the way Jasper would normally have interacted with you. I doubt if he'll act the same way at the house but I'll sit him down and have a talk about what is and isn't appropriate subjects to talk about."

Carlisle laughs again shaking his head. "Don't be too hard on the boy. You can't blame him for being curious. Besides, Emmett instigated the whole thing—talking about somebody who needs a lecture on what's appropriate to discuss."

Grinning, I nod in agreement. "Emmett has definitely come up with some doozies this weekend. I, ah, noticed that he seems to be very well informed, and accepting, when it comes to the things that gay couples do together."

Carlisle smiles and nods in understanding. "Yeah, Esme and I used to wonder about Emmett as he was growing up. Don't get me wrong, the boy only ever dated girls. But we used to wonder if he was maybe doing a little experimenting back when we lived in Chicago. All of his guy friends there were gay and they were all always hanging all over each other."

"Did you ever ask him about it?"

"Yeah, we did. But Emmett denied that anything ever went on. He said there had been a couple of gay boys that got picked on all the time at the orphanage that he used to live in. He said that he had just gotten used to joking around and hanging out with them, protecting them from bullies. He said that that same tendency carried over into his life when he came to live with us. Hell, I think he even found at least one gay friend, that he's still friends with, when we moved here to Washington. Anyway, I didn't see any reason to doubt him. Emmett's always been bigger than other boys his age and very protective of those he considers weaker than him. I swear he's even more overprotective toward Edward than Rose is."

Carlisle sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "Anyway, even though we were wrong about Emmett, at least I was able to recognize the signs for what they were when Edward and Mike started hanging all over each other. It gave me plenty of time to come to terms with things and to accept my son for who he is as I waited for him to finally come out to us."

"I think you and your wife are wonderful people to accept Edward's orientation like you have. God knows I've seen plenty of other parents that haven't."

Carlisle gives me a sad smile. "Thanks for saying that. But I have to admit, I regret that his life won't be as easy, or that he won't be accepted by a lot of people, just because of his orientation."

Sighing, I softly say, "Yeah, I too hate that Jasper's orientation will make things more difficult for him. God knows he's had it rough enough in his life. I've always tried to be there for the boy in whatever capacity he'd let me. I couldn't love him more if he was my own son."

Carlisle looks curious as he asks, "Can I ask—did you always know Jasper was gay?"

Grinning, I nod at Carlisle. "I've always been fairly positive; I mean the boy would turn positively green every time I discussed female anatomy and male/female intercourse with him."

Carlisle laughs, saying, "Yeah, that's usually a good indicator."

Nodding in agreement, I say, "I wanted him to figure it out for himself, of course, but I always made sure when I discussed sex with him to always include references to gay relationships in all of our talks. The last thing I wanted him thinking was that he wasn't _normal_ just because he was gay. The boy has been yearning to be normal—or rather what he thinks is normal—for years."

Carlisle softly says, "I'm actually amazed that Jasper's managed to be as well-adjusted as he is."

Sighing, I shake my head saying, "He's done remarkably well coming back here to Forks and visiting his parents' graves this weekend. I think meeting Edward has helped him in more ways than one. But the boy will probably always suffer from chronic PTSD. Of course, it's not even close to being as severe as it used to be. But he still has bad days, still has flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks and blackouts."

Carlisle gives me an alarmed look. "Does Jasper have anger or violence issues? I won't allow my son to be abused."

Shaking my head, I say, "I don't think you'll have to worry about Jasper ever intentionally hurting Edward. Jasper has never been violent. Well, that's not entirely true. When he first woke up in the hospital, he'd get hysterical and lash out at anybody that tried to touch him. But that was done out of fear and it was years ago, Carlisle. I already warned Edward to be careful in coming up behind Jasper and to watch out when Jasper has nightmares, since he sometimes still lashes out before he wakes up."

Carlisle nods and softly says, "Sorry, I honestly didn't believe Jasper had it in him to be violent. I just worry about my son."

Nodding, I say, "Of course, I understand. I'd feel the same way if their roles were reversed"

We're both quiet for a few minutes, our thoughts on the boys. But soon my thoughts turn to my angel and I glance at my watch, wondering where my angel and Charlotte are. Maybe they already found the boys and she's talking to Jasper before she comes to talk to Carlisle. If so, I hope things are going smoothly for them.

Turning back to Carlisle, I say, "So, how exactly are we going to convince the D.A…?"

**EPOV **

Once again, I'm amazed by Jasper's strength and courage as he takes the initiative—and my hand—and leads me over to Michael. Taking a deep breath to bolster my courage, I sit down on one side of Michael and Jasper sits on the other. We wrap Michael in our arms, trying to give him the support he needs to get through this day. Jasper and I both start rubbing circles on Michael's back as we whisper comforting words.

_Yesterday morning while I had been sitting out on the deck, watching the sunrise and thinking things over, I thought I had finally made peace with everything that had happened between Mike and me back in high school. After hearing the things that dad and the Doc had said the night before, I decided that I wanted to forgive Mike for his betrayal and try to rebuild our friendship. It had all seemed so logical at the time. I just didn't realize it was going to be this hard._

_I don't know why he makes me so nervous and uncomfortable. All I know is that every time I'm around Michael now, I keep remembering what he said to me that day after he took me home. "Stay away from me, Edward. You can never hang out with me ever again or I'll hurt you and do those things to you that the coach did to me." I know Michael just said those things to keep me away from the coach, but it's like I can still hear him saying those words every time I'm around him._

_Plus, now that Jasper and I have actually made love, I now realize just how badly Mike could have hurt me if things had gone further than they had. Just thinking about what he could have taken from me is enough to send me into a panic attack. _

_But then I wonder how I can be frightened of him when he looks so broken, lost, and hurt. He has bruised ribs from the beating his dad gave him, he can't even walk without somebody holding him up. I think I need to talk to the Doc about things. Maybe he can help me figure out my confusing emotions and reservations._

We've sat huddled up together for several long, quiet minutes when I feel Jasper's fingers reach over and caress my shoulder. Looking over at him, he gives me a nervous smile, his lips trembling as he mouths the words 'Are you alright?' I smile back and nod, even though my stomach is still doing flip-flops. I wish that instead of sitting on the other side of Michael that Jasper would have sat next to me, preferably between me and Michael.

About that time, Michael pulls away saying, "I'm alright guys, really. I'm just nervous. I really appreciate you guys staying here with me, though." He looks down with a sad look on his face for a minute before he finally sighs and looks at Jasper saying, "Jasper, why don't you and I switch places? I swear, you're both shaking like a leaf, but I think Edward is shaking even harder than you are."

I immediately flush with guilt that I hadn't hidden my doubts and second thoughts better than that. Sighing in frustration at myself, I guiltily look over at Jasper to find him watching me worriedly. Michael grunts in pain as he stands up and Jasper slides down beside me. Cupping my face in his hands, he asks, "Are you alright, beautiful?"

I nod and whisper, "Yeah, sorry, just nervous, love."

Jasper shakes his head and whispers, "Don't be sorry for being nervous." He gives me a feather soft kiss and then turns to face Michael. I pull his back against my chest and rest my chin on his shoulder, relieved to finally have him back in my arms.

Michael sighs in relief as he sits back down on the end of the couch, rubbing his side. Then he pulls his feet up and lays his forehead on his knees as he hugs them to his chest. He keeps his head down on his knees, not looking at either of us as he says, "Edward, I can see it's not easy for you to be around me, and I wanted to thank you again for giving me another chance. I know you said you forgave me, but I just wanted to say that I am so damn sorry. If there was some way I could go back in time and take back the things I did, I would."

Nervously running my hand through my hair, I sigh and say, "You're right about this not being easy for me. But Michael, I meant it when I said I forgave you. We'll eventually work things out and everything will be alright."

Michael looks up, giving me an anguished look as he says, "I'm not so sure that it will be, Edward. Look how you're trembling. I… I should never have asked you to be my friend again. That was incredibly selfish of me to ask that of you. Hell, that's like the coach asking me to be his friend after he raped me, or those bastards asking to be Jasper's friend after they tortured him and murdered his family."

Shaking my head, I say, "That's not the same, Michael."

Jasper surprises the hell out of me, as he squeezes the arm I have wrapped around his waist and then softly says, "Yes it is, Edward."

Michael drops his head back to his knees and I'm almost positive that he's trying to hide the fact that he's crying again. Overwhelmed with guilt, I feel like crying myself as I tighten my arms around Jasper and rest my forehead on his shoulder.

But Jasper pulls away and turns in my arms to cup my face, his thumbs brush across my cheeks as he gives me another soft kiss. He looks me in the eyes and softly asks, "You're sure you still want to do this?" When I nod, he smiles and gives me another kiss, before turning back toward Michael.

Jasper leans forward and brushes Michael's hair back so he can see his face before saying. "In a way, it _was_ selfish of you to ask, Michael. But you did ask him and Edward agreed that he wants to try. But you're going to have to go slow and give Edward time to get used to being around you again. You guys are not going to be able to step right back into best friend roles, no matter how much you both wish you could. I think Sam's idea about all of us doing stuff together as couples every now and then is the way to go for now. Okay?"

Michael keeps his head down, but he nods and softly sighs, saying, "Okay. You're right."

I figure Jasper is trying to either cheer up Michael or just lighten the mood because he turns his head and winks at me before softly asking, "Hey, Michael, did Sam finally give you that kiss last night?"

Michael huffs out a laugh and he raises his head. His eyes are shining with unshed tears, but his whole face is lit up as he smiles and nods.

Jasper grins as he leans back against me again. "Well come on, tell us. How was it?" Even though he's smiling and looks relaxed, when I wrap my arms around my sweet man, I realize he's trembling. I can't believe he put his own fears aside to comfort Michael.

Michael quickly wipes at his bruised face as he chews on his lip, blushing and grinning. He gives us both a self-conscious, embarrassed look. "It started off real soft and sweet and tender—and god!—just perfect. I'd never felt anything that made me feel so cared for. You know?"

Wrapping my arms tight around my trembling love, we both nod. Agreeing, that yes, we do indeed know how a kiss can make you feel cared for.

Michael bites his lip and grins even bigger. "After that, Sammie's tongue was, like, exploring my mouth. I wasn't sure what to do at first. I mean the coach sure as hell never kissed me! I'd kissed Edward on the cheek before, and he even kissed mine back a few times but I'd never kissed anybody like that. But then I tried doing the same thing back, and when our tongues were like tangling up, I thought I was in heaven! He tasted so good. I had no idea kissing could make your body feel like _that_."

Jasper laces his trembling fingers through mine, as he grins at Michael and excitedly says, "I know what you mean! The first time Edward kissed me, I thought I was going to just _die. _I felt like my blood was boiling it made me so hot. It's like we couldn't get close enough and we even started…," Jasper's face turns bright red and his eyes go wide before he looks down with an embarrassed smile saying, "Sorry, so what happened next?"

Michael blushes and looks down, grinning too. "Well, then Sammie was, like, kissing and, um, licking and sucking, up and down my neck, and _damn_, it made me want him so bad! I was begging him to do more, but Sammie keeps saying we're going to go slow and that all we're going to do right now is kiss."

Michael sighs as he looks up and meets Jasper's eyes. "I just wish I could make Sammie understand that just because the coach did what he did, doesn't mean that I can't want somebody now. I mean, yeah, I get what he's saying. But I want…," he looks down again and very softly says, "I want to know what it's like to actually make love. And I want Sammie to be the one to do it."

Jasper nods and looks down too as he very softly says, "I think it's hard for some people to realize you can still want to do stuff, that you can still have needs, after surviving that kind of thing. I mean fuck, I thought the Doc was going to choke to death on his own spit the first time I asked him if I'd ever be able to make love to anybody."

Michael looks up in surprise and stares at Jasper with a confused look for a moment. Then he has a look of understanding as his eyes fill with tears. "Those men…they…they did more than cut you with a knife, didn't they?"

Jasper glances up at Michael and swallows nervously before looking down again and nodding once. I pull Jasper closer and wrap my arms tight around him. Jasper finally sighs and leans his head back against my shoulder. He looks at Michael, saying, "My head—my thoughts—I used to be in a really bad place, but meeting Edward turned everything around for me. Kind of like how Sam is changing everything for you."

Michael smiles and looks first at Jasper and then meets my eyes. "Yeah, I'm absolutely crazy about Sammie. I think I'm falling in love with him."

Smiling back, I kiss the side of Jasper's neck, saying, "I'm happy for you, Michael. I really mean that."

Michael stares off into space for a moment and his smile slips off his face as he sighs and looks down. "I think Sammie's afraid to love me back though."

Jasper raises his head off my shoulder and frowns. "Why do you think that, Michael?"

Michael shrugs and sniffs as he wipes at his face again. "Sammie and I talked last night. One of the reasons he wants us to go slow is because he's afraid I only want to be with him because he saved me. He thinks I only like him because of hero worship. He's also afraid that, because of the coach, that I'm just used to being with an older person. He's afraid that I'm only attracted to him because he's just a little bit older than me."

Jasper and I look at each other in surprise. I hadn't realized Sam was that much older than me or Michael. Then I frown as I remember Sam saying he was married and living in Tacoma back when Jasper was attacked. Michael and I were both only around 16 at the time.

Jasper surprises me again, because he leans forward and takes Michael's hand in his. "How much older than you is he, Michael?"

Michael wipes at his face and his voice breaks. "It's not…it's not like the coach. The coach was my parents' age, something like 25 years older than me. Sammie's only 8 years older."

Jasper squeezes Michael's hand and smiles. "Well, that's not so bad. I mean the Doc is 12 years older than Alice, and they're getting married."

Michael looks hopeful as he looks up and meets Jasper's eyes. "Really? Gosh, I was so worried that he was going to tell me that Sammie is too old for me."

Jasper grins and shakes his head. "Nah, the Doc doesn't work that way. He mostly lets his patients make their own decisions, even if it's a mistake, so they can learn from it."

Michael frowns, asking, "Do you think it's a mistake for me to be with Sammie?"

Jasper shakes his head and blushes. "No, no, I didn't mean it that way. I actually think you and Sam will do okay together." Then Jasper frowns and looks curious as he asks, "Unless—it's not just hero worship, is it?"

Michael grins from ear to ear. "Maybe it was a little at first, but have you looked at Sammie? He's got that whole tall, dark, and handsome thing going on. I mean the man is fuck hot!" He sighs and his smile softens as he looks into space. "But he's also kind and caring and gentle and loving and damn; he does the sweetest things. At night when we lie down, he holds me and strokes my hair as he stares into my eyes. And he whispers things that I don't even understand because he talking in Quileute. But he makes me feel like I'm special, and not the worthless piece of crap that I had begun to believe I was. I'm just fucking crazy about everything there is about him."

Jasper smiles as leans back against me again. I wrap my arms back around him as he says, "In that case, just go slow, Michael. The way Sam talked yesterday, I think you're really the first person he's been with since his wife died. Plus, he said it's been 10 years since he's been with a man. I think he's just worried about either you hurting him, or that he might hurt you."

Michael chews on his lip and then says, "I didn't think of it like that. I've never really even had any kind of relationship before, so this is all new and scary to me. How'd you get so smart Jasper?"

Jasper snorts, saying, "From listening to the Doc lecture my ass for years." Then he sighs and softly asks, "Did the Doc say anything to you about maybe going into a hospital?"

Michael frowns and looks down as he whispers, "Yeah, but…," he looks back up and his eyes are full of tears. "Your doctor friend told me that I really need more than once a week or every other week counseling, but I really don't want to go into a hospital if I don't have to. Sammie told me that if it looks like things are going to work out between us, that he might try and get transferred to the Seattle PD and that he'd take me with him. That way, I could try and see your doctor friend more often. That is, if he doesn't mind seeing me and if he'll still see me for free. There's no way I could afford to pay for it myself."

Jasper squeezes Michael's hand. "Hey, don't you worry about the cost. I'll pay for your counseling. I mean, if that's okay with you?"

Michael frowns again. "I couldn't ask you to do that."

Looking down, Jasper softly says, "Think of it as my thanks for saving Edward from the coach." Then he looks up grinning, "Hey, I got an idea! If and when you move to Seattle, I'll get you a job at the coffee shop. That way you'll have your own spending money and won't have to depend on Sammie for everything."

Squeezing Jasper again, I ask, "Do you think you could talk Angela and Bella into hiring him?"

Jasper turns and grins at me. "I reckon so. It's my coffee shop."

Looking at him incredulously, I say, "What? Really? I didn't know that. Why didn't you tell me?

Jasper grins and shrugs. "I thought you knew, beautiful."

We both look up in surprise, when Michael says, "Ugh, are you talking about Bella Swan? I love her dad to death, but I can't stand that bitch."

**JPOV**

Sitting on the other side of Michael and trying to comfort him earlier had been one of the hardest things I'd done in a long time. I've done really well today, but it hadn't taken long for my nerves to get the better of me, or long for me to start shaking. Edward is the only person I have ever felt comfortable enough to stay in any kind of close physical contact with. Hell, I could stay in his arms forever. But I get uncomfortable real fast if it's anybody else, even the Doc rarely holds me for more than a few seconds.

Of course, I hadn't realized how hard it was going to be on Edward when I sat on the other side of Michael, or I would have never left his side. I was dismayed when Michael said Edward was shaking and was relieved when Michael had suggested that he and I switch places.

After that, it hadn't been nearly as hard to talk to, and comfort, Michael. As long as I'm in Edward's arms, I can face anything. I guess Edward feels the same way, because it hadn't taken long for him to quit trembling after he wrapped his arms around my waist. We were all able to have a nice long conversation after that.

I hate to admit it now, but I think it's funny to see how jealous Michael is of Bella, but only because I had been jealous of her too. I have to bite my lip to keep from grinning at the look of disgust on Michael's face when he says, "God Edward, I know it was my fault, and that I told you to stay away from me. But why did you have to pick _Bella_ to date? It just about made me sick every time I saw her hanging all over you. I swear, the way she clung to you all the time she might as well have ridden on your back like a monkey. Ugh, she was just using you to hide behind. I mean it was _obvious_ she was a lesbian."

Edward looks surprised. "You knew she was a lesbian back in high school?"

Michael rolls his eyes. "Duh, Edward, she was so butch that she almost made you look feminine. Hell, I even heard Eric and Tyler joking one day, that she was the only _man_ in your relationship."

Thankfully, I manage to not snicker over that comment, because when I turn my head and look at Edward, his eyes are shimmering with tears and he sounds hurt as he asks, "People were talking about me?"

Michael looks ashamed as he softly says, "Edward, I'm sorry. It was my fault for hanging all over you all the time our junior year. I think the whole school thought you and I were lovers that year, that's why the coach got so jealous of you. It didn't help that Eric and Tyler were spreading rumors in the locker room. They were always making shit up about seeing you and me banging each other out in lover's lane every weekend."

I feel like a shit for thinking things were funny and squeeze the arms that Edward has wrapped around my waist when he rests his forehead on my shoulder. He sniffs and sadly asks, "How did I not know people were talking about me?"

Edward looks up in surprise, when Michael says, "Most people never talked about you, Edward. It was mainly just Eric and Tyler, and their girlfriends Jessica and Lauren. You were a good person. You never listened to gossip, or talked about anybody else, and you even discouraged other people when they did. I think everybody respected that enough that, for the most part, they didn't talk about you either. That's why it galled me so bad to see Bella clinging to you all the time. She used that respect everybody had for you as a shield to keep people from talking about her."

Edward sighs and wipes at his eyes. "Come on, Michael. Bella wasn't as bad as you're making her out to be. She was still trying to figure things out for herself back then. I think she was just scared to be different and was in denial. I never consciously knew that she was gay back in high school, but I think now that I must have realized it on a subconscious level. I always felt safe around her. There was no pressure when I was with her, even when she was acting all clingy, although she did drive me up the wall sometimes. She was always either shoving her hair back behind her ears, or ducking her head and hiding behind it all the time. And she was such a klutz back then, constantly tripping over her own feet."

Michael grins and nods as he rolls his eyes. "I know what you mean. She drove _me_ up the wall, and I wasn't even the one hanging around her." Michael's grin gets even bigger when he looks at me, and I do finally snort out a laugh, when he says, "Would you believe Edward had to dance with her standing on his feet at Prom? It was the only way to keep her from tripping the both of them up." We all laugh over that. Then Michael looks at me, asking, "So, you say you know Bella, too?"

Nodding, I say, "I didn't know Bella back when you guys did, but she's been real nice to me for the last couple of years. Do you know Angela too, Michael? She and Bella are a couple now and they're the ones that helped me to come out of my shell. I'm a little better now, but I used to be fucking terrified of—well, just about everybody and everything. I wouldn't talk to anyone. Bella and Angela made it a point to talk to me every day, until I finally got comfortable enough to talk to them. They helped me realize that there were still good people out there. They're my friends and I owe them so much. I have to admit that I was a little bit jealous of Bella too, after Edward told me he had dated her once. But then, I realized I probably would never have even met Edward, if not for Bella."

Edward kisses the back of my neck saying, "Trust me babe, there's nothing to be jealous of. Bella could never dazzle me like you do with your big…"

I yell, "Edward! Shut the fuck up," as my eyes go wide and my face heats up.

Edward laughs as he hugs me to him. "I was going to say big blue eyes, love." Then still laughing, he looks at Michael, saying, "Fuck, Michael, would you believe Bella's the first person I came out to? How ridiculous is that? And then 30 seconds later, she's practically dragging me over and forcing me to come out to my brother and sisters."

Michael looks curious as he asks, "When did you finally come out, Edward?"

Edward kisses my neck again, saying, "Last week, when I got swept off my feet by Jasper. We've been together, pretty much ever since." Edward looks at Michael and smiles. "Bella's a twit and a ditz, but she does have a kind heart and means well, Michael. If you guys do move to Seattle, you should think about giving her a chance to be your friend."

Michael smiles as he nods. "Okay, if I ever run into Bella again, I'll give her a chance, Edward. If only because you guys both gave _me_ a second chance." Then Michael smile slips off his face as looks down and sighs. He looks back up at Edward and hesitantly says, "Can I ask—I heard that you and Bella went to lover's lane Prom night. You can tell me to mind my own business if you want, but I was wondering if that was true?"

Edward rests his forehead on my shoulder again and his arms tighten around my waist. Then he looks up, and even though he's talking to Michael, it feels as if the words are meant for me as he says, "That was the biggest mistake I'd ever made in my life. I should have stood up for what I knew was right and refused when she asked that we…,"

Michael's eyes fill with tears and he looks hurt as he asks, "Did you two have sex?"

One of Edward's arms unwrap from my waist and he takes Michael's hand in his. "No, Michael, we didn't. We did try to do some stuff. But I think, I think I had blocked out a few things that happened between you and me that last day of junior year. And when Bella and I tried to—I kept remembering what happened between you and me. It was a total disaster for both of us."

Michael had had a small smile on his face as he stared at the hand that Edward was holding. But with that last sentence, Michael's face falls and his eyes fill with tears. He looks ashamed and guilty as he pulls his hand away and wraps his arms around his knees again.

Edward sighs and then wraps his arm back around my waist as he finishes what he was saying. "I think Bella finally realized then, that she really was gay and that as bad as she wanted to be like everybody else, she was different. She broke up with me that night, and really, I don't blame her for wanting to quit pretending to be something she wasn't. But I didn't handle things very well for a while, and that's when I started having nightmares about what happened between you and me, Michael."

A tear tracks down Michael's face as he sobs out, "I'm so damn sorry, Edward! God, I fucked everything up so bad."

Edward reaches out and grabs Michael's hand again. "Michael, please don't cry. I told you I forgave you and I really did mean it."

Michael wipes at his face with his free hand and keeps his eyes down still looking ashamed. I hate the lost, broken, forlorn look on his face. It reminds me so much, of the me that I was, before I met Edward. Swallowing down my nerves again, I reach out and take Michael's other hand and pull him closer. Edward and I both wrap our arms around Michael, as I hold him close to me with his head on my chest.

We sit like that for several minutes, but then I start trembling, feeling uncomfortable again. Michael must notice my trembling because pulls away. Keeping his eyes down as he sits up, he softly says, "Thanks guys. Thanks for being my friends. I don't deserve it, but thank you anyway."

Edward tightens his arms around my trembling body as I lean back against him, taking a deep breath to calm my nerves again. But then, we all jump when Alice bounces into the room. Looking over her shoulder, she calls out, "I found them! They're in here!"

When Charlotte follows Alice into the room a moment later, Edward and I both scramble to our feet while Michael slowly rises with a pained hiss. I'm all kinds of excited but I'm not sure how to act. Should I hug her? Charlotte and I haven't spoken face-to-face, in a while. Probably since I had to go in and sign paperwork for the coffee shop. Most of our interactions are usually over the phone, except for an occasional awkward dinner together.

Charlotte looks shocked when she looks up and meets my gaze, gasping as she says, "Jasper, I hardly recognized you! Goodness, I never realize before how much you resemble my…," her face changes to a relieved smile and she holds a hand out toward me saying, "Alice, was right, you do look different out of those hideous black clothes, and with your haircut. Come here, sweetheart, and introduce me to your friends."

Feeling nervous and self-conscious as hell, my face heats up as I step up closer to her. Instead of taking her hand, I wrap my arms around her neck and give her a quick hug before stepping back and blushing. Charlotte gives me a stunned look and my heart pounds as I wait for her reaction. She looks uncertain and as if she wants to say something. Afraid of being rejected, I pull a suddenly shy acting Edward up beside me, saying, "Charlotte, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Edward Cullen. Edward this is Charlotte Hale. She's my, um…," I want to say mom, so bad, but I settle for, "…she's my other mother."

Charlotte gives me another startled look as Edward takes her hand and softly says, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Hale. Jasper's told me…," Edward's eyes get big and his face heats up as he realizes that most of the things I've told him about Charlotte haven't been that great. Edward looks down and mumbles, "…um, he's told me about you."

Swallowing nervously, I motion back toward Michael as I quietly say. "And this is his—I mean, _our_ friend, Michael Newton." Michael smiles shyly and waves, but stays where he's at, one arm wrapped around his waist as he leans against the arm of the couch for support.

I think Edward knows I'm nervous because he wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me closer, or maybe he pulls me closer because _he's_ nervous. Anyway, Charlotte stares at us with a surprised look on her face as she says, "It's nice to meet you Edward; you too, Michael." An awkward silence falls as we all just kind of stand and stare at each other.

The silence is abruptly broken when Alice exclaims, "Well! Why don't you guys sit down and visit and I'll just go and let dad and Alistair know we finally made it." Alice gives me and Edward an exasperated look and then turns and leaves the room.


	36. Chapter 36

_**Well after a serious case of writer's block, I'm finally back. I had a hell of a time writing this chapter though, so it may not be as far up to par as the rest of the story and chapters. The whole thing sounds awkward to me, but then again, Jasper and Charlotte's relationship is awkward so maybe its for the best. **_

_**Anyway, thanks to all, for your wonderful reviews and for favoriting this. I tried to reply to all the reviews last chapter, but you wouldn't believe how many times I caught myself hitting the big red x instead of send, so who knows if everybody actually got their reply...lol. Must have been the meds...that's my story and I'm sticking to it.**_

_**Disclaimer: All twilight characters are the property of the lovely Ms. Meyers, but the plot is my own.**_

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR **

**CHAPTER 36**

**EPOV **(_Monday morning… continued_)

Jasper introduces me to Charlotte and I have to do a double-take when he tells me that her last name is Hale. Hale had been Rose's last name before mom and dad adopted her. And at mom and dad's suggestion, she had even kept it as her middle name when they had her name legally changed. Just like Emmett had taken his former last name for a middle name. Of course, knowing what I know about Rose's past, I seriously doubt that she and Charlotte are related. But still, I can't wait to tell Rose about it.

Jasper introduces Michael to Charlotte, and I rest my hands on Jasper's hips when I see how nervous he looks. I'm alarmed at how badly he's trembling. My sweet man is practically vibrating as he timidly glances from Michael, to me, and then to Charlotte. I'm not sure if he's shaking from nerves or excitement. But I pull him against me and wrap my arms around his waist, hugging his body close to mine in an effort to try and calm him a bit. Jasper relaxes back against me with a soft sigh and his trembling hands grasp the arms that I've wrapped around him.

Charlotte stares at us with a look of disbelief on her face as she says, "It's nice to meet you Edward, you too, Michael."

I can't stop staring at her. It's unbelievable how much she and Jasper look alike. I mean, anybody could tell from a glance that the woman is Jasper's mother. They share the same deep blue eyes, the same slightly curly, wheat blond hair, and the same wide mouth. Hell, they even have the same dimple when they smile.

Of course, there are plenty of differences between the two of them, too. The obvious being: age, while Charlotte is aging gracefully, she does have fine lines at the corners of her eyes and on her forehead; gender, she's definitely all woman with that curvaceous body; and height, I don't think Charlotte is much taller than Alice, and Jasper towers over Charlotte's petite form. And yet as small as Charlotte is, she has an authoritative and commanding demeanor. I bet she kicks ass in the boardroom—not that I know anything about boardrooms.

She looks tired, though, there's just a hint of a dark shadow under her eyes that her make-up doesn't quite hide.

I don't realize I've been standing and staring like a dolt, until Alice breaks the silence exclaiming, "Well! Why don't you guys sit down and visit and I'll just go and let dad and Alistair know we finally made it." She gives me and Jasper an exasperated look and then turns and leaves the room.

Feeling like an idiot for acting so rude, I motion toward the chairs saying, "Ms. Hale, please, come in and have a seat." Jasper and I return to the couch, and after first helping Michael ease back down, I sit in the middle this time and hold Jasper's trembling hand. He leans against me and watches Charlotte as she sits in a chair across from us.

Looking as nervous as Jasper, Charlotte smoothes her skirt. Her eyes constantly scan between the three of us before finally landing on Jasper. "Jasper, did Dr. Sim tell you that I had some important business that I need to discuss with you?"

Jasper's smile slips from his face and is replaced with a look of hurt. His whole body just seems to deflate, as he sighs in disappointment, shakes his head, and glumly says, "No, ma'am. He said you were coming down because you were worried. I guess he heard wrong."

Charlotte's eyes widen in shock. "No! I was worried! I came because I've been worried about you, all weekend, Jasper! I do have some business that I need to discuss with you but we can talk about that later, in private, if you want. I just…," she shakes her head with an exasperated sigh. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I'm just nervous. Let me start over. Are you holding up alright? You look tired."

Jasper still looks hurt as he keeps his eyes down with his pouty lip jutted out. But he nods and softly says, "Yes ma'am, I'm alright. It's just been a busy and stressful weekend. I'm still trying to get used to doing so many things in a day."

Charlotte worriedly studies his face. "Dr. Sim told me on the phone that you're scheduled for surgery in the morning. I do wish you had told me that your knee has been bothering you. Are you in much pain?"

Shaking his head, Jasper says, "No, ma'am, my knee doesn't hurt all the time. It only bothers me when I do something stupid. Like run, or climb a whole lot of stairs, which I kind of did the other day. But it's always been like that, so I didn't see any sense in bothering you over it when you're so busy all the time."

Looking frustrated, she sighs, saying, "Alright, I understand." Then she's practically wringing her hands, saying, "Oh Jasper, I really wish you would have given me more of a notice that you were ready to come to Forks! I would have brought you. I had always planned to come with you the first time you came back here to visit your parents. Was it terribly hard for you?"

Jasper sighs as he finally looks up and meets her eyes, saying, "Yeah, it was. It was really, really hard when I went to see mama and dad's graves. But Edward held me the whole time and helped me get through it. He's been great with me, Charlotte."

Charlotte's face softens as she smiles first at him and then me. Looking down, I grin and blush, feeling both self-conscious and embarrassed by the attention. And yet at the same time, I really want Jasper's—um, well damn, I can only thing of Charlotte as Jasper's mother, now that I've seen her, and I want Jasper's _mother_ to like me.

Jasper nervously chews on his lip before leaning his head on my shoulder and curiously asking, "Why didn't you tell me you came to see mama and dad so many times, Charlotte?"

Charlotte frowns, asking, "What are you talking about, Jasper? I've always invited you along, every time I came down here to see your parents."

Blinking in surprise, Jasper sits up saying, "You mean, all those times you offered to bring me down here. You were still coming down to see mama and dad, even when I didn't come?"

"Yes, sweetheart, I thought you knew that."

Jasper shakes his head. "No, I thought you were just trying to get me to go see them."

Charlotte's brow furrows in confusion as she asks, "Then, if you didn't know? How did you find out that I had been coming down here?"

Japer nods his head, motioning toward Michael. "When I met Michael's boyfriend, he recognized how much I look like you. He told me that he's run into you at the cemetery a bunch of times."

Charlotte smiles and glances at Michael. "And who would your boyfriend be, young man?"

Grinning and blushing, Michael ducks his head then shyly says, "Sammie Uley, ma'am."

Charlotte looks surprised but happy. "Samuel Uley? Bless his heart! He is such a sweet man. I am so happy to hear that he's finally started dating." Then her eyes curiously scan Michael's bruised face. "Goodness gracious, were you in a car accident?"

Michael loses his grin and his face turns red as he shakes his head. Looking down, he swallows nervously then mumbles, "No, ma'am. I, um, that is, my…,"

Jasper reaches across me and takes Michael's hand in his. "It's okay, Michael. You don't have to talk about it."

Charlotte looks startled again as she glances at Jasper. I think she's even more surprised that Jasper meets her eyes and matches her stare with a warning look as he gives a slight shake of his head.

Michael, his eyes still down, misses their exchange as he shakes his head, saying, "No, it's okay. Really, I don't mind."

But Charlotte says, "No, Jasper's right. That was rude of me to ask. I apologize, Michael."

Michael peeks up once at Charlotte, then over to me and Jasper, before quietly whispering, "That's okay. You don't have to apologize." Another awkward silence falls as we all sit and stare at each other.

Finally, Charlotte clears her throat, looking at Jasper again. "I must say, Jasper. You really caught me by surprise the other day, when you told me that _you_ had a started dating and already had a boyfriend."

Jasper looks down with a guilty look on his face. "I'm sorry for the way that I told you that, Charlotte." Looking up, he meets her eyes. "Are you too terribly upset that I'm gay?"

Her eyes opening wide in surprise, Charlotte says, "No, Jasper, no! I was just surprised that you had met somebody! I mean Bella told me that you rarely ever talked to anybody other than her and Angela."

Jasper stiffens up and frowns. "What? Bella and Angela talk about me to you?"

Charlotte gives Jasper a sheepish look as she smiles and shakes her head. "Now don't be upset, Jasper. Your friends are very loyal to you, and they do not talk about you. I kind of had to trick Bella into telling me that much." Jasper huffs at her before relaxing against me and laying his head on my shoulder again. Charlotte smiles affectionately and then asks, "So how long have you and Edward been seeing each other, sweetheart?"

Jasper rotates his head on my shoulder to look up at me, he smiles shyly and I grin back at him. He squeezes my hand before turning back to Charlotte saying, "We ran into each other last week. I think it was kind of like love at first sight for the both of us."

Charlotte frowns, saying, "Wait. What? You just met last week? And you're already spending the weekend together?"

My smile slips from my face and my stomach knots up at her frown and disapproving tone. But Jasper's grin gets even bigger as he nods, saying, "Of course, Charlotte. Like I said, I love him."

Charlotte's brow furrows again as she mumbles, "I see." My heart drops and I swallow nervously. What's she going to think when she finds out that Jasper already moved in with me?

Charlotte stares into space, looking troubled and deep in thought. Then she takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out before glancing from Jasper to me, saying, "So Edward, I understand you're an author."

Michael looks at me in surprise, while Jasper frowns at Charlotte. My eyes go wide as I stammer out, "Y-y-yes, ma'am, that's right." I'm shocked that she knows that I'm an author. I can only assume that Alice must have said something to her on the drive from the airport and I begin planning out just how I'm going to kill my big-mouthed sister later.

Then, remembering Jasper's initial negative reaction when he first found out I was an author, my stomach does a lurch as I wait for Charlotte's rejection. Will Jasper stay with me if she disapproves of our relationship? Oh god, he has to stay with me _now_! We made love! My breathing picks up as my heart starts to race. Feeling a trickle of sweat run down my back, I feel almost trapped as Charlotte's eyes lock onto mine. "Dr. Sim tells me that you promised the boy that you wouldn't write about him."

Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I nod. "If you mean Jasper, then yes ma'am, I promised him that I'd never write about him."

Charlotte nervously glances at Jasper once more before trapping me with her gaze again. "I'd like to get that in writing, if you don't mind."

I was expecting it, but I feel crushed at her words—she doesn't trust me.

Jasper stiffens, sitting up straight as he glares at her and yells, "_Charlotte_! Edward doesn't have to sign _anything_! I can't believe you! That whole—you never told me your boyfriend's name or where exactly you were staying and I was a little worried about you—on the phone yesterday, was just a big act! You really wanted to know my boyfriend's name so you could have your P.I. investigate him!"

Stunned, I look back and forth between Charlotte and Jasper in shock. Michael shrinks back into the couch, looking like he'd like nothing better than to disappear right now. But Charlotte doesn't even seem fazed by Jasper's accusation and she doesn't deny it—she even kind of admits to it as she shakes her head saying, "Now Jasper, that's not _entirely_ true. I really was worried about you. And of course, I'm going to check out somebody that you go out of town with. It's my job to protect you!"

Jasper looks like he's about to cry and his voice cracks as he angrily shout, "Is that what I am to you? Another fucking _job_?"

Charlotte's voice rises as she snaps, "I didn't say that, Jasper!"

Realizing his anger is getting the better of him, I squeeze his hand, trying to calm him down. "Shh, love, it's alright. You're mother is just trying to protect you and keep you from being hurt again."

Jasper's eyes go wide at my words and I can practically see his anger switch off. He wipes at his face, taking several deep breaths to calm himself. Then he hide's his face in my neck obviously embarrassed by his outburst. I wrap my arms around my sweet man, stroking the hair at the nape of his neck as I hold him close and whisper, "Shh, love, it's okay. Shh, everything will be okay."

I chance a look over at Charlotte to see her sitting with her eyes closed and a look of pain on her face. She takes a deep breath and lets it out before opening her eyes. Clearing her throat she quietly says, "I apologize for making you uncomfortable, Michael. Edward, I apologize for doubting you. I really didn't mean to upset you and I certainly didn't mean to upset Jasper. Dr. Sim said you could be trusted, but I had to know for sure that you weren't using my…," she closes her eyes and shakes her head with a hand over her mouth. Then she takes another deep breath and looks to me, saying, "I had to know for sure that you weren't using the boy."

Frankly, I'm confused by her actions and wondering why the fuck she keeps calling my sweet Jasper—the boy. Still, I can see she wants to protect Jasper, and I respect her for that. But I don't understand why things are so awkward between her and him. I don't understand anything about her, but I want her to know that I want to protect Jasper too, so I say, "I don't mind signing the papers, Ms. Hale. I was expecting it, actually."

But she shakes her head again, saying, "No, that won't be necessary. I can see how much you care for Jasper, if he trusts you, then I will, too."

Jasper sniffs and wipes at his eyes again before finally looking over at her and timidly saying, "I'm sorry I yelled at you, Charlotte."

"No, Jasper, I'm sorry that I upset you. I should have trusted Dr. Sim's judgment where Edward is concerned." Shaking her head again, she gives a small, sad smile as she says, "Your father always did tell me I needed to try thinking before speaking."

I hate the scared, unsure look on Jasper's face as he asks, "Do you know if mama and dad would be upset, if they knew about me being gay?"

Charlotte gives him a sad smile, saying, "Oh Jasper, of course not, sweetheart." With a poignant look on her face, she shakes her head. "You would have already known that if they would have just sat you down and explained things to you."

Jasper's brow furrows in confusion as he asks, "What do you mean?"

Still looking sad, Charlotte stares into space. "Trust me, when I say they wouldn't have cared that you're gay. Your parents' love was unconditional. I tried to tell them once that they should tell you about—things. But your mother almost lost you twice while she was pregnant with you, and she knew you were the only child she would ever have. She just wanted to keep you as her innocent baby for as long as she possibly could."

She glances guiltily at me and Michael before sitting up with a determined look on her face, saying, "Jasper, I know I should have tried to explain things better when you finally woke up in the hospital. But sweetheart, you were so broken inside and I wasn't much better off. Your parents and I…,"

Charlotte's phone rings and she closes her eyes and takes a deep shuddering breath before checking the number. Shaking her head, she quietly says, "Excuse me a moment, boys. I really have to take this." She stands up and hurriedly walks out into the hall. Taking another deep breath, she flips her phone open, and as she walks down the hall she briskly says, "What's up, Gianna? No, I'm talking to the boy now. I haven't even been here for five minutes yet. No, I'll talk to him later about…,"

Huffing in frustration, Jasper crosses his arms and pouts as he watches her walk away, mumbling, "Fucking phone."

Cupping his face in my hand, I wrap my other arm around his waist, pulling him closer. "Are you alright, love?"

Jasper pouty lip trembles for a moment, but then he sighs and wraps his arms around my waist too, as he lays his head on my shoulder. "Yeah, I just don't understand why it's always so hard to talk to her."

Michael sits up and softly asks, "Jasper? I know you and Sammie were talking yesterday about how much you look like Charlotte, but I thought… I mean, I don't understand. She looks enough like you to be your mom, but I thought your mom got murdered."

Jasper flinches in my arms and buries his face in my neck again. Sighing, I give Michael an aggravated look before tightening my arms around Jasper. Michael mouths the word 'sorry' to me as he reaches toward Jasper, looking at me for permission to touch him. Knowing Michael didn't mean to upset Jasper, I nod and then quietly explain Jasper's relationship with Charlotte to him as he gently rubs Jasper's back. I've just finished explaining things, when he leans in and whispers something in Jasper's ear. Jasper sighs and relaxes in my arms as he turns his head toward Michael saying, "It's okay. I know you didn't."

Charlotte comes back into the room a few minutes later. As she sits down across from us again, she says, "Sorry about that, boys." Looking at Jasper in my arms, she smiles and shakes her head. "Goodness, Jasper, it's so wonderful to see you that relaxed and comfortable with someone."

Jasper smiles up at me, and then sits up again wiping at his face. I guess he decides to change the subject because he takes a deep breath, lets it out, and then looks expectantly at Charlotte. "You said on the phone yesterday, that you had some good news, Charlotte. What's up?"

Charlotte hesitantly says, "Um, actually that was the important business that I need to discuss with you, Jasper."

Jasper huffs in irritation and rolls his eyes, mumbling, "Should have known…."

Charlotte glances nervously at me and Michael before saying, "Jasper, I don't suppose we could have a private conversation, for just a few minutes? It _is_ important and I'd like to get it out of the way."

Jasper's grip tightens on my arm as he frowns at her, but Michael slowly stands up, saying, "If you need to talk to your mo—um, to Charlotte in private, Jasper, I can go somewhere else."

Jasper shakes his head as he reaches up and grabs Michael's hand, saying, "No, Michael, we promised Sam that we would stay with you."

Michael grins as he looks down blushing. "It's okay, Jasper, I actually do need to make a trip to the restroom."

Squeezing Jasper's hand, I say, "I tell you what, love. How about if I help Michael down the hall to the restroom? That way he won't be alone, and you'll have a few minutes alone to talk to Charlotte."

Jasper and Michael both give me a worried look and Michael says, "I think I can make it if I hang onto the wall, Edward."

At the same time that Jasper says, "Are you sure, Edward?"

My face heats up at the worry on their faces and the curiosity on Charlotte's. I really don't want Jasper's mother to know what happened between Michael and me. I don't want her to think I'm not capable of taking care of Jasper. Squeezing Jasper's hand again, I nod and say in as confident a voice as I can, "Michael, you can barely stand, let me help you. And of course, I'm sure, Jasper. We'll just be down the hall and around the corner if you need me."

Jasper chews on his lip as he worriedly scans my face. Then he glances at Michael, saying, "Okay. But really, don't be gone long, alright? Just go and come right back."

Michael eyes dart over to Charlotte before he meets Jasper's eyes, saying, "I promise, Jasper. Edward will be fine and we'll be back in just a few minutes." My face heats up even more when I notice Charlotte's eyes ticking from me, to Michael, to Jasper, with a look on her face like she's trying to solve a riddle.

Turning to Jasper, I cup his face in my palm and give him a light kiss on the lips before standing up. Michael and I have an awkward moment as we try to figure out whose arm is going where, before we finally settle with my arm around his waist. Swallowing down my nerves, I look at Jasper and smile to let him know I'm alright, and then supporting Michael's weight, we head out the door.

**JPOV**

I almost feel jealous when I watch Edward wrap an arm around Michael's waist. Only the knowledge that Edward is probably a nervous wreck being that close to Michael keeps the jealousy down to a minimum. Edward's face is white as he looks at me, smiling nervously, before helping Michael out the door. I have an urge to go with them, but instead, I try to believe Michael's promise that Edward will be alright with him and I turn to Charlotte. Wouldn't you know her good news has to do with business? I don't know why I would ever expect anything else with her.

Charlotte watches for a few moments as Michael and Edward walk down the hallway. Then she turns to me, saying, "What kind of people are you hanging out with here, Jasper? Your friend Michael has obviously been beaten. Please, tell me Samuel Uley didn't do that to him."

My eyes go wide and I shake my head, saying, "No, Charlotte! Sam didn't hit Michael. He saved him. It was his da…," I barely catch myself in time, and I huff in irritation at her. "Charlotte, it's not my place to tell you what happened to Michael."

She frowns, not expecting me to refuse to answer her. Changing her tactics, she says, "Well if Michael is friends with both, you and Edward, then why is your boyfriend afraid of him?"

Scrubbing my face with my hands, I say, "He's not afraid, he's just…it's complicated, Charlotte."

"Please, Jasper, I'm just trying to understand."

Shaking my head, I drop my hands and look at her. "You wanted to talk business, Charlotte. So go ahead and talk business."

She huffs in irritation at me as she stares down the hall. Finally, she looks at me, asking, "Jasper, do you have any plans to step up and take over your father's half of the company?"

Well that question throws me for a loop. I didn't even know she wanted me to do that. Thinking about it, I realize that I have no desire, whatsoever, to have anything to do with the company that took my dad away from home as much as it did, the company that Charlotte preferred to run, instead of being with me. Shaking my head, I look at her and simply say, "No."

She doesn't look surprised at all. In fact, she looks hopeful as she says, "Jasper, I had a European firm approach me last week. They want to buy the company; lock, stock, and barrel. Their offer was very lucrative. With your half, you'll definitely be set for life. If you agree to the sale, they want to sign papers Wednesday evening. Originally, it was going to be next week, but they keep changing dates on me."

_Looking down in disbelief, my eyes tear up as my breathing accelerates. I can't fucking believe her! My dad helped build that company! And now she just wants to give it to some fucking strangers in another country? I know I sound ridiculous, even as I think it. But fuck, she rejected me for that fucking company! _

Charlotte is oblivious to my inner turmoil and she keeps on talking, "Jasper, I'm _exhausted_ from trying to run the company by myself. I can't even remember the last time I've had a full night's sleep, let alone a day off. I don't think I'm going to be able to do this much longer without simply collapsing from the stress I'm under."

_And all I can think about is Esme dear explaining how Carlisle had passed out from exhaustion and that if he didn't slow down he might have a heart attack. My eyes tear up at the thought of Charlotte having a heart attack and leaving me alone. She can't leave me, I need her!_

She says, "Sweetheart, I know you said you wanted to be independent and that you wanted me to butt out of your life. But I thought perhaps you and I…I mean you, Edward, and I could maybe start having dinner once a week. Just to keep up with what's going on in each other's lives?"

_Frowning in confusion, I wonder when I told Charlotte to butt out of my life. Surely, I didn't tell her that. Then my face heats up when I remember. I had still been in the hospital, and Charlotte and the Doc had been talking about my upcoming release. Charlotte had gone on and on and on, about how she was going to set me up in a penthouse with a full staff, chauffeured drivers, and 24 hour supervised care to keep watch over me. I think I might have argued with her a little. Okay, I can admit it to myself, I had a pitched a hissy fit, and I think I remember telling her to quit telling me what to do, that I could take care of myself, and that I didn't fucking need her. But fuck, that didn't mean I wanted her out of my life! I'd love it if we could get together like that. I really want her to like Edward._

"And I know I fought you on the coffee shop originally, but it's taken off and doing remarkably well. I thought, _hoped_, that I could go in with you and we could maybe start a small chain. Although, nothing so huge that I'd be working like I am now. Sweetheart, I promise to not interfere, and to let you live your life the way you want to. I just hoped that if you and I were partners that we could maybe spend a little more time together every now and then."

_I listen in disbelief at her proposal to be my partner so she can spend more time with me. As silly as it sounds, knowing how serious Charlotte is when it comes to business, I realize in that moment that if she wants to be partners with me, that she really does care about me. My heart does a happy dance at the thought. _

Grinning from ear to ear, I interrupt her saying, "Okay. Do I need to sign something?"

Charlotte blinks at me in surprise. I think she thought she was going to have to talk me into it. Glancing down the hall to see if the others are coming back yet, she quickly explains that all I need to sign is a couple of forms, stating I know about and agree to the sale of the company. Since she's still my fiduciary, it's only a formality to reassure the new buyers that I won't contest the sale, when I turn 21 next summer.

After signing and initialing a dozen or so forms, Charlotte and I talk for a few minutes about different aspects of the coffee shop. Then she starts talking about her drawing up all the legal papers involved in creating a partnership. Yawning, I roll my eyes and hope that Sam comes back soon for Michael, so Edward and I can leave. I'm getting fucking tired of being in the hospital.

Listening to Charlotte drone go on and on about all that boring legal crap, my mind wanders…

My day had started off absolutely perfect when I had awakened in the tent with Edward in my arms this morning. But it feels like so much has happened already, and my emotions and nerves have been all over the place ever since. It's starting to wear me down. Plus, I'm getting fucking hungry. I wonder what kind of restaurants are in Forks.

Actually, I'd really like to go back to the Cullen's house to eat, take a nap, and then maybe after waking up, see if Edward likes that rimming thing that Emmett talked about. Hmm, should I do it in the shower or after, when we're in bed? I love the way Edward's body tastes with water running over it; we'd have more room to maneuver if we were on the bed though. Hmm, shower or bed? Do I just lick him or try to stick my tongue inside him like I do my fingers? I wonder if Emmett knows? He and Rose are supposed to be back later, I guess I can ask him.

Of course, what I'd really like to do is make love to Edward again. Unfortunately, with my surgery tomorrow, it may be days or even weeks before we get to do it again. Fuck, there's nothing like the feeling of being inside the tight heat of his ass. Last night had been the most incredible experience of my life. Hmm, I wonder how the fuck I'm supposed to make love to him without being on my knees? I can't wait to find out.

Fuck, I have to quit thinking about my cock pounding into my beautiful man's hot, tight ass or I'm going to get hard. The thought of getting hard while I'm talking to Charlotte, makes me shudder. That's so gross! I wish Edward and Michael would hurry up so Charlotte will quit talking business. Fuck, that shit is boring.

Wondering what the fuck's taking Edward and Michael so long, I look down the hall. Seeing them, I jump up and run to Edward in a panic. Edward's face is white, his eyes are red rimmed, and it looks more like Michael is holding Edward up rather than the other way around.

Running up to them, I snap at Michael, "What did you do?"

Michael's eyes go wide and he shakes his head, quickly saying, "Jasper, I swear…,"

Edward lays a hand on my arm, quietly saying, "Jasper, don't. It wasn't Michael. A couple of guys stopped us outside the bathroom. They called us, um, a few bad names and one of them pushed me before one of the nurses ran them off."

My heart pounding, I cup Edward's face in my trembling hands, asking, "Oh god, did they hurt you, beautiful?"

Edward shakes his head and looks down mumbling, "No, no, I'm not hurt."

I didn't even realize that Charlotte had followed me out to them, until she walks around and slips an arm around Michael's waist saying, "Let's get you sit back down, and then I think I should call security so you boys can report this."

She helps Michael back to the waiting room and over to the couch. Wrapping an arm around Edward's waist, I guide him over, as well. Edward and Michael, both protest the whole way asking Charlotte not to call security.

Edward's color is looking better when I sit down with him and take his hand in mine, although his hand is still trembling. Cupping his face again, I gently kiss his lips before asking, "Are you sure you're okay, beautiful? Are you sure you're not hurt? I can go get your dad if you need me to."

Edward shakes his head, saying, "I'm fine, love. I promise. That guy didn't really shove me hard. He just kind of pushed my shoulder when I tried to ignore him. It hurt my feelings, but it pissed me off more than anything."

Glancing between them, I ask, "Did you guys know either of them?"

Edward shakes his head, and then looks to Michael who says, "I don't know who they were. I've never seen them in Forks before. They were probably from out of town and just visiting somebody here in the hospital."

Looking over at Michael, I take one of his hands, saying, "I'm sorry, I thought…,"

But he interrupts me saying, "No, Jasper, don't apologize. I don't blame you for thinking it."

Charlotte says, "Are you sure you don't want me to call security?"

Edward shakes his head and Michael says, "Really, Ms. Hale, it wasn't bad enough to worry about calling security. It was just a couple of guys acting like jerks. They mainly just did some name calling. God knows I've heard worse from the coach. But if you're that worried about it, I promise to tell Chief Swan when he and Sammie come back."

I have to blink in surprise when Charlotte blushes and looks flustered as she smoothes her clothes. The excitement in her eye, totally contradicts her nonchalant tone of voice, as she asks, "Oh? Is Char…um, Chief Swan here at the hospital, today?"

Michael and Edward are both giving her sideways glances, as Michael says, "Yes, ma'am, he's here."

She glances nervously at me before asking, "Have you met Char…um, Chief Swan yet, Jasper?"

Grinning, I nod at her and say, "Yes, ma'am, he was at our cookout Saturday. Charlie's the best."

She smiles as she breathlessly says, "He _certainly_ is." Her eyes go wide when she realizes what she said and she clears her throat, asking, "And you say he's coming back here?"

Michael nods, saying, "Yes, ma'am, he should be coming to get me soon for my interview."

Then Charlotte frowns, asking, "What sort of interview?" She starts to say something else but her phone rings. Rolling her eyes, she shakes her head and huffs in frustration before excusing herself and walking out into the hall. "What's up, Gianna? Yes, yes, I finally talked to the boy and he's all for it. Go ahead and call them and set up…,"

I shake my head as I watch her walking away, and then turn to Edward. But, Michael leans forward, peeking around Edward at me and grinning. "I think your mother likes Charlie."

Snorting out a laugh, I say, "Shut up!" Michael sniggers as he leans back again.

Edward kisses the side of my neck and then asks, "Babe? Why does Charlotte keep calling you the boy? It's really starting to piss me off."

Huffing out a laugh, I smile and shake my head at him. I can't believe he's blowing off what happened to him, and yet he's upset about the one thing that I really could care less about.

Michael leans back, pulling his legs up and hugging his knees to his chest again. I think he's just trying to be unobtrusive as I talk to Edward. I give him a smile in thanks and he winks and smiles back before resting his forehead on his knees.

Giving Edward a feather soft kiss, I say, "Don't be mad about _that_, darlin'. Charlotte's called me that ever since I was little."

"So she's always called you that?"

It makes my head hurt and my stomach do flip-flops when I think about the past. Everything about _that night_ is crystal clear, but it's hard to remember the things that happened when I was younger without _that_ getting in the way. Feeling slightly queasy, I rub my temples saying, "No. I can sort of remember a time when I was really little where Charlotte, mama, and dad all three used to be really close and they all called me 'sweet, baby Jasper'. It's one of the reasons I turned to Charlotte after I woke up in the hospital."

Edward frowns as he stares out the door where Charlotte disappeared.

Sighing, I look down as I say, "I think something bad happened between Charlotte and my parents, though. I'm not sure what it was, but I think it had something to do with me. I just remember mom being in their bedroom crying, as dad and Charlotte cried and yelled at each other in the kitchen. I guess, whatever it was, it was pretty bad, because Charlotte packed a suitcase and left. I didn't see her again for a long time—not until my seventh birthday."

Michael's head jerks up, and he leans forward to look around Edward at me as he quietly asks, "She packed a suitcase when she left? Did she live with you guys when you were little?"

Confused, I wrack my brain trying to remember. "I'm not sure. I guess I'll have to ask, Charlotte."

Edward kisses my temple and softly asks, "How old were you when she left, babe?"

Shrugging, I say, "I'm not sure, five or six, maybe even younger. I remember being really, really happy to see her when she showed up at my birthday party, though." Frowning at the memory, I sigh and say, "But _that_ didn't last long. Everything I remembered about her was different. Charlotte wouldn't hug me or even talk to me for that matter. She and mama hardly ever talked to each other either, and Charlotte always called me _the boy_ when she talked to dad about me." Shrugging again, I sadly say, "So maybe, I just remembered it all wrong."

Edward caresses my cheek, asking, "Did you ever find out what happened?"

"No, when I was older, maybe nine or ten, I asked mama what happened; why Charlotte quit liking her, quit liking me. Mama spent the rest of that day in her bedroom crying again, so I never asked what happened anymore. I just figured Charlotte decided she didn't like mama anymore and that she decided she hated kids."

We all look toward the door when Charlotte walks up, still on the phone. "Damn it, they agreed to wait until Wednesday afternoon! No! Hang on a moment, Gee." She stops at the door and pokes her head in, saying, "I'm sorry this is taking so long, Jasper. I'm going to step outside for a few minutes while I finish this call." Turning away, she heads in the other direction, still talking on the phone as she leaves, her voice trailing off again as she walks down the hallway. "I said no, I am not coming back tonight. I don't care! They're just going to have to wait. Jasper is having surgery tomorrow and I'm staying for my son's surgery! Yes, of course, I'll call you and let you know how my—how the boy's doing. Tell them I said…"

My head snaps up and my breath catches as I gasp in surprise and stare toward the door in disbelief. I don't even think she knew what she said but I know I heard it! Fuck! I will never understand her! I look over at Edward and Michael and they're both staring at the door, looking as surprised as I feel.

Edward grins at me and tightens his arms around me, saying, "Just give her time, Jasper. I think she's coming around." Grinning, I nod and think about telling him about Charlotte wanting me to be her business partner, but I decide to wait and tell him later, in private.

We watch her until she rounds the corner, out of sight. Then Edward turns to me, asking, "Were your parents and Charlotte still, um, upset with each other when your parents got killed?"

Grimacing at the memories that flash through my head at the mention of my parents being killed, I rub my eyes with the heels of my hands as I shake my head. "No, they had made up. Mama and Charlotte had finally started talking to each other again by then. I guess I was around eleven at the time. I know it was when Peter and I were still friends. 'Cause dad would take me and Peter to the movies and drop us off, and then he'd go home. Dad said that he, mama, and Charlotte had grownup stuff to talk about. They must have had a lot to talk about, 'cause Peter and I usually wound up spending just about all day there at the multiplex going from one movie to the next and pigging-out on popcorn, hotdogs, and nachos." Eyeing Edward out of the corner of my eye, I grin and blush as I softly say, "Sometimes me and Peter would even play the tickle game in the theater but it wasn't nearly as fun. It felt better when we went skinny dipping and had our clothes off."

Michael snorts out a laugh and looks up, giving me an incredulous look. Edward gets a jealous look on his face, but he smirks and quirks his eyebrow as he says, "Tickle game, huh? Is that what you call groping each other in the dark?"

I do that stupid sounding snicker-snort again, and then cover my face with my hands, embarrassed. How the fuck was I supposed to know what Peter and I were doing back then?

Edward does this really stupid looking pouty thing as he sticks his bottom lip out at me, saying, "Is mama's innocent baby embarrassed?"

Slapping his arm, I call him a fucking asshole and then bury my face in his neck, embarrassed as hell. Edward hugs me to him and strokes the back of my neck as he quietly laughs. Fuck he's an asshole, it's a good thing I love him so much.

**EPOV **

Smiling down at my sweet man, I run my fingers through Jasper's hair as he naps with his head on my lap.

We'd had a long morning and afternoon at the hospital and my sweet love had been exhausted by the time we got home. I was barely able to keep him awake long enough for him to eat, before he had shut down. I'd been exhausted as well, and had even napped a little myself.

I couldn't believe all the things that had happened while we were at the hospital today. When Charlie and Sam had finally came back to get Michael, Charlotte somehow managed to get the lowdown on what had happened between Michael and the coach, and what Michael's dad had done to the coach at the police station. She had wound up surprising all of us, because she had offered to represent Michael's dad as his lawyer. She had left to go interview him when Jasper and I had finally left the hospital this afternoon.

But what had really surprised me the most had been the way Charlotte and Charlie had acted around each other. Charlie had acted just as excited to see Charlotte as she had been to hear he was there. It's like they were interested in each other but they were both trying to act like they weren't. They kept glancing at each other and smiling when the other wasn't looking and then they'd quickly look away. We'd watched them act like they _weren't_ looking at each other for almost half an hour when Jasper had finally huffed at them and asked Charlie if he was going to ask Charlotte out on a date or what.

It had been all I could do to not laugh when Charlie had just about stroked out right then and there, while Charlotte yelled "Jasper Hale Whitlock, you mind your manners!" I'd been surprised to find out that Jasper's middle name was Hale as well. You'd think as in love as I am with him, that'd already know everything about him. But I find out something new about him every day. I had simply added it to the things I couldn't wait to tell Rose. The good news is, Charlie and Charlotte are going out for dinner together tonight, just as soon as they get done with Michael's dad at the hospital.

Charlotte had declined my parents offer to stay the night at their place. She had kept glancing sideways at Charlie and smiling as she said she'd probably be up half the night—making business calls—and that she didn't want to disturb everybody at our house. But she had promised Jasper she would be at the hospital first thing in the morning. I couldn't help but grin at the suspicious look Jasper kept giving her and Charlie.

Rose and Emmett had got back in, sometime mid-afternoon. Emmett had helped me wrestle one of the queen mattresses out of one of the guestrooms and drag it down to the music room. Then Emmett had taken Jasper aside and they looked like they were scheming something, so Rose and I had went in and made the bed, getting it ready for us tomorrow.

After getting the bed made, Rose and I had both grinned at each other, and then ran and jumped on top of it. Alice had soon joined us and we had sat and talked about last night again. We had all giggled like 'tween girls when I told them about what Jasper had asked dad at the hospital this morning.

Of course, neither one of my damn sisters would tell me what the fuck rimming is. Oh no, they weren't helpful _at all_. As a matter of fact they had laughed until they cried, holding their sides and kicking their feet. It had pissed me off a little but then I had been even more pissed off when I found out that Alice had beat me in telling Rose about Charlotte's last name. But Rose had just laughed at me some more while ruffling my hair. At least Alice hadn't beaten me in telling Rose that Hale was Jasper's middle name, too. Alice had scowled at me, and then stuck her tongue out before breaking down giggling and grinning. Silly girl.

Emmett and Jasper had soon joined us as well, and Emmett hadn't wasted any time before he was teasing me and Jasper, trying to embarrass us. What had shocked the hell out of me was Jasper teasing Emmett back, going into detail about what we did last night! When Jasper started explaining our position in the camp chair, I just about died with embarrassment. Especially after he offered Emmett a demonstration! Although, I do have to say the look Jasper had given me had my heart racing and my insides aching. Damn, I can't wait to feel him moving in me again. Emmett and Rose had left soon after that to go camping, Emmett wanted to go try out the chair. But they did say they'd be back to go with us for Jasper's surgery in the morning.

The Doc got in from the hospital right after they left and he and Alice disappeared for awhile upstairs, while Jasper and I made out on the mattress in the music room. When they had come back downstairs, the Doc had asked Jasper to go for a walk with him, so they could have a talk about something. When they finally got back, Jasper had looked embarrassed and had curled into my side, hiding his face in my chest while he sulked and pouted.

Then when Alice and the Doc had been getting ready to leave for Seattle, Maria had called and surprised the Doc. Maria told him that he'd had two cancellations for tomorrow so she had called his other scheduled patients and asked if they minded rescheduling since the Doc had a family member having surgery tomorrow. They had all agreed, so the Doc and Alice are going to stay for Jasper's surgery tomorrow after all. When the Doc told Jasper, my sweet man had been so happy and relieved to hear the news that he had wrapped his arms around the Doc's neck and cried.

Mom had spent the whole morning with Michael's mother, trying to get her to see reason. But late this afternoon Michael's mother kicked mom out of the house and told her not to come back. Mom said she's not going to give up yet. She plans on going back over there, sometime tomorrow after we get Jasper home from the hospital.

When dad finally got in from work, Mom had suggested we all drive to Port Angeles for a quiet Italian dinner. I think she just wanted to get dad away from all the stress for the evening. The Doc and Alice decided to go with them, but Jasper had begged off, saying he was too tired for a long drive, so he and I decided to stay home.

After everybody went upstairs, to get dressed so they could go out and eat, Jasper had stretched out on the couch again with his head in my lap and had promptly fallen asleep.

So here I sit, smiling down at my sweet man and running my fingers through his hair while he naps.

Dad comes into the room and smiles at us as he asks, "Asleep, again?"

Looking up at him, I grin and nod.

Dad walks over and places a hand on my shoulder saying, "Make sure he eats a 2 or 3 of small meals this evening, but don't let him overdo it, son." Nodding again, it's all I can do to not laugh as I remember the _horrified_ look on Jasper's face, when dad had told him he couldn't have any food or drinks after midnight, and not until after he woke up from his surgery tomorrow.

Glancing at the clock, dad quietly says, "You know, it's almost an hour drive each way, plus the time we'll be eating, so we'll probably be gone at least three, to three and half hours, son." I don't know why he's telling me that. I've made the trip to Port Angeles plenty of times. Seeing my confusion, Dad's face turns red as he says, "You guys will have the house to yourselves, Edward. Have fun, but ah, just try to keep it in the bedroom, okay? And for god's sake, be done by the time I get your mom home. She doesn't need to know you boys are having sex."

Mortified, I yell, "Dad!"

Grinning, he puts a finger to his lips. "Shh, you'll wake, Jasper. If your mother comes looking for me tell her I'm in the study, okay?"

Nodding, I watch in disbelief as he leaves the living room, looking pleased with himself as he heads for his study.

A few minutes later, mom comes into the room and stops. She smiles warmly as she gazes at Jasper asleep in my lap, then she sighs and softly says, "That is the most adorable young man, I have ever seen in my life." She looks me in the eyes, saying, "He's a keeper, Edward."

Smiling back, I nod, saying, "I know, mom. I'm not letting him get away."

She walks over and ruffles my hair saying, "I bought a small trashcan and a large container of hypoallergenic baby wipes for Jasper's sensitive skin, and put them in your bedroom, Edward. Be sure and use the trashcan for your condoms. Please do not flush them down the toilet. Good lord, we had to have the plumber out here a dozen times when Emmett and Rose first started having sex. Of course, I never told your father why the pipes kept stopping up. He would have been horrified at the thought. Seriously, you wouldn't think a doctor would be so old fashioned over something as natural as sex. Anyway, if you don't want a ton of sheets to wash, lay a towel down on the bed before you two do anything. The baby wipes will make your after-sex cleanup simple and easy, and you won't have quite as many towels in your laundry. Just keep the wipes put up out of your dad's sight. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. Okay?"

Groaning, I hide my face in my hands and wonder who the hell these people are and where my real parents went. Mom giggles, saying, "Oh Edward, you're so silly. You know, we might go shopping after we eat, so you boys will probably have at least four to four and half hours here alone. If I were you, I'd make the most of it! Just remember if you have sex anywhere besides your bedroom, be sure and clean up afterward. Now let's see, where has your father gotten off to?"

Keeping my face hid in one of my hands I point down the hall, mumbling, "Study."

After she leaves, I shake my head, deciding my parents must have been cloned and replaced by aliens or something. Looking down to run my fingers through Jasper's hair again, I pause when I see that his face is bright red. I start to say something to him but the Doc and Alice come into the room right then.

Alice asks, "Hey, Edward, do you know where mom and dad are?"

Shaking my head, I say, "No, I don't know what happened to mom and dad, but there _are_ a couple of mom and dad pod people in the study." She looks at me like I'm crazy so I ask, "What?"

Rolling her eyes she says, "I'll go get them, Alistair. Maybe you should do some of your head shrinking with Edward. I think he's lost his mind." Then she smirks, saying, "Or maybe Jasper just screwed his brains out last night."

The Doc sounds scandalized, yelling, "Alice!" But she just grins and leaves the room, her tinkling laughter following her down the hall. The Doc grins at me and asks, "So, are you boys going to be alright here all alone in this big ol' house? You know we'll probably be gone for awhile."

Jasper starts giggling in my lap and covers his face with his hands, saying, "Fuck, Doc, are you going to tell us to have sex too?"

The Doc throws his head back, laughing. He's still laughing when Alice, mom, and dad all come back into the room. They all hug Jasper's and my neck and say their goodnights, figuring we'll be in bed asleep by the time they get home.

We walk out onto the porch with them and wave our goodbyes as they pile into dad's car. Then Jasper and I slowly walk back inside. Closing the door behind me, I lean against it and smile at my sweet, sexy man.

Jasper steps up, gently cupping my face in his palms as he leans in and kisses me gently on the lips. Then he leans back and with a smoldering look, whispers, "Upstairs. Naked. Now."

Grinning from ear to ear, I take off, running up the stairs, shedding clothes as I go.


	37. Chapter 37

_**Hey all, the first half of this chapter is a recap and Jasper's thoughts about what all was going on after he and Edward got back to the house in the last chapter, plus the boy wanted him some Edward lovin' so the last half is all about that.**_

_**I've been working on two chapters at the same time so the next should hopefully be ready in about a week, barring any more school malfunctions. I just need to go through it and edit it again, maybe add a little bit to it. Its going to be from a totally different POV to give just a little background on Charlotte, since I'm not sure if she herself will ever tell Jasper everything about her past. **_

_**The chapter after that will probably start moving the story forward again. **_

_**As always, thanks for all the lovely reviews and for all the favoriting still going on, and of course for you patience.**_

_**Usual disclamer: All Twilight characters belong to Ms Meyers but this plot and story is all my own warped imagination...lol.**_

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR **

**CHAPTER 37**

**JPOV**

I know I've been living a quiet, routine life since I got out of the hospital, but I thought I'd been fairly active before I met Edward. I guess I was wrong, because I've been absolutely worn out, trying to keep up with everybody and everything that has been happening this past week. Or maybe I'm just worn out because my routine has been pretty much thrown out the window. Regardless, I've had more naps this last week than since I got out of the hospital.

When we finally got back to Edward's parents' house this afternoon, I was fucking exhausted, ready to eat, and take a nap. I was so tired that I even thought about skipping lunch. As it was, I kept trying to nod off while chewing my food and I almost didn't make it to the couch before I was out like a light.

I wound up sleeping until Rose and Emmett got back in from Seattle. Then, neither Edward nor Emmett would let me help wrestle the mattress down the stairs. I told them that I wasn't handicapped and was perfectly capable of helping, but I think Edward was afraid I'd hurt my knee. At least Rose let me help her carry the bedding down the stairs to the music room. I had no idea a few pillows, sheets, and quilts would be so damn heavy, but I carried them all the way down for Rose like the gentleman my mama taught me to be.

The whole pocket-door thing at the end of the living room was really cool. I would have never even known it was there if they hadn't showed me. The music room itself was pretty neat too. Just like the living room and Edward's room on the third floor, one whole wall was floor to ceiling windows. There was a piano in there too, just like the one in Edward's, um, I mean _our_ apartment taking up most of the room. Along the walls there were several other musical instruments in their cases, including a guitar.

Looking at the guitar made my eyes tear up as I remembered sitting in my dad's lap when I was around 9 or 10, while he taught me how to play one. Fuck, I can't believe that I'd just about forgotten about that. I'm not sure who the guitar belongs to, but I'm hoping since I'll be in there the rest of the week, that maybe it will be okay for me to see if I can still remember how to play one. Or maybe whoever it belongs to will even show me how to play it if I can't remember how.

After Edward and Emmett finally got the mattress set up in there, I asked Emmett if I could talk to him for a while. I wanted to ask him what all he knew about rimming. I figure that as often as he and Rose have sex that he probably knows everything there is to know about it. Although, I have to admit, it is gross to think about him and Rose doing that. Yuck.

Unfortunately, Emmett wasn't much help when I asked him. All he wanted to talk about was something called muff diving. When I finally figured out what the hell he was talking about, I had to cover my ears and yell at him to _shut the fuck up_! Ugh! Nasty! Of course, the asshole laughed at me until he had tears streaming down his face. After I waited for him to quit laughing, I told him the _only_ thing I wanted to know about was everything he knew about rimming.

Emmett said that all he knew about rimming was what his best friend, Ben, had described. I couldn't believe that he's never done it before, or never had it done to him either. But he said Rose wasn't interested in him doing that to her and that it would be a cold day in hell before _she_ kissed anybody's ass. Then he said that he felt lucky enough that she was willing to play with his toys with him. That was so fucking funny that it was my turn to laugh until I cried. I couldn't believe the silly asshole still plays with toys at his age.

After we talked, Emmett and I joined the others on the mattress in the music room. It was funny to see Edward and the girls rolling around on the mattress, acting all giggly and shit. I mean, fuck, I thought only teenage girls acted like that.

Emmett had immediately started trying to tease me and Edward, asking why we would want to have sex in the camp chair last night when we had that big ass bed that he and Rose had set up for us. I know Emmett jokes around a lot, but he's so big that he's kind of intimidating. And while I am getting more used to him, I've been a little reserved around him so far. But I figured since he's just a big kid that still plays with toys that it was okay to tease him right back.

So I told him not to knock it before he tried it. And then offered to demonstrate how we did it if he needed lessons. Edward had squawked in surprise when I grabbed his hips and pulled his ass toward me, before throwing his legs over my shoulder and then pinning his arms down beside his head. I'd only meant to play around to tease Emmett back, but I have to admit, I got turned on having Edward at my mercy like that. I think Edward liked it too, since he got a really hungry look on his face and we'd already eaten lunch.

Emmett's mouth had fallen open and his eyes got this glazed over look, and then he got really excited and started asking Rose if she was ready to go camping yet. He wanted to go tryout the chair, too! As they were going upstairs to get their stuff, I overheard Emmett asking Rose if they could take the toys, too. All I could do was roll my eyes and snicker. Toys! At his age. I mean, come on. Seriously?

Emmett and Rose hadn't been gone for more than 10, maybe 15 minutes, when the Doc came in. He and Alice went up to her room and I was almost positive they were fooling around up there. Gross!

But it left me and Edward alone downstairs, so we made-out on the mattress in the music room. We didn't do much more than kissing and touching, but we both still got really turned on. I wanted to rip Edward's clothes off of him and love on him again and again, but we were both nervous that somebody might walk in on us.

When the Doc finally came back downstairs, he wanted me to go outside and go for a walk with him. I really didn't want to leave Edward, but I went with the Doc anyway. I wanted to talk to him about my surgery. Apparently, the Doc wanted to talk about it too, because he told me everything I should expect when I wake up tomorrow. I was getting really nervous about the surgery and was tempted to beg the Doc to stay, but I didn't want him to think I was a big baby.

While we were out walking, I also asked the Doc if he knew why I had to take so many naps lately. He told me it was just my body's way of giving my brain time to process all the new things I've been doing this week and that it was healthier than blacking out. I asked him if that meant I would stop blacking out now, but he just shrugged and said, "Only time will tell, son."

After that, I decided to ask the Doc what _he_ knew about rimming. But he just wrinkled his nose and said he's never done it before and that he really wasn't interested in it trying it either. Then he asked if I was even sure that I wanted to try it, and wasn't I worried about hygiene or the taste.

I just rolled my eyes at him and told him that I was pretty sure I already knew how an ass tastes since James and his buddies' cocks were going straight from mine to my mouth. Of course saying _that_ out loud launched me straight into a fucking flashback that I do not want to think about right now. Let's just say, I started hyperventilating and answered my own question about whether I would still black out. When I came to I was sitting on the ground with the Doc holding me, whispering, "I've got you, Jasper. Shh, son, you're safe. I've got you, son."

He quietly insisted that we talk it out, but he held me the whole time. It was really nice to have him hold me and rock me while we talked about my flashback. The Doc had finally kissed my temple and told me that he was worried that I was pushing myself too far, too fast. I told him that I was determined not to let those fuckers run my life and that I just wanted to learn to do all the stuff that normal gay gays do.

The Doc explained that not all gay guys rim each other, and that it was a personal choice. He said it was okay to want to explore my newfound sexuality, but that I should never feel like I _had_ to do something if it made me uncomfortable. After we got done talking it out, he helped me up and we headed back toward the house.

Walking back, I was still a little puzzled as I kept thinking about it. I wondered if the Doc was right because the way Emmett talked I thought all gay guys rimmed each other. Then it occurred to me that neither the Doc nor Emmett is gay, and that I was getting all my advice from straight guys. Fuck, maybe I need to make some gay friends.

The more I thought about it the more confused I was getting, so I started talking about it to the Doc again. I told him that I was still curious about rimming and that I wanted to try doing it to Edward, at least once. Then I told him about my theory that if a tongue feels awesome on your balls that it probably feels even better _back there._ And that I wanted to do everything I can to make Edward feel special, especially since he was willing to let me be the one who was always on top.

I could tell he was still bothered about something and I wasn't sure what it was, but I thought maybe he was still worried about hygiene. So, I told him that Dr. Cullen had suggested that if Edward and I were going to try rimming, that we should either do it in the shower or right after. I figured that should make him happy.

But instead, the Doc started to chew my ass out for asking Carlisle if rimming was real this morning! I argued with the Doc, trying to explain that when Carlisle was at the hospital he wasn't Carlisle anymore, he was Dr. Cullen. The Doc had always told me that you're supposed to be able to talk to doctors about _anything_ so I didn't see what the problem was. But the Doc just kept lecturing my ass about what is and what isn't appropriate, and how I had embarrassed Edward's dad. When we finally got back to the house, I was so mortified and upset that I had to curl up on the couch with Edward and let him hold me.

Later, when the Doc and Alice were just about to leave to head back to Seattle, they got a call from Maria. She told the Doc that his patients had rescheduled and he didn't have to be back tomorrow. I was so relieved when the Doc told me he was staying for my surgery, that I wound up wrapping my arms around his neck and crying like a fucking baby anyway. I mean, I know Edward will be there to support me tomorrow, and I love him for it. But the Doc's been there for me for years and I really needed him to be there, too—not as the Doc this time, but as my _dad._

When Carlisle got in later, he and Esme dear went upstairs to take a shower—at the same time-together! Eww. But, before they went up there, Esme dear told us she wanted everybody to go to Port Angeles to go out for a relaxing dinner. I begged off, partly because I was already wiped out from the episode I had while out talking to the Doc. The other reason was because I remembered how long it had taken Edward and me to get to Forks _from_ Port Angeles. I thought if Edward and I stayed in, that it would give us plenty of time to love on each other.

I really want to make love to Edward again and I wonder just how sore he still is. I certainly don't want to hurt him, but fuck, I want to be back inside him again. Every time I close my eyes, I remember how incredible it felt to move in and out of his tight heat. I'm hoping that if his ass is sore, that I can make it all better when I kiss it. I mean, fuck, this is our last evening together before I have my surgery and it may be the last chance we have to really love on each other for days, maybe even weeks.

Apparently, Edward's parents were thinking the same thing because they both practically told us—well they told Edward anyway since I was sleeping, or rather I was before all the sex talk started—to have _sex_ while they were gone. I just about died when Carlisle told Edward, "You guys will have the house to yourselves, Edward. Have fun, but ah, just try to keep it in the bedroom, okay? And for god's sake, be done by the time I get your mom home. She doesn't need to know you boys are having sex."

Fuck that was embarrassing as hell, although not quite as embarrassing as Esme dear telling Edward that she left us some stuff in his room to clean up with afterwards and to not flush our condoms down the toilet. She was talking about plumbers and condoms and pipes and towels and sheets and all sorts of embarrassing stuff about having sex.

I decided right then and there that parents should _never_ be allowed to talk about condoms or sex with their kids. It was fucking mortifying!

And then, right after that, the Doc had started hinting too, about how long they were going to be gone. I cracked up laughing when I realized he was about to suggest sex too! I usually don't mind talking to the Doc about things but for some reason that was almost as embarrassing as Edward's parents talking about sex. Maybe it's because he was feeling more like a dad to me this afternoon and less like a Doc.

Anyway, it's a _relief_ when everybody finally hugs me and Edward goodbye before heading out the door.

As they leave, Edward and I walk out onto the porch to wave goodbye and watch as they pile into Carlisle's car. But I'm only halfway paying attention as the car starts down the driveway. All I can think about is getting Edward upstairs and naked. We've got somewhere between 3 to 4 hours and I plan on loving on him as much as possible in that amount of time.

After we slowly walk back inside, Edward closes the door behind him and leans against it, smiling at me. My heart pounds with anticipation as I step closer to my beautiful man and cup his face in my palms. Leaning in, I kiss him gently on the lips and then lean back so I can look into his eyes and whisper, "Upstairs. Naked. Now."

Edward's whole face lights up and he grins from ear to ear. Then he takes off running up the stairs, shedding his clothes as he goes.

Grinning, I follow Edward up the stairs, picking up his discarded clothes as I climb. I'm nervous as hell about what I'm planning on trying to do, but I'm kind of excited about it too.

Seeing Edward's long-sleeved button-up shirt on the fifth step, I snag it in my hand and sling it over my shoulder as I slowly continue my way up the stairs. Four more steps up, I pause to bend over and pick up Edward's t-shirt, slinging it over my shoulder too. On the second-floor landing, I stop long enough to pick up Edward's belt, shoes, and socks.

Halfway up to the third floor, I grab Edward's jeans and add them to the growing pile of clothes in my arms. Getting to the third floor, I find Edward's boxers lying in the middle of the hallway and pick them up as well.

Entering the bedroom, I dump all Edward's stuff in a pile on the floor, and then look over at my beautiful man. He's standing in front of his dresser, leaning back against it with his hands behind him acting as a cushion between his ass and the dresser. His chest is heaving from his run up the stairs and his hooded eyes are dark with desire. His beautiful, long cock is hard and standing at attention, making my mouth water as I think about loving on it with my lips and tongue.

Edward's eyes run up and down my body and he licks his lips before huskily saying, "You have way too many fucking clothes on, baby."

Grinning, I pull the baby blue Henley over my head and toss it on top of his pile of clothes. Then after kicking off my shoes and pulling off my socks, I quickly shimmy out of my jeans and boxers and then add them to the pile as well.

Walking up to Edward, I run my eyes over his perfect naked body whispering, "Don't move, darlin'. Let me look at you." Edward grins and leans further back on his hands, arching his back as he watches me through hooded lids.

Reaching up with one hand, I gently trace my fingertips over his taut chest, circling his nipples once before moving down to caress the toned muscles of his stomach, loving the feel of his smooth skin even as I envy its unmarred perfection. Frowning, I glance down at his side, thinking—well, it's mostly unmarred perfection. He still has fading bruises from where I hit him, and I'll be glad when they're gone for good.

Sighing, I run one of my hands behind his neck and pull his face to mine. As I gently kiss him, my other hand reaches up to tweak and caresses his nipples. Edward gasps and moans into my mouth and when his lips part, I take the opportunity to hungrily devour his lips and tongue with my own.

By the time I break the kiss, we're both panting hard. After giving him a few more soft pecks, I cup his face in both my hands, saying, "I love you so fucking much, Edward."

"I love you, too, Jasper." Edward smiles as he pulls my body flush against his and we both moan when our cocks make contact. Edward buries his face in the side of my neck before softly asking, "Babe? Will you make love to me tonight?"

My cock lengthens at his words and my body flushes with heat, but I have to be sure, so I pull back to look into his eyes and ask, "Are you sure you're not too sore?"

Edward grins and shakes his head, saying, "Even if I am a little sore, I'll have plenty of time to recuperate. Between the pain that you're probably going to be in after your surgery and the pain pills that are going to be knocking you out, I'll probably have a week or two before you'll be up to having sex again."

Frowning, I shake my head. "Edward, as much as I want you, if you're already sore, I don't want to make it worse or hurt you."

Edward rolls his eyes, saying, "Please baby, trust me, I'll _always_ tell you if I'm too sore for making love. When it comes to pain, I'm a big baby."

I think about telling him that we should wait. But the fact is, I want him. I want him so bad. Finally, I nod in agreement. "Okay, darlin'. If you're absolutely sure that you're not too sore. Why don't you go ahead and get in the shower and I'll be right there."

Edward's eyes light up with excitement as he heads for the bathroom. I pause just long enough to pull our condoms and lube out of my backpack and set them on the nightstand by his bed. My face heats up when I see the tub of baby wipes that Esme dear left for us but I double check to make sure they really are hypoallergenic. And then I remember what she told Edward—so I grab a towel out of the bathroom and spread it out on the bed, figuring we'll need it later. After that, I go and join my beautiful man in the shower.

After thoroughly washing every square inch of both Edward and myself, I decide I need a little revenge for all of Edward's teasing this morning. Pushing him up against the shower wall I roll my hips, sliding our wet, slick bodies against each other. Edward moans and tries to wrap his arms around me. But I grab his wrists and pull his hands over his head before looking him in the eyes and growling at him, "Huh uh, don't move darlin'. It's my turn to tease you." Edward grins with an excited look in his eyes as he nods his head.

Making sure he keeps his hands up there where I put them, I fist his hair in one hand and pull his face to mine. Sliding my other hand down, I tweak and tease his nipples as I proceed to kiss my whimpering, moaning man until we're both panting and gasping for air.

Eventually, I step back so I can look at him. Fuck he looks hot with water streaming in rivulets over his naked body; arms stretched over his head, heaving chest, heavy-lidded eyes, swollen lips, and rock hard cock. If anybody had told me last week that I could ever think a man's body was beautiful, I'd have denied it—or freaked out. But Edward's body is beautiful to me and that just amazes me.

Stepping back in closer to Edward, my heart pounds as I begin to kiss, nibble, lick, and tease. Working my way down the front of his body, I pay extra attention to his nipples. Edward loves having his nipples teased and by the time I get done licking, sucking, and gently biting them he's whimpering, moaning, and trying to thrust against me.

Lowering myself, I circumvent his cock as I work my way down the outside of each leg and then back up the inside. Pushing his legs apart, I lick under and around his balls before sucking them into my mouth. Edward is moaning and writhing as I tease first one and then the other with my mouth and tongue. I think about trying to rim him but I don't think I can reach his ass from here the way I want to, so I decide to love on his cock with my mouth for now.

Edward cries out when I run the flat of my tongue up his shaft from the base to the head. I look up at him, to see his arms are still up but his fingers are laced together and he's resting his hands on top of his head. Edward looks down at me with his heavy-lidded, lust-filled green eyes and begs, "Please, baby. Please, I want to feel your hot mouth around my cock. Please, baby."

Well, I certainly can't deny him when he begs me like that! Edward groans and throws his head back when I wrap my lips around his cock and swirl my tongue around and around the head. Dipping my tongue into the slit, I moan when I taste his pre-cum. Sliding my lips up and down his shaft, I keep swirling my tongue along the underside of his cock, loving the feel of his silky, satiny yet steel-hard shaft running across my tongue and lips. Relaxing my throat muscles, Edward softly chants my name as take him in until my nose is buried in his coppery curls. After swallowing around him, I hollow my cheeks and apply more suction as I slowly pull back up on his cock.

Edward groans, _loud_, and then his hands are suddenly on my head, his fingers fisting into my wet hair. I let him take control as he holds my head still and begins thrusting into my mouth while whimpering, moaning, and babbling, "Mmm god, fuck tongue cock, so good. Suck more Jasper, fuck yes, do that! Mmmmffffuck, baby. So good. So hot. Yeah, tongue right there. Love your mouth. Oh fuck, Jasper baby, yeah suck me…just like that…don't stop…baby…Yes! Yes! Yes! Jasper, I'm going to...!"

Capturing Edward's hips in my hands, I push him against the wall, keeping him still. Then sucking hard, I pull his cock out of my mouth with a pop. Edward looks down and whines as he incredulously asks, "Why did you _stop_, baby? I was about to cum!"

Grinning, I stand back up and capture his wrists in my hands. Raising them over his head again, I scold him, "I thought I told you to not move, darlin'. I'm not nearly done teasing you yet."

Edward groans in frustration and bounces his head against the wall as he fucking whines and pleads, "Jasper! _Please_, baby, you have to let me cum! Please, you can't tease me like this!"

Leaning in, I suck his earlobe into my mouth. Biting down, I pull on his lobe with my teeth, making him shudder, before saying, "Oh but I can, Edward. I've got between 3 and 4 ½ hours to tease you, beautiful, and I plan on using every second of it." Edward whimpers and tries to thrust his hips against me as I laugh at him.

Then deciding it's time for me to give it a try, I bite his lobe one more time and then suck on it before whispering, "Turn around, darlin'. I want to kiss and tease your back now." Edward gives me a confused and frustrated look but he turns around for me.

I raise his hands back onto the wall, and pull his hips back as I nudge his legs further apart with my foot. Perfect. Stepping back, I admire the sculpted muscles on Edward's back and ass. Reaching out, I caress his smooth skin and the delicious curves and valleys of his muscles a moment before stepping closer and following the path of my hands with my lips and tongue.

Edward moans as I kiss and caress first across his shoulders and then down his back. Pausing right over his ass, I swirl my tongue around the dimples in his lower back. Then I continue kissing down the back of Edward's legs trailing both of my hands after. Once again, I kiss my way down the outside and then back up the inside of each leg, before returning to his beautiful ass.

Edward hums and moans as I massage his cheeks with my hands. I have to hold back a giggle when I think—Fuck. His ass looks good enough to eat. What the hell, Jasper, try it.

Leaning in, I carefully and gently bite the fleshy mound of one of his luscious cheeks.

Edward moans out a "fuck, yes!" as he pushes his ass back toward me.

Well he seemed to like that, so I do it again only a little harder this time. Edward hisses and jerks away from me, so I try to soothe the spot with my tongue before stopping and looking up at him to make sure he's still okay with everything I'm doing. But he whines at me, "Don't _stop_! Please, it feels good. Please love, keep doing that."

Feeling both nervous and excited, I start peppering his firm cheeks with gentle bites and hard sucks that are quickly followed by my eager lapping tongue. Edward is moaning and pushing his ass back against my face so I reach between his legs to stroke his cock. Edward's moans get louder as he begins thrusting his cock into my fist, faster and faster. Working his cock with one hand, I bite and lick my way from one side of his delicious mounds to the other, all the while cupping and massaging its sculpted curves in my free hand.

Edward is constantly moaning and whimpering, "Ffffuck, more. Yeah, baby. God, Jasper. Stroke, mmmmgod, faster. Oh yeah, mmmbaby. Mmmgod, tongue more. Ffffuck, Jasper please, need more. Uhhnnffuck, sssso good. Bite me more. Ow! Oh fuck yeah, just like that. Mmmmmffffuck fffeels, mmmm, so good. Please baby, uuuuhmmmm I need…fuck, I need more."

Taking a deep breath to steady my nerves, I decide I'm ready and go for it. Letting go of Edward's cock, he whines in protest. But he moans again and pushes his ass back into my hands when I carefully spread his ass cheeks apart. Looking at my goal, I lick my lips in anticipation and think—fuck, his pretty little hole looks tight. I wonder how the hell my cock fits in there.

Leaning in, I lick under and around his balls as Edward spreads his legs further apart. His whimpers start sounding more like a whining, mewling sound as I lap that soft spot right behind his balls. Then, flattening my tongue, I run it up to his puckered hole, lapping at it a couple of times before circling my tongue around and around.

Wow, not bad. With the water from the shower running over it, it tastes just as sweet and clean as his cock does when I love on it in the shower. It tastes a lot better than I was expecting.

What I wasn't expecting was Edward's reaction…

For a few seconds, Edward's whimpers gets _really_ loud as he presses harder against my tongue swirling around his hole. But then his moan turns into a high-pitched squeal as he jerks away, spinning around and covering his ass with his hands. His eyes are as round as saucers and his voice is squeaky as he yells, "_Jasper_! What are you doing! You licked my ass!"

I can't help it. I fall over laughing.

Of course, when I look up at my beautiful man, my laughter cuts off when I see that he's crossed his arms and looks pissed off. Jumping up, I cup his face in my hands, saying, "Now don't be mad, Edward. I just wasn't expecting you to squeal like a fucking girl. You gotta admit that you sounded funny."

I was worried that he really was mad but now I can see that his lips are trying to twitch into a smile. Edward looks like he's struggling to keep a pissed off look, as he sniffs in disdain and haughtily looks away saying, "I'll have you know that I do _not_ squeal like a girl."

Playing along, I roll my eyes. "Whatever, Edward. That was as girly a squeal as when you and the girls were rolling around on the mattress earlier."

Edward narrows his eyes at me. "Jasper, if I squeal, you can bet your ass that it's purely a _manly_ squeal, not a girly one."

Snickering, I say, "I never heard of a manly squeal, Edward."

Edward finally grins. "Well a manly squeal would be what you heard me do, Jasper. But if you want to talk about girly squeals, I'd have to say that the only person in this shower who squeals like a girl would be you."

Crossing my arms, I shake my head at him. "I've never squealed like a girl in my life!"

Edward cocks an eyebrow at me for a second, and then before I can even figure out what he's doing, he grabs me and flips me around to where I'm pinned against the wall instead of him. He starts growling and biting at my neck as his fingers start ticking my stomach. I shriek out "Edward, stop!" right before I start laughing and screaming hysterically while trying to get away from the fucking asshole and his tickling fingers.

Okay so maybe I do squeal like a fucking girl.

Edward keeps me trapped and pinned against the wall as he relentlessly tickles me, causing me to shriek, laugh and try to jerk away. In a last ditch effort to get away from his tickling fingers, I drop to the floor of the shower and grab his cock, sucking it deep into my mouth.

Edward forgets all about tickling me, as he moans and fists his hands into my hair. Taking a deep breath, I take him in all the way as he chants my name over and over. Edward starts thrusting into my mouth as he whimpers, "Uh, uh, uh, fuck, uh, uh uh, Jasper fuck, uh, uh." Each breathless 'uh' in tempo with his cock sliding into my mouth as I suck, lick, slurp, and hum. Of course, when he says, "Jasper, fuck baby, I'm going to…," I once again pull his cock out of my mouth with a pop, stand up, grin at him, and then get out of the shower. That'll teach the asshole to tickle me!

Edward growls in frustration and bounces his head off the wall, before silently following me out of the shower and drying off when I do. But his eyes are pleading as he stares at me. His cock is still rock hard and pointing at me like a needle on a compass. Grinning at him, I walk up to him and wrap my arms around him before whispering in his ear "Wait 'til we get on the bed darlin'. I promise to make you feel soooo good."

Edward grins and actually sighs in relief, but he stays quiet until we walk into the bedroom where he sees our supplies laid out. Then he turns to me, looking embarrassed as he quietly asks, "Baby, why did you do that? Um, lick my ass? You did do that on purpose, didn't you?"

Sighing, I take his hand in mine and lead him over to the bed to sit down. He sits down beside me and absentmindedly strokes his cock as I talk to him. I don't even think he realizes he's doing it but it's the hottest thing I've ever seen. I decide right then and there that one of these nights after my surgery, when I'm not able to love on him, that I want to watch him do that until he comes. Fuck, yeah.

Shaking my head, to get my thoughts back on what I want to tell him. "I'm sorry, beautiful. I should have warned you that I was going to try that."

He frowns in confusion, saying, "What were you trying to do? I mean, you licked my _ass_, Jasper!"

Giving him a sheepish grin, I say, "I'd been so worried about _if _I could do it that I forgot to ask if it was okay."

Edward still looks confused, saying, "Okay? I don't understand. Baby, you _licked_ my ass!"

Taking the hand not on his cock, I say, "Beautiful that was rimming. Don't you remember me telling you that I'd show you what it was?"

Edward has a look of disbelief on his face as he says, "You're telling me _that_ was riming? Rimming is _licking_ my _ass_?" Then he looks pissed off again as he growls out, "I'm going to kill, Emmett! And my fucking sisters! Jasper, I think they were playing a practical joke just to get you to…to…to _lick my ass_!"

Shaking my head, I say, "No, Edward, I thought Emmett was pulling my leg, too. Don't you remember me asking your dad if rimming was real this morning?"

Edward covers his face and groans. "I'd like to forget that conversation ever took place. I can't believe you told my dad that I lick and suck on your balls." He drops his hands and looks at me with a horrified look on his face. "Oh. My. God! You asked my _dad_ if you could lick my _ass_!" Covering his face again he moans, "Somebody shoot me."

Rolling my eyes, I say, "Rose was right, you are a drama queen."

Edward drops his hands and glares at me. "Am not!"

Grinning, I say, "Are too!"

He sniffs at me and crosses his arm. "Am not."

Sticking my tongue out at him, I grin even wider. "Are too."

He keeps glaring at me but then finally drops his arms again and grins sheepishly, "Okay, maybe I am—just a little bit."

Rolling my eyes, I shake my head at him. My eyes follow as his hand sneaks back to his cock and slowly strokes it again. Licking my lips, I tear my eyes away from his cock and look up into his eyes and ask, "So did you like it? Did it feel good?"

Edward's face turns bright red and he gives me an embarrassed smile. "It felt incredible, Jasper." Then he loses his smile as he sighs,shaking his head. "But I can't let you lick my ass."

Confused, I ask, "Why not?"

Edward looks away frowning and I wait to see if he's going to tell me what's on his mind or not. He finally sighs and looks back at me. "Because, I don't think I can do _that_ to you, love. Just the thought, grosses me out. And I am not going to let you do anything to me that I'm not willing to do back. That's just not right. I want to be able to make you feel everything that you make me feel."

Now it's my turn to frown. "Then I shouldn't be the only one that's on top. You should get to feel how good that is too."

Edward shakes his head looking annoyed. "No Jasper, that's different. I love being on bottom. It feels incredible to feel you inside of me. It doesn't matter to me if I never try topping."

Shaking my head right back at him, I say, "No, it's not any different because it doesn't matter to me if you never want to rim me back. Please, Edward, I want to do it to make you feel good."

Edward closes his eyes and shakes his head, smiling as he softly asks, "Are you really asking me to let you lick my ass?"

I can't resist the urge any longer and my hand covers his as I help him stroke his cock while whispering, "No beautiful, I'm _begging_ you to let me do something special just for you. I want you to always know just how special you are to me."

Edward leans against me and his breathing picks up. Pulling his face toward mine with my free hand, I whisper in his ear. "Just think how good it felt when my tongue circled your tight entrance, beautiful. Don't you want to feel my tongue licking and probing while my hand strokes this long, hard cock?"

Edward whimpers and chews on his lip, looking torn. Speeding my strokes on his cock, I whisper, "Tell me you want to feel my tongue licking and swirling around that most sensitive of spots darlin'. Please, beautiful, let me make you feel good."

Edward finally nods his head and I capture his lips in a hungry kiss. My tongue meets his in a twisting and twirling dance as I swallow down his panted whimpers and moans. Fuck, I want him.

Chest heaving as I try to catch my breath, I pull back and look into his eyes. "Darlin', I need you to get in the middle of the bed now, but lie down on your stomach. Okay?"

Edward looks nervous, but he licks his lips and nods again as he moves up into the middle of the bed. Instead of stretching out, though, he stays on his hands and knees and turns his head to look at me. "Will you make love to me like this tonight, love?"

My eyes rake over his body as I try to decide if I can do it like that yet. I have to admit Edward looks fucking hot with his ass in the air and I'd love to love on him like that. But I'm all kinds of confused on the inside, though. All I can think about is that was the position I was in when they _hurt_ me that night. Would it hurt Edward to be in that position? Fuck, I want him, but do I want to risk hurting him by doing it like that?

I think Edward must be reading my mind because he softly says, "Jasper, it's not going to hurt any more in this position than on my back. Please, baby, I'm dying to know how it feels for you to take me like this."

Getting annoyed at myself for thinking about _those_ fuckers when I'm supposed to be loving on my man. I climb up onto the bed with Edward telling him, "Let me think about it, Edward. Lie down for now, and we'll decide that in a bit." Edward lies down, wiggling his ass and grinning over his shoulder at me. Fuck, I want him.

Staying on my hands and knees for now, I straddle his body and suck on the back of his neck making him shudder and softly moan. Then, just like in the shower, I proceed to kiss, nibble, lick, and tease, working my way across and then down the back of my beautiful Edward's body. It doesn't take long before he's is moaning and writhing under me. I'm glad I already put the towel down because he's humping the fucking bed.

Just like before, I kiss my way down the outside and then back up the inside of each leg as Edward spreads his legs further apart. When I reach my hand between his legs to stroke his cock, he lifts his ass up into the air, moaning as he thrusts into my fist. I let him do that for a moment, watching his muscles flex as he rolls his hips, again and again. Fuck that's hot.

When I let go of his cock, Edward whimpers in protest. But when I pepper his cheeks with gentle bites and a lapping tongue, he hums and moans. Keeping his chest flat on the bed, Edward lifts his ass even more until he's resting on his knees. His arms are over his head and his hands are fisted into the covers. As I bite, lick and massage his luscious mounds, Edward moans, "Yes, Jasper, please love. Ass, bite, lick, tongue, fuck so good."

Watching my beautiful man as he writhes at my touch, I softly ask, "Are you really okay with this, Edward?"

He groans out, "God yes, please, need more, love."

Reassured, I once again spread his ass cheeks and lean in to first lick and suck around his balls. Edward spreads his legs more as he moans loud and pushes his ass back to my face. Running my tongue up to his opening, I swirl my tongue around and around and Edward yells—like really, really loud. "Mmmmgod, fuck yeah! Mmmmfuck, Jasper. Mmmmyeah. Ummmfffffuck. Mmmmbaby. Yes, love. Ummmfffffuck tongue feels so mmmmfucking good!"

Grinning, I keep licking and swirling my tongue. It doesn't taste anything like what I thought it would, but I suppose that could be because we just got out of the shower. I alternate between lapping at his pretty little hole and swirling my tongue around and around it. The pitch in Edward's moans ranges from low to high, depending on what my tongue happens to be doing. Then flattening my tongue, I run the rough part back and forth across his tight hole and Edward throws his head back, letting out a mewling squeal. I don't care what he says, it sounds fucking girly.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this next part or not, but decided to go just ahead and give it all a try. Stiffening my tongue, I push into Edward's puckered hole as far as I can, which isn't a whole hell of a lot. Fuck he's tight!

Edward shouts, "Fuck! Jasper! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!" He arches his back thrusting his ass back toward me as his fists clench tighter into the bedding. Working my tongue in and out of his super tight hole, I reach between his legs to stroke his cock. Edward moans and whimpers, trying to keep his legs spread wide while he thrusts his cock into my fist and I thrust my tongue into his ass. It doesn't take long before Edward's body tenses and he yells, "Jasper! Jasper! Jasper! Yes, please love, please make me… Oh ffffuck! Coming!"

I keep loving on his ass with my tongue while stroking his pulsing cock with my hand. Edward shudders and moans, painting the towel with his cum as he rides out his orgasm. When he finally collapses into a boneless heap, I sit back on my heels and grin. I did it! I fucking did it! And I didn't freak out once!

I was pretty damn proud of myself.

Edward's still on his knees, legs spread wide with his ass in the air, his chest flat on the bed. But now his head is lying on the bed with his eyes closed and a big contented smile on his face as he pants and tries to catch his breath. Looking at Edward's euphoric expression, I really hope he isn't going to be too tired for me to love on his ass with my cock now, because fuck, I need him bad.

Looking at his beautiful ass in the air right in front of me, I think maybe I want to try loving on him just like this after all. Looking down at my achingly hard cock, I reach over to the nightstand and grab the lube, pouring some on my fingers. Edward hums and wiggles his ass when I circle my slick fingers around his luscious opening. When I carefully push a finger in all the way, he moans softly but stays relaxed so I slowly pump my finger in and out of his velvety smooth tunnel. Fuck, I love how smooth and how fucking tight that feels. He's still really relaxed so I carefully add a second finger and Edward moans out a quiet "Oh, god yes. Finger love, feels so good."

Taking my time, I love on his ass with my fingers as I lean down to nibble, suck, lick, and bite his ass cheeks and lower back. When I add a third finger, Edward arches his back and raises his upper body off the bed so that he's now on his hands and knees. He moans and spreads his legs even further apart before rocking his body forward and backwards, riding my fingers. Fuck me, that's hot! I can't wait to have my cock in there.

I curl my fingers, meaning to really drive him crazy but all Edward does is hum as he rocks faster on my fingers. Confused, I watch my fingers as they disappear and reappear, in and out. Oh, right, I'm used to him being on his back!

Licking my lips, I carefully spin my fingers inside Edward, making him whimper and speed up as he rides my fingers. When my hand is pointing down instead of up, I curl my fingers again and Edward fucking yells, "Fuck, yeah!" I have to grin, that was the response I was looking for. Edward really works up a sweat as his rocking speeds up on my hand.

I let him ride my fingers as I reach over with my other hand and grab a condom. Tearing it open with my teeth, I somehow manage to pull it out of the package with one hand. But for the life of me, I can't figure out how to roll it on with one hand. Edward fucking whines "No!" when I pull my fingers out his tight hole. But I need both hands to roll the condom onto my cock. Then as I squeeze out a generous helping of lube to coat both the condom and Edward's crack, Edward whines, "Hurry Jasper, I need to feel you inside me! _Hurry_!"

My heart is pounding with anticipation as I scoot closer to Edward. Lining my cock up with his hole, I ask, "Ready, beautiful?"

He moans out, "Yes, please, love me now, Jasper."

I nod, even though he isn't looking at me, and then I carefully push forward. When I finally breach his tight ring of muscles Edward whimpers "Oh, fuck" sounding like he's in pain at the same time I whimper "Oh, fuck" because it feels so fucking good!

But I still my hips, trying to give him time to get used to being stretched so much. Fuck, he's just as hot and tight as I remembered and I want nothing more than to start thrusting as hard as I can, but I force myself to stay still. Rubbing his back, I try to soothe him. "Relax, beautiful, please darlin' you need to relax." He slowly relaxes as I keep rubbing his back and softly whispering, "I love you so much, Edward. Your beautiful ass feels so good wrapped around my cock. You're so fucking tight and hot. I love being inside you."

When Edward finally relaxes, he lowers his chest back to the bed and lies his head down again with his fists clenched into the bedding. When he nods his head, I slowly sink my cock the rest of the way into his beautiful tight ass. Gritting my teeth, I force myself remain still until he finally moves under me again, whimpering, "Please, Jasper, please. Make love to me now."

Breathing a sigh of relief, I start off slow, gently gliding in and out of his body. Last night when I made love to Edward, I had been watching his face both times, looking for any sign that I was hurting him. But tonight when I look down all I see is his back and ass. Spreading Edward's cheeks, I watch in amazement as my cock slowly disappears and reappears, in and out, just like my fingers had earlier. Fuck that is hot!

Sliding my hand down, I circle my finger around Edward's entrance, in awe over how it feels stretched around my cock as it slides in and out of him. Edward does that fucking girly, mewling, squeal again as he throws his head back and his fists clenches and unclenches in the bedding. Enjoying the reaction I'm getting from him, I keep circling his entrance with my fingers as I whisper, "You like that darlin'? Does that feel good?" His head bobs as he frantically nods his head while doing that whimpering mewling noise.

Finally, I spread my hands out, cupping and caressing his ass cheeks, loving the way they feel in my hands as his ass keeps my cock in its super tight grip. Sliding my hands up higher, I wrap my hands around his hips and smile at how his hips fit in my hands, the dimples in his back a perfect resting place for my thumbs. Tightening my grip around his hips, I start pulling him back toward me as I thrust my hips forward. Oh, fuck yeah, I really like that.

I think Edward likes it too, because he slowly rises back up onto his hands and knees, rocking his body, meeting me halfway as I carefully thrust into him. I was really worried about hurting him in this position but Edward begs me. "Please, baby, go harder. Go faster, love."

Speeding up my thrusts, I try to go easy but before I realize what is happening Edward is rocking harder and faster, slamming back against me yelling, "Harder, Jasper, harder! Faster!"

Before long, I have a death grip on his hips as I snap my hips, slamming into him again and again. Neither one of us is talking, but the room is filled with the sounds of moans and groans. I'm not sure if it's him or me or both but it's definitely a fucking _manly_ sound and it goes great with the sound of his ass slapping hard against my thighs.

The only way this would be better would be if I could kiss Edward while doing it. He whimpers in protest when I slow my thrusts, but I slide my hands higher up his waist and pull up on him. Edward rises to his knees and I pull his body back flush against mine. Edward rests his head on my shoulder and reaches up and back, wrapping an arm around the back of my neck as he turns his face to mine. I moan with pleasure when I finally taste his sweet lips. His other hand reaches down and back, stroking my hip.

Keeping his back flush to my chest, I begin thrusting into him again, only slow and easy this time. Our lips brush and our tongues lap at each other, as we pant into each other's mouth. Sliding my hand up, I tweak his nipples making him drop his head and groan. I take the opportunity to kiss and suck up the length of his shoulder. Edward tilts his head giving me better access to suck and bite at the side of his neck.

He whimpers and shudders when I get to his ear and suck on his lobe. Then my lips move against his ear as I quietly whisper, "Do you like this beautiful? Does it feel good? You like having my thick cock in your tight ass, don't you."

Edward whimpers out a quiet, "Yes, love, feels so good. I love you inside me."

"I'm going to love you just like this, beautiful. Is that okay?"

Edward whimpers and nods as he turns his face to mine again. Reaching my hand around his waist, I slowly stroke his cock. I'm on sensory overload with my cock leisurely gliding in and out of his hot, tight ass; his long, hard, slick cock sliding just as slowly in my fist; his sweet lips and tongue lapping at mine as our breaths fan across each other. It's beautiful, its intimate, and I fucking love him.

It feels like hours pass as I make slow, sweet, gentle love to Edward just like that. Edward gasps and moans every time I slowly thrust into him and it takes me awhile to figure out that my cock is brushing against his prostate every time I thrust into him from this angle. But when I do, I tease that spot inside him, alternating from sliding slowly across it to occasionally snapping my hips and giving it harder tap.

The build up to our orgasms is just as unhurried as the movement of my hand on his cock, my cock in his ass. It's a slow, intense burn as our bodies teeter right on the edge of our orgasms. Edward's whole body is trembling in my arms and I'm not much better, although my knee is starting to throb from being on it so long. Finally, needing release, I whisper in Edward's ear, "I'm going to make you cum now, beautiful. Are you ready?"

He whimpers in my mouth and nods again. All it takes is for me to tighten my grip on his cock and tap that spot deep inside of him with my cock hard and fast as I snap my hips and thrust hard: once, twice three times. Edward drops his head back on my shoulder, crying out as he tenses in my arms, his cock pulsing in my hand as his ass clenches and convulses tight around my cock. Just the nudge I needed to send me tumbling over the precipice, I chant his name as my cock pulses deep inside him, filling the condom.

Afterward, I'm thankful to Esme dear for her thoughtfulness, as I toss the condom into the trashcan by the bed and then wipe off both Edward and myself with the towel and baby wipes. Pulling my exhausted, trembling, beautiful man into my arm, I curl around him and hold him close whispering over and over. "I love you, Edward. I love you so fucking much."


	38. Chapter 38

**Hey y'all, I meant to have this chapter done last week but got side tracked with Summer semester finals. Well that, and the fact that this little 5 or 6 thousand word _quick_ chapter turned into a 14,000 word monster...lol. Like I said before, this is from a totally different POV so I could get a little of Charlotte's background out in a fairly realistic way. I probably will NOT being doing the POV anymore because I really just couldn't get into his head that well. ****You guys may still dislike Charlotte after this and you might think she's not quite as bad as originally thought but at least you'll know where she's coming from, and where she's heading. ****I took a few liberties with the law, lawyers, judges, and how the system works in this chapter but I wanted to move the story along. **

**As usual, thanks for all the lovely reviews, I think I finally got a reply sent to all of them tonight. **

**Disclaimer: All Twilight characters are the property of Ms. Meyer, but the plot is my own.**

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR **

**CHAPTER 38**

**Charlie POV**

Pulling a beer out of the fridge, I roll the cold can across my forehead, humming in appreciation as the cold relieves the slight headache behind my eyes. Then after popping the top, I take a long drink trying to relieve the stress from my screwed up day at the hospital. At least we were able to get that Newton mess mostly straightened out all in one go. Thanks to Charlotte.

"~*~"

_When I walked back into that waiting room this morning after interviewing Sam, and found Charlotte sitting there talking to Edward, Jasper, and Michael, I was so shocked you could have knocked me over with a feather. Not only was it not Charlotte's usual weekend to visit but it was a Monday to boot. _

_I'm still not sure how she managed to wheedle all the details out of Michael and Sam—and okay, a little out of me as well—about what was going on with Michael's dad, Thomas Newton. But I swear the woman had all of us wrapped around her finger and telling her everything in no time. _

_Jasper certainly hadn't look too impressed with any of us, that's for sure. He just crossed his arms and glared at Charlotte as she fired off one question after another. Although he did look pleased when she offered to represent Thomas. _

_After she interviewed him, it hadn't taken long for Charlotte to somehow convince the D. A. that the man needed help, not prison time. I admit I was impressed when Charlotte worked out a decent plea bargain with that pretentious ass of a D.A. _

_Personally, I thought that Clapp bastard got off too easy when Thomas killed him. Although in a way, I thought Thomas did all of us a favor by getting rid of his sorry ass. The last thing his victims needed was to be dragged into court and relive their nightmares in front of a jury. _

_However, regardless of what Doc Sim had said about drug side-effects and powers of suggestion, I still thought Thomas deserved some sort of punishment for beating Michael so badly. But at the same time I didn't think Michael would survive the trauma if his father had to go to trial or prison, so I suppose I was happy with the plea bargain as well. _

_Charlotte was amazing the watch today. She worked it out so that Thomas wouldn't be charged with murder and wouldn't have to stand trial. But he would have to plead guilty to manslaughter with diminished capacities, and would have to serve no less than a two year stay in a mental health facility. I guess Charlotte has connections, because she had a county judge from Port Angeles come down, and had him and the D.A. sign the paperwork in record time. She arranged to have the paperwork filed and copies sent to everywhere they needed to go and then arranged for Thomas's transport to a state run mental health facility._

"~*~"

Grabbing a second bottle of beer out of the fridge for her, I close the door and take both drinks with me into my living room. After setting them down on the coffee table, I stretch out on the couch and prop my feet up on the table as well. Snatching up the remote, I switch on the TV and try to concentrate on the game until it's my turn to get cleaned up for my _date _with Charlotte.

Snorting out a laugh, I shake my head and grin when I think of how Jasper had huffed at me earlier and asked if I was going to ask Charlotte out on a date or what. I guess I hadn't been nearly as subtle as I thought I was while checking her out. I just couldn't get over how much she looked like him. Saturday when Edward introduced me to Jasper, I had thought then that he looked familiar. But I had just chalked it up to when I saw him as a boy. I hadn't realized until I saw them sitting near each other, just how much alike Jasper and Charlotte look. The kid is the spitting image of her, albeit a much taller, leaner, more masculine version of her.

"~*~"

_Damn, I'm going to have to quit thinking of Jasper as a kid. He's grown into a remarkable young man, although the poor guy's nervous as all get-out. But you certainly can't blame him for that, not after surviving the hell he lived through. However, after watching Jasper as he supported Edward through all his Michael issues this weekend, and then turning right around and supporting Michael, too; I've come to realize that while Jasper may be a bit skittish, the kid's really got an inner strength to him. Of course that shouldn't surprise me. It took a lot of inner strength for him to survive that night of hell._

_I'm surprised he didn't grow up to be bitter and resentful after what happened to him and his parents, but Jasper's got an innocent, gentle, and caring personality. He probably has Doc Sim to thank for that. After watching them interact this weekend, I could see that Jasper obviously loves him as a father figure and Doc Sim obviously loves Jasper like a son. _

_Damn, I don't know how many sleepless nights I've had; lying there wishing I had gone looking for my deputy earlier that night. Or that my deputy had followed the damned protocols and called for backup, instead of rushing into that house like he was John-fucking-Wayne. Maybe if he had, we could have saved Jasper's parents. _

_Of course, I would have done the same thing myself if I hadn't thought I was already too late. Too late to keep those animals from doing what they had obviously done to the boy, too late to save the kid's parents, too late to save my deputy. _

_For three days we'd been receiving reports about the armed-and-dangerous, escaped convicts at the station, and that they may be headed in our direction as they made a run for Canada. I knew a family had just moved into the area that morning, and I thought it prudent to send a deputy out to warn them to keep an eye out, just in case they hadn't had time during their move to listen to the news this week. I got concerned when my deputy never reported back in, so I drove out to check the place out myself._

_I still have nightmares of the scene I saw when I peeked into the front window of that house—blood and broken bodies everywhere, my deputy looking lifeless and bloodied on the floor, and a naked man curled around what looked like the body of a naked child in the living room. The boy had been so still, as he lay there with his eyes open, unblinking and unfocused, that I had been certain he was dead. Still, I had felt like the worst kind of ass leaving his body with that monster long enough to check the rest of the house. When I peeked into the back of the house, I saw two more blood splattered, naked men laughing and eating in the kitchen. Their levity totally incongruous with their blood-slicked bodies and the brutality of the scene I had seen in the living room. _

_I was so overwhelmed with guilt and rage that if I hadn't known the bastards already had my deputy's gun, with possibly more close at hand—I probably would have stormed inside right then. But I knew if I didn't follow the damned protocols, I'd be just as likely to wind up having the same thing happened to me as what had happened to my deputy, and that certainly wouldn't bring any of them back to life. So I called for backup._

_They had just arrived and we were about to do another reconnoiter of the house when we heard the kid screaming. That sound spurred everybody into rushing in with guns blazing. I'm still amazed we didn't wind up shooting each other in the chaos that followed. I was the only one with a clear shot of the knife-wielding, psychopathic monster that was holding the boy and I knew it was a calculated risk when I shot him, but I wasn't going to let him do what he was about to do to that kid. _

_The room went deathly quiet afterwards. I think we were all in shock for those few moments as we surveyed the gruesome, bloody scene in front of us. And then the next moment the boy was screaming again, crawling away from the man I had just shot, the man who now had a knife buried to the hilt in his throat. I rushed to the boy, weeping and cradling him to my chest as I tried to staunch the flow of blood gushing from…everything. Good lord, there weren't many places on him that weren't bleeding. I don't think I've ever seen so much blood in my life._

_At least I'd had the forethought to call Dr. Cullen and have him waiting in the wings. Hell that was probably the only thing that saved the boy's life that night. I honestly didn't think Jasper would live through the night, but he surprised all of us. _

_Jasper has definitely got a stubborn spirit and a strong will to survive. He's really perceptive, too. I'd watched Jasper this weekend at the cookout and at the hospital. I noticed that his wary, troubled eyes certainly don't miss much as they constantly scan his surroundings. He sees everything going on around him. _

_I should have known he would notice me staring at Charlotte this afternoon. I'd just been so damn surprised to see her sitting there in that waiting room today. Every time I see the woman she takes my breath away, it's been like that ever since the first time I laid eyes on her. _

_The first time she came to town to start setting her friends affairs in order, I'd been instantly attracted to her and couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was so damn beautiful, even though she looked like she was in physical pain as Carlisle and I took her to her friends' graves. _

_The woman was a work in contrasts. Her wheat-blond hair looked silky enough to run my fingers through, even though it was pinned back in haphazard clumps. Her eyes, such a deep vivid blue that I could have drowned in them, were pain-filled and desolate. Her soft plumb lips looked made for smiling and kissing, were clamped tight and trembling as she fought back tears. Her short, petite body with curves in all the right places had stood ramrod straight as she battled her emotions. And yet even in her distraught state, she was a force to be reckoned with. Her very presence was authoritative, demanding attention. _

_Of course, I'd felt like a complete jackass for feeling aroused by a woman who was obviously still reeling in shock from her friends being murdered. I figured she had enough on her plate dealing with her grief, running a company, closing out her friends' estate, and seeing to the care of a barely alive, catatonic kid. The last thing she needed was to have deal with me and my attraction. So, I somehow managed to keep my cool and to at least act like I was a damn professional. Of course that didn't stop me from accidentally running into her every weekend she was in town. _

_It didn't take me too long to figure out the woman kept a rigid schedule, was always punctual, and more importantly, which weekend was her weekend to visit her friends' graves. Charlotte always came to town one weekend a month and stopped at the small coffee shack in the middle of town when she came to visit. That is where we usually had our accidental run-ins. _

_We gradually grew from exchanging a few minutes of cautious, awkward pleasantries each month, to having real conversations that lasted hours as we leaned against our cars and sipped our coffees. Charlotte occasionally talked about her friends, but more often about her business. Sadly, every time she or I mentioned Jasper, she'd tear-up and turn away. Oh, how I had longed to hold her and comfort her, but I feared I'd overstep the boundaries of our budding friendship. _

_Charlotte had, of course, been ecstatic after Jasper had awakened. She'd even made a trip down on an off-weekend, just to tell me the news. But I never knew from month to month after that, if she was going to be sad and distraught, or happy and elated as she discussed the boy and his progress. I got the feeling the two of them had a fairly tenuous and tumultuous relationship. _

_It took me a while to realize, as the monthly visits slowly turned into years, that she's never really discussed anything personal. Oh we've discussed our likes and dislikes, and all the inconsequential stuff, but she's never really discussed her personal life with me. Glancing up to the framed photo on the fireplace mantle of Bella, Rene, and myself—from when Bella was a baby—I have to admit, I haven't been very forthcoming with personal details either. _

"~*~"

Glancing up the stairs, I listen to the sound of the shower turning on, and fight the urge to join her. I'd offered Charlotte a ride to the local motels after we finally got done at the hospital this evening. Unfortunately—or _hopefully_ fortunately—they were both full of summer tourists and had their **NO VACANCY **signs lit up. So with a pounding heart, I then offered her either a ride to the Cullen's house so she could stay with them, or a ride to my place, offering her Bella's room for the night. When she accepted my offer of Bella's room, I think my heart skipped a beat.

Listening to the sound of water running, I sigh and close my eyes as I think about the last time I saw her standing under the streaming water of my shower.

"~*~"

_I guess it's been close to two years now—it happened just a few weeks before Jasper was scheduled to be released from the hospital. It had been late evening on a Mother's Day. I'd worked all day but had gone to the cemetery on the way home to drop off some flowers on my grandmother's grave. My grandmother had raised me most of my life, and I always try to honor her memory with a bouquet of flowers on Mother's Day._

_This particular late Mother's Day evening when I went to the cemetery, the rain was coming down in buckets. I planned to stop just long enough to drop off the flowers and then leave. But a noise caught my attention after I dropped off my flowers, and I decided to investigate. _

_I was shocked to find Charlotte at the graves of her friends. She was lying on the ground in a crumpled heap, soaking wet and muddy as she sobbed uncontrollably. Before I even knew what I was doing, I was sitting on the wet, muddy ground and pulling her into my lap. I didn't care that I was getting drenched in the freezing rain. I just held and rocked her, trying to soothe her as I let her cry on my shoulder. _

_I don't know how long she had been there before I arrived, but Charlotte was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted when she finally quieted. We were both soaked to the bone, teeth chattering and shivering as I picked her up and carried her to my car. Trying to warm her, I cranked the heater up to high and drove her to my house. _

_After getting here, I carried Charlotte upstairs and into the bathroom. Turning the water on and adjusting it as hot as we could stand it, I held her to me as we stood under the spray fully dressed. After we finally warmed up a little, I stripped her as far as her bra and panties, and me as far as my underwear. Then I washed the mud out of her hair, and cleaned us both up as best I could like that. Then I left her there to finish stripping and cleaning the rest of her body._

_I got out and tossed my dripping underwear in the laundry and then went and put on some dry sweats and a t-shirt for myself before digging out a pair of Bella's old sweats and one of my t-shirts for Charlotte to wear. After feeding us both my cure-all for everything—a bowl of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup with crackers—I made her lie down in Bella's bedroom, telling her she was welcome to stay the night. Exhausted, I'd gone to bed myself. _

_But as tired as I was, I tossed and turned for hours. _

_I couldn't sleep, knowing she was just down the hall. I hated to admit just how much I liked Charlotte being here. All I could think about was how she had looked in her bra and panties as I held her in my arms in the shower. How I had loved how she looked afterward, freshly scrubbed, no make-up, hair pinned back and wearing my t-shirt, knowing she had nothing on underneath it. The look in her eyes as she quietly gazed up at me through her lashes while lying in my daughter's bed. How right it had felt to have her here in my house. _

_I was still wide awake when she came to me in the middle of the night. _

_No words were spoken by either of us as she slid into my bed, into my arms. I'd been crazy about her for years—hell, ever since I laid eyes on her. But I think I fell hopelessly in love with her as I made love to her that night. We were both insatiable as we made love—slow and gentle, again and again and again. _

_We couldn't seem to get enough of each other. Charlotte was the first person I had been with in years and it was as exhilarating as it was terrifying. I remember hoping that I wasn't setting myself up to having my heart shredded to ribbons again. I didn't think I could survive another Renee._

_I tried to get Charlotte to talk to me that next morning, as we drank coffee and ate pop-tarts, about what had upset her so badly the previous day. But all she would do is shake her head and look away. I know I should have tried harder to get her to talk to me then, but I was afraid I'd run her off if I pushed her. So I wrapped my arms around her, meaning to just hold her and offer her comfort. Instead, I wound up calling in to work and spending the whole day in bed with her as we once again made love over, and over, and over, until we both passed out in the late afternoon from exhaustion and lack of sleep. _

_When I woke up in the middle of the night, she was gone. _

_I spent that whole next month terrified that I'd never see her again. Sure enough, she was a no-show on her next regular weekend visit. Two more months came and went with no sign of her and I resigned myself to the thought of never seeing her again. _

_But then one weekend as I was driving by the coffee shack, I saw her there, leaning against her car and holding two cups of coffee. My heart was pounding as I pulled up alongside her car and got out. She looked pale and exhausted with dark rings under eyes. _

_Damn, she was beautiful. _

_I leaned against the car beside her and she silently handed me one of the coffees. Then looking down, not meeting my eyes, she had softly said, "There was an emergency with the company, and I had to go to Spain."_

_I had been thrilled to see her, hurt that she had left like that with no word, and pissed at the excuse she came up with, but I finally answered her just as softly as she had spoken to me. "Damn woman, I was afraid I'd run you off and that I'd never see you again. I missed you, Charlotte, and I'm really happy that you're here now. But you need to know that that night you spent with me meant more to me than you can imagine. I've never been a one-night-stand kind of guy."_

_She looked at me then and I could see the fear and panic in her eyes. I could tell she was about to bolt as she said, "Charlie, I don't think I can…'_

_Interrupting her, I said, "Shh, it's okay Charlotte. We can be friends for as long as you need. Just please, don't leave ever me like that again, not without telling me you're going to be gone for a while. Please, Charlotte, that's all I ask." She still looked unsure so I casually asked, "So, how's the boy? Last time we really talked he was about to be released from the hospital, and I think you mentioned something about setting him up in his own penthouse apartment with plenty of staff to take care of him?"_

_For a moment her face flashed with the same pain that I had seen that Mother's Day evening, but then she had smiled and shook her head as she explained that the boy wanted to try living out on his own. After that, we had visited just like we always had, like she hadn't been AWOL for the last three months. The only thing that changed was she had kissed me goodbye before she left. It was just a soft brush of her lips against mine but I was in seventh heaven. _

_She always kisses me goodbye before she leaves now, and each month our kisses have lingered a little longer. As a matter of fact, the last few months that she's came down; I've followed her out of town after our visits and pulled off the highway so we could have a little privacy. When we're away from prying eyes and gossiping lips, our kisses have been pretty damn hot, heavy, and hungry. Good lord, when I'm around her; she makes me feel and act like a randy schoolboy with a first crush._

_She was here two weeks ago for her regular weekend visit. Before she left, I invited her to spend the night with me the next time she came to town. She'd told me that she'd think about it but the look in her eyes told me she was just as excited about the idea as I was. I couldn't wait for her next visit. _

_I just hadn't expected the next visit to be so soon._

"~*~"

Hearing the water turn off in the shower, I close my eyes and drop my head back against the couch, picturing Charlotte naked in my bathroom. Damn, I want her again. But I think it's past time that she and I had a real talk. Glancing at the framed photo on the mantle one last time, I think it's time that I share the reasons for my own trust and commitment issues. Maybe if I do, she'll open up and talk to me.

Seeing her resemblance to Jasper today, I realize now that she's obviously never told me the truth about her relationship with her friends and the boy. And she's certainly never told me what has left her too broken to have a relationship. Closing my eyes again, I hope to get some answers tonight, praying that I won't run her off again in the process.

"Tell me that other beer is for me."

Opening my eyes, I smile and hungrily watch Charlotte descend the stairs with a small smile on her face. I'm only halfway surprised to see her wearing the same pair of Bella's sweatpants and t-shirt that I gave her the last time that I saw her. I halfway wonder if she's kept them all this time. She has circles under her eyes and looks tired, her hair still damp and carelessly pulled back into a knot, and no make-up. Damn, she's beautiful.

Grinning at her, I grab the unopened beer and pop the top before handing it to her. Charlotte swallows downs half of it before coming up for air. Sighing, she says, "You have no idea, how badly I needed that."

Sitting down beside me on the couch, Charlotte leans back against me and I wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. She hugs my arm to her chest and lays her head on my shoulder. "Thank you for inviting me to stay the night, Charlie. I wanted to stay for the boy's surgery but wasn't sure if the Cullen's really wanted me to stay the night."

I could die from sheer pleasure when her breasts press against my arm. But I keep my cool and kiss the top of her head mumbling, "The Cullen's are good people, Charlotte. You would have been more than welcome at their house."

She smiles up at me. "So you know them well then? I've only talked to Dr. Cullen a couple of times."

I don't even realize that I've reached up, until I see my thumb trace across her bottom lip. Sighing, I drop my hand. "I've known them and liked all of them ever since they moved here, but I liked them even more when they all took to Bella, like she was a member of their family."

Still smiling, Charlotte lays her head on my shoulder and sighs as she closes her eyes whispering, "I wasn't 100% sure if your invitation to stay the night on my next visit still applied since I was here on a Monday. But I have to say, I could get used to this."

Leaning down, I lightly brush my lips to hers. "You're always welcome to stay here with me anytime you want, for as long as you want, Charlotte."

She opens her eyes, staring off into space a moment before sighing. "Better watch what you offer there, Chief Swan. Someone might take you up on it." My heart skips a beat at her words and I tighten my arm around her waist. She smiles up at me. "Oh, before I forget, I got a call on my cell earlier. They've picked up Mr. Newton for transport to the hospital in Seattle with no problems."

Nodding, I say, "You know it was mighty nice of you to help him like that today. You did a fine job, Charlotte. Hell, even I liked the plea bargain you came up with."

She grins and looks up at me while shaking her head. "You think so? I was scared shitless that I was going to fuck things up. I'm more of a corporate lawyer, not a criminal lawyer, Charlie. But I've always heard you can bullshit your way through anything if you do it with confidence."

Barking out a laugh, I ask, "What would have done if the D.A. wanted to charge him with murder and go to trial?"

She has a look of distaste on her face as she say, "Then I would have called my good friend, Jenks, he's a _damn_ good criminal lawyer."

Looking at her curiously, I ask, "What made you want to step up and help anyway? Do you know the Newton's?"

Charlotte shakes her head. "No, I don't think I've ever met them. I just did it to spite that ass of a D.A. Do you know that after Jasper woke up, that bastard talked to me about charging Jasper with manslaughter over killing his attacker because the man was unarmed and wounded when Jasper stabbed him? Needless to say, I called him a few names, and then called Jenks to handle the matter for me."

Running a hand through my hair, I growl, "That bastard! I never have liked that man!" Then realizing she doesn't know yet. "Charlotte, I've already explained it to Jasper, but you should know as well. Jasper didn't kill his attacker. James ordered Jasper to pick up the knife and then stabbed himself in the throat with it."

She looks away with tears in her eyes. "I'm glad for the boy's sake. I had a feeling it was weighing on him. Although, I almost wish Jasper had done it. It would have been a perfect justice after what that bastard did to him."

Taking her hand, I say, "I should also probably tell you that Jasper and Edward had a bit of a rough start, Charlotte. Edward has some nasty bruises on his side where Jasper hit him. In Jasper's defense, he was in the middle of a panic attack when it happened."

Charlotte turns white. "Oh my god. Why didn't Jasper tell me today? Do the Cullen's want to press charges?"

Shaking my head, I say, "No Charlotte, they understood what happened and why. They did have a long talk with both Jasper and Edward about it though. I just thought you should know."

She still looks shocked as she says, "I'm not sure if I'm more upset that the boy hurt Edward, or _surprised_ that he actually managed to do something to defend himself. Jasper has been going to self-defense classes at a rape crisis center, ever since he got out of the hospital. But honestly, I didn't think he had actually learned anything more than how to break attack holds there." She seems deep in thought as she whispers, "That boy, that boy." Sighing, she shakes her head and then smiles up at me with a wicked twinkle in her eyes as she says, "So tell me Charlie, do you plan to seduce me with a bowl of chicken noodle soup and a night full of passionate sex, again?"

Grinning at her, I shake my head. "Not this time. I thought perhaps a pizza and an evening on the couch talking about us."

She smiles and pulls my face to hers, wrapping her arms around my neck and giving me a soft kiss before whispering, "Talking is overrated—so is food. Why don't you take me upstairs, Charlie?"

Sighing, I pull her hands from around my neck. "Charlotte, I care for you a lot and would like for us to have a real relationship but we really need to be honest with each other first. Don't you think it's time we talked about personal issues?"

Her smile slips from her face as she gives me a sad, worried look. "I have to tell you right now Charlie, that I'm not very good at relationships. But you should also know that for the first time in years I actually want to try to have one…with you. I'll tell you everything you want to know, but let me warn you right now that you might not like hearing it. What do you want to know first?"

Sighing, I squeeze her hand. "Let's start with Jasper. You know you're not fooling anyone. You're obviously his mother. The boy is the spitting image of you."

She waves a hand dismissively, saying, "Oh that. I thought you knew. I donated my eggs for his mother to carry. She gave birth to him though."

Giving her an incredulous look, I ask, "Really? They can do that?"

She grins and nods before saying, "Welcome to the 21 century, Charlie."

After giving her my best 'you're a smart-ass' glare, I fight the childish urge to stick my tongue out at her. "I meant they had the technology to do that, 20 years ago?"

Nodding, she says, "Yes, they were able to do it 20 years ago. Actually the first successful egg transfer was in 1983, so its been around for almost 30 years."

"Wow, that's pretty cool. I had no idea." After thinking about it, I ask, "So let me get this straight, genetically speaking that means Jasper has his father's and your DNA; and even though Helen Whitlock gave birth to Jasper, technically you're his mother."

Charlotte's smile slips from her face as she sighs out a quiet, "Right."

Noticing her reticence, I ask, "Is that a bad thing?"

Sighing, she shakes her head saying, "It's a long complicated story, Charlie. Are you sure you wouldn't rather go upstairs?"

Shaking my head at her, I smile and say, "Don't tempt me woman. But as good as that sounds, I want a relationship with you and not just sex. Although I have to admit the sex was great. Or at least I think it was? It has been two years."

She barks out a laugh, slapping my arm. "Charlie, you're horrible. My memories are perfect of that night and they include some mind-blowing marathon sex and extremely fast recovery time. I never knew a man your age could have such stamina."

Laughing, I take her hand in mine. "Trust me, I could never forget that night either. Why don't I order us that pizza and get us a couple more beers and then we can sit down and talk. Hopefully afterward we can see if we can make some new memories, okay?"

Charlotte nods and then lays her head on my shoulder. Instead of talking while we wait on the pizza, we spend our time letting our lips get reacquainted with each other. My hands were in the process of getting reacquainted with her breasts—with my lips headed in the same direction—when the pizza guy rang the doorbell. As much as I hated the interruption, I was kind of glad for it too. I still want to know everything about this woman.

After we ate our fill and finished our second beer, I get us each a bottle of water out of the fridge. Two beers are my limit during the week; you never know when you might get an emergency phone call.

Then leaning against the arm of the couch, I pull Charlotte up beside me so we can get comfortable and talk. Taking her hand, I watch her face to see what her reaction will be as I say, "Charlotte, I should have told you this years ago. But it just never seemed important back then. But now that we're going to work on having a relationship, I think I should tell you that I had you investigated after I got the call from Doc Sim that Jasper's next-of-kin had finally been found."

She gives me a hurt, shocked look but then she shakes her head with a rueful smile on her face before saying, "I'm not used to being the one that's being investigated. It's not a pleasant feeling. Can I ask why you had me investigated?"

Nodding, I say, "Because we'd already had all kinds of reporters pretending to be related to the boy, trying to get information about what happened that night. I felt the need to protect the boy and do an extensive background check before you came to town. I just wanted to make sure you were who you said you were."

She searches my face asking, "What did you find out?"

Shrugging, I say, "Just the normal background stuff: your date of birth, your parent's names, the fact that your mother left when you were four and that your father raised you. I did make sure you didn't have a criminal record, but I didn't delve into your medical records. I didn't figure that was anybody's business but yours."

She stares off into space a moment and then lays her head on my shoulder before saying, "I'm going to tell you the truth about my life, Charlie. I've not told it to many people, not even Dr. Sim, because I didn't want him telling the boy. Your records were right, I was four years old when my mother left my father. What the records didn't tell you was that the night before she left, she and my father were up all night screaming at each other over who was going to be stuck with the stupid little bitch. Do you have any idea what it's like to realize that neither of your parents wants you?"

Tightening my arm around her, I whisper, "I'm so sorry, Charlotte. Did your father ever…hurt you?" I don't even realize I had been holding my breath until she shakes her head no, and I sigh in relief.

Shaking her head again, she softly says, "No, he never touched me, hell he never even looked at me. After my mother left, I became—a _non-entity_—in our house. I had to grow up pretty damn fast and raise myself. I have no memories of my father speaking to me after that night. Oh he did all the right things, kept the cupboards full of food, cooked, cleaned, enrolled me in school, took me clothes shopping or to the doctor when needed. He just never talked to me and barely acknowledged my presence. God, I learned to hate that cold, miserable bastard over the years. Throughout my whole childhood, I felt—invisible. Except at school—school was a living nightmare. Being different makes you a social outcast in the pecking order. I learned to _hate_ other kids pretty damned fast. They can be crueler than any adult I've ever met. I hated my father; I hated other kids, hell I even hated myself. I was literally starved for affection. I just wanted _somebody_ to like me, to pay attention to _me_. So I…,"

Charlotte searches my face for a moment and then looks away before saying, "I started letting high school boys feel me up while I sucked them off when I was 11. I was fucking them by the time I was 12. It was the only time I didn't feel invisible. It's a wonder I never got pregnant or picked up any STDs."

My stomach drops and I'm filled with anger. At first the anger was directed at the neglect that she suffered from her father, then the cruelty that she suffered through at school. But the fact that she had been used like that by older boys who should have known better, has me seething in white hot rage. Gritting my teeth I growl out, "Do you remember their names?"

Charlotte shakes her head. Cupping my face, she said, "Even if I did remember their names, I wouldn't tell you, Charlie. They weren't much more than kids themselves. Besides, it was a very long time ago and I'd really rather forget that part of my life. Now, are you going to let me tell you my story or are you going to keep interrupting me?"

Shaking my head, I say, "Fine. I'm shutting up now." She just keeps staring at me and I make a motion with my hands like I'm pushing toward her while saying, "Go ahead!" She rolls her eyes and smiles at me before continuing.

"I met Jasper's father, Jackson Whitlock, when I was 15 and he was 17. He was new in town and was hanging out with a group of boys that had picked me up wanting an easy fuck. When Jackson figured out what was going on, he beat the _hell_ out of the boys he was with and took me home, lecturing my ass the whole way there. He assigned himself the keeper of my honor and virtue after that, and watched over me 24/7. We became great friends and hung out all the time. After I turned 18, we became business partners and eventually lovers. My god, I loved that man and I thought he loved me the same way."

"I guess he didn't, since he married somebody else?" Charlotte quirks an eyebrow, and just stares at me silently. Rolling my eyes, I act like I lock my lips with a key and throw it over my shoulder. She smiles and gives me a soft kiss before saying…

"Our business took off and I swear everything we touched was golden. When I turned 21 we decided to try expanding overseas and Jackson went to Europe for a few months. I met the person who would be Jasper's mother while he was gone. Helen was—god, she was so full of life and love, happiness and joy. I'd never met anyone so thoughtful and caring. There was something about her that just drew me in. I was crazy about her, but I have to admit, the way I felt about her confused the hell out of me. I mean, I never thought I might actually be attracted to a _woman. _I didn't have a clue how to tell her how I felt, so I kept my mouth shut. But then one day, Helen admitted that she was attracted to me too, and that she was curious as to what it would be like to make love to me. We had one hell of a sizzling summer together as we learned how to make love to each other. But then…,"

"Jackson came back?" I ask.

Charlotte gives me a sad smile when I interrupt, but instead of scolding me she just nods. "When Jackson came back from Europe and I introduced them, they only had eyes for each other; it was like I had disappeared. I felt invisible again, and completely heartbroken. They left me sitting there and went home together that night—after _thanking_ me for introducing them to each other. That was the first night that I cried myself to sleep over them. Jackson called the next day asking if I could handle the business for a while. I didn't see either of them for weeks and I cried every night that first week. Finally, I got disgusted with myself and told myself to get over it and move on. That that's what I get for being stupid and trusting other people, for thinking that anybody could ever love a stupid little bitch like me. I convinced myself that I didn't need them, that I didn't need anybody."

Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her close and just hold her as I whisper, "But you do deserve to be loved, Charlotte." I hold her for several long minutes, but then she pulls away, giving me an apologetic smile as she wipes at her face and continues her story.

"I was still in the process of building up my defenses when they called me, wanting me to meet them at a restaurant. They said they had something important to discuss with me. They were already there when I got there, all wrapped up in each other and obviously in love. It was all I could do to just sit down in front of them, but then they told me they were getting married. Needless to say, my defenses collapsed around me and I was crushed. I ran out of the restaurant, sobbing. But they chased me down and told me that while they were madly in love with each other and wanted to get married, that they also both still loved me too, and wanted to figure out a way to include me in their life together."

Seeing the shocked look on my face, Charlotte worriedly stares into my eyes as she says, "At first, I told them that I didn't think it would be a very good idea. I felt like I should be trying to find the one person who would love me and only me. Plus, I think deep down, I knew that eventually things wouldn't work out. But I…I let them talk me into going home with them that night. Just to give it a try and see if we couldn't find some way for the three of us to make love and satisfy each other. I have to admit, having sex with the two people I loved the most in the world was absolutely mind-blowing. After that, it was easy to just go along with their plans."

I'm both jealous as hell, and pissed to no end that they hadn't allowed her to move on. This woman deserves somebody that will give her their all—like me. Seeing my scowl, Charlotte takes my hand in hers before continuing.

"They got married and the three of us lived together as lovers. Things were perfect for about a year, but then I got pregnant. God, I never wanted kids. After the way I was treated in school, I hated all the little bastards. Needless to say, I was devastated when I found out I was pregnant, and I planned on aborting it as soon as possible."

Seeing my shocked look, Charlotte looks away with a shamed look before saying, "Helen and Jackson begged me to have the baby. Helen had been told she couldn't have kids, her ovaries were bad. But god, she wanted them so bad. They offered to adopt the child as their own. They even swore I wouldn't have to have any kind of interaction with it if I didn't want to. I still can't believe I let them talk me into it. But I loved them both so much, I would have done anything for them."

Now I'm really confused as I ask, "I thought you said Helen gave birth to Jasper?"

Charlotte smiles, saying, "I'm getting to that. But let me say this first—things were even less tolerant about such things 20 years ago, than they are now. Back then when we talked to a lawyer about Helen and Jackson adopting the baby. He told us that if we even discussed the possibility with a judge, that he'd be more likely to take the baby away from us, than to let it be raised by two lesbians and their freak lover, and that we were all immoral and going to hell."

Charlotte shakes her head, looking down. "We were going to try to do it anyway, but there were a lot of complications during the pregnancy due to the scar tissue from having so much sex at such a young age. I was bed-ridden for several months and that's when I read the article about donating eggs so other women could have children. I was almost five months pregnant when I lost the baby. I never wanted children, hell I hated them, but I still sunk into a deep depression over losing it. And then about a month later, I started bleeding again and the doctors couldn't get it to stop. They were going to have to do a complete hysterectomy on me so I arranged for them to take my eggs and implant them in Helen. Well, it was a little more complicated than that, but you get the general idea."

Charlotte meets my eyes again. "The pregnancy was almost as hard on her as mine had been on me. She almost lost the baby three times before she finally gave birth to him, and then he was almost a month early. Helen and Jackson were ecstatic when she managed to give birth to Jasper, even with his skin condition. I swear Helen spoiled and babied that boy horribly, and Jasper was a total mama's boy. Helen and Jackson _tried_ to teach me to love the boy, even though Helen was jealous as hell if I ever even attempted to hold him. Anyway, for the next four years, things seemed to be going great between the four of us. But then Jackson got this hare-brained idea one weekend when Helen and I went shopping and left the boy with him."

Charlotte frowns, shaking her head. "When Helen and I got home, the boy, Jasper, came running up yelling 'mama, mama' and he gave Helen a hug. She was laughing and swinging him around, just like she'd done thousands of times. But then she put him down and he ran over to me yelling 'Mama Charlotte, Mama Charlotte'." Charlotte's eyes plead for understanding. "You have to understand that in a way, I did learn to love the boy. And yet to this day, there are times that I can barely stand the sight of him. He looks so much like _my_ father sometimes that it makes my skin crawl when I look at him. God, I hated that cold hearted bastard. Can you understand that?"

Not sure if I really do or not, I nod my head and she continues. "When Jasper ran up to me and threw his arms around my legs I—I totally flipped my shit. So did Helen. I was so repulsed by him calling me mama that I shoved him away from me, knocking him down. I swear the boy wasn't hurt, but he was so startled that he started shrieking. Helen was screaming at me for shoving him. Then she was accusing me of trying to take the boy away from her and she wouldn't believe me or Jackson, when he said it had been his idea to have the boy call me Mama Charlotte. I accused Jackson of _knowing_ what Helen's reaction would be, and that he was purposely trying to drive a wedge between us. God, everybody was screaming at everybody and poor little Jasper was just sitting there wailing in terror."

Charlotte closes her eyes, and rests her head against my shoulder, saying, "I snapped. I finally couldn't take it anymore, and I packed my bags and left. I went to Europe and stayed there for three years. I started seeing a psychiatrist about how I've always felt invisible, how I've depended on Jackson and Helen to make me feel wanted, even though I felt like a third wheel half the time. We talked about my issues with my father and how bad I hated the bastard. We talked about my self-destructive behavior when I was young. We talked about the—my son—and how he made me feel, both the good and the bad. I was actually just starting to come to terms with things, but then…"

Charlotte opens her eyes and gives me a sad smile. "Then one day I got a call from Jackson wanting me to come to Jasper's seventh birthday party. I knew should stay away, but I was weak and I still loved him enough to let him talk me into coming home. It wasn't until after I got there that I realized the invite to come home had come from Jackson, and only Jackson. I never should have come back to the States. Helen still wouldn't talk to me, and Jasper looked even more like my father. I have to admit, I almost fainted when I saw him."

Charlotte frowns, saying, "I ran again, but I only went as far as Seattle that time . I'd been there plenty of times before on business trips and I'd always loved the area. Jackson talked me into making a trip to Texas just about every weekend. I was getting used to the boy again and eventually got to where I could see past my father's face and see the beautiful boy underneath. It took years and a lot of talking before my friendship with Jackson and Helen was completely repaired. I swore to Helen—gave her my solemn word that I would never try to usurp her position as Jasper's mother, that I had no desire to be his mother. And I made Jackson and her both swear that neither of them would ever put me in the position that Jasper would call me mama again."

Shaking her head, she sighs, saying, "We tried having another sexual relationship for awhile but it really didn't work out. They had finally learned how to be a solid couple and I really had no desire to be a third wheel anymore, but eventually we all grew to be great friends. Helen started talking about them moving here to Washington for the boy's sake. So I started looking for a place for them. I'm the one that found them the house that they would be murdered in. Sometimes, I think they would still be alive if I had just picked a different house, or if I had stayed in Europe, or even if I had stayed with them in Texas."

Hugging her to me, I say, "You have nothing to feel guilty about. Their deaths are not your fault, Charlotte. But I guess I can understand why you're kind of leery about having a relationship after living through all of that. Plus I'm sure having to watch over Jasper in the hospital for years has been your first concern."

Charlotte barks out a bitter laugh, shaking her head. "God Charlie, you seem to have this idea of me in your head that I'm some sort of a saint, but let me tell you right now that I'm not. I'm a complete failure where Jasper is concerned. I was excited when he woke up in the hospital but I quickly realized that I was in over my head with him. I mean I couldn't even touch him without him screaming in terror. And then I go in one day and he's got this god damn drawing calling me mom and I—sort of flipped my shit again."

Looking at her in shock, I ask, "What did you do, Charlotte?"

Two big fat tears run down her face as she says, "At first, when I realized what the drawing meant and I saw the hopeful look on his face, I reached for him—but the boy still shrunk away from my touch and I didn't know what to do, how to fix things. I kept thinking he needed his mother, not some stupid little bitch that didn't even know how to interact with him. Then I remembered that I had given his mother my word that I would never try to replace her so I…I told him no, Charlie. I told that scared little boy no and left him lying there."

Seeing my look of disbelief, she says, "God, Charlie, I regretted it almost as soon as I did it, but of course it was too late by then. The boy started hating me that day, and I felt like I deserved his hate and anger. Hell, I hated myself. I was already overworked but I really threw myself into even more after that. I don't know, maybe it was my way of punishing myself. I felt like I didn't deserve any free time or to have a life when good people like Jackson and Helen were dead and buried. The boy turned sullen and angry, he was always screaming and striking out at anybody who tried to touch him. And then he…,"

She wipes the tears from her face as she shakes her head. "I was horrified when the boy purposely burned himself. Honestly, I thought he was trying to kill himself because of me. I found out later that he simply didn't want that bastards name carved into his side any longer. One good thing did come from it though, that's when the hospital transferred Jasper's care to Dr. Sim. That man was a godsend for the boy. He had Jasper talking in no time, and helped him come to terms with the things that happened to him and his family. Hell, Dr. Sim's even tried to repair the damage I caused between me and the boy, even though he himself doesn't understand me half of the time."

Charlotte pauses, taking a deep breath. "I was always quite pleased with Jasper's progress after that, and I sort of encouraged the relationship building between him and Dr. Sim. The happier Jasper seemed, the less guilty I felt for leaving him to be raised in a damned hospital. I'm not sure when exactly I started caring about what Jasper thought of me. I just know a couple of weeks before he was to be released from the hospital, when I was talking about setting him up in his penthouse. Jasper blew up, screaming at me to quit telling him what to do, that he could take care of himself, and that he didn't fucking _need_ me in his life. I was literally devastated that he hated me that much, even though I knew I deserved it. Sometimes, I wonder if he purposely picked Mother's Day to pay me back for rejecting him. I've never asked."

"That was the weekend I found you at the cemetery, right?"

She smiles saying, "Right. So I guess at least one good thing came out of it. Anyway, I was so confused over how the boy made me feel, that I drove here to Forks like a zombie, desperately needing to talk to Jackson and Helen. At first all I found was cold stones and wet muddy ground, but then you came along Charlie. Sometimes I wonder if Jackson and Helen sent you to find me, to save me. Charlie, I never told you but I had a bit of a breakdown after I left here. I told everybody I went to Spain for an emergency with the company but really, I checked myself into a hospital and got some serious counseling. I've been seeing my own therapist for a couple of years now and I've finally started on a path to building a relationship with the—my son."

Taking her hand, I whisper, "That's wonderful, Charlotte."

She smiles up at me and gives me a soft kiss. "Well, that's pretty much all my sordid story, Charlie. Oh, but I do need to tell you that I've had an offer on the company and I'm selling it. I've talked to Jasper about going into a partnership with him and opening a small chain of—would you believe it—coffee shops. It seems, I've come to love coffee while speaking to a certain someone over the years. Anyway, I'll have a lot more free time after next week. I was even thinking about taking a whole month off and maybe staying in a small town with a certain city sheriff that I know. If he wants me here that is."

Grinning, I say, "I said it before and I'll say it again. You're always welcome to stay here with me anytime you want, for as long as you want, Charlotte." Glancing up at the picture on the mantle, I sigh saying, "I guess it's my turn to share all the gory details of my past now."

Charlotte frowns and glances up at the photo on the mantle before softly saying with a guilty look, "Charlie, I don't quite know how to tell you this, but I…um…pretty much know everything about you already. You see my investigators were much more thorough than yours were."

For a moment, I'm so pissed off that I can't see straight. But then I'm curious as to why she even had me investigated. Can I dare hope it's because she expects me to become a part of her life? Closing my eyes, I take a deep calming breath. Looking back up at the picture on the mantle, I shake my head and pull Charlotte closer. "When did you have me investigated? When we met? Or after the night you spent with me?"

Charlotte shakes her head as she stares at the picture, studying it. "No, I had no intentions of ever having you investigated, Charlie. Jasper wanted to make Bella and Angela business partners and I just wanted to know everything about them. I didn't even realize Bella was your daughter until then."

Looking at her in confusion, I ask, "What are you talking about? Bella and Angela manage a Starbucks in Seattle. I don't even think they know Jasper."

She searches my face. Looking for what, I don't know, but then she softly says, "Jasper bought the coffee shop they worked at and made them partners."

"When?"

"Six months ago. That's the small chain I was telling you about. You mean you really didn't know?"

Shaking my head, I say, "No, Bella's not exactly talking to me at the moment. I sort of outed Angela to her parents. There was a big blow up and Bella hasn't talked to me in about nine months."

Charlotte sighs and shakes her head, "I'm sorry, Charlie, really, about everything. Does Bella know you're not her biological father?"

Sighing, I say, "Damn you really do know everything, don't you?"

She gives me another guilty look before saying, "I know both of your parents worked in law enforcement. Your father was a Washington State Police Officer and he was shot and killed during a random traffic stop when you were two. Your mother worked with the Seattle P.D. as a dispatcher and she died, when you were five. She witnessed a car plunge into the Bay after it had skidded on ice and she attempted to rescue the family that was inside. She managed to save the two children but either drowned or died of hypothermia when she went back in after the parents. I know your grandmother got custody and that she brought you here to this house and raised you until her death when you were 16. Instead of going into foster care, you petitioned for emancipation and the inheritance was enough to keep the house and for you to live on, while you finished high school."

Gritting my teeth, I ask, "What else?"

Another guilty look as she glances at me. "As far as my sources could find, Renee came from a normal middle class background but fell in with the wrong crowd and started drinking and partying. She ran away from home when she was 18 and hitchhiked across the U.S. for the next two years. She finally ran out of money and got stuck here in Forks working at the local diner. You offered to marry her when you found out she was three months pregnant with no idea of who the father was, even though you were 17 and still in high school. You two lived here in this house for at least two years after you got married. But then after you went away to the police academy, she ran off with a Thornton Uley." Charlotte's eyes go round as she asks, "Any relation to Samuel?"

Nodding, I fist a hand through my hair, pulling at the ends as those memories still manage to rip my insides apart. "Yeah, he was Sam's father and supposedly my best fucking friend. I watched out for Sam and his mother for several years after that, until they decided to try a fresh start and moved to Tacoma. That's where Sam lost his mother to lung cancer; she'd always been a real heavy smoker. That's also where he met his wife, Bree. Sadly, Bree died of cancer, too—breast cancer this time."

Rubbing the back of my neck, I look up at the picture again. "Renee finally got her life on track and her head on straight about a year after she left me. Thornton only lasted about three weeks, and I guess raising a kid by yourself will make you grow up pretty damn fast. I sent her money anytime she stayed in one place long enough to receive it. Apparently, Renee didn't want her daughter to know just how many men she's slept around with, because she's never told Bella the truth. I'd like to keep it that way if you don't mind. Besides, my name is on the birth certificate as the father and as far as I'm concerned Bella's my baby girl."

Charlotte nods, saying, "I promise to never say anything to her. And if you don't mind, I'd rather Jasper not know my real relationship with his parents. I'm not entirely sure he would understand his mother willingly having sex with two people, not after witnessing her being raped by two at the same time."

Cupping her face, I look into her eyes, saying, "I promised he'll never learn that from me."

She nods, and then sighs, saying, "I suppose I don't need to warn you that I can be a bit of a nosy, and insensitive bitch sometimes."

Smiling at her, I give her a soft kiss and whisper, "I might have noticed that already."

She laughs and slaps at my arm. Charlotte chews on her lip a moment before glancing up at the picture on the mantle again before softly asking, "Did you get to see your daughter much while she was growing up? I mean, she didn't move in with you until after the Cullen's moved here, right?"

Sighing, I nod. "Yeah, Renee used to let Bella come for the summer, but eventually Forks was too dull for a tween girl so I didn't see her for a few years. And then suddenly she had a change of heart and came to live with me the summer after her junior year in high school. Alice quickly became Bella's best friend and Rose hung out with her sometimes, too. You could find one or both of the Cullen girls at my house, or Bella at their house just about every weekend. I love them almost as much as my own daughter."

"You really like the Cullen's, don't you?"

"Yeah, Carlisle and Esme are very kind and compassionate people. They adopted three, and fostered dozens of hard-to-place, physically and sexually abused kids when they still lived in Chicago."

I don't understand the guilty look on Charlotte's face as she nods. Then, meeting my eyes she asks, "So their daughters and yours are best friends, huh? You know, I met Alice today. She's, um, different. Would you believe she and Dr. Sim are engaged?"

Grinning, I say, "Oh yeah, Alice is a pill. But I'm really happy that she found Doc Sim. He seems like a real decent man and totally smitten with the pixie. I doubt I'll ever have to worry about him mistreating her."

Charlotte smiles, saying "Oh, Dr. Sim is a sweetheart, he wouldn't hurt a flea. Unless of course that flea was trying to hurt Jasper, then you better watch out. You know he loves that boy like he's his own son."

Nodding, I say, "Yeah, I could tell they had a close connection at the cookout Saturday. Oh! Did you know that Bella and Edward used to date?"

Charlotte gives me an incredulous look, so I say, "I know, it's hard to believe, right? It just about knocked my socks off, when Bella brought Edward over that first time and told me they were dating. I've always liked Edward but I think I knew the moment I met him that he was gay. Not that he acted girly, or prissy, or anything like that—not that there's anything wrong with boys who do act like that, of course. Edward was just—I don't know—there was something about him. You just don't get that kind of soft-spoken compassion and sensitivity from _most_ teenage boys. I have to admit, I was actually a bit relieved when Bella brought him over. I knew they were both in denial about being gay and I figured if they ever did decide to fool around with each other, it wouldn't go too far. Hell the boy was still wearing a purity ring back then."

Charlotte still looks slightly troubled and it occurs to me that she's probably just worried because Edward is dating Jasper. So I try to ease her worries and make her smile. Taking her hand, I grin and say, "Apparently, the purity ring didn't prevent them from trying to fool around Prom night. Fortunately, being _gay_ made their explorations a resounding failure. It had been all I could do to not laugh when Bella came home from Prom and told me about their failed attempts at 'exploring their sexuality'. Not that it had been funny, of course. The thing making me want to laugh was I kept imagining myself covering my ears with my hands and yelling 'La, la, la, I can't hear you!' Damn that was an awkward conversation to have as my daughter finally 'came out' to me."

Thankfully, my confession makes Charlotte laugh. I love the sound of her laughter, and I realize that I haven't heard it very often over the years. She finally quits laughing and then asks. "So were either of the Cullen boys ever troublemakers, do you think as highly of them as you do the girls?"

Knowing she's fishing for info on Edward, I shake my head and smile at her before saying, "Well, I could tell you quite a few stories about some of Emmett's antics, but Edward was always quiet, and kindhearted to a fault. While neither boy was ever the troublemaker type, I have had several _discussions_ with Emmett over the years. But the only time I've ever had to have a talk to Edward in any kind of an official capacity, was Saturday when I caught him and Jasper parking." Charlotte gasps and I internally kick my own ass for having a big mouth.

Charlotte gives me a stunned look, asking, "They were parking? As in—having sex in a parked car—parking?"

Sighing, I backtrack a bit saying, "Well, I can't say for sure if they were having sex or not. They were at the local teen make-out spot, but they were actually leaving when I ran into them." I certainly don't mention the blissed-out, euphoric expression that Edward had had on his face at the time, or his and Jasper's swollen red lips and flushed faces, hair sticking up in all directions, or Edward's shirt with its mismatched buttons.

Grinning, I shake those thoughts out of my head. "I have to admit I was floored when I ran into them out there on lover's lane. Mainly because for a few short moments there, I thought Edward was with a _girl_! Jasper had his head covered up—I guess because the sun was out. But then it clouded back up while I was talking to Edward, and Jasper got out of the car."

Charlotte still looks flabbergasted as she says, "I see. Goodness. You know the boy will be 21 on his next birthday and yet I still think of him as a child. The idea of him being a grown man and having sex is going to take a little getting used to. Which is silly when you think about it, I mean I knew Edward was Jasper's boyfriend." She looks up and studies my face a moment before she asks, "Did the boy recognize you?"

Shaking my head, I say, "Not until Edward told him who I was. Then Jasper launched himself into my arms, thanking me for saving him. When I figured out who _he_ was—I kept thinking he looked familiar. I assumed it was because of when I saw him as a kid. I realize now, it's because he looks just like you, Charlotte."

She smiles at me and asks, "So what kind of antics did the other boy get into? What's his name—Emmett?"

Sighing, I say, "Well, before I get into that, let me give you a little background first. Edward is the only biological child of Carlisle, Esme is his stepmother. Emmett, Rosalie, and Alice were all adopted by Carlisle and Esme, but have no relation to each other at all."

Charlotte lets go of my hand and raises hers in a stopping motion, her face a mask of guilt as she says, "Charlie, you don't have to tell me. I think I pretty much know everything about the Cullen's."

Frowning, I ask, "Seriously, Charlotte? Why? Because Jasper is dating Edward?"

She sighs and looks away as she says, "There was a time after he woke up that the Cullen's offered to foster Jasper. I seriously considered their offer and did a thorough background check on the parents. I finally had to deny them when I realized just how close their house was to where Jasper was—hurt so badly. I really worried how the boy would react, if he saw where his parents had been murdered. I swear I never asked for any info on the kids, not until I realized Jasper was dating Edward. I got a quick bio on him yesterday and read it. Jasper—my son—has lived through hell, and I'm just trying to protect him the only way I know how, if you want to judge me for it or get pissed off, then fine."

Cupping her face, I say, "Hey, I wasn't judging—not really. I understand that you want to protect Jasper. I do. You just surprised me, that's all. You know, I never knew the Cullen's offered to foster Jasper, but I'm not surprised. They're good people, Charlotte." She sighs in relief at my words; I guess she had been worried about my reaction. Smiling I take her hand again before saying, "Okay, back to Emmett, since you already know that they aren't really related. I hope you're not going to be too shocked when I tell you that Emmett and Rose are planning to get married."

Charlotte gives me an amused look before saying, "Trust me, Charlie. I'm the last person in the world to judge other people's relationships. But I am curious. Is that even legal?"

Sighing, I say, "Not exactly. I've always known Rosalie and Emmett would eventually want to get hitched, so I've been looking into all the laws about adopted siblings and marriage, trying to figure out a way around the legal issues. I was quite pleased when I found out how another couple got around the problem and I saved that tidbit of information for them, hoping to share it with them someday."

Charlotte smiles up at me saying, "Well I haven't studied adoption laws in 20 years, but let me guess. One of them can simply change their last name back to what it was before they were adopted."

Shaking my head, I say, "No, Charlotte that would be fraud, and they could get into a lot of trouble doing that."

She looks thoughtful, then sighs saying, "Okay, I give up. What was it you found out that could help them?"

Hoping the whole thing won't interfere with the relationship that I'm trying to build with her, I say, "If either Rose or Emmett lets somebody do an adult adoption for either one of them, it will nullify the first adoption and the problem will be erased." Charlotte has a surprised thoughtful look on her face. I take her hand and softly say, "You should know, I offered to adopt Rose. Oh, and Jasper offered to pay for the adoption."

Charlotte looks surprised again but then she frowns saying, "No, I really need to teach the boy how to watch his spending and manage his money. He needs to learn that he can't just throw his money around like that."

I hate to hear that, because I seriously don't think I can afford to do the adoption on my own. Plus it had seemed important to the kid so I tell her, "I think it was pretty important to Jasper, Charlotte. He said it was his way for thanking Dr. Cullen for saving his life, and for thanking me for saving him from those monsters. He also said he wanted to do it for Rose, and for Emmett too, because they've both accepted him into their family. He said that he wanted to do it as a wedding present for them."

Seeing my upset expression, Charlotte cups my face. "Don't worry, Charlie, I wouldn't have left you hanging. I was going to go ahead and pay for the adoption myself, but I had no idea it meant so much to Jasper. I guess I'll just have a talk with him at a later time about his finances. Actually, you know what? I'm still going to pay for the adoption, but I'll go ahead and let the boy think he's the one paying for it."

Now it's my turn to be surprised. "But you don't even know Rosalie!"

She smiles up at me, saying, "I know _you_ care about her enough to offer to adopt her, that's all I need to know, Charlie. Now what's her full name, so I can get the process started when I get back to Seattle tomorrow evening?"

I'm still shocked by her generous offer and it takes me a moment to get my thinking processes working. Finally, I ask, "Do you need her original name, or the name she had it changed to after the Cullen's adopted her?"

Charlotte frowns, thinking, and then she says, "I think I just need the name she has now. Just give me that for now and I'll get things started. I'll call the Cullen's tomorrow evening and tell them you and I have discussed it, and that I'm helping you with the adoption process."

"Right, okay. Let me think. Um…," Wracking my brain, I glance down at Charlotte and it comes to me. Grinning, I say, "Now how could I ever forget _that_ name. I remember Carlisle telling me she took her original last name for a middle name. Her full name is Rosalie Hale Cullen."

Charlotte laughs saying, "Really? Her last name used to be Hale? What a funny coincidence! Where did you say she was from, surely not Texas?"

Shaking my head, I say, "No, the Cullen's moved here from Chicago. All the kids they fostered and adopted were from that area."

Charlotte stares off into space and I can see the wheels turning in her head. She gives me a strange look and a half smile as she asks, "You said that Jasper likes Rose right? That he gets along with Edward's brother and both sisters? And that they had accepted him into their family as well?"

Grinning, I nod. "Oh yeah, most definitely, Rose has always been over-protective to all of her adopted siblings, but she tends to go a bit overboard where Edward is concerned. I wish you could have seen the way they were all interacting Saturday at the cookout. Rose was in full mother-hen mode and it looks like she's pulled Jasper under her wing as well. Emmett told me at one point that Jasper calls Rose his momma bear. No wait. Emmett said Jasper called her his 'Freddy-with-the-fucking-knives-for-fingers-momma-bear', whatever the hell that means."

Charlotte laughs and looks just as confused as me. But then she nods once like she's made up her mind about something. She smiles and cups my face again saying, "You were wrong, Charlie. Rose _can_ change her last name back to the original. And she won't even have to worry about fraud."

Frowning, I ask, "And how do you propose she does that? I looked into the laws and they were pretty cut and dried, Charlotte."

Charlotte pulls my face down for a soft kiss before softly saying, "It's simple. I'll adopt her. It will be _my_ way of thanking Dr. Cullen for saving the…my son's life. Besides, I like the idea of Jasper having somebody to watch out for him. Somebody that's at least halfway related to him if something ever happens to me."

Looking at her in shock, I ask, "But you don't…I mean…Are you sure?"

"You say she's really protective of the boy?" When I nod, she nods saying, "Then I'm sure. Unless you had your heart set on having her as daughter, Charlie?"

I'm shocked speechless, and all I can say is, "Well, I already love her as much as my own daughter and I was wanting to help her out. But honestly, I think she would be tickled to be a Hale again, before going back to the Cullen name."

She chews on her lip a moment, and then says, "I'll contact her tomorrow and make her my offer, see she's open to the idea. If she agrees, I'll draw up a contract. I'll obviously have to rewrite my will and make sure she gets a share. I should probably make a stipulation in writing that she has to keep an eye on Jasper. Although if she's really as protective as you say, she may automatically take the boy under her wing. Good god, the stubborn little shit hates to be coddled, but if Jasper really likes her, it may give me a way to keep him safe when I'm not around."

Seeing my stunned look Charlotte smiles and then softly says, "Sorry, I didn't mean to get carried away. Now, I thought you were going to regale me with tales of Emmett's antics?"

Blinking back my shock, I nod saying, "Right. It all started the first time I met him." Reaching out, I grab my water and take a long drink, and then I chuckle and shake my head. "Actually it was the first time I met Emmett and Rosalie both, and it wasn't long after they moved here. They were parking in that same spot that I caught Edward and Jasper pulling out of Saturday, only I caught _them_ red handed. I just about shit my pants when I pulled up and saw what I thought was a brother and sister making-out in lover's lane!"

Charlotte giggles saying, "I bet that was a shock."

Grinning, I say, "You have no idea. Anyway, when I pulled my car up beside theirs, Emmett was quick to jump out and talk to me. God, I'll never forget him leaning in the passenger-side window of my squad car, chin in hand as he rested his elbows in the window, grinning from ear to ear while explaining how he and Rose weren't really related. How they had pretty much been in love since they were eleven years old when Rose had _found_ him at the orphanage." Sniggering, I glance at Charlotte before saying, "Silly bastard could have at least put his clothes on first. I swear I've seen that boy's ass naked more times than I can count. I guess Carlisle and Esme _have_ had their hands full with that one."

Charlotte falls over giggling and gasping for air. I love to see her like this. She's always so controlled and it's amazing to watch her let loose. She finally catches her breath saying, "Oh god, I already love him and I haven't even met him yet!"

I grin, saying, "The boy is something else."

Still giggling, she wipes the tears from under her eyes before asking, "Is that the extent of his criminal activities?"

Laughing, I say, "Isn't that enough?" then shaking my head, "Nah, he's a good kid too. He's never given me any real trouble." Listening to her laughter, I smile saying, "I love hearing you laugh. I'd like to be able to hear it every day for the rest of my life."

She looks at me then, and I swear I see love shining in her eyes. She turns on the couch and straddles my lap, kissing me hard. We kiss for several minutes as my hands explore the full curves of her petite body. Finally, she breaks the kiss and whispers in my ear, "How long have we known each other, Chief?"

Running a hand down the side of her face, I whisper back. "Seven years."

She smiles and gives me another kiss before asking, "Don't you think it's time you finally told me that you loved me? Because, I love you Charlie, I really do."

Grinning, I cup her face in my palms and whisper, "I love you, Charlotte. So damn much."

Her grin gets even wider as she asks, "What do you think of the idea that if Rose agrees to the adoption. After we get her name changed to Hale, that we work on changing my name to Swan."

Scowling at her in frustration, I growl out, "Damn it woman, I'm supposed to be the one proposing, not you."

She gives me a peck on the lips and slides off my lap, heading up the stairs. She glances over her shoulder grinning at me halfway up saying, "If that was your way of saying yes, you'll marry me. I suggest you join me in your bed, Chief, because I plan on having sex with my fiancé."

I can't move fast enough as I jump up and chase after her...

* * *

**Sadly the boys weren't in this chapter but I promise to get started on it as soon as I get off of here. Actually, I started it already in Edward's POV but I think I'm going to go back and change it to Jasper's POV. **


	39. Chapter 39

_Hey y'all, first of all, thanks for all the lovely reviews and for all the people still adding this to their favorites. I'm blown away everyday that people like this story as much as they do. _

_Second, this chapter was supposed to finish the boy's night together and then cover Jasper's surgery but that part of the chapter is __**not**__ cooperating with me, and is still a big convoluted mess. So, I thought I would go back and re-write the first part of the chapter for you guys so I could take my time with the piece of fubar that is the second half. This chapter is all about the rest of the boy's night together before the day of surgery. I hope that made sense, I'm back on migraine meds so I'm back in a brain fog so we'll see how it goes. Anyway, I re-wrote the majority of this in a couple of days and only re-edited a couple of times so it may be full of mistakes…eek. _

_**Usual Disclaimer:**__ All Twilight characters belong to Stephanie Meyers, but this plot is my own. Oh, and in case anyone forgot, this story is rated M for a reason._

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**GASPING FOR AIR **

**CHAPTER 39**

**JPOV**

Wrapping my arms around my Edward's waist, I pull him even closer and spoon around him. Holding my trembling man against me, I pepper the back of his shoulders with kisses, whispering over and over how much I love him.

We lay like that until our ragged breathing returns to normal and our trembling bodies calm. Eventually, Edward turns in my arms rolling onto his back, so I prop myself up on one elbow with my head in my hand. Looking down, I smile at him and gently run the fingers of my other hand through his hair. Edward smiles up at me with a blissful expression on his face as he hums in contentment. Leaning down, I brush my lips to his whispering, "Hey, beautiful…,"

Edward gives me a self-conscious smile and softly asks, "Jasper? Why do you always call me beautiful?"

I'm surprised by his question so I ask, "Do you not like me to call you beautiful, Edward?"

Edward blushes saying, "Yeah, I like it. It's just sometimes it kind of makes me feel vain that I do like it so much."

Smiling and shaking my head at him, I run my fingertips down the side of his face. "Edward, I don't call you beautiful because of what I see here. I mean yeah, you're a really good looking man…," moving the palm of my hand to his chest I say, "but I call you beautiful because of what I see here. Your heart and soul are what makes you beautiful to me."

Edward eyes fill with tears as he whispers, "Thank you, I think that's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me." He runs a hand behind my neck and pulls my face to his again. "You're beautiful that way to me too, Jasper," he whispers and then his lips meet mine in feather soft kisses.

Rising back up, I look into his eyes and softly ask, "Tell me, beautiful, are you alright? We got a little wild there for a few minutes. Did I hurt you?"

Edward reaches up with one hand to cup my face as he shakes his head. "No, love, I'm fine. I loved it when things got fast and hard and wild. I know you have a hard time believing it, but I love how it feels when you really let go like that. But babe, I loved it when you slowed down too, and things got gentle and loving and intimate. I love all the ways you love me, Jasper. You have got to be the best lover that ever was."

Embarrassed by his compliment, I grin and bashfully hide my face in his neck as Edward chuckles and strokes the back of my head. But then I remember what I wanted to ask him, so I rise back up on my arm. "Hey, I meant to ask, did you like it?"

Edward looks confused. "I loved making love to you, babe."

Shaking my head I say, "No, not that part." Feeling a little self-conscious about it, I chew on my bottom lip as I grin and look at him through my lashes. "Did you like the rimming thing? Did I do it okay?"

Edward sniggers as he covers his bright red face with his hands. I can barely hear his muffled, "Yeah, I liked it."

Wanting to know everything he liked and didn't like, I pull one of his hands away from his face. "Which part did you like the best? Did you like it better when I licked at your hole with the flat of my tongue? 'Cause you were practically squealing when I did that. Or did you like it better when I swirled my tongue around it in circles? 'Cause your moans got really fucking loud then."

Edward pulls his hand back to his face as he turns even redder and starts giggling while shaking his head. I try to lift his hand again but he resists, giggling even harder. Amused that he's so embarrassed, I grin and try to lift his hand while whining, "Edwaaaaard! Come on. I want you tell me what parts you liked, so I know what to do next time!" But Edward's hands are like a vise against his red face as he giggles and shakes his head.

Grinning from ear to ear, I lean down and whisper in his ear. "Maybe you liked it better when I thrust my tongue in and out of you. Did you like it when I did that? I knew your hole was tight, but did you know it's so tight that I could hardly get my tongue inside it. I had to really wiggle it around before I could finally push it very far inside you."

Edward giggles even louder as he keeps shaking his head. I think I hear a muffled, "Oh my god, would you shut the fuck up!"

Snickering, at how silly he's acting, I chew on my lip and try to figure out what to say next. I can't believe he's so embarrassed about me loving on his ass with my tongue, especially when he seemed to like it so much earlier. I'm having a lot of fun teasing him about it, so this time when I lean down and whisper in his ear, I use a real breathy voice. "I loved how delicious your ass tasted when I wiggled my tongue inside it, Edward. Mmmm, yummy, sooo good, I can't wait to lick it again. You know what? I think maybe I should lick your ass again right now."

Grinning, I start trying to lick down Edward's body. Edward squirms and wriggles under me as I lick at him, but he keeps his face covered as he constantly laughs. Flattening my tongue, I run a long lick from right over his cock and up to his belly button. Then I come up sputtering. "Gag, nasty, gross! Edward, those baby-wipes taste like shit!"

Edward bursts into gales of laughter, rolling back and forth and drumming his feet on the mattress. Glaring at him, I sit up and stick my tongue out so I can wipe at it with my hand while asking, "Whath tho thucking thunny?"

I can hardly understand Edward as he constantly giggles and gasps between words, "Oh my god… the baby wipes…taste like shit! But you licked…you licked my ass…and didn't say a thing… about how it tastes…,"

Finally getting irritated with my failure to get the nasty taste out of my mouth, I reach over the side of the bed and grab the towel to wipe my tongue with it. Then after spitting out the lint that I pick up from _that_, I say, "Edward, your ass actually isn't bad tasting at all. It's a manly, musky, salty flavor—kind of like your cock—only with a slightly bitter taste and maybe just a hint of soap."

Between his giggles, I hear a muffled squawk, "Shut up! I don't want to know how my ass tastes! Shut up! Shut up!"

Rolling my eyes at his silliness, I toss the towel back on the floor and lie back down so I can run my tongue up the length of his neck before licking around the shell of his ear and then sucking on his lobe. Mmm, now that tastes better. Edward's laughter shuts off as he shudders and gasps before humming and tilting his head. Giving me room to give his lobe a gentle bite before whispering, "Edward, not only does your tight little hole_ not_ taste bad but it's pretty, too. It's such a lovely shade of color, almost a dusky pink. It reminds me of a rosebud."

Edward lifts his hands enough to peek at me with a mortified expression as he indignantly states, "My asshole does not look like a flower!"

Grinning at him, I lean closer so I can look into his eyes and say, "It's as lovely as any bud I've ever seen, all puckered up and closed tight. You know how a bud opens up into a full bloom when it gets a little lovin' from the sun and rain? Well, all your tight little hole needs is a little lovin' from my fingers or tongue and it's ready to open up and let me in. You know what else, Edward?"

Edward shakes his head no as he stares back into my eyes with a big grin on his face. He still looks embarrassed as hell, but curious too. I caress his cheek and whisper, "It's as soft and tender as any petal you'd ever find on a flower."

Edward's face turns redder and he grins disbelievingly at me. "Really?"

After brushing my lips against his, I whisper, "Really. And you know what else, beautiful?"

Edward smile turns shy and curious. "What else?"

Leaning in even closer, I run the ridge of my nose down his jaw line and then back to his ear where I whisper, "It's even softer on the inside than it is on the outside. I swear, Edward, you feel as soft as velvet on the inside and as smooth as any satin or silk. You know what else, darlin'?"

Edward swallows as he stares into my eyes, and his voice comes out sounding husky. "What?"

"You're so fucking hot on the inside, hot and tight. You have this velvety-soft, hot, tight tunnel inside of you. It's so tight on my fingers that I have to wonder how my cock fits in there. You know what else, Edward?"

Edward licks his lips and he swallows again, whispering, "Tell me."

Brushing my lips to his again, I whisper, "I love how that satiny, velvety, petal-soft, hot, tight tunnel feels wrapped around my cock. You fit me like a glove, beautiful. I think your ass was made just for my cock." Stroking his face, I whisper, "You know what else, Edward?"

Edward clears his throat but his voice is still husky. "What, love?"

Cupping his face, I kiss him until we're both breathless. Then I lean back down and whisper in his ear. "I love how your whole body tastes; your lips, your tongue, your nipples, your cock and balls, and yes, even your ass. Tell me you'll always want to feel my lips on your lips, my tongue on your tongue, my lips and tongue teasing your nipples or wrapped around your cock."

Edward swallows as he nods his head and stares at me wide-eyed while whispering, "Yes, I'll always want to feel those things, Jasper."

Brushing my lips over his, I whisper, "Good, cause I love doing those things to you. You know what else I love, darlin'?"

Edward pulls my face down and kisses me before whispering, "What else do you love, Jasper?"

"I love that I can do something just for you to make you feel special. You shouldn't be embarrassed about me licking your beautiful, tight hole, Edward. It doesn't bother me to love on you like that. Okay?"

Edward nods and softly says, "Okay, love."

Stroking his cheek with my thumb, I ask, "You know what else, Edward?"

Edward strokes my face, too, as his eyes search my face and he softly asks, "What, love?"

Giving him another feather soft kiss, I whisper, "I'd love it you'd tell me that you liked feeling my tongue on your ass, and that you'll always want to feel me teasing your tight little hole with it, too."

Edward gives me a small shy smile, whispering, "I _loved_ how your tongue felt on my ass tonight, love. I loved everything you did to me and I do want you to do it again—but only when you want to do it, Jasper. I'm sorry that I was so embarrassed about it."

Shaking my head, I give him another kiss before saying, "Don't be sorry for being embarrassed, Edward. I shouldn't have teased you like that."

Edward smiles as he shakes his head, "No, it's okay—kind of fun, actually."

Nodding, I smile, too. "Yeah, it was." My stomach picks that moment to growl, like really, really loud. Rolling my eyes, I say, "Come on, beautiful, let's go do a quick rinse in the shower again before we go downstairs and eat. I may want to lick you again later, and I certainly don't want to taste those nasty baby-wipes when I do." Edward laughs and nods at me. So I jump up and help him out of bed. He grumbles about how stiff his body is and we both giggle about how shaky our legs are as we head into the bathroom together.

After we finish taking a quick rinse in the shower, Edward and I both slip on a pair of sleep pants and head downstairs to see what we can scrounge up to eat. Edward scoops me out an ice cream cone while telling me that I'm supposed to eat a couple of light meals tonight. He asks if I want to help him cook us some omelets and hash browns to start out with, so while he peels and dices the vegetables, shreds the cheese and cubes some ham, I work on cracking the eggs—after eating my ice cream, of course.

Cracking the eggs into the bowl didn't take me very long at all, so I asked Edward what else he wanted me to do. But then Edward said I had to pick out all the itty bitty broken shells, and fuck that just about took forever! Those eggs were slimy, slick fuckers and those tiny shell pieces kept sliding out of my grasp as I worked hard on chasing them down. I never did figure out what the fuck Edward thought was so funny while he watched me work. Asshole. You didn't see me laughing at him when he was working.

After we finally got done with that part, Edward showed me how to use the toaster and I just about jumped out of my skin the first time those fuckers popped up! Of course my asshole of a boyfriend had himself another good laugh! I paid him back though and swiped butter on his nipples. Of course, I had to lick it off afterward—it didn't taste half bad either. Anyway after that Edward let me cook up all of our toasts and butter them.

While Edward cooked the other stuff, I watch and listened as he told me and showed me everything he was doing as he did it. He even let me stir a few things. I had a lot of fun helping Edward cook tonight. I hope to learn to do more stuff with him in the kitchen, although I'm in no big hurry to have to handle a knife again anytime soon. Ugh.

After we finished eating, I washed and rinsed while Edward dried and put up the dishes. I watched where everything went so I'd know the next time that I helped. I also made a mental note to see where everything goes when we get back to our apartment. I figure if I'm going to live there, the least I can do is help keep the place cleaned up. That'll give Edward more time to write.

After Edward puts up the last dish and I get done wiping off the countertops, Edward wraps his arms around my waist. "Babe? You want to go lie on the couch and watch TV for a while, or would you rather lie on the mattress in the music room while I play on the piano for you?"

After thinking about it for a minute, I say, "Since I'm going to be stuck in the music room for most of the week, let's watch TV for awhile. You can play for me later."

We go into the living room and Edward stretches out on the couch. He opens his arms and motions for me to lie down with him. Grinning, I crawl on top of him, lying between his legs with my head on his chest as he wraps one of his arms around me.

Edward grabs the remote with his other hand and turns the TV on. Shuddering, I whine in protest and turn my head away when the first thing that comes on is a baseball game. Edward quickly changes the channel muttering, "Damn it. Sorry, love."

Ugh. That's why I hate cable. Keeping my head turned away, I say, "No bats, no knifes, no guns, no blood, no hitting, and nobody really, really mean…," as Edward flips through the channels, looking for something that I can watch.

He finally settles on some sitcoms that I've never seen before. I was kind of leery when I first turned my head back so I could watch the shows with him. But they turned out to be pretty funny as we relaxed on the couch, laughing at the stupid shit the people were doing on the TV.

While the shows _are_ fairly entertaining, I keep getting distracted by the giant nipple that's in my line of vision. So every now and then, I snake my tongue out and give it a lick and then blow my breath across it, fascinated by how hard it gets. Every time I do, Edward whimpers, shudders, and his hips jerk up, pressing his semi-hard cock against my stomach. I have fun teasing him like that throughout the first show.

Eventually, I decide to bring my hand up and gently circle my finger around his hard nipple, giving it the occasional pinch or a tweak. Fuck, I just thought it was hard before, but it gets really hard when I do that. Edward starts panting, and I can feel his cock getting harder underneath me. Deciding the other nipple must be jealous by now; I turn my head and give it some attention too, by licking and blowing at it while still tweaking the other. Edward's cock gets even harder underneath me as he writhes and whimpers. I tease him like that throughout the next show.

When I glance up at his face, I decide he must be tired of watching TV because his eyes are closed, his head is tilted back, and he's chewing on his bottom lip as he whimpers. Deciding I'm tired of watching TV too, I start to suck and bite both of his nipples. Edward's moans get really fucking loud and his hands come up as he threads his fingers into my hair and holds my head to his chest. Fuck, he tastes good. I have a lot of fun teasing him like that for the rest of the time that we lay there and don't watch TV.

Eventually, Edward says we really need to get up and go get me something else to eat. So we get up and go back to the kitchen where Edward and I make some sandwiches and grab a bag of chips and some sodas. We take all of it into the music room and have a picnic on the mattress.

After we get done eating—well I eat, Edward just kind of nibbles on some chips—and cleaning up, I ask Edward to play the piano for me for awhile, while I stretch out on the mattress and listen. I love listening to him play and I really love the way he looks at me and smiles while he plays too. It makes me feel special and loved. But eventually I get lonely without him, so I pat the mattress asking him to come back and join me.

Edward grins and goes over to put some music on a little stereo that's tucked into one of the shelves in the room and then joins me, stretching out beside me. The music is some kind of classical stuff that Edward said was called Claire the Loon but it didn't sound loony to me. I think I actually like it. It's really calming and relaxing to listen to as we kiss and make out.

I love making out with Edward, I can't seem to keep my hands off of him. It doesn't take long before I'm on top of him, sliding my hands under him so I can squeeze his ass as I roll my hips, grinding against his cock while devouring his lips and tongue with my own. I don't think I will ever get enough of my beautiful man. I love how hard Edward gets. I love how he moans and whimpers. I love how his hands thread through my hair and wrap behind my back, pulling me closer and closer. I just fucking love him.

I finally have to break our kiss long enough to come up for a breath, since both our chests are heaving from lack of air. Edward nuzzles into my neck whispering, "I love the feel of your body on mine. I'm going to miss it while you're recuperating from your surgery."

Sighing at the thought of not being able to do this for a while I ask, "So how exactly will I be able to love on you, without me being on my knee?"

Edward gets an excited look as he says, "Well, I know one way for sure, and maybe another way, too." He gets a big grin on his face. "If you want we can practice."

Grinning and wiggling my eyebrows at him I ask, "Practice naked with the condoms and lube? Or practice like we did the other day with our pants on?"

Edward huffs out a soft laugh before saying, "Well since the supplies are all upstairs, how about we just practice with our pants on for now?"

Sighing in disappointment, I nod saying, "Okay." then watch him expectantly, waiting for him to tell me what to do.

Edward grins and cups my face in both of his hands as he says, "You're going to have to switch places with me, love. Lie down on your back, okay?"

My stomach drops down to my feet, doing a slow roll. Swallowing nervously, I ask, "You mean you're going to be on top?" Edward grins and nods as he pats my ass wanting me to move. It's suddenly much too hot in here even as my blood freezes and my heart starts pounding. Feeling panicky from just the thought of it, my chest hitches as I try to keep my breathing even, I look away and try to blink away the tears threatening to build while stammering out, "B-b-but… but I thought you said…I mean…you s-s-s-said it didn't matter if you ever…I don't think… I'm not…I c-c-c-can't do that yet, Edward."

Hearing Edward gasp, I look back down at him to see him white faced and shaking his head frantically. "No, Jasper, no, I didn't mean like that. Oh god, I scared you, didn't I! I'm so sorry, love." He pulls my now trembling body back down into his arms and wraps them tight around me.

Sighing in relief, I bury my face in his neck as he holds me tight whispering, "Shh, love, it's going to be okay. I didn't mean to scare you like that. Shh, love, I'm so sorry. I should have explained it better. Jasper even though you'll be on bottom you're still going to be inside of me."

Now I'm confused as hell, so I raise my head asking, "Huh?"

Edward pulls my face to his and gives me a tender kiss before saying, "If you want, you can lie down on your back and I'll show you what I'm talking about, baby. If I scare you again, just say so and we'll stop, okay?"

Eyeing him and chewing on my lip nervously, I finally nod and slide off of him before turning over to lie down on my back. I'm all tensed up though and lying as stiff as a board as I wait to see what Edward is planning. When Edward gets up on his hands and knees, straddling my body, another nervous tremor runs through me. I haven't been this nervous with him since our first night together.

Edward bends his arms to lean down and kiss me and I finally loosen up with the familiar feel of his lips on mine. As his lips keep moving against mine, I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back, feeling slightly foolish for being so nervous before. What was I thinking? Of course Edward's not going to do anything I don't want to do.

I whimper in disappointment when he breaks the kiss and rises to his knees, but then I gasp in understanding when he grins and lowers his ass to my cock. Sliding my hands up and down his thighs, I finally relax completely and grin up at him as he lifts and lowers himself, grinding against me a little harder each time he sits on my cock.

Edward winks asking, "So, what do you think?"

Nodding and grinning, I say, "I like it, Edward. I like it a lot. I can lie here and play with your nipples and stroke your cock while you…um… you…um…love my cock with your ass."

Edward grins and waggles his brows saying, "I can ride your cock with my ass, babe."

I _really_ like how that sounds. I can't wait to see Edward _riding_ my cock.

Edward bends down and gives me a long hard kiss, before sitting back up and rolling his hips, sliding his ass across my cock again and again while raising one of his hands in the air and grinning while mock yelling, "Woohoo! I can't wait to ride my Texas cowboy!"

Grabbing his hips, I help guide his movements but I also have to roll my eyes and shake my head at him. "Edward, just because I'm from Texas doesn't mean I'm a cowboy. Hell, I've never even ridden a horse before."

Edward stops and huffs at me, before pouting and slapping my shoulder. "Shut _up_, Jasper. You're ruining my fantasy."

Laughing, I say, "Now don't be like that darlin'. 'Sides the last I heard, the one doin' the ridin' is the cowboy, so that would be you. The one being ridden would be the buckin' bronco, so I guess that would be me!"

Edward gets a mischievous grin and a lustful look in his eyes as he says, "Well, you are hung like a horse..."

Laughing, I slap his shoulder saying, "Hey…,"

Edward bursts out laughing saying, "Oh right! You eat like one, too!"

Scowling, I grab his hips and somehow manage to flip him over to where he's lying beside me. Then we spend a few minutes giggling and wrestling around, both of us trying to pin the other one down. It's such a relief to still be able play with him like this. I hope someday that Edward and I can do everything together without worrying about me freaking out over something.

It finally occurs to me that instead of wresting we could be kissing, so I crash my lips to his, kissing him hungrily. When I finally come up for air again, I ask, "So what was the other way?"

Edward has a dazed look on his face as he pants and tries to catch his breath. He finally shakes his head asking, "Huh?"

Grinning at him, I say, "You said you might know another way for us to make love without me being on my knee. What was it?"

"Oh!" Edward grins and turns over onto his side, facing away from me. He looks over his shoulder at me saying, "Well?"

Confused, I stare at him a moment and then grin as I curl up behind him like I had been earlier. Grabbing his hips, I pull his ass back as I thrust forward and grind against him, making Edward hum and wiggle his ass against me.

Looking down at my knee, I straighten it out and roll my hips, just to make sure this will really work for us. Then sliding my hand up and down his stomach, I whisper, "Yeah, I like this too. I think this might work." I can't keep my hands off him as I get a feel of how things will work in this position.

Edward turns his head and gives me a kiss saying, "I was hoping this would work. 'Cause we can even vary it up a little like this." He moves his top leg, bending his knee and with his foot flat on the bed. Grinning, I slide my hand under his knee and lift his leg as I grind against him.

Then he slides his top leg over mine, practically straddling me. Edward grins over his shoulder at me saying, "Stay on your side, love." He rolls onto his back and turns on the mattress to where he's perpendicular to me, throwing both his legs over me and wiggling his ass closer. He's right, there are several variations we can do like this. I'm really relieved that I'll still be able to make love to my beautiful man after my surgery.

After maneuvering around a few different ways, Edward finally squirms back around to where we're lying face to face. We lay like that for awhile talking about my surgery coming up tomorrow. I confess how nervous I'm starting to feel and Edward tries to reassure me. But I think he decides to try taking my mind off my worries, because he starts teasing and tickling me, his tickling fingers making me giggle and squirm.

Of course when I try to get away from him the chase is on.

Slipping out of Edward's grasp, I run from the music room laughing and yelling at him to '_stop tickling me'_. He's laughing too as he chases me from one end of the house to the other.

Running though the living room, I try to keep the furniture between him and me, but then Edward leaps over first the couch and then the loveseat. Cheating asshole! So I take off down the hallway towards the kitchen. Edward almost catches me in the kitchen but slips on the tile in there and almost falls. Ha! So I run into the dining room and manage to get the table and chairs between him and me.

Edward chases me around the table a couple of times, and then he starts darting back and forth, faking me out and making me scream like some kind of sissy girl and run the wrong way. He almost catches me and I yelp in surprise and run back down the hall again. When I loop back around to them, I take off up the stairs, trying to be careful to not hurt my knee in the process.

I have to really slow down while running up the stairs and I just know Edward is going to catch me, but he suddenly gets real klutzy and starts tripping every few steps and I get a lead on him again. When I get to the second story, I run down the hallway but don't feel comfortable enough to open any of the doors there and Edward finally manages to catch me at the end of the hallway. He pins me to the wall, tickling me while growling and biting at my neck as I laugh hysterically and shriek "Stop! Edward, stop tickling me!"

Somehow, I manage wiggle out of Edward's grasp and head back down the hallway, laughing and taunting him as I head up the stairs to the third floor with him once again hot on my heels as he trips up the stairs again. Getting a brainstorm when I get to the third floor, I bypass his bedroom and run to the end of the hall. Edward does exactly what I thought he would; he catches me at the end of the hallway, pinning me to the wall again.

Grinning, I do one of my self-defense moves. Edward lets out a girly squawk when I surprise him by turning and twisting us both around in one smooth movement. One minute he had me pinned against the wall, and the next I've got his chest pressed up against the wall with one of his arms firmly held behind him and the other over his head as I press my body flush against his back. I did it! Cool! I've never actually tried to do this move before and I wasn't sure if I could pull it off.

Laughing devilishly, I go on the offensive. Letting go of the arm over his head, I start tickling him. Now it's Edward's turn to shriek and laugh as I tickle his sides mercilessly. He's laughing hysterically as he jerks and wiggles in my arms and I have to be real careful to not twist his arm as I keep him pinned there. I've got a good hold on him though, and Edward is helpless and at my mercy.

I finally let up my tickling, partly because he's _begging_ me to stop, but mostly because I need a fucking breather. Both of our chests are heaving and we're gasping for air after all that running, laughing, and yelling.

Grabbing his free arm again, I pin it to the wall over his head. And then pressing my body against his, I keep him pinned there resting my chin on his shoulder as we both pant and try to catch our breaths.

I finally catch my breath and I become a little concerned that Edward's chest is still heaving, his breath becoming even more labored. But then he shifts his body, arching his back and pushing his ass back against me while whimpering.

Apparently, there's something about me having Edward pinned to the wall that is really turning him on—actually, it's turning me on too. Keeping the one arm pinned behind his back, I let go of the other again so I can run my hand down and around to caress his stomach while whispering, "Look at you. You like me having you pinned to the wall, don't you."

Edward keeps the arm over his head against the wall as he nods and whimpers, while arching his back more and rubbing his ass harder against my quickly growing cock. Fuck, I love how his body feels. Running my hand down lower, I find his sleep pants tented with his rock hard erection.

Bringing my hand up, I lick at my palm like I saw Edward do the other day. Then sliding my hand under the waistband of his sleep pants, I grasp his cock and whisper, "So fucking hard already. I love how hard you get for me, Edward." Mmm, I love how hard his cock gets. I love how it tastes too, and when I get done teasing him I think I'm going to love on him with my mouth.

Edward whimpers and moans as I take his cock in my slick hand, getting my hand even slicker when I palm his leaking head before stroking the hard length of his shaft. Sliding my body firmly against his back, I roll my hips and grind my own erection, now nestled between his cheeks.

When Edward spreads his legs and pushes his ass even harder against me I whisper, "You like that, darlin'?"

Edward nods again and I whisper, "This almost reminds me of the first time we tried the lube. Remember how slick you got your cock and my ass? Remember how you slid your cock between my ass cheeks?"

"I remember, baby. You felt so good."

"Edward, I loved how your hard cock felt sliding across my sensitive entrance. Would you like to slide your cock against my entrance again? Ya know, maybe if we do that every now and then, I won't be so freaked out by the idea of you actually going inside me. Would you like to do that to me again, Edward?"

"God, yes, I mean if you're sure you liked it."

"Am I sure? Oh darlin', I bet I liked it almost as much as you like this." Stroking his cock with long slow strokes, I increase my tempo as I push against his ass. "Do you like how this feels? Do you like having my cock pushing against your pretty little rosebud ass?"

Edward rests his head on the wall as he moans and nods saying, "Oh god, yes. Want you inside me again, Jasper. Want you so bad."

Well, fuck, that surprises me. I thought for sure that after how long I was inside him earlier that he would have to be sore by now. Hmm, I wonder if he wants me to love on him with my fingers or if he'd like to feel my tongue again?

Loosening my grip on his shaft, I slide my hand down lower, cupping and fondling his balls. Fuck, I just love their fuzzy softness. Slipping my fingers under his balls and then further back, I stroke against his entrance as I ask, "Is this where you want me, darlin?"

When Edward nods and whimpers while biting on his lower lip, I suck on his ear lobe and press my finger into him carefully, hoping it's still slick enough to not hurt. Edward's head falls back and he moans when I press into him but I'm pretty sure he's not in pain. "What do you want to feel in there, darlin'? You want my fingers to love on your pretty little hole? Or do you want to feel my tongue wiggling in and out of your tight heat? Tell me what you want, beautiful."

Edward rolls his face toward me so I kiss him, lapping and sucking at his tongue and lips. He whimpers into my mouth as I gently slide my fingertip in and out of him.

Edward finally breaks the kiss and moans, "Your cock! I want your cock inside me, Jasper. Please, take me to bed and make love to me again. Please baby, I need you so bad."

Releasing his arm and pulling my other hand out of his pants, I turn him around. Nuzzling my face into his neck while palming his cock through his sleep pants, I ask, "You sure you're not too sore, Edward?"

Edward sighs and wraps his arms around me saying, "Babe, I know you worry about hurting me, but believe it or not I'm not nearly as sore as I thought I would be. Okay, yeah, my whole body is stiff and stove up and I admit my ass is a little sore, but I still want you to make love to me one more time tonight. I can't hardly stand the thought of not being able to make love to you again for days, or god forbid, weeks. I swear Jasper, it's like you've awaken something inside of me and I just can't seem to get enough of your loving. Please, love, if you're worried, we can go really slow again. I just need you so bad."

Fuck, I do need him too, but…

Sighing, I suck on his ear lobe and stroke his cock through his pants as I have an internal debate with myself. I understand exactly what Edward's talking about, because he's awakened something inside of me as well. When I originally got out of the hospital, I'd hoped I wouldn't always be alone, but I'd never dreamed I would be able to feel this kind of passion and love with another person. And like Edward I can't stand the thought of not making love to him again for days or weeks. But if he's already sore and I hurt him worse—memories of gut wrenching pain and flowing blood flash through my brain—fuck, I would never forgive myself.

Sighing, I decide it's not worth the risk. We need to give his body time to adjust.

But when I meet his pleading eyes and he once again whispers, "Please, Jasper, I need you so bad." My resolve crumbles. How can I refuse him? Sighing, I nod while silently telling myself to go really, really slow and be really, really careful. Then taking his hand in mine and cupping his face with my other, we tenderly kiss as we head toward the bedroom.

By the time we get to the bedroom, we're kissing and touching each other everywhere. We're almost to the bed when Edward stops and says, "Wait, love, we really should brush our teeth, take care of our bathroom business, and you need to take your medication before we go to bed. That way we can just stay in bed after we get done loving each other."

Knowing he's right, I nod in agreement and try to keep my hands off of him long enough for us to get ready for bed. We both take care of our bathroom business and then after shaking out my pill, I pause long enough to watch as Edward grins at me over his shoulder and slowly slip off his sleep pants, shaking his ass at me before pulling the covers back on the bed and sliding in. Fuck, I love the way he looks naked. After swallowing down my pill with a glass of water, I run in and leap onto the bed beside him.

Edward grins at me and starts to wrap his arms around me but I stop him, freezing in shock when the realization of what I saw after he slid his pants off sinks in. Edward asks, "What's wrong?"

Frowning, I tell him, "Turn around, Edward. Show me your ass."

Edward's face turns red as he looks down with a shy smile and softly says, "Jasper, you don't have to do that every time we make love."

I'm confused for a moment before I figure out what he's talking about, but then I grin and give him a quick kiss before saying, "As much as I liked licking your ass earlier, beautiful, and as much as I want to lick it again later, I just want to look at it right now."

Edward gives me a sheepish grin, saying, "Oh." Then he turns onto his stomach, giggling and hiding his face in his hands.

Surveying Edward's poor bottom, I gently touch and stroke the bite marks and hickeys left behind by my earlier carelessness. Sighing and shaking my head at myself, I huff saying, "God, Edward, I'm so sorry!"

Edward quits laughing and looks over his shoulder at me with a confused look on his face. "What the hell are you talking about, Jasper?" He tries to look down his back to see what I'm looking at, but then he grins and his eyes light up as he asks, "Do I have hickeys on my ass? I thought I might with the way it's been tingling."

Searching his face, I ask, "You mean you don't mind?" Reaching out, I touch one of the darker spots. "I think you might actually have a bruise or two from me biting you, Edward. Fuck! I'm so sorry! I didn't know I was hurting you so bad! I promise I'll never do that again!"

Edward rolls over and sits up, pulling me into his arms as he says, "Hey, none of that! Jasper, I loved you biting on my ass. I know that sounds crazy, but I did. You wouldn't believe how incredibly erotic it felt. I've loved everything we've tried so far, and that's just one of the things I want you to do to me again in the future. If you're worried about the marks, we can be a little more careful and try not to leave any next time. I mean there were only a couple of times you bit too hard this time. Okay?"

Sighing, I nod and wrap my arms around him, "Okay, darlin', sorry for freaking out there. Fuck, I just hate knowing that I've already hurt you once. I can't stand the thought of ever hurting you again."

Edward rests his forehead on mine, rubbing our noses together he says, "I know, love, I know. But listen to me Jasper, neither one of us has that much experience. We're learning to do all this stuff together, so we may occasionally mess up in our explorations and experimentations. I know you worry about hurting me and I promise to immediately tell you if anything we do hurts or makes me feel uncomfortable, just like I want you to tell me if anything makes you uncomfortable. Okay?"

Looking into the green depths of his eyes, I sigh saying, "Okay, beautiful."

We sit there, cuddling for awhile until I gently push him down onto the bed facing each other. Tenderly kissing him, I caress the flat planes and the smooth muscles of his chest and stomach. Edward hums and smiles at me with a look of contentment and happiness on his face as he says, "I love you so damn much, Jasper."

Cupping his face, I whisper, "I love you too, Edward, more than anything."

Edward wraps his arms around me and easily pulls my body over and on top of his as he rolls onto his back. Wrapping his legs around me, he pulls my face to his and kisses me before whispering, "I want to feel you inside me again. Make love to me, Jasper."

And I do. And it's as fucking perfect and beautiful as he is.

* * *

**A/N Hopefully, I'll get my head and the next chapter straightened out fairly quick...**

**Thanks for reading y'all. I hope you're still enjoying the story. **


	40. Chapter 40

My sincerest apologies for not replying to any of the reviews from that last chapter, or to any of the new reviewers in the last month or so. Also my apologies in the horrendously long delay in this chapter. I think I mentioned in my last chapter that I started taking some new medication to try to prevent migraines? Well, its kicking my ass. I'm having a hell of a time thinking, concentrating and writing. It took me two months just to write two paragraphs of this chapter-yes its that bad. It takes all my concentration just to get the story out and when I get distracted...forget it. I did answer a couple of concerned PMs but just doing that took me nearly a day to think of an answer and I didn't get any writing done on those days. I'm not sure what's worse, having headaches every few days or feeling like I've been lobotomized everyday.

Anyway...this chapter was going to be quite a bit different than how it turned out. Because of Jasper's choice in 'positons', he was going to have a nightmare and we were going to have another peek into his past. However, after reaing about the real life crap going on in Pennsylvannia I literally got so sick that I just couldn't write it. So this chapter wound up being, for the most part, lighthearted. A little tear jerky here and there and we still get a peak at a happier time in Jasper's past...

So I'll shut up now and let y'all read. Do I still need to say I ain't Ms. Meyers and that all Twilight charcters belong to her? Because I aint', and they do...

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR **

**CHAPTER 40**

**JPOV**

"**Hurry up Jasper. Get your pants off, turn around and bend over already!" Peter whispers insistently as he yanks his own pajama pants down and kicks them off onto the front porch of our house. **

_**The first time Peter and I snuck out to go swimming, we wore our swim trunks and his mama pitched a hissy fit when she found our wet swim suits beside the bed the next morning. **_

"**Geez, hold your freakin' horses, Peter." I whisper yell back at him as I yank my own sleep pants down. We're both giggling with the excitement of being outside and doing something forbidden. After stripping off my pajamas and picking up both pairs so I can toss them up onto the porch swing, I turn my back to Peter and bend over in front of him before whispering, "Alright, I'm ready." **

_**The next time Peter and I snuck out; we wore our pajama pants down to the water and pulled them off right before getting in. But the next morning my mama wanted to know why our pajamas were muddy and damp. After that, we figured out pretty quick that it was easier to just strip before we snuck down to the lake. It was kind of embarrassing at first to see each other naked, but now I barely notice it. **_

**Peter leans his naked body against my back and something about his body heat makes a shiver run down my spine. Bracing myself, I reach my hands under his knees and then stand, grunting from the effort it takes to pick him up. I swear since Peter turned thirteen, I think he's grown a foot and gained twenty pounds. I can barely hold him up anymore. Of course it doesn't help that I'm small for my age. **

_**I asked daddy this morning at breakfast if I'd ever grow like Peter has this summer. I also thought about asking daddy if I'd ever get hair on my balls like Peter's getting, but I didn't want to have to explain how I knew Peter has hair down there. Anyway, daddy said us Whitlock's are late bloomers. When he said that, Charlotte wrapped her arms around daddy's neck and snickered into his ear—something about it giving us Whitlock's time to catch up with Willy. **_

_**When I asked my mama who Willy was she just laughed and told me never mind who Willy was, and then she sat down on daddy's lap and told me to go over to Peter's house to play so she could have a grown up talk with daddy and Charlotte 'cause she thought Willy was just about ready to give her and Charlotte a visit. I don't know what mama was talking about though 'cause I watched our front door all morning while I played at Peter's house and nobody ever showed up. **_

**After staggering around for a moment, I heft Peter higher up onto my back then piggyback him down to the lake. When we get out of earshot of the house, we both start whooping and hollering as I gallop us down to the water's edge. After getting there, I look around to make sure we're well away from any grass or plants before carefully letting Peter down. Rubbing my aching back, I grumble out, "Geez Peter, I'm not going to be able to carry you down here much longer if you don't quit growing. Then we'll be stuck in the freakin' house all the time."**

_**I tried again this evening and asked mama**__**when I was going to start growing like Peter. But she just hugged me up in her arms and kissed my forehead telling me I was barely eleven and just needed to quit worrying about being in a hurry to grow up. Geez, sometimes I think my mama wants me to stay a baby forever. **_

**Peter grabs my head in a headlock giving me a noogie as he rubs his knuckles roughly on my head while saying, "Ah come on Jasper, you're as strong as an ox…," then he laughs as he pushes me into the water saying, "…and you smell like one too!" **

**Laughing, I grab Peter's hand and jerk him into the water with me. We wrestle around a bit, laughing as we splash and dunk each other. God it feels great to get out of the house and away from constant supervision. After a while, we just float on our backs and stare up at the gazillion stars in the sky while talking about different stuff as we listen to the croaking frogs and the constant ree ree ree of the crickets and cicadas. I gently glide my legs open and closed in a slow scissors motion, loving how the lukewarm water feels as it laps against my naked body in the hot, humid night air. **

**Eventually, Peter splashes me and we laugh and wrestle around again for awhile before he captures my hands, holding them behind my back while looming over me laughing. He grins down at me as I struggle in his grasp but then the look on his face changes as he says, "Hey Jasper, wanna play the tickle game now?" **

**I stop struggling and grin too as I nod my head. My tummy is already feeling tickly just thinking about playing. Peter showed me how to play the tickle game a few weeks ago and I really, really, **_**really**_** like playing it. We play it almost every night that we sneak out, and each time it's just a little bit better than the time before. **

**Peter let's my arms go and we climb out of the water and up onto the embankment. Grinning in anticipation, I face Peter and wait for him to start. The game is really simple to play, Peter decides where to tickle me first and then I follow his lead, doing the same thing to him. **

**Peter tickles his fingertips across my cheeks and over my lips and then I reach up and do the same to him. Peter grins then tickles down my neck and arms and then I do the same to him. After that he tickles across my chest, circling my titties. I always jerk away laughing when Peter tickles my chest but he makes funny whines and whimpers when I tickle his. **

**Next Peter reaches behind me and tickles down my back before circling back to my tummy. I have to step closer to reach his back before tickling my fingertips back around and across his tummy too. **

**Peter grins at me and kneels down and tickles his fingertips up and down each leg. My breath always catches when he blows his breath out, ghosting across where I want his fingertips to tickle me next. Peter stands back up, so I kneel down and tickle his legs and then blow at him too. I have to laugh when Peter makes that funny whine and gasps real loud. **

**He makes the strangest sounds. He's so weird.**

**I stand back up again and wait for the next part. When Peter runs his hands lower down my body, I smile and close my eyes. I really like how my tummy tickles when he runs his fingertips over and under and all around me down there. **

_**We kind of stumbled onto the game by accident the first time we came down here naked. We'd both been embarrassed to be naked in front of the other and at first we tried not to look at each other. But then Peter had glanced down at me and then did a double take as he stared at my tally-whacker in awe. He couldn't believe my tally-whacker was so much bigger than his, especially since I'm so much smaller and younger than he is. When Peter asked me if I ever touched it, I said, "Duh, I have to, to pee. Ya, dork." **_

_**Peter had said, "No, I mean like this, smart aleck," and then he ran his fingertip down the length of the underside of my tally-whacker. I had gasped at the electric shock that had jolted through me and watched in fascination as my tally-whacker grew. I didn't know it could grow as big as that. **_

_**I had excitedly whispered, "Holy cow, do that again, Peter."**_

_**Peter had whispered, "Feels good, doesn't it? Why don't you touch mine while I touch yours? Here, let me show you what to do. Touch it like this."**_

**Smiling at the memory, I reach out and tickle Peter's tally-whacker with my fingertips too, the same way he's tickling mine with feather light touches. Peter keeps making that funny whiny sound as he whispers in a strangled voice, "Tickle me harder Jasper, please tickle me harder this time." **

_**Sometimes I think mama and daddy might know how to play the tickle game too, 'cause when it's really, really late at night, I hear them making the same kinds of funny whines, whimpers, and gasps that Peter makes. I've even heard Charlotte making those sounds too when she stays the weekend. I've never asked my parents about it though. For some reason, I don't want mama to know that I know what the tickle game is, or that Peter and I play it. I'm afraid she'll make me quit playing it with him.**_

**Peter and I tickle each other until we're both panting and trembling. We've both got sweat popping out everywhere and I've this achy feeling deep inside me like I need to do something else, but all too soon Peter huskily whispers, "Are you ready, Jasper?"**

**Frankly, I'd rather tickle some more but I reluctantly say, "Yeah. I'm ready."**

**Peter grins and says, "Well alrighty then." He grabs me around the waist and jumps. **

**I suck in a huge lungful of air and tense up in anticipation of hitting the water as we fly through the air. But the reflection in the water catches my eye as we rush toward it. You would think I'd see Peter and me falling into the water but instead I see some tall blond guy falling toward me. He's old, like at least 20 or something, and he kind of looks like Charlotte. He's holding onto some other old guy with reddish colored hair. **

**Wait a minute. I know them. That's me and…**

**Fuck! **

**My breath leaves me in an explosive gush when I hit the water and I'm shocked by the sudden cold. When he slips from my grip I panic and my hands reach out searching frantically for... **

**Edward! **

**Where is he? Where's my beautiful man? He said he couldn't swim very well! I have to find him! I feel as if I'm in a whirlpool as I twist, turn, and tumble, searching for him in the icy water.**

**I need him so much. He's given me everything: so much love, a family, a new life—a happy life. Even though sometimes, I still feel like I don't deserve a happy life. Why should I get to have a happy life when I couldn't even save my parents? **

**And yet, I'm terrified that god, or fate, or whothefuckever was in charge of fucking up my life the first time around, will see me this happy and will step in again and really fuck it up even worse this time by taking Edward away from me. Is it bad to want Edward and that happy life with him? Because I do, I want it so bad that I can taste it.**

**I feel like I'm drowning in a chaos of emotions: guilt and remorse; fear, confusion, and panic; love, hope, and happiness. **

**Everything is changing so fast.**

**I finally quit fighting and just surrender to the currents, waiting to see what fate has in store for me this time. My heart races in a panic as I'm sucked down into a cold dark emptiness that's filled with the sounds of screams, and cruel laughter, the whooshing, whistling sound of a bat as it swings, an even more sickening crack as it hits something solid, then whispered promises and sadistic giggles…No! I don't want to be here! When I hit bottom, I turn around, cowering back in fear when I see light flashing. Please, not the knife! **

**No, wait. That's the sun reflecting on the surface of water! Pushing up, I rush back through the darkness. Shooting up out of the frigid water, I can't help but shout, "Fuck! This water's fucking freezing!" **

**When I turn around, I find Edward looking all pissed off and hurt. Fuck he's beautiful. But then he burst out laughing and splashes water at me before saying, "I tried to tell you that, asshole!"**

**Laughing, I pull Edward to me while whispering, "I promised to warm your balls back up, beautiful." Our lips meet in a searing kiss and I have a slight moment of confusion. **

**Wait. Wasn't I with Peter a minute ago? Don't be ridiculous Jasper. Why the fuck would you be here with Peter? **

**Shrugging, I pull Edward out of the shower, vaguely wondering why we were even taking a cold shower. Then I lead my beautiful man to the bed, urging him to lay down so I can warm him up by kissing and nipping my way down his body. **

**I love the taste of Edward's cock so I love on it a long time; sucking, licking, slurping, humming, and occasionally swallowing around it. Edward makes the most amazing sounds as he grabs my head and thrusts into my mouth. Relaxing my throat, I let Edward carefully thrust in even deeper. I'm really getting good at that, now. **

**I love the moans and whimpers Edward makes when I love on him. He's so fucking hot. **

**Eventually, I still Edward's hips and make him turn him over so I can spread his cheeks. I want to love on him back there again too. I can't believe I actually like how Edward's ass tastes.**

**Edward pushes his ass up toward me while moaning, "Yes, Jasper, please." **

**Grinning, I admire Edward's tight little rosebud hole before lapping at it with long slow licks. I really like how the puckered flesh feels as it slides against my tongue. Edward writhes and moans, spreading his legs more while pushing his ass into my face harder. **

**After swirling my tongue around and around the outside of Edward's entrance, I stiffen my tongue and wiggle my way inside. Fuck Edward's ass is tight on my tongue. I need my cock in there really fucking bad, so I grab his hips and pull up on his ass until Edward is on his hands and knees. I can't understand why I was so worried about trying to make love to my beautiful man in this position. Looking down, I watch in amazement as my cock moves in and out of Edward's tight ass. **

**Fuck me, that's so fucking hot. **

**Pulling us both up to our knees on the bed, I pull Edward's back against my chest and turn his face back toward mine whispering, "Kiss me." We lap and suck at each other's lips and tongues as we swallow each other's moans. I love my beautiful man and I really love this position. Closing my eyes, I wrap an arm around Edward's waist so I can stroke his cock as slowly as I'm thrusting up into his tight heat. I could make love to him like this forever. **

**Once again, I take my time and make love to my beautiful man just like that, until Edward is whimpering and trembling in my arms—and my fucking knee is throbbing for being on it for so fucking long. Finally, I nuzzle my face into Edward's neck and whisper, "I'm going to make you come now."**

**Grasping his hips firmly in my hands, I snap my hips hard thrusting into Edward's tight ass again and again. Edward tenses in my arms, crying out as his cock erupts in my hand. **

**Groaning, my own orgasm rockets through my body as I grind into Edward's velvety smooth...**

…mattress?

What the fuck?

Shuddering through my orgasm, I groan when I realize it was all a fucking dream and I was humping the fucking mattress in my sleep. Breathing hard, I turn my head to see my beautiful man sleeping peacefully beside me.

Shaking my head, I close my eyes and rest my forehead on the mattress. Fuck, why do I have to be such a freak? I'm slightly upset, but at least this time I know what the fuck happened. I think about waking Edward, but then decide against it. He needs to get some rest while he can. He's going to have a rough enough time taking care of me in the next few days as it is.

Carefully sitting up, I slide out of the bed and go into the bathroom to clean up and splash some cool water on my sweaty face. Stripping off my sleep pants, I get a wet cloth to wash up. Thank fuck, we decided to sleep with our sleep pants on, or I'd have made a mess on the sheets. I can't remember what drawer Edward put the rest of my sleep pants in though, so I just stay naked when I'm done cleaning up.

My heart is still racing way too much to go back to sleep, so I go over to the wall of windows and look out at the moonlit yard. Glancing up, my jaw drops as I stare in awe at the cloudless, starry sky and full moon. I haven't seen that many stars in years. Wow! I just about forgot what it looked like to see so many at the same time. There's way too much light in the city to be able to see them like that.

I remember Edward had said something when we camped out the other night about wanting us to do some stargazing. But the sky had been cloudy during the times we were actually outside of the tent. Besides the only gazing I was interested in that night was staring into Edward's eyes as we made sweet, beautiful love.

I think the last time I remember seeing that many stars was way back when Peter and I used to sneak out at night on those hot Texas nights when we went skinny dipping. Fuck, I wonder whatever happened to him. Did Peter wind up being gay, too? Hmm, the more I think about the last time I saw him at the theater with those other guys, the surer I am that he probably did wind up being gay too. Sighing, I rub my eyes with the heels of my hands and pout. I don't know why I even care—as mean as he was to me that last time I saw him. Asshole.

Wait.

Didn't I dream about Peter earlier? Yeah, we were sneaking out to go swim and play the tickle game. Peter sure did like to play the tickle game. So did I for that matter. I remember I used to think he was weird with all the whiny sounds he made when we played. Of course, now that I understand what we were doing, I can most certainly understand Peter's whines and whimpers. Snorting, I shake my head at myself. How could I have been that clueless back then? I wonder if Peter knew what we were doing or if he was like me and only did it 'cause it felt good.

Sighing, I shake my head and sit on floor. Leaning my head against the wall, I stare out the windows at the moonlit yard. I wish mama and dad had told me about more stuff back then. Didn't Charlotte say mama just wanted to keep me as her baby for as long as possible?

Wait.

Wasn't there something in my dream about thinking mama and daddy knew about the tickle game? And wasn't there something else about Charlotte too?

Something about…

Ugh, I can't…

…don't want to remember.

Thinking about Charlotte still confuses me. For the first time in a long time, I feel hopeful that things will actually change for the better between us. I still wish she'd be more of a mother to me, but I guess I can settle for her being my business partner for now.

I wonder what was up between her and Charlie. They sure did act like they liked each other—as in '_liked'_ liked each other. I like Charlie a lot. He saved me. But thinking about how Charlie had quizzed Emmett about how Emmett was going to take care of Rose, not five minutes after saying he, Charlie, would be her new dad; it occurs to me that I'm the only family that Charlotte has so it my responsibility to ask Charlie what his intentions are if he's going to date Charlotte. Grimacing, I hope I don't have to have a talk with Charlie, about him and Charlotte practicing safe sex—that would just be gross. Ugh.

My mind keeps going back to the idea of adult adoptions. I had no idea there was even such a thing as adult adoptions before it was mentioned this weekend. Wouldn't it be cool if…

Sitting up straighter, my eyes open wide in surprise as another thought occurs to me. Hey, if Charlie adopts Rose, and Charlotte is my genetic mom, wouldn't that mean that if Charlie and Charlotte ever got married—wouldn't that make Rose kind of like my sister somehow? Holy fuck that would make Bella my sister too! How cool would that be? My eyes tear up at the thought of having a family of my own again, not just my boyfriend's borrowed family.

Chewing my thumbnail, I wonder how long the adoption process takes. I wonder how I can convince Charlotte to be more of my mom and to start dating Charlie really seriously after he adopts Rose. How soon before I start hinting that they should get married? Is there some kind of rule about how long you have to date before you get married? I know Emmett and Rose dated for years before he asked her to marry him. But the Doc asked Alice like after one day, even though they plan on waiting about a year before they actually get married. Damn do you have to wait a year after you ask? I'm ready for that family now!

Hey! I wonder if gay people can get married? If they can, I wonder if Edward would marry me if I asked him to? Holy fuck that's a fanfuckingtastic idea! I'll get the Doc to find out for me if gay people can get married or not, and if they can, I'll get him to help me pick out some rings so I can propose to Edward! Snorting out a laugh at the image of the Doc shopping, I decide maybe I should hit up Alice to help me pick out rings instead. But first I'll talk to the Doc in the morning to see what he says about it.

Looking over at Edward, I drink in the sight of his serene sleeping form. Fuck, he looks good in the moonlight. I really like the idea of being able to spend all of my days and nights with him for the rest of my life with him as my...

Hmm, if two guys get married, are they both called husbands? Or are there special words for gay couples? I'll have to ask the Doc. Wow, I can't wait for morning now! Grinning, my eyes rake over Edward's sleeping form and my cock twitches. I wonder how sore he is, probably too sore for any more loving tonight. You'd think after making love twice _and_ having a wet dream that my body would be satisfied but I don't think I'll ever get enough of him.

I can't believe I didn't wake him with all that moaning and groaning I must have been doing while I humping the fucking mattress. I'm kind of thankful that I didn't wake him though. It's embarrassing enough for me to know that I had another fucking wet dream, without having to deal with Edward laughing at me over having one.

Staring at the blissful expression on Edward's face, I grin and think that maybe he was just wore out from the fuck awesome lovemaking we did earlier. Seems like we made love even longer that second time than we did the first tonight. And except for the rimming thing at the beginning, it was pretty much what I just dreamed. Damn, it was hotter'n hell, too.

I'd liked that position so much the first time that I just had to try it again. I'd figured out just the right angle to thrust up into Edward to tease his prostate with my cock and I'd kept him right on the brink for the longest time as he panted and whimpered into my mouth. He'd got a little loud with his moans there for a while as he shuddered and trembled in my arms, begging me to make him come. After I finally pushed us both over the edge, Edward had been a boneless heap and no help at all as I cleaned us up. I think he was falling asleep before his head even hit the pillow. And I have to admit, I was feeling a bit cocky at the satisfied, dreamy look on his face.

Still, as great as it had been, I'm curious about making love to Edward hard and fast—one of these days—even though I'm terrified of accidentally hurting him. I mean, I know in my head that there is a huge difference between what Edward and I do and in what happened to me all those years ago. And yet there are enough similarities that I worry about fucking things up and injuring him. Fuck, it would kill me to hurt him while making love to him.

Sighing, I pull my knees up and hug them to my chest. Looking down, I frown as I run my hand over my knee, hating the thought of more scars on my body, no matter how small. Fuck, I dread the surgery tomorrow.

The thick scars on my upper arms catch my eyes in the moonlight and I lightly trace those scars, shuddering as I remember every single event that accompanied each cut. And just like that, I can feel them all over me. I can smell the stench of their bodies; hear their grunts, their cruel words and sadistic laughter. No! Gritting my teeth, I fight the memories. Get the fuck out of my head! By the time I fight the fuckers back where they belong, I'm panting like I really have been fighting a battle. Breathing hard, I clear my mind of those assholes.

Instead, I concentrate on Edward and all of the events that have taken place since I met him. From our original misunderstanding; to meeting his crazy, loving family; to the fuck awesome lovemaking we did earlier tonight. Slowly, all the tension melts from my body and I'm able to breathe normal again as I stare at Edward's tranquil sleeping form. He's the one who gives me the strength to move past the past and toward the future. I love him so damned much.

I never dreamed my life could turn out like this. I went from being lonely and alone to feeling loved and cared for by this wonderful man. And yet even though Edward takes care of me most of the time, I love the fact that he needs me to take care of him too. I love being able to support him when he's upset or unsure. It makes me feel protective and helps me to forget my own insecurities, if only for a little while. Sighing, I wonder how I got so damned lucky as to find Edward.

Deciding I'm ready, that I _need_ to go and cuddle up with my beautiful man, I stand and turn from the window. But then stop and frown when my laptop, lying on the dresser, catches my eye. Glancing back and forth from the clear night sky to my laptop, I realize that's what I keep forgetting to do. I haven't been checking the damn weather since I met Edward. Keeping a close eye on when it's supposed to be cloudy or clear is usually second nature for me. I can't believe I haven't been checking it every day. It's a wonder I haven't got caught out somewhere in the sunlight and gotten blistered.

Oh, wait. I actually kind of did get caught out on the drive here from Seattle. Fuck. Meeting Edward has definitely thrown my routines out the window. Shaking my head at myself, I have an internal lecture on keeping up with the weather _and_ on getting back on track with my exercises as soon as I'm able after the surgery. As much as I love spending every minute with Edward that I can, I do all those other things for a reason.

Sliding back into bed, I wrap an arm around Edward's waist and he turns from his stomach to where his back is against my chest. He wiggles his ass against me until my cock is nestled between his ass cheeks, then he hums in contentment before stilling again and resuming his deep even breaths. Smiling, I shake my head and then kiss the back of his neck. Fuck, I love him. Snuggling into him, I try to relax and not think about the upcoming surgery. Instead I think about how I made love to my beautiful man tonight. Until I finally manage to drift back to sleep again for awhile.

**EPOV**

When my alarm goes off at a god-awful early hour, I groan and wonder—what the hell?—before my brain catches up and I remember that I had set it so we could get up early for Jasper's surgery. Reaching over, I shut the damn thing off and then carefully stretch my body, groaning again at the delicious throbbing ache I feel in my backside. While my body isn't quite as stove up as it was yesterday, my ass is certainly letting its presence be known this morning.

Smiling, I lay my head back down and sigh in happy contentment. I can't believe I talked Jasper into making love to me in _that_ position last night. I had really worried that it would bother him but apparently he liked it as much as I did since we did it twice like that.

My sexy Jasper made love to me for the longest time last night. I swear he just about drove me crazy with his teasing though. The closer I got to coming the slower he would thrust into me. And yet each thrust seemed to brush in just the right spot to nudge me just that little bit closer to the edge. I don't know what time everybody got home last night, but I hope like hell they couldn't hear me. I might have got a tad bit loud when I started to beg Jasper to please make me come already.

I love how caring and gentle Jasper is with me and I know he worries about hurting me, but sometimes I wish he's just completely let go. The few time Jasper has sped up and thrust harder into me has me yearning for more like that. Is it weird of me to wish that he'd just bend me over and pound my ass into the mattress? Fuck, I'm getting hard just thinking about it. Too bad my ass is too tender to do anything like that this morning.

Sighing, I roll over to find Jasper watching me with a worried frown. He gives me a half-hearted smile as he whispers, "Morning, sleeping beauty, are you alright?"

Wrapping my arms around Jasper, I pull him closer and nuzzle my face into his neck as I whisper, "Morning, love. My ass a little achy this morning but other than that, I'm fine. Been awake long?"

Jasper sighs and tightens his arms around me. "Um, woke up about 30 minutes ago, I was too nervous to go back to sleep again."

Stroking the back of his neck, I softly say, "Oh baby, you should have woken me up. Are you nervous about the surgery?"

Jasper sighs again as he softly whispers, "Yeah, a little."

Tightening my arms around him, I say, "Everything will be alright, love. I know it's going to really, really suck for a few days at least, but after that your knee will start getting better."

Jasper huffs out a disgusted, "Yeah, I know. I just really want to get the _sucky_ days over and done with." Then he looks thoughtful for a moment. He gets a cocky grin on his face as he rolls up on one elbow and hovers over me. Waggling his eyebrows he says, "Hmm, speaking of sucking…perhaps you can help me out and distract me for a while?"

**APOV**

Before he left for the hospital, Carlisle had asked me to be sure and to remind Jasper, first thing this morning, to not eat or drink anything. So when I hear Edward's alarm go off upstairs, I head up that way. I'm halfway out the bedroom door when I remember to turn back and grab the pair of sweatpants that my angel had confiscated from Emmett's room for Jasper to wear to the hospital.

When I had tried to tell Alice that they would be way too large for Jasper's thin frame she had rolled her eyes at me and explained that Jasper would need something loose enough to fit over all the bandaging that was going to be on his knee. That's what I love about my angel, she thinks about all the angles. After throwing the sweatpants over my shoulder, I make my way up the stairs to the third floor while thinking about last night.

"~*~"

I think we had all been holding our breath as we slowly opened the front door and walked inside when we got back from Port Angeles. We actually got home quite a bit earlier than we told the boys to expect us, since Carlisle had been much too tired for any kind of shopping after our meal. For a fraction of a second, I had thought the coast was clear and the boys were tucked into bed and hopefully sound asleep.

But then somewhere upstairs I heard Jasper shriek, "Stop!"

I had been two steps up the stairs, in a panic, when Carlisle grabbed my arm. That's when I heard the rest of what Jasper was yelling, "Edward, stop tickling me!" After that there was more shrieking and lots of laughter. Relieved, I had stepped back down and given Carlisle an apologetic smile. He had just smiled back and nodded in understanding.

A moment later, we heard what sounded like a herd of elephants running down the second story hallway and I had caught a glimpse of the boys heading to the third floor, both of them laughing and yelling at each other.

We had all just shook our heads and headed into the living room. Alice and I had sat on the loveseat with her tight against my side. Carlisle and Esme had sat on the couch and we had tried to visit with each other. But I'm pretty sure we all had an ear cocked as we listened to the 'elephant herd' running up on the third floor. I know we were all grinning at all the laughing and shrieking that Jasper was doing up there.

When somebody made a really loud squawking noise, Carlisle had looked up with an incredulous look and asked, "Was that a _girl_?"

Esme had giggled before saying, "No, dear, that was your _son_."

Then Edward had started shrieking, laughing, and begging Jasper to stop the tickling _him_. We had all grinned and shook our heads. Although, I have to admit that I was impressed that Jasper had somehow managed to get the upper hand on Edward.

Eventually, the laughter had ended and things had gotten real quiet upstairs. I had sighed in relief when I heard what sounded like the bedroom door closing. I'd half expected to see them chase each other back downstairs and they'd both looked half naked when I saw them on the stairs.

I have to say that I'm continually amazed by the fact that Jasper runs around shirtless when he and Edward are alone. However, after seeing the way Jasper had reacted during his exam that morning, I'm fairly certain he wouldn't have appreciated everybody else seeing him without his shirt on.

After everything had stayed quiet for a while, we had all decided to hit the hay as well. After we all said our goodnights, Alice and I had retired to her bedroom. I had planned to make sweet love to my angel, but after we lay there in the quiet of her room, I came to the uncomfortable realization that Edward's room is right over hers.

Let's just say the constant low moaning and the slow rhythmic squeaking going on over my head hadn't exactly been conducive to any love making on our part, especially with Alice giggling and teasing me throughout the whole ordeal. I was embarrassed as hell when she grabbed my ass and offered to introduce me to the wonders and joys of prostate stimulation.

I'd felt like some kind of blushing virgin, fighting off Alice's teasing advances while listening to the moans and whimpers going on over my head. I just about died when she asked if I was ready to try out _her_ ass yet, while asking me how I could give advice to Jasper about something I'd never experienced before.

Yes, I've always been supportive, encouraging, and impartial when discussing all kinds of sex with all my patients, but I've never experienced _anal_ sex firsthand. However, it looks like that will be changing sometime in the near future if my kinky little angel has her way!

Alice finally took pity on me and quit teasing me. But that just made the squeaks, whimpers, and moans that I was hearing over my head—even louder. I know those two were at it for more than an hour up there and I'll be surprised if Edward will be able to sit today, let alone walk. Still, is it weird that I'm kind of proud that my boy has that kind of stamina?

I thought Alice was going to hyperventilate from laughing and I was going to die from embarrassment when Edward started to moan really, really loudly. I would have thought Jasper was torturing Edward if not for the fact that Edward had sounded like he was loving every second of it. Then Edward had started to beg, "Please, Jasper, please! Please make me come, baby! Oh god, I need to come so bad!"

Edward had sounded desperate and I guess Jasper must have finally took pity on him, because the next thing I knew everything was speeding up and getting even _louder_ up there. Maybe it was just my imagination but I swear, by the time those two were finished, I could hear skin slapping against skin and—I just cringe at the thought—balls slapping against balls.

I think I'll talk to Carlisle about installing soundproofing between the floors. Hell, I'll even offer to pay for it. Either that or Alice and I are moving to the room across the hallway!

"~*~"

Shaking my head at my silly thoughts, I knock on Edward's bedroom door. Edward makes some kind of weird noise that I assume means come in, so I open the door and step inside. And then I promptly freeze in shock at what I see.

Edward's head is thrown back with his eyes closed, his mouth open, and his hands clutching and pulling at the pillow under his head—while a large mound moves lower and lower under the covers.

I think I must have gasped in surprise because Edward's eyes fly open and he gasps as well, his hands grabbing at the mound under the covers. My mouth opens in amazement when Jasper pops out from under the covers. Jasper grasps Edward's wrists and moves them back over Edward's head as he looms over him and says with a cocky grin on his face, "Now did I say you could move yet?"

Seeing the shock on Edward's face, Jasper turns his head and sees me. He immediately squawks in surprise and dives back under the covers. Then he starts giggling and slowly peeks back out at me saying, "Umm, morning. What's up, Doc?"

Crossing my arms, I shake my head and sigh as I say, "Good morning, son. I came up to remind you to not be eating or drinking anything this morning. Looks like it's a good thing I came up here when I did, since I'm pretty sure performing fellatio would be breaking that rule."

Edward groans and covers his face saying, "Crap! I wasn't thinking."

But Jasper just gives me a blank look asking, "What kind of fillets?"

"Fellatio. Hummer. Blow job. Sucking cock."

"Oh! Why didn't you just say that? Damn. So I can't love on Edward's cock with my mouth this morning?"

Edward turns bright red mumbling, "Oh my god," as he pulls the covers up and over his head.

Jasper grins and stares where Edward has hid under the covers, and then he says, "I suppose I can't suck on his balls either?" Edward burrows deeper under the covers, groaning.

Biting my lip to keep from laughing out loud at the two of them, I say, "I'm afraid not, son. You're not supposed to be ingesting anything this morning."

Jasper huffs and his bottom lip goes out in a pout but I can see his mind racing as he tries to think of some way around the rules. A look I've seen many times over the years. I know he's figured out a way around things when he grins from ear to ear and meets my eyes. I smile back because I already know what he's going to say. "But Edward can love on my cock with his mouth, right?"

Nodding, my grin gets even wider as I say, "That's right, son. Edward can even suck on your balls if he wants to." Too my surprise, Jasper turns red, covers his face with his hands, and starts snickering at the same time that Edward's groans turn to giggles under the covers.

Shaking my head at their silliness, I toss the sweatpants toward Jasper while saying, "Alice thought you might want to wear these to the hospital. They're actually Emmett's so they should be loose and comfortable around your bandaging later. Carlisle said to be sure and take a shower and that you could brush your teeth and rinse but to try to not swallow any significant amounts of water afterward. I'll see you boys downstairs in a bit."

Jasper sits up and quietly says, "Hey, Doc?"

Turning back, I ask, "Yes, son?"

Jasper glances to where Edward is still giggling under the covers and then says in and even softer voice, "Do you think we could maybe talk before we leave for the hospital?"

Just as softly, I ask, "Problem?"

Edward starts stirring under the covers and I think I hear him ask, "Hey, where's your sleep pants, babe?"

Jasper grins whiles shaking his head no, "Nah, I just wanted to ask ya a couple of things."

Smiling, I nod and tell him, "Anytime you want son." Then I step out into the hall, but before I close the door, I peek back in to see a smiling Jasper hovering over Edward, whispering something into Edward's ear that makes him blush and giggle. Shaking my head and grinning, I close the door and walk away.

Getting to the stairs, a thought occurs to me and I walk back to the bedroom door. Pausing, I listen to the sound of Edward moaning and panting so I knock on the door again while calling out, "Oh by the way, Jasper?"

I hear soft curses and the bed quickly shifting before Jasper's breathless voice, "Yeah, Doc?"

Grinning, I say, "No rimming Edward this morning, either."

Jasper huffs out a loud, "Damn it." And I hear Edward start giggling again and whisper, "I told you!"

I can hear Jasper huff and throw himself down on the bed as he sulkily says, "Fine. You can love on my cock then." Then in a more excited voice he says, "Hey Edward, will you put your fingers inside me? You haven't done that since we started making love."

Shaking my head, I turn and head downstairs laughing.

"~*~"

A little later, seeing that it has clouded up and is misting rain again, Jasper and I take a short walk so we can have our talk and he confesses his wet dream. "Will they ever stop, Doc? Or am I just a freak?"

"Jasper, you are not a freak. I told you before. You mind prevented your body from having any physical responses for a long time. Now your body is playing catch up. It may take weeks, or months, or even years, but I'm convinced that eventually things will level off. Just…um, try not to get too upset when things happen when you don't want them to. It's not your fault."

Jasper huffs out a disgusted, "Okay."

After that we also discuss the rimming thing and if he's really still okay with everything that he and Edward do while having sex. I know things had sounded fine with them last night but I still worry about my boy. "So no freak outs?"

"Weeeell, Edward kind of freaked out for a minute that I wanted to lick his ass. But after I explained that that was what rimming was, I finally talked him into letting me do it to him. I enjoyed making Edward feel good, Doc. And I really enjoyed making love to him in _that _position. You wouldn't believe how incredible it looks to see your cock sliding in and out of an ass, and Edward is so fucking tight around me that I wish I could just live with my cock in his ass."

Jasper sighs and then says, "I did have a bit of a freak out after my dream last night when I was thinking about stuff. But it wasn't too bad and I was able to push it away by thinking about Edward instead."

Sighing, I wrap my arms around this young man that I love like a son and softly say, "I'm really proud of you Jasper. There was a time not too long ago that you would have been overwhelmed and blacked out over the slightest thing. Look at you now. You're actually getting to where you're able to keep the memories from taking over by focusing on the man you love."

Jasper gives me a sad smile before softly saying, "Yeah, I wish I could just make them go away forever but I know that's expecting a little too much. Hey, Doc? If you don't mind, don't tell Edward about it. He's still dealing with all the Mike stuff and he doesn't need to be worrying any more about me than he has to. Okay?"

Nodding, I say, "Of course, Jasper. You know I keep anything confidential that you want kept private."

Jasper frowns and pouts, turning away from me, he sounds close to tears as he says, "Oh. Are we doctor and patient right now? I thought maybe were talking like…um, never mind."

Grabbing Jasper's arm, I turn him toward me and lift his chin as I say, "Look at me, son. We're talking as family right now, as like a father and son as the two of us can be. I love you, Jasper. I think I've loved you like a son ever since I saw that small broken boy in the hospital."

Jasper half sobs and half laughs as he launches himself into my arms and wraps his arms around my neck. Sniffing, he pulls back and wipes at his face as he says, "Love you, too, Doc." Then he looks down blushing as he asks, "Doc, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, son. You know you can ask me anything."

He peeks up at me, nervously chewing on his lip as he asks, "Would you maybe want to ever possibly…I mean…" He huffs and looks away saying, "Never mind."

Turning his face back toward mine, I ask, "Jasper, tell me what's on your mind, son."

His bottom lip starts trembling and his eyes fill with tears as he quietly whispers, "I want to be your son."

Pulling him into a tight hug, my own eyes tear up as I softly say, "And I want to be your father, son."

Jasper pulls back, his eyes searching my face with a hopeful look on his face as he asks, "So you'll do it?"

Suddenly, I feel like I'm walking in a minefield as I cautiously ask, "Do what, son?"

Jasper looks down again, not meeting my eyes as he starts babbling, "I just thought that maybe you could adopt me and be my dad. And then I hoped Charlotte would adopt me and be my mom. Then I'd have a mom and dad again. Oh, I also meant to ask, how long are you supposed to date before you can get married, because after Charlie adopts Rose and he's dated Charlotte long enough, he's going to marry her. That would make Rose and Bella my sisters. I always wanted to have brothers and sisters, except I still wouldn't have any brothers, but that's okay 'cause it would make Emmett my brother-in-law. Right? And I'd have like this whole new family of my own again. Except I'd also kind of have like two moms and two dads 'cause that would make Charlie and Alice like my step-parents! Except that Alice feels more like a sister than a mom and I'd feel kind of weird calling her mom 'cause she's like my age or just a little bit older and she's really, really short. 'Course Charlotte is short too, but she's old, so I wouldn't mind calling her mom. Oh and I guess that would make Angela related somehow too, if she and Bella got married. Oh, I meant to ask, can gay people get married? 'Cause I want to ask Edward to marry me. Oh! Emmett would be my brother-in-law twice then. Huh, how cool is that? But I guess I'll have to wait until after we get done with all this adopting stuff before I propose. But do you think Alice can keep a secret and help me pick out rings for when I do propose to Edward? I thought about asking you to go with me but I know how Alice likes to shop. And I figured if I freaked out while shopping it'd be less gross for her to distract me by sticking her tongue down my throat than for you to. Oh, and what do two married guys call each other? Are they still husbands or something else? And do two women call each other wives? Not that it matters, since neither Edward nor I are women." Jasper finally runs out of breath and looks up with a hopeful expectant look on his face as he sucks in another breath and says, "So do you want to adopt me or what?"

All I can do is laugh as I pull him into another hug. "Son, nothing would make me more proud than to adopt you and be your father, but things are a little more complicated than that. We'll have to sit down with Charlotte and see just how much of that convoluted speech is even possible."

Jasper pulls away with a big grin, "But you'll adopt me?"

I can't help but match his grin as I say, "I'll have to discuss it with Alice and Charlotte first, but yes, if that's what you really want, of course I will. Like I said, I love you, son."

Jasper launches himself around my neck again sobbing. I hold him tight until he's able to get himself under control again. He finally pulls away, blushing and embarrassed over his outburst. I try to distract him by saying, "You know, I had no idea Charlie and Charlotte were getting married. How long have they been seeing each other?"

Jasper grins saying, "They had their first date last night. How long do you think I should wait before I start hinting that they should get hitched?"

I can't help but burst out laughing and Jasper crosses his arms, scowling at me as he pouts which just makes me laugh harder at the conniving little shit. I finally get my laughter under control and shake my head at him saying, "Son, I know you want to have a family again, but some things can't be rushed. Some people date a lifetime and never get married. I knew Alice was it for me after that first night we stayed up all night talking and telling each other our life stories. Let Charlie and Charlotte go at their own pace. Okay?"

Jasper pouts but grudgingly says, "Okay."

Sighing, I broach the subject of marriage. Carlisle had already told me that Edward had told him that he plans on marrying Jasper someday. That he just wants to give Jasper time to get used to being in a relationship so he'll be sure that Edward is the one he wants when Edward asks him. Personally, I still think the boys are rushing things. This is Jasper's first relationship and Edward's first gay relationship, so I think the longer they date the better. On the other hand, I also hope that they do make it work because they seem perfect for each other.

I carefully explain the domestic partnership program that the state of Washington has and the Bill that had been passed that gave same sex couples all the same legal rights as other married couples. Jasper looks a little disappointed but he nods as he softly says, "Okay. I think I should wait until my knee gets better and we get done with the adopting stuff first, though. What do you think, Doc?"

Nodding, I say, "I think that's a good idea on your part, Jasper. In the mean time, that'll give you and Edward time to adjust to being a couple. And it'll give Alice plenty of time to torture you by dragging you out shopping every week to find the perfect ring." Jasper groans and rolls his eyes and I just laugh at him again.

As we walk back toward the house Jasper laughs saying, "I still can't believe that I dreamed about Peter last night. Do you think he wound up being gay, too?"

Sighing, I say, "Possibly. You two were together in your formative years. Of course he could have gone on to explore the female half of the species after he left you, Jasper."

Jasper snorts and then smirks as he cockily says, "Now why would he want a nasty old girl after being with me?"

Laughing, I shake my head saying, "Why indeed. You know son, I'm enjoying seeing this playful, cocky side of you. I think this is the Jasper that would have been if…well, you know."

Jasper sighs then softly says, "Yeah, I know." Then Jasper barks out a laugh and gives me a quizzical look saying, "I just about forgot! I had the weirdest thought in my dream last night. I remember thinking that mama and daddy played the tickle game late at night 'cause I could hear them making the same whiny noises that Peter used to make when we tickled each other."

Nodding, I say, "They were very probably having intimate encounters after you were safely tucked into bed."

Jasper frowns asking, "Intimate encounters?"

Rolling my eyes, I say, "They were having sex, Jasper."

Jasper snickers and covers his face saying, "_Shut u_p! I don't want to talk about my parents having sex! That's so _gross_!" Then he drops his hands and looks at me with a really confused look on his face. "In my dream—seems like I remember thinking—that Charlotte knew how to play the tickle game with my parents when she stayed. Is that weird or what?"

Stopping, I frown at the thought. Charlotte had never even hinted of that kind of relationship with Jasper's parents. "Sometimes we just dream weird stuff, Jasper." I'm not sure if I want to raise Jasper's suspicions if I'm wrong, so I don't say anything else until we're almost back to the house then I ask, "Hey Jasper, I've been meaning to ask, where did Charlotte usually stay when she came down to visit your parents?"

Jasper shrugs then grins and waves when he sees Edward. I catch his arm before he sprints off and ask, "How many bedrooms did your house in Texas have?"

Jasper huffs at me, "Just the two, Doc. Can I go now?"

Smiling, I say, "Of course, go on. But you two need to get around so we can head to the hospital."

Jasper takes off running, yelling, "Okay!" over his shoulder at me. When Jasper gets to Edward, he jumps and Edward catches him, spinning him around in a circle. Frowning, I wonder just what Charlotte hasn't told me about her relationship with Jasper's parents.

Damn, damn, damn it all to hell! Personally, I don't care and it's none of my business if the woman was having an affair with one or both of Jasper's parents. But I swear to god, if she broadsides Jasper with some sort of confession just to ease her own conscience, and it sets him back in his progress, I'll…

I need to have a talk with Charlotte.

When I catch up to the boys, Jasper has Edward pinned up against the wall, kissing and grinding against him while whispering something into his ear about rosebuds. Edward glances at me while turning bright red, and then he buries his face into Jasper's neck giggling and whispering "Oh my god, would you shut up!"

We're just about to leave when Emmett and Rose get in from their camping trip. Emmett scoop Edward up over his shoulder and dances around while Edward yells for Emmett to put him down right now! But Emmett just whoops and hollers something about a camp chair and getting laid as he smacks Edward on the ass.

Jasper looks relieved to see them and he runs up and gives Rose a hug saying, "I was hoping you'd be back in time."

Rose hugs him back saying, "I told you that I'd be there, baby boy. Are you nervous?"

Jasper looks at Edward who kicking and screaming on Emmett's shoulder, then Jasper grins and says "Nah, I just wanted to make sure you were there to keep an eye on Edward for me. He's a nervous wreck this morning. You will watch out for him for me, won't you?"

Rose smiles and pulls Jasper into a hug whispering, "I always do, baby boy. I always do. You guys go on and we'll catch up in a bit. We just want to take a quick shower." Then she goes over and slaps Emmett on the back of the head saying, "Put him down, Emmett! They have to get going."

Emmett yells, "Ow, Rosie I was just playing!"

About that time Esme and Alice come out of the music room and Esme says, "Rose, stop hitting your um, fiancé. Boys, Alice and I brought all of your stuff down here so it will be ready for you when you get home from the hospital. So, if we're all set, I guess we need to get going."

**EPOV**

Trying to not wake Jasper, I carefully ease his head onto my lap so I can run my fingers through his hair. Shifting on the mattress, I try to take the weight off the bruise on my left ass cheek. Just thinking about how I got it makes me smile and just about gives me an erection. I don't know what it was about feeling Jasper's teeth, lips, and tongue as he bit and sucked on my ass cheeks last night but it had felt erotic as hell.

And of course, every time my shirt rubs across my nipples it's all I can do to not whimper. They're so damn sensitive from the HOURS of teasing Jasper inflicted on them last night. I swear for someone who started off last week unsure and nervous, Jasper certainly doesn't hesitate to drive me crazy and tease me when we're alone now.

After I finally get comfortable, I look up to see Emmett smirking at me with a knowing look on his face, from the doorway to the music room. When I flip him off, Emmett just grins and brings me the soda I had asked for earlier. "You want me turn some music on, little brother? You think it will help him rest?"

Nodding, I softly say, "Yeah, if you don't mind. Just play the CD in the stereo. Jasper seemed to like it last night."

Emmett starts the stereo and smiles when Claire de Lune starts playing. "Call me if you guys need anything else, Eddie."

Rolling my eyes at the usage of 'Eddie', I just nod and thank him for all of his help today. Looking back down at my sweet love, I see Jasper has a smile on his lips as he mumbles, "I like Looney Claire," and then he drifts back into a light sleep again.

Smiling and shaking my head, I shift on the mattress again as I try to find a comfortable position to sit in. But the fact is—my ass is _sore_ today. I probably shouldn't have begged Jasper to make love to me that second time last night. On second thought, the discomfort I'm feeling today is totally worth it. My sweet man had been tender and gentle as he made slow and easy love to me while softly whispering dirty things in my ear.

Now that we're settled in and things have finally calmed down, I allow myself to stop worrying and think about how incredible last night had been. My sweet love brought me to wonderful new heights of passion and pleasure with his hands, his fingers, his fucking _teeth_, his lips, his tongue—oh my god that tongue!—and of course, his cock.

And I still can't believe Jasper actually wanted to _lick_ my ass. I just about died from embarrassment when I finally found out that _that_ was what rimming is. I never dreamed people would actually do that to each other. I still don't know whether to be pissed at Emmett or to thank him for telling Jasper about rimming.

Maybe I'll have a few choice words with Emmett later, and then thank him after I get done bitching at him. Because I've never felt anything like that before! It felt beyond amazing to feel Jasper's warm wet tongue licking and probing my entrance like that, and I hope like hell that he really does want to do it again. Although I still feel guilty as hell about not wanting to do it back to Jasper. I'm afraid if I tried though, that I'd wind up barfing all over him. Just the thought of having my tongue inside an ass gags me.

I still can't get over the fact that Jasper made love to me in _that_ position when we made love last night-twice. I regretted asking him if he we could try it, almost as soon as the words were out of my mouth. I could tell how reluctant Jasper was to try. I knew that had been the position in which those bastards had hurt him so badly and I'd already decided to not ask again. I figured I could wait until Jasper felt ready, and if he never wanted to try it that way that would have been okay, too. God, I don't want to _ever_ push Jasper into doing anything he isn't ready for.

Which reminds me, I hate that I scared him last night. He was just acting so self-assured and cocky that I wasn't thinking. Thank goodness, he didn't let him get it down. He even seemed to really like the positions I showed him last night. I have to admit, I can't wait to try riding him, but I love it best when he takes control. I love how Jasper is becoming more outgoing and confident everyday—at least he is when we're alone.

When we're making love or fooling around, he's so sure and in control as he teases my body—and I love giving that control to him. Shifting again, I think about how Jasper pinned me to the wall last night in the hallway and just how big a turn on that had been. You would think after what happened with Mike that I would hate being in a situation like that. Maybe it was just because I knew it was Jasper who was doing it. All I know is I had loved feeling Jasper's body pinning me there while he talked dirty to me, making me feel almost helpless, but also knowing that I could trust him implicitly. He's so fucking perfect and loving. I don't know what I did to deserve him but I am so thankful that he's in my life.

Jasper whimpers in his sleep calling out, "Edward!"

"Shh, love, I'm right here. You're safe, Jasper." After calming Jasper back down, I run my fingers through his hair, gazing down at his pale face and red rimmed eyes. I'm hoping if I just stay here running my fingers through his hair like this that it will help him get some rest. He's definitely had a rough day of it so far.

Jasper had seemed fine all morning here at the house. We had even loved on each other for a bit, although we kind of had to hurry through it. Jasper had went for a walk and talk with the Doc, I assume to talk about the surgery. And he had still been fine when they got back. But as soon as mom said it was time to leave, Jasper had burst into tears and started shaking. We finally got him calmed down enough to get him out of the house.

We rode to the hospital in mom's car with Alice sitting up front with mom. The Doc and I sat in the backseat with Jasper between us, trying to reassure him during the ride, but by the time we got to the hospital Jasper was a sniffling, shaking mess again.

The Doc and I wound up going with Jasper when they took him back to pre-op while everybody else waited for us in the waiting room. When dad came in to check up on him and saw the shape Jasper was in, dad immediately consulted with the anesthesiologist about sedating Jasper before the surgery. Then after they both consulted with the Doc about Jasper's medication, they finally settled on which kind of sedative they needed to use and immediately gave Jasper a shot to calm him down.

Jasper was still awake but really out of it by the time Charlotte and Charlie got there. I was surprised to see the way those two were interacting. You'd think they'd been dating for years instead of just having had their first date. The Doc had looked just as surprised as I felt. Seriously, I thought his eyebrows were going to climb plumb off his face, they went so high.

I was relieved, when after Jasper asked Charlotte to hold him, that she did just that, crawling up onto the bed beside Jasper so she could wrap her arms around his neck and hold him. When Jasper sniffled and whispered to her, "I miss mama," it was all I could do to not cry myself. Especially when I watched Charlotte wipe the tears from first his face and then her own while she whispered back, "I miss her too, sweetie, both of them, so very much."

Even with the shot and with all of us there for him, my sweet man was a mess. The Doc finally made a call to Maria and put her on his speaker phone. Maria sang some Spanish lullaby that seemed to finally calmed Jasper down. The Doc would later explain to me that Maria is usually the one who accompanied Jasper to his doctor's visits and had a knack with keeping him calm.

I swear Jasper was projecting his anxiety and apprehension onto me, because by the time they wheeled him back to surgery I was an emotional wreck. It didn't help that right before he left; Jasper motioned me over and quietly asked, "Will you wait for me? If something happens and I don't wake up for a couple of years, will you still be here?"

I had assured him I would be waiting patiently. But as soon as he was out of sight and earshot, I almost collapsed crying. I was extremely grateful to have my family and the Doc there for moral support. Hell, I even appreciated seeing Sam and Michael show up to check on how things were going.

I know I visited with my family and friends but I as nervous as I was I don't remember much about what was said. I know Charlotte took Rose to the side and had a discussion with her at one point. The only reason I remember that is because of Rose yelling at Charlotte. "Are you crazy? Do you have any idea how bad that would hurt Jasper after you turned your back on him?"

Mom had jumped up and grabbed Rose and Charlotte both by the arm and dragged them outside to have a talk with them. Emmet had jumped up and followed too, with a stormy look on his face. The Doc had looked upset and curious as he watched them go, and I thought for a minute that he was going to follow everybody outside. But he had finally settled back in his chair, waiting with me and Alice as we anxiously waited for dad to come out and tell us how the surgery went.

I guess I'll find out later what was going on.

It had really been a relief when dad finally came out with news about Jasper. Dad sent me and the Doc back to the post-op area since Jasper was asking for us, and then he went outside in search of Charlotte so she could go, too.

It had been an even bigger relief when we all finally got to leave and take Jasper home. Charlotte reminded Jasper she was going to have to leave for Seattle soon to go sign some kind of papers. My poor love was ill and out of it, but he made her promise to come by the house and visit for a minute before she left.

The anesthesia really made Jasper nauseous after he woke up from his surgery. Thankfully, he never got sick enough to throw up. Mom thinks he just needed some food on his stomach. She might have been right because after we finally got some soup down him, he started to feel a little better.

Dad had told us that with the sedative on top of the anesthesia that Jasper would probably nap off and on all day, and for us to let him rest as much as he wanted. Dad also told us to keep ice packs on Jasper's knee for the rest of the day, and that he wanted Jasper to keep his leg straight for the most part, but to flex his foot around when he was awake to keep the muscles from stiffening up. Dad also insisted that Emmett and I haul Jasper up off the mattress every 2 or 3 of hours and help him walk as far as to the bathroom and back. Dad said it would probably hurt like hell but it would help with Jasper's mobility in the long run.

While Jasper keeps insisting he's not sleepy, every time he stays still for a few minutes he drifts off to sleep again. Unfortunately, it's a light sleep and he keeps waking up after just a short nap. Every time he wakes up, he's in a panic calling out for me. I fear either the remnants of anesthesia in his system or maybe the pain pills are giving him nightmares.

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**Strange place to end it, put I'm at 12,00+ words and I needed to get something out there...**

**Hopefully, the next chapter won't take nearly as long. **

**OH! And happy holidays!**


	41. Chapter 41

**Disclaimer: All Twilight characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. The plot is my own.**

**As always, many thanks for all the lovely reviews, favorites and even to all ya'll lurkers who just like to come back and read. I hope you're all still enjoing the story. I have a few more chapters in this timeline and then things will finally move forward several months. These boys just refuse to get in a hurry. **

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR **

**CHAPTER 41 ****(**_**Tuesday morning…after the surgery**_**)**

**JPOV**

With a whimper and a jerk, I wake from yet another dream with my heart pounding and my hand reaching for Edward. I keep dreaming the same horrible dream about waking up in the hospital only to find myself years older and alone again. I hate it. That dream is even scarier than dreaming about James and his fucking knife.

Forcing myself to wake up more, I blink my eyes open so I can see that my beautiful man really is here with me. It's hard to focus my eyes though. They keep trying to roll up in the back of my head. Fuck, I feel woozy. I've had sedatives before. Heck, pretty much every time I've had to go in for a yearly check-up. But the one that Carlisle gave me in the hospital this morning sure has thrown me for a loop—must be because I had anesthesia this morning too.

I can't believe I freaked out so bad before we left the house. But when Esme dear said it was time to go to the hospital, the thought popped into my head that the last time Carlisle operated on me was the night I took my trip to the twilight zone and I lost almost three years of my life. I was terrified that it was going to happen again. Suddenly everything had seemed way too real, too big, and too scary to deal with.

Gazing up at Edward, I feel calmer just looking at him even though he looks as tired as I feel. He's dozed off at the moment with his fingers threaded through my hair, his head bowed, and his chest rising and falling in gentle even breaths. I guess he must have really stressed out worrying about me panicking this morning. I hate that I worried him. But sometimes no matter how much my head tells me that everything is going to be okay, my body still freaks out.

When Edward's stomach growls, I manage a half smile. How funny is that? It's usually my stomach growling, not his. And of course _that_ thought sets my stomach to growling too. Damn, I guess that soup I ate earlier is already gone. But I try to ignore my growling stomach for now. I think right now my beautiful man needs to rest more than I need to eat.

When I try to shift on the mattress, I hiss at the pain that shoots through my knee. Oh fuck, that really hurts! Groaning, I close my eyes and try to ignore it. And of course as soon as my eyes close, the pull of sleep tries to drag me back under, even with the pain.

Fuck, I'm sick of sleeping and dreaming about waking up alone. Forcing my eyes back open again, I struggle to keep them that way. Licking my lips with a dry tongue, I decide I'm really thirsty and eye the soda can sitting on the floor beside Edward. I bet if I sit up and stretch a little bit I could reach it.

Yeah, I'll do that.

In a minute.

Yawning, my last thought before I slip back to sleep is—stupid fucking shot.

**EPOV**

I meant to just close my eyes to let them rest for a few minutes but I think I must have dozed off because the next thing I know, I'm jerking awake to the soft sound of mom's voice from the doorway asking, "How is he, Edward?"

After startling awake, I glance guiltily up at mom. But then mom and I both look down at Jasper and smile when Jasper yawns and whispers from my lap, "He's hungry."

Running my fingers through Jasper's hair, I ask, "Feeling any better, love?"

Jasper looks up and meets my eyes, giving me a droopy-eyed sleepy smile before nodding and quietly saying, "Yeah, kind of. Help me sit up for a while? Maybe I can stay awake this time if I sit up."

Mom immediately calls for Emmett, who is there so fast I have to wonder if he had been waiting on the other side of the doorway. Emmett helps me pull Jasper up into a sitting position, and then rearrange all the pillows behind Jasper's back and under his knee until he is comfortable again.

By the time we're done moving him around, Jasper is pale and trembling with tears in his eyes. But he never makes a sound as he keeps his mouth clamped shut, gritting his teeth, and breathing hard through his nose with his fists clenched tight in the sheets. I know he has to be in pain but he doesn't let out any kind of sound. I think he's afraid of slipping and cussing in front of mom if he opens his mouth.

There's no fooling mom though. She kneels on the mattress on the other side of Jasper and brushes his hair back out of his face as she softly says, "It's been long enough since your surgery that the shot Carlisle gave you in your knee for pain is probably wearing off. I can give you a pain pill in about…," she glances up at the clock, "10 more minutes if you need it, dear."

Jasper swallows and nods before quietly saying in a hoarse voice, "That might be a really good idea. I surely am hurting, ma'am."

Mom nods saying, "Since you're hungry, and since it would probably be a good idea to take your pill with food to keep you from getting nauseated again. How about I heat up a big bowl of soup and bring your medication in here with that?"

Jasper sighs and looks up at mom with those big, puppy dog, pleading eyes of his as he asks, "Okay, but do you got any _real_ food?"

Mom bites her lip, trying to hide her smile before asking, "How does fried chicken, mashed potatoes, bisucuits and gravy, corn, and a nice green salad sound?"

Jasper's eyes light up and he tries to sit up a little straighter while saying, "That sounds _really_ good. Can I have that?"

Mom smiles even bigger before saying, "Yes you can—for supper. For now, and until I know you're over your nausea, you're having more soup and as many fluids as I can get down you."

Jasper makes a face and whines out a disappointed, "Ah, man," before sinking back down onto the pillows looking disgusted.

I snicker at him and he gives me the evil eye and sticks his tongue out. But then his eyes flicker over to where mom and Alice had brought down his backpack, laptop, and drawing supplies this morning. I don't understand the sudden smirk and the satisfied 'I've got a secret' look on his face that disappears and turns innocent almost as fast as it showed up. I give him a disbelieving look when he sighs and looks up at mom, batting his eyes as he quietly says, "Thank you, Esme dear, soup will be great. I truly appreciate everything you and your family have done for me."

Emmett coughs into his hand covering up the words, "Suck up!"

Mom turns around and glares at Emmett saying, "Will you behave yourself! I swear you and Rose have totally forgotten your manners this morning!"

While mom has her back to Jasper, he gives Emmett the evil eye and sticks his tongue out at him too. But as soon as mom starts turning back around, Jasper's face goes back to that innocent look. All I can do is roll my eyes and shake my head at him, although I do feel a little relieved as well. I guess Jasper really is feeling a little bit better—even if he is in a lot of pain.

But then Jasper gets a panicked look on his face and grabs my hand when mom stands up and motions for me to follow her as she says, "Edward, I want you to come with me to the kitchen and eat a little something. I'll let you carry Jasper's tray back to him when I finish getting it ready. Emmett can sit with Jasper until you're finished eating."

I can't stand the thought of leaving Jasper when he's obviously scared but when I try to protest mom says, "Edward, you haven't eaten all day and you'll not do Jasper any good if you wind up getting sick."

Jasper's panicked look instantly turns to concern as he turns to me. "What! Edward, why haven't you eaten anything yet?"

Embarrassed at his concern and _scolding_ tone, I explain, "Jasper, I didn't want to eat breakfast in front of you when you couldn't eat this morning, and I was too worried at the hospital to even think about eating. And honestly, I haven't even thought about food since we got home." The longer I talk the more disapproving a look Jasper gives me and I finally wind up whining at him, "Jasper, I wanted to stay in here and take care of you, baby."

But Jasper crosses his arms and frowns at me saying, "Esme dear is right, Edward. You need to go eat. I'll…I'll be alright with Emmett." Then he looks up at Emmett and hesitantly asks, "You will stay with me? Won't you, Em?"

Emmett grins while flopping down on the mattress, on the other side of Jasper where mom just got up from while exclaiming, "Of course, I will!" Then he leans in closer whispering, "You can give me all the details about how the rimming thing went last night and I'll tell you about the toys me and Rose played with."

Jaspers grunts and winces when Emmett flops down on the mattress but then he rolls his eyes mumbling "Toys, jeez."

When Emmett flops down on the mattress I hiss at him, "Would you be more careful!" But when I hear what he whispers to Jasper, my face instantly heats up in embarrassment as I whisper, "Oh my god, _shut up_!" I am definitely going to kick my brother's ass later. Glancing sideways at mom, I hope like hell she didn't hear Emmett, or if she did, that she doesn't have a clue what he's talking about. Luckily, she's already over by the door waiting for me.

Of course I forget all about being embarrassed when Jasper pulls me into a hug whispering "Take your time eating, beautiful. But then hurry back. Okay?"

Wrapping my arms around him, I nuzzle my face into his neck whispering, "I will, love. I won't be long."

When I pull back, he manages another droopy-eyed sleepy smile before teasing me. "Now you be sure and take care of my favorite rosebud."

Barking out a laugh, my face flames up hot again as my eyes dart over to mom and I whisper back, "Jasper, would you shut up about rosebuds!"

Jasper just smiles again before pushing me off the mattress, and then he yawns a huge yawn before blinking sleepily up at mom. "Make sure Edward eats a lot, Esme dear. He's going to need all the energy he can get later." Seeing mine and mom's wide-eyed open-mouthed shocked look and hearing Emmett's snicker, Jasper looks at all of us with a confused look explaining, "You know, for when Edward has to help Emmett haul me up and walk me back and forth to the bathroom every couple of hours—like Carlisle said I had to do. I'm way too woozy to walk it on my own."

Mom giggles like a school girl saying, "Of _course_, dear. I knew that's what you meant. Come on, Edward. Let's go get you fed so we can bring Jasper back some food."

As I follow mom through the living room and down the hallway to the kitchen mom giggles again before saying, "That Jasper is one adorable young man, Edward, but I really hope he doesn't think I was fooled by that whole innocent look he was trying to pull off. Now tell me exactly what kind of food he has stashed in that backpack of his. I need to know if it's something that will make him sick or not."

**JPOV**

I try to give Emmett an intimidating scowl but I think my yawn ruins the effect because he's still holding my backpack just out of my reach whining, "Only if I can have one too, Jasper. Come on, Rose rushed me around so fast this morning that I barely had any breakfast. Come on, please? I'll even sneak you in a package of cookies later."

Licking my lips at the thought of cookies, I ask, "Chocolate chip?" When Emmett nods I say, "Fine. You can have one too."

Emmett grins from ear to ear and grabs one of my granola bars out of it before handing me my backpack. His phone buzzes and he pulls it out of his pocket and stares at it while snickering. Then he starts pushing at the buttons on his phone as he eats. Wondering what the hell he's doing, I inhale three of the granola bars while watching him nibble and tap away at his phone.

Emmett laughs again and sets his phone aside. My curiosity finally gets the better of me and I ask, "Whatcha doin, Em?"

He grins at me saying, "That was Eddie. Mom wanted him to tell me to not let you eat anything out of that backpack of yours. She's afraid it might make you sick. Don't worry though, I told him to tell her that I had confiscated all the food and put it up out of your reach. So whatever you do, don't puke when they come back or both of our asses will be in trouble." He laughs again and winks at me.

Damn, do all moms know when you're trying to be sneaky? At least Emmett didn't tell on me. I guess I should thank him. Eyeing the last two granola bars in my pack, I sigh and offer him one of them. We scarf those down in no time before finishing Edward's soda and the bottle of water that was in my pack too. Emmett grabs his phone and starts pushing buttons again as he tells me he's reminding Edward to bring more drinks when he comes back.

Seeing my curiosity, Emmett shows me what he's doing on his phone and explains about texting. I remember the guy at the phone store talking about texting, and yes I've even heard about texting before, but this is the first time I've ever watched anybody do it. Huh, how cool is that. Still, I wonder why they didn't just call each other and talk on the phone. Or hell, do what Peter and I used to do and just yell across the house at each other.

'Course mama always got pissed off when Peter and I used to do that. She was always threatening to box our ears. And Peter's mom would always chase around the house swinging a belt and threatening to beat us black and blue if we didn't quit screaming like heathens. Although she never actually managed to hit us and we were all laughing and hollering at each other more than anything. Hmm, maybe Esme dear doesn't like her kids yelling at each other across the house either. It must be a mom thing.

Of course moms seem to always have a different set of rules for themselves than they do for their kids. One time I was supposed to be over at Peter's but I had snuck home to get something, I don't even remember what it was now, but mama and Charlotte were yelling each other's names at each other. I remember wondering why they were even yelling at each other when they were both in bedroom. I remember thinking grownups are so weird.

Anyway, I better keep it in mind in the future that Esme dear does not like any kind of yelling. About that time we hear something that sounds like Esme dear squealing with happiness all the way at the other end of the house. See what I mean—different rules for moms! Knowing that I will actually have a future here with this family makes me smile. Remembering that the Doc is going to talk to Charlotte about all the adoption stuff later makes my heart swell with hope. I can't believe I might actually have a family of my own again! Huh, I wonder what Charlotte thinks about people yelling across the house at each other. Not that I plan on living with her.

When we finish eating, Emmett helps me sweep up all the crumbs and pick up all the wrappers and then stuff them down in the trashcan. My face heats up and my eyes go wide when I realize that it's the same trashcan that was up in Edward's room last night—and that it's now empty—or at least it was before we put the wrappers in it. Holy fuck! Does that mean that either Esme dear or Alice emptied it when they brought everything down here this morning? Oh crap, I bet they saw the used condoms and baby wipes that were in it. That's both fucking gross and embarrassing!

Emmett snickers saying, "Dude, calm down. Your face has 'freaked-out' written all over it. After everybody left this morning and before Rose and I headed out to the hospital, I dumped your trash and brought down your supplies for you guys. I know you're not going to feel like doing much today and maybe even not tomorrow, but I figured you and Eddie may need your supplies at _some_ point during the week." He laughs a little louder and ruffles my hair saying, "I'm guessing by the trashcan and baby wipes I found in your room that you two got mom's no-flushing-condoms-down-the-toilet-speech last night?"

Smiling, I nod and blush in embarrassment even as I sigh in relief. Emmett just laughs at me some more and I roll my eyes at him as I yawn another jaw cracking yawn. Fuck, I can't believe I'm still so sleepy. Wait. Did he say he brought down all our supplies? Looking over, I see a stack of towels behind where my backpack was just lying and what looks like the boxes of our condoms and the bottle of lube tucked in under the towels. Wow, I really love Edward's brother. Then the guitar hanging on the wall over the supplies catches my eye and I turn back to Emmett asking, "Hey, Em? Whose guitar is that? Do you know how to play it? Do you think I could try to play it?"

Emmett grins as he says, "That's my guitar and yeah, I can play it. Although I was never as good at playing it as Edward is at the piano. I can play a really mean flute, though." Then he purses his lips and brings his hands up and moves his fingers like he's actually playing. I snicker at the thought of big old Emmett playing an itty bitty flute and he laughs, flipping me the bird while saying in a sarcastic voice, "Ha, ha, ha, laugh it up, dick wad." Then he grins again as he jumps up and takes the case down. Bringing it back with him, he sits back down on the mattress and opens the case, before pulling out the guitar and handing it to me as he sets the case off to the side.

I try to sit up a little more but hiss and whimper when the pain in my knee feels like it shoots every-fucking-where. Oh fuck that hurts! I'm beginning to wonder why the _hell_ I thought having my knee operated on was such a good idea. It's been a long fucking time since I've felt this much pain.

Thankfully, Emmett helps me out and moves the pillows around again until I'm sort of comfortable. I try to ignore the pain but that's getting harder to do since its starting to throb in time with my heartbeat now. Gritting my teeth, I concentrate on the beautiful guitar in my hands but then my mind blanks out when I try to remember how to play it. Frustrated, I hit the mattress with my fist. Then I whimper and my eyes fill with tears as another bolt of pain shoots through my knee. It's not fucking fair! I can't believe that I can remember every fucking detail about _that night_ but when I try to think past that night everything gets all fucked up in my head. I want to go back and change things to the way they were before that fucking night ever happened! I'm so sick and tired of doing all this on my own! I want my mama and dad!

I don't even realize I said that last bit out loud until I feel Emmett pulling me into a hug whispering, "Shh, it's okay, baby bro. I know you miss your parents but you're not alone. You've got Edward and he loves you more than anything. You've also got the rest of us for a family now and we all love you too."

I feel uncomfortable having Emmett give me a hug. He's bigger than me and it almost feels like I'm a kid again. It reminds me too much of the last time an adult had his arms around me when I was a kid. But I don't want to hurt Emmett's feeling, and I manage to hug him back for just a few seconds before carefully pulling away and softly saying, "Thanks, Em, I love all you guys too. Sorry, I'm acting like such a baby."

Emmett shakes his head saying, "You're kidding, right? Jay, you're not a baby. Hell, you're one of the bravest, strongest guys I've ever met. I really admire you, man. Hell, if what happened to you had happened to me, I'd be curled up in a ball in a padded room in some loony bin somewhere."

I actually snort out a laugh at that as I quirk an eyebrow at him saying, "You do know I lived in a loony bin for almost five years. Don't you?"

Emmett's eyes go wide as he says, "Damn Jay, I forgot all about that. Jeez, Emmett, way to open mouth and insert foot! Sorry dude."

I shrug that it's okay but I also ask, "Why the fuck do you keep calling me Jay?" Grimacing, I slap a hand over my mouth, my eyes darting to the door. I can't believe I said fuck out loud. Fuck! What if Esme dear had been coming back in here!

Emmett laughs at me saying, "Calm down, it's cool, Jay. Mom's not going to be back for a few more minutes anyway. But even if she did hear you, she knows you're drugged up right now. Anyway to answer your question, I figured if you're going to call me Em, then I can call you Jay—it's only fair, dude. Now, tell me _Jay_. Would you like me to show you how to play that guitar? I'd be more than happy to, baby bro."

I guess I am still out of it, I didn't even notice I was calling him Em. Duh. Embarrassed again, I roll my eyes again as I yawn and then I smile while handing him his guitar back. Some of my memories come back as I watch Emmett play. In between my yawns, my eyes tear up and I smile a lot as I remember my dad sitting me on his lap, teaching me the guitar. Emmett bumps shoulder with me every now and then to get my attention so he can show me where my fingers go for the different chords. When I take my turn at the guitar, I actually manage to strum a few correctly the first time I try. Emmett has a lot of patience teaching me the different chords as we pass the guitar back and forth while chatting. "Hey, Em? I meant to ask yesterday but you guys took off for camping too fast. How'd the job interview go?"

Emmett huffs out a laugh saying, "It went great. They actually made me an even better offer than the one I got here at Forks. I asked them if I could take a couple of days to give them my final answer. They said I could take until noon Friday and if they hadn't heard from me by then, they were going to go with their second choice. Rose and I were up most of the night last night trying to figure out which would be the better opportunity for us in the long run. Income wise, we'd do better in Seattle. Plus my best friend, Ben, lives there. Heck, he's one of the reasons Rose, Alice, Edward and I moved there to begin with. Rose and I had hoped we could go back to the way Rose, Ben, and I had hung out every day when we lived in Forks, and we have for the most part this last month. It's been awesome!"

"So, you're probably going to take the Seattle job?"

"Not so fast, Jay, see if Rose and I moved here we'd be closer to mom and dad, which would thrill Rose. Plus, we'd own property and own our house outright by the time it was built—which will be a big plus when we get ready to adopt kids. And we really want to adopt a bunch of kids; we love 'em. The problem is I'm not sure if Rose can handle being that far away from Bubs. I don't know if you've noticed but she kind of mother hens him. Plus, I'd really miss seeing Ben every day. I mean heck, we all just got back together again after being away so long for college. I thought we'd have more time together before, you know, life got in the way."

"Wow that is a lot of stuff to think about. Wait you guys are going to adopt? How come you don't just…Oh, can Rose not have a baby?"

Emmett grimaces and rubs the back of his neck asking, "Did Edward not say anything about what happened to Rose when she was a kid?" When I shake my head no, he sighs and nods before saying, "Right. Well, he may be right. That might be something I should let Rose tell you. I'll just say something bad happened to her when she was little and she can't have babies now. But really even if she could have a baby, she'd have to find somebody else to father it. I can't make a baby either."

"Why"

Emmett laughs. "Edward and I got into wrestling match this one time, which normally wouldn't be a problem. But we were in the top of a tree this particular time and the limb we were on broke. Needless to say, we had a hell of a long plunge before we hit bottom, and we hit every other damn limb on the tree on the way down. We both wound up with at least one crack rib, a concussion, a bunch of bruises and scrapes, and at one point, I uh, wound up landing with a limb between my legs. Anyway, I hit so hard it damaged my, um, tubes or uh, sperm maker, or whatever."

Wincing, I whisper, "Ouch."

Emmett nods saying, "You have no idea. And of course, our asses hurt almost as bad as the rest of our injuries by the time dad got done with us."

My eyes go wide as I ask, "Did Carlisle spank you guys?"

Emmett laughs and shakes his no. "Nah, dad has never spanked us. When we got healed from our injuries, he hauled us into his study and lectured us for eight hours straight, three days running. Edward and I both were ready to shoot ourselves by the time dad ran out of steam. Needless to say we never wrestled in a tree anymore." Emmett laughs and I snicker at him, but then a more serious question occurs to me and I stop laughing and swallow nervously before hesitantly asking, "Hey, Em? Will you tell me what happened to you when you were a kid? I mean, how did you lose your parents?"

Emmett doesn't seem bothered or surprised by my question. He just seems a little sad as he sighs and nods. "It happened when I was I eight years old. I had a huge family: my parents, three baby brothers, one baby sister, both sets of grandparents, and tons of aunts, uncles, and cousins on both sides. Hell, I even still had a great, great grandma still alive. We all got together every year for this huge family get together at my great, great grandma's old family homestead out in the middle of nowhere. This place was huge, Jay. I think she and her husband raised 12 kids in it. The place was built by her husband's father, or maybe his grandfather, it was at least a hundred years old. Anyway, when we had our family get-togethers there, all the adults and the littlest kids stayed in the house and the older kids stayed in the barn. It was like a rite of passage getting to stay in that barn, because all the older kids sat up half the night telling scary stories, smoking cigarettes they had stolen from their parents, or doing other stuff they weren't supposed to be doing. A few of the older cousins that were only related my marriage would go up in the loft and get it on while the younger guys found ways to sneak up and watch."

Emmett takes another big breath and wipes a shaky hand across his face before continuing. "I know all that from one of my slightly older cousins. I never got to experience any of it. Usually, all the parents said you had to be ten before you got to stay in the barn but I was big for my age, so my parents let me go out there the year that I was eight. Nobody knows for sure how the fire started, but it was in the middle of the night while everybody was asleep. That old house went up like a dried up Christmas tree does when you put a match to it. The older kids wouldn't let any of us younger kids look outside to see what was going on and I guess I'm thankful for that. But it didn't stop us from hearing all the screaming. God, I used to have nightmares about those screams. A few of the parents made it out of the house, but not very many. I lost both of mine and all my baby brothers and sister. There wasn't enough family left to take in all the kids that were left without parents so the state had to take most of us in."

A tear tracks down my face and I hurriedly wipe it away. Emmett looks over at me and smiles as he bumps shoulders with me saying, "Hey, don't cry, baby bro. I think I wound up better than most of my cousins when I got adopted by the Cullen's. I've had a great life with them."

Swallowing back my tears, I nod and hand him the guitar. Things are quiet for several minutes as I watch Emmett pick at the guitar. Eventually he sighs and asks, "Can I ask you a personal question, Jay?"

Shrugging I say, "Sure."

"That lady, Ms. Hale, you guys are related, right?"

Nodding, I mumble around another yawn, "Yeah, Charlotte laid an egg and my mama hatched it."

Emmett barks out a laugh and incredulously asks, "What?"

Rolling my eyes, my face heats up when I realize I said that stupid baby stuff that my parents had told me when I was younger. Rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands I say, "I mean Charlotte donated her eggs, and the doctors used my dad's sperm and implanted it in my mama so she could have a baby." There that sounded more grown up.

Emmett bumps my shoulder to get my attention again and then hands me the guitar back saying, "Oh, right, that's cool. Well you look just like her, man."

Concentrating on picking out the chords I've learned so far, I shrug saying, "Yeah, as far as genetics go, Charlotte is technically my mom, even though my mama gave birth to me."

Emmett frowns looking deep in thought. Then he says, "Alice told me and Rose that when you asked Charlotte to be your mama that she turned you down."

That enrages me so bad that I snap at him. "I _never_ asked Charlotte to be my mama! I'll only ever have one mama and nobody will ever replace her! I asked Charlotte to be my mom. That's different!"

Emmett's eyes go wide and he starts apologizing, "Sorry, Jay. Calm down, baby bro. I didn't realize the difference. My bad. Sorry, man."

Embarrassed by my outburst, especially after what he just told me about his past and with him being so nice to me today, I softly say, "Sorry I snapped at you, Em. There's a big difference between the two in my head but you couldn't have known that. I'm sorry my emotions are all over the place today. I'm acting like an asshole."

"Hey, don't worry about it, Jay. You're not an asshole. You're just in a lot of pain so it's no wonder you're a little irritable and moody right now. Trust me. Been there, done that. Anyway, what I really wanted to ask is how do you two get along now?"

Sighing, I try to decide how much I want to tell him. I really wanted to wait and see what Charlotte tells the Doc before I started telling other people about the adopting stuff I want to happen. Plus, I wanted to tell Edward before I told anybody else. But now I'm curious so I ask, "Why do you want to know?"

Emmett rubs at his chin looking conflicted and pissed off as he stares into space. Finally he sighs, saying, "Look. Rose told me not to say anything but I think you should know. Rose and Charlotte got into a big argument at the hospital this morning."

My eyes go wide at the thought of those two going at it. Wow, I wish I could have watched that: a battle of wills between bossy Charlotte who never backs down from anything once she makes up her mind and my Freddy with the fucking knives for fingers mamma bear. I bet that was a sight to see! I wonder who won. Then I wonder what the fuck they were fighting about. "What were they arguing about, Em?"

Emmett puffs his cheeks up before blowing the air between is pursed lips. Looking up like he searching for the right words he asks, "Did you know Rose's last name used to be Hale?"

Frowning, I think about that, although it's kind of hard to think right now, my head is still fuzzy feeling. Hmm, seems like I did hear Esme dear scolding Rose a couple of times this weekend. She even called her the dreaded three names. And it seems like those three names were Rosalie Hale Cullen. Yeah that's right I remember thinking it cool that we had the same middle name. But I hadn't realized Hale used to be her last name. No wait. Maybe somebody did say something about Hale being her last name at the picnic when they were talking about Charlie adopting her. I'm not sure now.

How in the world did Hale go from her last name to her middle name? What? When you get adopted they just add your new name on at the end? So her name was just Rosalie Hale? I wonder if she was named after somebody like I was. I got my first name, Jasper, from my dad's dad. I'm pretty sure my middle name, Hale, is because it's Charlotte's last name and Mom and dad wanted to include Charlotte, or thank her, or whatever, for donating her egg to mom so I could be born. Then again my mom's name was Helen and dad always called her Hel, and Hale kind of sounds like Hel. So maybe Hale was a way to kind of name me after mom and Charlotte both? Huh, weird, I really never thought of it like that before.

So did they make Roses's middle name Hale because she didn't have a middle name or did she just drop her middle name and keep her original last name and use it for a new middle name when the Cullen's adopted her? Will I have to lose my middle name when the Doc adopts me? Lose the middle name and keep my last name as a middle name, too: Jasper Whit lock Sim?

Damn, I really don't want to lose the name Hale. It makes me feel closer to Charlotte and my mama, and now it makes me feel closer to my mamma bear Rose, too. I love that my mama bear is named Rose because she's as sweet as any flower, but you better watch out, she's got a thorny side too! Ha, ha, I'm so funny. Hey, I wonder if Emmett knows if Rose ever had a different middle name before the Cullen's adopted her. Looking at Emmett, I ask, "Did Rose ever have a different middle name? Did she have to give it up when she changed her name?"

Emmett gives me a funny look then says, "She sort of kept it, she just added it to her first name. She went from Rosa Leigh Hale to Rosalie Hale Cullen but she could have kept it as Rosa Leigh Hale Cullen if she had really wanted to. Mom actually helped her come up with her name saying it kept a connection to her past—and yet gave her a fresh start with a unique new name too. Rose loved it."

Nodding, I think that was a cool ideal. Hey, if she could have had that many middle names, then maybe I can keep both Hale and Whitlock and just add Sim on at the end after the Doc adopts me. That would make me: Jasper Hale Whitlock Sim. Yeah, I like that a lot better. Then when Charlotte adopts me I'll just rearrange where Hale is in my name: Jasper Whitlock Sim Hale. And then when Edward and I get married I can even add Cullen on at the end of all of that too! Let's see when I get done with everything that would make me: Jasper Whitlock Sim Hale Cullen. Yeah, that's perfect, although that's kind of a lot of writing but I guess I can always just sign Jasper Cullen.

I wonder how Rose is planning on changing her name after the adoption. I guess she'll want to give up Cullen completely so nobody will say anything when she and Emmett get married. Besides she'll go back to Cullen after the wedding anyway. Let's see after the adoption that would make her: Rosalie Hale Sw…Oh! "Hey, Em! I got a really cool idea!"

I'm confused when I tell Emmett my idea though. He looks at me like I've totally lost my shit. Then he laughs until he has tears running down his face. And then just to confuse me even more, when he finally stops laughing he hugs my neck again saying, "Sounds like a great plan, Jay. Go for it." I'm not sure if he's making fun of me or not and it kind of hurts my feeling that he might be. I guess he can tell though because he says, "I mean it, Jay. If that's what you really want, and if you think you can really talk everybody into it, then I think it's a great idea. Do it, man."

I finally relax and nod at him saying, "Okay. It won't hurt to try. Right? Hey, you never did tell me what Rose and Charlotte were fighting about."

Emmett snickers saying, "I don't think it matters now, Jay. It was just a slight misunderstanding between two stubborn as hell Hale women." Then his eyebrows go up and he grins even bigger saying, "Wouldn't it be cool if they were related?"

I nod and grin back. "I'd like nothing more than to have more real family but Charlotte says the only living relative she has left is her father and he's a dickhead." Emmett gives me a weird look and I say, "What? That's what Charlotte says! I've never even met the man, myself. Hey! Wouldn't he be my grandpa? I wonder if Charlotte would take me to meet him sometime. Surely a dickhead grandpa is better than none. Right? Oh wait, I can't go back to Texas. There's just way too much sunshine down there. I wonder if he'd come up here? Hmmm…,"

Scratching my chin, I swish my lips back and forth and try to figure out how I get Charlotte to bring my grandpa up here so I can meet him. But then I'm distracted when Emmett asks, "What's wrong with you that you have to stay out of the sun, anyway?"

Grinning, I say, "I have the vampire disease." Emmett blinks at me with a blank look on his face.

Snickering, I say, "It's called cutaneous porphyria. I got the kind you inherit but thankfully it's actually a mild case of it. It affects some people so bad that they have internal problems too. I got real lucky and only have problems when I go out in direct sunlight. Of course if I was to stay out in the sunlight for too long it could turn serious in a hurry. And I don't want to get blistered too bad either 'cause I'm more susceptible to skin cancer. That's why I try to be careful all the time."

I do another jaw cracking yawn and rub at my eyes with the heels of my hands saying, "I try to use everything I can find that's hypoallergenic or for sensitive skin too, just because my skin gets irritated so easily. You should have seen my face the other night when I got some hot dip on it. My eyes were burning and I got these red welts and Edward had to get me into the shower to rinse me off. Actually that was the first time we ever got completely naked together, which I didn't mind at all. Actually it was pretty damn hot to finally see him naked with water running down his body. Although I could have done without the burning skin and feeling like I had messed everything up. But things got even better after I got my first taste of Edward and felt his hands on me. It was so good my knees almost buckled."

Realizing that I'm rambling, I drop my hands and look at Emmett to see him smiling at me and shaking his head. Then he gets a mischievous look on his face and bumps shoulders with me again before asking, "So how'd it go last night? Weren't you going to tell me about the whole rimming experience?"

Blushing, I look down and smile as I ask, "What did you want to know?" Thankfully, Emmett doesn't really ask any detailed questions or anything too personal. He just seems curious about if it was gross or not to lick an ass. I feel like laughing, since that was what Edward was so freaked out about too.

Instead of laughing, and since he really seems curious, I explain, "Your dad said we should either use some kind of dental dam or do it during or right after a shower. Since I had no idea what the hell a dental dam was, I tried it in the shower first but Edward freaked out that I wanted to lick his ass. After I explained what I was doing, I decided to go ahead and get comfortable and try the rimming thing on the bed. Now when you rim somebody in the shower it tastes as sweet and clean as a cock does with water running over it, but when you rim after a shower it has a manly, musky, salty flavor—kind of like a cock, maybe even a little like cum—only more bitter tasting." Then I remember who I'm talking too. "Oh wait, I guess you wouldn't know how a cock or cum tastes."

When I look up at him, I think I must have embarrassed him, because Emmett is red faced and looking down with a small smile on his face now. He laughs quietly then looks toward the door before looking back and softly saying, "I can't believe you asked my dad about rimming. He chewed my ass out at the hospital this morning. Anyway, since you're actually sharing with me, I thought I'd share with you too. I, um, actually do know how that tastes. Well, not the in the shower part or the rimming thing, but the rest of it. I might have experimented a little—way back when we still lived in Chicago. But don't tell anybody. Okay?"

I think that sedative must have really fucked up my head today. Seriously, he couldn't have shocked me more if he had suddenly sprouted two heads. I rub my eyes and look at him again; just to make sure I'm still talking to Emmett. He laughs and pushes on my shoulder saying, "What? I was 14 and curious. All my friends were gay and I got really close to my best friend, Collin. I mean it wasn't a romance thing. We didn't have feelings for each other. As a matter of fact, he was crazy about this older guy and wanted to know how to do stuff before asking him out and I was curious so I volunteered to experiment with him. All we did was hand jobs and blow jobs though. I never had the nerve to do more than that."

"Does Edward know?"

"No! _Nobody_ but Rose knows and I'd like to keep it that way. I'm pretty sure mom and dad suspected because they were always asking me if I was gay back then. I always told them no because I wasn't gay. Now if they had asked me if I was maybe bi-curious back then I probably would have had to say yes to that."

Searching his face, I ask, "Are you still, um, bi-curious?"

Emmett starts running his hand through his hair, like Edward does when he's nervous, and then he shakes his head saying, "Curious? No. I made my choice. I love Rose and I'm marrying her."

"What? You made a choice between Rose and somebody else?"

"Huh? No, no, no, that's not what I meant. There was no choosing to do. Rose has been it for me ever since we kind of rediscovered each other, way back on our trip here to Forks from Chicago. Now maybe if Rose and I hadn't…then maybe…but no Rose is my everything and always will be." Emmett drops his hands and sighs, staring off into space looking deep in thought and kind of—wistful.

A few minutes later he shakes his head like he's waking himself up. He grins as he bumps me with his shoulder asking, "So what were you teasing Edward about with the rosebud comment earlier? Does Edward want you to court him with flowers?"

I'm embarrassed again because I didn't realize Emmett heard me when I said that earlier, but I tell him it's kind of personal. Emmett simply says, "Okay," and changes the subject. But his comment of courting Edward with flowers gives me an idea. Grinning from ear to ear, I ask him if he'll help me do something to surprise Edward. When I explain what I want to do. Emmett grins, agrees to help, and we plan out just how, when, and where we're going to do it. He says the perfect cover will be to have some delivered to Rose from him, besides if she finds out I ordered some for Edward and he didn't get any for her she'd kick his ass. Laughing, he picks up the phone and makes a call.

When he gets off the phone, I try to pick out a tune I heard on the radio the other day and Emmett corrects me when I get the chords wrong. While we're doing that, he starts talking about camping with Rose last night. When Emmett starts describing some of the things they did and the toys they used, my eyes go wide and I listen with disbelief.

What. The. Fuck?

**EPOV**

Mom scolds me saying, "Edward slow down before you choke on your food. Jasper will be fine with Emmett for a few minutes. I want you two boys to have a healthy relationship and not become so co-dependent on each other that neither you, nor he, gets to where you can't cope if you're alone."

Rolling my eyes I say, "Mom we know that and we've already planned out the things we're going to do, both together as a couple and separately as individuals when we get back home. I'm just worried about Jasper right now because he was so upset this morning. I'm worried about him having another panic attack."

Mom smiles saying, "I'm proud to hear that, Edward. I was a little worried. Now I know you worry about him, it's only natural to worry about the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with. God know your father went through the same thing with me when we first _married_. But Jasper needs to learn that he can depend on everybody in this family, not just you. Trust me, the more people that Jasper can learn to trust to support and love him, the healthier he'll be in the long run. I've already discussed this with Alistair and he agrees with me. That poor, sweet young man has had such a tragic life. He deserves a happy, healthy, long life—with you by his side as his _husband_, of course."

I have to smile at my mom's not so subtle hints. I really want to marry Jasper more than anything. So I tell her about my plans to find the perfect ring so I can propose to him. I swear mom has Alice beat in the squealing department. I think I go temporarily deaf in my right ear when she grabs me into a hug, squealing with happiness. Then Mom suggests that I have Rose help me pick out rings since she's better at keeping secrets than Alice.

We excitedly discuss where I'm going to propose to Jasper and Mom suggests _several_ different romantic locations in the Seattle/Tacoma area. I decide that I may have to find some way to get Alice to take Jasper shopping, without letting her know why I need him out of the house. I have to have time to check them all out properly. I feel a bit guilty about subjecting Jasper to more Alice shopping but I want everything to be perfect when I propose to him. I just have to find the perfect spot.

We both pause and look down the hall when we hear the sounds of somebody plucking at guitar strings. I have an urge to run to the music room—to watch, to encourage, to teach—but instead I sigh and sit back. Mom's right, Jasper does need to learn to lean on everybody, not just me. What was that thought I had when we were camping? Oh right, Jasper's my boyfriend, not my lapdog.

When I relax back into my chair, Mom smiles looking pleased, but then as she works on heating up a huge pan of soup for Jasper, she fusses that it's not homemade. I tell her Jasper will probably inhale it so fast that he's not going to notice if it's homemade or not. That sets mom off into a fit of giggles as she butters a half dozen pieces of bread and sets them on the tray she preparing for Jasper.

When mom asks when I plan on proposing, I tell her I think I should wait at least until Jasper's knee is better. I want him to be able to walk proudly in the wedding and not be limping. I may even wait until after Rose and Alice are married so Jasper and I won't be lost in the chaos. When Mom asks wouldn't I rather plan a triple wedding with my sisters, I have to snort saying, "Not in this lifetime. I want our wedding to be _our_ day, mom." Mom looks a little disappointed but says she understands.

Eventually mom sighs and says in a more serious voice, "Edward, after I get you two fed, I think I'm going to go and try to talk to Michael's mother one more time. That boy needs his mother and…Oh wait, perhaps I should wait until after Jasper's, um, after Ms. Hale comes and after Alice and Alistair leave. I don't need Rose losing it and shouting at the woman again."

Wondering where Rose is since she and Emmett are usually joined at the hip, I ask, "Where is Rose anyway?"

Mom frowns saying, "She's out in the garage tuning-up Alistair's car. You know nothing calms her like tinkering with engines."

Wow, whatever upset her earlier must have been pretty bad. Wondering if mom will tell me I ask, "Why was Rose yelling at Jasper's mom at the hospital anyway?"

Mom scowls a disapproving look as she explains that Charlotte had offered to adopt Rose. Mom thought the idea of Rose having the chance to change her name back to Hale was wonderful, but she disapproved of the way that Charlotte had made it sound like a business proposition. Rose had blown up because Alice had already told her and Emmett about Charlotte rejecting Jasper when he was younger. Rose was livid that the woman would make such an offer to a complete stranger after rejecting Jasper. Now Rose was worrying herself sick that it was going to hurt Jasper's feelings when he finds out.

Agitated, I run a hand through my hair, agreeing with Rose that it probably would upset Jasper. Hell, it upsets me! Worried about Jasper, I describe to mom all of Jasper and Charlotte's awkward interactions at the hospital yesterday.

I tell her Jasper's good news that he shared with me when we talked at one point last night, about how Charlotte was selling the business and wanting to partner up with him and open a small chain of coffee shops. I tell mom it had practically broken my heart to hear how excited he had been that Charlotte wanted to be his business partner because in his mind that meant she really did care for him.

I even mention Charlotte and Charlie's date last night and the way they were acting this morning. I can see by the way the wheels are turning in mom's head that she's already trying to figure out how to repair Charlotte and Jasper's relationship and probably planning on playing matchmaker some more with Charlotte and Charlie.

She doesn't say anything though, she just nods and pours up the pan of hot soup into a Jethro size bowl and sets it on the tray. I jump up and take my dirty dishes to the sink and rinse them off before putting them down into the dishwasher. Then I grab three sodas and couple of bottles of water out of the fridge and place them on the tray as well. When mom quirks an eyebrow I explain, "Emmett wanted a soda, too. One is for me, and one is for Jasper. The waters are for when Jasper gets thirsty later."

Mom smiles and pats my cheek saying, "Smart boy." When I make to grab the tray she says, "Hold up a sec." She opens the cabinet by the sink and takes down a pill bottle and shows it to me saying, "Jasper can have one of these every four hours while he's in pain. He'll probably go through most of these in the next three days, after that we'll probably start weaning him off of them. Okay?"

Nodding, I say, "Okay, mom."

She sets a pill on the tray then swats my damned bruised ass cheek saying, "Come on, you. Let's go feed my future son-in-law!" She's still giggling as she takes off out of the kitchen. Rolling my eyes, I pick up the tray, hoping she doesn't spoil my surprise about proposing to Jasper.

I guess I shouldn't have worried though, because she's back to serious again as we pause at the front door when we see the Doc out on the front porch talking to Charlotte and Charlie. Mom looks deep in thought again, crossing one arm in front of her and holding up her other arm as she taps her finger on her lip. I silently follow her to the music room where I find Jasper clutching the guitar to his chest as he stares at Emmett with a look of horrified disbelief on his face.


	42. Chapter 42

**Thanks, as always, for all the lovely reviews and support I get for this story. **

**Disclaimer: All Twilight characters belong to Ms Meyers, however the plot is my own**

**Lots of A/Ns at the bottom…yeah, I'm wordy this time…please read.**

_**Ready to get back to a little Cullen family-time craziness?**_

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR **

**CHAPTER 42 ****(**_**Tuesday**_**)**

**EPOV**

Mom stops just outside the music room door when she sees the look of horrified disbelief on Jasper's face as he stares at Emmett. Emmett doesn't see us yet because he's done a face plant into his palm, shaking his head. My brother looks close to losing it when he looks back up at Jasper. His eyes are dancing with amusement and his shoulders are shaking as he tries to hold in his laughter while saying incredulously, "No! You don't use one because your ass leaks! And I didn't say a _cork_, I said a _plug_!"

Mom snorts and starts giggling at the same time that Jasper scowls saying, "Who cares if it's called a cork, a plug, or a damned stopper! If you're not leaking then why the hell would you …,"

Hearing mom's snort and giggles, Emmett's head whips around and his eyes are round as saucers when he interrupts Jasper by loudly saying, "Oh, look, Jay! Mom and Eddie are back with your food, time to stop talking and eat, man."

I automatically snap, "Stop calling me Eddie!" But my brain has frozen on—_Cork? Plug? Leaking ass? What the hell are they talking about in here and is this something I need to be worried about?_

Jasper is still focused on Emmett as he says, "But, I want to know…," _Honestly_, _I wouldn't mind knowing myself._

Emmett smiles innocently up at mom as he nudges Jasper with his elbow, whispering out of the side of his mouth, "Shh, we'll talk more later, dude."

"But, Em, I wanna know now…,"

"I said later, dude."

"But, Em…,"

"Later!" Emmett says loudly, elbowing Jasper harder in the side as the innocent smile he's directing at mom slips and his eyes dart over to me with a frantic look. Since I'm not absolutely sure what's going on, I don't know what it is he's expecting me to do.

Jasper picks that moment to huff, "Fine!" as he scowls at Emmett in irritation. Then Jasper yawns and glances up seeing us. He does a double take as his whole face lights up into a grin. "Hey, beautiful, you're back! I really, really missed ya. Did you get plenty to eat in the kitchen? Wow, is all that food for me? I'm starved! While you were gone, Emmett showed me how to play his guitar and said I could play it any time I wanted! Isn't that cool? I think when we get back to Seattle I'm going to go buy one. Don't let me forget to tell Charlotte, okay? She tends to get all freaky on my ass when I charge new kinds of stuff without telling her first." Jasper slaps his hand over his mouth as he looks up at mom saying, "Oops. I forget. Was it okay to say ass?"

Mom just laughs saying, "Ass is fine, dear."

Jasper giggles and turns bright red before winking at me and saying, "Ass is _mighty_ fine, Esme dear."

Mom giggles too and Emmett sighs in what looks like relief while grinning from ear to ear as he takes the tray from me, setting it on Jasper's lap. For just a second, I'm embarrassed as hell over Jasper's comment to my mom, and I wish the floor would open up and swallow me whole. But then I decide: _no, this is who I am and I will not be embarrassed about it_. So instead, I grin and wink back at Jasper as I sit down beside him and then smile up at mom, although I can't help blushing too.

I'm still curious about what Emmett and Jasper were talking about and I'd like to ask Emmett about it, but decide to ask him later since it seems he doesn't feel comfortable talking about whatever it was in front of mom. Instead, I help adjust the tray on Jasper's lap as I get comfortable saying, "Okay, love, Mom and I saw Charlotte and Charlie outside talking to the Doc just a few minutes ago, so you can probably tell her here in just a little bit. Oh, and your pain pill is there on the tray by your soda. You should take it before you eat so it will kick in faster with the food."

Jasper nods and swallows his pill down with a long drink of soda. And then in between huge spoonfuls of soup and bites of bread he says, "I sure hope the pill helps, my knee is fu…," he glances guiltily up at mom before continuing, "…it's, um, really killing me."

Watching Jasper wolf down his food, I shake my head and smile as I think the pain certainly hasn't hurt his appetite any. It certainly doesn't take long after that for Jasper's pain pill to begin hitting him hard and fast. While he started out wolfing down his food, the deeper into the bowl he gets, the slower he chews and the more he yawns between bites. He begins getting a glassy look in his eyes and blinking real slowly too. About 2/3 of the way down the bowl of soup Jasper pauses to burp, blush bright red and then whisper, "Excuse me," before saying in a slightly louder but slurred voice to mom, "Esme dear, you sure are a good cook. This tastes just like the soup my mama used to fix."

Mom glances sideways at me as she smiles and tells Jasper, "Thank you dear. It's a recipe that _all_ mothers are required to know."

Jasper gives mom a goofy grin saying, "Really? That is soooo cool!"

Jasper finally finishes his meal, so Mom takes his tray to the kitchen while Emmett and I get him ready for his first trip to the bathroom. When we stand Jasper up, he goes even whiter than usual, clamping his lips tight and breathing hard through his nose again as he blinks back tears and clings to our arms whimpering.

When he breaks out into a sweat and starts swallowing again and again, I grab the trash can in case he needs to puke. Then I scowl at Emmett when I see all the granola bar wrappers inside it. My asshole brother has the nerve to just grin and wink at me. We give Jasper a minute to make sure he's not going to get sick, and then when Jasper nods that he's ready, I set the can aside so Emmett and I can both wrap an arm around his waist. After that, we carefully walk him through the living room, the entranceway, and down the hallway to the bathroom.

By that time, Mom has returned and she follows, flittering around us and fussing like a mother hen the whole way. Telling Emmett and me to try and take most of Jasper's weight, to not let him fall, and for goodness gracious be more careful with the poor boy, can't we tell he's dizzy! She's also fussing at Jasper, telling him he's supposed to try to walk as normal as possible, to try not to limp, and to be please careful and let the boys support your weight!

Jasper just yawns and blinks owlishly as he nods at her slurring, "Mmmkay, Esmom dear."

When we get to the bathroom, Emmett releases his hold from Jasper's waist and steps away saying, "Okay guys, call me when you're done and I'll help you back."

Jasper sways and his good knee almost buckles on him. He yelps and catches himself with his arms around my neck. Grinning dopily, he tries to kiss me while mumbling, "Hey, rosebud, how's my favorite beautiful?"

Mom laughs and pushes Emmett back toward us as she scolds him, "Emmett, you're going to have to go in there and help hold the poor boy up."

Trying to steady my totally boneless, sweet love as he leans against me, swaying slightly while nuzzling and kissing into my neck, I attempt to ignore my body's natural responses to having Jasper rubbing his body on mine. But my voice still comes out a little breathless when I say, "Mom, I'm not sure if Jasper would be comfortable having Emmett in there while he's in that state of, um, undress. If you know what I mean."

Mom looks Jasper up and down once before smiling and shaking her head saying, "Edward, between the anesthesia and sedative this morning, and the pain medication he's on right now, I'd say Jasper is so far in la-la land right now that he's not in any kind of shape to help himself. There's no way in the world you're going to be able to hold him up and help him too. I'm sure things will be fine with Emmett in there with you guys."

I still have misgivings, but decide to not argue with my mom. Obviously, Emmett doesn't have any qualms about arguing with her because he whines, "Oh come on, mom. I don't want to go in there and see Jay's junk. That's just—weird."

Mom rolls her eyes and pats Emmett's cheek saying, "Then don't look down, dear. Don't look down. Now you boys get in there and help Jasper out."

So that's how Emmett and I wind up crowded into the downstairs half bath with Jasper smooched up between us. I'm crammed up against the wall facing Jasper's side; holding him up with one hand so I can pull the sweatpants down enough to get his cock out with the other.

Jasper isn't much help. Since he's not being distracted from the pain by hugging and kissing on me, he's back to having a death grip on both the arm that I have wrapped around his waist, and the arm that Emmett has wrapped around him, whimpering and pouting again. Emmett isn't much help either. My crazy brother is just standing there with his free hand covering his eyes, grumbling under his breath.

I finally get the front of the sweatpants untied with one hand and pulled down far enough to get Jasper's cock free. But then I pause, unsure what to do as I ask, "Um, babe do you want to do this? Or did you want me to hold it for you?"

Emmett bucks his knees whining, "Oh my _god_, I know you two aren't going to do pervy gay things while I'm standing here!"

Mom giggles out in the hallway and Jasper actually manages an embarrassed snicker and a smile before mumbling, "No, I got it." He releases the death grip on my arm and takes himself in hand, and then just stands there swaying and looking down.

Things start to feel surreal when I get to thinking that I'm standing up close to my sweet sexy man while he has his cock in his hand—with my brother standing on the other side of him. This is too weird.

Emmett peeks between his fingers looking at Jasper's face asking, "Are you going to piss or not?"

Jasper huffs and nods saying, "Yeah, give me a minute." He stands there swaying and yawning for several long seconds before he huffs again and says in a louder voice, "Esme dear?"

We can all clearly hear mom in the hallway, "Yes, dear? Is something wrong?""

Jasper snicker-snorts saying, "I can't pee knowing you're standing there listening."

Mom giggles saying, "Alright, dear. How about I go outside and see how things are going with your, um, with Ms. Hale, Charlie, and Alistair?"

Jasper sighs in relief saying, "That would be great, thank you, ma'am."

"No problem, dear. Oh. And Edward?"

Looking over at the door, I ask, "Yeah, mom?"

"You're father wasn't expecting any kind of complications from the anesthesia but be sure and check Jasper's urine for any kind of discoloring. Alright?"

Jasper giggles and turns red and I have to smile and shake my head at my silly man as I say, "Of course, mom."

"Alright. Well, I'll let you boys get to it." We all listen to the sound of her walking away and the front door opening and closing. Jasper sighs in relief again before looking down with a look of concentration on his face—and then just stands there swaying and yawning again.

A minute later Emmett huffs and drops the hand covering his face asking, "Now what's the problem?"

Jasper whines, "I can't pee knowing you guys are watching."

Emmett groans again asking, "Want me and Eddie to leave?"

Jasper pouts and shakes his head. "I'm too dizzy to stand up."

Emmett sighs as he looks up mumbling, "Have I done something to piss you off today?" Jasper looks up too, searching the ceiling in confusion. He looks so far up and back that he sways backwards and overbalances, stumbling back against the sink in the process. Emmett gets that 'light bulb just switched on over his head' look before saying, "I know! I'll turn the faucet on! Sometimes hearing running water helps."

Jasper yawns and shrugs saying, "Mmmkay."

Emmett reaches behind us and turns the sink on. Unfortunately with the sound of running water, I groan in frustration saying, "Emmett, can you hold Jasper up a minute? Now I've got to piss."

Emmett groans in irritation muttering, "Lord, give me the strength to not strangle 'em both." But then he grudgingly says in a louder voice, "Okay, fine, Eddie. Jay, I'm going to wrap both arms around your waist so I can hold you up until Eddie is done. Are you okay with that?" I want to snap at Emmett and tell him to _quit calling me Eddie!_ But really it's starting to feel like a lost cause.

Jasper just yawns again while nodding and mumbling, "Mmmkay."

I was worried about how Jasper would handle having Emmett holding onto him like that and I carefully watch his face as Emmett wraps both arms around his waist and holds him steady. But Jasper seems to be okay with the contact, so I guess mom was right and I was worried for nothing. Relieved, I hurry to unzip so I can relieve myself. Ever since Emmett turned the faucet on, I've had to piss so bad my teeth ache.

Jasper watches me and when I start to piss, he does too while sighing in relief and mumbling, "Fucking finally."

I try to pay attention like mom said to do, carefully watching and checking Jasper's urine—it looks perfectly normal to me—but I can feel Jasper's gaze on me. Looking up at his face, I find him staring at my cock like he wants to just eat it up—something I wouldn't be totally opposed to, by the way. I swear the weight and heat of his gaze is almost a physical thing and my cock starts to lengthen and harden without even needing his touch. I can't help but notice Jasper is having the same reaction.

I think my brother must have some sort of sixth sense—or maybe he's picking up some vibe from Jasper?—because Emmett picks that moment to growl out, "Damn it, I said you two better not be doing some of that pervy gay shit while I'm in here!"

Jasper giggles and I flush in embarrassment. Looking away until I finally finish pissing, I give my cock a good shake before tucking it away—not exactly easy when you're more than semi-hard. Then I turn in a tight circle so I can wash my hands at the sink and dry them before turning back and sliding my arm around Jasper's waist while telling Emmett, "Thanks, big brother. I got him again."

When Jasper finally finishes as well, he looks around asking, "Can one of you guys hand me a few tissues?"

Emmett gives Jasper a weird look asking, "Dude, don't you usually just, you know, shake it off?"

Jasper does that slow owlish blink up at Emmett and then yawns real big before mumbling, "Yeah, but I did that G. I. Joe thing today."

Emmett's face looks like somebody has just short-circuited his last brain cell as he stares blankly at Jasper for several long seconds. His brain must finally jumpstart again because he starts blinking really fast and he gives his head a shake before saying, "Okay, I give up. What's a G. I. Joe thing?"

It takes me a few moments, but I think I finally figure it out. "I think he means he went commando this morning."

Jasper's face lights up into a grin. "That's it! I went commando this morning!" Jasper turns his head to look at me. "I don't mind going commando in sweats, they feel all warm and fuzzy on my balls." Then he turns back to Emmett. "Anyway, I usually do just shake it off, but thought it would be rude if I dribbled any pee on your sweatpants, Em."

Emmett looks down asking, "You're wearing my sweatpants?" Then he slaps his hand over his face shouting, "Oh jeez, I saw Jay's _junk_! Somebody shoot me now!" Then Emmett peeks between his fingers as he looks down yelling incredulously, "Holy shit, Eddie! Are you telling me that that…that…that _monster_…fits in your ass? Seriously?"

Jasper turns beet red and turns to me hiding his face in my neck. Pissed at Emmett, I protectively circle my arms around Jasper's waist and pull him up against me. Even though his gorgeous _thick_ cock is still out, although beginning to go softer now and probably drying the last dribbles of his urine on my pants—I can easily go change later if I need to. I really thought Jasper was freaking out and I'm more than a little confused when I realize he's actually giggling hysterically against my neck and hiding his face because he's embarrassed, not upset.

While I'm relieved that Jasper isn't upset, I am still pissed at my brother and I look over at Emmett meaning to give him a piece of my mind. But I'm confused again and I can't quite figure out just what the hell Emmett's doing as he digs around in his pocket with a devilishly big grin on his face while staring at Jasper. Damn, I know that look. That's Emmett's practical joke look. I think about stopping him, but decide to wait and see what Emmett has planned. Jasper seems to have forgotten about being in pain again as he clings to me giggling. Hopefully, whatever Emmett has cooked up will keep Jasper laughing. Besides, I love hearing Jasper's laughter. I can always intervene if it's something that will upset Jasper.

Emmett finally pulls his phone out of his pocket and acts all frantic as he starts hollering into his phone, "Hello? Hello? Operator? This is an emergency! Connect me with Scotland Yard!" Snickering, I bite my lip to keep from bursting out laughing, wondering exactly what kind of shenanigans Emmett has thought up this time. Jasper's giggles stop as he turns his head, looking at Emmett with a confused, questioning look on his face.

Emmett meets my eyes for a fraction of a second, his eyes dancing with glee. "Hello, Scotland Yard? This is Emmett! Yeah _that_ Emmett, I know, I know, I'm awesome, right? Listen, I just wanted to let you guys know—I found _Nessie_! Yeah! That's right. The damned Loch Ness monster is right here in Forks! It's hiding in my brother's boyfriend's pants! Can you believe it?"

Jasper turns back to me, hiding his face in my neck again, giggling like a madman as Emmett continues. "Of course, I'm sure its Nessie! It's a pale white, one-eyed, monster-thick serpent that wears a Darth Vader helmet and spits a rainbow flavored venom that's designed to attract its copperheaded prey, right? It likes to hide in dark places too, right? Well, right now it's hiding in Jay's pants, but I think it also likes to hangout inside my ugly brother's big mouth or his out-of-shape ass."

Swinging at him, I yell indignantly, "Hey!"

Emmett just jumps back out of reach, laughing at me when I miss. I would chase him down and attempt to beat the hell out of him but I still have Jasper wrapped around my neck giggling hysterically. The ridiculousness of the situation finally catches up with me and I join in laughing with them too.

Emmett settles down first as he eyes us, shaking his head. He finally snickers again before saying, "Alright, you two pervs need to pull the pants up. I'm beginning to feel like an extra in a gay porn here." Jasper is still giggling but he pulls away from me enough to pull the sweatpants up—blushing bright red the whole time. I might be a tad bit red myself at that comment.

Emmett grins at me with that mischievous look in his eye and I know he's about to say something else either incredibly embarrassing or totally inappropriate. "Damn Eddie, does that monster in Jay's pants really fit in your ass? No wonder you've been hobbling around here like somebody shoved a...,"

My heart lurches at his words and I interrupt him mid-sentence, literally screaming at him, "Shut the hell up, Emmett!" Jasper jumps in surprise and he gasps as his giggles stop and he eyes me in confusion. Ignoring Emmett's pissed off glare, I sigh in relief that I shut him up in time and that Jasper still seems fine. Smiling at Jasper, I cup his cheek while softly saying, "Sorry love, I didn't mean to startle you. Emmett's teasing was getting on my last nerve. Pay us no mind. We're always bickering like that. You want to wash up before we head back?"

Jasper eyes us both in confusion, but then he shakes his head no saying, "Actually, I thought as long as I was in here, maybe you guys wouldn't mind waiting out in the hall a few minutes after all, while I take care of some, uh, you know, sit down business?"

Emmett gives me another irritated glare but he nods at Jasper saying, "Sure thing, baby bro. But let's figure out how we're going to do this, because you're supposed to keep that knee straight. Um, Eddie, is that trash can over there empty?"

Nodding, I reach back and grab it before handing it to him. Emmett turns the can upside-down while asking Jasper, "Do you think you can manage to sit down without falling down while keeping the one leg straight? There's not much to brace yourself with in here."

Jasper looks around before saying in a doubtful voice, "Maybe?"

Emmett grins and ruffles Jasper's hair saying, "Never mind, Jay, we'll help you out. Just remember to keep your leg straight and prop it up on the trash can, man. Now, I think I've seen as much of your junk as I can handle for the moment. So I'm going to let our Eddie here help you with the sitting down part, although it will probably take both of us to haul your fat, lazy ass back up again. Is that okay?" Jasper blushes and snickers as he nods at Emmett. Emmett laughs and ruffles his hair again before turning to me and giving me another annoyed look before saying, "I'll be in the hall if you have any trouble, Eddie. When you get him settled, we need to have a little talk, little brother."

Emmett heads for the hallway and I quickly help Jasper get settled with his leg propped up before joining my pissed off brother. Emmett grabs my arm, pulling me closer and hissing in my ear, "What the hell's the matter with you, Edward?"

Jerking my arm out of his grasp, I whisper yell back, "You don't understand, Emmett. You can't say things like that in front of Jasper about people having things _shoved_ up their _asses_. You don't know what those monsters did to him!"

Emmett pokes me in the chest with his finger saying, "I know perfectly well what they did to him. Jay told me earlier. So you need to just step back and take a chill pill, little brother."

Confused, I do just that, stepping back and softly asking, "What do you mean he told you? Why would he tell you?"

Emmett huffs as he runs a hand through his hair before hesitantly whispering back, "We were talking earlier. You know, guy talk, bonding. Anyway, I was telling Jay about the toys Rose and I played with this weekend. I thought the poor guy was going to either barf or pass out when I was talking about dildos. I asked him about the extreme reaction and he told me…he said…Jay told me some of the _things_ those freaks used… to rape him with…after they couldn't get it up anymore."

Still pissed off and beyond aggravated, I say, "Then why the hell are you saying shit like that in front of him!"

Emmett shakes his head at me, looking torn and aggravated too as he says, "Because Jay asked me to! He asked me to not treat him any differently than I treat any of my other friends. He said he got enough special treatment from you and the Doc. Jay said he wanted me to be the kind of friend that he could joke around and act the fool with, somebody that already knew his past so he didn't have to explain if he had an extreme reaction to something. Somebody he could talk to about anything and that would teach him new stuff too, you know, like sex toys."

I have to smile at that. I am honestly thrilled that Jasper feels comfortable enough with Emmett that he feels like he can talk to him about anything. But Emmett's next words feel like a slap in the face. "Can I give you a little bit of advice, little brother? Quit treating your boyfriend like he's a victim and start treating him like he's a man that can stand on his own two feet."

Swallowing back my tears, I ask, "Is that what Jasper said? That I treat him like a victim?"

Emmett shakes his head and gives me a hug, softly saying, "No, man. Jasper is eating up how protective, caring and loving you are, Eddie. And I'm not saying you need to quit acting like that either. I'm just saying maybe instead of you running a constant interference for the guy that you need to let Jay decide when he needs you to step up and support him. I think he's a lot stronger than you act like he is. I mean, it seems to me that you just totally overreacted to my teasing him. Jay was laughing it up and having a good time in there before you startled him with your outburst."

Running my hand through my hair, I frown and look toward the door thinking hard. Did I overreact in there? Would Jasper have been okay with _that_ kind of teasing? I honestly don't think he would have, but then again, I'm not 100% sure. Maybe I should go with the assumption that Emmett's right? I seem to be learning a lot of lessons from my family today. "Emmett, I'm sorry, and I will try to not overreact like that in the future. It's just, when Jasper gets too upset or freaked out, he blacks out. And it—god, it scares the hell out of me. I just don't want to see him black out again."

Emmett frowns looking at the door too before asking, "Wait. He blacks out? Faints?"

"Yeah, he's done it a couple of times with me already, although not for the past several days. And that's not the worst of it. Jasper got so upset with something that happened with the Doc once, that he went catatonic again for almost a month. I mean that was years ago, but I have to assume that that possibility still exists. I guess that's why I'm so overprotective with him."

Emmett nods and gives me another hug before saying, "Alright little brother, I tell you what, I'll watch what I say and dial back the teasing a few notches, even though I promised Jay that I wouldn't. But I still think you should think about toning down some of your overprotective tendencies. Or he may actually get to where he resents your well-meaning interference. You know kind of like how Rose drives you bat-shit crazy by always trying to run interference for you, no matter how well-meaning she means to be."

Sighing, I nod in agreement; he does have a point there. Then another thought occurs to me as I rethink everything that Emmett just told me. "Wait. Did you say you were discussing sex and sex toys with my boyfriend?"

Emmett grins from ear to ear saying, "Yeah, the only things Jay knows about sex are the basics that Al told him years ago, and whatever you two have figured out fumbling around clueless together. You both could do with a little education when it comes to playtime in the sack, and who better to volunteer to help than me? I _am_ a physical education teacher. Not to mention, I've had a whole slew of gay friends, so I already know a bunch of stuff that gays do. Plus, what I don't know, I can always ask Ben. Now it may take me a while to get Jay sold on the idea of you guys playing with any kind of toys that actually penetrate. But in the mean time you're really in luck Eddie, because Jay _really_ liked the idea of a tongue vibrator."

My face flushes hot and my heartbeat accelerates as I breathlessly ask, "A what? What's a tongue vibrator?"

But we're interrupted when we hear Jasper on the other side of the door. "I wish you guys wouldn't talk about me! I really don't like that shit! I can't make out _everything_ you're saying, but I can sure as hell hear that you're doing an awful lot of whispering out there!"

I don't know what to say. I don't want to lie to Jasper, and yet at the same time, I don't want to admit that we were indeed talking about him. Thankfully, Emmett comes to my rescue when he yells through the door. "Pay us no mind, Jay! We're still doing some of that brother bickering that Eddie mentioned earlier. He just can't stand it when I'm right and he's wrong."

Jasper sounds like he's not sure if he believes Emmett as he asks, "Oh yeah? What are you bickering about?"

Saying the first thing that pops into my head, I sigh dramatically before loudly saying, "I've told Emmett and told Emmett that Scotland Yard is in London and not Scotland but he just won't listen to me! It's a good thing he's a physical education teacher and not a geography teacher!"

Emmett grins from ear to ear at me while whispering, "Really?" When I roll my eyes and nod, Emmett turns back to the door saying loudly, "Whatever Eddie! If it was in London, it would be called London Yard. Is it called London Yard? Hell, no. It's called Scotland Yard—therefore it's located in Scotland probably right beside the Loch Ness. Oh, and by the way, Jasper! When I called them, they said they'd be sending somebody to go looking through your pants later to try and find Nessie so you may have to hide that monster either in Eddie's mouth or ass when they get here."

Jasper giggles saying, "Em, you're as full of shit as a fifty pound hummingbird."

Emmett laughs again saying, "I bet I'm not as full of shit as that toilet bowl you're sitting on, asswipe."

We hear a flushing sound right before Jasper says, "Not anymore asshole!"

When we go back inside Emmett does this real exaggerated sniffing sound a couple of times before saying, "Now that's what I'm talking about, Eddie. You find a guy whose shit don't stink and I say you've found yourself a keeper."

Jasper blushes and laughs, saying, "_Shut up!"_

After we get Jasper up, Emmett decides he needs to take a turn pissing before we head back. So I support Jasper as he leans against the sink to wash, and Emmett takes care of business behind us. Jasper really surprises me, and I may be a tad bit jealous when he keeps peeking over his shoulder at Emmett as he washes his hands.

Jasper finishes washing and drying his hands then turns around, leaning against the counter. I carefully keep him in place as I shuffle around in front of him and then Jasper wraps his arms around my neck, pulling me in for a hug. He lays his head on my shoulder and kisses the side of my neck before softly saying, "Emmett was wrong. I do need you to watch out for me, beautiful."

Sighing, I hug him tighter before softly saying, "Oh baby, I didn't realize you heard that, I'm sorry we were talking about you out there. Wait. You actually heard that?"

Jasper yawns and nods into my neck, "Mmmhmm, I heard everything."

We both jump when Emmett says, "It's the acoustics in here. For some reason because this bathroom is located between the stairs and the soundproofed walls of dad's study, it amplifies the sounds out in the hallway."

Confused, I ask, "Wait. What? Why is dad's study soundproofed?"

Emmett grins and waggles his eyebrows at me saying, "For the same reason mom and dad's bedroom is, you big doofus. Why else do you think mom and dad lock themselves in there all the time, if not to do the nasty? You really believed they liked reading books in private that much, Eddie? At least you guys are in luck this week because the music room is soundproofed too. If you keep the door, or um, wall closed you guys can fool around without mom and dad hearing you while you're in there. Anyway, back to the main subject, I thought we were talking quietly enough out in the hallway earlier that Jasper couldn't hear us. I guess I was wrong, though. Sorry, dude."

Jasper shrugs as he yawns, saying, "Em, you got a booming voice, even when you're whispering."

"True, but Eddie here doesn't and I bet you could hear him too?" Jasper nods and Emmett continues. "That's because when mom and dad had the house remodeled before we moved in, mom had them leave out the insulation in between all the other inner walls and floors so she could hear when any of us kids were getting up to trouble. I used to think mom was psychic or could read my mind when I was getting up to no good, because she always knew. Then I figured out she just had really good hearing," Emmett says laughing.

I start to laugh too, but then my breath catches when I realize…, "Jasper, baby, you heard…_everything _out there earlier? Were you…are you alright?"

Jasper sighs before nodding again and mumbling, "Yeah. It was a good thing I was already sitting down though, 'cause I kind of freaked out for a minute there. But I'm okay now, beautiful…still dizzy from the meds though."

Emmett sighs and shakes his head before quietly saying, "Damn Eddie, you were right. Forget everything I said out there. Apparently, you do know what's best for your boy."

Cupping Jasper's cheek, I pull his face closer for a soft kiss and then rest my forehead on his before I answer Emmett. "Yeah, but you gave me something to think about too, big brother. I certainly don't want Jasper to get to where he resents me trying to protect him all the time like I sometimes resent Rose. So thanks for opening my eyes to that at least. And thanks for offering to be a friend to my boyfriend. Just do me a favor and don't pervert him too badly, okay?"

Emmett looks over his shoulder at me, trying to give me an innocent look as he asks, "Who me?"

Jasper grins and snickers saying, "Yeah, you, you weirdo." He grins at me saying, "Your brother and sister do some really strange things together." Then Jasper leans back against sink again and my heart does a lurch when Jasper twists the ring I gave him off his finger. He holds it up to his face and screws one eye shut, peering through it at Emmett before saying, "Would you believe your sister stuffs Emmett's cock inside a ring and pokes a necklace up his ass? How the hell do you fit a cock inside a ring?"

Emmett burst out laughing saying, "I wondered if you were ever going to ask me about that."

Looking at Emmett in confusion, I ask, "What the hell are you guys talking about, Emmett?"

Emmett gives me an incredulous look saying, "Oh, come on, Eddie. Don't tell me you've never heard of a cock ring before? Jeez, I know you were a virgin before this last weekend, but are you telling me you never bothered to watch porn before?"

Wrinkling my nose in disgust, I shake my head saying, "I was really never interested in watching a bunch of naked women, Emmett."

Barking out another laugh, he says, "You could have watched _gay_ porn. You know, hot naked guys, licking, sucking, and fucking each other. Surely that would have got a rise out of you."

Rolling my eyes at my brother, I ask, "If I didn't know I was gay, then why the hell would I be watching gay porn? It never occurred to me, okay?"

Emmett frowns at me saying, "Oh right, I forgot about that part. Alright listen up you two; a cock ring is a ring that you wear around your cock—and Jay, dude, the ring is as big around as a cock, not finger size, so just slip that ring back on your finger before Edward there has a heart attack from you taking it off. Now some cock rings are designed to fit around just the base of your cock and some of them to fit around your cock and balls. Some of them are designed to vibrate or have little attachments on them to stimulate your partner's clit or anus. And some cock rings are designed to just be worn like jewelry. Now my Rosie posy loves it when I wear a vibrating cock ring with a clit attachment on it. I can make my girl have multiples with one of those babies. Now trust me when I say cock rings are a guy's best friend. They help you keep it up longer and they can really intensify your own orgasm too. Any questions?"

I'm only halfway paying attention during most of Emmett's lecture. I'm more interested in slipping my ring back onto Jasper's finger and giving him another kiss. Jasper smiles and kisses me back but as he listens to Emmett his eyes go wider and wider and his face turns bright red. He finally buries his face in my chest, hiding behind his hands and giggling hysterically. When Emmett asks if we have any questions, Jasper peeks up at him grinning but wrinkling his nose in disgust as he asks, "What about the necklace?"

Emmett looks confused for a second and then laughs again saying, "Dude, I didn't say necklace, I said _beads_." Like that explains _everything_.

Jasper looks at me with a questioning look to see if I know what Emmett is talking about and I just shrug. I would have assumed beads meant necklace too. Emmett huffs and shakes his head muttering something under his breath about the ignorance of virgins as he zips his pants and comes over to wash his hands.

Emmett explains anal beads to us as we walk Jasper back to the music room. I can't decide if they sound like something I would want to try or not. It just sounds weird to me that people would want to stick beads up their ass. Jasper has a look on his face that keeps changing from revulsion and disgust, to curiosity and fascination with a hint of excitement, and then back to revulsion and disgust, like he can't decide if he likes the idea of them or not either. I also notice that Jasper is so engrossed in what Emmett is saying that he doesn't even seem to notice any pain in his knee on the trip back.

We finally get back and get Jasper settled back down on the mattress with me sitting on one side of Jasper and Emmett on the other. We all relax, and I actually have a good time in there with my boyfriend and brother; joking, laughing, and listening as Jasper shows us what he can do on the guitar so far. I'm just about to ask Emmett what he was talking about earlier to Jasper about corks, plugs and leaking asses when we're interrupted by mom, Charlotte, Charlie, and Rose standing in the doorway knocking.

They all come inside the music room and you can feel the tension rolling off them. The Doc, Rose, and Charlotte are all standing with their arms crossed, tight-lipped and glaring at each other, looking irritated as hell, and Mom looks beyond frustrated with all three of them. Charlie looks both amused and smitten depending on if he's looking at Rose or Charlotte and just slightly impatient as he shakes his head at all three of them as well. None of them say anything at first and then everybody starts talking at the same time.

Charlotte says, "Jasper, my plane is scheduled to leave in an hour. I have something important I need to discuss with you before I leave."

The Doc says, "Charlotte, I really wish you'd let me talk to him first. You don't need to be blind-siding him with this."

Rose says, "You can't do this to him! I'm telling you, you're going to break his heart!"

Mom says, "Rose, I told you this is between Jasper and his, um, Ms. Hale. You shouldn't interfere."

Rose says, "It's about me, too! I am the one she's wanting to…Charlie, I don't understand why you let her talk you into this!"

Charlotte says, "Dr. Sim, I don't have time for you to take months easing the boy into it. I think Jasper will be fine with this idea and that you're all overreacting. I hear he's very fond of the girl and it's plain that the girl cares for him as well. I don't see what the problem is."

They all keep arguing like that, talking over each other and getting louder and louder. Jasper just watches them wide-eyed with his head whipping back and forth trying to follow the conversation.

Emmett finally huffs and shakes his head, and then he grins and jumps up. He grabs Rose, pulling her over to stand by where Jasper and I are, while whispering into her ear. They seem to be having a whisper argument, or rather Rose is arguing, Emmett is just grinning and explaining something to her while pulling his phone out of his pocket. Something he says to her makes Rose pause and say incredulously, "WHAT! Really? Did you put him up to it?" Something about her tone of voice makes everybody stop talking and look over to see what's going on.

Emmett grins while shaking his head. "No, babe, it's all on him, totally his idea, so just chillax. Okay?"

Rose looks doubtful and uncertain, but her angry look leaves as she leans back against the wall while crossing her arms and watching the others. Emmett turns to Jasper saying, "Hey baby bro, didn't you have something you wanted to tell everybody?"

Jasper looks up blankly at Emmett doing that slow owlish blink again as he asks, "Huh?"

Emmett huffs and rolls his eyes before nodding at Rose and then over toward Charlotte saying, "Didn't you have something you wanted to suggest? About _names_?"

When Emmett nods at Rose, Jasper grins up at her and then his eyes go wide. "Oh! Right! I almost forgot!" Jasper sits up straighter and looks up to the Doc asking, "Hey Doc, did you tell Charlotte that I want you to adopt me yet? 'Cause I had another idea!"

This is news to me, although I'm not that surprised. And I can tell by the guilty look on the Doc's face and the startled look on Charlotte's face that the Doc hadn't said anything to Charlotte yet. The Doc clears his throat saying, "Um, actually, no, Jasper we got sidetracked on another—subject—and we haven't had that discussion yet."

Charlotte actually sounds hurt when she asks, "You asked Dr. Sim to adopt you, Jasper?"

Jasper grins up at her, nodding as he says, "Mmmhmm. And after he gets done adopting me, I want you to adopt me too, Charlotte. But in the mean time, I want _you_ to adopt Rose so she'll be my sister!"

Everybody stares at Jasper in stunned silence and then we hear the click of Emmett's camera phone going off. Emmett laughs saying, "Got it! Man you should see the look on you guy's faces! Priceless!"

Charlotte finally smiles and looks downright smug as she looks at the Doc saying, "See, I told you the boy wouldn't have a problem with me wanting to adopt the girl. Now, Rose, or Mrs. Cullen, if you will just give me as much background info as you can, I'll find out the rest through my P.I. Just to make sure there aren't any unforeseen complications later on. You wouldn't believe the people that come out of the woodwork pretending to be related to you when they find out you've come into money."

Jasper frowns in confusion asking, "Wait a minute, you were already wanting to adopt Rose? How come? I thought Charlie was going to do that."

The room goes quiet again and Charlotte hesitantly explains, "Jasper, sweetheart, I just wanted to make sure you had other relatives. You know, in case anything ever happened to me. I didn't want you to be left completely alone in this world. That's all."

Jasper's eyes fill with tears and his sweet pouty bottom lip starts trembling. Charlotte practically starts wringing her hands saying, "Jasper, sweetie, please understand…,"

Jasper interrupts her asking, "Charlotte? Are you? Dying?"

"What? No! God, no! Honestly, sweetie, I'm just worried about you. You've had such a hard time of it already and I just want to make sure you're taken care of if something were to happen to me. That's all."

Jasper takes a deep shuddering breath and then nods saying, "Okay. So, did you like my idea then? I figured the Doc could be adopting me while you're adopting Rose. And then later after that adoption is final you can adopt me, too."

Charlotte frowns saying, "You do know the second adoption will cancel out the first adoption, don't you?"

Jasper is already nodding halfway through the question. "Yeah, but I figured it's like with Rose needing to get adopted again. The Cullen's will always be her parents no matter who adopts her next. So if the Doc adopts me first he will always be my dad even after you adopt me and become my mom, and even after you get married to Charlie and he becomes my step-dad."

The Doc clears his throat really, really loud and quirks an eyebrow at Jasper who just looks back at him with a confused look asking, "What?" Then Jasper looks like he understands yelling, "Oh!" He looks back up to Charlotte saying, "I mean _if_ you ever decided to get married, your new husband would be my step-dad." Then he looks back to the Doc asking, "Did that sound better?"

The Doc does a face plant into his palm, shaking his head while everybody else tries to hide their grins and laughter. Charlotte is the only one not laughing, she looks uncertain as she softly asks, "Jasper, why do you want me to adopt you? God, there's so many people out there that would be better suited for the job. Why me?"

Jasper huffs and just stares at her a minute then he quietly says, "Because you _are_ my mom, Charlotte. You're my mom and I want you in my life."

Charlotte looks torn and close to tears. "Jasper, I promised your mama that I would never try to replace her. I just feel like if I adopted you that I would be breaking that promise."

A look of understanding flashes across Jasper face as he glances over at Emmett for a second. Then he grins and holds his hand out to Charlotte saying, "Come here a minute, Charlotte." She sighs then comes over and sits on the other side of Jasper. He takes both her hands in his saying, "Nobody will ever take mama's place and I'd never ask you to try. I loved my mama and she loved me so much that she died because she tried to attack the man that was hurting me, hoping I'd have a chance to escape. But mama also coddled me and spoiled me and wanted me to stay a baby forever. I want you to be my _mom_ and I guess you can spoil me a little if you want, and hug me sometimes too, but a _mom_ will let me grow up and stand on my own two feet…kind of like how Esme dear acts with her kids. I bet she'd even give you some mom lessons if you asked."

Charlotte smiles up at mom then quietly says, "I see, and what about your father? Do you not feel like Dr. Sim would be replacing your father?"

Jasper smiles up at the Doc and shakes his head saying, "Nah, dad told me one time that a boy could have lots of dads. He said that he had to travel so much with his job that he would understand if I ever got close to somebody else and wanted to call them dad too. Somebody like a teacher, or a maybe Peter's dad, or maybe even a girlfriend or boyfriend's dad someday…oh!" Jasper's whole face lights up into a relieved grin and tears track down his face as he looks up at the Doc. "He said boyfriend! I remember him saying boyfriend but never thought anything of it at the time. That means dad knew I was gay and didn't care, right?"

The Doc smiles and nods saying, "Very probably, son. Do you remember how old you were?"

Jasper looks like he's searching his mind but then finally shakes his head and shrugs, "Young, around 10 or 11, I think. Probably before Peter and I started sneaking out to play the tickle game."

Charlotte looks curiously at Jasper asking, "Tickle game?"

Jasper snickers and hides his face in my neck. The Doc clears his throat again and when Charlotte looks up at him he shakes his head slightly. Charlotte smiles and nods and then gets up and goes back over to stand by Charlie. She chews on her lip as she smiles at Charlie then she turns back to Jasper asking, "Jasper, what would you think about me adopting you and Rose at the same time? I looked it up last night and an adult adoption takes about 3 months from start to finish. That way you and Rose would be even more like brother and sister and Dr. Sim could adopt you after that."

Jasper laughs and shakes his no saying, "Don't be ridiculous Charlotte that would make me and Rose twins and she's way older than me."

Rose slaps at the back of Jasper's head yelling, "Hey! I'm not that much older than you. You little shit."

Jasper ducks and laughs at her sticking his tongue out. Then he turns back to Charlotte saying, "I want the Doc to adopt me first so I can be a Hale last, Charlotte. Is that okay?"

Charlotte and Charlie give each other a resigned smile and then nod before Charlotte sighs and says, "Of course, sweetheart. If that's what you want."

Jasper grins from ear to ear and then looks over at Charlie and frowns saying, "Damn, I really wanted Bella for a sister, too." The Doc clears his throat really loud again and Jasper huffs at him, "What! I didn't say a thing about them needing to get married, now did I?"

Charlie laughs and digs around in his pocket for a minute before getting down on one knee and taking one of Charlotte's hands in his. He grins up at her asking, "Ms. Hale, would you do me the honor of making my daughter your son's sister?"

Charlotte giggles and slaps Charlie's shoulder saying, "Get up, you old fool. I told you last night that I'd marry you!"

Everybody in the room gasps and then we hear the sound of _Charlie's_ camera phone snapping. Charlie laughs saying, "Got it! You should see the look on your faces! Priceless!"

Alice walks in the front door about that time saying she's just getting back in from her quick trip to Port Angeles. She's slightly upset that she missed all the excitement but giggles excitedly when she looks at the pictures on Emmett's and Charlie's phones. Then she and Emmett go upstairs with whatever she bought, looking like they're scheming something.

So mom, the Doc, and I decide we should give Jasper and Rose a few minutes alone with Charlie and Charlotte to discuss a few things and hopefully allow Rose and Charlotte time to form a truce with each other. When they finally come back out of the music room Rose actually seems excited about becoming a Hale again and _really_ excited about Jasper becoming her brother. She's so excited she decides to go tinker with my car engine to calm down.

The Doc asks Charlotte if he can talk to her a few more minutes before they leave and he follows her and Charlie outside onto the porch. Then Emmett comes back downstairs grinning like the Cheshire cat and follows mom and me back into the music room to visit with Jasper again. I cuddle up to my sweet sleepy man and Emmett flops down on the other side of Jasper while mom checks the ice packs on Jasper's knee.

Emmett is just opening his mouth to say something when we hear a voice upstairs shrieking, "_MOM_!"

* * *

**Buncha A/Ns**—just a few things I keep forgetting to share so here goes before I forget again.

**First off** this story has been nominated for an **Energize WIP Award** for **Most Promising Slash FanFiction **which kind of freaks me out. Seriously, y'all, I already have mini-panic attacks with every chapter I post…lol. Anyway, there are some really hot stories nominated. So go and vote for your favorite.

The Voting will be from Feb. 21. – Feb. 29.

Here's the link (remove spaces and replace dot with .)

www(dot) energizewipawards(dot) blogspot(dot)com/2011/09/nominees(dot)html

**Second, a lot people really want Rose to be a blood relative to Charlotte and Jasper.** I'm not sure how realistic that is since Charlotte and Jasper come from Texas, and Rose comes from Illinois. However, if everybody really wants it **that** bad, I do know a fairly realistic way for it to happen that's not too farfetched. Stranger things have happened. So anyway, let me know which you prefer, Rose, Charlotte, and Jasper related, or not?

**Third,** I just wanted to say, I not so sure that the surgery Jasper had is nearly as painful as Jasper is carrying on, although admittedly the boy is a tad bit spoiled and immature. My dad, who is 74, actually had the same kind of surgery a few years ago. An hour after having surgery and after drinking two full _pots_ of coffee in post-op, my dad was following my mom around Wally World grocery shopping. Actually, he was racing up and down the aisles on one of those electric carts with his leg propped up, aggravating my 73 year old mom by playing grab ass every time he passed her. (And you guys think I just make most of this crazy family stuff up…lol.) Later when my dad got home, he laid around for about an hour before he decided he was tired of that convalescence shit, then he hopped up and was walking around the house on his own. By that evening he was walking all the way down to the end of the block and back and the next day he was outside doing carpentry work. But then again, my dad is awesome.

**Last, anybody hear wedding bells? **The State of Washington will be has signed into effect a same-sex marriage bill legalizing same sex marriage on Monday Feb. 13 (I really think the governor should have done it on valentine's day, but oh well) However, and this is a big HOWEVER, while the bill has officially been signed into law, gay couples hoping to wed will need to wait a bit longer before the law takes effect – until June 7 when same-sex marriages will be permitted. Opponents of the new law hope to have it overturned before then and are working to gather the 120,577 signatures needed to get a referendum on the November ballot. If enough signatures are collected, the bill would not be implemented until a public vote in November.

Anyway, I may incorporate this into the story, or I may not and just pretend that everything has passed with flying rainbow colors with no complications and let the boys have an actual wedding. It just depends on how much longer the story is going to take me to write. Whatcha think?


	43. Chapter 43

_I meant to post this chapter a couple of nights ago but when I went to tweak it, I wound up adding about 3 thousands word...lol. Hope you guys don't mind._

_I had planned on there being one or two more chapters in this timeline before we jump ahead several months. But the more I try to hurry these boys along the more they refuse to be hurred. So we'll get there when we get there._

_As always thanks for the wonderful reviews, I love reading them, and thanks for adding to favorites, I'm glad y'all like the story._

_Disclaimer: All Twilight characters belong to Ms. Meyer, but the plot is my own._

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR **

**CHAPTER 43 ****(**_**Tuesday continued…)**_

**JPOV**

JPOV

When we hear a voice upstairs shriek, "_Mom!_" my heart leaps into my throat and I can't help flinching and whimpering as I shrink back against Edward. Esme dear gives me a startled look then jumps up and darts out of the room. I don't like the sound of people screaming and I don't know what's going on, but I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack. It's getting harder and harder to catch my breath and my heart is pounding in my chest.

Then I notice the mattress shaking and turn to see Emmett with his eyes open wide and his fists clenched in front of his mouth _giggling_ hysterically. He looks over at Edward and me, and laughingly says in a high pitch strained voiced, "Oh, shit! I forgot all about that! Alice is going to kill me!"

Edward huffs as he wraps his arms around me, pulling me in closer while whispering, "Shh, baby, everything is okay," before exasperatedly asking, "What did you do _now_, Emmett!"

Feeling almost sick with relief but still wondering what the hell is going on. I turn to Edward with my heart still pounding and bury my face in his neck as he wraps me up tighter in his arms whispering soothing words. Emmett even rubs my back and sounds concerned as he says, "Hey, everything's cool, Jay. The pixie is just a little…ummmmm…_miffed_."

Trembling, I nod that I understand and then we all listen as Esme dear calls up the stairs, "Alice, you need to calm down, dear. I'm sure whatever it is…,"

Little bitty Alice sounds like an avalanche of boulders rumbling down a mountain when she comes crashing down the stairs shrieking, "Mom, I'm going to kill him! I'm going to kick his ass _first_ and then I'm going to kill him!"

Emmett shifts on the mattress muttering a worried, "Shit. You guys got my back, right?"

When the front door opens, it sounds like Alice pauses at the foot of the stairs and then starts talking in her usual perky voice, "Oh hi, Charlie, I didn't know you guys were still here. Hello again, Ms Hale. No, no, everything fine, Alistair. You know how dramatic a large family tends to get. I was just on my way to have a little chitchat with silly ol' Emmett. I'm so sorry I disturbed you guys, you should go on back out and finish your discussion. We'll be in the music room when you're ready to head home, love."

Emmett starts giggling again and slaps my shoulder saying, "See, I told ya, nothing to worry about, Jay. Man, I wish I could have seen the look on Alice's face. I bet she was freaked!"

Everything does sounds normal again so I finally turn to face the doorway. But as soon as I do, we hear the front door close and Alice taking off running through the living room with Esme dear not too far behind her. When Alice skids into the room red faced and puffing, I lean back against Edward again.

Fuck, Alice is _scary_ looking when she's a little _miffed._

When Alice sees Emmett, who is now lying on his side laughing, she runs over and starts kicking at him again and again while hissing, "I can't believe you! And after I did you that favor! I'm going to kick your _ass_, you asshole!"

I'm so shocked that I don't know whether to watch in amazement or hide my face in Edward's neck again. I settle on leaning back against him, wide eyed and shaking like a leaf.

Emmett laughs while blocking a few of her kicks then catches Alice's foot and holds it about the same time that Esme dear comes into the room. Looking up at Esme dear, Emmett whines, "_Mom_, Alice is _kicking_ me!"

At the same time, Alice starts hopping around on one foot whining, "_Mom_, make Emmett let go of my foot!"

The room is like a circus for the next few minutes. Every time Esme dear yells at Emmett to let go of Alice's foot and he does, they start all over again with Alice trying to kick Emmett and him catching her foot, making Alice hop around while she whines for Esme dear.

All I can do is watch in shocked amazement, thankful that Edward has pulled me further away from the melee and that he's keeping me tucked safely in his arms. My shaking has mostly stopped, even though this is almost like watching a scary movie. Gee, all I need is some popcorn and a coke. Mmmm, popcorn. I wonder if I can get Emmett to sneak me some in later—if he survives Alice that is. Looking over my shoulder at Edward, I give him a disbelieving look saying, "And I thought me and Peter drove our folks crazy." I point my thumb at Emmett and Alice saying, "They're _nuts_!"

I turn back just in time to see Alice do a real cool looking spinning kick. Emmett barely ducks in time to avoid getting her foot up the side of his head as he yells, "Hey! You know mom doesn't allow that karate crap in the house! Knock it off!"

Edward gives me a squeeze as he agrees with me saying, "Yeah those two have always loved aggravating the hell out of each other. You should have seen some of the antics they got into when we had a whole house full of kids getting in on the action and taking sides. There were days that mom really had her hands full. Mom loves it though. She may look irritated right now, but just you wait, she'll be happy as a lark here in a little bit, just because she got to do some mom stuff today."

Wow, I wish I could have had that kind of fun growing up. Sighing wistfully, I say, "I bet that was something to see. I only had Peter to get into trouble with."

Esme dear finally grabs Alice's arm and drags her over to the piano. I can feel Edward literally cringe and whine in protest when Esme dear drags the piano bench out and makes Alice sit down at it. Alice tries to stand back up but Esme dear forcefully pushes her back down saying, "Stay! Now, will one of you two hooligans tell me what this is all about! Emmett, what did you do now?"

Emmett indignantly says, "Hey! Why do I _always_ get blamed for everything around here?"

Esme dear crosses her arms and arches her eyebrow at Emmett giving him 'the look' before sternly saying, "Because you're usually the one that's _done_ something."

Wow! She's got that looked _nailed!_ Now I know where Edward and Alice learned it. I look up in awe at Esme dear excitedly saying, "So that's where they learned how to do that!" Everybody stops what they're doing and turns to look at me with a confused look.

What? What did I do?

Esme dear smiles at me and shakes her head before turning back to Alice and exasperatedly asking, "Alice, is there any reason you could not have come down here and confronted your brother in a normal, calm manner? Tell me what could possibly have been so bad that you lost all sense of common courtesy and decency that it had you running through this house screaming and threatening Emmett; embarrassing me in front of company; entering your other brother and his guest's bedroom without knocking, and yes this is their bedroom, however temporary; attempting violence on Emmett in front of this poor boy and scaring him half to death—after he's already seen enough violence to last a life time, mind you. I can't believe you, young lady! And I'm using the term lady very loosely at the moment. Now, just what could possibly have been so horrible?"

Alice looks mortified, and ashamed, but still very, very upset as she stutters, "But he…I…he…_mom_! I'm sorry I acted like that…but Emmett…and I _knooow_ it was him that did it!"

Esme dear looks like she's about to blow a gasket as she huffs out, "Tell me what _it_ is Alice. Don't _make_ me start counting."

Alice, Emmett and Edward all three gasp and sit up straighter as their eyes go round. Then Alice quickly starts talking, "After I finished putting up those suits we ordered this weekend and that I was _soooo _kind as to go and pick up in Port Angeles for Emmett this morning, I went to my room to pack Alistair's and my stuff for our trip back to Seattle. When I opened my make-up case, I found two…," she holds up two fingers and glares accusingly at Emmett. I'm surprised he doesn't burst into flames from the heat of Alice's glare as she continues, "…two _used_ condoms and a bunch off used wipes in there, mom!"

Esme dear crosses an arm in front of her and props her other arm up with her hand covering her mouth. I think she's hiding a smile. But her voice is still serious, although slightly strained as she says, "I see. Are you sure they were used, dear?"

Alice huffs and rolls her eyes as she indignantly states, "Mother, I think I know the difference between a condom that's just been unrolled and one that's been used. I mean the semen inside was definitely a big giveaway."

I'm pretty sure Esme dear is trying to cover a snigger as she loudly clears her throat before saying, "Alright, dear."

Then Esme dear turns from Alice toward where we're all sitting on the mattress. She places her hands on her hips trying to look stern, but her eyes are dancing with amusement as she says in that serious yet strained voice, "Emmett, do you have anything you'd like to say for yourself?"

Emmett grins asking, "Can I plead the fifth?"

Esme dear bites her lip but shakes her head no. Emmett sighs and looks like he's about to confess everything, but then he perks up and grins from ear to ear asking, "Can I call a witness?"

Esme dear's presses her lips together really hard but they keep twitching like she's trying not to smile, and her shoulders are shaking like she's laughing but all she does is nod and hum out a "mmmhmmm."

Emmett holds a finger up in a wait a minute gesture before grabbing his phone and making a call. Then he says, "Sweetie, can you come here a moment. Yeah, we're still in the music room." He hangs his phone up and looks around the room grinning like the cat that ate the canary.

Alice is still glaring at Emmett and fuming. Esme dear has a hand over her mouth again, I assume trying to hide her smile. And I'm back to yawning so big, I'm surprised the top of my head doesn't fall off. Once again, I feel Edward cringe and huff when his mom decides to relax by leaning back against his piano.

When Rose knocks on the wall before walking into the room, Alice starts to say something but Emmett interrupts her saying, "Nope, it's my turn for defense. You just hush." Alice clamps her mouth shut glaring at him again.

Rose comes over and kneels down by me, asking if I'm doing okay and if she can get me anything. I'm starting to get sleepy again now that the excitement is winding down and the adrenalin has worn off. But I manage to give her a loopy grin saying, "NaUhhh, mmm good, Rosie bear. Ya missed a really good fight awallago. Shoulda seen it. But I bet it wasn't as great as the one at the hospital that you and Char..."

Emmett interrupts me by pulling Rose down into his lap and quietly saying, "Pay him no mind, he's all drugged up." I want to argue with him and try to give him a menacing scowl but all I manage is a yawn and a pouty huff.

Emmett's ignoring me anyway as he tells Rose, "Now sweetie, I got something very important to ask you and I want you to tell mom and Alice the truth, okay?"

Rose looks around the room with a curious look saying, "Of course."

Emmett kisses her neck saying, "Tell them the last time we ever used a condom."

Rose looks at Emmett like he's lost his mind asking him, "Whatever for!"

I'm embarrassed as hell and I duck my face into Edward's neck snickering. _Oh my god, I wish they would all go somewhere else for this discussion! It's one thing to talk about condoms with Emmett and Edward, but I sure as hell don't want to talk about them with Rose! Especially not in front of Esme dear! Oh wait, we already were talking about condoms—sort of—with Alice in front of Esme dear. Well I wasn't discussing condoms; they were discussing condoms. Was I too shocked to be embarrassed then? Fuck now I'm confused. I'm still embarrassed though._ Edward wraps me up in his arms and holds me close, burying his face in my neck too. _Hmm, I wonder if he's embarrassed and confused by this condom conversation, too. _

Unfortunately, Emmett ignores our discomfort and confusion and gives Rose a rundown on the last few minutes which just embarrasses me more. But Rose just giggles. _She_ doesn't seem embarrassed at all when she says, "Mom, Emmett and I have been exclusive since we were seniors in high school. And since we don't have to worry about getting me pregnant, and since we keep our toys carefully segregated as his and hers to prevent contamination, we gave up condoms years ago while we were in college."

I peek up at that, my face feeling even hotter from my embarrassment and shock that Rose would mention sex toys in front of her mom. But Esme dear doesn't seem the least bit fazed at Rose's words. I'm pretty sure _my_ mama would have had a stroke at the thought of _me_ ever using sex toys. Then I wrinkle my nose as I wonder what the fuck the damn things can get contaminated with. Eww, I better ask Emmett…later.

I glance back over at Emmett just in time to see him grin triumphantly up at Alice as he says, "See, those couldn't have been my condoms."

Alice narrows her eyes at him saying, "Whatever, Emmett. Just because the two of you don't use one together, doesn't mean you couldn't have used one by yourself."

I snicker-snort and just about choke to death on my own spit at the thought of Emmett jacking off with a condom on just to play a practical joke on his sister. Edward and Rose both slap me on the back a few times asking if I'm okay but all I can do is nod, grin, and cough. Apparently Esme dear was thinking the same thing because she snorts—like really long and loud—then starts giggling.

Emmett grins at Alice saying, "That's just tacky sis. Come on, there have been five men in total living here in this house this week. I don't know why you had to automatically blame me. As a matter of fact, I can guarantee that if you checked the DNA of the semen in those condoms it wouldn't be mine. And since I doubt that neither Dad nor Alistair would be playing a practical joke on you, I'm going to go out on a limb and say I bet those condoms belonged to one of these two dingle berries right here."

Edward and I look at each other in surprise and then over at Emmett like he's crazy. But Emmett is looking at me with a big grin on his face. His eyes keep ticking from me to something on the other side of me. Confused, I turn my head to look and see what he keeps looking at.

It's the trashcan.

And suddenly it all clicks into place and I understand everything. Emmett said he dumped our trash. He just didn't say _where_ he dumped it. Oh my fuck! Those are our used condoms—_my_ used condoms! When he sees that I figured it out, Emmett laughingly asks, "So tell me which one of you two dingle berries got a _monster_ in your pants so large it needs an extra large condom on it?"

Esme dear snorts again, even louder if that's possible, while Emmett keeps laughing at me. Embarrassed as hell, I pull a pillow from behind my head and hide my face with it as I start giggling in embarrassment. I'm too embarrassed to look out from behind the pillow when I hear Alice ask in a stunned breathless voice, "_Jasper_! Are those _your_ condoms?"

All I can do is keep my face hidden in the pillow and giggle louder as I nod. The room goes quiet for several seconds and it feels like they're all holding their breath as Alice quietly says, "Well, I…I don't hardly believe it. I don't know what to say. I had no idea I was living with two practical jokers. I think…I think I'm going to go finish packing now." It sounds like Alice stands and walks out of the room and I swear I can feel her staring in disbelief at me the whole way. Actually, it feels like everybody in the room is staring at me as nobody makes a sound—except for my continuing giggles of course.

But as soon as we hear Alice climb the stairs, it sounds like Rose turns and hits Emmett hard with her fist, hissing at him, "You ass! What are you doing blaming Jasper for one of your pranks?"

Emmett and Esme dear both burst out laughing again, and I laugh even harder as I drop the pillow to find Edward and Rose glaring at Emmett. Emmett rubs his shoulder saying. "Now sweetie, don't be that way. I didn't actually blame it on Jasper. I just said they were his condoms. And even Jasper admitted they were his condoms. I can't help it if Alice thinks just because they were his condoms that he's the one who played the joke."

Esme dear is still laughing but she says, "Emmett you should be ashamed of yourself! Dragging this poor unsuspecting boy in on one of your pranks! I think you owe him an apology. You're getting too old to be pulling these kinds of stunts. You're going to be a teacher and god help those kids, but you're supposed to be teaching and leading by example, not showing them how to play juvenile pranks. It's time for you to man up. Now, I want you to go up and apologize to your sister later. Do you hear me? I think you've traumatized her. And you'll probably have to replace her make-up case as well. Really, that was a disgusting thing to do."

Emmett bumps shoulders with me and gives me a grin and a wink before turning to his mom and saying, "Oh come on, mom. Give me a little credit. I knew better than to get goopy stuff all over Alice's make-up. That shit is expensive! I put all the gross stuff into a gallon freezer bag before I stuffed it into her make-up case. I was just paying Alice back for opening the door on me and Rose this week-end when we were…ah…doing the bump and grind _against_ the door, if you know what I mean. We almost fell into the hallway, and would have if I hadn't caught the doorjamb with one hand and Rose with the other. I know Alice was just paying me back for teasing her and Al all weekend but Rose could have got hurt. Anyway, I actually did that early this morning and kind of forgot all about it. But you're right. I do feel bad, especially since Alice made a special trip to town and picked my suits up for me today. Hell she even ran by the toy store when I called her earlier. I'll go up and confess to the whole thing and apologize to her later. I promise."

Esme dear smiles saying, "Against the door? You know that reminds me of the time your father and I….,"

"Mom _shut up!_" Rose, Emmett and Edward all yell real loud which just about makes me jump out of my skin and sets Esme dear off into another fit of giggles.

Edward and I finally get some alone time again when Esme dear and Rose go outside to talk with the Doc, Charlotte and Charlie some more, while Emmett goes upstairs to have a long talk with Alice. If I wasn't hurting so bad and if I wasn't so tired, I'd take the opportunity to make out with Edward. Instead, I settle on letting Edward hold me close and on stealing the occasional kiss.

Emmett and Alice eventually work things out and I know all is forgiven because when Emmett comes back downstairs he has Alice thrown over his shoulder. She's screaming, kicking her legs, and trying to punch him—but not nearly as much as she's giggling and laughing. Rose and the Doc come in from outside, and the four of them go to the kitchen laughing and teasing each other. I wish I felt up to it, so Edward and I could join them, but I settle for staying snuggled into my beautiful man's arms.

Not long after that, Esme dear brings Charlie and Charlotte back in with her. When they get to the music room, Charlotte smiles at me saying, "I really have to get going, Jasper. Or rather we do, since Charlie has been kind enough to offer take me to the airport."

Chewing nervously on my lip, I ask, "Will you give me a hug bye?"

Charlotte hesitates, looking reluctant and embarrassed but then she gets her usual steely resolved and determined look as she kneels down on the mattress and gives me an awkward hug before quickly pulling away. I take the opportunity to pull her back and hug her tight. Charlotte stiffens up, acting all self-conscious and unsure, but then she relaxes and hugs me back. She even pats me gently on the back and kisses my temple once as she pulls away with a pleased, hopeful look on her face.

Charlotte gives me a fond smile before looking up at Esme dear saying, "Mrs. Cullen? Can I speak to you for a moment in the living room?"

After they go into the living room, all I can hear is low murmured voices so I burrow my face in Edward's neck and let him hold me again. I sigh in contentment as he whispers sweet words and rubs my back. I'm getting more and more sleepy and all I want to do is close my droopy eyes and get some real rest…and I will really, really soon.

I wish I'd had more time to talk to Charlotte. I had wanted to ask her about maybe meeting her dad—my grandpa—someday. But I figured I should probably wait for a day when she wasn't so pressed for time and I wasn't feeling so dopey. As it is, I'm pretty pleased with the way events have turned out today. Although I think I'm going to have to think things through after I get my head cleared from all these drugs. I was having a hard time trying to think straight earlier with everybody talking at the same time. Still I'm pretty sure Charlotte really did agree that she was going to adopt me after she adopted Rose.

It sure does seem like everything went way too easy, though. I mean, I just knew I was going to have to talk Charlotte into adopting Rose before having to talk her into adopting me. And I'm still a little confused that Charlotte had already thought of adopting Rose before I even mentioned it. How the fuck did they go from fighting at the hospital to Charlotte wanting to adopt her? As tired as I am and as spacey as my head feels, I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I've just dreamed up my wishful thinking from this morning. 'Cause it seems like Charlie even proposed to Charlotte, too. And that can't be right, can it? I mean fuck they just had their first date last night. I'll figure it all out later when my head clears and I'm not so fucking tired…

The voices in the living room get a little louder but I still can't quite make out what everybody is saying. But it sounds like Esme dear is protesting or arguing about something before she finally agrees. Then Charlotte pokes her head into the room grinning from ear to ear as she waves goodbye saying, "I'll see you in a few days, Jasper. Take care of the…_my_…boy for me, Edward."

After she disappears, Charlie pokes his head in with a grin, a wink, and wave, saying, "See you boys later."

It sounds like Esme dear sees them out and then she walks back, pausing to knock at the entrance before coming into the room with a dazed look on her face. Edward worriedly asks, "Is everything alright, mom?"

Blinking sleepily, I look up to see Esme dear looking at me in wry disbelief as she says, "Jasper's—I mean, Ms. Hale—insisted on giving me a check to cover the cost of feeding and caring for Jasper all week. I tried to argue with her but she said it wouldn't be any different than her hiring a nurse to come in here and take care of him. Then she threatened to really hire one if I didn't take the check. I wasn't sure if she was serious or not, but I really didn't think you boys wanted a stranger in here invading your privacy. It's bad enough having your siblings intruding into your space whenever they feel like it."

I get a little misty eyed as I smile back at Esme dear saying, "You know, it took me a really, really long time to figure it out but Charlotte isn't very good at showing me that she cares for me. I think she tries to make up for that fact by taking care of me with her money like she does."

Esme dear looks down at the check in her hands and then back at me with a grin as she shakes her head saying, "If you're correct and the only way the woman knows how to show that she cares for you is through her finances, then I'd say she cares for you quite a bit, young man."

Yawing, I look up at her and curiously ask, "Yeah? How much did she give you to take care of me with all week?"

Esme dear shakes her head as she looks at the check again. "Ten thousand dollars."

Scratching the side of my head, I ask, "So you think that's a lot?"

Esme dear laughs saying, "Oh sweetie, it's much too much. I tried to tell her this was way too much money, but she insisted. However, I can't possibly deposit this. It wouldn't be right."

Shaking my head, I say, "No, you have to deposit the check, Esme dear, even if you never spend the money or even decide to give it away to some charity. I don't know how she always knows but Charlotte will know if you don't deposit it, and…I don't know for sure but I think not depositing it would hurt her feelings, it'd be like saying you don't want her to care for me."

Esme dear sighs saying, "Oh dear, I certainly don't want her thinking that. I'd hate to hurt her feelings that way."

Another thought occurs to me and I say, "Oh, you know what? I bet Charlotte will eventually be the same way with Rose, too, if she really does adopt her. So if she wants to start paying for Rose's stuff too, just let her. It'll mean she's getting to where she cares for Rose too."

Esme dear laughs and shakes her head saying, "That'll be between Rosalie and Ms. Hale. I'll let those two hash that out." Then she looks down at the check again in disbelief saying, "Well, I suppose if I have to deposit this that I do know of a few local shelters that some of it could go to."

Grinning back up at me, Esme dear says, "I guess I can put the rest up for emergency ice cream runs." Sighing again, she says, "Alright, if I have to deposit this, I'm going to get around and go to the bank. It makes me nervous having a check this large here in the house. I think I'll go visit Michael's mother again while I'm out. Alice and Alistair are about to head out as well, but Rose and Emmett said they would be here all afternoon if you boys need help with anything." Esme dear comes in and gives us both a hug and a kiss on the cheek and then leaves.

Not long after that the Doc and Alice come into the room to say their goodbyes so they can head back to Seattle. I hug the Doc for a long time. I hate to let him go, knowing I won't see him again for several days. I almost wish I could go live with him and really let him be my dad, for a while anyway. But I know that's not possible. He has a life starting with Alice and I have one starting with Edward. And that's the way it should be. But still, it's nice to know he loves me enough to want me to be his son.

When I finally let him go and give Alice a hug, I'm still slightly embarrassed over the condom incident but she just giggles and ruffles my hair as she starts teasing me. Eventually though a thought occurs to me and I ask her, "Alice will it bother you, if after you and the Doc get married, that I don't call you mom? 'Cause you feel more like a sister than a mom to me."

Alice just laughs and shakes her head as she gives me another hug saying, "Don't be silly, Jasper. Of course I don't mind. You definitely feel more like a younger brother to me too. Besides, while I sometimes think they were wrong about my age when they found me and that I am in fact older than the age they guessed me to be. I am still way too young to be a mom to somebody as old as you. So you just keep calling me Alice, or Al, or Alley, or sis, or whatever makes you happy. Okay?" I nod my assent and they both give Edward and me one last hug before getting up to leave.

Not long after everybody leaves, Rose gets her flower delivery from Emmett. Emmett signals to me that he'll sneak down what I want later, at some point when Edward is out of the room. And then the two of them disappear upstairs, leaving Edward and me alone in the music room. Thankfully, Emmett and Rose manage to stay mostly quiet up there. But then again, I ask Edward to close the soundproofed wall—just to be safe.

Edward tells me I look wiped-out. And after changing out my ice packs and getting me comfortable lying down, he suggests that I take a nap. All I can do is nod as I snuggle down into the pillows. But before I can drift off, Edward asks if I mind if he uses my laptop to write with. I think I manage to mumble that it's fine before exhaustion finally catches up with me and I'm out like a light.

EPOV

Mom comes back a lot sooner than I thought she would. But she says Mrs. Newton wasn't home when she stopped by their house after going to the bank. Mom also went by the Newton's store and found out that it had been closed all day. Mom says she's going to make some phone calls to see if anyone has seen Mrs. Newton today and if not, she thinks she's going to call Charlie and talk to him later. I ask her if there's anything she wants or needs me to do, but she tells me to just stay with Jasper and make sure my man doesn't have any nightmares.

I have to smile at that—my man. I love the sound of that.

My poor, sweet love has had a full day of excitement today and he winds up sleeping the rest of the afternoon and evening away, and I wind up getting a _lot_ of writing done.

Unfortunately, none of it is on the next book I'm supposed to be writing. I just needed an outlet to get the things I remembered this weekend out of my head. I've been writing those things like Jasper wrote his journal—a very detailed account. I'm not 100% sure if I'll ever do anything with this writing or not, I just needed to get it out of my head. I think when I get done writing everything I finally remembered about _that_ day, I'm also going to write as many of the nightmares as I can remember too. Just try and purge all this shit out of my head—hopefully for good.

Happy with my plan of action, I get back to work. I get so into my writing that I lose all track of time. I'm surprised when I hear a knock and the wall slides back to reveal dad poking his head in the door asking if he can come in. I had no idea so much time had passed, or that Jasper had slept so sound and so long.

Dad carefully checks Jasper's knee out, looking for signs of fever or swelling. When Jasper sleeps through the examination I get a little worried. But when I voice my concern, Dad just smiles and tells me to let Jasper sleep as long as his body needs the rest.

Sighing, I nod in agreement and then after he leaves, get back to my writing. I'm not sure how long I work but I know it's quite a while. It's getting dark outside and my stomach is growling by the time Rose and Emmett come into the room saying, "Supper's ready. We just ate, so we'll sit with Jasper so you can go you go eat now."

Hesitating, I look down at Jasper's tranquil sleeping face. It's one thing to leave Jasper while he's awake, but it's another thing entirely to leave him while he's sleeping. Then again he has slept peacefully all afternoon. There hasn't even been the slightest indication of him having a nightmare. Seeing my worried frown, Rose says, "We'll watch over him, bubs. I promise if Jasper has a nightmare that I'll immediately send Emmett to come get you."

Nodding, I slowly get up as I ask, "So did you and Ms. Hale finally make peace earlier?"

Rose rolls her eyes and huffs, "Yeah, I suppose. God, she's such an infuriatingly, bossy person though."

Quirking an eyebrow, I smile at her saying, "Hmmm, must be a Hale trait."

Rose narrows her eyes at me saying, "Bite me, Edward."

Emmett stretches out across the bottom of the mattress as he says, "No, sweetie, Edward's right. You may not look the other two Hale's, but you all seem to have a lot of the same characteristics. Bossy attitudes, blond hair, blue eyes, big tits—well, I guess Jay made up for not having big tits by having a monster dick. You should have seen it, babe. The boy has a damn python in his pants. Not necessarily the _longest_ I've ever seen but I'm talking sea serpent thick—as in Loch. Ness. Monster. Which reminds me, you've got to tease Jay later and ask him who Nessie is. Hey, I wonder if Mama Hale and Jay share your insatiable sexual appetite too, Rosie posy? How's about it, Eddie? Is Jay here a marathon man in bed?"

Chewing on my lip and looking down, a smile twitches at my lips as my face heats up in embarrassment. I sure hope he doesn't expect me to answer that. Thankfully Rose saves me from answering when she interrupts with a huff saying, "Oh my god, Emmett, that's none of your business! Leave Edward alone! And you better not be letting Jasper hear you call Charlotte, Mama Hale. He was pretty damned adamant on her being a _mom_ and not a _mama_. Although I'm still not sure what the difference is in that head of his."

Sighing in relief at the subject change, I look back up saying, "It's really quite simple, sis. In Jasper's mind, a mama tries to keep you a baby all your life and a mom lets you grow up. I guess it's the differences he's noticed in how his mama treated him and in how our mom treats us."

Rose smirks, saying, "Speaking of how mom treats us, I suggest you go eat before she comes in here and drags you to the kitchen by your ear before your food gets cold." Laughing, I nod and head that way.

When I get to the kitchen, I sit down at the island to eat and watch mom prepare Jasper a tray of food again. This time she's piling it high with food in anticipation of Jasper being super hungry since he slept so long today and didn't have any snacks at all.

Dad comes in and I can't help smiling when he walks up behind mom, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her neck. Of course it doesn't take long before I'm blushing and carefully keeping my eyes down on my plate when things sound like they're heating up just a bit. My parents have always been open with their affection and love for each other. But that doesn't mean I want to watch them make out.

Dad gives mom one last kiss before grabbing a soda out of the fridge. He walks over, leans against the island and opens his soda and sips at it as he visits with me for a few minutes. I'm actually surprised when he asks how my writing went today and makes an attempt to show an interest in my books. Knowing the reasons for dad's aversion to fiction, I'm sure mom put him up to this. But still, I can't help but feel incredibly happy that he's making the effort.

When dad asks if Jasper is awake yet, I tell him Jasper was still sound asleep when I left the music room to come eat. Dad frowns and decides to go check on him again. Seeing the worried look on my face as I sit up to follow, dad tells me to not worry and to stay and finish my supper. Dad says he's sure it's just a side effect from having so much medication pumped into him today, so I settle back down and return to my plate of food, picking at it. But Mom comes over and visits with me, keeping me distracted enough to eat after dad leaves.

I'm just finishing up when Emmett comes into the room. I immediately jump up asking, "Is Jasper okay? Is he having a nightmare?"

Emmett rolls his eyes at me saying, "Chill out, little brother. Jay's fine but he's awake now and dad asked me to come let you know."

Grinning, I hurry toward the door only to skid to a stop when mom clears her throat and teasingly says, "Oh Edward dear, I think you're forgetting something."

Turning around, I look guiltily at my plate then at mom. Mom's number one rule is we're all old enough to clean up after ourselves. Shit! I can't believe I almost left my mess. Thankfully, Emmett laughs and shoves me toward the hallway saying, "I got it, Eddie. I'll even bring your boy's tray of food. Now get going and take care of Jay, I've never seen two grown men looking so much like whipped puppies in my life just because they have to wait a few minutes to see their fellers."

Grinning again, I do an almost embarrassingly Alice-like move as I do a little hop, and clap while letting out a happy squeal—except of course that it's a very _manly_ sounding happy squeal—and take off jogging down the hall before Emmett changes his mind.

Even though I've spent the entire day with Jasper, I feel like we've actually been apart since he's slept through most of it. By the time I get to the living room, I'm running and taking a short cut, vaulting over the furniture instead of going around. Skidding into the music room, I'm only vaguely aware of dad saying something about me maybe wanting to wait in the living room for a few more minutes as my eyes immediately lock onto Jasper's.

Jasper looks as relieved and excited to see me as I am to see him. He raises his hand toward me and breathes the word, "Edward," with such tenderness and reverence that I feel cherished just hearing it. I rush over and I'm at his side in an instant. Jasper pulls me down beside him on the mattress, and then cupping my face, his lips and tongue claim mine with a soft hum. The kiss is sweet and tender, and oh so full of love as his lips meet mine again and again.

Then Jasper hisses and jerks away as he whines, "Carlisle that _hurts_!"

Leaning up on one elbow, I look down the length of Jasper's body to see that dad has just unwrapped Jasper's knee and lifted the bandage. _Oh, my poor love!_ I hate the sight of Jasper's swollen bruised knee. It's not quite as bad as I thought it would be but it still looks terribly painful. When I his stitches—_poor baby!_—I almost want to cry. But then I glance at the lifted bandage in dad's hand and see the spots of…_oh dear god, is that? Yes, it is…_dried blood. Dad crumples the bandage in his hand and tucks it under Jasper's knee—too late. I start seeing black specks floating in my vision right before my eyes roll up in the back of my head and everything goes dark.

Blinking my eyes open, I have a moment of disorientation and think I'm seeing double when I find two blond heads and four worried blue eyes gazing down at me. Then I notice the differences: while both heads of hair are blond, one is more of a wheat color with soft curls and waves, and the other is more of a platinum blond and perfectly straight. One set of blue eyes are a deep blue and shining with love, and the other are a lighter shade of blue, and while I know they love me too, it's a different kind of love. Blinking in confusion up at my lover and my sister, I ask, "What happened?"

Rose smiles saying, "Well, Dad did warn you that you might want to wait in the living room for a few minutes. You fainted when you saw the blood on the bandages that dad is changing out on Jasper's knee."

"Oh." I think at one time that dad had hoped I'd be able to follow in his footsteps and be a doctor. Unfortunately, more often than not, I tend to faint at the sight of blood. The very thought of blood makes me shudder and feel like hurling.

Jasper caresses my cheek with one hand asking, "Are you really alright? They said you were but…,"

Damn. I worried him. Swallowing down my nausea, I manage a smile as I say, "I'm fine love. I've just never been good with blood. I guess it's a good thing I was already lying down here by you on the mattress so I didn't have far to fall. Mom and dad would have had their hands full if we were both hurt and they had to take care of us."

From the foot of the mattress, I hear dad say, "That's why I asked them keep you there son. Okay guys, I got this changed out. You can let Edward up now." That's when I notice that Jasper is twisted in an awkward position keeping one of my arms pinned as Rose leans on my chest and other arm. Seeing my look of confusion, dad says, "We didn't want you getting up until I finished changing this out. Just to be safe."

Nodding in understanding, I slowly sit up still feeling a little lightheaded. My sweet love, who has needed me to take care of him all day, pulls me close to where I'm lying with _my_ head on _his_ shoulder with his arm wrapped tight around me. Then after kissing my temple, he turns back to dad as they talk about Jasper's knee and his medication.

"Yeah, the knee still hurts, Dr. Cullen, but do I have to take those pain pills? I can't hardly think straight with them. This is the first time since this morning that I've actually got a fairly clear head—well, except for the headache. I'd really rather just take something for the headache since that's actually hurting more than my knee at the moment."

Dad frowns, saying, "I'm sure getting some food and caffeine in you will help with the headache, Jasper. But I'd strongly suggest taking the pain pills, at least for tonight. You'll wind up having an extremely uncomfortable night trying to sleep if you don't. Plus, they have a really strong anti-inflammatory in them that will help keep the swelling down in your knee. Now if you want and if you're not in too much pain, you can wait until you get ready to lay back down and go back to sleep before you take another pill tonight. Then we'll see how you feel tomorrow and decide if you need the stronger pain pills then or the over-the-counter kind. How does that sound?"

Jasper chews on his lip a minute then takes a deep breath and blows it out saying, "Okay, if you really think I should."

Dad pats Jasper's leg with a grin saying, "Good boy. The pain pill will probably help you be able to sleep tonight too, since you slept all day."

Jasper snorts saying, "I'd still be asleep right now is you hadn't turned that laser beam on in my eye."

Sitting up, I ask, "Wait, what? What did you do, dad? I thought you said to let Jasper sleep until he woke up."

Dad flashes a sheepish grin at me as he wiggles a penlight between his fingers saying, "I just wanted to check him out. I certainly didn't expect such an…ah…extreme reaction." Jasper blushes and looks down with his own sheepish embarrassed look.

I have my suspicions but I ask anyway, "What happened?"

Rose snorts saying, "Jasper probably would have cold-cocked dad with a roundhouse if I hadn't noticed his hand clenching and swinging when I did. As it was, Emmett barely caught Jasper's fist in time."

Jasper glances guiltily up at me saying, "I wasn't actually awake yet and I thought it was the light flashing off of a knife."

Sighing and shooting my dad a 'what the hell' look, I wrap my arms around Jasper and pull _him_ into a hug. Dad gives me an 'I'm sorry, I didn't know' look as he squeezes Jasper's foot saying, "Don't worry son, it won't happen again. Jasper and I had a little talk."

Frowning, I think about asking exactly which thing isn't going to happen: dad waking Jasper up with a penlight flashing in his eyes again, or dad not expecting Jasper to hit him if he does wake him that way. Remembering Emmett's warning to quit acting like Rose so much and to quit running a constant interference to protect Jasper, I sigh and decide to trust that they did work it out between them and keep my mouth shut.

Jasper finally pulls away and with a searching look he caresses my face with one hand saying, "I sort of peeked an eye open earlier and saw you crying, I couldn't make myself wake up for nothing though. Are you alright now?"

Dad and Rose both look at me worriedly asking, "Edward?"

Blushing, I ignore my dad and sister as I explain to Jasper, "Yeah, I'm alright, love. I was writing about all of the things I remembered this weekend. I just needed to get it out of my head. I didn't even realize I was crying earlier. I guess I get a little emotional when I write that kind of stuff out. Actually, I'm glad you didn't wake up. I might have got self-conscious if I had known you were awake and I wouldn't have been able to write like I did. I've always done my best writing when I was alone. Anyway it helped me get a lot of that crap out of my head and I feel a lot better this evening."

Jasper nods saying, "I thought that might be what you were doing. Maybe that was why I couldn't wake up. I knew you needed the privacy. Surely if you were really upset I would have been able to wake up no matter how drugged up I was."

Cupping his face I say, "Of course you would have." Then I pull his face to mine for a soft kiss—a soft kiss that quickly heats up. I forget all about dad and Rose being in the room when Jasper cups my face in both of his palms and deepens the kiss, his tongue exploring my mouth with needy moan as he gently pushes me down on the mattress.

"Well damn, Eddie, if I knew you two were going to put on a free live porn show, I would have made you wait for me so I wouldn't miss anything!" Emmett voice booms from the doorway while mom giggles. Jasper snickers into my mouth with his eyes wide and his face red and then jerks away from me like he just got burnt.

My family winds up camping out in the music room for the next half hour with us. Emmett and Rose drag the cushions and throw-pillows in off the couch and loveseat for everyone to lounge around on, so they can visit and tease us as Jasper eats. I'm actually wishing Alice and the Doc were still here to make this family moment perfect. As it is, I'm still enjoying spending a relaxing evening visiting with the rest of my family.

Eventually, dad insists that it's time for Emmett and me to assist Jasper to the bathroom and back, so he can observe Jasper's knee in action. Jasper moans, groans, complains, and whines the whole trip to the bathroom and back. But he doesn't seem to be in as much pain as earlier.

Jasper even insists that Emmett wait _outside_ the bathroom when we get there, looking embarrassed when Emmett tries to follow us in, and absolutely mortified when he remembers that Emmett had actually gone inside with us earlier. Then as I help support Jasper as he stands and pisses forever, we hear Emmett out in the hallway asking, "Hey dude, how's Nessie doing? Have you fed that beast its daily dose of Eddie today?"

Jasper bursts out laughing saying, "Oh god, I thought I dreamed that shit! Jeez, that means that weird conversation about rings and butt necklaces was real too. Wasn't it?"

Dad snorts out in the hallway asking, "Butt necklaces? Do I even want to know what that means? Never mind, don't answer that."

After we get back to the music room, mom and dad decide to retire to the study. Saying they think they're going to go read for while in peace and quiet. I can't help but blush and look down when Emmett nudges me with his elbow and winks while waggling his eyebrows at me. Jeez, are they really going to go fool around in dad's study like Emmett is hinting at? Really?

The rest of us decide we're all going to watch a movie together so I help Rose and Emmett haul all the pillows back to the living room and then help Jasper in there too. Jasper has a teary, pouty moment when he realizes he can't stretch out and drape himself face down on my chest like he usually does when we watch TV. But I finally get him settled as we recline on the couch, with him sitting between my legs and leaning back against my chest with his leg propped up on a pillow and the ice packs on his knee. I wrap him up in my arms and that seems to mollify him a little.

When Rose shows Jasper mom's collection of _modern_ romantic comedies, he's slightly unsure as he quizzes Rose on each title, asking if there are knives, or fighting, or mean people, or baseball bats, or guns, or rape scenes, and exactly what kind of cursing is in each one.

I have a moment of panic when Jasper sends Rose after his laptop. _Should I have password protected the file with my writing in it?_ But all they do is research each movie on IMDb. I think Jasper senses my panic because he tries to soothe me, running his hand up and down my leg as he and Rose check out the summaries and parental guidelines on each movie.

Jasper finally picks a movie out to watch and while Emmett isn't too impressed with his choice, even he understands that Jasper isn't ready for a blood and guts action or horror movie yet. I can't believe Jasper is still hungry, but he asks Emmett where his promised cookies are and then asks if there's any popcorn in the house to snack on too while we watch the movie. Emmett and Rose get our snacks and drinks, and then Emmett turns off the lights as he and Rose get settled on the loveseat.

Jasper shifts around a lot when the movie starts and at first I think he's just trying to get comfortable while sitting between my legs. But then I decide he's trying to drive me crazy as he keeps shifting and sliding against my ever increasing arousal. And then I know he is, because he surreptitiously slips a hand behind his back and squeezes my cock making me jump and stifle a squeak.

Glancing over at Rose and Emmett, I look to see if they saw or heard that. But all I see is a jumble of arms and legs as they make out on the love seat, completely ignoring the movie. Jasper turns his face back to give me a devilish grin before squeezing my cock again and again causing me to let loose an embarrassingly loud whimper.

Jasper snickers, then flinches and hisses when he moves his knee wrong. He turns back to huff and scowl at his knee a moment, before turning back to me with his devilish grin back in place. He gives me a quick kiss before whispering, "After the movie, I want you to go take a shower. I got plans."

Wondering what his plans are and if we can just go do them right now, I say, "I had a shower this morning, love. It's not like I've done anything today to get dirty."

Jasper's grin gets bigger and his eyes get…_smoldering_…when he whispers, "I need you squeaky clean for my plans darlin'. So I expect you to march that perfect gorgeous ass of yours up those stairs and get scrubbed up good and clean for me after the movie is over. Are we clear?"

My eyes go round at his commanding tone and my cock gets even harder as it throbs in his constantly squeezing hand. My mouth has gone dry, but that could be because I seem to be panting—hard. Swallowing down another whimper, I nod that I understand. And then I whine in protest when he releases my cock. But Jasper just smiles innocently at me, gives me a soft quick kiss and a wink, and then turns back around to watch the movie, and eat his popcorn and cookies.

I thought the stupid fucking movie would never end.

After squeezing a little shampoo into my hand, I work the lather up on my head. I really enjoyed my evening with my family but I am so ready for some alone time with my sweet sexy man. I would have gladly waited and taken a shower with Jasper tomorrow. I mean I did have one when he did this morning. But Jasper had been insistent when he sent me up here to get cleaned up and the look in his eyes had set my heart to racing with anticipation, the very thought makes my cock grow hard again now.

Closing my eyes, I lean my head back and rinse the shampoo out of my hair. The feel of the lather sliding down my body makes me think of Jasper's gentle touch and I miss having him in here with me. But dad said Jasper needed to wait at least until tomorrow evening for his first shower. Dad didn't want the hot water to aggravate the swelling in Jasper's knee. Plus, dad wanted to go buy some waterproof Band-Aids tomorrow to cover Jasper's stitches.

Grapping my soap, I thoroughly wash my body, the whole time thinking about wrapping my hand around my cock and taking care of…things. But somehow it just seems wrong to get off without Jasper. Besides I want to know what Jasper's plans are. I can only assume he wants to fool around somehow. He has to be in too much pain to actually make love though. And I have to admit that even though I've been fantasizing about riding Jasper's cock off and on ever since we talked about it. After making love twice last night, I'm afraid I'm going to be too sore to actually make love again tonight as well.

After washing everything, I make sure to rinse just as thoroughly. Making sure there's no soap left in any of my nooks, crannies—or cracks. Grinning and rolling my eyes at my own stupid pun, I turn off the water and open the shower door. After grabbing the towel I had left hanging close by, I start toweling dry. But then a spot of color on the countertop catches my eye and I pause what I'm doing.

Walking closer, I see a long-stemmed rosebud laying on the countertop. Frowning, I look around the room wondering who put it there. I know it couldn't have been Jasper, there's no way he could climb the stairs. Picking up the rosebud, I smile as I tickle it down my face and then smell its sweet aroma. It's a new bud, the palest of pinks, and not even open yet.

This has got to be from Jasper. He must have sent Rose or Emmett up here with it to surprise me. I blush at the thought of one of them seeing me in the shower with an erection. And to think I almost jacked-off! Just the thought of either of them witnessing me doing that is absolutely mortifying. Thank god, I didn't give in to the temptation! Hopefully, it was just Emmett that dropped this off. Between gym in school, and pissing in the woods when we go camping, it's not like we've never seen each other's cocks before.

Hell there was even a time back in Chicago when we were teenagers that I walked in on him and his friends measuring to see who had the biggest cock. I still can't believe I let them talk me into joining in on that! Snickering at the thought, I roll my eyes again when I remember that they were all upset that my cock was longer than theirs when I was younger than them by at least a year.

Shaking my head at the thought, I inhale the fragrance from my rosebud and wonder why Jasper didn't get one that was already blooming. Seeing the small envelope that was lying under the rose, I pick it up meaning to open it but the damn thing is sealed tight. Now I'm really curious so I open a drawer and get a nail file out to use like a letter opener. The last thing I want right now is to get a paper cut and pass out from the sight of blood. Carefully cutting a slit across the top, I pull the card out of it and read it, chewing on my lip as my smile gets bigger and my face heats up.

_**Edward,**_

_**All this rosebud needs is a little sunshine and water to make it bloom and open it up. I give you this beautiful, delicate rosebud so you can see just how beautiful your rosebud is to me. You're just as pale pink and closed up just as tight, all velvety soft and smooth just waiting for my loving touch to open you up. **_

I can't help giggling, and okay that definitely came out sounding a little girly. But damn, that's just embarrassing as hell and…so _fucking_ adorable. Damn, I love that man. I can't remember anybody ever getting me any kind of flowers before. Of course, I never thought I'd be the kind of person who would want them. Leave it to Jasper to think of doing something this loving and sweet on a day when he's obviously been feeling like crap. Could I have gotten any luckier in finding such a lovable man?

Grinning, I quickly finish drying before throwing on a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. Then I scan the bathroom and bedroom to make sure there is nothing in here that we won't need. Spying Jasper's medication, I grab it and pocket it before scooping up my rosebud and note before heading downstairs to my sweet, sexy man.

I pause on the second-story landing when I see a second rosebud and note lying on the floor. Giggling and grinning again, I pick them both up. This rosebud is just as pale pink but has begun to bloom just a little, barely beginning to open.

Unfortunately, this envelope is sealed just as tight. Now I'm torn between running back upstairs so I can grab my nail file to open it with, or going on down and opening it in front of Jasper. I have a feeling Jasper's going to expect me to have already opened and read it though. Shaking my head, I lean against the wall and carefully start working on lifting the sealed flap—and on not cutting myself.

I'm slightly distracted though when I hear a low moaning, murmuring, and a rhythmic…um, thrusting sound…coming from down the hallway. Frowning, I look down that way to see mom and dad's bedroom door closed and I have a moment of mental freak-the-fuck-out before I remember Emmett saying their room was soundproofed. Then I notice that Emmett and Rose's bedroom door is closed also, and I hear a slightly louder moan that makes me roll my eyes and shake my head—Emmett—should have known.

Ignoring the sounds, just like I've been ignoring hearing them since they were seventeen, I continue carefully pealing my envelope open. Naturally, the harder I try to ignore them the louder they get. I have to roll my eyes at the two of them again. You'd think it wouldn't be that hard for two people to be quiet when they have sex. Of course Emmett picks that moment to get even louder. But the things he's saying makes me look down the hall in confusion. What the fuck?

"God! Right there Rosie! Harder! Fuck me harder!"

What?

I mean, seriously?

What?

Shuddering, I grab my rosebud and envelope and start down the stairs. I don't have a clue and I don't _want_ to know what they're doing in there! Now, if only I could un-hear what I just heard!

Getting to the bottom of the stairs, I find another rosebud and card. So I decide to firmly put my weird brother and sister out of my mind and not let them spoil Jasper's surprise. Sitting down on the bottom step, I first finish opening the second envelope and pull that card out to read.

_**See beautiful… see how the rosebud opens up after it's had a little loving. This reminds me of how beautiful your rosebud looks after a little loving from my tongue. Just beginning to open up and ready for so much more. **_

Grinning and blushing, I brush the soft petals against my lips as I think of Jasper's tongue licking me in places that I never dreamed a person would _ever_ want to lick another person. I can't wait to feel that again. But I do feel, oh so guilty about not being able to do that back to him. Maybe someday I'll be able to get the nerve to try, I think, as I gently lay that rosebud down and pick up the other one to study. Another pale pink bud but this one is about halfway opened up in bloom. Burying my nose in it, I breathe in its lovely scent before laying it down with the other two roses and picking up the third envelope to open. Working the flap up, I pull the card out to read:

_**This bud has had a lot of loving. See how it's opened up even more? It's just like your rosebud after I've loved on it with my fingers, working them in and out, stretching and teasing until I can easily slide three inside your velvety soft, hot tight tunnel. See how beautiful you look to me when you're opened up and ready for my cock—so, so beautiful, my beautiful Edward.**_

Okay, I'm back to giggling like a fucking girl again as I read and re-read the card. Fuck, that's so hot—and really, really romantic. Grinning like an idiot, I gather up my envelopes and rosebuds before standing and winding my way through the living room toward the music room. But I have to pause again when I find another long-stemmed rosebud and envelope on the end table by the couch.

I debate on taking it with me and opening it in front of Jasper, but then I hear dad still in there still talking to him. So I decide to sit down on the end of the couch and start peeling the envelope flap open. This one isn't sealed quite as tightly as the others and I don't have as much trouble getting it open. But I pause before pulling the card out and study my rosebud. This one is still a pale pink, although maybe a not quite as pale as the others, and this bud's in full bloom. I can't wait to see what Jasper has to say about it as I lay the flower back down and pick up the envelope before carefully pulling the card out to read.

_**See how the rosebud looks when it's had all the loving it can have? It is in full bloom and has now reached its peak and is at its loveliest to look at. This is when your rosebud is the most beautiful to me, too. Right after it's had all the loving it can have by my cock. I can't wait to see you like this again, all flushed dark pink and opened wide, but still just as velvety soft and smooth. I can't wait to feel your bud surrounding me again. Mmmm, can't wait to feel my cock moving in and out of you; sliding, gliding, thrusting and loving you from the inside out. Sadly, I know it may be a few more days before either of us are ready again darlin'. But until then, I'm ready to tease and love your beautiful bud and gorgeous long cock in all sorts of other ways. **_

Smiling and blushing at my sweet man's sexy words, I wait impatiently for my dad to finish up so I can finally get Jasper alone. My knee bounces as I read and re-read the last card and a slow burn of anticipation heats up inside of me.

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_Hope you guys are still enjoying the story. Thanks for sticking with me. Oh and happy Easter to all._


	44. Chapter 44

**Finally! Another chapter. ****I've been complete fail at replying to any reviews from the last chapter, and barely any from new readers either. My sincerest apologies for that. A small handful of you know that my hubby has been in and out of the hospital the past few months and I just haven't been able to concentrate on anything else. I doubt if I will be able to reply to any of those but hopefully, I'll be able to reply to any new ones. As always, I read and appreciate every single one I get.**

**I did finally get this chapter wrote out, though. (only revised it about 20 times) And it's extra long, so I hope y'all enjoy. **

**WORD OF WARNING: there will be some difficult subjects talked about later in the chapter when Jasper learns about Rose's past.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight characters belong to Ms Meyer but this plot is my own.**

* * *

**GASPING FOR AIR **

**CHAPTER 44 (**_**Tuesday night/Wed morning)**_

**EPOV**

My knee bounces and a slow burn of anticipation heats up inside of me as I read and re-read that last card. My eyes keep going back to that last line: _**I'm ready to tease and love your beautiful bud and gorgeous long cock in all sorts of other ways. **_Damn, that's hot. I can't wait find out what Jasper has planned! Come on, dad—I think—hurry up, so I can get in there with my sweet, sexy man!

It finally occurs to me that maybe dad is waiting on me to come back into the music room so Jasper won't be left alone when he leaves. Deciding to check, I gather up all my flowers and cards before walking close enough to the entranceway to peek inside and listen, trying to see if I'd actually be interrupting anything important if I go on into the room.

Peeking around the wall, I see dad sitting at the foot of the mattress talking to Jasper, who is halfway reclined and halfway sitting up with a pile of pillows between him and the wall behind him. It sounds like dad is just finishing telling Jasper what he needs to do to take care of his knee.

"So, any more questions about how much you need to be alternating between walking and propping your leg up tomorrow, son?"

"Nah, I think I got it now, Dr. Cullen. Thanks for everything."

Squeezing Jasper's foot, dad smiles at him saying, "You can all me Carlisle, Jasper, even when I'm being your doctor. I don't mind."

"Oh. Okay. I guess I'm just used to the doctors at the hospital. They always insisted on being called doctor whatever their name was. Well, 'cept for the Doc, of course. He never cared that I just called him Doc." Then Jasper's face splits into a wide grin as he jokingly says, "The Doc liked that a lot better than being called Uncle Scrooge!"

I quietly snicker at Jasper's comment, so I miss the next thing that dad mumbles but then dad says in a louder voice, "Well, I'm sure things were a lot more formal when you had to live 24/7/365 in a hospital, son. But you're with family now, so no more of that Dr. Cullen crap." Dad starts laughing as he says, "I can make that more doctor's orders if I need to."

Jasper snickers again saying, "Okay, okay, doctor, um, Carlisle. I got it."

After dad quits laughing he says, "Alright then, now that we got all the doctor's orders out of the way. I just wanted to say one more time, thanks for the rose. I'm sure Esme will love it when I surprise her with it, just as soon as Edward gets back down here."

"Sure, no problem, that red rose was the wrong color for Edward anyway. I only needed the different shades of pink ones for him."

"Oh really? Huh, I had no idea Edward even liked pink that much."

"Oh, well, you see I thought the pink ones were more like…,"

Alarmed at the direction the conversation is heading, I sharply rap on the wall and interrupt. "Hey, guys, I'm back. Can I come in, or are you two talking about something important?"

They both grin up at me with dad saying, "Ah, good, you're _finally_ back."

What the hell? The way dad sounds you'd think I'd been showering forever. I mean yeah, I had wanted to make sure all my cracks and crevices were thoroughly scrubbed. And yeah, I did spend several minutes deliberating whether to wrap my hand around my cock to jack-off or not. And I guess it has taken me a while to find all my flowers and read all the cards, but surely I haven't been gone _that_ long.

Anyway, at the same time dad says that, Jasper sighs in relief and then once again reverently breaths the word, "Edward." Dad turns his head giving Jasper an amused but fond look when he hears how Jasper says my name.

Smiling at my sweet, sexy man as our eyes meet, I have to admit the way Jasper says my name makes me feel cherished. But the smoldering look in Jasper's eyes as they rake up and down my body is what sets me to burning with desire again.

Of course in the next instant, I'm blushing from the top of my head all the way to my toes when dad turns back toward me and laughingly says, "I see you found all your flowers and cards. I thought your brother and sister were going to get into a fight earlier over who was going to get to set them out for you."

Jasper snorts and starts snickering again. But all I can do is side-eye dad in a semi-panic as I think—Holy shit! Does dad know what the cards say? For that matter does Rosalie and Emmett?

Seeing my embarrassment, dad first eyes me curiously and then turns and eyes Jasper suspiciously. Jasper just grins mischievously back at dad, batting his lashes innocently. Dad turns back toward me laughing and shaking his head as he picks up a long-stemmed red rose lying in front of him before standing up and saying, "I don't even want to know. And on that note, I'm going to head up to bed early tonight myself. Your mom has been lecturing me about staying up too late every night."

Dad pauses beside me at the door, grinning back and forth between Jasper and me as he says, "You two boys try not to get too rambunctious down here tonight. We don't want Jasper re-injuring his knee. And for goodness sake, if you're going to be noisy, keep the wall closed! According to Al and Alice it was a good thing your mother and I had our bedroom door closed last night because supposedly you two were loud enough to wake the dead."

Jasper's eyes go wide as he loudly snicker snorts and turns bright red. My eyes go wide too, as I think—You've got to be fucking kidding me! They heard us making love? No way!

Not sure if he's just teasing us or not, I look down smiling in embarrassment as my face heats up. Dad just laughs and ruffles my hair before pulling me into a hug and quietly saying, "Okay, Edward, on a more serious note, I want you to make sure Jasper remembers to take his pain meds before you two settle down for the night. We want to keep the swelling down in that knee."

Still embarrassed and worried that dad knows what the cards say I just nod as I hug him back without saying anything. Then dad grins real big and glances over his shoulder at Jasper, before turning back to me and whispering, "Don't worry though; it shouldn't affect any other kind of swelling—if you get my drift."

My eyes go wide and my face gets even hotter as I think—Oh my fucking hell! I can't believe my dad is teasing me about sex! He just needs to stop it right now!

Dad pulls away, smiling and ruffling my hair again, before turning back toward Jasper with a more serious look on his face. "I probably won't see you two again until tomorrow evening, Jasper. Don't forget what I said about alternating between walking and propping your leg up. And I'd prefer it if you kept the knee wrapped at least until I get home. Now, I know you don't like how they make you feel, but if you're still in a lot of pain when you get up in the morning, keep taking the prescription pain pills. I'm not going to order you to take them, because I've always thought the less a patient relies on prescription pain killers, the better off they are. However, it would be better for the swelling in your knee if you took them for at least a couple of days."

Dad holds up the rosebud. "And once again son thanks for the flower." Jasper smiles and nods at dad who just smiles at the both of us as he salutes with the rose first at Jasper, and then at me saying, "Love you, boys. Good night."

Then dad smirks as he cockily says, "Think I'll go see if your mom is still up. I think she's in serious need of a doctor's examination—stat."

Seeing the look of disbelief on my face, dad grins from ear to ear and does something that I can only assume is supposed to be a dance move as he claps his hands and spins while wiggling his hips and saying, "The love doctor is in the house."

Really dad? I'm beginning to think dad really has been replaced by a pod person.

Dad laughs at me and then teasingly says, "That's right, your mother doesn't call me Doctor Don Juan for nothing." I watch in awkward disbelief as dad clenches the stem of the rose between his teeth before winking and waggling his eyebrows as he turns away to head out of the door still laughing.

My face heats up again at what dad's implying. Ugh, the last thing I want to think about is my parents being intimate. That's just—ugh.

Rolling my eyes and shaking my head, I turn back toward Jasper and go join him on the mattress. Sitting down beside my sweet love, I first lay my flowers and cards down by my pillow before fishing Jasper's medication out of my sleep pants pocket. Holding it out toward him I say, "Looks like mom and Alice missed these this morning when they brought your other stuff down." But Jasper is still staring with a confused frown on his face, toward where dad just disappeared. Nudging Jasper's shoulder, I ask, "Babe? What is it?"

Jasper looks at the medication in my hand and then back toward the door again before saying, "Do you think that means your dad is planning on going upstairs and, um…_you know_…with your mom? I mean, that's just…_eww_."

Jasper has such a look of disgust on his face that I burst out laughing. I just can't help it—mainly because it makes me feel the same way. Jasper scowls at me for a moment before he finally grins sheepishly and starts to laugh too. Then he pulls me closer for a hug, nuzzling his face into my neck as I turn toward him and wrap him up in my arms holding him close. God, I love this sweet, silly man.

I have to admit that even though I'm still laughing about what Jasper said and still slightly freaked out over my dad's antics, Jasper's hot breath gusting across my neck as he laughs is sending shivers up and down my spine. But then all thoughts of my parents, along with my laughter and amusement, leave me with a quiet gasp when Jasper's tongue glides out to slowly lick my sensitive skin.

Jasper leans back on the pillows, pulling me with him until I'm halfway laying on him, clinging to him with my head thrown back. Tilting my head to give Jasper more room, a whimper escapes me and my cock begins to perk up and take notice as Jasper works his way up and down the column of my neck: kissing, lapping, sucking, and biting. A soft moan escapes me when Jasper's lips and tongue attach to my Adam's apple, gently sucking.

I'm a panting and whimpering mess as the hand Jasper's using to pull me even closer with, slips under the back of my t-shirt and explores my back and shoulders. His hand feels searing hot on my bare skin like he could brand me with his mere touch, yet it leaves a trail of gooseflesh in its wake. I'm so turned on that it's hard to think straight, but I try to remember to not crawl completely on top of Jasper and his sore knee.

Jasper's other hand eventually slips under my waistband, sliding down the back of my sleep pants. My whimpers get louder, and an explosion of heat and want and need runs through me as Jasper's fingers run up and down my crack, up and down, up and down, again and again, gently caressing and pushing against my entrance on each pass. My cock is hard and throbbing, and I think I could almost cum from him doing just that—almost. When Jasper's hand finally slides over to squeeze my ass cheek hard, I groan, embarrassingly loud.

Jasper snickers and pulls away with a huge grin on his face. Breathing hard and licking his lips he says, "Darlin', why don't you saunter over yonder and close up that there wall so we can have a little bit privacy and not worry about _you_ letting the whole house know we're fooling around."

Grinning sheepishly and trying to catch my breath too, I whisper, "Okay."

Seeing the medication that I'd completely forgotten was still in my hand, I lay it beside Jasper's backpack before jumping up and hurrying over to slide the wall shut. My embarrassment manages to cool my ardor, and calm my raging hard-on back down to a semi. I can't believe I was so loud after scoffing at Emmett's noises earlier. Hell, I'm just as bad he had been! Chewing my lip, I worry and wonder if I should have warned dad before he went upstairs, about what Emmett had been yelling. Ah well, too late now.

After sliding the wall closed, I head back toward Jasper but stop in surprise when he says, "Stop right there, beautiful."

I stop in the middle of the room as Jasper stares hungrily at me. The heat and intensity of his gaze has my body responding in seconds. My semi turns fully erect again, causing my sleep pants to slowly tent with my arousal. Jasper grins and winks at me as he eyes my obvious erection and whispers, "Take your clothes off for me, darlin'. Let me look at you."

Keeping my eyes locked with his, I grin and slowly pull my t-shirt up over my head and then toss it over by the mattress. Sliding my sleep pants down, my erection bounces free pointing straight at Jasper. My cock definitely knows what it wants.

Jasper's eyes rake up and down my body and he does a twirling motion with his finger, wanting me turn around. Self-conscious now, I smile bashfully as I hold my arms and sleep pants out to my side and turn in a full circle for him.

Jasper licks his lips whispering, "Mmm, mmm, mmm, beautiful, you look so fucking delicious. I can't wait to taste that perfect body on my tongue." Jasper's words send another jolt of electricity and want surging through me, making my cock twitch and throb.

Jasper sits up and pulls his own t-shirt off before holding his hand out toward me saying, "Come here, beautiful." Heart pounding, I toss the pants and quickly join Jasper on the mattress, lying down beside him and quivering in anticipation.

**JPOV**

Leaning up on one elbow, I lick my lips and hungrily look down the length of my beautiful man's naked, quivering body. Fuck, Edward looks so hot and tempting. I wish I could make love to him again. There's nothing like the feeling of being inside of Edward's ass, so hot and tight. I love how that velvety smooth, tight tunnel wraps around my cock, fitting around me like a glove. Mmm, yeah, Edward's ass is my own personal cock glove. I love how his sweet, tight ass grips and clenches around my cock every time Edward moves. Even through a condom, it's the most amazing feeling in the world. Unfortunately, I figure neither one of us will be up for actually making love again for at least another night or two.

Hell, earlier today I was afraid I wouldn't even be feeling up to fooling around with Edward tonight. But I think I finally slept off all the drugs from this morning. And now that I've ate and got rid of my headache, I feel tons better. As a matter of fact, I feel so much better that I'm ready for a little lovin' from my beautiful man. I just need to decide how I want to love on him.

When we were watching the movie earlier and I was teasing Edward, I couldn't decide if I wanted to lick him all over tonight or watch him touch himself. I definitely _want_ to taste him but I'm not sure how much moving around I'm going to be able to do with my knee still hurting. I really wanted to watch Edward touch his self too, though. My beautiful man looked so sexy last night when he was stroking his cock. Hell, both things sound really fucking tempting. Hmm, yeah, maybe we can do a little bit of both.

'Course, I'm not quite done teasing Edward with his rosebuds yet.

Taking one of Edward's arms at a time, I raise them up, resting them on the pillow over his head. Mmm, my beautiful man looks absolutely delicious when he's all stretched out like that. Leaning down, I give Edward a soft kiss before whispering, "Now. Close your eyes and don't move, darlin'. Can you do that for me?"

Closing his eyes, Edward nods and grins as he snuggles down into the mattress and pillow. Licking my lips again, I eye his luscious body before reaching over and grabbing one of Edward's roses—the one in full bloom.

_I hope Edward didn't have too hard of a time finding his flowers and cards. Em, the silly asshole, had wanted to hide them and make Edward look for them like Easter eggs or something. Even with me demanding that Em put them out in plain sight where Edward would be able to see them without having to hunt them down. Hell, Em had still been arguing with me about hiding the damn things when Rose had came barging into the music room, red faced and furious, with that plastic sack full of new toys. _

_Either my new sister has a temper, or Em really fucked up bad. All I know for sure is Rose had been beyond pissed that Em had had Alice get some new toy for them today in Port Angeles, and had been yelling that Em should have discussed it with her first. _

_At first, I had been a little shocked when Rose jumped all over Em like that. Hell when I first met Em, he seemed so fucking huge and intimidating. Of course since then, I've realized that Em's pretty much the same height as Edward. Its Em's muscles that make him seem larger than life. And the longer I've known Em, the less intimidating he seems to me. It's silly to be intimidated by somebody that acts like such a big kid most of the time. I mean come on, Em wants to hide and hunt things like they're Easter eggs at his age?_

_Anyway, they got into a hell of an argument over that toy. I swear the two of them had practically been yelling at each other by the time Carlisle had come into the room. 'Course as soon as their dad had walked in, they had instantly started yelling about who was going to set out the flowers, like that had been what they were arguing about the whole time. I swear, as fast as they had switched subjects it had just about made my head spin. Hey, now that I think about it, maybe they had just been pretending to be fighting about the flowers because they didn't want their dad to know about that new toy? Hmm…_

_Anyhow, Carlisle had been upset to see them fighting and had sat Em down beside me on the mattress with Rose sitting in his lap, and then Carlisle had paced back and forth in front of us and lectured them on long term commitments, normal relationship ups-and-downs, pre-wedding jitters, the art of compromise, and the joys of making up. _

_I can't believe Edward and Em had had to sit through three whole days of lectures like that after they fell out of that tree fighting. I think I'd rather get a whooping and be done with it. I swear I thought my eyes were going to cross from boredom. I think Rose was bored too cause she kept squirming on Em's lap. Anyway, when Carlisle had finally got done lecturing them, he had told them to kiss and make up. _

_Well that had been a fucking mistake. _

_I thought those two were going to tear each other's clothes off right then and there and do the dirty…no wait. Do the nasty. Yeah, that's right. Em calls it the nasty…right in front of me and their dad. Thankfully, Carlisle had shooed them out of the room before that could happen. _

_Rose had been giggling when she grabbed the sack with their new toy in it while whispering something in Em's ear. I don't think Carlisle had been close enough to hear what she said because I barely heard her. But to me her whispers had sounded like Rose told Em that she would be getting ready for him in her room. And something else that sounded like Em will be lucky if he can walk tomorrow because she planned on wearing out his ass tonight. _

_I thought Rose was threatening to whoop Em with a belt or something. But I guess that wasn't what she was talking about, because Em had looked really excited and had practically pushed Rose out of the room to hurry her along. And then he had grabbed the flowers and cards and hauled ass out of the room too—practically running. _

_Carlisle had laughed and looked at them like they were demented or something. I wasn't sure what was so funny but I had laughed too, just because Carlisle was. _

Rolling my eyes at the memory, I decide to put those two firmly out of my mind. Right now, I have a beautiful man who needs loved on. Now where was I? Oh right, I was about to tease Edward with his rosebuds.

Taking the rose, I gently tickle the velvety soft, dark pink petals across Edward's just as soft lips, and then up and down the sides of his face. Edward keeps his eyes closed, but pulls his lower lip between his teeth as his smile gets bigger.

Grinning too, I oh so slowly and tenderly trace the rose petals down Edward's neck and across his chest, teasing his nipples and causing Edward's chest to rise and fall in excited pants.

I watch in awe as Edward gasps, moans, and whimpers while I tease his quivering, naked body with the soft petals of the rosebud: continuing down the middle of his chest, down his stomach, past his belly button, and down that sweet trail of hair that leads to Edward's scrumptiously long cock lying hard against his hip. Edward releases his bottom lip from his teeth and his lips part with a soft whimper as he thrusts his hips up slightly, but other than that he stays still for me like I asked him to.

Taking my time, I bypass Edward's cock and gently trail the soft petals down his thighs, down his shins, even tickling his feet. I slowly go up and down both legs before making my leisurely meandering journey back up his body, pausing to tease his nipples again before going all the way up to the top, where I tickle both of Edward's arms and hands. Then back down to tease Edward's nipples one more time before I finally head back to his crotch.

This time I tease Edward's balls with the soft petals, gently caressing them, before tracing that thick vein on the underside of his long, rock-hard cock. Edward's body tenses and he moans even louder as his fists clutch and knead the pillow under his head.

Running the rosebud up and down Edward's entire length, again and again, I tease his gorgeous cock until Edward finally begs me with a quiet, needy groan, "Please, Jasper, please."

Deciding, I've teased him enough with flower, I trace the bud up his length one last time, circling his cock's bulbous head with the soft petals and picking up the pre-cum gathered there. Bringing the rose back to Edward's lips, I tickle the petals across them, smearing the sticky pre-cum that the rose had picked up.

Laying the flower aside, I carefully bend over and greedily lick my treat from Edward's lips before pressing my lips to his. Edward's lips part and I slip my tongue inside his eager mouth as he tilts his head for better access. One of Edward's hands wrap around the back of my neck, holding me in place as he kisses me hungrily, humming and whimpering as our tongues share his salty, musky flavor.

I love kissing Edward and take the opportunity to kiss him for a long time before finally coming up for air. Panting, I pull my lips from his as I break the kiss and rest my forehead on Edward's. Trying to catch my breath, I softly ask, "Did you like your flower surprise? I wasn't sure if you would like flowers or not since you're a guy and usually flowers are for girls."

Chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath too, Edward opens his eyes and meets mine. He keeps his hand circled behind my neck, holding me in place with our foreheads together. Edward wets his kiss swollen lips before softly replying, "I loved my surprise, love. You're the first person to ever send me flowers. I can't believe how special it made me feel. Thank you."

Brushing my lips against his again, I whisper, "I'm glad you like them, beautiful. I thought it would be a fun way to keep teasing you about rosebuds. But now I kinda wish I would have done a little less teasing and done something more romantic, or I wish that I'd at least had a way with words and wrote something a little more romantic on the cards for ya."

Edward shakes his head as his hand slides from behind my neck and comes around to cup my face, his thumb tenderly stroking my cheek. "No, baby, I thought the flowers and the cards _were_ romantic. Yeah, they were a little bit teasing too, but they were also incredibly sweet and loving, and _so_ damn hot that I couldn't wait to get in here so I could get in your arms."

"Really?"

"Really."

Grinning, I lean down and kiss Edward again, hard and needy as our tongues meet. I love the taste of Edward's lips and tongue on mine as we kiss again and again. His sexy, manly scent as I breathe him in. I love the feel of Edward's silky skin under my fingers and the way he whimpers when I touch his cock like this, the way he groans when I pinch and tease his nipples like that. And I really love the feel of Edward's body moving underneath mine as we make love. Moaning with need, I forget myself and try to roll over on top of him.

Wrong fucking move.

Groaning and cursing, I sit up grabbing my thigh when my fucking knee lets me know real quick that that shit ain't happening any time soon.

Fuck! Fuck! Shit!

Edward rolls up on one elbow anxiously asking, "Baby, are you alright?"

Blinking back tears, I let out a frustrated huff saying, "Yeah, just give me a minute. Fuck that hurt."

Edward lays his head on my upper thigh and gently rubs the back of my knee and calf as he softly says, "Take your time love.

Mmm, I love Edward's hands on me and that feels so good on the back of my swollen knee. But the heat from Edward's face and the feel of his hot breath on my thigh, even through the sweatpants I'm wearing, is making me forget all about my hurting, swollen knee as something else begins to swell.

Ignoring the pain in my knee, I lean back on the pillows and look at Edward through hooded eyes. "I need you to come up here so I can love on you, beautiful."

Edward sits up, turning to face me with a small smile on his face as he says, "Of course, love. Um, how…, I mean, where did you want me exactly?"

Licking my lips, I grin and wink at him saying, "Straddle my chest, darlin'. I want you close so I can taste you."

Edward grins and quickly crawls over me, straddling me with one knee on each side of my chest. And I guess Edward is trying to keep his weight off of me, because he's staying up on his knees, looking down at me with an excited, hungry look in his eyes as he slowly strokes his cock with one hand, the other hand cupping the back of my neck.

But there's something about the way the pain in my knee is still radiating throughout my body, and the way Edward is _looming_ over me, and how I suddenly feel pinned down and so fucking small and helpless that is making my insides feel quivery and unsure. Black spots float across my vision when I realize this reminds of… Oh god, with my knee hurting like this, I couldn't get away if I wanted to. Running my hands up and down Edward's thighs, I try to concentrate on my breathing as I have a few seconds of internal freak-the-fuck-out.

But then I get pissed off that I let that bastard, James, sneak into my head and into my bed. I will not let that fucker win. I refuse to let James own me. Taking deep breaths, I tell myself to get my shit together and remind myself that Edward would never hurt me. Hell, this position was even my idea!

That helps a lot. But watching Edward slowly stroke his cock, right in front of my face helps even more. Because fuck, that is so fucking hot. My beautiful man is just that…fuck hot…even his cock is beautiful.

Have I ever taken time to actually study his cock before? Memorizing every vein, every ridge, I think I get a little distracted as I watch Edward lazily stroke his cock. It truly is a stunning sight to see, hanging heavy between his legs, looong and hard, the engorged head flushed a dark, dusky rose with another pearl of pre-cum gathered at the tip.

I'm not sure how long I stare, mesmerized by Edward's cock. But the next thing I know, Edward's hand is cupping my cheek and his thumb is stroking my lips as he softly asks, concern evident in his voice, "Baby, are you alright?"

Now I'm worried that Edward is going to know that I'd had that moment of internal freak-out, and that he's going to blame himself for it when this position had been my idea. Knowing him, he'll insist that we don't need to fool around now.

And I have every intention of fooling around.

Tearing my eyes away from Edward's cock, I tilt my head down and look up through my lashes, up the length of his body to meet his eyes. Nodding, I give Edward my sweetest, bestest, most bashful, innocent smile.

I know how Edward loves that shit.

Edward's eyes are full of love and unbridled hunger as he says, "I don't know why I find that sweet, innocent, bashful look so damn sexy. But you are so damned hot when you look at me like that. Do you do it on purpose? Just to drive me crazy?"

Keeping the sweet innocent look on my face as I gaze up at Edward, I whisper, "I love how delicious your cock tastes on my tongue, beautiful." And then I lean forward and very slowly lick the tip of his cock with my tongue, catching that salty, musky-tasting drop of pre-cum.

Edward moans and thrusts his cock forward, but I was anticipating that and already have a firm grip on his hips, holding him still. Panting hard, Edward drops his head back with his eyes closed and I barely hear him hoarsely whisper, "Fucking hell, between that sweet innocent look and that filthy mouth, he's going to fucking kill me."

Smiling in satisfaction, and yet needing to change to a position that I don't feel quite so helpless and where I can feel like I'm the one in control, I run a hand between Edward's legs and stroke against his entrance whispering, "But as much as I love how your cock tastes, when I said I wanted you to straddle my chest, I meant for you to face the other direction. Right now, I want to taste your rosebud, beautiful."

Edward's mouth falls open in a breathless "Oh," as he raises his head and stares at me in shock.

I love how the look on Edward's face transforms from shock, to want, and need, and hope in just a heartbeat. Setting a rhythm, I press against Edward's entrance with my finger, almost but not quite hard enough to breach his tight ring. Edward moans and drops his head back with his eyes closed again. I grin up at him asking, "Why don't you turn around for me and so my tongue can love on your tight bud like this? Don't you want to feel me licking your ass? Don't you want to feel my tongue thrusting in and out of your tight hole?"

Edward whimpers as he opens his eyes and looks at me again. He looks both embarrassed as hell and hopeful as he asks, "You really want me to turn around?"

Grinning up at my beautiful man, I nod waiting for him to move. But Edward just stays there, his blush getting darker as he cocks his head and stares at me as if he's not certain he believes me or not. So I cock an eyebrow at him and make a twirling motion with my finger again. Finally, Edward slowly climbs off of me.

Smiling nervously at me, Edward turns around and straddles my body again. I wait for Edward to do something, since he's now way down there by my hips and I need him up here closer to my face like he was when he was facing the other direction. I try to encourage Edward to back his ass up closer to me by pulling on his hips. But Edward stiffens up and just stays down there by my hips kneeling up on his knees, his back ramrod straight.

Now I'm worried that in my attempt to get my confidence back, I've made Edward uncomfortable. Wondering if he really doesn't want to do this or if he'd rather do something else, I ask, "Edward? Do you not want me to rim you? If you don't want me to tongue your ass, we don't have to do this."

"No! I mean, yes, I do want. I'm just not sure…" Edward groans and scrubs his face with his hands, his voice is muffled as he says, "I mean, do I just…you want me to just…," Edward drops his hands and looks over his shoulder at me, his face is flaming bright red as he asks, "You really want me to just…just…just back my ass up into your face?"

Grinning in relief when I realize what he's worried about, I slap Edward once on the ass and say, "Yeah, come on darlin', back that beautiful ass up here and let me love on that sweet, shy rosebud that you keep hidden from everybody but me."

Edward yelps and jumps when my hand makes contact with his ass. But then he grins and rolls his eyes before awkwardly shuffling backwards for me.

Grabbing his hips, I encourage him to come closer, while I try to scoot lower on the pillow at the same time without jostling my knee too much. Wrapping my arms around Edward's thighs, I then try to pull him lower on the bed since his ass is still pretty high up off the bed. But I guess Edward is still unsure about this because he's still acting all stiff and isn't cooperating with me very well.

Huffing, I decide Edward will probably loosen up after I love on him a little bit, so I just go for it. I start off lapping at his balls, making Edward whimper. And then after taking one ball into my mouth, I swirl my tongue around it a few times before gently sucking on it, making Edward squirm as he quietly chants my name. Tightening my arms around his thighs, I hold him still and then go back to lapping at his balls.

Intent on relaxing my beautiful man, I give Edward's balls lots of lovin', constantly switching from one to the other, lapping and gently sucking. Edward finally spreads his legs some more, lowering himself just a little bit for me. Humming in approval, I suck both his balls into my mouth, loving on them at the same time until Edward is panting and groaning and his legs begin to tremble.

Finally deciding he's ready for more, I release his balls from my mouth and wiggle my way back up on the pillow. Wrapping my arms around Edward's thighs again, I try to pull him closer and lower on the bed. This time, Edward comes with me. Dropping down to all fours, Edward lets his legs spread even wider as he lowers, and backs, his ass to my face, his cock and balls resting against my chest and stomach.

Grinning, I give Edward's luscious mounds a few gentle nips before pulling his cheeks apart with my thumbs. Fuck he has the tightest looking, pale pink, puckered entrance. I still don't know how the hell my cock fits in there. Just seeing how tight it looks makes me moan with need as my cock twitches.

Ready to tease and love on my beautiful man, I run my tongue from his balls to his tight little rosebud opening, alternating between swirling my tongue around and around, and in flicking it back and forth, or up and down. Edward groans "Oh, god! Yes! Yes! Yes!" while pushing his ass back into my face and arching his back at the same time.

Edward never did tell me exactly what he did and didn't like last night, so I turn my head just long enough to say, "I want you to tell me if this feels good," before turning back to what I was doing. I keep swirling and flicking my tongue until Edward is practically hyperventilating as he whimpers and writhes while hovering over me. I finally stop my tongue and ask, "How was that? Do you like that, beautiful?"

Panting hard, Edward breathlessly moans, "Yes! God, yes, tongue ass so good, love."

Nodding, even though he can't see me since he's facing the other direction, I next try lapping with long, excruciatingly slow licks with the flat of my tongue, from his balls to his tight hole, over and over again. Edward whimpers and moans, his head tossing back and forth as his fists pull and claw at the covers—dangerously close to my knee.

When I finally stop, I ask, "How about that? Did you like that?"

Edward whines when I stop and his voice is hoarse when he says, "Mmmfuck, balls, tongue, ass, so good. Please, please, tongue, ass more, Jasper. Please, love. Please, more."

Nodding again, I rub his glorious mounds as I try to decide what I want to try next. Edward wiggles his ass, and whines impatiently, "Jaaaaassssperrrr, tongue ass now!"

Grinning, I tilt my head and gently bite one his ass cheeks and Edward hisses out a quiet, hoarse, "Fuck yeah!" I'm still not sure why Edward likes having his ass bit, but I love his reaction. I wonder if I would like it? Hmm, maybe I should ask him to bite my ass sometime?

Deciding I want to try something a little different, I once again spread Edward's cheeks wide with my thumbs. Edward wiggles his ass again before whining and pushing back toward my face. I love how impatient my beautiful man is to feel my tongue on his ass so I return my mouth to his pretty little puckered hole. Wrapping my lips around it, I try to suck on it at the same time that I try to wiggle my tongue in and out of it. I _almost_ giggle and stop because of the tickly vibrating feeling of my lips trying to find purchase, and the smooching kissy sounds my lips are making on his ass.

But the way Edward is squirming and making a high pitched mewling, whimpering sound, as he pushes his ass into my face harder makes me think that he might actually like this, too. Hell, Edward seems to like all of it.

Satisfied that I don't have to worry about doing any of it wrong, I alternate between lapping with long slow licks, swirling and flicking my tongue, and sucking and wriggling my tongue inside him so I can thrust it in and out real fast. I try to let Edward know just how special he is to me by loving on his ass with my tongue for a long, long time, driving him crazy.

I guess I'm doing a good job since Edward's thighs are quivering as he constantly whimpers, moans, and writhes, mumbling crazy incoherent shit like, "Mmmgod, suck, mmmplease baby. Mmmfuck, tongue, ass, mmmyeah, lick, mmmmJasper, ass, ass, tongue so good, baby!"

Eventually my tongue starts to tire, and I still have plans to love on Edward's cock now that I feel more confident. So I give Edward's cheeks a few more nips before patting his thigh and asking him to turn around for me. Panting hard, Edward turns his head to look at me with a dazed, disbelieving look in his eyes. But he turns around for me, moving in slow motion as he straddles my body again.

Instead of looming over me this time, Edward leans down, grabbing my face in his palms. His lips meet mine and he runs his tongue deep into my mouth, moaning. As squeamish as Edward is at the thought of rimming, it surprises me that he doesn't seem to mind kissing me right after I've rimmed him. When Edward slowly pulls away from the kiss and meets my eyes, he whispers, "Thank you, love. That was incredible. I loved feeling your tongue on my ass. What did you want me to do now?"

_I have to smile at that. I don't know if Edward reads my mind or if he can feel my emotions, but he can read me and my needs like a book. He knew I needed to feel like I was in control—even while I'm laying flat on my back. I had all my control stolen from me __**that night**__ and it means so much to me that Edward gives me a little more of that control back every time we're together like this. I love how Edward trusts me enough to do that, letting me take control of his body when we're making love. _

_I mean sure, when we're just fooling around, Edward will pin me down and tease me but even then I know he would let me go if I asked. Sometimes it seems like Edward knows what I need even before I do: when I don't mind being pinned downed and teased until it just about drives me crazy, or times like this when I need to be the one in control. I guess I wasn't thinking earlier when I was freaking out, because I know if I had said something that Edward would have immediately let me up. I'd trust Edward with my life._

Running my hands up and down Edward's trembling thighs, I look up at him and whisper, "Let me watch while you touch yourself, beautiful. Stroke that long hard cock for me."

Edward grins back at me as he asks, "Like this?" And he takes his cock in hand and quickly begins to stroke it.

Stopping his hand with mine, I shake my head saying, "No, wrap your fist around your cock but keep your hand still and just move your hips. You know, like you're f-f-f-fu…making love to your fist."

Edward licks his lips and nods. Rewrapping his hand around the shaft of his cock, he slowly thrusts his hips, sliding his cock through his closed fist. I figure it would probably feel better if he used lube but I still have plans on tasting his cock, and I'm not sure if lube is one of those things you're not supposed to ingest or not, or…

Oh!

"FLAVORED!" I yell, excitedly. That's why they make flavored lube! Duh.

Edward pauses, looking down at me with a confused look on his face. "What?"

Blushing, I say, "Never mind. Go ahead." Edward gives me an 'are you nuts?' look and then goes back to thrusting his cock into his fist.

Okay, so I'm guessing the flavored kind of lube is okay to get in your mouth. But I still don't know about the plain kind and that's the only kind we bought. I need to read the damn bottle again. I do have plans for the lube later though—if I can talk Edward into it.

For now, I watch in fascination as the head of Edward's cock plays peek-a-boo with me, appearing and disappearing in and out of his closed fist. My own cock is twitching and throbbing now as I encourage Edward, "Yeah, that's it, beautiful. Thrust that cock into your fist. Pinch your nipples with your other hand. Now run that hand down and play with your balls, but keep thrusting your hips and stroking your cock. Fuck me, Edward, you look so hot."

Edward is really getting into it, his face flushed, his chest heaving as he pants and whimpers. Thrusting into one fist, he runs his other hand over his body like I tell him to. That is totally fuck-hot. But I can think of something else that will probably be even hotter. I really hope I can talk Edward into doing this. Keeping my eyes locked on his peek-a-boo cock, I feel under my pillow trying to find the lube that I had stashed earlier. My hand finally bumps into it and I pull the bottle out.

When Edward notices me fumbling around, he opens his eyes. When he sees the lube in my hands, he moans, "Mmmmyeah, mmmmbaby, ass, fingers. Hurry. Mmhmm, need ass finger love now."

Chewing on my lip, I take the lube and pour a little out on my fingers. Then I circle Edward's entrance with it, spreading the lube around and making his crack and bud slick. After laying the lube back down beside me I say, "Okay, darlin', I want you to do something new for me. I want to watch you touch yourself. You know, love on your own ass with your fingers. Can you do that for me?"

Edward's eyes go wide as he stops all movement and looks down at me in shock asking, "Wha?"

Grabbing a towel, I wipe off the excess lube before running my hands up the backs of Edward's thighs. Squeezing his firm ass cheeks, I repeat, "I want to watch you touch yourself. Can you love on your own ass with your fingers for me? Let me watch?"

Edward has an uncertain look on his face as he says, "I've never done that, Jasper. I'm not sure…,"

Giving him my best puppy dog pleading eyes, I say, "Won't you just try it? For me?" Edward frowns, so I push my bottom lip out in a pout and beg, "Please. Please. Please. Pretty please." Edward still looks doubtful and unsure, so I bring out the big guns and push my bottom lip out more and make it tremble.

"Okay, okay, I'll try!"

Ha! I knew that would work. Edward's a sucker for my trembling pouty lip look.

It always worked with my mama, too.

Snuggling back into my pillow, I get more comfortable as I watch him try to figure out what he's doing. Edward looks embarrassed again as his hand slides around behind him, disappearing from my view. But then he's arching his back as he moans softly.

Frowning, I say, "Wait! I can't see!" Edward huffs and scowls in disbelief at me. Ignoring his look I ask, "Um, can you stay up on one knee, but spread that other leg out so I can see?"

Giving me another irritated look, Edward moves his legs like I asked. He stays on the one knee and spreads his other leg out wide, resting his foot on the bed. Then Edward looks down his own body and grins real big as he quietly snickers and mumbles, "I feel like Captain Morgan."

"Who?"

Edward turns redder saying, "Nobody, never mind. Are we ready?" then he huffs and sounds whiny as he asks, "Can I start over?"

Nodding, I wiggle a little lower on the pillow as I try to figure out how low I need to go so I can see Edward love on his ass with his fingers and yet still watch Edward's cock playing peek-a-boo with me.

Edward starts thrusting into his fist, his breathing slowly picks up again, and an occasional whimper escapes as he gets into it. He looks fucking erotic with eyes closed, his mouth open, his head thrown back, and his face and chest flushed as he pants in excited whimpers. His free hand roams his body: tweaking his nipples and tugging on his balls, before sliding further back to tease his hole.

Frowning, I say, "Instead of going between your legs from the front, can you go ahead and go do that from the back like you were going to do? Your hand is blocking my view."

One of Edward's eyes barely opens and he glares at me through the slit, but he doesn't stop playing with his body. Finally he sighs and his eye closes again as his hand slides around behind him and he arches his back. This time I have a clearer view of his fingers when they touch his entrance.

His finger circles and teases his bud, getting good and slick with the lube that I had applied. My hard-on gets achingly hard when Edward groans as his finger slowly pushes into his tight entrance. Ooooh, yeah. Ooooh, fuck me. That's hot. Edward looks absolutely mouth-watering, and my cock throbs, as I watch his hips thrusting his cock into his fist as his finger slides in and out of his ass, faster and faster.

As much as I enjoy watching Edward's cock playing peek-a-boo with me, I can't take my eyes off the finger he has in his ass, pumping in and out. At first, I just watch, my hands slowly running up and down Edward's tense, trembling thighs. But his excited pants and whimpers are really getting to me. I have to join in. Edward moans my name loudly when I cup his balls in one hand and run my other hand up to pinch and tweak his nipples.

My mouth goes dry when Edward's thrusting hips pause for a moment and he pushes a second finger into his ass while groaning and biting his lip. Watching Edward's two fingers slide in and out of his tight hole, I'm panting like I've been on the treadmill for the past hour as my cock throbs even harder.

Fuck me, I have to know how that feels! Grabbing the lube, I spread some on my fingers, coating them again. Then I very carefully slide my middle finger into Edward's ass, in between the two fingers he already has in there. I don't know who moans louder, Edward or me. My throbbing cock is almost painful now as I feel Edward's fingers slickly sliding around mine, _inside_ of his ass—fucking unbelievable. The only thing that would be better would be if I was tasting his cock at the same time that I was loving on his ass with my finger.

So I do.

Leaning my head forward, I flick my tongue over the swollen, leaking head of Edward's cock every time it peeks out at me from his fist.

Mmm, yummy.

Edward loudly moans, "Oh god, Jasper, yes!"

Edward slowly slides his fist further back, allowing me to love on more and more of his cock with my mouth. Finally, after swirling my tongue around the head a couple of times to get it good and wet, I say, "Thrust into my mouth." And then after wetting my lips, I wrap them around Edward's cock.

Looking up at him, I wait and watch as Edward's eyes widen with surprise. Edward studies my face a moment before smiling down at me, the hand that he had been stroking his cock with slides from his cock to caress my cheek and lips before cupping my chin. Relaxing into the pillow, I look up meeting Edward's tender gaze as he stares down at me through hooded eyes. Biting his lip, Edward begins to very carefully and slowly thrust his hips, his cock sliding in and out of my mouth.

Mmmm, I love how his shaft feels both satiny smooth and hard as a steel as it glides across my lips and tongue. I love the feel of Edward's trembling muscles tensing and flexing under my hand as I caress his thigh and ass with my free hand. I love how his hot, tight ass clenches around our slick fingers every time he thrusts his hips. I love how Edward pants and moans with his head thrown back and his eyes closed.

But I really love the hot shit Edward is moaning, "Mmmmyeah, Jasper. Ummmbaby, so good. Please, suck me, tongue me. Ummmyeah, finger love so good."

Edward's slick fingers caress mine as I push deeper into his ass massaging his magic spot while my mouth works his cock. Edward's whole body tenses and his thighs quiver as he moans, "Jasper, please, finger, ass, right there! Love you. Love your mouth, baby. Suck me, lick me. Please, more."

I decide to see how deep I can take his long hard cock down my throat, and breathing through my nose, I relax my throat and slowly take him all the way down to his pubes. I can't believe how good I'm getting at that now! Edward's voice is hoarse as he groans out, "Oh god! Take it! Take it! Take it all! Throat, so deep. Please, Jasper, please…,"

Running my other hand up the back of his thigh, I push and pull his hip and squeeze his ass as I encourage him to thrust even harder and faster. I know he wants to—needs to.

Edward's hand goes from tenderly cupping my chin, to sliding around the back of my neck, holding me still as he begins to work his hips. I concentrate on keeping my throat relaxed as Edward thrusts his cock into my mouth faster and deeper yelling, "Oh god, your mouth! Fuck your mouth. Shit, fuck. Finger, more. Fuck me! Harder! Yes, love. Suck me! Shit so close…So close. Lick me. Gonna make me….fuck…need to…so close…baby please!"

Edward's hold on the back of my neck tightens and his thighs tense like a coiled spring as I let him keep thrusting his cock deep into my throat. I try to move my tongue and suck him at the same time that my finger slides in and out hitting his magic spot hard, again and again. Edward's whole body shudders and convulses and then he's yelling as he comes down my throat. "Ah fuck! Yes! Suck me! Fuck me! Yes! Yes! Love you! ! Love you! Jasper! Jasper! Jasper!" As I work on sucking out and swallowing every last drop of my beautiful man's cum, I hope the walls really are soundproofed or everybody in the house is going to know what we've been doing in here.

Edward's whole body trembles as he finally pulls his fingers from his own ass and climbs over, collapsing beside me on the mattress. Edward looks wild and beautiful as he lies there, eyes closed, chest heaving, and gasping for air. When he finally catches his breath, Edward looks over at me with a look of dazed contentment and a crooked grin on his face. He rolls up on one elbow and grabs the towel I used earlier, wiping the lube from the fingers that he'd had in his ass he eyes the painfully hard erection tenting my sweats.

Laying the towel aside, Edward once again rolls up on his hands and knees, straddling my body. He takes my face in his trembling hands and kisses me, running his delicious tongue deep into my mouth as he moans. When Edward finally comes up for air, he moves my hands, one at a time, over my head to rest them on the pillow. With a smirk on his face, Edward leans down until out noses are touching and then says, "Now. Close your eyes and don't move, baby. Can you do that for me?"

I grin as my own words are returned to me. But then I whimper and shiver with anticipation when Edward tugs down my sweats halfway and helps me pull my good leg out of them before grabbing the lube and saying, "Now try not to move your knee because it's my turn to taste your monster cock while I watch that super hot ass ride my fingers."

"**~*~"**

"Jasper, can you please hand me the filter wrench."

Trying to remember which tool is a filter wrench, I nervously glance back and forth, from the tools lying on the floor— Is it that one? Or that one?—over to the waiting hand and coverall clad legs sticking out from under Edward's jacked-up, propped-up car.

I'm afraid I'm a failure when it comes to being a mechanic. Fuck, if you'd asked me yesterday what kind of car Edward drove, I would have said—a silver one.

The hand disappears and the legs slowly roll out from under Edward's car revealing a coverall clad, slender yet curvaceous body, followed by a tight lipped frown, a grease smudged cheek, a pair of red-rimmed thoroughly annoyed blue eyes, and long blond hair carelessly tied up in a loose knot.

Rose looks pissed as she scathingly says, "Weren't you paying attention to me earlier when I laid out all the tools and told you what everything was? Let me take wild guess. You were acting like a _typical_ man and fantasizing about being with someone else besides being here with _me!_"

Chewing on my lip, I try to figure out how to answer that.

The truth of the matter is after Rose told me that Edward's car was a 2011 Volvo S60 T6 R-Design—seriously, wouldn't it be easier to just call it a silver car instead of all those numbers and letters?—I was already starting to get bored. When she showed me the engine, telling me it has a 3.0-liter turbocharged in-line six, and she started talking about horsepower, rpm, foot pounds and torque—I started tuning her out. By the time she started pointing out hoses and lines and laying out tools as she explained how to change the oil and oil filter—my eyes had glazed over and I had totally quit listening to her.

Instead, I thought about loving on Edward last night.

Fuck, I can't wait for us to do that again. Edward had looked so hot while he was loving on his own ass and cock. And the way Edward's fingers had felt sliding in and out of his ass when I added mine too—sublime. Maybe we can do it again tonight? And this time, I might even try to love on my own ass with my fingers too. I wonder how it would feel to feel my own fingers inside of me. I wonder if Edward would think I looked hot if I did it. Then again, there's a chance that Edward might even feel up to riding my cock tonight! Fuck, I can't wait to see and feel him try that. I can just imagine how he'd look all naked and sweaty as his hot, tight, velvety smooth ass slides up and down my thick shaft. Hey, if we don't do that then maybe we can…

Rose growls out an irritated, "Well?"

Startled, I jump and give Rose a guilty look. Fuck, I just about forgot about her when I started fantasizing about being with Edward. Now, what was the question again? My face screws up as I scratch my temple saying, "Um…,"

Cue an eye roll and Rose angrily muttering, "Men!" under her breath as she grabs a tool and rolls back under Edward's car with a quick jerk.

Huffing, I stick my tongue out at her, and then get off my slightly tender ass by sliding sideways on the seat I'm sitting on—it's the back seat out of Em's jeep. Rose let Em set it out for me here in the garage before she ran him off.

Flopping my head down, I wiggle onto my back and sling my good leg over the back rest. Then I stretch my sore knee off the end of the seat and flex my ankle, carefully working the stiff muscles in my calf again. Thank goodness, I'm not nearly as sore today as I was yesterday. I can even bend my knee a little now. Fuck, I'm bored though. I wish I'd thought to bring the guitar out here, I could have practiced.

_I had woken up this morning at my usual 6:00 a.m., but had let Edward sleep as I carefully maneuvered my way out of bed and limped my way to the bathroom. Carlisle had just been on his way out the door to go to work at the hospital, but he had dropped everything when he saw me. He had helped me to the bathroom and back, scolding me the whole way for trying to walk on my own. _

_I didn't want to argue with Carlisle about it, so I didn't say anything. Even though I knew from experience that the quicker I get up and just do everything on my own, the faster I'll get better. _

_After Carlisle left, I had called Jacob. I knew he'd already be up. We talked for a good 30 minutes about what stretches and exercises I should be doing. And then another 30 minutes with Jacob scolding me and telling me I had better do my fucking exercises and not be lazing around, and to not be acting like a helpless baby and letting everybody do everything for me._

_I was so pissed off by the time I got off the phone with that fucking asshole Jacob that I did my exercises and worked my knee for almost an hour. Even though it hurt like a bitch when I first started, I was quite pleased with how much I could do by the time I was done. Jacob always did know which buttons to push to keep me motivated. That's why I love him so much._

_After I got done working my knee, I had decided to wake Edward up by loving on his cock with my mouth. To stay off my knee, I'd had to lie sideways on the bed as I worked my way under the covers. Edward had definitely been surprised to wake up with me swallowing his cock. He'd been quick to jerk my sweatpants down, flip me over onto my back and straddle my body so he could love on my cock at the same time. I really, really like that number 69._

_Esme dear had fixed a fan-fucking-tastic breakfast for us this morning. Needless to say I was starved after exercising and loving on my beautiful man. Edward and I cleaned up the dishes for her when we were done eating. At first neither one of them was going to let me help but I had pitched a fit and insisted. Like I said before, I know from experience that the only way I'm going to get better is to just get up and do stuff. Not only that but now if Jacob ever asks Edward if everyone has been babying me, Edward can honestly answer that I've been up and doing stuff on my own. Ha! That'll show him._

_After that, Esme dear had said she was going to go talk to Mrs. Newton for awhile, before heading to a shelter in Port Angeles where she had promised to volunteer for a few hours today. Esme dear had told me she had thought about cancelling so she could keep an eye on me. But I had assured her I was fine and that I had Edward, Rose, and Em here if I needed anything. It had taken me a while but I had finally talked her into going, although I could tell she was torn about leaving. _

_Edward had started acting antsy mid-morning and a couple of times I had caught him glancing longingly at my laptop when he thought I wasn't looking. I'd finally suggested he should take the laptop up to his bedroom where he'd have some privacy and he could try to get a few hours of writing done. Of course Edward had tried to protest at first, but it hadn't taken me too long to persuade him to go. I figured I was going to have to start getting used to being apart from Edward while he's writing eventually. Besides, it would give me a little time to get to know my new sister. _

_Big fucking mistake. _

_If I had known that Rose and Em were fighting again, I'd have stayed in the house with Edward. Well, maybe fighting is the wrong word, more like Em's been following Rose around most of the morning, whining every few minutes, "Sorry, baby. I'm so sorry," while Rose refuses to talk to him and glares with a hurt look on her face every time Em apologizes. She sure has been mad this morning. Em must have really pissed her off again. _

_I guess Rose had finally got tired of Em following her around, because she informed him that she was going to teach me how to change the oil in Edward's car and that she didn't need him distracting her while working. Rose had softened up though, when she saw Em's sad, whipped, puppy-dog, teary-eyed look. She had hugged him and asked him to go set up the tent in their favorite make-out spot, and had told him they could do some serious talking tonight about which job Em was going to take and where they were going to live after they got married. _

_You'd have thought Em won the lottery the way his face had lit up. Of course Em had looked like a guilty puppy when Rose had quietly hissed in his ear that they'd also be talking about just whose name he's supposed be yelling when they're doing something or other, not sure what since I didn't hear it all. Anyway, Em took off on the four-wheeler about an hour ago and I've been here in the garage with my new sister, learning how to change oil ever since._

Hanging my head off the end of the seat, I look around the room, slightly amused over how it looks upside-down. Then I swing my head back and forth and watch my hair swaying. Fuck, this is boring. I wish I'd thought to bring my sketchpad out here with me. I could have made some sketches of what Edward looked like last night as he loved on his own body. Or hell, I could have drawn how Edward had loved on my body last night—twice.

_Edward had played and teased my body for the longest time with his mouth and fingers that first time he had loved on me. Unfortunately, I had kept trying to bend my knee so I could get some leverage when I was thrusting my cock into Edward's mouth while riding his three fingers hard enough that my ass feels achy today. _

_Edward had loved on my body so long that by the time he finally let me come, he was hard as a rock again. Naturally, I talked Edward into helping me lay on my side so he could lube up my crack and slide his cock between my cheeks. _

_Fuck, I hate to admit it, but I had tensed up for just a second when Edward's cock first slid between my cheeks. But it didn't take me long to relax, and then the feel of his cock sliding across my entrance had felt so good that I had been hard again in no time. I'm hoping by getting used to the feel of Edward's cock back there on the outside, that someday I'll be able to have him back there on the inside!_

_Of course by the time we were both done loving like that, I had been a sweaty and sticky mess both in front and back, and in dire need of a pain pill. We'd had to make a bathroom trip on shaky, trembling legs so we could wash off as best we could with a wash cloth. I sure had been wishing I could go ahead and take a shower. _

Still do…

Grabbing the front of my t-shirt, I sniff it and wonder if I stink. Hearing her roll out from under the car, I look up and watch as a now upside-down Rose works under the hood of the car, pouring oil through a funnel.

Hey, that kinda looks like fun. I wonder if Rose would let me pour the oil. Hmm, she still looks pissed, and the mood she's in I'm afraid she would bite my head off if I asked. Hell, earlier I'd thought about asking her if she and Em were still fighting about that toy he had Alice get yesterday. But as scary as Rose looks when she's pissed, I'd had a serious fear of having my head ripped from my shoulders or my balls ripped from my cock.

Sighing, I go back to swinging my head and watching my hair sway. Blowing at my hair and making it fan, I think about yesterday and all the things that happened while I was all drugged up.

_I can't believe how many changes have happened in my life in just one week. And even more stuff is going to start happening. I can hardly believe the things that I had been wishing for, for so long, are actually coming true!_

_I've finally got somebody to love, and hopefully Edward will even marry me someday. The Doc is really and truly going to be my real dad, not just my feel-like-a-dad Doc. And Charlotte's finally going to be my mom! I still can't believe Charlotte is really going to adopt me. _

_I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that she's going to adopt Rose too. I can't believe Charlotte had already thought to adopt Rose before I even mentioned it. I wonder how she knew I was going to want Rose to be my sister? It's like Charlotte read my mind or something. I wonder if it has something to do with Charlotte being my genetic mom? Heck, maybe all real moms can read their kid's minds? I remember Peter's mama almost always knew when we were getting up to no good. Maybe she was reading Peter's mind? Hmmm… _

_What's really cool is that Charlotte's even going to marry Charlie! And I didn't even have to try to talk her into it. I really, really, really like Charlie. I don't even mind when he gives me a hug. He's so great. He saved me._

_And Bella is going to be my step-sister now too. How cool is that! Maybe I can even talk Bella and Angela into getting married. Wouldn't that make Angela related too somehow? Like a step-sister-in-law or something? It'd be awesome to have her as family and not just my friend. _

_Too bad I can't find some way to make Jacob be related to me too. Hmmm, he already feels like a brother though, and I reckon I'll always think of him as my brother anyway. Hey wouldn't that make Leah sort of my unofficial sister-in-law, and their boys my unofficial nephews? I'll have to ask the Doc. _

_Hell, I'm even starting to make new friends in Sam and Michael. Maybe I can get up the nerve to make other new friends too. I'm pretty sure Jacob's brother-in-law, Seth, would be my friend if I ever got up the nerve to talk to him. Seth already always tries to talk to me every morning when I go to his gym to work out. Hell, Seth even gave me a key to the pool there at the gym so I could swim before or after hours. He knows I don't like having people staring at me. I don't know, I'll think about it. Maybe see what Edward thinks._

_Okay, let's see. Where was I? Eventually I'm going to have my own mom and dad, a step-dad, and I guess a sort of step-mom/sister-in-law. Heck, I'll even have a mother-in-law and father-in-law if…I mean, __**when**__ Edward and I get married. I'm going to have a new sister of my own and a step-sister, and a new like double brother-in-law. _

_I'll have a whole new family again—a real family! _

Just thinking about all of it has my eyes tearing up with happiness, even though it scares the fuck out of me too. I don't think I could stand to have my family and happiness ripped from my life a second time. Just the thought of that happening is enough to send me into a panic. So I try to not think like that. I try not to worry about what _might_ happen, and remind myself to just be happy about what _is_ happening. Like what Edward said the other day. We can't ruin the good things by constantly worrying about the bad. We just have to live one day at a time and love with all we have while we can.

Sighing again, I can't help but feel a little guilty as I think about mama and dad and wonder if they would be happy about me having a new family. I think they would want me to be happy and not be alone and sad and scared all the time. I _think_ they would be happy for me. I _hope_ they would be happy for me. Maybe I'll call Charlotte later and talk to her, just to see what she thinks about it since she knew them so long. I sure do miss them though, so fucking much. My eyes tear up again. Only it's sad tears this time and not happy tears. I have to sit up and wipe at my face. Fuck.

"What's wrong, baby boy?" Rose's voice is filled with concern as she sits beside me and pulls me into a hug.

I let her hold me for a couple of minutes before I pull away sniffling and saying, "I was just thinking about my mama and dad. Do you think they'd be upset that I'm getting a new family?"

Shaking her head, Rose says, "I would think if they loved you that they'd be thrilled you're getting a new family."

"Ya think?"

Rose wipes the tears from under my eyes with her thumbs saying, "Yes, I think. They wouldn't want you to be alone and miserable. They would want you to be surrounded by loved ones and be happy."

Chewing on my lip, I sniff real hard and think about what Charlotte said yesterday when I asked her to adopt me. "But if Charlotte promised my mama that she'd never try to take mama's place. Don't you think that means my mama didn't want me to have another mom?"

Rose frowns and shakes her head again. "We don't know why Charlotte promised your mama that. It could just be that your mama was afraid that Charlotte would try to claim you someday, since genetically Charlotte's really your mom. And Charlotte might have just promised that so your mama wouldn't worry. But baby boy, your parents had no way of knowing their lives would be cut short. I'm sure they would have loved that their best, most trusted friend is going to step in and take care of you now."

As Rose gets up and walks over to a, um, red car, I think I hear her mumble, "Lord knows, it took the bi…woman long enough to realize you need somebody to look after you."

Sniffing again, I wipe at my face as I think about what Rose just said about mama and Charlotte. That does kind of make sense. Even though I do feel a little bit better after talking to Rose, I think I'm still going to ask Charlotte about it too.

Rose comes back with a box of tissues in one hand and a small zip up bag in the other. She pulls a tissue out and hands it to me saying, "Blow."

Taking the tissue, I wipe my face again and then blow my nose real hard before trying to hand it back to her. But Rose just stares at me with an eyebrow quirked and a look of disgust on her face. Rolling my eyes, I struggle to get up off the seat so I can go throw it in the trash can. But Rose huffs out, "Fine!" and takes it from me, pinched between the tips of two fingers. Her nose curled up and her hand held far in front of her body, she takes it over and tosses it in the trash. I would laugh at her dramatics but after the mood she's been in, it just doesn't seem safe.

After Rose tosses the tissue she comes back to sit down beside me, grumbling under her breath. Then she unzips the bag and starts painting something smelly on her stubby nails before pressing on her mama bear claws—I mean her long _fake_ nails that she pulled off earlier.

I can't help but cringe while watching her. Earlier when she had used her teeth to pop her long nails off—I had sorta kinda shrieked like a sissy girl. Seriously, I thought Rose had lost her shit and was biting the ends of her fingers off. It totally freaked me out.

Naturally, Rose had laughed at me and then explained that she couldn't work on engines with long nails and refused to grow her own out. She said that she and Alice had fought over it constantly because, according to Alice, no fashionable lady should be caught dead with stubby nails. They had finally compromised on the fake nails, even though Alice wasn't happy that Rose used the cheap kind that you could pop off fairly easily.

I watch Rose work on gluing her nails back on for a while and then I ask, "How do you know so much about cars?"

Rose glances up from her nails and smiles at me saying, "My daddy. My real daddy that is, was a bit of a car freak. He was a really good mechanic too. He taught me and my brother all about engines."

My stomach plummets at Rose's words. Does it make me selfish that I thought I was going to be her only brother after Charlotte adopts us both? Sighing, I try to keep the sadness out of my voice as I say, "Oh, you already have a brother?"

Rose gives me a sad smile saying, "I _had_ a brother, a twin brother, actually. His name was Royce. Daddy, ever the car freak, called us his Rosa Royce as a play on words for Rolls-Royce. Anyway, I think Royce and I knew how to rebuild an engine by the time we were 7 years old. We might not have had the strength to do the lifting, but we had the knowhow. Sometimes I really miss my daddy and brother."

Not sure if I should ask or not, especially after she's been in a bad mood most of the morning, I cover my balls with my hands to protect them and then ask, "Em told me yesterday that something bad happened when you were a kid. Will you tell me what happened? Is that when you lost your dad and brother? Did you not have a mama?"

At first I don't think Rose is going to answer any of my questions as she frowns and concentrates on gluing her nails on. Finally she sighs and glances at me once before asking, "Did Edward ever tell you that, other than Emmett, all of the kids that mom and dad adopted or fostered had been sexually abused in some way?"

Frowning, I shake my head, saying, "I don't think he said…Wait! Are you saying you and Alice were…um…," Shuddering, I can't even bring myself to say the words. Rose smiles a sad smile as she takes my hand and squeezes it.

Swallowing down a wave of nausea, I try to remember if Edward ever told me anything like that. Finally, I take a deep breath and slowly let it out before saying, "I'm pretty sure Edward told me that all his _fostered_ siblings had been abused but I don't remember him saying anything bad happened to you and Alice. The only thing I remember Edward saying about you guys, is that you've always been over-protective, and that Alice had had the whole side of her face bruised and no memory of who she was or where she came from. But he certainly didn't say anything about…that other stuff. But then again, I think the only time we've ever really talked about you guys was the night we met and we had a lot of other things going on that night, Rose."

Rose nods as she picks up my hand and studies my nails. She takes a huge fucking Emory board out of that little bag and starts filing my nails. She keeps her head down, paying attention to what she's doing as she says, "Well, I don't want to go into details, but I will tell you a few things. First off, Alice had a hell of a lot more wrong with her than a bruised face. She almost died from the things that had been done to her. But I'll let her tell you about that if she wants to share."

Rose runs a finger along the edge of the nail she's working on and then moves on to the next one. "Now about me…," Rose looks like she's having an internal argument as her lips move and she shakes her head. Finally she gets a look of resolve and nods, saying, "My…," Rose glances worriedly up at me once and then looks back down, "..._mama_ was a psychotic, crazy, pedophile _bitch_ and my daddy strangled her right in front of me when he realized the things she had been doing to me and my brother. Now I don't want you to think bad about my daddy, he never knew about the bad stuff. Mama told me and Royce that if we ever told daddy what was going on, that she'd make us kill each other. My daddy was a really good man. He just lost it the day he did find out."

I try to wrap my head around what Rose just told me but my heart begins to pound so hard in my chest that I can hardly take a breath. Is she really saying? Thinking I must have misunderstood, I shake my head asking, "Your mama? But she was your mama. Mamas don't…,"

Rose squeezes my hand, cutting me off. "Some mamas do. My mama certainly did. I actually don't remember a time when she didn't. She not only did, but she even made us do things to each other. Sometimes mama took money from men and let them do things to us too, and she would take pictures or sometimes film it. She was making big bucks off of child porn on the internet. That's how she got caught. When we were nine years old, the FBI came to my daddy's garage one day accusing him of being the one that was...doing those things."

All I can do is shake my head. Mamas don't do that. They don't. Do they? Rose pulls out another tissue and wipes the tears that I didn't even know were running down my face as she says, "I didn't find out all the details until Alice came to live with us. That girl just has to know everything about everything. But I think it helped me come to terms with things too, so I'm kind of thankful to her for the things she did find out. Anyway, it seems when they…the FBI showed daddy a picture of me and my brother with...a naked man. My daddy lost it. He went nuts and knocked out both of the FBI guys with a wrench. Daddy almost killed them in his rage. Then he…daddy stole one of their guns and came home."

Rose looks away, an angry look on her face as she grabs another tissue and wipes a tear from her cheek. Blinking back more tears she continues, "I was the older twin, and daddy always told me as he was leaving for the day to take care of my little brother. I tried to do what daddy said, and would try to either get mama to do things to me and leave Royce alone, or I'd fight her when she just had to—have him. That particular day mama got sick of me fighting her and she tied me to a chair and made me watch her with Royce. My mama knew my daddy never came home from work early so she was um, over confident, I guess. She started doing things to Royce right there in the living room before eventually moving to the bedroom, dragging me in there with them so she could keep an eye on me."

Rose glances up at me again a tortured look on her face. "I wanted to stop what was happening but there wasn't anything I could do, and then everything happened so fast—so fast. I was tied in the chair and mama was in bed with Royce. And then suddenly daddy was there waving a gun and screaming at mama. Mama jumped on daddy, hitting him and screaming at him, laughing at him and calling him horrible names. And Royce, my sweet, lovable, baby brother looked so ashamed, curled up on the bed as mama and daddy wrestled between us."

Rose reaches up and angrily wipes another tear from her face saying, "I tried to get loose and go to Royce. Especially when I saw his eyes. I swear, I saw his eyes just...go dead. I had a clear view of everything and I was screaming and begging Royce not to do it. I was screaming at mama and daddy to help him. But by that time my daddy was choking the life out of my mama and I don't think he ever actually heard me. Nobody would help him, and Royce, my poor baby brother, went into the closet and used a belt to hang himself from a hook on the door. God, I tried so hard to get free and go to him, to stop him. All I ever wanted to do was protect my precious baby brother but I failed him in every way."

Swallowing back my own tears, I flinch when Rose says that awful word, but I reach over and gently brush the tears from her face saying, "Rose there wasn't anything you could do. It wasn't your fault. Is that why you're so protective of Edward?"

Rose gives me a sad, teary-eyed smile saying, "I failed to protect one little brother. I won't fail another one." Rose cups my cheek in her palm, "I won't fail you either, baby boy."

I pull my sweet, fiercely protective, mama bear into hug and hold her close as she sniffles. But then another question occurs to me, so I pull back and ask, "But what happened to your dad? And is that why you can't have kids, because of your mama?"

Rose takes in a deep breath and lets it out again before saying, "Alice never found out for sure if it was the cops or the FBI. All I know for sure is that they came barging into the room not long after that, although they were much too late to save Royce. By that time my daddy had strangled my mama. He was still hunched over her body, crying and tapping that gun against the side of his head. I think he was thinking about killing himself. Anyway when the cops burst into the room, daddy stood up and was turning around with that gun still in his hand and the cops shot him. When the bullets hit my daddy, I guess it made him squeeze the trigger. I honestly don't believe my daddy shot me on purpose."

Rose presses her hands right over her lower abdomen saying, "The bullet struck me right here. I was in the hospital for months. Dad—I mean, Carlisle—was my doctor. The bullet tore me up so bad on the inside that he had to do a partial hysterectomy just to save me. That's why I can't have kids." Rose's face lightens up with a loving smile as she says, "Mom was a volunteer there at the hospital and she and dad visited me every day. They're the ones that helped me get through everything. And then they gave me this wonderful new family too."

I pull my new sister into another hug and just hold her for several minutes. I'm still having hard time believing a mama would hurt her own kids. I always thought a mama was supposed to be over-protective, and loving, and was supposed to spoil you rotten. How can a mama be like somebody like…like…holy fuck, Rose's mama was her version of James!

I can't believe Rose and I actually have a few things in common. We've both lost our families, both been hurt—used and abused. Both found somebody that loves us dearly and makes love to us in a way that we can forget the horrible things that happened. I wonder how hard it was for Rose to let Em be inside of her after…

Pulling back, I nervously chew on my lip as I ask, "Hey Rose?"

"Yeah, baby boy?"

"Was it hard for you to let Em, um, be intimate with you after what happened to you?"

Rose smiles as she shakes her head and softly says, "No, it wasn't hard to be intimate with Emmett, but you have to understand that Emmett wasn't actually my first lover. I was his first, but he wasn't my first."

Seeing the shocked look on my face, Rose's smile widens and she actually laughs as she gives me another quick hug. "Oh baby boy, you should see the look on your face! I do love Emmett dearly now, but when we lived in Chicago, we only thought of each other as brother and sister. Emmett dated all kinds of girls back then, although he preferred to hang out with his gay buddies. And I, well you see, I had fallen madly in love with this wonderfully sweet, shy, geeky boy with thick glasses, that had the most god-awful name. I think at first I might have been just a little bit protective of him because he was teased constantly over his name. But eventually that protectiveness turned into real love."

"What was his name?"

Rose stifles a giggle before saying, "Well, you see his mother was a huge fan of the singer Engelbert Humperdinck and she named him after the singer, and as if that wasn't bad enough, his last name was Humphries which made his full name: Engelbert Humperdinck Humphries. The jocks at school gave him hell over his name, as if he had any control over the matter. They even gave him all sorts of terrible nicknames like Iggy, or Angle Iron, or Hump-Hump. But the worst was Icky Hump-Hump. Of course, I called him Bertie, not any of those other terrible names."

Frowning, I silently wonder if being called Birdie is actually any better than Icky Hump-Hump. Then I wonder how my new sister wound up with two different lovers. I can't imagine making love to anybody but Edward. Fuck, just the thought of being with someone else makes me feel nauseous. Scratching my temple, I ask, "So Birdie was your first lover? How come you guys didn't stay together? How did you wind up with Em?"

Rose smiles and holds up a hand in a stopping motion as she says, "Hold up and let me explain. Like I said Bertie was this wonderfully sweet, shy, geeky boy with thick glasses, but I could see just how beautiful he was on the inside. We fell so hard for each other and we had so many plans. Bertie loved cars too and we'd talk about them for hours at a time. He was going to own his own fleet of race cars and I was going to be his mechanic. Bertie even asked me to marry him as soon as we got old enough. On my sweet sixteenth birthday, Alice and I might have told a little fib to mom and dad so I could secretly spend the night with Bertie. We made a pallet on the roof top of the building he lived in, and there under a full moon, we made vows to each other and then Bertie showed me just how beautiful making love could be. God, baby boy, it was such a magical night. I know we were young at the time, but I really did plan on spending the rest of my life with him. Unfortunately, mom and dad didn't approve of Bertie, at all. And then of course other things conspired against us as well."

That surprises me. I can't imagine Carlisle or Esme dear being disapproving of anyone. "How come Carlisle and Esme dear didn't approve of Birdie?"

Rose sighs and starts filing my nails again. "Mom used to volunteer at a whole lot of abuse shelters in Chicago. Bertie's mama was a regular client at one of them. Bertie's dad was a drunk and was very abusive towards her. I think mom and dad were afraid that Bertie would turn out like his dad. Or that I might get hurt if I went over to Bertie's to visit since, unfortunately, his mama wouldn't leave the bastard. But that was only because she knew she couldn't take Bertie away with her if she did leave him."

"How come?"

"Well technically, Bertie's real mama disappeared when Bertie was 6 months old, and the woman he called mama was actually his step-mom, although he only ever thought of her as his mama. So if she left Bertie's dad, his dad would automatically get custody of Bertie. She just couldn't leave Bertie there to bear the full weight of that bastard's wrath and hatred."

"Wow that sucks. So what happened to Birdie? How did you wind up with Em?"

Still filing my nails, Rose has another sad smile on her face as she softly says, "I couldn't fail Edward. He was hurting so bad. Mom and dad had gotten so involved in so many shelters, and charities, and helping other people, that they were neglecting my sweet bubs. I confronted them over it, and lo and behold, their eyes were opened. Of course, I had no idea when I confronted them that we'd wind up moving half a continent away. I had hoped at the time that Bertie and I could have some sort of long distance romance and then meet up again when we got older."

Rose switches to my other hand saying, "Unfortunately, I think mom and dad were afraid that Bertie and I were going to try and elope. I was practically grounded and forbidden to talk to him. But the day before we left, I talked Emmett into taking a note to Bertie with our new address, so Bertie would know where I was going to be."

Rose frowns and rapidly blinks her eyes and her voice breaks as she says, "Bertie sent Emmett back with a note saying it was ridiculous to think we could have a relationship with half a continent between us, and that we might as well say goodbye and go on with our lives with other people. I was devastated and cried through most of the drive from Chicago to Washington."

Rose finishes with the Emory board and then pulls out a small black stick and gets up on her knees looming over me. She grabs my forehead and pushes my head back saying, "Look up and don't blink." At first I think she's going to poke me in the eyes with the stick but instead she just rubs under and around my eyes.

I don't know what the fuck Rose is doing but it's ticking around my eyes and it's all I can do to not blink so I try to focus on what she's saying, "Mom and dad had decided to have a family bonding trip and they rented this huge RV for us to drive from Chicago to Washington in. God that drive was a nightmare. Edward was bouncing off the walls the whole trip. The first two days Alice was whining about all the fantastic shops she was going to miss and all the boyfriends she was leaving behind. But then after that she was bouncing off the walls too, after mom promised they'd find new stores to shop at and she realized she'd have a whole new slew of boyfriends to choose from. I think that trip took like 8 days because we'd stop after only 4 or 5 hours of driving each day. I was miserable and Emmett let me cry on his shoulder the whole way. He was so good to me."

Rose's smile gets broader as she grabs my chin, turning my head back and forth studying something before putting the black stick back in the small bag. Her eyes scan my face again and she smirks before saying, "And then on our last night on the road, somewhere in the middle of god knows where, Emmett kissed me. I swear the whole world stopped spinning as everything just seemed to click between us. Emmett told me he loved me for the first time that night. He said he'd _been_ in love with me since that day I chose him at the orphanage. And then he promised to take care of me for the rest of our lives. It was really a sweet and touching, intimate moment."

Rose looks off into space with a wistful look on her face saying, "Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if Emmett hadn't kissed me that night. Would I have tried to get back in contact with Bertie? Could we have eventually worked things out and got back together? Sometimes I think if Emmett hadn't kissed me and promised himself to me that night, that when we got to Forks, he would have wound up with…," Rose looks back at me and smiles again. "But we are together and I do love my silly boy-man, so much that I can't even imagine my life without him now. Emmett is the shit."

Seeing the confused, grossed-out look on my face, Rose bursts out laughing saying, "That's a good thing, baby boy. The shit means he's great! I really do love Emmett. I'll do anything to make him happy, even if that means…,"

"Really?" A voice booms from the doorway, interrupting her.

We both jump and look up to see Em grinning at us. Rose grins and gets up to run over and jump into Em's arms. Her arms and legs wrap around Em's neck and waist as she grins saying, "Really! I love you so much!" and then she kisses him.

Their kisses start to get hot and heavy with lots of tongue, and when Em's hands begin to wander, I look down snickering. Hearing a noise, I look back up to see that Em has Rose's back pressed against the garage door, not the roll up door that you drive through, but the people door on the side wall. Curious, I watch as Em kisses her deep and hooks a hand under one of her knees, hitching her higher as he grinds against her.

Huh, is that how you make love against a door? I've been wondering. Damn, Edward is taller and weighs more than me. I don't think I'll be able to love on him like that.

Clearing my throat, I yell, "Get a room!"

They both look over Em's shoulder at me. Rose whispers something in Em's ear before looking back at me saying, "Will you be alright by yourself for a bit, baby boy? We're just going to go for a short walk."

I figure they're going to go somewhere and have sex, but I just roll my eyes and wave them off telling them I'll be fine.

After they leave—with Rose squealing and kicking as Em throws her over his shoulder—I decide to go back to the house. Unfortunately, when I get to there, I stop in frustration as I stare at the 6 stair steps leading up to the front porch. Fuck! I'm under strict orders from both Carlisle and Jacob to not climb any stairs. Emmett had carried me down them and promised to carry me back up them later.

And of course the sun picks that moment to peek through the clouds. Squawking in surprise, I hurriedly limp back to the garage and go inside. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I'm just about to call Edward to see if he will come down and help me up the porch stairs, when I hear the sound of an engine coming down the driveway. Hoping its Esme dear, I pocket my phone again and wait for her. My eyes go wide and I hide behind the people door when a motorcycle stops in front of the roll up garage door.

A man steps off the motorcycle and pulls his helmet off to run his hands through his hair. Suddenly, I'm absolutely terrified. I've never seen this man before. He's big like Em, with _lots_ of muscles. But he's darker complexioned than Em with dark, slightly long, curly, jet black hair. He looks like he hasn't shaved or showered in at least a week. He looks dirty and scruffy and smelly like…

With a pounding heart and shaking hands, I anxiously fumble my phone back out of my pocket so I can call Edward. But then I stop and think—Wait! What if this guy is like James? I can't have Edward come down here, this guy might hurt him!

Now I don't know what to do. Maybe I should call Em? He's at least as big as this guy.

The guy glances up toward the house and then disappears as he walks from my view. I listen as his foot steps head toward the house, but then they pause and he walks back coming in through the garage door that I'm standing behind. He peers inside and sees Edward's car up on blocks. Looking around he calls out, "Rose, are you or Emmy in here?" Rubbing the back of his neck he mumbles, "Let me guess, you're in the woods fucking like bunny rabbits. Ya horny fuckers. Ah shit, watch your language man. You know Mrs. C doesn't like that shit."

My heart rate slows down from a gallop to a trot when I realize this person knows Rose and Em. Surely he's not a serial killer if he knows them by name.

Still, I stay hidden behind the door.

The man begins to move away, but then he stops with a surprised look on his face. Oh fuck! I think he saw me through the crack where the hinges are! The man steps into the garage and then peeks behind the door at me with an amused grin on his face. Raising one arm, he leans against the edge of the door with his forearm resting on the door over his head. His eyes rake up and down my body as he softly says, "What a strange place to hide a twink. And what a lovely little twink you are."

I don't know what the fuck a twink is, but I don't like how the look in this guy's eyes turns from amused, to appreciative and lustful as they travel up and down my body. I don't like that shit one bit. I don't like how he looks at me like he wants to own me. Nobody fucking owns me—except Edward of course. I glare back at him with a challenge on my face.

When his eyes travel back up my body and meet my glare, he steps back with his hands raised in a placating gesture and a surprised look on his face. He widely grins and quietly says, "Ah, not a twink after all, another top, Now, who'd a guessed that? My apologies friend, the guyliner threw me off."

He eyes Edward's car and then looks back at me again with a look of understanding on his face as he holds his hand out, obviously wanting me to shake it. Grinning he says, "I have a feeling you must be Edward's Jasper. Pleased to meet you. I'm Emmy's friend, Ben."

* * *

**Oh, by the way, I understand there have been stories disappearing from fanfic. If this story happens to disappear, I will repost it in The Coffee Writer's Workshop. But only if, or when, the story disappears from here.**


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